Full Transcript for Stay True to Yourself While Dating

00:03:40.740 going to shave my legs for this date, even though 72 00:03:41.139 --> 00:03:44.370 he was not going to know. But in her mind, 73 00:03:44.759 --> 00:03:47.449 she was staying true to who she really was. So 74 00:03:47.590 --> 00:03:50.030 I do every day because I like the way it feels. 75 00:03:50.090 --> 00:03:52.150 I don't do it for anybody else but me. So 76 00:03:52.189 --> 00:03:55.819 it made me think about that you do your best 77 00:03:56.020 --> 00:03:59.180 of who you are and then you show up as that. 78 00:03:59.699 --> 00:04:02.800 And so, yes, generally, it's kind of nice if you 79 00:04:02.840 --> 00:04:05.979 make a little bit of an effort to dress nicely, 80 00:04:06.240 --> 00:04:10.900 you know, pressed, clean, appropriate for the place that you're going. 81 00:04:11.719 --> 00:04:14.759 But if you don't wear a suit... I have a 82 00:04:14.810 --> 00:04:17.819 client now that he's so much more comfortable in a suit. 83 00:04:18.279 --> 00:04:20.579 So we've been working on how to have him go 84 00:04:20.620 --> 00:04:23.199 to the right atmosphere for that. And some people are 85 00:04:23.240 --> 00:04:26.040 much more comfortable in more casual clothes than I said, 86 00:04:26.060 --> 00:04:28.879 but my recommendation is not necessarily always show up in 87 00:04:28.980 --> 00:04:32.670 shorts and flip-flops and definitely show up in something that's 88 00:04:32.730 --> 00:04:35.750 more casual. And what I tell women all the time 89 00:04:35.889 --> 00:04:40.129 in this, in the dress part is wear something equally 90 00:04:40.230 --> 00:04:43.990 that you feel beautiful in and comfortable. They have to 91 00:04:44.050 --> 00:04:48.050 be comfortable. equal because if you're messing around because it's 92 00:04:48.250 --> 00:04:50.529 uncomfortable because it's a little tight or you worry about 93 00:04:50.550 --> 00:04:54.389 the buttons what I've learned from men which was fascinating 94 00:04:54.509 --> 00:04:57.600 to me that if we're being uncomfortable you think it's 95 00:04:57.620 --> 00:04:59.920 something you said or did you have no idea it's 96 00:04:59.980 --> 00:05:03.300 because the dress is riding up and I said and 97 00:05:03.379 --> 00:05:06.180 why put the guy at a negative when there's no 98 00:05:06.300 --> 00:05:09.279 reason to when he's going to now be distracted by 99 00:05:09.639 --> 00:05:11.779 did I say something bad did I have do I 100 00:05:11.779 --> 00:05:14.360 have spinach in my teeth where if we are wearing 101 00:05:14.420 --> 00:05:17.329 something that's beautiful, we feel our best in it, and 102 00:05:17.370 --> 00:05:19.350 we're not going to mess with it when we sit down. 103 00:05:20.149 --> 00:05:22.410 We've now given both people a chance to see this 104 00:05:22.509 --> 00:05:25.569 is who I am in my most a little nervous 105 00:05:25.629 --> 00:05:29.350 and excited place. And this is what I want to 106 00:05:29.410 --> 00:05:31.519 talk about. From the beginning, when

you think about what 107 00:05:31.579 --> 00:05:34.660 you're going to wear when you show up outside, and 108 00:05:34.699 --> 00:05:36.279 then we're going to talk about what you wear on 109 00:05:36.300 --> 00:05:38.899 the inside when you show up. But even just your 110 00:05:38.939 --> 00:05:44.220 attire can cause tension. positive or uncomfortable feelings for you 111 00:05:44.360 --> 00:05:45.300 and the other person? 112 00:05:46.040 --> 00:05:48.379 Absolutely. I have a memory of when I was on 113 00:05:48.439 --> 00:05:52.310 a date with a woman and she said to me 114 00:05:52.399 --> 00:05:55.170 up front that she had got something new to be 115 00:05:55.189 --> 00:05:57.490 on a date with, which is very flattering, but it 116 00:05:57.529 --> 00:05:59.620 wasn't fitting well and she was a bit uncomfortable with it. 117 00:05:59.709 --> 00:06:02.189 And so she told me up front it was the dress, 118 00:06:02.230 --> 00:06:04.370 so I didn't have to feel any sense of chagrin 119 00:06:04.389 --> 00:06:06.680 or worry about what I had or hadn't said. And 120 00:06:06.699 --> 00:06:08.379 it was very relaxing, relieving in a way, because it's 121 00:06:08.399 --> 00:06:09.800 like I could speak on that place. And so once 122 00:06:09.819 --> 00:06:14.709 we sort of in a way, defused the energetic time bomb. 123 00:06:16.110 --> 00:06:19.329 We could be ourselves, and her taking down that fence 124 00:06:19.350 --> 00:06:20.810 made it easier for me to be authentic as well. 125 00:06:20.970 --> 00:06:24.180 So I think something about being true to yourself while dating, 126 00:06:24.189 --> 00:06:26.480 which is the title of the episode, is really about 127 00:06:26.600 --> 00:06:32.120 reminding ourselves, because, well, listen, let me say it this way. 128 00:06:33.339 --> 00:06:36.879 I correlate in this conversation about staying true to yourself, 129 00:06:36.899 --> 00:06:39.610 but about being honest, about speaking your truth and being 130 00:06:39.629 --> 00:06:43.029 aligned to who you are. And if you're pretending to 131 00:06:43.050 --> 00:06:45.810 be something you're not, or putting on a show or 132 00:06:45.870 --> 00:06:50.069 persona to be something you're not, then you have to 133 00:06:50.110 --> 00:06:54.350 maintain that all the way through. And it's really challenging, frankly, 134 00:06:55.509 --> 00:07:04.560 to keep the pretense up and not be real than 135 00:07:04.600 --> 00:07:06.899 just to be real in the first place. It's so 136 00:07:06.939 --> 00:07:10.500 much easier... Just speak the truth about what you're feeling, 137 00:07:10.509 --> 00:07:12.100 what's going on, how you are and what you want 138 00:07:12.120 --> 00:07:15.879 and everything else. Because there's less to remember. Because it's 139 00:07:15.899 --> 00:07:18.720 already in you. So the effort it takes to put 140 00:07:18.759 --> 00:07:21.139 on an act and make a pretense, unless you're a 141 00:07:21.139 --> 00:07:25.259 really practiced con artist, is something that you're frankly not 142 00:07:25.360 --> 00:07:27.980 going to benefit from. So being honest and saying true 143 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:30.120 to yourself and saying what's true for you at the 144 00:07:30.189 --> 00:07:33.389 moment is so much easier and less effort. And frankly, 145 00:07:33.430 --> 00:07:35.110 it's more accessible by the other person as well. 146 00:07:36.610 --> 00:07:39.470 And it's exhausting to keep trying to remember who did 147 00:07:39.529 --> 00:07:41.629 I say I was that I really wasn't. 148 00:07:42.209 --> 00:07:42.430 Yeah. 149 00:07:42.949 --> 00:07:46.769 And I have found it really charming when somebody said, 150 00:07:46.790 --> 00:07:49.589 you know, I'm kind of nervous. I was excited to 151 00:07:49.649 --> 00:07:52.889 meet you. And I wasn't sure what this would turn 152 00:07:52.970 --> 00:07:56.529 out as. And I thought that was very transparent and 153 00:07:57.170 --> 00:08:00.720 lovely and disarming in a really good way that I, 154 00:08:01.139 --> 00:08:02.759 And then we're like, oh, you know, did that make 155 00:08:02.819 --> 00:08:05.009 it seem like they were weak? No, I thought that 156 00:08:05.050 --> 00:08:08.689 was a very strong thing to say. And what was 157 00:08:08.769 --> 00:08:11.290 helpful is I could tell it relieved him to say it. 158 00:08:11.329 --> 00:08:13.430 And it relieved me, as you said, with the woman 159 00:08:13.470 --> 00:08:16.149 that I'm like, oh, that's why he's fidgeting a little 160 00:08:16.209 --> 00:08:18.779 and that he's a little and how nice he's so 161 00:08:19.000 --> 00:08:22.019 excited about meeting me. And it started us off in 162 00:08:22.060 --> 00:08:26.920 this very neutral, lovely place where often if you don't 163 00:08:27.339 --> 00:08:29.930 say what's really going on for you, gosh, I was 164 00:08:29.970 --> 00:08:31.930 really having this bad day and I just need to 165 00:08:31.990 --> 00:08:36.289 sit here and gather myself together. Or gosh, I had 166 00:08:36.309 --> 00:08:38.690 this really exciting thing and I'm just bursting and I 167 00:08:38.730 --> 00:08:40.250 want to ask you lots of questions, but I just 168 00:08:40.269 --> 00:08:42.509 want to tell you this about me first. I mean, 169 00:08:42.590 --> 00:08:46.389 how lovely is that? And that it sets the tone 170 00:08:46.929 --> 00:08:49.409 for if you're going to now spend more time together, 171 00:08:49.809 --> 00:08:53.809 you now know you're learning. You could trust this person 172 00:08:53.870 --> 00:08:55.990 to be honest about what in the heck is going 173 00:08:56.090 --> 00:08:59.039 on in their head and their body. And How lovely 174 00:08:59.120 --> 00:09:00.460 is that in this day and age? 175 00:09:00.799 --> 00:09:01.000 Yeah. 176 00:09:01.750 --> 00:09:05.789 And that's the thing is we have gotten so much 177 00:09:06.049 --> 00:09:12.389 into the time of pretense and appearance because of all 178 00:09:12.409 --> 00:09:15.070 the

social media things with TikTok and Instagram and everyone's 179 00:09:15.090 --> 00:09:16.769 going to look perfect and everything that way. We see 180 00:09:16.789 --> 00:09:20.899 somebody in real life. And to be honest, like, sidebar 181 00:09:20.919 --> 00:09:22.000 to the dating apps because I spend a lot of 182 00:09:22.019 --> 00:09:25.700 time on the dating apps being single myself, when I get... 183 00:09:26.029 --> 00:09:28.149 to see the pictures of the person who I'm checking 184 00:09:28.210 --> 00:09:31.230 out in my batch that I get each day sort 185 00:09:31.250 --> 00:09:33.750 of thing, I always make sure I look through all 186 00:09:33.769 --> 00:09:37.409 the pictures. Because one picture, the front picture, oftentimes is 187 00:09:37.470 --> 00:09:45.059 so perfectly made up and manicured and, I won't say manipulated, 188 00:09:45.100 --> 00:09:47.100 but certainly tweaked a bit to be just a little 189 00:09:47.120 --> 00:09:49.279 bit perfect. Then I see a picture that's taken when 190 00:09:49.299 --> 00:09:51.220 they're out and about and it looks so, and it's natural. 191 00:09:51.720 --> 00:09:53.240 And the contrast between the two is going, are they 192 00:09:53.259 --> 00:09:57.929 the same person? It's very challenging. So the same thing 193 00:09:57.950 --> 00:09:59.529 applies when you're on the dates, but also when you're 194 00:09:59.549 --> 00:10:02.039 in the dating app, apps is can you present yourself 195 00:10:02.279 --> 00:10:04.100 yes at the best of you can so you look 196 00:10:04.120 --> 00:10:07.100 but look the best you can but not exaggerated or 197 00:10:07.139 --> 00:10:10.850 artificially generated i mean the challenge with ai lately and 198 00:10:10.909 --> 00:10:12.789 just being transparent i've been playing with ai myself making 199 00:10:12.809 --> 00:10:16.220 some cut but by making sort of like cartoonish version 200 00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:18.059 to myself, not real version. 201 00:10:18.080 --> 00:10:20.000 I love the one with the wolf. I thought that 202 00:10:20.019 --> 00:10:21.320 was very cool. It was fun. 203 00:10:21.340 --> 00:10:23.779 You know, I was playing with, I did one with 204 00:10:23.799 --> 00:10:25.460 a superhero theme. It was really fun. I'm like, do 205 00:10:25.799 --> 00:10:27.299 you want to post that one? It's a bit exaggerated, 206 00:10:27.320 --> 00:10:29.240 but we'll see. I mean, but it's fun to play with, 207 00:10:29.259 --> 00:10:32.799 but things it's clearly not me as a person. And 208 00:10:32.879 --> 00:10:35.799 so when I see people's pictures on social media and 209 00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:38.940 on the dating apps where my hackles and back of 210 00:10:38.960 --> 00:10:40.399 my neck go up, cause I go, this is not real. 211 00:10:40.440 --> 00:10:43.950 It's unofficial. It's an AI picture. It's disheartening because it's 212 00:10:43.990 --> 00:10:45.769 like the person's not willing to show their true features, 213 00:10:45.809 --> 00:10:48.929 their true self. And so you can't do the AI 214 00:10:48.950 --> 00:10:50.610 features when you're on a physical date. So why do 215 00:10:50.649 --> 00:10:53.190 what you're doing in the dating apps? Because if you're 216 00:10:53.210 --> 00:10:56.309 looking to be with somebody, show them who you really are. Yes, 217 00:10:56.809 --> 00:10:59.029 you know, obviously, if you're going to pose a certain 218 00:10:59.049 --> 00:11:01.350 way to present your best angle, you know, your left side, 219 00:11:01.370 --> 00:11:04.620 your right side, whatever that is, why not? But still 220 00:11:04.629 --> 00:11:07.240 be you doing it for the sake of the person 221 00:11:07.259 --> 00:11:07.639 you're dating. 222 00:11:09.070 --> 00:11:10.990 I remember Tom Hanks and he pointed it out on 223 00:11:11.049 --> 00:11:13.120 a talk show once that was very strange that if 224 00:11:13.669 --> 00:11:15.980 he looked this way, he looked like a regular person. 225 00:11:16.000 --> 00:11:18.480 And this way he had kind of this, he called 226 00:11:18.519 --> 00:11:20.840 it a monster look that it was just, and there 227 00:11:20.860 --> 00:11:23.039 was nothing. And if you look straight on, you didn't 228 00:11:23.080 --> 00:11:25.440 see it, but it was the angle that it was 229 00:11:25.500 --> 00:11:28.519 just strange. So yeah, show your best side. So the 230 00:11:28.639 --> 00:11:32.570 other thing that's tempting to do is if somebody's really 231 00:11:32.799 --> 00:11:36.820 interested in something and they, You can have answers of, 232 00:11:36.840 --> 00:11:40.090 I know nothing about that. Tell me, let me think 233 00:11:40.139 --> 00:11:44.490 about that. Or I can't even imagine ever, but I'm 234 00:11:44.570 --> 00:11:47.629 really happy to hear that you like it. Or, wow, 235 00:11:47.669 --> 00:11:51.549 I love that too. And so part of that conversation 236 00:11:51.830 --> 00:11:55.120 is that you're listening to learn about them. Why is 237 00:11:55.149 --> 00:11:57.500 this exciting to them? Why do they care about it? 238 00:11:57.539 --> 00:11:59.799 Why is it making a positive difference in their life? 239 00:12:00.179 --> 00:12:03.000 And leave what you're thinking about it over here for 240 00:12:03.059 --> 00:12:07.669 a moment, because it Doesn't necessarily mean a make or 241 00:12:07.690 --> 00:12:10.269 break thing because I always want to hear after they've 242 00:12:10.309 --> 00:12:13.549 told me about this thing that they do. Are you 243 00:12:13.620 --> 00:12:17.340 looking for a partner to participate and how much? Because 244 00:12:17.419 --> 00:12:21.779 it's been amazing how many people they're not. They're very happy, 245 00:12:21.860 --> 00:12:25.179 you know, going bow hunting. Do you know there's really 246 00:12:25.220 --> 00:12:26.690 people that still go out there and sit in a 247 00:12:26.730 --> 00:12:29.789 tree and hunt with a bow? I was fascinated. 248 00:12:29.809 --> 00:12:31.009 Okay. Okay. 249 00:12:31.690 -->

00:12:34.889 OK, but I would never, ever in a million years do. 250 00:12:35.029 --> 00:12:36.769 But I'd be happy to make you breakfast when you 251 00:12:36.809 --> 00:12:39.470 come back. And he wasn't looking for somebody to come 252 00:12:39.509 --> 00:12:41.070 do that with him. And I was like, well, that's 253 00:12:41.090 --> 00:12:46.559 really cool. But to hear the technique and how masculine 254 00:12:46.600 --> 00:12:50.279 he sounded even talking about it was fascinating. But if 255 00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:52.139 he had been looking for somebody that wanted to go 256 00:12:52.179 --> 00:12:53.700 sit in a tree with a bow with him, I 257 00:12:53.720 --> 00:12:55.379 was going to say, oh, yeah, not me at all. 258 00:12:56.120 --> 00:12:59.539 So what? What's nice is if you're being your most 259 00:12:59.639 --> 00:13:03.639 authentic self, I'm an interested in people person. I've always been. 260 00:13:04.100 --> 00:13:06.830 So tell me all about that, no matter how it 261 00:13:06.870 --> 00:13:09.490 affects me or not. And then my most authentic self 262 00:13:09.529 --> 00:13:12.129 will say, yeah, no, that's so not me or not. 263 00:13:12.210 --> 00:13:14.250 But I hope you find somebody that wants to do 264 00:13:14.289 --> 00:13:15.889 that with you because boy, I bet that would be 265 00:13:16.009 --> 00:13:19.690 really cool. Yeah. And so being honest about who I 266 00:13:19.909 --> 00:13:21.649 am and what I can do and what I'd like 267 00:13:21.690 --> 00:13:23.950 to try and what I'd ever want to try, but 268 00:13:23.990 --> 00:13:25.490 I'm happy to hear about it. And then I'm really 269 00:13:25.529 --> 00:13:28.259 convinced I don't want to try. is also staying very 270 00:13:28.279 --> 00:13:29.059 true to yourself. 271 00:13:29.919 --> 00:13:33.350 It's something that I, I'm going to say this. I 272 00:13:33.370 --> 00:13:34.990 remember like when I was younger, there was a thing that, 273 00:13:35.389 --> 00:13:41.009 I'm going to say this, that I loved being around 274 00:13:41.169 --> 00:13:43.190 with a woman who knew how to drive well. I'll 275 00:13:43.210 --> 00:13:46.529 say it that way. Basically, a bit of a speedster. 276 00:13:47.029 --> 00:13:50.340 When I was younger, because I loved, I mean, I've 277 00:13:50.600 --> 00:13:52.500 been driving since I was a teenager, you know, so 278 00:13:53.059 --> 00:13:57.220 I've always loved driving, but also it's hard, it, Or 279 00:13:57.240 --> 00:13:59.419 because of that, it's hard to be a passenger with 280 00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:01.879 somebody who doesn't drive similar to the way I drive myself. 281 00:14:03.000 --> 00:14:04.899 And so when I've been with a woman who drives 282 00:14:04.960 --> 00:14:07.039 like she's scared to be behind the wheel of a car, 283 00:14:07.090 --> 00:14:10.490 that's disheartening for me. And so there's things like that 284 00:14:10.509 --> 00:14:12.389 which are key to know too. And so being true 285 00:14:12.409 --> 00:14:16.450 to yourself does mean, in a way, really owning, aside 286 00:14:16.470 --> 00:14:20.480 from the conversation, into owning your green flags and knowing 287 00:14:20.500 --> 00:14:21.720 what your red flags are. We talked about this in 288 00:14:21.740 --> 00:14:23.460 the show many, many times over the last several months 289 00:14:23.500 --> 00:14:25.769 about red flags and green flags. But being true to 290 00:14:25.789 --> 00:14:28.490 yourself is really owning those qualities. So what you definitely 291 00:14:28.509 --> 00:14:30.370 would not be with. Like if you go on a 292 00:14:30.389 --> 00:14:32.389 date with somebody and they pull out a cigarette and 293 00:14:32.409 --> 00:14:34.049 start smoking and you didn't think they were going to 294 00:14:34.070 --> 00:14:36.049 smoke and that's one of your red flags, be prepared 295 00:14:36.080 --> 00:14:37.539 to walk away. It doesn't matter how amazing they are 296 00:14:37.559 --> 00:14:39.460 because it's one thing you can't cross the line on. 297 00:14:39.559 --> 00:14:43.259 So being true to yourself, oftentimes meaning honoring what you 298 00:14:43.299 --> 00:14:45.500 say is true for you. And it may not fit 299 00:14:45.519 --> 00:14:46.899 with the person who's across from you that we said 300 00:14:46.940 --> 00:14:49.679 at the beginning. You might think about giving up everything 301 00:14:49.700 --> 00:14:52.299 because they're so amazing. Maybe you shouldn't. Maybe you should 302 00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:54.440 honor the true things about what's true for you. You know, 303 00:14:54.480 --> 00:14:58.080 the green flags, that they are someone who, besides how 304 00:14:58.120 --> 00:15:02.139 they present, whose habits and styles and patterns are really 305 00:15:02.759 --> 00:15:03.960 lining up to who you want to be with. 306 00:15:06.490 --> 00:15:11.990 And the two temptations are to say, oh, I really 307 00:15:12.049 --> 00:15:14.769 would learn how to do that. I really would figure 308 00:15:14.789 --> 00:15:17.309 out how to like that. And it's not the truth. 309 00:15:18.190 --> 00:15:20.529 Or you just out and out lie. Oh, yeah, I 310 00:15:20.529 --> 00:15:24.399 like that. I do that. And neither one of those 311 00:15:24.419 --> 00:15:27.889 are best for you and certainly not going to ultimately 312 00:15:27.929 --> 00:15:32.710 best for them. So to decide how adventuresome are you? 313 00:15:32.730 --> 00:15:35.649 Do you have things you're willing? I have things I'm 314 00:15:35.690 --> 00:15:38.940 willing to try. There's lots of things I'm not. And 315 00:15:39.340 --> 00:15:41.419 to be really clear about it and just be interested 316 00:15:41.460 --> 00:15:43.519 that the person does that. And are you looking for 317 00:15:43.559 --> 00:15:45.559 somebody to do that with you? And how much time 318 00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:48.049 do you spend doing that? Would that interfere with you 319 00:15:48.090 --> 00:15:50.570 having a relationship with someone who

doesn't want to do 320 00:15:50.610 --> 00:15:53.950 that or can't do that? I mean, I've told people 321 00:15:53.990 --> 00:15:57.070 I have never had a boring first date, first meeting 322 00:15:57.090 --> 00:16:00.500 with anybody because they're doing all these things that I've 323 00:16:00.539 --> 00:16:02.940 never heard of and can't imagine ever doing. And some 324 00:16:02.960 --> 00:16:05.340 things I'm like, yeah, I never knew about that. I 325 00:16:05.360 --> 00:16:08.700 would consider that. I would consider at least trying that or, oh, yeah, 326 00:16:08.720 --> 00:16:10.850 I've done that and I really liked it or I 327 00:16:10.879 --> 00:16:12.389 did that and it turned out I didn't like it 328 00:16:12.450 --> 00:16:15.750 at all. But if you're asking somebody to talk about 329 00:16:15.909 --> 00:16:19.190 their most authentic self and the things that they're passionate about, 330 00:16:19.470 --> 00:16:21.679 the things that get them up every day, the things 331 00:16:21.720 --> 00:16:23.960 that get them past the hard things. And those are 332 00:16:23.980 --> 00:16:27.279 the kind of questions I ask people. It's a super 333 00:16:27.299 --> 00:16:31.559 fascinating conversation. And it has so little to do with 334 00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:35.379 who you are when they're talking. We take it so 335 00:16:35.450 --> 00:16:38.529 personally and that. You need to know it has so 336 00:16:38.570 --> 00:16:41.070 little to do with who they are when you're talking. 337 00:16:41.669 --> 00:16:45.450 And then you decide as you've been listening to each other, oh, 338 00:16:45.470 --> 00:16:48.669 I want more of that. I want a little of that, 339 00:16:48.990 --> 00:16:51.169 but not a lot of that. And so like going 340 00:16:51.210 --> 00:16:53.570 to a buffet, do you want enough that you want 341 00:16:53.610 --> 00:16:55.789 to see them again? Is there enough that you've filled 342 00:16:55.860 --> 00:17:00.440 up your plate with things that feel good, seem interesting, intriguing, 343 00:17:00.820 --> 00:17:02.720 want to know more about that? Well, we could do 344 00:17:02.759 --> 00:17:06.509 that kind of stuff together or not. I mean, that's 345 00:17:06.609 --> 00:17:09.430 really the most simple part. The more you're clear about you, 346 00:17:09.990 --> 00:17:15.049 the more the people who want to be really fine outside. Oh, 347 00:17:15.250 --> 00:17:17.230 I could just play tennis with you once a week. 348 00:17:17.269 --> 00:17:20.109 That'd be perfect and nothing else. Or I want to 349 00:17:20.130 --> 00:17:23.410 think that more time with you and more closeness. And 350 00:17:23.589 --> 00:17:25.769 that's how you find out the more authentic you're being 351 00:17:25.849 --> 00:17:26.670 about who you are. 352 00:17:27.230 --> 00:17:31.960 Yeah. It's such a dance in a way. But again, 353 00:17:31.980 --> 00:17:34.680 the more true you are to yourself, the more rock 354 00:17:34.700 --> 00:17:37.880 solid you become in yourself. One of the biggest challenges 355 00:17:37.900 --> 00:17:39.799 I know that men have, I think, when they're dating 356 00:17:40.619 --> 00:17:42.819 is that they don't stand true in their values and 357 00:17:42.859 --> 00:17:44.400 their core of who they are. So they are actually 358 00:17:44.420 --> 00:17:47.809 a little bit unstable energetically. So a woman can feel 359 00:17:47.829 --> 00:17:49.329 that and not feel she can trust you because you're 360 00:17:49.349 --> 00:17:50.849 not rock solid in who you are. So the more 361 00:17:50.890 --> 00:17:53.269 you are staying true to yourself as a man, and 362 00:17:53.289 --> 00:17:54.930 for women too, but in this context as a man, 363 00:17:55.630 --> 00:17:59.259 then the more solid we become and trustful we become. 364 00:18:00.220 --> 00:18:03.819 And that is vital, I think, for this conversation because 365 00:18:05.950 --> 00:18:07.490 as has been put in the news a lot over 366 00:18:07.509 --> 00:18:09.690 the last several months, men have been seen through a 367 00:18:09.730 --> 00:18:12.490 lens of not being respectable and being honorable and being integrity. 368 00:18:13.319 --> 00:18:15.079 So for us men who are on dates to stand 369 00:18:15.119 --> 00:18:17.039 in their truth and be honest about who we really 370 00:18:17.079 --> 00:18:18.359 are and what we've been through, what we've done and 371 00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:21.339 everything else, it's not a shameful thing. It's a very 372 00:18:21.720 --> 00:18:24.619 giving thing. It's a very vulnerable thing. Frankly, women, I think, 373 00:18:24.720 --> 00:18:26.700 I believe trust is more than being real because that's 374 00:18:27.160 --> 00:18:27.940 the way to be trusted. 375 00:18:29.579 --> 00:18:31.880 Wow. I love how you put that. So if you're 376 00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:34.710 proud of who you are and what you've done and, 377 00:18:35.170 --> 00:18:37.490 how you've accomplished the things that maybe you did something 378 00:18:37.509 --> 00:18:39.289 you weren't so proud of and how did you get 379 00:18:39.329 --> 00:18:41.710 past that and what are you doing differently now in 380 00:18:41.750 --> 00:18:45.849 your life? It was one of the many things that 381 00:18:45.890 --> 00:18:49.589 made me admire even more who my husband was and 382 00:18:49.650 --> 00:18:52.569 what he did. And I did discover last year, I 383 00:18:52.849 --> 00:18:54.970 went out with a man a few times and I 384 00:18:55.029 --> 00:18:59.650 discovered how much I 100% admire what he does and 385 00:18:59.690 --> 00:19:02.650 I found I couldn't admire who he was as a person. 386 00:19:03.140 --> 00:19:05.140 And I had not really split that. I had a 387 00:19:05.160 --> 00:19:08.440 girlfriend pointed out when I was talking about them. She said, oh, 388 00:19:08.500 --> 00:19:11.039 there's really two things. And I said, they really are. 389 00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:13.400 And they need to be combined if I'm going to 390 00:19:13.440

--> 00:19:16.890 keep somebody in my life. It was a very interesting discovery. 391 00:19:17.250 --> 00:19:19.630 I was that age last year when I discovered that 392 00:19:19.690 --> 00:19:21.309 about you. 393 00:19:22.430 --> 00:19:22.750 Indeed. 394 00:19:23.890 --> 00:19:27.009 So, boy, I hope that you're enticed with this conversation. 395 00:19:27.049 --> 00:19:29.410 And we have even more to share after our commercial break. 396 00:19:29.789 --> 00:19:31.230 But if you would like to get a hold of 397 00:19:31.269 --> 00:19:33.049 me and say, oh, yeah, I really want to talk 398 00:19:33.089 --> 00:19:35.210 about this because I have trouble being authentic or I 399 00:19:35.210 --> 00:19:38.170 have trouble deciding if the other person's being authentic, I'd 400 00:19:38.210 --> 00:19:40.299 be so happy to talk to you. So go to 401 00:19:40.339 --> 00:19:43.680 my website, which is theperfectcatch.com. You learn how to be 402 00:19:43.799 --> 00:19:45.799 one and then how to attract one. And in the 403 00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:48.720 middle of the page is a questionnaire called What's Holding 404 00:19:48.759 --> 00:19:51.670 You Back From Love? It's eight brief questions about where 405 00:19:51.710 --> 00:19:54.109 you are, that's not working, where you think you would 406 00:19:54.150 --> 00:19:56.559 like to be, what changes you'd like to make, so 407 00:19:56.599 --> 00:19:58.319 that you send that to me so I have some 408 00:19:58.359 --> 00:20:00.900 background about you when we talk. And then you get 409 00:20:00.940 --> 00:20:02.900 a link to my calendar and you get to schedule 410 00:20:02.940 --> 00:20:05.960 a free conversation with me either on the phone or 411 00:20:06.140 --> 00:20:08.660 on Zoom. And I promise you will leave with some 412 00:20:08.740 --> 00:20:11.960 helpful understanding and some tools about what's been not working. 413 00:20:12.039 --> 00:20:13.839 And if you want to work with me more, we 414 00:20:13.859 --> 00:20:16.220 can sure talk about that. You could also send me 415 00:20:16.279 --> 00:20:20.279 a private email at Christine at ThePerfectCatch.com. And Barry, how 416 00:20:20.299 --> 00:20:21.160 would people reach you? 417 00:20:22.140 --> 00:20:24.069 In a similar fashion, you can reach me through my website, 418 00:20:24.180 --> 00:20:26.650 which is BarrySelby.com. And at the top of the homepage 419 00:20:26.670 --> 00:20:28.630 of my website is a button you click on that says, 420 00:20:28.650 --> 00:20:30.450 let's have a chat. And if you click that button, 421 00:20:30.470 --> 00:20:32.289 it'll take you to my calendar and also to a 422 00:20:32.309 --> 00:20:34.190 question that I have. So I know you're going to 423 00:20:34.210 --> 00:20:36.369 get to know what you are about, what's going on 424 00:20:36.390 --> 00:20:38.150 for you, what's in the challenges, and then maybe what 425 00:20:38.170 --> 00:20:41.009 you're looking for. We schedule a Zoom chat, 20 minutes, 426 00:20:41.009 --> 00:20:44.230 30 minutes, we have a conversation. And frankly, I'm there 427 00:20:44.269 --> 00:20:46.950 to be a resource for you and really find out 428 00:20:46.970 --> 00:20:50.519 what you're looking for. And frankly, if I can help you, 429 00:20:50.559 --> 00:20:53.299 because I can't help everybody, I know that. But also, 430 00:20:53.380 --> 00:20:54.519 if you want to work together, we talk about that 431 00:20:54.579 --> 00:20:56.940 as well. But it really is a choice point. And 432 00:20:56.980 --> 00:20:58.599 I love being able to make sure you walk away 433 00:20:58.619 --> 00:21:02.380 with value with some insights, some next steps, some recommendations. Because... 434 00:21:02.759 --> 00:21:04.180 I want to make sure that you're better off than 435 00:21:04.200 --> 00:21:06.440 when you started. That's the way we do things. And 436 00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:07.819 if you reach out to me directly, you can send 437 00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:10.700 me an email at Barry at BarrySelby.com. And we'll talk 438 00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:11.799 about the rest of it at the end of the show. 439 00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:12.960 I know it was slipped on that one. 440 00:21:13.279 --> 00:21:15.809 I love that. That was so charming. So we're going 441 00:21:15.829 --> 00:21:19.490 to take a break for our wonderful station, TheNewStreamingNetwork.com, who 442 00:21:19.529 --> 00:21:23.069 distributes our live episodes as well as our podcasts. And 443 00:21:23.089 --> 00:21:25.230 we'll be back shortly to talk more about how to 444 00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:27.180 stay true to yourself while dating. 445 00:21:27.839 --> 00:21:28.299 See you in a moment. 446 00:21:28.799 --> 00:21:34.140 Welcome to NewStreamingNetwork.com. The future of streaming is here. Looking 447 00:21:34.180 --> 00:21:38.730 for bold, diverse, and engaging content? New Streaming Network brings 448 00:21:38.769 --> 00:21:42.250 you the best in TV, podcast, and radio, all in 449 00:21:42.390 --> 00:21:46.829 one place. From entertainment and lifestyle to business and inspiration, 450 00:21:47.089 --> 00:21:52.130 we're streaming what matters most to you anytime, anywhere, on Roku, 451 00:21:52.250 --> 00:21:59.109 multiple TV stations, and numerous podcast platforms. and WGSN-DB Going 452 00:21:59.170 --> 00:22:04.869 Solo Network Radio. Watch, listen, and connect. Join millions already 453 00:22:04.970 --> 00:22:10.119 tuning in. Visit newstreamingnetwork.com. Start streaming today. 454 00:22:10.140 --> 00:22:13.819 Hi, and we're back with Let's Talk Dating with Christine 455 00:22:13.859 --> 00:22:16.799 and Barry. And today we're talking about how to stay 456 00:22:16.859 --> 00:22:22.259 true to yourself while dating. You know, I certainly have 457 00:22:22.279 --> 00:22:24.779 felt in the past before I learned all of this, 458 00:22:25.630 --> 00:22:28.190 I thought I was being true and, but I knew 459 00:22:28.250 --> 00:22:30.480 I felt a little uncomfortable and I knew sometimes I 460

00:22:30.500 --> 00:22:33.380 felt uneasy and I didn't know what to say when 461 00:22:33.400 --> 00:22:36.420 people asked me questions and how to respond and how 462 00:22:36.460 --> 00:22:40.019 to decide if I was feeling comfortable with them or not. 463 00:22:40.099 --> 00:22:43.549 And so that's part of the foundation of staying true 464 00:22:43.630 --> 00:22:47.529 to yourself about what sorts of things create comfort for 465 00:22:47.569 --> 00:22:49.470 you when you're at a first meeting, what sorts of 466 00:22:49.509 --> 00:22:52.880 things do you feel important to share. I always come 467 00:22:52.900 --> 00:22:55.240 up with at least the top three things within a 468 00:22:55.299 --> 00:22:58.640 whole conversation that you need to share with somebody to say, 469 00:22:58.700 --> 00:23:00.819 this is who I am, what do you think? And 470 00:23:00.859 --> 00:23:03.059 that you need to find out at least three important 471 00:23:03.099 --> 00:23:06.839 things about them and see what you think about that. 472 00:23:07.299 --> 00:23:13.099 Because there's really no point in going out and spending 473 00:23:13.180 --> 00:23:18.420 another hour together if you're so different. But you could 474 00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:21.339 certainly be friends and you could go do an activity together. 475 00:23:21.380 --> 00:23:24.220 But if you're really looking for a romantic partner, this 476 00:23:24.279 --> 00:23:27.880 is the way that you're sorting for that. And that 477 00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:31.380 it doesn't make either of you bad or wrong. It 478 00:23:31.420 --> 00:23:34.339 just makes you not a potential romantic partner for the 479 00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:37.920 other person. And it's kind of a challenge sometimes for 480 00:23:37.940 --> 00:23:40.720 people to not take it personally because now I'm being 481 00:23:40.740 --> 00:23:44.650 my authentic self and they don't like me. But It's not, 482 00:23:44.710 --> 00:23:47.109 they don't know you and they don't need the things 483 00:23:47.170 --> 00:23:49.529 that you have to give. And you want somebody that 484 00:23:49.589 --> 00:23:51.410 needs the things you have to give. And you want 485 00:23:51.450 --> 00:23:53.680 somebody that has the things to give that you need 486 00:23:53.700 --> 00:23:56.539 and want. It just makes you, if you're in a 487 00:23:56.599 --> 00:23:59.259 bin and you're looking at tomatoes, they're all lovely tomatoes, 488 00:23:59.319 --> 00:24:01.680 but you're looking for a certain ripeness or a certain 489 00:24:02.119 --> 00:24:05.099 shape because you're going to make this terrific sauce and 490 00:24:05.119 --> 00:24:07.700 you only need these kinds of tomatoes. And it's really 491 00:24:07.809 --> 00:24:10.930 exactly the same way. And it's not so personal as 492 00:24:10.970 --> 00:24:12.630 we take it all the time. It's hard. 493 00:24:13.690 --> 00:24:19.490 It's true. I mean, being, it's interesting considering about how 494 00:24:19.529 --> 00:24:21.089 we choose to be our true selves and what we 495 00:24:21.109 --> 00:24:23.680 do sometimes. I know for myself, and I'm sure for 496 00:24:23.700 --> 00:24:27.680 our men too, there's been a temptation to, I wouldn't 497 00:24:27.700 --> 00:24:29.660 say put on an act, but to be something we're 498 00:24:29.720 --> 00:24:31.619 not thinking that we make ourselves better. I was just 499 00:24:31.640 --> 00:24:33.980 thinking back to, and I shared this on the show before, 500 00:24:34.660 --> 00:24:37.410 about how back in my 20s, I got in this 501 00:24:37.609 --> 00:24:40.210 mindset of being very noble and being this white knight. 502 00:24:40.269 --> 00:24:42.029 And I had a white car and I had a 503 00:24:42.049 --> 00:24:44.609 white light. I'd like to say a white knight I 504 00:24:44.650 --> 00:24:46.470 got called it in a seminar, which basically gave me 505 00:24:46.509 --> 00:24:48.769 this sort of, it puffed up my chest and I 506 00:24:48.769 --> 00:24:50.430 felt really like, oh, but why not? It's so cool. 507 00:24:51.150 --> 00:24:52.349 And so I thought I would take that on as 508 00:24:52.390 --> 00:24:55.069 a role. And even though I do take, even today, 509 00:24:55.450 --> 00:24:57.210 a sense of integrity and honor those things as part 510 00:24:57.259 --> 00:25:00.220 of my way of being things, that why not label 511 00:25:00.259 --> 00:25:07.759 became a chain around my neck. I shared back in 512 00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:10.319 previous shows about this conversation when I had back then, 513 00:25:10.380 --> 00:25:13.369 I was Being a white knight, I got very attracted 514 00:25:13.450 --> 00:25:15.910 to damsels in distress, which is so draining for me. 515 00:25:16.349 --> 00:25:18.109 And I clearly wasn't working for them or for me. 516 00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:20.460 And so for me, one thing that got true, and 517 00:25:20.700 --> 00:25:22.180 this is what I'm saying is best staying true to yourself, 518 00:25:22.259 --> 00:25:25.940 is truth also evolves as we grow. So what I 519 00:25:26.299 --> 00:25:28.680 believed then isn't what I believe now. But also what 520 00:25:28.720 --> 00:25:30.180 I'm attracted to now is very different from what it 521 00:25:30.200 --> 00:25:32.299 was then. And so really getting clear about what it 522 00:25:32.359 --> 00:25:34.880 is I want, not just who I am, but what 523 00:25:34.940 --> 00:25:37.589 I want to attract, means if I meet somebody who 524 00:25:37.730 --> 00:25:40.210 is very attractive but isn't who I want to be with, 525 00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:44.079 Can I walk away cleanly? Because that's happened a few 526 00:25:44.119 --> 00:25:46.029 times over the last several months where I've met somebody 527 00:25:46.049 --> 00:25:48.109 who I was very attracted to, but there was some 528 00:25:48.130 --> 00:25:50.150 things that went, that's a red flag. That's a red flag. 529 00:25:50.190 --> 00:25:52.650 That's a red flag. Not about them being wrong, but 530

00:25:52.710 --> 00:25:54.630 not being right for me. And that's the other part, 531 00:25:54.650 --> 00:25:56.170 by the way, it's not about judging them as being wrong. 532 00:25:56.190 --> 00:25:59.309 It's about choosing for yourself. Again, stay true to yourself 533 00:25:59.670 --> 00:26:01.789 while dating. Don't judge other people when you're dating. 534 00:26:03.490 --> 00:26:09.779 Oh yeah. And, and one of the biggest incentives to, 535 00:26:10.259 --> 00:26:13.140 trying to alter yourself is if you're feeling lonely and desperate, 536 00:26:13.160 --> 00:26:16.119 which is a really common way for single people to feel, 537 00:26:16.700 --> 00:26:19.309 there's nothing bad about that you feel that way. We 538 00:26:19.329 --> 00:26:21.730 just need to work on having you not feel lonely 539 00:26:21.769 --> 00:26:24.650 and desperate because then you aren't going to stay your 540 00:26:24.690 --> 00:26:27.009 authentic self and you aren't going to be attracted to 541 00:26:27.029 --> 00:26:29.849 the people that would think that's terrific that you're like 542 00:26:29.910 --> 00:26:31.650 that and that you're going to like most of the 543 00:26:31.710 --> 00:26:35.160 things about them too, that you will is people say, 544 00:26:35.170 --> 00:26:38.319 I don't want to settle. Well, you don't settle if 545 00:26:38.420 --> 00:26:41.579 you are feeling really authentic. So one of the ways 546 00:26:41.660 --> 00:26:44.200 to not feel lonely and desperate is to add other 547 00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:46.980 things to your life that you keep seeing. What's true 548 00:26:47.019 --> 00:26:49.779 to me? What makes me my true self? What kind 549 00:26:49.819 --> 00:26:51.579 of time do I need to spend with friends? How 550 00:26:51.619 --> 00:26:53.809 much time do I need to spend alone? Am I 551 00:26:53.849 --> 00:26:55.869 doing something where I feel like I have a purpose? 552 00:26:55.910 --> 00:26:58.910 Do I feel like I'm contributing and giving back and 553 00:26:58.970 --> 00:27:01.609 getting back? Do I feel like I'm doing something that 554 00:27:02.009 --> 00:27:05.829 moves my body, that moves my brain? All in a 555 00:27:06.650 --> 00:27:10.400 package already before you're even putting yourself in front of somebody, 556 00:27:10.799 --> 00:27:14.420 because then in a really good way, you know, you're 557 00:27:14.440 --> 00:27:17.019 the perfect catch. And then you're going to be able 558 00:27:17.059 --> 00:27:19.859 to decide, does this person enhance my life? Do I 559 00:27:19.920 --> 00:27:22.400 enhance affairs by what it is I need and want 560 00:27:22.740 --> 00:27:26.119 and what I like to do? So part of staying 561 00:27:26.180 --> 00:27:30.069 true to yourself while dating is to have these other 562 00:27:30.180 --> 00:27:34.049 areas of your life overflowing. Yeah. Yeah. 563 00:27:34.170 --> 00:27:36.710 It's so key. To have a life to share, to 564 00:27:36.930 --> 00:27:39.799 be blunt. It's interesting. Some people, and I've talked to 565 00:27:39.839 --> 00:27:42.200 a couple of clients about this too, where they felt 566 00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:46.099 themselves being in a waiting space. They were incubating, waiting 567 00:27:46.140 --> 00:27:47.920 to meet that person, showing up when that person shows up. 568 00:27:47.920 --> 00:27:50.960 It's like, live your life anyway. We've talked about this 569 00:27:50.980 --> 00:27:53.599 show many times about getting out and socializing, doing things 570 00:27:53.619 --> 00:27:56.740 that you feel passionate about, whether it's volunteering or going 571 00:27:56.759 --> 00:27:58.380 on adventures and having things that put you in the 572 00:27:58.400 --> 00:28:00.579 world because the person you're looking to be with may 573 00:28:00.619 --> 00:28:03.789 well be in those places anyway. Really? Not get out 574 00:28:03.849 --> 00:28:05.809 of your house and stop looking at the phone for 575 00:28:06.069 --> 00:28:09.390 dating apps and meet people in social environments. I've done 576 00:28:09.430 --> 00:28:11.829 an experiment for the last two, two and a half 577 00:28:11.849 --> 00:28:14.349 weeks where I'm having as part of my, I'm in 578 00:28:14.390 --> 00:28:16.329 a coaching program at the moment with a coach I've 579 00:28:16.349 --> 00:28:18.309 worked with for 10, 15 years I love. And so 580 00:28:19.369 --> 00:28:21.730 one of my assignments was to have no agenda conversations. 581 00:28:22.710 --> 00:28:24.519 So I wasn't out there to market or tell my stuff, 582 00:28:24.559 --> 00:28:27.400 but to find out about other people. And I've had 583 00:28:27.420 --> 00:28:29.940 the most wonderful conversations. And these haven't been with women 584 00:28:29.980 --> 00:28:31.980 I'm like on a date because first of all, quite 585 00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:33.730 a few of them are younger. by far than what 586 00:28:33.750 --> 00:28:36.490 I would be with, and just be transparent. But also, 587 00:28:36.970 --> 00:28:39.059 it was like my mission, it felt like, was to 588 00:28:40.019 --> 00:28:42.200 sort of add value to their lives, to have them 589 00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:44.319 smile and be happy, maybe contribute to what they're doing. 590 00:28:44.359 --> 00:28:47.019 In fact, one of them, I was talking to, I 591 00:28:47.039 --> 00:28:49.519 gave her some input because she's in a postdoctoral work 592 00:28:49.539 --> 00:28:53.930 with cancer psychology and wants some recommendations for referrals. And 593 00:28:53.950 --> 00:28:55.250 I was like, well, what about these sort of people? 594 00:28:55.269 --> 00:28:57.329 And so I gave her sort of some tips to 595 00:28:57.369 --> 00:28:59.869 move on to where she wanted to go. And frankly, 596 00:29:00.569 --> 00:29:03.740 that made my day better. I felt more fulfilled, more home, 597 00:29:03.759 --> 00:29:07.339 more joyful. And the truth is they made us sort 598 00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:08.920 of find, they may say to a friend of theirs, Oh, 599

00:29:08.980 --> 00:29:11.000 he took me. This guy's really cool. I don't know. 600 00:29:12.049 --> 00:29:14.480 But the truth is it made my joy, my day 601 00:29:14.509 --> 00:29:17.470 more full, more whole and everything I was doing. And I, 602 00:29:17.829 --> 00:29:19.230 I'm saying to everybody else out there, if you don't 603 00:29:19.309 --> 00:29:21.490 have a place where you go to hang out, whether 604 00:29:21.509 --> 00:29:24.150 it's a coffee shop or a networking group, or it's 605 00:29:24.190 --> 00:29:27.490 a social environment where you can be interactive, you're missing out. 606 00:29:28.549 --> 00:29:31.140 And I understand if some people are introverts, but I 607 00:29:31.160 --> 00:29:33.339 do that sometimes when I'm in a quiet space. I 608 00:29:33.359 --> 00:29:35.539 just like being in the environment without doing anything at all, 609 00:29:35.579 --> 00:29:38.950 just to be myself. And that's enough sometimes. So it 610 00:29:39.250 --> 00:29:41.980 doesn't matter what race, you are on the extrovert, introvert scale. 611 00:29:42.759 --> 00:29:44.180 There are ways you can be in the environments where 612 00:29:44.200 --> 00:29:46.559 you can meet people and have really uplifting conversations. 613 00:29:47.799 --> 00:29:52.750 Oh, Barry, such great advice. Yes, I frequently, because you 614 00:29:52.769 --> 00:29:54.750 stand within two feet of me and there's not an 615 00:29:54.890 --> 00:29:58.579 obvious do not disturb sign showing on your face. I 616 00:29:58.640 --> 00:30:01.009 am going to talk to you about something. And I 617 00:30:01.049 --> 00:30:03.690 learn stuff all the time. I talked to a woman 618 00:30:03.730 --> 00:30:06.529 the other day that her job is she works with 619 00:30:06.569 --> 00:30:12.109 first responders, police, fire, marshals, who have canines as a partner. 620 00:30:12.710 --> 00:30:15.869 And she's a vet, a veterinarian. So she teaches them 621 00:30:15.970 --> 00:30:19.589 how to treat their dog when they're out somewhere, when 622 00:30:19.609 --> 00:30:22.230 their dog gets injured and there's not a veterinarian or 623 00:30:22.250 --> 00:30:24.829 a hospital, so they can get them then safely to 624 00:30:24.869 --> 00:30:27.809 a hospital and not die. What a niche. 625 00:30:28.509 --> 00:30:28.730 Yeah. 626 00:30:29.410 --> 00:30:30.970 Who knew there was such a thing? And I'm like, 627 00:30:31.029 --> 00:30:33.269 that's a really good, I'm glad there's somebody teaching that 628 00:30:33.470 --> 00:30:35.890 because they need their partner to get help. 629 00:30:36.509 --> 00:30:36.650 Yeah. 630 00:30:36.710 --> 00:30:38.619 And they need to know how to apply a bandage 631 00:30:38.670 --> 00:30:42.539 or a tourniquet or whatever they need. I just loved 632 00:30:42.619 --> 00:30:44.920 learning about that profession. I thought it was the most 633 00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:49.299 fascinating thing I'd learned all week. And it's just because 634 00:30:49.319 --> 00:30:50.880 they were standing next to me. 635 00:30:51.819 --> 00:30:52.000 Yeah. 636 00:30:52.099 --> 00:30:54.660 What do you do in your work? And she told me, 637 00:30:54.680 --> 00:30:55.980 and I was like, holy moly. 638 00:30:57.069 --> 00:30:59.099 That's pretty incredible. And that's the thing. You don't know 639 00:30:59.160 --> 00:31:02.109 what somebody's about until you talk to them. So how 640 00:31:02.119 --> 00:31:05.390 will you find out? And so the dating arena has 641 00:31:05.430 --> 00:31:08.809 such an onus on finding the one and being connected 642 00:31:08.829 --> 00:31:11.950 to the perfect person. The thing is that we keep 643 00:31:11.970 --> 00:31:14.470 forgetting that the perfect person may be one or two 644 00:31:14.490 --> 00:31:17.950 steps removed from who we're talking to. So to be 645 00:31:18.119 --> 00:31:20.660 in the world and involved in finding out who people 646 00:31:20.680 --> 00:31:23.940 are about and being seen by them is one of 647 00:31:23.960 --> 00:31:26.119 the ways you can find your person because they may 648 00:31:26.160 --> 00:31:27.420 know your person. 649 00:31:29.460 --> 00:31:31.980 And one of the things that would be helpful to 650 00:31:32.140 --> 00:31:37.589 cultivate to be your authentic self is to find something 651 00:31:37.619 --> 00:31:41.390 that seems interesting that you can participate in. Even if 652 00:31:41.430 --> 00:31:44.490 it's a tiny group of people, the most introverted people 653 00:31:45.009 --> 00:31:46.910 can go to a tiny group of people. And in 654 00:31:47.009 --> 00:31:49.569 some tiny groups of people, if there's enough extroverts, you 655 00:31:49.609 --> 00:31:51.869 won't have to talk at all. But you would just 656 00:31:52.049 --> 00:31:56.210 be interested in learning this craft or this lecture or 657 00:31:57.089 --> 00:31:59.799 hearing what the people are doing there. to just become 658 00:31:59.839 --> 00:32:03.789 more interested in what's happening in the outside world. Because 659 00:32:03.930 --> 00:32:06.569 now I have this thing to share with other people about, 660 00:32:06.589 --> 00:32:11.789 did you know there was this job? And it helps 661 00:32:11.930 --> 00:32:15.910 you now be more interesting, that if you're interested in 662 00:32:15.950 --> 00:32:19.259 other people, you will become more interesting. So to add 663 00:32:19.319 --> 00:32:24.640 that to your toolbox of how to be even more true, authentic, 664 00:32:25.319 --> 00:32:27.539 How could I be a little more interested in the 665 00:32:27.619 --> 00:32:30.819 world or in other people around me? How could I 666 00:32:30.859 --> 00:32:33.759 go do something that's even a lecture where I'm going 667 00:32:33.779 --> 00:32:36.099 to sit there and I'm going to learn something. But 668 00:32:36.140 --> 00:32:38.380 then the person next to me, I could say, well, 669 00:32:38.589 --> 00:32:41.309 did you understand that? And what did you think about that? 670 00:32:41.390 --> 00:32:44.170 I

mean, just one person next to you, because you 671 00:32:44.210 --> 00:32:46.690 can now make that part of who you are authentic, 672 00:32:46.730 --> 00:32:49.309 which then if you really are thinking about meeting somebody 673 00:32:49.369 --> 00:32:53.579 across the table for coffee, you've practiced a little bit, right? Yeah. 674 00:32:54.569 --> 00:32:57.750 No, I love that. It is, if nothing else, it 675 00:32:57.769 --> 00:32:59.470 makes your life more enjoyable, but also then you've got 676 00:32:59.529 --> 00:33:03.109 more conversation starters to bring with you to conversation. So 677 00:33:03.230 --> 00:33:04.990 meeting somebody new, that's one of the things that is 678 00:33:05.029 --> 00:33:09.710 sometimes feels a bit, you don't put your foot in 679 00:33:09.730 --> 00:33:11.329 your mouth. So you want to be very careful that 680 00:33:11.369 --> 00:33:13.730 you speak in the right place. So it's nice to 681 00:33:13.769 --> 00:33:17.450 have some stories, some experience you can share. So you 682 00:33:17.470 --> 00:33:19.269 can be an interesting person. It is challenging sometimes you 683 00:33:19.289 --> 00:33:22.690 feel like you're going to talk to somebody, you're going 684 00:33:22.710 --> 00:33:24.359 to run out of things to talk about. If you 685 00:33:24.380 --> 00:33:26.519 really are willing to express and learn, and that's the 686 00:33:26.539 --> 00:33:29.519 other thing, willing to learn about other people, you never 687 00:33:29.539 --> 00:33:32.539 run out. So it's easy to be more authentic and 688 00:33:32.559 --> 00:33:35.069 more connected when you're in inquiring mode too. One of 689 00:33:35.089 --> 00:33:36.750 the biggest gifts you can give somebody is to listen 690 00:33:36.789 --> 00:33:39.269 to them. And it's one of the things that I 691 00:33:39.289 --> 00:33:40.849 know we talked about before, and it's one of the 692 00:33:40.869 --> 00:33:43.609 skills that men forget because we've got a bad habit 693 00:33:43.650 --> 00:33:47.309 as men, speaking generally, to want to show our future 694 00:33:47.390 --> 00:33:50.670 date or our prospect all the things we've accomplished to 695 00:33:50.730 --> 00:33:53.269 make her impressed by us. You don't get a word 696 00:33:53.309 --> 00:33:57.059 in edgeways. She's going to walk away. She really is 697 00:33:57.079 --> 00:33:58.779 a money grabber and wants to hang on to us. 698 00:33:58.819 --> 00:34:03.380 But truth is, we can be much more seen and be, frankly, 699 00:34:03.619 --> 00:34:08.989 attractive if we ask about her expertise, skills, lessons, challenges, 700 00:34:09.010 --> 00:34:12.010 things she's been through. Because when we do that, she 701 00:34:12.050 --> 00:34:16.250 feels safer. So that's a gift you can definitely give. 702 00:34:17.750 --> 00:34:21.269 Being an interesting person that's interesting in other people is 703 00:34:21.730 --> 00:34:25.800 so attractive. And so figuring out how to have that 704 00:34:25.860 --> 00:34:29.260

be part of your authenticness and then being true to 705 00:34:29.320 --> 00:34:32.949 yourself while you're there. Even if you say, oh gosh, 706 00:34:33.050 --> 00:34:35.269 I'm so nervous and I don't know what to ask. 707 00:34:35.369 --> 00:34:37.989 And I'm going to ask this question. Maybe I'll sound silly. 708 00:34:38.690 --> 00:34:41.389 How charming is that to the right person? And if 709 00:34:41.449 --> 00:34:44.090 somebody thinks that that's a terrible way to be, good 710 00:34:44.150 --> 00:34:46.199 to know. They're not your person. 711 00:34:46.760 --> 00:34:48.460 Bye. Yes. 712 00:34:49.000 --> 00:34:52.400 It's such a good way to filter, to be who 713 00:34:52.480 --> 00:34:56.539 you are. when you're there. Gosh, I had a bad 714 00:34:56.579 --> 00:34:59.440 day and this is how I'm re-regulating myself. I need 715 00:34:59.500 --> 00:35:01.239 to just sit here for five minutes and could you 716 00:35:01.280 --> 00:35:03.179 just tell me a joke or a funny story or, 717 00:35:03.679 --> 00:35:06.139 oh my gosh, I'm so excited about this thing today. 718 00:35:06.440 --> 00:35:09.659 And just say that out loud where you don't feel 719 00:35:09.719 --> 00:35:14.019 so stilted and challenged with, I don't know what to 720 00:35:14.059 --> 00:35:18.000 do with new people. Just be yourself as much as 721 00:35:18.039 --> 00:35:20.139 you can, whatever that is. You know, I'm really shy 722 00:35:20.219 --> 00:35:22.429 and this was really scary for me to do. And 723 00:35:23.000 --> 00:35:25.320 If they're a warm, nice person that's going to help 724 00:35:25.340 --> 00:35:27.400 you get through that, how lovely. And if they're not, 725 00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:28.920 they're probably not your person. 726 00:35:28.940 --> 00:35:31.550 Yeah, the saying I use a lot, I think when 727 00:35:31.570 --> 00:35:35.010 we're going to do our end of show stuff, is 728 00:35:35.030 --> 00:35:36.530 when all else fails, try honesty. 729 00:35:37.389 --> 00:35:37.630 Yeah. 730 00:35:38.550 --> 00:35:40.710 Because that's really what it comes down to. It's so easy. 731 00:35:40.730 --> 00:35:42.570 People are going to put on an act and pretend 732 00:35:42.630 --> 00:35:44.909 as if the show is like, no. If you're honest 733 00:35:45.010 --> 00:35:47.380 and real and you listen, you're so far ahead of 734 00:35:47.389 --> 00:35:47.679 the game. 735 00:35:49.000 --> 00:35:52.440 We will just end that on that and then talk about, boy, 736 00:35:53.159 --> 00:35:55.360 I hope that you've really gotten some tips out of 737 00:35:55.400 --> 00:36:00.000 this about how important and vital and mandatory it is 738 00:36:00.460 --> 00:36:03.500 to stay being true to yourself while you're dating. It's 739 00:36:04.219 --> 00:36:07.659 the reason that people end up with healthy, happy, long-term 740 00:36:07.679 --> 00:36:11.079 relationships is because they did that in the beginning and 741 00:36:11.119 --> 00:36:13.500 were really brave. It's an act of bravery

for sure. 742 00:36:14.400 --> 00:36:16.179 So if you'd like to speak to me, I'm going 743 00:36:16.199 --> 00:36:19.400 to send you back to my website, which is theperfectcatch.com. 744 00:36:19.760 --> 00:36:21.699 You first learn how to be one and then how 745 00:36:21.739 --> 00:36:24.010 to attract one. And if you go to the middle 746 00:36:24.110 --> 00:36:27.130 of my page, there's this questionnaire called What's Holding You 747 00:36:27.170 --> 00:36:30.150 Back from Love. Please fill it out. And then you'll 748 00:36:30.190 --> 00:36:32.670 have access to my calendar so that you can schedule 749 00:36:32.949 --> 00:36:36.030 a complimentary, either a Zoom call or a phone call 750 00:36:36.070 --> 00:36:39.079 with me. And we'll just puzzle it out together. I'm 751 00:36:39.679 --> 00:36:42.559 really happy to listen and give you some tools. I 752 00:36:42.619 --> 00:36:45.280 promise you'll leave with more information. And then if we 753 00:36:45.300 --> 00:36:47.559 both decide that we want to talk further, we'll talk 754 00:36:47.599 --> 00:36:50.179 about that. Also, I'd like to send you to the 755 00:36:50.219 --> 00:36:52.900 top of my website where I have an e-book that's free. 756 00:36:53.460 --> 00:36:56.219 It's a compilation of 10 years of my dating advice 757 00:36:56.280 --> 00:36:59.639 that has all these helpful chapters with different tips and 758 00:37:00.019 --> 00:37:03.909 techniques and ways to navigate the dating world now. I'd 759 00:37:03.949 --> 00:37:06.389 also love you to join my mailing list because then 760 00:37:06.449 --> 00:37:10.309 every week you will get this in your email effortlessly 761 00:37:10.369 --> 00:37:12.650 and you can listen to the advice that Barry and 762 00:37:12.670 --> 00:37:15.010 I have given every week. And then also some of 763 00:37:15.110 --> 00:37:17.909 the workshops and classes that I have coming up. And 764 00:37:17.969 --> 00:37:20.849 also at the bottom are all my social media icons 765 00:37:20.889 --> 00:37:24.619 of Facebook and LinkedIn and Instagram and Twitter and Pinterest 766 00:37:24.659 --> 00:37:27.880 and YouTube. And on YouTube, oh my gosh, there's six 767 00:37:27.900 --> 00:37:31.340 years of Barry and I. And it's been wonderful with 768 00:37:31.380 --> 00:37:33.679 lots of advice and then some that I did before 769 00:37:33.739 --> 00:37:36.429 with another person and then also some of my own. 770 00:37:36.510 --> 00:37:39.269 So I think I'm over 300 now, which is very 771 00:37:39.309 --> 00:37:42.210 exciting for me. And you can also send me an 772 00:37:42.429 --> 00:37:47.090 email at christineattheperfectcatch.com. And please tell people how to reach you, Barry. 773 00:37:47.849 --> 00:37:49.329 I have a similar list of things you can get 774 00:37:49.369 --> 00:37:51.309 to on my site too. So if you go to 775 00:37:51.349 --> 00:37:54.139 my site again, which is BarrySelby.com, as mentioned in the 776 00:37:54.179 --> 00:37:55.539 halfway point, you

can click on the link in the 777 00:37:55.559 --> 00:37:57.280 middle of the top of the page, which is let's 778 00:37:57.300 --> 00:37:59.239 have a chat. It takes you to my calendar, fill 779 00:37:59.260 --> 00:38:01.059 out a questionnaire. We have a conversation. I see if 780 00:38:01.099 --> 00:38:03.400 I can help you, how we can work together, and 781 00:38:03.440 --> 00:38:04.860 basically make sure you get some good advice and next 782 00:38:04.880 --> 00:38:06.630 steps you can take. If you go to the bottom 783 00:38:06.670 --> 00:38:10.170 of my homepage, there's an opt-in space at the bottom. 784 00:38:10.190 --> 00:38:11.510 You type in your name and email. You get an 785 00:38:11.590 --> 00:38:13.809 email list. And like Christine, I send out a weekly 786 00:38:13.909 --> 00:38:16.550 email with this show in English. We do every week, 787 00:38:16.610 --> 00:38:17.800 plus a few other things and tips and things I'm 788 00:38:17.820 --> 00:38:20.739 working on. So subscribe to both. It's worth it. If 789 00:38:20.760 --> 00:38:22.340 you go to the middle of the homepage of my site, 790 00:38:22.679 --> 00:38:24.780 at the moment, it's about to change my webcast. We're 791 00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:26.059 working on it. But if you go to the middle 792 00:38:26.079 --> 00:38:28.079 of the homepage of my website, it's the first of 793 00:38:28.119 --> 00:38:31.070 my two assessments I created. I created two assessments. The 794 00:38:31.110 --> 00:38:34.590 first one is a relationship readiness assessment. And you can 795 00:38:34.630 --> 00:38:38.190 click on the button or go to the web address, barryselby.com 796 00:38:38.210 --> 00:38:41.170 slash quiz. And that takes you through a bunch of 797 00:38:41.190 --> 00:38:43.420 questions that really finds out how prepared are you for 798 00:38:43.440 --> 00:38:46.030 the next relationship you want to be in. When you 799 00:38:46.050 --> 00:38:47.269 fill it out, you get an email from me giving 800 00:38:47.289 --> 00:38:48.849 you some feedback and then an invitation to reach out 801 00:38:48.869 --> 00:38:50.489 and talk to me further. But if you want to 802 00:38:50.510 --> 00:38:53.030 go deeper than that, the second assessment I created, which 803 00:38:53.280 --> 00:38:55.010 will become the main one soon, but right now you 804 00:38:55.030 --> 00:38:58.300 have to type in the link to get there, which 805 00:38:58.360 --> 00:39:01.699 is barryselby.com slash selfquiz, as you may have guessed from 806 00:39:01.719 --> 00:39:05.639 the title, is a self-reflective or self-relationship assessment. It really 807 00:39:05.679 --> 00:39:07.800 is like a self-trust review to see where you are 808 00:39:07.820 --> 00:39:10.059 in your own life. It covers seven areas of your 809 00:39:10.099 --> 00:39:12.400 life that really are important to navigate to know where 810 00:39:12.420 --> 00:39:14.519 you're ready for a relationship. Really, this is the precursor 811 00:39:14.539 --> 00:39:16.860 to the other one. but much deeper. So because it's 812 00:39:16.889 --> 00:39:19.650 a deeper quiz, you'll actually get a PDF document sent 813 00:39:19.690 --> 00:39:21.710 to you or the link to a PDF with a 814 00:39:21.750 --> 00:39:23.570 bunch of great tips and guidance and exceptions you can 815 00:39:23.610 --> 00:39:26.309 take and really helps you on your journey towards wholeness 816 00:39:26.329 --> 00:39:27.969 and having what you want in relationships and love. So 817 00:39:27.989 --> 00:39:32.179 I recommend that alone. Do the self-quiz first. If you 818 00:39:32.199 --> 00:39:34.000 go to my book page or if you go to 819 00:39:34.199 --> 00:39:35.800 click on the navigation to go to the book page, 820 00:39:36.639 --> 00:39:38.239 which is the books on the shelf behind me over there, 821 00:39:39.199 --> 00:39:41.380 you can find out more about my first book, 50 822 00:39:41.380 --> 00:39:43.639 Ways to Love Your Lover. If you're not sure right 823 00:39:43.699 --> 00:39:44.969 away which you want to buy the book, which you 824 00:39:44.989 --> 00:39:46.949 can definitely buy if you want to, But at the 825 00:39:46.989 --> 00:39:48.510 top of the page is a little audio track you 826 00:39:48.530 --> 00:39:50.300 can listen to first as a review to get to 827 00:39:50.320 --> 00:39:52.360 know if the book is for you or not. Listen 828 00:39:52.380 --> 00:39:54.639 to that track. It is AI-generated, but it's really accurate. 829 00:39:55.199 --> 00:39:56.380 And then if you decide you want to get the book, 830 00:39:56.400 --> 00:39:57.760 the links are at the bottom of the page. Check 831 00:39:57.800 --> 00:39:59.619 it at Amazon to get the book or find other 832 00:39:59.639 --> 00:40:02.760 ways to get it. On social media, you can find 833 00:40:02.780 --> 00:40:05.150 me on all usual platforms under my name, Barry Selby. 834 00:40:05.170 --> 00:40:10.909 So find me under Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Blue Sky, TikTok, 835 00:40:11.010 --> 00:40:13.269 and YouTube, where, like Christine, I have all these shows 836 00:40:13.550 --> 00:40:16.289 archived as well as over 1,200, 1,300 videos I've done 837 00:40:16.329 --> 00:40:17.429 over the years as well. So there's a lot of 838 00:40:17.449 --> 00:40:19.409 videos on my YouTube channel. So you can go and 839 00:40:19.429 --> 00:40:21.550 subscribe to that and watch through those as well. There's 840 00:40:21.570 --> 00:40:25.320 different categories of things I've talked about with relationships, self-trust, self-mastery, 841 00:40:25.340 --> 00:40:27.380 a few other things as well. If you want to 842 00:40:27.400 --> 00:40:30.179 find me on Instagram or threads, it's TheRealBarrySelby. And if 843 00:40:30.199 --> 00:40:31.659 you want to send me an email directly, send me 844 00:40:31.699 --> 00:40:34.619 one at barry at barryselby.com. I think that's it. 845 00:40:35.630 --> 00:40:37.829 And we're here every week live. We'd love for you 846 00:40:37.849 --> 00:40:40.230 to watch. You could submit questions. We'll answer them on 847 00:40:40.250 --> 00:40:42.570 the air. And then also, if you'd like to watch 848 00:40:42.630 --> 00:40:45.210 the repeat on your devices, you can watch it on 849 00:40:45.269 --> 00:40:48.010 Roku or YouTube. But they can take us with us 850 00:40:48.090 --> 00:40:49.550 portable and listen, right, Barry? 851 00:40:50.110 --> 00:40:52.489 Indeed, indeed. This show not only is a video on 852 00:40:52.530 --> 00:40:55.489 the various platforms, it's also an audio on the podcast platform. 853 00:40:55.510 --> 00:40:58.630 So if you listen to podcasts on Apple, Spotify, Amazon, 854 00:40:58.650 --> 00:41:01.150 when you listen to podcasts, find Let's Talk Dating Show 855 00:41:01.170 --> 00:41:02.550 with Christine and Barry, and you can listen to our 856 00:41:02.570 --> 00:41:06.199 shows anytime you want, all 280, 290 shows that will 857 00:41:06.219 --> 00:41:07.639 keep you occupied for days. 858 00:41:08.380 --> 00:41:11.829 Yes. Filled with lots of helpful information. And we'd love 859 00:41:11.849 --> 00:41:14.550 for you to like and subscribe and leave us a 860 00:41:14.610 --> 00:41:17.250 review and share it with anybody that you say, oh, yeah, 861 00:41:17.269 --> 00:41:19.300 they're having the same challenge. And we were talking about 862 00:41:19.340 --> 00:41:22.400 the other day. So I'll share this podcast with them 863 00:41:22.460 --> 00:41:25.840 as well. And we will be back next Thursday. We're 864 00:41:25.880 --> 00:41:29.460 here every Thursday at 1 o'clock Pacific and 4 o'clock Eastern. 865 00:41:30.019 --> 00:41:32.079 And we're happy to have you come join us live. 866 00:41:32.380 --> 00:41:34.579 And we will see you again next week. 867 00:41:35.579 --> 00:41:36.139 See you then. 868 00:41:36.179 --> 00:41:37.719 Take care. Bye for now. 869 00:41:38.550 --> 00:41:43.889 Welcome to NewStreamingNetwork.com. The future of streaming is here. Looking 870 00:41:43.929 --> 00:41:48.469 for bold, diverse, and engaging content? New Streaming Network brings 871 00:41:48.510 --> 00:41:52.000 you the best in TV, podcast, and radio, all in 872 00:41:52.139 --> 00:41:56.579 one place. From entertainment and lifestyle to business and inspiration, 873 00:41:56.840 --> 00:42:01.880 we're streaming what matters most to you anytime, anywhere, on Roku, 874 00:42:02.000 --> 00:42:08.860 multiple TV stations, and numerous podcast platforms. and WGSN-DB Going 875 00:42:08.929 --> 00:42:14.650 Solo Network Radio. Watch, listen, and connect. Join millions already 876 00:42:14.730 --> 00:42:19.820 tuning in. Visit newstreamingnetwork.com. Start streaming today.