Full Transcript for Episode 138: More Than Memory: Navigating Dementia, Caregiving & the Road Ahead

out Playbook AI Partners Podcast, the AI Solution Locker, and join us in the huddle. 00:02:49.520 --> 00:02:50.719 I'll drop a link to it. 00:02:50.879 --> 00:02:52.479 Check it out in the show notes. 00:02:52.639 --> 00:02:55.360 Let's demystify AI together. 00:02:55.599 --> 00:02:57.680 And now on with the show. 00:02:58.080 --> 00:03:05.439 Well, hello everyone, and welcome to the show Compassion Through the Caregiving Journey, Dementia, Grief, and Finding Support. 00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:13.680 When dementia, serious illness, grief, or caregiving enters your life, the emotional weight can feel overwhelming and isolating. 00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:15.840 What do you do for your loved one? 00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:19.759 How can you support them and make sure they get the care they deserve? 00:03:19.919 --> 00:03:21.919 And how do you take care of yourself? 00:03:22.159 --> 00:03:25.439 To help us get into this topic, I have Kay Adams on the show. 00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:30.719 Kay is a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Compassion Works LLC. 00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:40.879 She has over 30 years of experience counseling and coaching individuals and families around a broad array of complex emotional and health-related challenges. 00:03:41.199 --> 00:03:48.719 Kay has worked extensively in the fields of geriatrics, hospice, palliative care, and mental health counseling over the course of her career. 00:03:48.960 --> 00:03:57.439 Since 2001, Kay has served in a variety of capacities with people living with dementia as well as with their families and caregivers. 00:03:57.840 --> 00:04:11.840 She has a strong passion and expertise for supporting, educating, coaching, and training personal and professional caregivers around issues related to life, limiting illnesses, grief and loss, and the disease of dementia. 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:13.360 Welcome to the show, Kay. 00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:14.560 Thank you so much. 00:04:14.639 --> 00:04:15.759 I'm excited to be here. 00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:17.439 Well, what a great bio. 00:04:17.759 --> 00:04:21.279 And thank you so much for all that you're doing to help others. 00:04:21.439 --> 00:04:28.879 I think w so many of us this are thinking of andor already caring for a senior loved one. 00:04:28.959 --> 00:04:30.720 So what you do is so needed. 00:04:30.800 --> 00:04:32.399 So thank you for doing that. 00:04:32.879 --> 00:04:33.759 You're welcome. 00:04:33.920 --> 00:04:35.120 It's my pleasure. 00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:42.079 Well, why don't we start by having you just tell us our your story and how it led you on the journey you are on today? 00:04:43.120 --> 00:04:50.560 Well, so I have had a lot of different jobs, more like a patchwork quilt than a streamlined career path. 00:04:50.959 --> 00:05:00.079 But the big change for me came after working in youth corrections for 10 years with really hardcore delinquent youth, both in Minnesota and in Colorado. 00:05:00.160 --> 00:05:07.920 Uh everything short of

murder kids I was working with in mental health as a therapist in a locked uh maximum security setting. 00:05:08.079 --> 00:05:14.160 And I was extremely burned out and kind of had lost my faith in humanity based on the stuff these kids were getting into. 00:05:14.319 --> 00:05:19.680 And and I did that career at the time that the Columbine shooting was happening here in Colorado. 00:05:19.839 --> 00:05:22.079 And I was just like, I have got to get out of this. 00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:23.199 I have got to do something different. 00:05:23.439 --> 00:05:25.920 This work at the time was just killing my spirit. 00:05:26.079 --> 00:05:27.839 And so I quit without another job. 00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:29.519 I had no idea what I was gonna do. 00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:38.319 And I just knew I had to get out of there because I had I was threatened really seriously by one of the kids I worked with, and he was gonna hunt me down and cut me into pieces, he said, when he got out. 00:05:38.399 --> 00:05:40.639 And I thought, you know, they don't pay me enough for this. 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:41.439 This is insane. 00:05:41.519 --> 00:05:44.959 I I that was my I call it a cosmic two by four, right? 00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:47.040 Like, I can't do this anymore. 00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:48.639 I cannot do this anymore. 00:05:48.879 --> 00:05:51.199 So I about six months went by. 00:05:51.279 --> 00:05:52.800 I was interviewing for different jobs. 00:05:52.959 --> 00:05:58.879 Everybody always wanted to hire me to work with teenagers again, and I was like, nope, nope, nope, nope, taking a timeout, not doing that. 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:03.360 And then I found myself applying for a job in hospice, and I had no idea why. 00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:07.680 I only knew one person who'd ever worked hospice, and that was when I was in graduate school. 00:06:07.920 --> 00:06:14.560 And she did an internship in hospice, and I thought she was nuts, and I was working with inner city gangbangers, and she thought I was nuts. 00:06:14.639 --> 00:06:20.879 So anyway, but I found myself applying and somehow or another they hired me, and that was in the fall of 2001. 00:06:21.120 --> 00:06:31.519 And I had never worked with older people, I'd never worked with people that were dying, I've never worked with people that were sick, I'd never hung out in nursing homes, assisted livings, memory care, any of that. 00:06:31.680 --> 00:06:39.040 Uh and another big thing that happened was six weeks into that job, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and then died six months later. 00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:42.959 So that was quite a curveball in a new career path. 00:06:43.199 --> 00:06:49.199 But it really developed my passion for working with patients and families with life-limiting illnesses. 00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:58.560 And one of the things that happened in that eight and a half years I spent at bedside in hospice was that the majority of the patients I worked with were 75 to 103 years old. 00:06:58.720 --> 00:07:02.319 And just by virtue of that, a whole lot of them were impacted by dementia. 00:07:02.399 --> 00:07:09.360 And it could have been the primary reason they're on hospice, or it could have been in addition to their cancer or lung disease or heart disease. 00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:16.240 But I really saw how devastating that illness is for the people living with it and for the families. 00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:24.000 And I thought I'd retire in hospice, but the universe said nope, we're gonna pluck you out of there and put you over in Kaiser with no plans on on changing jobs. 00:07:24.160 --> 00:07:30.079 And so I went to Kaiser for eight and a half years, and four plus of those years was in the diagnostic memory clinic. 00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:32.720 So I got to work with this high-level group of professionals. 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:38.560 We were the diagnosis arm of Kaiser here in Denver for folks with cognitive changes and and stuff. 00:07:38.720 --> 00:07:44.240 And so then I was more at the front end, but it was only two appointments, and people never let go of my card. 00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:46.319 And they kept calling month after month. 00:07:46.480 --> 00:07:47.120 Now what do we do? 00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:47.920 Now what do we do? 00:07:48.079 --> 00:07:48.959 So that was hard. 00:07:49.120 --> 00:07:52.240 And then my last year and a half in Kaiser, I was the home-based dementia specialist. 00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:58.959 And so then I was driving all over Denver doing home visits, education, support, and I loved it. 00:07:59.040 --> 00:08:00.160 It was like a dream job. 00:08:00.319 --> 00:08:04.240 Only there were thousands of Kaiser members with a dementia diagnosis and one of me. 00:08:04.720 --> 00:08:15.360 And I found the internal discord really hard to live with because people would beg me to come do another home visit, beg me to do another clinic visit or phone call, and I literally couldn't do it. 00:08:15.600 --> 00:08:16.720 And I couldn't live with it. 00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:24.720 So I jumped ship in the fall of 2018 from Kaiser and then started my own business, Compassion Works, in the spring of 2019. 00:08:25.040 --> 00:08:29.120 Possibly I would have hung out in Kaiser longer if I knew a pandemic was around the corner. 00:08:29.279 --> 00:08:30.800 But but I didn't know that. 00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:36.879 So so I was just out there um on my own, uh, you know, a year into a pandemic. 00:08:37.519 --> 00:08:37.919 Wow. 00:08:38.159 --> 00:08:39.840 Well, I believe in God wink. 00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:41.279 So you had a few of those. 00:08:41.440 --> 00:08:46.559 So uh again, I think there's such a great need to help people um with dementia. 00:08:46.879 --> 00:08:49.120 It is very, very challenging in it. 00:08:49.440 --> 00:08:51.039 And, you know, I speak of that. 00:08:51.200 --> 00:08:53.279 My husband and I took care of my father-in-law. 00:08:53.360 --> 00:08:55.919 We lost two and a half years

ago who had dementia. 00:08:56.080 --> 00:09:11.200 And it was very hard going and visit and trying to understand how to care for him, care facilities, guilt, all the things that that you struggle with and frustration, uh, I'm not gonna lie, because sometimes we didn't know what to say or how to deal with it. 00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:14.879 So, with that, I know I, you know, my husband and I aren't alone. 00:09:14.960 --> 00:09:18.240 I'm sure my many of my listeners say, yep, me too. 00:09:18.480 --> 00:09:30.320 So, with that, what are signs that maybe caregivers need to look for if they're concerned that mom's not remembering things very well or I'm beginning to see this happening? 00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:33.360 What are those signs that you would uh uh tell folks to look for? 00:09:33.600 --> 00:09:33.840 Sure. 00:09:33.919 --> 00:09:37.840 I just want to preface this by saying there's over 120 different kinds of dementias. 00:09:38.159 --> 00:09:38.399 Okay. 00:09:38.720 --> 00:09:42.799 And I don't know what they all are, but there's a handful that are the most common. 00:09:42.960 --> 00:09:43.279 Yeah. 00:09:43.519 --> 00:09:48.559 The of that handful, the one that's most prevalent is Alzheimer's type of dementia. 00:09:49.039 --> 00:09:53.279 It's the it's the seventh leading cause of death in our country, 65 and older. 00:09:53.840 --> 00:10:02.320 Uh, then there's all kinds of other dementias too, like vascular dementia from strokes or Lewy body dementia, frontotemporal dementia, alcohol-related dementia. 00:10:02.399 --> 00:10:06.639 There's all kinds, and they don't all act the same, and each person goes through it differently. 00:10:06.720 --> 00:10:20.480 So I just want to preface that because a lot of people make the um mistake of saying, oh well, my grandmother died of Alzheimer's, and now my cousin has Alzheimer's, and so it's gonna look the same, not necessarily at all. 00:10:21.200 --> 00:10:27.279 What I what I coach people to look for are changes, and most people think a dementia equals just a memory problem. 00:10:27.440 --> 00:10:30.720 That's the stereotype, but it isn't at that at all. 00:10:30.879 --> 00:10:38.000 It's it can affect memory for sure, but it also if you think about our brains, our brains are the control center, right? 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:39.200 It controls everything. 00:10:39.360 --> 00:11:06.639 So with a dementia, depending on what part of the brain it's attacking, what what part of the brain is dying over time, it can affect mood, it can affect personality, it affects uh executive functioning skills, being able to process information, sequence tasks, balance a checkbook, follow a recipe, it can affect um our being are being able to regulate our bodies, our blood pressure, there's all kinds of things. 00:11:06.799 --> 00:11:16.960 But the the things that are most common for people to notice are usually starting with memory for a lot of folks, uh short-term memory in particular with Alzheimer's type disease. 00:11:17.679 --> 00:11:28.080 But if they start seeing any significant real personality changes, impulsivity, things that never really were characteristics of that person before, it's a red flag. 00:11:28.240 --> 00:11:32.080 But what happens, I find, is that people they just write it off. 00:11:32.159 --> 00:11:45.039 They write it off to stress, they write it off to old age, they write it off to all kinds of things, and it's only when you look back with 2020 vision and you start putting the puzzle pieces together that you realize, oh wow, this was the start. 00:11:45.840 --> 00:11:55.840 They were missing appointments, they were forgetting to pay the mortgage, they were getting lost in familiar places, they were getting our kids the kids in the family's names mixed up. 00:11:56.799 --> 00:11:59.600 Uh, they got financially exploited over the phone. 00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:04.159 And they would have always been very wary of something like that in the past. 00:12:04.799 --> 00:12:08.799 So it can come in lots of different guises for different people. 00:12:09.440 --> 00:12:29.279 But what I find is that we don't usually put those puzzle pieces together until later, unless it's something really obvious like a stroke that changes the course of the person's life overnight from being maybe totally independent to being, you know, confined to a wheelchair and needing to be fed and dressed and bathed and everything else from from that point on. 00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:31.120 Oh my goodness. 00:12:31.279 --> 00:12:33.519 I am so blown away by your knowledge. 00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:35.519 Okay, this is just amazing. 00:12:35.600 --> 00:12:37.600 And thank you for sharing with us. 00:12:37.679 --> 00:12:44.960 It's I'm I'm still living on the profound cloud or it here because I didn't know there were 120 different types of dementia. 00:12:45.120 --> 00:12:47.440 And, you know, everything you said just resonated. 00:12:47.519 --> 00:12:54.240 I mean, you want to first go to denial because you it's your mom or your dad or or cousin or whatever, but your senior loved one. 00:12:54.480 --> 00:13:01.519 And then I you you medically just go to what you know, which obviously, you know, for me as a lay person, not much. 00:13:01.679 --> 00:13:06.159 And so I appreciate you sharing that with us and the different different uh things. 00:13:06.320 --> 00:13:10.799 But let's just carry that that through if we can kind of just take that scenario. 00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:13.120 You've now observed the signs. 00:13:13.279 --> 00:13:18.879 Um, we're not going to diagnose what type of dementia it is, but you've observed the signs, you have concern. 00:13:19.279 --> 00:13:21.200 What does a caregiver do? 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:24.240 Let's say that senior loved one's living in a home. 00:13:24.480 --> 00:13:26.399 Are we immediately looking at memory care? 00:13:26.559 --> 00:13:31.840 What what a what is what does a caregiver who's overwhelmed do to help out their

senior loved one? 00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:38.080 Well, I'm always on the bandwagon that if possible, get a diagnosis. 00:13:38.480 --> 00:13:46.080 Get the person to go get some cognitive testing, even a even a dementia screening test in the PCP's office is a start. 00:13:46.240 --> 00:13:52.480 But here's the deal 50% of people, even in the early stages of a dementia, have no idea anything's different. 00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:53.759 And it's not denial. 00:13:53.840 --> 00:13:59.120 It's a thing called anasygnosia, where they literally cannot see the changes in themselves. 00:13:59.360 --> 00:14:06.080 My mom was living with dementia her last five years before she died a year ago, December, and she thought she was good as gold. 00:14:06.159 --> 00:14:09.440 She thought she was just fine, and there were all kinds of things that were off. 00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:13.039 And she could not see what the rest of us could see. 00:14:13.200 --> 00:14:15.039 So she would not go in for testing. 00:14:15.360 --> 00:14:17.679 She would not go in for an evaluation. 00:14:17.840 --> 00:14:24.320 So we had to kind of do some workarounds with her PCP to get the information to him that all is not well with her brain. 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:37.039 But if you can get a diagnosis, because they don't all act the same or look the same, and medicine, some medicines that might be a little bit beneficial for Alzheimer's could be anything but beneficial for Lewy body dementia. 00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:53.519 So I always start with try to get a diagnosis and try to get that documented because over time someone is going to lose their capacity, their capacity to make decisions, their capacity to be their own spokesperson, what I want or don't want medically going forward. 00:14:53.679 --> 00:15:02.159 And if you don't have a diagnosis, even if you've been appointed that person's medical power of attorney, which is the other bandwagon, you know, get your advanced directives done. 00:15:02.399 --> 00:15:04.000 Get this stuff documented. 00:15:04.080 --> 00:15:08.799 Because as a medical social worker for 25 years, I can tell you those, that's the go-to form. 00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:12.720 So, and then have conversations with the person about what's going on. 00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:20.720 If they won't go and get an evaluation, or if they have no access, because it could be nine months, a year out, depending on where you live. 00:15:21.120 --> 00:15:32.000 We don't have enough neurologists or anything right now for the numbers of people facing this illness, at least start documenting what's going on so you can kind of maybe see a pattern. 00:15:32.159 --> 00:15:35.919 And then I think it's super important for caregivers to get educated. 00:15:36.480 --> 00:15:46.799 I do a lot of free classes that are sponsored online about dementia so people can understand what it is they're dealing with, because like I said, the stereotype is it's just a memory problem. 00:15:47.039 --> 00:15:53.120 And the class I do nearly every month is called More Than Memory, Understanding Brain Change and Dementia from the Inside Out. 00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:55.679 And I called it that because it's more than memory. 00:15:55.840 --> 00:15:59.519 If that's all you're thinking is going to happen, you are not ready for what's coming. 00:15:59.679 --> 00:16:09.440 And so I think getting the diagnosis, getting your advanced directives done, trying to get some sort of an evaluation and getting your ducks in a row is a really good place to start. 00:16:09.600 --> 00:16:15.679 And then for caregivers, you really need to find support because this is a really tough illness. 00:16:15.919 --> 00:16:23.200 It's not the same as caring for someone whose cognition is still intact, whose logic and reasoning is still intact. 00:16:23.440 --> 00:16:28.159 It's really the opposite of that and quite challenging for most folks. 00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:29.759 No, I appreciate that. 00:16:29.919 --> 00:16:32.240 So those are some great steps for people to think about. 00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:41.200 And it's nice to know you can go to your D your primary care physician and get that request, that cognitive test if you have concerns about that. 00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:51.679 Um and and yeah, I did really appreciate those next steps because you're right, it's kind of like putting those puzzle pieces together, but you don't know which piece goes next if you don't start with those three things. 00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:53.600 So that is great. 00:16:53.759 --> 00:17:03.679 Now let's talk about that caregiver piece because you know, um, I'm also a health insurance broker, so I deal several of my clients are caregivers of a senior loved one. 00:17:03.759 --> 00:17:08.720 And and and having been one, and frankly, I am today of my 85-year-old sweet mom. 00:17:09.200 --> 00:17:11.440 And it it's a lot, it's a big burden. 00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:17.519 You're managing your life, you're managing um your your that of your senior loved one. 00:17:17.599 --> 00:17:24.799 Uh how how do you care for someone, right, who's struggling, let's say that they have now a diagnosis dementia. 00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:30.000 How do you care for them and care for yourself and your family at the same time? 00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:39.920 It's extremely challenging because unlike some other illnesses, I think it's unique with the dementias because caregivers' worlds become so small. 00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:47.519 As the disease progresses, there comes a point where the person is not safe being left alone at all. 00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:56.960 And I'm working with a family right now where the the gentleman who was diagnosed is only 55 with early onset Alzheimer's. 00:17:58.319 --> 00:18:00.720 It's a second marriage of two and a half years. 00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:02.240 They have six kids. 00:18:03.680 --> 00:18:08.720 The wife had to go back into the workforce, he's no longer able to work, he's no longer

able to drive. 00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:12.319 It's changing everything in the family with this dynamic. 00:18:12.480 --> 00:18:18.720 And so I again I think trying to get help for the caregiver because they're gonna need it. 00:18:18.799 --> 00:18:20.720 I say it takes a village with this illness. 00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:23.519 But what happens is people don't plan for that. 00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:28.960 And they say, Well, I gotta do this, it's my job as the wife or the partner or the daughter or whatever. 00:18:29.200 --> 00:18:31.839 But you can't just do it all by yourself. 00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:37.759 So I always like start early building a care community, start early asking other people for help. 00:18:37.920 --> 00:18:50.400 Can you just come and hang out with my husband for two hours so I can get a cup of coffee or go to the gym or take a nap or or do things because the burden of care is really high with this disease as it goes on. 00:18:50.640 --> 00:19:02.480 And so folks think I can't even take five minutes for a shower because they may be out the front door or start the burner on fire or start overflowing the bathtub or falling or or whatever. 00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:06.799 And so I just think that's why I'm I'm a pretty straight shooter with everybody I work with. 00:19:06.960 --> 00:19:16.559 I'm like, if you have the ostrich approach to this, then you probably don't want to work with me as a coach because I'm like, how do you prepare for stuff if you don't want to know what's coming? 00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:24.559 And I'm I'm all on the camp of let's try to avoid the crisis if we possibly can for the person going through this illness and for the family. 00:19:25.119 --> 00:19:27.759 And that's not always possible, but a lot of times it is. 00:19:28.079 --> 00:19:36.640 But it takes pre-planning and it takes shining the flashlight down the path a little bit about these are some changes you might expect coming over time. 00:19:37.039 --> 00:19:43.200 And this is how you could pret prepare and put some things in place so that you're ready when those things happen. 00:19:43.519 --> 00:19:44.160 Great thought. 00:19:44.319 --> 00:19:51.839 So, Kay, let's talk about you and and what you're doing with Compassion Works and the services that you offer. 00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:56.559 Now, you talked a little bit about a course you do a week, free courses, coaching. 00:19:56.720 --> 00:20:01.519 Tell us more about those who are listening who say, I I need a call Kay. 00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:02.559 Yeah. 00:20:02.880 --> 00:20:05.039 So I, you know, COVID changed everything. 00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:11.680 I was a year in in my business when COVID happened, and my my business almost died 100% practically that first year of COVID. 00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:13.680 But I had to pivot like everybody else. 00:20:13.839 --> 00:20:21.200 And so before I was just Denver based and just worked with people in person here, but now I work with people currently 35, 40 states. 00:20:21.440 --> 00:20:27.680 I've had 20 countries represented in my classes in the last year, because dementia knows no borders. 00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:36.720 So I work with individual family members or entire families who have a loved one or somebody in their life who has cognitive change or dementia. 00:20:36.799 --> 00:20:45.920 It may not even have been diagnosed yet, but tr there's trouble in paradise and everybody sees it all the way to somebody might already be in memory care or thinking about that. 00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:50.720 So it's anywhere in between those things because there's common stressors that happen. 00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:56.720 I think about coaching as the person with dementia is in the middle of the circle, and there's all kind of spokes that come out. 00:20:56.880 --> 00:21:06.799 So it affects relationships, it affects finances, it affects stress, it affects your golden years and your ability to travel, be independent, all of those things. 00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:16.720 So I help folks with just the emotional support, with strategies, with trying to link them to some resources, with let's, you know, when am I going to be ready to move somebody? 00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:18.960 Do I have to move somebody to memory care? 00:21:19.119 --> 00:21:22.640 All of those kinds of things is what I do with the coaching element. 00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:26.480 And then I do a lot, a lot of classes in person and online. 00:21:26.720 --> 00:21:28.640 I do a lot of keynote speaking. 00:21:28.799 --> 00:21:30.720 I wrote a book that came out four years ago. 00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:42.000 So I do a lot of um stories around the caregiving and trying to elevate the people living with really difficult illnesses, and especially my heroes are absolutely the care partners in this scenario. 00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:43.359 They're my absolute heroes. 00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:47.839 So they're why I get up and do what I do every day, because they're the unsung heroes. 00:21:48.079 --> 00:21:59.039 And they're doing an impossibly difficult job, usually alone, usually with not a lot of validation, usually with people not understanding the shoes they're walking in. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:01.440 Are really having a tough time. 00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:09.039 And so my goal in life is just to like up if I can empower and educate the care partners, the person living with dementia is going to do better. 00:22:09.200 --> 00:22:11.519 So that's the angle I come at in my business. 00:22:11.839 --> 00:22:18.720 We will make sure and link to that so people can uh learn more about you, your services and classes and all the above. 00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:21.440 Now you mentioned your book, uh Bedside Witness. 00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:23.039 Can you tell us more about that? 00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:30.720 Yeah, I ever since I started in hospice in the fall of 2001, somebody put a book in my hand when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. 00:22:30.799 -->

00:22:32.319 And the book was called Final Gifts. 00:22:32.720 --> 00:22:35.759 Never remember the subtitle, something about communicating with the dying. 00:22:35.920 --> 00:22:39.920 It was written by a couple hospice nurses from Colorado, and it became like my Bible. 00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:41.119 It was all vignettes. 00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:46.720 It was vignettes about how to communicate with people that are really sick and dying and you can't do the normal communication. 00:22:46.880 --> 00:22:48.160 So I made my mom read it. 00:22:48.240 --> 00:22:49.200 I made my brother read it. 00:22:49.279 --> 00:22:51.440 I referred families to that book every single day. 00:22:51.680 --> 00:22:58.400 And I thought someday, someday I'm going to write a book of vignettes from the social work family perspective about stories. 00:22:58.480 --> 00:23:00.960 And it took a pandemic till I had time. 00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:04.000 So that's what I did in 2020 and 2021. 00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:07.519 There's 35 vignettes written about 20 years of my career. 00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:09.839 So there's stories from all my hospice days. 00:23:09.920 --> 00:23:17.759 And I try to really, it's the stories that inspired me that were funny, sad, poignant, whatever, that stood out for me all these years. 00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:22.960 Then I have a bunch of stories from when I worked in the memory clinic in Kaiser and the Palette of Care. 00:23:23.200 --> 00:23:30.240 So about what it's like to be in a room when someone's diagnosed and that news is delivered and what's happening with the families. 00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:35.359 And then I the last part of my book is all about the coaching stories, what I do in my work with people. 00:23:35.519 --> 00:23:39.440 So the whole goal of it was really to elevate caregivers. 00:23:39.839 --> 00:23:57.759 And that I I embedded purposely a bunch of education in there that people don't even know they're being educated, but they are, so that you don't have to have my years of 25 years as a medical social worker to get a glimpse inside the living room window of people that are struggling with caregiving. 00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:01.279 In particular, two-thirds of the stories have a dementia-related theme. 00:24:01.519 --> 00:24:03.440 So I think it just really validates people. 00:24:03.839 --> 00:24:05.519 The book is well, very well received. 00:24:05.680 --> 00:24:12.640 I won a uh gold medal and an international award for inspirational nonfiction, and I won a bronze in death, dying, and grief. 00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:14.960 And I've never written a book, so that was pretty thrilling. 00:24:15.119 --> 00:24:21.039 But I think it's been very beneficial for care, you know, for people that work in hospice or palliative care or medicine, geriatrics. 00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:23.759 It's super helpful for family members and the layperson. 00:24:23.920 --> 00:24:25.759 I wrote it so anybody could read it. 00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:33.599 And the feedback I get a lot is it's great because it's for the short attention span, because the stories aren't longer than 10 minutes and they're not connected. 00:24:33.839 --> 00:24:44.400 So therefore, you can, while you're waiting for the you know, spaghetti water to boil, you can read one story, put the book down for six months, doesn't matter, pick it back up again, and you won't have missed anything. 00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:48.160 That sounds amazing, and we will make sure and link to that. 00:24:48.480 --> 00:24:59.519 Well, as we draw to a close, I would love it if you would just share any final thoughts with listeners that may be struggling with this or concerned or have questions that you would like to leave them with. 00:25:00.559 --> 00:25:02.960 So I'm always saying to people, find your tribe. 00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:04.000 Find your tribe. 00:25:04.079 --> 00:25:11.680 You have to have people that understand dementia or are willing to understand it, are willing to be educated who can support you. 00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:13.519 And most people are scared of this disease. 00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:18.079 It used to be cancer was the number one fear disease, and now it's dementia across the board. 00:25:18.319 --> 00:25:21.759 So a lot of people don't want to show up, you know, they don't know how to show up. 00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:24.640 But I would say what's really important is ask for help. 00:25:25.200 --> 00:25:32.000 Start doing that, practicing that muscle early of asking for help, ask getting other people involved in the journey is really important. 00:25:32.079 --> 00:25:37.519 And if they want to check me out, my website, you're gonna have it in the links, but it's kmadams.com. 00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:46.319 You can sign up for a free discovery call with me, 30 minutes, zoom or phone if you want to understand what's what is coaching comprised of, what might I expect? 00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:47.759 Is K a good fit? 00:25:47.920 --> 00:25:50.160 Uh, all the prices and everything are on my website. 00:25:50.240 --> 00:26:02.480 You can email me off of the website, but I think it's a helpful tool for people to go, oh, I I'm meeting with a family tomorrow who's um Denver based, meeting with the daughters, and both parents have dementia. 00:26:03.200 --> 00:26:05.359 Both parents have dementia and independent living. 00:26:05.519 --> 00:26:07.119 They're barely eking by. 00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:08.240 What do I do next? 00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:09.759 When do I do we have to move them? 00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:11.200 Do we just bring in people? 00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:15.759 It's getting really messy, convoluted, and taking a lot of time of the family. 00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:22.480 And so they're knowing that something's coming, but they don't know what to do next and what's the bridge, and those kinds of things. 00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:30.880 So anybody can just sign up for a free coaching call off my website and um and we can talk and see if you

know this is something I can help you with or not. 00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:36.480 You can live anywhere in the world because I almost exclusively work by Zoom in my coaching business. 00:26:36.799 --> 00:26:37.839 Well, that's fantastic. 00:26:37.920 --> 00:26:42.480 Yeah, we will make sure and linked so people can can access you and again look at your resources. 00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:44.240 Well, Kay, it has been a pleasure. 00:26:44.319 --> 00:26:46.160 This has been so enlightening to me. 00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:53.920 And I'm just again so grateful for your expertise and all that you you do to help others doing during what is really a trying time. 00:26:54.079 --> 00:26:57.599 And and uh just thank you for all that you do. 00:26:58.160 --> 00:26:58.880 Thank you. 00:26:59.119 --> 00:27:00.000 Nice being here. 00:27:00.240 --> 00:27:01.920 I enjoyed having Kay on the show. 00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:16.960 What an informative discussion around dementia and caring for a senior loved one, and just knowing that there are resources out there and people like Kay that are available to help you should you or family member be facing this struggle. 00:27:17.119 --> 00:27:20.160 Make sure and check out the link in the show notes to Kay's website. 00:27:20.319 --> 00:27:31.440 Remember, she has that free consult call that you can take advantage of, and also the link to her book, Bedside Witness: Stories of Hope, Healing, and Humanity. 00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:38.079 In our next episode, what if lasting healing begins beneath the surface of the conscious mind? 00:27:38.480 --> 00:27:47.039 We will explore how hypnotherapy can help reduce anxiety, release limiting beliefs, manage pain, and create meaningful emotional change. 00:27:47.279 --> 00:27:51.279 To help us get into this topic, I'm bringing Craig Merriweather on the show. 00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:56.960 Craig is a clinical hypnotherapist helping people explore deep healing and subconscious transformation. 00:27:57.200 --> 00:28:15.599 For over 16 years, Craig has been helping people heal from early childhood trauma, helping cancer patients with pain control, veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder, students with test anxiety, entrepreneurs with confidence, athletes with peak performance, and anyone who may be dealing with overwhelm, fear, and anxiety. 00:28:15.759 --> 00:28:17.599 Make sure and join us for that show. 00:28:17.839 --> 00:28:20.880 And before I close out, I have a favor to ask of you. 00:28:21.119 --> 00:28:26.480 If you are enjoying the show, would you be so kind as to leave a quick review? 00:28:26.720 --> 00:28:29.839 A review helps people find the show. 00:28:30.079 --> 00:28:40.319 And my mission coming up on four years in October, if you can believe it, I'm so excited and so proud of the episodes that we've had and the wonderful guests that have been on the show. 00:28:40.559 --> 00:28:47.359 I I've been told through comments and emails that it's helped many people, and I want to make sure to be able to extend that release. 00:28:47.519 --> 00:28:50.240 And reviewing the show really helps us do that. 00:28:50.400 --> 00:28:53.359 So thank you for doing that either on Apple or Spotify. 00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:54.880 I appreciate it. 00:28:55.200 --> 00:28:59.039 Thank you again for your time, and until next time, get savvy.