Full Transcript for Pouring Into Others Without Emptying Yourself

who is ready to quit and give up. 00:03:26.719 --> 00:03:28.560 That is a blessing from God. 00:03:29.280 --> 00:03:34.240 You know, recently I had a friend call to me and talk about a very difficult situation he was dealing with. 00:03:35.039 --> 00:03:39.039 As we talked, I asked him, have you reached out to your family or friends? 00:03:39.360 --> 00:03:41.919 Is there anybody else you might be able to go to? 00:03:42.240 --> 00:03:43.360 He said, No. 00:03:43.680 --> 00:03:48.000 Then he made a statement that took me two steps back. 00:03:48.960 --> 00:03:54.080 He said, I came to you because I know I can always depend on you. 00:03:55.680 --> 00:03:57.520 Now, at first I took it as a compliment. 00:03:57.599 --> 00:04:00.879 I mean, who doesn't want to be known as someone that people can count on? 00:04:01.120 --> 00:04:07.360 You know, but the more I thought about it, the more that one word always bothered me. 00:04:07.680 --> 00:04:11.599 Because let the truth be told, he can't always depend on me. 00:04:11.840 --> 00:04:13.199 I have my own responsibilities. 00:04:13.360 --> 00:04:16.160 I'm having challenges in my life that I'm going through. 00:04:16.399 --> 00:04:20.639 Sometimes I have the capacity to help, and sometimes I don't. 00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:23.680 And that's when something in my mind clicked. 00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:31.439 Now I started thinking about other people who said the exact same thing, different people, different situations, but the same message. 00:04:31.759 --> 00:04:34.720 I know I can always depend on you. 00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:37.519 And I began to notice a pattern. 00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:45.360 Some people had become so comfortable, dependent on me, that they never considered whether I had anything else left to give. 00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:47.120 They knew I would listen. 00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:49.360 They knew that I would try to help. 00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:51.120 They knew I would show up. 00:04:51.279 --> 00:04:52.639 That's my makeup. 00:04:53.360 --> 00:04:56.079 But here's what I started asking myself. 00:04:56.480 --> 00:05:03.040 I say, Floyd, when did being dependable turn into being expected? 00:05:03.680 --> 00:05:08.639 And when did this blessing to others become an obligation? 00:05:09.120 --> 00:05:16.480 And that's when I realized that I need to take a closer look at the people in my life, especially the people that I'm pouring into. 00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:25.920 I started wondering, after pouring into all of them, I realized I need to take a closer look at the people I was pouring into. 00:05:27.199 --> 00:05:33.680 You see, the issue is when we try to become everything to everybody, we forget that we're human too. 00:05:33.920 --> 00:05:38.800 We start believing that we must always be there, we must always have the answer, we must fix every problem. 00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:45.519 And you start thinking the whole idea of saying no gives off selfish vibes. 00:05:45.759 --> 00:05:48.879 You know, I accuse myself of being Captain Sabah ho. 00:05:49.920 --> 00:05:57.680 Then I have to realize that I can love people and still have boundaries. 00:05:57.920 --> 00:06:00.079 And I want you to think about that. 00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:05.040 You can care about someone and still be there for yourself. 00:06:05.519 --> 00:06:10.160 I mean, you can be a good friend, parent, teacher, leader, mentor. 00:06:11.120 --> 00:06:15.680 But where does it say you have to be responsible for everyone else's happiness? 00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:21.040 It's not about being selfish, it's about recognizing your limits. 00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:23.600 So let me ask you this. 00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:26.399 How are you really doing? 00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:32.560 Now, don't give me an answer to avoid the question, just so you appear strong. 00:06:32.720 --> 00:06:35.279 I mean, it's time to be honest with yourself. 00:06:35.839 --> 00:06:43.040 Because you can't keep ignoring what's happening inside of you simply because other people need something from you. 00:06:43.759 --> 00:06:49.680 Now, when we come back, I'm going to give you four types of people that you need to stop pouring into. 00:06:52.079 --> 00:06:56.079 Is your athletic team, fundraising organization, or corporate company in need of apparel? 00:06:56.160 --> 00:06:59.839 Then gear up with the real deal and let DrySick Apparel take care of your needs. 00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:08.240 Check out www.d-re-is-ss-i-g apparel.com and place your order today. 00:07:08.560 --> 00:07:11.920 Um, let's bring this segment to the Word of God. 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:21.120 You know, in the 23rd Psalms verse 5, David says, My cup runneth over. 00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:26.399 What David is describing is the abundance of God's care and provision. 00:07:26.800 --> 00:07:33.120 Now I believe that when God pours into our lives, we have an opportunity to become a blessing to others. 00:07:33.360 --> 00:07:37.519 We can share wisdom, encouragement, we can serve. 00:07:37.759 --> 00:07:41.040 We can help people find hope when life gets difficult. 00:07:41.759 --> 00:07:49.040 But remember this: your cup running over does not mean everybody gets to drain it. 00:07:49.600 --> 00:07:53.279 Your cup running over is not permission for people to mistreat you. 00:07:53.519 --> 00:07:58.079 It doesn't mean that you must keep giving to people who refuse to respect you. 00:07:58.399 --> 00:08:05.040 And it definitely doesn't mean that you have to become responsible for problems that belong to someone else. 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:12.319 In Galatians chapter 6, verse 2, Paul calls us to bear one another's burden. 00:08:12.639 --> 00:08:14.879 That's the heart of compassion. 00:08:15.439 --> 00:08:21.600 But in verse 5, Paul reminds us of personal responsibility. 00:08:22.319 --> 00:08:24.480 Now, both principles matter. 00:08:25.120 --> 00:08:26.879 We are called to love people. 00:08:27.439 --> 00:08:32.559 But love does not require us to

enable destructive patterns. 00:08:32.879 --> 00:08:34.720 We are called to serve. 00:08:34.960 --> 00:08:38.639 But service doesn't mean neglecting our own responsibilities. 00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:41.120 We are called to forgive. 00:08:41.519 --> 00:08:46.960 But even forgiveness doesn't automatically restore trust or remove the need for boundaries. 00:08:47.279 --> 00:08:58.240 Sometimes you can wish somebody well without continuing to finance their choices, absorb the disrespect, or carry their responsibilities. 00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:00.799 Let me tell you something. 00:09:01.759 --> 00:09:06.320 Everybody you pour into is not ready to grow. 00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:11.440 Everybody you help is not going to appreciate you. 00:09:11.759 --> 00:09:17.440 And everybody you love is not supposed to have unlimited access to you. 00:09:17.919 --> 00:09:26.799 But yet we keep giving, we keep encouraging, we keep showing up, we keep praying for people, helping people, and trying to see good in people. 00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:32.080 But at some point you have to stop and ask yourself: am I helping this person grow? 00:09:32.399 --> 00:09:35.279 Or am I helping them stay the same? 00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:48.639 Because there's a difference between supporting somebody through a difficult season and being repeatedly rescuing them from the consequences of their own decisions. 00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:56.000 Now, with that being said, here are four types of people you need to stop it pouring into. 00:09:58.240 --> 00:10:04.000 The first one, the person who only calls when they need something. 00:10:04.799 --> 00:10:06.240 You know this person. 00:10:06.720 --> 00:10:09.840 You don't hear from them when everything is going well in their life. 00:10:10.080 --> 00:10:12.399 They don't check on you to see how you're doing. 00:10:12.559 --> 00:10:19.039 They can't call you to celebrate your accomplishment or even ask about your dreams or your progress or things that you're working on. 00:10:19.840 --> 00:10:21.679 But let a problem come up. 00:10:22.399 --> 00:10:28.399 They'll blow your phone up when they need money, advice, or favor. 00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:33.440 They expect you to drop everything and help them figure out their situation. 00:10:34.240 --> 00:10:37.919 And because you have a good heart, you show up. 00:10:38.720 --> 00:10:42.960 In the back of your mind, you keep telling yourself that's just how they are. 00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:46.639 You see, when you do that, you're making excuses for them. 00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:52.639 You're trying to convince yourself that maybe next time they'll be there for you. 00:10:53.120 --> 00:10:57.039 But when next time comes, the patterns repeat itself. 00:10:57.759 --> 00:10:59.919 So here's the question you ask. 00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:02.799 Are they interested in you? 00:11:03.200 --> 00:11:05.840 Are they interested in what you can do for them? 00:11:07.279 --> 00:11:09.039 Now let's be clear. 00:11:09.360 --> 00:11:15.360 Sometimes people go through difficult seasons when they genuinely need support. 00:11:16.720 --> 00:11:20.399 A healthy relationship doesn't require keeping score of every favor. 00:11:21.519 --> 00:11:31.440 But when someone consistently takes without showing concern, appreciation, or willingness to reciprocate, you need to pay attention to them. 00:11:32.080 --> 00:11:41.120 You have to learn the difference between being somebody who values your presence and somebody who values your usefulness. 00:11:41.840 --> 00:11:49.440 So stop making yourself available for every emergency when the relationship only exists on their term. 00:11:51.759 --> 00:12:00.159 The second person is the one who refuses to take accountability and responsibility. 00:12:01.440 --> 00:12:03.360 You know this person as well. 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:09.759 This person always has an explanation for why their life isn't working. 00:12:10.159 --> 00:12:12.559 It's always somebody else's fault. 00:12:13.919 --> 00:12:19.600 Their family holding them back, their boss doesn't appreciate them, their friends let them down. 00:12:20.320 --> 00:12:21.919 Their partner is the problem. 00:12:22.080 --> 00:12:23.759 The world is against them. 00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:30.159 Have you ever noticed that every time you talk to them, you find yourself trying to help them figure things out? 00:12:30.639 --> 00:12:36.000 You offer advice, you share what you've learned, you suggest solutions. 00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:41.919 You try to help them see from another perspective, but yet nothing changes. 00:12:42.480 --> 00:12:45.679 I had this one friend I was constantly pouring into. 00:12:46.480 --> 00:12:49.440 Years after years, just constantly pouring into. 00:12:49.919 --> 00:12:54.480 And the only thing changed within them was their age. 00:12:55.440 --> 00:12:56.720 Think about it. 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:00.879 They didn't want to examine their own decisions. 00:13:01.840 --> 00:13:05.440 They didn't want to hear anything that challenges them. 00:13:06.159 --> 00:13:11.679 All he wanted was for me to agree, to validate, or help them feel better. 00:13:12.720 --> 00:13:16.159 And when you finally tell them the truth, suddenly you're the problem. 00:13:18.480 --> 00:13:23.200 Listen, you cannot want somebody's growth more than they want it for themselves. 00:13:23.679 --> 00:13:29.759 Remember, Galatians 6 5 says, each person must carry their own load. 00:13:30.799 --> 00:13:36.480 We can support people, but we cannot take over the responsibility for their own lives. 00:13:37.200 --> 00:13:45.519 And sometimes the most loving thing that you can do is stop rescuing somebody from every consequence. 00:13:46.320 --> 00:13:48.559 Hell, let them learn. 00:13:49.039 --> 00:13:50.639 Let them reflect. 00:13:50.879 --> 00:13:53.679 Let them learn how to make different choices. 00:13:54.720 --> 00:14:00.240 You can stand beside them without carrying them through every decision. 00:14:00.960 -->

00:14:04.960 Stop confusing helping someone with taking responsibility for them. 00:14:05.279 --> 00:14:11.759 You can offer wisdom, encouragement, and support, but you cannot do somebody else's growth for them. 00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:24.799 The third person is the one who drains you from your peace and disrespects your boundaries. 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:31.759 You ever had a person in your life who dealing with them is just emotionally exhausting? 00:14:32.240 --> 00:14:35.360 I mean, every conversation turns into drama. 00:14:35.919 --> 00:14:39.200 Every disagreement becomes an argument. 00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:44.240 Every boundary becomes a reason for them to get upset with you. 00:14:44.480 --> 00:14:48.000 When you say no, they make you feel guilty. 00:14:48.240 --> 00:14:51.840 When you need time for yourself, they accuse you of changing. 00:14:52.399 --> 00:14:56.799 When you try to protect your peace, they act as though you've done something wrong. 00:14:57.360 --> 00:15:00.879 And because you care for them, you do what? 00:15:01.120 --> 00:15:02.320 You give in. 00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:04.720 You cancel your plans. 00:15:04.960 --> 00:15:13.759 You sacrifice your time, your needs, your wants, your desires simply because you don't want to disappoint them. 00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:22.159 But here's something that you need to understand: somebody being upset with your boundary does not automatically mean that your boundary is wrong. 00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:26.559 You can be compassionate without being constantly available. 00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:30.879 You can be patient without accepting disrespect. 00:15:31.840 --> 00:15:37.679 You can forgive someone without giving them unlimited access to repeat the same behavior. 00:15:38.559 --> 00:15:49.120 You know, in the Bible and in Luke, the scripture tells us that Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray. 00:15:49.919 --> 00:15:58.240 Now, his disciples and everyone else needed him, but Jesus understood that he had to make room for himself. 00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:06.799 That tells us that serving others and making space for restoration has to coexist. 00:16:08.080 --> 00:16:11.519 You don't have to attend every argument that you're invited to. 00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:16.960 You don't have to explain every decision to somebody who's already decided to misunderstand you. 00:16:17.519 --> 00:16:21.279 And you don't have to sacrifice your well-being to prove that you care. 00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:26.080 Sometimes staying close. 00:16:27.039 --> 00:16:30.720 But sometimes wisdom means creating distance. 00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:36.879 And the fourth person is the one who resents your growth. 00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:40.320 Now, this one is kind of difficult. 00:16:40.559 --> 00:16:42.000 I'll be totally honest with you. 00:16:42.240 --> 00:16:48.960 Because sometimes the person who resents your growth is somebody you thought would celebrate you. 00:16:50.639 --> 00:16:55.519 Everybody that says they're

on your team don't want you to be successful. 00:16:56.480 --> 00:16:58.960 Especially when you start working on yourself. 00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:11.599 When you become more disciplined, when you establish boundaries, when you pursue your purpose, you take your faith seriously, you start building something meaningful in your life. 00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:16.799 And instead of encouraging you, they start making a little smart comics. 00:17:17.279 --> 00:17:19.039 Who do you think you are? 00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:20.720 You change. 00:17:21.279 --> 00:17:23.680 You act like you're better than everybody else now. 00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:26.000 Why are you doing all that? 00:17:27.839 --> 00:17:30.240 They disguise their resentment as jokes. 00:17:30.319 --> 00:17:31.920 They minimize your accomplishments. 00:17:32.079 --> 00:17:38.160 They remind you of your passion every time that you tried to move forward but failed. 00:17:39.119 --> 00:17:42.319 Now, not everyone who questioned you is a hater. 00:17:43.119 --> 00:17:47.200 Sometimes people who care about you can offer you legitimate concerns. 00:17:47.519 --> 00:17:50.480 And we need to have enough humility to listen. 00:17:50.880 --> 00:18:00.640 But there's a difference between somebody challenging you because they care about your growth and somebody repeatedly trying to make you feel small because you are growing. 00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:11.200 In Galatians 6 4, Paul tells us again to examine our own work and stop comparing ourselves with others. 00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:21.680 It's your responsibility to keep growing in character and wisdom and purpose, not to shrink yourself just to make somebody else feel comfortable. 00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:24.400 You don't have to announce every move. 00:18:24.720 --> 00:18:29.279 You don't have to convince everybody to understand your vision. 00:18:29.519 --> 00:18:34.720 And you don't have to seek permission to become a better version of yourself. 00:18:35.359 --> 00:18:43.599 So if you're doing this, stop shrinking just to maintain a relationship that requires you to be the old version of yourself. 00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:58.400 You keep growing, you stay humble, you remain teachable, and surround yourself with people who can and will celebrate your progress while still holding you accountable. 00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:04.799 Is your athletic team, fundraising organization, or corporate company need of apparel? 00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:09.519 Then gear up with the real deal and give DrySick an opportunity to take care of your needs. 00:19:09.599 --> 00:19:17.039 So go check out www dr-e-i-s-s-i-g apparel.com and place your order today. 00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:22.079 As a customer myself, I can say that quality customer service is their specialty. 00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:50.079 In this episode, we talked about what the Bible says about pouring into others. 00:19:50.559 --> 00:19:56.720 We talked about how we're responsible for our own lives and the decisions that we

make in life. 00:19:57.519 --> 00:20:02.000 We also talked about the four people that you need to stop pouring into. 00:20:02.799 --> 00:20:04.559 Now let's deal with you. 00:20:05.200 --> 00:20:09.119 This week I want you to take a deep look at the relationships in your life. 00:20:09.359 --> 00:20:12.079 The title doesn't matter. 00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:26.480 Whether it's mom, dad, son, daughter, friend, cousin, whoever, I want you to examine your relationship and ask yourself, who constantly takes from me without showing genuine appreciation? 00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:34.400 Who asks for advice but refuses to take responsibility for their own choices? 00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:40.240 Who constantly disregards my boundaries and leaves me emotionally exhausted? 00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:47.119 Who seems uncomfortable when I grow, improve, or move toward my purpose? 00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:52.160 Now this is not a rush to label people, but I want you to look at patterns. 00:20:52.400 --> 00:21:00.799 And if it's necessary, you need to have an honest and difficult conversation with whoever it is. 00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:06.880 But at the same time, you must be willing to examine your own behavior. 00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:13.839 And then you can decide where you need healthier boundaries. 00:21:14.240 --> 00:21:16.640 It's not about cutting everybody off. 00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:20.960 You don't have to become suspicious of every person who needs help. 00:21:21.200 --> 00:21:26.720 And you don't have to stop being the loving, generous person that you've always been. 00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:35.039 You simply have to become more intentional about where you invest your time, energy, and resources. 00:21:35.519 --> 00:21:38.240 Because your purpose in life matters. 00:21:38.960 --> 00:21:41.440 Your peace matters. 00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:44.400 Your growth matters. 00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:49.119 And most importantly, you matter. 00:21:51.519 --> 00:21:52.400 Well, you know what? 00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:54.799 I think that's all I have for today. 00:21:55.359 --> 00:21:59.039 But let me leave you with this final thought. 00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:10.160 Don't let your desire to be a blessing become the reason you neglect the blessing that God is trying to develop in you. 00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:12.799 Keep loving people, keep encouraging them. 00:22:13.519 --> 00:22:15.920 Keep showing up when you can. 00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:20.880 But stop believing that you have to save everybody. 00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:24.400 You're not somebody else's savior. 00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:26.480 That's Jesus' job. 00:22:26.880 --> 00:22:29.839 All you can do is point them towards help. 00:22:30.559 --> 00:22:34.000 Share what you learned, pray with them, and walk beside them. 00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:41.279 But each person has the responsibility to participate in their own growth and development. 00:22:41.680 --> 00:22:47.759 My mother used to tell me that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. 00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:59.599 And as you continue to grow, remember this: everybody who needs you is not necessarily meant to have unlimited access to you. 00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:04.240 Be generous, but be wise. 00:23:05.119 --> 00:23:09.039 Be compassionate, but defend your boundaries. 00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:15.680 Be humble, but don't shrink for nothing and nobody. 00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:21.519 And stay connected to the source that restores your soul. 00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:29.839 Because when your cup runs over, the goal isn't to pour yourself empty to prove your value. 00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:37.039 The goal is to live it in a way that God develops in you, becomes a blessing to other people. 00:23:39.039 --> 00:23:44.240 I am the minister, Floyd Miley, and this is Flow with Floyd. 00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:54.000 Find your purpose, learn through the process, overcome setbacks, and walk in your greatness. 00:23:54.480 --> 00:24:06.400 Now, if this episode hit home, if you got all up in your grill, like, comment, and bless someone by sharing. 00:24:06.720 --> 00:24:13.599 Until next time, keep growing, keep believing, and keep following the flow. 00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:19.279 Ooh, yeah, flow with me tonight. 00:24:19.440 --> 00:24:22.640 After all the static, it's time for something true. 00:24:22.799 --> 00:24:26.000 Let the vibe connect me right here with you. 00:24:32.640 --> 00:24:36.079 Turn the volume up and leave your world behind.