Full Transcript for Is Brooke The Asshole?

the thing of not that I want to be in a titled brat. But I think that was a huge thing for me to be like, it's not allocating. I'm fucking sitting here. This is what i want and I'm going to stand and double down and die on that. And she goes, is that really important to you? And I said, yeah, you know what this is? She goes, okay, great, we moved on. Wow, I mean, and then the husband goes, you know what, he goes and he said, whispered to her, and he goes, yeah, see, you just never know what's going on in people's lives. Okay, So I know it sounds so stupid. I felt like a fucking asshole because I felt like because I was not being my consider itself, I felt like I would but and the other side of that, I was like, no, I stood up for something that I wanted and I fucking got it. 00:06:28 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean. 00:06:29 Speaker 2: So it's like hard, It's like I am, I feel like a fucking asshole. But then is that my my people pleasing tendency or is that just being like, yeah, anyway, where did the other. 00:06:39 Speaker 1: She wasn't, like, you know, where did the other people have to go. 00:06:43 Speaker 2: One seat behind us? 00:06:44 Speaker 1: Okay, well then that's fine, Like honestly, they weren't moved to a whole other section. They weren't like it wasn't a huge change. 00:06:50 Speaker 2: This has nearly gone into a like a full fight. 00:06:53 Speaker 1: Wow. 00:06:54 Speaker 2: I was just sitting there like, oh my god, I could just get up and move and I'll be all fine. But I was like, was like eating my popcorn. 00:07:01 Speaker 1: Like, oh my god. 00:07:02 Speaker 2: Look, okay, I know so one. I am asshole, but I'll fucking take it because for me now I feel more confident in myself that if I want something, I will feel better about. 00:07:15 Speaker 1: Okay, let me ask you a question, honestly, And at the end of the night, when you finished the show, when you went home, were you thinking about it? Okay, No, it didn't mean nothing. 00:07:28 Speaker 2: I'm stringing it up now. I haven't talked about it since. We laugh about it. We laugh about it because, like I think Alex got like really fiery with the other lady and like that will bickering, and I was just sitting there like, oh my god, what is going on? And he told her to grow up, and I was like, oh shit, this story it was. It was an entirely big like everyone's looking at us. I was getting and I was like, oh my god. 00:07:58 Speaker 1: You I think you are the asshole. But you know, I just don't it. 00:08:00 Speaker 2: I just own it. 00:08:01 Speaker 1: And and sometimes you have to be the asshole because you know what I've realized, Like recently, I've realized. 00:08:06 Speaker 2: I've never taken for I've never taken anything from anyone else. Everything. I feel like I if someone cuts me in line, I'm not. 00:08:15 Speaker 1: Always bad to be the asshole, because I think in life sometimes you have to be. Like, for instance, recently I had to do something really hard, but then I realized being an asshole and like being mean to someone are very two different things. You're mean. I always realized that if I'm mean to someone, I'm actually just hurting myself because I feel so guilty, Like if I'm to someone like I will be at home later being like why did I say that to that person? Or why did I do that? Like if I say something nasty to someone or do something that crosses the line, I always feel bad about it. So I'm actually just hurting myself. Yeah, So that's why I ask about Because if you went home and it didn't even cross your mind that you that lady had to move, well, then I shouldn't affect you shouldn't worry about it. Yeah, Like we shouldn't even ask yourself if you're the asshole. 00:08:59 Speaker 2: Oh no, But I was like it was something that I hadn't like a muscle that I hadn't flexed before. I guess, like you know, like a lot of people feel so entitled and have ownership of things, and obviously, like whatever they've achieved is whatever they've achieved. And I've always practiced like fairness and consider and kind and blah blah blah, and you know, fucking to the degree of people pleasing. But I'm like to the point where it's like if there's something that I want, like obviously I wouldn't do it to hurt someone else, But there's little things that I am still just like so submissive to and like I'm like, yeah, whatever, but people are rude. I let people in and they don't give me a fucking wave, Like. 00:09:39 Speaker 1: Like you know what I've realized as I'm getting older, my road rage no one being serious the asshole? Am I the asshole with? Like, for instance, there was a bike that went in front of me the other day and he pulled up really fast to make me It's almost like he wanted to cause an accident of me running into him, and I literally went to open my door and like, get out of my car. What the fuck am I some white thirty year old from fucking wet. 00:10:04 Speaker 2: That's why I compare myself sometimes too. 00:10:06 Speaker 1: So you can't just calm down, take a breath. 00:10:08 Speaker 2: I feel like there's a lot of people that are like so entitled and like like even at the airport, right, just the men that like I'm priority, but they don't think that I'm priority sometimes and they just I'm lining up perfectly in a great spot when they say yeah done. These men every single time just go past me, cut in line, peak their thing, and I'm like, I was standing here. You could have waited, And that's what I think, Like they don't have they don't think twice about it, So why am I thinking twice about it? So those little things, there's those little things. There's a fucking people pleasing things, and that was one of them. But I did feel a bit like an asshole because I doubled down and I could have been considerate and I chose not to be. But I was like, I don't want to be. I don't I don't want to choose to be considered in kind. Today I actually want to be what chingerbow Marte in a prime like spot. I

want to be able to see him. I want to be able to I was literally taking notes and recording the whole thing, like I was invested and I wanted to be there for him, nothing else for him. Like, so I just owned it. But you know what, it's fine. Some days you're assholes, some days you're a great person. Sometime some people have written in about a few other arsehole scenarios, right. 00:11:31 Speaker 1: All right, give it to me. 00:11:33 Speaker 2: They're guilty conscience. 00:11:35 Speaker 1: You know what I've always wanted to be. I've always wanted to be a judge on a talent show. And I feel like this is sort of in that same vein. 00:11:41 Speaker 2: You want to have a power, dynamic power. 00:11:44 Speaker 1: I just want to tell people if they're good or they're shit. 00:11:47 Speaker 2: Well, here you go, there. 00:11:49 Speaker 1: You go, baby, let's go. 00:11:50 Speaker 2: Okay, So, feeling confused. I am a thirty five male met my now wife when I used to be a regular at a karaoke that she waitressed at. I would often take one of my close workmates, who was female, along with me to the bar. I eventually met and became romantically involved with one of the waitresses, and after a year and a half we got engaged. But as soon as we got engaged, my work colleague, who had known for five years prior, decided that now was a good time to tell me that she found me hot and wanted to make a move on me. Please note, I don't believe she'd ever given me any sign of interest before that. I can confidently say that we have never spoken about our friendship as anything more, and this has just felt like it came right out of the blue. I've remained faithful and I married the waitress. She and I are now at nine years married. But I did, however, lose my friend work colleague, as I felt uncomfortable inviting her to the wedding or keeping that friendship alive. Okay, I've come up against this, not this whole scenario, but we've had discussions about this thing called forbidden fruit. 00:13:04 Speaker 1: Yep. 00:13:05 Speaker 2: If someone feels like they are forbidden in a type of way, so like you couldn't hang out with him without your your partner feeling uncomfortable about it, they're forbidden fruit. Okay, so they you don't they? I think there's something there and I feel uncomfortable if my partner had forbidden fruit. Yes, that makes sense. 00:13:29 Speaker 1: Yeah, What I would say is that he's made a decision to marry, like get engaged after a year and a half and now nine years in you know, getting married, Like, is that that's the case? Right? So if he stayed friends with that person over the time of that nine years, yeah, and has consistently been close to them as a colleague and now as a friend, even though that happened in the beginning. Yeah, and he's at a point where he has to decide whether to invite or not invite the friend who confessed that she liked him to the wedding. He's still been building a relationship with her. So it's a little bit confusing because has he nipped in the bud and said, yeah, hey, look we are very platonic, we are friends. There's nothing that's ever going to happen. I'm in love with my wife, you know, my fiance. I think that he's he's like, he's I hope he's not stringing this person along. 00:14:24 Speaker 2: Like that's what I thought as well. 00:14:26 Speaker 1: But I think, like, if it's forbidden fruit, it's been ten years. 00:14:28 Speaker 3: Bro, she she shouldn't have she should have respected the friendship for where where it's at, and you know, just been like, Okay, well he's married now, like but you know what, do you. 00:14:40 Speaker 2: Know what I mean? Like she you know, like you've got to respect that they've got a marriage, they've built a marriage, and there's no point in telling them that you have feelings. Now, yeah, if you not that, like if it's really eating you away and you need to sh or whatever. But like it's I think it's just like a bit a bit wrong to say, like if someone is a marriage, like you just probably would just keep that to yourself. 00:15:06 Speaker 1: But also why would you, like, for instance, he's making a decision nine years after the fact, right, and it's like, so what does he say to his wife? Does he say, Hey, nine years ago, this friend of mine who I've been friends with for the last nine years, told me that she found me hot and she wanted to make a move on me. This was at the really at the beginning enough, no, but at the beginning of our friendship. And now nine years later, even though I've still continue to be colleagues or friends or whatever with her, and now I need to ask the question whether I should invite it to the wedding. If I was the wife, I'd be like, why the fuck didn't you tell me in the beginning, like and then we could have like put her, put her out of our lives, and I wouldn't, And I would have asked you, like, Okay, well, this person likes you, you should probably not be friends with them anymore, because do you think. 00:15:46 Speaker 2: You probably have some sort of feelings about him? 00:15:49 Speaker 1: Not in the beginning, or the wife the husband the husband. I think that not in the beginning, as he says, like he didn't have an inkling. They just hung out as friends. But then I think that maybe it's one of those things that like once you become unavailable, somebody wants you. 00:16:04 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It's like a what if kind of scenario, Like it's like, oh, like what if, like don't leave your nine year marriage for someone that you don't But. 00:16:13 Speaker 1: He's not even leaving his nine years. He's not an asshole. But I actually think that it's gonna cause more harm than good to bring this up to the wife and have this conversation about something that happened nine years ago. If I was him, I would legit invite it to the wedding as a friend if he's nine years in this friendship, it's a long standing friendship, and just forget what happened nine years ago.

I don't think it's disrespectful to the wife because I think that if you've been friends with her for nine years, she's probably got over it. You've probably become really surface level mates, or not service level, but platonic mates, you know. And so it depends on where their relationship stands now, Like, have they ever had another conversation about it, Like it's nine years ago that this happened. Yeah, Like it's a decade nearly, Like you have to have moved past that, And if you haven't moved past it, well then maybe she shouldn't been your life. But if you've moved past it, nothing's ever happened, You've continued with your fiance, there's been no other signs or suggestions that she's into you. You're probably just mates. 00:17:09 Speaker 2: You probably wouldn't she should probably would have just not said anything at all. 00:17:13 Speaker 1: Just well, I just think that if she's your mate after nine years, she should be welcome to your wedding, because it would be fucking weird if she wasn't nine years and the girlfriend. 00:17:23 Speaker 2: Saying I thought you saying I thought you were hot? Saying I thought you were hot and I fancied you? 00:17:29 Speaker 1: Is like, where was it? Was it on a drunken night out at the. 00:17:32 Speaker 2: Carry out rug? What was I doing? Also like, is this a temptation? Am I in a place in my life where I'm like desperate and I'm like I'm just latching onto whatever? 00:17:43 Speaker 1: There's so many Can I just go to the question again? Because he's saying thoughts on friends having feelings for each other for each other? 00:17:50 Speaker 2: Okay, how long it's too long? Express your feelings? 00:17:54 Speaker 1: How long? 00:17:55 Speaker 2: How long is too long? 00:17:57 Speaker 1: I actually find this hard right too. Imagine a scenario where I'm friends with you and then gee's down the track, I have feelings for you. It doesn't work for me. 00:18:07 Speaker 2: Feed the optimate plot twist. 00:18:10 Speaker 1: No, No, not like you in particular. No. But what I'm saying is no in life like I can because some people have friends and then all of a sudden, like there was this gay this gay couple that I know, and I'm like, they were best mates ten years ago. Now they're together. 00:18:27 Speaker 2: That's lesbians for you. 00:18:29 Speaker 1: I could never You're my mate, You're my mate for life. There's no way that I'm jumping a fence of like, oh, I think now I have feelings, Because if I don't have feelings in the beginning, that ain't gonna come. Can you come back from that? Doesn't make it weird? 00:18:39 Speaker 2: Now, well you would give it space. And if it doesn't, it doesn't. If it does, it does okay. And if the wedding's like in a week, awkward. But if it's in a couple of months, you got enough time to get onto the same page with each other and be like, look, yeah, that was a bit of a weird time, wasn't it. 00:18:55 Speaker 1: Yeah, look how about those Remember when you said you loved me? 00:19:00 Speaker 2: But all of my friends fall in love with me? It's kind of fucking weird. 00:19:03 Speaker 3: What. 00:19:04 Speaker 2: Yeah, I've had over the years, I've had a lot of best friends girls. 00:19:08 Speaker 1: And no, I'll tell you something. Then, if they're falling in love with you, it's because they started like that. They didn't grow to fall in love with you. No, I'm telling you now, If you they became friends with you to get to that point, then it's not something that I feel you you know what, maybe that maybe friend, I'm telling you now, it doesn't happen like oh, I'm friends friends friends, friends, and then six months down the track, feelings start to bubble away. No, it doesn't work like that. When you look at someone well, I'll be checking your friends. 00:19:35 Speaker 2: Oh my god, No, I feel like an asshole again. All right, let's go the next one. 00:19:42 Speaker 1: Let's go the ideal first date. Alright. Twenty four year old female recently went on a first date with a girl from Bumble. 00:19:49 Speaker 2: Now. 00:19:49 Speaker 1: I don't think I'm the fanciest person, and I certainly am not rich. But I think it's healthy to have a good standard when it comes to a first date, and I like to be wined and dined. I like to have the time and space to really age in a conversation and get to know that person over a beautiful dinner. I think it shows effort and interest when they take you somewhere nice. However, this girl I don't think thought very much of me because this date ended up being a day date for coffee in between her appointments in the middle of the day. No romance, a time limit in a very busy chain coffee shop. All right, I'm sorry, but am I the asshole for having standards and not wanting to see her again? Thoughts think this perfect first date? 00:20:30 Speaker 2: Do you want to go with your thoughts first, Yeah, I'll go with mine. 00:20:33 Speaker 1: I think if she's not going to give her the time to see her again, I think that it's not about standards. I think that it's about she didn't put out like not in that way. She didn't That sounds terrible. What I mean is that there was no expectation set. So if you had a previous conversation about what this first date in brackets was going to look like, maybe this was just a getting to suss you out vibe, like am I going to you know, the lady who took her on the date was probably thinking, I just want to catch up with her quickly, see if she's my vibe, and see if, like we could potentially have a nice first date. I don't know if your first date is like the pinnacle of what you should be expecting from someone when you don't even know them. So I think it's like you can build to that moment, and I think this is probably a nice way to start. And if she's not going to see her again based on this, I think that this girl is an asshole. I would not want to be in a relationship. 00:21:26 Speaker 2: With her, the one that's putting a time restraint on her coffee meetups

or the other one. 00:21:30 Speaker 1: The other one. 00:21:31 Speaker 2: Wow, yep, Okay. I'm all for having standards, especially women having standards. And I am well aware that a lot of women are much busier, but much busier in society now they've got you know, like, I think a lot of roles have changed. Yeah, and personally, like, I have spent a lot of time on dates and dating people. A lot of money has been spent on dinners, lunches, coffees excep my preference in terms of getting to know one another and knowing the vibe is a coffee in a walk, Yes, and I'll but if I'm on a time restraint and it's not like there is this there has to be enough chat to get to that first date first, obviously, obviously, And I don't think I agree with you. If there's different expectations, it makes it difficult because you're not on the same page. 00:22:25 Speaker 1: Now, why do you expect someone to wine and dine you on the first date They don't even know. 00:22:29 Speaker 2: I hate I'm not gonna lie. I hate a wine and dine on the first day. 00:22:34 Speaker 1: So awkward field to that moment like coffee, catch up have you? And you know what, a time restraint is a pro in a relationship because in a in a first date, because you have to leave at a certain point, there's no pressure to stay for hours and hours and hours. It's like, hey, I have got an hour or two in the day, I'll quickly come and see you get the vibe, build that anticipation for the next moment, which can be more grand, more nice, more of a gesture. 00:22:59 Speaker 2: It's having a time restraint on it in both psych psyches, like to know that you're and got like half an hour, why are you walking into it already being like, oh, this is not what I want otherwise other than being open minded and being like, oh I've got half an hour, let's see the vibe in the fa CeNSE it then we see each other again, you know what I mean? Like you should be if you're dating, and you're actively dating, I think you should be going into every day and every experience trying to be as open and as and not trying to bring your baggage to that first time meeting or that first date. Like I feel like a lot of dates that I've been on they're like, oh, like, yeah, I've been on some horrible dates. I'm like, yeah, we've all been on some horrible dates. 00:23:40 Speaker 1: Kind of I haven't. I Oh, how to go and. 00:23:44 Speaker 2: Fucking walk out of me at a restaurant. 00:23:47 Speaker 1: I remember that. Oh my god, I remember that. 00:23:50 Speaker 2: Oh that was awful. It was so awful. 00:23:53 Speaker 1: I was right because you used the wrong words or something. 00:23:56 Speaker 2: He used a drug church and I called him out for it. And that's a part, that's a value. 00:24:01 Speaker 1: Just get up and leave. Yeah, I would be mortified. 00:24:04 Speaker 2: I just sat there like an absolute idiot. Like I sat there like an absolute idiot, That's what I mean. And I went in that into that whole like relationship type thing. Always

so open. I've always been so open, like to whatever. But that it was a whole nother level of disrespect. And I was like, fuck, we all had horrible dates, guys. But if you're dating, you have to go open into that first meeting and that first experience because you don't know unless if really like and the thing is having a set checklist is so fine. I'm so I can validate women specifically on that, but don't go with the full list on that day. Just see the vibe. And I think a sit down dinner is just way too fucking awkward. It's a waste of money. Wait, I think a sit down dinner is when you feel comfortable that you can eat in front of each other. Like that first day is like, just have a coffee and. 00:24:58 Speaker 1: A walk, just like from this girl is the arshle. She's like, I'm not fancy, I'm not rich, but I love to be wine and dined like girl. 00:25:07 Speaker 2: So how was that other girl meant to know? If she doesn't, you know, like she does want to wine and dining, you're not gonna know. 00:25:14 Speaker 1: But also like the expectation that like she has to want to dine me on the first day. I'm like, you are an asshole. But look, we can all be assholes, and it's okay sometimes to be an asshole. But I would just check your expectations on this one, and I would like a little bit more. 00:25:29 Speaker 2: The biggest killer I. 00:25:30 Speaker 1: Think, but also just be a little bit more open minded. 00:25:33 Speaker 2: Yeah. Agree, that's it. 00:25:36 Speaker 1: Well, that's it. 00:25:37 Speaker 2: Well come back for another episode of am I the asshole? 00:25:41 Speaker 1: So he so let's go through the scenario. So you're the asshole for the. 00:25:45 Speaker 2: First night, I washole. He was she the girl that girl confessed. 00:25:50 Speaker 1: I don't think he's an asshole? 00:25:53 Speaker 2: Agreed? Did to disagree? 00:25:54 Speaker 1: But yes, and this girl's the arsehole and the girl at the end of the arsehole. 00:25:58 Speaker 2: All right, great, Like I want to be in favor of our listeners who have put him in there. But girl, girl, you. 00:26:07 Speaker 1: Should get a coffee with her and explain why. 00:26:09 Speaker 2: I will. I have honestly been giving so much dating advice. 00:26:13 Speaker 1: We'll guess what. I don't want it. Yeah, I'm legit like I've never dated, never, I've only got in relationship me too. Yeah, but you know what the future for me. 00:26:26 Speaker 2: Is, like Maddie, The future is Maddie. 00:26:28 Speaker 1: It's I don't want anyone around me. 00:26:31 Speaker 2: Like, honestly, next week when he's lump again. 00:26:34 Speaker 1: I'm really happy just living my life. 00:26:37 Speaker 2: Well, if you guys like, I don't know what advice I'd given, but I feel like, yeah, we'll come back to it on the next episode of am I the alsehole? 00:26:48 Speaker 1: The asshole? All right? Well, that's all we have time for today. Thanks listening to the first things. First, if you love what you're here, leave us a rating and a review. 00:26:54 Speaker 2: And send us in your ahole. If you want us to cover anything on the pod out via socials, my handles that booked up blood and Maddie's handles that it's Maneymils. 00:27:04 Speaker 1: All right, we'll catch you next week. M