Full Transcript for Starting Over in Midlife: Reinvention, Intuition & Building a Life on Your Own Terms | Fiona Berry

I think that definitely happened for me. 00:05:21.120 --> 00:05:40.160 I think for for many years, um I got I ended my marriage in 2016, so it's it's 10 years this month actually, and I think for a few years after that, I was coasting, I was kind of um you know focusing on growing my career. 00:05:40.240 --> 00:06:14.560 I did have a really successful career, and I I loved what I was doing, working mainly supporting uh children and family work somewhere along that line, and I know when it was, because I think up to the point where I realized something had to change, I was still believing that I would meet somebody else, that I'd have a family, that I'd live the life that society had already taught had always told me to expect from life. 00:06:14.639 --> 00:06:20.079 You know, we're fed this story, aren't we, from from being very little that that's kind of how life goes. 00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:27.759 You meet somebody, you get married, you have a house, you have the children, you have the family, you have the life, you have the uh the career. 00:06:28.079 --> 00:06:34.240 Um, so I think you know, I was still young enough at that point to believe that that would come my way. 00:06:34.480 --> 00:06:43.680 And I think it was when I hit 40, really, um, that had that realization that actually this might not happen for me. 00:06:43.759 --> 00:06:46.399 And what does that look like if it doesn't? 00:06:46.720 --> 00:06:51.439 Um, and I think at that point, that's when the grief hit. 00:06:51.519 --> 00:06:58.079 And I went through the real grieving period for that life that I thought I would have had. 00:06:59.279 --> 00:07:23.120 And after going through that and feeling sorry for myself for a little while, um, and doing the work and you know, having therapy and speaking to people and exploring those emotions and what they meant for me, then I came through the other side and was like, well, if that isn't what my life's gonna look like, what will it look like? 00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:26.160 Because that's the side of the story that we're never told. 00:07:26.399 --> 00:07:32.160 How can life look different if that if you don't get what society tells you you should have? 00:07:32.480 --> 00:07:41.519 Um, and I think I've been teaching yoga at that point for a few years alongside a full-time job and knew how much it brought me. 00:07:41.759 --> 00:07:45.519 And so I started thinking this is actually what I want to do more of. 00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:50.800 But then came the realization that how can I do that financially? 00:07:51.199 --> 00:07:53.839 Um, how can I make that happen? 00:07:54.079 --> 00:08:03.120 So it took me another good few years um to get to the point of this is really happening, I guess. 00:08:04.560 --> 00:08:30.399 In that way as well, it it things just once you without being too sort of universy, but like once you're on a path, if you trust and just keep moving and you keep putting in the work, whatever, that it just keeps unfolding and

it will just keep taking you in the direction, but it really is it's that surrender and the trust that you are in the right path. 00:08:30.560 --> 00:08:32.960 I think I loved what you said. 00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:34.559 What does that look like? 00:08:34.720 --> 00:08:36.159 What does my life look like? 00:08:36.320 --> 00:08:38.639 If it's not that, what is it? 00:08:38.879 --> 00:08:42.720 And I think sometimes we don't ask ourselves these questions enough, do we? 00:08:42.879 --> 00:08:53.200 Like about what it is that we want, where it is that we're going, and we get a bit stuck in old versions of our society or whatever it is that keeps us hung up. 00:08:53.919 --> 00:08:57.919 Yeah, it definitely did that came my way. 00:08:58.240 --> 00:09:03.759 I wanted to build a life that I would be happy with. 00:09:04.720 --> 00:09:08.639 So if those things still came to me at a later date, great. 00:09:08.879 --> 00:09:16.159 But if not, my life was all my life would already be full enough not to miss those things, if that makes sense. 00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:18.879 Um, and I I am a big advocate. 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:30.399 I could harp on about this, and it's actually one of the first times outside of like speaking to my friends and family that that I'm speaking this aloud, really. 00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:48.480 So it feels quite empowering because it is something that I am quite passionate about, especially for women um who believe that if you haven't got these things, then you're less than in a way, or um you know you failed as a woman or something. 00:09:48.799 --> 00:10:00.159 Um, but you can control the narrative of your life and you can change it and do something different, and you don't have to fit inside that box. 00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:06.879 You can live outside of the box, and actually living outside of the box can be really bloody great. 00:10:07.360 --> 00:10:09.200 And I'm I'm I'm loving it. 00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:28.080 It's taken me a long time to get here, but and you know, I still have my moments, but I have built a life for myself that is mine, and I'm doing something that I'm really passionate about that I feel is what I was destined to do. 00:10:28.320 --> 00:10:31.840 You're going back to the you know, getting university and stuff. 00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:34.879 I do believe that this is the path that I was meant to be. 00:10:35.759 --> 00:10:45.679 Um yeah, some way, but I guess also where you are. 00:10:46.799 --> 00:11:09.200 There's also every time that you come to that point, it's like we're constantly upskilling, and what got you to one place doesn't get you to the next, and you keep evolving and new tools and keep changing and keep evolving, and that's what brings you, I think, somehow in that way to that certainty of who am I? 00:11:09.360 --> 00:11:10.240 What do I want? 00:11:10.559 --> 00:11:11.679 Where am I going? 00:11:12.080 --> 00:11:21.120 And it's doing that work and really allowing yourself to keep changing

and earning, like you said, you can do it direct, you are the director. 00:11:21.360 --> 00:11:24.879 People can tell you things, but it doesn't mean that you have to accept it. 00:11:27.519 --> 00:11:29.200 Yeah, absolutely. 00:11:29.519 --> 00:11:36.320 And I think it's that knowing as well that you can keep changing that story as well. 00:11:36.399 --> 00:11:38.960 You don't have to do the same thing constantly. 00:11:39.120 --> 00:11:58.879 Uh, if you'd have asked me even this time last year, would I have been a qualified sauna master whacking people with birch and oak branches in the sauna, I would not have believed you because that's how quickly that that came into my life. 00:11:59.440 --> 00:12:04.320 And I think just being open to possibilities as well that might come your way. 00:12:04.559 --> 00:12:22.399 So not shutting yourself off to things and not being so um single-minded, I suppose, on what you want to achieve, but having some flexibility in that for it to grow and evolve, whatever may come into your path. 00:12:22.799 --> 00:12:29.919 Um, yeah, so I think being flexible with and and being willing to adapt and change as well. 00:12:30.000 --> 00:12:45.840 And I think one thing that um I've thought a lot about because I think what took me so long to actually sell my house was that attachment and being attached to something that stops you then from being able to move. 00:12:46.080 --> 00:13:21.600 So trying to learn, which is quite a hard lesson, that not nothing is permanent and that things change, and that endings can be sad, and letting go of things can be really sad, but it often opens up the door for other things to come your way, and sometimes you have to let go of those things to open other doors, and you might not know what's behind that door, but I can guarantee it's usually going to be an adventure, absolutely, and I I love that it's almost there is that cycle, isn't there? 00:13:21.759 --> 00:13:23.919 Like nothing is permanent, you know. 00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:28.720 Even in like the world that we live in, we have spring, we have summer, we have autumn, we have winter. 00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:33.840 There is a cyclical element to to life in general that that keeps moving. 00:13:34.159 --> 00:13:39.600 And I don't know, I think when you think about it in that way, that nothing changes. 00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:46.240 I just think of dust and stuckness and just excuse me the shivers. 00:13:47.440 --> 00:13:50.000 But yeah, definitely. 00:13:50.559 --> 00:14:00.559 If you um think about it in in that way, what would you say is the one truth that you've come to or a metaphor or anything that sums it up? 00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:36.000 I don't know about a word or a metaphor, but I think it would be something along the lines of that life doesn't always go to plan and that you don't have to live life inside a box that somebody else is kind of um yeah, I know I think I think, and again, you know, one truth that I've learned that I've just mentioned is that um attachment can really hold you back from things. 00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:46.480 So it's about letting go of that attachment and and trusting that in letting go you're inviting something else in toward you. 00:14:46.799 --> 00:15:05.279 And yes, it's about you know it's a cliche, but trusting the path and trusting the universe and waiting for your stars to align and all of that, which I do believe in, but also sometimes you have to make really big decisions to make those changes, and that takes effort on your part. 00:15:05.440 --> 00:15:07.440 You can't just wait for it to come to you. 00:15:07.519 --> 00:15:18.879 You do sometimes have to yeah, change things for yourself and put yourself in those hard situations sometimes. 00:15:19.840 --> 00:15:20.799 Yeah, I love that. 00:15:21.279 --> 00:15:27.279 Hopefully, by making those decisions, you come through the other side with something even greater. 00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:38.639 Yeah, I mean, I definitely I am a firm believer that we don't take great leaps to go backwards in the moment, we always we always move forward. 00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:58.720 Um I think at the time that I decided to put my house on the market, I was still very much at that in-between stage of not knowing what the chuff I was doing. 00:15:59.440 --> 00:16:10.000 Because I think, as I said before, it it wasn't necessarily bravery, it was desperation that that was leading to make some radical changes. 00:16:10.240 --> 00:16:20.639 And yes, there was an element of trust involved in that, but at the same time, I didn't know what that was going to look like, and so it was really scary, really like that. 00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:32.879 There was also and uh uh what's the word, kind of anticipation, yeah, of what might come and and the possibilities. 00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:47.120 So as I said before, I think um, you know, the the biggest thing for me to grow my yoga business and do more in the well-being world with the financial constraints that I had. 00:16:47.200 --> 00:16:54.080 Um so by putting the house on the market, that would free up some finances for me to do that. 00:16:54.240 --> 00:16:58.960 But at that stage, I decided that I was going to live on a narrow boat to do that. 00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:13.440 Um and that that was my ultimate solution because my outgoings would be so much less that I would be able to afford to um, you know, do more with my yoga. 00:17:13.519 --> 00:17:19.839 Um, and I romanticized the idea, and I think I convinced myself that that was the answer. 00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:25.039 Uh, and it wasn't until my house was actually sold and I'd sold all my belongings. 00:17:25.440 --> 00:17:32.720 Um, I sadly lost my dog as well during that time, which is one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever gone through. 00:17:33.039 --> 00:17:46.400 But on reflection, I mean, she was nearly 18, and on reflection, I think she knew that our time together was coming to a close, and she

freed me up for this next stage of my life. 00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:48.480 Um, because then what happened? 00:17:48.640 --> 00:17:59.279 Because I didn't have her to think about, I decided um, sold the house, sold most of my belongings, made myself homeless, decided to go traveling for a little while. 00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:10.880 And it was while I was staying at my friend's clumping site um in the Howgirl Fells, Howgirls Hideaway, that I had this epiphany. 00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:16.000 And this is where that trust in the universe part comes in and the stars are lining. 00:18:16.079 --> 00:18:22.880 Because until this point, I was still kind of just fumbling in the dark, waiting for a sign, waiting for something to happen. 00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:25.279 Um, and this was it. 00:18:25.680 --> 00:18:33.279 And decided that I could buy a yurt to put on the lamp, and that's when the yurt was born. 00:18:33.599 --> 00:18:38.960 So until that point, yeah, that's the stars aligning. 00:18:39.200 --> 00:18:51.359 That's the message from the universe to do this, and the the rest has all just kind of fallen into place, and that's when you kind of know that you're on the right path. 00:18:51.599 --> 00:19:09.200 Don't get me wrong, there's been moments where it has been hard, and um, there's definitely been some tears and doubt and frustration along the way, but ultimately I think what I've had is that gut feeling, that gut knowing that this is what I'm meant to be doing. 00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:17.519 And even though there's times where it's hard, just keep going with it because it is going to work out. 00:19:18.799 --> 00:19:22.400 Absolutely saying, like, how do you how do you tap into that? 00:19:23.200 --> 00:19:25.680 Oh gosh, big question. 00:19:26.160 --> 00:19:43.200 Um I guess it's like we were saying before, that there's an element of going with the gut and trusting that things are just going to unfold, but also doing the work that goes with it. 00:19:43.359 --> 00:19:57.359 So I'm not just sat here waiting for my business to grow, waiting for people to find me, um, waiting for the the income to come in, which ultimately at the end of the day is is what I need to happen. 00:19:57.599 --> 00:20:04.240 Um, but you know, I am I'm working bloody hard to make this dream. 00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:18.160 Um I have to still work through it and work with what's put in front of me and work with the disappointments as well. 00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:25.759 And I think it's when those disappointments happen that you still have to tap into that gut feeling. 00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:49.440 And I do a lot of meditation, so you know, I sit with that feeling, I sit with um questioning myself about various things and noticing how that feels in my body, uh, noticing what feels right, what maybe feels off, and then questioning why does it feel off, make it feel better and to work better for me. 00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:58.160 Um yeah, and obviously I do a lot of writing as well, such tree, which helps me explore how I'm feeling about things. 00:20:58.480 --> 00:21:09.440 Um yeah, going off on a bit of a tangent now, but that's you know, there might be there might be people um listening thinking, gut instincts, what the hell are you talking about? 00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:12.079 You know, I know I've got no idea what this gut is. 00:21:12.160 --> 00:21:17.920 So it's it's interesting to what that means to you and how it is that you that you tap into it. 00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:20.720 So that's really um interesting. 00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:24.319 So I think it it really is a bodily feeling. 00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:54.720 So in yoga we teach about the chakras and the solar plexus chakra, which is in your abdomen area, is is linked with that gut feeling, it's the fire in your belly, it's presented by uh the fire element passion and drive and motivation, and uh it's a very masculine energy, and so when you feel it, and you know it's where the saying that fire in your belly comes from, which is linked to that gut instinct. 00:21:54.880 --> 00:21:59.759 And so when you feel it, you for those people that aren't sure what it feels like. 00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:42.960 Like it's about becoming more intuitive with your body and understanding how your body feels in certain situations, and you know, when you're anxious, you get that that feeling in your chest, that tightness in your chest, and um sick as well, and so that's the feeling in your stomach, and and so it's really bit paying attention and tuning in to what feels right in your body, and I guess one of the easiest ways, maybe, which especially as a woman, we might not always like to think about, but if something feels off, if we ever feel unsafe, it's that feeling that you get as well in your body, and so it's the opposite of that when you know that it's something, right? 00:22:43.039 --> 00:22:53.359 You get all those kind of um cliches and phrases that we say that do come, they you know, they're not just plucked out of thin air. 00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:56.160 Nobody just made up that you get butterflies in your tummy. 00:22:56.319 --> 00:23:03.279 It's linked to that actual physical feeling that you get in your belly when you're excited or nervous about something. 00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:07.759 You're so and you're absolutely nodding along like, yep, yep, yep. 00:23:07.920 --> 00:23:18.160 I see this all the time, and I feel like a lot of where a lot of where we are in society as a general now is very disconnected. 00:23:18.319 --> 00:23:22.880 We're very we're dry driven by the mind focus, we're so switched on, on, on. 00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:25.920 And we lose that mind-body art connection. 00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:31.920 And so it's it is quite hard sometimes for people to be able to sit where do you feel that in your body? 00:23:32.000 --> 00:23:45.039 I find that a lot of my work is really embodied, and like for people to be able to connect, and are in the body, quite hard

sometimes for people uh when they're new to new to this type of work, right? 00:23:45.200 --> 00:23:59.200 And it's again then finding is there a colour, is there a word, is there a name that achieves something that sort of starts that ball rolling in a in a way that's really reconnecting you to you? 00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:14.400 Because I mean, as you just said, we are like huge pools of wisdom that's just waiting to scream out if we will slow down to to let our own wisdom come to the fore. 00:24:14.640 --> 00:24:16.799 We we're we're we're just there. 00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:19.759 We we're so we're so quick and busy. 00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:37.279 And I can you just said like meditation, journaling, poetry, writing, um, or whatever your creativity is, if it's dance, being outside, whatever it is, it's connecting to that and starting to the things that are showing up in your in your body, right? 00:24:38.319 --> 00:24:41.279 Yeah, yeah, definitely. 00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:48.880 And it's definitely what I've a lot during my um retreats and through the bodywork that I provide as well. 00:24:49.119 --> 00:24:56.960 So uh through my Ayurvedic yoga massage, it's it's very different to your usual massage, which tends to be hands-on. 00:24:57.680 --> 00:25:15.839 This is very much about um assisted yoga stretches as well, and people feeling deeper into their bodies and and feeling things that they can't necessarily feel just by stretching by themselves, it's going deeper into it and and and knowing that there's more going on in their bodies. 00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:32.640 Um, and you know, through through my retreats and through the yoga, it's very much about stepping out of that busyness of the mind and reconnecting with how your body's feeling and moving through your body, what energy can you feel moving through your body? 00:25:32.799 --> 00:26:00.640 Um, and alongside that, through my poetry that I write, which um I write a lot of meditation like poetry meditations, to give people things to reflect on during that, which encourages them to reflect on what's going on in their own life and notice while they're reflecting on that what's going on for them, what's coming up for them, where do they feel it in the and all of that kind of um reconnection. 00:26:01.119 --> 00:26:11.599 So, yeah, it's what I'm very passionate about because on a day-to-day basis, we're not doing that, we're not getting that opportunity, and we're constantly living in fight or flight mode. 00:26:11.680 --> 00:26:30.240 So to be able to actually step back, even if just for half a day or a day, able to have that time to just pause and notice things hopefully will come up for them as well, that they can take away with so that it is more. 00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:54.160 Like, what does that look like? 00:26:54.400 --> 00:26:56.240 How does that feel for me? 00:26:56.559 --> 00:27:20.960 And asking ourselves constantly these types of questions, it starts to challenge narratives that come up all of the time for for all of us, and it starts to when we can start challenging them and step back from them and see a lot of these are not, you know, they're not correct, like they're just made up shit that's been stored in our filing cabinet for yeah, exactly, yeah. 00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:29.599 And it's really hard to to change that voice in your head as well when we've been so used to it for so long. 00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:33.039 So definitely that you've been doing. 00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:56.480 And on that note, then how do you um how do you continue to live that every day when like you were saying, like things maybe feel impossible, like you know, we're growing the starting a business, growing it, um feeling desperate, and I love just like jumping out of that box and crushing it. 00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:04.400 I think it's a few different things. 00:28:04.720 --> 00:28:08.319 One is that I've been given this opportunity, I've got this opportunity. 00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:15.119 This is happening for a reason, and I've got to keep going at it because I've got this far. 00:28:15.599 --> 00:28:22.079 Um, I have to keep plugging away at it and reminding myself that it is still very much early days. 00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:25.680 It's only six months since I've been officially self-employed. 00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:28.319 Um what else? 00:28:28.559 --> 00:28:44.079 Um, I think on those the hard days, the disappointments which you're gonna get in the early days of business, you know, having to cancel events, not get feeling like nobody knows you there, and all those kind of things. 00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:47.599 I allow myself to be sad by it. 00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:59.359 I like I allow myself to feel that kind of upset and maybe a bit pissed off as well that you know I'm doing all this work and I'm still not seeing the people come through the door, kind of thing. 00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:03.680 Um, but then getting back to it, doing the work. 00:29:03.759 --> 00:29:05.039 What do I need to do next? 00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:07.200 How do I reach more people? 00:29:07.599 --> 00:29:13.119 Um so yeah, not just sitting back and waiting for them to come to me. 00:29:13.440 --> 00:29:41.759 Um I think other things that I'm doing that is really helping is going to networking events, surrounding myself with other women in business who have been there, who understand, who know, who've got nuggets of wisdom that can help, who can pick me up when I'm feeling a bit shit, um, encourage me to keep trying again, um, putting me in contact with people that might be able to help, all that kind of thing. 00:29:42.000 --> 00:29:49.759 And I think as well, alongside that is just knowing that I don't want to go back to that life that I was living. 00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:55.359 I I can't go back to that life that I was living because and I don't want to be there again. 00:29:55.440 --> 00:30:18.640 You know, I've created this life for myself, but now I've got so

much balance and I'm doing what really feels aligned with my soul and what I've been brought here to do, and reminding myself that every time I'm at the yurt doing an event, surrounded by mainly women. 00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:38.400 I I'm not women exclusive, I am open to men joining as well, but it is mainly women that come to my um events, but knowing that I'm making a difference to them as well, getting from the people that are coming, is just so soul-affirming. 00:30:38.559 --> 00:30:43.759 It's so just that's a minder of this is why I'm doing it. 00:30:43.839 --> 00:30:48.240 Because, as I said before, yes, it's about getting bombs on C. 00:30:48.559 --> 00:30:52.160 Yes, it's about uh uh making an income from this. 00:30:52.240 --> 00:31:13.119 I you know, I took redundancy as my soul and saying I do need to make money, but more than anything, I love being able to dull some sense of peace, some sense of coming back to themselves. 00:31:13.279 --> 00:31:34.240 Like I said before, if only for that into their daily lives, that helps them cope a little bit better, even if just for a short period, then I've done something because I've been that person in that situation, needing that support, needing that kind of time out, needing somebody to guide me through that because we're so busy we don't know how to do it for ourselves. 00:31:34.480 --> 00:31:52.240 So having that person to just take the time with you, to be quiet with you, to guide you through some thoughtful processes to guide you back into your body, then that is what I absolutely love doing. 00:31:52.480 --> 00:32:11.039 And on hard days, that is what always yeah, I love that, and you can see like you're so energized and so passionate about I want to go back to something that you um around you allow yourself to because I think this is really, really critical that I'll do this. 00:32:11.200 --> 00:32:27.039 You allow yourself to feel sad, but then you get back on it, and I think there's a really clear distinction there, isn't there, between allowing yourself that space, not collapsing into it, and then moving away. 00:32:29.759 --> 00:32:48.880 Um I think it probably does take a bit of practice because again, as a society, we're told just to put a plaster on it and get on with it, and we haven't been very good at wearing our emotions. 00:32:49.119 --> 00:33:00.000 I think we are getting as a society, you know, a society, we are getting better at sharing how we're feeling and accepting how we're feeling and sitting with how we're feeling. 00:33:00.319 --> 00:33:24.799 But I think as somebody who works in this arena with yoga, with mindfulness, with meditation, with body work, and having practiced myself in those modalities well since I started practicing yoga personally, um that teaches you to sit with your emotions and not suppress them. 00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:58.799 And I think a lot of the um modalities that I've tried do open something up within you, they open emotions, they release emotions, and been surrounded by facilitators that help you with those emotions and not um, but also I think um for a couple of years I worked as a uh the head of bereavement care for Alder Hay Children's Hospital, which was obviously a very intense job, very emotive job. 00:33:59.519 --> 00:34:14.559 And there's a danger working in that line of work on the barrier up and not allowing yourself to feel the devastating stories that you hear. 00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:24.639 Um being with families at their absolute worst time, you do have to have a level of detachment. 00:34:25.599 --> 00:34:48.559 But through that work, um, I had to have regular supervision, I had to have regular support from somebody who I was able to offload to and share my emotions with and share my feelings, and I think that really taught me to not lose touch of how I was really feeling and not to be ashamed to say how I was feeling. 00:34:48.719 --> 00:35:14.800 And yes, there's a certain level of detachment that you sometimes need in a job, and those feelings are human, and so I think from that as well, I have learned to really be in tune and allow myself to recognise how I'm feeling, and if that is that I feel shit, but just go with it to do for as long as I need to. 00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:18.159 That space is is huge, isn't it? 00:35:18.320 --> 00:35:28.079 But and I think also, and especially in that type of that type of work, I mean, must be so harrowing and hard to to hear. 00:35:28.320 --> 00:35:30.480 There's also sometimes a comparison point. 00:35:30.559 --> 00:35:46.960 I see this with people who work in NGOs in charity industries and things like this, where they start to downplay their own trauma, their own um sadness, their own things, because well, what have I got to complain about what they're going through? 00:35:47.199 --> 00:35:52.719 So I don't have I I've got no to, you know, like my life's great, I've got a job, I've got da-da-da-da. 00:35:53.199 --> 00:36:12.719 And we start to compare in that way, and actually our sadness is our sadness, and we we are allowed to own it, whether it is sadness, anger, whatever that emotion is that we are allowed to feel, yeah, yeah, definitely. 00:36:13.039 --> 00:36:47.360 And um again, I think it was that job that I did experience a level of that because I I do um experience anxiety, and um even though I absolutely really loved that job, and I was really good at it as well, and I knew I knew what I could do for that service to make it even better, but it was NHS and it was very difficult working in the NHS, it was through COVID as well. 00:36:47.599 --> 00:37:06.159 Um, so I was coming up against barriers with um the politics of the NHS, if you like, the funding of the NHS, and so I found it really difficult, and so it was making me ill at the time. 00:37:06.719 --> 00:37:17.599 And you know, I did go through that whole how can I be feeling like this when all these families that I work with have gone through something so

much worse. 00:37:17.840 --> 00:38:00.960 But I did, I I had to learn to honour how I was feeling, and if anything, I think in in a way, it kind of led me to drive myself further forward towards the work that I'm doing now because when you're working with death, it does force you to look at your own mortality and realize that anything could happen at any time, and so, in a way, I think for me, I wanted to take the opportunities or make opportunities for myself that those children were never gonna get. 00:38:01.360 --> 00:38:16.079 And so, in a way, it did become a driver, and I did decide to leave that job in the end because even though I loved it, it was a difficult environment to work in, not because it was death, but because of the difficulties in the NHS. 00:38:16.480 --> 00:38:24.239 Um, and so I did leave, and that was my first stepping stone to then creating this new life that I wanted. 00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:30.079 Um I love the going off on ones, it's my life. 00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:44.079 Um something you did say though that I ooh, interesting were with anxiety, and yet you still um pushed yourself, got out of that box, gave it a good stamp. 00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:47.760 Was that a difficult path to to go down? 00:38:50.960 --> 00:39:04.400 Yeah, I think it's because of the anxiety, probably that it it pushed me towards living a different life. 00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:14.880 Because in the nine to five, you know, the daily grind, I don't think I was made for that kind of life at all. 00:39:15.280 --> 00:39:56.239 And again, through practicing yoga myself, through going to lots of different kinds of therapies, treatments, all kinds of, you know, I've tried everything, Reiki, acupuncture, I've tried it all um in a in an attempt to make myself feel better, instead of just learning how to manage it myself and and knowing deep down that what I really needed to do was live my life on my own terms and create a life for myself that supported these kind of isms that I have, including anxiety. 00:39:56.480 --> 00:40:30.159 And I think, you know, the last couple of years um and hitting peramenopause as well, and the realization that um but I think there is a lot more going on under the surface for me, um that I have struggled with for many, many years, um and realizing now that actually it probably is um ADHD, um which is now menopause symptoms. 00:40:30.400 --> 00:41:11.760 And so I think you know, as difficult and as challenging I find some of those um isms as I call them that I have, um in a way I think I have to hold them responsible for putting me where I am stay doing what I was doing, and so I have had to pluck myself out of that box to do something different, basically, and through yoga and come on. 00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:13.440 Oh sorry, cut into it. 00:41:13.679 --> 00:41:30.159 Um I guess does it go back to almost as well, like that the desperation, the the anxiety, and the tipping point that actually it all sort of combusts in a way that this is not manageable and something has to give, something has to change. 00:41:30.480 --> 00:41:32.400 Yes, definitely. 00:41:32.719 --> 00:41:43.039 And I think you know, a joke that my mum thinks I'm having a midlife crisis, but I call it a midlife awakening, and that is absolutely what it is for me. 00:41:43.199 --> 00:41:51.360 It's this this time that and I think you know, we've often labeled people as having a midlife crisis, but why does it have to be labelled a crisis? 00:41:51.519 --> 00:41:58.159 Why can't it just be a midlife change, a midlife uh rebirth, a midlife awakening? 00:41:58.400 --> 00:42:05.280 Because it comes to a point where you can't keep going with the the things that you've been doing. 00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:15.280 I know that in a way I'm I'm in a different situation to many women because I don't have children, I'm not married, I don't have other people to consider in this as such. 00:42:15.440 --> 00:42:17.840 Um, I do just have myself to think about. 00:42:18.000 --> 00:42:24.719 So, you know, maybe it probably does because I don't have to consider anybody else. 00:42:24.960 --> 00:42:31.280 But um, yeah, again, I've I've lost my train of thought because I'm going off at one. 00:42:31.679 --> 00:42:53.599 It's interesting to to hear that, like the differences between having um, you know, like that anxiety, that desperation of like this cannot, this cannot uh where we are in society, um tells us that there's nothing in connecting back to ourselves. 00:42:53.920 --> 00:42:57.599 Actually, we need to be, you know, I was the same. 00:42:57.760 --> 00:43:07.920 I'd done everything, reading books and so many different um modalities, trying so many different types of philosophies and whatnot, therapy, coaching. 00:43:08.159 --> 00:43:09.360 Oh god, the works. 00:43:09.519 --> 00:43:17.519 And actually, exactly as you said, for me, it was really that that slowing down and reconnecting back to myself. 00:43:17.679 --> 00:43:35.840 And for me, it also came through yoga and meditation initial initially, but I think society tells us social media tell well, not even society, social media tells us we're not perfect, there's not something there, something isn't quite you know, square on. 00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:41.920 You're a little bit askew, you're not falling, you know, you're in that box, you're not in the box, you're an out of size box. 00:43:42.400 --> 00:43:44.320 And it doesn't like it. 00:43:44.400 --> 00:43:52.880 So when we do things that are a little bit different, it makes other people also question things that are going on in in their life. 00:43:53.039 --> 00:43:58.960 Like if you if you went to a party and said, Oh, I'm not drinking, what do you mean you're not drinking? 00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:02.800 What's what's what's Wrong and or what's what's happening? 00:44:02.960 --> 00:44:03.519 Are you sick? 00:44:03.679 --> 00:44:04.400 Are you pregnant? 00:44:04.559 --> 00:44:05.280 Are you whatever? 00:44:05.360

--> 00:44:12.480 And it will be like I you would maybe, I mean, I wear two, people would ask those questions. 00:44:12.880 --> 00:44:14.159 Question, yeah. 00:44:16.159 --> 00:44:19.519 It's just doing things that are outside of that that norm, isn't it? 00:44:19.679 --> 00:44:24.800 We don't like as a general, we don't like change, but it just keeps us so stuck. 00:44:26.159 --> 00:44:26.480 Yeah. 00:44:26.719 --> 00:44:31.280 And we don't like anything that's different either, because it it doesn't do. 00:44:31.599 --> 00:44:34.400 Um, and so people do question it. 00:44:35.039 --> 00:44:43.039 Um, but as as hopefully come through while we've been chatting, I am a big advocate for living your life differently. 00:44:43.360 --> 00:45:10.159 And you know, sticking a finger up at society and saying, no, I'm not, I'm not gonna take what you've fed me because the lies like the you don't have to do what you're telling me, you don't have to live the conventional life, and there's actually a lot of magic that can be found in stepping away from that. 00:45:10.480 --> 00:45:24.239 And I wouldn't have been to half the places that I've been to or met half the people that I've met and the friendships that I've built and the experiences that I've had if I hadn't have done things a bit differently. 00:45:24.480 --> 00:45:27.199 Yeah, and I'll forever be grateful for that. 00:45:28.880 --> 00:45:38.480 Just being open to those opportunities that come up and think recognize there is a way to do there is a way to do different, and that's that's okay. 00:45:38.639 --> 00:45:41.119 It should be there's celebration. 00:45:41.920 --> 00:45:54.000 I mean, I think I'd be before I met Simon, um, I just turned literally a week after my 40th, and um I was not looking to really um that's not true. 00:45:54.159 --> 00:46:02.239 I was looking to meet somebody, but I didn't need to, and I think that was the difference where I'd been earlier in my life. 00:46:02.480 --> 00:46:10.000 It was like that need, desperation, like I wanted to, I had to, and actually I filled my life with me. 00:46:10.480 --> 00:46:20.239 And when I yeah, the cheesy, when I fell in love with me, um actually changing it opened up into something different. 00:46:20.400 --> 00:46:27.840 That when when he came along, yeah, it was like, oh, okay, let's go. 00:46:28.239 --> 00:46:30.159 Yeah, yeah. 00:46:30.480 --> 00:46:32.639 And you know, there's that old saying, isn't there? 00:46:32.719 --> 00:46:36.000 It's a cliche, but you have to love yourself before anybody else will love you. 00:46:36.559 --> 00:46:39.599 And I think that's where a lot of us are still going wrong. 00:46:39.760 --> 00:46:46.559 And I've just got to the point where I decided that I I'm gonna build a life for me. 00:46:46.960 --> 00:47:00.159 And if at some point somebody comes into that life, then they will compliment it, but they're not gonna fill a hole that's not there because my life is so full with other things that I don't need it in my life. 00:47:00.400 --> 00:47:04.480 I am happy and content, you know. 00:47:04.639 --> 00:47:43.679 I've only been living here in Kendall, it's a year next month, and I've just I've just met so many amazing people, and I can spend my time going on hiking groups with women, going wild swimming, and I just I it's really hard to explain, but I just I love the life that I'm building for myself, and yeah, maybe I'd like to meet somebody at some point, but that isn't missing from my life because I've filled it with so many other things that I love doing that I'm so fulfilled anyway. 00:47:43.840 --> 00:47:47.519 And I think that's what we all need to be striving for. 00:47:47.840 --> 00:47:49.039 Yeah, absolutely 100%. 00:47:49.360 --> 00:47:51.840 And I think that's actually the purpose, isn't it? 00:47:51.920 --> 00:48:04.960 It's like feeling having that sense of fulfillment in your life, that sense of direction, what you want that if if anybody, if somebody was to come into it, actually that's a brilliant word. 00:48:05.119 --> 00:48:08.480 It complements, it's not a need, it's not a necessity. 00:48:08.719 --> 00:48:10.800 It's a ah, okay. 00:48:11.039 --> 00:48:21.920 What are you what what is gonna evolve into something but you're already filled, you're already whole that it's um yeah, something different, isn't it? 00:48:22.320 --> 00:48:27.199 Okay, so in fact, I think I've probably filled it so much I don't don't have time. 00:48:30.400 --> 00:48:32.400 Yeah, like sorry, no, no. 00:48:34.400 --> 00:48:41.760 So how does it feel today um to know that your life has changed, Shelley? 00:48:42.079 --> 00:48:44.880 And how do you celebrate yourself for it? 00:48:47.440 --> 00:48:52.320 Oh gosh, it's like I said at the beginning, I get really emotional when I think about it. 00:48:52.639 --> 00:49:11.440 And it is making sure that I stop and feel proud of myself and keep reminding myself of the achievements that I've made and not feeling guilty or embarrassed for feeling proud of myself because again, as a society, we don't blow our own trumpets enough. 00:49:11.519 --> 00:49:13.280 We're taught to be modest, aren't we? 00:49:13.440 --> 00:49:16.960 And you know, don't boast, don't show off and all of that jazz. 00:49:17.119 --> 00:49:21.920 Um, but I am pretty proud of myself for what I've built and what I've achieved. 00:49:23.360 --> 00:49:24.400 Proud of you, Fiona. 00:49:25.039 --> 00:49:45.360 Um and again, it's that knowing and trusting that I'm in the right place, I'm doing the right thing, and I'm building something that is creating a space for people to come to that they're getting something out of. 00:49:45.679 --> 00:49:58.559 And that's really important to me that this this is a space for other people to come and feel some of the benefits that I've felt over the years. 00:49:58.960 --> 00:50:01.360 But I guess how do I celebrate myself? 00:50:04.719 --> 00:50:06.000 It's hard, isn't it? 00:50:06.079 --> 00:50:09.519 I

mean, I give myself a glass of red wine every now and then. 00:50:10.960 --> 00:50:14.639 I mean, that's it for me, that's also that's a good um celebration. 00:50:15.519 --> 00:50:19.679 How you celebrate yourself um in that in that way. 00:50:20.639 --> 00:50:29.920 And within that, then do you think is that what you wouldn't have be more celebration, more joy of self? 00:50:30.800 --> 00:50:34.000 Yeah, for myself, yeah, I think so. 00:50:34.159 --> 00:50:47.519 I guess one of the ways I celebrate myself or reward myself, maybe, is allowing myself time to go off and do things, like especially midweek, which in the nine to five I would never have been able to do. 00:50:47.760 --> 00:51:06.960 So being able to go and meet somebody for a coffee on a Monday morning or going for a hike on a Friday, uh I allow myself to make time in my calendar to do that, and that's like my little reward um to to celebrate the achievement. 00:51:08.400 --> 00:51:08.800 Go on. 00:51:09.039 --> 00:51:16.079 I know, go on, carry on, um as you know, social media can be. 00:51:16.239 --> 00:51:32.239 I think one thing that I am trying to do on um my social feed at the moment is share a little bit more of myself and not just constantly be selling and posting about my events, but allowing people to get to know me. 00:51:32.400 --> 00:51:57.679 And so, as part of doing that, I am having to share my journey and how far I've come, and also reflecting on the highs and the lows of running a business and being honest about that and people, um yeah, so that's yeah, that's one way that I'm using social media to be a bit more positive. 00:51:58.480 --> 00:52:05.599 Yeah, and I don't know. 00:52:06.239 --> 00:52:10.159 I mean, it would have felt impossible to own a yurt. 00:52:11.199 --> 00:52:23.679 I never thought that you know, when when I was looking at um doing more of my yoga, it was always with a view to hiring a space, renting places. 00:52:24.079 --> 00:52:28.960 Um I never thought I would have had somewhere to call my own. 00:52:29.199 --> 00:53:07.760 Um and now the yeart is you know, the yurt is my baby, the yard and joy, it's where I put my love, it's what I nurture, and um yeah, uh a while ago that would have felt impossible because I didn't even know how to free up my time and uh financially how to even cut down my hours more of my yoga in a so now um and finally, finally, um what would the um what would the th to Fiona to do? 00:53:11.599 --> 00:53:14.400 Well bloody done for ending that marriage. 00:53:14.960 --> 00:53:20.079 Well bloody done for listening. 00:53:20.320 --> 00:54:06.480 That it's that gut again, listening to that gut and knowing that I couldn't stay in that situation and not allowing the fear to stop me because even though I didn't know what would come for me next, and I think that Fiona back then made the right decision, and she put me directly on the path very quietly to where I am now because it was during that that I started yoga, and thank you to that Fiona for starting to go to that yoga class because that is what really has led me here now. 00:54:08.000 --> 00:54:10.159 Oh, maybe you're giving me goosebumps, Fiona. 00:54:10.400 --> 00:54:11.280 I love that. 00:54:12.800 --> 00:54:16.000 Thank you so so so much for all of those. 00:54:16.159 --> 00:54:26.320 I was furiously like rights of great things that I imagine people listening will also um hear and be hoovering up. 00:54:26.400 --> 00:54:38.400 Um I am I love hearing women's gentlemen where you've I love it kept coming back and back, getting out of the box, get out of the box, um, and find out of that box, out of that box. 00:54:38.559 --> 00:54:43.039 I think that is the that's the dance around the outside of the box. 00:54:44.159 --> 00:54:45.360 I love it. 00:54:45.599 --> 00:54:51.519 So I bloody love this chapter Fiona. 00:54:51.760 --> 00:55:01.280 I was so struck by her honesty and openness, the way that she spoke about rebuilding her life without trying to wrap it all up into some perfect inspirational story. 00:55:01.440 --> 00:55:05.119 There was one thing that kept coming back throughout the whole conversation, right? 00:55:05.360 --> 00:55:06.320 You know where I'm going. 00:55:06.559 --> 00:55:09.199 Get out of the box! It's so true. 00:55:09.519 --> 00:55:10.800 Get out of that box. 00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:14.000 The stories, the expectations, the identities. 00:55:14.239 --> 00:55:20.480 There's all versions of ourselves that we keep trying to force ourselves back into because they're familiar. 00:55:20.800 --> 00:55:25.599 And at one point, Fiona said, nothing is permanent and things change. 00:55:25.840 --> 00:55:41.679 And yeah, for me, that's where so much of our suffering sits clinging, trying to control, trying to force life to stay the same when something in us is already moving and it knows that it's time to move. 00:55:42.320 --> 00:55:46.159 This conversation was that it wasn't really about helping everything out. 00:55:46.880 --> 00:55:55.679 It's just feeling listening to hair and whisper. 00:56:23.599 --> 00:56:28.639 We are waiting for a different life while taking absolutely nothing. 00:56:32.079 --> 00:56:41.199 Fiona described, I think, sorry Fiona's mum, it wasn't a midlife crisis, it was a midlife awakening, and I love it. 00:56:41.280 --> 00:56:43.039 And I'm claiming that as well, Fiona. 00:56:43.280 --> 00:56:45.599 So thanks so much for joining us.