Full Transcript for 091 the 7 signs you're actually healing your nervous system

really starts with noticing them again and observing them and interacting with them without judgment, without needing to immediately change it. 00:05:27.199 --> 00:05:30.879 And I'll actually share something interesting as well. 00:05:30.959 --> 00:05:35.439 I've been working with a client, actually, the same client I was having this conversation with. 00:05:35.600 --> 00:05:44.399 Um, and she is a really gifted healer, and she is such a beautiful spaceholder, beautiful person. 00:05:44.879 --> 00:05:49.199 Um, and yet there's a few patterns that still come up in her life. 00:05:49.360 --> 00:06:15.360 Like she has made such incredible progress, but one of the things that she does struggle with is some health um anxiety, and one of the things that we were working on was around being able to tolerate sensations in the body and being able to tolerate them and not necessarily attach a narrative or a story to them. 00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:26.560 And this can happen when you are someone who's very self-aware, when you're really self-aware and you are great at the mindset work, even great at shadow work. 00:06:26.720 --> 00:06:30.480 You're great at looking at, okay, where does this come from? 00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:32.399 Why am I feeling this? 00:06:32.639 --> 00:06:34.560 Why, why, why? 00:06:34.720 --> 00:06:47.040 You jump to the why, and this makes you likely an incredible coach, maybe even an incredible doctor, an incredible vet, an incredible lawyer, incredible professional. 00:06:47.279 --> 00:07:01.040 Like, makes you really skilled at your job because you're already looking for the why and the explanation, but you aren't spending any time in the what, any time in the sensation. 00:07:01.519 --> 00:07:07.839 And this is actually how I often start my yoga classes when I teach trauma-informed yoga. 00:07:08.079 --> 00:07:16.879 We often start with a body scan, and it's around this idea of can you just allow yourself to notice any sensations? 00:07:17.759 --> 00:07:21.279 Can you notice the urge to explain it? 00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:27.759 So, like for a tangible example of this would be, you know, you notice a twinge in your knee. 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:34.639 And this is someone like I'm obviously a vet, so I have medical knowledge and anatomy knowledge. 00:07:34.800 --> 00:07:39.680 So I have a tendency to be like, oh, I have a sore knee. 00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:56.000 And immediately I've also had surgery on my knee in the past, and I go, Oh, that's my medial meniscus because I've got only 50% of my medial meniscus there, so I must have put an abnormal force through that or overextended it in the gym yesterday. 00:07:56.240 --> 00:08:05.839 Like you can see how I've just already explained my symptom or sensation, should I say, and made it into a symptom of something. 00:08:06.319 --> 00:08:09.600 Now, apologies if you can hear some shuffling around. 00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:14.639 I've got both the cats on my knees right now, so let's just do a

little adjust and you just get this. 00:08:14.720 --> 00:08:16.079 It's got a creaky chair too. 00:08:16.240 --> 00:08:19.519 So anyway, you can deal with the creaks. 00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:20.720 I'm not editing this one. 00:08:20.959 --> 00:08:22.240 So, yes. 00:08:22.560 --> 00:08:25.920 So immediately a sensation becomes a symptom. 00:08:26.240 --> 00:08:31.279 And the problem with that is again, like a beautiful skill that you've got there. 00:08:31.519 --> 00:08:32.240 Beautiful skill. 00:08:32.399 --> 00:08:34.399 Love that for you that you can explain that. 00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:36.000 Love that for me too. 00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:43.759 And this is the curse of the highly self-aware or too self-aware practitioner or person, is that there's no time in the what. 00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:50.480 It's like, can you just be with the sensation with a sense of curiosity and noticing? 00:08:51.120 --> 00:09:09.200 And the reason this is important is because it is, yes, it is providing you with some information, but noticing those signals is that first step to developing that intersection, that sense of truly belonging in your body. 00:09:09.440 --> 00:09:15.279 Because so many of us are like have lived in a state of chronic dissociation. 00:09:15.519 --> 00:09:20.159 Like there is very little signal coming from the body to the mind. 00:09:20.480 --> 00:09:24.240 And this might manifest as not knowing when you're full. 00:09:24.480 --> 00:09:31.519 Keep you eat and eat and eat until you feel sick, not knowing when you're hungry, you skip meals and you lose track of time. 00:09:32.080 --> 00:09:36.960 Not letting yourself go to the bathroom, not being able to tell when you need to go to the toilet. 00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:45.440 These are all signs that your interspection, your in, sorry, your interosception is actually a bit lacking. 00:09:45.600 --> 00:09:57.360 You're probably very good at introspection of reflecting, but the interoception, so that internal awareness of your body's sensations is not as online as it could be. 00:09:57.679 --> 00:10:06.720 So that's the first sign of healing is that you start to notice sensations in your body without a sense of attachment. 00:10:07.200 --> 00:10:11.120 And that is honestly, like, there's so much beauty in that too. 00:10:11.279 --> 00:10:38.080 Like you can practice this by just, you know, being in the shower and really like letting yourself marinate in the warm water and just being like, oh my gosh, I can feel this beautiful body wash, this beautiful soap, the smells, the feel of the water going down your skin, how it feels to be nice and clean, whatever it is, giving yourself time and space to really be in your body. 00:10:39.600 --> 00:10:41.200 So that is number one. 00:10:42.720 --> 00:10:48.559 Number two is you start to respond rather than react. 00:10:49.200 --> 00:10:50.240 This is huge. 00:10:50.639 --> 00:10:52.720 This is ultimate. 00:10:53.039 --> 00:10:55.840 Like you still have the emotions. 00:10:56.799 --> 00:10:57.519 This is key. 00:10:57.759 --> 00:11:02.639 You're not bypassing your experience, but you can hit pause. 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:10.639 And instead of going into a reflexive pattern, you can feel the wave without being swept away. 00:11:11.759 --> 00:11:21.919 Now, we are human, we are not gonna get this right every time, especially when your capacity is reduced. 00:11:22.000 --> 00:11:31.679 So when your window of tolerance, that space where you feel like you can meet life's challenges, uh, when that is smaller, and there's lots of reasons that it can be smaller. 00:11:31.840 --> 00:11:45.279 So trauma makes it smaller, but even you know, physical health, day-to-day, like being out of routine, not getting enough sleep, not being well fueled, all of those things will make your window of tolerance smaller. 00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:52.799 When you have a smaller window of tolerance, there are going to be more times where you become reactive rather than responsive. 00:11:53.039 --> 00:12:08.480 This is not about being a perfect, I was the thing I always say, it's like, we're not trying to become this, you know, rainbow farting unicorn that never makes a mistake, but you can feel that irritation and take a breath instead of snapping. 00:12:08.879 --> 00:12:13.600 You might notice your body and breathe into the tension before you respond. 00:12:15.200 --> 00:12:27.840 And this really starts to break the cycle of these behaviors and it starts to give your nervous system a disconfirming experience of a time where you didn't go into that reflexive pattern. 00:12:28.240 --> 00:12:44.240 This could look like actually taking a pause and deciding whether you're going to immediately say yes to someone who's asked you to do something, if you are someone who has a reflexive pattern of fawning or people-pleasing. 00:12:44.960 --> 00:12:58.720 This may look like saying yes if you're someone who has been given an opportunity, and your uh default is to let your inner critic gaslight you into saying that it's not gonna work anyway, so you better say no. 00:12:58.879 --> 00:13:00.480 You don't want to put yourself out there. 00:13:00.639 --> 00:13:02.639 It's gonna be different for everyone. 00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:13.200 So that is number two is that being able to pause and respond instead of being hijacked by your emotions and being reactive. 00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:19.519 So, number three is your inner critic softens. 00:13:20.399 --> 00:13:26.080 Now, this is really key for me because the inner critic does not disappear. 00:13:26.320 --> 00:13:28.639 This is my lived experience. 00:13:28.799 --> 00:13:32.000 This is my strong opinion on the matter. 00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:37.519 That we are not trying to kill the inner critic, we are not shaming the inner critic. 00:13:37.759 --> 00:13:39.919 Remember, I needed this on the t-shirt. 00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:43.759 Chronic shame is not a good catalyst for lasting change. 00:13:44.080

--> 00:13:48.799 And self-awareness without self-compassion is just giving your inner critic a megaphone. 00:13:48.960 --> 00:13:50.320 We don't do that here. 00:13:50.879 --> 00:14:06.240 So the the inner critic is not, you're not trying to kill it, you're not trying to punish it or beat it down or squash it, but it becomes something that is observable, something that is not running the show. 00:14:06.639 --> 00:14:37.440 This is the real the basis of parts work, the way that I see it, is you're allowing that voice of criticism to be there, but it's how you notice it, name it, and keep moving anyway, giving space for all of those different realities, all of those different internal realities, and being able to really see it as a form of protection as well. 00:14:38.320 --> 00:14:42.159 Being able to experience it somatically in the body. 00:14:42.720 --> 00:14:48.320 More on this later, because this is honestly, I think, key to taming your inner critic. 00:14:48.399 --> 00:14:53.519 It's actually taking a body-based approach to that negative self-talk. 00:14:53.759 --> 00:14:55.600 It's not just a mindset thing. 00:14:55.759 --> 00:15:00.879 It's not just something that you can just cover up with toxic positivity. 00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:08.399 Like that's that old analogy, that metaphor of, you know, putting, what is it, lipstick on a they say lipstick on a pig, but pigs are freaking cute. 00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:10.399 It's like icing on a dog turd. 00:15:10.639 --> 00:15:19.840 Like that is what you're trying to do if you start trying to cover up the affirm like with positive affirmations over your relentless inner critic. 00:15:20.080 --> 00:15:38.879 It's um another analogy I like to use is like you're just your car's making this like rattling noise, and you're just like turning up the music to like overpower the rattling noise in the engine, but you're actually not dealing with what's going on under the hood. 00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:42.240 So, yes, that is number three. 00:15:42.639 --> 00:15:52.720 Did you notice that your inner critic softens and you're able to relate to it with compassion and curiosity, not more criticism? 00:15:52.960 --> 00:16:04.879 No more shame spirals, no more shame on shame on shame, being hard on yourself, and then being hard on yourself for still being hard on yourself because you're not even good enough at being kind to yourself. 00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:08.399 That is number three. 00:16:09.759 --> 00:16:14.960 Now, number four is you tolerate emotional complexity. 00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:17.120 This one's an interesting one. 00:16:18.399 --> 00:16:24.320 So many of you listening to this will resonate with being very sensitive. 00:16:24.799 --> 00:16:26.799 And it can feel like a lot. 00:16:27.600 --> 00:16:53.200 There is this real, like, you know, being sensitive, as you've heard me say a million times, truly is a gift when it is resourced and regulated, and it really gives you this incredible opportunity to experience so many beautiful things in life, to experience wonder, to experience awe. 00:16:53.840 --> 00:17:03.519 But you feel things deeply, and you can feel multiple things at once without being overwhelmed by them. 00:17:03.759 --> 00:17:34.160 Like you can feel gratitude for your growth, you can feel almost gratitude for things that have happened to you while still making space for feeling like disgust, for feelings like aversion, grief, and it really is such a skill to be able to hold it all. 00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:46.240 You can these things can coexist in your body because nervous system states and emotions are layered, they're not mutually exclusive. 00:17:47.839 --> 00:18:05.519 Yes, there might be some things that dominate your awareness, but when you start to build that capacity, you can shift your conscious attention onto different states and allow yourself to experience and notice these multiple states at once. 00:18:07.359 --> 00:18:18.160 And this is about increasing your nervous system's tolerance, and it really gives you an opportunity to experience more of life. 00:18:21.039 --> 00:18:51.839 And this one, it's it is a hard thing to conceptualize and to talk about cognitively because it's so not cognitive, like it's so felt and somatic, and this is why I do a lot of pendulation in my client work, which is where we will actually go towards a sensation that's maybe quote unquote less pleasant and then go back to something that feels more pleasant. 00:18:52.400 --> 00:19:14.160 And this is one of the best ways to build your window of tolerance because it's this alternate focus between these safer sensations and these activated ones, and it gives you that opportunity to build your capacity to hold that and doing it all without a sense of overwhelm. 00:19:15.279 --> 00:19:21.599 And honestly, just it's it gives you this freedom. 00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:31.200 Like, I know that word's freaking overused so much, but it really does give you this freedom and this self-trust in your own. 00:19:31.359 --> 00:19:33.599 Like, I actually feel emotional even talking about this. 00:19:33.839 --> 00:19:43.599 Um yeah, I just like it gives you this freedom to be able to go through things and know that you're gonna be okay. 00:19:44.079 --> 00:19:52.720 It gives you this trust in the fact that like I even I just like it's so funny. 00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:57.680 Even this morning I found myself being like I almost teared up at parkrun. 00:19:57.759 --> 00:19:59.039 I wasn't even at parkrun. 00:19:59.119 --> 00:20:03.599 I was just I was going for a run, but I wasn't at parkrun. 00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:08.480 And I just saw all these people like really pushing for the end of their parkrun. 00:20:08.640 --> 00:20:47.440 And they were like you could tell some of them, you know, were really, really like this is gonna be their personal best, and like just seeing people finish and like you could feel like the sense of achievement and like the discipline,

the motivation, like all these emotions that other people were feeling, and I actually just felt really like emotional for these people because I was just like, Oh god, I know what it's like to feel like you're pushing yourself and achieving something and really like exceeding your own expectations and to be proud of yourself. 00:20:47.519 --> 00:21:11.119 And I was just like, Oh gosh, this is just like humans are so cute, like humans are I know there's obviously and negative things happening in the world, yes, and this is what this work does is it allows you to you know see these horrific things that are happening worldwide, but then also see the beautiful moments. 00:21:11.279 --> 00:21:51.200 It's like this ability to hold that and still come back to yourself and be able to honor the experience, we're not bypassing anything, but like what greater gift is there than being able to recognize these things that are going on and then also be able to hold the good as well because you are not serving anybody by wallowing and depriving yourself of opportunities to experience good. 00:21:51.519 --> 00:22:00.160 Like that's that famous quote, you know, like you'll never be poor enough to help the poor, you'll never be sick enough to heal the sick. 00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:15.440 Like you standing in your own truth, you being your most regulated, resourced, present, generous self, that has a ripple effect to everyone that you meet, then everyone that they meet. 00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:26.880 That is how, like, getting meta, but that is how we change the world, and this is a huge sign of healing is to be able to hold all of those things at once. 00:22:27.039 --> 00:22:39.839 Like, grief is such a profound example of this because there's this, like Andrew Garfield, the actor, he shared something beautiful, and I was reminded of it yesterday. 00:22:39.920 --> 00:23:09.839 He shared something about how grief really is unexpressed love, and that you know, even if you tell someone every day like you never have long enough with someone, and to feel like to feel grief is to like is you know, it's so heartbreaking, but it it's only heartbreaking because you loved so much, and that is the complexity of the human experience. 00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:24.720 That is that like in anticipatory grief is one of the most complex human emotions because you're like almost like preempting that you're going to lose this person or even animal. 00:23:24.799 --> 00:23:27.200 Like I'm looking at the cats now and I'm like, oh gosh. 00:23:27.359 --> 00:24:15.519 Um, and I experienced this a lot as a in my career as a vet, of course, you know, that moment before we put an animal to sleep, and it's that anticipatory grief, it's that decision, the responsibility of that decision, and this you know, and I often say to people, I often say to them, I was like, you know, this is the hardest thing, this is the most selfless decision that you are making, and this like this is the cost of having them in our life, of loving and them so much that we have to make this decision for them, we have to give them this peaceful, dignified exit from this life. 00:24:16.559 --> 00:24:31.519 And this is the sign of healing is to be able to hold the complexities, to be able to love so deeply and also hold space for the neg like quote unquote negative emotions. 00:24:31.599 --> 00:24:41.440 Like they're not, it's not good, it's not bad, it's like can we feel it all and just have this trust in the impermanence of them? 00:24:42.240 --> 00:24:51.680 This is what somatic work does is it it teaches you this embodied wisdom that nothing is permanent. 00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:58.000 This too shall pass, but we can also be so present with this. 00:24:58.720 --> 00:25:13.200 Like the more present you are, the sooner it will pass, and that is what is you know, that so many people are living in a loop, a loop, a loop because they are their body is trapped in past memories. 00:25:13.359 --> 00:25:18.240 This is why the trauma healing somatic work is so essential. 00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:26.799 I work with so many clients with complex trauma, especially complex sexual trauma, and their bodies are trapped in the moment. 00:25:27.119 --> 00:25:30.880 And people are like, I don't want to go back to it, I don't want to relive it. 00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:34.000 It's like you're reliving it all the time. 00:25:34.559 --> 00:25:38.480 Like if you don't face it, you're reliving it all the time. 00:25:39.359 --> 00:25:44.799 Your inner critic is playing these stories about why you're not good enough and good things don't happen to you. 00:25:45.039 --> 00:25:49.039 Your body is stuck in that freeze response where it couldn't get away. 00:25:49.440 --> 00:26:06.400 When you go back and you start to rewire these patterns and you let your body somatically experience things that it couldn't, and you change the narrative, you change the encoding, the way that it is wired into your system, that is where you get the freedom. 00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:19.519 And it is only from having the courage to allow yourself to feel these things, to correctly process those memories and break free from those cycles. 00:26:20.319 --> 00:26:30.640 And so many people are walking around with this sense of mild, or sometimes not mild, but this dissociation. 00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:37.200 We're distracted, we're dissociated, and we are distant from each other. 00:26:38.640 --> 00:26:42.400 Healing is about being able to hold it all. 00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:43.599 And I like that. 00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:45.680 Is not for everyone. 00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:49.279 Not everyone has the capacity to do this in this lifetime. 00:26:49.519 --> 00:26:55.200 Not everyone has the resources, not everyone has the support, not everyone has the inclination. 00:26:55.359 --> 00:26:57.680 You cannot force anyone to do this. 00:27:01.759 --> 00:27:04.240 That could have been a podcast episode in itself, couldn't it?

00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:06.720 I really feel like something just took over me then. 00:27:07.519 --> 00:27:09.599 So that was number four. 00:27:09.759 --> 00:27:12.640 That emotional complexity is tolerated. 00:27:15.519 --> 00:27:16.880 So number six. 00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:19.519 Number six? 00:27:19.680 --> 00:27:20.799 No, number five. 00:27:21.039 --> 00:27:21.839 Gosh. 00:27:22.160 --> 00:27:24.240 I'll try and speed this one up, hey? 00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:31.519 Um, so number five is the integration of past experiences. 00:27:31.920 --> 00:27:33.440 So you can reflect. 00:27:33.599 --> 00:27:36.160 This is actually, it links quite well with what I just said. 00:27:36.319 --> 00:27:43.599 This is about reflecting on like painful, painful experiences without being overwhelmed or re-traumatized. 00:27:43.839 --> 00:27:55.680 And it's really knowing that you can have this growth, these lessons, these resilience, um, and they can coexist with the memories of and the feelings of pain. 00:27:55.839 --> 00:28:12.400 Like it is not about getting over something or feeling like you should be over something, but it's about being able to, like, I think Joe Despenser calls it, he says, like, uh, memory without emotion is wisdom. 00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:20.000 So it's this idea that that's where like the self-reflection can come from, where you do have those. 00:28:21.200 --> 00:28:24.400 Um, so the memory without emotional charge is called wisdom. 00:28:24.480 --> 00:28:25.440 I think that's what it is. 00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:52.960 Um, so instead of being triggered or controlled by that event, like this, you know, this obviously links in with the idea of being responsive, not reactive as well, because when we have that sort of flavoring, like an experience has a flavoring of a past event, like that's when we get hijacked by our nervous system and we have that reflexive, reactive response. 00:28:53.519 --> 00:29:10.640 But when you have fully integrated your trauma, when you have integrated those past experiences and you can hold space for all that complexity of the emotions, like that is the somewhat ironic thing is it's like then it doesn't have a hold of you. 00:29:10.799 --> 00:29:14.079 So, like when you let yourself feel it, then it doesn't have a hold of you. 00:29:14.240 --> 00:29:19.839 And this is something that's again quite tricky to conceptualize until you've actually experienced it. 00:29:19.920 --> 00:29:22.960 And I know a lot of you are actively doing the work. 00:29:23.119 --> 00:29:31.599 A lot of you um listening will have probably had sessions with me or another um practitioner, somatic practitioner who works with this. 00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:43.839 And you'll know what I mean when there's this, you know, there is this way to hold those multiple feelings. 00:29:44.000 --> 00:29:51.599 There's a way to have like empathy for others involved involved in it, but not enmeshing with them. 00:29:51.759 --> 00:30:04.319 So you can understand other people's perspectives whilst being grounded in your own needs and your own boundaries and Really start to reflect without shame. 00:30:04.559 --> 00:30:16.640 So to know, you know, to trust that you did like exactly what you needed to do at the time and like everything worked out, or maybe didn't work out, but everything happened the way that it happened. 00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:19.759 And it's like, can we now integrate that and move forward? 00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:32.000 And this, you know, that is a huge sign of healing, is when you can integrate those past experiences and you can then reflect on them without being overwhelmed or re-traumatized. 00:30:32.160 --> 00:30:35.200 Does that mean you're gonna be completely neutral about it? 00:30:35.359 --> 00:30:36.160 Of course not. 00:30:36.400 --> 00:30:37.519 Of course not. 00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:41.119 But well, for some people it is, some people it is. 00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:49.680 But you know, it doesn't mean that you're never going to feel those feelings again, but it means that you have the capacity to. 00:30:49.759 --> 00:30:51.680 Because this is all about capacity. 00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:56.240 It's all about capacity, it's about embodiment, it's about integration. 00:30:57.039 --> 00:31:01.920 And this is, you know, one of the really big signs of healing. 00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:07.119 So number six is about boundaries. 00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:11.440 So boundaries, like let's be honest, boundaries are flogged to death. 00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:13.359 Everyone talks about boundaries now. 00:31:14.079 --> 00:31:22.720 And boundaries, so the sign that you're healing, boundaries feel natural, but not restrictive. 00:31:23.920 --> 00:31:37.680 So there's this embodied knowing of your own limits and your own capacity, and you're able to assert those limits without ego. 00:31:40.720 --> 00:32:34.240 Sometimes, and this could be actually I'm gonna probably do a podcast on this, like sometimes in the way that modern, like Western society in particular, but the way that therapy speak has been weaponized and healing has become very individualized, there can sometimes be boundaries, people using the word boundaries, when they've actually got a like it's a wall, it's a brick frickin' wall, and it's actually a shield, and it's like sometimes necessary, you know, to put up firmer boundaries initially when you need that space, but then sometimes those boundaries are actually not from a place of integrity, they're from a place of not like oh, yeah, I need to explain this in a full episode, really, because this can definitely be misunderstood. 00:32:34.480 --> 00:32:47.359 But boundaries are an important part of healing, but most boundaries are not meant to be like a brick, like freaking, you know, a huge wall that's never questioned or taken down. 00:32:47.519 --> 00:32:52.720 Like there can be some permeability and some flexibility to boundaries. 00:32:52.880 --> 00:32:59.119 Like

boundaries are meant to be, they're not, they're not meant to be put up, forgotten about, left there forever. 00:32:59.359 --> 00:33:04.880 They're meant to be reflected on and adjusted if needed. 00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:13.680 And you're meant to reflect on boundaries, consciously or unconsciously, and start to and to move with them. 00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:22.640 As long as, you know, the person, if we're talking about another person, as long as sometimes these boundaries can be with yourself, and that's discipline. 00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:42.640 But, you know, if it's with another person, like yes, that other person has a responsibility to step up and be worthy, you know, show them, show you that they are able to be part of your life in whatever capacity and they have to prove themselves. 00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:57.920 Like people don't just get access to you just for the sake of existing, but they are meant to be reflected on and adjusted if needed. 00:33:58.799 --> 00:34:13.119 And the reason I put this in the healing part is like when you are regulated, resourced, you trust yourself, you have that capacity to recognize safety and a la therefore a lack of safety in relationships. 00:34:13.360 --> 00:34:28.239 And you're able to assert those limits without guilt, without overexplaining, without, and then on the other side of that, without being too restrictive and just putting, like, you know, cutting everybody out. 00:34:28.400 --> 00:34:53.440 Like, how much have you seen that on socials where people like social media especially in like the coaching therapy industry, where it's like, okay, I'm setting a boundary with you, but it's actually like that person is they're the ones lacking the emotional maturity to hold complexity and nuance, and so they're like cutting everyone out rather than looking at their own shadows. 00:34:53.679 --> 00:35:16.480 So, yes, it's there's nuance, there's nuance, but that is a sign of healing when boundaries feel natural but not restrictive, and number six is your nervous system is flexible and responsive. 00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:36.159 This is a bit similar to what I was saying about being reactive or sorry, being responsive, not reactive, but this is more like you are able to basically shift your state depending on where your state needs to be. 00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:46.239 So you when you need to relax, when it's time to switch off, when it's time to wind down, you can actually shift into that parasympathetic rest and digest state. 00:35:46.480 --> 00:35:48.880 You can actually allow yourself to relax. 00:35:49.360 --> 00:35:59.920 You can feel your heart rate slowing, you can feel your breathing rate slowing, you can feel your body going into that repair, and you can go to sleep, you can do those things. 00:36:00.559 --> 00:36:13.519 But when you are meant to be switched on, when you're meant to be focused, when you're meant to be motivated, when you're getting up and you're going, you feel alert, you feel focused, you have energy. 00:36:13.840 --> 00:36:20.719 So your nervous system is this is basically a sign of a resourced, regulated nervous system. 00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:24.480 It's responding appropriately to the task at hand. 00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:27.679 This means the opposite. 00:36:27.920 --> 00:36:38.239 So the dysregulation, sign of dysregulation is you're tired but wired when you're meant to be winding down, you get sick every time you go on holiday, you can't switch off. 00:36:38.719 --> 00:36:49.440 Likewise, when you're meant to be alert, focused, you feel groggy, you feel unmotivated, you can't get going, you're stuck, those are signs of dysregulation. 00:36:49.760 --> 00:37:01.280 So when you are responding appropriately, your nervous system is responding with the appropriate amount of alertness or relaxation, that is when you know that you're healing. 00:37:02.400 --> 00:37:13.679 And the last one, the seventh one, remember you got a bonus eight at the very start, but your last one is you reclaim agency. 00:37:14.239 --> 00:37:28.960 So life feels intentional, and it's guided by your values, like you know your values and curiosity rather than fear, rather than guilt, rather than your inner critic. 00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:31.280 You're connected to your intuition. 00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:41.760 And you feel this, like it's the paradox is there's a sense of surrender with it because you don't know what's happening. 00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:43.599 Like you don't know what the next step is. 00:37:43.679 --> 00:37:59.519 It's like the very um thing we were talking about at the start of like having this, you know, you don't want to just skip right to the end and know what's happened in the movie without actually becoming the person you're going to become. 00:37:59.760 --> 00:38:04.000 It's really like that is what fly that's what finding flow state is about. 00:38:05.360 --> 00:38:26.719 It's that beautiful time where you feel like like flow state is where you are fully present, you're connected, it feels like you're doing this dance with life, like opportunities come, you meet those challenges, you trust yourself, even when things like you know, it's not linear. 00:38:26.960 --> 00:38:51.119 It is not linear, it doesn't mean there's not going to be struggles, but you trust yourself to hold yourself through this, you trust yourself to get through it, you feel more intentional, and you feel like you're it's interesting, you feel like you're curating this intentional life, yet you don't know what's gonna happen, and that's okay. 00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:58.320 Like you trust and you feel that surrender, and that is yeah, it's the it's finding play state, it's what it is. 00:38:59.679 --> 00:39:07.599 So to recap those, the first one, you're noticing your body, you're more aware of your body. 00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:13.440 Two, you can pause and respond rather than react. 00:39:14.079 --> 00:39:19.760 Three, your inner critic softens, your

relationship to your inner critic softens. 00:39:20.559 --> 00:39:25.039 Four, you can tolerate emotional complexity. 00:39:25.760 --> 00:39:29.360 There's empathy without investment. 00:39:31.599 --> 00:39:35.599 Five, you start to integrate past experiences. 00:39:36.960 --> 00:39:42.960 Six boundaries feel natural and not restrictive. 00:39:44.159 --> 00:39:50.159 Seven, I think I've got lost somewhere, but seven, your nervous system feels flexible and responsive. 00:39:50.719 --> 00:39:54.400 And seven slash eight, we got extra ones in there. 00:39:54.559 --> 00:39:55.599 It's okay. 00:39:56.320 --> 00:39:58.480 You are really finding that flow state. 00:39:58.559 --> 00:40:02.239 You've reclaimed agency, you feel a sense of autonomy and trust. 00:40:02.559 --> 00:40:04.239 Life feels intentional. 00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:08.719 So, yes, those are the signs that you are actually healing. 00:40:09.199 --> 00:40:22.320 And if you listen to this and it's highlighted, you know, some ways where you could be stepping more into this and you could be feeling more embodied, you could be feeling more of that self-trust. 00:40:22.559 --> 00:40:37.280 You know that your inner critic is a little bit noisy, your nervous system is not as regulated as it could be, and you are self-aware, but you're really ready to actually step into deeper layers of healing, deeper layers of embodiment. 00:40:37.599 --> 00:40:40.880 You're ready to work on somatic shadow work. 00:40:40.960 --> 00:41:08.320 So actually looking at those parts of you that you have shied away from, the parts of you that do make you feel uncomfortable, and you want to integrate your trauma whilst being supported by a skilled practitioner, myself, and also a small group of like-minded, self-aware, beautiful humans, then please do yourself a favor and get on the priority list for inner critic tamer. 00:41:08.480 --> 00:41:10.400 I have run this program before. 00:41:10.559 --> 00:41:11.679 This time it's different. 00:41:11.760 --> 00:41:16.159 I ran it actually, gosh, two years ago, at least two years ago. 00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:17.360 Two years ago. 00:41:17.599 --> 00:41:29.599 And wowie have I got a lot more to put into it this time because this is for someone who's self-aware, but your inner critic is still running the show, and you feel like your nervous system is like bracing for impact. 00:41:30.079 --> 00:41:36.639 This is a full-body repatterning because your inner critic is not just a mindset problem. 00:41:37.119 --> 00:41:41.760 So this is a body-based approach to that negative voice in your head. 00:41:41.920 --> 00:41:50.159 And the doors are going to open to the priority list first, and only the priority list will get early bird pricing. 00:41:50.400 --> 00:41:54.480 So this is going to be a massive 50% off of the full cost. 00:41:55.039 --> 00:42:04.719 And there's the opportunity for a VIP option if you do want to upgrade to have one-on-one somatic subconscious breakthrough sessions

with myself. 00:42:04.960 --> 00:42:15.039 So this is honestly, I've been saying I'm going to do this again for a while, and I've been putting it off because I've been like honestly, I've been trying to perfect it. 00:42:15.199 --> 00:42:31.679 I have, like, I'll be honest, um, because I really have a lot of, you know, I have a deep desire for this to be truly, truly transformational for the courageous people who decide to take this step. 00:42:31.760 --> 00:42:39.280 Like I have wanted to wait until I'm really, really happy with it and know that I have the capacity for this as well. 00:42:39.599 --> 00:42:46.000 Because this is not just like, this is not just gonna be a load of pre-recorded videos where we talk about healing. 00:42:46.079 --> 00:42:49.119 This is like actually doing the somatic healing together. 00:42:49.280 --> 00:42:52.239 Like, there is gonna be nowhere to hide in this. 00:42:52.719 --> 00:43:06.880 This is a place to actually break those shame spirals to take up space and actually finally break free from the overthinking, the perfectionism, the self-doubt, and build real embodied self-trust. 00:43:07.119 --> 00:43:12.159 And there's absolutely no toxic positivity, there's no spiritual bypassing. 00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:17.360 This is a nervous system repatterning, and I'm freaking excited. 00:43:17.599 --> 00:43:19.840 So, you know where the link's gonna be. 00:43:19.920 --> 00:43:21.840 It's gonna be in the show notes. 00:43:22.079 --> 00:43:24.320 You've got nothing to lose by jumping on the list. 00:43:24.480 --> 00:43:28.559 Like if you've listened all the way here, then you absolutely need to be on the list. 00:43:28.800 --> 00:43:30.639 So jump on that list. 00:43:30.800 --> 00:43:39.199 Um, the doors are gonna open in six days, so very soon, and like I said, the only way to get that 50% is on that priority list. 00:43:39.440 --> 00:43:41.679 So thank you so much for listening. 00:43:41.840 --> 00:43:42.800 This was a bit longer. 00:43:42.880 --> 00:43:48.800 This is gonna be a quick one, but it was not a quick one, like that's never happened before. 00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:53.440 Anyway, my loves, uh, thank you so much for listening. 00:43:53.519 --> 00:43:57.599 As always, your feedback, your questions, so welcome. 00:43:57.760 --> 00:44:01.119 If you don't already subscribe, please subscribe. 00:44:01.360 --> 00:44:02.639 Drop a five stars. 00:44:02.800 --> 00:44:05.280 You know how much that helps us all in the back end. 00:44:05.519 --> 00:44:08.639 So have a beautiful day wherever you are in the world. 00:44:08.800 --> 00:44:10.000 I love you so much. 00:44:10.159 --> 00:44:10.960 I appreciate you. 00:44:11.199 --> 00:44:11.679 Bye. 00:44:13.039 --> 00:44:24.480 Finding Flow State, the podcast, respectfully acknowledges the traditional custodians of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warangeri people of the Kulin Nation. 00:44:24.639 --> 00:44:34.639 We pay our respects to elders past, present, and emerged, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.