Full Transcript for The Perfect Father - Bill Robison

00:04:49.759 I just remember going and watching that. 00:04:50.079 --> 00:04:50.560 That was neat. 00:04:50.639 --> 00:04:51.040 That was fun. 00:04:51.120 --> 00:04:51.439 Yeah. 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:52.959 A while back. 00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:53.439 So yeah. 00:04:53.759 --> 00:04:55.759 Do you do do you cycle much now? 00:04:56.160 --> 00:04:57.120 I really don't, Mike. 00:04:57.199 --> 00:05:02.959 I I will at home, indoors, just to have some kind of fitness at the least bit. 00:05:03.040 --> 00:05:06.720 But as far as competing and all that, uh those kind of days are behind me for a while. 00:05:07.199 --> 00:05:10.480 There comes a time where, you know, my mind says I can still do it. 00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:12.079 My body says, no, no way. 00:05:12.319 --> 00:05:13.920 Yeah, I'm reminded of that frequently. 00:05:14.079 --> 00:05:15.920 So yeah, I totally get it. 00:05:16.240 --> 00:05:23.680 Well, we we have picked, I I don't know if you picked it or I picked it, but but we have kind of some shared interest in this. 00:05:23.839 --> 00:05:38.319 We've picked a topic today that I just think is so important for for everybody, but particularly for any man that would would watch this, and that is this idea of father wound. 00:05:38.560 --> 00:05:46.079 It seems like in our culture, in our day and age, that almost every man has a story about their father. 00:05:46.240 --> 00:05:51.920 I always say either they grow up saying, I'm gonna be just like my old man, or I'm gonna be nothing like my old man. 00:05:52.079 --> 00:05:56.399 But in any case, their old man has shaped their identity and who they are. 00:05:56.560 --> 00:05:59.680 Do you find that in your counseling, this idea of father wound a lot? 00:05:59.920 --> 00:06:00.560 Oh, absolutely. 00:06:00.639 --> 00:06:06.240 I a lot of times I'll say some of the men that I just see in puddles, they're balled up on a couch. 00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:14.079 So usually it has to do with something where they're either wounded overtly from dad or they didn't receive something that they needed to. 00:06:14.240 --> 00:06:18.000 So that absolutely affects the way they see themselves and the way they engage with others. 00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:23.199 Yeah, and that's a good point because these guys say, no, I had a good father, I had a good dad. 00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:35.120 And they and and what they mean by that was there was nothing that he did to me, right, but then what they realize is, but there were some things that I didn't get that it would have been nice if I if I if I got that. 00:06:35.279 --> 00:06:46.000 It's also interesting that you're right, the big, big old burly guys that man never shed a tear, and they come in and they start talking about their about their father wound. 00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:52.079 Yes, and that's yeah, you're they start touching on some of those type of things, and you can just see a really raw level of pain. 00:06:52.160 --> 00:06:53.360 Yeah, you normally don't. 00:06:53.439 --> 00:06:53.600 Yeah. 00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:54.639 So absolutely. 00:06:54.959 --> 00:07:04.639 Well, speaking of raw, uh, do you mind uh you know, part of part of why I invited you into this is your own story of your of your father and very interesting. 00:07:04.800 --> 00:07:06.560 Do you mind kind of must start with that? 00:07:06.639 --> 00:07:06.959 Don't we? 00:07:07.360 --> 00:07:08.480 Absolutely, absolutely. 00:07:08.720 --> 00:07:12.319 I um my story, as you know, is is fairly rare. 00:07:12.560 --> 00:07:16.160 Um, I was born um to two parents, obviously. 00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:19.120 Um that had I was their second child. 00:07:19.279 --> 00:07:21.279 Um my older brother is 17 years older than. 00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:22.879 I'm trying to say quite a bit older than you. 00:07:23.120 --> 00:07:31.120 Yeah, same parents, and that's that's a lot of times I'll be a step sibling, step step sister step situation, but um, no, both same parents. 00:07:31.199 --> 00:07:32.480 He's 17 years older. 00:07:32.560 --> 00:07:36.000 So my my father was 45, my mom was 42 when I was born. 00:07:36.160 --> 00:07:39.199 Um, my dad um was a World War II hero. 00:07:39.360 --> 00:07:48.560 Um, you know, obviously my hero had a congenital heart disease that he battled for the major, I mean the majority of his adult life, um, which took him untimely. 00:07:48.639 --> 00:07:50.560 Um so he passed away when I was nine. 00:07:50.720 --> 00:07:50.959 Yeah. 00:07:51.199 --> 00:08:00.959 Um, and you know, just as as I've been, I know uh Tracy's podcast came out today, and you all talked about the book that we just wrote. 00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:06.560 And so in that I've been really thinking a lot lately about how that how that impacted me. 00:08:06.720 --> 00:08:10.639 But um, you know, many ways our fathers can wound us, wound us. 00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:15.839 Um, and as you mentioned earlier, sometimes it's it's nothing overt, but it was things we didn't receive. 00:08:15.920 --> 00:08:17.519 And that was that was the case for me. 00:08:17.759 --> 00:08:22.319 So from from my the wound that I received from my dad predominantly was just absence. 00:08:22.480 --> 00:08:37.759 And yeah, it's not something he chose to do or he meant to do or anything like that, but just due to the fact that at nine years old my father was gone and here I am to to face adolescence and going into adulthood without that type of model, that type of affirmation affected me. 00:08:38.240 --> 00:08:38.639 Yeah. 00:08:38.960 --> 00:08:51.519 Um we we will talk about it and we'll uh in case I forget, let me just say here, we'll put something in the show notes to remind people of the book that you and Tracy wrote called He Calls Me Daughter. 00:08:51.919 --> 00:08:58.240 But that's interesting that the that father wound, it's not just for not just for boys, right? 00:08:58.399 --> 00:09:04.159 That that daughters can very adversely be affected by by their relationship with their

father. 00:09:04.399 --> 00:09:05.120 So absolutely. 00:09:05.440 --> 00:09:05.600 Yeah. 00:09:05.759 --> 00:09:11.919 And I think that's something too that um, you know, not to get off on a soapbox, but I think something we see more and more in our culture. 00:09:12.080 --> 00:09:12.240 Yeah. 00:09:12.399 --> 00:09:15.679 Um, some people may not agree with this, but I I I see it to be true. 00:09:15.840 --> 00:09:19.120 A lot of times fathers sometimes are portrayed as being expendable. 00:09:19.200 --> 00:09:19.360 Yeah. 00:09:20.159 --> 00:09:26.480 It's you know, that that maybe the role is is not necessary, not important, but it plays a significant role, and I think that's by God's design. 00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:26.799 Yeah. 00:09:26.960 --> 00:09:35.039 Um imparts things that a mom, mothers are wonderful, but the dad imparts things on his children that a mother just can't, yeah, and vice versa. 00:09:35.360 --> 00:09:36.559 So that's exactly right. 00:09:36.639 --> 00:09:59.519 And I talked about earlier on in the introduction to this that that culturally we made that move from fathers being so important, living on the farm, everything, everything is centered around the father figure until we slowly drift away, until in the in the 70s and 80s, the the sitcoms, the things on television where fathers were buffoons. 00:10:00.159 --> 00:10:01.360 A lot of times they were absent. 00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:05.679 But if they were present, they were the foolish butt of the joke. 00:10:05.840 --> 00:10:10.720 And and culturally, we've kind of made fathers to be insignificant and inconsequential. 00:10:10.799 --> 00:10:11.600 It's just not true. 00:10:11.759 --> 00:10:12.320 So yeah. 00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:12.799 Yeah. 00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:22.799 So so what does it look like for you when you when you talk to people or even in your own life, what are some of the symptoms that you see? 00:10:24.960 --> 00:10:26.399 That guy has a father wound. 00:10:26.559 --> 00:10:28.399 What what are some of the things that you look for in that? 00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:29.840 Well, it could be a number of things. 00:10:29.919 --> 00:10:37.200 I think one one way that a lot of times it may present is maybe just an avoidance of responsibility. 00:10:37.440 --> 00:10:47.519 Sometimes as uh as a young man starts um aging and maturing, a lot of times we're saying I think what we're seeing is a just a reluctance to take responsibility. 00:10:47.759 --> 00:10:54.080 So we're seeing a lot of um, I guess, delayed um maturation. 00:10:54.320 --> 00:11:00.080 Yeah, yeah, like failure launch, those type of things that can be I think a lot of times that can be that can be present. 00:11:00.240 --> 00:11:05.759 Um maybe things like just um indecisiveness, a lack of confidence, those types of things. 00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:17.120 I think because a dad, um a big, a big part of a dad's role is is to to impart that and and yeah, help their help their child feel confident and taking a

level of um appropriate risks and those type of things. 00:11:17.600 --> 00:11:19.279 So those are those are pretty common. 00:11:19.679 --> 00:11:23.600 Well, we we have stories, and but our fathers had stories. 00:11:23.759 --> 00:11:26.720 So they didn't have especially now in our generation. 00:11:26.879 --> 00:11:29.200 Well, I shouldn't lump you, in your generation. 00:11:29.279 --> 00:11:30.639 I'm a generation ahead of you. 00:11:31.120 --> 00:11:46.080 But but our our fathers didn't have fathers, and their fathers didn't, and so now we're three or four generations into this where they didn't see men take responsibility or or have confidence, that kind of thing. 00:11:46.399 --> 00:11:50.480 And so I I think we are just kind of reaping the the whirlwind of that. 00:11:50.799 --> 00:11:54.159 I uh I have something, I'll try this out on you. 00:11:54.320 --> 00:11:58.399 I have something I use with people all the time as we talk about this. 00:11:58.559 --> 00:12:05.519 I say, I I believe this is true, that God created our parents, he created mothers to teach us intimacy. 00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:10.320 That is about feeling safe and knowing that that there's somebody that loves me. 00:12:10.399 --> 00:12:13.279 If nobody else in the world loves me, my mom loves me. 00:12:13.360 --> 00:12:15.519 And no, and and that idea of intimacy. 00:12:16.000 --> 00:12:20.639 Fathers, so intimacy from a mother's fathers, he created to give us identity. 00:12:21.679 --> 00:12:24.320 And and he said to Adam, name the animals. 00:12:24.639 --> 00:12:26.159 It's that it's been the job. 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:28.720 And identity is about value and worth. 00:12:28.799 --> 00:12:36.480 And if I didn't have that, right, then it is hard for me to be confident or to take responsibility when I don't when I don't have that. 00:12:36.799 --> 00:12:37.279 So yeah. 00:12:37.679 --> 00:12:53.519 You know, in my story, I think in the ways that I didn't have identity in terms of self-confidence and those type of things, I think what's a large part a resultant of my dad's absence, one thing that he did really well was he imparted identity in me and being a part of my family. 00:12:53.840 --> 00:12:54.240 Oh, good. 00:12:54.559 --> 00:13:00.480 One thing that he would always do is, you know, he if something was hard or something that I always remember him saying, but we're Robisons. 00:13:00.720 --> 00:13:06.399 And that was something I could always, I don't know what that means, but yeah, but to hear him say that, I'd be like, yes, I am. 00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:16.720 And so that was something that I have always felt power, you know, pride in, and and yeah, that that in a way yeah he was imparting that identity in me as being a part of a larger whole than just me. 00:13:17.120 --> 00:13:17.759 That's good. 00:13:18.159 --> 00:13:34.320 Well, so so how how did you begin to see that unfold that you have two children, there they are adults now, and uh very successful, highly, you know, highly uh accomplished adults. 00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:40.879 Um Marley lives in North Carolina, she kind of followed in your footsteps when we first came to know each other. 00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:44.000 You were doing medical sales and and doing a great job of that. 00:13:44.320 --> 00:13:45.919 Walker is an engineer. 00:13:46.080 --> 00:13:54.159 I remember making your wife so mad when Walker came in, he's probably third grade, and he said, he said, Dr. 00:13:54.320 --> 00:13:59.200 Mike, I did not miss a single day of school. 00:13:59.360 --> 00:14:02.080 I said, Walker, why would you do that? 00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:04.559 Why he still talks about that, by the way. 00:14:04.639 --> 00:14:05.120 So yeah. 00:14:05.519 --> 00:14:07.200 But so accomplished. 00:14:07.360 --> 00:14:14.639 But how when did you begin to see, you know, there's some things I don't know how to do this, or I don't know how to teach them this kind of thing. 00:14:14.799 --> 00:14:16.159 Did that did that come up at all? 00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:21.440 Well, I think I mean for me, I think it absolutely came up when we learned we were pregnant with Marley or first. 00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:22.639 That's the end. 00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:24.320 I think I was kind of confronted with that. 00:14:24.480 --> 00:14:26.240 It was like, okay, now what? 00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:39.519 Yeah, how you know, uh I like I said, I I lived with my dad on this earth for nine years, so I I got you know, I got have memories of that, but in terms of how do I walk it out the day to day, wow um, yeah, it was quite anxiety-producing. 00:14:39.679 --> 00:14:39.919 Yeah. 00:14:40.159 --> 00:14:55.840 Um, but it was also around that time where um actually a little bit later, but um I was confronted, I was confronted or experienced a sermon series that I think of all the sermon series I've ever had in my life, probably impacted me the most. 00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:56.320 Yeah. 00:14:56.639 --> 00:15:04.720 Louis Giglio did a series probably in the early 2009s, 2010s, maybe, but called Seeing God as a perfect father. 00:15:04.960 --> 00:15:31.440 And just in that he talked about the father womb and talked about how we how we heal from that is being able to understand and own what we missed or what what what did occur, um, but always knowing that God is a perfect father and the attributes that he imparted on our earthly dads to bestow upon us that either were or weren't for whatever reason, that he's always present with and he he does provide those things. 00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:38.639 So um I think in that was powerful for me to just kind of change the way that I view myself and and do my best. 00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:39.679 And thank you. 00:15:39.840 --> 00:15:52.480 The very kind words, but yeah, I I mean I'm so far from perfect, and you know, but uh but yeah, so it I think just leaning into him is is what was m most impactful for me. 00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:53.440 That's neat. 00:15:53.600 -->

00:16:07.360 Yeah, I you know, I whether this is good news or bad news, I I do say I don't know how to heal from the father wound apart from a connection with the heavenly father. 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:07.679 That's right. 00:16:07.840 --> 00:16:29.919 And really I'm I'm I know there are things that we both counsel people to do and we talk about identifying that in your own self, finding good role models, uh do some things, but it really boils down to f finding a heavenly father that loves you, that sees value in you and and value in you and and and connecting to that. 00:16:30.159 --> 00:16:30.879 So that's it. 00:16:31.039 --> 00:16:31.200 Yeah. 00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:32.240 So yeah. 00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:52.320 So as as now you're at this ripe old age of fathers, uh of being a father to adults, I mean what kind of lessons have you learned and and what kind of things have you taught them or have they taught you that you say, you know, I there's there's great joy in being a father now. 00:16:52.559 --> 00:16:53.440 Oh yeah, man. 00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:54.320 So many. 00:16:54.559 --> 00:16:56.000 Um I don't know. 00:16:56.080 --> 00:17:19.359 I I I I think probably the greatest lesson that I learned is um just the importance of ownership, just yeah, being able and being willing to, when you do blow it and when you know you blow it, being willing to be humble and you know, go to them and and just acknowledge, acknowledge your wrong, acknowledge how you may have impacted them adversely and just seek forgiveness, you know. 00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:28.400 So to me, that's the probably the the the biggest one one of the biggest lessons that I've learned and try to impart and try to live up to the best that I could. 00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:29.039 That's good. 00:17:29.279 --> 00:17:29.920 So that's good. 00:17:30.079 --> 00:17:30.400 Yeah. 00:17:30.640 --> 00:17:38.720 And we learn that from our relationship with God and being that we can go to him and tell him we're wrong, and we're still loved and we're still valued, so we can go to our children. 00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:49.039 And that's I think that's a part of the what God, you know, is his charge for fathers is we are to model that level of forgiveness that that that he that he affords us. 00:17:49.119 --> 00:17:51.519 And yeah, and we're called to forgive others as well. 00:17:51.599 --> 00:17:54.799 And that's it, that's just a you know, it becomes a model to our kids. 00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:56.480 That that's just a a life posture. 00:17:56.960 --> 00:17:57.440 That's good. 00:17:57.680 --> 00:17:58.079 That's okay. 00:17:58.400 --> 00:17:59.839 Well, that's good, Bill. 00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:01.279 That's so that's so good. 00:18:01.359 --> 00:18:02.000 And you're right. 00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:12.799 It is that connection with the Heavenly Father and seeing him love us when we've blown it, that then we can we can model that for our children by saying, When I'm wrong, I I acknowledge that. 00:18:13.119 --> 00:18:17.680 So let me I have I have two things I'd like to ask about this. 00:18:18.160 --> 00:18:28.240 Um how do I help the guy who's come in and he's been a terrible father, and he and he knows it, you know. 00:18:28.319 --> 00:18:32.160 That's at least he's acknowledging, he he knows it, he's taking ownership for it. 00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:33.839 But he but I I want to start now. 00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:38.240 Maybe his kids are 15, 16, 17 years old. 00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:43.759 And and uh how do you help the guy to start now being a better father? 00:18:44.000 --> 00:18:56.319 And then we'll talk about it in a moment, but I but how do you help we we guys who are older to go back and and address the wounds that our father created? 00:18:56.559 --> 00:18:57.920 I like to talk about the first one. 00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:05.920 How do you what do you say to the guy that says, Man, I you're right, I'm listening to this podcast and I've not been a good father, haven't taken ownership, now I want to. 00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:06.799 What do I do now? 00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:07.359 Sure. 00:19:07.519 --> 00:19:10.720 Well, you know, I think it it first starts with insight and awareness. 00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:10.960 Yeah. 00:19:11.279 --> 00:19:17.839 Maybe helping them or um to maybe to identify those ways where they feel that they have fallen short. 00:19:17.920 --> 00:19:18.079 Yeah. 00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:25.519 And I I can't change something that I don't isn't I'm not aware of is going on, and at least acknowledge and take responsibility for that for that. 00:19:25.599 --> 00:19:31.519 So to me, that would be the first step is kind of identifying these ways that that that I have missed the mark. 00:19:31.599 --> 00:19:31.920 Yeah. 00:19:32.079 --> 00:19:49.039 Um and then just it goes back to I think what I said a minute ago of just being humble enough to be open and willing to to acknowledge that and to and obviously depending upon the depth and maybe the severity or the duration of the wounding, right? 00:19:49.200 --> 00:20:08.559 Um being willing to just I my stance is I'm I'm gonna stay in that place of humil humility, yeah, and I'm gonna continue to to try to right the wrong and and understand that there's gonna be resistance, there's gonna be pain, but but I'm I'm refusing to to give up. 00:20:08.640 --> 00:20:13.599 I'm not you know, not um, and I don't I don't mean like forcing things to happen. 00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:18.400 But but you know, I'm I'm committed to I'm committed to this relationship, I'm committed to you. 00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:23.359 Yeah, I'm gonna be there and and prove myself trustworthy as long as it takes. 00:20:23.599 --> 00:20:34.640 Yeah, I've said to I've said to some fathers before, you know, you've spent 10, 15, 20 years creating this father wound, and you can't expect to have this heart change and for your children to acknowledge that. 00:20:34.720 --> 00:20:35.599 So give it time. 00:20:35.759

--> 00:20:46.480 You have to give God time to work, and and I do think that God works in such a way that maybe maybe I've taken 15 years to create the father wound. 00:20:46.559 --> 00:20:49.039 It's not gonna take 15 years to heal heal from it. 00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:54.240 I give it a few years and really stay patient and and as you say, be present. 00:20:54.640 --> 00:20:56.160 Yeah, God's yeah. 00:20:56.480 --> 00:21:05.200 You've complimented me today, and I think you're the perfect example of that of just someone who has owned his his wounding and went back and repaired his relationships with his kids. 00:21:05.440 --> 00:21:17.039 Well, I think you did that over time, you do that with persistence, and I believe it we all long for that relationship and the level that we're willing and able to do that, it's amazing to kind of repair that can happen. 00:21:17.200 --> 00:21:17.359 Yeah. 00:21:17.920 --> 00:21:36.000 Not saying in every case, but yeah, but yeah, and uh, you know, I'm I'm probably have some prejudice in this, but I think quite honestly, the wounds that we have gone through sometimes make us more aware, so they make us better, make us better fathers when we've when we've gone through that, right? 00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:36.720 Sounds good. 00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:39.039 Well, so here's the here's the other part. 00:21:39.119 --> 00:21:44.319 And this wasn't so much part of your story, I think, but maybe it is to a certain extent. 00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:48.160 What do we do with that father wound that our fathers have created? 00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:54.400 Maybe in your case, in my case, it was obviously much later, but my father's passed away, our fathers are dead and gone. 00:21:54.559 --> 00:21:56.640 What do we do with that father wound? 00:21:56.720 --> 00:21:59.599 And I don't wanna I don't wanna force you back. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:01.759 you into a corner with this. 00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:05.599 But but I feel like we that we that we have to forgive. 00:22:05.759 --> 00:22:06.720 We have to let it go. 00:22:06.880 --> 00:22:10.400 At some point we have to say, I've just released this to you. 00:22:10.559 --> 00:22:13.920 What say something about that, about forgiving our fathers. 00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:14.480 Right. 00:22:14.559 --> 00:22:15.119 Absolutely. 00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:19.680 And I think that's the that's just the redemptive nature of the gospel. 00:22:19.759 --> 00:22:19.920 Yeah. 00:22:20.240 --> 00:22:28.640 Is that that um you know I I sometimes I just have to choose to believe if my father hadn't known better he would have done better. 00:22:28.799 --> 00:22:29.039 Yeah. 00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:29.920 And oh that's good. 00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:36.559 And if I can just if if if he had the tools to give me what I you know that's just that old that axiom is just so true. 00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:40.480 We can't give, we can't impart on someone else that with with which we don't have. 00:22:41.119 --> 00:22:41.200

Right. 00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:41.599 Right. 00:22:41.759 --> 00:22:49.200 So if if my dad doesn't have love for himself, it's going to be hard for him to to display love for others or or or those type of things. 00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:56.240 So I think part of it is again healing in healing my wound is um similar to what I said earlier. 00:22:56.400 --> 00:23:00.160 I have to I have to go and identify the ways that I've been impacted. 00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:00.400 Yeah. 00:23:00.559 --> 00:23:17.279 And think just sitting in that and and being willing to acknowledge that and letting that healing process take place, whether it's sitting with someone else or um a group of people or recovery movement or whatever it might be, but going back and looking at the ways the impact happened. 00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:23.839 And then just that just as you said earlier is at some point I've just got to I've got to release it. 00:23:24.559 --> 00:23:37.200 I've just I'm I'm choosing to forgive I'm choosing to to to cut that debt that was created um with the sin or with the wrong um and I'm just I'm just giving that to God and I'm and I'm I'm freeing myself from that. 00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:49.680 Yeah that's and then I think too if if possible another way of healing is especially if if if the individual is blessed to become a father themselves is just work to create a new legacy. 00:23:50.079 --> 00:24:04.079 I'm going to give to my children maybe what I didn't receive what I what I was unable to to experience I'm I'm going to try to provide to the best of my ability try to try to provide that for them to kind of change the legacy that was created by the wound. 00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:05.119 That's good. 00:24:05.359 --> 00:24:19.920 I've often felt like that the generational curse that the Bible talks about the sins of the father will be visited on their children their children's children third and fourth generation I've often felt like that's not God saying I'm going to punish your great great grandchildren for what you did. 00:24:20.319 --> 00:24:31.599 It's saying because of the of the wounds that you carry and the things that you do unless this is broken this is going to go on generation after generation after generation. 00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:35.279 So what I hear you saying is I choose to stop this now. 00:24:36.559 --> 00:24:52.799 I'm going to break this now and my children are going to know a different father than I what I that's part of the healing process I don't think it's much more empowering than that to think that I can be the one that that that does the work to do that or that that makes that stand to change to change it. 00:24:52.880 --> 00:24:53.680 So that's good. 00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:53.920 Yeah. 00:24:54.160 --> 00:24:55.039 Bill I appreciate it. 00:24:55.119 --> 00:24:55.519 Appreciate it. 00:24:55.599 --> 00:25:09.519 I mean it's a it's a you you've done it well and you and you handle it very manly but it's a as you said it's a tender story for us to begin talking about our fathers and that kind of so thank you for being willing to do that. 00:25:10.079 --> 00:25:11.680 You're more than we're going to have the time to do that. 00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:13.200 Yeah it's been really good. 00:25:14.079 --> 00:25:19.119 Josh I'll kind of tell you this story that I did you probably already know. 00:25:20.319 --> 00:25:49.839 Josh and I and Jacob my two sons uh went to speak for a conference in Texas a while back and and uh Josh spoke and he's not the you know Josh not the speaker he's not the but when he does he's he's very but he spoke and uh and he spoke on the story of the rich young ruler in the gospel of mark where you know he he comes to Jesus and Jesus says you have to sell everything and and then he goes away sorrowful because he's not willing to do that. 00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:51.839 And then Peter asks an interesting question. 00:25:52.000 --> 00:26:32.240 Peter says said Lord we've given up everything to follow you what do we get out of this I mean to what this guy what are we going to get and and Peter or Jesus replies to Peter and Josh pointed out that Mark tells this story differently than anybody else Jesus says to to Peter if you in order to follow me you have to give up father mother brothers sisters home and job but if you do I'll restore it a hundredfold mother brothers sisters home and job he leaves the word father out of the second list. 00:26:32.400 --> 00:26:35.039 You have to give it up but he doesn't say he's going to restore that. 00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:46.720 And Josh said I've come to believe that that father relationship is so important that God knows he is the only one who can really fulfill that. 00:26:46.880 --> 00:26:48.000 So he has to do that. 00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:57.200 And I I've said all the time I heard Josh say that and on one hand I was so proud of him and on the other hand I thought no I want to be the wonderful I know that's great. 00:26:57.279 --> 00:27:14.400 That's so it's God I mean you said it so well Bill it's it's God that can heal it and only God's right thanks for talking to me oh you're welcome Mike thank you for having me well it's been a great conversation about about the father wind and Bill's done such a great job with it. 00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:31.920 I think uh two or three things come to my mind yeah you have to be aware of it you have to acknowledge it you have to address the particular issues that it brings up you have to talk about it understand it and you have to forgive you have to let it go. 00:27:32.000 --> 00:27:41.839 You have to at some point say as Bill said if my father had had the tools I had he probably would have done a better job and so you have to let that go. 00:27:42.079 --> 00:27:54.960 When we do when we do those things God is able to come in and change this for us and heal us from the father wound and allow us to pay that forward and to be good fathers to our children and to our children's children. 00:27:55.119 --> 00:28:03.039 If you'd like to know more about extending branches or branches itself you can go to our website branches.org. 00:28:03.279 --> 00:28:07.119 Also we would love it if you would like and share this podcast. 00:28:07.359 --> 00:28:09.440 You can watch the podcast on YouTube. 00:28:09.599 --> 00:28:49.519 You can listen to it wherever your uh favorite podcast platforms are there is a plethora of other information available we try to be informative inspirational and hopefully entertaining we do a weekly podcast Monday Matters we do a daily devotional thought just a sentence called Take a Minute Make a difference we have newsletters all kinds of information to help you live a healthier happier and more holy life Jesus said I am the vine and you are the branches our goal is to continue extending branches