Full Transcript for Everyone Hates Abigoliah Schamaun: When Your Crush Has Other Plans

00:03:49.759 --> 00:03:53.759 Every single episode I've started of this podcast has started in the most unhinged way. 00:03:53.840 --> 00:03:54.879 So why stop now? 00:03:55.120 --> 00:03:58.000 Abigail is uh published author, like I said. 00:03:58.080 --> 00:03:59.199 You wrote neurodivergent moments. 00:03:59.360 --> 00:03:59.439 Yes. 00:03:59.759 --> 00:04:00.560 Co-wrote it with Joe Globe. 00:04:00.879 --> 00:04:02.159 Co-wrote it with Joe Wells. 00:04:02.400 --> 00:04:05.199 Um, so it's exactly what it sounds like. 00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:11.759 It is a book made up of neurodivergent, neurodivergent moments that Abigail have had as well as the co-writer uh Joe Wells have had. 00:04:11.919 --> 00:04:18.319 So I wanted to talk to you a little bit about specifically, and we will get into a failure or rejection that I asked you to come with. 00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:20.319 And I'm excited for this one. 00:04:20.720 --> 00:04:28.720 But I wanted to talk to you specifically as a neurodivergent person myself about reject rejection sensitivity. 00:04:28.800 --> 00:04:29.600 Is it disorder? 00:04:29.839 --> 00:04:30.319 Dysphoria. 00:04:30.639 --> 00:04:32.000 Dysphoria, yes. 00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:33.680 Do you experience that? 00:04:33.920 --> 00:04:45.279 Because I experienced it on such a high level that until people started talking about it, I was one of those people that just kind of grew up and kept be being told like how sensitive they were. 00:04:45.680 --> 00:04:47.439 Like, girl, you're just so sensitive, toughen up. 00:04:47.600 --> 00:04:53.839 So I just kind of like tried to hide a lot of that, like how much rejection would hurt me. 00:04:53.920 --> 00:04:55.439 And now people are talking about it. 00:04:55.519 --> 00:04:59.439 And it's nice to know that like I'm not the only one that feels that way sometimes. 00:04:59.839 --> 00:05:01.839 So, do you experience that? 00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:08.240 Yeah, so I when you asked, I was like, do I? 00:05:08.639 --> 00:05:21.360 I with what we do, because uh we're both stand-up comedians, and we both like I have gotten as far as career rejections, I've been getting rejections since I was like 15. 00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:22.319 You know what I mean? 00:05:22.639 --> 00:05:24.240 Didn't get into show choir. 00:05:24.560 --> 00:05:25.839 Oh, did that one hurt? 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:33.600 Didn't get, you know, didn't get the lead in the play, didn't get into the uni I wanted, auditions, I so many failures, blah, blah, blah. 00:05:33.759 --> 00:05:39.040 So, like, as far as like career stuff, I do feel pretty bulletproof. 00:05:39.120 --> 00:05:40.879 Like, I'm like, everyone says no to me. 00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:41.920 I'm used to it. 00:05:42.079 --> 00:05:44.240 Uh it's not like I'm very successful. 00:05:44.399 --> 00:05:47.279 I am very successful, and we're both very available. 00:05:47.439 --> 00:05:53.600 And we're but successfully available because I've chosen to be available. 00:05:53.839 -->

00:05:59.120 Um, but when it comes to like personal stuff, for sure. 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:08.079 Specifically, like off-handed comments that like loved ones might make, it can cut me to the quick. 00:06:08.399 --> 00:06:14.480 When you say loved ones, do you mean like even like immediate family? 00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:16.240 I mean those, yeah, yeah. 00:06:16.319 --> 00:06:18.959 I would consider my immediate family part of my loved ones. 00:06:19.120 --> 00:06:21.360 Yeah, like moms can't moms are great at it. 00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:25.920 Uh so you have turned me on to these amazing false eyelashes. 00:06:26.240 --> 00:06:26.959 Bonded lashes. 00:06:27.360 --> 00:06:29.199 Let's give a shout-out to bonded lashes. 00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:31.920 Not a sponsor, but could be could be a sponsor for the podcast. 00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:33.439 Match made in heaven. 00:06:33.680 --> 00:06:35.120 Um, oh, I'm wearing them too. 00:06:36.800 --> 00:06:37.600 We didn't plan this. 00:06:37.920 --> 00:06:38.480 Oh my god. 00:06:38.720 --> 00:06:43.040 We should bleep out the name until they agree to be a sponsor. 00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:44.639 She's giving me so much stuff. 00:06:44.879 --> 00:06:45.839 She's giving me nothing. 00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:47.279 I'm waiting. 00:06:47.519 --> 00:06:49.839 I'm available and successful. 00:06:50.319 --> 00:06:52.720 Daunted lashes, we're ready for you. 00:06:53.040 --> 00:07:06.079 Um, but so when I saw my mom, I was like wearing them, and uh, I was like, I was excited to share this because my mother has short eyelashes, and I was like, look at my eyelashes, check out how natural they are. 00:07:06.160 --> 00:07:09.120 They're the these are how they work, and they're called bonded, and blah blah blah. 00:07:09.199 --> 00:07:11.040 It's a UK maker who makes them. 00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:11.839 I don't, you know. 00:07:12.079 --> 00:07:16.160 And my mom was like, I was wondering, because you've always had short eyelashes. 00:07:16.319 --> 00:07:24.720 And I was like, I wanted her to notice my long eyelashes, but then when she said that I have short eyelashes, I was like, now my feelings are hurt. 00:07:24.800 --> 00:07:27.199 And she said nothing but a truthful statement. 00:07:27.439 --> 00:07:29.279 That's why I wear false eyelashes. 00:07:29.600 --> 00:07:29.920 Okay. 00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:40.240 But a really an actual example is so I'm ADHD, my boyfriend is autistic. 00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:50.319 So sometimes Tom will say things very honestly, but he doesn't understand how that might be sensitive for me. 00:07:50.639 --> 00:08:00.399 And I went to school for musical theater, and I was telling a friend the other day, it's like I was good, but I was never, I'm very sensitive about my singing. 00:08:00.560 --> 00:08:03.839 Because I wasn't, I was good in school, but I wasn't great in school. 00:08:03.920 --> 00:08:08.560 And I went to musical theater school at 18 when everyone's an insufferable asshole. 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:17.279 And I can't and never have been able to belt a high G, which like, why even get into musical theater if you can't belt a high G? 00:08:17.519 --> 00:08:18.959 Oh my god, you can't do like a high G. 00:08:19.199 --> 00:08:20.720 I know, it's embarrassing. 00:08:20.959 --> 00:08:32.320 And I started taking singing lessons again at one point, and uh I was like goofing off and singing a song around Tom and kind of singing it in his face. 00:08:32.399 --> 00:08:34.639 He did say it's like it's when you do it in my face. 00:08:34.799 --> 00:08:37.440 And he just goes, When you sing, it gives me a headache. 00:08:37.519 --> 00:08:40.720 And I was like, Well, we're not taking singing lessons ever again, are we? 00:08:40.879 --> 00:08:42.480 We no longer sing in the house. 00:08:42.799 --> 00:08:43.840 I understand that one. 00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:45.279 I do understand that one. 00:08:45.600 --> 00:08:55.200 I find the ones I take the most personally are the people that I don't even really know that well, and the people that I'm not even that good of friends with. 00:08:55.279 --> 00:08:55.840 Do you know what I mean? 00:08:55.919 --> 00:09:04.080 Because I think with a friend, like with you, when before when we were still becoming friends, you didn't write me back for like two weeks once, and I was like, I think you don't like me or have I done something. 00:09:04.240 --> 00:09:07.279 Because like I came to a birthday party and I dipped out immediately, which I do by the way. 00:09:07.360 --> 00:09:11.759 If you invite me to something and I say, I'll come, I'll come, but you might only see me for 10 seconds. 00:09:12.320 --> 00:09:14.960 And I will not respond to messages for two weeks. 00:09:15.039 --> 00:09:16.399 And this is how we're different. 00:09:16.960 --> 00:09:21.360 But you're somebody that I felt comfortable to reach out to and be like, hey, yeah, are you is something going on? 00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:22.159 Are you just busy? 00:09:22.399 --> 00:09:26.480 Whereas I think if it's like an acquaintance or somebody you don't really know and you're like, Why did I say that? 00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:27.519 Why did I text them that? 00:09:27.679 --> 00:09:28.879 Why do they leave me on read? 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:31.840 You don't really have that option to do that. 00:09:32.399 --> 00:09:35.360 So I think that stuff like cuts me to the core. 00:09:35.440 --> 00:09:39.279 And the showbiz stuff bothers me, I think, more in the moment. 00:09:39.440 --> 00:09:44.639 Like I'll feel so catastrophic about it, and I'll be like, I'm quitting, my life's over. 00:09:45.440 --> 00:09:50.320 But the things that aren't about my career are the things that stay with me longer, if that makes sense. 00:09:50.559 --> 00:09:52.799 Like they will haunt me for the rest of my life. 00:09:53.279 --> 00:09:53.919 Yeah. 00:09:54.320 --> 00:09:54.720 Yeah. 00:09:54.960 --> 00:09:57.679 And I don't, I don't know how to say this. 00:09:57.919 --> 00:10:00.240

Because I mentioned it before to you as well. 00:10:00.480 --> 00:10:03.039 I feel like I wear all that stuff on my sleeve. 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:05.919 Like, I mean, I have a podcast called Everyone Hates You. 00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:07.279 It's not a secret. 00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:08.559 Everyone hates me. 00:10:08.799 --> 00:10:16.240 But which by the way, a psychic once told me people hated me because I was a man in all my past lives, and so I have a weird energy. 00:10:16.320 --> 00:10:17.440 I'll come back to that in a different episode. 00:10:17.840 --> 00:10:19.200 The problem is you're seeing psychics. 00:10:19.279 --> 00:10:23.200 You're seeing psychics because I waste money on things. 00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:29.440 But this one, I we were both guests on a radio show many years ago in Toronto, and we had a chat after I didn't pay this woman. 00:10:29.679 --> 00:10:29.919 Okay. 00:10:30.080 --> 00:10:32.080 I gave her money at a later time for another service. 00:10:32.159 --> 00:10:33.039 However, that was different. 00:10:33.200 --> 00:10:34.960 Anyway, back to what we're saying. 00:10:35.440 --> 00:10:36.960 So I everyone hates me. 00:10:37.039 --> 00:10:47.600 Um, but I just um you don't like all be like, oh my god, all this, I got all rejected for all these things, dude. 00:10:47.679 --> 00:10:50.159 Like everything's categrophic, and you'll be like, that's terrible. 00:10:50.559 --> 00:10:56.159 Last week I got rejected for that, and I'll be like, oh well, why didn't you like wail about that for a while? 00:10:56.399 --> 00:10:56.879 You know what I mean? 00:10:56.960 --> 00:11:06.000 Like I feel like you don't you're not as outward about them, maybe, or maybe you handle them differently, or maybe you let them roll off you quicker than I do. 00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:10.960 I I'd say I'm not as like outward about it as you. 00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:24.320 I remember the last time I went to Edinburgh in 2022, um, I I I didn't have an agent and I needed to do the agent thing again. 00:11:24.639 --> 00:11:30.240 Where I like, you know, email out and it Edinburgh was getting closer and closer, and I hadn't emailed anyone. 00:11:30.399 --> 00:11:35.279 And I just I looked at at my partner and was like, I just can't. 00:11:35.519 --> 00:11:40.159 I can't do this any I just can't, I just can't do the dance. 00:11:40.399 --> 00:11:46.879 And my partner was like, I got really close to being signed by my dream agent, and it fell through at the last minute. 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:51.360 Like I bought and it I I did, I bought, I ruined it. 00:11:51.679 --> 00:11:56.720 But uh, and my partner is like, I've seen you just take this on the chin so many times. 00:11:56.879 --> 00:12:12.159 I'm not surprised you can't make yourself do it right now because you've just been like, all right, so they dr you know that that they won't sign me and uh I'll apply for this writing gig, and I didn't get that, and now I'm gonna audition for this, and I didn't get that. 00:12:13.120 --> 00:12:30.399 But I think too, I've been rejected by so many projects that all of the feedback now means nothing to me because they're just saying something. 00:12:30.559 --> 00:12:31.440 Does that make sense? 00:12:31.600 --> 00:12:39.279 Yeah, like the needs to work harder on jokes or not the right fit or blah blah blah. 00:12:39.679 --> 00:12:42.960 Like it just they're so generic. 00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:47.120 I'm just like that's not the real reason you can't. 00:12:47.440 --> 00:12:48.159 You know what I mean? 00:12:48.399 --> 00:12:50.480 So why why do I care? 00:12:51.120 --> 00:13:04.799 You're not you're not giving me any feedback I can work on, so therefore I'm not taking it I'm not taking it personally because it maybe it is keep working on your writing, but there's something else there as well. 00:13:05.120 --> 00:13:05.679 I feel that. 00:13:05.759 --> 00:13:11.840 And for me, it's like I have autism and ADHD, and I struggle with I'm so honest with people, and I've had to learn not to be. 00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:20.799 Like I've since I've I've started to remind myself of this thing where it says it takes two people to hurt you, the person who said something about you and the person who tells you what they said. 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:24.240 So I went through like a period where I Wait a minute, say that again. 00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:28.879 The person who talks bad about you, and then the person that ran to you to be like, guess what someone so said about you? 00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:29.600 Do you know what I mean? 00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:32.080 I did not think this saying was going to end that way. 00:13:32.240 --> 00:13:38.320 I thought it was going to be it takes two people to hurt you, the person who says something to you, and you for feeling. 00:13:38.799 --> 00:13:40.799 Oh no, we don't do accountability on this podcast episode. 00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:41.200 Okay. 00:13:41.600 --> 00:13:42.559 My apologies. 00:13:42.799 --> 00:13:44.240 Who is running to you? 00:13:44.320 --> 00:13:45.600 And that is a thing. 00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:46.639 No, but I've done it. 00:13:47.519 --> 00:13:48.159 But I don't do anymore. 00:13:48.240 --> 00:13:49.840 And I'll never do that to me. 00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:51.279 No, I'm talking when I was like teenagers. 00:13:51.519 --> 00:13:52.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:13:52.159 --> 00:13:54.639 Because I felt that there was this whole, oh, I need to be honest. 00:13:54.720 --> 00:14:01.519 I'm a bad friend if I don't say, and then I have had instances where it's been like, well, they didn't believe me, and then it became well, I don't do that anymore. 00:14:01.679 --> 00:14:10.000 But I'm saying I have double standards for myself because I would want, even though I I know I don't want to know. 00:14:10.639 --> 00:14:15.759 When it comes to like things from agents, I feel like I really took this, I used a bad example. 00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:20.399 Because when it comes to things from

agents, I get mad when I get the generic blow-offs. 00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:23.039 I would be honest with somebody. 00:14:23.679 --> 00:14:25.919 If I didn't want to work with them, I would tell them why. 00:14:26.879 --> 00:14:34.960 But I've had, because now what when I went through and I was in the second round of going through everybody that said no to me, I'm like, it's been a few years now. 00:14:35.039 --> 00:14:37.039 I can I can do it again. 00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:40.399 I've had some of those people be very honest with me. 00:14:41.919 --> 00:14:47.759 And it I've been like, like, even though that's what I wanted, yeah, there was no pleasing me. 00:14:47.840 --> 00:14:48.559 Do you know what I mean? 00:14:48.960 --> 00:15:05.360 Well, also, sometimes there's just if we're talking about art, which or making the making of things, which is what stand-up is, like, there's only so much you can change about yourself. 00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:16.000 Well, my thing is none of the the thing that I'm upset about is listen, I like the thing that I'm upset about is I'm gonna say, like, in the recent future, most of my rejections have had nothing to do with my talent. 00:15:16.159 --> 00:15:16.399 Right. 00:15:16.639 --> 00:15:19.519 I feel I'm being, I'm almost aging out of this industry. 00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:38.320 And I know that's a messed up thing to say because we're stand-up comedians, and I talked about this a little bit in the first episode, so I don't want to go to ad nauseum, but I kind of touched on a little bit about how I feel like if you're a woman and you haven't made it by a certain age, yeah, it's harder for you to get given that shot than it is for a man of your age or than it is for a younger woman. 00:15:38.559 --> 00:15:44.639 I totally agree, and I haven't been reaching out to people as much of late, and I think that's why. 00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:47.919 Because I'm afraid of getting that rejection. 00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:53.360 Oh, I made somebody tell me it had to do with my age, and I pushed, and then when I got that answer, I was like, why didn't you tell? 00:15:53.519 --> 00:15:54.000 I mean, eh? 00:15:54.240 --> 00:15:55.519 Like, I'm ridiculous, you guys. 00:15:55.759 --> 00:15:56.639 Did you screenshot it? 00:15:56.720 --> 00:16:00.080 Because now you can sue them because that's no, no, no, because it wasn't direct from the source. 00:16:00.159 --> 00:16:00.480 Oh, okay. 00:16:00.559 --> 00:16:02.320 That's all I'm gonna leave it there. 00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:13.919 Uh but yeah, so I um I struggle with that a lot, and it really made me question what I'm doing with my life. 00:16:14.080 --> 00:16:16.559 And I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. 00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:24.879 But I do feel with you, you you are uh a positive friend to me, your positive vibe to have around because you kind of always still have hope at the end. 00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:28.639 Yeah, I'm a I'm a natural optimist, so that's natural, yeah. 00:16:29.039 --> 00:16:31.840 Yeah, this is this is the way I was I was born. 00:16:32.159 --> 00:16:35.039 Um not everyone in my family even has it. 00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:45.679 Um but I also I mean, I think the help of delusion, I mean, to be in entertainment is to be delusional, you know, to be delicious. 00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:48.240 I know, you know, to be like how delusional am I? 00:16:48.639 --> 00:16:50.240 You know, I know, I know you're right. 00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:53.360 I had a friend once say to me, This is you have to believe in magic a little bit. 00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:53.600 Yeah. 00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:55.200 If you don't believe in magic, you'll never make it. 00:16:55.279 --> 00:16:57.120 And you're right, you have to be the Lulu. 00:16:57.600 --> 00:17:01.759 And I think I've held on to that pretty well for the most part. 00:17:01.840 --> 00:17:06.319 And I mean, you know, I grew up in in a small town in Ohio, and now I live in central London. 00:17:06.400 --> 00:17:10.319 So, like, I'm not a household name, but I've fucking made it, man. 00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:11.039 You know what? 00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:12.799 I don't give myself enough credit. 00:17:13.039 --> 00:17:13.359 Yeah. 00:17:13.599 --> 00:17:15.839 Whenever a small town Ontario, Canada. 00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:20.720 Yeah, reminder, whenever you get to that, like I'm be like, I fucking live in London. 00:17:20.880 --> 00:17:29.440 You make your living telling jokes, you live in London, and we're from bum fuck middle of nowhere in different countries. 00:17:29.839 --> 00:17:31.359 Looks like we made it. 00:17:31.599 --> 00:17:35.039 Look at how far we become a baby. 00:17:35.839 --> 00:17:43.920 You say I've been shaman. 00:17:44.480 --> 00:17:46.160 Okay, that was a lovely little chat. 00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:46.880 I really like that. 00:17:46.960 --> 00:17:49.759 It ended a little too positive for this podcast, but you know, sometimes it happens. 00:17:49.920 --> 00:17:50.400 No, I like it. 00:17:50.880 --> 00:17:56.720 So, Abogalaya, I wanted to talk to you about a specific failure or rejection or your humiliation, something that you've had. 00:17:56.799 --> 00:18:04.880 I've had guests do personal ones, I've had guests do like really inside industry ones. 00:18:04.960 --> 00:18:09.599 I've had guests do uh, you know, family ones. 00:18:09.759 --> 00:18:11.599 What do you have for us today, Shama? 00:18:12.079 --> 00:18:17.599 Yeah, I just had to, I was like, I'm gonna stay away from industry stuff because I knew it's gonna happen naturally. 00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:25.119 And I figure everyone Can I just say everyone does everyone come on here and talk about the one time they auditioned for the one thing and they didn't get it? 00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:26.960 No, but sometimes. 00:18:27.200 --> 00:18:35.519 But I'm not gonna name names, but the amount of people who've been like, I have an industry thing to say, and then they've been like, Can we get dinner?

00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:37.920 So really I've definitely had some conversation. 00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:39.759 I I'm good like that. 00:18:39.839 --> 00:18:41.359 I will edit things out for now. 00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:42.079 I don't have a Patreon. 00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:45.200 Maybe once I get a Patreon, you're not getting those edits, they're going straight up there. 00:18:45.359 --> 00:18:46.799 So you do we don't have an industry one. 00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:47.680 What do we have? 00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:59.920 So when I was in New York and I was in my open mic days, there was this guy who we knew each other through the scene, and we were at a party, and uh he had had a bit of a glow-up. 00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:04.400 Uh defined glow up glow up before, and what was he after? 00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:12.160 He says, I mean, I hate to be that person as a as a as a chubby girl, but he basically lost a lot of weight and got hot. 00:19:12.480 --> 00:19:13.440 Like, you know what I mean? 00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:21.440 Like he just he he got it happen, he he got cute, uh is started to like you know dress a little better, blah blah blah blah blah. 00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:30.000 And um apparently at this party, one of our other friends, when I was like, Yeah, he look, he, he, he's he looks good. 00:19:30.079 --> 00:19:34.079 Uh a mutual friend of ours was like, go talk to Abagaliah too. 00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:39.599 We'll call this gentleman, we'll call him, uh we'll call him Jim. 00:19:39.759 --> 00:19:41.039 Uh, not his real name. 00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:47.440 Uh, but Danny went to Jim and was like, you need to talk to Abagaliah because she thinks you're cute. 00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:49.839 And I did, and we started to date. 00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:52.559 And the first night we like went to hook up. 00:19:52.720 --> 00:19:54.000 We started to date. 00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:58.960 Like, I did what did go out or did you just start fooling around? 00:19:59.119 --> 00:20:00.319 I think we went out. 00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:02.720 I was trying to remember how it went down. 00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:04.079 How old are you? 00:20:05.039 --> 00:20:06.559 20 mid. 00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:08.640 Okay, so you were like dating then. 00:20:08.799 --> 00:20:09.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:20:09.519 --> 00:20:12.960 Like when you're like, you know, 18, 19, you're like, will you go out with me? 00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:14.640 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:21.599 Um, and the first night that we ever tried to hook up, he got a little anxious. 00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:25.680 And that is when I learned he was a virgin. 00:20:26.480 --> 00:20:30.880 Okay, so when you said anxious, do you mean couldn't perform in the moment? 00:20:31.119 --> 00:20:32.960 Oh, I thought you mean he got a little ahead of himself. 00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:33.440 Nope. 00:20:33.519 --> 00:20:33.759 Nope. 00:20:34.160 --> 00:20:35.200 So he had performance anxiety. 00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:36.319 He had

performance anxiety. 00:20:36.640 --> 00:20:38.480 If you ask him, hey, what's up? 00:20:38.559 --> 00:20:40.480 Or sorry, hey, why is this not up? 00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:45.680 He uh I was just like, are we cool? 00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:48.960 We can like, you know, I was just like, we can we can chill out. 00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:56.079 We don't, you know, we don't have to do this right now, you know, if it the the you're not feeling it, and that's when he told me he was a virgin. 00:20:56.319 --> 00:21:00.640 And then after we talked about it, and I was like, listen, I'm into you. 00:21:00.799 --> 00:21:03.359 I would like to do this, but we don't have to. 00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:07.039 And he was like, I want to, and I was like, great. 00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:09.200 He was also around your age, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:21:09.359 --> 00:21:19.039 Okay, I think he might be like a year or two younger than me, but he's still like mid-20s back when you're which is which is fine, which is fine, it's just something you encounter all every day. 00:21:19.279 --> 00:21:35.920 You don't see often, no, no, and so uh we did that night and make sweet love, and and we started to date, and I was like so into him, and really, and you know, and not just hooking up, not like you up, me going to his house. 00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:50.559 We would like hang out and talk and all of this, and it was going on for a couple months, and then I was gonna leave New York for one month to go to Edinburgh, and I was like, him and I need to discuss where we're at before I leave for a month. 00:21:50.799 --> 00:21:59.359 And we we went out, and then that night we went back to his uh made sweet love, and the next day. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:02.640 He was like, I think we should probably talk about where we're at. 00:22:02.720 --> 00:22:04.480 And I was like, I think so too. 00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:10.240 And my thought was like, hey, I'm going away for a month, but like You thought he was gonna be like, I wanna lock down. 00:22:11.519 --> 00:22:14.640 And he was like, let's not see each other anymore. 00:22:15.039 --> 00:22:19.119 And I was like, bitch, I taught you everything you know. 00:22:19.359 --> 00:22:22.319 Do you think you gave him a we had sex on his roof? 00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:23.440 It was a building. 00:22:23.599 --> 00:22:25.599 We had sex in his shower. 00:22:25.759 --> 00:22:28.400 We had like sex for the first time with me. 00:22:28.480 --> 00:22:29.920 And then he dumped me. 00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:31.759 And I was so upset about it. 00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:35.359 And as you can tell, as you can tell, I'm completely over it. 00:22:35.440 --> 00:22:36.240 I'm completely fine. 00:22:36.559 --> 00:22:39.440 Do you think that you gave him that confidence to be like, now I can go get it? 00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:43.119 Well, I I told I told some friends, I was like, he dumped me. 00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:45.279 And they're like, of course he dumped you, Abigail. 00:22:45.839 -->

00:22:48.079 Like, we weren't like a fan, we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend. 00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:50.160 But what you thought that conversation was gonna be. 00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:57.039 I thought that's I thought we were gonna have the Lesbi boyfriend and girlfriend conversation, and everyone was like, of course he dumped you. 00:22:57.359 --> 00:23:00.240 He wants to have sex with more people. 00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:02.079 Listen, it was inevitable gonna happen. 00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:05.519 No, like I who's still here with the person the first person they had sex with? 00:23:05.680 --> 00:23:06.400 No, no one. 00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:11.119 I could see how you would be like, I could see you'd be like, I made you. 00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:12.240 Yeah, yeah. 00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:14.960 I you'd be nothing without me. 00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:16.720 And so, okay, he broke up with you. 00:23:16.799 --> 00:23:17.680 You went to the festival. 00:23:17.839 --> 00:23:19.119 Uh yeah, I went to the festival. 00:23:19.279 --> 00:23:31.440 Oh, and and also what really hurt me at the time was like the night, so he dumped me like the next day, but like that night, we had had like a great night. 00:23:31.519 --> 00:23:32.960 We had hung out all night, you know. 00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:34.720 I spent the night at his blah blah blah. 00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:36.400 We had to get at the pimping one more time. 00:23:36.799 --> 00:23:37.359 Well, exactly. 00:23:37.599 --> 00:23:43.200 I was like, I was like, why, why, why did we spend a whole night together if you were just gonna dump me the next day? 00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:45.279 And he was like, I just thought we should have a nice time. 00:23:45.359 --> 00:23:47.119 And I I I wrote I remember this text. 00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:49.039 I'm like, Well, I'm glad you had a nice time. 00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:55.279 But all my friends were like, again, and I was like, Well, why did he spend so like a beautiful evening with me if he was just gonna dump me? 00:23:55.359 --> 00:23:57.839 And everyone's like, because he wanted to have sex again. 00:23:58.000 --> 00:23:58.160 Yeah. 00:23:58.319 --> 00:24:03.119 And I'm like, and also, like, now that you gave him the taste, he didn't want to go a month without it. 00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:04.559 Yeah, he didn't want to go a month without it. 00:24:04.640 --> 00:24:06.480 He was like, I'm having this all day, every day. 00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:08.000 How can I go a month without it? 00:24:08.240 --> 00:24:09.759 How did have you ever seen him again? 00:24:09.839 --> 00:24:10.559 Have you spoken to him again? 00:24:10.640 --> 00:24:13.759 Did you guys ever speak about the fact that you were the one that took his virginity? 00:24:13.839 --> 00:24:15.599 How has there been a conversation about that? 00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:20.640 Um, I since moving to the UK, I have not spoken to him. 00:24:20.799 --> 00:24:21.039 Okay. 00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:26.960 I did once, like on a what's he up

to, did look him up on the gram. 00:24:27.279 --> 00:24:28.960 And uh Do you follow each other? 00:24:29.119 --> 00:24:29.920 Uh yes, we do. 00:24:30.079 --> 00:24:30.240 Okay. 00:24:30.400 --> 00:24:33.279 But we've never commented on each other's stuff. 00:24:33.599 --> 00:24:38.640 And I will say, you know how we were like, I wish I was further along in my career earlier. 00:24:38.799 --> 00:24:40.799 It's like, well, I think I might be doing better than him. 00:24:40.880 --> 00:24:41.519 So You are. 00:24:41.599 --> 00:24:42.160 I looked. 00:24:42.319 --> 00:24:43.279 Oh, I looked. 00:24:43.440 --> 00:24:44.160 I I looked. 00:24:44.319 --> 00:24:44.799 Can I ask? 00:24:44.880 --> 00:24:50.000 Because you're so blunt and honest, when because I sent Michelle, I was like, you want to see his Instagram? 00:24:50.160 --> 00:24:52.720 What what was your read on on the guy? 00:24:52.960 --> 00:24:57.680 The only thing I saw was that his pinned clip had been up for years and had 20 likes. 00:24:58.400 --> 00:24:59.440 I didn't like it. 00:24:59.920 --> 00:25:01.839 Your looks don't matter to me after that. 00:25:02.799 --> 00:25:04.240 I didn't clock that. 00:25:04.319 --> 00:25:07.839 And I thought that was so funny when you were like, really? 00:25:08.480 --> 00:25:10.720 This this is the one you think about. 00:25:10.960 --> 00:25:17.200 Yeah, wait, I mean, because New York, the New York comedy scene, like any scene, you're gonna run into each other, you're gonna see each other. 00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:21.279 Do you think he had a better first sexual experience than you did? 00:25:21.519 --> 00:25:25.599 Yes! I lost my virginity on prom night in a cornfield. 00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:28.559 Oh my god, that is so American. 00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:34.880 I was I was a s I was a freshman, he was a senior, it lasted all of 0.2 seconds. 00:25:35.039 --> 00:25:36.160 That is so American of you. 00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:36.640 I love that. 00:25:36.799 --> 00:25:40.319 Yeah, I will say Jim did a very good job at his first time. 00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:41.599 I had lovely time. 00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:43.279 And he was good at sex, by the way. 00:25:43.599 --> 00:25:45.599 The first person he had sex with was me. 00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:50.960 And I will say, uh, before Jim and I got together, I'd had sex with a lot of people. 00:25:51.279 --> 00:25:54.079 I am well researched in the art of love. 00:25:54.240 --> 00:25:56.079 And he he was he was a great time. 00:25:56.240 --> 00:25:57.039 He was a great time. 00:25:57.119 --> 00:25:58.640 So I assume it was a great time for him. 00:25:59.119 --> 00:25:59.920 20 likes worth. 00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:03.759 20, 20 likes worth, 20 likes worth. 00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:06.240 Um, but yeah, I haven't talked to him. 00:26:06.400 --> 00:26:08.640 What I've lived in the UK now for 13 years. 00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:12.319 I think it's good though, because I'm gonna just send him this once it's out. 00:26:12.480 --> 00:26:14.960

I'm just gonna be like, Oh, he's gonna be like How you doing, babes? 00:26:15.599 --> 00:26:17.039 Well, everyone hates me, so it's fine. 00:26:17.279 --> 00:26:21.279 But I feel like you gave him a really nice first experience, and I love that for you. 00:26:21.599 --> 00:26:31.759 I I feel good about the experience, but I will like looking back at it now, like of course he wanted to see other people. 00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:44.960 Of course, like we didn't become boyfriend and girlfriend, but at the time, it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. 00:26:45.200 --> 00:26:52.880 Okay, see, I feel like that with even guys that I don't even want to be like, I feel like that with every rejection with a man, even if I don't want to be with a man. 00:26:53.119 --> 00:26:55.119 I have a I was thinking about this the other day. 00:26:55.279 --> 00:27:00.960 I have this weird like ownership thing over people I've been with. 00:27:01.119 --> 00:27:07.680 So, like, if I've been with someone casually, didn't, you know, just uh hooked up with them, whatever. 00:27:07.839 --> 00:27:09.839 Now I've been with Tom for what 13 years? 00:27:09.920 --> 00:27:19.519 So we're talking over a decade ago, and then I find out that they're now married, I'm like, have you moved on? 00:27:19.680 --> 00:27:26.880 Oh yeah, I'd be oh I oh yeah, don't don't I could be in bed with someone else and see this and be like, how dare he? 00:27:27.200 --> 00:27:30.400 I I'm like, but what about by the way? 00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:31.599 I don't want to date this person. 00:27:31.680 --> 00:27:36.319 Yeah, I haven't talked to this person, but I'm like, you you're married? 00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:38.400 I've been with the same person now for 13 years. 00:27:38.720 --> 00:27:41.839 Okay, and I'm like, how dare you? 00:27:42.079 --> 00:27:45.279 Is that a neurodivergent thing or are we insane? 00:27:45.599 --> 00:27:47.200 I have no idea. 00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:49.279 And so maybe both. 00:27:49.680 --> 00:27:52.640 If you're a shrink or psychologist or whatever, can you please let me know? 00:27:52.799 --> 00:27:54.720 I actually don't like therapy. 00:27:54.799 --> 00:27:56.799 And I tried therapy briefly in the UK. 00:27:57.039 --> 00:27:57.759 Of course you do. 00:27:57.920 --> 00:28:01.359 I tried to get my therapist to come on my podcast, and she was like, I can't do that. 00:28:01.519 --> 00:28:02.880 And I was like, that's fine. 00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:03.839 That's a good therapist. 00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:05.359 Yeah, but she was like, I can recommend people. 00:28:05.440 --> 00:28:07.200 And I was like, No, it won't be funny if it's not you. 00:28:07.440 --> 00:28:14.640 When Jonah Hill, though, which I never watched, but when he made that Netflix thing with his therapists, I was like, that is the most unethical thing. 00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:17.119 And I won't even have to watch it to know that. 00:28:17.359 --> 00:28:21.039 Um, listen, Abogalaya, I gotta wind it down here, but let's promo you. 00:28:21.200 --> 00:28:22.079 Where can people find you? 00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:23.279 What do you want them to find? 00:28:23.599 --> 00:28:26.079 So I am on all social media. 00:28:26.319 --> 00:28:29.200 Uh my first name at Abigalia. 00:28:29.359 --> 00:28:31.839 It'll be in the show notes or the description. 00:28:32.079 --> 00:28:33.680 Just that's my name. 00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:40.559 Um, but I have a book out called Neurodivergent Moments, Sex, Sunscreen, Turtles, and How Not to Pack a Suitcase. 00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:42.880 It is available wherever books are sold. 00:28:42.960 --> 00:28:43.920 You can buy it on Amazon. 00:28:44.079 --> 00:28:46.079 You can order it from your independent bookshop. 00:28:46.240 --> 00:28:57.920 And I also have a podcast with my friend Tom Zelensky called All British Comedy Explained, where we watch old British television shows and he gives me the history of them. 00:28:58.160 --> 00:29:00.880 And sometimes we have guests on our podcast. 00:29:01.200 --> 00:29:02.240 I've never been on it. 00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:03.920 And you won't, because you haven't been. 00:29:06.880 --> 00:29:07.200 I know. 00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:08.640 I thought we were friends then. 00:29:09.519 --> 00:29:10.319 We weren't even friends then. 00:29:10.559 --> 00:29:12.960 But uh yeah, but you have podcasts. 00:29:13.200 --> 00:29:14.160 I I have podcasts. 00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:16.400 So are you you're done the other podcast? 00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:22.000 So the other podcast is uh finished slash on a very long hiatus. 00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:24.880 Whenever Joe and I want to bring it back, we'll bring it back. 00:29:25.039 --> 00:29:28.240 But it just kind of stops being fun for both of us. 00:29:28.960 --> 00:29:29.680 Podcasts. 00:29:29.920 --> 00:29:34.720 When you produce the whole thing yourself, sometimes it stops being fun. 00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:39.680 As Deborah Francis White says, podcasts is radio, no one can stop you from making. 00:29:39.759 --> 00:29:45.359 And also, I'd like to add, podcasts are radio that you can stop and start whenever the fuck you want. 00:29:45.599 --> 00:29:46.000 Great. 00:29:46.160 --> 00:29:49.359 I'm glad to hear how hard it is to self-produce a podcast. 00:29:49.599 --> 00:29:50.640 Enjoy this moment. 00:29:50.799 --> 00:29:51.119 I know. 00:29:51.279 --> 00:29:53.279 So thank you guys so much for listening to Everyone Hates You. 00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:55.839 This is season two with Abagalaya Shaman. 00:29:56.160 --> 00:29:58.799 Now, guys, you know, I am reading your stories. 00:29:58.880 --> 00:30:00.960 Uh, send me your stories of failure and rejection. 00:30:01.039 --> 00:30:02.880 I have got some funny ones, I have got some sad ones. 00:30:02.960 --> 00:30:04.319 They can be about absolutely anything. 00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:07.440 I will keep your identity hidden unless you don't want it to be hidden. 00:30:07.519 --> 00:30:08.640 Maybe that's your fetish. 00:30:09.039 --> 00:30:11.519 But email them to me, message me, DM me. 00:30:11.599 --> 00:30:13.519 I still don't have an email set up for this podcast yet. 00:30:13.599 --> 00:30:18.559 And it'll be one of those things that I'll get it set up like once the podcast is done with, because that's just how my brain works. 00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:25.680 So DM me on Instagram or Facebook or OnlyFans at Michelle's Funny. 00:30:25.839 --> 00:30:32.880 Um, and like I said, if this podcast takes off, which would be so off-brand for this podcast, but let's call ourselves the losers, okay? 00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:34.720 I'm a loser, you're a loser. 00:30:34.799 --> 00:30:35.920 And I mean that endearingly. 00:30:36.079 --> 00:30:36.319 I like it. 00:30:36.559 --> 00:30:37.759 Do you want to make me the loser club? 00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:39.200 I'll be part of the loser club. 00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:40.480 I think that means so much to me. 00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:42.079 Let's get some merch made. 00:30:42.319 --> 00:30:44.319 Yes, yes. 00:30:44.720 --> 00:30:46.480 Let's get some merch made. 00:30:46.720 --> 00:30:47.599 Loser. 00:30:47.839 --> 00:30:48.480 Thank you guys. 00:30:48.559 --> 00:30:49.279 Everyone hates you. 00:30:49.519 --> 00:30:49.759 Bye. 00:30:50.240 --> 00:30:50.559 Bye. 00:30:51.279 --> 00:30:52.799 Everyone hates you.