TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:05.040 --> 00:00:10.160
Hello and welcome to season two of Truth Be Told, Love and Theater.
00:00:10.880 --> 00:00:26.559
Fourteen new stories, each performed at Ensemble Studio Theater, as part of Truth Be Told, a night of amazing, weird, embarrassing, profound, and completely true stories created by Susan Kim and David Zelnick.
00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:33.759
Season two draws from two sold-out nights The Moment I Knew and The Theatre.
00:00:34.560 --> 00:00:38.719
Every Monday, tune in for stories of love and realization.
00:00:38.960 --> 00:00:43.439
And every Thursday for stories of the joys and madness behind the curtain.
00:00:44.240 --> 00:00:58.479
And now, without further ado, from writer John Augustine, 1969, Visiting Grandma's House, A Lava Lamp, The Virgin Mary, and whatever the secret is inside Norman's bathroom.
00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:02.159
I was nine years old.
00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:04.560
The year was 1969.
00:01:05.120 --> 00:01:08.719
It was the year all the grown-up kids at school were giggling about.
00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:17.920
My oldest brother Joey got a big magic marker and he wrote 69 with quotes around it on the back of his gray sweatshirt.
00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:23.599
My mother yelled at him and said it ruined his clothing and that that wasn't a nice thing to put on your shirt.
00:01:23.840 --> 00:01:29.840
I didn't understand why 69 in quotes was wrong, but I got the message it was dirty.
00:01:30.480 --> 00:01:42.959
My parents owned a mom and pop grocery store slash pizza shop slash moving and storage company, all in one building on the corner of 10th and McKinley Avenue in Canton, Ohio, home of the Football Hall of Fame.
00:01:43.280 --> 00:01:45.359
And the Hoover Vacuum Cleaner.
00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:47.280
Don't be jealous.
00:01:48.159 --> 00:02:06.239
Sometimes at the end of a workday, after my mother was finished counting all the money in the big cash register, and after my father had finished moving beer cases around or yelling at some customer on the phone, or hammering something into something so it could do something else, my mother would announce that we were going to visit my dad's mother.
00:02:06.480 --> 00:02:08.639
Mary was near death, we were told.
00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:12.800
So I suppose they thought there was no need to say your grandmother.
00:02:12.960 --> 00:02:14.960
It was always just dad's mom.
00:02:15.439 --> 00:02:20.159
Even after she died, it was dad's mother is dead.
00:02:21.039 --> 00:02:30.000
So on this one particular day, my dad told me and my big brother Joey to grab a lava lamp from the display in the window and find the box that came with it.
00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:32.639
Nobody was buying the lava lamps.
00:02:32.800 --> 00:02:38.560
I was there the day that the salesman came to the store to talk my dad into carrying them as a novelty item.
00:02:38.719 --> 00:02:45.039
They would be a good addition next to the other novelty items, the ones that never ever sold.
00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:50.639
These are very popular, the lava lamp salesman glowed.
00:02:50.800 --> 00:02:52.879
His face kind of looked like a lava lamp.
00:02:52.960 --> 00:02:55.759
It was all very expressive and gooey.
00:02:56.400 --> 00:03:01.759
They're very popular with the young people and the newlyweds wink wink.
00:03:02.479 --> 00:03:04.879
His suit was shiny and skinny.
00:03:05.039 --> 00:03:11.680
I had never seen anybody dressed this way, except for Tom Jones on TV, singing Havanegila.
00:03:12.719 --> 00:03:18.560
Watching Tom Jones sing and move around gave me a funny feeling in my stomach.
00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:22.879
I didn't know what it meant, but I liked the feeling.
00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:28.719
I had just started to learn to play the piano, and my mother wondered why I was so fixated on playing Havanegila.
00:03:29.360 --> 00:03:34.719
She wanted me to play patriotic songs like Stars and Stripes Forever or American Patrol.
00:03:35.039 --> 00:03:38.479
I played them for her, but I always went back to Havanegila.
00:03:39.439 --> 00:03:44.719
I was mesmerized by his singing, his dance moves as he sang.
00:03:45.439 --> 00:03:49.120
And his shirt was always open, he had hair on his chest, dark, dark hair.
00:03:49.280 --> 00:03:52.240
I wondered if I would have hair on my chest when I got older.
00:03:52.400 --> 00:03:54.000
I wanted to look like him.
00:03:54.240 --> 00:03:58.159
My brother snapped at me, shocking me out of my thoughts about Tom Jones.
00:03:58.639 --> 00:04:01.759
Stop daydreaming! Dad told us to get Mom a lava lamp.
00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:03.439
Go get the box it came in.
00:04:03.680 --> 00:04:06.479
Joey grabbed the orange lava lamp from the display.
00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:07.759
It was covered with dust.
00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:09.599
It hadn't been plugged in for a while.
00:04:09.759 --> 00:04:11.439
The whole display was very dusty.
00:04:11.599 --> 00:04:14.879
We cleaned the dust off the lava lamp and loaded it into a box.
00:04:15.120 --> 00:04:16.800
I loved the lamps when they were on.
00:04:16.879 --> 00:04:20.160
I asked my dad if we could take the blue-green one to our house.
00:04:20.319 --> 00:04:24.000
I was shocked when he shouted grumpily, Yeah, take it, I don't care.
00:04:24.160 --> 00:04:25.600
They're not selling anyway.
00:04:25.759 --> 00:04:28.319
But then don't say I never gave you nothing.
00:04:29.759 --> 00:04:30.639
Thank you.
00:04:31.439 --> 00:04:35.199
And as soon as I said thank you, I knew what my father would snap back with.
00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:38.000
Thank you doesn't pay my bills, money does.
00:04:38.240 --> 00:04:39.920
Well, I don't have any money.
00:04:40.160 --> 00:04:41.040
Well, get a job.
00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:44.000
Money doesn't grow on trees, you know, I'm not made of money.
00:04:44.240 --> 00:04:46.000
We all got into his pickup truck.
00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:52.319
My mom and dad in the front, my older brothers Joey and Stevie and I were
Load full transcript
in the back of the truck, sitting on a pile of moving blankets.
00:04:52.480 --> 00:04:55.199
The gray quilted pads my dad used when he moved people.
00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:56.399
I love these blankets.
00:04:56.480 --> 00:05:02.720
I felt it showed that my dad cared for the furniture, wrapping it carefully like he was putting the furniture to bed.
00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:05.680
We pulled up to my dad's mother's house.
00:05:05.839 --> 00:05:07.920
It was the color of the blankets.
00:05:08.399 --> 00:05:09.839
The blinds were pulled down.
00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:11.120
They were always pulled down.
00:05:11.279 --> 00:05:14.480
The blinds were dusty dirty the same way the lava lamps had been.
00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:24.720
As we walked up the broken steps to our father's mother's house, we were told by my mom that Mother Mary's bed was now in the living room, and for us not to comment on it.
00:05:24.959 --> 00:05:29.360
My mother warned in a hushed tone, and don't stare at her feet.
00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:31.759
Well, why would we stare at her feet?
00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:34.560
Because she doesn't have any feet anymore.
00:05:34.800 --> 00:05:37.920
So don't try and look at them and don't try to touch her feet.
00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:40.720
Can we look at where her feet used to be?
00:05:41.360 --> 00:05:43.439
No, that isn't polite.
00:05:44.399 --> 00:05:46.319
Why doesn't she have feet?
00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:49.519
She has the sugar, the diabetes.
00:05:49.920 --> 00:05:50.720
Like dad?
00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:51.360
Yes.
00:05:51.519 --> 00:05:53.519
Is he gonna not have feet someday?
00:05:53.759 --> 00:05:55.600
Not if he watches his sugar.
00:05:55.839 --> 00:05:57.519
We went up to the porch.
00:05:57.759 --> 00:06:01.040
My dad's sisters, Aunt Shirley and Aunt Virginia, were there.
00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:02.879
Shirley and Virginia looked old.
00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:04.079
They were in their 40s.
00:06:04.319 --> 00:06:07.199
They both wore the same kind of work pants my father wore.
00:06:07.279 --> 00:06:09.759
And they wore men's shoes and white socks.
00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:12.639
They both kind of looked like men in a way.
00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:15.839
Shirley was already standing at the screen door looking out.
00:06:16.079 --> 00:06:21.519
As we got closer to the door, Aunt Shirley shouted to my dad, Norman isn't home today.
00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:23.360
Well, where the hell is he?
00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:26.560
He had to go somewhere and do something.
00:06:27.680 --> 00:06:30.240
That man's got something wrong in his head.
00:06:30.800 --> 00:06:33.120
All three siblings still lived with their mother.
00:06:33.279 --> 00:06:39.199
I remember from the last time we visited that we were not allowed to use the half bathroom on the first floor.
00:06:39.360 --> 00:06:40.879
We were told to go upstairs.
00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:43.439
I wondered if this was still a rule.
00:06:43.680 --> 00:06:46.800
My mother warned, if you need to use
the toilet, don't go in there.
00:06:46.879 --> 00:06:48.480
That's Norman's bathroom.
00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:50.399
Use the one upstairs.
00:06:51.279 --> 00:06:52.560
Norman's bathroom.
00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:55.839
Why does he have his own bathroom that is off limits to everybody else?
00:06:56.000 --> 00:06:58.879
And is it because he's a man and the others a woman?
00:06:59.120 --> 00:07:01.839
My grandmother's bed was in the middle of the small living room.
00:07:01.920 --> 00:07:03.360
It had metal gates around it.
00:07:03.519 --> 00:07:04.240
I asked about it.
00:07:04.399 --> 00:07:06.639
Shirley said it was a hospital bed.
00:07:06.800 --> 00:07:10.639
My brother Joey and I went to give the boxed gift to my dad's mom.
00:07:10.879 --> 00:07:14.480
We noticed the space under the blanket where her feet would be.
00:07:14.720 --> 00:07:20.560
We were staring and staring, just hoping for a glimpse.
00:07:24.240 --> 00:07:31.279
When my dad shouted, don't just stand there, plug the goddamn thing in, set it up, put it on top of the TV set.
00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:36.639
My dad's mom offered, well, they can unplug the Virgin Mary and put it there.
00:07:37.120 --> 00:07:38.720
Put Mary on the floor.
00:07:38.879 --> 00:07:40.879
She doesn't light up now, anyways.
00:07:41.040 --> 00:07:43.439
She needs a new light bulb inside of her.
00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:50.560
There seemed to be many long extension cords going this way and that way around the room, like an octopus surrounding the area.
00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:53.920
The Virgin Mary was made of solid, heavy plastic.
00:07:54.079 --> 00:07:55.920
She stood on an old lace doily.
00:07:56.240 --> 00:07:59.839
We unplugged the Virgin Mary with care, because you know she was Jesus' mom.
00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:05.199
And we placed her gently on the floor on a pile of look magazines.
00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:11.839
The lava lamp was now on top of the old TV set, and the Virgin Mary was on top of Bobby Kennedy.
00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:16.240
We plugged it in, and nothing happened.
00:08:16.399 --> 00:08:17.360
Just the light came on.
00:08:17.519 --> 00:08:20.000
The lava was settled and frozen to the bottom of the lamp.
00:08:20.160 --> 00:08:23.680
Look, Mom, my dad said proudly, like he expected a prize.
00:08:23.839 --> 00:08:25.040
It's a lava lamp.
00:08:25.120 --> 00:08:27.360
I brought it into you from the store.
00:08:27.680 --> 00:08:28.480
Uh-huh.
00:08:28.720 --> 00:08:30.879
Well, that's something different.
00:08:31.199 --> 00:08:33.679
Oh, that looks nice, all lit up like that.
00:08:33.919 --> 00:08:37.120
We all stood staring at the lamp, waiting for it to perform.
00:08:37.519 --> 00:08:38.639
It didn't.
00:08:38.960 --> 00:08:43.120
After several minutes, Dad's mom said, Well, what's the idea of that?
00:08:43.279 --> 00:08:44.960
What's it supposed to be?
00:08:45.200 --> 00:08:46.879
Well, it's not doing nothing yet.
00:08:46.960 --> 00:08:48.000
You have to give it time.
00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:50.000
It needs to warm up for a few hours.
00:08:50.080 --> 00:08:52.240
Then it moves around like lava.
00:08:52.480 --> 00:08:54.240
Then you can look at it.
00:08:55.360 --> 00:08:56.720
Oh, uh-huh.
00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:00.240
Well, I hope it doesn't use up all the electricity in the house.
00:09:00.399 --> 00:09:03.200
I don't believe in making the electric company rich.
00:09:03.679 --> 00:09:05.120
More time passed.
00:09:05.919 --> 00:09:08.799
Mom, I I need to use the toilet.
00:09:08.960 --> 00:09:11.120
Well, go upstairs, my mother warned again.
00:09:11.279 --> 00:09:13.840
My dad said, they can use a toilet down here.
00:09:14.000 --> 00:09:15.279
They're grown boys.
00:09:15.600 --> 00:09:18.240
No, said Virginia in a shaky voice.
00:09:18.399 --> 00:09:20.559
That's Norman's bathroom.
00:09:21.519 --> 00:09:23.679
Why did Norman have his own bathroom?
00:09:23.840 --> 00:09:26.000
And why did the grown-ups all still live in the same house?
00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:28.159
None of my older siblings lived with us.
00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:30.000
They all left home as soon as they could.
00:09:30.159 --> 00:09:33.519
I heard someone say one of my sisters had to get married.
00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:40.080
I head off to the toilet, but I was determined I was going to go into Norman's bathroom and see what was in there.
00:09:40.240 --> 00:09:43.679
Luckily, the door to his bathroom was around the corner and down a dark hallway.
00:09:43.840 --> 00:09:48.960
But first, as not to attract attention, I walked upstairs and peed in the assigned bathroom.
00:09:49.120 --> 00:10:00.480
It was a cold room, and the toilet seat had paint chipping off of it and a dirty pink fuzzy thing covering the toilet, and there was this weird little roll of toilet paper under a doll's dress.
00:10:01.600 --> 00:10:03.840
I quietly sucked back down the stairs.
00:10:03.919 --> 00:10:06.000
All the grown-ups were staring at the TV.
00:10:06.159 --> 00:10:07.519
Lawrence Welk was on.
00:10:07.679 --> 00:10:08.480
Nobody talked.
00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:12.480
Although I did hear my mother announce in her usual, that is so beautiful.
00:10:12.639 --> 00:10:14.559
I like anything with music.
00:10:14.960 --> 00:10:18.240
My big brother Stevie was sitting cross-legged at my father's feet.
00:10:18.320 --> 00:10:20.480
He saw me come down the stairs and turn the corner.
00:10:20.639 --> 00:10:25.919
He shot me a look that said, If you're going to explore Norman's bathroom, I won't tell.
00:10:26.480 --> 00:10:28.879
Joey gave me the same look, only more so.
00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:30.879
I go down the hallway, the door is closed.
00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:34.799
I slowly turn the fancy glass doorknob that seemed out of place in this house.
00:10:34.960 --> 00:10:38.879
I looked both directions to make sure that Norman wasn't like suddenly home.
00:10:39.039 --> 00:10:40.960
I opened the door, the light was off.
00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:42.399
I felt for
the light switch.
00:10:42.480 --> 00:10:46.480
I closed the door in the dark, being careful so that the light wouldn't flood into the hallway.
00:10:46.639 --> 00:10:50.720
With the door closed and my hand on the light switch, I flick it on.
00:10:51.039 --> 00:10:54.799
I am now inside Norman's bathroom.
00:10:56.080 --> 00:10:57.120
It's small.
00:10:57.279 --> 00:11:03.600
There's a toilet and a sink very close together and a slanted ceiling that goes the angle of the stairs above.
00:11:04.000 --> 00:11:11.519
And on the walls, there were many, many cut-out pictures of naked ladies from magazines.
00:11:12.480 --> 00:11:13.120
Many.
00:11:13.279 --> 00:11:15.600
And not even one of Tom Jones.
00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:18.240
Or any man.
00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:21.200
They looked like they were glued to the wall.
00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:26.639
Most of the ladies in the pictures had their tops off and were holding their hair up over their heads with both hands.
00:11:26.799 --> 00:11:30.080
They all had very fancy hairdo's and bright red lipstick.
00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:32.399
Many of the pictures showed the ladies' boobies.
00:11:32.639 --> 00:11:35.279
My mother referred to boobies as bosoms.
00:11:35.759 --> 00:11:42.559
The ladies in the pictures didn't look anything like my sisters, and not at all like Aunt Shirley and Aunt Virginia.
00:11:43.519 --> 00:11:49.360
I was wishing there were pictures of Tom Jones instead, or even that guy from Doctors of Ago, Omar Sharif.
00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:50.879
I snuck out.
00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:52.559
My brother Joey was now in the kitchen.
00:11:52.639 --> 00:11:53.919
He saw me leaving the bathroom.
00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:55.440
Psst, psst, come here.
00:11:55.600 --> 00:11:56.799
What's in there?
00:11:57.120 --> 00:11:58.000
Nothing.
00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:00.159
Nothing at all.
00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:02.639
Just a bunch of naked ladies on the wall.
00:12:03.519 --> 00:12:04.159
Really?
00:12:04.480 --> 00:12:05.679
Well, I want to see.
00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:06.480
You better not.
00:12:06.559 --> 00:12:07.519
We'll get in trouble.
00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:10.000
Go watch and tell me if anyone's coming down the hall.
00:12:10.240 --> 00:12:13.519
Okay, but don't turn on the light until you close the door.
00:12:13.759 --> 00:12:16.799
I kept watch as Joey was inside Norman's bathroom.
00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:19.679
Joey was in there what seemed a very long time.
00:12:20.559 --> 00:12:22.240
He was making noises.
00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:28.000
I think he was doing that thing I sometimes heard him do at night when his bedroom door was closed and locked.
00:12:28.159 --> 00:12:32.559
Whenever he did this, my brother Stevie would threaten, I'm gonna tell mom you had your door locked again.
00:12:32.879 --> 00:12:36.879
Joey finally came out looking different, rested, calm.
00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:39.840
He went back toward the kitchen.
00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:43.279
I went back to the living room to check on
the progress of the lava lamp.
00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:46.320
Seeing me, my dad said, We thought you fell in.
00:12:46.559 --> 00:12:51.360
The lava lamp was still on, and it had not used up all the electricity in the house.
00:12:51.600 --> 00:12:55.200
One little bloop of stuff was struggling to break free from the waxy floor.
00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:57.919
It was stretching up like a cat waking from a nap.
00:12:58.159 --> 00:13:02.159
Finally, the gooey stuff was free, and it floated effortlessly to the top.
00:13:02.240 --> 00:13:06.399
And then more broke free and more till there was a beautiful lava dance.
00:13:06.639 --> 00:13:14.080
My mother, my father, his mother, Aunt Shirley, Aunt Virginia all sat silently taking in the spectacle of the lamb.
00:13:14.960 --> 00:13:20.159
Seeing them all like this made me wonder, who are these people?
00:13:21.440 --> 00:13:24.480
Was I adopted or do I have a different father?
00:13:24.720 --> 00:13:27.039
And why do I feel so different?
00:13:27.279 --> 00:13:39.440
On the truck ride home, my nine-year-old self thought, well, if Uncle Norman could glue up people he liked on his bathroom wall, maybe I could do the same thing in our bathroom of people I liked.
00:13:39.679 --> 00:13:46.879
Problem is we only had one bathroom for eight people, and I'd have to ask my mom permission because she wouldn't like me gluing pictures to the walls.
00:13:46.960 --> 00:13:50.399
And I was pretty sure my family didn't like Tom Jones as much as I did.
00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:51.919
A new thought came to me.
00:13:52.080 --> 00:13:54.639
I bet I could use the door in my bedroom.
00:13:54.879 --> 00:13:56.320
The closet door.
00:13:56.799 --> 00:14:02.000
Yeah, I bet it would be okay if I take pictures I like on the inside of my closet door.
00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:07.840
I'll start with Tom Jones, the one of him singing with his shirt open.
00:14:08.320 --> 00:14:09.120
Epilogue.
00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:14.799
Cut ahead 40 years, and with the advent of DNA testing, I learned that I was right and that Mr.
00:14:14.879 --> 00:14:18.399
Augustine, my dad, was not my biological father.
00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:22.399
But that's another story for a different day.
00:14:25.919 --> 00:14:39.440
John Augustine's plays have been produced in New York City at The Zipper, here, Naked Angels, Ensemble Studio Theater, Miranda Theater, Manhattan Theater Club, and 59 East 59 Theaters.
00:14:39.679 --> 00:14:46.080
His anthology of 20 short plays, Augustine's Confessions, is published by PlayScripts.com.
00:14:47.279 --> 00:14:54.879
Truth Be Told was created by Susan Kim and David Zelnick, and each episode was produced and scored by Eric Svakar.
00:14:55.200 --> 00:14:59.200
If you enjoyed this, please tell your friends and keep listening.
00:14:59.440 --> 00:15:05.519
More stories of the Moment I Knew will be released every Monday and about theater every Thursday.
00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:08.879
And do hit like and subscribe, it really helps.
00:15:09.120 --> 00:15:13.039
Till next time, remember, truth wants to be known.
00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:14.559
Yours too.