ABOUT THIS EPISODE

The big day has finally come and gone! In the final episode of the series, your hosts reflect on what they learned about planning, compromise, managing the expectations of friends and family, and keeping an eye on what really matters.
English
United States

TRANSCRIPT

00:00:23they're planning a wedding and looking for some insight and allow the promise he'll make it down the aisle what a couple I and we are back from our honeymoon post wedding and ready to dive into all the dirty details this is the last episode of the podcast which
00:00:56means party yeah we're almost done with like the full wedding process I feel like this and a few thank you notes is probably our closure right now definitely so even though we're a little sad to see it go I think we both take this on as a personal
00:01:15projects and I think that it's been a really interesting cool experience for us so today we're just going to talk a little bit about obviously our wedding in the previous episode if you have a listen to what we talked about some of the things we were worrying about
00:01:28stressed about what we were looking forward to the most and so we'll kind of touch on those things and see sort of what ended up happening and whether this kind of lined up to the way to say that and I think we're all will also talk about our
00:01:46experience planning a wedding for more than a year and talking with other people have planned a wedding for more than a year and maybe end up with a couple somewhat smart insights or maybe not we'll see we'll see so okay so I feel I can be kind of
00:02:05nice now that we've done everything and I know that we've touched on our wedding and and kind of the details of it in pieces here and there throughout the episodes but maybe it be good does it give you guys kind of a quick overview of basically what our
00:02:20wedding looks like so I think to sum up the vibe of the wedding and was it was kind of it was in a big wedding but it was and you know that there were a couple hundred people like but now we have like a hundred twenty five people
00:02:34actually yeah couple hundred it was a medium size wedding let's say and I think we as I'm sort of a semi formal wedding we didn't do a dinner and an official sort of sit down dinner was more casual we wanted to focus on the party part of it
00:02:51and really does have a good time and we had an outdoor ceremony that was really beautiful and we had some sort of like a static like moody cool fall vibes going which and I really enjoyed and we had a kick **** band them in a great band really
00:03:07cool venue in Washington DC room and the ceremony was around three in the reception started at around five thirty and then we just parted up okay so in the last episode we touched on some of the things that we were worried about going into the wedding and we
00:03:27talked about the weather since like we set our ceremony without signed were was definitely supposed to rain and it did rain for most the day and it ended up not raining for that specific like thirty to forty five minutes which was great at all totally worked out which
00:03:43by the way said it would you did some I know you're totally right about that and apparently it's better if there's clouds in the sky for pictures they tell us they were told and it was very cloudy am but it didn't actually rain which was great and there
00:04:00were about twenty umbrellas around if need be that were purchased with great drama that morning or was a Friday morning or something your bridesmaids are running around trying to buy umbrellas yeah I was one of those things where as long as you're prepared it won't happen but if
00:04:18you don't have any umbrellas and it's a hundred percent inertia yeah so we we were worried about that that didn't end up happening though is good so I was also worried about wearing heels since I never wear heels this is kind of like a small worry and just
00:04:33worry about walking around and dancing and everything I I didn't dance that much of my heels and anyway which in retrospect I kind of knew I wouldn't because there's just no way there really tall they're hurting my feet but nobody felt that was good no you know dramatic
00:04:47accidents or anything and what else were you worried about the weather was my main thing so I afterwards and this I think is probably a very common thing that people feel after weddings but I was having a lot of anxiety and guilt about the fact that I didn't
00:05:09talk to everyone and I was thinking of some Pacific people who for whatever reason popped into my mind and I thought oh and talking after that person I barely said hello to this person did this person have any fun they weren't really dancing or and I was having
00:05:25a lot of guilt about that I was talking to my mom about it and she talked about how she actually are a few of her friends have had children get married recently and apparently all our friends also felt that exact same feeling after their kids got married so
00:05:42I kind of made me feel a little better like everyone who has ever had a wedding that's more than a dozen people has probably felt like there were certain people who they didn't spend enough time with and hopefully every guest of everyone ing knows that there's no way
00:05:58that the host can possibly spend time with everyone which I think they now so I don't know I I eventually forget about that but there were a couple weeks including during the honeymoon where I was just thinking about that and feeling guilty and I guess that's common but
00:06:14yeah I think that that's normal and the other thing that I was worried about I don't think I was worried it was just not looking forward to was talking to so many people I'm and I talked about how I'm an introvert and it just how the the amount
00:06:30of energy that that takes is eat a lot for introverts are really like wears you down and I was not wrong to be not looking forward to that I on by the time Sunday night came around after everything was said and done I was literally exhausted like when
00:06:50you know when you hear about a celebrity like Lindsay Lohan hand you had to go to the hospital for exhaustion always thought that was a GPS the I was sick I couldn't move I had a fever I literally he was had completely exhausted myself because I never gave
00:07:05myself any down time there was just no chance for it and I think that that's something that I actually want to make a point just to really say because it kind of goes to knowing yourself and I know that when you're planning a wedding you wanna do all
00:07:20the things that are traditional especially if it's kind of you know a larger wedding with a larger party and we did all those things where you know people came into town on Thursday and we wanted to hang out with them because we didn't get to see them very
00:07:31often and so we wanted to go out and do something so we did something on Thursday and Friday spent the whole morning with my bridesmaids which was great and then had to rush around and sort of get ready for the rehearsal and then the rehearsal dinner where we
00:07:45spent having lots of conversations with people and then we went out afterwards and had even more conversations in good times of people and then obviously all day Saturday which was the wedding day it's just a constant and is a constant thing where you're talking to a million people
00:08:00and having so much to do and then we had a brunch on Sunday so it's just the point is that it is so much and if you're somebody who is like me and you know that you're introverted or you know that you're shy or you know that you
00:08:13just don't enjoy it necessarily being that social or are having that much packed into a short amount of time I will that's I I wish that we had maybe just thought that through at least for me I know that you're not like that at all so it was
00:08:27not a problem for you but for me I wish that I had had more down time I wish that I had planned to end because I literally made myself sick and doing so much in talking to people it just is not as can't do it did you not
00:08:43see that coming too because you really some of the things that you're outlining where things that you yourself planned in particular Friday afternoon on Friday morning I mean what am I guess what I'm saying is is there anything that you could have done differently to create more downtime
00:09:03or were all of those things that happened sort of almost unavoidable because those are just things that were part of the weekend and you couldn't really get around doing them you know I mean I think how much of that how much it wasn't in your control to work
00:09:20in down time for yourself well I mean I think that the thing that you're saying I could cut out was one of the things that I wanted to do the most and that I was in a way almost more like downtime than being social that was with being
00:09:31with some of my closest friends and my mom and if that was not a big deal for me I mean all we did was go get our nails done is like that was you know crazy hard work but maybe I didn't need to do the thing on Thursday
00:09:43where we went out and hung out with people and maybe I didn't need to go out after the rehearsal dinner maybe I should have just gone home and gone to bed and even though I feel like and I think of a lot of people would feel a bit
00:09:53of phone though and have this fear of missing out to do that maybe that's just something that you have to accept a nation of thought through and said you know I'm gonna feel thousand times better tomorrow and be ready to tackle this gigantic day if I go home
00:10:07and really give myself the proper rest that I need and I didn't do that so I wish that I had so I don't think that it's I think you have to just determine what you can and can't do I mean I think we'll talk about this more in
00:10:21just a minute but there were a lot of things that became just obligatory during this wedding especially and I think for me and so there are certain things that we could have cut out but you know we couldn't cut I couldn't not be at the rehearsal dinner couldn't
00:10:36not be at the wedding right well it and in a lot of ways it's easier said than done to take yourself out of parts of the weekend yes in theory where did you know given how busy Friday and Saturday were in theory it would have been nice to
00:10:54be able to just have a relaxing night Thursday night but in reality there were friends and family in town and so what are we gonna do you know like obviously there's gonna be some like Hey what are you doing what are we doing what if we go to
00:11:11the special you know like even if we hadn't planned the the thing we did which is really fun which is set to sing karaoke together %HESITATION I don't know like it like how could we have avoided that think there's there are so many aspects of the weekend that
00:11:27%HESITATION you know I think work in in the end out of our control to some to some extent you know I think it goes to determining what kind of wedding you want to have and I think we had this conversation early on and we kind of made a
00:11:43compromise and what we ended up having having was kind of a more social wedding inviting more people and number one because I think it was important to you obviously that was the cutest reason and number two because I'm is important to my family and I think your family
00:12:03too dazzling that is less important to me and I think %HESITATION in retrospect if I can do it again I would choose to have a much smaller wedding I feel like I ended up having a lot of anxiety around the day because like I said I had to
00:12:20go to all the things in it and it kind of actually made me in a weird way feel sort of stuck like a almost like claustrophobic like I knew I had to go to all these things and there was no way I could take any downtime for myself
00:12:33actually felt pretty sick the morning of Saturday Saturday morning before the wedding which and made me just want to land that and you can't blame that on your way to hang up to go to your wedding so it caused me to have a lot of anxiety and I
00:12:47mean I think this was am not everyone necessarily who's an introvert let's say it's gonna have anxiety but this is my personality it's something that would happen to me and is more likely to happen to me so I don't know I think that anyway the point is that
00:13:04we chose to have it this way with all of the events with the sort of more party atmosphere and you know a lot of friends and family there and because we made that decision together and kind of compromise in that way I don't think that there's anything we
00:13:20could have done based on those larger decisions yeah you know I I've said this to you already once we made the decision to have the size wedding that we had everything flowed from that and there was nothing there was really very little that we could realistically do to
00:13:40avoid the fact that they were going to be that many people there you know and we talked about at one point having a smaller ceremony not inviting everyone to the ceremony and I think that eventually we came to the realization that the weekend would have been different if
00:13:55we if we have smaller ceremony and people would have felt less included in you know so there were there were kind of some pretty significant downsides that so but I do want to say that you know in retrospect I knew that this was something that I would have
00:14:11preferred to have less people at the ceremony I think in retrospect even though it would have been different and people would not have felt included I think that's something where you know if somebody else is planning their wedding and they come across a similar situation they just need
00:14:27to consider whether or not it's important to make other people happy or make themselves happy and in this particular circumstance we decided it would be better and we didn't want people to feel not included and so we kind of put aside what would have been my preference and
00:14:44in order to sort of make everyone feel included and and also something that you wanted again not to make the sound the grind had this whole wedding that he wanted an idea of what shed at as you keep saying you keep saying it was a compromise but you're
00:14:57also not making it clear look what the things are that I compromised on well I think there is some I don't know what is your company is like you are really done now so I mean there were lots of aspects of the wedding that you wanted that we
00:15:15made sure to do then you know it's something that really run into having the ceremony outside %HESITATION spending you know a lot of budgetary things up that were related to the look and feel of the reception that were not very important to me that that were extremely important
00:15:33to you so I mean there were you know there were there were a lot of things I feel like that you know for me it was the size of the party and having a band and you know that kind of thing and and you you know I don't
00:15:49know I but I will say so besides having the ceremony outside actually a lot of those things that I decided that I really wanted did come from like that was posted signing we were having ex number of people and a certain type of wedding if we had had
00:16:06a small sort of more intimate ceremony and then maybe just gone to dinner you know I would have needed to take a venue even necessarily or have a list decorations of some of that came from determining we're having this type of wedding and therefore we need Excellency not
00:16:24saying he didn't compromise in this kind of pointing it out that well it and I just don't see how we could've possibly had a wedding that was smaller you know I mean it just would have been so different and yet but we could have done it well yeah
00:16:38I mean I was they were possible but you know there's so many people that are families wanted to have there there's so many people that we have wanted to have their you know I to me like it couldn't have gone any other way yeah I think there's a
00:16:54great deal yeah I think I'm I don't know it's an interesting thing because I know that I am kind of more on the side of in other words I know that I am not the typical bride so most brides I think love their wedding day and everything about
00:17:16it and I had kind of a hard time with mine and I think that's totally okay it's not like that makes me wrong and it doesn't mean that it makes you wrong for wanting to have this sort of larger wedding it just that's who I am and I
00:17:29think it's worth considering and I think and it's worth considering an obviously talking about with your partner every you're getting married to like if if that's something that you're willing to kind of go through and go through the motions of that and still come out and decide that
00:17:43you know you want to take that on even if it's something that maybe would be your first choice there just based on your personality what you would do because I think what's interesting for us is that a lot of people who tend to do the smaller wedding I
00:17:57feel like it's more of a joint decision I mean we talked to some couples who had small ceremonies or planned in a month and so there is a just their family there or you know even talked to a couple who did twelve ceremonies and but they they both
00:18:10really seem to want those things and I think you and I actually kind of we're never going to be on the same page about exactly the type of wedding we both wanted so we both had to make some choices and I think it was for me personally it
00:18:25was easier to say I am gonna kind of not get exactly the sort of small intimate wedding that maybe would be my first choice but I'm doing that because so many more people will be happy if we have a larger wedding and I think that goes to the
00:18:43bigger lesson that we learned here which is you know you there's so many pitfalls that people who have gotten married and you know I as we learn not only American society but I think particularly particularly American society today will fall into where you know it becomes less value
00:19:05and more about other people or you get kind of obsessed with things that end up not matter ring on the day and as much as we knew about all of that it was impossible to avoid and I don't know how we change like it would be nice if
00:19:22we could change this culture around marriage in weddings and make there be less expectations around the process and make it more %HESITATION you know make people kind of more open to people doing things differently and not have people feel so hurt when if the bride and groom choose
00:19:44to do something differently like but I want to say having said all this I am a hundred percent I understand why people want to be a part of the wedding they want to celebrate with you because they love you and that's why they wanted to come to the
00:19:57ceremony why they'd be her if they didn't come I completely get it and that's part of the reason we decided to invite everyone to the ceremony and they're this big party so not saying that it's wrong and I don't even think you're saying that I think some of
00:20:12the pressures on it can be tough but I understand why people want to be with you on your day I just am so such of the type of person where I'd be so happy to have like five people around me and would be happy with it but I
00:20:29think that that's actually not the norm yeah then like I straight up wouldn't be happy with that right and you know what our families so even though it wasn't my one hundred percent ideal wedding day and I was feeling anxiety and I was really sick and a hundred
00:20:43other things %HESITATION there were totally sells an awesome points for the day and it's not like I was just miserable are all day or something I don't want people to think that that was the case so one of I think my favorite part actually while getting married she
00:20:58was cool but that but I think free it was better than that there's gonna be something better than that life this is really fun so Ryan Ryan is not an introvert rain is a complete extrovert and he's very out going and you and wrapped in front of everyone
00:21:18with our band you wrapped can't hold us by Macklemore what it was which is pretty epic frankly and it was really fun and I think that that was one of my favorite moments because I knew how excited you were to do that and you didn't awesome job and
00:21:35it was really fun and everyone was so excited to see you doing that and that just like the feeling and the vibe of that moment was so cool so I think that was one of the best moments yeah it was like I was doing karaoke at sept in
00:21:49front of a full ensemble of professional musicians and there's pretty much no scenario in my life when that will ever happen again so that was pretty cool I think that was your favorite moment to well marrying you is pretty great plus the band was pretty memorable and the
00:22:07food was great and willing to follow the band in the sentence yeah for sure London Bridge they were incredible so if you had to do the whole planning process again would you do anything differently I would take a maximum of eight months the planet yeah it was way
00:22:32too long sixteen month was absolutely too long question about that it was dragging on and on to the point where we started hating it this is way too long is too much time that would be like my number one thing that I would change them and I agree
00:22:48I totally agree I mean who knows maybe we could have put that many a year in advance instead of fifteen months in advance of would've gotten it but for all we know that it would been booked and then that would have been an issue you know yeah I
00:23:01also probably wouldn't add recording a podcast onto my plate while awaiting yeah that this although it's been really great interview people and it's been a really interesting ride I think that just added so much more stress than we ever needed well during that night's dress but work just
00:23:21like another thing I do not need another another thing to do yeah I was for sure and doing a podcast is a little bit of work I mean the one thing that I wouldn't change would be all of our vendors I had a lot of friend or is
00:23:35going on and I loved all of my vendors they were huge I the other thing is like the amount of stress that I could have felt I should say on Saturday especially was so much less wait a feather on the amount of stress I could have dealt with
00:23:55him once more yet even so much more and if it wasn't for a lack said who is my month of coordinator Long Island Vance what what I willing to her in the show and it's she was huge there was a problem and we didn't mention is that there
00:24:11was a problem with their ties me did pie instead of cake and this is one of those things where you know it's it messes up and there's nothing you can do about it it's the day of whatever they didn't make our pies at all so she was dealing
00:24:26with everything that we had no idea she came to us after the problem had basically been solved and said Hey you know they didn't make your pies but we've got all these pies now that they had and it's as close as possible to the order it's totally fine
00:24:39don't worry about it but I just wanna let you know I mean if I had to deal with that or my mom had to deal with that just really like that could completely I think in your day and if your arm stress out like me you don't need
00:24:51that on top of everything else so when there are so many other things that she did like for example knowing how to organize and run a wedding rehearsal like a rehearsal of the ceremony you know we had a officiant who had done one wedding before that and none
00:25:08of us knew what we were doing so just having someone in charge of that was used to so many things an awesome to resign more worth it then pretty much anything else we spend our money on was just having you know some having someone who could handle logistics
00:25:23at the moment when that was all coming to a head when they were ten different moving parts yeah so that was huge so that's something I wouldn't change it all tends probably an understatement frankly there are a lot of things going on in the morning that she really
00:25:37helped handle and she got you to the ceremony on time which lost money on are bad but that's neither here nor there so I won it kind of and by saying a giant thank you to all the people that let us interview them we had some awesome couples
00:25:52and who had or who were doing some really cool untraditional staff and also had a lot of great advice to impart I think one of the things we learned is that no matter what people tell you and any advice that they give you though it's still going to
00:26:07be your day you're kind of going to go through in your own way and even though it is helpful to hear bits and pieces of advice from people it's going to be your own processing you're going to kind of have to figure it out as you go I
00:26:19whole heartedly second all those thanks I appreciate everyone who helped us make this happen and I appreciate all of you for listening including %HESITATION our friends and family and also those of you who don't know us but who found us through whatever way you found us %HESITATION my
00:26:37hope is that you've learned something from this that you know helps you at least manage the incredible stress of this process and makes it a little bit easier knowing that you're not alone in going through it yes and you know and you're really not alone we've had a
00:26:55few people reach out to us via email and we love that so if you ever feel like you have a question or you just want to say Hey I hear you or you hear me or you're saying things that you know whatever send us an email the thesis
00:27:10of this entire podcast has to come down to the fact that this **** is really hard uncertainly hired is another thing that you can do to get around it you just got to go through it you know people may or may not have listened to the out takes
00:27:30of our last many so the pre wedding podcasts but Kelly and I we're so focused on excitement and worries at that point that we forgot one very important thing which was being cited to be married to each other and I and that's the most important part it's like
00:27:49the Super cliche thing that everyone told us and we still for god and that's the best part about the wedding is that then you made when you're done lose the final thing I want to say as we fade out into this awesome song is a giant thank you
00:28:03too enough points for doing our intro and outro music there are many things you should go check them out there currently on tour see if they're coming to a city thank you guys so much for listening the rules were returned on what they were they were forced to
00:29:00dry I guess would be the technical your writer I am judging you and as the game like unblemished but then who went with on wet for some reason anyway let's move on quickly

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