TRANSCRIPT 🔗
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Bonjour, good tag, prevent, hello, and welcome back to the Despoir Podcast! Alright, alright, we don't have time for that.
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We are literally hours away from semifinal one of 2026, Eurovision.
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As promised, we have had one more country to review for semi-final one before it kicks off.
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So as you're getting ready applying that lipstick and applying that lipstick an environmentally friendly glitter, let's tell you a little bit about what Estonia has been going through for the last 12 months and a little bit of a look at their act.
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First of all, Estonia in the last year has basically been like, we're a small country, but we are done being chill.
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Because right now, Estonia's main hobby is staring directly at Russia and going, don't even try it.
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First of all, Estonia in this last year has basically been like, we're a small country, but we are done being chill.
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Because right now, Estonia's main hobby is staring directly at Russia and saying, don't even try it.
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Oh, you you thought Ukraine was the final boss?
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Buddy, we're the bonus level.
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We're talking Russian jets popping into their airspace.
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Finger waggle.
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Accidentally entering Estonian airspace.
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Yeah, because nothing says whoopsie daisy.
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Like a fighter jet crossing a border at 900 kilometers an hour.
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They've had spy scandals popping up like it's a Netflix category because you watched Cold War tension.
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At one point, Estonia literally called NATO and said, Hi, yeah, uh, we'd like to speak to the manager, please.
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Yeah, you guys might want to come over like now.
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Meanwhile, Estonia has decided, you know what fixes anxiety about a giant aggressive neighbor?
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Spending all your money on defense.
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They're boosting defense spending.
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It's now over 5% of the country's GDP.
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5%! At that point, your national budget starts looking like healthcare, tick, education, tick, tanks, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
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They're buying rockets, building drone labs, making ammunition.
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Estonia right now is basically Silicon Valley meets Call of Duty.
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And politically, they're not subtle.
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They passed a rule saying certain foreign nationals can't vote locally anymore.
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They've expelled a Russian diplomat.
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Meanwhile, inside the country, they're uncovering Russian spies left, right, center, mainly on the right.
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At this point, Estonia's intelligence service isn't even investigating anymore.
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They're just walking into rooms going, all right, who here is secretly working for Moscow?
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Show of hands, come on, let's save times.
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Chop chub.
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But here's the twist.
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While all this is happening, the economy is just kinda eh.
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Growth about 0.6% in 2025.
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Inflation still annoying.
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The economy is like, hey guys, maybe we should focus on growth.
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And Estonia is like, yeah, cool, cool.
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But have you considered more rockets?
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So Estonia is basically like, we're rebuilding our military, preparing for possible geopolitical chaos, and also trying to afford groceries, maybe.
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It's the only country where the national vibe is existential threat, but also, why is butter$8?
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Oh, and energy?
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They literally unplugged themselves from the Russian power grip.
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Things are just getting surreal.
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Random drones falling out of the sky, GPS signals getting jammed, oil pollution drifts into their shores.
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At this point, Estonia isn't a country.
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It's a season of a very stressful HBO series.
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But here's the thing: underneath all the chaos, Estonia is doing something kind of remarkable.
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They're small, but they're doubling down on NATO, investing in tech, staying politically loud, and basically saying, we may be tiny, but we will absolutely ruin your day.
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So yeah, Estonia in the last 12 months.
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A little bit Cold War sequel.
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A little bit startup nation.
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A little bit, we might need more missiles.
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All we know is if things go sideways, Estonia won't be the first country to fall.
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It'll be the one standing out there at the end.
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Ha, you thought we were locked in here with you.
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You're locked in here with us.
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So who has Estonia picked to represent them on the Eurovision stage this year?
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The one, the only.
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Back again for another shot of Vanilla Ninja.
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Alright, buckle up because the story of Vanilla Ninja
Load full transcript
is exactly what happens when early 2000s pop culture drinks five Red Bulls and moves to Estonia.
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Picture it.
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It's the early 2000s.
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The world is healing from Y2K.
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Low rise genes are everywhere and a crime against humanity.
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Estonia looks around and says, hmm, you know what we need?
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A rock band made of blonde women from Estonia, singing in English.
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Who will represent Switzerland?
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Well, because obviously.
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So Vanilla Ninja, their band is half pop, half rock, half shampoo commercial.
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Yes, three halves.
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That's how powerful they were.
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And in Eurovision 2025, Vanilla Ninja from Estonia represents Switzerland.
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And they actually come in eighth place with their song Cool Vibes.
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Why don't you kill me now?
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Cool Vibes.
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After that, the band lineup changes constantly.
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Like more changes than a Marvel movie timeline.
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Members leave, new ones join, things happen, people vanish.
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At one point, following Vanilla Ninja required a flowchart, a spreadsheet, and emotional resilience.
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Fans weren't even asking who's singing anymore.
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They were asking, is this still Vanilla Ninja?
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Or just ninja adjacent?
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And then, like all early 2000 bands, they just disappear.
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No dramatic breakup, no big farewell tour, they just faded into the great MySpace void.
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Years go by, the world changes.
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Streaming replaces CDs, fashion improves slightly at Eurovision.
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We all pretend like we didn't own the low-cut jeans.
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And then suddenly, in the darkness, as the world cries out, boom! Vanilla Ninja comes back.
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Because of course they do.
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Because no early 2000s band ever truly dies.
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They just wait like a Nokia phone.
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Patiently until it's time to ring again.
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So they are back and somehow still named Vanilla Ninja, because at this point, changing the name would just be cowardice.
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But that's the story of Vanilla Ninja.
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Slightly confusing, surprisingly ambitious, international for no clear reason, and powered mostly by vibes.
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But probably one of their biggest achievements is they have crossed into that sacred, iconic category of celebrity achievement.
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They got their own ice cream.
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That's right.
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Not a fragrance, not a fashion line, ice cream.
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Because somewhere in Estonia, a marketing executive looked at a rock band and said, you know what pairs perfectly with electric guitars?
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Dairy.
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That's not a music career.
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That's a Ben and Jerry's origin story that got out of hand.
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And to be honest, not many artists can say our legacy lives on in the freezer aisle.
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Of course, unless you're a Lordie, who also went on to sell frozen fish fingers.
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But this is Vanilla Ninja back at Eurovision 2026 with too epic to be true.
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I know that's what they're hoping their story will be, but let's be honest, this song, this performance, is run 100% on nostalgia.
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Will nostalgia alone be enough to get them into the grand final?
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I'm actually torn about it.
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If this was any other generic song by anyone else, I'd be like, no way this is going through, but that nostalgia is there.
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Oh, I've I've still can't, I still can't decide.
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I'm still trying to write my top 10 list.
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I mean, I've already picked all the good ones.
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It's the bottom one.
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It's filling it out.
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It's gonna be difficult.
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All right, a few more hours.
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We'll find out how far nostalgia gets you at Eurovision.