Full Transcript for ADOPTION IS AN OPTION | Ep 3

⁓ I know that when it comes to call it an unreached people group, ⁓ babies are the largest unreached people group in the world. It's amazing what we've learned over the years. And it let me let me frame it a little bit with where the problem is. Okay. And I started out ⁓ last year saying this. I don't know what this year's numbers are, but last year I was saying there were 4.7 million pregnancies the year before in the United States. 1.2 million abortions, 25,000 private infant adoptions. I mean, that's crazy. 25,000 private adoptions. I was adopted. And back in the 50s, the population was half of what it is today in the United States. And there were hundreds of thousands of adoptions. I think the year I was born in 1955, there were 175,000 adoptions. And so it's it's crazy. It's just been forgotten. We have lived in a society where over the last 40 years we've had the pro-life, pro-choice. Communities, build their networks, build their armies, build their, their, their, their, their, their fight, if you will, between these two sides. And adoption has just been eliminated as a competitor. When George Barna headed up our first research report, he he called it adoption and its competitors. And that really hit me strange when he did that. And as the years have gone by and I look at that, I see exactly why George did that. It's the right way to be thinking about it. It's it's it's it's how the two sides have just eliminated ⁓ adoption. And that's what we're trying to reintroduce to America and what we're trying to bring back back into it. I've been at this for five years. And and ⁓ and going into this year, I said I'm gonna go all I want to go all in. I'm like, I'm like, God has given me this great job. And I'm like, God, I'm going all in. I I don't know what happens after this year, but I I'm a hundred percent in. Don't tell God you want to go all in if you're not really serious. I have never traveled the amount of travel, never been in the amount of meetings, never partnered with a number of organizations, massive organizations all over the country. It has been it has been so fun to go into. John, ⁓ let's take a step back and let's let if you don't mind others hear about your story as it relates to you know being adopted and the realization of that and what you was going in in your heart over the years and kind of what that family life journey was for you. I was adopted by a great family by John and Nancy Knox in Richardson, Texas and and and raised in a Catholic community and going to Catholic school, originally Catholic church, Catholic school, ⁓ for the first few years, and always knew that I was adopted. I mean, some everybody asked me, when did you know? I said, I guess from the time I could speak, ⁓ that that that I always knew and and and appreciated that, but you're always curious. Any any adopted kid's gonna be curious and wanting to know. And after I got married and started having children, I particularly wanted to know. I really wanted to know from a medical, physical standpoint, ⁓ about what that was. And when I was about thirty-eight years old, I started doing ⁓ a very extensive search for my birth mother. And and it was really hard to find. She was from New York. She had gone off to Colorado because they had great secrecy laws. It turned out she had lived with the probate judge there to make certain nobody would ever Nobody could ever find out about me. This was a deep, dark secret that was it was gonna go with her to the grave. And so after a couple of years of doing a search in that regard, I found her. And I knew what I was gonna do when I found her. And and I was gonna send her a letter, and and I did, along with about a two-inch package of everything we had found out about her, all the search, everything about that, everything about me. And so I sent her a FedEx package and we'd called to make sure she was gonna be there and it would only go to her. And and she called and said, Well, I don't want to have a relationship with you. And I said, I understand. She called within two hours to get the FedEx package. And we talked for 40 minutes on the phone and we really hit it off. And I said, I want to come see you. And she says, Yeah, I know you said that in the letter. And she says, Let me think about it for two or three weeks. And I said, Irene, I've known you for 40 minutes. I was all know you're gonna do stress over for two or three weeks. Knew we're gonna get together. How about I just fly out there tomorrow? We sit down and have lunch. And we did. And we really hit it off. And I met with her a few times, talked to her a a dozen different times over the years, but she did not want her husband or her five children to know about me. She had gotten married after I was born, ⁓ a few years later, and ⁓ and she did not, she did not want to tell them. She was never going to tell them. ⁓ on one of my visits, my son, one of my sons, my middle son Stephen had asked her, he kept saying, Irene, wouldn't it be better if you told your kids while you're still alive rather than my dad tell them when you're dead? And she said, ⁓ yeah, Stephen, but this is the way I want it done. I want your dad to tell them after I'm gone, and that's how it's gonna work. And if you and and ⁓ and all of her kids could relate to that. That was iron. And ⁓ and so I told her five children in 2017. She lived till 90 years old. And after after she died, I told her five children, and it's been it's been a really nice experience with them. On my birth father's side, I found him about the same time. We'd had a great relationship with him for the last twenty plus years of his life and and have had a great relationship with his two sons, my two half brothers, for the last, I guess, 30 years. John, thank you ⁓ for just being transparent in that. What what when you sat down with your birth mom, you saw her for the first time in person? What was the emotion that you were feeling? And then at a high level, share with

us a little bit about what that conversation was like with her. It's just kind of fun. It's, I mean, she was she was nervous, right? I mean, I'm not sure we ever ordered lunch. We met for lunch. I know I know she had a few bloody Marys and maybe smoked a pack of cigarettes, but I don't remember if we ordered lunch or not. It ⁓ it was it. For me, it was just fine. It was interesting. It was all new information, right? And and I wanted to know about her and know what it was like as a birth mother to to have to go away in secrecy that way and and and to go do that. And and I she was such a hero. I was so thankful for her. ⁓ I I think that she was like a lot of birth mothers who think. ⁓ they're gonna be mad at me. It's quite the opposite. I mean, I'm like, you because of you, I got to be raised by great parents in Richardson, Texas. Okay. This is this is a neat deal. I'll it ⁓ I I I got I got a good deal out of this and I'm happy about it. That's how I felt. You know, I I'm reflecting on ⁓ I'm gonna go old school here, John. And a lot of listeners, if they're younger, aren't gonna re remember this movie, but it's a wonderful life. George Bailey earns his wings. And ⁓ the the premise of it, that movie is at the end, he says, Man, I wish I were never born. And ⁓ we would we would lose the impact of George Bailey. And you started even before adoption is an option, I am that kid. John, you are that kid. There are so many others that have had incredible stories that the impact and the life change and the influence that they've had, including yourself, would have never happened. If we weren't born, tell us a little bit about the inspiration around this I am that kid and the stories that came out of that. You were there, you just don't know it. Okay. When you you mentioned earlier our master's retreat that we got together with Bob Shank. Okay. You were sitting, this is the first time you and I met. I mean, we I think we might have briefly met before, but the first time we really got to know each other, you were sitting on my left. Here's this Steve on my left. And on my right is Steve Stenstrap. And and Steve Stinstrom from Pro Athlete Outreach and I are talking and he asked me what I'm doing. And I just started adoption as an option. And he's like, Tell me your story. And and I was telling him the adoption story a little bit, what that's about. And he said, Well, well, your story is the same as Lori's story. And I said, Well, who's Lori? Lori's my wife. And and we ended up getting together with Pro Athlete Outreach with Lori Stinstrom. And her story and my story are the same. We found our birth mothers at at at similar ages and similar stories of our adoption. And it is and it is so fun ⁓ to do that. That we started a campaign called I Am That Kid. And I am that kid grew to pro athletes, entertainers and different people, all these people who had been adopted telling their story and realizing ⁓ ⁓ God uses these adopted kids and and in such marvelous ways.

I I like asking people in the adoption world, when did open adoption first begin? And they'll tell you 25 years ago or 30 years ago or whatever it was. And and I always have kind of a smile on my face because they're go they're like, Do you have another time when you think it began? I said, the first open adoption story I know of is Moses. Very a lot of people think Jesus is the first. adoption story in the Bible. But if you go back down the river. Yeah, if you go back and and and and some of my Catholic friends don't like that because they're so mad at the Pharaoh. But the Pharaoh took him the Pharaoh's daughter, the Pharaoh's wife you know took him into the family and he would not have accomplished what he accomplished in his lifetime if he hadn't been adopted. You know, peop People say, well, so many adopted kids have dyslexia or learning learning disabilities. And what is it about that? And I'm like, I don't know. The adoption didn't cause them to have learning disabilities. I don't know why God picked Moses with a kid that that had speech problems and and and other things. I don't know why He paid placed those of us that that have had dyslexia and struggle with that. It's the same reason. I don't know why there's so many Fortune 500 CEOs that have dyslexia, but they do. I don't, I can't, I can't answer why that is, but I can tell you that adoption has certainly been a great option. And ⁓ most of us that have been adopted would agree with that, I think. John, there's a lot of conversation as it relates to I am that kid, adoption is an option. ⁓ seeing babies and and people really being blessed and loved by. families that want to adopt them. ⁓ let's take a moment and honor and bless the women that ⁓ were brave enough and bold enough to say, ⁓ I found myself in an untimed, unplanned pregnancy and ⁓ I want to give this child up for adoption because it might not be the right season for them, but they want to make sure that that baby can be loved and cared for because they they recognize that this baby is a child of God. ⁓ what what are some of the stories as it relates to encouraging women that have ⁓ giving up a child for adoption. ⁓ we have such horrible language, Steve. We have such horrible language, right? Twice you just said in the same in the same little sentences there that she gave this child up. She gave it up, and that there's so many families who want a child. She ain't care about that. Okay, I was with a group of birth mothers yesterday at CareNet and listening to their stories, and they're so mad about hearing that I mean. The the reality is there's 50 families that want to adopt for or approved to adopt for every one child that's available to be placed. This isn't about fulfilling their needs. She shouldn't, it's it's an insult to her that she should use her body to to to deliver this child because of somebody else's needs. And so she doesn't like hearing that. And she is not. Giving up. Okay. What she is doing is making a selfless

loving choice because she's doing what's in the best interest of the baby. And it's hard for her. If you're if you have an unwanted, unexpected, unwanted pregnancy, you have three really hard options. Or society tells you you've got only two. They want you to focus on just the two, which is. Which is either either aborted or raising. And we push so many even even the well intentioned pregnancy sitters push so hard on on on on on raise this child and keep this child. I think that's a big reason we have so many kids in the foster care system today, because we've eliminated adoption. And I think that's hard. I think that that that that we have so many people that that we we we live in a society that My body, my choice, maybe is one of the greatest marketing slogans, marketing plans that have they've ever come up with. Okay, let's just skip the abortion issue and talk about women's rights and empowerment and and and so forth that make women feel empowered and strong and and and they eliminated adoption on that side. It needs to be put back in the conversation because of both sides. But we need to honor birth mothers. And you're right by going there and saying that. She's not give she's not giving something up and she's not doing it for the other family. She's doing it because it's in the best interest of that child. And it's a wonderful choice. The difference from when my birth mother had to do it and it was secretive and she was sent away and nobody ever talked about it. She never talked about it for 90 years. I mean, it has for 70 of them with me. But it it it ⁓ today it's different because today 90 plus percent of the adoptions are open adoptions. Today, the birth mother gets to decide and pick who's the family. The birth mother gets to decide and and and negotiate with that family if it's an open relationship and how that open relationship works. She has rights. Nobody's telling her what her rights are, but she's got rights, and we need to tell her that. And that's a that's a strong. loving option that she's that she's doing in that regard. John, well said. Thank you. ⁓ certainly gives us a lot to be thinking about and be intentional to change the language because changing the language changes the culture. And certainly it reflects and changes our hearts as well. So there's a couple of different lanes. There's collaboration and partnership medically. And I know that there's a couple of efforts in that space that that you've embarked on, which has been pretty incredible. And then there's cultural and then there's political. I'd love for you to lean in and speak and share a little bit about you know adoption as an option but you've been able to speak into the medical community as it relates to getting the medical community to think about adoption differently and this is becoming a game changer. In our research I was amazed it it was like who influences pregnant women? I thought it would be friends, peers, internet, social media. They were not even

hardly on the list. Outside of the family, by far the number one influencer was the medical community. And and I'm like, the more we looked into that, in today's world, we outsource parenting, right? So anytime there's a crisis, you look to the expert, right? You know, whether you go to the tutor for the kid in school, or you go to the priest, or you go to to to whoever, but ⁓ you turn to the medical community. And we found they don't know anything about ad adoption. When I was sitting with with a group of OBGYNs and I said to them, ⁓ I I said, birth mothers today don't even know they get to pick the family. In these and universally, they went, they do. I mean, they don't know, and here they are the experts who are telling them that. 50% of they they were telling me early on that 50% of all adoptions fail because labor and delivery nurses talk her out of it. I mean, they think they're doing a good thing, right? I mean, because they see The day that that baby leaves the hospital with another family is a really hard day for a birth mom. And they try to avoid that by talking her out of it. I think that's part of what's contributing to so many kids being in the foster care system today. So many people who aren't prepared, who aren't ready. If, you know, I go back to I am that kid, right? I want to go home with two parents. I want to be raised in a Christian family with two parents. That's what I want. Okay. And I think the chance of success far exceeds anything. And if that's the best thing for it, I don't care how that labor and delivery nurse feels that day. I feel terrible for that birth mother that day because I know how what a hard day that is. And that's something that they've got to get over. But so is it a hard day the day she gets an abortion? This whole idea that it's easy. And she can just go do that and never live with that the rest of her life is a bunch of crap too. Okay. And if you think those two options are hard, try raising them. And particularly it's hard enough to raise them if you're in a great marriage. Try doing that alone as a working mom. You know, I mean, it ⁓ it's it's very difficult. So if you have an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy, you've got three really hard options. I personally think adoption is a gripe, but that's from the kids' perspective, right? John, politically, the landscape of America has changed radically over the last several years. ⁓ we felt like as a Christian community that overturning Roe just a few years ago, but now it's just gone to the states and there's extremes, depending on where you live. What's happening from your vantage point in the space of I'm not saying the pro life movement, but adoption. In the political landscape. I know there's a lot of elected officials that have a lot of influence that are also adopted. So this is something that's very meaningful to them. It's been it's been pretty exciting. We've been getting very involved on the political side in terms of doing that. And a lot of

people realizing that the tribalism that exists in America today has been going on in this fight of the pro-life, pro-choice side for the last 50 years in America. And it may maybe maybe all the battles we're in actually grew out of that. But it's that that is continued as a battle between the two sides. And so to come up with with with the idea that we're putting adoption back in the conversation, I think is pretty exciting. It's it's a pro-family choice. It's ⁓ I could I couldn't do this, but it it it is so fun to be able to connect. with some of these bigger political organizations and make it part of the conversation and make it part of the conversation on on both sides to try and do that, to try and bring that together and and ⁓ and put it out there for for for discussion. And and it's happening. ⁓ this year has been ⁓ a year that's really turning around the conversation. We are we are seeing huge ⁓ ⁓ feedback from different groups. The Cuba Cuban coalition told me that their conversations ⁓ on adoption are way up this year. Yesterday at Carinet, somebody was telling me that that ⁓ the number of 16 and 17 year old girls that are that are inquiring about adoption said, I don't know where this has come from. It's just it's just it's come out of nowhere that they're starting to call and ask. And I I I don't think it's nowhere. I think God is really moving here and it's so fun that ⁓ that we get to be part of it. I think ⁓ it's being put back in our society in the conversation. John, culturally, the needles moved as you've just alluded. ⁓ you know, there's been millions of views between accumulation of ⁓ I am that kid and the adoption as an option through different platforms. I know you had a Super Bowl presence. I remember being in your living room and having an early morning coffee. In December, and you said 2026 is all in. You've alluded that a little bit already. And you said, Boy, if when you say to God, I'm all in, you better be ready. you're you're you're on full court press. There's a lot of things that you could be doing with your life, but this mission is so important and and meaningful to you. ⁓ what has all in been for you this year? ⁓ you're not going to the golf course, you're available, you're saying, ⁓ It essentially the the epiphany that I had a number of years ago was that human nature is that we're gonna look at our checkbook, look at our calendar. ⁓ you're not doing either. You're saying, Lord, whatever it is I'm in. And ⁓ you're just going for it. Calendar's wide open, checkbook's wide open. Tell us a little bit about how you're how you're doing in this fashion. Starting out was what you were talking about as our Super Bowl commercial, which is which which is really fun. ⁓ we we released that a couple of weeks before the Super Bowl, right after Budweiser had released theirs. And it went viral before kickoff. ⁓ ours was was was i in the alternative halftime show nationally, ⁓ and it was it was also on local networks ⁓ that we

purchased directly. ⁓ so it was a smaller purchase, more in line with what we could do. ⁓ but God wanted that scene on social media alone, it was it was shown a hundred million times. I mean, it went viral. It was it was amazing. We ⁓ we ended up winning awards for things I didn't even know there were such things for. It wasn't that wasn't our intent. But ⁓ we did take another version of that and ran it in the World Cup, ⁓ which was which was a big success. We ran a meta program in connection with that that Showed on Instagram and Facebook, and and we just keep learning so much from it. Things that things that that were surprised. Streaming television is part of where where that is. We targeted with streaming television ⁓ likely pregnant women 18 to 35 years old. The number one inquiry off of that was from men. How do we talk about adoption? I mean, that's where that's where it's almost like. God knows where he's going. We don't. And we just, it's fun to get to fun to get to do that. The same thing happened in this round of commercials that were that were run ⁓ during the World Cup ⁓ on Meta. And that those commercials, ⁓ 18 commercials, five of them were in Spanish. And when we got the results back from that campaign, the top five commercials were all in Spanish. and and the Hispanic community as a general rule doesn't like to talk about adoption. But but I think God's saying they've got some real questions about it. ⁓ it just keep keeps opening our eyes. So we keep learning from those. ⁓ we're continuing to to push through on our medical model. ⁓ TCH in Houston has as a a we we put in place a and a an adoption counselor within the hospital system that is really helping doing that, helping with training on the medical community. We're able to partner with the National Council for Adoption, who has new programs out that we're able to promote to the medical community and how to learn and talk about adoption. John, ⁓ your kids, ⁓ I know that you've shared with me that they're saying, Dad, you're putting yourself out there. This is so controversial. What if? And I remember that that was expressed to you and you said, So well, then so be it. Tell us a little bit about that. You're putting yourself out there. It's God's plan. This is the most fun job I've ever had. Okay. I mean, ⁓ th they they would like me just to settle down, be at the ranch. Why are you doing all this? Why are you why why are you getting worn out and going from one place to another and going and doing this? But it's ⁓ It's part of my purpose, right? I mean, it is we we don't know what jobs sometimes we're being given. And and this is just a fun one. ⁓ there's there's we there's only two of us within adoption as an option. The other's Debbie Tingler. She was in California yesterday talking to a group of 650 pastors, and she was almost crying when she called me last night on the phone. She was so excited at the response to this. She said, you know. When I think about it, I'm not sure

I ever mentioned my name, your name, or our name. Just all the glory was to God. And and they just responded in such a fabulous way. And and Debbie and I both know that's the way it's supposed to be. We're not building a brand. We're on mission and we're doing what he wants us to go do. And and so when we do that and you see the response to it. ⁓ it's it's pretty fun. You just go, we've got a great job. Joan, what would you say to ⁓ folks that are listening to this conversation if they're hesitating or they're holding back a little bit? You you mentioned that in June of or July of 2020, that you went on a road trip, you emptied yourself so that God could fill you up. What would be the words of encouragement and inspiration that you would share or or care to share with anybody listening that might be holding back a little bit on something that they feel passionate and called to do? I think just being open to do it, right? I mean, I I think that that that that being open is is I think there's intentionality to that, right? I don't think it just comes by accident. I think when you say, I want to be open and I want to do this, I want, I want to be filled up, I want to do that. I think that's where God shows you what to do. If you just want to stay home and sit on the couch, he ain't gonna do that, right? But But if you're open to saying, what can I do? And and and where can I serve? What should what should I go do? ⁓ I think part of it is is is on the generosity side, Stephen. You and I have been talking about that ever since I met you in in terms of just thinking about who owns it all, right? And it's if if you take the view he owns it all and you're the manager of it, what are you supposed to be doing with it? Stewardship. You know, I don't think you're supposed to just be buying a new yacht or a new net jets contract. ⁓ there's a reason you've been given what you've been given and and ⁓ And and and we're all gonna have to answer the question on what did we do with what we've been kept? And if we think about it that way, it helps figure out what you ought to go do. It puts everything into perspective very quick when we recognize that we know that God owns it all. We're just a C we're just a steward while we're here. ⁓ John, you know, there's ⁓ all sides that you're wanting to attract to find the middle, which is adoption is an option. I'm love for you to as kind of wrapping up this conversation to respond to this ⁓ illustration. ⁓ you know, Franklin Graham was in the rotunda at the Capitol when his ⁓ dad, Billy Graham, was being laid to rest. And somebody came up to him, a mentor and a friend of mine was standing right next to Franklin. And the person said, ⁓ you know, Franklin, sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. ⁓ I did know that he wanted to live to beat 100 without missing a beat. Franklin said, You know, my dad was 99 in three months. And if you believe that life begins at conception, He was 100. You know, that's that's a cultural view that we really need to recognize and know that life begins at conception, in my opinion and view, and I put yours too. ⁓ how how does that ⁓ how does that resonate in your heart and what would you want to share with others to be thinking that way also? I think that I I hear that a little bit in the in in in the pro life or in the adoption world about about, you know, when I'm a mom and it's like W one one of the birth mothers that runs a clinic here in Houston had made the comment, you are a mom. You know, she was 10 weeks pregnant, 12 weeks pregnant, whatever she was. It's not when I'm a mom. It's not when it's for. She's like, you are a mom. So let's just talk about what your options are. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's it's it's it's it's a mindset of that. And and seeing that was so amazing to me in a way of thinking about that. And and and how to approach that. I mean, you're already a mom. John, there's ⁓ as mentioned, there's already a lot of things that you could be doing with your life. You're passionate, you're enthusiastic. 2026 has been a whirlwind. What gets you excited and jacked up every morning when you when you wake up and you grab a coffee and you're ready to kick off the day? What gets you excit excited? Then I think we're making a difference. I'm seeing it happen. I'm seeing things build. I'm seeing these conversations. When people are telling me the inquiries are up over adoption, I don't know what the numbers are this year. I don't know if we're gonna do instead of 25,000, or we're gonna do 27,000, we're gonna do 30,000. I don't know what they are, but I know the trajectory of adoption has changed. I know what we've put in place. I can't I can't fund this forever, right? But I'm an entrepreneur. I've built organizations before. I'm building something that's very sustainable. It's very sustainable for other families. Who may want to take this forward or other people that want to take this forward, or they may want to fundraise around this from a broader base that can do that. It may be it it it's a base that could be funded ⁓ through the industry as it grows and other things. I know enough about building the core and being an entrepreneur to know how to build it and that it's not it can't just always be funded by me, but this core structure of it and what we put together. is very sustainable. What I'm doing is using my money to prove it works. It's to prove it's, it's, and it then see, that's where I get it wrong, Steve. It's God's money, right? If you think of it that way, I'm going to take a piece of God's money and say, I'm going to go prove that this works, that we can change the trajectory of adoption. And then we can, and then we can get it in a place where it needs to be and let others fund it to to take it to that next level. And they're going to, and they do. And I keep meeting incredible families and incredible people that are so supportive of this venture and so supportive of where it's going. ⁓ and and that's that's what keeps me going. God blessed you and then encouraged and challenged you to say, John, I'm going to put this on your heart. I blessed you. Now go do it. And you responded with God, whatever it is I'm in, which which is what I appreciate about you. John, as we wrap up, how can somebody learn, or maybe even see some of the ads? I am that kid. Adoption is an option. ⁓ how can somebody learn and engage and be aware a little bit about what you're doing? Adoption.is is is is a site that gives great information for birth moms. It starts out with our Super Bowl commercial of what's on that site today. So you don't put dot com, you just put adoption.is. IS and and that's a core element of adoption is adoption. I am that kid.com is a wonderful place for birth mother stories that are out there and adopt is is is ⁓ our site for research and it's linked to all of those sites. John, thank you. I appreciate you taking ⁓ some time today to join me. On this ⁓ mission and this journey to do and get better. And I'll give you a heads up next time I'm coming to Houston. Yeah, well, you'll probably just show up. So I'm not gonna worry about that. Awesome. John, thank you. I love you. Thank you. Love you. Wow, what an amazing conversation today with ⁓ John with regard to adoption as an option. These conversations are designed to inspire and to encourage ⁓ many of you that are. thinking about and processing about that question that God maybe has inspired you to say, Lord, whatever it is I'm in. We appreciate you being a part of this journey and this mission into doing good better and make it a great day. Thanks so much.