Full Transcript for S23E4: The Millennial Midlife Crisis Nobody Warned Us About

also what's causing the crisis because it's hard for us to make decisions. 02:38.942 --> 02:42.664 [SPEAKER_01]: And we've also just had a life of unstability. 02:43.364 --> 02:56.069 [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like, you know, like, if you look at like room, all the things that our generation has experienced, like, nine, 11, like the great recession, the housing crisis, pandemic, like all this stuff, like massive events. 02:56.109 --> 03:01.711 [SPEAKER_01]: And not seeing that other generations didn't, because clearly there was great depression and many other things. 03:01.771 --> 03:06.993 [SPEAKER_01]: But I feel like we've had a lot of hardship in the sense of getting off the ground. 03:07.773 --> 03:16.837 [SPEAKER_01]: and we've also had this feeling of like challenging some of those storms that you're mentioned of, you know, is marriage the be all end all? 03:16.937 --> 03:18.198 [SPEAKER_01]: Is that what I want to do? 03:18.298 --> 03:31.985 [SPEAKER_01]: And I want to like gain my independence before I commit and start a family, but it's hard to gain your independence when the, you know, ground is rocky that you're on because of like instability of the workplace and 03:33.101 --> 03:47.813 [SPEAKER_02]: wish we had a boomer on right now because I kind of want to like a gut check this against them you know I only know my parents experience from their time in China and they went through the great cultural revolution where it was a overhaul of 03:48.834 --> 03:53.299 [SPEAKER_02]: Communist China, and my parents couldn't go to school at that time, they were sent to labor camps. 03:53.399 --> 04:00.368 [SPEAKER_02]: So I actually think they've had to survive a lot more hardship than I have, true, objectively. 04:00.748 --> 04:05.474 [SPEAKER_02]: But what that did for them was to really value traditions. 04:05.975 --> 04:07.316 [SPEAKER_02]: And the old... 04:08.177 --> 04:10.998 [SPEAKER_02]: the normal quote-unquote way of doing life. 04:11.118 --> 04:12.818 [SPEAKER_02]: So they really value education. 04:12.878 --> 04:18.660 [SPEAKER_02]: They really value families because that was stripped away from them as when they were teenagers. 04:19.140 --> 04:27.862 [SPEAKER_02]: For us, all the hardship we faced is making us question if this way of life is what we want. 04:28.582 --> 04:35.523 [SPEAKER_02]: And is there another a better way or a more suitable way to live the lives that maybe our parents 04:38.785 --> 04:55.554 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no, it's an interesting point, and I'm wondering, like, if that also plays into like your location where you're at, you know, I think it's interesting because our, the, the boomer generation had like way higher divorce rates to the millennial. 04:56.054 --> 05:13.195 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I actually like we were talking before this of these stats that I was like, is this stat accurate like this can't be right there is one place and I'm still like I don't want to do what to quote us on this there was very fairly law firm that quoted a 5% divorce rate amongst millennials. 05:13.635 --> 05:27.205 [SPEAKER_01]: but there was also stats like from Pew Research and the CDC that just like, you know, divorce is down, Pew Research will say it's down 30% from past generations for millennials. 05:27.365 --> 05:31.448 [SPEAKER_01]: And the Pew Research study was saying that one in four millennials may never marry at all. 05:32.388 --> 05:49.713 [SPEAKER_01]: which is like so different than past generations and I think just like again like this script of I'm doing things different and maybe that's because we were a fallout of divorce like divorce was very prominent in you know our generations parents 05:50.613 --> 06:14.861 [SPEAKER_01]: and it's made us maybe more gun shy to get married and have relationships in the first place or there's many other reasons, like you know, just putting ourselves first, like there's so many reasons though that we've taken a lot longer to choose partners, which I think is all very positive, but like that's resulted in delays, a lot of delays, and maybe in the long run it's better 06:17.762 --> 06:22.325 [SPEAKER_01]: but a lot of times we're like, oh shit, at least this is what I'm experience like shit. 06:22.365 --> 06:27.848 [SPEAKER_01]: Now I'm in my 40s and if I do want to have kids like time is really running out. 06:28.428 --> 06:39.334 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and we have to be careful about when we talk about these generations because millennials go from like the youngest millennial today, it's only 30. 06:40.635 --> 06:40.996 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 06:41.116 --> 06:42.897 [SPEAKER_02]: And I am the oldest millennial. 06:42.937 --> 06:45.480 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm proud to say I am the first millennial. 06:45.520 --> 06:46.681 [SPEAKER_02]: I was born 81. 06:46.881 --> 06:48.683 [SPEAKER_02]: I lead the pack and I'm 45. 06:49.164 --> 06:53.548 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just starting to see a wave of divorces in the last few years. 06:54.089 --> 06:58.973 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's like the younger millennials having even gone to the marriage part of course. 06:59.874 --> 07:02.018 [SPEAKER_02]: we don't have divorce rates for them. 07:02.618 --> 07:14.135 [SPEAKER_02]: So we have to when we talk about these these generations as a whole, we're actually talking about lots of different people, lots of different age groups and life stages. 07:14.696 --> 07:24.539 [SPEAKER_02]: But if, in fact, our generation of millennials are delaying marriage, then the youngest millennials can probably be another 10 years before they get married. 07:25.099 --> 07:29.021 [SPEAKER_01]: I love that's why the status 5% because, like, they don't be good even. 07:29.401 --> 07:32.222 [SPEAKER_00]: Most people aren't even thinking about marriage like a third year. 07:32.242 --> 07:32.942 [SPEAKER_00]: They're like, what's? 07:33.382 --> 07:35.202 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, Eddie Jensey's status. 07:35.222 --> 07:36.623 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, Jensey is a day day.

07:36.723 --> 07:38.524 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, yeah, they're like, they're 12. 07:38.644 --> 07:40.484 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they shouldn't be dating. 07:40.644 --> 07:41.224 [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly. 07:41.625 --> 07:42.725 [SPEAKER_00]: They should be dating at all. 07:43.325 --> 07:48.748 [SPEAKER_01]: I think though there is this feeling, I don't know of how you feel, but I've noticed this with myself. 07:48.788 --> 07:57.912 [SPEAKER_01]: I've talked to other friends about it too that there's like almost like it's like a grief a little, like it's not like it's some of its anxiety. 07:57.992 --> 08:07.577 [SPEAKER_01]: I definitely feel more anxious the older I get, but I do think there is a little bit of like a grief of coming to terms with like the future is going to look different than I expected. 08:08.657 --> 08:21.881 [SPEAKER_01]: And I remember like actually episode we did a few seasons ago with Jared Freed and remember him saying like he really had a like come to terms like I'm not going to have the life my parents did at the age that they had it. 08:22.561 --> 08:34.504 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think like a lot of people are feeling it right this minute and I think especially with like AI in the workplace it's just like blowing up like is this the career I want is this what I want to be doing with my life all of 08:35.220 --> 08:50.590 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I've been reading up a lot about anticipatory grief because you know, I have that majorly with my parents a lot of losing my parents rocks my world every day just it just I would be shattered so I think about that quite a bit and I think about. 08:51.450 --> 08:56.013 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I wouldn't have grandparents, grandkids, like women, I don't have kids. 08:56.073 --> 09:02.396 [SPEAKER_02]: So I wouldn't have that life and also retirement is another big ask question mark. 09:02.837 --> 09:04.217 [SPEAKER_02]: What does that look like for me? 09:04.558 --> 09:08.460 [SPEAKER_02]: Do we even have social security by the time we get to retirement? 09:08.960 --> 09:10.821 [SPEAKER_02]: And then where are we all living? 09:11.141 --> 09:13.743 [SPEAKER_02]: It's earth still alive like it. 09:13.783 --> 09:15.023 [SPEAKER_02]: Can we still survive? 09:15.384 --> 09:17.885 [SPEAKER_02]: There's so many more existential questions. 09:17.925 --> 09:24.237 [SPEAKER_02]: questions at this age that with every day feels closer and closer. 09:24.798 --> 09:27.003 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but we don't want this to be day when glue. 09:28.748 --> 09:37.594 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not the point here, but I think it's just like normalizing this feeling, because I think for a while, it didn't register for me that this was a midlife crisis. 09:37.614 --> 09:38.935 [SPEAKER_01]: I think there's a couple of reasons. 09:39.135 --> 09:42.978 [SPEAKER_01]: One, I would feel like, do you remember what someone wrote in email to us? 09:42.998 --> 09:54.066 [SPEAKER_01]: So they were like, I started this podcast, listening to

you guys when I was in my 20s, and I'd love a few focus more on our age range midlife, and we were both like, we're not in midlife. 09:54.326 --> 09:55.467 [SPEAKER_01]: What are you talking about? 09:56.027 --> 09:58.529 [SPEAKER_01]: And that we're like, oh, we are in bed life. 09:58.670 --> 10:14.324 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think subivits, the aging process that I think the led deal is like freaking pretty good, although then I'll like be around younger people and I'm like, oh, no, I do look really old, I just like, you're pretty like, yeah, you're like, also, I don't understand any of the words you're saying. 10:16.126 --> 10:23.931 [SPEAKER_01]: We're speaking a different language so everyone's the wilder is that grounding back to earth that yes, I am in midlife But I think for the most part. 10:24.011 --> 10:40.321 [SPEAKER_01]: I've kind of felt like younger than I am So I think there's been a piece of that that's hard I think also you and I people always think we're super young I don't know if it's just the way we carry ourselves or God we have baby faces But remember like we've been on calls of people for this podcast. 10:40.361 --> 10:42.683 [SPEAKER_01]: They're like oh you guys would understand you're too young 10:45.444 --> 10:47.325 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm like, I'm anxious. 10:47.906 --> 10:49.767 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, what are you talking about? 10:49.907 --> 11:09.119 [SPEAKER_02]: But the word midlife is hard to comprehend, too, because it does that really mean we're in the middle of our life now, like we only have another half to go and then with technology and AI and longevity being the hot topic these days, are we truly in midlife? 11:09.359 --> 11:11.860 [SPEAKER_02]: Cause like, what if in five years, 11:15.163 --> 11:19.526 [SPEAKER_02]: That's going to bring on a whole, not their level of consciousness that we're worried about. 11:20.207 --> 11:23.809 [SPEAKER_01]: I think the reality is right now, you just don't know, right? 11:23.829 --> 11:26.431 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you never know with any age, you just don't know anything. 11:26.531 --> 11:31.255 [SPEAKER_01]: I think like in general, I've been really struggling with this. 11:31.295 --> 11:41.342 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I don't know if it's just my anxiety speaking, but it's like now that I have my husband, not just about him leaving, but I'm like, you know, it's just about something happening to him. 11:41.662 --> 11:43.726 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and like anticipatory grief. 11:43.806 --> 11:45.309 [SPEAKER_02]: You're like, yeah, afraid to lose him. 11:45.649 --> 11:48.895 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and he's like, look, it's a cycle like circle of life. 11:48.975 --> 11:50.278 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, no, you can't say that. 11:50.298 --> 11:51.420 [SPEAKER_01]: It makes you more anxious. 11:53.198 --> 12:13.800 [SPEAKER_01]: But every his point is like you have to live every day and I'm like you're right Like I think like I do need to get into that mindset a little more of being

like I do want to maximize time left because you just don't know you really don't know with any of it And again, we don't want this to be like doom and gloom but more of the reality of aging and just normalizing what many of us are feeling 12:14.322 --> 12:35.867 [SPEAKER_02]: And there's a certain level of excitement to this all, yes, let's move away from the doom and gloom, I think I am really excited for what the future holds because even in talking to my parents, I asked them together day, did you ever think in your lifetime, you would drive a car, like even just a car, and my parents were like, hell no, like they never grew up 12:36.627 --> 12:44.031 [SPEAKER_02]: with cars, they never saw cars, and now they own and drive one, it wasn't even in their realm of possibility. 12:44.391 --> 12:51.355 [SPEAKER_02]: So I think about with our generations, like, whatever's going to happen the future is not even in our realm of possibility. 12:51.675 --> 12:53.296 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's just going to happen one day. 12:53.396 --> 12:56.398 [SPEAKER_02]: And then we're going to realize, wow, I would have never seen this coming. 12:56.958 --> 13:17.688 [SPEAKER_01]: Right, and I think we have to obviously also be thankful for what we did have because like I think there's a lot, especially with delayed marriage and delayed relationships and delayed children, like it's stressful to me now that I'm like fuck them in my 40s and I like really need to do this soon or I'm not doing it. 13:18.228 --> 13:27.552 [SPEAKER_01]: But then on the other side, I'm like, I wouldn't trade that it took me longer to find the right partner that I feel so secure with and happy with. 13:27.953 --> 13:35.716 [SPEAKER_01]: Versus, if I looked at who I dated when I was in my 20s and 30s, I truly cannot imagine that life with someone. 13:36.317 --> 13:44.880 [SPEAKER_01]: So I think the fact that you had more of that emotional intelligence and just understanding the later you are, 13:46.421 --> 13:59.332 [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, I've read studies too, of course, you'll spin it however way, but it's like for parenting, it's better if like the parent is like more emotionally matured, financially stable, and things that do come being a parent later in life. 13:59.352 --> 14:07.218 [SPEAKER_01]: So there are a lot of benefits, and obviously modern science, and all that stuff like was never, the, he wasn't even option years ago. 14:08.006 --> 14:10.188 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it really was not an option. 14:10.288 --> 14:17.194 [SPEAKER_02]: We're so lucky to have all these options, but then also so doomed because we have so many options. 14:17.555 --> 14:18.556 [SPEAKER_02]: It is endless. 14:19.296 --> 14:30.587 [SPEAKER_02]: What options we have in the decisions we have to make, and again for our parents and the previous generations, they just didn't have that many options for their lives, just seems so much simpler. 14:31.007 --> 14:33.529 [SPEAKER_02]: They didn't have to, like, say, I have to, 14:34.791 --> 14:36.492 [SPEAKER_02]: I have different ways of having a child. 14:36.612 --> 14:39.795 [SPEAKER_02]: My mom had six months to get pregnant in Communist China. 14:40.096 --> 14:43.719 [SPEAKER_02]: And if she didn't, she didn't get pregnant during that time, she would have to wait a whole year. 14:44.019 --> 14:45.421 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, she had no options. 14:45.481 --> 14:46.942 [SPEAKER_02]: She's like, I guess I'm getting pregnant. 14:47.843 --> 14:51.827 [SPEAKER_01]: I like literally had an install TikTok this morning, because I'm in, 14:52.227 --> 14:55.729 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just like, you know how, okay, I'll say TikTok over Instagram. 14:55.749 --> 15:00.231 [SPEAKER_01]: They will get you into an algorithm and feed so freaking quickly. 15:00.251 --> 15:00.691 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 15:00.731 --> 15:04.352 [SPEAKER_01]: And I've just been getting so many like pregnancy IVF stuff. 15:04.372 --> 15:05.773 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just like, this is too much. 15:06.253 --> 15:06.973 [SPEAKER_01]: I can't do it. 15:07.113 --> 15:11.015 [SPEAKER_01]: And then like job search stuff and AI. 15:11.075 --> 15:17.898 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just like, I can't listen to like any random with a microphone, giving their opinion about everything. 15:17.918 --> 15:19.759 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's just exhausting. 15:20.419 --> 15:26.005 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that is, I don't know, maybe you're doing not to be a millennial to feel exhausted right now. 15:26.025 --> 15:32.632 [SPEAKER_01]: I think for me, that's the thing with decision fatigue with all these different things that are happening. 15:32.692 --> 15:38.679 [SPEAKER_01]: And it almost feels like there's a lot like blowing up at once that it's exhausting. 15:39.597 --> 15:42.998 [SPEAKER_02]: because we didn't have to process so much information before. 15:43.219 --> 15:45.680 [SPEAKER_02]: And now we're processing all this information. 15:46.060 --> 15:49.101 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm sure the more videos you watch, the more questions you have. 15:49.301 --> 15:49.561 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 15:49.741 --> 15:52.362 [SPEAKER_02]: Because now there's, oh, this, this other option. 15:52.943 --> 16:00.066 [SPEAKER_02]: My issue with social media in general is like, it's just so many people trying to convince you their ways the right way. 16:00.086 --> 16:00.806 [SPEAKER_02]: I know. 16:00.946 --> 16:02.407 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's a part that pisses me off. 16:02.527 --> 16:04.909 [SPEAKER_02]: You can share your experience, I love that. 16:05.410 --> 16:18.821 [SPEAKER_02]: But these are the grandals with microphones going, well, if you want to get pregnant, here are like the five foods to eat today, and here are the five things to do to level up your fertility is wild to me. 16:18.941 --> 16:23.285 [SPEAKER_02]: And it just feels like so many talking heads talking at you. 16:23.745 --> 16:24.506 [SPEAKER_01]: It totally is. 16:24.966 --> 16:25.587 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, okay.

16:26.167 --> 16:43.779 [SPEAKER_01]: So let's start back, we did out of the talk about the primarily, how this affects dating a relationship, bring it back there, because clearly that's what, you know, the essence of the show, but I think it all kind of goes together, and I think there's, we could probably split into two things. 16:43.799 --> 16:45.220 [SPEAKER_01]: There's the dating. 16:45.620 --> 16:51.685 [SPEAKER_01]: like feeling like I'm in my 40s, I'm dating, am I even trying to get married at this point? 16:51.725 --> 16:53.206 [SPEAKER_01]: Is there anyone good out there? 16:53.686 --> 17:07.697 [SPEAKER_01]: But then also like maybe you've been married for years, and the stress of life in general might not even be your relationship necessarily that's broken, but just like the world that we're in getting brought to your relationship. 17:08.258 --> 17:11.480 [SPEAKER_01]: So I want to go into all that a bit more, but before we 17:14.062 --> 17:16.883 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, do you want to take a dating first, okay? 17:17.463 --> 17:32.409 [SPEAKER_02]: Dating, dating in your midlife, not talking about dating as a millennial, because the younger millennials are like, what, the 30s some year old, but dating in your 40s is such a different feeling. 17:33.569 --> 17:37.312 [SPEAKER_02]: because you're no longer like growing up with someone. 17:37.993 --> 17:48.981 [SPEAKER_02]: You're now mature, quote unquote, whole people coming together, trying to catch up on the last 40 years that you missed of each other's lives. 17:49.701 --> 17:56.208 [SPEAKER_02]: So I actually find that the most challenging, and also kind of exciting because you never run out of things to talk about. 17:56.888 --> 17:59.551 [SPEAKER_02]: But you, you know, I'm newly single. 17:59.911 --> 18:00.933 [SPEAKER_02]: We don't have to go into why. 18:00.953 --> 18:06.878 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, I was like, I don't want to be the one to make a big deal of it. 18:07.339 --> 18:13.165 [SPEAKER_02]: But I'm newly single, I'm venturing back into dating, not super active, but being staying open. 18:14.220 --> 18:31.444 [SPEAKER_02]: And it is a different animal this time around because I just, I just feel like you, I still have the mentality of looking at people like I'm 20, but then you come together and you start talking about life. 18:31.724 --> 18:36.685 [SPEAKER_00]: And then it brings you back to reality of how much life everyone has lived. 18:37.285 --> 18:42.987 [SPEAKER_02]: It's really hard to meet someone today who hasn't lived through some crazy shit. 18:44.387 --> 18:47.369 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, question for you since you open this up. 18:47.910 --> 19:09.565 [SPEAKER_01]: I guess like from I know like you're still using back into dating So maybe the answer is I don't know yet, but like do you feel like as you're on dating apps or just meeting people through tennis or just in general Like you feel like you're approaching this a lot different than you were in your 20s and 30s

even 30s Probably is the comparison 19:10.130 --> 19:23.420 [SPEAKER_02]: I think I'm doing a lot of the evaluating my the choosing now and I think in my 30s so still like let's see who likes me first and then I'll decide yeah like them back. 19:23.880 --> 19:31.345 [SPEAKER_02]: But now I feel more like I'm in the driver's seat because I also have limited time I'm a limited energy. 19:32.686 --> 19:33.847 [SPEAKER_02]: tie your duh. 19:34.027 --> 19:42.030 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not trying to be like maybe it's a lot more from a place of ground in this, which I really appreciate. 19:42.630 --> 19:51.874 [SPEAKER_02]: But also now I'm like swiping on, well, I say swiping very lightly because I'm really not on apps, but the few times I've been on apps. 19:52.454 --> 19:55.439 [SPEAKER_00]: and Julie knows was not a good experience. 19:55.799 --> 19:57.381 [SPEAKER_00]: Get to that in another episode. 19:57.401 --> 20:02.749 [SPEAKER_00]: I found a profile that I should not have, but anyway, that's another episode. 20:03.791 --> 20:07.476 [SPEAKER_00]: Looking through these profiles, I'm like, holy shit, this is like someone's daddy. 20:11.125 --> 20:12.766 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, it's like someone's daddy. 20:12.846 --> 20:17.588 [SPEAKER_00]: This is just some like 40 or 50-some-year-old daddy. 20:18.089 --> 20:25.313 [SPEAKER_00]: And I felt that way when I went to the Backstreet Boys concert last week, I was like, oh my god, I'm just like, watching a bunch of daddy's performance. 20:29.715 --> 20:37.586 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, you definitely have to like accept that a lot of people the pool are going to be like parents and Have laughed like really live. 20:37.606 --> 20:39.869 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, even if they're not parents. 20:39.929 --> 20:45.456 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they look like dad They look like someone's daddy even if they don't have kids 20:46.688 --> 20:51.730 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like when you're saying it's not like Zaddy like that's not sexy. 20:51.850 --> 20:52.731 [SPEAKER_00]: It's sexy at all. 20:52.771 --> 20:56.432 [SPEAKER_00]: You you look at them You're like, yep, he's going to pick ups. 20:56.792 --> 21:00.434 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, you're like, yep, he's taking someone to swim class. 21:00.994 --> 21:02.295 [SPEAKER_00]: Even if he doesn't have a child. 21:02.955 --> 21:03.715 [SPEAKER_00]: Even if he doesn't. 21:04.275 --> 21:09.237 [SPEAKER_00]: Because that's a guy you saw when you were younger, you know, you're like, oh, there's someone's dad. 21:09.498 --> 21:11.959 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, they're picking up my friend right now. 21:15.892 --> 21:22.415 [SPEAKER_01]: I can't remember what episode we did this on, maybe it was the one we did with Kimmy Salsa about dating into 40s. 21:22.435 --> 21:25.197 [SPEAKER_01]: Or maybe it was something you would tell me, I can't remember. 21:25.537 --> 21:37.163 [SPEAKER_01]: But it was, someone said at one point, there was this feeling of like, like kind of like acceptance of like these with the people in my age bucket, like people look really old. 21:37.183 --> 21:39.364 [SPEAKER_01]: And then it's like, oh, yes, so am I. 21:39.924 --> 21:40.705 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah. 21:41.385 --> 21:43.766 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like this weird recalibration 21:45.989 --> 21:47.410 [SPEAKER_02]: It's such a recalibration. 21:47.930 --> 21:53.112 [SPEAKER_02]: I think we talked about it because a mutual friend was getting back into dating. 21:53.232 --> 21:55.853 [SPEAKER_02]: And she's still like, oh my god, everyone looks so old. 21:55.913 --> 22:01.176 [SPEAKER_02]: And then she had to recalibrate and say, well, yeah, because I'm in that age range now. 22:01.736 --> 22:07.158 [SPEAKER_02]: But the fucked up part is so many people still have older photos on their profiles. 22:07.959 --> 22:14.502 [SPEAKER_02]: Which is, it doesn't do you any justice because now my brain is now going to the younger you. 22:15.923 --> 22:21.109 [SPEAKER_00]: And then then I see the the newer pictures and I can't reconcile that in my head. 22:21.270 --> 22:23.713 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, how did this turn into that? 22:23.933 --> 22:31.423 [SPEAKER_00]: You're like seeing like a really ripe tomato going to a wrinkly bruised tomato. 22:31.443 --> 22:33.666 [SPEAKER_00]: You're like, oh, how did this happen? 22:34.166 --> 22:46.845 [SPEAKER_01]: I also forget what psychology principle this was or behavioral science one, but I do remember like when we had our podcast show the live show and look at your who's now like, you know, has done so well for herself. 22:46.885 --> 22:48.888 [SPEAKER_01]: She opened for us back the day. 22:49.048 --> 23:07.742 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, she had this presentation up and it was like the whole point was like when you have like photos of friends in your profile pic, like people will make comparisons and the more similar they look, I guess less attractive of the two will be seen as like more like unattractive than if they were to be right. 23:07.962 --> 23:16.589 [SPEAKER_01]: So in your situation, it's like your comparing like some more attractive younger version, it's a bit older version, it almost like probably is worse than I would have been. 23:16.589 --> 23:18.950 [SPEAKER_00]: You're so right, you're so right. 23:18.970 --> 23:24.512 [SPEAKER_00]: You're basically looking at twins and one just looks haggard, you're like, no, I'll take the other twin, please. 23:24.972 --> 23:32.655 [SPEAKER_00]: You're like, you're still the, you see the same person, yes, they're still the same eyes, but everything else looks not the same. 23:32.715 --> 23:34.136 [SPEAKER_02]: So that, I think that's shocking. 23:34.516 --> 23:35.316 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 23:35.396 --> 23:36.597 [SPEAKER_02]: To readjust your eyes. 23:37.097 --> 23:40.498 [SPEAKER_02]: But I, I had done all that calibration the last time around. 23:40.558 --> 23:41.319 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's okay. 23:41.359 --> 23:44.000 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I was dating someone like six

months older than me. 23:44.020 --> 23:44.220 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 23:45.220 --> 23:45.800 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm okay there. 23:46.240 --> 23:51.842 [SPEAKER_01]: I think this is what I've observed of friends in mind that are still day-day and obviously people I'm talking to. 23:51.942 --> 23:57.764 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I truly believe that like there is no age that like love cannot find, right? 23:57.804 --> 23:59.545 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you can kind of love at any age. 23:59.585 --> 23:59.905 [SPEAKER_01]: Like we 24:00.425 --> 24:02.267 [SPEAKER_01]: I've seen so many stories of this. 24:02.347 --> 24:09.574 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it might look different and look what you build your life is going to be different and that might change like family structure. 24:09.594 --> 24:15.580 [SPEAKER_01]: There's obviously a lot more that comes in potentially with someone if you meet later in life. 24:16.261 --> 24:16.921 [SPEAKER_01]: all of that. 24:17.582 --> 24:21.343 [SPEAKER_01]: I have seen though, and I don't think you're like this at all. 24:21.363 --> 24:26.885 [SPEAKER_01]: I think like you and like some of my other close friends, like it's more of, I still want that. 24:27.005 --> 24:32.447 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to be with another person, but if I don't find it, I'm like content and happy with my life. 24:33.147 --> 24:39.151 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I have other friends that I feel like and I feel like in the first camp, it's like they're still open. 24:39.451 --> 24:43.313 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's not always dating isn't the number one priority, but they're still open. 24:43.834 --> 24:47.096 [SPEAKER_01]: Where I do have some other friends that I feel like have shut down. 24:47.676 --> 24:48.837 [SPEAKER_01]: Like the older they get. 24:49.577 --> 24:57.520 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, it kind of like kills me inside because they'll be like, well, there's no one left in this pool and I'm like, that's not the case anymore. 24:57.820 --> 24:58.140 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 24:58.180 --> 25:05.142 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe that was like decade, like a decade ago because everyone got married at 30 and then, I don't know, I guess people were getting divorced then, too. 25:05.182 --> 25:11.264 [SPEAKER_01]: But I feel like, nowadays it's like, you don't know, people are coming in and out at all different stages of life. 25:11.324 --> 25:14.525 [SPEAKER_01]: And I just, it does kind of hurt me inside and I, 25:15.265 --> 25:23.785 [SPEAKER_01]: I get it, like the longer it's been, the better the more bad experiences that build up, it's harder and harder to get yourself out of that sometimes. 25:24.761 --> 25:30.224 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I kind of experienced, I think it's just like the pressure around dating. 25:30.564 --> 25:37.188 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like you have to meet under this dating context that I think really makes people shut down. 25:37.849 --> 25:46.994 [SPEAKER_02]: My friend was saying that she was trying to introduce her husband's friend to a friend of hers, as she was trying to make the connection and her friends like, oh, yeah, I'm not dating. 25:47.134 --> 25:47.914 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not interested. 25:48.094 --> 25:49.535 [SPEAKER_02]: And my friend's like, why not? 25:49.575 --> 25:51.837 [SPEAKER_02]: Why not just meet someone, a new person? 25:52.577 --> 25:55.698 [SPEAKER_02]: But I think it's because it's in that dating context. 25:56.018 --> 25:57.879 [SPEAKER_02]: And I kind of felt this the other day. 25:57.899 --> 26:02.681 [SPEAKER_02]: I had another friend that was like, oh, I have a guy friend moving into your neighborhood. 26:02.701 --> 26:03.682 [SPEAKER_02]: You should meet up with him. 26:03.722 --> 26:04.482 [SPEAKER_02]: He's really fun. 26:04.962 --> 26:07.063 [SPEAKER_02]: I already read that as like a dating context. 26:07.103 --> 26:09.584 [SPEAKER_02]: So I was like, oh, yeah, like, look, I don't know. 26:09.644 --> 26:10.184 [SPEAKER_02]: We'll see. 26:10.204 --> 26:15.927 [SPEAKER_02]: And then she followed that up with he's gay and he's moving there with his partner and their kid. 26:16.207 --> 26:21.248 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, yes, introducing, I want to meet him to my role, you know? 26:21.588 --> 26:24.069 [SPEAKER_02]: And then I was like, what is the difference between the two? 26:24.289 --> 26:28.250 [SPEAKER_02]: It's the context of what I put in my head. 26:28.610 --> 26:29.930 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I agree though. 26:29.950 --> 26:33.111 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that's always been there a little like the set up pressure. 26:33.171 --> 26:42.012 [SPEAKER_01]: But I do think like, and I wonder how much of this is millennial driven versus, I mean, Gen Z is also struggling with dating right now. 26:42.032 --> 26:44.313 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but they're all about matchmaking. 26:44.714 --> 26:45.481 [SPEAKER_02]: Remember, right? 26:45.602 --> 26:46.773 [SPEAKER_02]: So they're all ball setups. 26:47.384 --> 26:50.545 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I guess it's like, there's clearly a difference. 26:50.585 --> 26:57.567 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I think the life experiences that come in may be like with younger generations, it's just like, I don't even know what to do. 26:58.107 --> 27:11.031 [SPEAKER_01]: We're like, like, when we're in millennial age, a lot of people have either come out of really serious relationships or have just kind of been in the dating pool for a while and I mean, things can really change quickly. 27:11.051 --> 27:16.213 [SPEAKER_01]: I think there is like that, it's a big piece of it, but sometimes hard to see that when we're like in it. 27:16.783 --> 27:24.251 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I think that's why so many millennials feel defeated in dating so they're not even putting their name in the hat anymore. 27:24.472 --> 27:26.074 [SPEAKER_02]: Just take me out of the running. 27:26.194 --> 27:27.055 [SPEAKER_02]: This is safer. 27:27.795 --> 27:30.178 [SPEAKER_01]: Right, and I don't want that to be the takeaway for me. 27:30.258 --> 27:31.620

[SPEAKER_02]: No, no. 27:32.220 --> 27:40.448 [SPEAKER_02]: I think always what we say on the show to stay curious to meet new people, you never know what that opens up for you. 27:40.948 --> 27:48.275 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think when the curiosity door opens, you end up attracting all kinds of different people. 27:48.315 --> 27:50.998 [SPEAKER_02]: It's not just about the person you're meeting up with. 27:51.538 --> 28:10.256 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, I have a friend that is still recovering from a breakup and I think like also when you're older, the people that you maybe were part like, you know, the people you're in relationships with, it might have felt more serious and I think she like believe like this is the person and we're going to get married. 28:10.716 --> 28:29.099 [SPEAKER_01]: and then like the one that doesn't happen it can be really jarring and i think she's been like i don't want to date i'm not ready and like that's fine like the ones pushing people to go on like their you know outside their pace but like what if you just like join tennis or pickle ball or like yeah and activity just to meet people you just not 28:29.640 --> 28:33.105 [SPEAKER_01]: because I think this is another issue that I'm seeing with friends. 28:33.125 --> 28:45.783 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's interesting like being in, because I feel like I was in a different place because I still met my husband later in life, but like I think it's hard because a lot of people are like, you know, settle down with kids and... 28:46.303 --> 28:54.327 [SPEAKER_01]: families or they're married and, you know, if you're, if I friends that are single, that some of them do feel like left behind. 28:55.268 --> 29:08.095 [SPEAKER_01]: And I absolutely am not saying, like, don't stay in the friend group, like, that is, everyone wants everyone at the friend group, like it's not that, but sometimes that I know it's something I had to deal with, like, it was helpful to find people in my life stage. 29:08.395 --> 29:23.428 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, and it didn't mean like I'm going to abandon all my existing friends, but like it can be hard to be the only single person in the group when everyone else is in so I'm like just go in like even if you meet other girls like just meet people. 29:24.389 --> 29:39.721 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I think meeting other same gender friends is wonderful because at least you have something to talk about, you have something to relate to, I think a lot of people become defeatists in dating is when they feel alone and what they're going through. 29:40.021 --> 29:43.904 [SPEAKER_02]: And then they become reclusive and then they kind of just keep to themselves. 29:44.345 --> 29:53.612 [SPEAKER_02]: But if you seek out other people, you're going to find that a lot of people are going through similar feelings and experiences and that can help you take you out of your shell. 29:54.172 --> 30:04.856 [SPEAKER_02]: Now, Julie, I don't know if you've heard this, but the other layer of

dating in your 40s, I think about too, is this is specifically for women. 30:05.056 --> 30:07.117 [SPEAKER_02]: And you hear this from older women. 30:08.237 --> 30:10.418 [SPEAKER_02]: They say, one day you become invisible. 30:12.138 --> 30:15.440 [SPEAKER_02]: And if it's very jarring to go through that. 30:15.660 --> 30:16.420 [SPEAKER_02]: And I 30:17.160 --> 30:46.252 [SPEAKER_02]: Can absolutely see that, you know, it's like it's not even just your options on dating apps get less Like that that's already the case once you go you turn 35 right But it's the It's like you can go out to an event and you're just not attracting as many people men and women Right you have become somewhat invisible and that fucking scares me for that data come 30:46.810 --> 30:52.913 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, I guess like, is that just like a mismatch of people though? 30:53.053 --> 31:04.018 [SPEAKER_01]: Like is it that like, you know, like people are always seeking someone that feels like, you know, the bright shiny objects and like not again realistic of like this is where I am also. 31:04.582 --> 31:25.162 [SPEAKER_02]: Well I see it with my mom when we go out she is like she could we could be at the grocery store and she's like struggling with something and There's nobody really to help unless she asks for help, but she knows that if I'm standing there and I'm struggling with someone I'm looking me. 31:27.925 --> 31:33.969 [SPEAKER_02]: It's, yeah, it's the agency, and also they just don't, like, they're just not paying attention to her. 31:34.670 --> 31:38.352 [SPEAKER_02]: And she says she's feeling that more and more now in her 70s. 31:38.733 --> 31:41.034 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, people just don't see her. 31:41.194 --> 31:43.016 [SPEAKER_02]: She could be sending you right in front of someone. 31:43.136 --> 31:44.957 [SPEAKER_02]: They're, they don't see her. 31:45.497 --> 31:45.717 [SPEAKER_02]: Well. 31:47.719 --> 31:48.659 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not bitch. 31:48.779 --> 31:52.461 [SPEAKER_02]: It's because she's like, yeah, yeah, it's a hi. 31:52.501 --> 31:52.961 [SPEAKER_02]: She shrank. 31:53.281 --> 32:00.485 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you know that that is like the old The old way of thinking is now we are once you hit mid-life. 32:00.525 --> 32:04.187 [SPEAKER_02]: It's all downhill and there's all the Real those jokes like bray. 32:04.207 --> 32:07.188 [SPEAKER_00]: It's all downhill from here and that scares me. 32:07.268 --> 32:09.209 [SPEAKER_00]: Is it really all downhill from here? 32:09.709 --> 32:10.750 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, that I think it's the end 32:10.970 --> 32:35.181 [SPEAKER_01]: ages of in general that's scary and like how much of it is again just like culture and you know I mean obviously what you just said about your mom is like an actual lived experience but you hear about this and like the workplace too it's like once you're over 40 it's hard to get work and like you're just like you know people are ages and I think that to me is scary of just all these examples of ages um 32:35.781 --> 32:38.824 [SPEAKER_01]: and then it's like, shit, like, is it all downhill from here? 32:39.305 --> 32:52.318 [SPEAKER_01]: But I do think it's like, it's like, easier set the doubt, but it's like, I always have to remind myself what I'm getting into, like, cycles like this that I'm like, if someone came to me for dating advice, I would never say that to them. 32:52.358 --> 32:54.641 [SPEAKER_01]: I'd be like, you could find things at any age. 32:54.701 --> 32:55.722 [SPEAKER_01]: It might look different. 32:56.122 --> 33:00.426 [SPEAKER_01]: It might feel different, and I'm like, okay, are you trying to buy in myself for all parts of life? 33:00.486 --> 33:02.909 [SPEAKER_01]: It might just look different in the second act. 33:02.989 --> 33:06.732 [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't mean like you're just like all of a sudden invisible to everything. 33:07.513 --> 33:08.053 [SPEAKER_02]: Exactly. 33:08.234 --> 33:13.098 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and it like you said earlier, it's finding the right audience who can appreciate you. 33:13.418 --> 33:21.306 [SPEAKER_00]: You just can't keep putting yourself in the same environment as we are younger, because that's when you make the direct comparison. 33:21.840 --> 33:40.027 [SPEAKER_01]: I think for a dating, just another topic on this, that's interesting and I'm curious if you have friends that are going through this, I kind of feel like I went through this even before I met my partner, but it's like you're at, because I met my partner 37, so I mean technically that was also in the millennial midlife crisis. 33:40.927 --> 33:50.252 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think there was this this point that I wanted to buy a home like a condo because mortgage rates were super low and it felt like a good opportunity. 33:50.272 --> 33:53.334 [SPEAKER_01]: And now I'm like, oh, was this the right move? 33:53.374 --> 33:55.255 [SPEAKER_01]: And like in some ways, I'm like, yes, it was. 33:55.275 --> 34:00.557 [SPEAKER_01]: But I bought a one bedroom, one back condo because I'm like, I didn't know what was going to happen. 34:00.657 --> 34:02.238 [SPEAKER_01]: And like, I had just met him. 34:02.258 --> 34:05.560 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, it could end up being my life partner, but it also. 34:05.860 --> 34:10.185 [SPEAKER_01]: Could easily fizzle because, you know, I've done this before, right? 34:10.725 --> 34:25.341 [SPEAKER_01]: So are you feeling like you, I mean, obviously you already like bought a place too, but like do you have like friends that are kind of figuring that out like I want to move forward in my life and not wait for a partner, but I'm also like, do I do it alone? 34:25.361 --> 34:26.523 [SPEAKER_01]: Do I just do it? 34:27.123 --> 34:29.684 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I have one girlfriend in particular. 34:29.824 --> 34:33.205 [SPEAKER_02]: She's always looking at if she should buy. 34:33.725 --> 34:39.147 [SPEAKER_02]: And then she gets depressed because she's like, I

can't afford anything on my own. 34:39.468 --> 34:40.368 [SPEAKER_02]: Anything I like. 34:40.688 --> 34:41.828 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 34:42.169 --> 34:49.391 [SPEAKER_02]: And then she will then talk about her friends who are married and how that double income can really help with the mortgage. 34:50.332 --> 34:52.152 [SPEAKER_02]: And then that's the script she keeps playing. 34:52.292 --> 34:55.954 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like if I want to buy something, I really should be with someone. 34:56.954 --> 35:08.079 [SPEAKER_02]: But I think the way you framed it is even more eye-opening is like it's not that she wants to buy a house, is that she wants to progress her life. 35:08.319 --> 35:08.779 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 35:08.799 --> 35:12.040 [SPEAKER_02]: And that seems like the next progression. 35:12.560 --> 35:18.523 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like if you're not getting married by a house commit to housing, because without that what's next? 35:19.263 --> 35:35.860 [SPEAKER_01]: What else are you going to do to expand your life right I also feel like there's this like crisis of like what am I doing with my life in general like I have this moment I was like if I didn't like I don't know this isn't even like it's like I need to do and I don't know why this went through my head but like 35:36.320 --> 35:53.834 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, if things don't work out by partner, maybe I'll just like, move to like London and go, that's just school and like live abroad for a bit, and again, I'm not like dying to do this, but I was just like, I think it was just this moment of like, is this the only opportunity that you're going to get? 35:54.242 --> 36:00.625 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but also that's really, I think it's a really healthy way of thinking about it. 36:00.885 --> 36:07.148 [SPEAKER_02]: It's the, what you're saying is there are many other chapters if you have to come to them. 36:07.629 --> 36:10.010 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, there are so many other chapters you can write. 36:11.038 --> 36:33.425 [SPEAKER_02]: they you may never get the chance to do those because you were staying with your partner or you get a chance to do them because you're not with your partner either way there's always more to be written but we have to be okay with that that yeah these chapters could go in one way or another and your identity has to shift along with these chapters and I worry about 36:34.185 --> 36:42.936 [SPEAKER_02]: I worry about some of this and less now than when I was like in my late 30s is the shifting of your identity alone. 36:42.956 --> 36:43.597 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 36:43.717 --> 36:48.723 [SPEAKER_02]: And then you gain a relationship and then you have that next question like, who are we? 36:49.284 --> 36:49.904 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 36:50.005 --> 36:51.787 [SPEAKER_02]: And then who are we together? 36:52.107 --> 36:53.148 [SPEAKER_02]: You have to define that. 36:53.769 --> 36:54.149 [SPEAKER_01]: Right. 36:54.169 --> 37:04.552 [SPEAKER_01]: I think I mean, transparently this

has been a hard year for me in general because I think it's been a very like, like, I don't know where I'm going. 37:04.772 --> 37:12.095 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think, you know, like transparently we've been trying to have a kid and doing IVF or starting that. 37:12.635 --> 37:14.996 [SPEAKER_01]: And like, I'm kind of looking at it similar. 37:15.016 --> 37:19.537 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, if it doesn't work out, then I will potentially go back to school. 37:20.677 --> 37:29.899 [SPEAKER_01]: I will, you know, be able to go to Italy for my friend's wedding and like travel more and do all this stuff and I'm like, you know, get a dog and I'm like, that doesn't sound that bad. 37:29.919 --> 37:37.581 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, like that could be good life, but obviously it's like I still want to move forward with this, but I think what's been hard is like not knowing where I'm going. 37:37.681 --> 37:40.182 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, and just kind of be in this limbo. 37:40.822 --> 37:53.377 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's kind of similar to like the single and I want to move forward by life, but I don't want to do it necessarily if I'm going to meet someone in like a week, but also like I don't want to wait right now and if I'm not. 37:53.970 --> 37:54.330 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 37:54.530 --> 37:56.791 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, you went through those questions. 37:56.931 --> 38:17.455 [SPEAKER_02]: My friend who we just talked about, she's also going through like, oh, I would if I buy it would have to be at least two bedrooms, right, what if I do meet someone and they need a home office or I need a home office, and then that adds another 500 K to what I want to pay it's all, but then it's also like, but I have nobody. 38:17.575 --> 38:19.636 [SPEAKER_02]: So why am I planning for this nobody? 38:20.576 --> 38:21.296 [SPEAKER_02]: You know what? 38:21.637 --> 38:47.969 [SPEAKER_01]: One of my best friends said this to me and I was like you're right Like we always think because I was like thinking like when you're saying this about your friend And it's like yeah, to help to have the second income But then you need a bigger place and if you have a family you need a bigger place So maybe there's actually a better fit to be a single person and having a smaller place And I think like there is a lot that you think you need and she was like she had a baby and she's in a two bed and now she's having another baby 38:50.510 --> 38:52.731 [SPEAKER_01]: And she's like, you know what though? 38:52.751 --> 38:58.052 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I thought at that point I needed more space because the room isn't that big for the kid. 38:58.072 --> 39:01.473 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, she's like, but you know, like, I'll try, I'll put the two of them in there. 39:01.573 --> 39:02.453 [SPEAKER_01]: And then like, I'll see it. 39:02.473 --> 39:04.433 [SPEAKER_01]: I'll like, you just make another couple of years. 39:04.653 --> 39:07.594 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, she's like, you just don't need as much as you think you need. 39:07.774 --> 39:12.775 [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, like, I obviously ended up, I was on the same boat of like, I want to get a two bed. 39:12.815 --> 39:15.576 [SPEAKER_01]: So I can like, prepare for like the next phases of life. 39:15.636 --> 39:17.396 [SPEAKER_01]: And that was it realistic. 39:17.416 --> 39:18.957 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm like, okay, now I'm in a one bed. 39:20.457 --> 39:26.121 [SPEAKER_01]: would like it extra room, yes, but we're also okay. 39:26.141 --> 39:35.907 [SPEAKER_01]: And if we have a baby, like, eventually we probably will have to move unless we put up a wall, maybe we can make it to two beds, or we'll deal for like two years. 39:35.968 --> 39:39.430 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, we're like, we actually could have some time, a lot of people live in one bed. 39:40.357 --> 39:52.125 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, the, the couple with the newborn that lived in my studio apartment for a whole month, you can do this go and then she kept saying like, oh my god, it's so spacious. 39:52.465 --> 39:58.289 [SPEAKER_00]: She told her it was so spacious to be in a one bedroom or do it being a fucking studio with a newborn. 39:58.909 --> 40:09.659 [SPEAKER_01]: What I want to talk about like the other phase, like if you're in a long-term relationship, but I do have one more thing I want to ask your thoughts on before we take a break to go into that. 40:09.860 --> 40:22.592 [SPEAKER_01]: Do you feel like there's like an element of nostalgia at all, like thinking about an x, or like wondering about like the person that you thought you might marry at some part time, or like, 40:23.033 --> 40:32.095 [SPEAKER_01]: going back and being like, I wish I did things different in my 20s or romanticizing your 20s or like even thinking like dating used to be easier. 40:33.067 --> 40:59.213 [SPEAKER_02]: I, you and I have talked about this, the only thing I'm nostalgic for is like the quote-unquote butterflies, like the getting to know someone's stage, going on first days, having a little bit nervous, not sure how you feel about this person, that's the only thing, but I went through all that reflecting before my last relationship, thinking about my 20s and even 41:00.333 --> 41:01.234 [SPEAKER_02]: teenage years. 41:01.534 --> 41:15.944 [SPEAKER_02]: But yeah, now it's more like, I think because my last relationship was so heavy and serious, I really crave like some of that little, you know, teenage gettingness. 41:16.965 --> 41:19.426 [SPEAKER_01]: So maybe that's the healthy way of looking at it. 41:19.466 --> 41:21.287 [SPEAKER_01]: It's okay to be nostalgic. 41:21.467 --> 41:31.651 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, doesn't mean that you want to necessarily like, like, you're like, I don't know, like devastated that you're not at your 20s anymore, but you're like, oh, maybe I can pull some parts from my 20s. 41:32.991 --> 41:40.657 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I think about this a lot not even being single right now, but just I feel like there's a part of me that

kind of wishes I don't know. 41:40.698 --> 41:43.580 [SPEAKER_01]: I actually like think back to this is a weird time. 41:44.761 --> 41:52.227 [SPEAKER_01]: It was 37, 2020 where the world was a disarray, but for some reason I was living my best life that year. 41:52.447 --> 42:15.484 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I feel like it was this time that I felt really hopeful, like I felt hopeful that I was going to meet someone I felt like, you know, all the dateable stuff was like really like picking up and like doing all this stuff and it just felt like a lot of hope for me like I felt like the first time that I was like, I got this and I know that my life is going to go into this direction. 42:16.424 --> 42:19.966 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think though, like, a lot of it came true. 42:20.106 --> 42:22.447 [SPEAKER_01]: Obviously, like a lot of it, like, actually happened. 42:22.767 --> 42:26.449 [SPEAKER_01]: But sometimes, like, reality isn't always what your hope is. 42:26.529 --> 42:34.853 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, you know, like, I think I, like, romanticize, like, even, like, my condo, for instance, I was like, I'll write and look out the window in this condo. 42:35.193 --> 42:37.194 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I'm like, fucking H away. 42:37.234 --> 42:40.236 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, all this stuff, and it's like the reality of it, right? 42:40.276 --> 42:41.417 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, sets in. 42:43.098 --> 43:07.335 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think like there's something to for me and I mean this is in general like I felt the more responsibility we got more gage like when I had that I was like oh now I'm all of a sudden like concerned about things I never was concerned about and I think there's this like element of more stress and anxiety and there's like an nostalgia for the times that we're easier maybe. 43:08.263 --> 43:20.428 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, and I think that's also related to why some people have opted out of dating because we are at their certain nostalgia for the time where we didn't have responsibility and also we weren't accountable for someone else. 43:20.749 --> 43:21.049 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 43:21.569 --> 43:25.151 [SPEAKER_02]: I think a lot of us, I have this fear of letting someone down. 43:25.391 --> 43:28.112 [SPEAKER_02]: And if I get into a relationship, I have a 43:28.412 --> 43:31.354 [SPEAKER_02]: there is a chance I could let them down or disappoint them. 43:31.834 --> 43:37.958 [SPEAKER_02]: So if I just don't date, the only person I can disappoint is myself and that's an easier route. 43:38.419 --> 43:41.181 [SPEAKER_02]: And then you think back to your 20s and 30s, you didn't care. 43:41.341 --> 43:43.262 [SPEAKER_02]: You didn't take accountability for other people. 43:43.282 --> 43:44.122 [SPEAKER_02]: Like you didn't care. 43:44.183 --> 43:47.785 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like whatever you do you know, I do what I want to do. 43:48.385 --> 43:54.890 [SPEAKER_02]: But now it's like it's very serious if you get into relationship in your 40s because it's 43:55.651 --> 44:04.132 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, this is like a medical time, you know, and things could happen and you have to be kind of responsible for this person. 44:04.937 --> 44:09.121 [SPEAKER_01]: But I think what I've realized is that easier doesn't always mean better. 44:09.141 --> 44:16.588 [SPEAKER_01]: No, it doesn't, I think that's something I've had to tell myself, too, of like, yeah, like maybe things aren't like harder. 44:17.168 --> 44:26.837 [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, if I do have children, it's probably gonna be more high highs and low lows because that's just the reality of it, but that doesn't mean that it's not more like meaningful or feeling like, 44:27.237 --> 44:34.999 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I feel like not necessarily day-to-day happier, but like you have a sense of purpose or meaning that overrides that. 44:35.039 --> 44:43.080 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like if you work at a start-up and you're like grinding, maybe not every second of the day, it's super fun, but you're doing it for like a greater vision. 44:43.100 --> 44:46.281 [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, I love the movie eternity. 44:46.301 --> 44:48.281 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not that you, right? 44:48.341 --> 44:51.502 [SPEAKER_01]: I love that movie, but like I'm sorry, I'm spoiling this for anyone. 44:52.002 --> 44:55.525 [SPEAKER_01]: But there's this part at the end where there's not even at the end. 44:55.805 --> 45:07.674 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like midway through and they basically win they pass away in this movie and then they go to a charity and they have to like live their eternity with either someone or on their own. 45:07.854 --> 45:10.817 [SPEAKER_01]: And the main character has her like two husbands. 45:10.877 --> 45:17.402 [SPEAKER_01]: Like her ex, or not ex, but like her first husband that passed away at her like long term like did life together partner. 45:17.982 --> 45:21.184 [SPEAKER_01]: And they bring you back at your happiest time. 45:21.704 --> 45:30.069 [SPEAKER_01]: So some people come back as like kids, and he basically realized like she had short hair, or long hair when she came back. 45:30.149 --> 45:31.710 [SPEAKER_01]: So it was before she met him. 45:32.190 --> 45:34.812 [SPEAKER_01]: So she's like, go live the life with the other guy. 45:34.832 --> 45:42.016 [SPEAKER_01]: And in that she realizes like, even though I was happier in all that time, all the life moments. 45:42.256 --> 45:44.358 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, it was because I was carefree. 45:44.398 --> 45:46.579 [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have all these responsibilities. 45:47.432 --> 45:47.972 [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm. 45:48.493 --> 45:48.733 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 45:48.973 --> 45:49.633 [SPEAKER_02]: Exactly. 45:49.653 --> 45:50.734 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 45:51.314 --> 45:56.817 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's take that break so we should get into talking about if you are in a long-term relationship. 45:57.538 --> 45:57.858 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 45:58.178 --> 46:09.425 [SPEAKER_01]: So I think the relationship bit is

interesting because, I mean, of course, there's the people that are meeting people later in life in general and starting relationships more like me. 46:09.925 --> 46:13.007 [SPEAKER_01]: But then there's also people that have been with someone, you know, 46:15.448 --> 46:34.135 [SPEAKER_01]: And they're kind of entering this phase of like, are we just roommates now, maybe I feel unhappy and, you know, like, obviously we're seeing some instances of divorce and infidelity and really like the stuff that you're kind of warned about as the midlife crisis. 46:34.735 --> 46:39.917 [SPEAKER_01]: But I also think like with relationships, this is like at least when I'm looking at mine. 46:39.937 --> 46:42.598 [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of times when I feel unhappy, 46:43.198 --> 47:08.401 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not because of my relationship, but it's like all the stuff I'm bringing in like the uncertainty of life and career and you know just what's happening with having kids like all this stuff and like anxiety about aging like all this stuff is coming in and the question like sometimes is like are you unhappy in your relationship or you just like unhappy and life and how things are going. 47:08.941 --> 47:11.123 [SPEAKER_02]: Esther Perrell came out with this bit. 47:11.203 --> 47:22.551 [SPEAKER_02]: I saw the other day where she says, we lose desire over time in a relationship because everything we have to deal with in life is an opposite of desire. 47:22.571 --> 47:27.295 [SPEAKER_02]: So then those things become more pronounced. 47:27.435 --> 47:35.180 [SPEAKER_02]: It's the groceries, some mortgage, the kids, the things you have to do around the house, none of that creates the 47:37.322 --> 48:03.299 [SPEAKER_02]: that's like a every relationship faces that right and she's saying she's saying basically like it's not that you lose attraction is that you stop building desire yeah and this is probably the cause for so much of this midlife crisis is people go oh okay like uh this is urgent I gotta find a way to to desire again or yeah feel revived again 48:04.319 --> 48:23.614 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's so easy to just like, I don't know, just to be lazy and like be tired and not put in the effort and yeah, you like go and you work all day, you come back to children and you know responsibility and at that point like the amount of time for your significant other is like depleted. 48:24.674 --> 48:36.442 [SPEAKER_01]: And I can see how people fall into that and I think you have to be really conscious and like put your relationship first in a way, but it's easier so than done sometimes. 48:37.438 --> 48:44.844 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, and you have to sometimes distance yourself to give the relationship space in needs. 48:45.184 --> 48:49.988 [SPEAKER_02]: I met this woman a few weeks ago and she had to for work. 48:50.108 --> 48:54.271 [SPEAKER_02]: She basically had to get a hotel elsewhere and like her husband had to take care of the kids. 48:54.551 --> 48:55.172 [SPEAKER_02]: And she was like, 48:56.292 --> 49:01.693 [SPEAKER_02]: The last two days has made me want my husband more than I have the last decade. 49:01.933 --> 49:08.735 [SPEAKER_00]: She's like, it's because of the time apart and having that space and a reminder of why she loves him in the first place. 49:08.855 --> 49:09.155 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 49:09.175 --> 49:12.616 [SPEAKER_02]: Because you're not in a dated with that all the daily life stuff. 49:13.456 --> 49:15.876 [SPEAKER_01]: So, have you watched House of Stasi thatcha? 49:16.117 --> 49:17.997 [SPEAKER_02]: No, I know you talked about it. 49:18.596 --> 49:20.438 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm a huge vendor of her roles. 49:20.478 --> 49:20.958 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 49:21.438 --> 49:23.780 [SPEAKER_01]: And she has a new show on Hulu. 49:23.820 --> 49:26.583 [SPEAKER_01]: But probably the time we aired this will be out for a little. 49:26.663 --> 49:31.126 [SPEAKER_01]: But it basically, I mean, it's a little depressing to be honest. 49:31.607 --> 49:38.132 [SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't say it's just, it's always funny like watching these reality shows of like people with children and navigators. 49:38.292 --> 49:40.073 [SPEAKER_01]: you know, like, locked her relationships. 49:40.413 --> 49:42.714 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not like the fun party vibe that used to be. 49:42.734 --> 49:52.058 [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, they have an interesting dynamic because she's like the primary breadwinner and like her husband has basically been like the stay at home. 49:52.298 --> 50:00.542 [SPEAKER_01]: And there's like a lot of resentment and like that she wants to work again and like live a life and like feel fulfilled. 50:01.142 --> 50:05.963 [SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, every like dynamic too, and I think that one's like particular interest stakes. 50:06.023 --> 50:11.584 [SPEAKER_01]: It's always like the opposite, so it's interesting like seeing the reverse perspective. 50:11.684 --> 50:26.887 [SPEAKER_01]: But I think like, I mean, obviously there's a lot of families where both partners are working, but then there's also, you know, sometimes you have to make, like you have to figure out the dynamic, and begin this, for instance, like he agreed to this dynamic, and then 50:31.508 --> 50:34.489 [SPEAKER_01]: And there's like unhappiness that builds up. 50:35.170 --> 50:46.274 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think there's just a lot with just like identity shifts overall of like we weren't the same couple when we were 30 or we weren't the same people back then. 50:46.574 --> 50:57.838 [SPEAKER_01]: And there's a lot of evolution that has to happen and you need to make the space and you need people that are like open to it and you know sometimes that doesn't always happen. 50:58.404 --> 51:04.810 [SPEAKER_02]: What's dangerous for some relationships is when they keep revisiting the old iterative relationships. 51:04.850 --> 51:13.177 [SPEAKER_02]: When they go, remember what we were like when we first started dating,

remember the first couple months because your relationship will never be there again. 51:13.417 --> 51:17.420 [SPEAKER_02]: That's the only time it gets to be that kind of relationship. 51:17.881 --> 51:23.866 [SPEAKER_02]: And if you keep revisiting and rehashing, then your relationship doesn't move forward. 51:24.446 --> 51:29.009 [SPEAKER_02]: I do admire couples who go, what is this next iteration? 51:29.209 --> 51:30.850 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, you have done it with your husband. 51:30.890 --> 51:34.011 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, what is this next iteration of our relationship? 51:34.372 --> 51:38.494 [SPEAKER_02]: And what can we leave behind from our previous dynamic? 51:39.067 --> 51:39.327 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 51:39.728 --> 51:45.272 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I think earlier you were saying that's the difference of meeting someone midlife, is that you're kind of like catching up. 51:45.312 --> 51:49.056 [SPEAKER_01]: But in a way, you're kind of meeting each other where you are, too. 51:49.296 --> 51:50.177 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 51:50.197 --> 51:52.839 [SPEAKER_01]: So there's pros and cons to everything, right? 51:52.979 --> 52:00.806 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's constantly asking partners you bid with for 20 years versus someone you just met last week of like, who are you today? 52:01.266 --> 52:02.367 [SPEAKER_01]: And like that could change. 52:03.528 --> 52:11.093 [SPEAKER_02]: But maybe that is the key, is asking the question, who are you today to your partner? 52:11.233 --> 52:30.787 [SPEAKER_02]: Even if you've been together for 20 years, I'm only saying this because there's just been a lot of infidelity stories that I've heard recently, like God or something, so many, where it's always the, it's, I'm not saying all men are like this, but these stories tend to be the husbands who've lived double lives 52:33.028 --> 52:34.969 [SPEAKER_02]: been lying, cheating, lying, cheating. 52:34.989 --> 52:36.209 [SPEAKER_02]: That's the pattern. 52:36.809 --> 52:48.253 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm starting to see the pattern because there's been so many that it is really because these couples haven't have been so wrapped up in life. 52:49.073 --> 52:54.716 [SPEAKER_02]: that they've forgotten to remeade each other or reintroduce each other. 52:54.896 --> 53:04.982 [SPEAKER_02]: So that these men, when I look at what they're doing in their double lives, they're basically reverting back to before they had family and responsibility. 53:05.042 --> 53:07.183 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's exactly what it is. 53:07.684 --> 53:07.924 [SPEAKER_01]: Right? 53:07.944 --> 53:09.185 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what it is, yep. 53:10.025 --> 53:12.146 [SPEAKER_02]: And they're living in this fantasy. 53:12.246 --> 53:14.288 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's why they are cheating. 53:15.108 --> 53:20.252 [SPEAKER_02]: But I'm not saying that it is the anybody's responsibility to be like, okay, don't cheat. 53:20.292 --> 53:32.101 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's reintroduce ourselves, but relationships have to remember their iterations, especially when life comes in and you have to create the space to like, get to know each other again. 53:32.361 --> 53:35.664 [SPEAKER_02]: Otherwise, everybody just reverts back to what they know best. 53:36.730 --> 53:52.975 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that's actually the, like, through line and take away this whole thing is that whether you're single or in a relationship, it's like a midlife crisis sounds so dire, but it's also an opportunity to, like, reflect on, like, what is it that I want now? 53:53.195 --> 53:59.757 [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, maybe there is some parts of your past that you're nostalgic for and, like, you were saying, really, like, can you bring those in and away? 53:59.797 --> 54:01.098 [SPEAKER_01]: Does it mean you're going back? 54:01.538 --> 54:26.460 [SPEAKER_01]: like bring in like elements of play and fun that might have been lost or like date nights or like things that like desire or like things that have just gone from the relationship and if you are single or like me for instance that's married but like you know at this pivotal point of like what's next with a family and all that it's an opportunity to like really reflect of like what is it that I truly want? 54:27.140 --> 54:38.332 [SPEAKER_01]: and not that I thought I wanted or have been told I should want at this day, age, and it's like, if I want to buy the house because I really want to buy the house, then go do it. 54:38.632 --> 54:43.737 [SPEAKER_01]: Or if it's I want to buy the house because I want to be progressing, and I don't want to feel like a loser and left behind. 54:43.797 --> 54:45.479 [SPEAKER_01]: And like, that's not really the right 54:47.361 --> 54:53.023 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's like looking at like what are all these things and like what is it telling me about what I want? 54:53.063 --> 55:04.626 [SPEAKER_01]: Because like I really do believe and I'm like giving a pep talk to myself at the same time because I need to remember remind myself that but it's like what we put energy towards will eventually come together. 55:05.126 --> 55:13.532 [SPEAKER_01]: And if we don't, sometimes we say we want this stuff and I've done this for the careers stuff and I'm like, I do want it and I'm like, but I haven't worked on it for like months. 55:13.852 --> 55:14.832 [SPEAKER_01]: Do I really want it? 55:14.852 --> 55:17.614 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe the answer is no, and that's okay. 55:18.335 --> 55:19.375 [SPEAKER_02]: Right, exactly. 55:19.656 --> 55:23.938 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, are we being congruent in the way we live our lives? 55:23.998 --> 55:26.360 [SPEAKER_02]: We say one thing, but are we doing something else? 55:26.980 --> 55:30.423 [SPEAKER_02]: And then same in a relationship too, you may be like, I want 55:31.003 --> 55:31.903 [SPEAKER_02]: us to be closer. 55:31.963 --> 55:34.004 [SPEAKER_02]: I want there to be more intimacy. 55:34.644 --> 55:40.385 [SPEAKER_02]: But if neither party is actually working towards that, then

do you just expect a miracle to happen? 55:41.245 --> 55:44.666 [SPEAKER_02]: No, but both people need to be on the same train. 55:45.286 --> 55:46.126 [SPEAKER_02]: They really do. 55:46.567 --> 55:51.208 [SPEAKER_02]: And if you're not, then it's a recipe for disaster. 55:51.848 --> 55:53.088 [SPEAKER_02]: I just don't see that happening. 55:53.693 --> 56:05.231 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think a few reflection questions I would think about that could be good to leave on that note is I think one is have I updated my definition of success since I was 25. 56:06.347 --> 56:12.589 [SPEAKER_01]: Hmm, I really like that because I think a lot of us haven't, we're just using that same playbook. 56:13.149 --> 56:22.752 [SPEAKER_01]: I think the other one is my partner or the perceived partner if I'm single, the problem, or they just, the person witnessing the burden of. 56:22.792 --> 56:23.872 [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 56:24.652 --> 56:24.792 [SPEAKER_02]: Yep. 56:25.853 --> 56:34.295 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think the last one is if I was designing my life from scratch today, what would stay the same, and what would change. 56:36.316 --> 56:56.885 [SPEAKER_01]: because I think at the end of it it's like in your 20s and 30s and early years that was building the life like if we really are saying we're midlife this is like the opportunity to now reflect for that second half and decide like does this life fit and what is it that's missing that I really truly want and how do I go after that? 56:57.552 --> 57:00.793 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, they're still time and opportunities. 57:01.093 --> 57:06.954 [SPEAKER_02]: And now you now, now you have a leg up because you have the wisdom. 57:07.434 --> 57:09.095 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and vocabulary. 57:09.115 --> 57:13.936 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think for me it was liberating to be like, I'm in my midlife crisis. 57:14.036 --> 57:16.696 [SPEAKER_01]: Because I don't think this is what I envision, right? 57:16.737 --> 57:22.958 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I envision the red Corvette and the balding man leaving his wife and I'm like, I'm not that person, right? 57:24.839 --> 57:27.961 [SPEAKER_01]: Just give me a corvette, be so much easier. 57:27.981 --> 57:33.065 [SPEAKER_00]: I know, I just make sure, as it's always meant with the midlife crisis. 57:33.105 --> 57:35.847 [SPEAKER_01]: No, you don't think about it anymore. 57:35.867 --> 57:37.768 [SPEAKER_02]: I think about the, you don't think about the women. 57:38.128 --> 57:42.912 [SPEAKER_02]: What are the women going through with their pool boys and like eating, being fed grapes? 57:43.112 --> 57:44.613 [SPEAKER_02]: Is that in the life crisis? 57:45.153 --> 58:05.970 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's a lot of confusion, that's why it's not in movies because like the actual midlife crisis for the majority of us, of course there's always some of those stories out there of like the guy that leaves for the younger woman or whatever, or maybe reverse, if or not the gendered, but I think most of us are just confused and like, is this the life I want? 58:06.429 --> 58:08.670 [SPEAKER_02]: And then you get wrapped up in a tornado. 58:08.710 --> 58:10.290 [SPEAKER_02]: That's what that movie, this is 40. 58:10.370 --> 58:12.071 [SPEAKER_02]: This is 40, right? 58:12.091 --> 58:12.831 [SPEAKER_02]: I remember that. 58:13.171 --> 58:17.913 [SPEAKER_02]: That was the main message I got from that movie is like you get wrapped up in life like a tornado. 58:18.453 --> 58:22.955 [SPEAKER_02]: And then one day you come out the tornado, you go, oh my God, what a mess. 58:23.675 --> 58:24.695 [SPEAKER_02]: What am I doing here? 58:24.915 --> 58:28.656 [SPEAKER_02]: What am I doing with my life and you start having all these questions? 58:28.977 --> 58:31.257 [SPEAKER_02]: But then you still had to go back and deal with the tornado. 58:31.577 --> 58:33.298 [SPEAKER_02]: So that feels really overwhelming 58:36.659 --> 58:42.647 [SPEAKER_01]: And then add in like the layer of social media where you're just looking at everyone else's perfect life. 58:43.328 --> 58:44.289 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh my gosh. 58:44.710 --> 58:45.511 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh my gosh. 58:45.972 --> 58:46.112 [SPEAKER_02]: I... 58:47.695 --> 58:52.179 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, again, saving this for another conversation. 58:52.319 --> 59:02.888 [SPEAKER_02]: But, you know, just with all these infidelity stories I've heard recently, I've been looking back at the pictures of like, they're wedding photos, they're early dating photos. 59:02.988 --> 59:05.750 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, gosh, they were so happy. 59:05.971 --> 59:08.092 [SPEAKER_02]: These people are so happy and in love. 59:08.333 --> 59:10.214 [SPEAKER_02]: As some point in their relationship. 59:10.795 --> 59:12.136 [SPEAKER_02]: And they kind of just forgot. 59:12.196 --> 59:14.098 [SPEAKER_02]: And now they're becoming enemies. 59:14.838 --> 59:21.801 [SPEAKER_02]: It's really, yeah, it's really sad to think about that, but what can you do? 59:21.981 --> 59:26.322 [SPEAKER_02]: But it's like, let's not forget there were good memories that were made. 59:26.743 --> 59:27.583 [SPEAKER_01]: That's important. 59:27.623 --> 59:30.144 [SPEAKER_01]: And we also can't forget that it's not reality. 59:30.844 --> 59:33.925 [SPEAKER_01]: because like I'm just thinking of that TV show again, how's the Stasi? 59:33.965 --> 59:50.170 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like people have commented it's like on social media it looks like she lives this like perfect life with children and you know in the show she like is so but she's like admits like it's so freaking hard with the kids and like she's struggling but you don't see any of that on social. 59:50.250 --> 59:51.451 [SPEAKER_02]: No, of course not. 59:51.591 --> 59:53.352 [SPEAKER_01]: Of course, nobody wants to show them. 59:53.532 --> 59:54.233 [SPEAKER_01]: And they won't. 59:54.293 --> 59:59.797 [SPEAKER_01]: And like we it's so easy to go to the place of like this person's life is perfect.

01:00:00.237 --> 01:00:05.962 [SPEAKER_01]: But you're not living in their shoes and everyone's life is there's challenges in it. 01:00:06.082 --> 01:00:08.383 [SPEAKER_01]: Whatever that might be, it might be different challenges. 01:00:09.264 --> 01:00:16.047 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we can't forget that life is messy and, you know, it's not a failure that your in this midlife crisis. 01:00:16.127 --> 01:00:17.867 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just cut apart the course. 01:00:17.887 --> 01:00:19.148 [SPEAKER_01]: It's almost maturity. 01:00:19.528 --> 01:00:20.408 [SPEAKER_01]: Sleep on that note. 01:00:20.789 --> 01:00:24.170 [SPEAKER_02]: It's a privilege to live to be a hotness. 01:00:24.450 --> 01:00:26.411 [SPEAKER_01]: It is a privilege. 01:00:26.691 --> 01:00:29.732 [SPEAKER_01]: We have thank every day that we get to live as a hotness. 01:00:29.792 --> 01:00:31.113 [SPEAKER_01]: Hotness, yes. 01:00:31.333 --> 01:00:31.953 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm grateful. 01:00:32.033 --> 01:00:33.934 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a hotness. 01:00:34.574 --> 01:00:35.014 [SPEAKER_01]: Love it. 01:00:35.234 --> 01:00:36.675 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that's the place that we wrap. 01:00:36.695 --> 01:00:36.955 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 01:00:37.375 --> 01:00:37.695 [SPEAKER_02]: love it. 01:00:37.876 --> 01:00:38.996 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, perfect. 01:00:39.277 --> 01:00:40.117 [SPEAKER_02]: And finito. 01:00:40.258 --> 01:00:44.801 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, if you like this episode, definitely go leave us a rating review. 01:00:44.821 --> 01:00:46.643 [SPEAKER_01]: It really helps so so much. 01:00:47.103 --> 01:00:49.445 [SPEAKER_01]: And of course, go check out our book, how to be dateable. 01:00:50.086 --> 01:00:50.706 [SPEAKER_01]: Available for all ages. 01:00:50.726 --> 01:00:53.909 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you can go to how to be dateable.com to find all the places where you can buy the book. 01:00:54.029 --> 01:00:54.890 [SPEAKER_02]: And we're going to wrap up this episode. 01:00:54.910 --> 01:00:55.070 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[SPEAKER_00]: Day. 01:01:03.337 --> 01:01:03.417 [SPEAKER_00]: Day. 01:01:34.221 --> 01:01:34.462 [UNKNOWN]: You