Full Transcript for From Trauma to Joy: Healing, Courage & Emotional Resilience | Shannon Donohoe Simpson EP 231

music and I move. 00:06:52.850 --> 00:06:58.449 I move the energy, whatever it is that needs to move through. 00:06:58.449 --> 00:07:16.370 And then I find myself on the other side with this ginormous smile on my face, because I've not run from, I've not got busy, I've not drank a bit of alcohol, I've not, I've just been with it and allowed it to move through. 00:07:16.370 --> 00:07:22.129 And then on the other side, I'm like, I feel pretty good. 00:07:22.129 --> 00:07:48.050 And but I think part of it is just the awareness, the awareness of wanting to be busy, the awareness, like after I stopped drinking, my gosh, whenever I felt uncomfortable, all I wanted to do was grab my keys, get in my car, and drive to the alcohol store, drive to the liquor store. 00:07:48.050 --> 00:07:54.770 And I was like, wow, holy, like this is fierce. 00:07:54.770 --> 00:08:04.129 Like the the the desire to get in that car and go get that bottle of wine was like it was fierce. 00:08:04.129 --> 00:08:12.530 But then being able to just sit with that and go, oh wow, that's interesting. 00:08:12.530 --> 00:08:17.970 And then and giving myself permission to not do that. 00:08:17.970 --> 00:08:23.490 But yeah, just noticing is a huge, been a huge part of my journey. 00:08:23.970 --> 00:08:26.610 It's nothing outside of us, it's just sitting with it. 00:08:26.610 --> 00:08:27.730 It will pass. 00:08:27.730 --> 00:08:32.850 I mean, like they say, the feelings are like clouds, it will pass. 00:08:32.850 --> 00:08:33.490 Yeah. 00:08:33.490 --> 00:08:35.250 Sort of sit tight with it. 00:08:35.250 --> 00:08:38.769 Um and there never is anything to do. 00:08:38.769 --> 00:08:40.210 You have to allow. 00:08:40.210 --> 00:08:47.490 And that's where people find it so hard because if they're not comfortable or they're not used to that, like you said, it's uncomfortable. 00:08:47.490 --> 00:08:50.129 And well done for not going to the liquor store. 00:08:51.730 --> 00:08:56.449 Well, I might I might have gone a few times before I I figured it out. 00:08:56.449 --> 00:08:58.689 Um, but that's what we do, you know. 00:08:58.689 --> 00:09:05.490 We we we are we go in these cycles until we're like we it's almost like we have to do it until we're complete. 00:09:05.809 --> 00:09:06.529 Absolutely. 00:09:06.529 --> 00:09:07.090 Yes. 00:09:07.330 --> 00:09:12.129 You know, uh, and I feel like that's been for so many things in my life. 00:09:12.129 --> 00:09:15.169 You know, we we keep doing the things. 00:09:15.169 --> 00:09:19.569 We change when staying the same becomes harder than change. 00:09:19.569 --> 00:09:20.769 And this is it. 00:09:20.769 --> 00:09:38.850 When when we realize that what we're doing over and over and over, these patterns that that aren't serving us, and then it just comes a day where it we we lick literally it comes to a head, and we're like, I I can't actually do this anymore. 00:09:38.850 --> 00:09:51.649 It's it's not serving me, it's not serving the people around

me, it's not serving, you know, my kids, my family, my friends, my relationships, but ultimately me. 00:09:51.649 --> 00:10:04.930 And and that's like a really humbling place to get to where you're just like there in this moment, and you're like, oh my gosh, I I just can't, I can't do this anymore. 00:10:04.930 --> 00:10:05.649 Absolutely. 00:10:05.649 --> 00:10:24.050 And it's like this moment where it's like, okay, I I choose, I choose change as hard as it like felt, like we're like literally hanging on to the old version of ourselves so tightly, and we're just like, we can't let go. 00:10:24.050 --> 00:10:32.370 And it's like, it's almost like it's being pulled out of the grip of our hands until we're like, I just need to surrender. 00:10:32.690 --> 00:10:36.769 You often say that joy is a choice rather than a feeling. 00:10:36.769 --> 00:10:39.889 Can you share what led you to that realization? 00:10:40.289 --> 00:10:45.409 There was a point in my life where I just really didn't want to be on this planet anymore. 00:10:45.409 --> 00:10:54.210 I felt like everything around me was falling apart, like everything in my family, in my marriage, with my kids. 00:10:54.210 --> 00:11:00.610 And I just felt so disconnected from myself. 00:11:00.610 --> 00:11:04.690 I just I just didn't even know what happiness felt like. 00:11:04.690 --> 00:11:07.009 It just everything felt so dark. 00:11:07.009 --> 00:11:19.250 I ended up connecting um quite soon after that with a woman that did medicine journeys, and I ended up doing um a psilocybin journey. 00:11:19.250 --> 00:11:28.450 And that was a real deep dive into, and it was quite interesting because I thought, I didn't know actually quite what I was getting into. 00:11:28.450 --> 00:11:34.289 I thought that I was gonna go and take this medicine and go off into the forest and frolic around. 00:11:34.289 --> 00:11:44.610 And I arrive at this woman's home, and there is a sleeping bag on the floor and an eye mask, and she's like, oh no, no, we're going inward. 00:11:44.610 --> 00:11:50.129 Like, you're gonna get in the sleeping bag, you're putting on the mask, and we're going inward. 00:11:50.129 --> 00:11:56.850 And we're literally gonna excavate what's going on inside. 00:11:56.850 --> 00:12:04.610 And that was a really huge transformational time in my life. 00:12:04.610 --> 00:12:24.529 And coming out of that, I remember for so many years, you know, thinking that my kids were the ones that caused me all this anxiety and all this fear and all the things that were going on inside of me that were causing me to not experience joy in my life. 00:12:24.529 --> 00:12:27.090 I was pointing the finger at everyone else. 00:12:27.090 --> 00:12:39.730 And I just remember this huge download going, oh my God, it's me, not my kids, not my not my ex-husband, not my family, me. 00:12:39.730 --> 00:12:45.490 Because we actually don't have control of anything outside of ourselves. 00:12:45.490 --> 00:12:51.090 You know, the only person that we can control is ourselves. 00:12:51.090 --> 00:12:53.649 And it all starts here. 00:12:53.649 --> 00:13:01.570 And so there is this that this was the moment where I was like, my anxiety isn't caused by anybody else. 00:13:01.570 --> 00:13:05.009 My fear isn't caused by anybody else. 00:13:05.009 --> 00:13:08.129 It's here inside of me. 00:13:08.129 --> 00:13:19.009 And so that was the real pivotal moment in my life where I realized that joy isn't something that somebody else brings me. 00:13:19.009 --> 00:13:31.250 It's really humbling when you look in the mirror and realize that all these years you've been pointing the finger at everybody else, and that you realize there's three fingers pointing back at you. 00:13:31.250 --> 00:13:36.529 Journey in the sleeping bag with my eye patch on, with nowhere to go. 00:13:36.930 --> 00:13:41.250 You walked through illness, heartbreak, grief, and reinvention. 00:13:41.250 --> 00:13:48.529 How did those challenges how did those challenging experiences shape the woman you are today? 00:13:49.009 --> 00:13:54.769 I couldn't understand why I needed to go through so many hard things. 00:13:54.769 --> 00:14:01.009 I remember wondering why God trusted me so much. 00:14:01.009 --> 00:14:04.690 You know, they have that saying, you know, God doesn't give you more than you can handle. 00:14:04.690 --> 00:14:25.649 And I just remember, you know, this one moment where I was in the middle of chemo and my son was diagnosed with autism, my husband had two broken hands, and I just remember sitting at my kitchen table, like wondering how I was gonna get through it. 00:14:25.649 --> 00:14:32.850 But in those moments, it's it's not a choice because I had two beautiful young children that were one. 00:14:32.850 --> 00:14:37.889 My twins were one at the time, and I just wanted to live. 00:14:37.889 --> 00:14:43.810 I wanted to live not only for my my twins, but also for myself and my family. 00:14:43.810 --> 00:14:56.450 But it has made me an incredibly resilient woman, someone that has the ability to have a lot of compassion for other people. 00:14:56.450 --> 00:15:21.330 Because when you go through so many difficult things in your life that I've had the opportunity to experience, like so many of us experience on the other side of that, it's almost like the polarity, like when you go on the other side of the depths of the depths is the joy that you you almost can't even explain. 00:15:21.330 --> 00:15:41.730 Like I remember being on a um the beach one day, and I do this thing called Toolbox Tuesday, and this last week was episode 204, and I realized your first episode was March of 2022, which was the same time I started my Toolbox Tuesday, March of 2022, and I love that. 00:15:41.730 --> 00:15:57.889 But I remember being on the beach and just talking to the camera, and I turned around and the sun just came right up over the horizon, and I like literally burst into tears. 00:15:57.889 --> 00:16:04.289 And I

couldn't stop myself, and I was like, this is why we're here. 00:16:04.289 --> 00:16:22.050 This is the moment that we're here, like because when you experience the depths of the depths, all of a sudden, the little things like these sunrises, this joy that all of a sudden we didn't see before, it's all around us. 00:16:22.050 --> 00:16:28.289 We just need to switch the lens that we're looking through. 00:16:28.289 --> 00:16:37.169 Because when we've been in that trauma lens and that woe is me lens and that victim lens, that's all we see. 00:16:37.169 --> 00:16:53.169 But then somehow on the other end, when we go through that place where we can't stay the same anymore, all of a sudden there's so much joy, there's so much beauty, there's so much this life has to offer us. 00:16:53.169 --> 00:16:59.730 And you you can't even you can't even stop seeing the beauty around you. 00:16:59.730 --> 00:17:02.050 It's breathtaking every day. 00:17:02.450 --> 00:17:08.210 Many women feel disconnected from themselves after years of putting everyone else first. 00:17:08.210 --> 00:17:13.809 How can they bring reconnection with their authentic selves? 00:17:14.129 --> 00:17:17.970 I think my journey back to myself as I continue. 00:17:17.970 --> 00:17:31.409 Like I don't claim that I'm this is an ongoing journey, but just continuing to choose myself, saying no when I really want to say no. 00:17:31.409 --> 00:17:39.409 Um, you know, really speaking my truth has been a huge part of coming back to my authentic self. 00:17:39.409 --> 00:17:48.930 Like so many times I would like even walking into a room when I the last thing that I want to do is smile. 00:17:48.930 --> 00:17:54.609 The last thing that I want to do, and I put on this fake smile, everything's fine. 00:17:54.609 --> 00:18:04.129 You know, when people ask me now how I'm doing, and I'm actually not having a great day, because we're allowed to not have a great day. 00:18:04.129 --> 00:18:06.609 It's okay to not have a great day. 00:18:06.609 --> 00:18:09.569 We're all starving for the truth. 00:18:09.569 --> 00:18:19.809 And so that's been a huge part of me coming back to myself, my real, true, authentic self, is speaking my truth. 00:18:19.809 --> 00:18:22.689 Like how I am in that moment. 00:18:22.689 --> 00:18:32.529 And you know, it's so incredible when you speak your truth, and then all of a sudden someone goes, looks at you, and go, oh my gosh, thank you for saying that. 00:18:32.529 --> 00:18:34.209 Because that's how I feel. 00:18:34.209 --> 00:18:44.049 I I coined this saying that every time my heart breaks, more love can flow in and more love can flow out. 00:18:44.049 --> 00:18:47.569 But it's being brave enough to keep our heart open. 00:18:47.569 --> 00:18:54.369 You know, so oh, yeah, so many times my heart has been broken and all I've wanted to do is shut down. 00:18:54.369 --> 00:19:00.049 But when we shut down, then we can't allow the love, can't flow back in. 00:19:00.049 --> 00:19:05.409

So what if we could be brave enough to keep our heart open? 00:19:05.809 --> 00:19:08.529 You describe yourself as a joybringer. 00:19:08.529 --> 00:19:11.009 What does that mean to you? 00:19:11.009 --> 00:19:17.649 And how did you discover that this is part of your purpose? 00:19:18.049 --> 00:19:20.609 I think I've always been a joybringer. 00:19:20.609 --> 00:19:22.529 I just didn't always know it. 00:19:22.529 --> 00:19:46.609 Especially as women, we get all these, whether it's your parents or your teachers or society that you know tells you how to be, who to be, how to speak, be seen and not heard, be a good little girl, do as you're told, don't speak your truth, don't rock the boat. 00:19:46.609 --> 00:19:51.729 And all of a sudden, your light goes out. 00:19:51.729 --> 00:20:00.689 Going through this divorce that I went through in the last two years, for sure, the hardest thing that I've ever done, hands down. 00:20:00.689 --> 00:20:06.449 I I would honestly say I would do my chemo again over going through this divorce. 00:20:06.449 --> 00:20:14.769 I was in and out of the hospital for eight days straight, not able to take food, not able to even take a sip of water in my body. 00:20:14.769 --> 00:20:17.329 And I was certain I was gonna die. 00:20:17.329 --> 00:20:25.409 Going through the experience of a broken heart, like I literally felt like my heart was breaking in pieces. 00:20:25.409 --> 00:20:29.809 And there's nothing that you can do to fix that. 00:20:29.809 --> 00:20:32.449 Like with chemo, you can stop the chemo. 00:20:32.449 --> 00:20:36.849 But with a broken heart, you just have to feel it. 00:20:36.849 --> 00:20:49.250 So on the other side of this divorce and the heartbreak, I realized, and and it came from allowing myself to feel those feelings of heartbreak. 00:20:49.250 --> 00:20:56.769 Like, and realizing that for so much of my life that I have put everyone else first. 00:20:56.769 --> 00:21:04.129 You know, I was raised in a house where, you know, you take care of everybody else, you you put everybody else first. 00:21:04.129 --> 00:21:06.369 And I love my parents, you know, dearly. 00:21:06.369 --> 00:21:08.049 They're beautiful humans. 00:21:08.049 --> 00:21:20.289 And, you know, this idea that, you know, women are supposed to take care of everybody else and put everybody else first, I don't believe that anymore. 00:21:20.289 --> 00:21:29.889 Because I believe that if we fill our own cup and take care of ourselves, that we are way better for the other humans around us. 00:21:29.889 --> 00:21:31.089 Way better. 00:21:31.089 --> 00:22:00.529 And so this journey of going through all of the things that I had the opportunity to go through in my life, whether it's through my cancer or supporting my son with autism or going through this divorce, but all these hard things, I realized that at the end of the day, if I was to die, because I've been on all I've been that place where I've almost been on my deathbed, especially with

my chemo. 00:22:00.529 --> 00:22:08.929 That at the end of the day, there's nobody else that chooses the joy in my life. 00:22:08.929 --> 00:22:15.569 There's nobody else that is going to show up and serve joy on a platter for me. 00:22:15.569 --> 00:22:17.809 Nobody's gonna do that. 00:22:17.809 --> 00:22:22.369 I realize that I gotta make changes in my life. 00:22:22.369 --> 00:22:29.649 That I want to be happy, I want to experience joy, and I don't want to feel guilty about it. 00:22:29.649 --> 00:22:33.329 And that's a big part of the journey is the guilt. 00:22:33.329 --> 00:22:37.490 It is our God-given right to experience joy. 00:22:37.490 --> 00:22:52.289 No guilt, no shame, just here on this planet to experience all of it, and knowing that it will go up and down and feeling the feelings. 00:22:52.289 --> 00:22:58.369 Like, even when I did a big presentation just two weeks ago, it was so amazing. 00:22:58.369 --> 00:23:06.369 Like the everyone in the crowd was feeling the emotions, and there was tears, and there was heartache, and there was joy. 00:23:06.369 --> 00:23:08.289 And there was all of the feelings. 00:23:08.289 --> 00:23:15.649 And I remember getting coming out of the event and my saying to my girlfriend, Oh my gosh, it was the most amazing night. 00:23:15.649 --> 00:23:17.490 And she goes, Feel it. 00:23:17.490 --> 00:23:18.769 Feel it all. 00:23:18.769 --> 00:23:22.449 Just feel every ounce of that amazingness. 00:23:22.449 --> 00:23:25.490 And before I wouldn't allow myself to do that. 00:23:25.809 --> 00:23:31.169 What role has community played in your healing and your personal growth journey? 00:23:31.490 --> 00:23:33.569 It's been ginormous. 00:23:33.569 --> 00:23:34.929 Honestly. 00:23:34.929 --> 00:23:38.449 I've sat in so many beautiful women's circles. 00:23:38.449 --> 00:23:50.849 I've sat, you know, I had the opportunity to sit in circles at the Kalanish Society, which is an organization that facilitates week-long retreats for people with cancer. 00:23:50.849 --> 00:24:03.969 And that was the moment I remember it was 2009, and I was sitting in a circle at the Kalanish Society, and my husband was at home with my twins that were one. 00:24:03.969 --> 00:24:14.769 And I was going through this journey, and I remember sitting in this circle, and everybody started to open up and share how cancer had been impacting their lives. 00:24:14.769 --> 00:24:22.209 And all of a sudden, in that moment, I realized, like, oh my gosh, I'm not actually here to heal the wounds. 00:24:22.209 --> 00:24:24.209 I'm not here to heal cancer. 00:24:24.209 --> 00:24:28.369 I'm actually here to heal the wounds that caused my cancer. 00:24:28.369 --> 00:24:42.449 And it's something so powerful when you are witnessed by other people speaking out loud what has been inside you for so many years. 00:24:42.449 --> 00:24:52.129 And that was the moment that I for the very first time spoke out loud the sexual abuse that I experienced at the hands of my grandfather. 00:24:52.129 --> 00:24:56.289 And that was such a like in a group setting. 00:24:56.289 --> 00:24:59.649 And that was such a pivotal moment for me. 00:24:59.649 --> 00:25:12.369 And I'll fast forward to an opportunity that I had just this last year, where I literally came out of a tent at a women's festival and I had this download. 00:25:12.369 --> 00:25:13.809 And it was like fierce. 00:25:13.809 --> 00:25:21.329 I don't know if you've ever experienced like a fierce download before where it's just like, oh, like not to, like, and I'm like, I had to listen. 00:25:21.329 --> 00:25:27.089 And I I've known for a long time that I wanted art painted across my mastectomy area. 00:25:27.089 --> 00:25:32.369 And there's a close girlfriend of mine that owns the uh company West Coast Karma. 00:25:32.369 --> 00:25:37.169 And I just knew in that moment that that needed to happen. 00:25:37.169 --> 00:25:42.129 And so I picked up the phone and I called my girlfriend Mel, who was gonna do the art. 00:25:42.129 --> 00:25:47.169 And I called my girlfriend Meredith that was gonna, I wanted to do the photography. 00:25:47.169 --> 00:25:49.969 And both of them said yes immediately. 00:25:49.969 --> 00:26:09.889 And literally three weeks later, I was in my girlfriend's backyard with five of my closest friends, with Mel painting um jagua um art across my Jaguar's kind of form of um henna across my mastectomy area, and Meredith photographing it. 00:26:09.889 --> 00:26:21.409 Well, five of my closest friends are witnessing this, and I spoke my cancer story out loud from start to finish, from what from what we're one of the very first times. 00:26:21.409 --> 00:26:29.809 And there's something so powerful about being witnessed when you go through these journeys. 00:26:29.809 --> 00:26:50.049 I mean, one thing to speak it out loud, you know, one-on-one to a counselor, but to have women and these beautiful women that are you you've hand chosen to witness you in such a vulnerable moment is just so incredibly healing. 00:26:50.049 --> 00:27:06.049 I mean, I I don't know that I would have spoken my story of sexual abuse out loud had this woman in the circle before me, uh, and I I speak of her all the time in my talks, had she not spoken out loud about her sexual abuse? 00:27:06.049 --> 00:27:24.449 And I remember the next book that I read was by Gabor Mate, um, When the Body Says No, and that huge connection between when we hold all of these secrets and don't speak our truth inside of our physical body and how that manifests into physical ailment. 00:27:24.449 --> 00:27:27.250 And um, and we know Louise Hay. 00:27:27.250 --> 00:27:34.689 I mean, that's what she speaks about, you know, when she talks about uh her book, you know, Heal Your Body, Heal Your Life. 00:27:34.689 --> 00:27:43.569 And she she's connected every single body part to uh something that is emotional within us. 00:27:43.569 --> 00:27:50.529 And it's so incredible how she's been able to do that,

and there's so much truth to it. 00:27:50.529 --> 00:28:01.649 Like I had to take a year off of dragon boating because both of my shoulders were in so much pain because I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. 00:28:01.649 --> 00:28:03.569 And I speak about this as well. 00:28:03.569 --> 00:28:11.569 Like, I at my my right foot for for over a year, it was in so much pain. 00:28:11.569 --> 00:28:19.490 And I got to this moment where I was three weeks away from hiking the West Coast Trail, which is a huge trail here on Vancouver Island. 00:28:19.490 --> 00:28:23.009 It's uh six, seven days and six nights. 00:28:23.009 --> 00:28:33.729 And you're out in the middle of the wilderness, and you're gonna be carrying like my back, my backpack was 41 pounds, and I'm not a big person, I'm just over 100 pounds. 00:28:33.729 --> 00:28:38.129 And I was like, oh my gosh, how am I gonna, how am I gonna do this? 00:28:38.129 --> 00:28:46.049 I remember reaching out to this woman, and I had never worked with her before, but I I was I was desperate. 00:28:46.049 --> 00:28:49.009 I was like, I I I want to get on this trail. 00:28:49.009 --> 00:28:51.649 And she did energy work and massage. 00:28:51.649 --> 00:29:00.369 And two days later, I was on her massage table, and I remember her pausing and looking at me, and she went, Shannon, you're full of resentment. 00:29:00.369 --> 00:29:08.849 And I was like, Oh, it was that moment where I was like, I have been putting everyone else first. 00:29:08.849 --> 00:29:12.449 I've been doing everything for everyone else. 00:29:12.449 --> 00:29:19.729 And then I remember that week two other practitioners literally said the exact same thing to me. 00:29:19.729 --> 00:29:27.649 And I went into my this fellow that did myofascial release massage, and I was like, Daryl, my foot is still so unhappy. 00:29:27.649 --> 00:29:32.209 And he looked at me and he went, Shannon, is it your foot that's unhappy? 00:29:32.209 --> 00:29:34.929 Or you that's unhappy? 00:29:34.929 --> 00:29:37.569 And I was like, Oh. 00:29:37.569 --> 00:29:47.409 And I just remember bawling my eyes out, and I released so much emotion. 00:29:47.409 --> 00:29:55.569 Like we had pillows that I was putting over my face, like there was screaming, there was yelling, there was crying, there was sobbing. 00:29:55.569 --> 00:30:05.889 And I came out of that appointment and I hiked that West Coast trail three weeks later with no pain in my foot, none. 00:30:06.209 --> 00:30:11.889 So, how do we keep our hearts open after disappointment, loss, or betrayal? 00:30:12.209 --> 00:30:17.169 Uh, for me, it's just continuing to be brave enough. 00:30:17.169 --> 00:30:18.449 Brave enough. 00:30:18.449 --> 00:30:23.009 And you talk a lot about courage and being brave. 00:30:23.009 --> 00:30:49.169 And I think for for a big part of it for me is just continuing to surround myself with beautiful people that aren't afraid of hard conversations, having like beautiful women in my life, um, and just being brave, brave enough every day to continue to know that vulnerability is not something to shy away from. 00:30:49.169 --> 00:30:52.449 It's something to lean into. 00:30:52.449 --> 00:31:00.209 You know, again, I I love the work of Brene Brown, and she talks so much about vulnerability. 00:31:00.209 --> 00:31:04.849 And I've been told over and over that vulnerability is my superpower. 00:31:04.849 --> 00:31:13.729 And for me, that's how I continue to lean in is every day just wanting to show up and being brave enough. 00:31:13.729 --> 00:31:16.849 And brave enough is being my authentic self. 00:31:16.849 --> 00:31:32.769 And if that means that today I'm having a hard day and maybe some tears need to flow, or maybe I'm really like angry and someone's really upset me, then maybe I'm going in my kitchen and I'm turning on some really good music and I'm dancing that out. 00:31:32.769 --> 00:31:35.649 I actually have a little trampoline in my kitchen too. 00:31:35.649 --> 00:31:42.049 And trampolines are really good to like really shake it off, like really shake it off. 00:31:42.049 --> 00:31:47.169 My yoga instructor for years, she talks about shaking out the nails. 00:31:47.169 --> 00:32:21.089 And it's such a great visual when you literally, she's like, imagine the nails are all the things that people ever said to you, ever did to you, how you felt hurt, or maybe you took on something that wasn't yours, and you literally visualize yourself either on the dance floor or on that trampoline or running through the forest, whatever it is that you do to move that energy out or shake out those nails, that's how I keep coming back to the joy. 00:32:21.089 --> 00:32:22.849 That's how I keep showing up. 00:32:23.169 --> 00:32:29.569 So, what would you say to someone who feels stuck in survival mode and can't imagine feeling joy again? 00:32:29.889 --> 00:32:30.689 Go slow. 00:32:30.689 --> 00:32:31.969 Love yourself. 00:32:31.969 --> 00:32:41.009 I remember being in that place, having the being really lucky to have some really beautiful women around me. 00:32:41.009 --> 00:32:46.289 But surround yourself with beautiful people and don't be afraid to ask for help. 00:32:46.289 --> 00:32:55.329 The unknown can feel so scary, but on the other side of the unknown is something incredibly beautiful. 00:32:55.329 --> 00:33:02.129 And so being in that place, it can feel really overwhelming. 00:33:02.129 --> 00:33:23.250 But just giving ourselves permission to go slow and fill our cup and know that when we put, like they say, you know, we put on the oxygen mask first in the plane, it's the best visual because honestly, we can't help anybody else unless we help ourselves. 00:33:23.250 --> 00:33:50.849 And so giving you know, women or anyone permission to just love themselves and go slow and be compassionate with ourselves, and that every time we show up and trust the unknown and take that courageous step forward, you know, I think about

this moment where I was literally sitting in this blue chair, and and this is not this is like the total story. 00:33:50.849 --> 00:33:59.169 I was sitting in this blue chair, and I remember looking at my front door, and I'm like, when is courage gonna show up? 00:33:59.169 --> 00:34:00.209 Like when? 00:34:00.209 --> 00:34:04.929 And I realize in that moment that courage isn't showing up. 00:34:04.929 --> 00:34:18.210 It's me needing to get out of the chair and trust that all these little small steps forward is how we build courage. 00:34:18.210 --> 00:34:25.650 Courage isn't come in a moment, courage comes with these little small steps forward. 00:34:25.650 --> 00:34:30.690 So, what I would say to that person is one small step. 00:34:30.690 --> 00:34:49.170 It's all it is, and I still say that to myself too, because as I'm stepping into my career of speaking and all the incredible things that are unfolding in my life, each level up is still requires more courage. 00:34:49.170 --> 00:34:51.090 Like it doesn't end. 00:34:51.090 --> 00:34:58.130 Like, I don't know about you, but I want to continue to live my best life ever, like always. 00:34:58.130 --> 00:35:16.050 And that means stepping into the unknown, continuing to keep my heart open, continuing to be courageous, even when I feel so uncomfortable, but that's that's this life. 00:35:16.050 --> 00:35:17.809 That's that's living. 00:35:18.610 --> 00:35:18.769 Yeah. 00:35:18.769 --> 00:35:21.890 You you are a TEDx speaker and storyteller. 00:35:21.890 --> 00:35:25.890 Why do you believe sharing our stories is so powerful? 00:35:26.210 --> 00:35:28.370 I mean, I think I've spoken to this already. 00:35:28.610 --> 00:35:29.970 Yes, I don't believe you have to be. 00:35:30.130 --> 00:35:40.930 But honestly, when we are brave enough to speak our stories out loud, it gives other people permission to do the very same. 00:35:40.930 --> 00:35:54.289 I spoke at a women's group about two months ago, and it wasn't long after I shared my story on International Women's Day in front of 500 people. 00:35:54.289 --> 00:35:57.730 This was a smaller group, about 60 women. 00:35:57.730 --> 00:36:11.410 And that next day, I had a woman reach out to me by email and share a part of her story that she had never spoken out loud ever before. 00:36:11.410 --> 00:36:15.730 And I thought to myself, this is why I do this. 00:36:15.730 --> 00:36:18.530 This is why I speak. 00:36:18.530 --> 00:36:21.250 This is why I share my story. 00:36:21.250 --> 00:36:24.050 Because she doesn't have to hold that anymore. 00:36:24.050 --> 00:36:26.289 She got to say it out loud. 00:36:26.289 --> 00:36:38.130 It's not stuck inside her body anymore, and somebody else is holding that with her for her, you know, and how beautiful is it that we're not meant to hold all these things on our own. 00:36:38.130 --> 00:36:40.210 We're meant to do this together. 00:36:40.210 --> 00:36:52.690 And when we speak our stories and realize that we're not alone, all of a sudden the world feels a lot smaller, a lot more intimate, a lot safer. 00:36:52.690 --> 00:37:01.809 And all of a sudden, we're able to show up with more courage, step more into the unknown, be brave enough to choose joy. 00:37:01.809 --> 00:37:04.130 It's this ripple effect. 00:37:04.530 --> 00:37:08.370 So, what is one misconception that people have about joy? 00:37:08.690 --> 00:37:17.570 I mean, I can't speak for everybody else, but for me, joy was something that I felt made other people uncomfortable. 00:37:17.570 --> 00:37:19.490 So I'll give you an example. 00:37:19.490 --> 00:37:27.329 When I go into a room and I'm I am quite joyful. 00:37:27.329 --> 00:37:29.650 I I'm living the joy. 00:37:29.650 --> 00:37:47.010 And when other people are not in that space yet, I can feel the energy of the other, particularly women, that are maybe uncomfortable with my joy because they're not comfortable with their joy yet. 00:37:47.010 --> 00:37:51.570 And the old version of me would want to shut down and meet them there. 00:37:51.570 --> 00:38:05.170 And the new version of me is no, I'm shining bright, and I'm gonna continue to shine bright so I can continue to give you permission to shine your to shine your joy. 00:38:05.170 --> 00:38:14.769 Being joyful, I think a lot of people, there's this sense of um, oh, she's joyful. 00:38:14.769 --> 00:38:16.050 Oh my god, look at her. 00:38:16.050 --> 00:38:18.769 She's you know, there's almost this judgment. 00:38:18.769 --> 00:38:24.610 But the judgment isn't, it's nothing to do with me, it's their own stuff. 00:38:24.610 --> 00:38:29.809 And I can only say this because I've been that person, I've been that person pointing the finger. 00:38:29.809 --> 00:38:32.690 Oh, look at her, look at the good life she's living. 00:38:32.690 --> 00:38:34.050 Oh my goodness. 00:38:34.050 --> 00:38:50.930 But what if I could, instead of looking at her and judge, what if I could know that the amazing things that are within her that I see are actually the things that I want in my life. 00:38:51.090 --> 00:38:52.610 What a beautiful turnaround. 00:38:52.610 --> 00:38:54.530 What a beautiful mirror, isn't it? 00:38:54.530 --> 00:38:56.050 A mirror is held up. 00:38:56.050 --> 00:38:56.930 Right? 00:38:57.490 --> 00:39:01.730 And I I speak to this in in all of my presentations. 00:39:01.730 --> 00:39:08.450 My three pillars are authenticity, boundaries, and that everyone is our mirror. 00:39:08.450 --> 00:39:14.930 And living our authentic lives and being true to ourselves is what we're here to do. 00:39:14.930 --> 00:39:17.090 It's what we're meant to be. 00:39:17.090 --> 00:39:18.210 No one else. 00:39:18.210 --> 00:39:21.170 Because there's nobody else better than ourselves. 00:39:21.170 --> 00:39:24.050 Because being everybody else is really boring. 00:39:24.050 --> 00:39:32.930 We're meant to be ourselves, but we can't be ourselves if we don't have boundaries and we're letting everybody step all over us or

tell us how to be. 00:39:32.930 --> 00:39:39.010 And we sure can't be ourselves if we're not willing to look in the mirror. 00:39:39.010 --> 00:39:59.010 If we're not brave enough to own what's ours, if we're not brave enough to realize that there's three fingers pointing back at us, and that the ripple effect starts here, that there's nobody else outside there that we need to fix or change, only ourselves to understand. 00:39:59.329 --> 00:40:06.130 If someone listening today is facing a major life transition, what would you want them to know? 00:40:06.130 --> 00:40:07.970 It's gonna be okay. 00:40:09.410 --> 00:40:15.329 And on the other side of hard is something so incredibly beautiful. 00:40:15.329 --> 00:40:29.170 I remember the very beginning of when I went through my divorce two years ago, and I thought I felt like I was gonna die. 00:40:29.170 --> 00:40:39.250 Like the depths of grief that was in my soul and in my heart, I didn't know that I was gonna be able to get on the other side. 00:40:39.250 --> 00:40:46.450 Part of my biggest, the one of the biggest things that my takeaway was that is that it's okay to ask for help. 00:40:46.450 --> 00:41:05.970 You know, my one of my TEDx coaches, uh, incredible human, he he shared this story with me one day where he was speaking um to an audience and he said, you know, how many people like to help their friends and their family? 00:41:05.970 --> 00:41:08.050 And everybody raised their hands. 00:41:08.050 --> 00:41:12.210 And then he asked, How many people like to ask for help? 00:41:12.210 --> 00:41:13.970 Hardly anybody put their hand up. 00:41:13.970 --> 00:41:27.010 And he's like, But listen, if you all know that you all like to help each other, and why are we so afraid to ask for help? 00:41:27.010 --> 00:41:28.690 Why? 00:41:28.690 --> 00:42:01.329 And so in those moments of depths, and when you're in that place, be brave enough to ask for help because we all want to help each other, whether that's someone to cry on their shoulder, whether it's someone to go for a walk with, whether it's someone to bring you a meal, whether it's someone to just take you out for coffee, to change the scenery, like whatever it is that you need, be brave enough to ask for help. 00:42:01.329 --> 00:42:04.289 And that doesn't come easy for some of us. 00:42:04.289 --> 00:42:10.130 But part of my healing journey has been learn learning to ask for help. 00:42:10.849 --> 00:42:12.130 That's so beautiful. 00:42:12.130 --> 00:42:15.490 And we all are a bit like that, so yes. 00:42:15.490 --> 00:42:17.890 But people like helping people. 00:42:17.890 --> 00:42:19.250 Yeah, we do. 00:42:19.250 --> 00:42:21.570 Yes, yeah, we do. 00:42:21.570 --> 00:42:27.170 If there was one key takeaway you want every listener to walk away with today, what would it be? 00:42:27.490 --> 00:42:28.930 Trust the unknown. 00:42:28.930 --> 00:42:33.650 I have spent my whole life afraid of the unknown. 00:42:33.650 --> 00:42:37.170 Afraid of what's on the other side. 00:42:37.170 --> 00:42:44.210 You know, my TED talk, um The Gift of Failure, How Discomfort Shapes Success. 00:42:44.210 --> 00:42:48.210 I spent so much of my life avoiding discomfort. 00:42:48.210 --> 00:42:57.809 I mean, even down to the little things, when I would leave the house with my kids when they were little, I'd have to cut the apples up perfectly. 00:42:57.809 --> 00:43:00.849 You know, just to have that control. 00:43:00.849 --> 00:43:17.250 Just letting go and surrendering to the unknown and trusting that on the other side, if we fail, if we make a mistake, it's okay because that's how we grow. 00:43:17.250 --> 00:43:20.210 That's how we become who we are we are. 00:43:20.210 --> 00:43:30.530 Like I think of all the hard things that I've been through in my life, which have been many, but it's brought me to this moment right here, right now, with you. 00:43:30.530 --> 00:43:33.650 You know, it's brought me to this moment. 00:43:33.650 --> 00:43:41.090 So trusting the unknown and that believing in ourselves that we can do hard things. 00:43:41.090 --> 00:43:43.090 We can do hard things. 00:43:43.329 --> 00:43:44.370 It's brilliant. 00:43:44.370 --> 00:43:45.170 Yes. 00:43:45.170 --> 00:43:49.890 So, Shannon, where can the listeners find you online and learn more about your work? 00:43:51.570 --> 00:43:53.809 Well, I'm on all the social platforms. 00:43:53.809 --> 00:43:58.849 You can find me on Facebook, on Instagram, on LinkedIn. 00:43:58.849 --> 00:44:04.450 You can also find me at Shannon DonahoSimpson.com, which is my website. 00:44:04.450 --> 00:44:11.329 And you can check me out on YouTube as well and follow me there where all my Toolbox Tuesday videos are. 00:44:11.329 --> 00:44:14.210 And this week was episode 204. 00:44:14.210 --> 00:44:20.690 So I have lots of incredible wisdom that I have shared along my journey, as you have, Anita. 00:44:20.690 --> 00:44:27.410 Um, and yeah, I would love to connect with anybody that resonates with this message today. 00:44:27.410 --> 00:44:29.090 Just don't be afraid to reach out. 00:44:29.090 --> 00:44:30.450 I'd love to hear from you. 00:44:31.090 --> 00:44:40.530 So, listeners, please do connect with Shannon and all the links are in the show notes, and have a conversation with her and see what she's up to by following her on social media. 00:44:40.849 --> 00:44:43.250 Thank you so much, Anita, for having me today. 00:44:43.250 --> 00:44:48.450 This has been such an amazing, amazing podcast, an amazing conversation. 00:44:49.170 --> 00:44:50.610 Thank you, it's really my pleasure. 00:44:50.610 --> 00:44:55.329 And thank you so much for sharing your insights, your wisdom, your stories with us today. 00:44:55.329 --> 00:45:01.490 By doing so, you've impacted so many people and truly made a difference. 00:45:01.490 --> 00:45:08.289 I really want to acknowledge your courage, your openness, and your and the light you bring to others. 00:45:08.289 --> 00:45:10.530 Shannon Donahan Simpson. 00:45:11.570 --> 00:45:12.930 Thank you so much, Anita. 00:45:13.730 --> 00:45:14.610 My pleasure. 00:45:14.610 --> 00:45:18.610 We are all about Create the Courage to Be Fearless podcast. 00:45:18.610 --> 00:45:20.690 What is your definition of courage? 00:45:22.769 --> 00:45:30.050 Oh, my definition of courage is taking small steps every single day. 00:45:30.050 --> 00:45:34.610 Just being brave enough every day to show up. 00:45:34.610 --> 00:45:39.730 Step into the no unknown and taking small steps forward. 00:45:39.730 --> 00:45:41.570 Courage isn't one moment. 00:45:41.570 --> 00:45:45.809 It's every day showing up, being brave enough.