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Confessions of a Terrible Husband is a marriage podcast for people who are looking for real advice from the trenches and who are committed to taking personal responsibility over improving their relationships. Hear Nick Pavlidis talk all things marriage and life and interview people like Fawn Weaver from The Happy Wives Club, John G. Miller, of QBQ, Inc., Dan Miller and Joanne Miller of 48 Days to the Work You Love, Derek and Carrie Olsen from Better Conversations, Marcus and Ashley Kusi from the Our Peaceful Family, and many, many more, about the best ways to have an amazing relationship!

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TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00welcome to Confessions of a terrible husband or a proud marriage non-expert pulls back the curtains as he works tirelessly to improve his marriage in the open
00:00:13here to inspire encourage an army with information so you can improve yours too is your house Nick papillitis
00:00:22hey everybody this is Nick papillitis and thank you so much for being here for another episode of Confessions of a terrible husband I am psyched to be back behind the mic for solo episode I love bringing you new voices experience voices in the marriage world to introduce you to other people who are helping build better relationships but I really love doing Soul episode when I get behind the mic just another regular guy a DIY marriage guy and share some of the things that I have been incorporating into my life in a way that allows you to just consider whether this is something or how this might help improve your relationship to see this is so important because so many couples are struggling their pulled in so many different directions there are so many responsibilities in our busy lives that everything seems to pile up we lose sleep
00:01:22we lose energy we lose time and it's so important to take a different perspective and to take more control over the things we can control let go of the things we can't control to the extent we're able to do that emotionally and mentally and just actively participate in improving relationships it's so easy to just sit on the couch and do nothing and just wait for bedtime and get through the day but that doesn't make tomorrow any better it just makes tomorrow another day so one of the things that I have been doing for years and I'm doing a lot more of now that I want to share with you is
00:02:09getting together is improving is spending more time with communities of people who are living the lives that I want to live or who are working towards a life like I want to live so this is such an important simple thing you can do to improve your relationship that I wanted to spend a little bit of time talking about it on today's episode and I didn't want to just make it part of another episode I wanted to make it its own episode we're not going to go for an hour like we did with Bill which was awesome last episode we had a really good talk with Bill McDonald who launched a horse and Community for men to help them work towards the relationship but this was inspired by that because that is one of the things that I'm doing them and I'm a member of the group and in fact
00:03:09I have a really cool offer surprise free giveaway type of thing for one lucky person who is willing to raise their hand and say me too we'll talk about that a little later but one of the things that I am doing is getting together with more and more people both in settings that are just men and in settings that are co-ed that are people just getting together and helping each other right I love having a mix of groups where I am connecting with different people a diverse group of people and sometimes just a couple of guys are a bunch of guys together to talk about improving relationships in personal Improvement so the thing that I wanted to talk about is getting better friends that's how I call it I guess it's really just Community there's so much value in community if you look at the people who have great relationships
00:04:09they are doing two things first they're dedicating a portion of their time and attention to personal Improvement to relationship Improvement and they do it for a long time years even second they haven't done it alone if you ask anyone who has a great marriage how do you do it they will give you advice but I guarantee you they will say that they were influenced by others who either didn't accept them if they were being a jerk they they would not accept me as a friend as a son as a husband as a whatever as a cousin being a jerk in my relationship they were influenced by others and they had examples great examples in the examples aren't always people or 10 miles or 10 years or 10 million dollars down the road depending on what the goal is the community influenced their people who have walked before you and there are people who are
00:05:09talking with you if you ask anyone in the successful relationship you'll see those two things people influencing them whether it's walking with them or walking before them a mentor or coached the guide some of some sort and consistent dedication of their time to Improvement whether it's by reading and applying joint course or something they are improving their relationship on a consistent basis okay so getting better friends as a topic this is so important because if you're in a room with people who are talking trash about their relationships who are Unfaithful who or at least don't value emotional monogamy if not physical monogamy people who will accept you talking trash or talking down
00:06:09to your about your spite spouse that behavior is going to become less of a taboo if not something that depending on the group is encouraged it's sort of the mob mentality where you can get it 10 people who are well-intentioned who are excited about a cause and you put them together and collectively they just build this energy that's either negative or positive it's a different energy when you are in a group so what I like to do is surround myself with people who have that positive energy who would not accept me saying my wife won't stop nagging me they will say they will challenge me on that and they will come out tonight and it's welcomed and it's part of the relationship
00:06:59but even if you don't have that formality just spending more time with people who have strong relationships and who are open about it rubs off this is this doesn't require any money this doesn't require any sort of complexity but one of the best ways to improve your relationship without making a big to-do about it is to just hang out with people of strong relationships it's simple and it works wonders overtime kindness is contagious peer-pressure is powerful so if you're hanging out with people complain all day complaining is going to be normal to you if you hang out with people who demonstrate positive behaviors and don't tolerate negative or toxic talk you and your spouse will likely be both influenced by that in a positive way this is one of those tips or tricks that I often recommend people who struggled with even bringing up the the idea of improving a
00:07:59tapu can't talk with their spouse without a fight happening and I know I've been there so one of the things I say is get counseling either together or individually the other thing is start making different plans so I need a lot of times the toxic people are family or friend close friends or longtime friends of your spouse and and it just really frustrating to toe even think about attempting to say I want to make spend less time with that so I often say don't try and focus on spending less time with certain people just trying to fill up your schedule with more time or by spending more time with great people and great relationships so this is
00:08:46a great way to not to just quietly say hey you guys want to go to do you want to go to dinner have more date nights you maybe it's a double date night but they have more groups at your house of positive people how you want to have this couple over for a game night or something like that so don't demand to never see one of their friends or relatives cuz they demonstrate negative behavior or something like that but just start asking to make plans with people who have good marriages so before I let you go I just wanted to let the give that thought there it's how can we look for opportunities to spend more time in groups with people online and offline who are working towards or already living a great relationship
00:09:37one of the ways that I do it is through Mastermind group I'm in a couple Mastermind groups not everyone is married in The Mastermind groups that I'm in but they are all unaccepting of toxic Behavior really if I if I went up to my Mastermind
00:09:56friends members and said hey I am I'm thinking about doing something negative about it I'm thinking about separating they would
00:10:08talk me through and say well why they will challenge me on my reasons is it something that is it is it something that is workable is it something that I haven't tried or I haven't done is it something that I'm not doing if I said so if I went up to them and said hey I have eyes for another woman they would push back they would demand
00:10:33that the that I reconsider and get help and not do that I know that not that I would but I love that I'm in groups intentionally who I can get influenced by I can get inspired by and I can get challenged by in order to push me forward in building a better relationship so Mastermind group what even if they are business focus with people who are challenging of toxicity in any way is a powerful tool for building a better relationship without making a big to-do about it men's groups are women's groups or even coed couples groups people you intentionally get together with and say hey let's focus on being better husbands wives spouses let's focus on having better relationships together what if the three of us get together to
00:11:33just talk through some of the issues that we're working with or that we can feel comfortable coming to the table with a challenge that I'm not comfortable going to someone else with tapping that that other person who is invested in You Tube help you build your relationship just as much as they are invested in their own relationship is powerful so we can be a mastermind group it can be a collection of men women or couples who are all going to get together to talk about how they can make their relationships better a really focus group or could be really informal just like the just like the suggestion of making plans make dinner plans with people who are who are living a good life and then finally formal relationship groups courses things like that online like the 13 code which I'm loving I'm in the group I love it this is not a promotion I make no money from the
00:12:33Kinkos I'm not an affiliate or anything like that but it's a good group with great content and its intentioned its intention it's focused it is all about helping men become better husband that's bills voice that's who he loves to serve and that's how he feels he can serve well so I reached out to bill after this is the this is the excitement that I have about offering this cuz I'm in that group I'm going to be doing some more in the relationship space over the next coming months I'll tell you more about it I'm connecting with other people to make some new better fun content and also do some things directly to start sort of giving back and leaning in and and building that building a structure around personal improvement with a relationship Focus but I reached out to Bill and said hey I know the doors closed cuz he did a launch and he go
00:13:33bunch of people in his group in Facebook group and Anna course content with comments and things like that some interaction in there and I reach out to him and said hey I want to talk up on my show about getting better friends getting spending time with people in formal informal settings and an informal set things to help improve your relationship and I asked him really he offered to gift a membership to his 13 codes Academy to someone he offered for me to gift it to someone so what I decided to do was to talk about it here on the podcast and to offer it to one listener who wants to make a commitment to learn to connect and just to work on themselves to
00:14:33build a better relationship so the 13 codes Academy there are plenty of options for coed and four for women but this is focused on who Bill knows best and that's Manny's a regular guy just like me and he is focused on helping other men take action in the relationships so this is one of those groups so if you are if you if your husband is willing to do it if it if you're a woman listening to this or if you want to raise your hand and say pick me up then I'll just email me at Nick at a terrible husband. Calm and in the subject line put
00:15:1613 codes Academy or something to get my attention that it's for that you'd like to be you'd like to be considered for it so what I will do then is depending on how many people come in if it's one person then you're going to be the winner and sometimes I will tell you we have a lot of listeners but sometimes people don't take action because they think it's going to go quick or the odds are low but I have talked about things either on the blog on the podcast and said hey if anyone wants a copy this book let me know and I literally at one person who emailed me for a book that sold millions of copies so I can so I know it's popular but they just think at what's it going to do but this is I don't know how much it cost cuz I paid last month for the membership and I think was $150 or something like that but for free totally free gift membership just for being a loyal listener and agreeing to take action to go through into engage into just
00:16:16watch the videos and see how they reflect upon you and how they encourage you to build a better you for your wife email me Nick at a terrible husband. Com put something to the effect of 13 codes Academy in the subject line and let me know who you are say hi and if you want to tell me a little bit about what you're doing to improve your relationship or if you have a question that you want me to talk about on the podcast or something fill it up I will read every email and then depending on how many it is if it's more than one if more than one person raises their hand which I expect I will do a random selection up with your emails
00:17:03into a piece of software that will just randomly pick one and gift it if it's a ton of people maybe we'll have some fun with that I will keep the information confidential I won't announce the name of the person the person tells me they were there that's okay or they want that to happen or something like that so feel free to email it to me and then I will take care of everything on the other end and get one person gifted into the 13 codecademy if you want more information on the 13 codes Academy you can go to Billy mcdonald.com or the 13 codes.com those sites you'll see that it's closed its sold out in the launch but if you you can get on the mail in the waiting list for the next time he opens the doors by entering your email there but if you want to gift membership email me and we will have some fun with it if you're getting this I'll probably keep it open for about a week or something like that or as long as things are
00:18:03pretty regularly I will keep it open probably for a week or two but otherwise just if you know you want if you know you want to raise your hand and say Yes I want to surround myself with other people like me who are regular guys working on relationships I want content I want connection I want Community I want some of that accountability that comes with getting together with a group of people then raise your hand email me Nick at a terrible husband. Com put 13 codes in there if I will announce another episode when the person has been chosen so listen to the next episode and I will tell you if it's open or not I will keep it open for at least a week but other than that just see how you can do it in your life see how you can do it man women doesn't matter get together with people who will keep you on track get you better information Inspire encourage all this stuff will push you forward get I use the term get better friends because it sketchy it sticks out and stuff like that but really
00:19:03wrap yourself with people surround yourself with people who will influence you towards the life you want to be not just in marriage but everything if you want help finding something like that I'm going to be doing some fun stuff over and fall and next year and things like that just connect to subscribe to the podcast email me let me know that you are you're in you're either you either want into the 13 codes Academy like we talked about there or that you're in you're committed tell me what you're doing to improve your relationship and I'll share some things on the show anonymously unless you tell me it's okay to put your name explicitly otherwise I'll just say hey I got an email from this person this is what they're doing how cool is that and I will not say the name I'll just say you know from a guy or from from a lady and this is what they're doing this is their story how they are not just improving them self but improving their relationships improving the Next Generation because what is seen
00:20:00is caught monkey see monkey do right all right so that's it for today's episode surround yourself with great people work towards at adding people adding great people into your day don't worry too much about subtracting the more people you surround yourself with the last time you're going to want to spend listening to drama we all know those people that we get around and we just not our head and wait for the the dinner or whatever to end just surround yourself you will be happier everyone will be happier you will influence your children you will show them what it's like to have a better relationship and what to expect and what to demand from a future spouse you will make the world a better place by working on your relationship that's it for today thank you so much for listening we'll see you next time
00:20:46thank you for listening to Confessions of a terrible husband for the latest resources and Nick's Real Time updates on becoming a better husband over to a terrible husband

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