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The Body Politic Part I

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WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.110 --> 00:00:03.690 Starting a business is tough. Shopify makes it easier. Build 2 00:00:03.730 --> 00:00:07.440 a beautiful store, write with AI, and manage marketing, inventory, 3 00:00:07.620 --> 00:00:11.119 and shipping all in one place. Join millions who trust 4 00:00:11.140 --> 00:00:14.599 Shopify to launch and grow their business effortlessly. If you're 5 00:00:14.660 --> 00:00:17.679 ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn your big 6 00:00:17.730 --> 00:00:21.190 business idea into... Sign up for your one euro per 7 00:00:21.210 --> 00:00:26.190 month trial at Shopify.ie. Go to Shopify.ie. It's time to 8 00:00:26.250 --> 00:00:28.949 see what you can accomplish with Shopify by your side. 9 00:00:35.719 --> 00:00:39.500 Good nights are about the people. The laughs. The real 10 00:00:39.539 --> 00:00:42.719 moments you don't want to miss. So why step outside? 11 00:00:43.619 --> 00:00:47.649 Velo tobacco-free nicotine pouches fit seamlessly into your night. Convenient 12 00:00:47.869 --> 00:00:50.509 and full of flavour. No breaks. No interruptions. 13 00:00:51.049 --> 00:00:51.369 Velo. 14 00:00:51.630 --> 00:00:55.950 Anytime, anywhere nicotine pouches. 18 and over. Contains tobacco-free nicotine 15 00:00:55.990 --> 00:00:58.329 and addictive substance. If you're new to Velo, start with Mellow. 16 00:00:58.390 --> 00:00:59.929 You should not use this product if you do not 17 00:01:00.030 --> 00:01:00.810 already use nicotine. 18 00:01:05.980 --> 00:01:09.540 Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? 19 00:01:09.819 --> 00:01:12.640 Visit teamcoco.com slash callconan. 20 00:01:13.269 --> 00:01:14.719 Okay, let's get started. 21 00:01:15.450 --> 00:01:16.090 Hi, Grace. 22 00:01:16.129 --> 00:01:17.989 Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. 23 00:01:18.010 --> 00:01:20.230 Hello there. Nice to be here. Thank you for having me. 24 00:01:20.310 --> 00:01:21.189 How are you, Grace? 25 00:01:21.670 --> 00:01:22.390 I'm very good. 26 00:01:22.430 --> 00:01:22.829 How are you? 27 00:01:23.209 --> 00:01:27.709 Well, lovely to meet you. And you look fantastic. You 28 00:01:27.750 --> 00:01:28.230 really do. 29 00:01:28.250 --> 00:01:32.709 Thank you. There's so much to talk about here because... 30 00:01:33.370 --> 00:01:35.010 It says on my little piece of paper here that 31 00:01:35.030 --> 00:01:36.489 you are in Bristol, England. 32 00:01:36.549 --> 00:01:37.129 Is that correct? 33 00:01:37.430 --> 00:01:38.329 That is correct. 34 00:01:38.750 --> 00:01:41.670 I was in London about a week and a half ago. 35 00:01:41.969 --> 00:01:43.069 So sorry I missed you. 36 00:01:43.390 --> 00:01:44.609 I'm sorry you missed me too. 37 00:01:45.909 --> 00:01:51.269 She doesn't sound sorry at all. Yeah, you seem... Dodged 38 00:01:51.349 --> 00:01:51.709 a bullet. 39 00:01:51.730 --> 00:01:57.239 You seem quite pleased that you dodged the serial international creep. 40 00:01:59.620 --> 00:01:59.719 Now. 41 00:02:00.140 --> 00:02:02.579 I don't know much other than it says here that 42 00:02:02.599 --> 00:02:08.000 you are a body modification assistant. I know nothing about 43 00:02:08.060 --> 00:02:11.000 this topic. Talk to me about, I see that you 44 00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:14.620 have tattoos, but what does body modification include? 45 00:02:15.210 --> 00:02:17.909 So I'm actually a tattoo artist, but when I was 46 00:02:17.990 --> 00:02:21.250 coming up in the industry, I was a body piercer 47 00:02:21.550 --> 00:02:26.030 who then met a body modification artist and became their assistant. 48 00:02:27.009 --> 00:02:30.569 And Body modification in the realm that I'm talking about 49 00:02:30.610 --> 00:02:40.180 would be things like tongue splits, scarification, subdermal implants, the 50 00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:45.860 removal of certain things. Yeah, kind of just coming up 51 00:02:46.219 --> 00:02:50.120 in the alternative scene in Plymouth where I grew up. 52 00:02:50.340 --> 00:02:51.020 Yes. 53 00:02:51.750 --> 00:02:53.810 Being into punk music and stuff like that, I was 54 00:02:53.849 --> 00:02:58.800 always seeing these heavily tattooed and pierced like singers in 55 00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:01.879 bands and stuff like that. And it very much inspired 56 00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:05.099 me and it got me kind of like wanting to 57 00:03:05.120 --> 00:03:08.939 learn more about it. And I was always fascinated by it. 58 00:03:08.960 --> 00:03:11.500 And I was always wanting to get certain things done. 59 00:03:11.539 --> 00:03:13.330 Like I was dying to get my tongue split when, 60 00:03:13.409 --> 00:03:15.860 since I was like probably 14, 15. 61 00:03:15.830 --> 00:03:18.530 Oh, talk to me about that. Let's start with tongue splitting. 62 00:03:18.550 --> 00:03:20.310 Cause I don't know anything about that. I know that 63 00:03:20.409 --> 00:03:22.889 people can get a piercing on their tongue, but I 64 00:03:22.909 --> 00:03:24.449 didn't know about a tongue splitting. 65 00:03:24.490 --> 00:03:24.930 What's that? 66 00:03:26.719 --> 00:03:29.060 Uh is this can i show you yeah yeah oh. 67 00:03:30.139 --> 00:03:35.879 My god oh my god that is you have a 68 00:03:36.060 --> 00:03:40.469 forked tongue yes i can't believe a thing you're saying uh. 69 00:03:43.210 --> 00:03:48.669 What so that's for appearance right that doesn't it doesn't well. 70 00:03:48.550 --> 00:03:50.990 Actually it would give your tongue more surface area i 71 00:03:52.129 --> 00:03:52.610 think yeah. 72 00:03:52.509 --> 00:03:56.430 So like Your tongue is two separate muscles. So that's 73 00:03:56.490 --> 00:03:59.270 why this works so well. You can move them independently. 74 00:04:00.009 --> 00:04:02.129 But yeah, it makes for great life. I can pick 75 00:04:02.189 --> 00:04:04.090 food out of both sides of my mouth at the 76 00:04:04.120 --> 00:04:04.750 same time. 77 00:04:04.900 --> 00:04:05.360 Oh my God. 78 00:04:08.180 --> 00:04:10.360 And you could stick your tongue out at two
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separate 79 00:04:10.379 --> 00:04:11.500 people across the room. 80 00:04:11.639 --> 00:04:11.939 Yeah. 81 00:04:11.979 --> 00:04:13.180 Oh, Jesus, man. 82 00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:14.159 Definitely. Good point. 83 00:04:14.219 --> 00:04:14.460 Yes. 84 00:04:14.520 --> 00:04:15.360 That's not cool. 85 00:04:15.539 --> 00:04:16.000 Yes, it is. 86 00:04:16.019 --> 00:04:16.100 Yeah. 87 00:04:16.139 --> 00:04:16.980 That feels like it's not cool. 88 00:04:17.019 --> 00:04:17.759 That's actually really cool. 89 00:04:17.790 --> 00:04:18.990 That's not a cool use. You know what? 90 00:04:19.069 --> 00:04:21.430 Many times I've wanted to stick my tongue out, but 91 00:04:21.449 --> 00:04:23.129 I have to choose which person to do it. 92 00:04:23.149 --> 00:04:26.790 And they're usually on either side of a room. 93 00:04:26.910 --> 00:04:27.170 Yes. 94 00:04:27.329 --> 00:04:28.470 Some distance from me. 95 00:04:28.629 --> 00:04:30.379 Then this is the procedure for you. 96 00:04:31.920 --> 00:04:33.160 That's exactly what I've already done. 97 00:04:33.339 --> 00:04:33.740 Does it. 98 00:04:35.550 --> 00:04:38.750 Uh, there must be some ways in which it's inconvenient. 99 00:04:38.790 --> 00:04:42.310 Like maybe not if they're licking ice cream. How's it, uh, 100 00:04:42.389 --> 00:04:45.250 is it, is it, do you, you must taste more 101 00:04:45.389 --> 00:04:45.970 ice cream? 102 00:04:46.170 --> 00:04:48.329 No, cause there's not taste buds in the inside of 103 00:04:48.389 --> 00:04:50.990 your tongue, right? You're not getting new taste buds, are you? 104 00:04:51.310 --> 00:04:52.430 Well, probably not. 105 00:04:52.509 --> 00:04:56.209 I taste exactly like my taste. Nothing was different apart 106 00:04:56.269 --> 00:04:58.670 from the fact that these two things in my mouth 107 00:04:58.709 --> 00:05:02.970 now move independently, but I'm, Honestly, it felt very freeing 108 00:05:03.129 --> 00:05:05.209 to get my tongue split. As soon as it was 109 00:05:05.269 --> 00:05:07.810 done and I started moving it, I was like, oh 110 00:05:07.829 --> 00:05:09.430 my God, it feels like my tongue has been in 111 00:05:09.470 --> 00:05:10.589 a vice this whole time. 112 00:05:10.610 --> 00:05:11.829 Did it change your speech at all? 113 00:05:12.410 --> 00:05:14.870 So I did have a slight lisp when I first 114 00:05:15.149 --> 00:05:18.810 got it done. And I had to kind of train 115 00:05:18.850 --> 00:05:22.050 myself to not have one. But it wasn't like severe 116 00:05:22.149 --> 00:05:24.629 or anything like that. It's kind of all dependent on 117 00:05:24.649 --> 00:05:30.259 the person. But yeah, it's... It was something I'd always 118 00:05:30.300 --> 00:05:32.180 wanted done from a young age. And then I got 119 00:05:32.199 --> 00:05:36.899 a piercing apprenticeship in London. And the woman who was 120 00:05:36.939 --> 00:05:43.339 my mentor, she was like this radical, heavily modified Polish 121 00:05:43.399 --> 00:05:49.329 woman who was terrifying. She basically was able to facilitate 122 00:05:49.389 --> 00:05:52.389 that for me because she was like the gatekeeper to 123 00:05:52.410 --> 00:05:55.290 body modification for me. And she opened the door and 124 00:05:55.389 --> 00:05:58.959 introduced me to people who could facilitate all these sorts 125 00:05:59.000 --> 00:05:59.720 of things, you know? 126 00:06:00.500 --> 00:06:02.839 So there's so many things. You said you've done something 127 00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:04.550 to your belly button. What did you have done to 128 00:06:04.569 --> 00:06:05.269 your belly button? 129 00:06:06.629 --> 00:06:07.990 I removed it. 130 00:06:09.250 --> 00:06:10.610 How do you remove a belly button? 131 00:06:10.629 --> 00:06:11.430 You can't do that. 132 00:06:11.649 --> 00:06:13.819 I didn't know you could do that. So what are the, 133 00:06:14.149 --> 00:06:16.990 is it just smooth there now? There's no sign of 134 00:06:17.250 --> 00:06:18.870 anything ever having been there? 135 00:06:19.750 --> 00:06:21.939 Yes, exactly. Like a Barbie doll. 136 00:06:23.240 --> 00:06:26.470 What did you do with it? Yeah, what happened? 137 00:06:28.509 --> 00:06:31.829 I actually said so. So I'm 37 now and I 138 00:06:31.879 --> 00:06:34.660 got it done when I was like 1920. So what 139 00:06:35.379 --> 00:06:40.459 I did was I took it, dried it and set 140 00:06:40.519 --> 00:06:44.079 it in resin in a heart shape. And I gave 141 00:06:44.100 --> 00:06:46.000 it to the boy that I fancied at the time. 142 00:06:46.160 --> 00:06:50.540 Oh, my God. You know, that's a mafia death threat. 143 00:06:53.000 --> 00:06:54.879 That's right up with a fish in your mailbox. 144 00:06:55.000 --> 00:06:57.120 A belly button, yeah. A belly button in your mailbox. 145 00:06:57.300 --> 00:06:57.879 Oh, my God. 146 00:06:57.899 --> 00:07:00.459 Did you get it back when you guys broke up? 147 00:07:01.980 --> 00:07:03.120 No, I never got it back. 148 00:07:03.500 --> 00:07:05.779 Oh, my God. You don't got your belly button. You know, 149 00:07:05.800 --> 00:07:06.459 it's so great. 150 00:07:06.699 --> 00:07:08.819 You guys break up, or he breaks up with you, 151 00:07:08.870 --> 00:07:10.689 and you go to his door, and you're crying, and 152 00:07:10.709 --> 00:07:11.550 you're like, I want my. 153 00:07:11.389 --> 00:07:12.290 Belly button back. 154 00:07:12.310 --> 00:07:17.730 I had a girlfriend once demand the sweater she knit 155 00:07:17.750 --> 00:07:19.430 me back because we broke up. 156 00:07:20.279 --> 00:07:22.040 And so this is the same thing. 157 00:07:22.500 --> 00:07:26.860 You also had your eyes tattooed purple. Are you talking 158 00:07:26.879 --> 00:07:28.040 about the iris of your eyes? 159 00:07:29.279 --> 00:07:29.620 Yeah. 160 00:07:29.639 --> 00:07:31.160 So I don't know. 161 00:07:31.180 --> 00:07:31.689 Oh my God. 162 00:07:31.730 --> 00:07:33.850 How do you do? Wait, I don't understand how that works. 163 00:07:33.870 --> 00:07:34.970 Your
eyes are purple. 164 00:07:35.389 --> 00:07:38.069 Why have you not been grabbed by the government for 165 00:07:38.110 --> 00:07:39.310 being an alien? 166 00:07:39.829 --> 00:07:43.000 Well, I'm actually moving to America at the end of 167 00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:45.199 the year, and it is one of my fears. 168 00:07:45.740 --> 00:07:49.319 Trust me, it's not going to be your top fear, Grace. 169 00:07:52.170 --> 00:07:54.050 Plenty of other shit going on here right now. 170 00:07:55.529 --> 00:08:00.129 Can't wait. You'll soon forget all your modifications. So her 171 00:08:00.370 --> 00:08:04.009 eyeballs are tattooed purple. Does that hurt when they do it? 172 00:08:04.050 --> 00:08:07.290 So it wasn't necessarily painful, like the procedure, because it's 173 00:08:07.310 --> 00:08:10.439 done by injection. And like, so imagine that the white 174 00:08:10.500 --> 00:08:12.420 part of your eye is covered. 175 00:08:12.220 --> 00:08:13.600 In saran wrap. 176 00:08:14.120 --> 00:08:15.160 That's what you guys call it, right? 177 00:08:15.220 --> 00:08:18.860 Yeah. Oh, you're all ready for America. Don't worry about it. 178 00:08:19.759 --> 00:08:20.120 I am. 179 00:08:20.139 --> 00:08:20.839 I'm ready to go. 180 00:08:20.860 --> 00:08:22.639 Now just learn Captain Crunch in your set. 181 00:08:24.550 --> 00:08:27.170 So yeah, they put, imagine like your eye, the white 182 00:08:27.209 --> 00:08:29.750 of your eye has this kind of clear layer over it. 183 00:08:30.149 --> 00:08:32.830 And there is like a pocket in between that where 184 00:08:33.009 --> 00:08:33.929 the ink sits. 185 00:08:34.029 --> 00:08:34.769 The sclera. 186 00:08:36.029 --> 00:08:37.629 Yeah, exactly. The sclera. 187 00:08:37.649 --> 00:08:38.000 There you go. 188 00:08:38.929 --> 00:08:42.830 They basically inject around the eye. I've had 12 injections 189 00:08:42.909 --> 00:08:43.529 in each eye. 190 00:08:43.649 --> 00:08:44.029 Oh my goodness. 191 00:08:44.129 --> 00:08:47.250 And it kind of spreads out, like the little bubble 192 00:08:47.289 --> 00:08:49.299 of ink kind of forms on top of the eye. 193 00:08:49.759 --> 00:08:53.419 And then within like an hour, it starts to disperse 194 00:08:53.460 --> 00:08:54.519 and like spread out. 195 00:08:54.980 --> 00:08:56.580 So this in no way affects your vision? 196 00:08:57.419 --> 00:09:00.360 I have never had any issues with my vision, but 197 00:09:00.379 --> 00:09:02.000 I'm not going to sit here and say that, no, 198 00:09:02.039 --> 00:09:07.480 there's no risk. There's massive risk. And people have gone blind. 199 00:09:07.519 --> 00:09:11.759 People have lost their eyes. I was the assistant of 200 00:09:12.919 --> 00:09:17.230 the body modification artist who invented the procedure. So I was, 201 00:09:18.370 --> 00:09:20.850 you know, assisting a lot of eyeball tattoos. And I 202 00:09:21.230 --> 00:09:23.929 loved the way that it looked. But I obviously was 203 00:09:24.690 --> 00:09:28.330 a little bit cautious
about how risky it was. But, 204 00:09:28.350 --> 00:09:31.169 you know, being young and dumb. And after a while, 205 00:09:31.269 --> 00:09:33.230 I was like, fuck it, let's go. 206 00:09:33.370 --> 00:09:34.110 Can I share? 207 00:09:34.169 --> 00:09:34.450 Yes. 208 00:09:36.090 --> 00:09:37.519 Yes, we can always have it removed. 209 00:09:38.370 --> 00:09:38.830 Okay. 210 00:09:39.830 --> 00:09:41.129 And give it to a former lover. 211 00:09:41.149 --> 00:09:41.629 Yeah, exactly. 212 00:09:42.610 --> 00:09:47.769 The fuck it is now being given to my girlfriend. Okay, 213 00:09:47.850 --> 00:09:51.830 so these are the... You do piercings. You pierce ears. 214 00:09:52.909 --> 00:09:58.669 You also pierce nipples. And you pierce women's genitalia, but 215 00:09:59.190 --> 00:10:01.049 not men's. men's genitalia. 216 00:10:01.070 --> 00:10:03.470 Is that correct? I feel like this is a trial, 217 00:10:03.509 --> 00:10:03.850 by the way. 218 00:10:03.950 --> 00:10:04.429 I know. 219 00:10:04.570 --> 00:10:08.909 Yeah, the way you're asking it. You sound very square. Dr. Lecter. 220 00:10:10.250 --> 00:10:15.539 Is it not true? Object argumentative. So you pierce women's... 221 00:10:19.740 --> 00:10:20.220 Say it. 222 00:10:20.240 --> 00:10:20.570 Say it. 223 00:10:20.639 --> 00:10:21.159 Say it. 224 00:10:21.759 --> 00:10:23.659 Sacred spaces. No. 225 00:10:24.279 --> 00:10:24.570 Oh, God. 226 00:10:25.039 --> 00:10:28.070 Yes, I pierce clitorises and labia. 227 00:10:28.289 --> 00:10:33.730 There's no evidence there's a clitoris. None. I'm a clitoris denier. 228 00:10:34.169 --> 00:10:34.889 I'm on record. 229 00:10:34.909 --> 00:10:39.240 You don't think that they exist? 230 00:10:39.559 --> 00:10:46.360 I've never seen any evidence. Listen, Grace. You don't want 231 00:10:46.379 --> 00:10:48.740 to go down this road with me. It's not pleasant. 232 00:10:48.759 --> 00:10:49.559 Uh, no. 233 00:10:49.639 --> 00:10:54.610 So, um, but you don't do women, you don't do penises. 234 00:10:54.669 --> 00:10:55.090 Is that right? 235 00:10:55.450 --> 00:10:57.350 So, yeah, I, I started off as a piercing when 236 00:10:57.389 --> 00:11:00.909 I was a teenager and I learned to do everything. My, 237 00:11:01.250 --> 00:11:04.409 my mentor taught me how to pierce everything. And I 238 00:11:04.840 --> 00:11:07.379 did that for, for years. I worked in Soho in 239 00:11:07.440 --> 00:11:10.279 London and I'm sure you've been to Soho. It's a 240 00:11:10.320 --> 00:11:10.919 fun place. 241 00:11:11.019 --> 00:11:11.279 I do. 242 00:11:11.340 --> 00:11:13.179 I love Soho. Yes. 243 00:11:13.440 --> 00:11:17.009 It's a great place, but, Because of it being in 244 00:11:17.049 --> 00:11:21.289 central London and being so next to, so like I 245 00:11:21.320 --> 00:11:23.639 worked on Wardour Street, which is really close to where 246 00:11:23.679 --> 00:11:25.759 all like the fetish shops and the sex shops are, 247 00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:28.539 which don't get me
wrong, love all of that. But 248 00:11:28.620 --> 00:11:32.379 because of that, we'd get like an influx of older 249 00:11:32.419 --> 00:11:35.620 gentlemen who would like to get their genitals pierced. 250 00:11:35.919 --> 00:11:36.620 Interesting. 251 00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:41.580 Yes, I was happy to oblige. But then I noticed 252 00:11:41.639 --> 00:11:46.200 a pattern where there was just like, you know, they 253 00:11:46.220 --> 00:11:48.980 would get a piercing and then it would fall out 254 00:11:49.039 --> 00:11:50.799 two weeks later. And they'd come in and be like, 255 00:11:50.820 --> 00:11:52.110 can you put it back in for me? And then 256 00:11:52.139 --> 00:11:54.190 it got to the point where it's like, oopsie doopsie. 257 00:11:54.250 --> 00:11:55.070 It fell out again. 258 00:11:55.110 --> 00:11:56.370 Oopsie. 259 00:11:56.769 --> 00:11:57.429 Oopsie. 260 00:11:59.029 --> 00:12:03.269 I'm done with that. I would pierce a female genitalia 261 00:12:03.429 --> 00:12:07.340 all day, every day, all day long. Love that. Cause 262 00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:09.679 that just feels like a bonding sister moment, you know? 263 00:12:09.940 --> 00:12:10.159 Sure. 264 00:12:10.460 --> 00:12:10.600 Yeah. 265 00:12:11.139 --> 00:12:13.049 I mean, I'm saying, sure, I just don't know. Yeah, yeah. 266 00:12:13.070 --> 00:12:15.110 I'm going to be honest with you. I have to 267 00:12:15.149 --> 00:12:17.399 be honest with you. I don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 268 00:12:17.419 --> 00:12:17.639 Bonding. 269 00:12:25.129 --> 00:12:28.740 Starting a business is tough. Shopify makes it easier. Build 270 00:12:28.779 --> 00:12:32.480 a beautiful store, write with AI, and manage marketing, inventory, 271 00:12:32.659 --> 00:12:36.159 and shipping all in one place. Join millions who trust 272 00:12:36.179 --> 00:12:39.639 Shopify to launch and grow their business effortlessly. If you're 273 00:12:39.679 --> 00:12:42.700 ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn your big 274 00:12:42.759 --> 00:12:46.200 business idea into... Sign up for your one euro per 275 00:12:46.240 --> 00:12:51.220 month trial at Shopify.ie. Go to Shopify.ie. It's time to 276 00:12:51.259 --> 00:12:53.990 see what you can accomplish with Shopify by your side. 277 00:13:00.759 --> 00:13:04.519 Good nights are about the people. The laughs. The real 278 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:07.759 moments you don't want to miss. So, why step outside? 279 00:13:08.659 --> 00:13:12.690 Velo tobacco-free nicotine pouches fits seamlessly into your night. Convenient 280 00:13:12.909 --> 00:13:15.549 and full of flavour. No breaks. No interruptions. 281 00:13:16.090 --> 00:13:16.409 Velo. 282 00:13:16.669 --> 00:13:20.990 Anytime, anywhere nicotine pouches. 18 and over. Contains tobacco-free nicotine 283 00:13:21.029 --> 00:13:23.370 and addictive substance. 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Find your nearest free drop-off point 293 00:13:52.769 --> 00:13:54.279 at weireland.ie today. 294 00:13:57.830 --> 00:14:00.450 With TUI, there's more choice than you think. 295 00:14:00.889 --> 00:14:02.389 Beach days or a city break. 296 00:14:02.789 --> 00:14:03.690 Weekend in Rome? 297 00:14:03.929 --> 00:14:04.230 Booked. 298 00:14:04.690 --> 00:14:06.929 Fly from your local airport? Of course. 299 00:14:07.370 --> 00:14:08.129 Just a hotel? 300 00:14:08.509 --> 00:14:09.309 Got them too. 301 00:14:09.750 --> 00:14:10.490 Number of nights? 302 00:14:10.850 --> 00:14:11.509 Take your pick. 303 00:14:11.950 --> 00:14:15.039 Tailor your trip with more options and more choice. 304 00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:26.490 TUI. uh how does much does all of this cost 305 00:14:26.970 --> 00:14:29.490 is it expensive i imagine because i don't when i 306 00:14:29.529 --> 00:14:31.409 get my eyes dyed i don't want to go the 307 00:14:31.490 --> 00:14:33.820 cheap route i want to get the best person is 308 00:14:33.879 --> 00:14:35.379 all of this expensive. 309 00:14:35.340 --> 00:14:39.820 So um body modification is definitely more expensive than like 310 00:14:39.860 --> 00:14:44.139 piercing and um because it's more high risk but when 311 00:14:44.159 --> 00:14:46.909 i got all my modifications done like over 15 years 312 00:14:46.970 --> 00:14:51.080 ago so it's I'm probably a bit different now. Like 313 00:14:51.100 --> 00:14:53.500 I paid 250 pounds to get my tongue split. And 314 00:14:53.539 --> 00:14:56.620 I think that's probably pretty cheap compared to what the 315 00:14:56.659 --> 00:14:58.100 going rate is today. 316 00:14:58.120 --> 00:14:58.600 Yeah. 317 00:14:58.879 --> 00:15:01.259 But yeah, I think, I think the eyes are at 318 00:15:01.320 --> 00:15:03.139 least a couple of grand. I'm not sure. 319 00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:03.620 Yeah. 320 00:15:04.139 --> 00:15:05.559 I didn't pay for mine. I wasn't doing that. 321 00:15:05.779 --> 00:15:08.909 I'll do it for 20. I'll do it. 322 00:15:08.899 --> 00:15:09.000 $ 20. 323 00:15:08.940 --> 00:15:10.200 You're going to do it for 20. 324 00:15:10.200 --> 00:15:10.419 Okay. 325 00:15:10.620 --> 00:15:12.200 Well that's, no one's going to go to you. 326 00:15:12.379 --> 00:15:15.340 But I'll split your whole face for free. 327 00:15:17.679 -->
00:15:23.250 What about a penis? Splitting a penis is a very- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 328 00:15:23.330 --> 00:15:27.529 Whoa, whoa. Let's back it up. You can split a penis? 329 00:15:27.590 --> 00:15:29.049 He's flacking it up because he's interested. 330 00:15:29.110 --> 00:15:29.409 Yeah. 331 00:15:30.389 --> 00:15:31.879 Yes, you can split a penis. 332 00:15:31.929 --> 00:15:32.340 What? 333 00:15:32.519 --> 00:15:36.000 But I don't understand. I in no way understand. 334 00:15:36.440 --> 00:15:37.240 Okay, let's go. 335 00:15:37.159 --> 00:15:39.740 Through the levels. There are levels to this shit, right? 336 00:15:39.879 --> 00:15:40.919 Okay. 337 00:15:40.940 --> 00:15:44.850 So level one would be, Imagine that the head of 338 00:15:44.889 --> 00:15:47.269 the penis is a birthday cake, right? 339 00:15:47.389 --> 00:15:47.629 Yeah. 340 00:15:47.840 --> 00:15:50.320 And obviously you have the urethra, which is the center 341 00:15:50.340 --> 00:15:50.820 of the cake. 342 00:15:50.879 --> 00:15:51.080 Yes. 343 00:15:51.120 --> 00:15:53.220 And then you have that seam that goes down the 344 00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:54.620 back of the head of the penis. 345 00:15:54.700 --> 00:15:55.059 Yes, yes. 346 00:15:55.259 --> 00:15:55.460 Right? 347 00:15:55.820 --> 00:15:58.649 So imagine you are cutting the first slice of cake. 348 00:15:59.370 --> 00:16:01.940 Not the one, two, just the first cut. 349 00:16:01.970 --> 00:16:02.309 Yeah. 350 00:16:02.769 --> 00:16:07.200 You cut down that seam. and expose the urethra, right? 351 00:16:07.220 --> 00:16:08.220 So this is the penis. 352 00:16:08.240 --> 00:16:08.879 Okay, okay. 353 00:16:08.899 --> 00:16:10.500 And you expose the urethra. 354 00:16:10.620 --> 00:16:10.980 Okay. 355 00:16:11.080 --> 00:16:16.259 Then blend two would be either exposing the whole head 356 00:16:16.759 --> 00:16:20.399 or continuing to expose the bottom of the urethra going down. 357 00:16:20.539 --> 00:16:23.580 But what's the purpose? Do you end up with two penises? 358 00:16:24.840 --> 00:16:28.659 Well, some people who go very extreme with it do. 359 00:16:29.600 --> 00:16:31.100 They'll end up with this. 360 00:16:31.879 --> 00:16:33.000 Oh! 361 00:16:33.039 --> 00:16:36.889 Sorry, just this naive, but everything then still functions? Yeah, 362 00:16:36.909 --> 00:16:39.169 how do you pee if the urethra is just dangling 363 00:16:39.190 --> 00:16:41.009 in the wind? And can you have sex with two 364 00:16:41.049 --> 00:16:43.990 women across the room? We were going to get to that. 365 00:16:44.009 --> 00:16:45.070 We're getting to that, man. 366 00:16:45.090 --> 00:16:48.070 I think that depends on your anatomy. The bigger the anatomy, 367 00:16:48.129 --> 00:16:51.370 I'm guessing the more that we can do with it, 368 00:16:51.429 --> 00:16:53.580 the more opportunity there is for that sort of thing. 369 00:16:53.600 --> 00:16:55.840 You can get fancier with a bigger cake. You can 370 00:16:55.879 --> 00:17:02.649 do more. Let's talk about the smaller cake. A cupcake, 371 00:17:02.669 --> 00:17:08.259 for instance. A mini cupcake. Not even a cupcake. One 372 00:17:08.279 --> 00:17:13.460 of those mini cupcakes. Maybe a Reese's piece. Talk about 373 00:17:13.500 --> 00:17:19.720 the mini Reese's piece. A buttercup. Oh, my God. You 374 00:17:19.740 --> 00:17:23.730 can't even get one candle on it. Well, anyway. 375 00:17:24.730 --> 00:17:28.190 I've never had... coitus with someone with a split penis. 376 00:17:28.230 --> 00:17:32.609 But from my understanding of talking to people, you can, 377 00:17:33.049 --> 00:17:36.950 once the penis is erect, put it together and Insert it. 378 00:17:37.039 --> 00:17:39.920 No, you've got to probably stay with one side. 379 00:17:39.940 --> 00:17:40.299 It has to. 380 00:17:40.339 --> 00:17:42.259 It has to, right? Yeah, it has to. 381 00:17:43.539 --> 00:17:46.299 If it's a good body modification artist, they will split 382 00:17:46.339 --> 00:17:47.220 the urethra. 383 00:17:47.539 --> 00:17:48.000 No! 384 00:17:48.119 --> 00:17:50.579 Double urethras? You get two streams when you pee. 385 00:17:51.019 --> 00:17:54.960 Well, no, you get no streams. You basically pee like 386 00:17:55.069 --> 00:17:56.680 a girl. You'd have to sit down. 387 00:17:56.700 --> 00:17:58.609 Oh, for Christ's sake. 388 00:17:58.700 --> 00:18:02.599 It's a gusher. Because it would just flow everywhere. You're 389 00:18:02.619 --> 00:18:05.069 cutting the hose in half. Do you know what I mean? 390 00:18:05.109 --> 00:18:06.490 So there's no direction. 391 00:18:06.549 --> 00:18:08.930 Why can't you not go right down the middle so 392 00:18:08.950 --> 00:18:11.049 that you still have a urethra and you pee out 393 00:18:11.089 --> 00:18:12.750 of one and the other one's just for fun? 394 00:18:13.690 --> 00:18:13.990 You know? 395 00:18:14.009 --> 00:18:16.710 Like, hey, you go and you urinate and I'm going 396 00:18:16.730 --> 00:18:17.799 to get to work over here. 397 00:18:17.819 --> 00:18:20.440 The penises are talking to each other. 398 00:18:20.500 --> 00:18:20.799 Yeah. 399 00:18:21.079 --> 00:18:23.859 Okay. Yeah, that's cool. Hey, buddy, I'm going over. I'm 400 00:18:23.880 --> 00:18:25.579 going to use the urinal. Why don't you go check 401 00:18:25.619 --> 00:18:26.000 her out? 402 00:18:27.000 --> 00:18:27.400 All right. 403 00:18:28.569 --> 00:18:30.730 But you know, you guys sit down to pee for 404 00:18:30.769 --> 00:18:33.210 a treat sometimes, right? So it's like you're just treating 405 00:18:33.230 --> 00:18:34.150 yourself all the time. 406 00:18:34.230 --> 00:18:36.599 No, I don't sit down as a treat. 407 00:18:36.960 --> 00:18:37.460 I don't know that. 408 00:18:37.519 --> 00:18:39.759 I mean, that's a sad life if that's my big 409 00:18:40.259 --> 00:18:43.980 treat I give myself. I think I'll sit down to pee. 410 00:18:44.740 --> 00:18:48.960 I haven't been happy for eight years. No, I've never 411
00:18:49.059 --> 00:18:51.240 done that as a treat. No, I don't think men 412 00:18:51.319 --> 00:18:52.180 sit down to pee. 413 00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:54.200 Yeah, not typically. Not men, I know. 414 00:18:54.220 --> 00:18:57.130 Maybe not in the US, but in the UK, that's 415 00:18:57.150 --> 00:18:57.869 how they treat themselves. 416 00:18:57.890 --> 00:18:59.430 Wow, it's the national pastime. 417 00:19:02.390 --> 00:19:05.210 God save the queen plays every time you sit. Oh, 418 00:19:05.259 --> 00:19:08.180 that was a tough week. I'm going to take a treat. Oh, 419 00:19:08.240 --> 00:19:09.619 sit down. So cool. 420 00:19:09.960 --> 00:19:14.220 You, okay, you have suggestions, it says here, for Conan 421 00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:16.730 and Sona as to what we should have done. 422 00:19:16.769 --> 00:19:19.309 What would you have me do? 423 00:19:19.349 --> 00:19:23.069 What should I, what, if I came in, Grace, and 424 00:19:23.089 --> 00:19:26.569 I said to you, Grace, what's your suggestion? 425 00:19:26.630 --> 00:19:27.210 What would you say? 426 00:19:27.730 --> 00:19:30.579 Well, because of the way you look, I feel like 427 00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:33.480 you have a bit of a Ken vibe. Like Ken 428 00:19:33.500 --> 00:19:36.359 doll vibe, you know? Bit of a Ken and Barbie vibe. 429 00:19:36.789 --> 00:19:39.750 And Ken doesn't have any nipples. So I would say, like, 430 00:19:39.849 --> 00:19:44.240 why don't you just elevate your Ken-ness and remove your nipples? 431 00:19:44.240 --> 00:19:44.650 Okay. 432 00:19:44.650 --> 00:19:47.019 So just smooth it's be smooth there can i remove 433 00:19:47.240 --> 00:19:50.019 can you remove nipples yeah. 434 00:19:50.180 --> 00:19:53.880 Absolutely especially it's not really something that's done on women 435 00:19:53.900 --> 00:19:56.960 because you have a higher chance of um getting mastitis 436 00:19:57.000 --> 00:19:58.880 but with men it's very. 437 00:19:58.769 --> 00:20:03.210 Easy so okay step one both nipples go and i 438 00:20:03.309 --> 00:20:08.000 gift them to matt and sona Once they're, of course, 439 00:20:08.039 --> 00:20:11.460 appropriately dried in a kiln. Okay, what else? Let's go 440 00:20:11.500 --> 00:20:13.940 to town. I will have my belly button removed as 441 00:20:14.000 --> 00:20:15.660 well because if you're going to go Ken, you might 442 00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:18.660 as well go all the way. And what do I 443 00:20:18.759 --> 00:20:22.910 do with my Don Johnson down south? What would you 444 00:20:22.950 --> 00:20:23.750 have me do with that? 445 00:20:24.609 --> 00:20:28.609 Well, in my experience, the more conservative looking the man 446 00:20:28.670 --> 00:20:30.970 is from the outside, the more extreme. 447 00:20:31.049 --> 00:20:33.670 Yes, I've got kinks. I've got major kinks. 448 00:20:34.650 --> 00:20:37.750 Exactly. So I think we go like full whole hog 449 00:20:37.910 --> 00:20:41.380 cock and ball torture, full penis split, and then a 450 00:20:41.579 --> 00:20:47.390 transcrotal with a 10 mil steel ring in it. 451 00:20:47.769 --> 00:20:50.190 Okay. Well, that's going to hold me up at the TSA. 452 00:20:50.289 --> 00:20:51.049 What is. 453 00:20:52.980 --> 00:20:54.369 What is a transcrotal? 454 00:20:54.630 --> 00:20:56.289 And that's the only downside I can see. 455 00:20:56.690 --> 00:20:56.930 Right. 456 00:20:57.250 --> 00:20:59.269 Sir, did you remove your keys? I did. 457 00:21:00.190 --> 00:21:04.009 But I have two penises and I have a bicycle 458 00:21:04.049 --> 00:21:05.829 lock jammed through my scrotum. 459 00:21:06.569 --> 00:21:08.369 Yes, exactly. Could that be the problem, sir? 460 00:21:08.390 --> 00:21:12.609 Or instead of having a transcrotal so we can get 461 00:21:12.670 --> 00:21:16.309 rid of the metal, we could always insert an extra 462 00:21:16.349 --> 00:21:18.410 set of testicles into your scrotum. 463 00:21:18.430 --> 00:21:20.359 You know what? Extra set? 464 00:21:20.380 --> 00:21:20.470 Right. 465 00:21:23.490 --> 00:21:27.420 That's being generous. I'd settle for a couple of BBs. 466 00:21:27.460 --> 00:21:31.660 I'd take anything right now. Jesus Christ. 467 00:21:32.980 --> 00:21:37.410 Oh my God. So just so I'm clear, that would 468 00:21:37.450 --> 00:21:40.009 be a split penis. So I have two of those. 469 00:21:40.089 --> 00:21:48.559 And then the mechanism, the apparatus goes through both testicles. 470 00:21:48.619 --> 00:21:49.460 Is that correct? Yes. 471 00:21:49.609 --> 00:21:52.869 So no, what happens is your scrotum is like this, right? 472 00:21:52.930 --> 00:21:58.809 Don't assume. Okay. 473 00:21:58.849 --> 00:22:01.150 So, so go ahead. So I'm sorry. I'm really trying 474 00:22:01.170 --> 00:22:04.579 to understand. So the, what happens to the, the, the scrotum? 475 00:22:04.910 --> 00:22:06.680 Yes, I understand. And what am I. 476 00:22:06.859 --> 00:22:08.680 Pushing your little eggs to the side? 477 00:22:08.700 --> 00:22:08.940 Yep. 478 00:22:09.079 --> 00:22:09.680 One each side. 479 00:22:09.720 --> 00:22:10.039 Right. 480 00:22:10.079 --> 00:22:13.059 And then they come the skin and they basically drive 481 00:22:13.440 --> 00:22:17.440 a scalpel blade through the testicles. And then, you know, 482 00:22:17.480 --> 00:22:19.730 like the, the, plugs that people have in their ears 483 00:22:19.769 --> 00:22:22.569 when they stretch the holes in their ears. It's essentially that. 484 00:22:22.589 --> 00:22:25.109 So you can have like a big stretch hole going 485 00:22:25.230 --> 00:22:29.539 through your scrotum. But imagine like a big metal ring 486 00:22:29.619 --> 00:22:31.309 going like through it. 487 00:22:31.619 --> 00:22:33.920 Oh, I've imagined it. 488 00:22:33.980 --> 00:22:34.240 Yeah. 489 00:22:34.380 --> 00:22:35.299 I'm going to tell you something. 490 00:22:35.440 --> 00:22:37.809 This whole time that you were describing that, I am 491 00:22:37.990 --> 00:22:42.089 gripping my hands together. I just noticed it so tightly 492
00:22:42.450 --> 00:22:44.150 that there's no blood in my, I'm. 493 00:22:44.150 --> 00:22:46.970 Literally, this is what I'm doing. 494 00:22:47.119 --> 00:22:50.859 I'm gripping my hands together because when you say you 495 00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:53.480 shove the testicles to either side and then, did you 496 00:22:53.500 --> 00:22:56.279 have the same reaction, Matt? Do you drive a, you 497 00:22:56.299 --> 00:23:00.180 basically take out a Black & Decker and you go 498 00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:00.880 at the, is. 499 00:23:00.819 --> 00:23:02.519 It the taint? Are we talking about the taint? No, 500 00:23:02.680 --> 00:23:03.980 it's not. It's the scrotum. 501 00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:06.779 I don't even have testicles and I was squirmy when 502 00:23:06.839 --> 00:23:09.509 she was, when Grace was describing what happened. 503 00:23:09.529 --> 00:23:11.769 I don't think I could, I don't see the purpose 504 00:23:11.809 --> 00:23:14.829 of a split penis. I just don't. Well, you're boring. 505 00:23:15.849 --> 00:23:18.650 And I feel like I feel like I'm also boring. Like, 506 00:23:18.809 --> 00:23:20.829 I didn't know we could do this to our bodies. 507 00:23:21.049 --> 00:23:22.759 And I think it's really cool that we can. 508 00:23:22.799 --> 00:23:23.079 No, no. 509 00:23:23.579 --> 00:23:25.359 A lot of this sounds really fascinating to me. I 510 00:23:25.400 --> 00:23:27.339 have no problem with it. I'm talking about me personally. 511 00:23:27.420 --> 00:23:30.779 So if in your single days you got it on 512 00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:32.720 with a guy you met at the clubs because, you know, 513 00:23:32.740 --> 00:23:34.130 you had a you played it fast and loose. 514 00:23:35.450 --> 00:23:35.890 Okay. 515 00:23:35.910 --> 00:23:39.289 No, no, in a very good, healthy, empowering way. But 516 00:23:39.690 --> 00:23:43.059 it's time to get to town. The guy drops his 517 00:23:43.119 --> 00:23:46.000 pants and suddenly his penis. 518 00:23:45.779 --> 00:23:49.200 Goes, you know, one goes east, one goes west. Would 519 00:23:49.220 --> 00:23:51.180 you freak out? And each one is going, pick me, 520 00:23:51.259 --> 00:23:54.089 pick me. Could we rubber band it and then just 521 00:23:54.130 --> 00:23:57.369 insert it together? Or do they, when they get erect? 522 00:23:57.670 --> 00:24:00.730 I think Grace was saying it just naturally comes together 523 00:24:01.130 --> 00:24:02.430 when it gets erect. 524 00:24:02.990 --> 00:24:05.890 I would want a series of clamps. I would insist 525 00:24:05.950 --> 00:24:11.730 on a series of clamps, rubber bands, and the occasional 526 00:24:11.869 --> 00:24:13.170 use of Elmer's glue. 527 00:24:13.990 --> 00:24:17.750 Maybe a gasket. But interestingly, before you answer that, let's 528 00:24:17.789 --> 00:24:20.490 make this a two-parter. So come back next time and 529 00:24:20.509 --> 00:24:22.519 we can talk more about this with Grace. 530 00:24:23.509 --> 00:24:25.250 Grace, you are the gift that keeps on giving. Do 531 00:24:25.269 --> 00:24:26.809 you mind staying on a little longer, Grace? Can you 532 00:24:26.829 --> 00:24:28.309 stay on a little longer, Grace? Is that all right? 533 00:24:28.390 --> 00:24:28.970 Of course. 534 00:24:29.150 --> 00:24:30.009 Yeah, absolutely. 535 00:24:30.049 --> 00:24:31.329 I'll stay as long as you need me. 536 00:24:32.799 --> 00:24:36.980 Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, 537 00:24:37.200 --> 00:24:41.339 and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced 538 00:24:41.400 --> 00:24:45.150 by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Incidental music 539 00:24:45.190 --> 00:24:45.730 by Jimmy Vivino. 540 00:24:45.769 --> 00:24:46.990 Take it away, Jimmy. Take it away, Jimmy. 541 00:24:49.849 --> 00:24:55.539 Supervising Producer, Aaron Blair. Associate Talent Producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate Producers, 542 00:24:55.640 --> 00:24:59.819 Sean Doherty and Lisa Byrne. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get 543 00:24:59.900 --> 00:25:04.309 three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com 544 00:25:04.390 --> 00:25:08.210 slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien 545 00:25:08.250 --> 00:25:10.799 Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. 546 00:25:17.519 --> 00:25:20.700 You know that idea you can't stop thinking about? 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