TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.699 --> 00:00:10.775
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the podcast where we simplify parenting with common sense tips, real life scenarios and a little bit of humor along the way.
00:00:10.775 --> 00:00:18.934
I'm Pam and I'm here to help you build the skills and confidence you need to raise happy, resilient and responsible children.
00:00:18.934 --> 00:00:25.353
So grab your coffee, take a deep breath and let's tackle parenting one common sense tip at a time.
00:00:25.353 --> 00:00:26.582
Well, welcome.
00:00:26.582 --> 00:00:29.449
I'm glad you're here today and I'm happy to be back.
00:00:29.449 --> 00:00:34.972
I did take the summer off to enjoy some time with my family and relax a little bit.
00:00:34.972 --> 00:00:38.845
I still was working I'm always working but I did have some downtime.
00:00:38.845 --> 00:00:40.570
So that was great and I'm happy to be back.
00:00:40.570 --> 00:00:44.091
We're at fall, we're into a new school year.
00:00:44.091 --> 00:00:55.627
You know kids are excited or not about being back, and I thought I'd take this opportunity to just touch on a couple things that have been on my mind about back to school.
00:00:56.729 --> 00:01:04.168
I feel very strongly that, as a parent, you should be teaching your children to be respectful of teachers Hands down.
00:01:04.168 --> 00:01:12.605
There's no reason why they should not be or would not be, and when I was growing up, I was taught that if you got in trouble at school, you were in more trouble at home.
00:01:12.605 --> 00:01:19.411
Now we weren't spanked, we weren't yelled at, but it was very clear that our teachers were the person who was in charge.
00:01:19.411 --> 00:01:29.754
We were not, and if we had an issue with the teacher then we would discuss it with our parent, who would then handle it with the teacher, because they're the parent and that's their job.
00:01:29.754 --> 00:01:38.483
And as a child I did not have the life experience, the skills, the emotional intelligence to be handling that on my own.
00:01:38.483 --> 00:01:42.780
I'm on my soapbox there for a little bit, but I feel very strongly about that.
00:01:42.780 --> 00:01:49.552
Please teach your children that the teacher is in charge they are not and that they need to be respecting that.
00:01:49.552 --> 00:02:01.751
And I often hear from followers who say my child doesn't have to respect that teacher and that, to me, is heartbreaking because that is setting your child up for such issues in life later on down the road.
00:02:01.751 --> 00:02:06.662
And let's just say I also hear from followers that say, well, some of these teachers are terrible.
00:02:07.183 --> 00:02:08.325
Okay, let's get real here.
00:02:08.325 --> 00:02:23.775
Maybe 3%, 5%, let's even go to 5%, 95% of teachers are there because they would love what they're doing, to be teachers and trust me, if they're taking the time to send you an email or call you about your child's behavior.
00:02:23.775 --> 00:02:25.080
There's an issue about your child's behavior.
00:02:25.080 --> 00:02:28.467
There's an issue with your child that needs to be addressed.
00:02:28.467 --> 00:02:32.665
They don't have all this extra time on their hands to be spending time calling you and emailing you.
00:02:32.665 --> 00:02:34.370
So pay attention.
00:02:34.370 --> 00:02:34.651
Now.
00:02:34.651 --> 00:02:38.026
Obviously, you listen to both sides of the story, right?
00:02:38.026 --> 00:02:39.450
You get your child's and you get the teacher's.
00:02:39.450 --> 00:02:46.562
I can just tell you if a teacher ever emailed me or called me about my child's behavior, my first thing was what did they do?
00:02:46.562 --> 00:02:48.328
It wasn't, oh yeah.
00:02:48.328 --> 00:02:51.824
What did you do to make my child do that, which I hear a lot of parents do today?
00:02:51.824 --> 00:02:53.467
It's what did my child do?
00:02:53.467 --> 00:02:57.423
And I would get both sides of the story, sit down with the teacher and we would hammer it out.
00:02:57.423 --> 00:03:03.730
Okay, because, bottom line, we're a team for working together for the best interest of my child.
00:03:04.472 --> 00:03:07.816
Now, secondly, let's talk about bullying.
00:03:07.816 --> 00:03:09.507
So I did a couple reels about this.
00:03:09.507 --> 00:03:14.247
I've just done a Pam Show episode about it and I taught my children.
00:03:14.247 --> 00:03:17.930
Now you can agree with this or not agree, that's fine.
00:03:17.930 --> 00:03:19.445
You know I'm Switzerland here, I'm neutral.
00:03:19.445 --> 00:03:25.544
So you know you don't have to agree with me, I don't care, I don't get offended, I won't block you because you don't have to agree with me.
00:03:25.544 --> 00:03:27.264
I don't care, I don't get offended, I won't block you because you don't agree with me.
00:03:27.284 --> 00:03:31.688
My children were taught that if somebody was trying to bully you like verbally bully you walk away.
00:03:31.688 --> 00:03:34.812
Try to use humor, just ignore them.
00:03:34.812 --> 00:03:41.241
You know if they don't get a reaction out of you it's not going to be fun for them, right, so walk away.
00:03:41.241 --> 00:03:46.793
However, if they physically try to bully you and they throw the first punch, you take them down.
00:03:46.793 --> 00:03:56.212
Take them down, finish that fight and then go to the principal's office and have them call me and I will have your back 100%.
00:03:56.212 --> 00:04:02.580
Now I know nowadays they say oh, we suspend everybody, fine, suspend my child, I don't care, they're going to defend themselves.
00:04:02.580 --> 00:04:06.586
If the school is not handling it, my child will.
00:04:06.586 --> 00:04:08.049
I feel very strongly about that.
00:04:08.049 --> 00:04:26.791
They have the right to physically defend themselves against a physical assault Because when someone punches you or hits you or slaps you, they're physically assaulting you and if they were an adult, you could press
Load full transcript
charges and actually you could call the police and press charges against the child, because that's assault.
00:04:26.791 --> 00:04:42.449
And children need to learn that their behavior has consequences, that every action has a reaction and if they choose to physically hit somebody, well then they better be prepared to get it back and face the consequences of those actions.
00:04:42.449 --> 00:04:45.153
So that's my view on this.
00:04:45.454 --> 00:04:47.600
Now, what about if my child was the bully?
00:04:47.600 --> 00:04:58.190
And I've had people ask me this If my child was the bully, they would not be happy when they got home because now, I did not spank.
00:04:58.190 --> 00:05:02.502
We didn't spank our children, I didn't yell at them, you know, for the most part.
00:05:02.502 --> 00:05:04.934
I mean, I remember a time I went off on my daughter.
00:05:04.934 --> 00:05:10.644
She was a teenager, it was something bizarre, but anyway, meaning I yelled at her, not hit her, okay.
00:05:10.803 --> 00:05:23.891
So my child would be made to apologize to the person they bullied, to anybody involved in that situation, to the principal for causing a problem at school, to the teacher, whoever's classroom she's in, write letters of apology, verbally apologize.
00:05:23.891 --> 00:05:26.014
They would have privileges removed at home.
00:05:26.014 --> 00:05:30.300
Consequences, like you know, doing extra chores, having things taken away from them.
00:05:30.300 --> 00:05:34.805
They would feel the consequences of their behavior.
00:05:34.805 --> 00:05:38.317
It wouldn't be as simple as going well, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it.
00:05:38.317 --> 00:05:39.689
No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:05:39.689 --> 00:05:40.812
That's a starting point.
00:05:40.812 --> 00:05:47.324
But you are going to face and be accountable for your actions.
00:05:47.324 --> 00:05:52.432
Face and be accountable for your actions.
00:05:52.432 --> 00:05:53.112
And they don't have to like it.
00:05:53.112 --> 00:06:02.076
That's too bad, because if they're going to make the choice to physically hurt somebody and get into a fight, then they deserve what they have coming, and that's life.
00:06:02.076 --> 00:06:10.795
I'm sorry, that's just a life lesson they need to learn, and I'd rather my children learn at home than out in the big bad world where it could be much worse.
00:06:11.596 --> 00:06:15.398
Now, first of all, I would be having the conversation with my child is why did you do that?
00:06:15.398 --> 00:06:16.182
What made you?
00:06:16.182 --> 00:06:23.583
I mean, sometimes they have peer pressure on them or they're trying to act like they're all big and bad and they want people to like them.
00:06:23.583 --> 00:06:28.180
So they act like they're cool when they're really not at all, and I get that Okay.
00:06:28.180 --> 00:06:31.557
But I would seriously want to know why are you doing this?
00:06:31.557 --> 00:06:33.723
Because it's hurt people that hurt, right?
00:06:33.723 -->
00:06:35.935
It's a child who's bullying.
00:06:35.935 --> 00:06:38.701
Somebody has either been bullied themselves or angry about something.
00:06:38.701 --> 00:06:39.653
They've been hurt.
00:06:39.653 --> 00:06:48.192
Maybe at home they're abused, they have suffered trauma, and so they're using that anger as an outlet against another person.
00:06:48.192 --> 00:06:50.154
That's not okay.
00:06:50.875 --> 00:06:53.437
So for me, I'd say to my child what's going on.
00:06:53.437 --> 00:07:00.764
Maybe something happened that I didn't know anything about and it's causing my child to be angry or upset and they're lashing out by bullying somebody else.
00:07:00.764 --> 00:07:04.146
I would want to know about it and we would have a discussion about it.
00:07:04.146 --> 00:07:17.221
You know, a lot of times there might be something happening that requires me to take my child to therapy and get to the bottom of it Like what is going on.
00:07:17.221 --> 00:07:21.855
I would have no problem doing that because my child is going to learn in the safety and security of their own home that I love them unconditionally.
00:07:21.855 --> 00:07:24.002
But I will not tolerate that kind of behavior.
00:07:24.002 --> 00:07:27.997
No excuses, no reasons not happening.
00:07:27.997 --> 00:07:34.800
And even if something was going on that created that anger in them, then that still did not justify their behavior.
00:07:34.800 --> 00:07:42.213
That means we have to have a conversation about how you deal effectively and positively and manage your anger in an appropriate manner.
00:07:42.213 --> 00:07:52.223
You just can't go out in the big bad world and be having a bad day and haul off and punch somebody, because your consequences could be much more severe than they would be as a child.
00:07:52.725 --> 00:07:58.680
Those are just two things that have been on my mind this week with school starting back with some comments.
00:07:58.680 --> 00:08:04.317
I'm hearing from teachers, from parents, asking me how to handle certain situations.
00:08:04.317 --> 00:08:23.774
Thank you for listening to me rant and on my soapbox a little bit, and also I'm going to be doing a series of reels on Facebook and Instagram and YouTube called what Would Pam Do, because I frequently get questions from followers saying how would you handle the situation with my child?
00:08:23.774 --> 00:08:25.278
What should I do?
00:08:25.278 --> 00:08:26.805
What would you do if this was your child?
00:08:26.805 --> 00:08:34.851
So I'm going to be shooting reels over the next couple weeks and posting them once a day about what I would do as a parent if this was my child.
00:08:34.851 --> 00:08:36.897
In my situation, what would I do?
00:08:36.897 --> 00:08:41.133
And again, you can agree or not agree, but I'm going to give you my opinion on it.
00:08:41.133 --> 00:08:51.777
So if you're not already following me on those platforms, jump on to one or the other or all of them and tune in, because I'm going to share my thoughts and opinions with you.
00:08:52.500 --> 00:08:57.014
Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam.
00:08:57.014 --> 00:09:01.330
I hope you enjoyed the episode and if you did, please leave a review.
00:09:01.330 --> 00:09:03.775
That helps other parents find us.
00:09:03.775 --> 00:09:08.554
And if you have friends who also have children and could use some parenting tips, feel free to share this.
00:09:08.554 --> 00:09:16.889
I'd really appreciate it and you know I love to hear from you, so you can always find me on my socials and until then, remember, hug and love your babies.