It’s been 9 amazing years of Comedy Bang! Bang! Where does the time go? Scott celebrates with show favorites under the watchful eye of his corporate supervisors. We’ll hear from returnees and newcomers alike including a professional employee, an adventurer, a developer of new ideas, and many more special guests!

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace (www.squarespace.com/BANGBANG code: BANGBANG), Leesa (www.leesa.com/BANGBANG), and FTD (www.ftd.com/mothersday).

United States
explicit content


00:00:00this episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Squarespace a dream is just a great idea that doesn't have a website yet make it a reality with Squarespace Squarespace makes it easy to turn your idea into a unique website you can showcase your work blog or publish content even sell products and services of all kinds of just a few clicks with 24 7 award-winning customer support you can customize everything from look and feel to settings and products using their beautiful templates created by world-class designers and there is nothing to install patch or upgrade ever had to squarespace.com bang bang for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain
00:00:59okay so Slugger and a con man and we are playing in the Collegiate Ultimate Frisbee championships for the NASDAQ we have been signed by Lehigh so we set up to do our big play Big frizzy play we're all lined up. A disc I have you doing a big thrower catch so I first I do a big throw a baseball bat out of the back of his baseball bat
00:01:44what up Sean hey oh yeah yeah yeah yeah what are you guys doing we just doing our thing wait did the show start already or yes it has been to the show the show has begun guys this is the Comedy Bang Bang 9th anniversary of your way where are you hey hey hey language dear English yes get out of the door
00:02:27action Hollywood Amber this is my show please leave
00:02:39here with the way to start a big celebratory 9th anniversary show with Hollywood handbook the least popular show on the airwaves Network yeah you understand what our motivation was that please try to motivate yourself out of the door officially least popular 9
00:03:02are there may be some canceled should I be the Wolf Den is always at least popular but you're like neck-and-neck with that please leave leave leave leave okay okay alright Sean and Chase please have fun have a good time questions for me before I leave home sooner to be okay
00:03:22oh my gosh Shawn and Hazel Hollywood handbook I don't know how this turned into an episode of Hollywood handbook. It let me get my catchphrase please read to me from The Wind in the Willows while I Lounge on your bed and farting these pillows welcome to Comedy Bang Bang
00:03:40Run 5 minutes late one day in Hollywood handbook comes in here and tries to take over the show Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another addition I'm Scott Aukerman your your real host and that was the course Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements of Hollywood handbook and 9 years ago this very weak we sat down at the old Indy 1031 Studios and did our first episode and here we are nine years later and we're doing a fun show here today I don't quite know what's going on my producer just told me to come here and engine your bread had everything set up with those two buffoons apparently I don't know why it's very exciting to me and so the door just opened
00:04:48oh hi guys who what did you say to see what I'm doing
00:05:00well I mean what would that entail like just like I say you you guys are occupying physical space like what if I were to swipe my arms in the space that you act oral Soda Jerks mix
00:05:16he works out all the time I'm sorry let me just explain to the lizard this is chaotic show first apparently the host of Hollywood handbook decide to host the show and now it's a gentleman and a woman have walked in here and they want me to pretend it's better for you guys cuz I'm last day
00:05:43very nasty nasty first but Emily and I are coming here. I'll just go later will report for your observing and I don't necessarily have to write a report but we will we could do it verbally we could do a written by you're going to do it both okay and the pens and of course I'm kidding but doesn't like what I write at the same time that Durk speaks were in separate rooms and then we see if we match up
00:06:43you know if you're not no more marriage our work not to each other are you married to other people rhyme what rhyme the rhyme but it sounds like but isn't it a crime crime because it doesn't run like a parody of a rhyme is that what you're trying to say supposed to swear I'm up what's a horse remarried other people of course we are married to married to my wife her name is Withers Withers show her that so she just didn't take your name okay
00:07:43is the person to whom you're married
00:07:55getting sore when I'm dead serious I didn't know if you two would ever get married and I'm so glad you finally did what is her name is Dirk thirsty thirsty ass okay well welcome to the show Dirk Thursday because I've been listening to a bunch of apps to try to catch on to what does you do exactly okay well it's your job if you were you ma'am my name is Emily grandchildren I'm married to a man named Richard box return box interesting Richard Bachman the writer of the okay it's him
00:08:55always wondered if you're married to Stephen King yes can I get past it I'm scared
00:09:10I don't like being scared you do not read his books or do you not find them Spotify
00:09:20just a modern master of harsh why so my parents killed in front of me so that's my bar for scary haunted hotel whatever yeah how did your parents die in front of you they were executed for severely they were summarily executed yes oh my goodness by whom I hope I buy a warlord how did you get
00:09:44did you read her Wikipedia did you read my Wikipedia
00:09:52my parents were drug dealers as well so they were Colombian drug lord was a competitor of my brother and I decided to carry on the family business and then I got out of that life eventually you guys say you're here for work yes you could look look look look look look look look look nice, what are you doing here I need to get on with my show I need to get to several guests
00:10:52what I understand from corporate if you must know yes or no and the parent company and Company RC Cola Marcy is there a problem. Here's what we've heard and why we've been sent here okay by RC we've heard that you have an open door policy on the show yes it's always been mansplaining to Emily I'm a lady let her know you guys by the way because you sounded very old right then
00:11:43well if you'd like that I would just perfect point to yes I will kill your brother grow and so I'm 5 no but you started growing beard hair at 13 you may be 18 years old I'll take it I'll tell you what I'm not really looking at the shape and length it is
00:12:42machine here is it it's sort of it's almost like every color in the rainbow it's so how am I supposed to tell how old you are by your Rainbow beard you look like the John 3:16 guy
00:13:06I'm guessing 1623 * 16 upside down
00:13:16360 how old are you
00:13:25this is just what he's been told refuses to know when his birthday is just let me was born he does he just wants to live his life I admire it actually wasn't my birthday that's right you want to know what your age is divisible by what he's been told or Lady Lady Lady I beg your pardon you're going to a woman's plane something to me the problem, door policy we've been getting complaints
00:14:06from Reddit users Twitter
00:14:12two people on the internet in general their church bulletin Ono lost dog flyer primarily where I see by skywriting plane pulling a banner that says Bang Bang have some issues with it I don't think so! Mesita de loop until they crashed into the water it was beautiful to watch though they loved so I'll back to the feeling in chest guys that I meant to do that as a phone and speaking of sore
00:14:55think I mumble everything you say
00:15:01are you a person with those giant pectorals it seems like you would have a lot of lung capacity that's me to fuck you what I think it's from a corporate this is why I don't have to go into my written and oral report to me I need to reply
00:15:33look up the kids so there's an issue with the open door policy I would say the primary issue right now is the fact that you guys just walked in well exactly it's proving a point okay that people have a problem just open the door when you're home I will do that at your home if you want it to happen no I do not see you tonight open door policy in the show sometimes people are allowed to just walk right in and talk to the mic whoever comes by the studio is allowed to and you're saying this is an issue this is a problem could be what we die
00:16:21well some people have complained okay people having complain. I assume you're fine with it right very rarely do people say I don't have a problem with this Partners very rarely do people say I enjoy this part of any big that's true generally are just like a miserable lot so what we're going to do is we're going to just monitor the show I'm assuming the open door policy is in effect it is so we'll just Joel's Little Caesars server problem and we'll just try to make you some of her classic chime in if you need a little spice to go exactly I could use a little right that's why don't I do mine and you think about yours okay okay
00:17:17nevermind okay thats really cool to your heart that's where you go to know things that you need to know nothing wrong about what you do is say lightning doesn't strike twice but do they ever say sometimes it does
00:17:50this is more like a closing sentiment off than anything resembling a rhyme I don't know what that is okay well guys I hope that you are eyes are again with that man and lady.
00:18:11So you were just blowing up
00:18:14until then take headed to move slightly so happened to best that's almost a woman woman man man lady very simple Emoji right there I'd like to be called Miss grandchildren are you look like the barfing Emoji are you sick anytime I see a face I like to translate it to an emoji that I recognized in order to Desert Isle I'm autistic and I have trouble Disturbing Behavior oh yeah please don't put that in the report either or well it better be true
00:19:06I'm just simply taking notes all right well you're going to be here the entire show we happy are we have to okay well I don't want to it's great to see you guys jerk entire life I call everyone guys have to stop now you almost time for the rest of your life is the day open the switch
00:19:42dear Scott to whom it may concern why did you put that after yes with all of the love in our hearts we went to the studio RC Cola would love to celebrate your 9th anniversary with a fridge RC strawberry Cola by why we were able to gather so much of it and I'll give her my wife okay in the front party in the back yes is sincerely Miss grandchildren and Dirk thirsty by the way you work for
00:20:42Darcy is so far removed from what I actually do how do you mean that because I'm working not at the RC offices in the field out there on the streets I'm in the streets near field agent a corporate floater businessworld equivalent okay got it
00:21:15are producers heading to she'd here and everyone is a surprise to me today so let's see who we have here
00:21:24exciting this is it reads your fan favorite he's been on the show several times but only recently but I'm scared it's a really he's catching on quick this guy yeah Rudy North is here what are you doing professional employee routine or I'll get to these two in a second okay but you have to get something off your chest routine back to the show thank you Scott aliens is please. Let's go ahead and do a recap previously on Comedy Bang Bang I am a dirtbag guy took his job at Postmates in the throat
00:22:24at the end of the last show I took engineer Cody's job with a life swap he's no longer here will he's no longer here but I haven't seen you around your bread no bread is that true you don't get them today you've noticed he can't talk anymore his throat is that why I need the Heimlich a dog as far as I recall you were also a magical beings employment you got a new job I was fired from your wolf of course of course you are you all right now I was walking through a park
00:23:18cosmetic part of the day and there was a guy please the sound it was loud okay well sounds are normally it was very volume louder this was at the upper end of the day it was a joke it was a total sound can I give you an example of this and yes please it sounded like this that kind of sound so sort of like singing
00:23:54it was coming from engine a motor and I walked over to it and I saw a man holding a leaf blower Scott okay this is very confusing let me let me try to figure this out you heard that sound like singing yes she was coming from of motor motor with a leaf blower was a living creature can I ask you a question you noticed it was from a motor before it was from what I heard it was a very good
00:24:51I'm very old but we don't have time to get it to your hundreds of years old his job took his life okay what was his job leaf blower oh okay I thought that might be something on the weekend and I'm happy to say that I'm a happy employee but city of Los Angeles I believe oh my gosh congratulations you found a job lot of people know you're calling decree and I appreciate thanks a lot of people look down on the floor and they say is that even the job is very easy well I would assume no one would do that unless they were getting paid for it maybe over or they were trying to you know do the upkeep of their own property being a leaf blower Zach into being architect okay how do you mean like I'm trying to think of architect
00:25:51Architects mr. Brady's to Brady's on Frasier
00:26:03who wrote draw building from too close for comfort but I might be wrong I don't know anything about Hollywood Frasier Crane
00:26:27oh no but it seems like a human being will Scott I'm not that was pretty good what is the things that caused us to work together we realized around the office we both we both use any two different notes are Harmony Inn in a certain cord or the music experts got me really cry was more criticizing would Rudy said cuz you're nuts are criticized
00:27:19I got big nuts and if you're going to criticize anything you got to criticize but I don't know Scott you're not respecting me Scott because I'm telling you that leads to punch me or I'm not going to punch you in the throat
00:27:41now yes I might have a similar voice to a GD that you never do you say we don't have time to talk about your backstory I'm worried we're getting into the you know the intricacies of leaf blowing when I'm really interested in the Mortal Immortal I wasn't born into a human body I was born in 1600 these are things that we all know what can we talk about it. I'm already miss you and I want to talk about the importance of blowing leaves importance of blowing leaves ask about
00:28:41I know it's just like flipping it around you know under the floor that operates but why can't you just absolutely around next week exactly right my property get leaves off of sidewalks and get them on the people shoes and faces
00:29:03had to sort of get them so that people can walk down the sidewalk and be like wow this is clean but it smells like mulch there's there's bugs everywhere and somebody sort of switched around all this dirt with a hair and didn't really do anything right I mean so you're just like blowing leaves onto someone's face so they look like Gene Simmons in his kiss makeup or something because makeup Scott you should be a leaf blower bad and it's something you have to turn it on is that about it you never leave me alone before I don't believe I ever have no I have some experts shit right there so you pick it up and turn it on your pretty good. You know what
00:29:55manly clothes pretty easy yeah I mean it's it's a very low paying job I mean not that I'm sure there are people out there I mean I don't think there's anyone out there listening to podcast so I don't think I'm insulting anyone. I know it's a very low paying a low-wage job that people don't want to stay in for a long period of time usually isn't the problem the last three I would have to take a look at my tax returns I don't have them easily accessible to be finalized that is good
00:30:55we just want to know how you interpreted in dollars wow you hear what I said not to quote Beastie Boys why are you here baby and be the equivalent number of pretzels that dollars would buy the number of pretzels that would be how Corporate culture works we're paying you in pretzels to make you thirsty to buy RC Cola drink it he's thirsty
00:31:41what's Your Number 3 1/2
00:31:46is it your social security or your telephone you figure it out oh what are we got to +929-233-009-2922 this is not a social security number to go doesn't even sound like a phone number anymore like the formula 6000 I can't even keep track anymore and I'm relatively certain at this is why I mean can I just say Scott asked me why I was here to tell you about my new job but I have some other news I need to deliver to you but then we can move on and we don't need to talk about yourself everyone who's ever existed ever existed with the dead yeah looks Scott from the first caveman
00:32:46go that keeps me warm he's affected to spawn a lightning strikes well I got it just got your your actual name is slot Aukerman we're living in a Flashpoint ask scenario where I've traveled back in time and change Alters males little details of change in everyone's lives like the buttercream buttercream effects got so yeah your name is Scott now it's got now but it seems to be slots used to be Slaughter coming I don't know her name was mrs. grandkids
00:33:31misses grandkids not miss grandchildren what was my name oh your name dick thirsty okay but what it was Miss grandchildren married to Stephen King and in the previous she was married to Steven Prince Steven friends yeah, explain all the difference in the different Stephen King's name Stephen Prince or was it a totally different person when you go back that far in time it's hard to kind of predict the outcomes so yeah it's hard I went back before humans existed Scott and I feel like we shouldn't really get too far into this you do it how did you achieve it because as far as I know you're just a an immortal The Flash
00:34:28time travel in terms of just like if you were the flash every single power yep I can say is there stuff I could also make duplicates on my cell phone that vibrate really fast okay and bring other people into the speed force and yes I would love to experience
00:34:58that was amazing 3 years
00:35:09I don't we just didn't talk back so I just was he said a lot of stuff but Scott we had a lot of fun times in there that was really fun you're my best friend I love you so the last like 2 years where you guys still here I can't believe it it was all the time stopped over here I guess it was just like a millisecond to us oh my oh my God that's right Scott experience so much he told me his whole back story I heard everything about him mascot doubt that you know the backstory let's not start telling people it's bored nothing I don't feel good because of what happened just now what what do you mean what's the emotional well they are your to trust origin of course I could
00:36:04what were you guys really feel bad that we are or you think we're lying which is it feels bad I think you're lying well I'm okay just feel bad for you lying that's going in my report I have a conversation with you. Let's have a private 8 months ago we were in the speed force of course you were like it was like right next to us before Thanksgiving I remember that gathered all those before you can't please everybody I was trying so hard every single person's feelings is just like that Scott you cannot try to please all these people
00:37:04this is why I love you should try to please us because we're in charge of the show that's right in your face right now listening to our private conversations we make a report on the counters or is it motherfukers the Berenstein Bears situation look we are coming up on a break here Rudy yeah I'm sorry for dropping that bomb but we've gotten so close we have gotten so close guy Rudy is okay I just I feel like I can't do the show anymore of that I mean you think I would leave you with this time apparel Scott I haven't done the show in 3 years I feel like I'm a little rusty I need I need my best friend earlier time is best for us. I got your back
00:38:04yes we'll go ahead with Junior commercials for when you're drinking this
00:38:24jerk what's going on you're not drinking my tongue
00:38:28tongue fell out it's too hard from no drinks I've got the perfect solution
00:38:35are you familiar with Royal Crown Cola RC Cola should I bring a couch what to drink to fast hey I'm Dirtbag Rudy North
00:38:54drink RC Cola I'm Coming For That Ass baby right back with more Comedy Bang Bang more thirsty more Emily grandchildren more Rudy North and more surprises after this some of our favorite sponsors we are like you guys got
00:39:26I need to call Ghostbusters answer the call but so did Squarespace that's right support for today's 9th anniversary podcast comes from Squarespace think it dream it make it with Squarespace there's some new things that they want me to say this week is think it dream it make it with Squarespace website company in half a a tagline company for themselves because they're changing it up a lot I love it thank it dream it make it rule of Threes right there I love it let's talk about Squarespace they have beautiful templates okay you don't want to create your own website you don't have to sit there and go like then build it from scratch it's exhausting
00:40:26so what Squarespace does they have beautiful templates and these are not just any old templates that are like no these are beautiful templates created by world-class designers into a new and unique website where you can customize it all just go crazy with it from look and feel to settings products it's all optimized for mobile so you don't have to would like toggle anything there click and no they do it all they have built-in search engine optimization you can do whatever you want to do online they have you covered showcase your work blog publish content announced a special project even sell products and services of all kinds of just a few clicks and then you can use Squarespace is analytics to help you grow in real time
00:41:26best part about all this there is nothing to install patch or upgrade ever ever ever although I can only imagine some of my listeners out there are going to have a problem or question if you do Squarespace have you covered they have award-winning 24/7 customer support and they are there to help so keep dreaming with a website from Squarespace this is two tablets one add these guys are going crazy with the tagline first think a dream and make it was Squarespace and now keep dreaming to make it a reality with website from Squarespace guys slow down let people absorb these head to squarespace.com bang bang for free trial and when you are ready to launch use the offer code bang bang you're going to save 10% off your purchase of a website or domain that is squarespace.com bang bang offer code bang bang and let's choose between one of these what are you like we like think a dream it make it was Squarespace it's punchy it's good or do we like
00:42:26make it reality with the website for Squarespace edit it added it the first one think it dream it make it with Squarespace
00:42:38the mission to provide a better place to sleep for everybody that is also social wow did you hear what just came across the news wire
00:43:01oh no I do want to tell you about Lisa Lisa I tell you they've been around we've been doing the show now and 9 years officially this week and they've been around for a good 2 3 only been with us my gosh one of our super sponsors we love Lisa I sleep on one for a third of my life I'll tell you that much but when I say that they're all so socially conscious let me tell you exactly what I mean now for every 10 mattresses to Lisa sells what they do is they donate one to a shelter and why do they do it because they created something called a 110 program and they didn't quite know what that would mean they said for every 10 mattresses we saw when we donate one to a shelter yes the name came first but the idea of what to do with it is what is important it's really great that's all and Lisa is sold so many mattresses at this point that is a really great thing there's a lot out there and they also plant one tree for every one mattress
00:44:01that's a Wonder Woman right there and they donate 1% of each employee's time to volunteer for local causes this is a good company alright you can sleep easy by one of their mattresses right and that's not a pun that's and if you think it's a pun that's your problem
00:44:21not to mention Lisa has a patented Universal adaptive Feel So Lisa is designed for all types of sleepers and the future 3 Premium followers mattresses when you look at them they look like one thing right but you would look at a mattress and say that's three things but inside the wrapping inside the covering they have three things in these are three foam layers what we have is a 2-inch of uniform top layer Cooling in breathability of course a 2 inch Memory Foam middle layer for body contouring and pressure relief work for in and then a dense core support phone for durability and structure which works for sleepers of all sizes were talking 10in of mattress wow that's a lot of mattress right now Lisa is continuing to expand its offerings and that includes the lease a pillow the Lisa blanket the Lisa foundation and the Lisa Frank
00:45:21blanket and yeah I would take another one if they sent it to me no wonder that Lisa is a Forbes top 20 startup to watch trial leesa mattress in your own home for 100 nights risk-free only have a hundred nights to live
00:45:40what's a good deal for you you never have to pay for this thing they're available in the US UK Canada and Germany online with free shipping this 100% American made mattress ship is compressed in a box right to your door or you can try to have a lucid dream Gallery in SoHo NYC and Virginia Beach and over 80 West Elm stores nationwide get $125 off and a free pillow when you go to lisa.com bang bang that is l e e e s a.com bang bang Rudy North is here and food commercial too much iron from during commercial is me to my private notes being allowed his grandchildren
00:46:39yes I am it helps me to think we're back here with the Miss grandchildren Emily grandchildren shortest thirsty
00:46:52look I cannot believe I keep thinking people are going to stop asking me that coincidence coincidence but the chronic exactly did Stephen King make the drink that reminded him of his last name Stephen King and when you know him what do you call him Coach see I was a cocaine dealer Rydell cocaine to Stephen King it to you when you call me Coke see makes me thirsty for soft drinks and I said what I'm thirsty
00:47:52my friend Emily grandchildren my soon-to-be husband you'll never be him you're a bit you are and that's all he wanted to find funny everything right where do you use to deal Coke and now you work for a cola well that's what I was getting too but more than one that's allowed in a relationship is it a weird that you used to deal Coke and I love the stuff of course I'm kidding you don't like you don't push it back off
00:48:52this is going in our report
00:49:02is a chauffeur rudimentary yes
00:49:07show me back when when I was named after a compass. We can't get it to this True North Elementary notice it's just sort of know that's right but that was a great question then come up Scott maybe we need to go back in and speak what would ever make out if you're not asking the best questions alright look we need to get to our next guest and engineer pretend to be another piece of paper and we've only talked to him once but he was fan favorite from Australia
00:50:07what do sup sup What's Ruby drink I like your which one of you was talking about cellulitis why somebody you just start seeing your ex and then you take their wallet and then you take their identity that's how it is a given instructions
00:51:07children dental interdimensional travel all brought a full moon holes in a discover things that's my finger
00:51:43how are you this before song how many holes do you as you were walking in here I noticed that luckily there were no holes in the floor here and all and all but three and Kim Camelot the whole game what score was the hell did you know what they tease okay I did you ever see the movie Stargate the guy who is The Crying Game
00:52:43the movie but you at the Hollywood penises. Call Holly
00:52:49look stupid stupid is really nice right how many sides does it have an occasional looks like the top of the Pizza Hut crazy thing I've learned from pulling my whole history is written by the wenis
00:53:49I haven't been there before today or yesterday people love circles voice so what did you do while you were there it was pretty nasty women he put magic inside his staff and then he was a wizard. Of being. England of a different time that's a good analogy I guess
00:54:49you are my best friend okay I'm ask a question cuz my boy scout said I could do you have a house key I have lots of money so I was just saying what I'm saying like how do you get back to places yeah I'll just pull up would be a can of whole and bacon to reality so you float or fly jump into the Warsaw ready for this song I like your sister cuz that's truly is at the bottom of the world you can just jump up Yuma question Rudy this going to be a whole thing
00:55:49the way she got to avoid this whole thing ask away my man are at your fault and fall and holds happen to be there or do you step into the holes and that's why you fall if it's a good question I asked you what you think okay she's talking to the Michael Jordan right off the Kiwi Vision Stan Craven Stanford so beautiful why could I see if I keep my self remember okay
00:56:50I can't describe how I do anything how do you eat breakfast sure what that I mean to draw with my grip I guess food I open the cabinet with my other Gripp it's a little bit of my fingers tightening around a rod iron clad or anything I open the cabinet I get my cereal which is why I don't want to say you can say so much will sell out if you say it Fast and Furious series
00:57:42it's all just a sugar it's a cereal that I make it just sugar in a box in the bag can I buy that because of your cocaine dealing days you just like to have baggies white stuff through I also have a baby powder business so I don't know about the whole thing yea yea though okay so you're suggesting that I'll just carry it be I'll take her and an old wives and just be the worst me up to take me to the camera would actually recorded that's the first let me ask you can I ask you a question and if so did you fall down while you was sick
00:58:42Shia LaBeouf was in that yes or no idea what you're saying anymore I got to read that I didn't know a gypsy kisses and Gypsy Vanner who's got Center Way Stephen King put a curse on you is it was dinner at like autobiographical yes it was I wrote it you wrote the autobiography
00:59:42Christine is also out of Minecraft story about what she got rabies
01:00:00good to change a little bit would have to come back wow we'll just call down when you were watching holes it was a bit of a boy I'm cute but you going to push it to me so I can a bit more person sees that I don't think I'm just who I am all right all right I'm sorry I just like a casual guy balls and holes it doesn't really mean that much to him you hung out with Merlin Guinevere yeah it was fun but you said if I freaked out and unlock steam crane in the 1995 game when he scored seven points
01:01:00best basketball player in New Zealand even had okay well I'm seven pointer kiwi basketball seems very different name of the rod not to the trip so it's $10 an owl and it be able to do you know a little bit of a dick yeah I was he cursing going on I'll kiss you when you say hello do you mean below the waist
01:02:00you got to get down with female pleasure my man get you I get your friend to print a good podcast OCD person she's not really offer it's not what you think it's worth available he wants it that's natural to add
01:03:00text me when you get to integrate that song will you go down on her I'm not looking to fill in the holes just happens if you ever looked to fall in a hole would you not be able to follow only say that when we say chicken in Spanish mean when we say that we are Ted Talk audition
01:03:4752nd holiday 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
01:04:07we're at a time too bad too bad we're out of time very exciting to look chilly anything else is just so chaotic anything else you want to say about medieval doubt it's not as fun as I think it was a lot of trouble to your fault I can't tell it's but you're not as fun as I think it's fun but you know what is fungi
01:04:49just in case if I give you the answer
01:04:55kids fun but you know what it is about to be on the receiving end of a joust where do I get here early so I either an instructor who sometimes comes through here fencing instructor no techniques I think would translate but that wonder if he'll ever come by here or should I say Bill new king and I was like so when you put it into the ground beneath the night you were like Reverse Falling
01:05:55that's that's so unfortunate did you want to stay in the hospital you don't realize he's cool I could be more casual up he is the movie Black Knight outside of a castle medieval times but that's it things considered pretty tight I love it so much I don't have DVDs in the speed force so sorry that we don't have another friend it's like you will just happened to us in speed force Valentine's Day
01:06:54yeah I see voicemail. As day to me and Scott were watching in this before so we got to a big old fight that we don't have time to get into that right now to go to a break we're going to come right back the prizes I don't know who's going to be here we'll have more Durk thirsty more Emily grandchildren my sort of a strange best friend Rudy North wow mother's we all have them it's as far as I'm concerned I think it's technically impossible to exist if you haven't had them at some point I check the math on that but his friends and look Neil deGrasse Tyson Dental roll it up in here would like a single cell organisms can get out of here
01:07:50I'm just saying that human beings we all had mothers in our lives and we love them we love them will Mother's Day is coming up and I know that Panic that can set in when Mother's Day is coming up that's why I'm giving you a heads up right now but if you're looking for a way to really express your feelings for Mom well FTD can help that's right they have a floral work of art that is delivered straight to her door that she is going to appreciate that is going to really really tell your mom how much you feel about her sure you can send a text we all do that we all do that every Mother's Day happy Mother's Day that's the bare minimum that is the bare minimum what a great way to show the moms in your life how much you care with a breathtaking flower arrangement from STDs expert florist Network Amazing bouquets and Arrangements that are going to make her feel loved make her feel appreciated as much as you actually do love and appreciate her.
01:08:50this is a really good, you know I Mother's Day and birthday is as how I love to send my mom flowers because she doesn't live and it's just a nice thing that will really let her know that you're thinking of her I've seen some great things DirecTV they really do it up right so you can get 25% off a florist style bouquet for Mom this Mother's Day by going to ftd.com Mother's Day that's easy to remember ftd.com Mother's Day ftd.com / Mother's Day Mother's Day is one word FTD we can arrange that so that's a good tagline we can arrange that it's date they arrange bouquets and they can actually arrange these bouquets it's great it's pretty it's perfect it makes sense mom if you're listening and I know your not I love you Matt and the reason that I'm going to send you flowers just cuz I know you're not listening
01:09:48FTD we can arrange that. Thirsty and Emily grandchildren from corporate have been making copious notes during the break also made up we made up we go see me about it I feel like we might need to go back to the speed force if this friendship is going to work I could use another few years with you just just a really solidify this do you guys mind if we go back to the speed force is that okay I mean we'll just be gone a millisecond is that okay I mean you just wait till the street. I don't want to wait for your answer so I just made it happen I was a long one must be forcing gratulations by the way and
01:10:40this pain will never break so welcome back to Comedy Bang Bang it's a shame that your speed for son has to stay in the speed force while you're here but then I'm so sorry that you guys broke up I was just before sense name for sprite father's name her name is too long to pronounce 6 just like a couple of seconds in the speed force but we don't need anyone wants to say the whole thing the first second of it before they ready I'll be back I feel completely changed for everybody else.
01:11:40Feels Like a Rock
01:11:44when you just farted Vine
01:11:53what's a good description of you we need to get to our next guest I don't have any information about them other than their name but please welcome to the show on Trey P newer how you doing hi how are you I'm good how are you how are you I'm good call me by my full name please yes my mother didn't name me entreprenuer for nothing okay I beg your pardon I did it's I guess it's a custom in human beings to the only call someone by half their name but I'm not like other human beings have an entreprenuer this must have come up so many times in your life I'm not sure why you're so upset about it right now cuz I'm hot you're hot you're hot you're coming in hot it's hot outside I'm hot inside okay so nice to meet you I'm Scott I'm the host of the show we've never met before last name
01:12:53I want to try north of course I know that reminded that never came up in the last 18 years sorry Audrey how you doing I'm good I'm good and who are these two is just thirsty Thursday and Emily grandchildren they're from corporate they work for RC Cola and monitor the show
01:13:29Justin some business I just sneezed some businesses interested in looking to purchase some businesses are interested in looking to purchase some businesses yes
01:13:51I think about looking out looking to get all those places get all your ducks in the business I would love for you to consider thinking about investing it it is a platform for people to interact with one and another you can put photographs captions as well
01:14:33where does Instagram suggested that if so old that not eligible for Instagram throwback Thursday yet how do I sell it to get with the cutoff point is what the what is the cut-off year for throwback Thursday than 40 years you can't I can't get my picture to stay safe from Civil Rights era huh
01:15:04whatever he just said sure are you interested in looking to invest in because I was thinking about yes exactly where is it a little platform I don't know the answer to your question Scott David I'll come in but you go on on to the web it is it's at weather are we talked about the actual world wide web spider web spider web or is it specific you can get whatever helps us make sense of it come out of my mouth they don't go back in I understand the words that are coming out of your butt
01:15:58music from the movie reference know right well yes I don't seem to understand why aren't you telling me that there's a platform where you can put photos that are older than 40 years old multiple Facebook all day ok Google low okay going down with the Guppies uses for kids what is the p stand for in your name and why aren't you insisting I use that
01:16:52it is just pee I was just a word p e capital e capital the feed tube so you're saying Facebook is going down so you're pitching replacement today no it's not a replacement what I do is over to know some people not do the same things they did on Facebook they will do totally separate things people will accept friend request from the grandstand questions and entreprenuer
01:17:35yeah I've never been on Facebook I've seen it from a distance show how far of a distance is a football field at a coffee shop over your young man who I spoke to him he said he was a writer okay he spent the whole time on Facebook it's pretty common here in Los Angeles one of the features of your website as I can accept a friend request from my grandpa
01:17:59precisely you put in a bitch vest in my product I have other products you're a black and an Asian man a black. An Asian man to percentage of black-on-black. That's a subject predicate verb all of it okay Asian man that police they're going to send this to someone not understand words that are coming out of someone's mouth shut no it's called you seen a quieter place a quiet place I don't know what that is but a quiet place is a movie about a family and they are in
01:18:59feel like I'm in Church of God okay sound studio recording mixer tape
01:19:48that's my magazine of choice and don't have no hands in this one he's so in fact he can't just say Asian but I appreciate your help Australian Chase very good entreprenuer thank you very much
01:20:29has like a beer Deer Point received rainbow colored beards come to a point at the end of it considering that I'm looking to be interested in considering that we are looking looking looking fun but they're little girl I didn't want to do this on this podcast but I didn't want to go out this idea because I don't have the patent just yet it is pending okay well that's good soup in there
01:21:29this is this is going to be my claim to fame okay wait right rectangular shaped object with four to five seats inside of a wheel in front of one seat
01:21:52describe what a car what is it doing about the person somebody will sit in the car you know what a car is done got inside.
01:22:18you said, how you planted a seed of doubt in my mind I genuinely thought you were describing a table but would like a spinning wheel on what it is I thought it was one of those one of those theme park rides a big wheel Center township problem with pitching your ideas is that people have already fake try to determine what it is your picture before letting you get to that thought it was a table up you thought it was an amusement park ride distributed as the immortal Bard one said there's nothing new Under the Sun maybe every idea that says that as well
01:23:05in Ecclesiastes yes he did everybody's ripping up the Bible every chance they ask yourself that that being said okay well that's up to you I'm cleaning me the devil is using you suck my travels and I'm looking to invest from ancient civilizations in the bible to read it cuz I went back to when it was being written and I was like it when we get it he just talk to yourself
01:24:04well I'm saying that he's I just want to double my money so I can continue to leave in hostels so he is a big of gold what would you do with it yeah what's his return on two bags of gold for whatever I do you have the eye and vest who invest in me I should say while taking a leap of faith that I will not go backwards and forwards well here's the thing you can't ask me ask not what I can do for you just ask me what I can do with your money but I'm asking you questions. Mistook I have ideas for Jake religious person are you know I'm not into religion
01:24:56Glory Days use this ain't I know for fact that being said I do the devil is active that's it let me tell you this is what I do with your money kiwi Christopher Chris Rock bit smartphone
01:25:36Christopher Christopher oyala telling me some of these things exist already look for instance I called you 10 times these dark times the end times do we before what happens if Satan comes back after that he is in San Antonio Texas with him anyway that's neither here nor is it there I want to get this what I want you say
01:26:21already exists you said I'll take your word for it okay thank you if that is the case that a car is already a thing I would like to create a place where one can go to few said thing so there's an establishment it some kind of like a rectangle
01:26:40you start with a rectangle usually save all your ideas life is a bunch of rectangles down in the studio for the John Mayer songs on what's going on this is big is a big old bag of gold in the room yeah I know and my airbag sensors are going off I just don't punch anyone I just wrote I want to I want to
01:27:17I want to take I want to throat punch everyone in the room and I want to take the cold Scott Christopher but I take a moment but you wasn't for Chris Key West Stafford can I take them home with you in the corner Studio people are evil the devil is why don't you just give it to me I will keep it for you Christopher she's trying to get you to invest in a gas station I've never invented
01:28:04we figured out what I don't want them to know but you seem to have
01:28:16I just wanted to check it for the technology inside of his words for to steal this idea well things are going out of control here I'm taking notes on this I'm a little worried about your show
01:28:40the Rudy don't throw punch anyone don't steal any gold we have 1 guest to get to I really needed to win over corporate okay and I I think I think this guest is I mean I just have a nice pleasant talk show here for 9 years I it seems like I've never done just a normal episode other than maybe the Seth Rogen episode that Marc Maron episode but you're right I'm going to get out of your way I want everyone in this room today I just got sway supportive and he sort of this next interview is going to be at okay I just want to have a nice pleasant conversation okay let's get your next guest it's your breath handing your next guest and don't know what is it
01:29:22why are next to James Corden recently died like fixing Craig Ferguson show with us. Just say about the interview
01:29:48killer Charlie Manson it is things like this huge sagarika ghose really hurts my feelings to float into a room and have everybody say oh no yeah he was very quickly after you would die basically they use in there but now you have died you are a ghost here I was going through my bucket list cuz I was about to die are you would set up your mop wood carved into option
01:30:48Charlie classic pan boy I thought once I turn into a ghost I would be home free but I have so many obligations I got so much unfinished David are you trapped on this Earth until you complete some of your business I have to walk around this Earth until I finish my business and one of my points a business was going on a podcast for the second time to clear up all of the confusion Armstrong Louis Armstrong
01:31:48Savage love talking about your relationship issues serial the original podcast really be helpful I was like oh I know one day at a babe there's a baby called Sarah came in and she's going to be a Cracker Jack sign her pulling her feel like I have to jump in here to be fair to Charlie he never killed anyone that's true. I guess I want to text Jeff and I are actually killed every what he would charge me and I saw some who saw their parents murdered right in front of it
01:32:48I can't I love to say that they killed way but it just doesn't give orders that I was so glad to see this is very quick to say Charles Manson never actually killed anyone
01:33:12make sure you got the look you up so it seems like you would have way more important things to do a duet about him I have something to do it I finished work I never read Helter Skelter because I had a roommate who kept it in a trunk in his closet that story they they just they couldn't find it to that look like you didn't look up the Wikipedia Wikipedia so you came back here to be on the show and okay well thank you thank you you're the only one who would let me back and I but I can't stay long I'm very busy
01:34:12I got to do so many other three will buy
01:34:17Kylie the only reason you were able to get in here I didn't have you back it's his open door policy because I really coming through the door I mean I came in through the door if we if we close this door for the you can face through things you'll get you should have I mean I hate you if you would have all ghosts which I think would be a terrific lineup better than usual usually you wouldn't have me very much alive oh no no no wonder I don't do ghost you don't think you're going to turn into a ghost when you die Ono honey are you afraid right now call me when you die I don't know if any of you know this cuz none of your dad will entreprenuer thinks that nothing happens after we die other than a certain type of person
01:35:17what happens if you go to have in and you get a choice so you can be a ghost at skeleton the are lizards
01:35:26the way you can do skeleton or lizard wizard scary lizards know the little one I'm not even a gecko I'm to a dry desert lizard everybody stay strong don't you follow back okay Chris what do you say what are the choices is skeleton or is it an animated skeleton the walks around or is it just a skeleton Halloween skeleton
01:36:26what are those legs are like doing the kick lines with other stuff can I take your bones and impound on your skull almost like you know that it sounds like
01:36:50yeah I want to do any kind of Little Mermaid song on YouTube optic not to be dancing you're aware that all these things are happening. You can only communicate again you're lucky enough to be battery operated you can stay at Argenta some skeletons
01:37:37oh my gosh I don't know if you're very belief system I mean what did I tell you I was before you are an atheist atheist not a capias there's a 50-50 chance that you got to go I like that you know mess up so I would like to ask a question or to please your the floor is yours you got to Heaven what did you see you claim you saw wonderfully let it look like right now in Burbank
01:38:48says it's true okay because you like a project manager yeah creative director perhaps creative director you say have you ever started a business one of my elements of Unfinished Business cuz I never started a business oh well. Do you have money I have money which is all bats what's the exchange rate with pretzels as well because yeah we need to have you ever seen that comedy special with the man said these pretzels are making me thirsty actually talk funny you should mention
01:39:48to do that it's true my husband Stephen King Wikipedia I have an idea but I do have an idea
01:40:08looks like ya'll are fans of pretzels around here that seem to have gotten yet I think we should maybe consider it if anyone has the money for such an idea pretzels with a substance a peanut butter inside of the pretzel but yeah I can't even describe how a thousand bags money is useless to me
01:40:49Batson 10 * 9 million + 4 million dollars okay I'm asking cuz I was supposed to be good maybe I'll create a substance that people can drink like a clear of peanut butter I was going to say cuz I'm interested in the clear peanut butter toast peanut butter
01:41:28I can't tell you how much I just want Brown Peanut Butter and I just want a good brand PB no don't be be you not much took that talk about eating ass for the last eating a million dollars per episode. My my particular contract which is I get paid in dollars instead of pretzels he was a mistake
01:42:24how much money I make sure he knows I've been thinking about investing in a business
01:42:36I can't do these I bet she is very tall I don't know why you put it into the final score for the big old room full of heading home what's Scrooge McDuck you want to be able to make it rain and thunderstorm are you just catching a gold for cash business now cash for gold
01:43:18what no but I do have one last ID and if that's okay one more and we're running out of time and by Lord I mean to say if this don't work out sure okay alright what's the last idea everyone gets a paycheck correct sure count that I can a check from the government
01:43:48get a check from the gunsmith charge for tax dollars well if I let if I eat I got to convert it from Baggett 2000 baths which is $400 a month. My rent is through the roof cuz you gotta buy fruit you wouldn't believe the rules supposed to be a lizard I want my eyes in the front of my head Ultra filter is it at the bottom of the list Viva skeleton skeleton deal before I said no thank you
01:44:48for a good two and a half hours before I made my choice for redirection because this is it you do everyone gets a paycheck
01:45:18are you just busy invention quiet clothing when you approach a scared of no mother I ain't got no money for a mother who you spoke too soon it's okay it's a busy it's a service where you can bring your paycheck and people will give you cash in return and I can't replace what twice in the bank because I don't trust Banks and mrs. Scott David hochman was listening
01:46:18place where you get I want to talk about the quiet clothes because I have to wear regular clothes from the world and everybody gets my clothes are inside my invisible ghost by talk to my brother cuz I'm not investing in quite close to talk to my brother brother appetizer P newest she has a female name as well also use quite close to you sleep in a hostel would like teen people be able to get up to kite take a bathroom break through what the hell did he say of course I'm sick I hate you I can't live you live in hospital
01:47:18take a note
01:47:30I like bugs and slugs like me to come at the end of the show to bug tell me everything I need to know.
01:47:58call and out now the course it was hot like me by Scott X Watkin thank you for providing your full name on about that Scott I love that he did that and that was a fantastic to very good alright so what are we what do we want to plug here guys obviously it's the last day of April or the beginning of May what's what you do is show up a wall
01:48:58store policy policy that's the show that I do with comedians Paula Tompkins and Lauren Lapkus where we it's just the three of us we don't have gas there are no characters that's on Stitcher premium and it's free for everyone you like old TV shows you're a 48 year-old man I like to hear what 32 year old's legs people can check out three of them by going to Stitcher premium. Com 3 dumb and entering the code 3 dumb for a full month for free of super premium is that right yes there's a podcast called spontaneanation that I've I've personally been monitoring okay that's completely free every Monday it's just a good time
01:49:58critzer reports she wasn't able to be really good with oral did you know what I mean so even know what I mean you're all good other shows that you can listen to it so please check those out alright let's see Rudy what you want to plug I want to plug our friendship I look man I love you I love you man I'm sorry I know I mean you're closer than a brother to me you're like you like my that mean I guess like a spouse spouse like we married yeah and Rudy
01:50:47that that's a decameter podcast podcast Hollywood handbook what I told you were here at the beginning of dirtbags do a show now it's it's a lost cause. They either go back it's my favorite Earwolf I guess it's alright alright so Hollywood handbook nothing else that's it alright or what do you want to go
01:51:35why won't you answer my phone cuz I mean no no no one talks about it any more shows added work Joel musco for you tonight for everybody. A TV
01:52:12I was moving it and I tripped and fell into old timey England did they think it was magic Maryland Baltimore
01:52:31what is Maryland's full name in Baltimore Maryland you want to plug I would love to plug a podcast this African American Life Eric up very black guys
01:53:09I do I know I just had a nice men okay
01:53:18I can pass you might be
01:53:32Rachel dolezal all right baby in from season 5
01:53:49Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Your girls but I didn't create all that I'd like to plug an additional show it's called great black women and then there's me it is going up at UCB sunset July perform it is a live performance one would have to purchase a ticket and then when you tell that person the second date they don't come to that one either maybe the fruit the first time I was busy in the second time I got sick
01:54:48are you I see how things are that will this right person to have a show where is this one no actually seeing you too sorry great fantastic they like black people so that's fine get a black friend about your show
01:55:28May 16th at UCB Sunset also tell that person another show June 7th tell me about it
01:56:24only about 8 more months of that I want to thank you so much Charlie good luck to you and your life situation where you can get into the lizard body or anything or is this what you're stuck with three good deeds within 3 minutes fast I can type of minutes here is 3 years in the speed force I'll take this I would love that
01:57:24we got things worked out for Charles Manson
01:57:35yeah absolutely Christopher so good to see you again. Dirk and Emily are his grandchildren so what do you think we were texting about something we have going on and see you ever heard of say after the initial time that we had a conversation with you we were just asking
01:58:13specific questions to all of us each other so I guess just keep doing what you're doing you. It's going fine. Thank you so much for sticking with us for 9 years I want to think of course or Engineers including engineer breads don't get on Mike love you it's been my pleasure to be here for so long
01:58:54I didn't come out the way I want it
01:59:00hey guys unfortunately I have some bad news my name is heys I'm here with my friend Sean Sean where the hoes of Hollywood handbook they asked us to come out of this show and and break the news to everyone that the show you were just listening to is unfortunately broke and it's really just one of those things every once in awhile podcast fully breaks and you can't listen to it for a while while it's under construction sort of you know when they shut down the roads and there's like detour signs so that you can still get where you're going even though it's not the way that you wanted to go to Candy tour over to Hollywood handbook listen to our podcast is running and I think the Pie Guys you were listening to is going to be broken for the battle year honestly when those detours happen sometimes I find your day just got better is a Roadside Diner
02:00:00I would hand buckwheat it's a guide to Hollywood but it's not even really bad anymore
02:00:10this is been a Nero Wolfe production executive produced by Scott Aukerman Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson for more information and content visit earwolf.com

Transcribed by algorithms. Report Errata
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Earwolf and Scott Aukerman, which is the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Listen Notes, Inc.


Thank you for helping to keep the podcast database up to date.