TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:13.100
You can tell a lot about a person by what's in their glass.
2
00:00:13.100 --> 00:00:19.120
Sometimes it says, "I appreciate true craftsmanship." And sometimes it says, "I'm going to explain
3
00:00:19.120 --> 00:00:22.760
my crypto portfolio to you at a child's birthday party."
4
00:00:22.760 --> 00:00:26.000
I'm Tim Fulton, and this is Character Proof.
5
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:28.600
Tasting notes and character flaws.
6
00:00:28.600 --> 00:00:34.120
In every episode we pour one bottle — bourbon, scotch, tequila, whatever's on the shelf — give
7
00:00:34.120 --> 00:00:40.920
it an honest tasting, and then lovingly, specifically roast the exact person who drinks it on purpose.
8
00:00:40.920 --> 00:00:49.920
So grab a glass, pull up a chair. Let's get pouring.
9
00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:55.200
Let's start with a safety briefing, because this week the whiskey requires one.
10
00:00:55.200 --> 00:01:01.240
Stagg Jr. — rebranded simply "Stagg" a few years back, but the faithful still say Junior — is
11
00:01:01.240 --> 00:01:07.280
Buffalo Trace's uncut, unfiltered barrel-proof bruiser, released in batches that land anywhere
12
00:01:07.280 --> 00:01:15.240
from the mid-120s to the low 130s proof, and it is, credit where due, magnificent.
13
00:01:15.240 --> 00:01:20.280
Get past the fumes — and there are fumes; nosing this carelessly is how you cauterize
14
00:01:20.280 --> 00:01:26.480
a sinus — and the nose is dark cherry, brown sugar, tobacco, and chocolate cake.
15
00:01:26.480 --> 00:01:28.760
The palate is enormous:
16
00:01:28.760 --> 00:01:34.720
black cherry and molasses riding in on a wave of heat, then dark chocolate, oak char, cinnamon
17
00:01:34.720 --> 00:01:39.520
bark, a savory leather note underneath, all of it delivered at a volume that makes your
18
00:01:39.520 --> 00:01:41.200
fillings hum.
19
00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:47.560
The finish is very long, hot, and cocoa-dark, less a finish than an occupation.
20
00:01:47.560 --> 00:01:54.520
Watered down, it blooms beautifully. Neat, it is a dare. And it is exclusively as a dare
21
00:01:54.520 --> 00:02:00.280
that it interests Derek Stubbs, who has never added water to anything in his life and regards
22
00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:03.560
the option the way other men regard forfeiture.
23
00:02:03.560 --> 00:02:08.800
Derek is thirty-six, owns a heating-and-cooling company with his name on four trucks, and drinks
24
00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:16.000
exclusively above one hundred and twenty proof, a policy he refers to as "not wasting the glass."
25
00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:21.120
His shelf is a skyline of barrel-proof monsters arranged by batch number, and he can recite
26
00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:27.200
those batch numbers — with tasting deltas — like a man listing his children, which, in fairness,
27
00:02:27.200 --> 00:02:32.160
Craig does with shelf prices and nobody's staged an intervention there either.
28
00:02:32.160 --> 00:02:34.520
The Stagg is the
Load full transcript
crown jewel.
29
00:02:34.520 --> 00:02:39.320
When a new batch drops, Derek posts a photo of the proof statement — never the bottle,
30
00:02:39.320 --> 00:02:44.600
the proof statement — captioned with a single flexed-arm emoji, and the comments fill
31
00:02:44.600 --> 00:02:51.520
with men typing the word "hazmat" in the reverent lowercase other communities reserve for scripture.
32
00:02:51.520 --> 00:02:57.700
Guests at Derek's bar receive their pour with a waiver speech — delivered while he watches
33
00:02:57.700 --> 00:03:02.640
your face with the neutral intensity of a proctor, and whatever you do with that face
34
00:03:02.640 --> 00:03:07.840
gets entered into a permanent mental ledger from which there is no appeal.
35
00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:11.400
Watch him drink it, though, because this is the show.
36
00:03:11.400 --> 00:03:14.240
The pour is one ounce, exact.
37
00:03:14.240 --> 00:03:17.160
The glass is a Glencairn, obviously.
38
00:03:17.160 --> 00:03:21.880
Derek brings it up, takes the sip, and then — nothing.
39
00:03:21.880 --> 00:03:24.600
Total stillness. A monk's face.
40
00:03:24.600 --> 00:03:29.320
Somewhere behind that face, a fire alarm is going off in an empty building, and Derek's
41
00:03:29.320 --> 00:03:33.560
entire self-image depends on not dispatching a truck.
42
00:03:33.560 --> 00:03:38.640
Four seconds later he exhales through his nose, slow, like a bull considering a career
43
00:03:38.640 --> 00:03:41.440
change, and delivers the verdict:
44
00:03:41.440 --> 00:03:42.600
"smooth."
45
00:03:42.600 --> 00:03:44.080
It is not smooth.
46
00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:45.980
It has never been smooth.
47
00:03:45.980 --> 00:03:51.920
It is a hundred and thirty proof of barrel-strength consequence, and "smooth" is simply what Derek's face has
48
00:03:51.920 --> 00:03:56.800
agreed to say on behalf of a body that is currently filing complaints.
49
00:03:56.800 --> 00:04:00.880
His friends have watched ice melt in their own glasses while pretending not to notice
50
00:04:00.880 --> 00:04:02.840
his eyes water.
51
00:04:02.840 --> 00:04:03.840
Everyone performs.
52
00:04:03.840 --> 00:04:05.520
It's beautiful.
53
00:04:05.520 --> 00:04:10.320
And of course there's the hot sauce shelf, because there's always a hot sauce shelf —
54
00:04:10.320 --> 00:04:14.920
same wall of the kitchen, bottles with skulls on them, arranged by Scoville the way the whiskey's
55
00:04:14.920 --> 00:04:16.760
arranged by proof.
56
00:04:16.760 --> 00:04:19.520
Derek is not chasing flavor on either shelf;
57
00:04:19.520 --> 00:04:23.720
he's chasing voltage, collecting certificates of endurance.
58
00:04:23.720 --> 00:04:28.960
In the Buffalo Trace universe we keep returning to, Craig hunts scarcity and Wade hunts
59
00:04:28.960 --> 00:04:29.960
lineage —
60
00:04:29.960 --> 00:04:36.680
Derek hunts wattage, and his prey, at least, is always in stock eventually.
61
00:04:36.680 --> 00:04:40.120
And here's the affectionate part, because there's always one — actually two.
62
00:04:40.920 --> 00:04:45.000
First: behind the theater, Derek's palate is real.
63
00:04:45.000 --> 00:04:46.960
His batch notes are accurate.
64
00:04:46.960 --> 00:04:51.520
He called the cherry-bomb batch before the review sites did, because you cannot fake your way
65
00:04:51.520 --> 00:04:54.280
through a hundred proof reviews at full strength;
66
00:04:54.280 --> 00:04:57.160
the man has earned his opinions the hard way,
67
00:04:57.160 --> 00:04:59.720
one seared taste bud at a time.
68
00:04:59.720 --> 00:05:05.120
And second — and Derek, if you're listening, we would never tell them — there is a bottle
69
00:05:05.120 --> 00:05:07.760
of Basil Hayden hidden behind the protein powder,
70
00:05:07.760 --> 00:05:13.000
eighty proof, gentle as a handshake, and it is one-third empty.
71
00:05:13.000 --> 00:05:16.240
Tuesday nights, alone, garage fridge humming,
72
00:05:16.240 --> 00:05:19.240
no Glencairn, no audience, no verdict.
73
00:05:19.240 --> 00:05:21.640
Doug Pemberton would be proud.
74
00:05:21.640 --> 00:05:26.960
So pour the Stagg, Derek, at full send, and give us the four seconds and the "smooth" —
75
00:05:26.960 --> 00:05:28.200
we love the show,
76
00:05:28.200 --> 00:05:30.160
we've always loved the show.
77
00:05:30.160 --> 00:05:34.680
But some Tuesday, pour the soft one in the open, in front of the guys.
78
00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:36.760
That's the real hazmat suit, buddy —
79
00:05:36.760 --> 00:05:39.200
and you're the only one who thinks it's still on.
80
00:05:51.800 --> 00:05:55.320
Well, the glass is empty, and the verdict is in.
81
00:05:55.320 --> 00:05:58.320
That's going to do it for this episode of Character Proof.
82
00:05:58.320 --> 00:06:02.400
If you saw yourself in tonight's pour — first of all, we love you.
83
00:06:02.400 --> 00:06:07.440
Second, hit subscribe, leave a five-star review, and send this to the friend whose bar cart
84
00:06:07.440 --> 00:06:09.400
costs more than their car.
85
00:06:09.400 --> 00:06:11.400
Got a bottle you want us to put on trial?
86
00:06:11.400 --> 00:06:16.640
Drop it in the reviews or find us on socials, and you just might be next week's character.
87
00:06:16.640 --> 00:06:22.520
Until next time: drink responsibly, pour generously, and always check your character flaws.
88
00:06:22.520 --> 00:06:23.160
Cheers.