Full Transcript for Messy Mommy!

is someone because I honestly do see myself getting somewhere with this girl, and I can even say I'm growing to love her. So of course I would want my family to know about this. But if my family doesn't take it how I expect or doesn't accept me, I know it would definitely crush me. But I will not change who I am to please them. 00:05:29 Speaker 2: Wow. So okay, I definitely do understand. 00:05:33 Speaker 1: I can empathize with you because I have a little sister and I'm not sure if she's bisexual or just homosexual, but. 00:05:44 Speaker 2: I do know that she's. 00:05:46 Speaker 1: Exploring women, and I know the first time that she's come to me and she told me about it, I kind of laughed it off because I just wasn't expecting it. 00:05:54 Speaker 2: Not that I was making fun of gaze or anything. 00:05:56 Speaker 1: I know. I know a lot of gays, you know what I'm saying, making fun. I am a comedian, but before I'm a comedian, I was always just like, that's my personality anyway, to always play about everything, even things that I go through or things that about myself, you know what I'm saying. And my sister, I'm not sure if she ever thought that I can't come to my sister and talk to her and she'd be serious, because I do. I make fun of straight people, gay people, whoever the fuck you are. I mean, if you talk about ABU, I'm you know, I'm gonna play around or whatever. But I guess I never took into account how she would feel about that until just recently, like maybe a month or two ago, she told me she was getting serious with this girl. 00:06:38 Speaker 2: And I know the girl, you know what I mean. 00:06:40 Speaker 1: And I've known the girl to be gay for a long time, you know, far much longer than my sister. And so what I had told my sister is well, to be honest with you, No, I didn't take you serious, you know, because you were dating guys before. But I wanted you to take her serious, or take you know, being gay serious if that's what you are, or by sc serious, if that's what you are, because for some people it's a trend, for others, it's a lifestyle. You get what I'm saying, like this is a sexual preference. You get what I mean, Like, this is not just something you can put on and take off like a costume. 00:07:13 Speaker 2: Like you can't do that. 00:07:15 Speaker 1: So I want you to be serious because people get hurt over relationships, and I was letting her know, I don't want you to end up hurting this girl. 00:07:23 Speaker 2: You know. 00:07:23 Speaker 1: Not that I cared more about the girl than my feeling, I mean, than my sister, but I know the girl was serious about her. You know, I could see after my sister sharing some things with me, I could see the girl was serious. 00:07:34 Speaker 2: And I could see that my sister was getting serious. 00:07:36 Speaker 1: She was getting there, and I just wanted her to think and you know, and to take something like this serious because, like I said, you don't want to play around with gay people. You just don't like, you know, just to say, oh, yeah, I fucked the girl before. You know what I mean, like you in Layman's terms, like that's what it is, because that's what I did when I was younger. You get what I'm saying. I wasn't really ready to be gay. I was just doing it because shit, like I was a track considers one girl. So I'm like shit, I'm a fucking around with her. And then after she broke my heart, I was like, oh no, fuck Dad, like I don't want to do it no more. But I was really just trying it any way to see what it was about. And that's okay to be curious as well, but to lead somebody on, I think is what I was trying to tell my sister. Don't do like because the girl was serious about her. So you know in your situation. That's why I can say I can relate to that. 00:08:22 Speaker 2: Hold up, Hold up. 00:08:23 Speaker 1: I know the shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Now as far as your family, was your family like that before? You know, like, because if they've always been that way, I don't think that it's a it's a direct jab to you being gay. 00:08:43 Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying. 00:08:44 Speaker 1: If you got imagine being in the Waynes family and you come out with Marlin and Damon, Wayne's and all the imagine being in that family and you come out them people have always played like that. You can tell they're a very tight knit, close family that play about everything. They joke on each other for each other's problems and shit like that. 00:09:00 Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying. 00:09:01 Speaker 1: Imagine that now is it one of those things or do you feel like they personally attack you because you're gay. Now that's two different things. You know, you gotta let me know. But I think you should actually say, this is your family. You know, these ain't just strangers. Sit down and talk to them and tell them how that makes you feel. Now, they may be able to censor sometimes when they feel certain ways, and maybe sometimes you still may even get those jokes, bea the butt of some of those jokes. You have to learn how to be confident within yourself though, you get what I'm saying. You got to learn how to like really really not gonna say, have tough skin. I mean, but you know what comes with being gay, you know what I mean? Like, it's so many that came before you that it's so many stories that you know, and this goes for gays, trans, bisexual, pant sexual. 00:09:47 Speaker 2: Whatever you are other than heterosexual. 00:09:50 Speaker 1: If you know, these are just the struggles and the critique, the criticism that comes along with it. And we also live in the world today where nobody takes anything serious, but they make everything serious. You get what I'm saying, And I know that's contradicting, but so is everything else. So is this motherfucking world in these times. 00:10:09 Speaker 2: You get me. 00:10:10 Speaker 1: So you just have to

prepare yourself for certain backlash, whether it be from your family or not, and you gotta stand in that shit. Look, I'm gay, I'm a homosexual woman. I'm in love with my girlfriend, and yeah, we you know what I'm saying, There's so many other things to worry about, and it is somebody criticizing you for your sexuality. Fuck them people, because they don't have to go to sleep with you. They ain't gotta wake up to you. They don't know you, they don't know what your heart is like, you know what I'm saying. They don't know you. You know, some people hear the word gay and just bust out laughing just because of so many jokes and you know, stigmas that has been built around it, you know what I mean. 00:10:46 Speaker 2: Fuck that. 00:10:47 Speaker 1: That's why a lot of people don't even like to be classified as gay, a lot of people, you know, and in certain states they're trying to even ban the fucking word, you know what I mean. But if you focus too much on that shit, that shit can brain you and take away from your happiness and who you really are. 00:11:03 Speaker 2: Fuck that, fuck all that. 00:11:05 Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying, you know, because trust me, you ain't the only one going through this. You know, but I love a person who still can stand in their originality, standing who the fuck they are. 00:11:17 Speaker 2: And I can tell it really really bothers you. 00:11:19 Speaker 1: But sit down and talk to your family, because communication is the best thing, especially for families. 00:11:25 Speaker 2: You get me. 00:11:26 Speaker 1: I want you to know that, and I want you to update me. And congratulations on you and your new love. Man, you're saying you falling in love with her, you know you really really care about her and stuff like that. 00:11:36 Speaker 2: Shit like that is hard to find these days. 00:11:38 Speaker 1: You know. Everybody is either superficial, damaged and fucking hurt from previous relationships, and before they heal themselves, they trying to jump in other relationships and make the new person pay for what the old motherfucker put them through and all of that. Love is just not easy. Love was never easy, but it seemed like it's beyond hard to find genuine. 00:11:59 Speaker 2: Love these days. 00:12:00 Speaker 1: So I say, if that's where you're getting it from, and you genuinely feeling in your heart that this person is for you. Keep on pushing with that, Mama. That's all I can say to you. But definitely sit down, have a talk with your family moving forward. Let them know and then the conversation. Let them know that you still love them and you expect for them to love you no matter who you bring home, no matter what sex you are attracted to you or whatever, you know what I mean. Let them know that this is serious for you and they hurt your feelings a lot of times with a lot of their jokes. 00:12:30 Speaker 2: Now, also let them know. 00:12:31 Speaker 1: I'm not expecting for y'all to get quiet when I come around, you know, but just have some respect for me in that right, you know, respect me, don't disrespect me. I'm cool with a little joke here in there, you know, unless you're not. But you can't expect for nobody not not to say nothing, you know what I mean. 00:12:46 Speaker 2: Let's just be real and then shit. 00:12:48 Speaker 1: I'm the type I'll start making jokes about they ass. Somebody broke, somebody lost their job, somebody can't afford you know what I'm saying, like shit, start cracking back at they ass. If you don't want to sit down and talk shit, and then when they want high lanst you like, yo, why you say that? The same reason why y'all coming at me for my sexuality, the same reason why y'all feel like y'all can make jokes like I'm not a real person and this is not my real life. 00:13:09 Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying. 00:13:10 Speaker 1: You can either go that route, that mediation where you can sit down and talk to them, or you can start giving them a taste of their own medicine, and then before you know it, somebody ain't gonna be comfortable, somebody gonna open them off and say something. 00:13:23 Speaker 2: All right, what's up with you? What's up with me? 00:13:25 Speaker 1: Is I'm fucking gay, and y'all keep on shooting at me with these fucking jokes. But you ain't had a job since, you know, three years ago. You know what I'm saying. 00:13:35 Speaker 2: You ain't been able to afford your groceries for three years. Now. You got five different baby daddies. You know what I'm saying. 00:13:42 Speaker 1: That's why I'm gay, because I don't want five different baby daddy. 00:13:45 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. 00:13:46 Speaker 1: Start getting funny back with theirs now. I know that's promoting a little bit of violence. 00:13:50 Speaker 2: I know that. 00:13:51 Speaker 1: I know how that may sound, but I want you to know that that comes with that tough skin, that come with that thick skin. Fuck that lets some of that shit roll down your back, because, like I said, at the end of the day, you're loved, you're happy. But yeah, talk to your family and if they ain't to talking too tight, like I said, go to Option B, Plan B. I bet you the motherfucker's ease up off your back. 00:14:11 Speaker 2: I bet you. But keep me updated. 00:14:13 Speaker 1: Girl, If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. 00:14:20 Speaker 2: Okay, y'all. 00:14:20 Speaker 1: So next I want to do one of the just Fix My message that I did on Breakfast Club. So this woman had called up and she was saying how she had been married to her husband for I can't remember the amount of years, but they were together for a long time, and when they first got together, he started cheating on her and she tried to leave him, but he said that he would off himself, you know, he would unlive himself, basically commit suicide if he couldn't be with her, and blah blah blah blah blah. So she went back to him because of

course, she cares about those who she loved, and although he cheated on her, she still loved him, and she loved him enough to go back because he and to kill himself. Now I stopped there just for a minute. I usually I'm not gonna say I don't take that type of shit serious. But my thing is my nigga, you want me to come back to you after you fucking cheated on me all because you said you're about to end your life, and then I will say some shit like, well end it, you know what I'm saying, just to call their bluff. 00:15:21 Speaker 2: However, she got back with them. 00:15:23 Speaker 1: They had kids, they had three children, and he was doing good for a while, and then he started creeping around on her again, cheating throughout the years on this woman, and she got to a point where she was like, listen, I want a divorce. I'm leaving your ass again, and this time I'm staying gone, you know what I'm saying. And he actually really did kill himself because she left him. What I got from that was those were deeper issues, you know what I'm saying that that guy had. 00:15:52 Speaker 2: You know, he had the love of his life. 00:15:54 Speaker 1: Obviously, he was totally in love with his wife for sure, but I think it was more of abandonment starting from the root of his childhood or something like that. Somebody had to leave him. Somebody who he cared so much about left his ass. I don't know if it was one of his parents or a sibling or a grandmother or somebody. But you don't just kill yourself when your lover leaves you, when it's your fault. 00:16:19 Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying, Like, Yo, you cheated on this lady. 00:16:22 Speaker 1: She tried to leave you before, and you told her that she was going to kill yourself, so she came back to you. She gave you another chance, and you come back married, you gave you children. Cheated on her again and again and again, she said. Throughout years of their marriage, he cheated, and she finally got enough of it and was fed up, mustered up the strength to divorce him, and he killed himself because she left. 00:16:49 Speaker 2: He couldn't deal with it. 00:16:51 Speaker 1: So she was saying that she had blamed herself for a while, you know, because they not It wasn't just them, They had three children, you know, and and she just didn't know how to face them and deal with that. 00:17:04 Speaker 2: And you know, and still have to grieve. 00:17:06 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like for her a longtime lover, you know, and the father of her children. But the advice I gave her is not not to blame yourself. I've never been our predicament, nor have I ever been married, you know what I'm saying. But some advice is just obvious, like listen, that was not your fault. That was not your fault, because that's a lot of pressure on you that dreams you like, he was fighting demons of his own long before you, before the marriage, before you became his girlfriend, before he met you. He was fighting demons obviously,

you get what I'm saying. And I urged her to seek therapy, you know, for mental health, and because that that could drive someone to suicide as well, blaming themselves for a life that was lost, a life that you know that they feel, you know, was their fault, you know, because he took his life. He had told her that he was going to do it again, and she was like, right, well, look whatever, you know what I mean. She didn't she didn't think that he would do it this time. And then she just got fed up and just tired of all that she went through. She was miserable in her marriage, and then when he killed himself, she felt like, damn it, maybe if I would have stayed with him this time too. 00:18:14 Speaker 2: No, don't feel that way. Don't. 00:18:16 Speaker 1: And there's some other women I'm pretty sure going through this same fucking thing. No, ma'am, you should not have to feel that way. You pick your head up. No, no, no, and you go sit down and you talk to somebody. I know it's going to be hard for her to move forward with three children, you know, because looking at them every day will remind me of their father and the times that we shared as a family, you know. But time does heal all wounds, and to help that talking to a professional person, a professional therapist that can also heal wounds as well. Like and then we often say, you know, as black people, I don't need therapy, We won't need therapy. 00:18:54 Speaker 2: It's not just black men. I've heard black women say that. 00:18:55 Speaker 1: Too, like, no, I'm not gonna send on somebody coach and tell her my business, because no offer them to judge me, like no, no, no, no, no no, that's literally what they are for. You know what I'm saying, You have deep, deep, deep issues with yourself. 00:19:09 Speaker 2: If that's how you look at a therapist. 00:19:11 Speaker 1: And I do understand not everybody is perfect, not even therapists, but they are licensed, professional people who are put in place for people who go through things like that. And so I want to speak to all the women you know and men who are going through something like that who actually take the blank for someone else, taking their own life in that instance. I don't know if any of you or you know my listeners pray to the same God. I pray to you every night in morning, but listen, He does heal as well, and he listens. Sometimes you don't want somebody to talk back. You just want somebody to listen. Look, talk to God. Shut your door, you know, you get on your knees, you lay in your bed, you talk to God. 00:19:47 Speaker 2: That's what you do. 00:19:49 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, And that's only if you don't want somebody to talk back. 00:19:53 Speaker 2: Trust me, He does communicate with us. 00:19:55 Speaker 1: But if you don't want to hear a voice, talk back to you because you feel like you're going to be judge, talk to him first, and he will show you how to love on yourself and how to heal you heal yourself again, you know, and and just get through things a bit easier, you know, and and just have better days than before. And on that note, I'm gonna end this episode, y'all. Jesus, I've been noxious this whole time, but it's all right, it's all right. This is what comes with pregnancy. So I love you guys. Make sure you tune into Carefully Pregnane each and every Wednesday, and then my deepest pan voice can't. Fully Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.