Full Transcript for The "Prove It" Problem

this isn't going to be a permanent thing. 00:04:08.530 --> 00:04:19.889 This is something that is temporary because um I'm just learning how to create space for things that I want in my life, right? 00:04:21.490 --> 00:04:26.769 And so um that's where I'm at with things right now. 00:04:26.930 --> 00:04:32.689 I really do appreciate, you know, your your patience with me. 00:04:33.169 --> 00:04:39.730 And uh also I want to be really raw and honest with you and let you know that this is sometimes what business looks like. 00:04:40.049 --> 00:04:54.289 You know, um, every like I'm going to be super consistent with my clients because you know they're paying clients, and I feel like if they're gonna pay, you know, I definitely need to make sure they're in the schedule. 00:04:54.529 --> 00:05:02.049 Um, but I definitely want to still offer my free content to you because I know it's valuable and I know it helps. 00:05:03.090 --> 00:05:06.210 And so your patience is very valuable to me. 00:05:06.370 --> 00:05:07.970 I thank you for it. 00:05:08.370 --> 00:05:17.490 And uh I do want to also just show and reflect that this is sometimes what business looks like. 00:05:17.889 --> 00:05:25.409 Sometimes it's a little crazy as we're learning to open up and receive the things that we want to receive. 00:05:25.649 --> 00:05:30.529 But that does actually kind of bring us into today's episode, which is the prove it problem. 00:05:31.409 --> 00:05:40.049 And, you know, I've I've been sitting here talking with my clients this week, and this is a theme that kept coming up actually within the last couple of weeks. 00:05:40.769 --> 00:05:59.649 And it's something that I really am seeing, not even just in my clients, but sometimes in myself, I see it sometimes in the people I talk to, in women, entrepreneurs, men, uh leaders, mothers, fathers, uh, and like I said, honestly, me sometimes. 00:06:00.450 --> 00:06:34.689 And what I mean by the prove it problem is it's it's that feeling that somehow your success, your existence, your expertise, your worth, your dreams, your goals, your accomplishments, they need to be justified, defended, demonstrated, explained, approved, uh, validated before we move forward with the fact that they actually matter. 00:06:35.970 --> 00:06:46.850 And the crazy thing about this is most people carrying the prove it problem don't even realize that they're doing it. 00:06:47.409 --> 00:06:58.289 But I want to say this if we're living in truth, truth does not need to be proved, it will prove itself. 00:07:00.850 --> 00:07:08.610 We literally can live in a place where we don't have to prove things, it's absolutely possible. 00:07:10.289 --> 00:07:39.730 But yet we are still thinking that we need to be responsible, we're trying to be humble, we're trying to be thoughtful, compassionate, but really underneath this prove it problem is this idea and this belief that if I can just prove myself enough, then I'm gonna finally feel safe to create the thing

that I want to create, or I or finally have the thing that I want. 00:07:40.769 --> 00:07:44.929 And I want to challenge that belief today because I really don't think that's true. 00:07:45.090 --> 00:07:47.009 I don't think it's true at all. 00:07:48.049 --> 00:07:50.370 But yet it still shows up in business. 00:07:50.450 --> 00:07:55.889 Uh you create content and immediately wonder if people will think you're qualified for it. 00:07:56.210 --> 00:07:59.250 You will lower your prices because you're afraid people won't see your value. 00:07:59.409 --> 00:08:08.289 You overdeliver because you're trying to prove the worth of your of the investment that your people have invested with you. 00:08:09.090 --> 00:08:27.009 And let me tell you that I've learned uh through coaching and through uh working with people that the best thing that we can do is actually sitting with them, reflecting with them, giving them really good questions, giving them perspective. 00:08:27.090 --> 00:08:31.649 Yes, doing some teaching moments, but we don't need to over-deliver. 00:08:31.889 --> 00:08:35.250 We just need to deliver exactly what's needed. 00:08:36.210 --> 00:08:52.450 And sometimes I think that we we wonder if if that's possible, like if we have what if we have what it takes, if we have the know-how, like that we have what that what it takes is inside of us to do. 00:08:55.250 --> 00:08:59.730 So we then collect certifications that we actually don't need. 00:08:59.970 --> 00:09:10.769 We keep taking courses when what you really need to do is implement, and you explain your offer for 15 minutes instead of simply inviting someone into it. 00:09:12.210 --> 00:09:27.970 It's not because you're unqualified, it's because you're trying to prove that you're qualified, you're trying to prove it, prove your worth, and not feel guilty that somebody invested in you because you're not sure about it. 00:09:29.570 --> 00:09:31.090 And that's a very different thing. 00:09:31.169 --> 00:09:33.649 Those are two very different energies. 00:09:34.210 --> 00:09:39.490 It also shows up in motherhood, it shows up in fatherhood. 00:09:40.209 --> 00:09:59.969 You wonder if you're doing enough, you compare yourselves to other moms, you feel guilty when you're at work because you're not with your kids, and you feel guilty when you're with your kids because you're not doing the work, you feel guilty when you rest, you feel guilty when you don't rest, you feel guilty when you enjoy your business, you feel guilty when you focus on your family. 00:10:00.209 --> 00:10:07.329 And no matter what you choose, you feel like you're standing in front of an invisible jury just trying to prove you're a good mom. 00:10:09.329 --> 00:10:11.490 It shows up in relationships. 00:10:11.809 --> 00:10:35.730 You explain yourself repeatedly, you defend your intentions, you work harder to be understood than any other person, works to understand, you spend hours replaying conversations trying to prove that I'm a

good person, I'm trying, I care, I didn't mean it that way, and before long, you're just absolutely emotionally exhausted. 00:10:36.289 --> 00:10:38.049 So, where does this come from? 00:10:39.250 --> 00:10:43.569 I don't think that people are born needing to prove themselves. 00:10:44.289 --> 00:10:53.569 This is something that is absolutely taught and something that we learn, and it's it's some sort of a develop developmental type of trauma. 00:10:55.009 --> 00:11:02.129 Somewhere along the way, many of us learned love was conditional, and therefore we had to earn it and prove it. 00:11:02.529 --> 00:11:05.409 Approval was conditional, we had to earn it and prove it. 00:11:05.649 --> 00:11:09.009 Attention was conditional, we have to prove it, earn it. 00:11:09.409 --> 00:11:15.329 Safety was conditional, we have to prove it, we have to earn safety. 00:11:15.969 --> 00:11:20.370 We learned that if we performed correctly, people responded better. 00:11:21.089 --> 00:11:30.289 And if we were good enough, quiet enough, productive enough, successful enough, helpful enough, and maybe just maybe then we'd be accepted. 00:11:31.329 --> 00:11:40.449 And while those patterns may have helped us survive certain seasons in lives, they make absolutely terrible foundations for leadership. 00:11:41.730 --> 00:11:48.289 Because the women trying to the woman and man trying to prove themselves really can never relax. 00:11:49.569 --> 00:11:51.250 We can't ever receive. 00:12:05.809 --> 00:12:07.329 You have to prove it. 00:12:08.929 --> 00:12:22.610 And this is why I know women who have successful businesses, beautiful families, incredible talents, amazing opportunities, but yet they still don't feel like they've arrived. 00:12:24.769 --> 00:12:34.929 And it's because the goal was never the goal, the goal of success was actually never success, it was always validation. 00:12:36.529 --> 00:12:39.809 And validating validation is a moving target. 00:12:42.289 --> 00:12:49.730 If your nervous system believes that your worth has to be earned, no achievement will ever feel like it's enough. 00:12:50.049 --> 00:12:58.449 You simply move through the finish line again and again and again and again, and it's almost kind of like you're on a hamster wheel. 00:12:59.889 --> 00:13:12.689 And one of my favorite things to uh tell my clients, and I really feel like this is anchored in some massive, massive truth, is God never asked you to prove your worth. 00:13:13.089 --> 00:13:16.129 He never did, he already knows it. 00:13:16.850 --> 00:13:29.329 He established it before the business, before the success, before the followers, before the revenue, before the achievements, before the mistakes, your worth was already proven. 00:13:31.169 --> 00:13:35.649 You don't have to negotiate something God has already put into place. 00:13:36.850 --> 00:13:40.769 You don't have to negotiate something that God has already created. 00:13:42.289 --> 00:13:47.730 And when that truth really lands inside of you, something else is going to happen. 00:13:48.049 --> 00:13:52.610 You start instead of trying to prove it, you just steward it. 00:13:53.969 --> 00:13:56.850 It's a belief that you carry. 00:13:57.809 --> 00:14:06.289 See, when you're sitting here trying to prove it, prove it, prove it, what ends up happening is it's really you not sure. 00:14:06.689 --> 00:14:10.449 And you're seeking validation from other people so you can finally be sure. 00:14:10.529 --> 00:14:13.649 But the problem is, is you never will have it. 00:14:15.169 --> 00:14:26.049 Because it needs to come from you, it needs to come from inside of you to the outside, not from the outside in. 00:14:29.889 --> 00:14:34.610 And when that happens, that's when you start creating. 00:14:35.889 --> 00:14:38.689 It's because it's a mindset shift. 00:14:39.490 --> 00:14:43.730 It's one of the biggest shifts I see in successful entrepreneurs. 00:14:44.449 --> 00:14:47.730 They stop asking, How do I prove I'm valuable? 00:14:48.049 --> 00:14:53.009 And they start asking, What can I create with the value that's here? 00:14:55.969 --> 00:14:57.409 That's a difference. 00:14:58.370 --> 00:15:00.289 That's a big difference. 00:15:01.730 --> 00:15:11.409 One comes from a fear and lack mentality, while the other one is coming from service and abundance mentality. 00:15:12.049 --> 00:15:13.809 A feeling of, you know what? 00:15:13.969 --> 00:15:16.370 I actually do love myself. 00:15:16.529 --> 00:15:18.370 It starts with your identity. 00:15:20.289 --> 00:15:21.409 This is who I am. 00:15:21.649 --> 00:15:22.449 I know it. 00:15:22.850 --> 00:15:24.370 I don't need to prove it. 00:15:26.929 --> 00:15:27.490 Think about it. 00:15:27.569 --> 00:15:32.449 If somebody walked up to you and told you that you're purple, you'd laugh at them. 00:15:34.049 --> 00:15:40.610 But if somebody walks up to you and says that your services aren't worth it, even though they've not experienced your services, somehow we believe that. 00:15:43.250 --> 00:15:49.649 But yet when we don't question our worth, that is what makes leadership. 00:15:51.169 --> 00:15:53.569 That's what brings on leadership. 00:15:53.889 --> 00:15:57.009 And really, really anchored success. 00:15:59.889 --> 00:16:01.889 One is inwardly focused. 00:16:02.449 --> 00:16:04.529 One is outwardly focused. 00:16:06.129 --> 00:16:13.889 When you're asking questions like, how do I prove I'm valuable? 00:16:14.689 --> 00:16:16.850 That's desperately seeking validation. 00:16:16.929 --> 00:16:20.370 But when you sit there and say, How can I create value? 00:16:20.610 --> 00:16:23.409 that's when you're starting to show up. 00:16:25.169 --> 00:16:31.329 And the woman that's trying to constantly prove herself is constantly wondering things like what will they think? 00:16:32.529 --> 00:16:40.610 But the woman constantly create creating value is wondering how can I serve with what I have? 00:16:41.809 --> 00:16:45.169 How can I show up with

who I am? 00:16:47.089 --> 00:16:49.809 How can I make an impact on the world? 00:16:50.209 --> 00:16:54.289 Because I know I'm valuable. 00:16:54.689 --> 00:16:59.730 But the prove it problem is because you're simply questioning your value. 00:17:00.610 --> 00:17:07.650 And those energies create completely different businesses, strategies, and results. 00:17:08.049 --> 00:17:13.170 And this is why I say a lot of times, it's not a strategy that's your problem. 00:17:13.650 --> 00:17:22.210 You can implement all the strategies in the world, but if you have this mentality, even if it's subconscious, the strategies won't work. 00:17:22.610 --> 00:17:28.289 No strategy will, because you're always going to be in a cycle of self-sabotage. 00:17:29.170 --> 00:17:31.170 And it's unconscious. 00:17:32.130 --> 00:17:38.690 And this is why a lot of times, too, I see entrepreneurs, men and women, because I coach both. 00:17:40.130 --> 00:17:50.690 This is why I see a lot of entrepreneurs feeling like they have all these things to do, but yet they don't take action on them and they don't know why. 00:17:51.329 --> 00:17:53.170 Or they procrastinate. 00:17:54.210 --> 00:17:55.650 It's this prove-it problem. 00:17:55.730 --> 00:17:57.890 You get so tired of it at some point. 00:17:59.650 --> 00:18:01.809 And this is why I'm always talking about boundaries. 00:18:01.890 --> 00:18:08.769 It's not because boundaries are about keeping people out, it's because boundaries are anchoring into who we are. 00:18:09.089 --> 00:18:19.009 A boundary says, I know what, I know my value, I know my worth, I know what I believe, I love what I believe, I know what I stand for. 00:18:19.170 --> 00:18:21.490 I'm proud of myself for what I stand for. 00:18:21.730 --> 00:18:23.490 I know what I bring to the table. 00:18:23.730 --> 00:18:27.570 And because of that, I don't need universal agreement. 00:18:27.730 --> 00:18:32.930 I don't need somebody else to come in and tell me, yeah, you're right, because I already know it. 00:18:33.570 --> 00:18:35.570 I don't need everyone's approval. 00:18:35.730 --> 00:18:38.050 I don't need everyone to understand. 00:18:38.290 --> 00:18:44.050 I don't need everyone to validate my decisions because I've already decided. 00:18:45.490 --> 00:18:49.970 And I'm going forward with that decision, no matter what. 00:18:50.290 --> 00:18:56.850 I trust this growth, and I like the growth that I see in myself. 00:18:58.050 --> 00:19:07.730 The strongest women I know aren't constantly trying to prove themselves, they're constantly trusting themselves, and those are completely different things. 00:19:09.170 --> 00:19:11.810 So this week, here's what I want you to do. 00:19:11.970 --> 00:19:13.970 I want you to notice something. 00:19:14.290 --> 00:19:16.610 Where are you still trying to prove it? 00:19:17.009 --> 00:19:19.090 What are you trying to prove? 00:19:20.130 --> 00:19:22.450 Where are you trying to prove yourself? 00:19:22.690 --> 00:19:36.130 Maybe

it's in your business, your pricing, your content, your marriage, your parenting, your family, maybe it's your relationships with God, maybe it's your relationship with yourself. 00:19:36.690 --> 00:19:45.090 Ask yourself, what would I do differently if I no longer needed permission, approval, or validation to move forward? 00:19:45.330 --> 00:19:51.090 Not recklessly, not arrogantly, just honestly. 00:19:51.970 --> 00:20:01.890 If you were to sit and be honest with yourself just for a little bit today and ask yourself, or even this week, and ask yourself, where am I trying to prove it? 00:20:02.690 --> 00:20:04.290 What would shift? 00:20:04.529 --> 00:20:09.570 What would change my loves? 00:20:10.290 --> 00:20:14.850 The goal isn't to become someone who never cares about what people think. 00:20:16.210 --> 00:20:18.210 Because we do care about what people think. 00:20:20.130 --> 00:20:26.450 But the goal is definitely to become someone who cares more about what God thinks because he's your creator. 00:20:27.330 --> 00:20:30.529 He's the one that put all the pieces together and made you. 00:20:42.130 --> 00:20:45.970 Because what if God himself validates that we're a failure? 00:20:49.410 --> 00:20:50.050 Trust him. 00:20:50.450 --> 00:20:51.170 He won't. 00:20:51.810 --> 00:20:59.009 Because if he thinks you're a failure, then he also has to admit that he himself is a failure in his greatest creation. 00:21:00.290 --> 00:21:02.769 I really don't see God doing that. 00:21:07.570 --> 00:21:15.090 Care more about your values, your integrity, your worth, your truth. 00:21:16.050 --> 00:21:27.330 Because when you know who you are, who God created you to be, and you just simply be, proving it becomes unnecessary. 00:21:27.970 --> 00:21:36.690 You stop performing, you stop chasing validation, and you stop trying to carry the weight of everyone else's opinion. 00:21:38.210 --> 00:21:45.490 And you finally start having the energy to build your life, business, relationships, and the impact that you were created for. 00:21:47.090 --> 00:21:52.290 So you don't have to prove it, my loves. 00:21:55.490 --> 00:21:59.810 Christ already proved your worth by dying for you. 00:22:00.130 --> 00:22:04.210 It was a very personal, very personal thing that he did. 00:22:06.130 --> 00:22:10.690 And God already proved your worth because he allowed that to happen. 00:22:11.570 --> 00:22:15.250 So that way you never, never would have to try to prove it. 00:22:17.490 --> 00:22:18.370 Think about that. 00:22:20.130 --> 00:22:21.410 Alright, my loves. 00:22:23.650 --> 00:22:32.529 If you would like more help, if you would like more support, feel free to reach out. 00:22:32.610 --> 00:22:35.330 There is a link in the description below. 00:22:35.730 --> 00:22:50.529 Um, I do have many different ways that we can support you, uh, whether it be through some online courses that you can take at your own time and leisure, or if you would like to learn about what it would look like to do some private coaching with me. 00:22:50.769 --> 00:22:53.250 I'm also going to be putting out an ebook. 00:22:53.330 --> 00:22:55.009 I'm still working on my book. 00:22:55.090 --> 00:22:57.570 It's another thing that I gotta do, right? 00:22:58.210 --> 00:23:09.650 Um, but there's many different ways that you can receive more personalized help from Aaron Anderson Coaching. 00:23:10.210 --> 00:23:17.009 So if you would like more help, get on the link below, scrub some time with me. 00:23:17.170 --> 00:23:21.890 Let's go through your boundaries, let's figure out what it is you're trying to prove. 00:23:22.610 --> 00:23:27.410 And let's help you realize that it's not something you actually have to hold anymore. 00:23:28.050 --> 00:23:29.250 All right, my loves. 00:23:29.490 --> 00:23:32.050 Until next time, I'll see you soon. 00:23:32.690 --> 00:23:33.250 Bye.