Full Transcript for Getting a Do-Over with Emerson Eggerichs and Joy Eggerichs Reed

us, Love and Respect 76 00:03:36.530 --> 00:03:38.419 is up there with Five Love Languages. 77 00:03:38.479 --> 00:03:39.620 I mean, it is just the go-to. 78 00:03:39.780 --> 00:03:42.379 And when you know that somebody is about to enter 79 00:03:42.439 --> 00:03:44.680 into this adventure, we call marriage. This is one of 80 00:03:44.699 --> 00:03:46.840 the ones that we just put in the shower gift 81 00:03:46.900 --> 00:03:48.759 because we know that it's going to help them go 82 00:03:48.780 --> 00:03:51.159 the distance. So thank you for all the ways that 83 00:03:51.180 --> 00:03:55.240 you have sown into generations now of marriages. That's such 84 00:03:55.319 --> 00:03:58.800 an incredible thing. Now, I have to ask, Emerson, before 85 00:03:58.819 --> 00:04:00.419 we go any further, and Joy, I want you to 86 00:04:00.460 --> 00:04:02.639 give me some intel on this. Emerson, I've known you 87 00:04:02.680 --> 00:04:06.219 a long time. you look exactly the same. I want 88 00:04:06.259 --> 00:04:09.240 to understand what is going on here. What is the 89 00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:12.780 skincare routine? Don't tell me it's a multivitamin. 90 00:04:13.409 --> 00:04:14.060 I mean. 91 00:04:14.590 --> 00:04:18.110 I look old 30 years ago, so I haven't seen it. 92 00:04:19.290 --> 00:04:20.370 It's pretty incredible. 93 00:04:20.730 --> 00:04:23.029 Well, y'all have been able to collaborate on a project 94 00:04:23.069 --> 00:04:24.610 that I think is so beautiful. 95 00:04:24.829 --> 00:04:27.829 And it started out of a tradition. 96 00:04:28.470 --> 00:04:30.529 And one of the things that I find that is 97 00:04:30.569 --> 00:04:33.329 so fascinating in families is My family has a whole 98 00:04:33.509 --> 00:04:36.009 vernacular and a way that we have of doing things 99 00:04:36.490 --> 00:04:38.889 that I never would have told you 10 or 20 100 00:04:38.889 --> 00:04:41.670 years ago would be something that would continue forward into 101 00:04:41.689 --> 00:04:44.350 today in the way that it has. And yet, whether 102 00:04:44.430 --> 00:04:46.879 it's nicknames or the way we tell little stories or 103 00:04:46.920 --> 00:04:48.980 little habits that we have as somebody is getting ready 104 00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:51.439 to go and head out somewhere and the things that 105 00:04:51.459 --> 00:04:51.879 we say. 106 00:04:51.779 --> 00:04:53.899 To each other, these things have turned. 107 00:04:53.680 --> 00:04:57.699 Into these beloved rituals and habits that And if I 108 00:04:57.740 --> 00:04:59.600 were to try to capture them, it would be kind 109 00:04:59.639 --> 00:05:03.209 of interesting to do that, to try to explain how 110 00:05:03.250 --> 00:05:05.730 these things developed. But what y'all have done is you 111 00:05:05.769 --> 00:05:09.310 have taken something that started when Joy was little and 112 00:05:09.350 --> 00:05:12.170 you've now captured it for us and you're sharing it 113 00:05:12.269 --> 00:05:15.620 in a book form. So Emerson, tell me the genesis 114 00:05:16.199 --> 00:05:18.139 of what this little ritual. 115 00:05:17.759 --> 00:05:19.360 Was when Joy was little. 116 00:05:19.800 --> 00:05:21.680 And then Joy, I'm going to ask you how it 117 00:05:21.939 --> 00:05:23.759 ended up being the project it is today. 118 00:05:23.779 --> 00:05:26.939 Yeah. No, it's a great question. And your observation on 119 00:05:27.230 --> 00:05:31.069 these dynamics expressions, we use it. No one else would get. And, 120 00:05:31.990 --> 00:05:34.470 you know, my mother used to say, did it cut you? 121 00:05:34.509 --> 00:05:36.529 Burn you. And it cut you, burn you. I mean, 122 00:05:37.089 --> 00:05:39.029 these little things that we have that tickle us and 123 00:05:39.069 --> 00:05:41.589 you remember them and you use them as a reminder 124 00:05:41.629 --> 00:05:44.310 of the endearment factor there. And so I appreciate that 125 00:05:44.410 --> 00:05:48.629 insight you have on that. But Bega and Duga, and 126 00:05:49.089 --> 00:05:51.189 we have now this character called Tiny. So there are 127 00:05:51.230 --> 00:05:53.629 three characters in this. But when Joy was younger and 128 00:05:54.089 --> 00:05:57.689 we have Two other children, Jonathan and David. So the three, 129 00:05:57.750 --> 00:06:01.310 I would tell these bedtime stories about Bega and Duga 130 00:06:01.370 --> 00:06:05.730 and the land of Nuff. And she's now, Joy, taken 131 00:06:05.769 --> 00:06:07.430 this and put it on steroids. 132 00:06:09.230 --> 00:06:10.769 I love that. I love that. 133 00:06:11.350 --> 00:06:13.589 So, Joy, when did it occur to you, like, you 134 00:06:13.629 --> 00:06:16.720 know what? This was this little storyline that we had 135 00:06:16.759 --> 00:06:18.660 going that my dad would tell us at night. 136 00:06:19.230 --> 00:06:22.170 And hey, you know what? I'm checking my resume. I'm 137 00:06:22.209 --> 00:06:24.529 a literary agent. Maybe this is something that we should 138 00:06:24.550 --> 00:06:26.689 turn into a children's book. Tell me what that creative 139 00:06:26.730 --> 00:06:27.529 process was like. 140 00:06:28.329 --> 00:06:31.240 Well, it was multiple things. I mean, you know, one 141 00:06:31.250 --> 00:06:32.920 of the things my dad and I always say is 142 00:06:33.620 --> 00:06:35.699 we didn't grow up, you know, thinking we were the 143 00:06:35.740 --> 00:06:38.040 smartest kid in class. You know, we always felt like 144 00:06:38.079 --> 00:06:42.000 we were one step behind everybody else until we both 145 00:06:42.399 --> 00:06:45.579 were in college and sat in our first communications class. 146 00:06:45.899 --> 00:06:48.699 And we were like, ah. This makes sense to us 147 00:06:48.939 --> 00:06:51.399 and our brain and how we work. And we loved it. 148 00:06:51.470 --> 00:06:55.550 So I was a communication studies major. He has his 149 00:06:55.589 --> 00:06:59.240 master's in communication and several other degrees and things like that. 150

00:06:59.310 --> 00:07:01.360 But I have just always learned from him and my 151 00:07:01.399 --> 00:07:05.139 mom of just how to communicate well. And there's many 152 00:07:05.160 --> 00:07:08.100 things that I don't do well. And a principle that 153 00:07:08.120 --> 00:07:10.550 my dad taught me in college that just stuck with 154 00:07:10.610 --> 00:07:14.470 me was asking myself before I write an email, before 155 00:07:14.490 --> 00:07:18.240 I have a hard conversation, knowing when not to speak 156 00:07:18.300 --> 00:07:20.939 or when to speak up is asking myself these four things. 157 00:07:21.420 --> 00:07:24.019 Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is 158 00:07:24.060 --> 00:07:27.360 it clear? So that was just a side principle that 159 00:07:27.420 --> 00:07:33.050 helped so much in college, in my professional life, my 160 00:07:33.250 --> 00:07:37.269 personal relationships with my husband, because by nature, I have 161 00:07:37.449 --> 00:07:39.810 a bigger mouth and I will just, you know, Let 162 00:07:39.850 --> 00:07:43.269 it out. But if I actually take a second to 163 00:07:43.310 --> 00:07:46.589 stop and ask myself those questions, it's really helpful. And 164 00:07:46.629 --> 00:07:49.730 I've seen those principles help for people who maybe don't 165 00:07:49.769 --> 00:07:51.540 know when to speak up. They're a little bit shy. 166 00:07:51.560 --> 00:07:55.420 And so that has been a powerful message for me. 167 00:07:55.459 --> 00:07:59.759 And we thought, this is something that actually adults need. 168 00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:02.839 But if we could get this to children, it could 169 00:08:02.899 --> 00:08:05.939 really transform the way that we see the world communicating 170 00:08:05.980 --> 00:08:08.149 with each other right now in this day and age 171 00:08:08.170 --> 00:08:11.389 with technology and all those things. And I'm also really 172 00:08:11.430 --> 00:08:14.189 passionate about like seeing my kids and seeing how they 173 00:08:14.240 --> 00:08:16.860 communicate with each other. And I'm like, what can we 174 00:08:16.889 --> 00:08:18.800 do that would be fun? Because there's so many little 175 00:08:18.839 --> 00:08:21.379 kids books out there that are really trying to teach 176 00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:24.079 good lessons, but they're super boring. And my kids don't 177 00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:26.379 ask to read them again. And then there's a bunch 178 00:08:26.420 --> 00:08:28.980 of kids books out there that are so silly and funny. 179 00:08:29.019 --> 00:08:30.600 And my kids want to read them over and over. 180 00:08:30.620 --> 00:08:33.600 And I'm like, there's nothing of substance here. It's funny, 181 00:08:33.659 --> 00:08:37.919 but you know, so we decided to incorporate The childhood 182 00:08:37.940 --> 00:08:41.570 stories that he shared with this message and fuse them together. 183 00:08:42.110 --> 00:08:44.149 And so that's where we came up with Bega gets 184 00:08:44.269 --> 00:08:46.070 a do

over in the land of enough. 185 00:08:46.210 --> 00:08:46.740 It's silly. 186 00:08:46.789 --> 00:08:49.600 It's crazy. But it teaches those principles of is it true? 187 00:08:49.700 --> 00:08:51.679 Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it clear? 188 00:08:55.340 --> 00:08:57.779 Here at the Almondos podcast, I am so thankful for 189 00:08:57.820 --> 00:09:01.860 our sponsor, George Fox University. They are so faithful to 190 00:09:01.899 --> 00:09:04.360 walk alongside with us and make sure that this podcast 191 00:09:04.399 --> 00:09:07.250 is possible for you each and every week. Their motto, 192 00:09:07.309 --> 00:09:10.730 their heartbeat is that your student will be known. that 193 00:09:10.750 --> 00:09:13.889 your student will individually receive the attention they need to 194 00:09:13.909 --> 00:09:16.309 fulfill the calling on their life, to fully realize the 195 00:09:16.350 --> 00:09:17.509 dreams that God has given them. 196 00:09:17.529 --> 00:09:19.289 Now, here's the math I want you to hear, because 197 00:09:19.529 --> 00:09:20.529 I think this is amazing. 198 00:09:20.629 --> 00:09:23.919 There are 60 undergrad programs for your student at George 199 00:09:23.960 --> 00:09:27.720 Fox University. 100% of the staff, they are believers in 200 00:09:27.759 --> 00:09:31.679 Jesus Christ. They follow the Lord. 100% of undergrad students 201 00:09:31.940 --> 00:09:33.750 are going to receive financial aid. 202 00:09:33.799 --> 00:09:37.649 But here's the math that matters the very most. 203 00:09:37.649 --> 00:09:40.990 93% of George Fox University students say that they are 204 00:09:41.090 --> 00:09:44.559 walking more closely with Jesus than ever before, that their 205 00:09:44.580 --> 00:09:47.379 relationship with God has never been stronger. And that's the 206 00:09:47.399 --> 00:09:50.440 kind of math that has eternal ramifications. 207 00:09:50.580 --> 00:09:51.779 So I want you to go check. 208 00:09:51.639 --> 00:09:57.909 Out georgefox.edu, that's georgefox.edu, to see if George Fox University 209 00:09:58.070 --> 00:09:59.549 is your student's next move. 210 00:10:00.080 --> 00:10:01.779 I love that, Joy, because one of the things that 211 00:10:01.820 --> 00:10:03.200 I'm finding. 212 00:10:02.720 --> 00:10:05.919 Both in retrospect as I look at parenting my kids 213 00:10:05.940 --> 00:10:08.419 when they were younger, as I'm watching the next generation 214 00:10:08.460 --> 00:10:10.830 go forward with it, I love that we're trying to 215 00:10:10.870 --> 00:10:14.370 do a better job equipping children with being able to 216 00:10:14.570 --> 00:10:18.149 say how they're feeling, what their emotions are, what's going on. 217 00:10:18.289 --> 00:10:18.830 I love that. 218 00:10:19.440 --> 00:10:21.120 But part of what I think is going to be 219 00:10:21.159 --> 00:10:23.720 interesting to have to backfill is then to go through 220 00:10:24.120 --> 00:10:26.899 and teach this generation who's been equipped with a lot 221 00:10:26.940 --> 00:10:29.460 of great language about what their emotions are and how 222 00:10:29.480 --> 00:10:29.960 they're feeling. 223 00:10:30.419 --> 00:10:31.940 But teaching them, okay. 224 00:10:32.159 --> 00:10:39.100 But also here's what's wise, smart, paced about talking about 225 00:10:39.299 --> 00:10:42.159 how you're feeling. And I think to be able to 226 00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:45.159 infuse at an earlier age in a fun way. The 227 00:10:45.200 --> 00:10:47.500 ability to do that is going to serve as such 228 00:10:47.519 --> 00:10:49.860 a powerful tool for parents today who don't want to 229 00:10:49.940 --> 00:10:52.299 lose the beauty of helping their kids understand more of 230 00:10:52.320 --> 00:10:55.919 their internal world, but are going to need some help 231 00:10:55.960 --> 00:10:59.100 equipping them with tools as to how to say and 232 00:10:59.179 --> 00:11:01.879 what to say when, while still having the integrity of 233 00:11:01.919 --> 00:11:04.019 how you really feel and what's going on inside. 234 00:11:04.580 --> 00:11:05.870 Emerson, how was it for you? 235 00:11:05.950 --> 00:11:09.230 Because it's interesting to me at this point in my 236 00:11:09.289 --> 00:11:12.690 parenting with adult kids, there are things that I remember 237 00:11:12.750 --> 00:11:15.539 a certain way. And then there's the way that my 238 00:11:15.559 --> 00:11:18.440 adult children remember something. And I wish sometimes it was 239 00:11:18.460 --> 00:11:19.679 a little more flattering for me. 240 00:11:19.700 --> 00:11:21.259 Sometimes it's not. 241 00:11:22.220 --> 00:11:24.940 But as the two of you began to excavate through 242 00:11:24.980 --> 00:11:27.210 these experiences that Joy had as a child of you 243 00:11:27.250 --> 00:11:28.330 telling these stories. 244 00:11:28.039 --> 00:11:29.460 With her two brothers and on and on. 245 00:11:30.039 --> 00:11:32.480 What were some things that surprised you in terms of 246 00:11:32.559 --> 00:11:35.379 what she remembered versus what your experience was as the 247 00:11:35.419 --> 00:11:38.039 parent as you were developing these stories and trying to 248 00:11:38.080 --> 00:11:41.299 get certain points across and sometimes just being silly and funny? 249 00:11:41.620 --> 00:11:44.559 Where was their convergence? Where were there some differences? 250 00:11:45.220 --> 00:11:48.159 That's an excellent question. And I've often said, you know, 251 00:11:48.179 --> 00:11:49.840 I'd have been a great parent had it not been 252 00:11:49.879 --> 00:11:55.879 for the kids. So they kept interfering. But I wrote 253 00:11:55.919 --> 00:11:58.440 the book Love and Respect in the family. I've got 254 00:11:58.460 --> 00:12:02.159 my PhD in family studies, and I waited to write that. 255 00:12:02.419 --> 00:12:04.990 Marriage kind of exploded prior to that, but the focus 256 00:12:05.000 --> 00:12:06.389 had been more on the family. But I wanted to 257 00:12:06.429 --> 00:12:08.889 wait for the

kids to grow up so that they, 258 00:12:08.929 --> 00:12:11.990 as adults, could speak back in. And to your very point, 259 00:12:12.470 --> 00:12:15.309 the things I remembered I did well, they didn't recall. 260 00:12:16.830 --> 00:12:19.509 And the things that I did poorly that they really 261 00:12:19.590 --> 00:12:23.419 felt strongly about, I didn't recall. And there was one 262 00:12:23.480 --> 00:12:25.440 point while I was writing this over a two-year period, 263 00:12:25.480 --> 00:12:27.139 I kind of said to all three of them, You know, 264 00:12:27.159 --> 00:12:29.210 maybe I shouldn't write this. You know, I'm kind of 265 00:12:29.509 --> 00:12:32.429 feeling like, wow, this is kind of stunning to me 266 00:12:32.509 --> 00:12:36.090 because I wanted their candidness and transparency. But in the end, 267 00:12:36.129 --> 00:12:37.850 they were the three that said, no, you got to 268 00:12:37.889 --> 00:12:40.919 write it. They're the three that endorsed it. And then David, 269 00:12:41.000 --> 00:12:44.279 my son, who would express that I shamed him the most, 270 00:12:44.639 --> 00:12:46.600 was handing the book out to all of his buddies 271 00:12:47.139 --> 00:12:51.019 because he said they don't know how to parent. So anyway, 272 00:12:51.070 --> 00:12:54.070 that's kind of the story to that. But yeah, great question. 273 00:12:54.929 --> 00:12:57.549 I mean, I talk a long time about those things, 274 00:12:57.629 --> 00:13:00.409 but I think, you know, that's where as parents, you know, 275 00:13:00.549 --> 00:13:03.230 we do what Hebrews says, we do what seems best. 276 00:13:03.850 --> 00:13:06.840 And we don't like that subjective element there. We want 277 00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:09.940 a formula. But children are moral, spiritual beings, and they're 278 00:13:09.960 --> 00:13:12.620 going to make their own decisions. And that makes us 279 00:13:12.659 --> 00:13:15.700 feel uncomfortable. So how do we become the real deal? 280 00:13:15.779 --> 00:13:18.200 How do we become the adult in the room and 281 00:13:18.259 --> 00:13:21.830 just stay consistent with that? in the midst of the chaos. 282 00:13:21.889 --> 00:13:24.120 And that's the challenge of parenting because we all feel 283 00:13:24.129 --> 00:13:26.559 like we're failing. You know, I must be a miserable 284 00:13:26.620 --> 00:13:29.620 person because my children are not responding to my great wisdom. 285 00:13:31.340 --> 00:13:33.450 I mean, I'm over here like Yoda. Nobody's getting it. 286 00:13:33.679 --> 00:13:37.039 Where are my Jedi's? Exactly. Joy, how was it for you? 287 00:13:37.059 --> 00:13:42.559 I find this place in the relationship between parents and 288 00:13:42.580 --> 00:13:45.019 then adult children to be one that's really fascinating. 289 00:13:45.059 --> 00:13:47.830 I think one that we don't often have a guidebook for. 290 00:13:48.470 --> 00:13:52.039 When that is still your dad, And he has wisdom 291 00:13:52.080 --> 00:13:54.639 and experience and all these different things. But now you're 292 00:13:54.740 --> 00:13:58.879 operating as colleagues. You are producing a project together. You 293 00:13:58.919 --> 00:14:01.590 have a certain skill set and wisdom and experience. Now 294 00:14:01.909 --> 00:14:03.649 you're wanting to honor him as your dad. And at 295 00:14:03.690 --> 00:14:06.169 the same time, there are going to be creative choices 296 00:14:06.210 --> 00:14:08.769 and creative decisions that have to be made. How has 297 00:14:08.809 --> 00:14:11.850 that been for you viewing your dad through a colleague? 298 00:14:12.509 --> 00:14:12.830 Lens. 299 00:14:12.870 --> 00:14:14.210 And I know that you've worked with your dad for 300 00:14:14.230 --> 00:14:15.889 a long time, so this is not a new muscle 301 00:14:15.929 --> 00:14:18.149 for you to exercise. But I think it would be 302 00:14:18.230 --> 00:14:21.149 really helpful for the listener who has kids who are 303 00:14:21.169 --> 00:14:23.950 coming into adult ages and stages, and they're trying to 304 00:14:23.990 --> 00:14:27.889 figure out, for example, collaborating on Thanksgiving. And all of 305 00:14:27.929 --> 00:14:30.909 a sudden, all the dynamics are different because mom who's 306 00:14:30.950 --> 00:14:33.590 been running the show all this time is now needing 307 00:14:33.669 --> 00:14:39.500 to incorporate and include adult kids as co-creators of this event. 308 00:14:39.580 --> 00:14:42.370 So How has that been for you and what has 309 00:14:42.429 --> 00:14:45.049 changed in the dynamics? What are some tips, tools, that 310 00:14:45.090 --> 00:14:46.870 kind of thing? Yeah. 311 00:14:48.049 --> 00:14:49.879 Well, I think, um, you know, my dad made a 312 00:14:49.899 --> 00:14:52.259 comment of, you know, being the adult in the room. 313 00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:56.980 I think, uh, it's so interesting now having kids and 314 00:14:57.000 --> 00:14:58.899 you said your kids are starting to have kids. I 315 00:14:58.929 --> 00:15:01.750 think that's really when the dynamic, you know, can start 316 00:15:01.809 --> 00:15:06.480 to change of like, wow, I see that, um, I 317 00:15:06.519 --> 00:15:09.240 have so much compassion for what my parents went through. 318 00:15:09.259 --> 00:15:12.580 And also like, I want to have a relationship with 319 00:15:12.600 --> 00:15:15.519 these little kids one day. And so there's just so 320 00:15:15.580 --> 00:15:17.500 much that kind of shifts when that happens. But I 321 00:15:17.519 --> 00:15:21.009 would say there were some certain just really pivotal moments 322 00:15:21.350 --> 00:15:24.610 of just some hard things that I went through kind 323 00:15:24.629 --> 00:15:27.830 of in my 20s that my parents really showed up for. 324 00:15:28.090 --> 00:15:31.269 And I would say that that actually changed the dynamic 325 00:15:31.409 --> 00:15:36.830 from parents who I was, you know, trying to seek 326 00:15:36.850 --> 00:15:39.110 their approval or do the right

thing or whatever to 327 00:15:39.149 --> 00:15:44.019 an actual like mentor counselor and then deep friendship. I mean, 328 00:15:44.039 --> 00:15:46.360 I just said last night to my in-laws that my parents, 329 00:15:46.419 --> 00:15:48.480 aside from my husband are my best friends, you know, 330 00:15:48.600 --> 00:15:51.419 and that, and so I say that to encourage people because. 331 00:15:52.200 --> 00:15:54.059 You know, my dad and I joke that in high school, 332 00:15:54.279 --> 00:15:58.279 you know, he, after a fight with my mom, I said, 333 00:15:58.299 --> 00:16:00.480 I said, just face it, dad, mom and I will 334 00:16:00.799 --> 00:16:06.519 never be friends. So I encourage, I encourage the parents listening, 335 00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:09.500 the moms listening who have teenage daughters, like it's possible 336 00:16:09.879 --> 00:16:11.710 for you to be friends one day, even if they're 337 00:16:11.730 --> 00:16:15.529 saying no. really horrific things like that. Um, but I 338 00:16:15.549 --> 00:16:18.610 would say, yeah, I mean, it's, it's, uh, my dad 339 00:16:18.830 --> 00:16:21.789 really does a good job of listening. Um, I, we actually, 340 00:16:21.809 --> 00:16:24.570 that came up in one of the webinars we were doing, um, 341 00:16:24.649 --> 00:16:27.159 as one of the pre-order bonuses, if people order be good, 342 00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:30.000 gets a do-over, um, is I was just asking him 343 00:16:30.039 --> 00:16:32.299 parenting questions. Cause again, that's what his PhD was in. 344 00:16:32.340 --> 00:16:34.620 I'm like, how do I get my kids to listen? 345 00:16:35.399 --> 00:16:39.379 And he was recalling from his, um, dissertation that adult 346 00:16:39.440 --> 00:16:43.720 children that were interviewed, um, of successful fathers. It was 347 00:16:43.759 --> 00:16:47.179 the fathers who just learned to listen and be empathetic. 348 00:16:47.230 --> 00:16:48.850 And I would say there's a combination of my dad 349 00:16:48.870 --> 00:16:50.990 having done that research, but also being a pastor for 350 00:16:51.049 --> 00:16:54.570 so many years and a counselor. You know, so often 351 00:16:54.669 --> 00:16:58.379 people will just be like, man, he just listened so well. 352 00:16:58.389 --> 00:17:01.759 And he will even say, I listen. And then I 353 00:17:01.860 --> 00:17:05.670 say back to people what they've said. And I think 354 00:17:05.750 --> 00:17:09.200 in friendships, in relationships, in marriages, in parent-child thing of 355 00:17:09.240 --> 00:17:15.380 just validating someone. I just think our world's getting worse 356 00:17:15.420 --> 00:17:17.660 and worse at listening. And so I would say that 357 00:17:17.700 --> 00:17:19.509 that's one of the things that I really respect about 358 00:17:19.529 --> 00:17:21.569 both of my parents is they will just be present. 359 00:17:21.609 --> 00:17:24.069 They will listen. And I know that they're actively listening 360 00:17:24.130 --> 00:17:27.710 because they can repeat back to me afterwards what I've said. Yeah. 361 00:17:28.289 --> 00:17:29.750 I mean, it sounds to me like one of the 362 00:17:29.789 --> 00:17:33.230 key components of this collaborative process with your dad is 363 00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:36.380 that you already had established a trust that you. 364 00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:38.400 Knew you were going to be heard. 365 00:17:38.619 --> 00:17:42.609 And I think this is fantastic wisdom for parents out 366 00:17:42.650 --> 00:17:44.390 there who have kids coming into more. 367 00:17:44.269 --> 00:17:45.410 Of those adult stages. 368 00:17:45.490 --> 00:17:48.569 Because as we see kids launching and starting to do 369 00:17:48.650 --> 00:17:51.009 all the things, and I'm sure Emerson can attest to this, 370 00:17:51.190 --> 00:17:54.170 there are moments where, oh, you really want to say something. 371 00:17:54.210 --> 00:17:56.309 You really want to go, oh, I wouldn't, I don't 372 00:17:56.329 --> 00:17:59.450 know if I would. But I find so often that 373 00:17:59.700 --> 00:18:01.640 I know I respond to this and I know that 374 00:18:01.660 --> 00:18:06.339 my kids do too. If I am intentional about showing 375 00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:09.099 them that I see them, I am listening, I am 376 00:18:09.339 --> 00:18:13.460 hearing them, it really is establishing a trust, I think, 377 00:18:13.740 --> 00:18:15.809 that they will be seen and heard and that their 378 00:18:15.829 --> 00:18:18.210 opinions will be valued, that it won't just be this 379 00:18:18.390 --> 00:18:22.970 override of this momming on them that I am so 380 00:18:23.049 --> 00:18:25.470 accustomed to doing, but now I'm taking this little step 381 00:18:25.519 --> 00:18:28.259 back and making sure I'm letting them listen. Emerson, when 382 00:18:28.299 --> 00:18:30.759 you look at parents today, when it comes to communication 383 00:18:30.799 --> 00:18:34.140 and as part of this work of Viga Gets a Do-Over, 384 00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:36.670 you know, we talked about the four things that you 385 00:18:36.690 --> 00:18:38.930 taught Joy as a kid and then have established in 386 00:18:38.970 --> 00:18:41.750 terms of what's so important when it comes to what 387 00:18:41.789 --> 00:18:44.470 we're going to say. But what are some other communication 388 00:18:44.569 --> 00:18:48.029 things that you would love to see parents be really 389 00:18:48.170 --> 00:18:50.329 intentional with as. 390 00:18:50.289 --> 00:18:51.609 Per a new generation? 391 00:18:52.289 --> 00:18:55.190 As per to Joy's point, I think we have people 392 00:18:55.230 --> 00:18:57.789 who are becoming very attuned to being able to debate, 393 00:18:58.589 --> 00:19:02.210 but I don't know that we're always listening, processing, and 394 00:19:02.380 --> 00:19:05.690 capturing some of the nuance sometimes. So what would you 395 00:19:05.779 --> 00:19:09.160 encourage parents along the lines of communication to also be 396 00:19:09.380 --> 00:19:10.000 thinking

about? 397 00:19:11.000 --> 00:19:13.400 No, that's a very broad and excellent question. And I 398 00:19:13.460 --> 00:19:16.680 think back, just circle back to that point, you know, 399 00:19:17.019 --> 00:19:20.660 adults with adult children, but who those children are not 400 00:19:20.700 --> 00:19:22.529 married and have children, there is a period of time 401 00:19:22.549 --> 00:19:25.650 that there's going to be healthy, heated fellowship. There's going 402 00:19:25.670 --> 00:19:28.630 to be still these Thanksgiving times. I mean, you've got 403 00:19:28.690 --> 00:19:31.369 to allow for a period of time where those kids 404 00:19:31.410 --> 00:19:34.970 are adults, but they still don't fully appreciate. You kind 405 00:19:35.009 --> 00:19:37.880 of got to anticipate, wait until they have children. And 406 00:19:37.910 --> 00:19:39.900 then they'll begin to kind of come back around and 407 00:19:39.920 --> 00:19:42.940 realize that maybe my parents weren't as foolish as I 408 00:19:42.980 --> 00:19:46.000 thought they were. But that doesn't mean that we don't 409 00:19:46.079 --> 00:19:48.859 still stay engaged. And one of the principles that and 410 00:19:48.900 --> 00:19:51.119 I think I violated it, was giving me more credit, 411 00:19:51.420 --> 00:19:56.380 there's a difference between validation and instruction. Validation doesn't mean 412 00:19:56.420 --> 00:19:58.609 you say that what they're saying is valid, but you 413 00:19:58.630 --> 00:20:01.490 try to empathize with it. You try to validate, you know, 414 00:20:01.569 --> 00:20:03.450 why they probably feel the way they do, and you 415 00:20:03.470 --> 00:20:05.789 can empathize with it. You've been there. It may not 416 00:20:05.829 --> 00:20:09.119 be the wisest conclusion, but it's not outside the range 417 00:20:09.170 --> 00:20:13.700 of my experience and other people's experience. So validation before 418 00:20:13.769 --> 00:20:16.210 moving to instruction. And I tended to, because I'm a teacher, 419 00:20:16.490 --> 00:20:19.049 move to instruction. I used to leave the three-page letter 420 00:20:19.130 --> 00:20:20.950 to the kids. Here's what they need to do. And 421 00:20:20.970 --> 00:20:24.869 that's kind of one of our histories of our family. 422 00:20:25.309 --> 00:20:26.569 I instructed too much. 423 00:20:27.289 --> 00:20:29.059 You always knew you were in trouble when you had 424 00:20:29.079 --> 00:20:31.299 a nine-page report on your bed when you got home. 425 00:20:31.319 --> 00:20:34.279 Who got the longest this week? But Even with David, 426 00:20:34.319 --> 00:20:37.240 my son, there was a situation with some other people 427 00:20:37.299 --> 00:20:40.220 that he's trying to minister to. And he was wanting 428 00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:42.920 to move in on instruction with this buddy. And I said, 429 00:20:42.940 --> 00:20:45.779 let's start with validation. And his other friend was wanting 430 00:20:45.799 --> 00:20:48.059 to move on instruction. I said, let's begin with this 431 00:20:48.099 --> 00:20:50.720 guy's pain. Let's just sit with him in his pain. 432 00:20:51.029 --> 00:20:53.609 You don't need to get to instruction too quick. And 433 00:20:53.630 --> 00:20:55.509 that was a mistake that I made. And I don't 434 00:20:55.529 --> 00:20:58.089 know if that is valuable for anybody listening, but it's 435 00:20:58.130 --> 00:21:00.710 certainly my poor experience for sure. 436 00:21:01.559 --> 00:21:06.599 No, I really resonate with that because I think sometimes, 437 00:21:06.680 --> 00:21:10.200 particularly if we are naturally fixers, you know, as parents, 438 00:21:10.240 --> 00:21:12.420 we bring our own personalities to the stage. And I 439 00:21:12.460 --> 00:21:15.259 think sometimes that this is something that's a little bit overlooked. Now, 440 00:21:15.319 --> 00:21:18.640 I'm all about looking at your kid and understanding their personality. 441 00:21:18.700 --> 00:21:20.220 And it's been a part of my early work. And 442 00:21:20.279 --> 00:21:23.349 I really love that. But a component that I also 443 00:21:23.400 --> 00:21:25.430 want to make sure is in there is understanding that 444 00:21:25.569 --> 00:21:28.250 you as a parent have a personality and strengths and 445 00:21:28.329 --> 00:21:31.380 gifts that come forth. And sometimes the things that you 446 00:21:31.500 --> 00:21:34.609 are very well known for within your professional field or 447 00:21:34.670 --> 00:21:37.549 amongst your friends, you're the friend who can fix everything. 448 00:21:37.589 --> 00:21:39.670 You're the friend who has the answers. You're the friend 449 00:21:39.710 --> 00:21:43.670 everyone comes to for advice. Doesn't always translate the same 450 00:21:43.750 --> 00:21:46.390 way in your parental relationship to your kids as they're 451 00:21:46.430 --> 00:21:49.680 entering those young adult stages. So the very thing sometimes 452 00:21:49.700 --> 00:21:51.680 that you feel like you have the most to offer 453 00:21:51.759 --> 00:21:54.819 and your kids may be like, no, thank you until 454 00:21:54.839 --> 00:21:57.819 they have a little more life under their wheels. So 455 00:21:57.960 --> 00:22:00.230 I love that you bring that up. that place of 456 00:22:00.269 --> 00:22:03.970 really validating and making sure someone has understood what you, 457 00:22:04.390 --> 00:22:06.339 that you really are attending to what they're saying, that 458 00:22:06.380 --> 00:22:08.680 you're really seeking to understand their perspective. 459 00:22:08.700 --> 00:22:11.160 And there's another side you and I enjoy. We'd be more, 460 00:22:11.180 --> 00:22:12.920 maybe the initiator, the teacher. 461 00:22:13.079 --> 00:22:13.279 Yeah. 462 00:22:13.380 --> 00:22:15.660 But I remember a young man telling me that he 463 00:22:15.700 --> 00:22:18.269 stayed away from Christ for years because when he was 464 00:22:18.309 --> 00:22:21.349 in his early twenties, he said, my girlfriend's moving into 465 00:22:21.450

--> 00:22:24.890 your house with me. And the parents thought we need 466 00:22:24.910 --> 00:22:27.829 to validate him. We need to empathize with him. So 467 00:22:27.849 --> 00:22:30.640 they let him, her come in, sleep in the house 468 00:22:30.700 --> 00:22:31.940 and so on and so forth. And he said, I 469 00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:34.779 stayed away from Jesus Christ for years because I concluded 470 00:22:35.099 --> 00:22:39.680 that the faith of my parents was insincere. And he said, 471 00:22:39.880 --> 00:22:42.789 once I realized I was the one forcing myself on 472 00:22:42.829 --> 00:22:45.789 them and they were trying to be accommodating to them, 473 00:22:46.069 --> 00:22:48.150 but they didn't realize that they had compromised. And once 474 00:22:48.170 --> 00:22:52.589 they realized that, there was a re-calibrating that went on. 475 00:22:52.849 --> 00:22:54.650 But he said, I stayed away from Christ. So there's 476 00:22:54.670 --> 00:22:57.470 that person maybe listening who isn't as vocal. So if 477 00:22:57.509 --> 00:22:59.859 they hear validation to mean just to kind of be 478 00:22:59.890 --> 00:23:02.220 compliant and go along with your kids, we're not saying 479 00:23:02.259 --> 00:23:04.500 that either. That's why we say, is it true? Is 480 00:23:04.539 --> 00:23:07.319 it kind? Is it necessary? Is it clear? And if 481 00:23:07.380 --> 00:23:10.279 it's true, it needs to align with Christ. It needs 482 00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:12.680 to align with the Lord. And we are called upon 483 00:23:12.740 --> 00:23:15.730 not to compromise that, even if in fact our children 484 00:23:15.769 --> 00:23:18.869 for a period of time, you know, distance themselves from us. 485 00:23:18.950 --> 00:23:21.730 And that's the challenge of parenting, isn't it? Right. 486 00:23:21.930 --> 00:23:23.750 Absolutely. Absolutely. 487 00:23:24.670 --> 00:23:28.769 Joy, for you, Living in Paris, living as an expat 488 00:23:28.990 --> 00:23:31.970 in a different part of the world, what have you 489 00:23:32.049 --> 00:23:35.220 found that seems to be pretty universal when it comes 490 00:23:35.319 --> 00:23:37.660 to the things you learned in your home of origin 491 00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:40.660 and the ways that you navigated life as a kid 492 00:23:40.680 --> 00:23:43.099 and then as a young adult and now as both 493 00:23:43.220 --> 00:23:46.240 a daughter and a colleague to your dad that are 494 00:23:46.339 --> 00:23:49.809 different culturally a little bit to where you live now? 495 00:23:49.980 --> 00:23:54.049 And how does that play into your sense of what 496 00:23:54.210 --> 00:23:58.279 is timeless and consistent in communication. And what we need 497 00:23:58.299 --> 00:24:01.779 to sometimes take a look at is understanding might be generational, 498 00:24:01.880 --> 00:24:05.180 might be cultural, might be different in some other way. 499 00:24:05.220 --> 00:24:09.220 Because I do think the expat life brings with it 500 00:24:09.259 --> 00:24:11.339 some perspectives that sometimes for those of us who are 501 00:24:11.380 --> 00:24:13.480 accustomed to living in a certain region in a certain 502 00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:17.299 way and living life a certain direction, sometimes we can 503 00:24:17.319 --> 00:24:19.640 miss out on. So what has your experience been in that, 504 00:24:19.700 --> 00:24:22.799 in this creative process as someone who is not now 505 00:24:23.079 --> 00:24:25.099 hasn't been living in the U S for about nine years. 506 00:24:25.819 --> 00:24:26.039 Yeah. 507 00:24:27.079 --> 00:24:29.589 Oh man. I feel like 4,000 things just went off 508 00:24:29.619 --> 00:24:32.130 in my brain because I think that is, I mean, 509 00:24:32.150 --> 00:24:35.450 before moving to France nine and a half years ago, 510 00:24:35.509 --> 00:24:38.470 my husband and I had an assessment done by a 511 00:24:38.509 --> 00:24:41.130 guy who actually works with a lot of military and 512 00:24:41.150 --> 00:24:42.430 a lot of people who are thinking of going to 513 00:24:42.450 --> 00:24:45.450 the mission field and just figuring out like, are you 514 00:24:45.470 --> 00:24:48.980 someone that can live in an international environment and succeed? 515 00:24:49.799 --> 00:24:54.579 And thankfully we both passed because we have a natural, 516 00:24:54.680 --> 00:24:57.539 like the big thing was like, we're naturally curious about 517 00:24:57.559 --> 00:25:00.650 other cultures. I think when you come in as one 518 00:25:00.710 --> 00:25:03.430 culture to another culture and then are just expecting it 519 00:25:03.490 --> 00:25:05.630 because maybe it looks a little bit like your culture 520 00:25:06.170 --> 00:25:08.769 to function like your culture and it doesn't, you're going 521 00:25:08.809 --> 00:25:11.680 to be endlessly frustrated. So There are frustrations, but I 522 00:25:11.740 --> 00:25:14.640 think my husband and I have always just been like, oh, wow, OK, 523 00:25:14.660 --> 00:25:17.119 this is how French parents seem to parent. And this 524 00:25:17.160 --> 00:25:20.339 is how and there's even there are generational differences even 525 00:25:20.380 --> 00:25:24.269 in France. And it's interesting to us. I mean, one 526 00:25:24.289 --> 00:25:27.210 of the things that we talk about is bedtime. Even 527 00:25:27.309 --> 00:25:29.609 it's just it's more of a Latin culture. Everybody goes 528 00:25:29.650 --> 00:25:32.390 to bed later. They get up later. And we joke 529 00:25:32.430 --> 00:25:34.269 that we still haven't let our kids know that they're 530 00:25:34.309 --> 00:25:37.650 on an American schedule because all their friends stay up 531 00:25:37.670 --> 00:25:39.910 so much later. We're like, no, you're going to bed 532 00:25:39.930 --> 00:25:44.839 at 730. But, yeah, I mean, I think, you know, 533 00:25:45.180 --> 00:25:49.279 an interesting dynamic that I, you know, sometimes miss is, 534 00:25:49.339 --> 00:25:51.019 you know, we grew I grew up. My dad was 535

00:25:51.059 --> 00:25:53.049 a pastor. And so we were in a really large 536 00:25:53.150 --> 00:25:55.930 church community. And there was like a support group. They 537 00:25:55.970 --> 00:25:57.650 called me. It was just a group of families that 538 00:25:57.690 --> 00:26:01.359 all got together and really supported each other. You know, 539 00:26:01.519 --> 00:26:05.519 and I've tended to live in cities post-college. I lived 540 00:26:05.559 --> 00:26:08.369 in L.A., I lived in Portland, Oregon, and now I've 541 00:26:08.380 --> 00:26:11.069 lived in Paris, France. And I would say for me 542 00:26:11.210 --> 00:26:14.789 as a Christian, I think I actually do better in 543 00:26:15.029 --> 00:26:18.809 cities and places that are culturally that are not culturally 544 00:26:18.849 --> 00:26:22.210 Christian because it makes me think more about my faith 545 00:26:22.269 --> 00:26:25.650 and why I believe. And yet I think about that 546 00:26:25.710 --> 00:26:29.329 like I saw I lived in a more culturally Christian 547 00:26:29.410 --> 00:26:33.569 environment growing up. always believed in Jesus and had a 548 00:26:33.589 --> 00:26:36.349 strong faith and had that support group. And so sometimes 549 00:26:36.410 --> 00:26:39.230 I wonder now, like, how will that be for my kids? 550 00:26:39.369 --> 00:26:42.819 Is that going to be the same for them? And 551 00:26:42.880 --> 00:26:45.920 so we have a smaller church community that we're a 552 00:26:45.940 --> 00:26:49.319 part of, and it's the expat community. But yeah, these 553 00:26:49.359 --> 00:26:51.039 are things that I think about, but I don't know 554 00:26:51.099 --> 00:26:56.089 how they will impact our kids. But it's endlessly fascinating 555 00:26:56.119 --> 00:26:56.240 to me. 556 00:26:56.240 --> 00:26:57.769 Well, and I think if I could jump in there, 557 00:26:57.789 --> 00:26:59.450 and it may not be relevant to the audience, but 558 00:26:59.490 --> 00:27:02.180 I think it's a great teaching point You're dealing with 559 00:27:02.220 --> 00:27:04.960 the fact that, is it called third generation, the study 560 00:27:04.980 --> 00:27:05.619 that's been done? 561 00:27:05.799 --> 00:27:07.619 Third culture kids. Third culture kids. 562 00:27:08.059 --> 00:27:08.220 Yeah. 563 00:27:08.240 --> 00:27:12.049 Comment on that because I thought that was very insightful. Yeah. 564 00:27:12.450 --> 00:27:16.690 So we've always had our kids in full French schools. 565 00:27:16.750 --> 00:27:18.890 So there's a lot of the expat community that'll say, oh, 566 00:27:18.910 --> 00:27:20.849 we want our kids in a bilingual school or an 567 00:27:20.890 --> 00:27:24.329 international school. And we never knew how long we'd be 568 00:27:24.349 --> 00:27:26.250 in France. So we thought, we just want to make 569 00:27:26.289 --> 00:27:28.859 sure they get the language because it was so hard 570 00:27:28.900 --> 00:27:31.329 for me in school. to learn a second language. I 571 00:27:31.349 --> 00:27:32.930 took German for two years in high school and I 572 00:27:32.950 --> 00:27:35.000 can count to three in German. So I'm like, hey, 573 00:27:35.039 --> 00:27:36.420 if it's going to be as hard for my kids, 574 00:27:36.460 --> 00:27:38.579 let's just full immersion for as long as we're here. 575 00:27:39.740 --> 00:27:43.400 But there is, the kids do still feel different. Like 576 00:27:43.440 --> 00:27:46.220 they're like, we're not, we will never be fully French, 577 00:27:46.460 --> 00:27:48.400 even though they were born here. This is the culture 578 00:27:48.440 --> 00:27:51.809 that they've primarily grown up in. And someone told us 579 00:27:51.890 --> 00:27:54.710 we went to, I don't know if you're familiar with Libri. 580 00:27:54.910 --> 00:27:57.710 It was started by the theologian, Francis Schaeffer in Switzerland. 581 00:27:57.750 --> 00:27:59.039 And I had spent some time there in my 20s. 582 00:27:59.869 --> 00:28:02.170 And so last year, we took the whole family to 583 00:28:02.930 --> 00:28:06.420 La Brie in the Alps. And there was a family 584 00:28:06.460 --> 00:28:08.480 that's lived there for about 20 plus years. And so 585 00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:10.559 they raised their kids. So we were like, tell us 586 00:28:10.619 --> 00:28:12.500 about this. If we end up staying in France, like, 587 00:28:12.819 --> 00:28:17.450 give us your wisdom. And they said, they're Canadian. And 588 00:28:17.470 --> 00:28:20.029 they were like, our kids will never feel fully Canadian. 589 00:28:20.549 --> 00:28:24.009 And they'll never feel fully Swiss again. But the people 590 00:28:24.049 --> 00:28:26.829 that they will connect with the most are third culture kids. 591 00:28:26.910 --> 00:28:30.819 So anyone, wherever they are, who has parents of a 592 00:28:30.859 --> 00:28:33.940 different culture than where they are. And it's really, and 593 00:28:34.099 --> 00:28:36.079 once we, our eyes open to that, we saw it, 594 00:28:36.099 --> 00:28:39.539 like even at our daughter's school, there is a little 595 00:28:39.559 --> 00:28:41.559 girl from China, but her parents have met, she was 596 00:28:41.599 --> 00:28:44.349 born in France. And, you know, my daughter Millie and 597 00:28:44.380 --> 00:28:48.029 her are friends. And it's, and again, it's not, it's not, 598 00:28:48.109 --> 00:28:50.549 as my dad says, it's not wrong. It's just different. 599 00:28:50.710 --> 00:28:53.119 And we're observing it. And we took the kids to 600 00:28:53.160 --> 00:28:56.779 Disneyland Paris in June. And there was a frozen experience 601 00:28:56.799 --> 00:28:59.210 where you could meet Anna and Elsa. 602 00:28:59.710 --> 00:29:00.049 Oh, yeah. 603 00:29:00.529 --> 00:29:03.109 And it was fascinating to me because we're standing waiting 604 00:29:03.170 --> 00:29:04.990 and this little helper comes up and she goes, would 605 00:29:05.029 --> 00:29:08.529 you like your experience to be in French, Spanish, or English? 606 00:29:09.049 -->

00:29:11.569 And we were like, we'll do it in English. But 607 00:29:11.630 --> 00:29:13.849 we were waiting and we heard Anna and Elsa just 608 00:29:13.950 --> 00:29:16.970 flip from Spanish to French, whoever the people were that 609 00:29:16.990 --> 00:29:19.440 were coming. And so I said to my daughter, Millie, 610 00:29:19.480 --> 00:29:25.460 I go, you... can be a Disney princess. That can 611 00:29:25.480 --> 00:29:28.039 be your job. And she was so excited. 612 00:29:28.059 --> 00:29:28.619 Yeah. 613 00:29:28.839 --> 00:29:29.029 Yeah. 614 00:29:29.069 --> 00:29:31.789 I mean, you know, my grandchildren are going to be 615 00:29:32.390 --> 00:29:36.210 in that category because dad is from Japan and they 616 00:29:36.410 --> 00:29:38.509 are speaking in Japanese and English as we talked about 617 00:29:38.529 --> 00:29:39.630 before we went on mics earlier. 618 00:29:39.730 --> 00:29:39.970 And now. 619 00:29:40.099 --> 00:29:43.220 they're living in a community where Spanish is one of 620 00:29:43.259 --> 00:29:44.220 the primary languages. 621 00:29:44.279 --> 00:29:46.039 I mean, it is that whole thing. So I'm going 622 00:29:46.059 --> 00:29:46.460 to be able. 623 00:29:46.359 --> 00:29:49.140 To go back and go, okay, maybe at, you know, 624 00:29:49.680 --> 00:29:51.039 Disney Tokyo. 625 00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:54.700 You guys tell me that. Exactly. It would be amazing. 626 00:29:54.880 --> 00:29:57.289 I love that. Well, Emerson, one of the things that 627 00:29:57.400 --> 00:29:59.430 I love about this project as I consider it. 628 00:29:59.630 --> 00:30:03.299 Is that I feel like we've had a season where 629 00:30:03.359 --> 00:30:08.470 we've had some pretty amazing authors, people in ministry, pastors, musicians, 630 00:30:08.630 --> 00:30:11.589 on and on, who are coming into a time where 631 00:30:11.609 --> 00:30:13.490 they're going to have to figure out how to hand 632 00:30:13.569 --> 00:30:16.309 off the baton. And some of them are doing it 633 00:30:16.369 --> 00:30:19.089 kicking and screaming and trying to stay young and hip 634 00:30:19.190 --> 00:30:20.630 and gripping onto the mic. 635 00:30:20.450 --> 00:30:21.279 For all they're worth. 636 00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:25.220 And then we have the true sages like you who 637 00:30:25.279 --> 00:30:28.099 are saying, we got another generation coming. We got some 638 00:30:28.140 --> 00:30:30.640 things that we want to equip and do and show. 639 00:30:31.220 --> 00:30:34.480 Talk to me about how it feels from a heart 640 00:30:34.539 --> 00:30:38.309 level to be pulling joy into these various projects. And 641 00:30:38.369 --> 00:30:40.509 now this beautiful new book that you have on Viga, 642 00:30:40.549 --> 00:30:44.839 Viga Gets a Do-Over. And the intentionality of making sure 643 00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:49.069 that we are equipping the next generation to lead, to write, 644 00:30:49.230 --> 00:30:53.589 to speak, to ideate, to share the wisdom God gives them. 645 00:30:53.930 --> 00:30:54.930 With a broader audience. 646 00:30:55.799 --> 00:30:57.500 And we do. You come to that point in your 647 00:30:57.519 --> 00:31:00.259 life where you realize the legacy of very important. And 648 00:31:00.279 --> 00:31:02.579 I think we're all conscious of that. But there is 649 00:31:02.619 --> 00:31:06.589 a felt need that starts coming to you the older 650 00:31:06.619 --> 00:31:09.279 you get. And it's a great privilege right now for 651 00:31:09.339 --> 00:31:12.240 Joy to have that excitement and to catch this vision 652 00:31:12.359 --> 00:31:16.940 for Bega and Duga and the four principles is a true, kind, necessary, 653 00:31:17.000 --> 00:31:19.940 and clear. And to see her really take that to 654 00:31:19.980 --> 00:31:23.500 the grandchildren now, it just brings joy to my heart 655 00:31:23.559 --> 00:31:25.339 and to Sarah's heart. And Sarah was the one that 656 00:31:25.359 --> 00:31:28.660 really said, this needs to be done. And Joy took 657 00:31:28.700 --> 00:31:30.819 the challenge and has been running with it. But yeah, 658 00:31:30.859 --> 00:31:33.079 I mean, I think all of us need to step 659 00:31:33.140 --> 00:31:36.049 back and really I think there is that sense in 660 00:31:36.069 --> 00:31:39.150 which some people kick and scream because there's an ego 661 00:31:39.190 --> 00:31:40.750 involved in this. And we have to come to a 662 00:31:40.789 --> 00:31:43.380 point where we let go of that, that we say, Lord, 663 00:31:43.420 --> 00:31:48.640 I'm not necessary, that I'm not the center here, and 664 00:31:48.700 --> 00:31:51.220 that we want to please Christ, that we want to 665 00:31:51.279 --> 00:31:53.440 please him, and then just ask him, Lord, now in 666 00:31:53.460 --> 00:31:55.390 this season of my life, what is it you want 667 00:31:55.430 --> 00:31:57.509 me to do to leave that kind of legacy? And 668 00:31:57.529 --> 00:31:59.829 I think it's important for us to think about that. 669 00:32:00.250 --> 00:32:02.529 Who is it that's going to cry at your funeral? 670 00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:05.069 And those are the people that you need to invest in. 671 00:32:05.920 --> 00:32:07.200 Yeah, that's so beautiful. 672 00:32:07.299 --> 00:32:10.190 And I just love getting to see this multigenerational project 673 00:32:10.230 --> 00:32:12.670 come to light. I can't wait for it to be 674 00:32:12.829 --> 00:32:15.369 out in the world. Joy, where can the listener go 675 00:32:15.430 --> 00:32:17.470 to find out more about Bega and some of the 676 00:32:17.549 --> 00:32:22.170 great pre-release things that you guys are doing and pre-order things? 677 00:32:22.230 --> 00:32:23.750 So I want to make sure the reader has all 678 00:32:23.769 --> 00:32:25.220 the good stuff. Yes. 679 00:32:25.720 --> 00:32:30.529 You can head over to landofnuff.com. And Nuff is just 680 00:32:30.890 --> 00:32:34.150 fun backwards. And I did not realize that until I 681 00:32:34.170 --> 00:32:34.789 was an adult.

682 00:32:35.190 --> 00:32:38.329 I love that. Oh, the lore. It's fantastic. 683 00:32:39.789 --> 00:32:42.910 Well, Joanne Emerson, I am just so honored and thankful 684 00:32:42.950 --> 00:32:44.890 to get to have this conversation with the two of you. 685 00:32:44.970 --> 00:32:47.369 It's so great to connect again. And I just wish 686 00:32:47.410 --> 00:32:51.039 you all the best on this incredible story. It's going 687 00:32:51.079 --> 00:32:53.819 to do so much to equip not just kids, but 688 00:32:53.900 --> 00:32:56.640 moms and dads with principles to think about how we're 689 00:32:56.680 --> 00:32:59.660 communicating and the ways in which we represent Jesus when 690 00:32:59.700 --> 00:32:59.980 we do. 691 00:33:00.039 --> 00:33:01.900 So thank you so much for all your work and 692 00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:02.440 all your love. 693 00:33:02.940 --> 00:33:03.519 Thank you. 694 00:33:03.559 --> 00:33:05.599 Thank you for your work. And we hope this. 695 00:33:05.539 --> 00:33:07.880 Is a children's book for adults as well. 696 00:33:08.420 --> 00:33:08.680 Absolutely. 697 00:33:08.700 --> 00:33:10.140 Yeah, that's what I was just saying. We hope we 698 00:33:10.180 --> 00:33:12.400 entertain the parents, too, because I've read I've read so 699 00:33:12.440 --> 00:33:14.720 many kids books where I'm really bored and I really 700 00:33:14.759 --> 00:33:18.119 want parents to be laughing as well. They will be. 701 00:33:18.269 --> 00:33:21.480 They will be. Well, that's it, listener. I want you 702 00:33:21.500 --> 00:33:22.640 to go straight to those show notes. 703 00:33:22.759 --> 00:33:25.009 You know that's your directive every time because Rebecca is 704 00:33:25.029 --> 00:33:26.630 going to put all the links in for all the 705 00:33:26.670 --> 00:33:28.849 great stuff where you can find out more about what 706 00:33:28.910 --> 00:33:29.970 Emerson and Joy have been. 707 00:33:29.970 --> 00:33:31.670 Up to in this fantastic book. 708 00:33:32.009 --> 00:33:33.910 Be sure also to join us at the All Mom 709 00:33:33.930 --> 00:33:37.609 Does community, allmomdoes.com and allmomdoes on the socials because that's 710 00:33:37.630 --> 00:33:39.450 where you're going to meet other women right in the 711 00:33:39.509 --> 00:33:42.190 trenches where you are trying to figure out all the stuff. 712 00:33:42.230 --> 00:33:44.650 You're going to get encouragement. You're going to be challenged. 713 00:33:44.769 --> 00:33:46.890 You're going to love it. I love it too. When 714 00:33:46.910 --> 00:33:49.069 you come over and see me on Instagram is where 715 00:33:49.109 --> 00:33:50.910 I hang out the most, Julie Lyle's car. 716 00:33:51.230 --> 00:33:52.920 When you come into my DMs and you tell me 717 00:33:52.980 --> 00:33:54.779 about the topics and the guests that you want to see, 718 00:33:55.180 --> 00:33:58.940 we absolutely listen. And so many of you are discovering 719 00:33:58.980 --> 00:34:01.319 that your questions are being answered. People you've wanted to 720 00:34:01.380 --> 00:34:03.779 hear from, we're bringing them on the show. Make sure 721 00:34:03.819 --> 00:34:06.039 and let me know how I can do my very 722 00:34:06.099 --> 00:34:09.039 best to allow this show to speak to you. 723 00:34:09.219 --> 00:34:11.039 And I will see you next time on the All 724 00:34:11.059 --> 00:34:11.960 Mom Does podcast.