Full Transcript for Simon Says

00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:31.520 Remember, trust and cooperation are feelings, they're not instructions. 00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:35.520 There's no PowerPoint or pitch that you can give upon the end that someone will trust you. 00:03:35.680 --> 00:03:37.520 You can't tell somebody, trust me. 00:03:37.680 --> 00:03:38.560 It doesn't work that way. 00:03:38.800 --> 00:03:39.919 They're feelings. 00:03:40.319 --> 00:03:52.479 Um, likewise, if you create an environment where we actually fear each other, fear the people with whom we work, the natural human reaction to that uh that environment is paranoia, cynicism, mistrust, and self-interest. 00:03:52.719 --> 00:03:53.759 That's what happens. 00:03:54.000 --> 00:04:01.599 There's enough danger outside the organization, there's enough stuff going on outside that we should have to fear the people we work with or fear our own leaders. 00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:03.360 And most leaders don't get this. 00:04:03.599 --> 00:04:06.960 Most leaders think leadership is about being in charge. 00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:08.080 No, it's not. 00:04:08.240 --> 00:04:10.719 It's about taking care of those in your charge. 00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:12.960 Most leaders think everybody works for them. 00:04:13.439 --> 00:04:16.480 No, you work for the people in your organization. 00:04:16.639 --> 00:04:27.199 It is your responsibility to take care of them, make them feel safe, and they will naturally want to cooperate and work hard and give you their blood and sweats and tears to advance your vision. 00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:32.399 All they ask is you take care of them, make them feel valued and valuable, and the rest takes care of itself. 00:04:32.959 --> 00:04:37.839 I have yet to give a speech or have a meeting where somebody doesn't ask me the millennial question. 00:04:38.079 --> 00:04:39.920 Um, what's the millennial question? 00:04:40.079 --> 00:04:48.959 Apparently, millennials of the generation, which is a group of people who were born approximately uh 1984 and after, are tough to manage. 00:04:49.439 --> 00:04:57.759 And they're accused of being entitled and narcissistic, self-interested, unfocused, lazy. 00:04:59.439 --> 00:05:01.120 But entitled is the big one. 00:05:01.920 --> 00:05:09.120 And uh and because they confound leadership so much, what is happening is leaders are asking the millennials, what do you want? 00:05:09.199 --> 00:05:13.839 And the millennials are saying, we want to work in a place with the purpose of that. 00:05:14.319 --> 00:05:17.360 Um we want to make an impact, you know, whatever that means. 00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:19.680 We want free food and bean bags. 00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:24.720 And so somebody articulates some sort of purpose. 00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:30.000 There's lots of free food and there's bean bags, and yet for some reason, they're still not happy. 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:36.319 And that's because um you they're missing, there's there's a there's a missing piece. 00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:40.959 Um what I've learned is that there I can break it down into four pieces, right? 00:05:41.040 --> 00:05:42.879 There are four four things, four characters. 00:05:43.439 --> 00:05:49.199 One is parenting, the other one is uh technology, third is impatience, and the fourth is environment. 00:05:49.439 --> 00:06:01.040 The generation that we call millennials, too many of them grew up um subject to, not my words, failed parenting strategies, you know? 00:06:01.439 --> 00:06:05.439 Where, for example, they were told that they were special all the time. 00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:09.600 They were told that they can have anything they want in life, just because they want it. 00:06:09.759 --> 00:06:14.399 Uh some of them got into um honors classes not because they deserved it, but because their parents complained. 00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:18.800 And some of them got A's not because they earned them, but because the teachers didn't want to deal with the parents. 00:06:18.959 --> 00:06:21.279 Some kids got participation medals. 00:06:21.439 --> 00:06:23.680 They got a medal for coming in last, right? 00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:36.160 Which the science we know is pretty clear, which is it devalues the medal and the reward for those who actually work hard, and that actually makes the person who comes in last feel embarrassed because they know they didn't deserve it, so it actually makes them feel worse, right? 00:06:36.399 --> 00:06:51.439 So you take this group of people, and they graduate school, and they get a job, and they're thrust into the real world, and in an instant they find out they're not special, their mums can't get them a promotion, that you get nothing for coming in last, and by the way, you can't just have it because you want it, right? 00:06:51.600 --> 00:06:54.079 And in an instant, their entire self-image is shattered. 00:06:54.240 --> 00:06:58.079 And so you have an entire generation that's growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations. 00:06:58.319 --> 00:07:04.560 The other problem to compound it is we're growing up in a Facebook, Instagram world, in other words, we're good at putting filters on things. 00:07:04.720 --> 00:07:09.519 We're good at showing people that life is amazing, even though I'm depressed, right? 00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:13.680 And so everybody sounds tough, and everybody sounds like they got it all figured out. 00:07:13.759 --> 00:07:17.199 And the reality is there's very little toughness, and most people don't have it figured out. 00:07:17.360 --> 00:07:20.000 And so when the more senior people say, Well, what should we do? 00:07:20.079 --> 00:07:21.920 They sound like this is what you got it in. 00:07:22.399 --> 00:07:23.680 And they have no clue. 00:07:23.839 --> 00:07:28.079 So you have an entire generation growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations, right? 00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:31.519 Through no fault of their own, through no fault of their own, right? 00:07:31.600 -->

00:07:33.040 They were dealt a bad hand. 00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:33.920 Right? 00:07:34.079 --> 00:07:36.240 Now let's add in technology. 00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:43.600 We know that engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical called dopamine. 00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:46.639 That's why when you get a text, it feels good, right? 00:07:46.800 --> 00:07:49.759 So you know we've all had it when you're feeling a little bit down or feeling a little bit lonely. 00:07:49.839 --> 00:07:53.920 And so you send out 10 texts to 10 friends, you know, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. 00:07:55.040 --> 00:07:57.519 Because it feels good when you get a response, right? 00:07:58.560 --> 00:07:58.959 Right? 00:07:59.120 --> 00:08:07.360 It's why we count the likes, it's why we go back 10 times to see if and if it's going, if our Instagram is going slower, did I do something wrong? 00:08:07.519 --> 00:08:08.959 Do they not like me anymore, right? 00:08:09.120 --> 00:08:12.480 The trauma for young kids to be unfriended, right? 00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:16.079 Because we know when you get it, you get a hit of dopamine, which feels good. 00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:17.920 It's why we like it, it's why we keep going back. 00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:25.040 Dopamine is the exact same chemical that makes us feel good when we smoke, when we drink, and when we gamble. 00:08:25.279 --> 00:08:29.360 In other words, it's highly, highly addictive, right? 00:08:30.319 --> 00:08:45.600 We have age restrictions on smoking, gambling, and uh alcohol, and we have no age restrictions on social media and cell phones, which is the equivalent of opening up the liquor cabinet and saying to our teenagers, hey, by the way, this adolescence thing, if it gets you down. 00:08:47.440 --> 00:08:49.120 That's basically what's happening, right? 00:08:49.200 --> 00:08:50.080 That's basically what's happening. 00:08:50.159 --> 00:08:58.799 You have an entire generation that has access to an addictive, numbing chemical coke oak meat through social media and cell phones as they're going through the high stress of adolescence. 00:08:58.960 --> 00:08:59.919 Why is this important? 00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:04.480 Almost every alcoholic discovered alcohol when they were teenagers. 00:09:04.720 --> 00:09:08.480 When we're very, very young, the only approval we need is the approval of our parents. 00:09:08.639 --> 00:09:13.840 And as we go through adolescence, we make this transition where we now need the approval of our peers. 00:09:14.159 --> 00:09:21.279 Very frustrating for our parents, very important for us, that allows us to acculturate outside of our immediate families into the broader tribe, right? 00:09:21.360 --> 00:09:28.480 It's a highly, highly stressful and anxious period of our lives, and we're supposed to learn to rely on our friends. 00:09:28.720 --> 00:09:37.279 Some people, quite by accident, discover alcohol and numbing effects of dopamine to help them cope with the stresses and anxieties of adolescents. 00:09:37.440 --> 00:09:39.679 Unfortunately, that becomes hardwired in their brains. 00:09:39.759 --> 00:09:45.600 And for the rest of their lives, when they suffer significant stress, they will not turn to a person, they will turn to the bottle. 00:09:45.840 --> 00:09:51.440 Social stress, financial stress, career stress, that's pretty much the primary reasons why an alcoholic drinks, right? 00:09:51.759 --> 00:09:59.679 What's happening is because we're allowing unfettered access to these dopamine-producing devices and media, basically it's becoming hardwired. 00:09:59.759 --> 00:10:06.240 And what we're seeing is as they grow older, they too many kids don't know how to form deep, meaningful relationships. 00:10:06.480 --> 00:10:07.759 Their words, not mine. 00:10:07.919 --> 00:10:10.720 They will admit that many of their friendships are superficial. 00:10:10.879 --> 00:10:20.240 They will admit that their friends, that they don't count on their friends, they don't rely on their friends, they have fun with their friends, but they also know that their friends will cancel on unless something better comes along. 00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:27.279 Deep meaningful relationships are not there because they never practice the skill set, and worse, they don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with stress. 00:10:27.440 --> 00:10:37.919 So when significant stress starts to show up in their lives, they're not turning to a person, they're turning to a device, they're turning to social media, they're turning to these things which offer temporary relief. 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:44.639 We know, the science is clear, we know that people who spend more time on Facebook suffer higher rates of depression than people who spend less time on Facebook. 00:10:44.879 --> 00:10:45.200 Right? 00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:46.720 These things balance. 00:10:46.879 --> 00:10:49.120 Alcohol is not bad, too much alcohol is bad. 00:10:49.279 --> 00:10:52.480 Gambling is fun, too much gambling is dangerous, right? 00:10:52.559 --> 00:10:54.639 There's nothing wrong with social media and cell phones. 00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:55.919 It's the imbalance. 00:10:56.639 --> 00:11:02.559 If you're sitting at dinner with your friends and you're texting somebody who's not there, that's a problem. 00:11:02.720 --> 00:11:03.600 That's an addiction. 00:11:03.840 --> 00:11:16.879 If you're sitting in a meeting with people you're supposed to be listening to and speaking, and you put your phone on the table, face up or face down, I don't care, that sends a subconscious message to the room that you're not just you're just not that important to me right now. 00:11:17.039 --> 00:11:17.360 Right? 00:11:17.519 --> 00:11:18.480 That's what happens. 00:11:18.559 --> 00:11:21.679 And the fact that you cannot put it away is because you are addicted. 00:11:21.840 --> 00:11:22.000 Right? 00:11:22.159 --> 00:11:27.600 If you wake up and you check your phone before you say good morning to your girlfriend,

boyfriend, or spouse, you have an addiction. 00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:35.120 And like all addiction, in time, it'll destroy relationships, it'll cost time, and it will cost money, and it will make your life worse. 00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:35.840 Right? 00:11:36.399 --> 00:11:41.840 So you have a generation growing up with lower self-esteem that doesn't have the coping mechanisms to do with stress, stress. 00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:42.240 Right? 00:11:42.399 --> 00:11:44.320 Now you add in a sense of impatience. 00:11:44.480 --> 00:11:44.639 Right? 00:11:44.720 --> 00:11:46.639 They're grown up in a world of instant gratification. 00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:49.360 You want to buy something, you go on Amazon, it arrives the next day. 00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:50.320 You want to watch a movie? 00:11:50.480 --> 00:11:51.360 Log on and watch a movie. 00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:52.399 You don't check movie times. 00:11:52.559 --> 00:11:54.320 You want to watch a TV show, binge. 00:11:54.399 --> 00:11:56.639 You don't even have to wait week to week to week. 00:11:56.879 --> 00:11:57.279 Right? 00:11:57.440 --> 00:12:01.200 I know people who skip seasons just so they can binge at the end of the season. 00:12:01.360 --> 00:12:01.840 Right? 00:12:02.080 --> 00:12:03.360 You want to go on a date? 00:12:03.519 --> 00:12:12.320 You don't even have to learn how to be like, hell, you don't even have to learn and practice that skill. 00:12:12.480 --> 00:12:18.080 You don't have to be the uncomfortable in which says yes when you mean no, and says no when you mean no, then yes when you mean you don't have to just wipe right. 00:12:18.320 --> 00:12:19.519 Bang, I'm a stone. 00:12:20.879 --> 00:12:21.279 Right? 00:12:21.440 --> 00:12:25.519 You don't have to learn the social coping mechanisms, right? 00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:28.480 Everything you want, you can have instantaneously. 00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:31.519 Everything you want, instant gratification. 00:12:31.840 --> 00:12:37.279 Except job satisfaction and strengthened relationships, there ain't no ad for that. 00:12:37.440 --> 00:12:42.080 They are slow, meandering, uncomfortable, messy processes. 00:12:42.399 --> 00:12:48.960 And so I keep meeting these wonderful, fantastic, idealistic, hardworking, smart kids that just graduated school. 00:12:49.039 --> 00:12:50.399 They're in their entry-level job. 00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:52.240 I sit down with them and I go, How's it going? 00:12:52.480 --> 00:12:54.080 They go, I think I'm gonna quit. 00:12:54.320 --> 00:12:55.279 I'm like, why? 00:12:55.759 --> 00:12:57.919 They're like, I'm not making an impact. 00:12:58.159 --> 00:12:59.919 I'm like, you've been here eight months. 00:13:02.080 --> 00:13:09.519 It's as if they're standing at the foot of a mountain, and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to have in the world, which is the summit. 00:13:09.759 --> 00:13:11.279 What they don't see is the mountain. 00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:15.039 I don't care if you go up the mountain quickly or slowly, but there's still a mountain. 00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:33.840 And so what this young generation needs to learn is patience that some things that really, really matter, like love, or job fulfillment, joy, love of life, self-confidence, a skill set, any of these things, all of these things take time. 00:13:34.879 --> 00:13:42.720 Sometimes you can extract pieces of it, but the overall journey is arduous and long and difficult. 00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:46.799 And if you don't ask for help and learn that skill set, you will fall off the mountain. 00:13:46.879 --> 00:13:51.200 Or you will the worst case scenario, the worst case scenario, and we're already seeing it. 00:13:51.440 --> 00:14:04.000 The worst case scenario is we're seeing an increase in suicide rates, we're seeing an increase in this generation, we're seeing an increase in accidental deaths due to drug overdoses, we're seeing more and more kids drop out of school or take leaves of absence due to depression. 00:14:04.320 --> 00:14:05.120 Unheard of. 00:14:05.360 --> 00:14:08.080 These are all this is this is really bad. 00:14:08.320 --> 00:14:12.240 The best case scenario, the best those are all bad cases, right? 00:14:12.720 --> 00:14:19.679 The best case scenario is you'll have an entire population growing up and going through life and just never really finding joy. 00:14:19.919 --> 00:14:24.000 They'll never really find deep, deep fulfillment in work or in life. 00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:28.879 They'll just just waft through life and it'll be just it's fine. 00:14:29.039 --> 00:14:30.240 How how how's your job? 00:14:30.480 --> 00:14:30.960 It's fine. 00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:33.759 How's your relationship? 00:14:33.919 --> 00:14:34.639 It's fine. 00:14:34.879 --> 00:14:36.960 Like that's that's the best case scenario. 00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:39.840 Which leads me to the fourth point, which is environment. 00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:45.519 Which is we're taking this amazing group of young, fantastic kids who are just dealt a bathead. 00:14:45.600 --> 00:14:47.200 It's no fault of their own. 00:14:47.360 --> 00:14:52.960 And we put them in corporate environments that care more about the numbers than they do about the kids. 00:14:53.200 --> 00:14:58.799 They care more about the short-term gains than the long-term life of this young human being. 00:14:58.960 --> 00:15:03.279 We care more about the year than the lifetime, right? 00:15:03.600 --> 00:15:31.919 And so we are putting them in corporate environments that aren't helping them build their confidence, that aren't helping them learn the skills of cooperation, that aren't helping them overcome the challenges of a digital world and finding more balance, that isn't helping them overcome the need to have instant gratification and teach them the joys of impact and the fulfillment you get from working hard over on something for a long time that cannot be done in a month or even in a year. 00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:36.639

And so we're thrusting into them, they're in corporate environments, and the worst part about it is they think it's them. 00:15:36.799 --> 00:15:38.080 They blame themselves. 00:15:38.639 --> 00:15:40.159 They think it's them who can't deal. 00:15:40.320 --> 00:15:41.679 And so it makes it all worse. 00:15:41.840 --> 00:15:42.240 It's not. 00:15:42.320 --> 00:15:44.159 I'm here to tell them it's not them. 00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:53.120 It's the corporations, it's the corporate environments, it's the total lack of good leadership in our world today that is making them feel the way they do. 00:15:53.440 --> 00:15:57.919 They were dealt a bad hand, and it's, and I hate to say it, but it's the company's responsibility. 00:15:58.240 --> 00:15:59.039 Sucks to be you. 00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:01.039 Like we have no choice, right? 00:16:01.279 --> 00:16:05.600 This is what we got, and I wish that society and their parents did a better job, they didn't. 00:16:05.759 --> 00:16:09.840 So we're gonna we're getting them in our companies, and we now have to pick up the slack. 00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:14.240 We have to work extra hard to figure out the ways that we build their confidence. 00:16:14.399 --> 00:16:20.559 We have to work extra hard to find ways to teach them social, the social skills that they're missing out on. 00:16:20.799 --> 00:16:23.519 There should be no cell phones in conference rooms. 00:16:23.679 --> 00:16:24.080 None. 00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:24.720 Zero. 00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:27.840 And I don't mean the kind of like sitting outside waiting to text. 00:16:28.000 --> 00:16:31.840 I mean like when you're sitting and waiting for a meeting to start, nobody goes, This is what we all do. 00:16:31.919 --> 00:16:33.279 We'll sit here and wait for the meeting to start. 00:16:33.759 --> 00:16:34.399 Meeting starting? 00:16:34.639 --> 00:16:34.960 Okay. 00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:36.000 We start the meeting. 00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:37.840 No, that's not how relationships are formed. 00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:39.759 Remember, we talked about it's the little things? 00:16:39.919 --> 00:16:41.200 Relationships are formed this way. 00:16:41.279 --> 00:16:44.000 We're waiting for a meeting to start and we go, how's your dad? 00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:45.200 I heard he was in the hospital. 00:16:45.440 --> 00:16:46.159 Oh, he's really good. 00:16:46.240 --> 00:16:46.960 Thanks for asking. 00:16:47.120 --> 00:16:48.080 He's actually at home now. 00:16:48.399 --> 00:16:48.960 Oh, I'm really glad. 00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:50.080 That was a really amazing. 00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:51.200 I know, it's really scary. 00:16:51.840 --> 00:16:53.840 That's how you form relationships. 00:16:54.080 --> 00:16:57.120 Hey, did you ever get that report on, oh my god, no, I didn't. 00:16:57.200 --> 00:16:57.840 I'll help you out. 00:16:58.000 --> 00:16:59.600 I totally uh can I help you out with that? 00:16:59.679 --> 00:17:00.159 Really? 00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:02.080 That's how trust forms.

00:17:02.320 --> 00:17:04.720 Trust doesn't form at an event in a day. 00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:07.599 Even bad times don't form trust immediately. 00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:10.960 It's the slow, steady, consistency. 00:17:11.359 --> 00:17:17.440 And we have to create mechanisms where we allow for those little innocuous interactions to happen. 00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:25.039 But when we allow cell phones and compass rooms, we just have the meeting, and then my favorite is like when there's a cell phone there, and you go like that you go. 00:17:28.079 --> 00:17:29.359 It rings again. 00:17:30.880 --> 00:17:32.319 I'm not gonna answer that. 00:17:33.119 --> 00:17:33.440 Mr. 00:17:33.599 --> 00:17:34.880 Magnanimous, you know. 00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:42.319 When you're out for dinner with your friends, like uh I I do this with my friends. 00:17:42.400 --> 00:17:46.799 When we're going out for dinner and we're leaving together, we'll we'll leave our cell phones at home. 00:17:46.960 --> 00:17:47.759 Will we call in? 00:17:47.839 --> 00:17:52.319 Maybe one of us will bring the phone in case we need to pull a number or take a picture of our meal. 00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:54.000 We'll take one phone. 00:17:54.240 --> 00:17:56.000 And so it's like an alcoholic. 00:17:56.079 --> 00:18:00.319 The reason you take the alcohol out of the house is we is because we cannot trust our willpower. 00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:01.359 We're just not strong enough. 00:18:01.519 --> 00:18:05.359 But when you remove the temptation, it actually makes it a lot easier. 00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:08.559 And so when you just say don't check your phone, people literally will go like this. 00:18:08.640 --> 00:18:11.119 And somebody will go to the bathroom and what's the first thing we do? 00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:15.359 Because I wouldn't want to look around the restaurant for a minute and a half, you know? 00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:19.759 But if you don't have the phone, you just kind of enjoy the world. 00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:21.519 And that's where ideas happen. 00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:25.119 The constant, constant, constant gauge rooms is not where you have innovation and ideas. 00:18:25.279 --> 00:18:30.319 Ideas happen when our minds wander and we go, and you see something else, and we can do that. 00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:32.079 That's called innovation. 00:18:32.319 --> 00:18:32.559 Right? 00:18:32.640 --> 00:18:35.039 But we're taking away all those little moments, right? 00:18:35.279 --> 00:18:38.720 You should not, and none of us, none of us should charge our phones by our beds. 00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:41.119 We should be charging our phones in the living rooms, right? 00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:42.400 Remove the temptation. 00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:46.799 You wake up in the middle of the night because you can't sleep, you won't check your phone, which makes it worse. 00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:49.920 But if it's in the living room, it's relaxed, it's fine. 00:18:50.079 --> 00:18:52.160 I I know, but it's

my alarm clock. 00:18:52.319 --> 00:18:53.599 Buy an alarm clock. 00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:56.160 It costs eight dollars. 00:18:57.519 --> 00:19:06.640 I'll I'll buy right, but the point is, the point is, is we now, in industry, whether we like it or not, we don't get a choice. 00:19:06.799 --> 00:19:21.279 We now have a responsibility to make up the shortfall and to help this amazing, idealistic, fantastic generation build a perfect, learn patience, learn the social skills, find a better balance between life and technology. 00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:24.880 Because, quite frankly, it's it's the right thing to do. 00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:26.960 I'm just gonna tell you something, right? 00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:29.279 So, I'm just holding my phone. 00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:32.640 Well, don't be honest, uh, it's not buzzing, it's not beeping. 00:19:32.720 --> 00:19:34.559 I'm not checking it, I'm just holding it. 00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:35.839 Let me just ask you a question. 00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:38.480 Do you feel like it's the most important thing to me right now? 00:19:39.279 --> 00:19:39.839 Exactly. 00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:47.119 Does it deep see the psychological reaction when you're walking around the house with a client holding your phone, even if you're not checking it? 00:19:47.680 --> 00:19:55.519 And I have absolutely habit where I've been walking around with an agent and they're talking to me, and then I like look to the left and I turn around and they're like this. 00:19:57.920 --> 00:19:59.920 Guess how that made me feel? 00:20:00.079 --> 00:20:03.039 That I am not the most important thing to that person in this moment. 00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:04.000 Wow, right? 00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:09.359 I'm just doing it right now in front of a room, and I'm not even looking down, and you don't feel that special, right? 00:20:10.079 --> 00:20:15.119 So, uh, the point is put your phone away for the 10 minutes you're walking around a house. 00:20:15.359 --> 00:20:20.160 The art of making someone feel seen and heard is stupidly simple. 00:20:20.720 --> 00:20:21.279 Right? 00:20:21.759 --> 00:20:28.400 Learning their name really quickly is really easy, and calling them by their name is really easy. 00:20:28.799 --> 00:20:35.519 Ask them questions about who they are, like where they see themselves in five years professionally, like you know, are you married, you single? 00:20:35.599 --> 00:20:39.440 What do you, you know, what do you learn about as if you know as as people. 00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:44.640 And all of that learning makes you show people different things. 00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:47.920 It makes you, it makes you creative. 00:20:48.640 --> 00:20:50.240 We are designed to take care of each other. 00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:54.319 As social animals, it is in our biology that we will take care of each other. 00:20:54.480 --> 00:21:00.400 This is why it feels so good when somebody does something really nice for us with no expectation of anything in return. 00:21:00.559 --> 00:21:03.519 We've all had the experience where somebody does something nice and you're like, oh my god, thank you. 00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:06.720 And then they put their hand out, you're like, oh it kind of like ruins the whole experience. 00:21:07.039 --> 00:21:07.279 Completely. 00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:08.160 It ruins it. 00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:11.839 But when they just do it and they're like, no, no, no, and you let, please, and it's like, no, no, no, no. 00:21:11.920 --> 00:21:12.480 It's my pleasure. 00:21:12.559 --> 00:21:12.720 Yes. 00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:16.480 You know, not only does our esteem for them go up, but it just it feels good. 00:21:16.799 --> 00:21:20.960 Likewise, it feels good when we do something for someone else with no expectation of anything in return. 00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:24.640 When we give our time and our energy, money actually doesn't work, believe it or not. 00:21:24.799 --> 00:21:29.039 Like if I told you I gave$500 to charity this morning, you'd be like, okay. 00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:30.480 That's great, Saturday. 00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:36.880 But if I told you that last weekend I gave up my Saturday and went to paint at schools in the inner city, you'd be like, nice, that's really awesome. 00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:39.839 Now the value of my labor was worth a lot less than$500. 00:21:40.240 --> 00:21:42.000 And that's the point, right? 00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:43.119 That's the point. 00:21:43.359 --> 00:21:46.799 Which is um we are designed to take care of each other. 00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:54.640 And there's a chemical called oxytocin, um, which is the chemical responsible for our feelings of love, friendship, and trust. 00:21:54.799 --> 00:21:57.519 When you look at somebody you adore and you go like this, that's oxytocin. 00:21:57.759 --> 00:21:59.839 When somebody touches you and says, Oh my god, it's so good to see you. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:01.519 Touch creates oxytocin. 00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:02.319 It's so good to see. 00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:05.200 You know, it actually makes us feel closer to each other. 00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:05.839 You know? 00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:18.240 When oxytocin is released in our bodies, not only does it make us feel good, not only does it boost our immune systems, but the more oxytocin we have in our bodies, it actually makes us more generous because the human body is trying to get us to look after each other. 00:22:18.319 --> 00:22:19.680 And it gets even better than that. 00:22:19.920 --> 00:22:26.240 The person who does the act of generosity, giving the time or energy without expectation of anything in return, they get a shell of oxytocin. 00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:29.920 The person on the receiving end gets a shell of oxytocin. 00:22:30.559 --> 00:22:35.119 And even witnessing an act of generosity or kindness releases oxytocin. 00:22:35.359 --> 00:22:37.599 It feels good to see somebody do something nice. 00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:42.319 And the more oxytocin we

have in our bodies, as I said, means we're more likely to do something nice with somebody. 00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:44.240 This is the biology of pay it forwards. 00:22:44.319 --> 00:22:47.920 It's the human body's desperate attempt to get us to look after each other. 00:22:48.160 --> 00:22:52.799 And so when we create environments where we allow that to flow, it does naturally. 00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:54.240 It just takes care of itself. 00:22:54.319 --> 00:22:55.680 It's just biology. 00:22:56.000 --> 00:23:06.640 To have someone believe in us, to have one person see a spark in us, helps us recognize that it helps us see the spark in ourselves. 00:23:06.880 --> 00:23:16.000 It just, I think it takes one, only one person, whether it's a friend or a coach or a parent, a boss sometimes, you know, who says, who takes a liking to us. 00:23:16.559 --> 00:23:24.319 Almost all of us, almost all of us, can remember one person in our lives where it's a coach or a teacher who took us under their wing and saw something that we didn't see. 00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:28.400 And every single successful person on the planet has that person. 00:23:28.640 --> 00:23:29.759 But I think most of us do. 00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:35.599 Most of us have somebody who saw something in us, and we are who we are, in part because of that person. 00:23:45.519 --> 00:23:48.640 Wow, I hope you feel the same way I do. 00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:49.839 Yeah, wow. 00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:54.319 It's just now of course it's time to unpack. 00:23:54.640 --> 00:24:11.279 And that's why I would suggest that you go to the show notes because I have broken down the various aspects of what Simon said into some hopefully easily understandable components so that you can go back. 00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:13.519 Now, what did Simon say about trust? 00:24:13.680 --> 00:24:15.519 What did he say about leadership? 00:24:15.759 --> 00:24:20.559 What were those four aspects of uh working with millennials? 00:24:20.720 --> 00:24:25.279 Well, as I said, go to the show notes because you'll see it all broken down. 00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:28.480 But here's a couple of things that resonated with me. 00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:43.759 And what got me interested in this sound bite in the first place, because there's a word that's become, I guess, the hallmark of what I do with athletes in the role of the coach. 00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:47.440 And as an athlete uh oneself. 00:24:47.839 --> 00:24:50.640 And it's the word trust. 00:24:51.920 --> 00:24:54.720 It's the word that means so much. 00:24:55.359 --> 00:25:11.119 But from an athlete's perspective, I love to ask this question, and those of you who have uh been around me long enough, I love to say to an athlete, we'll put it into the curling context, how much do you trust your delivery? 00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:16.240 Of course, now during the lawn bowl season, I guess I say the same thing to lawn bowlers. 00:25:16.640 --> 00:25:17.359 Same thing. 00:25:17.599 --> 00:25:23.359

On a scale of one to ten, how much do you trust your delivery? 00:25:23.920 --> 00:25:30.240 And usually the answer that comes back to me is somewhere in the six, seven, eight, nine range. 00:25:30.720 --> 00:25:34.400 The problem is that's you know really not what I asked. 00:25:34.640 --> 00:25:39.039 I asked you how much you trusted it on a scale of one to ten. 00:25:39.440 --> 00:25:42.480 And you see, trust is digital. 00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:46.960 It's either one or zero, I suppose, or ten. 00:25:47.599 --> 00:25:49.920 You don't sort of trust something. 00:25:50.319 --> 00:26:08.799 But then, of course, trust means that emotion, that feeling that we place in one another, whether it's from a coaching or leadership from perspective to those in our charge, or when you look at your role on the team or in the group. 00:26:09.119 --> 00:26:11.839 And the the the word trust is so important. 00:26:11.920 --> 00:26:14.640 I was really glad that Simon talked about that. 00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:30.240 But right at the end, when he sort of, you know, gave the formula for connecting with people, and he talked about one of the most important parts of anyone is their name. 00:26:30.400 --> 00:26:36.000 And and here's a suggestion for you because you know I'm I'm taking my own advice here. 00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:44.079 When I go through the checkout at the grocery store, almost all of the the employees at the checkout wear an egg tag. 00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:49.680 And I make it a point to use the person's name. 00:26:49.920 --> 00:26:51.839 Hi Mary, how are you doing today? 00:26:51.920 --> 00:26:53.200 How's your day going? 00:26:53.599 --> 00:26:58.559 And the the reaction that I get is amazing. 00:26:58.880 --> 00:27:07.200 Um Mary is one of the women that is at the checkout of the grocery store that I frequent. 00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:15.359 And uh uh I I try to look for her if she's working that day, and I will say, hi Mary, how's your day going today? 00:27:15.519 --> 00:27:24.319 And and I can tell that it's one of the, you know, not trying to pat myself on the back, but that means so much to that person. 00:27:24.640 --> 00:27:28.079 Just something, just something small like that. 00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:45.599 And I I remember in my coaching career, I'm not going to identify the athlete, but I had an athlete on on a team who was uh just just a superb brusher, uh, a really good curler, but a superb brusher. 00:27:45.680 --> 00:27:50.079 But but this athlete was very quiet, very reserved. 00:27:50.480 --> 00:28:00.319 And I went up to this athlete one time and I said, you know, uh I'll call this person Tim. 00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:05.200 I said, you know, Tim, we've got something that nobody else has. 00:28:05.920 --> 00:28:11.279 And Tim looked at me like, oh, well, well, I'm not exactly sure what you mean, coach. 00:28:11.359 --> 00:28:14.160 What do we have that nobody else has? 00:28:14.799 --> 00:28:17.440 Tim, we've got you. 00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:28.160 And that made that athlete's, not just that athlete's day, but I think it made a difference. 00:28:28.319 --> 00:28:42.799 And I always go back to the words of the late Maya Angelo when she said, they'll forget what you said, they'll forget what you've done, they'll never forget how you made them feel. 00:28:43.119 --> 00:28:46.880 So, coaches out there, there's something to take away. 00:28:47.119 --> 00:28:57.599 Again, the words of Maya Angelo, they'll forget what you said, they'll forget what you did, but they'll never forget how you made them feel. 00:28:58.319 --> 00:29:12.880 So, I hope you have enjoyed the words of Simon Seneck, and I hope that uh the chapter markers will help you as you go back and listen to this again because it's like that movie that you see many times. 00:29:13.359 --> 00:29:15.519 You get something different from it each time. 00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:22.160 I I really, really feel that this sound bite can make a difference. 00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:30.799 So, my friends, until next time, remember those great, wise words of North American philosopher Charlie Brown. 00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:39.279 Don't focus too much on things that make you sad, because there's so many things that can make you happy.