Full Transcript for Duct Tape for Your Inner Critic (Gently, of Course) | Dawn Mauricio

already easy. Whatever 70 00:06:02.360 --> 00:06:11.300 is already accessible. And so whether it's pleasant or unpleasant, 71 00:06:11.620 --> 00:06:19.860 what do you notice? Is it sensations? Is it sound? 72 00:06:25.370 --> 00:06:44.139 Is it thoughts? Whatever you notice most easily, use that 73 00:06:44.199 --> 00:06:53.029 as your anchor. Following the coming and going of breath, 74 00:06:53.970 --> 00:07:31.930 of sensation, of thoughts. But choosing one of those. Invite kindness, 75 00:07:33.529 --> 00:07:37.870 gentleness to be your companion so that even though your 76 00:07:38.930 --> 00:07:46.730 mind might be traveling everywhere, it's okay. Noticing that and 77 00:07:46.750 --> 00:07:52.569 then just starting over again. Placing your attention once again 78 00:07:52.670 --> 00:08:32.049 on whatever anchor it is you've chosen. I might be 79 00:08:32.149 --> 00:08:38.700 late in acknowledging that your mind might wander. And that's 80 00:08:38.740 --> 00:08:43.139 not a problem. But instead of judging the mind for wandering, 81 00:08:43.220 --> 00:08:47.899 when you do notice, can you celebrate awareness or your 82 00:08:47.940 --> 00:08:53.809 mindfulness returning? So treating it like a moment of celebration 83 00:08:53.870 --> 00:08:58.309 instead of an opportunity to judge. You might even say, 84 00:08:58.409 --> 00:09:02.470 thank you, mindfulness, for returning. And then again, focus on 85 00:09:02.509 --> 00:09:06.889 your body or sounds or whatever it was you were 86 00:09:07.009 --> 00:10:01.779 using as your anchor. And then once again, invite the 87 00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:07.840 body to relax here, regardless of how your practice unfolded. 88 00:10:10.679 --> 00:10:15.350 Bring in that quality of ease again, maybe once more 89 00:10:15.450 --> 00:11:03.320 relaxing more deeply into the chair or the ground. And 90 00:11:03.340 --> 00:11:08.879 then once again, tune into the sounds, movements going on 91 00:11:08.940 --> 00:11:14.029 around you, whether in the same room, outside the room, 92 00:11:14.129 --> 00:11:28.779 outside your building. You can lift your gaze. If your 93 00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:31.419 eyes are closed, you can blink them open and just 94 00:11:31.460 --> 00:11:34.120 for a few moments, take in the space around you. 95 00:11:34.220 --> 00:11:43.629 Maybe taking in light and shape, looking around. Maybe breathing 96 00:11:43.669 --> 00:11:53.710 deeply again. And then when you're ready, coming back to us. 97 00:11:56.639 --> 00:11:59.120 Okay. Thank you, Dylan. Appreciate that. Thank you. 98 00:11:59.620 --> 00:12:03.639 Yeah, it's a great way to start anything. 99 00:12:04.200 --> 00:12:06.320 Yeah, I was just going to say start what, but 100 00:12:06.379 --> 00:12:07.139 literally anything. 101 00:12:07.580 --> 00:12:08.039 Yeah. 102 00:12:09.019 --> 00:12:12.379 Carly writes, she went straight to her phone when she 103 00:12:12.539 --> 00:12:13.570 got out of the meditation. 104 00:12:13.639 --> 00:12:17.409 Totally normal. That's totally normal. It's such a deep habit. 105 00:12:17.809 --> 00:12:19.970 And the fact that you're seeing it, that's the first 106 00:12:19.990 --> 00:12:22.850 step to unwinding it and having a sense of humor 107 00:12:22.889 --> 00:12:23.070 about it. 108 00:12:23.620 --> 00:12:25.840 And being willing to admit that in front of hundreds 109 00:12:25.899 --> 00:12:26.480 of people. 110 00:12:28.039 --> 00:12:30.379 JP writes, whenever I hear your voice, my body goes 111 00:12:30.419 --> 00:12:31.759 into calm down mode. 112 00:12:31.870 --> 00:12:32.830 Dawn, thank you. 113 00:12:32.850 --> 00:12:36.190 Thank you. Someone needs to tell that to my husband. 114 00:12:36.210 --> 00:12:38.210 It's so funny. 115 00:12:38.450 --> 00:12:40.570 People come up to me in public and say, you know, 116 00:12:40.629 --> 00:12:43.009 it's so funny to hear your voice in person because 117 00:12:43.080 --> 00:12:45.220 I associate it with relaxation and I can see my 118 00:12:45.279 --> 00:12:46.500 wife rolling her eyes. 119 00:12:46.740 --> 00:12:48.220 Exactly. Yeah. 120 00:12:49.399 --> 00:12:51.029 Okay, so let me get to some of these questions. 121 00:12:51.070 --> 00:12:53.370 You can pop them in the chat here, but many 122 00:12:53.389 --> 00:12:56.870 of you submitted in advance. Here's Brian Phillips. Thank you 123 00:12:56.889 --> 00:12:59.330 for this, Dan. I've been looking for local sangha or 124 00:12:59.409 --> 00:13:02.830 community to practice and connect with. Any tips on finding 125 00:13:02.870 --> 00:13:04.990 that and implementing it into my practice? 126 00:13:05.110 --> 00:13:05.970 What do you say, John? 127 00:13:07.009 --> 00:13:09.690 I love that inclination to want to be in community 128 00:13:09.750 --> 00:13:13.590 because actually I taught a class earlier today and someone 129 00:13:13.669 --> 00:13:16.429 quoted you, Dan, and they said something like that you 130 00:13:16.490 --> 00:13:18.389 often say, don't suffer alone. 131 00:13:18.950 --> 00:13:21.539 Or something like that. It's not my expression, but never 132 00:13:21.600 --> 00:13:22.220 worry alone. 133 00:13:22.519 --> 00:13:25.899 That's it. Yeah. And so I feel like we need that. 134 00:13:26.100 --> 00:13:28.740 We need the support of community. And I know that 135 00:13:28.779 --> 00:13:32.250 when I am in community, I definitely sit way longer 136 00:13:32.570 --> 00:13:36.870 or more consistently, etc. So it definitely helps. I think 137 00:13:36.950 --> 00:13:41.929 some areas like... One of the easiest ways is there's 138 00:13:42.350 --> 00:13:46.090 this website called the Buddhist Insight Network. And this one 139 00:13:46.250 --> 00:13:49.490 is a little bit more Buddhist-y for sure. But there's 140 00:13:49.590 --> 00:13:51.929 apparently on this network, you can find a bunch of 141 00:13:52.080 --> 00:13:57.659 peer-led or teacher-led communities. But I think also in your community, 142 00:13:57.700 --> 00:14:00.620 you

bring in, Dan, so many of my friends and 143 00:14:00.679 --> 00:14:04.159 colleagues and us teachers, and we all have or are 144 00:14:04.179 --> 00:14:07.350 affiliated with communities. And so I would say, To Brian, 145 00:14:07.370 --> 00:14:10.929 if you're already familiar with some teachers through the podcast, 146 00:14:11.269 --> 00:14:14.730 to look them up, see what organizations they're affiliated with. 147 00:14:15.129 --> 00:14:19.539 And many of these organizations also have online offerings. And 148 00:14:19.659 --> 00:14:22.460 so depending on where you're located, you might be able 149 00:14:22.500 --> 00:14:25.860 to join in person or even some of the online stuff. 150 00:14:26.379 --> 00:14:28.940 But I think those are a couple of the quick 151 00:14:28.960 --> 00:14:32.659 and easy ways to find community. And then maybe even 152 00:14:32.710 --> 00:14:37.250 like putting it into the subscriber chat thread. maybe looking 153 00:14:37.309 --> 00:14:40.129 for others who are interested in finding community too, and 154 00:14:40.149 --> 00:14:41.730 then they might be able to help you out or 155 00:14:41.769 --> 00:14:44.669 want to even just gather with you and practice or 156 00:14:44.710 --> 00:14:47.950 listen to some of the podcasts together and meditations together. 157 00:14:47.970 --> 00:14:50.730 That's usually where it starts or how it can start. 158 00:14:51.649 --> 00:14:53.450 Just to say, and I can't say too much without 159 00:14:53.830 --> 00:14:55.509 the people who work with. 160 00:14:55.409 --> 00:14:57.350 Me getting very mad at me, but in the not 161 00:14:57.389 --> 00:14:58.190 too distant. 162 00:14:57.909 --> 00:15:02.009 Future, we're going to, I think, have tools to help 163 00:15:02.090 --> 00:15:05.110 you build your own sanghas or communities and connect with 164 00:15:05.149 --> 00:15:08.269 each other. Having said that, I would add to John's 165 00:15:08.350 --> 00:15:12.990 excellent advice by saying, not only can you look up 166 00:15:13.009 --> 00:15:15.669 your favorite teacher and see if they're leading online or 167 00:15:15.740 --> 00:15:19.740 in-person stuff, but also depending on where you live, there 168 00:15:19.799 --> 00:15:23.519 are often secular or Buddhist. So you might find a 169 00:15:23.600 --> 00:15:28.700 Buddhist center or a secular meditation drop-in place, or speaking 170 00:15:28.720 --> 00:15:32.870 of secular, MBSR. mindfulness-based stress reduction course that you can 171 00:15:32.889 --> 00:15:35.629 do in person. And the final thing I'll say, and 172 00:15:35.669 --> 00:15:37.360 this is something I've gotten into in my own life, 173 00:15:37.440 --> 00:15:40.899 is just creating your own. I've done a couple of 174 00:15:40.940 --> 00:15:43.039 things in my own life where I'm just building my 175 00:15:43.159 --> 00:15:47.080 own little community, purely personal, and I found that to 176 00:15:47.139 --> 00:15:50.919 be incredibly helpful. All right, let's move on

to some 177 00:15:50.940 --> 00:15:53.710 more questions. Sandy asks, any advice on turning down the 178 00:15:53.750 --> 00:15:56.289 voice in my head? It's not so much about distraction, 179 00:15:56.330 --> 00:15:59.610 but more like narration. I can deal with recognizing stray 180 00:15:59.649 --> 00:16:02.350 thoughts and returning. Not easy, but to me, that is 181 00:16:02.389 --> 00:16:05.620 the practice. It's more about describing what I'm doing, like 182 00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:08.740 a voiceover that I think distances me from being in 183 00:16:08.759 --> 00:16:12.139 the moment. Inhale, now exhale, relax your jaw or count 184 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:14.519 to four and so on. I'd like to deepen my 185 00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:16.639 practice and be less in my head and more connected 186 00:16:16.659 --> 00:16:19.159 with my body. Thanks for all the great guidance here. 187 00:16:19.980 --> 00:16:20.940 What say you, Dawn? 188 00:16:21.559 --> 00:16:24.990 Yeah, I think that's also really normal. We think in 189 00:16:25.049 --> 00:16:27.289 different ways. And some of us have a very strong 190 00:16:27.590 --> 00:16:31.279 narrator that narrates our thoughts or every one of our actions. 191 00:16:31.379 --> 00:16:34.360 And so I think what Sandy is describing is really normal. 192 00:16:35.059 --> 00:16:37.159 One of the things that I would suggest to Sandy 193 00:16:37.320 --> 00:16:41.299 is that to not demonize it. It's not bad because 194 00:16:41.519 --> 00:16:45.179 even just naming what's happening in the moment is actually 195 00:16:45.230 --> 00:16:48.870 a form of meditation. It's called mental noting. And what 196 00:16:48.889 --> 00:16:52.250 we would suggest for those who like to do mental 197 00:16:52.309 --> 00:16:56.129 noting is to eventually start to turn down the volume 198 00:16:56.330 --> 00:17:02.009 on the noting. So for example, if Sandy narrates to herself, inhale, 199 00:17:02.029 --> 00:17:05.549 but it's kind of like yelling, to start lowering the 200 00:17:05.589 --> 00:17:10.259 volume so that eventually the experience of inhaling will take 201 00:17:10.339 --> 00:17:13.740 just as much space as the narrating. And then eventually 202 00:17:13.839 --> 00:17:16.299 even more space, the experience of the inhale will take 203 00:17:16.759 --> 00:17:19.880 all the space eventually. And then also just to say 204 00:17:19.940 --> 00:17:23.599 that having no narrating, if that's supportive for Sandy, is 205 00:17:23.660 --> 00:17:27.980 not necessarily the goal. Some days, if Sandy's like really tired, 206 00:17:28.160 --> 00:17:31.579 didn't sleep well, didn't eat well, whatever, she might need 207 00:17:31.660 --> 00:17:34.220 to pump up the volume again on the narrator, and 208 00:17:34.259 --> 00:17:36.640 that'll be supportive on that day. And then another day, 209 00:17:36.809 --> 00:17:39.349 it's about lowering that volume. So it's kind of like 210 00:17:39.390 --> 00:17:44.529 about adapting it to what's needed. But ultimately, it's not wrong. 211 00:17:44.589 --> 00:17:47.349 It's one of the techniques that we often use and 212 00:17:47.430 --> 00:17:50.980 prescribe to folks, especially when they have busy minds. 213 00:17:51.880 --> 00:17:53.440 Yeah, just to say a little bit more about that 214 00:17:53.480 --> 00:17:56.140 in case people aren't familiar with mental noting, it's kind 215 00:17:56.180 --> 00:18:00.809 of the skillful use of thinking in order to connect 216 00:18:00.849 --> 00:18:04.170 you to your direct experience. With the breath, you might 217 00:18:04.369 --> 00:18:08.990 say in, out, or when you get distracted, thinking or 218 00:18:09.069 --> 00:18:12.230 planning or homicidal thoughts. 219 00:18:11.930 --> 00:18:12.920 Or whatever it is. 220 00:18:13.859 --> 00:18:17.740 You could just put a little mental note on your experience. 221 00:18:17.779 --> 00:18:21.900 And again, it is thinking technically, but it's to connect 222 00:18:21.940 --> 00:18:27.869 you to your sensory or mental experiences. It's in service 223 00:18:27.910 --> 00:18:31.109 of mindfulness. And so one of the things Joseph Goldstein 224 00:18:31.150 --> 00:18:33.670 talks about a lot is paying attention to the tone 225 00:18:33.849 --> 00:18:34.390 of the note. 226 00:18:35.210 --> 00:18:35.710 Be mindful. 227 00:18:36.130 --> 00:18:39.980 You might be noting in a way that's quite shouty 228 00:18:40.039 --> 00:18:42.799 or all caps or judgmental. But if you just pay 229 00:18:42.839 --> 00:18:47.329 attention to that, you can notice it. and tweak it. 230 00:18:47.640 --> 00:18:49.890 And you can even make a note of the tone 231 00:18:49.910 --> 00:18:52.670 of the note. Oh, judgment, judgment, et cetera, et cetera. 232 00:18:54.089 --> 00:18:54.349 Okay. 233 00:18:54.549 --> 00:18:58.470 Karen, building up on what Sandy said about narration in 234 00:18:58.539 --> 00:19:02.079 her head during sitting practice, what I experienced is self-evaluation, 235 00:19:02.400 --> 00:19:05.859 like having a color commentator whispering remarks about what I 236 00:19:05.940 --> 00:19:08.980 do if I succeed in focusing on the breath, releasing tension, 237 00:19:09.029 --> 00:19:12.150 et cetera. I get, oh, that went well. or the like, 238 00:19:12.329 --> 00:19:14.430 and it snaps me out of the moment. I struggle 239 00:19:14.470 --> 00:19:17.710 with self-consciousness IRL, so this is related, I'm sure. 240 00:19:18.490 --> 00:19:22.630 Well, actually, it's interesting because I, in the first few 241 00:19:22.670 --> 00:19:25.960 years of my practice, I had a very strong judgmental mind. 242 00:19:26.619 --> 00:19:29.000 And then eventually, and I used this as a cue 243 00:19:29.039 --> 00:19:33.099 in our meditation earlier, where I said, when we notice 244 00:19:33.119 --> 00:19:35.720 that the mind has wandered, instead of judging the mind 245 00:19:35.769 --> 00:19:40.289 having wandered, to actually celebrate that mindfulness has returned. And 246

00:19:40.349 --> 00:19:43.720 so for me, when I've switched the tone, as you 247 00:19:43.740 --> 00:19:46.900 mentioned just a moment ago, to one of celebration, it 248 00:19:47.529 --> 00:19:50.559 really made things fun, made me want to practice more, 249 00:19:51.240 --> 00:19:53.599 made me want to watch out for the next time 250 00:19:53.660 --> 00:19:57.259 mindfulness returns. So in a way, it sparked my mindfulness 251 00:19:57.299 --> 00:20:00.440 to be way more alive and active. And so I'm 252 00:20:00.460 --> 00:20:03.460 not sure if Karen experiences the judgmental mind, but the 253 00:20:03.500 --> 00:20:06.700 fact that she used, oh, that went well, I mean, 254 00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:12.099 why not celebrate or enjoy that? Because I think generally speaking, 255 00:20:12.119 --> 00:20:13.900 and I'm not sure if this is Karen's issue, but 256 00:20:13.960 --> 00:20:16.960 generally speaking, as a society, we're so hard on ourselves. 257 00:20:17.440 --> 00:20:19.680 And so if what comes up for her is, oh, 258 00:20:19.720 --> 00:20:23.759 that went well, I would say to just also maybe 259 00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:28.079 be mindful of how that feels to have done something well, 260 00:20:28.660 --> 00:20:30.680 because it's not always going to last. So enjoy it 261 00:20:30.740 --> 00:20:34.299 while it lasts kind of thing. And then use that 262 00:20:34.400 --> 00:20:38.599 or to notice if that helps to inspire more mindfulness 263 00:20:38.690 --> 00:20:41.619 or inspire her practice or her to get more curious. 264 00:20:42.619 --> 00:20:42.940 I don't know. 265 00:20:43.039 --> 00:20:44.000 I kind of like that. 266 00:20:44.619 --> 00:20:45.029 I love it. 267 00:20:45.420 --> 00:20:48.619 I just got off a meditation retreat myself. And one 268 00:20:48.660 --> 00:20:52.299 of the little tricks I've picked up over the years 269 00:20:52.880 --> 00:20:56.359 from great teachers, this is not an innovation, is to 270 00:20:56.839 --> 00:21:01.019 really celebrate the moment of waking up. Because there's a 271 00:21:01.079 --> 00:21:03.299 way in which you can compute it as just a 272 00:21:03.420 --> 00:21:08.190 series of failures. But failing quote unquote in meditation is 273 00:21:08.269 --> 00:21:11.970 succeeding the as many times as you get lost you 274 00:21:12.009 --> 00:21:14.609 will also wake up and can you celebrate those moments 275 00:21:14.670 --> 00:21:18.059 and so for me one little mantra i'll use is 276 00:21:18.130 --> 00:21:21.460 great job welcome back yeah great job welcome back and 277 00:21:21.480 --> 00:21:24.960 you can use that to tune into the fact that 278 00:21:25.059 --> 00:21:30.940 being awake right now feels so much fucking better than 279 00:21:31.000 --> 00:21:35.369 being stuck in your movie in the stories you're telling 280 00:21:35.410 --> 00:21:40.000 yourself about yourself and all the background drama and muttering 281 00:21:40.099 --> 00:21:42.619 about what you like and dislike and all that stuff, 282 00:21:42.980 --> 00:21:49.579 just to be right here with whatever's arising in a calm, equanimous, 283 00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:54.750 mindful way, to be awake in this vivid reality feels 284 00:21:54.869 --> 00:21:58.089 so much better than being lost. And the more you 285 00:21:58.130 --> 00:22:01.069 can incentivize yourself to wake up because it feels good 286 00:22:01.460 --> 00:22:03.319 and you're not kicking your own ass every time you 287 00:22:03.339 --> 00:22:06.160 wake up, the more you'll wake up in my experience. 288 00:22:06.589 --> 00:22:09.289 Another little expression you can use is a Tibetan one 289 00:22:09.329 --> 00:22:13.269 that Joseph taught me, emaho, which I think translates into, 290 00:22:13.569 --> 00:22:17.990 isn't this amazing? Isn't it amazing that the mind is 291 00:22:18.069 --> 00:22:22.769 aware and empty, meaning empty of self, that if you 292 00:22:22.829 --> 00:22:27.029 look for some core homunculus of dawn behind the scenes, 293 00:22:27.069 --> 00:22:30.569 you won't find her. That this experience of being alive 294 00:22:30.630 --> 00:22:34.049 is so mysterious that we have these minds that can 295 00:22:34.190 --> 00:22:38.900 take in the world and there's nobody behind the curtain 296 00:22:38.980 --> 00:22:39.759 pulling the strings. 297 00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:42.400 So just try those two things. I've gotten a lot 298 00:22:42.440 --> 00:22:42.720 out of them. 299 00:22:43.240 --> 00:22:45.220 Before I go into the next question, any reaction to 300 00:22:45.299 --> 00:22:47.720 the stuff that just came out of my face hole? 301 00:22:47.869 --> 00:22:51.980 Yeah. Well, actually, even just like something more immediate that 302 00:22:52.500 --> 00:22:56.240 I used to take for granted was when I'd practice 303 00:22:56.339 --> 00:22:59.480 and I'd have pain or discomfort in my body, I 304 00:22:59.569 --> 00:23:02.910 would move my body, hope no one in the meditation 305 00:23:02.970 --> 00:23:05.470 hall saw me, and then just kind of continue on. 306 00:23:06.049 --> 00:23:10.730 But then I've started being really mindful, experiencing the discomfort, 307 00:23:10.849 --> 00:23:13.839 noticing that I want to move. I do the whole movement, 308 00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:17.039 but then I also make a conscious effort to be 309 00:23:17.140 --> 00:23:21.710 present for relief. an ease because I don't often feel 310 00:23:21.750 --> 00:23:24.150 that in my practice or I easily miss it in 311 00:23:24.190 --> 00:23:27.230 my day-to-day life. And so to really be present for 312 00:23:27.269 --> 00:23:29.849 that so that it can inspire me to make more 313 00:23:29.910 --> 00:23:32.910 room for it as well. Yeah. Yeah. 314 00:23:33.329 --> 00:23:33.730 That's great. 315 00:23:34.809 --> 00:23:35.089 Okay. 316 00:23:35.289 --> 00:23:37.269 HP asks, how do I deal with the flood of 317 00:23:37.329 --> 00:23:40.690 distracting thoughts that come with open eye meditation? Like while 318 00:23:40.730 -->

00:23:43.099 I'm walking, I'm not sure why, but I have monkey 319 00:23:43.150 --> 00:23:45.539 brain a lot worse when my eyes are open. 320 00:23:46.500 --> 00:23:49.480 Yeah, that's also super normal. I don't know if this 321 00:23:49.559 --> 00:23:52.779 is factual, but I once heard someone say that as 322 00:23:52.839 --> 00:23:55.200 soon as our eyes are open, it starts to take 323 00:23:55.299 --> 00:23:58.920 up three quarters of our attention. And so, of course, 324 00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:02.619 if that is true, I think whether that's the correct 325 00:24:02.700 --> 00:24:06.210 fraction or not, I feel like that is my experience. 326 00:24:06.269 --> 00:24:08.710 And so it's normal that as soon as the eyes 327 00:24:08.769 --> 00:24:11.029 are open, suddenly we're taking in so much of the 328 00:24:11.049 --> 00:24:13.490 world around us that it's easy to get pulled out 329 00:24:13.630 --> 00:24:16.960 into whatever we're seeing. One of the things that I 330 00:24:17.000 --> 00:24:21.480 like to do is just to practice naming. So we 331 00:24:21.519 --> 00:24:25.180 talked about mental noting a moment ago. So to practice 332 00:24:25.319 --> 00:24:29.049 naming what I'm seeing. So to use that example of 333 00:24:29.109 --> 00:24:35.089 walking meditation, if it's like birds flying by that attract 334 00:24:35.130 --> 00:24:37.109 my attention, but then I make up this whole story 335 00:24:37.150 --> 00:24:39.930 of like, oh, they're siblings and they're fighting or whatever 336 00:24:39.950 --> 00:24:45.849 it might be, to stop my walking, acknowledge seeing, acknowledge thinking, 337 00:24:46.789 --> 00:24:49.990 and then just kind of enjoy it while it's present. 338 00:24:50.990 --> 00:24:54.869 And then from there, keep going or to then continue walking. 339 00:24:54.890 --> 00:24:58.269 And additionally, what I do to kind of get used 340 00:24:58.349 --> 00:25:01.890 to seeing or having seen less of this thing that 341 00:25:01.950 --> 00:25:05.329 could be a different part or separated from my practice 342 00:25:05.369 --> 00:25:08.769 is before I actually do my practice, and we did 343 00:25:08.809 --> 00:25:10.890 it a little bit at the end, I take a 344 00:25:10.930 --> 00:25:13.809 moment to look around the room. And I name the 345 00:25:13.910 --> 00:25:17.059 colors or the objects that I see. And that's like 346 00:25:17.099 --> 00:25:19.640 a little way to tell my body like, oh, we're 347 00:25:19.660 --> 00:25:22.519 going to meditate. We're slowing down so that we can 348 00:25:22.539 --> 00:25:25.799 start practicing soon. So I use sight and then I 349 00:25:26.059 --> 00:25:28.599 close my eyes or turn them downward. And then when 350 00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:30.799 my practice ends, I do the same thing. So I 351 00:25:30.859 --> 00:25:33.940 look around still so that I have a little bit 352 00:25:33.980 --> 00:25:36.619 of practice under my belt of what it's like to 353 00:25:36.680 --> 00:25:40.049 be mindful of seeing and not automatically just pulled into 354 00:25:40.089 --> 00:25:43.559 whatever it is I'm looking at. Which then helps when 355 00:25:43.579 --> 00:25:46.960 we're like doom scrolling or whatever, you know. 356 00:25:46.980 --> 00:25:51.410 On this recent retreat, Joseph was talking a lot about 357 00:25:51.630 --> 00:25:54.349 mindfulness of seeing. And he was saying, especially in the 358 00:25:54.410 --> 00:25:57.730 dining room where it, you know, it's so easy. 359 00:25:57.750 --> 00:26:00.289 You know, every person you look at, you have a 360 00:26:00.309 --> 00:26:01.410 whole story about them. 361 00:26:01.529 --> 00:26:01.890 Totally. 362 00:26:02.009 --> 00:26:03.589 I hate that guy. What are those like five things? 363 00:26:05.140 --> 00:26:08.440 What are those shoes with like toe holes in them? 364 00:26:08.500 --> 00:26:12.000 Like that's ridiculous. Whatever. You know, like the mind is 365 00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:14.140 just making all of these judgments. 366 00:26:14.529 --> 00:26:17.009 And it's so easy not to be mindful when you're, 367 00:26:17.670 --> 00:26:19.990 you know, like, wow, this is like an IRL meetup 368 00:26:20.069 --> 00:26:22.589 of an artisanal yogurt listserv in here. 369 00:26:22.630 --> 00:26:23.269 Like what is this? 370 00:26:23.730 --> 00:26:26.410 Who are these people? And he is like, yeah, but 371 00:26:26.490 --> 00:26:28.839 that's because you're not mindful of seeing. 372 00:26:29.130 --> 00:26:29.319 Yeah. 373 00:26:29.809 --> 00:26:32.369 And just to make the little mental note of seeing, 374 00:26:32.430 --> 00:26:35.630 seeing when you're moving through the world, there's so many 375 00:26:35.670 --> 00:26:38.630 judgments pulling you out of the moment. And if you 376 00:26:38.670 --> 00:26:41.599 could cut that at the moment of being mindful of seeing. 377 00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:46.240 Yeah, exactly. Like we're in reaction when we're not mindful, 378 00:26:46.279 --> 00:26:48.660 we're in reaction or that judgment all the time, no 379 00:26:48.700 --> 00:26:54.299 matter if it's like people or traffic or at the 380 00:26:54.339 --> 00:26:57.720 grocery store, what choice to make, et cetera. So yeah, totally. 381 00:26:57.829 --> 00:27:00.650 And then when we can slow down enough to be 382 00:27:00.690 --> 00:27:02.809 mindful of it, I think it's kind of funny to 383 00:27:02.849 --> 00:27:07.210 hear some of our inner dialogue, especially in the dining room. Yes. 384 00:27:07.769 --> 00:27:10.690 So Sylvia writes, I'm listening to the conversation on the 385 00:27:10.799 --> 00:27:13.599 Eightfold Path on the Waking Up app between Dan Joseph 386 00:27:13.619 --> 00:27:17.099 Goldstein and Sam Harris. Currently, they're discussing right thought. And 387 00:27:17.119 --> 00:27:20.380 there's a section about compassion for people who are rather 388 00:27:20.539 --> 00:27:24.440 cruel and for the fact that they will suffer bad karma. Currently, 389 00:27:24.519 --> 00:27:27.109 I'm not able to

feel compassion on that front. It's 390 00:27:27.170 --> 00:27:30.349 rather the opposite. I feel some comfort thinking that if 391 00:27:30.430 --> 00:27:32.269 not in this life, in the next one, they will 392 00:27:32.289 --> 00:27:34.349 feel consequences for their horrible acts. 393 00:27:34.809 --> 00:27:36.910 I know that is not right thought. How can I 394 00:27:36.950 --> 00:27:39.450 work with this? What do you say, Dawn? 395 00:27:39.930 --> 00:27:44.059 Yeah, wow. Heavy, heavy hitting question. I really appreciate that. 396 00:27:44.980 --> 00:27:46.519 One of the things as I was listening to you 397 00:27:46.559 --> 00:27:48.680 read that, Dan, that comes to mind was this Thich 398 00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:52.039 Nhat Hanh quote that I've been really loving lately, which 399 00:27:52.119 --> 00:27:55.720 is something along the lines of, no one person is 400 00:27:55.880 --> 00:27:59.980 ever our enemy, only greed, hatred, and delusion in the 401 00:28:00.019 --> 00:28:04.720 human mind is our enemy. And so I find when 402 00:28:05.039 --> 00:28:08.039 I'm faced with someone that I have a challenging view 403 00:28:08.259 --> 00:28:13.220 of because I think what they're doing is inhumane, dehumanizing, violent, 404 00:28:13.299 --> 00:28:17.769 whatever it might be, I try to remember that quote 405 00:28:17.980 --> 00:28:20.250 because I think it's easy to think the world would 406 00:28:20.269 --> 00:28:22.470 be better off with that person or like I want 407 00:28:22.529 --> 00:28:27.549 them to suffer. But ultimately, it doesn't really solve anything. 408 00:28:27.829 --> 00:28:30.470 I want them to be free of greed, hatred and delusion. 409 00:28:30.630 --> 00:28:32.670 And I want myself to be free of that greed, 410 00:28:32.710 --> 00:28:35.470 hatred and delusion. You know, and so just like listening 411 00:28:35.509 --> 00:28:38.609 to or just hearing you read that. That's what came 412 00:28:38.650 --> 00:28:40.230 to mind. Thich Nhat Hanh's quote. 413 00:28:41.900 --> 00:28:45.039 Sam Harris said something recently on one of his podcasts 414 00:28:45.079 --> 00:28:49.460 that stuck with me, which is that anger makes sense, 415 00:28:50.440 --> 00:28:54.700 but it's not useful. So like it makes sense when 416 00:28:54.720 --> 00:28:59.470 you see something awful being done by somebody somewhere to 417 00:28:59.529 --> 00:29:03.630 be angry. But in terms of helping you respond most effectively, 418 00:29:04.750 --> 00:29:08.549 living with an IV drip of rage is probably not 419 00:29:08.589 --> 00:29:11.019 the move. What did somebody else, I think it was 420 00:29:11.099 --> 00:29:15.539 Arthur Brooks, who said, angry people don't change the world. 421 00:29:16.460 --> 00:29:19.920 It's the joyful people change the world. It's possible to 422 00:29:19.980 --> 00:29:23.920 hold two ideas in the mind simultaneously. And as it 423 00:29:23.960 --> 00:29:27.319 pertains to the people who are doing ill, like I 424 00:29:27.359 --> 00:29:31.079 don't personally gain a lot of comfort or compassion from 425 00:29:31.140 --> 00:29:35.140 thinking about the bad karma. I personally, I like what 426 00:29:35.279 --> 00:29:39.359 Father Gregory Boyle says. guy who runs Homeboy Industries, which is, 427 00:29:39.759 --> 00:29:43.180 I think, the world's largest organization that works with current 428 00:29:43.200 --> 00:29:46.059 and former gang members in L.A. And one of the 429 00:29:46.079 --> 00:29:48.339 things he says is that he doesn't look at things 430 00:29:48.440 --> 00:29:49.700 as good or evil. 431 00:29:49.819 --> 00:29:51.480 It's more like healthy or unhealthy. 432 00:29:52.160 --> 00:29:56.869 And so when I look at people doing patently cruel things, Yeah. 433 00:29:56.930 --> 00:30:20.829 Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And I think when we're able to 434 00:30:21.630 --> 00:30:24.259 not get caught in the demonizing, we're able to be 435 00:30:24.420 --> 00:30:26.980 a little bit more clear. And then we won't get 436 00:30:27.059 --> 00:30:31.259 caught up in that unskillful, unhelpful behavior. But we can 437 00:30:31.460 --> 00:30:34.400 act or choose wisely in a way that still uplifts 438 00:30:34.900 --> 00:30:37.220 some of the qualities like in the right thought, which 439 00:30:37.380 --> 00:30:43.619 is non-ill will or friendliness and compassion, etc. Yeah. Yeah. 440 00:30:44.720 --> 00:30:47.829 So the next question is from I hope I'm pronouncing 441 00:30:47.869 --> 00:30:51.849 this right. Odile Flavia. I apologize to you if I'm 442 00:30:51.930 --> 00:30:55.289 mispronouncing that. It's a two-part question. I'll take the first 443 00:30:55.329 --> 00:30:57.269 part and then I'll give the second one to Dawn. 444 00:30:58.089 --> 00:31:01.079 I hope you cover some takeaways from your recent retreat. 445 00:31:01.430 --> 00:31:02.099 We'd love to hear. 446 00:31:02.680 --> 00:31:07.319 Also, how does somebody who's scared of deep breaths moderate 447 00:31:07.339 --> 00:31:08.980 the breath into meditation? 448 00:31:09.559 --> 00:31:09.839 Yeah. 449 00:31:10.539 --> 00:31:12.960 The first part, I've said a few things about the retreat, 450 00:31:12.980 --> 00:31:16.059 but I'll say that the primary instruction that Joseph gave 451 00:31:16.160 --> 00:31:19.839 on the retreat, which I think is really helpful, was 452 00:31:19.859 --> 00:31:23.240 to consistently ask yourself the question. 453 00:31:23.960 --> 00:31:27.599 What is being known? What is being known? 454 00:31:28.460 --> 00:31:31.890 Which is brilliant on a couple of levels. So first, 455 00:31:32.430 --> 00:31:35.890 it brings you into the present moment. What is being 456 00:31:35.950 --> 00:31:40.180 known right now? And then it also, through passive voice, 457 00:31:40.900 --> 00:31:44.039 tunes you into the fact that there's no effort required 458 00:31:44.380 --> 00:31:47.660 to be mindful. There's no effort required to be aware 459 00:31:47.789 --> 00:31:51.150 of what's happening in your six

senses, you know, the 460 00:31:51.190 --> 00:31:54.710 five senses and the mind. And it points you to 461 00:31:54.750 --> 00:31:57.950 the fact that there's nobody here doing the knowing. It's 462 00:31:58.049 --> 00:32:02.829 just a mysterious process. Joseph's point was that we live 463 00:32:02.869 --> 00:32:07.529 our lives in this movie, often an unhappy movie. And 464 00:32:07.589 --> 00:32:14.299 this just background static of anxiety, wanting, not wanting, judging, comparing. 465 00:32:14.319 --> 00:32:18.500 And when you ask this question, what's being known? And 466 00:32:18.660 --> 00:32:22.220 all you're aware of for however long in the aftermath 467 00:32:22.259 --> 00:32:25.720 of asking the question is what's happening right now. Well, 468 00:32:25.740 --> 00:32:28.640 you've stepped out of the movie into reality. And that 469 00:32:28.680 --> 00:32:31.309 can be a relief if you're paying attention. So again, 470 00:32:31.369 --> 00:32:35.309 three benefits to this question. One, it brings you into 471 00:32:35.329 --> 00:32:38.259 the present moment to the present moment. takes you out 472 00:32:38.319 --> 00:32:41.589 of the movie, and that is really a relief. And three, 473 00:32:42.690 --> 00:32:46.230 what is being known, the passive voice of it, really 474 00:32:47.269 --> 00:32:50.950 attunes you to what the Buddhists would call anatta, or not-self, 475 00:32:51.410 --> 00:32:57.779 that there isn't some separate you that you need to 476 00:32:57.880 --> 00:33:01.000 spend so much time building up and defending. Did what 477 00:33:01.059 --> 00:33:03.380 I just say make sense to you, Doc? 478 00:33:04.279 --> 00:33:08.839 Totally. And I just love that simple instruction or invitation, 479 00:33:09.240 --> 00:33:12.240 what is being known in any given moment. It just 480 00:33:12.309 --> 00:33:15.710 reminds me of when I practiced one of my, gosh, 481 00:33:15.730 --> 00:33:17.450 it was a long time ago, but a retreat I 482 00:33:17.569 --> 00:33:21.710 also had that Joseph was teaching. And I remember it 483 00:33:22.190 --> 00:33:24.069 was one of my longer retreats. And so I was 484 00:33:24.109 --> 00:33:28.890 just really gung-ho, like I wanted to become enlightened. And 485 00:33:28.910 --> 00:33:32.369 I was just doubling down and trying really hard. And 486 00:33:32.390 --> 00:33:35.789 I remember he asked me so simply like, Something like, 487 00:33:36.289 --> 00:33:40.109 what do you think is happening in the moment or 488 00:33:40.170 --> 00:33:42.960 what will happen in the next moment? It's only one 489 00:33:43.000 --> 00:33:47.559 of the six senses. And I was like, that's true. 490 00:33:47.619 --> 00:33:49.859 You know, it's just a little bit of that reminder 491 00:33:49.880 --> 00:33:54.019 of like, what is being known by overcomplicating it and 492 00:33:54.160 --> 00:33:57.740 looking for something specific. I was missing out on that. 493 00:33:58.119 --> 00:34:00.599 the simplicity of the moment, but also all that you're 494 00:34:00.640 --> 00:34:04.599 mentioning about like, it's happening mysteriously. It is happening without 495 00:34:04.619 --> 00:34:08.219 me even trying. And so it's just something as simple 496 00:34:08.280 --> 00:34:11.440 as what is being known can open so much. And 497 00:34:11.460 --> 00:34:13.010 so I just love that reminder. Yes. 498 00:34:13.940 --> 00:34:16.090 And you don't need to be on a retreat to 499 00:34:16.179 --> 00:34:18.530 use this instruction. You don't even have to be meditating. 500 00:34:18.849 --> 00:34:20.690 Just get in the habit as you're moving through the world, 501 00:34:20.750 --> 00:34:23.809 what is being known. And then as Joseph says, notice 502 00:34:23.849 --> 00:34:27.489 how you are stepping out of the movie, You're stepping 503 00:34:27.590 --> 00:34:31.690 out of the often in the movie, like we're the 504 00:34:31.730 --> 00:34:36.280 victim or the bad guy or we're the protagonist for sure, 505 00:34:36.659 --> 00:34:40.280 but not often in a positive way. And so, oh, yeah, 506 00:34:40.820 --> 00:34:45.139 conventional reality is true. If I look in the mirror, 507 00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:48.219 I'll see somebody and yeah, I have responsibilities. But at 508 00:34:48.300 --> 00:34:50.949 any given moment, there's only one of six things happening. 509 00:34:51.010 --> 00:34:54.090 As Joseph says, you're seeing, hearing, tasting. 510 00:34:54.150 --> 00:34:54.610 Smelling things. 511 00:34:55.559 --> 00:34:58.150 And then or something's happening in the mind and you 512 00:34:58.170 --> 00:35:00.530 can be mindful of all of those things. And it's 513 00:35:00.989 --> 00:35:03.690 this is why they refer to the practice as liberating. 514 00:35:03.730 --> 00:35:06.250 And it's not just liberating at the top of the 515 00:35:06.289 --> 00:35:06.909 mountain when. 516 00:35:06.809 --> 00:35:10.179 You get enlightened. It's liberating right now for all of 517 00:35:10.300 --> 00:35:11.099 us schmoes. 518 00:35:11.619 --> 00:35:14.300 But Odile's other question was, how does somebody who's scared 519 00:35:14.340 --> 00:35:16.880 of deep breaths moderate breath into meditation? 520 00:35:16.940 --> 00:35:17.780 What do you say about that? 521 00:35:18.409 --> 00:35:20.849 You know why I love that question is because I 522 00:35:20.909 --> 00:35:24.809 think for so many people, their first introduction to meditation 523 00:35:24.909 --> 00:35:27.780 is to be mindful of the breath. But we don't 524 00:35:27.840 --> 00:35:31.519 talk a lot about how the breath is not the 525 00:35:31.559 --> 00:35:34.800 go-to for many people. There could be someone who's sick, 526 00:35:35.400 --> 00:35:38.639 who has trauma related to their breath for some reason, 527 00:35:39.010 --> 00:35:42.329 who has asthma or something like that. And so I 528 00:35:42.389 --> 00:35:45.730 think it's really helpful to know that the breath is 529 00:35:45.809 --> 00:35:48.340 a tool. but it might not be the tool that

530 00:35:48.400 --> 00:35:50.579 you need to use in that moment. And so for 531 00:35:50.679 --> 00:35:55.309 Odile to maybe instead use sight, as we talked about, 532 00:35:55.510 --> 00:35:59.750 or it could be focusing more on sensations instead, maybe 533 00:35:59.889 --> 00:36:02.750 eventually she'll be able to be with the breath, but 534 00:36:02.789 --> 00:36:05.719 that doesn't need to be the goal because you can 535 00:36:06.360 --> 00:36:09.039 use any one of the other techniques and still get 536 00:36:09.159 --> 00:36:12.190 all of the benefits. And also, you know, maybe it's 537 00:36:12.250 --> 00:36:14.210 the fact, I'm not too sure, but maybe it's the 538 00:36:14.230 --> 00:36:16.730 fact that Odile is trying to take deep breaths because 539 00:36:16.750 --> 00:36:19.829 I think that was written, that was said. And so 540 00:36:20.369 --> 00:36:23.239 it's not necessarily about deep breaths either. It's just, can 541 00:36:23.260 --> 00:36:26.440 you be mindful of your breath as it is? But 542 00:36:26.500 --> 00:36:28.639 sometimes when we're mindful of our breath, it's like it 543 00:36:28.659 --> 00:36:31.599 gets shy for some people where suddenly we can't breathe 544 00:36:31.659 --> 00:36:35.159 properly because we're paying attention to it. In which case, yeah, 545 00:36:35.539 --> 00:36:39.429 focus on the body instead, on sound, loving kindness phrases, whatever. Yes. 546 00:36:41.170 --> 00:36:42.559 Oh, deal. Don't sweat it. 547 00:36:43.670 --> 00:36:48.809 There's nothing super sacred about the breath within meditation. Yes, 548 00:36:49.050 --> 00:36:51.789 it's sacred because it keeps you alive and and it 549 00:36:51.829 --> 00:36:54.280 can be a great way to meditate. But there are 550 00:36:54.639 --> 00:36:56.840 lots of other options. I don't meditate on the breath. 551 00:36:57.420 --> 00:37:00.440 And so I would again, I would not sweat it. 552 00:37:00.860 --> 00:37:02.119 There are so many questions we're not going to be 553 00:37:02.139 --> 00:37:03.980 able to have a chance to get to, which is 554 00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:06.079 a bummer. But I will say, and again, I want 555 00:37:06.099 --> 00:37:08.320 to be careful because I don't want my team to 556 00:37:08.340 --> 00:37:11.059 murder me, but I do think we are heading in 557 00:37:11.099 --> 00:37:15.260 the direction of much more of this kind of live interaction. 558 00:37:15.820 --> 00:37:18.550 So happy to have all of you here live. I 559 00:37:18.570 --> 00:37:20.889 know thousands of you will watch it later, not live, 560 00:37:20.909 --> 00:37:21.989 which is also cool. 561 00:37:22.469 --> 00:37:25.010 Don, great to have you as Teacher of the Month. 562 00:37:25.070 --> 00:37:27.909 You've done amazing work and great to have you in 563 00:37:27.949 --> 00:37:30.530 this your inaugural Substack Live. 564 00:37:30.630 --> 00:37:31.489 Thank you very much. 565 00:37:31.570 --> 00:37:34.480 Thank you. Happy to have been here. Thanks for all 566 00:37:34.519 --> 00:37:37.739 you do for people practicing. I think we need more 567 00:37:37.800 --> 00:37:43.099 people practicing and just for there to be like good 568 00:37:43.179 --> 00:37:45.679 change in the world. And I just, I'm so appreciative 569 00:37:45.800 --> 00:37:48.929 of all that you do with your platform, making it 570 00:37:48.969 --> 00:37:50.690 accessible or possible for so many. 571 00:37:50.710 --> 00:37:51.730 Thank you. 572 00:37:51.849 --> 00:37:52.090 Yeah. 573 00:37:52.110 --> 00:37:54.809 I mean, that is really the heart of what we're 574 00:37:54.829 --> 00:37:57.130 trying to build is just the place to go if 575 00:37:57.170 --> 00:38:00.300 you want to learn how to meditate, get better at it, 576 00:38:00.340 --> 00:38:02.909 get support, get your questions answered, meet other people who 577 00:38:02.949 --> 00:38:03.710 take it seriously. 578 00:38:03.769 --> 00:38:06.730 And so it's so cool to have you on the team. 579 00:38:06.750 --> 00:38:07.269 So thank you. 580 00:38:07.869 --> 00:38:09.489 My pleasure. Thank you. 581 00:38:09.510 --> 00:38:18.750 Peace. Thanks to Dawn for hanging with me. Thanks to 582 00:38:18.809 --> 00:38:19.570 you for listening. 583 00:38:20.030 --> 00:38:22.340 Don't forget, if you sign up over at danharris.com, you 584 00:38:22.360 --> 00:38:25.599 can access our weekly live meditation and Q & A 585 00:38:25.739 --> 00:38:28.539 sessions and We do these every Tuesday at 4 Eastern. 586 00:38:29.059 --> 00:38:32.610 Subscribers also get custom guided meditations that come with our Monday, 587 00:38:32.690 --> 00:38:33.869 Wednesday episodes. 588 00:38:34.550 --> 00:38:36.030 You should sign up, danharris.com. 589 00:38:36.809 --> 00:38:38.409 Also, if you want to sign up for something cool, 590 00:38:38.690 --> 00:38:41.150 there's a link in the show notes for that event 591 00:38:41.190 --> 00:38:44.510 I'll be doing on November 18th with the comedian Pete Holmes, 592 00:38:44.739 --> 00:38:46.119 a live taping of this podcast. 593 00:38:46.539 --> 00:38:46.940 Check it out. 594 00:38:47.360 --> 00:38:49.619 Finally, thank you to everybody who worked so hard to 595 00:38:49.659 --> 00:38:53.219 make this show. Our producers are Tara Anderson, And Eleanor Vasili, 596 00:38:53.320 --> 00:38:55.739 our recording and engineering is handled by the great folks 597 00:38:55.840 --> 00:38:59.010 over at Pod People. Lauren Smith is our managing producer. 598 00:38:59.489 --> 00:39:02.829 Marissa Schneiderman is our senior producer. DJ Kashmir is our 599 00:39:02.869 --> 00:39:06.610 executive producer. And Nick Thorburn of the band Islands wrote 600 00:39:06.769 --> 00:39:07.170 our theme.