Pełna transkrypcja odcinka The Breakdown Before the Breakthrough

about my children staying at their school where that where we had them, which didn't, uh which wasn't a cheap school for them to go to. 00:02:49.599 --> 00:02:53.120 So I said, I'll never ask for you back. 00:02:53.280 --> 00:02:54.639 I said that for me. 00:02:54.800 --> 00:02:56.960 So I made sure I stood by my word. 00:02:57.039 --> 00:03:05.199 And once I say something like that, for those of you who know me, I I never ever let those words come out of my mouth. 00:03:05.439 --> 00:03:07.599 And uh he he knew me well too. 00:03:07.759 --> 00:03:09.840 So he knew once I said that that was it. 00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:13.120 So so I was way, way below that line. 00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:39.039 And when you're down there, we often feel like we want our old life back, which is why I said I'll never ask for you back, because familiarity can feel really nice and it feels like this hurts, and there's a whole bunch of pain that you've got to go through to get yourself back up on that even line if you choose to sort of start to look at the the new way that you're going to live or whatever you're gonna do. 00:03:39.360 --> 00:03:47.039 So sometimes as we rebuild, we begin to question what we're returning to. 00:03:47.599 --> 00:03:49.680 Was that the life that we really wanted? 00:03:49.840 --> 00:03:54.639 Which is why I said I'll never ask for you back, because I didn't want that life again. 00:03:54.960 --> 00:04:00.240 But sometimes we hold on to things really tight that aren't serving us, which is really interesting, isn't it? 00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:02.400 It's a very interesting behavior. 00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:08.800 So as we rebuild it, we think, okay, well, so what are we actually wanting to rebuild? 00:04:09.199 --> 00:04:12.800 And thinking about what we were actually tolerating before. 00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:22.560 So, say for instance, if you lost a big major client and it was sort of a big part of your business, they were paying you the majority of the revenue of your business and you lost that client. 00:04:22.720 --> 00:04:27.839 Uh, similar scenario, as you rebuild, so you might try to get that client back and say, what can we do? 00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:36.639 But then if they say no, then you've got to look at, okay, well, what was I actually tolerating that I wasn't overly happy with? 00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:45.199 And I know for a fact that I hear this a lot with my clients that you know, if they lose a client, it's like, yeah, but that client was kind of, you know, they were a bit demanding. 00:04:45.519 --> 00:04:52.160 Or, or we tolerate it because it's so, it pays so well, or whatever that might be. 00:04:52.639 --> 00:05:05.519 And we sort of put ourselves into a situation that's not really um conducive for what we want, but we stay stuck because we perhaps think of the consequences of the pain that you got to go through to rebuild. 00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:16.720 My whole point with this is sometimes the crappiest things in your life

can actually be the most magical things, but it doesn't feel like it at the time, right? 00:05:17.120 --> 00:05:22.319 So the possibility is that we can grow beyond the parts of our previous normal. 00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:27.199 We might develop firmer boundaries around the way that we like to operate. 00:05:27.439 --> 00:05:32.959 We recognize our own strength, or we find a direction we hadn't even considered before. 00:05:33.199 --> 00:05:37.839 And that's why uh after my separation, I had a journal. 00:05:37.920 --> 00:05:56.959 And every day I wrote in that journal, I made myself write in that journal all the wonderful things that will be ahead of me because now I'm single, and now I get to go out to the world and and discover who Sharon Francisco is as a single woman. 00:05:57.279 --> 00:06:11.199 And while that scared the bejibas out of me, it actually was kind of as I kept writing and writing and writing every day, I started to allow myself to feel a little bit more excited about what the future might bring. 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:14.639 I was I was scared, don't get me wrong, I was really scared. 00:06:14.959 --> 00:06:20.720 But that that ritual of writing every day, of like all the wonderful things. 00:06:20.959 --> 00:06:25.040 Um, you know, we we did have a good relationship at the end. 00:06:25.199 --> 00:06:35.040 We were more like friends, but um, you know, there's uh in relationships like that, especially when they're you know 26 years long, you just sort of get into a bit of a routine. 00:06:35.120 --> 00:06:44.959 And and part of our routine was that, you know, um my ex-husband would manage the money because he was really good with money, and I sort of stepped back from that, which was a rookie mistake. 00:06:45.040 --> 00:06:48.560 If you are not managing your money together, that's a rookie mistake. 00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:53.279 And he didn't do that as a form of control, it was just the way that we kind of landed. 00:06:53.519 --> 00:06:59.680 And so some of the things were, you know, if I went and bought a dress, it's like, well, Sharon, you've already got dresses, why do you need more? 00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:00.319 I'm like, well. 00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:06.879 And so part of my things that I would write is like I can buy a dress every day of the week if I want, and I don't have to ask anyone. 00:07:07.040 --> 00:07:09.680 And you should see how many dresses I buy now. 00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:13.680 I love clothes shopping, and that's just my happiness. 00:07:13.839 --> 00:07:15.439 I just absolutely love it. 00:07:15.839 --> 00:07:21.920 So basically, what we want to do is grow beyond the parts of our previous normal. 00:07:22.240 --> 00:07:30.639 We might, as I said, develop firmer boundaries and grow, uh, recognize our strength and find that new direction we hadn't even considered before. 00:07:30.879 --> 00:07:38.959 That's when, so if you think about that horizontal line I was talking about before, that's when we actually shoot through that normal and we actually go beyond. 00:07:39.040 --> 00:07:52.720 And the research shows if you are down below that line for any given amount of time, once you start rebuilding and start re redefining that new normal, you don't go back up to the horizontal line. 00:07:52.800 --> 00:07:55.279 You actually shoot through it for a certain amount of time. 00:07:55.360 --> 00:08:16.079 So things are actually heaps better for a certain amount of time, then you settle into the normal line, which is really cool because if you're sort of at the moment going through a really tricky time, you know that not only will you go back up to a new sort of normal, but you might shoot right through and go to a beyond that for a little while. 00:08:16.560 --> 00:08:25.600 Now, let's talk about having a breakdown, a break apart, or a break with before you have a breakthrough. 00:08:25.759 --> 00:08:42.480 That kind of again reiterates this whole concept of if you're going through a really tricky time, break with, break apart, break um, break down, we know that going through that will help you have a breakthrough. 00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:57.759 Because when you're down in the dumps like that, when it feels raw and unsure and all the feelings of fear and all of that, it's kind of like you rise out of the ashes and you redefine who you are. 00:08:58.080 --> 00:08:59.360 You have that breakthrough. 00:08:59.440 --> 00:09:00.159 You go, oh. 00:09:00.720 --> 00:09:06.159 So for my example of my separation, I knew that we both knew that it was over. 00:09:06.480 --> 00:09:21.840 But coming out of that, I actually got to create and understand who I was as a mid-40s woman, because I'd actually left home at 19 to go and be with my husband. 00:09:22.080 --> 00:09:28.320 So I kind of didn't get a chance to grow up and really identify who I was as a woman individually. 00:09:28.480 --> 00:09:35.440 And in my mid-40s, which I think a lot of women my age um tend to go through. 00:09:35.519 --> 00:09:44.159 Uh, a lot of women my age were left home to get married to their partner, and quite often not knowing who they are 100%. 00:09:44.559 --> 00:09:50.240 So the good part about that is you actually get to redefine who you are, understand who you are. 00:09:50.399 --> 00:09:58.799 And certainly Sharon Francisco at mid-40s was is a very different person to the 19-year-old girl that left home. 00:09:59.120 --> 00:10:01.279 So that's the fun part. 00:10:01.440 --> 00:10:03.759 That's where you get to recreate who you are. 00:10:03.919 --> 00:10:13.120 So again, if you've lost a client or even if you've lost a business and you're rising up out of that, you come up out of that a different person. 00:10:13.200 --> 00:10:20.000 You come out of that with more intellectual property around who you are, what sort of things that you'd avoid again. 00:10:20.240 --> 00:10:25.120 You realize your boundaries, you realize you're what things are important to you. 00:10:25.519 -->

00:10:32.159 So many things that pain can put you into that you don't even know who you are. 00:10:32.399 --> 00:10:36.960 Things like I'll tell you an instance what happened to my brother. 00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:43.279 We we grew up in a mining town, and he he, my husband and my brother were best friends. 00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:48.879 And my brother was working in a mine called Pete Goldmine, and he got hit by a massive big rock. 00:10:49.039 --> 00:10:53.440 Uh from memory, it was a, I don't know, two or three ton rock. 00:10:53.600 --> 00:10:59.279 He was in a machine, um, in a grader, and he um he was hit by that rock. 00:10:59.360 --> 00:11:04.159 And it sent him to uh intensive care for many, many weeks. 00:11:04.399 --> 00:11:06.080 Six weeks he was in intensive care. 00:11:06.159 --> 00:11:09.360 They flew him to Sydney from the town that were in in Coba. 00:11:09.679 --> 00:11:12.000 And for six weeks he was in intensive care. 00:11:12.080 --> 00:11:13.039 It was quite interesting. 00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:15.840 They um the nurses thought it was really funny. 00:11:15.919 --> 00:11:20.879 At the time, I was actually uh very, very heavily pregnant with my first child. 00:11:21.120 --> 00:11:26.320 And Tanya, my sister-in-law, uh, would we the whole family stayed down there for six weeks? 00:11:26.399 --> 00:11:32.559 We all went to to to go to Sydney for six weeks and we'd all tag team and going, going and visiting my brother. 00:11:32.720 --> 00:11:47.759 And the nurses all thought, the nurses thought that he had a girlfriend, and he thought that I was his wife, being the pregnant one, and then I'd come home and have a sleep, and then Tanya would go in or mum or my dad or whatever. 00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:55.360 And um, when Tanya was in there, because we were never there at the same time because we're all just trying to be there all 24-7 with him. 00:11:55.519 --> 00:11:58.720 Uh, they thought that Tanya was his girlfriend and I was his wife. 00:11:58.799 --> 00:12:02.159 And they were like, oh, he's got a couple of girls coming to that so it's really funny. 00:12:02.320 --> 00:12:06.879 Anyway, long story short, uh six weeks in intensive care. 00:12:07.120 --> 00:12:10.480 And John actually approached that incredibly well. 00:12:10.639 --> 00:12:24.960 He um he came out of that and realized that, you know, maybe the mining industry and and living in this little town perhaps isn't isn't for us and uh for for him and his and his wife. 00:12:25.039 --> 00:12:36.559 And and then that kind of made us second guess it as well, because you know, you see, you know mining is dangerous, but when it's right in your face like that, it's very, very confronting. 00:12:36.639 --> 00:12:41.840 And all of us knew that we wanted to get out of the mining industry, we wanted to to move beyond that. 00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:42.879 But what does that look like? 00:12:43.039 --> 00:12:45.360 And that was a really defining moment. 00:12:45.440 --> 00:13:00.159 That was really like obviously John was really down and out, not not knowing whether there's a there's a future in the mines for him, and certainly for me, being married to a miner as well, and just just made us all second guess. 00:13:00.240 --> 00:13:01.120 What are we doing here? 00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:09.279 What's it and that actually fast forward, it took a few years, but fast forward, it it's actually was the defining thing that got us to move to Brisbane. 00:13:09.519 --> 00:13:18.320 We all moved to Brisbane, my mum and dad, and my my brother and sister-in-law, and recently in the last five years, my sister and her husband from Canberra. 00:13:18.399 --> 00:13:23.360 So we're all in Brisbane now, which is lovely, but that was kind of the catalyst that made us move. 00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:28.080 So imagine if that didn't happen, our trajectory may have been quite different. 00:13:28.240 --> 00:13:34.080 The worst thing that you could ever imagine being hit by a two or three ton rock, intensive care for six weeks. 00:13:34.159 --> 00:13:36.399 They they thought he was going to lose his life. 00:13:36.480 --> 00:13:37.759 We all thought we were gonna lose him. 00:13:37.919 --> 00:13:39.919 It was the first time I've ever seen my dad cry. 00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:46.799 And seeing your dad cry for the first time made me realize holy cow, this is serious. 00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:56.720 And it actually was a defining moment for all of us, and it actually changed the trajectory of our lives, which is really interesting. 00:13:56.879 --> 00:14:00.240 So who knows where we would have been if this didn't happen. 00:14:00.799 --> 00:14:10.720 So when this happens, if you have a breakdown, break with, break apart before you have a breakthrough, then we start noticing the possibilities that we previously might have overlooked. 00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:17.279 The conversation might land really differently, and we consider an opportunity that we would have once dismissed. 00:14:17.519 --> 00:14:21.360 We allow ourselves to want for something different. 00:14:21.519 --> 00:14:26.000 We can fantasize about a new or different life, which is kind of cool. 00:14:26.240 --> 00:14:32.639 And doesn't it suck that something crappy has to happen sometimes for us to be pushed into that? 00:14:32.960 --> 00:14:35.600 And sometimes the opportunity was already there. 00:14:35.919 --> 00:14:39.360 Our willingness to consider it has changed. 00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:45.519 Other times we create something entirely new through the choices that we make. 00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:50.720 So it's kind of a really like pivotal time for our lives when something bad happens. 00:14:50.879 --> 00:14:56.559 We get to recreate whatever it is that we were doing and make those changes. 00:14:56.960 --> 00:15:03.440 We don't have to be grateful for what happened to value who we become because of it, which is very cool. 00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:12.080 We can wish it hadn't happened, but still recognize that something very worthwhile in how we've rebuilt. 00:15:12.159 --> 00:15:18.399 So we've taken what's happened and we've rebuilt, and it's because of that that it's happened, but we don't have to be grateful for it. 00:15:18.480 --> 00:15:23.679 We know that that was pretty crappy, but now it's allowed us to grow into who we are now. 00:15:24.399 --> 00:15:28.159 And we don't need to hit rock bottom to make the change. 00:15:28.399 --> 00:15:47.440 And this is my, I guess, call to action to you is if you're recognizing that you're not happy in a certain situation in your business or with what you're doing, maybe with friends or whatever it might be, if you are not feeling like you're on the right path to recognize it, yeah, maybe I'll make some changes and see what happens. 00:15:47.759 --> 00:15:51.759 We um support reflection and small decisions do matter. 00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:53.919 So having a look at where your situation is now. 00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:59.679 Nobody needs pressure to turn their hardest season into an inspiring story. 00:15:59.919 --> 00:16:04.720 So, what can we see now that we couldn't see before? 00:16:04.799 --> 00:16:11.919 If you think through your life now, what can you see now, knowing that you don't have to hit rock bottom to change? 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:17.279 And what's one choice we can make from that new understanding? 00:16:17.440 --> 00:16:22.320 What can we choose to change from that new understanding? 00:16:22.960 --> 00:16:25.200 Hopefully, this has been helpful, guys. 00:16:25.279 --> 00:16:27.600 And until next time, we'll talk to you soon. 00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:28.240 Bye.