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Welcome to Smashing Success Stories.
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I am your host, Karen.
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I'm a speaker, trainer, and consultant.
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This podcast is meant to inspire people who want results without compromising who they are.
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This is for folks that want to stay true to themselves while living in a world that challenges our humanity.
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So welcome, humans, champions, legends to Smashing Success Stories.
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I'm glad you're here, and I'm glad we're doing this together.
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Let's get started.
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Hello, legend.
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Today we're gonna talk about functioning in a dysfunctional world.
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And this one's gonna start with a question.
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How much of what you're seeing is truly dysfunction?
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Or is it something that is being shown to you in a Wizard of Oz fashion?
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Meaning that something is being amplified beyond it being actual reality.
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We can all learn a lot from what happened recently with Ukrainian forces taking out major Russian data centers.
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And that has disrupted the dissemination and the disinformation campaign that is being perpetuated, especially here in the US, because it has interfered with our elections, but especially the scope and optics of things globally.
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And of course, what's going on with Russia's campaign against Ukraine from a military and from a sociological standpoint.
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It's a campaign of lies.
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And the same thing is being campaigned to you by advertising, by our politicians, by the billionaire class, by people who are insecure.
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It happens on a macro as well as on a micro level.
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We even do it to ourselves.
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So let's go ahead and ask, or I'm gonna ask you, first and foremost, your attention.
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Where is your attention going?
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And what does that look like for you?
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Where is your energy going?
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What do your algorithms look like when you're online or when you're doing your own independent research, when you're vetting your friends?
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Where is your time and attention going?
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Now it's understandable that while we are navigating through all of life's challenges, because it could be argued that dysfunction has been around us for a very long time.
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Was there ever a point where we lived in complete nirvonic utopia?
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I don't know.
Load full transcript
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I do know what we're living with right now, and that we are more evolved than we've ever been.
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And there's a dissonance.
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We're at odds with each other.
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People see things in a binary way instead of finding things that they can relate to and building community based on common values and interests.
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No, there's a lot of division going on.
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And a lot of that has to do with this.
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I'm gonna say it again, the billionaire class and the oligarchy trying to tell us that we need to consume and that we need to participate in something that is disruptive to our very humanity.
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We are meant to live as community.
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We are meant to live amongst ourselves.
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Do we have to get along with everybody?
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No.
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I've discussed this pretty much in every episode that I've put out.
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But I do again ask, what are you doing with your time and your attention?
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And how is that shaping your optics of the world?
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And it's okay to fall into discomfort, feeling of lack, even to take a moment and feel some despair.
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Acknowledge that.
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Don't get wrapped up into it.
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And then come back and acknowledge what you can control and what is completely outside of your control.
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There's an amazing thing that happens when you get your shit together and you are mentally strong and sound, and you'll see how the world shifts and changes, and more things that you are in alignment with will come to you naturally.
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Not because of some mystical force, but because of your relinquishing of your resistance to that which is good for you.
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Psychology has been a huge component of advertising for the past 70 plus years.
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Advertising, political campaigns, world events.
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So much is going on that is prepar.
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Look at what the media put so much attention on.
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So much it is focused on the negative, because there's something that happens to us as humans when we feel and see negative things.
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It caters to our instincts, to things that are built into our very anatomy and how our brains function.
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Negativity engenders fear, it engenders a feeling of a threat, and that taps into something that is a primordial part of being human.
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But again, you're evolved.
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So you can actually do something about it.
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And a huge part of it is taking a moment which will separate that thought and then the actions that you're going to take moving forward.
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So if social media is disrupting your life and you see all of this confrontation and all of this discord and this the opposite of community, take a moment and realize: is this solely happening online or is it also happening in person?
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I promise you, people can disagree with you in person, but it's not like it is online.
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Society doesn't operate in communities and in reality the same way that it operates online.
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There's a lot that goes into it communication, body language, tone, so on and so forth.
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But in brief, reality kind of is important.
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And what happens online is something that's meant to connect us, but you've been manipulated by forces that are trying to oppress you.
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So acknowledge that, and it's okay.
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And acknowledge what you can actually control and take ownership of it.
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Ask yourself what are your influences?
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How are your ideas shaped?
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Are your ideas original?
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Are they based in abundance and prosperity and progress?
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Or are they fear-based?
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Are they negative?
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Are they manifestations and projections of your own insecurity?
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If all of those latter categories are the case, you have an opportunity to change your influences, which will change your mindset.
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Also ask yourself, what does your community look like?
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How are you involved?
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How are you giving something that you have the capability to give?
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And I think a lot of people fall into the problem of when they hear giving, they think money.
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You don't have to give all of your money away.
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But if you have ideas that you can share, I was just having a conversation with a nurse yesterday about different ways that people can contribute.
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And yeah, when you operate with an abundance mentality, you understand that there's so much.
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There's actually more than we know what to deal with.
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The problem is when people try to attach capitalism and profit to things that people need and try to profit off of human needs.
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That's a problem.
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But it does raise the question: what are you doing about it?
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And how are you
consuming?
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And how is that affecting this environmental destruction?
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What do your consumption habits look like?
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Also ask yourself, what do your relationships look like?
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Your friends, who are you surrounding yourself with?
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What kind of conversations are you having?
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And also the thing about friends is that a lot of folks have the tendency to expect everything from everyone.
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And that's not the case.
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Sometimes, if you have a friend that you enjoy their companionship, but you also know that they are a kind of dramatic, that can be a brunch friend.
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That doesn't have to be somebody that you confide in when you're going through an extremely challenging life situation.
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If you have friends that are great for having just a good time, they're not the folks that you're gonna talk to when you need an accountability partner.
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So think about your friends and have a reasonable expectation of who they are and what to expect from them.
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Because if you have a friend that is a compulsive liar and you're expecting to get some honest truth from them, guess what?
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Asking honest truth from a compulsive liar friend, it's not a shortfall on their behalf or being a compulsive liar.
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That's who they are.
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That's your fault for trusting a compulsive liar to tell you something truthful.
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Also, think about the people that you partner up with.
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And this could be work, this could be business, this could be people that you embark on a project together, and it can be romantic as well.
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It doesn't have to be.
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But think about the kind of people that you're partnering up with and the nature of your partnership and the nature of their character.
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Is this person a positive influence for you?
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Is this person bringing you more of what you want in your life?
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And this isn't attaching some quantitative value to people.
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Like, let's not get into attaching some kind of Ayn Rand metric to it.
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Fuck that shit.
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People are people, you can't assign a fucking metric to them.
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Like, we're humans, we're not robots for fuck's sake.
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But think about the partners in your life and reasonably have an understanding of who they are and what you can expect from them.
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Because it's unfair to expect something from somebody when it is outside of that person's character.
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An unreasonable expectation is not the fault of the other person, it's yours.
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So find people that are in alignment with what you are looking for.
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This also applies to family, yes, even family, because you can take ownership of how much time you spend with your own family.
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And family can be blood family, it could be chosen family.
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Family is what you make it.
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You can choose who you want to be around, and you can select which family members you want to spend time with, and in what context.
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We're living in an era where people are getting way more empowered by things like boundaries.
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We're living in an era where these old social contracts may not even apply anymore.
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So consider what type of energy and time you're expending by being around your family.
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Is it something that is favorable or is it something that you need to do in small doses?
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Because it doesn't have to be completely black and white.
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You don't have to spend all of your time with them and you don't have to go in the opposite direction and completely not deal with them whatsoever.
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Unless, understandable, there are reasons to not deal with your family, which is, I get it, I understand it intimately, and sometimes you do need to go no contact with your family.
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So again, take ownership of what you can control, and then think about where your attention is going and what can you do about it.
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Also ask yourself: what is it that's bothering you?
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What's hindering your focus?
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What's limiting your productivity?
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What is siphoning your energy away from positive things?
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What's disturbing your peace?
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And what can be done about it?
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Meaning, what are you gonna do about it?
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And then how do you get started?
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What's the first step that you're gonna take to do something about it?
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In the show notes, I'm going to provide several episodes that are going to tap into exactly those questions and provide you with solutions on what to do about it.
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One of the earliest episodes I did, it's the first long episode.
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It's called Just Get Started.
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And that is where I provide you with action plans, how to brainstorm, mind map, and then actually come up with an
action plan to help you embark on your goals.
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But it can also be used for exactly this.
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What is preventing you from reaching your goal?
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Another topic is called get shit done.
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That is where I focus on productivity and especially provide you with some tips that are going to help you completely reduce how much you are being distracted.
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Because again, that is something you can take ownership of.
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Another episode I'll link is called awareness, acceptance, action.
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And this is a topic that I discuss a lot.
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I talk about it and just get started, but the awareness acceptance action episode is where I do a deep dive on all three of those components that'll help you one, get what you want, and two, help you function in a dysfunctional world.
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Even in a functional world, this will help you get what you want.
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Another episode is called Feel, Heal, Rise.
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And this gives you an opportunity to, again, acknowledge what's happening in your life, but also provide you with action steps to help you heal through the things that have caused you harm.
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And then always I'm going to provide you with action steps that'll help you get to that next level, and that's where rise comes from.
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Also, I have a mindset series, again, linked in the show notes.
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And the two most recent episodes that I did in the mindset series are what we feed grows, meaning the more you pay attention to something, the more you will see it in your life.
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And then we have the episode Strengthen Your Mind, which doesn't need to be explained.
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It's exactly as it sounds.
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Two more episodes.
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I did an interview with Meg Perry, and in her interview, she goes into discussion about how to curate your algorithms.
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And then finally, I did an episode that is called No One Is Coming to Save You, and that gives you the opportunity to take ownership of how you are going to navigate through life's challenges.
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Additionally, consider critical thinking skills.
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How are you being influenced?
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That recent example of the Russian bot farms being taken out by Ukraine, and now people are realizing how many shit takes were actually coming from bots.
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It's something that I had felt for a long time.
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I don't believe in feeding attention to attention-seeking monsters.
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So I don't engage in arguments online because I know one, online arguments are rarely resolved if both parties or several are not intellectually or emotionally mature.
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And two, I know that a lot of times it's a bot, and bots are constantly seeking engagement so that their algorithm becomes more influential.
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That's energy harvesting.
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I'm not taking part in that.
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I support technology and I support non-generative AI, but I'm not going to feed into some fucking AI machine that is then going to appropriate words, ideas, and misuse them in a way that's damaging, that's so destructive.
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Don't argue with anybody online.
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Cause you might be actually talking to a bot, and what good is that doing?
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Your energy is literally being siphoned from you.
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Also, I discussed advertising a little bit earlier on.
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This is no different than what advertising has done to us for the past 70 plus years.
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Tapping into our human emotions and human drives and human needs and manipulating us so that we buy products?
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I don't think so.
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You're better than that.
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The wild thing is, you already have everything that you need.
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And what is being promoted, advertised, and pushed to you has nothing to do with needs.
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It has to do with tapping into your wants and especially your insecurities to make you feel like you have a void that needs to be filled by buying cheap shit.
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Guard your energy, guard your wallet, make better choices.
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All of these messages and ideas are also promoting confirmation bias for fearful and hateful people and ideas.
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And it's persuasion for those that are easily persuaded.
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So arm yourself against this by strengthening your mind.
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And again, episodes that I referenced earlier will be linked in the show notes.
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So, do you feel distracted, disturbed, and distressed, or are you just simply overwhelmed?
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Do you find yourself constantly distracting yourself with media, social networking, and putting so much attention into things that you don't like, as opposed to actually turning that focus inward and just accepting life, and especially yourself, as is?
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Do you stay up late, goofing around on your phone in bed, which look, I am gonna be judgy, I'm just gonna go ahead and admit that right off the bat.
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I don't do scroll in bed, I don't put my phone in bed with me.
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It goes face down.
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If it needs to be charged, it's on the charger, and there's way more fun and interesting things to do in bed instead of scrolling on your phone.
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Do you watch programs that you just can't pull yourself away from?
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Do you seek the approval of people that you really don't like?
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Is it ever enough?
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How much more do you need to add to your life?
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And more importantly, are you asking yourself why you're doing this?
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If you keep feeding that monster, it will continue to grow.
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So take a moment and ask yourself, do I want to keep this monster around?
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And if the answer is no, which ideally it is, then take responsibility for your part and acknowledge that you are feeding that monster and then stop.
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If you're doing things to fill a void, like dating somebody who's totally inappropriate, disrespecting your body or letting others disrespect you and your body, are you constantly checking notifications to feel validated?
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Are you overspending way beyond your budget?
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Are you eating past the point of satisfaction?
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Are you exercising to excess or using fitness as a punishment instead of a reward?
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And whatever else your brain is doing that sabotages you, you're gonna keep repeating these damaging patterns until the pain of doing those things and the consequences become greater than the fear of change.
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Once you recognize that pattern, you'll be able to move in a positive, productive, and amazing direction.
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There will never be enough of anything until you finally realize that you are enough.
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You are great as is.
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Until you have that realization, you will keep seeking things outside of yourself to feel better on the inside.
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Here's a secret.
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When you feel good on the inside, it reflects on the outside.
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You glow, you emit positive energy, and it's attractive to those who have it and to those who want it.
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So my challenge to you is this do you know what you do to excess?
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Do you know how you're sabotaging yourself?
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Are you aware of the things that you're doing to escape your pain?
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Have you pinpointed the things that cause you pain?
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Are you willing to accept your part in the pain of your life?
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Will you allow yourself to take responsibility for your actions?
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Do you want to do something about it?
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Look, what happened is in the past and it's over.
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It will always be a part of who you are, but you don't have to carry the burden around.
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It's very much like the aftermath of an injury.
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You'll have the scar and you'll have the memory, but the physical pain from that injury happening is in the past.
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Whatever it is, it's okay.
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And you don't have to fix everything right away.
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The gift you can give yourself is awareness and working on acceptance.
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When you do this, you are developing more self-awareness, more self-acceptance, and working closer towards self-love.
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This doesn't happen immediately, but the time invested is totally worth it.
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It takes time, but it happens.
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Outside influences will tell you that things are quick and easy, but quick and easy won't create lasting change.
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Easy and quick as a sales pitch.
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It only leads to more.
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More spending, more pain, more insecurity, more distraction.
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Instead of escape, filling voids and sabotage, take a moment and reflect on where you are now and think about how hard you've worked to get here.
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Think about where you've been, especially in a low spot or when you've been in a lot of pain.
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Even if this low spot or a painful experience is something that you are experiencing right now, you're still further along than where you were before.
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Even if this is a similar low experience that you've been in previously, now you have experience and insight, and you're gonna get through it, and you'll be stronger for it.
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You're gonna recognize those patterns, and recognizing those patterns gives you what?
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Awareness! And awareness is the prerequisite for acceptance, and then you can actually take action.
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Everything in your life has led you to this point.
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You are exactly where you need to be if you can make use of the current situation.
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It's good to look forward, it's great to have goals, it helps to have something to look forward to, so do that.
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Plan, dream, and aspire to work toward the best life possible for you.
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But also acknowledge where you are right now, no escape.
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Take a look around and see how beautiful life is right now.
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What's distracting you from acknowledging that?
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Recognize that distraction.
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Take ownership of your part and then do something about it.
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It's not your fault that every day there's noise and distractions surrounding you, but it is your responsibility to acknowledge that noise, to acknowledge the environments in which you are inserting yourself, and then take ownership of what you're gonna do about it moving forward.
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Make better choices.
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Experience gives us wisdom, and wisdom inspires positive action.
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So start with one thing.
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What are you gonna start with?
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Here's a couple examples.
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Spend less than one hour per day on social media.
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Only rely on news from unbiased, reliable, vetted sources.
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Find an app or a tool that helps you with budgeting and start tracking your money in and your expenses.
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And the expenses are both gonna be planned as well as unplanned.
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You have so much power and control over your life and the trajectory in which it's going to go in.
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And while you can't change a ton of the external forces that may have an influence on which direction the wind is gonna blow you, you can choose how you're gonna go ahead and navigate through the unknown.
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Spoiler! It starts with having a bulletproof mindset.
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Thanks for being here.
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New episodes go live every Monday and Thursday.
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Bonus content and exclusives are available to patrons.
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Check out patreon.com slash smashing success stories for membership tiers and details.
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And always remember: whoever you are, wherever you are, just know that you are loved and that you are important.
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We are in this together.
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Till next time.