Pełna transkrypcja odcinka Holiday Boundaries, Postpartum Guilt & Hormone Help (Couch Talks)

had visited and to be able to spend the day as a family has been the best for us. One thing that is a little different that I started about 10 years ago was a day or two after Christmas, I switch our Christmas tree over to a New Year's tree. Even now with our kids being teenagers, they still want me to do this. I will keep the lights, but I add streamers, balloons, and all the New Year's necklaces and noisemakers, etc. When the kids were younger, I put little pieces of candy in each of the balloons, and then every hour they were able to pop a balloon and get a Tootsie Roll or Airhead or whatever I had in there for them. I'm attaching some trees from over the years, and she attached all the pictures of her New Year's trees, which I thought that was cool. Some people keep their trees up through Valentine's Day. They turn it into a Valentine's Day tree, and then I think like an Easter tree. 00:03:27 Speaker 1: No, people are not keeping it up for Easter. 00:03:29 Speaker 3: I think they do. I'm not saying that's a lot of people, but there are people. 00:03:34 Speaker 1: And they're redecorating it. 00:03:35 Speaker 3: They just decorate it for every season or every holiday. 00:03:39 Speaker 1: I can see myself keeping it up. Well, no, I don't think I would keep it up that long just because I don't want to put it away. But redecorating it all those times, that's a lot of work in my head. 00:03:49 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:03:50 Speaker 1: That's why I put my decorations up so early is because I want to get good use out of them. versus having to like. 00:03:57 Speaker 3: That's how I feel like I want to enjoy it for as long as possible so I've mine went up November 5th and I'm gonna take them down like January 5th so I'm gonna get two solid months with my Christmas vibes like it just changed the energy of my home like so cozy like it just Everything is just suddenly different. All is well in the world. 00:04:24 Speaker 1: You have like a different, I don't know how to describe it, but it's like a feeling you get when you walk in your home. Like Christmas time is a feeling. I don't know how to explain it. 00:04:34 Speaker 3: So something else I fired up for the holiday season is I busted out my Christmas potpourri. 00:04:41 Speaker 1: Your house smelled good when I walked in. I thought it was a candle. 00:04:45 Speaker 3: No, that's my Christmas stovetop potpourri. My mom used to do it. I know a lot of people do this, but it's like you do cranberries and cinnamon sticks and pine something. And you can do citrus. You can throw it in there and you put it all in a pot and you Add water and then simmer. Cloves. And it gives that really lovely Christmas smell. 00:05:11 Speaker 1: You know what a good gift idea is? 00:05:13 Speaker 3: Bag all that stuff up, put a bow on it. Yes. Yes. Or put it in a jar. 00:05:17 Speaker 1: Yeah. I got one of those from a realtor. She sends like every holiday stuff, which that's really good marketing. 00:05:23 Speaker 3: She sends

what? 00:05:24 Speaker 1: Every holiday she sends something. 00:05:26 Speaker 3: Oh. 00:05:26 Speaker 1: And so for Christmas or like this holiday season, she sent a bag of that. And then all I have to do is dump it on the stove versus having to get all of the items. 00:05:34 Speaker 3: We should look up the benefits. I need to do that. The benefits? 00:05:37 Speaker 1: I just thought it smelled good. 00:05:39 Speaker 3: Oh, sorry. Let me finish my sentence. The benefits of having your home Christmassy. Because it does something to our demeanor. And even having the smell of Christmas, the lights, the wreaths, the bows. 00:05:56 Speaker 1: I have an idea. 00:05:58 Speaker 3: What? 00:05:58 Speaker 1: I was talking about this with my friends earlier today. So do you ever get... You might not get this feeling, but every year I want to throw out all of my decorations and buy all new decorations. No, I don't have that desire. I want like a new... There are certain decorations I have that are like my houses. I love my little village that I have. But I want to redo my tree or I want to redo whatever. Every year I get this, especially if you go to like Target or something and you see all their new stuff. My idea is I think there should be a Christmas store... Kind of like a Plato's closet where you would like sell your old clothes and then you could like buy clothes there too. Like what do you call it? Consignment? Yeah. There should be a Christmas consignment store where you can take your old decorations. And maybe there is this. And if there is one near us, let me know. Take your old decorations, sell them to that place and then get cash to then spend and buy new decorations. So I don't have to like– Christmas decorations are expensive. So I feel like I have to get my good use out of them for like 10 years before I can get new stuff. 00:07:03 Speaker 3: But you want them every year. 00:07:06 Speaker 1: What? 00:07:06 Speaker 3: You want them every year. 00:07:07 Speaker 1: I want something. 00:07:10 Speaker 3: I was like, you just said that, right? 00:07:12 Speaker 1: I thought you said you, I don't know what you said. I was confused. 00:07:15 Speaker 3: I said you want them every year, like new ones. 00:07:17 Speaker 1: New stuff. 00:07:18 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:07:18 Speaker 1: Well, just cause like, I feel like every year, I mean, this is like clothes and stuff too. There's like a new trend. Like last year, everybody was doing like Ralph Lauren Christmas, but my Christmas stuff is, um, a lot of sparkles and, There's a lot of pink in my Christmas stuff. And I feel like now that I have a husband and, you know, I might want to gender neutralize it. So if that exists, let me know. If it doesn't, somebody start that and I will sell my stuff and buy new stuff. 00:07:45 Speaker 3: You can maybe sell it on Facebook Marketplace. 00:07:47 Speaker 1: Yeah. I guess that's– sure. 00:07:50 Speaker 3: Like bundle it all together and be like. 00:07:52 Speaker 1: But then I want to go to a– I want it to be like I take my stuff here, they give me a credit, and then I buy new stuff at the– so it's like we're all recycling. Got it. So it's not wasteful because I also think it's super wasteful to buy new. 00:08:06 Speaker 3: Every year. Yeah. 00:08:06 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:08:08 Speaker 3: I just have the same stuff I've had the last few years. But I have Keaton Claus. She helps me do it. My friend Keaton has a Christmas decorating business. She shows up with her little elves and it's so fun. But I mostly do that because she's my friend and I want to support her and her business because There's been a couple of years where I've done it myself, and my kids were never that into it because they didn't grow up doing it at the orphanage. So the first year that Ben and I had them here, and we were like, oh, my gosh, this is going to be so epic. They're going to be decorating a tree for the first time. This is so awesome. They could care less. 00:08:41 Speaker 1: Yeah, they're like, what? 00:08:42 Speaker 3: They're like, what? We don't know. And they were not into it. Like, we made a whole thing. We're going to put on elf. We're going to make hot cocoa. 00:08:49 Speaker 1: They didn't. 00:08:50 Speaker 3: They did not care. 00:08:51 Speaker 1: What do you do? Because your tree has, like, matching ornaments. Mm-hmm. Do you have a second tree where you put your.... 00:08:59 Speaker 3: Oh, I don't have any. 00:09:00 Speaker 1: You don't have any. 00:09:01 Speaker 3: I don't have any. 00:09:01 Speaker 1: Nobody's ever gifted you an ornament? 00:09:04 Speaker 3: I inherited a bunch from my mom, and they're away. They're away. 00:09:10 Speaker 1: My mom had a lot of ornaments like that. Like ones that you made when you were a kid or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:09:13 Speaker 3: I have those. 00:09:14 Speaker 1: You don't ever go on a trip and like, I'm going to get a. 00:09:18 Speaker 3: No, and my sister's tree is the same way. It's just decorated cute. There's no... I know. I know. I know. 00:09:25 Speaker 1: Do you ever want to buy an ornament? And then you're like, I don't have anywhere to put it. 00:09:28 Speaker 3: I don't. I don't have the desire to buy an ornament. I'm not like, oh, I went to New Mexico. I got to get a canal. No, I don't. 00:09:37 Speaker 1: I don't have that. 00:09:38 Speaker 3: I don't like a knickknack stuff. Oh, I love. Which I know people are into that. Our mom was, and I don't know why my sister and I are not. But my sister, when they were first married, they didn't have a lot of money and she would decorate their tree with, she would string popcorn and she would dry oranges and cranberries and she, it looked like it was out of a magazine, but it was all. all it was she made everything traditional and like yeah and it looked so good and now she's upgraded since then but they cut down their own tree each year but then and she probably does something a little different every year um but it's

It's not over the top. Like, their tree isn't anything crazy. It's like a normal, small, cute tree. 00:10:19 Speaker 1: Would you get bugs if you had popcorn around your tree for two months, though? 00:10:24 Speaker 3: I don't know. 00:10:25 Speaker 1: I don't know. 00:10:26 Speaker 3: I don't think she dealt with it, but I suppose you have to. 00:10:29 Speaker 1: I'm just thinking about us having our tree up for so long. We might not be able to put food on the tree. Right. 00:10:34 Speaker 3: She did. But do you spray for bugs? Do you have an exterminator that comes? 00:10:42 Speaker 1: I did at my old house. I haven't set that up. here. 00:10:44 Speaker 3: So would you all have bugs at your house though? 00:10:46 Speaker 1: I mean, no, I don't. 00:10:48 Speaker 3: I have an exterminator company that will come. 00:10:51 Speaker 1: So can you spray extra? 00:10:52 Speaker 3: Yeah. But then Jim, if you, if you listen on Tuesday, we're now calling the guy that I'm dating Jim. He said he ordered this kit where for like $ 200 for the whole year, they send you everything you need. And then every couple of months he just has to spray his own house. He's like, so I do that. Like, why wouldn't I do it? It doesn't take me long. It's like 20 minutes. 00:11:12 Speaker 1: I think what I was, I wasn't paying that much for my guy. I think it was like $ 75 every quarter. But every time they came. So 75 every quarter is. Not that different than $ 200. Oh. Is it $ 200? 00:11:24 Speaker 3: Well, I think it depends. Hey, have you, what about at your new house? 00:11:27 Speaker 1: What's 75 times four? 00:11:27 Speaker 3: So that was the square footage at your last house. Your new house is bigger because it's the square footage of your, like your yard is bigger. 00:11:33 Speaker 1: 300. So 300. 00:11:33 Speaker 3: You're still, even if you're saving a hundred bucks. 00:11:36 Speaker 1: I'm not doing that. 00:11:38 Speaker 3: That's what I said to him. I said, I think I'd rather just pay somebody. And he was like, well, you know, if you try to simplify your budget. I'm not. I don't even have a bug guy. I'm definitely not doing it myself. Okay, we have another email, but I messed up because you were supposed to read that email. 00:11:56 Speaker 1: Yeah, I wasn't going to say anything because, you know, you were just on a roll. I can try to read this one. 00:12:00 Speaker 3: Are you sure? Okay, so here's the thing, guys. This is some behind-the-scenes baseball. So here's the thing, guys. This is some behind-the-scenes baseball. Kat got some emails about her birth story that she shared, and they're really sweet. I feel like if Kat reads them, she's going to cry, which is okay. So behind the scenes, we were talking, like, who should read what email? And I was like, okay, you can read the one about Christmas trees and decor and then another one about hormones, and then I'll read the two baby ones or birth story ones. Um, because you'll cry. But then out of the gate, I just started reading the Christmas tree one. 00:12:49 Speaker 1: I don't usually read. 00:12:51 Speaker 3: Cause I, yeah, I read and then she responds, but this episode is a little different. Like it's y'all just sharing. There are some questions at times, especially in the hormones one, but, uh, it's more to me, I feel like this episode is us just all talking together. Like when y'all send us voicemails or emails that are sharing your story or how something touched you, it's like, you're now getting to be a part of the conversation. So we love reading those too. It's not always going to be a question and answer. It's just going to be a conversation. It's like y'all chime in. So Kat, give it, give it, give it the old go. Let's see if she makes it through. Cause even I was really touched by this. 00:13:35 Speaker 1: And I do want to say thank you. I said this on Tuesday, but thank you to the people that, sent in messages whether they were comments on instagram or emails they were all so sweet and i appreciate them so this emailer do we have a name okay i assume she's letting us say. 00:13:56 Speaker 3: Her name yeah we only have one uh actually yeah we only have one anonymous okay um this is not it this is rebecca So Rebecca said, hi, Amy and Kat. 00:14:09 Speaker 1: I just listened to Kat's birth story and I was crying right along with her. I want to give Kat a great big hug. And I am also so, so thankful that she seems to have such a wonderful support from friends like Amy and her mom. Kat, you will need the help and you will continue to need it. So keep asking. It's hard, but people want to help you. With time, you'll be up and ready to help other mothers too. You're currently being forged by fire, but I promise once you get past the initial shock of being a mom, you will emerge as the most selfless version of yourself. Your relationships with your daughter will only grow and will likely become the most magical part of your life outside of your own childhood. I am a mom of two and I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant with my third. I'm okay. 00:15:04 Speaker 3: If you're like, why is Kat pausing? She's trying to not cry. 00:15:08 Speaker 1: I have been blessed with two successful unmedicated births, which this is me. Good for you. I don't know how people do that. And I am in awe of it. I want to share a little bit about my first birth story because my daughter was born sunny side up, which if you didn't listen to my, I didn't, I ended up having a C-section, but my daughter was face up, which is they say sunny side up. I used an out-of-hospital certified nurse midwife in Washington State while we were stationed there. The midwifery care in Washington is phenomenal. Around 37 weeks, she was able to feel the baby's position and knew she was hanging out in the face-up position. She referred me to Spinning Babies, a resource for exercises to help encourage optimal baby positioning. She warned me that labor could be longer and more painful with a baby in

that position. Anyway, when I went into labor, despite the exercises I had done, she was still hanging out sunny side up. Labor was long and hard and she eventually was born sunny side up with a nuchal hand. Is that, am I saying that right? 00:16:14 Speaker 3: I don't know how to say that. 00:16:15 Speaker 1: And I don't know what that actually is. Can we? 00:16:17 Speaker 3: I'll look it up. 00:16:18 Speaker 1: Okay. The pushing phase took every bit of strength I had to get her out and it required lots of position changes throughout her labor and to help move her down, and I'm not sure she could have come out had I had an epidural simply because it required so much movement from me. Fast forward to my second birth. He wasn't sunny-side up and practically flew out of me. 00:16:37 Speaker 3: We're pausing for tears. 00:16:46 Speaker 1: Every birth is different, and if you choose to have a second, it could look very different. It could very likely be a redemptive birth for you. Our first really paved the way and you find that this is a common theme throughout your motherhood journey if you choose to have more children. I'm a firm believer that our births are the births we need to have for reasons unknown to us. I hope you're able to continue processing yours with time. Amy, I'd also love to hear about your adoption story. My husband and I have been considering adoption for a while now and I'd love to hear an episode focused on your experience. You guys are awesome. 00:17:24 Speaker 3: Thanks. 00:17:25 Speaker 1: I added that in there. She didn't say thanks. 00:17:28 Speaker 3: She said, you guys are awesome. Have the day you need to have Rebecca, but maybe you were saying, I think I would say, yeah, thanks. Thanks for saying that. 00:17:39 Speaker 1: Yeah. Thanks for writing that, sending that in. Did we find out. 00:17:42 Speaker 3: What that, yeah, I looked it up and it says that nuchal hand, if that's how you say it refers to a situation during birth where the baby's hand is positioned near their face, which is a common type of compound presentation. This can complicate the delivery process, but does not automatically necessitate a cesarean section. 00:18:00 Speaker 1: It is scary when I was learning about labor and how the baby's supposed to move in positions they're supposed to be at at certain points, how technically the baby is supposed to move. There's a way that the baby has to move perfectly to come out. Their body twists as it gets during To certain places in the birth canal, their arms move positions. It seems like how does this ever happen correctly? But more times than not, it does. So I guess that's just where the arm didn't move at the right place at the right time. Right. So thank you because I am at peace with how Zoe came to be. It just wasn't what I thought. Um, and so I appreciate this saying like, okay, I had that the first time and the second time it was completely different and it felt, um, she said redemptive. Um, and I also appreciate when people say, if you choose to have a second, because a lot of people will just be like, what's your second baby? And it's like, well, it's really tough having that first one. So we don't know if we're going to have, yeah. 00:19:13 Speaker 3: Uh, this is ignorance on my part. Where, why have I heard that if you have A C-section, do you then have to continue having them or can you have a vaginal birth after that? 00:19:26 Speaker 1: You can. It's called a VBAC, a vaginal birth after cesarean. A lot of people choose not to do that because there can be complications. There's like a small percentage that your uterus could rip open. I don't know what the right term is. And there's a high chance that you'll end up having another C-section and then it just makes your labor harder because you have to do both, kind of, kind of like what I did the first time. But some people just choose to have a C-section. I mean, I think a lot of times it's recommended. If something happened, like that saying, you probably won't be able to do this again, your doctor is going to recommend a C-section. But I think with what happened with Zoe, I think I'll have the option to do a VBAC. But like my sister, she had a C-section and her baby's head was too big to fit. So that's why one of the reasons she ended up having a C-section. And so she ended up choosing, her doctor said, do you want to try vaginal birth? And she said, let's see how big the baby's measuring. And then when she saw how big her baby was the second time, she was like, I'd rather not risk it. Let's just do a C-section. So you heard that because I think a lot of people think they don't have the option. It just– it can be more complicated. 00:20:46 Speaker 3: Okay. 00:20:47 Speaker 1: Which I totally get not wanting to go through that again if you had a scary experience. Okay. 00:20:54 Speaker 3: All right. So how do we want to– do you want to read the other baby one after I read the hormone one? Because you did great. 00:21:01 Speaker 1: Yeah. You did it. 00:21:02 Speaker 3: And I feel like it's maybe more special that you're reading it because it's about birth story and it's you. So maybe I'm glad it worked out this way because– I guess. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I'll read the hormone one. 00:21:14 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:21:16 Speaker 3: Hey, Amy and Kat. First, I really can't believe I'm emailing you guys. I've been a Bobby Bone Show listener for about 12 years. I was also a loyal listener of Four Things with Amy Brown and now never miss an episode of Feeling Things. I'm a stay-at-home mom of two toddlers and I live far away from my family and friends. So it really is nice to listen to your helpful and comforting conversations twice a week. Kat, congratulations on a sweet baby Zoe. Amy, I've been following your hormone journey this year and I'm so happy for you that you are feeling better. I'm 39 years old and I have chronic fatigue, brain fog, and have been struggling with hair loss for

over 10 years. I spent years trying to determine what was wrong with me, seeing so many doctors who weren't really able to help. You inspired me to have my hormones tested and I discovered that my testosterone, vitamin D, and DHEA are all very low. The only problem is though, I can't really find a doctor who I can trust to help me with this. The office who tested my hormones has recommended testosterone cream while also trying to sell me additional services. I didn't feel like they really cared about me and that they just wanted to sell me things. I was just wondering if you would feel comfortable telling me what kind of doctor you see for your hormone therapy. Is it a nationwide clinic? If not, what kind of doctor should I be looking for? I truly can't thank you enough for reading this email. It feels so crazy to email someone I don't know but I've been listening to for so long. The other day I was telling my husband that I feel at such a loss over this entire situation. He asked me, don't you have a friend who maybe has the same issue? Can you ask what doctor she sees? I felt a little embarrassed and told him no. It's actually a person who I listen to on the radio. But that question inspired me to actually email you and ask. Okay, I'm done rambling. Thank you so much. I hope you have the day you need to have. And she's asked to remain anonymous. So whew, I almost said her name. 00:23:07 Speaker 1: I see a. 00:23:09 Speaker 3: Gynecologist who happens to do hormone therapy as well. So it's who I go to now for my yearly checkup. 00:23:20 Speaker 1: But did you find this doctor for your hormones and then just decided to stay with them for your annual visits? 00:23:27 Speaker 3: I was going to go see her anyway for that. 00:23:29 Speaker 1: And yes, both. 00:23:30 Speaker 3: Like I had heard people in town go to her, which I'll tell you her name. Her name is Naomi Pascal. It says MD. Uh, but I, I had heard she did that, but then could also do my yearly. 00:23:45 Speaker 1: So you're right. 00:23:45 Speaker 3: I don't know if it's like chicken or egg. I did not like my, you know, chicken or egg. I don't know which one came first, but I did not like the last gynecologist I'd been seeing for a few years. I always felt it was very cold and quick and just, I was like, okay, it's just, it's awkward. Um, But I kept going back because I didn't want to go through the process of finding somebody new. And you schedule your yearly appointment when you leave. And it's like I didn't think about it again until it's like, oh, your yearly's here. And then this year I was like, I've got to do something about hormones. So I'm just going to finally reach out to that person. And then, yes, I did my yearly with her. And then she did my blood work. And I will say I did go to another clinic before her when I got on some testosterone cream. And I didn't hate the cream. I didn't hate it. 00:24:35 Speaker 1: It just didn't do everything you needed. Yeah. 00:24:37 Speaker 3:

The pellet is a little bit more targeted, but there are people that hate the pellets and there are people that love the cream. I've loved my pellet. Um, there's even a group of people that are so anti-pellet like online. They have some saying like. 00:24:53 Speaker 1: Because of the side effects or I. 00:24:55 Speaker 3: Don't, I don't know why they hate the pellet, but they're like anti-pellet. Yeah. Yell it at the pellet or I don't know the saying, but you know, like, pellet. Don't sell it. Don't sell it. Don't sell it. The pellet. I'm not sure, but I've had a really good experience and she, it's a yam based pellet that she catered specifically to what I need. And it's about the size of a piece of rice and it goes into my hip. And I went in for a new pellet a couple of weeks ago and she actually increased my testosterone and tiny bit and I can tell. And I do, now I feel even better. And it wasn't even that much. She just wanted to tweak it a little bit based on my blood work. So I will say when I have the pellet in, I'm continuing blood work because you have to replace the pellet every three to four months, but they want to see where you are before they put the new pellet in. But so even if you do the cream, you probably should getting updated blood work where I messed up with the cream, the clinic I was going to, which was like a, Felt like a nationwide clinic. I don't even remember the name of it. It shut down, so that's why I couldn't go back. But I got the cream, and then I was feeling a little better, but I never went to get other blood work. Also, I didn't address the low iron. I didn't address my low thyroid. I didn't address my low vitamin D. Yeah, iron, whatever else I was low in. 00:26:16 Speaker 1: So this is a– like who you're seeing now is a regular doctor. She just also does this stuff. So maybe– where she's not from where you are from. Right. There are people that do, but you don't have to go to like a, like clinic. 00:26:33 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:26:33 Speaker 1: Hormone, hormone, something like some doctors do this. You just, it, it's probably just word of mouth to figure out like in your area, where do you find somebody like this? 00:26:42 Speaker 3: I know. And maybe just searching and research. Cause she's got her search, like doctors that do women care. Cause she on her website, I'm looking at it right now and it says caring for the complete woman. 00:26:53 Speaker 1: I wonder if there's a Reddit thread of like in your area or even if you post like a question on Reddit, like looking for a doctor that does this. I mean, Reddit can be a really scary place, but also can be helpful. 00:27:05 Speaker 3: For stuff like that. That's what I was going to say. I was like, oh. 00:27:07 Speaker 1: Well, I just, I know that I have, people have found dieticians and doctors and all that if they're new to the area or something on Reddit. So if you post, like maybe people might, you might get some really bad recommendations too, but it might be a way to. Yeah. 00:27:24 Speaker 3: So I know that's, yes, naming the specific doctor isn't exactly helpful for you, but she is an MD. She is a gynecologist. She, and has a heart for women and providing care for them in all areas and hormone health. And I think she also has a pharmaceutical background, which not that that helps your, what you're looking for, but that helped me feel comfortable because she understands that all the medication and what she's not just, like relying on what somebody tells her. She knows the workings of the medicine and what's actually happening. So good luck. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, but I do like Kat's tip about Reddit and then just searching online to see. And yeah, you don't have to look for a specific hormone clinic. And I will say the cream is okay. But yeah, if they're trying to upsell you on multiple different products and injections or this and that, like, yeah, you might want to Have your guard up. So good luck with that. Thank you for emailing. And thank you for emailing after listening for so many years. And it's not weird at all. And I love that you told your husband about it. You don't even have to say some girl on the radio or podcast. You can just be like, oh, my friend's Amy and Kat. 00:28:37 Speaker 1: She happens to be on the radio. 00:28:38 Speaker 3: Yeah. Totally fine. 00:28:50 Speaker 1: I think this one is going to be harder for me to get through. So if I need to tag you in, just be on the ready. 00:28:56 Speaker 3: Hey, I'm right here. Just say the word. 00:28:58 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:28:58 Speaker 3: All right. 00:28:59 Speaker 1: This one also is not anonymous. So this comes, this is Kelsey. Don't know where she's from, but this is from Kelsey. I have been a 20 year listener of the Bobby Bones show and I love Amy, but I've never listened to this podcast. That's okay. We all have to start somewhere at some time. 00:29:16 Speaker 3: I mean, she's a day one listener already emailing. Yeah. Wow. 00:29:21 Speaker 1: She might be our biggest fan now. 00:29:23 Speaker 3: Well, I think your story really touched her. 00:29:26 Speaker 1: I saw on Instagram today a clip of Kat telling her birth story and specifically saying she felt like, what did we do to our lives? And I started crying in the middle of work because I felt so understood. My son just turned one. and I feel so different today, thankfully, than I did immediately postpartum. But how I felt then sticks with me so deeply, probably because a bit of mom guilt won't let me shake it. Unexpectedly, I ended up having to give birth to him nine weeks early. Because of his early birth, he had a bilateral brain bleed. To say this news was devastating feels like an understatement. Bilateral, this is me, bilateral brain bleed. Would that, does that mean like both sides? Yeah. I couldn't stop crying for days. I struggled to see him in his incubator in the NICU because I felt so much guilt, so much so that I avoided him. I felt like he I felt

like he already had a heart surgery to face and then I couldn't do my job of keeping him. Oh my goodness. 00:30:58 Speaker 3: Okay. 00:30:58 Speaker 1: I couldn't do my job of keeping him in long enough to make him big and strong to do that. He was only three and a half pounds. I called my best friend telling her, I think I made a mistake. I don't know how to care for this baby. I wasn't ready for this and I had such a good life. Why did I ruin it? I wish I could just run away. When I was supposed to be sleeping at night, I remember thinking the only way to escape is to leave my husband, child, family and job behind. I would have to start a new life with a new name. When I think back to those feelings, I equate them to a young kid having no sense of time. They feel like whatever they are feeling in the moment will last forever. That is how I felt and how I think postpartum depression can feel like. Will this feeling last forever? A week after giving birth, the haze lifted and things didn't feel so heavy. Starting to feel like myself again was the biggest relief of my life, but knowing the things I thought during that period brings me immense guilt. A year later, looking at my amazing son's smiling and laughing face brings me so many complex feelings. I am so grateful for how he is doing and the love that I have for him is immeasurable. But the more I know him, the more I feel like how could I have ever thought those things? What I do know now is the heaviness fades. You figure it out. You can still be you and be a mom at the same time. And hopefully you can give that postpartum version of you a lot of grace. Sorry. I can't read the last part. 00:32:40 Speaker 3: Well, you don't have to apologize also. Do you want me to tag in? 00:32:44 Speaker 1: I can do it. Kat, you got this. You are going to be the best mom. Thank you for sharing your story and saying the things that people like me often feel in silence. Thank you for your email. Yeah. 00:33:07 Speaker 3: And that was from Kelsey, which she did. tell you something pretty powerful. I know you skipped over. I don't know if you skipped over it on purpose. I was like, wait, did you skip over it? Because I'm like, hey, I want to tell you that too. So I'll say it. I'll go back to the line where she said, she was saying, what I do know is that the heaviness fades. You figure it out. You can still be you and be a mom at the same time. And hopefully you can give that postpartum version of you a lot of grace. She is a badass. And that's what I want to tell the postpartum version of you is, yeah, she is, you are, anyone listening, I have no idea what it's like to do that. Adoption is very different, but to carry a child and it's growing inside of you and then whatever your scenario, like your story is wildly different than Kelsey's, but y'all still struggled after giving birth and Y'all are both amazing. Your bodies did an incredible thing. I know people are sometimes like, I don't really get why people

say birth is a miracle because it's happening like all the time. 00:34:19 Speaker 1: It's crazy. 00:34:20 Speaker 3: But it's still like when you really think about it, it is. 00:34:22 Speaker 1: It's so crazy. 00:34:24 Speaker 3: Like sometimes when you send me pictures of you and Zoe, I'm like, she was inside of you. And now she's outside of you. 00:34:32 Speaker 1: And she started as a little poppy seed. Like what? 00:34:36 Speaker 3: I know like every week on the show we were giving updates of like, yeah, she's a lemon now. Oh, she's a grapefruit. Oh, she's an eggplant. 00:34:43 Speaker 1: She's a watermelon. 00:34:44 Speaker 3: She's a watermelon. And then now here she is. And like you did that. Yeah. 00:34:48 Speaker 1: And I think what got me in was more, I have a lot of compassion for Kelsey when she was talking about her body couldn't even do its one job. And that is a, I, I don't know that I had that exact thought, but I feel a lot of compassion and love for her. And I want to give her a hug because what happens, I think a lot of times, and this isn't just with birth, but we're looking at the things we didn't do versus the things we did. And rather than say, I couldn't carry my baby for the last nine weeks. Could you look at, I carried that baby for, for 31 weeks or however long you did. You're negating all of what you did for this child versus what you couldn't do. So I wanted to– I don't know if she's already– it sounds like she's worked through a lot of that. But that's what I would share with anybody who's struggling because, I mean, a lot of people give birth early and have complications like that. And it's fair to have that guilt and have those feelings and also don't negate what you did do. And even with the baby blues and the sundown scaries and all the stuff that I had– Yes, I had those thoughts that weren't great, but I also had a lot of moments where I was just obsessing over her and so happy and so, so to stay out of the black and white. And for anybody listening, these feelings are so common. Like I said last week, they don't mean that you're not supposed to be a mom. I mean, in the moment, you don't know that because it feels so real. And if they don't go away, it's okay to, I mean, it's okay to ask for help in the moment, but if they don't go away after a couple weeks, it's okay to ask for extra help because postpartum depression is a real thing, and I think a lot of people think that's not going to happen to me because I want a baby, whether you want a child or not, but we don't get to pick. You can do all the mental health prep, and it could still happen to you. 00:36:54 Speaker 3: I mean, if people listen to Tuesday's episode, they know you're the most stable friend I have. Right. 00:37:02 Speaker 1: Um, and I loved her, um, as an analogy or a metaphor, but like, it feels like a kid who thinks these feelings are going to last forever and they don't. And time feels so long and so short at the same time right now. So that can be hard, but it was like that, like this is never going to go away and it should. And if it doesn't, it's okay to say this isn't going away. So thanks guys for your emails. Yeah. 00:37:38 Speaker 3: I think it worked out so perfect that you ended up reading those. 00:37:40 Speaker 1: I would have cried anyway if. 00:37:42 Speaker 3: You read it. 00:37:42 Speaker 1: I think exactly. 00:37:43 Speaker 3: But they were very personal to you, so you reading them, it worked out. 00:37:49 Speaker 1: We were just talking about how I made it through an episode without crying. That was on Tuesday. Two days ago. 00:37:55 Speaker 3: If you need to laugh, we laughed a lot on Tuesday's episode. So yeah, today, mm-hmm. I knew the tears would probably come. I mean, the minute you checked our emails, you're like, oh my gosh, we have some emails. I knew the minute you read those at home, you were going to cry. So thank you all for reaching out with your stories, your holiday traditions. If you have any you want to share with us, since yes, we did request that. I now remember that. 00:38:22 Speaker 1: It was in the midst of a lot of other stuff. 00:38:25 Speaker 3: Yes, but I definitely now remember that request. So that makes sense why... we have emails coming in about it. We love to hear from y'all. Hey, they're at feeling things, podcast.com. You can call us, leave a voicemail. We do have a lot of voicemails that we haven't gotten to yet, even about birth story stuff. So we might be on this birth story for a little bit. 00:38:49 Speaker 1: Buckle up guys. 00:38:50 Speaker 3: Buckle up. I was also thinking stuff to get to. 00:38:54 Speaker 1: It is going to be interesting just to see, because my life changed so much. Like, I kind of had the thought of, like, what am I even going to talk about anymore? Because all I do is change these poopy diapers and sing made-up songs to this child. Ooh, sing us a song. Do you want to hear the one Patrick made up? 00:39:12 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:39:14 Speaker 1: He sings this one, Zoe's Crying. And Zoe's okay. And Mommy's okay. And Daddy's okay. And we're all okay. Ho, ho, ho. Hee, hee, hee. Ha, ha, ha. 00:39:28 Speaker 3: Hi, hi, hi. 00:39:30 Speaker 1: Hoo, hoo, hoo. 00:39:33 Speaker 3: And we're all okay. 00:39:36 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:39:37 Speaker 1: And he started over. And so he's okay. And mommy's okay. And daddy's okay. And we're all okay. Ho, ho, ho. He goes through the vowels, he says. Ho, ho, hee, hee, hi, hi. And sometimes he'll throw one. And sometimes why? Okay. 00:39:53 Speaker 3: Oh, because sometimes why is... I was wondering, how are you remembering all the. 00:39:58 Speaker 1: It's the vowels. 00:39:58 Speaker 3: Okay. So I can sing that at home when I'm feeling unstable. And Amy's okay. 00:40:05 Speaker 1: And Maggie's okay. 00:40:07 Speaker 3: And Cara's okay. And Stevenson's okay. 00:40:10 Speaker 1: And we're all okay. If Stevenson's here. 00:40:12 Speaker 3: Ho, ho, ho. Oh, my God. How do you

think... What if I start singing that to Jim? Yeah. 00:40:19 Speaker 1: You might throw Jim's name in there. What if I'm having a. 00:40:21 Speaker 3: Hard day and all of a sudden I'm just like, and Amy's okay. And Jim's okay. He's going to be like, what? He probably would start singing along. He'd be like, teach me the song. 00:40:34 Speaker 1: Let's go. I don't know how effective the song is, but it makes us feel like we're doing something when we sing it. He also does like a dance with it when he like moves to one foot and the other foot. Yeah. 00:40:43 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:40:45 Speaker 2: Oh, good. 00:40:46 Speaker 3: That's good to know. I need to know the dance moves. I need the whole recipe. 00:40:50 Speaker 1: When you come over, I'll have Patrick. I'm sure Zoe will scream at some point and I'll have Patrick show it to you. Oh, yeah. 00:40:55 Speaker 3: Jim and I are coming over. Should we bring food? Is it like dinner or are we just seeing y'all? I don't want to impose. 00:41:04 Speaker 1: What do we do? I figured we would eat or something. The reason I said the time is that we usually start putting her to bed at that time and it is a process and sometimes it's We haven't gotten to the point where she has like a true schedule where she understands it. So she could be having a meltdown at that time. Okay. 00:41:21 Speaker 3: Which we're fine for. Honestly, Jim and I will be like, mommy's okay. 00:41:28 Speaker 1: Daddy's okay. I get stressed out when there's people around and she's screaming. 00:41:31 Speaker 3: Well, don't worry. We'll go out like whatever to ease your mind. If you want us to like walk outside, walk outside. If you want us to sing and dance, we'll sing and dance. If you want us to go pick up food, we'll pick up food. 00:41:40 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:41:40 Speaker 3: Like we just didn't know what like what y'all wanted to do. 00:41:43 Speaker 1: Yeah. We can eat. 00:41:45 Speaker 3: All right. 00:41:45 Speaker 1: I think we'll be hungry. 00:41:46 Speaker 3: Can you have a margarita? 00:41:48 Speaker 1: So we've talked about that because I've wanted a drink so bad. That sounds bad, but I haven't had a margarita or a glass of wine since last December. And I just want like a glass of wine with my pasta or something, you know. We were on a walk the other day and I was like, Patrick, I would love to be on a margarita walk right now. But I can't. I'm breastfeeding. And so I have– for every drink I have, I can't feed her for two hours. So I could give her frozen– I have a stash. I could give her milk. It just– I prefer to not do that because then it's harder when she does breastfeeding. 00:42:26 Speaker 3: I get it. It's like you have to like pump and dump. Is it worth it? 00:42:28 Speaker 1: Is it worth it? 00:42:29 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:42:29 Speaker 1: I don't have to pump and dump. 00:42:30 Speaker 3: Well, I could bring you a margarita and be like, Mommy's okay. Yeah. 00:42:34 Speaker 1: Daddy's okay. If I'm having a meltdown, you might just need to like go into our kitchen and get me a glass of wine and be like, I think it's time. 00:42:41 Speaker 3: I think it's time. 00:42:41 Speaker 1: I think it's time. 00:42:42 Speaker 3: Okay, so that's what we're going to be doing on Friday. It'll be Jim will be meeting Patrick. I love that his name is Jim now. 00:42:50 Speaker 1: I'm going to call him Jim. Jim. Jim's coming over. 00:42:53 Speaker 3: I actually think he just got here. I heard him. 00:42:55 Speaker 1: Welcome home, Jim. 00:42:57 Speaker 3: Hey, Jim. Jim. 00:42:59 Speaker 1: Hey, Jim. So I don't know that he knows that's his name. 00:43:07 Speaker 3: Hey, person. Person. maybe i'm just kidding oh that might be my ex-husband. 00:43:19 Speaker 1: Okay he's like jim i thought the guy's name was this how many people. 00:43:25 Speaker 3: He's like i thought the other guy i met was his name was something totally different than jim okay just kidding um okay well there you go um We're all okay. We're all okay. And yeah, have the day. 00:43:41 Speaker 1: You need to have. 00:43:41 Speaker 3: Bye. Bye.