Pełna transkrypcja odcinka Doucheknuckles And Swallowed Magnets With A 24 Hour Pause

questions and then writing down the answers when they're just in their own presence. 00:04:57.920 --> 00:05:07.600 But as you hold their hand, especially in the beginning stages, right, of sobriety, or you know, they might not even be 24 hours clean. 00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:11.120 They might not even be clean yet when they pick up my book. 00:05:11.920 --> 00:05:15.600 So yeah, they need somebody to hold their freaking hand. 00:05:15.759 --> 00:05:16.800 And guess what? 00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:19.759 I'm gonna hold every hand that wants to be held. 00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:23.839 If it takes me there, and I'll even hold your hand, honey. 00:05:24.160 --> 00:05:24.959 Both of them. 00:05:25.360 --> 00:05:26.319 I don't have both of them. 00:05:26.399 --> 00:05:27.600 She can hold my numb. 00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:28.399 You know what? 00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:30.480 You in my world, you do. 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:42.240 You have both hands, but you're your arms are enough to save the world, no matter what they are or what they become. 00:05:42.399 --> 00:05:55.600 And you have are like you are such a soldier and a warrior, and uh you're you're so much light to so many people, Victoria, including myself and my daughter. 00:05:55.920 --> 00:06:02.720 And before I get into that part of what's happened over the last 48 hours, I just want to finish on this whole book thing. 00:06:02.959 --> 00:06:18.079 And so I created the podcast because I really wanted to reach people in the masses and communicate communicate with them in an environment where it was open. 00:06:18.879 --> 00:06:22.079 And so you got a question, ask while I'm talking. 00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:25.199 I might not be able, I won't cut my guest off midway. 00:06:25.279 --> 00:06:28.160 Well, sometimes I do, but you know what? 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:30.240 They're important questions. 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:33.759 There's no stupid questions, none. 00:06:34.079 --> 00:06:36.319 Every question deserves an answer. 00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:37.920 And if I and you know what? 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:41.199 I might not have the answer on the fly, but you know what I will do? 00:06:41.439 --> 00:06:45.839 I'll say, you know what, I don't have the answer for that right now, but I will find it for you. 00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:47.040 And she will. 00:06:48.160 --> 00:06:50.079 Yeah, I have to though. 00:06:50.240 --> 00:06:51.920 Yeah, because you know what? 00:06:52.079 --> 00:06:58.560 People like us are the light for people that wouldn't otherwise be able to find the light. 00:06:58.879 --> 00:07:13.439 And the reason I want to just play a little tiny part in that is because I was not in darkness, I was in blackness. 00:07:13.600 --> 00:07:15.360 Like, I don't know how else to put it. 00:07:15.519 --> 00:07:21.120 And you know, everybody always says to me, Well, how did you know you were at your rock bottom? 00:07:21.279 --> 00:07:27.600 You know, or what happened when you were at your rock bottom, or what did you feel like at your rock bottom? 00:07:27.680 --> 00:07:32.000 And I I I just tell them all the same thing because it's the truth. 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:36.639 I'm like, well, when I hit rock bottom, I found it had a fucking basement. 00:07:37.360 --> 00:07:47.199 And then when that hatch opened, and I thought I hit another rock bottom, another fucking hatch opened until I was literally in the fucking pits of hell. 00:07:47.439 --> 00:08:03.199 And and that's why it's called rising above hell, because I clawed and kicked and fought my way with each freaking rung of the ladder, but the ladder was on fire and I would boom, I would fall back down. 00:08:03.439 --> 00:08:06.560 And so literally rising above hell. 00:08:06.800 --> 00:08:29.839 And so if I can help somebody else that where they don't have to do that, where somebody actually reaches their hand down and pulls them up out of that freaking abyss, that black abyss, then why wouldn't we want to do that? 00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:33.840 Why wouldn't we want to ease that pain for other people? 00:08:34.399 --> 00:08:45.120 You know, and you are that, and you have been that for me and my daughter, especially these last couple of days. 00:08:45.440 --> 00:09:00.080 So on Tuesday, my daughter's 12 years old, and she's a very adventurous, very curious, and she too is very set in her own ways. 00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:04.320 I don't know where she's gonna be from, and let me tell you, right? 00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:07.440 You can attest to this. 00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:08.080 Oh, yeah. 00:09:08.159 --> 00:09:09.600 I don't know where she gets it from. 00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:12.159 Yeah, no, I wouldn't have no clue. 00:09:13.919 --> 00:09:20.399 Yeah, so Tuesday, I'm also a realtor in my spare time. 00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:28.320 And so none of we did a triple open house on Tuesday, and Summer is just lovely. 00:09:28.480 --> 00:09:31.440 She loves working with me, and she's just incredible. 00:09:31.519 --> 00:09:42.639 She's like 12 going on 40, and she just loves it, and people just fall in love with her, and she shows them around, and you know, and she it's it's a beautiful thing. 00:09:43.759 --> 00:10:05.360 So, for those of you tuning in to conversations between Victoria and I, or maybe you've heard my podcast before Rising Above Hell, but for those of you that don't know, in July of this year, I lost my daughter, Rachel, to addiction. 00:10:06.399 --> 00:10:14.960 And so, am I a little more protective of my 12-year-old now? 00:10:15.279 --> 00:10:22.320 Absolutely, but it's still pretty raw, and we'll get into that a little bit later. 00:10:22.639 --> 00:10:36.480 But on Tuesday, the first thing that happened was my daughter decided in the building that we had, this triple open house, we know a lot of the people. 00:10:36.639 --> 00:10:38.720 It's a it's a great community here. 00:10:38.799 --> 00:10:41.200 It's small, it's in the next town over. 00:10:41.679 --> 00:10:46.399 You know, 98% of

the people in that building know both Summer and I. 00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:51.360 And a majority of that reason is because I helped build those condos. 00:10:51.759 --> 00:10:52.080 Okay. 00:10:53.120 --> 00:11:01.759 And so she was sitting at the front, right in front of the condo, like we're one of the condos that we were having the open house with. 00:11:01.919 --> 00:11:04.000 Long story short of it, she was right there. 00:11:04.240 --> 00:11:09.360 And then I had a disaster inside the condo where a blind fell down. 00:11:09.759 --> 00:11:18.480 And then all of a sudden, you know that feeling that you just know when your daughter or your child isn't in earshot. 00:11:18.720 --> 00:11:22.000 You hear something or you you feel it, that they're there. 00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:28.639 And then all of a sudden, I was stressing out about this, blind and didn't know really what happened. 00:11:28.720 --> 00:11:29.440 It just went. 00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:35.759 And then all of a sudden, just a piece of me just went, I can't hear summer. 00:11:36.000 --> 00:11:38.639 I I I'm I'm like, okay, just wait. 00:11:38.720 --> 00:11:40.960 I I I just gotta get this together. 00:11:41.200 --> 00:11:46.799 And I went to the lobby and I said to the security guard, I said, Where's Summer? 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:49.600 And she goes, I thought she was inside with you. 00:11:49.919 --> 00:11:53.919 And I'm like, No, I'm like, she's not there. 00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:55.600 Or she went to the bathroom. 00:11:55.840 --> 00:12:02.000 So I go where the public bathrooms are, and I'm like, she's not there. 00:12:02.240 --> 00:12:17.360 So I start running around, and then I go outside, and then I go to this other unit on the fourth floor, and she wasn't there, and then I go running, and by this time already, like I'm like, because we don't know the people that are coming to look at the open houses, right? 00:12:17.679 --> 00:12:24.399 But she was so close to me, like within you know, 10 feet of where I was. 00:12:25.519 --> 00:12:32.480 And so I'm running up and down the street, I'm yelling her name, and in sheer horror, I can't find her. 00:12:32.720 --> 00:12:34.799 And I'm freaking out. 00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:38.399 And I'm like, oh my god. 00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:44.639 And I'm sure, because I'm not a panic person for the most part. 00:12:44.879 --> 00:12:56.879 Okay, but when this happened, and I think it has a lot to do with the trauma and grief I'm already dealing with, I just I lost my shit. 00:12:56.960 --> 00:12:58.879 I thought it had a meltdown. 00:12:59.120 --> 00:13:08.320 And I was just like, oh my God, and thank God that I have such good people there at Canuva that were like, Jesse, you know what? 00:13:08.399 --> 00:13:09.919 I'm sure she's here somewhere. 00:13:10.080 --> 00:13:11.039 We're gonna find her. 00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:11.840 Don't worry. 00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:13.279 And I'm not hearing it. 00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:14.240 What do you mean, don't worry? 00:13:14.320 --> 00:13:17.679 I can't find my kid, you know, like, and I was like freaking out. 00:13:18.320 --> 00:13:23.679 And so, anyhow, all of a sudden, dooty dooty doot doot doot, down comes summer. 00:13:25.039 --> 00:13:27.200 And I'm like, Oh my god, where were you? 00:13:27.279 --> 00:13:35.039 Like, and my really good friend, Suzanne, she's like, Jesse, it's not her fault. 00:13:35.279 --> 00:13:37.120 You got some stuff going on. 00:13:37.360 --> 00:13:38.080 You know what? 00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:39.919 There, nobody did anything wrong. 00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:41.840 I said, No, you're absolutely right. 00:13:41.919 --> 00:13:43.039 I was just so happy. 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:46.399 And I just hugged her and I was just so happy to see her. 00:13:46.639 --> 00:13:49.440 And I was like, Oh my god, I thought somebody took you. 00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:54.639 And and then Suzanne was just, she just put her hand on my shoulder and she's like, Jesse, it's okay. 00:13:55.039 --> 00:13:59.360 She goes, and she goes, I kind of dare them to take summer. 00:13:59.519 --> 00:14:02.960 She says, I I actually think summer would kick the shit out of them. 00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:05.360 Those are her exact words, right? 00:14:05.519 --> 00:14:06.799 And you gotta meet my daughter. 00:14:06.879 --> 00:14:09.039 Uh, for anybody out there, I'm just saying, you gotta meet her. 00:14:09.120 --> 00:14:25.360 Like, I mean, she is like 12, like I said, going on 40, and she's feisty, and you know, she's got this level of confidence built inside of her that it's it's like, yeah, I dare you to screw with me, right? 00:14:25.600 --> 00:14:48.000 Yes, yes, and so, but when when you're in the like when that thing, I don't know what that thing is, but when that loss, yeah, loss, yeah, and I and I'm already dealing with loss, and I just I was shaking all night, okay? 00:14:48.559 --> 00:15:02.720 And then we finally get home at about, I don't know, it was about 7:30, something like that, maybe eight o'clock, and I'm trying to do all my follow-ups and I'm sitting here. 00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:15.039 And my daughter walks up to me, and she goes, Mom, and I looked at her and she had a sheer look of horror on her face. 00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:19.919 Okay, and she goes, I swallowed some magnets. 00:15:20.159 --> 00:15:26.399 And I'm like, No, she said I s I swallowed, I thought she said I swallowed a magnet. 00:15:26.799 --> 00:15:27.120 Okay. 00:15:28.240 --> 00:15:30.159 And I'm like, what? 00:15:30.480 --> 00:15:31.200 You did what? 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:33.360 And she goes, I swallowed a magnet. 00:15:33.519 --> 00:15:36.159 And I'm like, okay, I said it's okay. 00:15:36.320 --> 00:15:40.000 I said, you'll just, you know, it it'll just you'll just poop it out. 00:15:40.240 --> 00:15:40.799 Right. 00:15:41.039 --> 00:15:45.279 She goes, No, I swallowed a bunch of them. 00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:47.039 Because they were all stuck together. 00:15:47.200 --> 00:15:50.320

They're those little tiny uh magnets, right? 00:15:50.480 --> 00:15:56.639 Yeah, and so uh they're for these balls, I can't remember what it's called or whatever. 00:15:56.879 --> 00:16:03.919 And you take the magnets and you can make all these different designs or whatever, but she was playing with them because she lost one of her bacon molars. 00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:09.279 So she was kind of playing with it in her mouth and doing her thing, and then all of a sudden, okay. 00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:19.120 But when she said she had swallowed magnets and wasn't quite sure how many were in the stack, then I was like, okay, that's okay. 00:16:19.360 --> 00:16:21.759 I'll I'll look it up and see what to do. 00:16:21.919 --> 00:16:24.080 She goes, No, mom, it's really dangerous. 00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:28.720 I already so before, so this is this is how my kid works. 00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:49.440 Before she even came over to me to tell me about this, she researched it to make sure that she knew whether or not it was dangerous, important enough to tell me, which I've had a talk to her about that already, that everything is important, that she doesn't have to have a reason to come and tell me something, right? 00:16:49.679 --> 00:16:50.000 Right. 00:16:50.320 --> 00:17:03.039 So I look it up and I'm like, okay, like trying not to go into panic mode because I already see that it's overwhelming for her, right? 00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:04.079 Of course it is. 00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:08.319 And so I'm like, okay, we're going to the hospital. 00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:27.359 We took her to the hospital, and one thing I do have to say is here in Mexico, like, we went to eMERGE, got there, and I bet you in less than 10 minutes they had her in in the emergency room and you know, doing tests, x-rays, blah, blah, blah. 00:17:27.599 --> 00:17:39.680 And so the danger behind that is if they separate and they can cause serious damage to the intestines, and it can be fatal. 00:17:40.400 --> 00:18:03.119 And so, anyhow, so we were in the hospital all Tuesday night, pretty much all day yesterday, and during this whole time, when we're going through this, my little soldier, Summer, little warrior girl, she calls her bestie. 00:18:04.640 --> 00:18:16.160 And her bestie, no matter how busy her bestie is, she stops everything in her life to be with her, to be with us. 00:18:16.880 --> 00:18:21.759 And that bestie is Victoria Turi. 00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:34.000 And so just so y'all know out there, when she says she's like me, she says what she means, and she means what she says. 00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:38.079 She doesn't, she's just not there for you when it's convenient for her. 00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:45.599 It was very inconvenient for her to be with us uh throughout Tuesday and Wednesday, but you know what? 00:18:46.559 --> 00:19:01.599 She didn't even put a second thought into it, and she was there for summer, and summer was on her iPad with her, talking to her, and they were laughing and doing their thing that they do. 00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:06.319 And so, again, from my heart to yours, Victoria. 00:19:06.799 --> 00:19:11.920 Thank you once again for being there for both of us, and especially my daughter. 00:19:12.319 --> 00:19:13.200 At any time. 00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:15.200 Thank you. 00:19:17.039 --> 00:19:21.119 Yeah, so I was very worried about it. 00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:33.839 She's okay, just oh sorry, just so everybody knows, we are back at home now, and summer is good, and we've managed to dispose of the magnets. 00:19:36.240 --> 00:19:36.720 Yeah. 00:19:37.440 --> 00:19:41.519 And while all that was going on, summer is so in tune. 00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:45.680 Like she was like, and Victoria, what you just seem sad. 00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:48.960 And I was like, no, I'm worried about you, and I'm silently praying and all this. 00:19:49.039 --> 00:19:50.960 And she's like, no, it's something else. 00:19:51.119 --> 00:19:52.000 And I'm like, nope. 00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:54.880 And she's like, you don't lie well. 00:19:54.960 --> 00:19:56.079 And I'm like, you know what? 00:19:56.240 --> 00:19:58.960 Let's what's going on, and blah, blah, blah. 00:19:59.200 --> 00:20:00.960 So I called her today. 00:20:01.279 --> 00:20:03.200 I talked to her last night when y'all got home. 00:20:03.359 --> 00:20:07.200 And then I called her today, and she's like, listen up, I want to know. 00:20:07.359 --> 00:20:09.839 You don't have a voice, and you're always, she's so funny. 00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:10.720 She imitates me. 00:20:10.799 --> 00:20:15.200 She's always like, She's like, That's you, like, and you're not there. 00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:22.799 And I told her, you know, we lost Rusty, and it happened at the same time this was going on. 00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:34.640 And so my husband was taking care of Rusty in his final moments, and I was with these two amazing, wonderful human beings that are my family and in my heart. 00:20:34.960 --> 00:20:37.599 And I, she's like, Why didn't you tell me? 00:20:37.759 --> 00:20:39.839 And I said, Because it wasn't relevant at that point. 00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:42.400 You and your mom were relevant at that point. 00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:44.400 That's what needed to be. 00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:49.279 And so that was, you know, what we were doing and where we were. 00:20:49.440 --> 00:20:58.400 And then I sat there last night and went into the bathroom and sat down and just didn't want Faith to know she knows Rusty's in a better place. 00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:01.279 And I just cried in the in the bathroom. 00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:03.839 I just got in the bathroom and cry and cry and cry. 00:21:04.160 --> 00:21:07.200 So she wouldn't see, and I'm trying to be the stronger one. 00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:22.240 And so I'm reading all of these comments about our podcast, and people are asking questions like, you know, I have that douched knuckle that I work with, and it'll never change because

he's the boss, or what a piece of crap. 00:21:22.400 --> 00:21:26.799 And then, like, somebody was like, I want to know who who he is, and why won't y'all spill the beans? 00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:27.599 And I and I won't. 00:21:27.680 --> 00:21:29.759 And I and I won't I won't do that. 00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:33.039 Somebody kept saying, Oh my god, Jessie is so familiar. 00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:34.480 Where do I know her from? 00:21:35.119 --> 00:21:41.920 And I was gonna let her answer that because you wouldn't recognize her. 00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:44.240 And I'll see if she tells you where. 00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:47.599 Because somebody recognized you. 00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:48.880 Who was it? 00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:54.000 One of the listeners, one of the people downloaded, wrote a comment and said, I know her from somewhere. 00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:55.440 Where do I know her from? 00:21:56.079 --> 00:21:59.759 Oh, well, I'll have to look at these comments and see who it is. 00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:03.440 So she didn't know you personally, but she recognizes you. 00:22:03.599 --> 00:22:06.400 So how or what would people have recognized you from? 00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:09.920 Well, I mean, possibly my music. 00:22:10.240 --> 00:22:22.079 I mean, I've been performing and singing professionally and writing professionally for oh God, I don't even want to say the number because I'm aging myself again, but who gives a shit? 00:22:22.319 --> 00:22:28.160 But for you know, a good portion of my adult life, I mean toured too, right? 00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:29.119 Yeah, oh yeah. 00:22:29.279 --> 00:22:37.440 Yeah, I toured and I actually toured around across Canada a couple of times for the veterans and first responders. 00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:42.240 And so we went around and we went around. 00:22:42.559 --> 00:22:50.079 We traveled from province to province advocating for PTSD within for veterans and first responders. 00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:54.079 And then it branched out to a whole bunch of different areas. 00:22:54.240 --> 00:23:08.240 But our focal point at that time was the veterans and first responders, because for me it was giving back to the people that have sacrificed literally everything to protect us and keep us safe from harm. 00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:10.559 And so for me, that was super important. 00:23:11.039 --> 00:23:16.160 And so that they had a voice now, somebody that was standing and taking a bullet for them. 00:23:16.400 --> 00:23:19.359 And I was more than happy and honored to do it. 00:23:19.599 --> 00:23:34.160 So I went around using my music and my my storytelling with music, and I wrote a ton of songs, which I haven't released any of them yet, which I plan to do next year in 2027. 00:23:34.799 --> 00:24:04.640 So what I would what we would do is we would have these huge benefit gallas, and we would have a bunch of different speakers, veterans in the military, even veteran police officers, acting police officers, fire services, nurses, and and just a myriad of different people that would get up and speak and talk about PTSD in their workplace. 00:24:05.119 --> 00:24:05.440 Okay. 00:24:05.759 --> 00:24:17.039 And even as much we even had like the ambulance drivers, like we had it open to literally every first responder and veteran that we could reach. 00:24:17.359 --> 00:24:22.079 And so we would have like silent auctions, we would do beautiful dinners. 00:24:22.319 --> 00:24:23.920 It was an all-night event. 00:24:24.079 --> 00:24:45.920 So generally, what would happen is we would open up with, you know, just introducing what we were there for, how it was affecting our communities, and then we would do the dinner, and as people were having dinner, I would do an acoustic version with me and my guitar over dinner so it wasn't loud, you know. 00:24:46.079 --> 00:24:51.680 And then we would have a bunch of speakers, and then we would do the band thing. 00:24:51.839 --> 00:24:56.799 So then I would get up with my band and we would do a full-on performance. 00:24:57.200 --> 00:25:06.640 And so, so through all this, and then we started this 22 push-up, 22 push-ups for 22-day challenge. 00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:11.200 And I got nominated, like, I don't know, at least three or four times. 00:25:11.359 --> 00:25:12.960 It might have even been more. 00:25:13.200 --> 00:25:26.640 But yeah, and even when we were traveling across Canada, because I drove a lot of the time when we were doing this, and so it wouldn't matter if I was on the side of the road because we videoed the whole 22 days each time, right? 00:25:26.880 --> 00:25:30.400 So there I'd be out doing the 22 push-ups. 00:25:30.559 --> 00:25:33.200 And so it was it was pretty amazing. 00:25:33.279 --> 00:25:38.240 And what was more amazing is the people that I got to meet through that process. 00:25:38.480 --> 00:25:50.799 And actually, it's funny because Summer's third birthday, we had a dinner, we actually oversold because we would usually sell between 200 and 300 tickets for these galas, right? 00:25:51.440 --> 00:25:58.000 And so the one that we had, it was actually in Halifax, Nova Scotia. 00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:07.519 And so we did it was summer's the day we had the event, it was Summer's third birthday. 00:26:07.920 --> 00:26:18.079 There was 333 people because we oversold, like we ended up making more tables and stuff like that, and opened up another banquet room and everything. 00:26:18.240 --> 00:26:22.480 So it still all worked out great, but all the things were in threes. 00:26:22.720 --> 00:26:30.480 And it's funny because Mark Critch, which is, you know, from CBC Television in Canada, he has this show. 00:26:30.559 --> 00:26:31.599 I can't remember what it's called. 00:26:31.680 --> 00:26:32.640 I think 22 minutes. 00:26:32.880 --> 00:26:35.200 This hour is 22 minutes or something. 00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:42.000 And so he was there and saying, you know, must be nice to have 333 people at your third birthday party.

00:26:42.079 --> 00:26:48.559 He goes, I was lucky if I if I got a piece of bread with a little bit of icing on it for my third birthday. 00:26:50.880 --> 00:27:01.680 But anyhow, you know, through all of it, we may we did make a huge impact and we really created a lot of awareness for post-traumatic stress disorder. 00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:12.079 And yeah, and so that work carried me over to what I'm doing now because you know I've been clean now over 17 years. 00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:15.039 February 1st in 27, it'll be 18 years. 00:27:15.119 --> 00:27:16.079 I've been clean. 00:27:16.319 --> 00:27:19.440 So amazing, and congratulations on that. 00:27:19.599 --> 00:27:26.319 She thinks I'm not gonna stop her from talking and tell you that she also got a huge recognition for this. 00:27:26.400 --> 00:27:28.400 And I'm not gonna let her not tell you. 00:27:28.640 --> 00:27:31.039 So, what did you get for this? 00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:35.440 Well, let's see, this is the part. 00:27:35.519 --> 00:27:57.759 So just before I even say it, you know, it's probably one of the things that I am actually most not only honored, but I'm so proud of, is I got nominated for the Commendation Medal in Canada from the Minister of Veterans Affairs for my service to the veteran community. 00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:04.000 And, you know, when they called me, I actually thought somebody was playing a prank on me. 00:28:04.079 --> 00:28:10.079 It was kind of funny looking back at it now, but uh very embarrassing for me after the fact. 00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:14.799 But yeah, it's probably one of the things that I hold dearest to my heart. 00:28:15.119 --> 00:28:24.960 And, you know, I've gotten awards uh throughout the years for my music and advocacy on different levels and stuff like that. 00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:37.440 But my true reward, and I know it sounds cliche, but I'm sincerely I'm very sincere about how I feel about that. 00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:40.960 Awards are great, don't get me wrong. 00:28:41.039 --> 00:28:48.000 It's always nice to be, you know, acknowledged and recognized for what you do, but they aren't what drives me. 00:28:48.240 --> 00:29:13.920 What drives me is when I see somebody come back to me and say, oh my God, like because before I wrote my book, I had already developed, because I would always have so many people come to me after I got sober, after I'd been sober for about two years, people already started coming to me because anybody that knew me never thought in a million years that I would get clean. 00:29:14.079 --> 00:29:21.440 I didn't think I would get clean because I quit, I'm sure, like a thousand times. 00:29:21.599 --> 00:29:22.640 Quitting is easy. 00:29:23.039 --> 00:29:24.400 Like anybody can quit. 00:29:24.640 --> 00:29:27.759 It's sustaining that it that's where the hard work is. 00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:32.559 So I really didn't ever think that I was gonna actually get clean. 00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:39.359 I was when I did decide to, I

was the walking dead. 00:29:39.599 --> 00:29:45.920 You know, I I was uh until a week before I actually got clean, I was still working. 00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:47.920 I don't know how the fuck I pulled that off. 00:29:48.000 --> 00:30:00.559 And you know, I I have no idea because I literally, it was about a 40-minute drive from where I lived until to where I was working, and I was literally like losing everything, you know. 00:30:01.119 --> 00:30:07.359 And I was in a bad place, you know, like in a really bad place. 00:30:07.599 --> 00:30:37.839 Well, I want people to know I went and watched all of your music videos, and they are so the storytelling is phenomenal, first of all, and they are so real and so they speak in such a depth that it would have been almost impossible for something to even come up equally, but your songwriting just uh made it superb. 00:30:38.079 --> 00:30:48.880 I mean, the the videos are so telling and so they're not, I mean, they're dramatic, but when I say dramatic, people think of like dramas, like TV dramas and things. 00:30:48.960 --> 00:30:52.720 This is real life drafe. 00:30:52.880 --> 00:30:55.279 Like it's not a real life drama, it's real life. 00:30:55.440 --> 00:30:57.119 And I don't want to give any of it away. 00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:01.839 Everybody needs to go and I want to make sure all they're all linked on here and go watch these videos. 00:31:01.920 --> 00:31:06.480 They will change you because I've watched them and I've told her I've watched every one of them at least four times. 00:31:06.720 --> 00:31:09.200 And you go in there and you watch, it's her story. 00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:13.839 I mean, one of them is with her actually in the hospital having surgery, and it's real. 00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:17.680 It's not, you know, being made at her. 00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:18.240 Right. 00:31:18.319 --> 00:31:20.160 No, it's none of that, it's real. 00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:26.319 And to go in there and she opened up her world so others wouldn't collapse in it. 00:31:26.640 --> 00:31:31.599 She opened up who she is so that others could get to another day. 00:31:31.759 --> 00:31:42.640 And it is so inspiring and it is so heart grabbing at the same time to watch what she endured, what she went through firsthand, and to be where she is now. 00:31:42.799 --> 00:31:43.920 She's amazing. 00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:45.920 And, you know, she's so inspirational. 00:31:46.000 --> 00:31:49.599 So everybody needs to check out the videos and follow her on the podcast and do all this again. 00:31:49.680 --> 00:31:54.400 And I need to say a side note because I know I'm gonna get 150,000 emails or messages about Rusty. 00:31:54.480 --> 00:32:10.480 So let me just say this before I forget because it this is only 24 hours old, and I am doing my best to keep it together about it because this was one of my babies, and Rusty had a seizure, and the seizure ended up being huge. 00:32:11.039 --> 00:32:16.640 And they wanted to put him on all

sorts of medication for life, and he couldn't even stand up. 00:32:17.279 --> 00:32:20.079 And so his quality of life would not have been great. 00:32:20.400 --> 00:32:32.720 And so I couldn't, in my own heart, what kind of life would he be getting if he was just comatose every day, all day long, and couldn't hold his bowel movements and he couldn't even stand up. 00:32:32.880 --> 00:32:34.640 He could not even stand up. 00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:39.279 The seizure was that bad, and they don't have an idea why it happened. 00:32:39.440 --> 00:32:40.799 It just did, it just happened. 00:32:40.880 --> 00:32:42.000 It was one of those things. 00:32:42.160 --> 00:32:47.599 And I couldn't imagine, as much as I loved him to be so selfish, to make him have that life. 00:32:47.759 --> 00:32:49.920 And so that's why it was so hard. 00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:53.200 So I just want to put that out there because I know everybody's gonna say, what happened to Rusty? 00:32:53.359 --> 00:33:01.279 Because we have Stucco, my service dog, and we have Stucco Squad, who all of the kids' books are about Stucco, and everybody knows Rusty. 00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:13.519 So I just want to put that out there so hopefully people can, you know, give me just a little bit of time to try to get a little bit further in the healing process of that with Rusty before we do that. 00:33:13.920 --> 00:33:15.519 So sorry about that side note. 00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:26.000 But no, Victorian uh, again, I am so, so sorry that you had to go through that because I know our fur babies are they're a family. 00:33:26.079 --> 00:33:27.599 And yes, they're my kiddos. 00:33:27.759 --> 00:33:28.079 Yeah. 00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:30.160 So I'm so sorry. 00:33:30.319 --> 00:33:37.119 So yeah, if everybody could just give her a little bit of time to process this and to sit with her grief as well. 00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:39.599 Because grief is a tough thing. 00:33:39.759 --> 00:33:54.160 I mean you don't know from one minute to the next how you're gonna feel, and you know, even just bringing up the grief of losing Rusty and stuff is triggering, right? 00:33:54.319 --> 00:34:01.519 And so I just want everybody to understand that, you know, a lot of people go, Oh, it's a dog or whatever. 00:34:02.480 --> 00:34:07.839 But if you actually are a pet lover and you have animals, we have a dog and two calves. 00:34:08.320 --> 00:34:25.039 And if anybody out there, and I I and I really think that for the most part, you get the odd person that says it's just a dog, but I think generally speaking, I think most people really do understand that you know those dogs are a family, right? 00:34:25.119 --> 00:34:28.079 Well, our pets, not just dogs, but our pets. 00:34:28.400 --> 00:34:40.400 And we all know how much he just loved and adored Rusty, and you know, and I know because Rusty would always come up and say hello, you know, anytime we would talk. 00:34:40.800 --> 00:34:41.840 Okay, Rusty. 00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:47.280

He would just take his gentle, he was huge paws, and he would just so gently put his paw on my heart. 00:34:47.440 --> 00:34:50.320 And it it's it's tough. 00:34:50.480 --> 00:34:51.280 I mean, it's okay. 00:34:51.360 --> 00:34:53.440 I am not crying I am not gonna cry. 00:34:53.679 --> 00:34:55.679 So okay, I'm not if you do. 00:34:57.760 --> 00:35:00.719 I feel like my tear ducts are just dried up right now, though. 00:35:01.119 --> 00:35:06.480 But you know, I've had a lot of people who made comments that you know, you are obviously recognizable. 00:35:06.639 --> 00:35:08.719 I'm gonna make sure everybody has those links in there. 00:35:09.039 --> 00:35:13.599 But I did have, I when you were talking, I was looking over here at some of the comments. 00:35:13.760 --> 00:35:18.559 Somebody wanted to know, and I'm only I I I want to fulfill a request. 00:35:18.639 --> 00:35:19.840 Somebody asked the question. 00:35:20.079 --> 00:35:23.599 What does Jesse really think of whoever this douched knuckle is? 00:35:23.920 --> 00:35:26.480 Because she's a riot. 00:35:26.719 --> 00:35:40.159 And so I'm not gonna be, I'm very tight-lipped about you know the mistreatment that I received, but she actually dealt with this doucheknuckle, as she calls him herself as well, um, more than one time. 00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:42.719 Well, remember, I created the word doucheknuckle. 00:35:42.960 --> 00:35:43.440 Right, right. 00:35:43.519 --> 00:35:45.599 That's where I just borrow it. 00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:57.760 So one of the people who downloaded it and gave us like a hundred thousand hearts, literally, like just hearts, crazy hearts, wanted to know your real thoughts on this doucheknuckle. 00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:01.519 Well, I don't know if there's enough censorship. 00:36:01.840 --> 00:36:12.000 Sorry, I don't know if there's enough censorship for me to be able to actually say what I really want to say, but you know me, I'm just gonna say it anyhow because that's who I am. 00:36:12.719 --> 00:36:19.440 Well, I think, you know, I know the word narcissist gets thrown around a lot, and he actually made a comment about that one time. 00:36:19.679 --> 00:36:21.760 Oh, that word just gets used too much. 00:36:21.920 --> 00:36:23.760 Well, probably to him it does. 00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:26.960 People probably say it to him all the time because that's what he is. 00:36:27.679 --> 00:36:30.719 And I've heard him gaslight you right on air. 00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:33.760 And so, what do I really think of him? 00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:44.079 I think that he should be banned from anything to do with mental health because what he is doing is, and and this is this is actually no no fucking laughing matter. 00:36:44.239 --> 00:36:46.000 Listen to me carefully. 00:36:46.320 --> 00:37:10.079 He's dealing with sensitive subject matter, he is dealing with people that are at their lows, they're emotionally bound up, yeah, they've already got mental health stuff going on, and some of the things that he says and does, people are listening to these podcasts because they want freaking help. 00:37:10.320 --> 00:37:16.320 They're not listening to them because they want to get shoved down in the dirt more and and and pissed on, basically. 00:37:18.480 --> 00:37:27.920 They want to be heard, but he's so busy flapping his gums and putting people down that they're not like anything. 00:37:28.159 --> 00:37:30.000 They're almost like they're cowering, right? 00:37:30.239 --> 00:37:30.880 Yeah, yeah. 00:37:31.199 --> 00:37:32.400 Yeah, I've cowered. 00:37:33.280 --> 00:37:33.920 Yeah, yeah. 00:37:34.159 --> 00:37:35.519 And why should you cower? 00:37:35.679 --> 00:37:37.280 You're Victoria Curie. 00:37:37.360 --> 00:37:43.280 You should never cower to anybody, and anybody else out there listening, do not cower to anybody. 00:37:43.440 --> 00:37:45.119 Stand up and hold your ground. 00:37:45.280 --> 00:37:49.760 And it's hard for a lot of people though, because they're scared. 00:37:50.639 --> 00:37:58.400 And we need to be there for them, we need to be gentle with them, and we need to be hard with them when the time is right. 00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:08.559 But it's not an emotional crisis, and it's definitely not when they're battling with addiction or struggling with different mental health issues. 00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:13.920 You need to show some compassion and kindness and empathy. 00:38:14.480 --> 00:38:17.360 And and so what do I think? 00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:25.360 Well, I well, I honestly think that that guy should be banned and his title taken away, and he should be reported. 00:38:25.519 --> 00:38:31.199 As many people as possible should be reporting him and and having his shit taken down. 00:38:32.880 --> 00:38:34.079 Getting fired up. 00:38:34.880 --> 00:38:37.519 Yeah, like I love how she gets fired off. 00:38:38.880 --> 00:38:40.800 It's it's not right. 00:38:41.199 --> 00:38:44.320 It's not right, and it's it's wrong on every level. 00:38:44.400 --> 00:39:00.400 And it's the same thing when when you get these uh men and women in the world that the vulnerable people go to where they're supposed to feel safe, where they're supposed to feel that somebody cares, that they're hurt. 00:39:01.519 --> 00:39:08.559 People go to these places in the utmost vulnerability stage of their life. 00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:24.239 And then somebody like that comes along, or worse yet, other predators out there, and that's what I kind of classify him as, because he uses other people's weaknesses to, you know, make himself feel like he's a better person or he's uh above them. 00:39:24.639 --> 00:39:31.840 And so in that vulnerability, you know, and that's a dangerous game to play. 00:39:32.400 --> 00:39:41.280 That's a dangerous game to play because it might just be that one sentence or that one word or something you said to that person that makes them give up on life. 00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:49.519 Yeah, and people come like when you were worried

that she was, you know, ran off or somebody took her, or when you're in the hospital. 00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:55.360 And this is something that, you know, it's a very scary, very serious situation. 00:39:55.519 --> 00:40:03.599 You're looking for guidance, you're looking for some help, you're looking for someone to say, I'm here with you, and you're not alone, and we're gonna get through this. 00:40:03.840 --> 00:40:15.039 You don't need to be degraded and belittled and ridiculed and you know, made fun of for I and I don't, I don't care who you are, I don't care. 00:40:15.119 --> 00:40:17.440 I've had people say, How can you say you're disabled? 00:40:17.599 --> 00:40:24.159 And then I'm like, I can give you a list of about a million reasons why I would be classified as, but I don't consider myself disabled. 00:40:24.239 --> 00:40:28.320 I consider myself taking a better journey that's not so worn down from everybody else. 00:40:28.480 --> 00:40:30.480 I get to see things differently than everybody else. 00:40:30.639 --> 00:40:32.480 Like, I can tie my own shoe. 00:40:32.719 --> 00:40:34.239 I can tie my own shoes. 00:40:34.480 --> 00:40:37.920 I can open jars, I can, you know, I can shave. 00:40:38.079 --> 00:40:38.800 I can shave. 00:40:38.880 --> 00:40:40.400 And people are like, oh, really? 00:40:40.639 --> 00:40:42.320 Yeah, you just do it differently. 00:40:42.559 --> 00:40:56.000 And these are the things, but you never say things that like I'm so cautious of my words because I know what it's like to be told such horrible as you do do be told horrific things, and they stay with you. 00:40:56.079 --> 00:41:03.760 You wonder, you know, okay, you might be having a bad day or you might have not had whatever happened, but that doesn't mean you take it out on someone else, right? 00:41:03.920 --> 00:41:14.079 You don't sit there and and just make fun of somebody because you have your own insecurities or you know, for a million different reasons. 00:41:14.159 --> 00:41:20.480 You know, I had people who in that podcast, you and I did was like, well, if he was so horrible to you, why don't you call him out? 00:41:20.639 --> 00:41:27.519 Well, then my response to these people, I didn't even respond to them on the the actual place that they put the message. 00:41:27.599 --> 00:41:32.159 I wrote them privately and said, if I did, wouldn't that make me just as bad as him? 00:41:32.400 --> 00:41:32.880 Yeah. 00:41:33.199 --> 00:41:33.840 So no. 00:41:34.159 --> 00:41:37.599 There's a way to go around that, and you're doing it, and you're doing it. 00:41:37.760 --> 00:41:39.599 He will sink his own ship. 00:41:39.920 --> 00:41:48.639 I mean, you you can you can sit in a boat with holes in it for a short amount of time, and that boat's gonna sink. 00:41:48.960 --> 00:41:55.840 So keep punching holes in your boat and see how long you remain above water, you know? 00:41:56.320 --> 00:42:10.880 And I have a saying that has taken me through a lot of shitty times in my life, and never ever let the characteristics or the behavior of somebody else define your character. 00:42:11.440 --> 00:42:13.360 That's so spot on. 00:42:14.559 --> 00:42:23.840 And so if you remain true to yourself, if you really remain true to yourself, I mean we all can be reactive at times. 00:42:24.000 --> 00:42:24.079 Okay. 00:42:24.480 --> 00:42:25.199 Every one of us. 00:42:25.360 --> 00:42:30.880 I mean, we're not perfect creatures by any means, and I'm the least perfect person on the planet. 00:42:31.199 --> 00:42:37.599 But the the point being is I have a 24-hour rule. 00:42:38.400 --> 00:42:45.760 If somebody has done something to me that brings out that fucking beast, I have a 24-hour rule. 00:42:46.400 --> 00:42:49.519 Do not respond or engage for at least 24 hours. 00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:55.119 Because what that does, it allows you to respond and not to react. 00:42:55.440 --> 00:42:55.760 Right. 00:42:56.400 --> 00:43:03.360 And so I think that's it's very hard to do sometimes because all you want to do is right. 00:43:03.760 --> 00:43:09.119 You know, type an email or a message or phone them, and and then guess what? 00:43:09.199 --> 00:43:13.679 The next thing you do, you you put you put gas in a fire and it's gonna explode. 00:43:14.400 --> 00:43:17.519 So it's just gonna ignite the fire even more, right? 00:43:17.920 --> 00:43:36.159 So if you give yourself time to process, give yourself time to really look at it, look at where it's coming from, and take a step back and go, wait a minute, how fucking important is that person? 00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:41.360 How relevant is this really in life? 00:43:42.559 --> 00:43:53.760 And you take a step back, you can now email them or send them a message, and it's usually better not to call them because they're gonna come up with excuses in whatever the case is. 00:43:54.159 --> 00:43:59.039 But it's best to send a message or an email and tell them. 00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:01.440 And be diplomatic. 00:44:02.159 --> 00:44:04.239 You catch more bees with honey. 00:44:04.400 --> 00:44:23.199 And I'll tell you, there's been situations where I thought the response, because you know, I was like, no matter what that person did to me, and I've got a few instances where I responded 24 hours later, it might have been 30, but it was more than 24 hours later. 00:44:23.519 --> 00:44:28.400 And I could do it from a place of response and not reaction. 00:44:28.800 --> 00:44:38.400 And, you know, more times than not, I've gotten responses that were, you know what, you know what, you're right, that was wrong of me. 00:44:38.719 --> 00:44:40.880 And whatever the case was, right? 00:44:41.119 --> 00:44:51.280 And so if I would have reacted in that moment in any of those situations, the outcome would have been way worse. 00:44:51.840 --> 00:44:57.119 You would have been back and forth with all this fucking drama, and there would have been no resolution. 00:44:57.519 --> 00:44:59.119 There's a

response. 00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:54.400 And that's again ego talking, right? 00:45:54.639 --> 00:46:05.599 It was like, oh, you know, everything, because when it comes down to it, even in whatever it is, if it's in a negative way, everything is not about you. 00:46:05.840 --> 00:46:11.440 Even when people respond the way they respond, it really has sparkled to do with you. 00:46:11.760 --> 00:46:12.159 Right. 00:46:12.320 --> 00:46:12.559 Right. 00:46:12.800 --> 00:46:20.719 They're they're reacting and they're behaving in this way because of triggers in their life, because of trauma in their life. 00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:30.079 Because somebody that doesn't have that and doesn't have that survival and doesn't have that stuff, underlying stuff, wouldn't do that. 00:46:30.639 --> 00:46:35.440 Well, you and I both have every reason under the sun to be the nastiest bitches on the planet. 00:46:35.599 --> 00:46:38.719 I mean, we really do, but we choose not to. 00:46:38.880 --> 00:46:43.519 And it's for instance, this individual injured. 00:46:43.679 --> 00:46:47.199 I'm not even gonna say how because people are gonna laugh, but like that's the anomaly. 00:46:47.440 --> 00:46:49.280 But like he he injured his back. 00:46:49.760 --> 00:46:58.880 And so when he did, he was by himself and he he couldn't even get up to go get Advil or Ibuprofen or whatever. 00:46:59.039 --> 00:47:00.079 And I felt bad. 00:47:00.320 --> 00:47:07.760 And so I went and I ordered a care package of stuff because he couldn't get up and sent it to him. 00:47:07.920 --> 00:47:10.559 And then I made the gesture of saying, Hey, did you get it? 00:47:10.639 --> 00:47:12.480 And he was like, What do you want me to thank you for it? 00:47:12.639 --> 00:47:21.039 And it was like, No, I was trying to help you, like, you know, and then go into the hospital and try to help advocate and all of these things. 00:47:21.119 --> 00:47:25.199 And then I've had two surgeries during this period, and it was, you know, all along. 00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:32.400 And I tell people all the time, do not let them have that kind of power over you because as day-to-day, life is too short, number one. 00:47:32.559 --> 00:47:47.280 And number two, I don't want to be that person when I grow up, you know, as I get older or whatever, you know, I I tell people when I do speeches and and things, I I bring a little like in Valentine's, I I have a heart and I say, we have one of these, and I fill it up. 00:47:47.360 --> 00:47:51.760 And I was like, do you want to fill it up with sweetness and memories and laughter and love? 00:47:51.920 --> 00:47:58.719 Or do you want toxicity and negativity and drama and all of the negative things and it just suppresses you down even more? 00:47:58.960 --> 00:48:00.239 Which would you rather have? 00:48:00.480 --> 00:48:01.679 And right. 00:48:01.840 --> 00:48:09.760 And so just because that person is not happy doesn't mean that they have the power to make us not happy, right? 00:48:09.840 --> 00:48:14.320 Yeah, and that's so, and you know, I hear all the time, well, Victoria, they had a horrible childhood. 00:48:14.559 --> 00:48:18.000 We had a horrible childhood, it's not a competition, yeah. 00:48:18.239 --> 00:48:27.679 It's not a competition, but to say, well, they had a bad childhood, therefore it should be okay and allowed that they're a douche knuckle. 00:48:28.000 --> 00:48:33.840 Yeah, no, no, because then you and I should be the nastiest bitches to walk this planet. 00:48:34.159 --> 00:48:46.000 But what I do have to say on that is when coming from where we've both come from, you know, with our childhoods and adult life as well. 00:48:48.880 --> 00:48:51.760 Now I can only speak for myself, okay? 00:48:52.239 --> 00:49:15.519 But for me, it's like yeah, you can look at that because obviously when somebody is is being malicious or they're being just unkind and and they're doing things to get a rise out of you, or sometimes they're doing things because they are screwed up or they have had some stuff. 00:49:15.599 --> 00:49:19.199 And I don't mean screwed up in a sense that they're no good. 00:49:19.360 --> 00:49:31.199 I mean screwed up in a sense that they've gone through a lot of trauma or something underlying is happening to them to make them want or not want, but to make them do these things. 00:49:31.519 --> 00:49:46.800 So what I try to do, and it's easier said than done, of course, but even for people that have been absolutely awful to me, you know what I say to them? 00:49:47.519 --> 00:49:49.199 What can I do to make your day better? 00:49:49.760 --> 00:49:50.960 How can I change this? 00:49:52.480 --> 00:50:04.400 Because we cannot ever control what other people do, but what we can control is how we respond to it, how we treat that other person. 00:50:05.360 --> 00:50:12.960 And I've had people come up to me and actually say, after all the horrible things I've done to you, how can you be nice to me? 00:50:14.800 --> 00:50:15.199 Why? 00:50:15.920 --> 00:50:23.119 Because love is unconditional, and I may not like you, I may not like what you did, but you know what? 00:50:23.519 --> 00:50:26.320 Love, and I don't mean like, oh, I love you. 00:50:26.559 --> 00:50:37.039 I mean like I want to love every single person that I either get to talk to on the phone, talk to in a message. 00:50:37.280 --> 00:50:51.440 I want every single person that connects with me or that I connect with to know matter-of-factly, and I don't just choose my days or my moments when I love somebody. 00:50:51.760 --> 00:50:57.199 I don't just choose those times and pick them out of a hat and say, okay, I'm gonna decide to be nice to this person. 00:50:57.280 --> 00:51:01.199 Now this person is an asshole, so I'm gonna treat them like shit and blah, blah, blah. 00:51:01.519 --> 00:51:01.840 No. 00:51:02.880 --> 00:51:08.239 Loving somebody means you're not just loving them when it's easy to love them. 00:51:09.039 --> 00:51:23.280

You love them when it's the worst freaking time to love them, when they're complete douche knuckles, when they're completely in a place where it's hard to love them. 00:51:24.800 --> 00:51:28.960 That's what love is, and that's what I try to advocate for. 00:51:29.119 --> 00:51:30.079 And you know what? 00:51:30.559 --> 00:51:37.840 Sometimes it's really hard, really hard to love people through that. 00:51:38.400 --> 00:51:50.719 But you have to remember through all of that, the first thing you have to do is make sure that you're always okay, and nobody has the right to mistreat you. 00:51:50.960 --> 00:52:03.440 Nobody has the right to subject you to a toxic environment, or they can subject you to it, but you choose whether or not you stay in that toxic environment because we become a product of our environment. 00:52:03.599 --> 00:52:08.880 And I talk about this in almost every conversation that I have because it always comes back down to it. 00:52:09.199 --> 00:52:10.000 It does. 00:52:10.400 --> 00:52:14.320 We will become a product of our environment if we're in it long enough. 00:52:14.719 --> 00:52:16.719 And it's it's inevitable. 00:52:16.960 --> 00:52:37.440 I mean, we can sit here and say, oh no, but you know, somebody, somebody that's uh two kids that are growing up in the same house, and one kid turned out really bad and the other kid turned out really good, and with all the details around those people, those individuals, and say, Well, they both came from the same environment. 00:52:37.920 --> 00:52:39.440 I understand that. 00:52:39.679 --> 00:52:40.880 But you know what? 00:52:41.280 --> 00:52:45.280 Sometimes those kids growing up, other things happen to them. 00:52:45.519 --> 00:52:52.400 Because you've got to remember, when you raise children, unless you're raising twins, I'm talking about when you have children that are born in different times. 00:52:52.800 --> 00:52:56.400 You know, you have a child born this year and then you have another child born next year. 00:52:56.639 --> 00:53:08.159 Each time you have a child and you give birth to a child or you adopt a child or however it is that that child comes into your life, that child has a different parent. 00:53:09.920 --> 00:53:18.239 So when people say that these two kids grew up in the same home with the same parents, they didn't. 00:53:18.800 --> 00:53:19.360 They didn't. 00:53:19.599 --> 00:53:38.079 Because some some some siblings are one year apart, some siblings are five years apart, and even in a year, people change, people do things differently, people learn things from the previous child, or they this is their first child, and and so people change constantly. 00:53:38.480 --> 00:54:01.519 So, no, the children do not grow up with the same parents when they're born in different times, and so you will eventually become a product of your environment, or you could have two kids, one's doing really good in school, and the other kids out partying and and hanging out with the the bad kids of the school that they call them. 00:54:02.079 --> 00:54:03.679 Well, you know what? 00:54:04.239 --> 00:54:07.840 What environment are they subjecting themselves to? 00:54:08.239 --> 00:54:08.559 Yeah. 00:54:08.719 --> 00:54:10.480 What are they doing differently? 00:54:10.719 --> 00:54:11.039 Right. 00:54:11.280 --> 00:54:12.639 What are the underlying issues? 00:54:12.800 --> 00:54:19.039 Why does this child feel there's something going on at home where the child feels that they got to get attention somewhere else? 00:54:19.280 --> 00:54:19.840 That's right. 00:54:20.000 --> 00:54:20.480 That's right. 00:54:20.719 --> 00:54:29.599 So there's something going on there, there's an underlying issue, and we need to take a look more into the underlying issues and the problems themselves. 00:54:29.920 --> 00:54:38.400 Because the problem that you're generally having is usually the solution for the person that's in that space. 00:54:39.440 --> 00:54:44.880 What we look at as the problem is generally the solution for the person that's struggling. 00:54:45.039 --> 00:54:45.360 Yes. 00:54:45.599 --> 00:54:55.679 Whether it's drugs, alcohol, sex, or they're just being rebellious, that for them is better than the alternative that they're dealing with now or trying to mask. 00:54:55.920 --> 00:54:57.199 Yes, absolutely. 00:54:57.440 --> 00:55:09.599 You have to tell everybody, and it will be all in the show notes, what your powercast name is and how to find you and your YouTube and all of that, because everybody is needing to get on this bandwagon. 00:55:09.679 --> 00:55:14.880 Like she is so amazing and she is so sweet and I love her. 00:55:15.119 --> 00:55:18.320 And like she's authentic, she's real, and you know what? 00:55:18.400 --> 00:55:20.880 If she pisses you off, so what? 00:55:21.280 --> 00:55:23.519 Because that means she's getting to you. 00:55:23.679 --> 00:55:24.559 That's the thing. 00:55:24.719 --> 00:55:32.639 If you piss that person off, like I learned that with Dee Stuckle, if I pissed him off, it's because I'm bringing a reality that he didn't want to face. 00:55:32.880 --> 00:55:33.760 That was the deal. 00:55:33.920 --> 00:55:34.639 That was it. 00:55:34.880 --> 00:55:39.199 And I called out on the truth, and I got ridiculed for always telling the truth. 00:55:39.440 --> 00:55:40.719 But I mean, that's the thing. 00:55:40.880 --> 00:55:44.960 You need to be real and authentic, and that is exactly what you get here. 00:55:45.119 --> 00:55:46.559 So, how does everybody find you? 00:55:46.800 --> 00:55:51.119 Follow her, subscribe to her, talk with her. 00:55:51.280 --> 00:55:53.679 You can actually have a one-on-one with her. 00:55:53.920 --> 00:56:01.119 You could oh, you can have a support with her, and she will love you like you've never been loved before. 00:56:01.440 --> 00:56:01.920 Wow. 00:56:02.239 --> 00:56:04.320 Thank you so much, Victoria. 00:56:04.559 --> 00:56:07.599 Well, the first place that you can go

to me, uh go to me. 00:56:07.840 --> 00:56:15.039 The first place that you can go to reach out to me is on a contagious smile.com in the peer-to-peer support. 00:56:15.519 --> 00:56:24.400 And I would love nothing more than to have a conversation with you and get to know you better, get to find out where you're coming from. 00:56:24.639 --> 00:56:36.960 You can also go to my website at www.jesse with an ie, hyphenwilliams.com, and all the information there on Rachel's light, my daughter, that I lost in July. 00:56:37.199 --> 00:56:39.360 Pass the light, light a candle. 00:56:39.519 --> 00:56:47.280 If you have somebody that you have lost, please honor them on our light a candle on our wall of light. 00:56:47.440 --> 00:56:52.079 Their name will stay there indefinitely for as long as my website is up. 00:56:52.239 --> 00:56:59.360 It's a place where we honor those that we have lost to addiction or suicide or some way that we want to honor them. 00:56:59.760 --> 00:57:08.960 And YouTube, all my YouTube, all my social media is Jesse Tyler Williams, which is Jesse with an IE. 00:57:09.199 --> 00:57:13.039 Tyler is T Y L R E. 00:57:13.440 --> 00:57:15.039 It is not like it sounds. 00:57:15.199 --> 00:57:16.960 So it's Tyler Williams. 00:57:17.280 --> 00:57:18.880 So T Y L R E. 00:57:19.360 --> 00:57:24.320 If you just go into Google and type that, my Spotify, YouTube, all that. 00:57:24.639 --> 00:57:27.119 I do have my YouTube channel. 00:57:27.280 --> 00:57:30.559 I would love for you to subscribe to my channel. 00:57:30.880 --> 00:57:33.440 I just recently started it. 00:57:33.519 --> 00:57:36.159 So I think I've got seven subscribers right now. 00:57:36.400 --> 00:57:40.880 So go there and show me some love and subscribe to my channel. 00:57:41.199 --> 00:57:43.280 And I'd love to see you on there. 00:57:43.360 --> 00:57:46.960 And that's my Rising Above Hell YouTube channel. 00:57:47.280 --> 00:57:54.000 And everywhere on social media: TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, X, and all the other stuff. 00:57:54.159 --> 00:57:56.480 And I would love to hear from y'all. 00:57:56.960 --> 00:57:59.679 And my book is on Amazon, Rising Above Hell. 00:57:59.840 --> 00:58:00.320 Yes. 00:58:00.480 --> 00:58:01.119 Thank you so much. 00:58:01.199 --> 00:58:02.480 I know I'll have her back again. 00:58:02.800 --> 00:58:04.239 She has no choice. 00:58:08.000 --> 00:58:08.800 Well, you know what? 00:58:08.880 --> 00:58:15.840 It's always an honor to be here with you having these conversations and talking about things that you know aren't talked about a lot. 00:58:16.000 --> 00:58:22.800 And we have a lot of subjects to cover and a lot of information and education to get out to the masses. 00:58:22.880 --> 00:58:29.920 And so I don't care if we do these every day, as long as it's working and people are getting the message and people are reaching out. 00:58:30.159 --> 00:58:44.400 And just if I can tell you guys anything out there, for those of you that are really listening, and you think there is no possible way out, I promise you there is. 00:58:44.639 --> 00:58:50.400 And it is going to be, I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to be really fucking shitty the first while. 00:58:50.480 --> 00:58:51.920 It's going to suck. 00:58:52.400 --> 00:58:54.639 And it's going to be awful. 00:58:54.880 --> 00:58:58.800 And I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you and tell you it's anything else. 00:58:59.199 --> 00:59:00.159 But it's temporary. 00:59:00.880 --> 00:59:02.320 Yeah, it's temporary. 00:59:02.400 --> 00:59:06.800 And this too shall pass, and you will rise above your hell. 00:59:07.039 --> 00:59:08.800 And you can do this. 00:59:08.960 --> 00:59:10.400 Just please stay. 00:59:10.559 --> 00:59:14.320 Just please try again and again and again. 00:59:14.400 --> 00:59:20.800 And it doesn't matter how many times you fall, all that matters is how many times you get up. 00:59:20.960 --> 00:59:22.480 Do you want to know why? 00:59:22.800 --> 00:59:27.199 Because as long as you keep getting up, that means you're still here. 00:59:27.599 --> 00:59:30.079 And for today, that's enough. 00:59:30.480 --> 00:59:31.280 That is enough. 00:59:32.079 --> 00:59:32.800 Thank you. 00:59:33.679 --> 00:59:34.480 I love you. 00:59:34.719 --> 00:59:35.760 I love you.