TRANSCRIPTIE 🔗
WEBVTT
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I can't spread my wings cause I'm indoors.
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Social moths.
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Welcome to Social Moths.
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Rich is pithering around, our producer in the background.
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So once again, we've been delayed for 10 minutes because he's pissing about.
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Welcome to Social Moths.
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My name is Lindsay Santoro.
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I am joined today by the longest woman in history, Amy Mason.
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Hello.
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The shortest lady I've ever seen.
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She's so small.
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She's got no eyes.
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It's Harriet Tyer.
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See, if I wasn't, if Amy wasn't here, I would be the longest person.
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I'm quite long.
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I'm not why do you say she's got no eyes?
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Yeah.
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Obviously, this isn't true.
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Oh yeah.
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I'd say we're all quite tall women.
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Yeah?
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I'm 5'8.
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Why are you?
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I'm about the same, we're about the same height, aren't we?
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Yeah, but I think because you're slenderer, you look longer like a ruler, whereas I look like a compass with its legs open.
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Like a what?
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A compass with its legs open.
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Like if you stand it together, it's longer, but if you open the compass, she's short.
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I've always got my legs open, you see.
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So people think I'm only five foot, but it's just I'm standing with a wide gate.
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Oh no.
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Yes.
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Uh welcome.
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We're back together in one room, which is nice.
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The last one was on Zoom, so it's lovely to see everybody.
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So many congrats on your head and preferences, guys.
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My hair looks very nice.
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Thank you.
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I did it, yes.
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It looks lovely.
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Do you do it yourself?
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No, I have a lady called Louise who does it.
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She's my I'd ask her.
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Does she come to your house?
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No, I have to go to her.
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She's a profession.
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I need I want my hair done.
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Professionals still come to your house.
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No, I don't trust her.
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I just think I don't want this in my grout.
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Do you know what I mean?
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Oh yeah.
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In your grout.
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I'm he's gonna grow her hair out.
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Are you gonna grow your hair out?
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I think so.
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I think I'm gonna have long grey hair like a big old witch.
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So it's gonna not no longer like McLe Harry McLary from Donaldson's Darius.
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Oh my god, you do look like Harry McLaren from Donaldson's Dairy.
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Oh my god.
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Oh my god.
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I love Harry McLaren from Donaldson's Dury.
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I used to have a joke about my Fanny looking like that.
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Oh my lord.
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What was it?
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Probably my fanny looks like Harry McLary from Donaldson's Dairy.
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Somebody told me to cut it out my cert because it wasn't like key in keeping with the rest of it.
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It wasn't kinky.
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Oh my god, I w I watched an old clip from me yesterday and I was like Harry McLaren.
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Just your hair, not your face.
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I know my brothers used to say I look like a Fredo.
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Have I said that on here before?
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Oh god, you do look like a Fredo.
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No, I don't think you look like a Freddo, but you do look like Do you reckon there would be an issue if I ever had a child and named it Harry McLary from Donaldson's dairy?
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I think I think there's a lot of issues with calling Harry McLary.
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What were the other dogs called?
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Bustafer Jowan isn't the problem with calling your child Harry McLary.
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Pardon?
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You're getting Harry, like counting the symbols.
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Bustafer Jones! There's a there's a there's a restaurant called Bustafer Jones in Trump.
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I'm sure of what were the name of the Jones?
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You could call the child Donaldson.
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No, that's rubbish.
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Or Don, and they'd be like, oh, short for Donald, and you'd say no, short for Harry McLaren's Harry.
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That was brilliant.
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Yeah.
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Oh.
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There's uh Harry McLaren.
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I only remember Harry McLaren.
Load full transcript
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Hercules Morse.
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Bottomly pie.
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I know this very well.
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My daughter's obsessed with this book.
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Yeah, I should know this, but I was just Scarface Claw.
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Oh yeah.
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Blitzer Maloney.
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Skinny and bony.
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Schnitzel von Crum with a very low tongue.
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Oh, that's brilliant.
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That's if if I had twins, that'd be the other child.
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Hercules Morse is as big as a horse.
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That's you, Harriet.
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That's me.
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I thought I thought I was small and I had no eyes.
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Oh lot, you're blitz blitzer maloney, all skinny and bony.
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I'll be Schnitzer von Crumb with a very low tongue.
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Thank you.
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No, you would be Blitzer von Tom with a very fat muff.
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Okay Harry's um Harry.
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Harry.
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Harry.
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Lindsay.
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That's the cross between Harry and Larry.
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Lindsay earlier.
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What did we say?
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Oh, Fanny.
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Oh yeah, she says she never wears jeans because of Fanny's so fat.
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Can't the material just bald it up?
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Yeah, but you say that about you.
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I've heard when when I said I'm doing a podcast with Harriet and Lindsay, they said, Oh what, Lindsay Santora with a massive fanny?
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And I said, massive as in why they said no, not why, just very fat.
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Voluptuous multiple people.
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Why don't you have like you know, when kids have those baby grows with a flap that comes down, why don't you just get one of them and put an extra bit of material in and flap it up?
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Because it will look fucking mad.
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That's a matter of- And why am I wearing a baby grow?
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You're trying to get me in jeans?
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My brother is very like thrifty and vegan and ethical, and he split the bum of his jeans and he made my mum fix them, and the only way she could fix them was with a massive flap of denim.
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This massive denim bum flap.
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It was so funny, I've got a photo of it.
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Was it recent?
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It was about two years ago.
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Oh my god, I thought he was a kid.
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He's like 30 years old, he's got a really good job.
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What's the relevance of vegan that he's got?
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Oh, he's just very ethical and doesn't like chucking stuff away and stuff like that.
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He likes mends things.
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Yeah.
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I think that's what vintage's for.
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Vintage makes me feel better about bugs.
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Oh yeah.
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You were the you were the first person I ever knew to be on vintage, but I thought it was because am I right in saying this?
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When it started, you you it wasn't things weren't post to you, you'd have to go to people's houses.
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I don't remember that.
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Yeah, because I remember saying to you, Oh, do you have to go to that person's house?
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And then you went, Oh no, I pay them extra to post it.
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Oh yeah, yeah, because I bought a teddy bear off there.
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But I've kind of left it by the bye, and then you two, well, Amy really has been the way whenever I'm like, where'd you get that from?
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Amy, although I got this in the charity shop.
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I really enjoyed your video where you were getting dressed, and first of all, congratulations on your hotbod and matching bra and pants.
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Thanks.
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That was good.
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I haven't seen this video, it's the face of the town.
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Honestly.
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Number two, thanks for showing a house as it should be.
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Not like Stacy.
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I love Stacy Solomon, but her house is immaculate.
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Amy's like, what shall I wear?
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And you can see, like, the bed's not made.
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He's like, Thank you.
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A normal one.
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It's more than the bed's not made, it's an absolute shuttle, but yeah.
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Yeah, but most people's lives are like that.
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And then the nice dresses.
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And I said, Where'd you get that dress from?
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Vinted.
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It's beautiful.
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Well, you won't be seeing Stacy anymore.
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She's she's stepping back from uh the celebrity world.
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I thought she bought a farm.
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Yeah, that's why.
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Well, she'll be distilled on socials, won't she?
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--> 00:06:51.519
Posting.
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No, she'll be growing her turnips, won't give you a second thought.
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She never gave me a thought in the first place, let alone.
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Oh well like that.
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Her and Mrs.
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Inch were friends, but I think they've fallen out.
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I can't imagine anyone falling out with Stacey Solomon.
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No.
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I don't know if they have fallen out.
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My daughter.
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My youngest loves folding clothes and wanted to start a folding club because she loves clothes too.
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I remember this, yeah.
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And then I put about it on uh Instagram, and there's a woman called the Folding Lady who's a folding influencer and has written a book about how to fold.
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Sent five copies of her book for my daughter and her friends.
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And so have they all got them?
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Well, none of the others really wanted them.
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Well, I didn't really offer them to them.
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I mean they're seven-year-old children.
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But um well, if anyone's listening and they would like.
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Yeah, I've got some copies of it.
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It's actually a very good book.
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My daughter loves it and sits in bed reading it.
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I got her a special device, a plastic thing that she uses to fold.
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She started a club with her friends and I've renamed it.
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I we kept renamed it Thora's Fun Club.
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I'm not sure everyone's gonna want to fold.
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Yeah.
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Some people might though.
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She could have a job doing like you know, the towels in hotels when they're like immaculate, like extravagant swans and like bears and things.
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I'm always impressed with that because I just think, you know, I'm gonna wipe that on my fanny in a minute.
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So thank you.
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It's a beautiful swan.
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But I do need to wipe it as a swan.
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I would I have and tried to remain as it was.
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Once uh in once in in Turkey, a waiter, I was like 22, I was on holiday with my parents.
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He made me a rose out of a napkin, you know, and was like, Oh, you beautiful woman, you know, at the table, and it was like a bit death.
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But I got this rose, I was like, Thanks so much, and then I went to the toilet and I had the shit.
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I had to wipe my ass with this napkin rose.
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You just reminded me of a terrible story.
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I was going into town on the train, and I used to be an emo, and she remember those fingerless gloves that had like chains on them.
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I had one of those on.
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Um, I I there's gotta be a photo somewhere, and as we were on the train, I was like, oh my god, I've got the shits.
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So I went on to the toilet and I didn't have a new toilet roll, so I had to use my fingerless glove with the chain on and wipe it.
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And then it was this was ages ago, so there was a window, and I just threw my quite shitty glove out the window off the train.
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So somewhere between Longbridge and New Street Station about 20 years ago.
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If you found a shitty fingerless goth glove, there was you know that psychic man, Colin McLeod, that's that goes in my houses.
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Oh no, that's Kevin McCloud.
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Sorry.
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This is or maybe it's Colin Cloud, not Colin McCloud, I don't know.
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Anyway, so he once went on loose women and then was mind reading uh but incidentally enough, Stacey Solomon, and then it it he asked her to think of something, and then he goes, Oh, uh, when you last went to your brother's house, there were no toilet roll, and you lose used one of his socks, and then she was like mortified because it was true.
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How do you know that?
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See what I mean?
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Spirits are real.
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If your nan's gonna come back and tell you one thing, it was it will be that Stacy Solomon's wiped her ass with someone else's sock.
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Thank you.
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A message from spirit, especially for us.
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I don't want to talk to anyone dead, do you?
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No.
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Do you believe in that kind of stuff?
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I do a bit, but not really.
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Like, I I'm I'm a bit sceptical.
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I like doing my tarot card and having my fortune read, but I'm still a bit like mmm.
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But then my mum took me.
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Oh my god, have I told you something about the ghost, the ghost school?
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The ghost go school.
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Mum used to go to this class that was behind a scuba centre in um Reddit, and they would like practice their psychic abilities.
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It's very interesting.
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Yeah, but they're all like
menopausal women called Julie, and it's me.
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And I went with her for one of the sessions.
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It was really weird, and they did all this stuff where you like open up your mind, and it was very, it was fun, and I was wasn't like poo-pooing it, but I was like, yes, just go along with it.
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And then one of the things I had to sit opposite this woman who I didn't know, and they were like, just say whatever comes to your head, and I was like, right, okay, I'm getting an S and an E.
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And she went, right.
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She was thinking of a specific person who had passed.
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I was like, an S and an E.
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And she's like, right, and I was like, S A, S E, S A.
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And she was like, Well, the person I'm thinking of is called Shirley.
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So I was like, Oh, okay.
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And then I was like, and she's not your mum, she's your aunt.
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I was just saying it, and she was like, Yeah, and I go, and she was a vet, and he went, No, she worked in a vet, so I was like, Oh, okay.
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And she lived in a detached house.
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I was just throwing stuff out, and it was I don't know if the woman was disagreeing with me, but everything was landing, and I was like, That's when we find out, you're a fucking but I said like I said to my mummy Goldberg over that.
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I said, I'm not getting a voice.
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I'm not getting a voice in my head.
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I'm just saying the first interact.
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I'm saying the first thing that pops into my brain, and it's not like you know, like Derek Korrad, Samuel was like, Oh Diana's here.
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It was like I just was like, okay, and essay's popped into my head.
00:12:15.600 --> 00:12:17.600
There wasn't like a and she was like, Have you got a message?
00:12:17.759 --> 00:12:24.240
And I was like, No, I haven't got a message, I've just been just She's like, Yes, yes, and it's Where's the gold buried?
00:12:24.320 --> 00:12:25.440
Uh I don't know.
00:12:25.679 --> 00:12:27.440
Everything's on it, she's gone.
00:12:27.679 --> 00:12:27.919
Yeah.
00:12:28.080 --> 00:12:29.519
I wasn't getting like a voice or anything.
00:12:29.600 --> 00:12:32.480
I was just saying the first thing that popped into my brain and it was all right.
00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:34.080
I want to do that class.
00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:35.039
I recognize it.
00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:37.759
Well, she stopped doing it now because she's moved to Bridge North, apparently.
00:12:37.919 --> 00:12:38.799
Or is it Bridge North?
00:12:39.039 --> 00:12:41.120
I think I'm which she only because I get very good.
00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:43.120
I'm very I
think I get really good vibes.
00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:49.120
I'm very good at like assessing people's vibes to a freakish degree.
00:12:49.440 --> 00:12:50.399
That's ADHD.
00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:55.120
I think I'm very But what's that got to do with summoning ghosties?
00:12:55.440 --> 00:12:57.759
I know when people are baddies quite early on.
00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:07.440
Yeah, but what if then someone's like, hello, i is there someone there, and you're like, yeah, Tony was a bank robber and he killed your mum.
00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:09.519
I've got to tell you about Edinburgh.
00:13:10.159 --> 00:13:21.840
So my flat was really nice, had lovely vibes, but my my daughter's room, like I was one of the nights because she had a double bed, I was sleeping in it, and um I could just hear this and I thought, oh, what is that?
00:13:21.919 --> 00:13:23.759
So I came out and I couldn't hear it anywhere else.
00:13:23.919 --> 00:13:24.320
I went back in.
00:13:24.399 --> 00:13:26.480
I thought maybe it's just people rummaging around.
00:13:26.639 --> 00:13:31.120
And then I said, I said, if there's a ghost here, could you just say hello?
00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:33.200
And then I heard doof and I went, Oh my god.
00:13:33.279 --> 00:13:36.080
But it was like I didn't feel scared like I normally would.
00:13:36.159 --> 00:13:50.799
So I just went on going to bed, and then and I don't know if I was dreaming this, but I felt like someone sat on my feet, you know, like someone sat on the bed, and then the the duvet fell on the floor, like it got pulled, and I was like, Right, I'm going back in my own bed now.
00:13:50.879 --> 00:13:53.919
My daughter can deal with this, my four-year-old daughter, yeah.
00:13:54.639 --> 00:14:00.159
But I got a vibe, it was nice, like a nice I I don't know.
00:14:00.240 --> 00:14:04.320
I was just like, I didn't feel like I was there's sometimes when you go somewhere and you're locking a dark.
00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:11.120
I was just like, oh, this person's telling me what we're finding out is that you're quite spiritually gifted, but you're not gonna lazy anything.
00:14:11.279 --> 00:14:11.519
Exactly.
00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:14.159
Exactly that'll be awesome, exactly.
00:14:14.399 --> 00:14:22.320
You'll be like that, uh you know that uh the medium with Patricia Arquette and actually Harriet Dyer, the Australian actor.
00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:32.000
Um and it's apparently based on a true story because she featured on uh one of the housewife programmes and pissed everyone off because she was like, Your husband's gonna leave you.
00:14:32.240 --> 00:14:43.919
But the this woman had a gift and she worked for the district attorney's office, and then uh what happened was people spirits that had that they'd had a usually a grisly death.
00:14:44.080 --> 00:14:58.000
Um, so and so they weren't at peace, they hadn't gone to the where they were gonna go, so there was unfinished business, so then they would communicate to this woman,
and then she'd communicate to the district attorney's office, and then often solve the crimes.
00:14:58.399 --> 00:14:59.120
You could do that.
00:14:59.279 --> 00:15:01.120
No, but I'm not talking to ghosts.
00:15:01.279 --> 00:15:05.440
I do find it mad how like ghosts are never like in a caravan.
00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:05.759
Right.
00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:06.960
Think now then.
00:15:07.039 --> 00:15:08.320
Go on then, read me.
00:15:08.559 --> 00:15:09.679
I can't do it like that.
00:15:09.759 --> 00:15:11.120
I have to open a gate or something.
00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:12.480
Open the gate.
00:15:12.720 --> 00:15:15.519
Um there you go.
00:15:15.679 --> 00:15:17.120
Someone you've lost a shoe.
00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:19.519
No, there's a shoe, someone's thrown a shoe at you.
00:15:19.679 --> 00:15:23.360
Someone's thrown a shoe, someone's thrown something at you.
00:15:23.679 --> 00:15:24.879
That's really weird.
00:15:25.120 --> 00:15:32.799
Because in the in the charity shop, sitcom throws a shoe at me.
00:15:32.960 --> 00:15:34.159
Yeah, that's just what came in my head.
00:15:34.480 --> 00:15:37.039
Yeah, but the chances, yeah, but a ghost hasn't thrown a shoe at you, ain't it?
00:15:37.120 --> 00:15:37.840
No, but this is what I'm saying.
00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:40.799
I'm not telling you a ghost, I'm telling you what comes in my head.
00:15:40.960 --> 00:15:42.159
And then that was really weird because.
00:15:42.639 --> 00:15:45.039
Yeah, but everyone could say they've had a shoe thrown at them.
00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:48.960
Yeah, but recently not everyone could say they've had a shoe thrown at them.
00:15:49.200 --> 00:15:51.200
Have you had a shoe thrown at you recently?
00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:52.480
I haven't either.
00:15:52.639 --> 00:15:53.039
Thank you.
00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:54.399
That's weird.
00:15:55.039 --> 00:15:57.919
I know, but that's just what happens.
00:15:58.080 --> 00:16:00.159
I get but what fucking use is that?
00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:05.200
I've just told you you've had a shoe through her vibes off, she don't want it.
00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:08.240
She don't want it, she don't want me to tell her anything.
00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:12.320
How do you lost a key or a card?
00:16:13.519 --> 00:16:14.960
Lost will be Vaseline, but you know that.
00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:16.320
I lost my bank card.
00:16:16.559 --> 00:16:18.159
Well, maybe it's you then.
00:16:19.759 --> 00:16:19.919
Okay.
00:16:21.360 --> 00:16:22.799
I don't have anything useful.
00:16:22.960 --> 00:16:25.759
Oh my god, I think we need to pivot this podcast.
00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:28.799
But I'm not giving you anything fucking useful.
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:30.879
I'm just telling you what's happened.
00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:35.279
Well, it's just proof in the in in I don't know.
00:16:35.519 --> 00:16:35.679
Special.
00:16:36.879 --> 00:16:37.679
What fucking use is that?
00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:40.879
How big is my fanny?
00:16:41.519 --> 00:16:43.919
Smaller than mine, but bigger than Harriet's.
00:16:48.320 --> 00:16:52.720
I can't wait for the future when we've got ghosts like of our time.
00:16:52.799 --> 00:17:01.840
And I just want to be like, imagine going on the landing and watching someone just set a figure, and it'll be me running across the landing going, Where's my vape?
00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:03.759
Love it.
00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:04.720
What did we do?
00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:05.680
What fucking time?
00:17:06.000 --> 00:17:08.079
Richard! Oh, he's gone.
00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:08.640
Useless.
00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:09.440
Where is he?
00:17:09.599 --> 00:17:11.839
I don't know, he's not even starting the timer either.
00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:12.720
Richard!
00:17:13.119 --> 00:17:15.200
Um You've really lapsed here, Richard.
00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:15.680
Oh my god.
00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:17.519
There's no timer up.
00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:19.440
You've just wandered off.
00:17:19.759 --> 00:17:22.079
Well, what else did you do in Edmonton that you didn't say last week?
00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:22.880
Anything of interest?
00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:29.759
Um, I went to see it, it was my friend's 40th birthday, and I'd missed her actual party because I was in Edinburgh, so I took her out and she's my best mate of all time.
00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:37.839
And it was lovely because we don't get to spend time with each other anymore because she works all the time, and I'm pissing about doing this, which is apparently a job.
00:17:38.079 --> 00:17:47.119
And um, we just went and had some drinks and then went and had a nice meal, and it was just a laugh, do you know, when you get to see someone that you just knows you from way back when?
00:17:47.359 --> 00:17:49.200
And um, but they've evolved.
00:17:49.359 --> 00:17:58.559
I find it weird because like she will like things that I like and I in her own entity in our own, but we come back together and go, Oh, I do this now, and she goes, Oh, me too.
00:17:58.799 --> 00:18:00.799
Like, oh that's nice, that's nice.
00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:02.319
And what did you have to eat?
00:18:02.559 --> 00:18:09.279
We had tapas and the patatas bravas was wet.
00:18:09.599 --> 00:18:10.960
Wet like wet.
00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:14.799
Oh no, but it should be wet, wet potatoes, yeah.
00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:22.400
Lord help us all, oh and the rice was nice, but I felt like you know, like Uncle Ben's two minutes sticking the mark of rice.
00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:23.920
But other than that, it was very delicious.
00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:26.400
Lovely tapas in Edinburgh, the Mr.
00:18:26.480 --> 00:18:27.039
Piggies, I think.
00:18:27.119 --> 00:18:27.759
No, it was Mr.
00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:28.160
Piggies.
00:18:28.400 --> 00:18:30.240
It was called no Piggy, Mr.
00:18:30.319 --> 00:18:31.119
Piggy or something.
00:18:31.359 --> 00:18:33.359
No, maybe take the mist around, piggies.
00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:35.599
Yes, that's and it was delicious.
00:18:36.480 -->
00:18:38.559
Okay, that's what she's done.
00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:42.319
No, I did that I've done that ages ago.
00:18:42.960 --> 00:18:45.119
I'm just looking for the responses for questions.
00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:46.240
What have you done, Amy?
00:18:47.039 --> 00:18:49.440
Um, I saw my friend Rachel.
00:18:50.079 --> 00:18:51.279
Oh, I now know Rachel.
00:18:51.440 --> 00:18:52.960
Yeah, her lovely baby.
00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:57.759
Some pe some babies are born and they look like they're ready to go into trade.
00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:02.720
I was I was the longest baby ever born in Derby Hospital at that time.
00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:08.799
You know, Emma Hughes, she was born three and a half weeks early.
00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:09.839
Or was it months?
00:19:09.920 --> 00:19:10.880
No, that's not right.
00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:16.079
Uh weeks, and she was£10 at three and a half weeks early.
00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:17.359
Bloody hell.
00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:30.480
When they when I was pregnant with May and they were measuring me, they were like, um, we're worried about going to full term because she looks like she's gonna be£12, but she was seven pounds, and she's a long little bitch.
00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:31.279
That's what she is.
00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:42.000
I get it wrong so much about how they like they said that my children like Salmo was gonna be big, and she was like six and a half pounds, she was tiny, and she was two weeks over due.
00:19:42.720 --> 00:19:45.519
God, so what are they measuring then?
00:19:45.680 --> 00:19:47.519
You've I don't who knows.
00:19:47.680 --> 00:19:52.400
They just get measuring tent and go, ooh, guided me.
00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:55.119
Yeah, yeah, that's it, really.
00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:56.160
That's what I've done, really.
00:19:56.240 --> 00:20:01.519
I've not done anything else because I've just been sorting my life out since Edinburgh, and um that's it.
00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:06.240
I've stayed around after gigs, uh, but that's about it, really.
00:20:06.400 --> 00:20:08.000
I've not done not done much.
00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:13.920
Uh I went straight back into gigging quite quickly, which was fine, yeah.
00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:15.119
I've not done much.
00:20:15.279 --> 00:20:16.720
I like I like comedy again now.
00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:19.359
I've done a few more gigs back to normal.
00:20:19.680 --> 00:20:24.400
She literally giggled with someone so awful that it made her enjoy comedy again.
00:20:24.559 --> 00:20:25.200
Yeah.
00:20:25.920 --> 00:20:26.400
Really?
00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:27.599
Why?
00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:33.039
Because it was so shit that I thought, fucking hell, I'm talented.
00:20:33.759 --> 00:20:34.720
I know what you mean.
00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:35.039
Yeah.
00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:42.400
I always say that when I teach comedy, like I always say to people, you go into an open mic and you won't be scared of the body.
00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:46.079
Yeah, that's what I think because some people are so bad.
00:20:46.319 --> 00:20:46.960
Oh yeah.
00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:52.240
And the self-importance often of those people is mad.
00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:54.240
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:20:54.559 --> 00:20:59.920
Of like, I'm like, oh my god, how can you do you have eyes and ears?
00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:00.880
Are you alright?
00:21:01.039 --> 00:21:02.000
But do you know what?
00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:02.799
Off you go.
00:21:03.119 --> 00:21:11.200
Like when they like blame the audience for something not working, or they're like too not ready for this or two so you didn't get that one.
00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:12.720
We got it, it was shy.
00:21:12.960 --> 00:21:13.599
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:13.839 --> 00:21:18.799
It's just like no punchline, but lots of lots of uh lots of confidence.
00:21:19.440 --> 00:21:23.839
It's the stage persona of uh whatever the fuck it was.
00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:25.839
Have you done anything this week?
00:21:26.160 --> 00:21:29.359
When I saw my friend Rachel, ate a lot of her cherry tomatoes.
00:21:30.160 --> 00:21:32.720
Um children went back to school.
00:21:32.960 --> 00:21:33.599
Yes.
00:21:34.240 --> 00:21:37.200
Uh they've coped Touchwood surprisingly well.
00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:50.559
I was a bit worried that it would be you know what it's like when they get back, it starts off like the first couple of days is exciting because there's a new teacher and like seeing their friends again, and then it's like a slump of the reality of being back at school, which I do not blame them.
00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:54.720
I would not go back to school again for all the tea in China.
00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:59.759
Just I don't know if yours are the same, but when May May's gone back.
00:22:00.400 --> 00:22:05.440
And when she comes out of school, it's like she must be holding in something.
00:22:05.519 --> 00:22:11.839
Because she comes back and she's like and she won't go to bed and she's arguing and she's pushing boundaries.
00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:15.200
And do you think it's just because they're a I know, it's weird though, isn't it?
00:22:15.359 --> 00:22:20.319
Like schools are weird, like it's so institutionalized and like old fashioned.
00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:21.279
Yeah, so old.
00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:25.519
It needs even though my daughter's school is pretty relaxed, it still is so old-fashioned.
00:22:25.839 --> 00:22:31.279
Like at secondary schools, my my my friend's daughter goes and they're so strict about them wearing like shirts and ties.
00:22:31.599 --> 00:22:32.240
Who cares, mate?
00:22:32.319 --> 00:22:34.319
It's so uncomfortable all day at some poor.
00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:44.960
The kid the amount of time that were my stepsons, the the they would be in so much trouble because their their hair was a grade too short and stuff like that.
00:22:45.200 --> 00:22:46.480
Oh, grow up.
00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:48.079
Jesus Christ.
00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:59.839
Teach kids about savings and money and
taxes, please, because that will help them rather than knowing how to fucking deduct an asshole by pie.
00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:01.200
God bless!
00:23:01.599 --> 00:23:04.160
Yeah, and a whole term on fucking buffaloes.
00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:04.960
What?
00:23:05.119 --> 00:23:07.279
Yeah, that's that's what made me who I am.
00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:08.079
Buffalo.
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:08.640
Yeah.
00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:12.559
I did the ancient Egyptians and the Tudors, but didn't you feel like you did that?
00:23:12.640 --> 00:23:13.680
I did them on rotation.
00:23:13.759 --> 00:23:15.599
No, I was just very buffalo heavy.
00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:18.480
Buffalo, that's corporal for you, bloody hell.
00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:20.400
I don't know, somebody's gonna complain about that.
00:23:20.720 --> 00:23:24.079
It's like the bloody zoo, everything's mixed with a weird animal.
00:23:24.160 --> 00:23:28.880
Like honestly, it's like a wolf mixed with an emu and stuff.
00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:33.119
Right, I've got a list of story that's related to the six weeks holiday.
00:23:33.279 --> 00:23:35.440
We've got to a bit late, my apologies.
00:23:35.599 --> 00:23:41.680
It's the six weeks' holidays, and my annoying relatives keep coming round with their snotty kids.
00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:46.240
How do I maintain my boundaries without looking like an arsehole?
00:23:46.319 --> 00:23:47.680
Well, they've actually said monster.
00:23:47.759 --> 00:23:48.559
I've said arsehole.
00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:49.759
Looking like a monster.
00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:51.839
Yeah, so they're coming round with their kids.
00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:54.480
Working from home is still working.
00:23:54.799 --> 00:23:55.359
Denise.
00:23:56.079 --> 00:23:58.640
Explanation mark, explanation mark, explanation.
00:23:59.039 --> 00:23:59.599
Explanation.
00:23:59.839 --> 00:24:01.440
I've lost the meaning of the word.
00:24:01.759 --> 00:24:03.599
Exclamation mark.
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:04.240
Yeah.
00:24:04.480 --> 00:24:21.039
So how do you maintain boundaries if you're working from this was what happens to me because sometimes I'll be try trying to I know like technically as a comedian you work in the evening, but if you're doing admin or like I'm trying to write like something and I'm I'm working, do you know what I mean?
00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:24.079
So what is it that they're just coming around unwanted?
00:24:24.240 --> 00:24:25.920
Yeah, and she's trying to work from home.
00:24:26.079 --> 00:24:27.599
Well, you just have to tell them.
00:24:28.319 --> 00:24:29.839
No, pretend you're not in.
00:24:30.079 --> 00:24:31.039
Yeah, that's true.
00:24:31.279 --> 00:24:32.880
Just hide behind your social.
00:24:33.440 --> 00:24:34.880
I never lie about anything really.
00:24:35.039 --> 00:24:35.519
Well, no.
00:24:35.759 --> 00:24:38.880
So I probably just say, I can't cope.
00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:39.920
You need to go away.
00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:42.960
Like that's a good that's I think that's the best way to be.
00:24:43.200 --> 00:24:44.720
Excuse me, I cannot cope.
00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:47.599
I've reached my capacity of humanity.
00:24:47.839 --> 00:24:49.119
I'm just having a mental breakdown.
00:24:49.200 --> 00:24:50.559
I'm just saying, I'm having a mental breakdown.
00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:51.519
It's too much for me.
00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:52.880
I'm a bit stressed with work.
00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:53.599
Fuck off.
00:24:53.759 --> 00:24:56.240
I love seeing you come I see you next week.
00:24:56.559 --> 00:25:05.440
Marvin's mum would have someone come round, eat a whole jar of her beetroot, and then she'd be like, She needs to fucking watch herself or a fucking body slammer.
00:25:05.599 --> 00:25:08.480
So you could also, you could always say beetroot again, you said that.
00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:09.359
I like the way you said that.
00:25:09.519 --> 00:25:10.319
Beet root.
00:25:11.119 --> 00:25:12.160
Don't you think that's nice?
00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:14.640
Beet beetroot, beetroot, beetroot.
00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:15.359
Do you know?
00:25:15.519 --> 00:25:16.319
Is it vinta?
00:25:16.799 --> 00:25:20.400
Sorry, that this is a conversation for nothing and everything.
00:25:20.640 --> 00:25:22.240
Vim toe or vintage.
00:25:22.480 --> 00:25:23.119
Vim toe.
00:25:23.440 --> 00:25:23.839
Vim.
00:25:23.920 --> 00:25:24.799
Oh, I say vin.
00:25:25.119 --> 00:25:25.359
Vim.
00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:27.200
Like short for vinny.
00:25:27.440 --> 00:25:28.319
Like a Vinto.
00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:29.759
Like a glass of Vin Vinto.
00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:31.039
Vincent Toad.
00:25:31.519 --> 00:25:31.839
Vincent.
00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:33.039
Esquire.
00:25:36.480 --> 00:25:45.839
So the moral of the story is tell people to you can either tell them to fuck off, you can pretend you're not in, or Amy Mason, which I think is the best.
00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:50.559
It's just tell them you're having a mental breakdown and they need to leave, which I think is fair.
00:25:51.519 --> 00:25:53.279
Tell them you are unwell.
00:25:53.519 --> 00:26:02.319
I think if you I think that like there's a lot of stuff about boundaries where people who've been to a lot of therapy and then they're quite rude to you about boundaries.
00:26:02.400 --> 00:26:04.000
They're like, I need to set a boundary.
00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:12.640
I think if you set a boundary from a place of truth and vulnerability and say, I really need this because of this, you think you don't seem like an asshole.
00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:14.960
I really need to work to pay my mortgage.
00:26:15.039 --> 00:26:15.200
Yeah.
00:26:15.599 --> 00:26:16.240
Get out.
00:26:16.400 --> 00:26:16.720
Yeah.
00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:17.519
Yeah.
00:26:17.839 --> 00:26:18.880
Social muff of the week.
00:26:20.319 --> 00:26:20.640
You.
00:26:20.880 --> 00:26:21.279
Thank you.
00:26:21.519 --> 00:26:22.319
I knew it was.
00:26:22.400 --> 00:26:23.680
I was just waiting.
00:26:24.799 --> 00:26:27.920
Shall we uh reconvene in a week's time?
00:26:28.160 --> 00:26:28.960
Bon voyage.
00:26:29.119 --> 00:26:29.839
Bonvoyage.
00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:32.960
Remember, I always know what happened in your past.
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:34.880
And it's useless information.
00:26:37.279 --> 00:26:39.039
Harry McLaren from Donaldson.
00:26:40.640 --> 00:26:41.279
I love you.