Volledige transcriptie van Bleeding out To Breaking Free from Pain to Purpose | Catilin Story

with some pretty serious people. Some pretty serious people too. He was chronic alcoholic as well. He was extremely abusive towards my mum. My mum left him when I was about five. We moved to Winnemail and that's where I met my stepdad and my three step siblings. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): And we moved to Winnemel and that's where I met my stepdad and my three step siblings. Okay so the family grew. Yes definitely. Excellent. And what did you do for joy when you were little? I don't remember doing much for joy when I was little. I was always very anxious, very scared, very timid, very shy child. I just remember being anxious all the time, scared of absolutely everything. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Yes, definitely. Excellent. And what do you do for joy when you are little? I don't remember doing much for joy when I was little. I was always very anxious, very scared, very timid, very shy child. I just remember being anxious all the time, scared of absolutely everything. you know, at that sort of age, I don't really remember much joy in my life at all, to be honest. I just remember being in a constant state of fear. James Date: Yes, definitely. Excellent. And what did you do for joy when you were little? I don't remember doing much for joy when I was little. I was always a very anxious, very scared, very timid, ⁓ very shy child. I just remember being anxious all the time, scared of absolutely everything. you know, at that sort of age, I don't really remember much joy in my life at all, to be honest. I just remember being in a constant state of fear. Yeah. Do you think that was a protection method for yourself from what was going on around you? Absolutely. Yep. Okay. And when did you first experience drugs and alcohol? So, riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): At that sort of age, I don't really remember much joy in my life at all, to be honest. I just remember being in a constant state of fear. Yeah. Do you think that was a protection method for yourself from what was going on around you? Absolutely. Okay. And when did you first experience drugs and alcohol? alcohol always been like a pretty normal thing in our family. ⁓ riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: think that was a protection method for yourself from what was going on around you? Absolutely, And when did you first experience drugs and alcohol? James Date: Alcohol has always been like a pretty normal thing in our family. know, we've always been, like my family's always been social sort of drinkers and that sort of thing. I'm pretty sure I had my first drink when I was in grade six or year seven. You know, we were allowed to have shandies and that when I went and saw my Auntie Jill, who was a really bad alcoholic. know, like drinking was actually the norm in my family. But I didn't really like it that much. didn't really like the taste. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Alcohol has always been like a

pretty normal thing in our family. know, we've always been, my family's always been social sort of drinkers and that sort of thing. I'm pretty sure I had my first drink when I was in grade six or eight seven. You know, we were allowed to have shandies and that when I went and saw my Auntie Jill, who was a really bad alcoholic. know, drinking was actually the norm for my family. But I didn't really like it that much. I didn't really like the taste. So I didn't really start drinking more heavily until I was probably in my mid-teens. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): My family's always been social sort of drinkers and that sort of thing. I'm pretty sure I had my first drink when I was in grade six or eight-seven. You know, we allowed to have shandies and that when I went and saw my Auntie Jill, who was a bad alcoholic. know, drinking was actually the norm in my family. But I didn't really like it that much. didn't really like the taste. So, I didn't really start drinking more heavily until I was probably in my mid-teens. And it was just more of a social thing on a weekend. James Date: So I didn't really start drinking more heavily until I was probably in my mid teens. Yes. And it was just more of a social thing on a weekend with like when I'd go to a party with my friends and that. With your friends, yeah. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: And it was just more of a social thing on weekend, my friends and that. With your friends, yeah? And did you drink responsibly then? ⁓ hell no. You pushed the boundaries. yes, yes. I'd drink my drinks and then, like my mum would send me out with like four UDLs or something, or lemon ruskies, whatever I was drinking back then. And then I'd drink them and everyone else's. I had a really high tolerance very quickly. ⁓ riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): and I'd go to party with my friends and that. With your friends, yeah? And did you drink responsibly then? Probably, I don't know. You pushed the boundaries. no, yes. I'd drink my drinks and then, like, my mum would send me out with, like, four UDLs or something, or lemon ruskies, whatever I was drinking back then, and, you know, then I'd drink them and everyone else's. Yes. I had a really high tolerance very quickly, ⁓ you know, so, yeah, I used to pretty much fight myself out. Almost. James Date: And did you drink responsibly then? Oh hell no. You pushed the boundaries. Yes, yes. I'd drink my drinks and like my mum would send me out with like four UDLs or something or lemon ruskies or whatever I was drinking back then and um, you know, then I'd drink them and everyone else's. I had a really high tolerance very quickly, you know, so... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: You know, yeah, I pretty much wiped myself out. Almost when I was drinking with my friends, as for drugs, I started smoking weed when I was in year eight. That escalated very quickly, because my dad used to grow weed, so I used to go to

his house and pitch some and then bring it home. I was selling it at school even in year eight. know, and everyone, he always had the best weed, know, and everyone loved it. And I was like, wow, I can make money off this as well as use it. James Date: Yeah, I used to pretty much wipe myself out. Almost when I was drinking with my friends. As for drugs, I started smoking weed when I was in year eight. Yes. That escalated very quickly because my dad used to grow weeds. So I used to go to his house and pinch some and then bring it home. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): When I was drinking with my friends as for drugs I started smoking weed when I was in year eight. Yes That escalated very quickly because my dad used to grow weed so I used to go to his house and pinch Simon and bring it home I was selling it at school even in year eight You know and everyone loved it and I was like wow I can make money off this as well as use it this is awesome So I learned from a very young age how to turn that sort of stuff over James Date: I was selling it at school, even in year eight. ⁓ know, and cause everyone like he always had the best weed, you know, and everyone loved it. I'm just like, I can make money off this as well as use it. This is awesome. So I learned from a very young age how to turn that sort of stuff over for a profit and still be able to use it. But that was only very short-lived. ⁓ I made the mistake of having a bomb in front of the mirror one day and I'm like, ⁓ my God, that looks disgusting. Like it really turned me off. So I just quit cold turkey. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: This is awesome. So I learned from a very young age how to turn that sort of stuff over For a profit and still be able to use it But that was only very short-lived I made the mistake of having a bomb in front of the mirror one day and I'm like, ⁓ my god, that looks disgusting Like it really turned me off so I just quit cold turkey But I've been on it long enough to suffer the withdrawals from it That's for sure like the nightmares like the fluctuating feelings of being stoned and that sort of thing riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): for a profit and still be able to use it. But that was only very short-lived. I made the mistake of having a bomb in front of the mirror one day and I'm like, ⁓ my god, that looks disgusting. Like it really turned me on so I just quit cold turkey. But I've been on it long enough to suffer the withdrawals from it. That's for sure. Like the nightmares, like the fluctuating feelings of being stoned and that sort of thing. So it was pretty boring and I think I was like in year eight or nine when James Date: Yeah, but ⁓ I've been on it long enough to suffer the withdrawals from it That's for sure like the nightmares like the fluctuating feelings of being stoned and that sort of thing ⁓ So it was pretty full-on and I think I was like in year eight or nine when all that happened And I remember

there was one day my mom picked me up from a friend's house And I'd been smoking bongs with their mum all night, and I was absolutely wasted and every time the car accelerated I was leaning forward then when she'd break I was leaning back and then my mom got in my head. She's like, you know riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: So it was pretty cool on and I think I was like in year eight or nine when all that happened And I remember there was one day my mom picked me up from a friend's house and I've been smoking bombs with her mom all night and I was absolutely wasted and every time the car accelerated I was leaning forward then when she'd brake I was leaning back and then my mom got in my head she's like you know you've got a heart problem if you're smoking drugs you couldn't have a heart attack at any time and I'm like So she made me paranoid as and I was lying in bed and my heart's beating out of my chest riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): all that happened. And I remember there was one day my mom picked me up from a friend's house and I'd been smoking bombs in there my whole night and I was absolutely wasted. And every time the car would accelerate I was leaning forward. Then when she'd brake I was leaning back. And then my mom got in my head, she's like, you know you've got a heart problem. If you're smoking drugs you can have a heart attack at any time. I'm like, oh no. So she made me paranoid as and I was lying in bed and my heart's beating out of my chest and I'm like, oh my God. And then I saw myself having a bomb the next week or so and I'm like, no. James Date: you've got a heart problem if you're smoking drugs you could have a heart attack at any time and I'm like oh so she made me paranoid as and I was lying in bed and my heart's beating out of my chest and I'm like oh my god and then I saw myself having the bomb the next week or so and I'm like no I get off this because it just made me too paranoid at that point so my mum got me good. So you stopped for a while? and after that I was just sort of a social smoker here and there but I mean I still dabbled in it but it wasn't ever a problem. Tell me about your biological dad. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Oh my god. And then I saw myself having a bomb the next week or so and I'm like, no, I've got to get off this. Because it just made me too paranoid at that point. So my mum got me good. So you stopped for a while. Yeah. After that I was just sort of a social smoker here and there. But I mean, I still dabbled in it, but it wasn't ever a problem. Tell me about your biological dad. Yes. So me and my sister, he was always really, really good. Especially me, I was the favourite. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): get off this because it just made me too paranoid at that point so my mum got me good. So you stopped for a while? Yeah, after that I was just sort of a social smoker here and there but I mean I still dabbled in it

but it wasn't ever a problem. Tell me about your biological dad. Yes, so me and my sister he was always really really good, especially me I was the favourite but to my mum he was really really horrible. James Date: Yes, me and my sister he was always really really good, ⁓ especially me I was the favourite, ⁓ ⁓ my mum he was really really horrible, to the point where if she cooked dinner and ⁓ veggies were touching his mashed potatoes or something he'd throw the plate at her and make her start all over again. ⁓ riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: But to my mum he was really, really horrible. To the point where if she cooked dinner and his bed shoes was touching his mashed potatoes or something, he'd throw the plate at her and make her start all over again. ⁓ Or she was telling me stories how they'd be out in public and she'd look at another person and he'd end up belting her because she shouldn't be looking at other men and stuff. He was extremely volatile and unpredictable. to me he was my dad. He was my world. So ⁓ very hard for me. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): You know to the point where if she cooked dinner and his bedsheets was touching his mashed potatoes or something He'd throw the plate at her and make her start all over again or she was telling stories how they'd be out in public and you know she'd look at another person and he'd end up belting her because she shouldn't be looking at other men and stuff like he was extremely volatile and unpredictable to me he was my dad, he was my world you ⁓ so it was very hard for me I couldn't James Date: ⁓ Or she was telling me stories how they'd be out in public and you know She'd look at another person and he'd end up belting her because she shouldn't be looking at other men and stuff like he was extremely volatile and unpredictable But to me, he was my dad. He was my world. So it was very hard for me. I couldn't understand why my mum would leave him, ⁓ especially to put me in the situation where I found myself in after that. ⁓ I resented her for a very long time over that ⁓ because I ended up experiencing a lot of difficulties with my stepdad as I got older and stuff. So I couldn't understand why she'd been with herself to be safe, but put me somewhere where I was unsafe. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I couldn't understand why my mum would leave him, especially put me in the situation where I found myself in after that. I resented her for a very long time over that because I ended up experiencing a lot of difficulties with my stepdad as I got older and stuff. So I couldn't understand why she'd bring herself to be safe, but put me somewhere where I was unsafe. So that was really challenging for me. And how did that look? riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): couldn't understand why my mum would leave him, especially put me in the situation where I found myself in after that. ⁓ I resented her for very long time over that because

I ended up experiencing a lot of difficulties with my stepdad as I got older and stuff. So I couldn't understand why she would leave herself to be safe but put me somewhere where I was unsafe. that was really challenging for me. And ⁓ did that look? ⁓ James Date: challenging for me. And how did that look? I copped it worse than all of us kids probably in hindsight looking back because I was probably the most difficult. I'm the second eldest like my ⁓ eldest stepbrothers only ten days older than me. So we're very close in age but I was always more mature. Okay. You know and I was always very difficult you know I was always a very fearful child and then when I went to high school I did a full 180. Instead of living in that state of fear I become really riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I copped it worse than all of us kids, probably in hindsight looking back, because I was probably the most difficult. I'm the second eldest, like my eldest stepbrother is only 10 days older than me. So we're very close in age, but I was always more mature. And I was always very difficult. I was always a very fearful child. And then I went to high school, I did a 4-180. Instead of living in that state of fear, I became really, really aggressive and horrible. I had a really short fuse. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I copped it worse than all of us kids and probably in hindsight looking back because I was probably the most difficult Yes, I'm the second eldest like my elder stepbrothers only ten days older than me So we're very close in age, but I was always immature. Okay You know and I was always very difficult, you know, I was always a very fearful child and then I went to high school I did a full 180 instead of living in that state of fear. I become really really aggressive and horrible. Yes. I had a really short fuse I was extremely violent James Date: really aggressive and horrible. I had a really short fuse, I was extremely violent, I'd flip out and smash the house up. So in hindsight... riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): extremely violent, know, flip out and smash the house up. You know, so in hindsight, I probably deserved a lot of the shit that I copped. But in saying that, there were multiple occasions where I definitely didn't. And I always felt like I was the black sheep in that hour, so I can get treated the same as the other kids. It's a really complex thing as well, like a blended family. Like you've explained, your mum is trying to... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: You know, I'd flip out and smash the house up. Okay. You know, so in hindsight, probably deserved a lot of the shit that I called. But in saying that, there were multiple occasions where I definitely didn't. Yes. You know, and I always felt like I was a black sheep in on the outer. Like, so I didn't get treated the same as the other kids. It's a really complex thing as well, like a blended family. Yeah. And like you've explained, your mum is trying to put herself in a safe position. James Date: I deserved a lot of the shit that I copped. But in saying that, there were multiple occasions where I definitely didn't. And I always felt like I was the black sheep and on the outer. So I didn't get treated the same as the other kids. It's a really complex thing as well, like a blended family. Like you've explained, your mum is trying to put herself in a safe position. You feel like you're having to move away from your dad and blend in with this other family. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): put herself in a safe position, you feel like you're having to move away from your dad and blend in with this other family. Do you think that you were trying to be seen? riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: feel like you're having to move away from your dad and blend in with this other family. Do you think that you were trying to be seen? Yeah, probably. Yeah, because I've got a really, I've got a really big way of crying out for help. James Date: Do you think that you were trying to be seen? Yeah, probably. Yeah, because I've got a really... I've got a really weird way of crying out for help. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Yeah, probably. Yeah, because I've got a really, I've got a really big way of crying out for help. You know, because I was always so fearful and that I always got told to stop being such a sook, stop being such a drama queen, that sort of thing. So any sort of emotions that I was giving were constantly being shut down when I was in a vulnerable state. So in hindsight, looking back at it, you're probably right. Me turning out to be that aggressive and having that temper and that sort of thing was probably a desperate cry for help at that point. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I was always so fearful and that I always got told to being such a sook, stop being such a drama queen, that sort of thing. So any sort of emotions that I was given were constantly being shut down when I was in a vulnerable state. So in hindsight looking back at it, you're probably right. Me turning out to be that aggressive and having that temper and that sort of thing was probably a desperate call for help at that point. I remember there was one occasion when I was about nine or 10, I went and told my mum that my stepdad had been hitting me and I said, James Date: ⁓ You know, because I was always so fearful in that I always got told to stop being such a sook, stop being such a drama queen, that sort of thing. So any sort of emotions that I was giving were constantly being shut down when I was in a vulnerable state. So in hindsight, looking back at it, you're probably right. Me turning out to be that aggressive and having that temper and that sort of thing was probably a desperate cry for help at that point. You know, I remember there was one occasion when I was about nine or 10, I went and told my mum, you know, that my

stepdad had been hitting me and I said to her, I said, listen, I'm going to tell the police because it's wrong. I'm going to tell my dad. And if I had to told my dad, God help him. Yes. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): You know, I remember there was one occasion, I was about 9 or 10, I went and told my mum, you know, that my stepdad had been hitting me and I said to her, I said, listen, I'm going to tell the police because it's wrong, I'm going to tell my dad. And if I had told my dad, God help him. You know, and my mum turned around and told me to stop being such a drama queen. So, you know, from that point on, I knew that I was going to have to fend for myself type thing and I stopped asking for help and that's when the aggression started coming out. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: said to her, I said, listen, I'm gonna tell the police because it's wrong. I'm gonna tell my dad. And if I had told my dad, God help him. And my mom turned around and told me to stop being such a drama queen. So from that point on, I knew that I was gonna have to fend for myself type thing and I stopped asking for help and that's when the aggression started coming out. I'm sorry that you had to deal with all of that. It's a lot. Yeah. James Date: you know and my mom turned around and told me to stop being such a drama queen. you know from that point on I knew that I was going to have to fend for myself type thing and I stopped asking for help and that's when the aggression started coming out. That's, I'm sorry that you had to deal with all of that, it's a lot. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): That's, I'm sorry that you had to deal with all of that, it's a lot. Why do you think you didn't tell your dad about the violence that you were... My dad would have killed me. There was one day after a visit with him, he dropped us back off at the pony club and he knew my stepdad was going to be there, he drove around the pony club looking for him. Wow. And on my 21st birthday, ⁓ I asked my dad if he could put all his differences aside because I really wanted him to be able to come. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Why do you think you didn't tell your dad about the violence that you were... My dad would have killed me. There was one day after a visit with him, he dropped us back off at the pony club and he knew my stepdad was going to be there. He drove around the pony club looking for him. And on my 21st birthday, I asked my dad if he could put all his differences aside because I really wanted him to be able to come. And he turned around and said, well show up, okay, and I'm going to kill your stepdad. And I have no doubt because my dad was extremely dangerous and James Date: Why do you think you didn't tell your dad about the violence that you were? My dad would have killed him. There was one day after a visit with him, he dropped us back off at the pony club and he knew my stepdad was going to be there.

He drove around the pony club looking for him. And on my 21st birthday, I asked my dad if he could put all his differences aside because I really wanted him to be able to come. And he turned around and said, if I show up, Caitlin, I'm going to kill your stepdad. And I have no doubt because my dad was extremely dangerous and violent. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): And teacher Manny said, well show up Katelyn, I'm gonna kill you stepdad. And I have no doubt, because my dad was extremely dangerous and volatile. know, later on in years, as I got older and stuff, he started to get really, really unwell. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He had a really horrible temper, especially when he'd been drinking. Depending on what substance he'd ingested on the day, was depending on how our day was gonna go when we spent it with him. You know, dad was pretty full on. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: You know, later on in years, as I got older and stuff, started to get really, really unwell. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He had a really horrible temper, especially when he'd been drinking. Depending on what substance he'd ingested on the day, was depending on how our day was going to go when we spent it with him. know, Doug was pretty full on. He could be extremely unpredictable, especially with his temper and stuff. It was never directed at me. James Date: ⁓ You know, later on in his, ⁓ as I got older and stuff, he started to get really, really unwell. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He had a really horrible temper, especially when he'd been drinking. Depending on what substance he'd ingested on the day was depending on how our day was going to go when we spent it with him. Yes. ⁓ You know, dad was pretty full on. ⁓ He could be extremely unpredictable, especially with his temper and stuff. It was never directed at me and my sister, just those around us. And that was really scary. It got to the point where probably about four years before he passed. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): He could be extremely unpredictable, especially with his temper and stuff. He was never directed at me and my sister, just those around us. That was really scary. He got to the point where probably about four years before he passed, he'd had multiple suicide attempts. ⁓ He'd ring me up at three or four in the morning just abusing me, asking me stupid questions like, who would name their kid Maya? I'm like, I don't know, you did. That's my sister's name. Why are you asking me this at three o'clock? riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: my sister, just those around us and that was really scary. It got to the point where... Probably about four years before he passed, he'd had multiple suicide attempts. He'd ring me up at three or four in the morning just abusing me, asking me stupid questions like who would name their kid Maya? And I'm like, I don't know, you did, that's my sister's name. Why are you asking me this at three o'clock in the morning? Because you'd be having a schizophrenic episode, you know? And then he'd end up in the psych ward. And did he have a tough upbringing? Yeah. Do you understand much about his upbringing? James Date: He'd had multiple suicide attempts ⁓ You know, he'd bring me up at three or four in the morning just abusing me asking me stupid questions Like who would name their kid mayor? I'm like, I don't know you did. That's my sister's name Why are you asking me this at three o'clock in the morning? Yeah, like because he'd have be having his pan ⁓ Schizophrenic episode, you know, and then he'd end up in the psych ward. Yeah And did he have a tough upbringing? Yeah, do you understand much about his upbringing? He didn't really talk much about his upbringing I do know riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Yeah, because he'd have to be having his pan a schizophrenic episode, you and then he'd end up in the swiped board. Yeah And did he have a tough upbringing? Yeah. Do you understand much about his upbringing? He didn't really talk much about his upbringing I do know though that his dad died in front of him. He had a heart attack and my dad couldn't save him. Yeah. I also know though that him and his dad had a very tumultuous sort of relationship riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: really talk much about his upbringing. do know though that his dad died in front of him. He had a heart attack and my dad couldn't save him. also know though that him and his dad had a very... James Date: Though that he's he's dad died in front of him. He had a heart attack and my dad couldn't save him Yeah, also know though that him and his dad had a very Tumultuous sort of relationship between the two of them you absolutely hated his dad But he really felt guilty that he wasn't able to save his dad at the same time. You know, like he was quite young when that happened I think he was about roughly the same age I was when my dad died 2021 or something. Yeah, so, you know riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: tumultuous sort of relationship between the two of them. He absolutely hated his dad, but he really felt guilty that he wasn't able to save his dad at the same time. You know, like he was quite young when that happened. think he was about roughly the same age I was when my dad died, 2021 or something. So, you know, riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): between the two of them, absolutely hated his dad, but he really felt guilty that he wasn't able to say his dad at the same time. You know, like he was quite young when that happened. think he was about roughly the same age I was when my dad died, 2021 or something. So, know, yeah. So he didn't really have the best role models in life. I'm pretty sure his dad was an alcoholic as well from memory, but I can't don't quote me on that. James Date: Yeah, so you didn't really have the best role models in life. I'm pretty sure his dad was an

alcoholic as well from memory, but I can't be, don't quote me on that. It's interesting how these things become cyclical, they? Like you, know, trying to save your dad, like from his mental health issues and all of that sort of stuff, like he did to his dad and ⁓ both losing your fathers ⁓ you're young ⁓ still growing and developing. ⁓ one of the sad things about addiction. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Yeah, so he didn't really have the best role models and I'm pretty sure his dad was an alcoholic as well from memory but I can't quote me on It's interesting how these things become cyclical, they? Like you, know, trying to save your dad from his mental health issues and all that sort of stuff like he did to his dad and ⁓ both losing your fathers when you're ⁓ you're still growing and developing. It's one of the sad things about addiction. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Interesting how these things become cyclical. Like you know, trying to save your dad from his mental health issues and all that sort of stuff like he did to his dad and you both were losing your fathers when you were and still growing and developing. It's one of the sad things about addiction that I quite often see come up time and time again. So how long have you been playing for now, Caitlin? Ten months and one... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: that I quite often see come up time and time again. So how long have you been playing for now, Caitlin? Ten months and 19 days. Yay! Congratulations. How do you feel? Do you feel like coming up to a year is... I feel like a completely different person. know, going into acting and that, was still very violent and aggressive and volatile and that sort of thing as a protective measure because of the stuff that I was doing whilst I was inactive. It was definitely NSF. James Date: that I quite often see come up time and time again. So how long have you been playing for now, Caitlin? 10 months and 19 days. How do you feel? you feel like coming up to a year is... I feel like a completely different person. know, going into active and that, was still very violent and aggressive and volatile and that sort of thing as a protective measure because of the stuff that I was doing whilst I was inactive. It was definitely an riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Yay! Congratulations. How do you feel? Do you feel like coming up to a year is... I feel like a completely different person. know, going into active and that, I was still very violent and aggressive and volatile and that sort of thing as a protective measure because of the stuff that I was doing whilst I was inactive. It was definitely a necessity to be able to survive day to day. Nowadays I'm very placid. I don't have as much... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: to be able to survive day to day. Nowadays I'm very placid, I don't have as much of a temper, I've actually found that serenity that NA constantly

talks about and stuff. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days, I'm not perfect yet, but I've come a long way in those 10 months. I've got... James Date: to be able to survive day to day. Nowadays I'm very placid, I don't have as much of a temper. I've actually found that serenity that NA constantly talks about and stuff. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days. I'm not perfect yet, but I've come a long way in those 10 months. I've got a really positive outlook on life now. I actually want to live, I don't want to end it all like I did for the 17 years that I was out there. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I've actually found that serenity that NA constantly talks about and stuff. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days. I'm not perfect yet, but I've come a long way in those 10 months. I've got a really positive outlook on life now. I actually want to live. I don't want to end it all while I'm happy. the 17 years that I was out there, things are actually looking really promising for me. And I actually wake up every day and I'm happy. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: You know, a really positive outlook on life now. I actually want to live. I don't want to end it all like I for the 17 years that I was out there. know, things are actually looking really promising for me. And I actually wake up every day and I'm happy. You know, as I said, I still have my days, but I can turn them around pretty easily just by doing the suggested things or, you know, reaching out to another member and the fellowship and that sort of thing. It's just been a massive blessing. Amazing. We'll get to where you are and how good your life is now. James Date: ⁓ You know, things are actually looking really promising for me. And I actually wake up every day and I'm happy. Yay! You know, as I said, I still have my days, but I can turn them around pretty easily just by doing the suggested things or, you know, reaching out to another member in the fellowship and that sort of thing. it's just been a massive blessing. Amazing. We'll get to where you are and how good life is now. What happened 10 months, 10 and a half months ago? riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I have my days but I can turn them around pretty easily just by doing the suggested things or reaching out to another member in the fellowship and that sort of thing. It's just been a massive blessing. Amazing. We'll get to where you are and how good life is now. What happened 10 months, 10 and a half months ago? It was a bit longer than that. So February, I'll start a bit before that. So not February last. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: What happened 10 months, 10 and a half months ago? It was a bit longer than that, so February James Date: It was a bit longer than that. So February, no I'll start a bit before that. So not February last year, but the October before that February, if that makes sense. I got raided, not once, but twice. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: No, I'll start a bit before that. not February last year, but October before that February, if that makes sense. I got raided not once but twice. And I already had multiple run-ins with the law. Leading up to that I was already on the CCO, I was already looking at jail time for breaching that CCO, then I got raided and convicted of trafficking as a result of that. But I didn't actually have court until after I went to rehab. So in my head I'm not pulled out. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): October before that February, if that makes sense. I got raided, not once but twice. And I already had multiple run-ins with the law. Leading up to that I was already on the CCO, I was already looking at jail or client probation at CCO, then I got raided and convicted of trafficking as a result of that. But I didn't actually have court until after I went to rehab. So in my head I'm not gonna say I'm gonna stay at a rehab, I mean jail is if I go to rehab. James Date: And I'd already had multiple run ins with the law. Leading up to that, was already on a CCO. I was already looking at jail time for breaching that CCO. Then I got raided and convicted of trafficking as a result of that. But I didn't actually have court until after I went to rehab. So in my head, I'm not the only one who's to stay out of rehab. I mean, jail is if I go to rehab. So I had no intentions of staying clean at that point because I literally surrendered to the fact that I was going to be in riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I'm gonna stay out of rehab, I mean jail, is if I go to rehab. So I had no intentions of staying clean at that point because I literally surrendered to the fact that I was gonna be an addict for the rest of my life. I was dealing, so was the only way I knew how to make money and hold down a job. I've suffered a lot of physical health problems over my life. You know that... From drug use? No, I got diagnosed with Crohn's disease when I was 21. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Yes. So I had my intentions of staying clean at that point because I literally surrendered to the fact that I was going be an addict for rest of my life. I was dealing so was the only way I knew how to make money and hold down a job. I've suffered a lot of physical health problems over my life. From drug use? No. I got diagnosed with Crohn's disease when I was 21. That was the same day my dad passed away too. James Date: for the rest of my life. I was dealing so was the only way I knew how to make money and hold down a job. ⁓ I've suffered a lot of physical health problems over my life. ⁓ From drug use? No. got diagnosed with Crohn's disease when I was 21. That was the same day my dad passed away too. it was a bit of a double whammy that day. And I had to get a bowel resection done by the time I was 24, 25. Yep. Because of the Crohn's? Yes. Yep. And that's what ended up starting the use. Because I couldn't

hold down a job. Yeah. You know, because I was always really unwell and in and out of hospital all the time. So I was constantly getting fired. I actually had really good jobs prior to that. I'm actually qualified riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: same day my dad passed away too so it was a bit of a double whammy that day and I had to get a bowel resection done by the time I was 24, 25. Yep, because of the crimes. yep and that's what ended up starting to be used because I couldn't hold down a job you know because I was always really unwelcoming and out of hospital all the time so I was constantly getting fired. I actually had really good jobs prior to that. I'm actually qualified paralegal. Are you? Yes, I actually worked at the Magistrates' Corp believe it or not. Before you went. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): It was a lot. And I had to get a bowel resection done by the time I was 24, 25. Because of the Crohn's? And that's what ended up starting to use. Because I couldn't hold down a job. Because I was always really unwell and in and out hospital all the time. So I was constantly getting fired. I actually had really good jobs prior to that. I'm actually qualified paralegal. James Date: paralegal. Are you? Yes, I actually worked at the magistrates court believe it or not. Before you went there. Before I went down that dark path, I've worked for some top two law firms in the city as a legal secretary and stuff but I just couldn't hold down a job because I wasn't well enough to attend work every day. I've worked for the TAC, I've done some pretty full-on jobs. I'm two years shy of a law degree. Such a waste. But it is what it is. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Are you? Yes, I actually worked at the Manchester streets court, believe it or not. Before you went there. Before I went down that dark path, yep. I've worked for some top two law firms in the city as a legal secretary and stuff, but I just couldn't hold down a job because I wasn't well enough to attend work every day. I've worked for the TAC, I've done some pretty full-on jobs. Two years sure I have a law degree. Yes. Such a waste. But it is what it is. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Before I went down that dark path, yep. I've worked for some top tier law firms in the city as a legal secretary and stuff, but I just couldn't hold down a job because I wasn't well enough to attend work every day. I've worked for the TAC, I've done some pretty full-on jobs. Two years sure I have a law degree. There's such a way to say it, but it is what it is. You've got time ahead of you. that's like one of the things with chronic illness as well. It's not always easily seen as well, but like it causes a great deal of turmoil in your life and stress in your life. So that led to you going down the path of using drugs. But you were saying you first went to rehab to try and get around and avoid riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): You've got time ahead of you, you've got time ahead of you. And that's like one of the things with chronic illness as well that it's not always easily seen as well but like it causes a great deal of turmoil in your life and stress in your life. James Date: one of the things with chronic illness as well that it's not always easily seen as well, but like it causes a great deal of ⁓ turmoil in your life and stress in your life. So that led to you going down the path of ⁓ using drugs. But you were saying you first went to rehab to try and get around and avoid going to jail. And how did that work out for you? Really well. But not in that way. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): So that led to you going down the path of using drugs. But you were saying you first went to rehab to try and get around and avoid going to jail. Yes. And how did that work out for you? Really well. Yeah. But not in that way. It worked out perfectly for me because I spent the first three days of detox actually in the hospital ward because my Crohn's had flared up. Yeah. And then by the fourth day I was transferred. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Yes. how did that work out for you? Really well. Yeah. But not in that way. It worked out perfectly for me because I spent the first three days of detox actually in the hospital ward because my Crohn's had flared up. Yeah. And then by the fourth day I was transferred over to the detox ward and I was already starting to feel really good. Yeah. And I was away from all the drama and all the chaos and I felt peace for the first time in 17 years and I'm like, you know what? I'm actually getting James Date: worked out perfectly for me because I spent the first three days of detox actually in the hospital ward because my Crohn's had flared up. And then by the fourth day I was transferred over to the detox ward and I was already starting to feel really good. And I was away from all the drama and all the chaos and I felt peace for the first time in 17 years and I'm like you know what I'm actually gonna give this a go. What have I got to lose? Did you feel looked after as well? riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): transferred over to the detox board and I was already starting to feel really good. And I was away from all the drama and all the chaos and I felt peaceful the first time in 17 years and I'm like, you know what? I'm actually gonna give this a go. A lot of I've got to lose. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: this ago yes what have i got to lose did you feel looked after as well James Date: Yeah, I felt safe. I felt safe. That was definitely a big part of it. ⁓ So I did my seven days detox at St. Vincent's in the city. Then I went to rehab in Healesville for 28 days and I absolutely loved it. I was like, I just did a full 180. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Yeah, I felt safe. I felt safe. That was definitely a big part of it. So I did my seven

days detox at St. Vincent's in the city. And I went to rehab in Hillsville for 28 days. And I absolutely loved it. I was like, I just did a full 180, like really overnight. Like I just really embraced it. I really pushed myself through those awkward moments and stuff. All those moments that really made me feel uncomfortable and stuff, just so I could get the full benefit of the 28 days. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Yeah, I felt safe. I felt safe. That was definitely a big part of it. So I did my seven days detox at St. Vincent's in the city. Then I went to rehab in Hillsville for 28 days and I absolutely loved it. I was like, I just did a full 180, like really overnight. Like I just really embraced it. I really pushed myself through those awkward moments and stuff. All those moments that really made me feel uncomfortable and stuff just so I could get the full benefit of the 28 days. James Date: really overnight. Like I just really embraced it. I really pushed myself through those awkward moments and stuff. ⁓ All those moments that really made me feel uncomfortable and stuff just so could get the full benefit of the 28 days that I was gonna be there. It was hard, but it was also a really beautiful experience as well. ⁓ And you know, I went from being this angry, moody. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I was going to be there. It was hard, but it was also a really beautiful experience as well. And you know, went from being this angry, moody, off my face, just completely unpredictable person to being this little ray of sunshine. I just light up the room whenever I walked in and I was like, what's going on here? And I actually enjoyed it. So I was floating around on this pink cloud the whole time I was in rehab. And I'm like, don't want to lose this. I can't go back to that. But prior to me going to rehab though in February, riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I was gonna be there. Yeah, it was hard, but it was also really beautiful experience as well And you know I from being this angry moody Off my face just completely unpredictable person to being some way of sunshine like I just slide up the room whenever I walked in and I was like I actually enjoyed it so I was floating around this pink cloud the whole time I was in rehab and I thought I'm gonna lose this I can't go back to that. Yeah But prior to being going to rehab though in February James Date: off my face, just completely unpredictable person to being this little ray of sunshine. Like I just light up the room whenever I walked in and I was like, what's going on here? And I actually enjoyed it. So I was floating around on this pink cloud the whole time I was in rehab. I'm like, don't want to lose this. I can't go back to that. But prior to being going to rehab though in February, I got stabbed. I got set up. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I got stabbed. ⁓ I got set up. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I got stabbed. I got set up by James Date: by supposedly my best friend. Well, I've been told that I was set up. ⁓ They knew it was gonna happen if I went back out to that house that day and ⁓ failed to mention it. ⁓ So it was my best friend. He's a mutual friend of ours and someone I'd met that day and it was. ⁓ riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: by my best friend. Well, I've been told that I was set up. ⁓ knew it was gonna happen if I went back out to that house that day and everyone failed to mention it. ⁓ it was my best friend. He's mutual friend of ours and someone I've met that day and it was ⁓ the guy's girlfriend ⁓ that ⁓ it. already expressed it. She was planning on stabbing me if she saw me again that day. ⁓ No mentioned it. ⁓ riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): So supposedly my best friend. I've been told that I was set up. They knew it was going to happen if I went back out to that house that day and everyone felt to mention it. So it was my best He's a mutual friend of ours and someone I've met that day and it was the other guy's girlfriend that did it. She had already expressed it. She was playing on staff with me if she saw me again that day. Noah mentioned it. James Date: the other guy's girlfriend that did it. She already expressed that she was planning on stabbing me if she saw me again that day. No one mentioned it. Because of what? I don't know. She just didn't like me. I'd had a few run-ins with her at the house leading up to that and at that point I'm like, listen, I've got respect for you, mate. I'm just gonna get up and leave. I'm not gonna fight you, Mrs. I'm not gonna do that. Like, it's your home. I'm just gonna go. Don't worry about it, you know? And I just leave. But this day in particular, riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Because of what? I don't know. She just didn't like me. I had a few run-ins with her at the house leading up to that and at that point I'm like, listen, I've got respect for you mate, I'm just going get up and leave. I'm not going to fight you Mrs. I'm not going to do that. You're home, I'm just going to go. Don't worry about it. You know, and I'll just leave. But this day in particular... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I don't know. She just didn't like me. I'd had a few run-ins with her at the house leading up to that and at that point I'm like, I've got respect for you mate, I'm just gonna get up and leave. I'm not gonna fight you Mrs. I'm not gonna do that. gonna do that. just gonna go, worry about it. And I just leave. This day in particular, I'd already been set off because one of the other girls stole something from my house and in my head no one's shit for me. So I'm going to get my stuff back. And for two hours I riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I'd already been set off because one of the other girls stole something from my house and in my head no one still shipped for me. So I'm I'm going to get my

stuff back. And for two hours I was trying to call them to say, listen, bring my stuff back. Cause I just knew it in my gut not to go out there that day. Normally I'd be straight in the car. There'd be no waiting period, there'd be no phone calls. I would have just jumped straight in the car and got my stuff back. There'd be no eating my guts about it. But this day I just, something wasn't sitting right. So I'm just trying to call for them. James Date: I'd already been set off because one of the other girls stole something from my house and in my head no one still shipped for me. So I'm like, I'm going to get my stuff back. And for two hours I was trying to call them to say, listen, bring my stuff back. Cause I just knew it in my gut not to go out there that day. Normally I'd be straight in the car. There'd be no waiting period. There'd be no phone calls. I would have just jumped straight in the car and got my stuff back. There'd be no ifs and buts about it. But this day I just... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: was trying to call them to say listen, bring my stuff back. Cause I just knew it in my gut not to go out there that day. Normally I'd be straight in the car. There'd be no waiting period. There'd be no phone calls. I would have just turned up straight in the car and got my stuff back. There'd be no ifs and buts about it. But this day, something wasn't sitting right. So I'm just trying to call someone. then I'm like, eventually my temper got the better of my judgment. And I'm like, that's it, I'm gonna go. So I went out there, I got my stuff back and the girl that stabbed me was there and she's carrying on. And I'm like, yeah, I'll deal with you in a minute. James Date: something wasn't sitting right. So I'm just like trying to cool, trying to, and then I'm like, eventually my temper got the better of my judgment. And I'm like, that's it, I'm gonna go. So I went out there, I got my stuff back and the girl that stabbed me was there and she's carrying on and I'm like, yeah, I'll deal with you in a minute. I'm dealing with something else at the moment. She's come downstairs, cause it was a double story house, was out on a farm. She's jumped in her car and I was in my housemate's car and he's disabled. so she's rammed her car into his as I was trying to get into it to leave. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Eventually my temper got the better of my judgement and I'm like, that's it, I'm gonna go. So I went out there, I got my stuff back and the girl that's standing was there and she's carrying on and I'm like, yeah I'll deal with you in a minute. I'm dealing with something else at the moment. She's come downstairs because it was a double story house, was out on a farm, she's jumped in her car and I was in my housemate's car and he's disabled. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: dealing with something else at the moment. Yeah. She's come downstairs because it was a double story house, was out on a farm. She's jumped in her car and I was in my housemate's car and he's disabled. So she's rammed her car into his as I was trying to get into it to leave. And I lost it. I absolutely lost my temper. I'm like, that is it, enough is enough. It's alright to have a go at me, but now you're damaging someone else's property. I lost my shit. So we started fighting. Physically? Physically, yes. His father? Yes. And then she pulled out a knife. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): so ⁓ rammed her car into his as I was trying to get into it to leave. ⁓ And I lost it. I absolutely lost my temper. I'm like, that is enough is enough. Like, it's alright to have a go at me, but now you're damaging someone else's property. Yep. I lost my shit. So we started fighting. ⁓ Physically, yes. Fist fighting? Yes. Yep. ⁓ then ⁓ pulled out a knife at some point during the fight. I don't even remember. And she proceeded to slash my armour. James Date: And I lost it. I absolutely lost my temper. I'm like, that is enough is enough. Like it's alright to have a go at me, but now you're damaging someone else's property. I lost my shit. So we started fighting. Physically? Physically, yes. Fist fighting? Yes. And then she pulled out a knife. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: At some point during the fight, I don't even remember and she proceeded to slash my arm up to the point where I got a big gash here, all the inside of my arm here was all open up like a flower. It was all here, she stabbed me in the head and my arm was like flopping around everywhere and I was still losing my shit. I was that off my face, I was still losing So you were high? Oh yeah. Yeah, and you just felt like you wanted to keep fighting? Absolutely, there is no stop because I couldn't hold onto her anymore because my arm was falling off. James Date: at some point during the fight I don't even remember and she proceeded to slash my arm up to the point where I've got a big gash here all the inside of my arm here was all open up like a flower there was all here she stabbed me in the head and my arm was just like flopping around everywhere and I was still losing my shit I was that off my face I was still losing my you were high? ⁓ yeah. Yeah and you just felt like... riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): to the point where I've got a big gash here, all the inside of my arm here was all open up like a flower, it was all here, she stabbed me in the head. And my arm was flopping around everywhere and I was still losing my shit. I was that off my face, I was still losing my So you were high? ⁓ yeah. And you just felt like you wanted to keep fighting? Absolutely, the only reason I stopped was because I couldn't hold on to her anymore because my arm was falling off and I was bleeding out. James Date: You wanted to keep fighting? Absolutely, only reason I stopped was because I couldn't hold onto her anymore because my arm was falling off. Yep. And I was bleeding out.

how feral I got. Yeah. ⁓ what did the people around you ⁓ at that point? Well, my supposed best friend actually broke the fight up. ⁓ he ended up kicking her in the face or something. I don't remember any of this. I just remember hearing, ⁓ my god, she's got a knife. ⁓ look at your arm. And then looking down at my arm and seeing it going... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: and I was bleeding out. That's how feral I got. And what did the people around you say at that point? my supposed best friend actually broke the fight up. He ended up kicking her in the face or something. I don't remember any of this. I just remember hearing, oh my god, she's got a knife. Caitlin, look at your arm, and then looking down at my arm and seeing it going, what the hell? And then me just telling her, I'm going to kill you. You're like. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): That's how feral I got. And what did the people around you say at that point? my supposed best friend actually broke the fight up. He ended up kicking her in the face or something. I don't remember any of this. I just remember hearing, oh my god, she's got a knife. Caitlin, look at your arm. And then looking down at my arm and seeing it going, what the hell? And then me just telling her, going to kill you. I can't believe you've done that to me. I'm losing it, you know? Then the next thing you know, I was all lightheaded and moosey. I'm like, you need to get me to hospital. James Date: And then me just telling her I'm gonna kill you, you're like, I can't believe you've done that to me, like absolutely losing it, you know? riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: can't believe you've done that to me like I'm absolutely losing it you know. Then the next thing you know I was all lightheaded and lose it and I'm like you need to get me to hospital now or I'm gonna die. Cause whilst I was leading up to that I was actually first responder. so you knew what was going So I knew exactly the damage that had been caused. I knew that she'd hit a major artery and being on the left side close to my heart I knew that I had a matter of minutes or I was gonna die. And there's a lot of blood. A lot. I was covered from head to toe. James Date: Then the next thing you know I was all lightheaded and woozy and I'm like, you need to get me to hospital now. I'm gonna die. Yeah. Cause whilst leading up to that I was actually your first responder. So you knew what was going on. So I knew exactly the damage that had been caused. I knew that she'd hit a major artery and being on the left side close to my heart, I knew that I had a matter of minutes or I was gonna die. And there's a lot of blood. A lot. I was covered from head to toe. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): now, I'm gonna die. Because whilst leading up to that I was actually the first responder. So you knew what was going So I knew exactly the damage that had been caused. I knew that she'd hit a major artery and being on left side close to my heart, I knew that I had a matter of minutes and I was gonna die. And there's a lot of blood. A lot. I was covered from head to toe. I distinctly remember standing in my runners and I could feel my blood, well my head. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: distinctly remember like standing in my runners and I could feel my blood, my feet sloshing around in the blood in my shoes and I'm like I'm gonna die so I actually told them James Date: distinctly remember like standing in my runners and I could feel my blood my feet sloshing around in the blood in my shoes and I'm like I'm gonna die so I actually told them what to do to save my life like I'm like you need to get a towel you need to tie it off do a tourniquet stuff like that so I actually kept my composure enough to be able to guide them through on how to fix me up until we can get to a hospital I'm like you can't drive me I'm gonna die riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): feet sloshing around in the blood in my shoes. And I'm like, I'm gonna die. So I actually told them what to do to save my life. Like I'm like, you need to get a towel, you need to tie it off, do a tourniquet, stuff like that. So I actually kept my composure enough to be able to guide them through on how to fix me up until we can get to a hospital. I'm like, if you can't drive me, I'm gonna die. The embos aren't gonna get here, we need to go. And did it straighten you up? riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: what to do to save my life. Like I'm like, you need to get a towel, you need to tie it off, a tourniquet, stuff like that. So I actually kept my composure enough to be able to guide them through on how to fix them out until we can get to a hospital. I'm like, you can't drive me, I'm gonna die. The amboes aren't gonna get here, we need to go. And did it straighten you up? I don't really know, because there was so much blood clots so quickly. So you've got like... James Date: The Ambo's aren't gonna get here, we need to go. And did it straighten you up? I don't really know, because there was so much blood loss so quickly. So you've got like, you're high on drugs, you've got adrenaline, and you're bleeding out, basically. Yes, so I was all over the place. Like one minute I'm really alert, and I was able to tell them what to do, and the next minute I'm fading out. one point I stopped breathing, ⁓ the Ambo's got there. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I don't really know because there so much blood loss so quickly. So you've got like, you're high on drugs, you've got adrenaline and you're bleeding out basically. Yes, so I was all over the place. Like one minute I'm really alert and I was able to tell them what to do and the next minute I'm fading out. one point I stopped breathing before the ambros got there ⁓ all I remember was the guy. ⁓ riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I think my general... You're high on drugs,

you've got adrenaline and you're bleeding out basically. Yes, yes. So I was all over the place. Like one minute I'm really alert and I was able to tell them what to do and the next minute I'm fading out. At one point I stopped breathing before the ambros got there and all I remember was the guy using this as it was, got me, he was yelling at me, Caitlin no, no, no, Caitlin please, it's sucking me on the face. James Date: And all I remember was the guy whose missus it was it got me he was yelling at me Caitlin No, no, no Caitlin, please and slapping me on the face, but I just wasn't there It's like I was out of my body sort of thing. Do you think? You would die. I was yeah Yeah, they they were on the phone to the ambulance and that and they told him to stick their hand in my arm and pinch my artery to break it snapped me out of it Yeah, because no one wanted to give me CPR. Mmm. So then I'll come to next thing you know, the police are there in my face and ⁓ riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): He was yelling at me, Caitlin no no no Caitlin please, it's suffering me on the face. But I just wasn't there, it like I was out of my body sort of thing. Did you think you were dying? I was yeah. They were on the phone to the ambulance and they told them to stick their hand in my arm and pinch my artery to like snap me out of it. Because no one wanted to give me CPR. So then I come to. Next thing you know the police are there in my face and um... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: But I just wasn't there. It's like I was out of my body sort of thing. Did you think you were going to die? I was, yeah. They were on the phone to the ambulance and they told them to stick their hand in my arm and pinch my artery to like snap me out of it. Because no one wanted to give me CPI. So then I come to. Next thing you know the police are there in my face and um... James Date: you know, then the micro ambulance gets there because it was that bad. Yes. Next thing I remember was being in the back of the ambulance screaming because I'm just in so much pain at that point. And I'm like, and then I'm yelling out to my best friend, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And I'm like, why am I apologizing to you? But I was just that out of it. didn't know what I was saying. ⁓ on the way to the hospital ⁓ I was screaming and please take my shoes off because was... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: you know, then the micro ambulance gets there because it was that bad. Next thing I remember was being in the back of the ambulance screaming because I'm just in so much pain at that point and I'm yelling out to my best friend, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and I'm like, well I'm not apologizing to you. But I was just that out of it, I didn't know what I was saying. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): you know, then the micro ambulance gets there because it was that bad. Yes. Next thing I remember was being in the back of the ambulance screaming because I'm just in so much pain at that point and I'm yelling out to my best friend, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And I'm like, well I'm not apologizing Yes. But I was just that out of it. didn't know what I was saying. Then we're on the way to the hospital and I was screaming and please take my shoes off because they were that full of blood that was making me. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Then we're on our way to the hospital and I was screaming out, please take my shoes off because they were that full of blood that was making me, the sensory was just making me ick and it just was making me realize just how much blood I was losing. remember them trying to talk to me and stuff and I tipped my head over because I had a gash across my forehead all the blood was running into my mouth and stuff and I'm asking them, like am I gonna die? James Date: They were that full of blood that was making me just the sensory was just making me ache and it just was making me realize just how much blood I was losing. Yes. And they, I remember them trying to talk to me and stuff and I tilt my head over them because I had a gash across my forehead. All the blood was running into my mouth and stuff. And I'm asking him, I'm like, am I going to die? They're like, look. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): The sensory was just making me ick and it was making me realize just how much blood I was losing. I remember them trying to talk to me and stuff and I took my head over and I had a gash across my forehead all the blood was running into my mouth and stuff and I'm asking them, am I gonna die? They're like, you're gonna be fine. And I'm like, I'm the first responder, don't worry me. And they're like, we're gonna do everything that we can. I'm like, am I gonna lose my arm? And they're like, yeah, no, you'll be, I'm like. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: They're like, you're going to be fine. And I'm like, I'm the first responder. Don't lie to me. And you're like, we're going to do everything that we can. I'm like, am I going to lose my arm? And they're like, yeah, no, you'll be. I'm like, stop lying to me. I know how much damage has been done. And they're like, look, we're to do everything we can. James Date: you're gonna be fine and I'm like I'm the first responder don't lie to me yeah and they're like we're gonna do everything that we can and I'm like am I gonna lose my arm and they're like yeah now you'll be I'm like stop lying to me yeah I know how much damage has been done and they're like look we're gonna do everything we can riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): stop lying to me. I know how much damage has been done and they're like we're gonna do everything we can. And the next thing you know they're giving me the nasal spray, the ketamine or whatever it is up my nose. I had false shots of that because I was in that much pain. And then next thing know I fell like I was in like Super Mario Brothers. And I

was tripping and then I fell on this whirlpool and that was breaking off into Lego pieces. It was really bizarre. So you had ketamine which is disassociate. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: And the next thing you know they've given me the nasal spray, the ketamine or whatever it my nose. I had four shots of that because I was in that much pain. And then next thing you know I felt like I was in like Super Mario Brothers. And I was tripping and then I fell in like this whirlpool and it was breaking off into Lego pieces. It was really bizarre. So you had ketamine which is disassociate to try and take you out of your normal pain? Yep, then I fell down this white tunnel and I actually had the full white light experience. James Date: And the next thing you know, they've given me ⁓ the nasal spray, the ketamine or whatever it is up my nose. I had four shots of that because I was in that much pain. And then next thing you know, I felt like I was in like Super Mario Brothers. And I was tripping and then I fell in like this whirlpool and that was breaking off into Lego pieces. It was really bizarre. So you had ketamine which is a disassociate to try and take you out of the pain. Yep. Then I fell down this white tunnel and I actually had the full white light experience. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): to try and take you down the pain. Yep, then I fell down this white tunnel and I actually had the full white light experience. I actually died. Yeah. What's it like there? The peace, the serenity, the love is just completely overwhelming. It's unlike anything you will ever feel on this earth, that's for sure. ⁓ know, I just remember being there and just... James Date: died. Wow. What's it like there? Indescribable. peace, the serenity, the love ⁓ is ⁓ completely It's unlike anything you will ever feel on this earth, that's for sure. ⁓ You I just remember being there and just... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: died. Wow. What's it like there? Indescribable. peace, the serenity, the love ⁓ is ⁓ completely It's unlike anything you'll ever feel in the serifs, that's for sure. ⁓ You I just remember being there and just... ⁓ James Date: I remember like falling through the tunnel and I'm like, ⁓ my God, I'm having deja vu. ⁓ my God, I'm dying. And a moment of panic. And then I just stopped and it was all bright and I'm like, ⁓ this is amazing. Like I just feel so, nothing mattered anymore. All the trauma, all the dark days, everything had just lifted at that moment and I was just completely at peace. And I could feel the love of whatever it is on the other side, God, the universe, whatever you want to call it. I felt it. And then I heard my dad's voice and saw his face. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I remember like falling through the tunnel and I'm like, ⁓ my God, I'm having deja vu. ⁓ my God, I'm dying. And a moment of panic. And then I just stopped and it was all bright and I'm like,

⁓ this is amazing. Like I just feel so, nothing mattered anymore. All the trauma, all the dark days, everything had just lifted at that moment and I was just completely at peace. And I could feel the love of whatever it is on the other side, God, the universe, whatever you want to call it, I felt it. And then I heard my dad's voice and saw his face. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I remember falling through the tunnel and I'm like, oh my God, I'm having deja vu. Oh my God, I'm dying. And I'm in a panic. And then I just stopped and it was all bright and I'm like, oh, this is amazing. I feel so, nothing mattered anymore. All the trauma, all the dark days, everything had just lifted at that moment and I was just completely at peace. And I could feel the love of whatever it is on the other side, God, the universe, whatever you want to call it, I felt it. And then I heard my dad's voice and saw his face. James Date: And he's like, not yet, Katie, you gotta go back. And I'm like, nah. And next thing you know, I was like sitting up in the ambulance. Oh, wow. Yeah. I've never heard someone talk about a close to death experience like that. Thank you for sharing it. That's okay. So when you came to, you were in hospital. Yep. And that started a long road to recovery. Yeah. So that's what led you to get to rehab that. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): And he's like, not yet Katie, you gotta go back. And I'm like, nah. And next thing you know, I was like sitting up in the ambulance. Wow. Yeah. I've never heard someone talk about a close to death experience like that. Thank you for sharing that. That's okay. So when you came to, you were in hospital. Yep. And that started a long road to recovery. Yeah. So that's what led you to get to rehab. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: not yet Katie you've got to go back and I'm like nah and next thing you know I was like sitting up in the ambulance. Wow. Yeah. I've never heard someone talk about a close to death experience like that. Thank you for sharing that. That's okay. So you, when you came to you were in hospital. Yep. And that started a long road to recovery. Yeah. So that's what led you to get to rehab that. No, I was already going to rehab. I was going to jail. Yes. That happened in between. they pushed my admitting state to rehab back a month because I was still healing from all the surgery and that I didn't have use of my arm for eight weeks. Yeah. Waiting for all that to heal and stuff like that. I was in hospital for nearly a week, I think from memory. I'm not too sure. Yeah. To be honest, it's all a bit of a blur that I think it was about at least five days. James Date: No, I was already going to rehab to avoid going to jail. Yes. But that happened in between. Right. they pushed my admittance date to rehab back a month because I was still healing from all the surgery and that I didn't have use of my arm for ⁓ good eight weeks. Yeah. Waiting for all that to heal and stuff like that. ⁓ riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): No, I was already going to rehab to avoid going to jail. Yes. So that happened in between. So they pushed my admittance date to rehab back a month because I still healing from all the surgery and that. didn't have use of my arm for a good eight weeks. Yeah. Waiting for all that to heal and stuff like that. I was in hospital for nearly a week, I think, from memory. I'm not too sure. Yeah. To be honest, it's all a bit of a blur that. I think it was about least five days. James Date: I was in hospital for nearly a week I think from memory I'm not too sure. To be honest it's all a bit of a blur that I think it was about least five days. I wouldn't tell anybody where I was. I didn't want anyone to know. They're like can we call your mum? Can we call anybody? And I'm like am I going home? They're like no, so I said don't call anybody. I'm safe here, no one knows where I am. I don't want to go anywhere and I had the police coming in and hounding me and stuff and I'm like are you serious? riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I wouldn't tell anybody where I was. I didn't want anyone to know. like, can we call your mum? Can we call anybody? And I'm like, I'm not going home. They're like, no, don't call anybody. I'm safe, you know, no one knows where I am. I don't want to go anywhere. And I had the police coming in and hounding me and stuff. And I'm like, are you serious? I've just died, I nearly lost my arm. You're last people I want to see. Just leave me alone. You know? And so I've just spent that whole week trying to recover and process everything because it was just way too much for me to deal with. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: wouldn't tell anybody where I was. I didn't want anyone to know. like, can we call your mum? Can we call anybody? And I'm like, am I going home? And they're like, no, so well, don't call anybody. I'm safe, you know, and I know where I am. I don't want to go anywhere. And the police coming in and hounding me and stuff. And I'm like, are you serious? I've just died and nearly lost my arm. You're last people I want to see. Just leave me alone. You know? so I just spent that whole week trying to recover and process everything because it was just way too much for me to deal with. James Date: I've just died and nearly lost my arm. You're the last people I want to see. Just leave me alone. Yeah. You know? And like, so I just spent that whole week trying to recover and process everything because it was just way too much for me to deal with. ⁓ what happened to the perp there? ⁓ she still hasn't been charged yet. Okay. Interesting. Yes. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): What happened to the perp there? She still hasn't been charged yet. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: What happened to the perp there? She still hasn't been charged yet. Okay, interesting. Yes. But that's partly my fault

because I didn't make a statement as soon as it happened. I was very delayed because being in active for seven years and being a dealer and hanging around the people, was so shaggy with that. That was a big, big no-no. Yeah. So I had like a very... ⁓ riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Okay, interesting. But that's partly my fault because I didn't make a statement as soon as it happened. I was very delayed because being in a 50 % mania isn't being a dealer and hanging around people I was associated with and that was a no no. Yeah. So I had like a straight credit model conflict there when it comes to actually what I'll, how I wanted to proceed with this. Yeah. But. James Date: But that's partly my fault because I didn't make a statement as soon as it happened. I was very delayed because being inactive for 17 years and being a dealer and hanging around the people I was associated with and that that was a big, big no-no. Yeah. So I had like a very... Street code of moral conflict there when it comes to actually what I want how I wanted to proceed with this Yeah, um, but i've looked at it and i've looked at the nastiness of it Um the cat like, you know the calculatedness of it like she knew what she was going to do that day if I rocked back up Yeah, she had the knife on her already like this knife was chemically sharpened. It was one of those carrom bit hook knives So it's made for maximum damage. Wow. She had every intention of ending my life that day Yeah, and um, you know, i'm not protecting him riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Street code of moral conflict there. I'm gonna come to actually what I want to proceed with this. Yeah, but I've looked at it I've looked at the nastiness of it The cat walk, you know the calculatedness of it like she knew what she was gonna do that day. I'll go back up Yeah, she had the knife on her already. Look this knife is chemically sharp It was one of those Karen Bick hold my so it's made for maximum damage. Wow She had every intention of ending my life that day. Yeah, and you know, I'm not protecting him on riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): looked at it and I've looked at the nastiness of it, the calculatedness of it, she knew what she was going to do that day but I got back up. She had the knife on her already, this knife was chemically sharpened, was one those carrom-buitful knives so it's made for maximum damage. She had every intention of ending my life that day. I'm not protecting anyone, I'm the third person she's attacked and she keeps escalating and she hasn't been held accountable for any of it. James Date: third person she's attacked and she keeps escalating you know so and she hasn't been held accountable for any of it so you know I've taken my accountability in it like I should have just left I shouldn't went out there should have gone shouldn't have gone against my gut but at the end of the day she's got to take hers yes because I didn't deserve that yeah

yeah and then there's this little thing called the law that sits in between the two of those that um that needs to come into play as well you know like riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: third person she's attacked and she keeps escalating you know so and she hasn't been held accountable for any of it so you know I've taken my accountability in it like I should have just left I shouldn't have went out there I shouldn't have gone against my gut but at end of the day she's got to take hers yes because I can deserve that yeah yeah and then there's this little thing called the law that sits in between the two of those that needs to come into play as well riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): So, you know, I'll take my accountability in it. Like, I should have just left, I should not have out there, I should have gone against my gut, but at end of the day, she's gotta take hers. Because I can deserve that. and then there's this little thing called the law that sits in between the two of those that needs to come into play as well. There's a street code, and then there's almost taking someone's life, you know? Premeditated. James Date: There's a street code and then there's almost taking someone's life, premeditated. We can have to edit that statement part out. I've just wigged out. That's alright. We can work that out. So, regardless of that, you're in hospital. You're physically getting better. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: There's the street code and then there's almost taking someone's life premeditated. So regardless of that, you're in hospital, you're physically getting better. You kept using after. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I've just freaked out. That's alright, we can work that out. So, regardless of that, you're in hospital, you're physically getting better. You kept using after that. Yeah, I started using way more. Way more to deal with that trauma. And I started using other drugs that I wouldn't normally use. James Date: You kept using after that? Yeah, I started using way more. Way more to deal with that trauma. Yeah. And I started using other drugs that I wouldn't normally use. You know, like I doubled with heroin and GHB a little bit, but nothing where it was going to be a problem. Yeah. My main drug of choice was ice. Yes. But leading up to rehab, I was using anything and everything I could get my hands on. I started using heroin nearly every day to deal riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Yeah, I started using way more way more to deal with that trauma. Yeah, and I started using drug other drugs I wouldn't only use You know, I've dabbled with heroin and GHV a little bit but nothing where it was going to be a problem. Yeah, I mean drug of choice was ice. Yes But leading up to rehab I was using anything and everything I could get my hands on I started using heroin nearly every day to deal with the pain. Yeah for some reason riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): would have dabbled with heroin and GHB a little bit, but nothing where it was going to be a problem. My main drug of choice was ice. But leading up to rehab, I was using anything and everything I could get my hands on. I started using heroin at end of the day to deal with the pain. For some reason though, heroin's not blocked my thing. It just doesn't grab me the same way it grabs other people. I could pick it up, have it for two weeks, and then not touch it again forever. It was weird. James Date: the pain. For some reason though, heroin's not like my thing. Like it just doesn't grab me the same way it grabs other people. I could pick it up to have it for two weeks and then not touch it again forever. Like it just, was weird. started using GHB with the heroin and the ISO all at the same time. know, I'd have some ice and I'd have some of the heroin and I'd have some juice and I'm like, I just wasted. I was really, what you were trying to like ⁓ come up then come down. was just trying to forget deal with the riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I was just wasted. ⁓ riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I was suddenly using GHB with the heroin and the ISO all at the same time. I'd have some ice and I'd have some heroin and I'd have some juice and I just wasted. I really, really... What you were trying to ⁓ come and then come down. I was just trying to forget and deal the pain because I was in constant pain. My arm was killing me day in and day out. I'm really stubborn. I can't ask people for help and stuff so I was using my arm even though I shouldn't even before I even got... James Date: because I was in constant pain. My arm was killing me day in and day out. I'm really stubborn. have to like, can't ask people for help and stuff. So I was using my arm even though I shouldn't even before I even got my stitches out and stuff. I remember tearing some of my stitches and that, you know, because I was just using my arm because I'm like, I'm not asking anyone for help. You know, cause my arm had to be in a sling at all times because I couldn't even lift it up because of the one at the back of here. I was literally stuck like this the whole time. was just horrendous. But you know, so I just started taking it riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: on me day in and day out. I'm really stubborn. I can't ask people for help and stuff. So I was using my arm even though I shouldn't even before I even got my stitches out and stuff. I remember tearing some of my stitches and that. You know, because I was just using my arm because I'm like, I'm not asking anyone for help. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): stitches out and stuff. I remember tearing some of my stitches and that. You know, because I was just using my arm because I'm not going ask anyone for help. My arm had been a slim bit all the time. I couldn't even lift it up because of the one at the back of here. I literally stuck

like this the whole time. was just horrendous. you know, so just started taking it out of the slim and just keeping it the split and that and using it anyway and it was really painful. then I just... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Because mom had been a swimmer at all times because I couldn't even lift it up because of one at the back of here. I was literally stuck like this the whole time. was just horrendous. you know, so just started taking the other thing and just keeping it in a split and that and using it anyway and it was really painful. So then I just used more drugs. And then I'd be looking at the scars and then stitches and changing the dressings and that because I stopped going to the hospital to do that. I thought I'm okay. can do it myself. I've got all the stuff at home, no problem. James Date: this thing and just keeping it in a splint and that and using it anyway and it was really painful so then I just use more drugs. And then I'd be looking at the scars and then stitches and changing the dressings and that because I stopped going to the hospital to do that. ⁓ riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): And then I'd be looking at the scars and then stitches and changing the dressings and that, because I stopped going to the hospital to do that. I thought I'd got it. I'm the best of mine, I can do it myself. I've got all the stuff, I don't even have a problem. And so I'd be looking at it and it just triggered me. I was having really bad nightmares, so I just did not want to deal with it at all. I didn't want to be on Earth anymore at that point, voluntarily. When I come to in the ambulance, when they brought me back, I started abusing them and I'm like, not resuscitate. James Date: I thought I'm a specialist funder, I can do it myself. I've got all the stuff at home, no other problem. And so I'd be looking at it and it just triggered me. I was having really bad nightmares. So I just did not want to deal with it at all. I didn't want to be on earth anymore at that point, voluntarily. When I come to in the ambulance, when they brought me back, I started abusing them. I'm like, do not resuscitate at all. I said, if I go again, do not bring me back. I don't want to deal with this. And I was begging them to let me go. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: You know and so I'd be looking at it and it's just triggering me. I was having really bad nightmares. I just did not want to deal with it at all. Yeah, I didn't want to be on earth anymore at that point voluntarily You know when I come to in the ambulance when they brought me back I started abusing them and I'm like do not resuscitate Yeah at all. I said if I go again, do not bring me back. I don't want to deal with this and I'll beg him to let me go Yes, I've never cried so hard in my life. I'm like, please please just let me go. I can't do this. It's just too much riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Yeah. At all. I said if I go

again, do not bring me back. I don't want to deal with this. And I'm begging them to let me go. Yes. I've never cried so hard in my life. I'm a... James Date: Yes, I've never cried so hard in my life. I'm like, please please just let me go. I can't do this It's just too much when you almost saw the other side. It sounds like a pretty peaceful place Yeah, that's the other thing. I didn't want to come back from there I was like cursing him. I'm like if I go don't bring me back from there again, you know, because it was absolutely beautiful there like and then I had to come back to deal with all that and I'm like, oh, no, I'm not I don't want to deal with that So I literally I was abusing him. I'm like I'm telling you now if you bring me back again if I go again I'm gonna sue you. Yes, let me go. I can't deal riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Please, please just let me go. I can't do this. It's just too much. When you almost saw the other side, it sounds like a pretty peaceful place. Yeah, that's the other thing. I didn't want to come back from there. I was like cursed. like, I go, don't bring me back from there again, you know? Because was absolutely beautiful there. Like, and I had come back to deal with all that. And I'm like, ⁓ nah, I don't want to deal with that. So, I literally, I was abusing him. I'm like, I'm telling you now, if you bring me back again, if I go again, I'm going to sue you. Yes. Like, let me go. I can't deal with this. Please. I'm like, just give me another spray. Just let me go. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: and you almost saw the other side. It sounds like a pretty peaceful place. Yeah, that's the other thing. I didn't want to come back from there. was like, Kirsten, I'm like, might go, don't bring me back from there again, you know, because it was absolutely beautiful there. Like, then I had come back to deal with all that. And I'm like, oh, no, I don't want to deal with that. So I literally, I was abusing him. I'm like, I'm telling you now, if you bring me back again, if I go again, I'm going to sue you. Yes. let me go. I can't deal with this, please. I'm like, just give me another spray. Just let me go. Just put me to sleep, you know? And then like, can't do that. James Date: this please I'm like just give me another spray just let me go just put me to sleep you know and they're like we can't do that can't we can't and I'm like was absolutely feral like I was I just didn't want to have to deal with any of it and I didn't until I went to rehab yep ⁓ you kept using until you went ⁓ rehab ⁓ yeah and then you said that that experience like you very much enjoyed riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): just put me to sleep, you know? I I can't do that. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I was absolutely feral, like I was. I just didn't want to have to deal with any of it and I didn't until I went to rehab. Yep. So you kept using until you went to rehab. ⁓ yeah. And then you said that that experience like you very much enjoyed. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I was absolutely feral, like I was. I just didn't want to have to deal with any of it and I didn't until I went to rehab. Yep. So you kept using until you went to rehab. ⁓ yeah. And then you said that that experience, like you very much enjoyed rehab experience. Feeling the pink cloud and getting... James Date: the rehab experience, feeling the pink cloud and getting well. So you haven't picked up since then? Nope. Hey, how good, how good, that's amazing. actual thought of using makes me feel sick. I've lost all desire to use. I still have using thoughts, don't get me wrong, they're still creeping every now and then, but for the most part, the actual thought of picking up a pipe or anything like that actually makes me feel sick to my stomach. So that's been it. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: rehab experience, feeling the pink cloud and getting well. So you haven't picked up since then? Nope. how are you? That's amazing. actual thought of using makes me feel sick. I've lost all desire to use. I still have using force, don't get me wrong, they're still creeping every now and then, but for the most part, the actual picking up a pipe or anything like that actually makes me feel sick to my stomach. So it's been a big help in being able to stay clean. Well, you've got this beautiful new life now that you've riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): So you haven't picked up since then? Nope. ⁓ Hey, how good. That's amazing. That full thought of using makes me feel sick. I've lost all desire to use. I still have using Thor's, don't get me wrong, they're still creeping every now and then, but for the most part, that full thought of picking up a pipe or anything like that actually makes me feel sick to my stomach. So that's been a big help in being able to stay clean. Well you've got this beautiful new life now that you can lean into and you know that you're James Date: big help in being able to stay clean. Well you've got this beautiful new life now that you can lean into and you know that you're learning how to live again as a clean and sober person. So tell me about sobriety has bought for riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: can lead into and you know that you're learning how to live again as a clean and sober person. So tell me about sobriety is for riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): learning how to live again as a clean and sober person. So tell me about sobriety has brought for Connection has a big one. ⁓ riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: connection has been a big one. I've always really struggled to make friends. When I was in primary school and all that, I was a noob. I had an eye patch, I had glasses and I was chubby. You couldn't ask for any ammunition, I'm flourishing at the end. The trifecta. Yep. And I was very shy and awkward and very brainy. I was

really, really smart. So I was a bit of a loner in primary school and that. In high school and that, I... James Date: Connection has been a big one. I've always really struggled to make friends. You know, when I was in primary school and all that, I was a nerd. I had an eye patch, I had glasses and I was chubby. You couldn't ask for any more ammunition, unfortunately. Good trifecta. Yep. You know, and I was very shy and awkward and very brainy. Like I was really, really smart. You know, so I was a bit of a loner in primary school and that. In high school and that, I... riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I've always really struggled to make friends. When I was in primary school and all that, I was a noob. I had an eye patch, I had glasses and I was chubby. You couldn't ask for any more, I finished it unfortunately. The trifecta. Yep. And I was very shy and awkward and very brainy. I was really, really smart. So I was a bit of a loner in primary school and that. In high school and that, I... I always felt like I was on the outer. I never felt like I actually belonged anywhere. I had different circles of friends. I was friends with the cool people in the stoners and then I just float between all of them and I never felt like I actually fully belonged to any of them. But now in recovery you feel connected. Through fellowship. 100%. Yeah. Because I'm surrounding myself with like-minded people that have similar life experiences and I don't feel like I'm the black sheep or the weird one anymore. I found my people pretty much. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I always felt like I was on the outer. I never felt like I actually belonged anywhere. I had different circles of friends. was friends with the cool people and the stones. I just float between all of them and I never felt like I actually fully belonged to any of them. But now in recovery you feel Now in recovery, absolutely. Through fellowship. 100%. Because I'm surrounding myself with like-minded people that have similar life experiences and I don't feel like I'm the black sheep or the weird one anymore. I found my people pretty much. James Date: I always felt like I was on the outer. I never felt like I actually belonged anywhere. I had different circles of friends. I was friends with the cool people and the stoners and then I just flowed between all of them and I never felt like I actually fully belonged to any of them. But now in recovery you connected. in recovery, absolutely. Through fellowship? 100%. Yeah. Because I'm surrounding myself with like-minded people that have single life experiences and that I don't feel like I'm the black sheep or the weird one anymore. I found my people pretty much. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I don't have to put on a mask to try and fit in anywhere. Which has been absolutely fantastic because I'm starting to find out who I am as a person. don't have to put on a brave face every day. If I go to a meeting and

I'm feeling down, I can be down there. don't have to put the... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I don't have to put on a mask to try and fit in anywhere, which has been absolutely fantastic because I'm starting to find out who I am as a person. don't have to put on a brave face every day. If I go to a meeting and I'm feeling down, I can be down there. don't have to walk out my door and be like, I've got to put on that brave face so no one can get me today. This is what I've spent the last 17 plus years doing. Yeah, absolutely. And through part of that fellowship, you're working James Date: I don't have to put on a mask to try and fit in anywhere, which has been absolutely fantastic because I'm starting to find out who I am as a person. I don't have to put on a brave face every day. If I go to a meeting and I'm feeling down, I can be down there. don't have to put the... I'm like, I've got to put on that braid face so no one can get me today. Which is what I spent the last 17 plus years doing. absolutely. And through part of that fellowship, you're working a 12 step program. Yep. Amazing. And what does that give you? What does the 12 step program give to you? riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I walk out my door and I'm like, right, I've got to put on that big face so no one can get me today. It's just what I spent the last 17 plus years doing. Yep, absolutely. And through part of that fellowship, you're working a 12-step program. And what does that give you? What does the 12-step program give to you? riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: 12-step program. Amazing. And what does that give you? What does the 12-step program give to you? mainly insight as to who I am as a person. The why I wasn't able to form popular relationships and stuff like that, you know, fact that I am powerless over my addiction. know, like when inactive addiction, I'm powerless over those sorts of stuff like that, but I'm not powerless when I'm clean. That's the best part. ⁓ know, it's, ⁓ rehab and have both taught me, ⁓ you know, consequential know, ways to navigate bad days. James Date: mainly insight as to who I am as a person. The reason why I wasn't able to form proper relationships and stuff like that, the fact that I am powerless over my addiction. When I'm inactive I'm powerless over those thoughts and stuff like that, but I'm not powerless when I'm clean. ⁓ That's the best it's rehab and NA have both taught me consequential thinking, ways to navigate those bad days. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): mainly insight to who I am as a person. The why I was unable to form popular relationships and stuff like you know, the fact that I am powerless over my addiction. know, like when inactive addiction, I'm powerless over those thoughts and stuff like that, but I'm not powerless when I'm clean. ⁓ That's the best ⁓ know, and it's, you know, rehab N.A. both taught me, ⁓ you know, consequential know, ways to navigate bad days. James Date: and those sorts without having to pick up. It's taught me a whole new way to live, pretty much. And I don't have to sit in all those defective behaviors anymore, because I'm up to step four and I'm doing all my resentments and stuff. So it's been a really good insight to see into just where I'm at and my accountability and all my resentments even and my relationships. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: and those sorts without having to pick up. It's taught me a whole new way to live, pretty much. And I don't have to sit in all those defective behaviours anymore, because I'm up to step four and I'm doing all my resentments and stuff. So it's been a really good insight to see into just where I'm at. ⁓ riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): and those sorts without having to pick up. It's taught me a whole new way to live, pretty much. And I don't have to sit in all those defective behaviors anymore, because I'm not to step forward and I'm doing all my resentments and stuff. So it's been a really good insight to see into just where I'm at and my accountability and all my resentments even and my relationships. And I've learned that I'm hyper-independent but I'm also a co-dependent when I'm in relationship. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: my accountability and all my resentments even and my relationships and you know I've learnt that you know I'm hyper independent but I'm also a codependent when I'm in a relationship. Yes. So it's I'm very contradictory at times you know. James Date: I've learned that I'm hyperindependent but I'm also codependent when I'm in a relationship. So I'm very contradictory at times. I won't ask anyone for help or anything like that but when I'm in a romantic relationship, I lose myself altogether because I make it all about them. So it can be very contradictory and obviously that's gonna be hard for anyone to navigate, let alone partner and stuff like that. And I love step four riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I'm very contradictory at times, you know? I won't ask anyone for help or anything like that, but when I'm in a romantic relationship, I lose myself altogether because I make it all about them. Yeah. You know? So it can be very contradictory and obviously that's going be hard for anyone to navigate, alone partner and stuff like that, you know? ⁓ love ⁓ step four is... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I won't ask anyone for help or anything like that, but when I'm in a romantic relationship, I lose myself altogether because I make it all about them. So it can be very contradictory and obviously that's gonna be hard for anyone to navigate, alone partner and stuff like that. ⁓ love, ⁓ step four is, James Date: it's really beautiful in a way that you can, you look at the highlights of your character as well, like what good is there in me? And to do more of that. ⁓ But it's also like really challenging to look

at what are my character defects and... riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): it's really beautiful in a way that you can, look at the highlights of your character as well, like what good is there in me? And to do more of that. But it's also like really challenging to look at what are my character defects and my behaviors that I... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: it's really beautiful in a way that you can, look at the highlights of your character as well, like what good is there in me? And to do more of that. ⁓ But it's also like really challenging to look at what are my character defects and my behaviors that I... James Date: my behaviors that I behave on, like what are the character defects that come to the front and that I act out on. It's one thing about recovery that can be really, really challenging as well. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: that I behave on, like what are the character defects that come to the front and that I act out on. It's one thing about recovery that can be really, really challenging as well. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): that I behave on, like what are the character defects that come to the front and that I act out on? It's one thing about recovery that can be really, really challenging as well. For me, it hasn't been that challenging facing that stuff. The life I was living... James Date: For me, it hasn't been that challenging facing that stuff. The life I was living prior to coming into recovery, that was a challenge. That was literally survival. So when I decided to make a goal of recovery and really drove into it, I was really, really open minded to everything. And I really pushed myself through those really difficult times in rehab. And even though was only there 28 days, I built a really, really solid foundation for when I started going to the rooms outside of my rehab. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: For me, hasn't been that challenging facing that stuff. ⁓ The life I was living prior to coming into recovery, that was a challenge. That was literally survival. ⁓ So when I decided to make a goal of recovery and really drove into it, I was really, really open-minded to everything. And I really pushed myself through those really difficult times in rehab. And even though I was only there 28 days, I built a really, really solid foundation for when I started going to the rooms outside of my rehab. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): prior to coming into recovery, that was a challenge. That was literally survival. So when I decided to make a go of recovery and really drove into it, I was really, really open-minded to everything. And I really pushed myself through those really difficult times in rehab. And even though I was there 28 days, I built a really, really solid foundation for when I started going to the rooms outside of my rehab. So it was really... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: So it was really, it was little bit daunting as well. Oh wow, okay, yep, this is what I do. But it was actually really liberating at the same time for me because it actually helped me understand why my relationships were failing while I was able to hold onto, oh, I'll onto resentments by between my years. That's ridiculous. And I mean, like these resentments are making me physically ill. Like every time I mention them, I get that same emotional response as the day that it happened and I get physically unwell. James Date: So it was really, it was little bit daunting. It's like, oh wow, okay, yep, this is what I do. But it was actually really liberating at the same time for me because it actually helped me understand why my relationships were failing while I was able to hold onto is I've had onto resentments for over 21 years. That's ridiculous. And I mean, like these resentments are making me physically ill. Like every time I mentioned them, I'd get that same emotional response as the day that it happened and I'd get physically unwell. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): It could be little daunting, it's like, oh wow, okay, yep, this is what I do, but it was actually really liberating at the same time for me, because it actually helped me understand why my relationships were failing, why I was able to hold onto this, I'll find a way to resent this way between my women. That's ridiculous. And I mean, these resentments make me physically ill. Like, every time I mention them, I get that same emotional response the day that it happened, and I get physically unwell. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: You know, so having those realizations was actually really, really liberating because it enabled me to navigate them so much better and identify them when I was going into my defect mode. Yes. So when I can see those things, can say, all right, I'm rough at the moment. What do need to do? I'm to do the suggested things. I'll go and pick up another meeting. I'll go and do another H &I. I'll reach out to other fellow members, you know, give them love and support as well. James Date: You know, so having those realizations was actually really, really liberating because it enabled me to navigate them so much better and identify them when I was going into my defect mode. Yes. So when I can see those things, I can say, all right, I'm rough at the moment. What do I need to do? Go and do the suggested things. I'll go and pick up another meeting. I'll go into another H &I. I'll reach out to other fellow members, you know, give them love and support as well. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): You know, so having those realizations was actually really, really liberating because it enabled me to navigate them so much better and identify them when I was going into my defect mode. So when I can see those things, I can say, all right, I'm running rough at the moment, what do need to do? I'm to do the suggested things. I'll pick up

another meeting, I'll go onto another HMI, I'll reach out to other fellow members, you know, give them love and support as well. James Date: talk about my problems with them as well so it's a mutual thing where normally it'd just be a one-way street you know but yes it's been the best thing the best word for me to describe it was really liberating yes I feel like a weight's been lifted yeah well it's Caitlin 2.0 right you get you've died and come back to life and then there must be a massive amount of liberation in that yes so what are you looking forward to next riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: talk about my problems with them as well. So it's a mutual thing where normally it just be a one way street, you know? But it's been the best thing, the best way for me to describe it was really liberating. Yes. So like a massive weight's been lifted. Yeah. Well, it's Caitlin 2.0, right? get, you've died and come back to life. And there must be a massive amount of liberation in that. Yes. So what are you looking forward to next? riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): talk about my problems with them as well. So it's a neutral thing where normally it'd just be a one way street, you know? But it's been the best thing, the best word for me to describe it was really liberating. Yes. It's like a massive weight's been lifted. Yeah. Well, it's Caitlin 2.0, right? get, you've died and come back to life. And there must be a massive amount of liberation in that. Yes. So what are you looking forward to next? James Date: My one-year milestone that's for sure. I'm really really excited about that. ⁓ I'm still very much just for today. I just look forward to waking up every day and being able to stay clean at this point. ⁓ You know I'm starting to look at different paths that I can go down to find a bit more of a purpose. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): My one year milestone, that's for sure. I'm really, really excited about that. I'm still very much just for today. I just look forward to waking up every day and being able to stay clean at this point. I'm starting to look at different paths that I can go down to find a bit more of a purpose. I do know I definitely want to use my life experience. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: My one year milestone that's visual. I'm really really excited about that. I'm still very much just for today. I just look forward to waking up every day and being able to stay clean at this point. I'm starting to look at different paths that I can go down to find a bit more of a purpose. I do know I definitely want to use my life experience in a way that's going to be able to help other people going through the same thing. I've been asked to go and do H &I with the women's prison because I did live a very horrible criminal James Date: I do know I definitely want to use my life experience though ⁓ a way that's going to be able to help other people going through the same thing. ⁓

I've been asked to... ⁓ riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): In a way that's going to be able to help other people going through the same thing I've been asked to go to H &I with the women's prison. Yeah, because I did live a very Horrible criminal life for 17 years. I was living a life of crime. was the only way I could get by. You know, then so if I can do it anyone can do it You know what mean? And it shouldn't take for you to hit the rock bottom that I did by getting stabbed to get there Yeah, you know what mean? And if you've got someone like me that can literally James Date: go and do H &I with the women's prison. Because I did live a very horrible criminal life for the last 17 years. I was living a life of crime that was the only way I knew how to get by. So if I can do it, anyone can do it. And it shouldn't take for you to hit the rock bottom that I did by getting stabbed to get there. And if you've got someone like me that can literally give you bit of guidance or give you those tail lights to follow, that's what I'd love to do. So I'm looking into doing peer support work. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: life for like 17 years, like I was living on life crime, was the only way I had to get by. You know, and then, so if I can do it, anyone can do it, you know what mean? And it shouldn't take for you to hit the rock bottom that I did by getting stabbed to get there. Yeah. You know what I mean? And if you've got someone like me that can literally give you a bit of guidance or give you those parallels to follow, that's what I'd love to do. So I'm looking into doing peer support work, living experience, peer support work. Yeah. I want to definitely go and do H &I at the Women's Peer Support. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): give you a bit of guidance or give you those care alerts to follow, that's what I'd love to do. So I'm looking into doing peer support work, we've experienced peer support work. I want to definitely go on GHI at women's prison. That's where it's gonna be a good reminder for me, because if I fuck, sorry. If I fuck this up, I'm going to jail. If I throw a dirty at my CCO or I get done with any drugs whatsoever, or if I have any more trouble with the police, I'm going straight to jail for a very, very long time. James Date: of experience with your support work. I want to definitely go and do H &I at the Women's Prison because that's where it's going to be good reminder for me because if I fuck this up, I'm going to jail. Like if I throw a dirty at my CCO or I get done. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: And that's where it's gonna be a good reminder for me because if I fuck... sorry. If I fuck this up, I'm going to jail. If I throw a dirty at my CCO or I get done any drugs whatsoever or if I have any more trouble with the police, I'm going straight to jail for a very, very long time. So this was literally my last chance. Yeah. You avoided incarceration. 100%.

I got blessed the day that I got sentenced at court. Instead, I was looking at serious time because I've breached my CCO a couple of times on other things and I've got trafficking charges as well. James Date: Any drugs whatsoever if I have any more trouble with the police I'm going straight to jail for a very very long time. So you was literally my last chance Yeah, you avoided incarceration 100 % I got blessed the day that I got sent in set court instead of I was looking at serious time because I'd breached my CCO a couple of times on other things and I got trafficking charges as well. Yep, and I had quite a significant amount of gear on me And but I went to rehab and I was doing all the right things and they could see the change Yeah, and they said this is literally your last chance riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): So you This was literally my last chance. you were avoided incarceration. 100%. I got blessed the day that I got sentenced at court. Instead of, I was looking at serious time, because I've breached my CCO a couple of times on other things and I've got trafficking charges as well. Yeah. And I had quite a significant amount of gear on me. But I went to rehab and I was doing all the right things and I could see the change. Yeah. They said this is literally your last chance. Yes. instead of being sentenced to a jail term, I got a 12 month CCO. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Yeah, and I had quite a significant amount of gear on me And but I went to rehab and I was doing all the right things and I could see the change Yeah, and they said this is literally your last chance. I thought instead of being sentenced to jail term I got a 12 month CCO with 50 hours actual community work and 50 hours Rehabilitative work, which is through an AOD work and all that sort of thing and I was already doing that anyway Yes, so I got off really really lightly. Do you think that I saw the work that you were putting in? James Date: I instead of being sentenced to a jail term, I got a 12 month CCO with 50 hours actual community work and 50 hours rehabilitative work, which is through an AOD work and all that sort of thing. And I was already doing that anyway. So I got off really, really lightly. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): 50 hours actual community work and 50 hours rehabilitative work which is through an AOD work and all that sort of thing and I was already doing that anyway. Yes. So I got off really really lightly. Do you think that they saw the work that you were putting in and took leniency on you? 100%. Yeah. And what about your injury? that have any impact? did. The fact that I was able to come out so I put on the other end of it instead of going to rehab. James Date: Do you think that they saw the work that you were putting in and took leniency on you? 100%. And what about your injury? that have any impact? did. The fact that I was able to come out so good on the other end of it instead of going to rehab to try and look good and then go straight back out to use and stuff like that. I had people write letters to say that I was still doing NA and all that sort of stuff. So I had a lot of support there. So I think they really saw that I was actually riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: 100 % Yeah, and what about your injury? that have any impact? yes, yes. Yeah, the fact that I was able to come out so good on the other end of it instead of going to rehab, just trying to look good and then going straight back out to use and stuff like that. you know, I had people write letters to say that I was still doing NA and all that sort of stuff. You know, so I had a lot of support there. So I think they really saw that I was actually genuinely giving it a go and I think that made the world of difference. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): try and look good and then go and search out how to use and stuff like that. I had people write letters to say that I was still doing NA and all that sort of stuff. So I had lot of support there. So I think they really saw that I was actually genuinely giving it a go. And I think that made the world of difference. And the judges at your studies are not stupid, are they? They're pretty learned people and they can tell when you're on the gear or whether you're not and whether you're being fair, decent and genuine. James Date: genuinely giving it a go and I think that made the world of difference. the judges and the authorities, they're not stupid are No. They're pretty learned people and they can tell whether you're on the gear or whether you're not and whether you're being fair dinkum and genuine about your recovery. It's really interesting because you speak there about riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: The judges of your studies, they're not stupid, they're pretty learned people and they can tell whether you're on the gear or whether you're not and whether you're being fair dinkum and genuine about your recovery. It's really interesting because you speak there about ⁓ your life is just for today and I just wanted to refer to some of our literature actually that I sent you this morning. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): About your recovery. It's um, it's really interesting because you speak there about Your life is just for today. Mm-hmm. And I just wanted to refer to some of our literature actually that I sent you this morning That we read from a just for today which is a small meditation about a certain topic and The tagline of today's was just for today James Date: ⁓ Your life is just for today. And I just wanted to refer to some of our literature actually that I sent you this morning ⁓ that we read from a Just For Today, which is a small meditation about a certain topic. And the tagline of today's was just for today. I have something valuable to share. I will attend a meeting today and share my experience in recovery from addiction. riverside james

video caitlin 1 james date's studio: that we read from a Just For Today, which is a small meditation about a certain topic. And the tagline of today's was, Just For Today, I have something valuable to share. I will attend a meeting today and share my experience in recovery from addiction. And I sent that to you because we're obviously sitting here and you're sharing your story. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): I have something valuable to share. I will attend a meeting today and share my experience in recovery from addiction. And I sent that to you because we're obviously sitting here and you're sharing your story our listeners ⁓ ⁓ so beautiful because, and we discussed this off air before, know, person might listen to this ⁓ and might help that one person. ⁓ James Date: Yes. And I sent that to you because we're obviously sitting here. 100%. And you're sharing your story with our listeners. ⁓ so beautiful because, and we discussed this off air before, know, person might listen to this ⁓ and it help that one person. 100%. ⁓ The reality ⁓ is that more ⁓ will ⁓ to and ⁓ it'll help people. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: with our listeners and it's so beautiful because, and we discussed this off air before, person might listen to this and it might help that one person. ⁓ reality is that many more ⁓ ⁓ to it and ⁓ it will help many people. ⁓ and itself, it's really helped me with my recovery having this discussion. It's ⁓ been really beautiful reminder riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): The reality is that many more will listen to it and it will help many people. ⁓ of itself it's really helped me with my recovery having this discussion. ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ really beautiful reminder of how ⁓ good is to be clean and serene ⁓ and hope it's also helped you ⁓ as tell your story. 100 % ⁓ Is anything that we... ⁓ James Date: in and of itself. It's really helped me with my recovery having this discussion. It's been a really beautiful reminder of good it is to be clean and serene ⁓ I hope it's also helped you ⁓ well tell your story. 100 % ⁓ there anything that we haven't touched on that you wanted to speak about? riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: know how good it is to be clean and serenity ⁓ I hope it's also helped you ⁓ well tell your story. there anything that we haven't touched on that you wanted to speak about? riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): haven't touched on that you wanted to speak about. James Date: Hmm, good question. Is there anything more that you'd like to know? I'm happy to share anything with you. There's a couple of other questions I'll ask and we'll just sort of see where it goes. I reckon we've got probably 20 minutes. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: Hmm, good question. Is there anything more that you'd like to No, I think, ⁓ what, there's probably a couple other questions I'll ask and we'll just sort of see where it goes. reckon we've got probably 20 minutes. ⁓ riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Is there anything more that you'd No, I think... There's a couple other questions I'll ask and we'll see where it goes. I reckon we've got probably 20 minutes. James Date: So you're in the life ⁓ trafficking drugs, ⁓ often a lot of money ⁓ about and it can bring a certain lifestyle with it. ⁓ you ⁓ we spoke about the, you a very hard woman physically, ⁓ a woman. ⁓ What the financial side of being a drug dealer? riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: when in the life ⁓ of trafficking drugs, ⁓ there's a lot of money ⁓ floating and it can bring a certain lifestyle with it. ⁓ So, know, we spoke about the, you were very hard woman physically, ⁓ a strong ⁓ What about the financial side of being a drug dealer? riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): So, you're in the life of trafficking drugs, there's often a lot of money ⁓ about and it can bring a certain lifestyle with it. ⁓ you know, we spoke about the, that were a very hard woman physically, ⁓ a woman. ⁓ What the financial side of being a drug dealer? I have periods where be really up. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I'd have periods where I'd be really up and I'd have more money than I'd know what to do with and then my life would just absolutely go to shit and I'd have to rebuild it all up again. I remember at one point when I was at my peak I had more cars than I could even count. I don't even know where they all ended up. was like, can you just look after my car for me until I can find somewhere to put it and I'd leave it there and don't even... I was set off my head. I can't even remember who I gave the car to or where it is or what sort of car it was. James Date: I'd have periods like where I'd be really up and I'd have more money than I'd know what to do with and then my life would just absolutely go to shit and I'd have to rebuild it all up again. You know, so there's been, I remember at one point when I was at my peak, I had more cars than I could even count. I don't even know where they all ended up. I just, was like, Oh, can you just go up to my car for me until I can find somewhere to put it? And I'd leave it there and I don't even, I was that off my head. can't even remember who I gave the car to or where it is or what sort of car it was. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): And I'd have more money than I'd know what to do with and then my life would just absolutely go to shit and I'd have to rebuild it all up again. You know, so there's been, I remember at one point when I was at my peak I had more cars than I could even count. Like I don't even know where they all ended up. I just, like, oh, can you just class my car for me until I can find someone to put it? And I'd leave it there and I don't even, I'd set off on my head. can't even remember who I gave the car to or where it is or in what sort of car it was. You know, like. James Date: You know like Back then my

partner at the time he was he was special He he kept getting ripped all the time, you know, and that was when bags were worth a lot of money Yeah, well most people paying like 14 grand for a bag at that point and I was paying like 10 5 So I was making bold profit. Yes But I literally walked away with that from that scenario with nothing but the shirt on my back and had to rebuild myself up again Yeah, right it and everything and I found that he was cheating and I'm just the sort of person that went off when I'm done riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: You know like Back then my partner at the time he was special He kept getting ripped all the time, know, but that was when bags were worth a lot of money Yeah, most people paying like 14 grand for a bag at that point and I was paying like 10-5 so I was making bulk profit. Yes But I literally walked away with that from that scenario with nothing but the shit on my back and had to re-grid myself up again Yeah, I did and everything and I out he was cheating and I'm just the sort of person that when I'm done riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): Back then my partner at the time, was special. He kept getting ripped all the time, know, and that was when bags were worth a lot of money. Most people were paying like 14 grand for a bag at that point, and I was paying like 10 for it, so I was making bulk profit. But I literally walked away with that, from that scenario of nothing but the shit on my back and had to re-bid myself up again, I got raided and everything, and I felt that he was cheating, and I'm just the sort of person that when I'm done, I'll just pack up and leave, I don't care. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: I'll just pack up and leave, I don't care. So it's been fluctuated, there's times that I've been up and I've been living the dream so to speak. It's actually not a dream, it's not like people don't buy into any of that. You know where I was staying at really good motels all the time, like I was able to buy really nice clothes, jewelry, lucky name it, cars, it didn't matter, I've had more cars than I can even... James Date: I'll just pack up and leave I don't care. ⁓ So it's been fluctuated like there's times that I've been up and I've been living the dream so to speak. It's actually not a dream it's a nightmare people don't buy into any of that. You know where I staying at really good motels all the time like I was able to buy really nice clothes, jewelry, lucky name it, cars, it didn't matter. I've had more cars than I can even find them to be honest. I had a new car every month at one point. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): You know, so it's been fluctuated. Like there's times that I've been up and I've been living the dream, so to speak. It's actually not a dream to not make people don't buy into any of that. You know, where I was staying at really good motels all the time. Like I was able to buy really nice clothes, jewelry, lucky name it, cars. It didn't matter. I've had more cars than I've ever To be honest. I've had a new car every month at one point, Which was stupid. riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: ⁓ To be honest, I have a new car every month at one point. James Date: which was stupid because I had no license. So it didn't really matter. I think that's why I used to just get new cars because I'd get nearly pulled over in one and I'd be like, I one, I'm just gonna go, I've gotta get another one now. a new license plate. Get a new one, yeah. You know, so yeah, to be honest with you, I literally walked out of it with nothing. But I don't begrudge that because my whole attitude towards that money was it was easy come, easy go and it was ill gotten. So I never expected to be able to hang onto it. Dirty money. Yep, 100%. Yep. And... riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: which was stupid because I had no licence. I think that's why I used to just get new cars because I'd get nearly pulled over in my love one and was going to go the other way Maybe a new licence plate. To be honest with I literally walked out of it with nothing. But I'd over go to that because my whole attitude towards that money was it easy come, easy go and it was ill-gotten. So I never expected to be able to hang onto it. Dirty money. Yep. 100%. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): No license. That's why I used to just get new cars. I'd get nearly pulled over and I'd be well, one's gotta go, I'll make another Maybe be a license plate. I was getting you up. To be honest with I literally walked out of it with nothing. But I don't begrudge that because my whole attitude towards that money was it was easy come, easy go and was ill-gotten. So I never expected to be able to hang onto it. Dirty money. 100%. James Date: My last question for you is, if you could say something to little Caitlin, what would you say? riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: My last question for you is, if you could say something to little Caitlin, what would you say? riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): My last question for you is, if you could say something to little Caitlin, what would you say? riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: that she's incredibly smart, incredibly strong and resilient, and that I love her. Oh, that's beautiful. And you are all of those things now as well. I'm really excited. Like you're clearly an articulate person. You're a clever person. James Date: that she's incredibly smart, incredibly strong and resilient, and that I love her. ⁓ that's beautiful. And you are all of those things now as well. And ⁓ I'm really excited. Like you're clearly an articulate person. You're a clever person. ⁓ riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): that she's incredibly smart, incredibly strong and resilient. That's beautiful. And you are all of those things now as well. I'm really excited. Like you're clearly an articulate person. You're a clever person. You know, from our small conversations and meeting you, I know you're properly fucking invested into this rehabilitation and this recovery. ⁓ riverside james video caitlin 1 james date's studio: you from our small conversations and meeting you I know you're properly fucking invested into this rehabilitation and this recovery it just keeps getting better. 100%. Good on you Caitlin. Thank you so much for joining me today. Nice, thank you I'm really grateful. Thank you so much for having me. really appreciate it. Thanks Caitlin. Thank you. James Date: you know from our small conversations ⁓ and meeting you I know you're properly fucking invested into this ⁓ rehabilitation and this recovery ⁓ it just keeps getting better. ⁓ Good on you Caitlin. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm really grateful. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. Thanks Caitlin. Thank you. riverside caitlin video james date's studio (1): it just keeps getting better. Good on you Caitlin. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm really grateful. Thank you so much for having me out. really appreciate it. Thanks Caitlin. Thank you.