Volledige transcriptie van 89. The Breaking Point That Changed Everything with Baelie

yeah, I know. I went to the liquor store for the first time the other day with a friend. This just like a random story. But I was looking at all the new things that they had and I was like, my gosh, if I had this when when I was drinking, it would not be okay. Audrey: Right. What was your did you so did you get into this? Did you have a flavor of choice or ew, I remember mine. You go first. baelie | the sober girly: Okay, mine I loved my like signature drink is whipped cream vodka. That's what I Audrey: Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: would drink, pin whip vodka. No way. Audrey: That's what I was gonna say. The same. I used to do it like with orange juice. It was kind of this like baelie | the sober girly: Jazz. Audrey: sweet screwdriver. It was like very palatable, like as far as just e baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Audrey: it was a ver like scary easy to drink that. my gosh. baelie | the sober girly: I agree. I got a lot of those down. Audrey: man. When it first like hit, and I'm older than you, like it was. I guess I started with rum because it was sweeter. And it was like Bicardi Raz, Bacardi Limon, like And it just tells me such a story now. It was like this didn't taste good. I don't think I liked alcohol. I did not like liquor, but it was like, how can we do this? baelie | the sober girly: I I truly don't think I could stomach that. for multiple reasons, but the taste, I think I would be so sick off of that taste if I had it today. I would be so disgusted. Excuse Audrey: Yes. It's just wild. I really do think it's telling that there's such a market for that because it's like, how can we sweeten this, flavor this, disguise this poison, you know? How can we baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: make it something that that we can tolerate and drink? When that era started, I think that really did make this entry point of drinking hard liquor more accessible. it hit when I baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Audrey: was in that high school, college time frame. So it really was just something that was everywhere. And I I just don't know if I would have gotten down with as much liquor if it hadn't been flavored like that. It's just baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: Bad, it's like that's where baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: big alcohol. It's like, how can we sell more of this? We'll make it taste a little less awful. baelie | the sober girly: Exactly. And flavored vodkas are so popular amongst high schoolers. that's what I was drinking in high school to make it, so we could drink Audrey: Mm. Right. baelie | the sober girly: that. So yeah. Audrey: Ugh, yep. Well, we don't have to do that anymore. There are many other flavors of delicious things that don't have poison in them that we get to enjoy. little side note, how was that going to a liquor store aside from the surprise of like how much new stuff they come out with? Like d was that difficult for you? Was it surreal? How did that feel? baelie | the sober girly: It was I would say

surreal. I would go it's a new liquor store and I hadn't been since I'd gotten sober. So it's not like the old liquor store I went to, which would probably have brought up some really crazy memories. Audrey: Right. Yes. Yes. baelie | the sober girly: but it was I left there obviously empty handed. So did my friend that I was there with. We didn't I wouldn't get anything anyway, but she was looking for like birthday stuff. So I went with her. We both We're just looking around and I don't know, I remember I looked at a bottle of Pinwit vodka and I was like, Man, I miss it. I I definitely have those stents where I'm like, it would be so nice to drink, but I just have to reel myself back out and say that's not reality for you. That's not how it's gonna go. You can't drink like a normal person. Audrey: Right. baelie | the sober girly: So I I made me sad, but it's Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: it's for the best, you know what I mean? Audrey: Mm-hmm. Do you think that that's healing at all as far as having that face to face with yourself of there it is feeling all those emotions, It's like, there it is, I can't do that anymore. We know that where that leads. The research is in, right? Like you've you've baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Yeah. Audrey: done heavy research on this and turns out like that isn't realistic. do you think that that helps kind of close the loop in your mind or reinforce your sobriety of that exposure to it. Does that make sense? baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Yeah, a thousand percent. It's like it just reaffirms that the fact that I want it so bad, even still I've been sober for Audrey: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. baelie | the sober girly: over two years, just shows me that I'm never gonna drink normally because people don't look at alcohol and say, my god, like I can't wait to have this drink. You know, like they go and they I mean maybe sometimes, but they're able to Except not having a drink for a few days. But if I had if I got that bottle of vodka, I would have been passed out. But the next day that I woke up, I would have been back to drinking again. There's no moderation for me. Mm-hmm. Audrey: Mm-hmm. Right. Yes. And just like radical acceptance of that and seeing it truly for what it is and being honest with yourself is just such an important step. And and also I like that you're saying, yeah, it kind of made you sad and that you wanted you still want it. You know, I think that's an important baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Audrey: quiet part to say out loud and that that's okay. That doesn't baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: mean like these thoughts aren't facts. We're not going to It was right there. You were in the belly of the beast. it was right there. You didn't do it. You still had these thoughts and feelings about it. And that's okay. I think that that is baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: certainly part of the process of healing and reconciling all of these different thoughts that run wild and that past that you're coming from. So that's just an interesting thing that you did that so recently. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: And the fact that you call it pin whip, you have you definitely this I cannot believe we had the same one. that's so funny. okay, let's jump in. so just take me back, like tell me and do you mind sharing how old you are just for some perspective? baelie | the sober girly: For sure. I am twenty six, but I got sober when I was twenty three. Audrey: Wow. that's so amazing because you just have so much time and life and experiences ahead of you. It's so amazing. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: Like if I could go back in time, I would have absolutely quit before I turned 30. Like sometime in my twenties for sure is when it was like, baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: is this really do I really need to be still doing this? And I it just kind of like tagged along for so long. so baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: I just I love that for you. So just take me back. So clearly you went went pro and retired early. So I would love to hear just kind baelie | the sober girly: Very Audrey: of when alcohol first entered the picture. was there modeling at home, maybe with your family or your siblings, anything like that? And then yeah, just how that progression happened. How did we get to where we're drinking a bottle of vodka a day? And then what what culmination, what point did we get to where it was like, this isn't working and and things need to change. Just the floor is yours, whatever you'd like to share. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, okay, well thank you. I grew up LDS or Mormon. and the big thing is is they don't drink, they don't do anything to harm their body. so I had no one in my family that would drink around me. I had no idea what alcohol was. so think that that sort of plays a part into my alcoholism because I was so unaware of what good and bad drinking was like. I literally just had my own time to drink as much as I wanted because my family wasn't aware of everything. but I started drinking in high school, just at parties, really off and on. I had to come home to my parents, so I was very much careful about my drinking. You know, I didn't want to be too drunk at home. They would definitely be upset with me. and then I went to college and that's when everything changed. I I think about this. My first year of college, I legit drank nothing. It wasn't until my sophomore year when I met these friends that it went off the wall. I lived on campus, which I didn't the first year. So I l just had to get to my dorm room. That was super easy. I could totally Audrey: Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: do that. but then like spring break trips, constantly I showed myself that I could not drink normally. I was a blackout drinker. And eventually it came to the point where I would drink every day. So I have like the two types of alcoholism or you know what I mean. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: but I

was going into respiratory therapy school. I got into the program and I started to pre-game my classes. We started classes like 9 AM and I have videos of me having like pouring white claws into my cup. and I would just drink those throughout the day. And we had a break from like eleven to twelve. And we would go to the liquor store. My poor friends that got involved with me and during this, they were just like, We're trying to learn, Bailey. We don't want to go to the liquor store. I'm like, we're going, I'm getting my wine, and then we can go back to class. I was just making really terrible decisions. I was driving drunk a lot of the time. I don't really remember a time where I wasn't drinking and driving. It was like if I'm driving, I'm gonna have a drink with me, which is horrible. And I'm so, so happy I never hurt anyone else. because that is so unfair for them for me to get behind a wheel knowing that it's not okay or I'm not okay and still choosing to do that. So I'm very grateful that nothing bad ever like that happened to me. but once I graduated college, I got a job as a respiratory therapist. and I actually had to take my boards in between then. And you can't work until you have your until your board certified. So I was just drinking all day, every day, up until my boards. one night I was just just drinking insane amounts and I had my board exam at 6 a.m. the next morning. Missed my board exam. yeah. Audrey: man. baelie | the sober girly: So I had to like repay for all of that stuff, which is not a big deal. but I passed and then we had two boards to take, so I still had more time to just drink and everything. And I Sit down for my next board exam. I take the test and I get the results and I get 133 and to pass I needed 134 points. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: So that just kind of sets me off. I am ready to drink my life away. I am so over it. And so I was just really beaten down about that, you missed it by one point. And I had like really rough night after that. Recertified. I took the test. I passed. I got a job as an RT and I started working and I was loving it. but it got to the point where I started to drink before work. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: Which is just not okay. I deal with people's lives in my hands. And you know, it's just something again that I'm grateful no one ever got hurt because I couldn't live with the guilt of hurting someone else, doing things that I was not supposed to be doing. and so my boyfriend and I of six years, I had cheated on him. we had broken up and I had moved out into my own place. And this is where my alcoholism and drinking got really, really bad. because I was all alone. I could call into work. my parents are very like I live with them now, but my parents are very much they want me to succeed. And so like if I was late to work sometime this week or whatever, they would wake me up and make sure I made it to work. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: So if they knew I'm working, they very much expect me to be at work. And so living alone, I didn't have that. So I could drink all day. I could call in drunk not drunk. I would never tell them I was too drunk to come in. But Audrey: Right. baelie | the sober girly: I I was drunk and I was sick, you know, like I just couldn't Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: make it in. but that happened a lot. I think I hadn't even worked there a year and We have six times that we can call out. I think it was at five. And the thing is with calling out in healthcare, it's like if you have another shift after the one you called out on, that still counts as one shift that you called out on. That's not two. So you could have multiple Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: days where you are sick and it only counts as one. So I was calling out probably almost twenty times. And once I made that first call out, I would just plan to be drunk the next three days that I can call out for. Audrey: Hmm. And were they picking up on this at all? did anyone know at work about the drinking? baelie | the sober girly: I am not sure. I think that they probably thought something was going on, but I don't think if they exactly put it down that I was drinking. But I would go into withdrawals at work shaking and I'd be Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: like, Look at me, like I never even thought that it was withdrawals. And so people who may have been more aware, probably put two and two together. But Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: I I didn't even know that I was going through withdrawals. I would leave work early because I was so shaky throwing up. which is just crazy to me that not I got away with it, but like people were so unaware. I was so unaware at the time. Audrey: Hmm. And so no consequences from the workplace? baelie | the sober girly: No, I I have been very blessed in the fact that I've never lost a job. I've never really gotten in trouble with the law. but it was to the point where my family knew it was time for me to move home. And so I don't think that I would have kept going with the way that I was doing and not gotten in trouble. I think if I stayed at that job. They would have eventually caught on and I would have gotten reprimanded from that for sure. But I I had left before that was ever Audrey: Okay. baelie | the sober girly: a a chance, yeah. Audrey: Well tell me too about that decision. when you decide I'm going to call in and basically go on a three-day bender baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: as a result of that decision, when you're making that call, like what was going through your mind? Was it like I don't give a shit or I I just want to drink and escape? or was that just the addiction just pulling you back to that bottle. can you give us any kind of glimpse into your thought process when you were in that that space? baelie | the sober girly: For sure. I would I would be drinking and drinking and then once four o'clock hit and I realized that I'm way

too far gone. that would have been a great point for me to ask for help, but it was more I I always joked around with telling everyone I'm the alcoholic friend. I always thought that was super funny to say. And so I think I just went in with that, well, I'm Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: I'm an alcoholic. This is what life is like. but it's not, you know. So I think that that and my mindset kind of played a part in that. And like Audrey: Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: I thought it was kind of funny when none of this is funny. Audrey: So it was like this self deprecating ownership of that label. by saying baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: it and in jest, it makes it a little easier to carry that that title, that label. baelie | the sober girly: And I think a lot of people, even still, they're like, This this is just a girl who is in college having fun. That's not at all what it was. Unfortunately, Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: I wish that's what it was. but they also played a part into me not believing that I'm an alcoholic. And so I think it was more me of just a way that I can joke around about me having a drinking problem. Audrey: Mm. And with the friends, I did want to go back to that too, with the friends kind of like tagging along with you to the liquor store, was anyone else drinking like you? Or did you really notice that that was something different? baelie | the sober girly: I had like it was a group of friends and they were like one of us had to drive home and some of the time it was me. But they were it was pretty t like relaxed on their part. like they didn't really even drink that much. Like it was just for me to go to the liquor store. like they would get like a a wine if they wanted to. Audrey: Right. baelie | the sober girly: but most of the time it was literally just me and they wouldn't even drink it once they got it. They were like, We'll drink this after class. So it was legit like literally just me and they were my ride to the liquor store. Audrey: Mm. And did that affect you at all? Or were you just kind of like so one track minded? Like was it ever this, my drinking looks different from everyone? Or were you just kind of like doing your own thing and it was semi working for you. You know, like were saying, there weren't really consequences. I mean, you had baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: to feel shitty a lot. Right? Like there were definitely baelie | the sober girly: yeah, for sure. Yeah. Audrey: had to be some physical consequences because that or even when you were saying the withdrawals and stuff, the physical consequences are definitely kind of rack up there too. But yeah, it's just baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: interesting because college can be such a tricky time where it does get enabled and the drinking is really kind of celebrated and it is like any day of the week drinking seems to be acceptable. so like when you were talking about pre gaming before school and stuff. So that was kind of like before class, like that was that was just you doing that. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, pretty much. I think my friends did it a couple times and then they realized wow, this really isn't that smart. We shouldn't Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: do this. so I think maybe once or twice they did it, but it it was like every day for me. Mm-hmm. Audrey: Mm-hmm. And then like the drinking before the board exam too. Like that's that's an interesting one because it's like this self sabotage, right? Like you knew this baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: test was coming. Was it anxiety towards it? Was it just not caring? Like I part of me is trying to like see where where your mind is taking you when it's like you have these things that are we're coming. it's like that shift is coming. that that test baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Audrey: is coming. And the the eff it button is getting pushed somewhere, right? Or maybe were baelie | the sober girly: Uh-huh. Audrey: you thinking, I'll just have a few and then once you have the few, that's blown out the window. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, and I just think I didn't care. It was literally just me being selfish. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: so I was just like, whatever. This is my life, these are my choices. and I didn't think I was affecting anyone else at the time. Obviously, I was. But yeah, I just just didn't care. Audrey: And you clearly have this drive though. you were actually able to accomplish what you went to school for, which usually I feel like someone just like throws a dartboard at the degree and is like, We'll see. But like you went to school for the respiratory therapy and ended up doing that and like getting into that field. So you clearly do have this this drive and ability. And the fact that you were able to pass those exams while you were in baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: the depths of this drinking, you clearly are a very talented and smart young woman, you know? So it's it's baelie | the sober girly: No, thank you. Audrey: like the alcohol was really just this barrier and like holding you back in so many ways. And then in the meantime, like the health component for sure, like it sounds like it was ramping up too, like with the consumption. So but go ahead, take Continue taking me on the story. So you left that job, I think that's where we left off. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, and one thing that kind of was brought up when I was thinking about this was one day I was at work at that job and I so I'm respiratory. Everything I think about is the lungs, and Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: I have this pain in my right side. I'm like, I have an I have a hole in my lung. It's called a pneumothorax. I have a pneumo. And I am freaking out at work. They send me down to the ER and They wanted to do a CT scan of my chest. And I'm like, yeah, totally. I'm I'm ready to figure out that I have a pneumo and I've told everyone this,

So they do the CT scan and they say, We see that your liver is inflamed and it's starting to like develop fatty deposits on it. And I was like, that's what it's from. I I have W hepatic steatosis is what they told me what it was. the beginning of fatty liver disease. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: And I'm like, there's no way. and so they they bring my family in obviously with permission for me to talk about my drinking and how it's bad. So this has happened. I went to the ER twice for what I thought was lung pain. Turns out it's my liver. Yeah. Audrey: Wow. baelie | the sober girly: But it was just the evidence is in front of me, they're telling me I'm an alcoholic and I'm just like, No, I'm not. I'm not. So Audrey: Right. that was just the alcoholic that I joke about. that's not real. Mm-hmm. Yes. baelie | the sober girly: Exactly. Yeah, that's Haley. That's not Bailey. You know what I mean? But yeah, I was like experiencing stuff like that. So it's just it's just crazy to me that all of these things can happen, yet it was not in my mind that you have a drinking problem. You know what I mean? Audrey: Mm. Mm-hmm. So what happens from there? So now your family's pretty looped in on on what's going on. So you had to maybe own some of this or baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: at least address it. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, I think that they had known for a little bit that my drinking was problematic, maybe not as bad as it was. but my mom was they gave me these pills. I wish I knew what it was. I could probably look it up. but some pills that my mom had to administer to me. and she like stayed in Salt Lake with me when I lived there. but that was pretty quickly before I decided to move back to mobs. So not shortly after was I at home. Mm-hmm. Audrey: And so was it like to help with cravings or was it I'm trying to think of there's like a few different options and I am not an expert in this, but like to help with the cravings or to make it to where if you drink I think you get really sick or something like that. Do you know did that help, baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. I Audrey: I guess? baelie | the sober girly: So I've actually taken both of those. I've taken Naltrexone and I wish I wish I would think about this and speak about it more because it is super helpful, at least it was for me. and now Trexxone I've taken when as soon as I moved to Moab, I got in contact with the recovery center here, which is amazing. If anyone is in the Moab area looking for some recovery support, go to the recovery center. It's like amazing. Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: but it was super helpful. I started taking it September of twenty twenty three. So that was like around my car accident, which we'll get into, yes. but I was taking it for years almost Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: Two years after. So it was super helpful to me. but I also took antibuse, I believe is what it's called. Yeah. Audrey: Yes, that's what I was thinking of, yes. baelie | the sober girly: So I took that on my I was going to Vegas for my one year, not for my one year, but the trip just so happened to fall on my one year. And I took some antibuse because I was just at that point where I'm one year sober. I don't want to even have the thought of drinking. So I'm gonna take Audrey: Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: this so if I do drink it makes me horribly sick. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: But didn't end up drinking, didn't end up having to use it. But it was definitely something that I loved having in my back pocket. Audrey: Yes. And maybe you could talk about that more like on your page or something. Cause I think normalizing baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: medication, especially in those early days, like that sounds like like such a smart plan. Going to Sin City and knowing that That's going to be a very tempting time to have that kind baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: of as a plan. That feels very well intentioned, you know, like I baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: know where this could go. That way, if I do put that one drink in my mouth, I'm going to feel awful and that won't result in a bender that could easily become a trip to Vegas, you know? So in a huge relapse. baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Exactly. Audrey: Yes. I think that Yeah, that's not something I see people really openly share about. And I think that that can be such an important tool when you really are addicted. that is when baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: you are used to drinking that much alcohol. it's so important to put whatever guardrails in place need to be put in place to to get out of there. So baelie | the sober girly: Exactly. Audrey: okay. So go ahead from there. baelie | the sober girly: I moved to Moab. moved back home. And with my work schedule, I work a week on and I w have a week off. And when I am on that week on of work, or I'm on call. So it's like If I'm not at the hospital, I'm thinking about the hospital, the hospital has to be on the forefront of my mind. if an emergency happens, I need to be ready for it. So I would not drink at all for my weeks on. I was very good about not drinking. Maybe a couple times I had a sip or two, but I was never drunk at all when I was working in Moab. Audrey: Okay. So this moving and the hospital and your parents getting looped in and the moving, that all broke up the pattern of drinking that you were kind of stuck in. Is that accurate? baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: Okay. baelie | the sober girly: Yes. but on my week off when I had no responsibility, it was it was pretty much go all Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: in. so I was at the liquor store multiple times a week. People knew me at the liquor store, people would tell my family I was at the liquor store. I Audrey: boy. baelie | the sober girly: know, so I just I was constantly being watched. It was pretty crazy. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: but

I would also plan it. I worked Tuesday until 6 30. I had a radius on my phone of the liquor store that if I went within this radius, it would contact my mom. So yeah, Audrey: man. baelie | the sober girly: so they like they were trying to do everything within or like in their means that I would not drink. Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: but Tuesday night, the liquor store closed at seven. I would leave my phone at the hospital, Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: go to so that way I never left the hospital. Audrey: Right. This is where we get sneaky. baelie | the sober girly: Exactly. And I would go get my alcohol for the night. I'd go back to work, pick up my phone and head home and hide my alcohol. I would go to a different state to get alcohol, because that's like a Audrey: Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: the next biggest city is Grand Junction, Colorado. and so I would go there to get alcohol. But again, this is like an hour and a half drive. I'm Audrey: gosh. baelie | the sober girly: I'm drinking the entire way home, Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: So it's just it was just horrible. I was not making the right decisions. I was putting a lot of other people at risk. but that's like the insanity. It's just pure insanity. Yeah, I can't wrap my head around why I did what I did. Audrey: Mm. And so it's interesting that you would take these these breaks off. So you'd have really a week of drinking, sounds like. Did you say you had so baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Audrey: okay, so like a week on, a week off. And then did you feel all those withdrawal symptoms after you would that's tough. Like that's a really tough kind of schedule. Like even from when I was doing baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: like weekend drinking, the next few days after would be just not not feeling great at all. So one week baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: of heavy drinking and then a week off, that must have taken some time to settle into your routine of the week and going back to work. baelie | the sober girly: For sure. And I would drink really heavily from like Wednesday to Saturday because my parents are home on the weekend. I can't get too fucked up. so I would be very relaxed over the weekends and then I had two days to get ready for my work week. So I was very much work work was the most important thing in my mind at this Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: job because I just can't mess this job up. You know what I mean? Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: so I would be very vigilant of what I was drinking Monday, Tuesday, but the first couple days of my work week were pretty heavy drinking. Audrey: Isn't it crazy to think of how much you scheduled it and effort that you put into drinking, the hour and a half baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: driving, the parents home component of things, the people watching you and being tracked on devices and how I can only drink this on this day. And like it just is madness, right? Like when you baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: think back to, like you said, the insanity of it all that you prioritized and made time and put so much energy into something that was really just only taking from your life. I mean, baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: it's wild, isn't it? baelie | the sober girly: It's so crazy. And I'm I'm a miserable drinker. I'm not a happy drinker. So it's Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: like, why why am I putting so much work and focus into one thing that's not even fun? You know what I mean? Audrey: Right. Yes. And I think a lot of people do get to kind of that breaking point of this isn't even fun anymore. Or they find themselves drinking by themselves. And it's like, this is not how it started. It started in social settings and bars and parties and events. And then suddenly The room is quiet and you're drinking by yourself or at a time when other people just aren't, you know, they're out carrying on with a normal day. And, you know, I think it does become this insular kind of isolated experience towards the end of some people's drinking. baelie | the sober girly: I agree. Yeah. I think it's they get so not miserable, I don't think is like a great word, but like it's miserable being like that. It's so miserable having to drink a bottle of vodka or you're gonna be sick. That's so miserable. Audrey: Mm. Yes. Okay, and you had gotten to this point. baelie | the sober girly: Yes, yeah. And I had moved home. I was drinking really heavily on my weeks off. I went on a bender up in Salt Lake for a weekend and I don't remember like anything about this. The only reason I remember is because of Snapchat memories. So Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: it's kind of just like rewatching and being like, What the hell was I doing? Like it's just kind of crazy. But I had plans to hang out with some friends. I was too drunk to go. I just crashed at another friend's place. I feel horrible. I didn't even ask. I just like showed up. hey, I'm here. Poor poor them. Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: I feel really sorry for them. But I was driving home and I I was a pretty sad drinker. I would think about what my life could be and Audrey: mm baelie | the sober girly: it would really get me down or yeah just thinking about what what would have happened if I didn't do this. What would have happened if this didn't happen. so I was kind of in that mindset and this really, really heart-wrenching song came on at it was like a really big point in my alcoholism. I would listen to it every day coming home from work. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: And it kind of just put me in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was driving home about twenty to thirty minutes away from Moab. And I told myself it's now or never. And I texted my family that I loved them. Jerked the wheel to the right side as hard as I could and I crashed my car trying to end my life going like eighty miles an hour. I took my

seatbelt off and everything. And yeah, I I'm so lucky to survive and I didn't the only thing that really happened was I broke my maxillary sinus in my face. But none of the airbags went off. Audrey: Whoa. baelie | the sober girly: my car didn't flip. It's just kind of really weird. Audrey: man, I am so glad that you survived that. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, thank you, me too. Audrey: And just what a what a hard decision to come to, that that was where you felt you were in these depths that you couldn't get out of. But you did. You know, you got baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Yes. Audrey: that chance. man, that's scary. That's a that's a lot to unpack. How did things move forward from there? so you were hospitalized. baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: I remember seeing some photos, and you look so different now. Like the from that moment. That's why those side by sides are so incredibly powerful. baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: you were so close, you know? You were so close to not being here. And how did the days Like you said, you really don't remember much of it. Can you tell do you know I if you listen to it every day, what was the song? baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, it's called In My Head by Bedroom. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: and it like I I still have some like really when I listen to it, like it's one of those songs that's like really hard for me to listen to. Yeah. I Audrey: I was gonna say, I can't believe you still listened to that. baelie | the sober girly: yeah, I still do. I but it was the song that had gotten me onto my sobriety journey. So it may have this really bad part attached to it, but if I flip that, then I I'm like super grateful that that song came on and now I'm here. Audrey: Mm. Yeah, that must really be an emotional journey to go on when you hear that. I could see where it would be kind of this reminder, yes, that you you made it through and that you hear that song so differently now. baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: Now tell me, Was this something you had considered before, like in depths of your drinking? Like was this something that you kind of ideated or thought about, or was this really just like a snap decision of like I can't do this anymore? baelie | the sober girly: it's definitely been something that's been on my mind before. I used to live on like a five story apartment. Thank goodness that there were so it was like an apartment, but on the bottom floor houses were built around the apartment area. So I would think about jumping off my balcony, but it stopped me because I would be jumping onto someone's house. And Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: like I don't that's not what I want. I don't wanna affect anyone else. Obviously you do when you Die by suicide, you affect a lot of people in your life. Audrey: Right. baelie | the sober girly: but I didn't want to, you know, jump in front of someone's house and they walk out and find me. That's just not what I wanted. So it was definitely in thoughts of it all the time, but that just so happened to be one that just overcame me that I was ready to do it. Audrey: were you ever when you were reaching this desperate point, did you ever think of trying to get help in rehab? I know you ended up there eventually, so I didn't want to get into that, but was that ever a thought? 'Cause I mean you did have people that were really in the know to a certain extent and looking out for you and really trying to help in that way. But was that ever a consideration that you I'm just trying to think of other ways to if someone is hearing this and and feels in that type of depth and desperation of their drinking, like what how would you help someone that feels that way? baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, was definitely a thought. I knew that my drinking wasn't normal. but I just wasn't strong enough at that point in my life to ask for help. I Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: I didn't know exactly what to do. But if you are feeling like that, literally all you have to do is ask for help and people around you, I will Audrey, like we want what's best for you. If you reach out to us on a message, we we truly will do whatever we can to help. But it's just asking for help that is so important and that will literally get you so far. Audrey: Yes. And it's such a brave thing to do, and it is this big scary thing baelie | the sober girly: So brave. Audrey: to say, but the alternative would have been death. in baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: your situation and and the drinking trajectory that you were on. you were seeing these health complications, that type of intervention is okay. You know, like that baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: is is needed and it's acceptable and it is not a scarlet letter that you have to wear forever. You know, like it is just getting things on track so that you can live this this beautiful, happy life that you have now. So take me to that hospital room and kind of like what happened From there. It's no surprise that you don't remember a lot of it. I think I feel like when there's traumas like that, it's incredible that you really weren't injured extremely at all. And the whole airbag thing, all of that, all of those things that happened. And I'm not sure if you're like a person of of faith in this journey, but man, that you have to believe there were a lot of things at play to keep you here. So take me to baelie | the sober girly: I agree. Audrey: that hospital room and kind of what happened from there. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, so I was taken to the hospital that I work at. My coworkers were working on me. Yeah, it was it was very Audrey: wow. my gosh. baelie | the sober girly: embarrassing to go to, you know? but they provided amazing care. They were very kind. but I was too drunk to go home, so I had to spend the night Audrey: Do you know which you blew? Do you know any of that detail? baelie | the sober girly: they did draw my blood and my

blood was like a point three nine four. Yeah. Audrey: And the reason I laugh was not because I I hate that you say it's embarrassing because now I feel bad for laughing. But man, that just the irony baelie | the sober girly: No. Audrey: of that. my gosh, of course, small town, you're gonna end up right where you know everyone. baelie | the sober girly: Exactly. Literally. It was like, it was damn, I couldn't not that I I shouldn't have done it in the first place, but it's like I couldn't have done it anywhere else. I had to Audrey: I got. baelie | the sober girly: do it on the way to Moab. So no, you're so fine to laugh. Don't apologize. but it was like But everyone was amazing. I I truly wouldn't have it any other way. I think that it was very iron. For me to do it there and for everyone to see that because Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: I am not portraying this life that I was acting like, you know, like I have my secrets, and it it was embarrassing for them to find out that way, but that was necessary for me to get sober. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: but I spent the night, they offered because I was going to the psych ward. I that's how From the beginning, I was gonna go to the psych ward. so while they were planning on me getting a room and all that kind of stuff, they sent a nurse over from the recovery center here in Moab. And that is the start of my sobriety journey. He is absolutely amazing in every way possible. I I'm just so grateful that that happened and that we have those resources here in Moab. Audrey: Yes. baelie | the sober girly: that, it was super easy for him to just walk over and have a conversation with me. but also that they were w they're willing to help. they people want you to get help and they want you to be and stay sober. Mm-hmm. Audrey: Yes. wow. Okay. So that was the last day that you ever drank? baelie | the sober girly: Not the last day I ever drank, but the start of my sobriety journey. Yeah. Audrey: Okay. Okay, got it. back to kind of I'm just kind of putting these things together as far as the idea of the impact that suicide has on the people in your orbit, or like you were saying, even the people that could have potentially been around, you know, the first responders, like everyone involved with something like that. But then I also think on this flip side now, too, of you being in that hospital surrounded by people that you know and how that had an impact on them. But in like this scary and kind of cautionary situation, but for them to be able to to walk through that experience with someone that they knew, you know, that type of exposure and knowledge and just Empathy and compassion that comes out of that. everyone was impacted by that, but in a way that can help them grow and understand. And you know, like just I don't know if that makes any sense, but you know, instead of it having baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: this like negative impact on everyone, it's this opportunity for learning

and growth and connection almost of We can rally around this person and d she needs help and they are literally there physically helping you. And then you have this person coming from the recovery center that sounds like became a very important and integral part of this transition and journey. A s a scare in a really close situation like this can really bring people together instead of over this sorrowful thing that was very close to happening into this new chance at life, So it's baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: just a a di such a different experience that everyone was gifted by this. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, I agree. Audrey: Mm. So, okay, so the psych ward, how long was the stay there? What was that experience like? Do you remember a lot of it? Is it aren't medicated through a that? baelie | the sober girly: For sure. it was it was interesting. And I remember my I was gonna be pink sheeted, which means law enforcement has to take me if I was unwilling to go. So either way, if I was willing to go or unwilling to go, I was gonna go to the sideward. So why not make it willing? Why not make it easy, you know? Audrey: Hmm. I've never heard of pink sheeted. You're teaching me a lot. We've got pen whipped and we've got pink sheeted. Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: These are important terms right here. so yeah, I was gonna be pink sheeted and so I was like, just let me go with my parents. I I wanna be comfortable. So they gave me a ton of Atavan to kind of let me s let me sleep is a nice way to put it, to knock me out so I don't change my mind. Audrey: Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm. baelie | the sober girly: so the first night of getting to the sideward, I didn't get my intake until 11 p.m. It was really late at night. and I don't remember a lot of this because Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: I was on Atavan. but I was there for five days. It's very much a vacation for your mind. They very much Audrey: Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: like like it to be really mindless. Like you don't until you have therapy, that's when you get into the stuff and all that. But like you they want you to do coloring like arts and crafts they'll put on some movies for you you can kind of nap whenever but you do have classes throughout the day it's it's a very good place to start to focus on the things you need to focus on and get your life on track at least Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: for me it was it was really mindless I didn't have too much to think about. I had time off of work. I think I was off for like a month after I had a lot of time. My work has been very, very helpful in the sense that I, if I need help, they're willing to give that to me. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: so I'm super grateful about that. But it was don't know, it's kind of just like going back to school, but like high school but living at high school. very easy minded tasks. with some hard work that they want you to do and like therapy and stuff like that. But I've I've been back recently. I think I went in August of this year. So it's definitely still something that I have to work through my my Mental health is not always the best. But yeah, I I think psych words can be super helpful. I know that they have like a bad connotation, but I both my times I've not enjoyed, but I thought it was necessary for me to be there. Audrey: Mm. Yes. And I mean, it makes so much sense too with the mindlessness that you were talking about. Cause it's like we need to have things feel very gentle and like able to work in the hard work that it takes to really try and and work through everything that you've been through. So it sounds like a really kind of I guess just gentle environment that they're really creating. baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: So it's not the padded walls and the movie perceptions, right? Like I think that's part of baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: it too, is like these stigmas that come out. It's just like with quote unquote alcoholics and what that looks like, you know. And then there's just baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, the Audrey: there's there's truth underneath that that is not anything like what the stereotypical image of that is. So baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Yep, exactly. Audrey: and then from there, so You spent time doing that and what does kind of re-entry? So you were off work for a month, what does re-entry look like and how you were supported and and I guess what was expected of you from a recovery standpoint, or yeah, is there a protocol in place of like a structure and then, you know, bringing that up to today too and kind of what tools you have in your sobriety? And you did say that that wasn't your last time that you drank, so I'm curious about that as well. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, yeah. So I got home and my family's very supportive. They're like, if you need to come to work with me, you totally can. Like they're very much just want me to to succeed. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: but I I like to be alone. I like to do things alone. So like I would go up to the mountain, I would read some books, just try to kind of calm my mind. but you know, not everyone is afforded that luxury. I'm very lucky to have a time and place to work on myself. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: but I got sober for about a month after just for the fact that my parents didn't want me to drink. If I could have I would have gotten alcohol the day I got out of the psych ward. Audrey: So you still did not really intend on quitting drinking even after that. Man, even like even knowing that that's like what led you to that decision was like baelie | the sober girly: Mm. No, not at all. Yeah, it's pretty sad. Audrey: drinking and kind of knowing yourself by this point of like this is my cycle. I I'm drinking, I'm driving, I'm spiraling. You know, like you had started to put all this together, right, by this point baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: of that alcohol was not

really Like you said, you were a sad drinker. This wasn't like a baelie | the sober girly: Sad. Audrey: party rock situation. It's interesting. baelie | the sober girly: No, my gosh, I wish it was. But yeah, I I still went back even I even after I knew that it had caused all of this turmoil in my life. yeah, getting sober for the first time, I don't know, I I say getting sober lightly because I didn't want to be sober. I was doing it to appease other people. Audrey: Mm-hmm. Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: so I wasn't trying to get sober. I was just sober because people wanted me to be. Audrey: Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: but after that I went back to drinking after a Halloween party. again with my week on, week off of work. but I was like lying the entire time of like if I was drinking, how much I was drinking, I was hiding my drinking. Like it I just went back to my old ways. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: and then So that was in October when I started drinking again. And I didn't get sober until April of the following year. Mm-hmm. Audrey: Mm. How was that? Was it just rinse and repeat of what you just described? Like the hiding was it escalated at all? And like were there any more suicidal ideation type considerations that were in in play at all? baelie | the sober girly: Not any that I can distinctly remember, but I definitely Audrey: Mm-hmm, man. baelie | the sober girly: know I'm just a sad person. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: even now that I'm sober, I still have those thoughts. but I am on medicine for it. But it's just something that I can't quite shake. Like it's always something that's there. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: so I know that during drinking I had to have many. but I just remember like I don't know why it finally clicked for me, but my therapist in April, she was my brand new therapist. I just got on her. And had my alcohol in my room. My mom was coming home to confront me about it. My mom's the scarier parent. My mom's the one that's like, if she's mad at you, you know, like damn. So I was like, I need to throw my alcohol away. So I'm dr I'm pretty drunk and my dad is home and I'm trying to act like I'm not drunk, but he knows, yeah, Audrey: Right. We all think it's hi we're hiding it so well. baelie | the sober girly: I was like, he doesn't even have a clue. he sure did. Audrey: Right. baelie | the sober girly: but he had stopped me, had confiscated all my alcohol bottles, and my mom called my therapist and was like, Bailey's trying to drive drunk, I don't know what to do. And she's like, just make sure Bailey stays home, she's safe. And we'll talk about it when we meet on Monday. And my therapist tells me to bring my mom with me, which usually if they're asking you to bring someone else with you, that's not a good sign, or it is a good sign, depending on how you want to look at it. You know what I mean? Audrey: Yes, yes. baelie | the sober girly: but I remember getting ready for therapy and I I

look at myself and I go, She's gonna tell you you're going to rehab. And this is not the first time that I've heard about rehab. I've been told to go so many times. I'm just like, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not doing it yet. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: And so I'm twenty three in April, getting ready for therapy. Me and my mom show up and we sit down and my therapist goes, Bailey, you need to go to rehab. Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: And I don't know if it was the way she said it, who said it, because she didn't know me very well. It's not like we'd been working together for months. Audrey: Right. baelie | the sober girly: You know, it's like this brand new person who can tell that my drinking is an issue. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: but I just broke down. I started crying. I think I realized now that it was finally time for me to go. Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: but also like it wasn't like, I'm going to rehab. It was like, I'm going to rehab. I was very much in the sense that this is just a joke. I'm just doing it to to get people off my back. You know what I mean? I Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: was so immature when it came to my drinking and stuff like that. because I didn't think that it was necessary. But luckily my head was screwed on straight when I went to rehab. April twenty-sixth was a few days before I went to rehab. My mom was like, You're done, you're done drinking on the twenty-sixth. And so that was my last day I had alcohol. I went to rehab on the twenty-ninth, and I have been sober ever since the April twenty-sixth of twenty twenty four. Yeah. Yeah. Audrey: Yes, girl. my gosh. Well, it really is just something I hear so often of like, you have to really want it. You baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: and you alone. And you can't do it for anyone else. You can try. It might last a little bit, but either like. resentment builds up there or you just aren't invested enough in it. it really has to come from within. baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: And like you said, all those kind of stars aligned in the way of like you were you were mentally kind of ready. You heard it from It's interesting too that it was this new therapist. It's almost okay, she saw the receipts, and was just like, I'm gonna just come in hot and tell you this baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: is what needs to happen. And and maybe that is was a a blessing in disguise too, that it was a new person, this fresh perspective, and and the fact that you knew that this is where we were going. We don't we don't bring our friends and it's not a friends and family discount when we go to therapy. Like it's baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: It's it's we need to talk kind of situation. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, exactly. I was like, you know what, something's gonna be different this time. But I'm so glad it was and I'm so I'm so happy she had the balls to stand up and say, You're you're ruining your life. If you don't go to rehab now, then some other bad things are gonna happen to you. So I I Audrey: Yes. baelie | the sober girly: thank her every day for her help and support. She's not my therapist anymore. She's moved on, but not like drop me, but she's like gotten a new job. Audrey: Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: but yeah, she changed my life. Audrey: Wow. And it's interesting too that you you did at first kind of almost balk at it of like, I'm going to rehab, you know, like this almost this performative task. It's almost like the alcoholic baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: thing of like, guys, I'm an alcoholic, you know, like that same kind of almost I guess denial mentality of just like baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: that that continuing to happen, but that you did actually end up owning it, you know, and like really doing it. 'Cause that rehab stay could have been if you had kept that mentality of I'm going. it could have just you could have gone right back to drinking easily. So baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: it's so great that you really were able to kind of 'cause is that what you meant when you said it like that? Ca you said that you were like kind of doing it just to please everyone, right? But then something changed. Yeah. I mean, you took it seriously. baelie | the sober girly: For sure. Yeah. Well, and I think that it was more because I'm the alcoholic friend. This just reaffirmed that I'm the alcoholic friend for me, because I need to go Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: to rehab. it was just like a joke at the at the beginning. people Audrey: Right. baelie | the sober girly: think that I have this big issue, I'm gonna go to rehab. And then you go to rehab and you're like, Holy shit, I do have a a pretty huge issue. the people weren't just lying to me. Audrey: And is that the first time you really saw that? baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, well and I was not super I think I went to one online AA meeting during my alcoholism time. but Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: as soon as I went to rehab, we went to AA all the time. And so Audrey: Right. baelie | the sober girly: it was just like, wow, I I do have an issue. And if I don't get help, I'm gonna hurt someone or kill someone else. And I I could not live with myself if I did that. Audrey: Mm. Yes. And there's something about the community piece of it too, right? Like being surrounded by other people who are nodding their heads. And then you realize you you do fit in with this group, kinda like you were saying. It's baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Audrey: like, and then the meetings I'm sure were another level of like identifying yourself in all of those rooms and and those people that you were surrounded with. How does that look now? Do you are you still attending AA or what's your main source of support for your sobriety? baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. I do not attend AA anymore. it's just not for me at where where I live it's

not very youth centered. it's Audrey: Hm. baelie | the sober girly: a lot of old timers and I think that's amazing, like awesome. Audrey: Right. baelie | the sober girly: but I need someone I can connect to on a personal level of like age, gender, stuff like that. Audrey: Mm-hmm. Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: So commun my community has been like social media. I've met a lot of amazing people. I hear amazing stories being shared to me. And that just brings me so much inspiration to stay sober. And like there's there's something so special when someone says, You've inspired me to get sober. Because I Audrey: Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: I feel like I share my st like my posts and my stories. As a way to keep myself sober, but if Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: I can help one person, then I've I've done what I needed to do. Audrey: Yes. baelie | the sober girly: I love meetings. I'm not opposed to meetings, but there's something Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: so special and something that really gets me when someone says you've inspired me to stay sober. why, how could I inspire someone to get sober yet, you know. wanna go back to drinking. it's just not Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: I just can't see the two aligning for me. Does that make sense? Yeah. Audrey: Yes. Totally. It's this beautiful accountability layer that right. When you're when they're saying how much you're helping them, it's like, well, I'm not gonna go back to the thing that was hurting me. that that baelie | the sober girly: Exactly. Audrey: seems like so counterintuitive. And the further you get away baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Audrey: from that, I feel like that magnet has less power too. So yeah, that was I was going to ask about your page because you are so vulnerable about one of the hardest topics to talk about. What What made you decide that you were really ready to bear it all, the the hard parts and all on your on your social media? baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, I get pinpoint an exact time, but I remember I actually had a TikTok before my Instagram for about a year and I would post on there and I was doing like makeup videos. I've always loved makeup and stuff like that. And then there was this trend that I was like, I could do a sobriety one. And it kind of just blew up. And Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: so I I think I found my niche right there. I was like, This seems to work. Audrey: Mm. baelie | the sober girly: and so I had a lot of people starting to reach out to me asking for sober tips. And I was like, I could I could do this. Like this is something that's so Audrey: Yeah. baelie | the sober girly: plausible for me to do. So I've just stuck with it. And my Instagram, I think I started posting in June. just kind of blew up. And there's something so free about telling the world every little piece about me, every good thing, every bad thing. there's something so free about that that I can just portray myself Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: for who I am and people can resonate with that. Like it's it's just a really cool thing. I really am so lucky to do what I do. Audrey: I love it. And in the world and anybody who's following you appreciates that type of vulnerability and sharing. And you are I can see the makeup girly piece of you because you are just glowing in some of these photos. You're in this beautiful baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: red rocks. Like I love how you go up and celebrate every pretty much hundred days, right? You're going up there baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: somewhere beautiful and you've got your candles and you're you're celebrating milestones and you're you're sharing so openly and it's just so important. I love when you can can really turn that pain into purpose and that you found your way kind of organically is really cool too. It's like started as one thing and then you're like, people are interested in this and you realize you have something to say about it and this unique level of expertise that is so helpful for other people to hear and to normalize So many of the things that you've you've gone through and from the psych ward to the attempt, you know, to that level of drinking and you know, everything that you've experienced is so valuable and it helps people feel seen in it and not feel shame from it. Like it's such important work that you're doing. So I love it. Thank baelie | the sober girly: Thank you. And same to you. Yeah. Audrey: you. Well, it's only because people like you coming on and sharing. I mean, it really It helps people to hear and it helped me in the beginning of my journey to hear other people's stories because baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Audrey: not only did I learn something from every every podcast I would listen to and every story I would hear, but it just makes you feel less alone. And then these feelings that you have, it's like, I'm this is not unique to me. Like other people are feeling this too. And I think that is one of the best things about social media is While it can be so divisive and such a pain in the ass sometimes, you know, it baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: really in our part of the world in the sober community, it it really can help move the needle for people and help them feel seen and help them feel empowered to make change. And baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: like I started with every time I see one of those posts of you in that hospital room and then like you now, it's it's just such a transformation. And we are just Also lucky that you are still in our world. So I really appreciate everything that you do online. baelie | the sober girly: Thank you. Audrey: tell me what one of your biggest. I always ask this at the end of these episodes is what is one of your biggest glimmers? Like a small moment where you just really either saw how far you've come or just something that you would have maybe drank through otherwise and totally ignored, like just

these little beautiful. sparkles in our life now. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, let's see. I this is like a kind of like wow, I can I can really do this kind of thing. I'm very much this is gonna sound so dumb, but I'm very much a lover girl at heart. I I want to be loved. I want to love someone. and so I went through a really bad breakup and I stayed sober, and that just shows me like. You can do hard things. That is something because that that's something that people tend to relapse over, they just lost Audrey: Mm-hmm. baelie | the sober girly: their person. and so it's really, really hopeful and like I get a lot of hope knowing that I can stay sober through something like that. That's like my little glimmer. I even though that's like a big one, that's a big glimmer. Audrey: Right. That's okay. Well, especially when you set it up that way of like I really just doesn't everyone love and want to be loved? But the way you baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: like that is you feel that that is that is who you are. And then for baelie | the sober girly: He's Audrey: to go through something like that, like that is absolutely something that could take you back to drinking because that's an easy spiral, you know, like that's not a baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Mm-hmm. Audrey: far leap to do and The fact that you yeah, you're like, I can sit with those emotions, I can work through this, I can see these brighter sides and and not doom scroll our lives, you can work through this. And baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: you've done some hard shit at this point in time, my friend. baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: you are proving that again and again and you keep showing up and there's gonna be someone amazing out there for you. No doubt about it. And I don't think I mentioned baelie | the sober girly: thank you. One one day. Audrey: your handle, so it's at The dot sober dot girly, right? Isn't it? There's a couple dots in there. Okay, wow, I got it. That's a first. and I baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Yep. Audrey: didn't I usually don't end on a drinking story, but did I see you beer bonging wine? Wine wine bonging? baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Yeah. Audrey: That sounds so difficult. Like beer beer bonging is not a great experience, but wine? Hol shit, girl. That's wild. We're gonna baelie | the sober girly: yeah. Me and my friends got into some crazy stuff. Audrey: need a part two. baelie | the sober girly: Right? I wish I had more documentation of that night. Audrey: my gosh. I was like, that surely is not red wine in that beer bong. my gosh. I would be baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Yep. It was Audrey: puking just it would look like a crime scene. baelie | the sober girly: Understandable. I I bet it was that, honestly. Audrey: You're like, I don't I'm not positive, but baelie | the sober girly: Yeah, I can I can assume based on some other drinking stories about what happened after that. Audrey: Right. Right. Luckily, I mean, yeah, most likely nothing great occurred the rest of that evening. baelie | the sober girly: Exactly. No. Nothing to write home about for sure. Audrey: Ugh, there's just you have so much to offer and you're you're a you're a healer, you know, with what you do with your job and you baelie | the sober girly: thank you. Audrey: are doing important work and showing up as your best sober self is benefiting everyone. So, but mostly you. So I'm really baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: glad that you shared today. I really appreciate it, and I hope it's a reinforcement for anyone hearing if they are struggling that. There is help out there. There's so much help out there. And it is okay baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Audrey: to ask for it. And we need every single person here with us because everyone in our orbit is so important. And you're just not alone, you know? So baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: I think that that people can feel really isolated, especially these days. And it's just there are people who care about you and want the best. And Speaking up about it is just so important because a lot of people suffer in silence and it just doesn't have to be that way. And the more that we all know and share, we can help, you know. So people baelie | the sober girly: Mm-hmm. Audrey: are are helpers at heart. So I think you sharing all this today is really gonna have a big impact and and inspire others to to get out of this nasty cycle that alcohol baelie | the sober girly: Mm. Audrey: can bring on and it It can be fast and furious you're in your twenties, or it can be this slow drip that takes us into later in life, So there's it's never a bad time to evaluate everything and just and make changes baelie | the sober girly: Yeah. Audrey: for the better. baelie | the sober girly: I agree, that was very well said. Audrey: Thank you. Thank you for being here. I just wish you all the best. baelie | the sober girly: Yes. Audrey: Keep shining bright, my friend. baelie | the sober girly: Thank you, I enjoyed this so much. Yes. Thank you. Audrey: Me too. We'll talk soon. Thank you. Bye. baelie | the sober girly: Bye. Audrey: Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Dry Humor. Remember, we're taking sobriety seriously, but not ourselves. I hope something about this episode brought a smile to your face. Between episodes, you can catch me on Instagram, at Dry Humor Podcast. And I would love it if you would share the show with a friend. Now go out there and keep it honest, keep it awkward, and I'll see you next Tuesday.