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What are you choosing in your life?
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Because as adults, we have decisions and we have choices that we can make.
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You can either say, Yes, I want to do this or no, I don't want to do this because we're grown.
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This is just kind of is what the situation is.
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So you know what I can do, although it's annoying or it's been annoying, I'm gonna create a piece for me.
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So you either have one or two options.
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The first option would be, hey, what's up, you guys?
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Welcome or welcome back to Chats with Michelle, where we chat all things keeping your promises to yourself through navigating adulthood and pursuing purpose.
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And in today's chat, we are gonna be chatting all things navigating adulthood by way of managing your expectations.
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Okay, so why this topic in today's chat?
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Well, because when it comes to the area of navigating adulthood, my goodness, I am quite literally very passionate about it because I can be the first to say and admit that I haven't always gotten this right.
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And as someone who used to be in overcoming, um, but and karma was uh highly emotional, highly sensitive.
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Like this is something that I've had to um input in my life to not be so easily offended, and or like I mentioned right at the beginning, managing my expectations to be able to more than anything keep the peace when it comes to myself, my mental health, my like just just my uh what am I trying to say?
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Like just leveling my body, leveling my emotions, and just all of the things.
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And so, what do I mean by managing your expectations?
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I think a lot of times what happens in life when it comes to people, as we are, you know, having to communicate and work with people throughout our lives, we can get quite frustrated, disappointed, all the things because we quite literally didn't manage our expectations.
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It's not necessarily to say that it's always um, you know, our fault, but it can fall on the other party.
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However, I think when it comes to life and how things work, and you know, if you've been living long enough, right?
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It's like there's usually patterns that we can um attest and see.
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And I think that a lot of times we get our own selves frustrated because we just choose not to see the situation for what it is and draw a line in the sand and or create that expectation so that you know how to move forward, so you know how to move moving forward, right?
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So, what do I mean by that, by patterns, etc.?
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So let's just use the example of because what is something that you're gonna do frequently?
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Okay, I think that we all, or many of us, or is it just me?
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I don't know, but many of us have like a hood spot they like to go to.
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I like to go to one in particular, right?
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To get me some good fried fish.
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Okay, some fried fish, and this place is never good customer service, child.
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It ain't never good customer service, and the food doesn't take long, but let's just say, for the sake of this example, let's say it's not good customer service and the food takes forever, right?
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But this is a place that I have decided in my life, whenever I want to have a cheap meal, I'm gonna go to this place.
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And although I know I'm not gonna have good customer service, I know they're gonna take forever, and they might even sometimes get the order wrong.
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I've decided that I like the taste of this food so much, it's something I'm willing to deal with.
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Okay, so this is a pattern because every single time I go, it's the same old thing over and over and over again.
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So, what I look like if I just went a couple of weeks ago and I had this experience and I've been going to this place for years.
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For me to let's say I'm deciding, okay, I'm gonna go tomorrow, right?
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I'm gonna go back to this um, this, this restaurant tomorrow, and I decide to have an attitude because the girl taking my order has an attitude, and it's just all it is.
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Well, that's dumb because I've been experiencing this for years.
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So you either have one or two options.
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The first option would be I can't patronize this business anymore.
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Y'all need to get it together.
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I it's just too much.
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I'm done, I'm never coming back.
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Or the second option is to manage your expectations.
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Do you see where we're going here?
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I feel like you're following me.
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And what is the managing of the expectations?
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Chow, I know when I come here, whoever's behind the counter is gonna have an attitude.
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It's probably gonna take 45 minutes for my food to be ready.
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And I, because I know that they've made a mistake with my order in the past, I need to double triple check that they have my order absolutely correct and possibly check
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my order, open the food before I leave.
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Because I have dealt with it before, and even though I know the person behind the counter is gonna get an attitude for me double checking, it's worth my piece in the end.
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Do you see how I manage my expectations?
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So when I go in, I already know.
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Person gonna have an attitude, my food's gonna take a while.
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So guess what?
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I might bring a book, I might bring something, something I gotta work on while I wait.
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I might just go dip out and run a quick errand and come back.
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I am managing my expectations for what I'm gonna walk into so that way I'm not okay, like this is what I decided to have, and now I'm annoyed because the girl behind the counter had an attitude and then the thing taking forever.
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And it's like, but you've been doing this over and over and over again.
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Or you can decide, you know what, I'm gonna choose happy.
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I'm gonna have a good day, actually.
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I'm not gonna worry about you and your stinking attitude, and I'm gonna come into the situation knowing what I'm gonna deal with.
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And you know what's even better?
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Because listen, people can change.
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It's not to say that people and situations can't change, right?
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Wouldn't it be so nice if the girl or the cashier behind the um the desk was pleasant?
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You're like, wow, this person was really nice.
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And the food only took like, let's say, if you went from 45, it only took 15.
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You're like, oh, my food only took 15 minutes and it's hot.
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And they actually got it all right.
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So you would just be pleasantly surprised.
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I feel like that's how you manage your expectations.
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And this is like I said, this is because I know you're about like, girl, what kind of gymnastics?
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Why are you twisting yourself in a pretzel to go to a place?
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It's one of those things where it's like I said in the beginning, if you are choosing, like you're like, this is gonna be a part of my life, then you need to manage your expectations.
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Don't you go in and frustrating yourself and ruining your own peace because of what you already know you're gonna walk into.
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And I feel like that comes with, yes, okay, I gave you the example of like a fictional restaurant, but I feel like that also comes with people in your
life, right?
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If there are people in your life that you love and you have a relationship with, and listen, no shade, girl, because I I have a really good friend who I met with recently.
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Love, I love this girl to life.
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She may or may not see this, but I know this friend is always late.
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So guess what?
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Because for me, it doesn't make sense for me to like frustrate myself about it.
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I planned our date around her being a solid half an hour late because I just know her and she tries her best, she keeps up with me, like she really tries, she really does.
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But I know she is challenged in this era, and then to be fair, I'm not saying no names, but I'll say to be fair, there's been times where she's beat me to the spot.
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You know what I mean?
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But historically, she's late, so it's like I can be frustrated and be like, oh my gosh, like she doesn't respect my time, da da da, which I don't believe that at all.
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Or I can say, hey, I know she's probably gonna be about half an hour late.
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Let me plan around this time because so that way I'm not one frustrated, and or I'm like, you know what, I'm gonna chill, I'm gonna watch a podcast, I'm gonna work on this other thing.
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But it's like I mentally manage my expectation because this is a relationship, right?
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You're choosing, right?
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It's it's your choice.
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What are you choosing in your life?
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Because as adults, we have decisions and we have choices that we can make.
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You can either say, Yes, I want to do this or no, I don't want to do this because we're grown.
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Again, it's creating a peace for you and yourself in your own life.
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Like, it doesn't make sense to me to frustrate myself, to irritate myself, to just eliminate the peace that I have going on because I'm walking into a situation that I already know is gonna be what it's gonna be.
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So for me, I'm like, oh, I'm chilling.
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Like when it comes to a lot of these different patterns in my life, where I where whether it is with people, places, or things, I'm just like, yeah, like you just you just do this, you know, and it doesn't make it right, but there are just certain things where I'm like, you know, I'm not gonna eliminate this.
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This is just kind of is what the situation is.
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So you know what I can do, although it's annoying or it's been annoying, I'm gonna create the piece for me.
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I feel like in today's day and age, we are lacking nuance.
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You know what?
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Let's look up the definition of nuance because I want to make sure that I get it right.
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Nuance is a small subtle difference in meaning, tone, feeling, or appearance that can easily be missed, but can completely change how you understand something.
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So, what do I mean by this?
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I think in today's day and age, and in this generation, and when I say generation, I don't mean like millennial, Gen Z or baby boomers, or you know, like whatever, like what year you're born.
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It has nothing to do with that, but more so the time and place that we're all occupying this earth at the same time.
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So we're in the day and age in the 21st century where you know we're all a lot of us, anyways, are chronically online on socials, where we just have so much content that we're consuming, and just like we have information overload, and now there's you know, artificial intelligence and all the things like that.
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And you know, you're either on this side or that side, and and just like you hear this commentary, and now you hate this, and like just so much information, so much overload.
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I think that we lack nuance, I think that we lack like, you know what?
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Just because like we're focusing on this right here doesn't mean that this other thing isn't important.
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It's like, yeah, I know this is still important, but we're focused on this, and we can hold two truths.
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And I feel like it's so hard for us to hold two truths.
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And I will be, you know, completely honest and saying as well that this is something that I have to be intentional about practicing because I think sometimes even with myself, I can watch commentary on something.
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I'm like, oh my gosh, this person sucks.
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Actually, this person sucks.
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You know what I mean?
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And it's like being able to just one, investigate for myself.
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So I think we lack just our own investigations of like, okay, like, well, they said this, but like, let me do my own investigation, let me do my own research, let me fully understand, and sometimes too, really just getting down to the truth because sometimes we can hear sound bites or we can hear um just one perspective, but you don't get the whole picture.
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And I think that it just creates a lot of, you know, we're talking about like, you know, managing your expectations, but also just create like the peace for yourself in this adulthood, and like I said, with all
this information overload.
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And it's like, how can I create peace for myself?
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And I and the more I thought about it, I said to myself, I think it's just being able to um understand that we're all not gonna have the same worldview.
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I can, you know, walk in chew gum, I can eat the meat and speed out, spit out the bones.
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Like there are some people who I don't necessarily like care for personally, but like I like this one thing that they do, right?
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And or you know what?
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Actually, I don't care for them at all.
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I'm just not a fan, I'm not interested.
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And I can say, I'm gonna just unsubscribe or I'm gonna mute this person.
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Like, I just I never understood people who write crazy things under people's like comment sections and things like that.
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Because for me, I'm just kind of like, I can be like, you know what?
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I don't care for this person, I'm just gonna move on.
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And I think that that's the piece that we need to do for ourselves.
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It's like if you don't like someone, you don't like something, like then like you like by all means, you don't have to follow it.
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You do not have to watch it, you do not have to keep, you know, you know what I mean?
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And like, yeah, like you, you you or you can.
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I talked about us being adults and us having choices.
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It's like you have the choice to walk away, you have a choice to log off, you have a choice to step away, especially like in this last midterm election.
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It was like I was like really just like involved and keeping up, and it was to the point where I feel like it was becoming a bit of an overload.
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And I was like, you know what, Michelle, I think you need to take a break from like all the commentary, all the everything, and just like I, you know, just finding myself getting frustrated.
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I'm like, I think you should step back.
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And I think that we can be more intentional about like walking away, and like I said, just being able to hold to the truth and also realizing that everyone's not gonna have the same worldview, and everyone um lives life differently.
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So sometimes people see things a certain way because of the way that they were brought up, and like, and that's okay, and maybe it's not okay, and maybe they do suck, you know what I mean?
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But then also being like, okay, I'm done, or being like, I can rock with this, but not that, or I can do that.
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You know what I mean?
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Just being able, like just having more substance to you, is essentially what I think I'm trying to say.
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Right.
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I think so.
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But uh, with that being said, thanks so much for chatting with me.
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Bye.