Volledige transcriptie van Connection Is The Currency - Building Belonging, Community, and Courage - Stephen Seidel : 180

college, I realized, okay, this is my time to shine. 00:03:41.520 --> 00:03:44.159 Um, I remember my sister saying, You're gonna be like everybody else. 00:03:44.159 --> 00:03:47.919 You were so good at school, you're gonna get to college and you're gonna fail out or something crazy is gonna happen. 00:03:47.919 --> 00:03:49.120 But for me, that was a catalyst. 00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:50.560 It's like, no, I'll show you. 00:03:50.560 --> 00:04:02.000 And so once I got to, I went to Penn State and I became the social chair and just really tried to find connections and really uh share stories with, you know, I was in a fraternity and a lot of just different organizations. 00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:04.960 And I think action is really the most important part. 00:04:04.960 --> 00:04:07.280 In order to become motivated, we needed to take action. 00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:11.039 And by taking action, I found myself amongst many other individuals. 00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:17.759 And that's where I started to move forward and realize: look, it's not about me pleasing others, it's about understanding what my true value is. 00:04:17.759 --> 00:04:22.160 What are the gifts that God has given me, and how can I utilize these gifts for the greater good? 00:04:22.160 --> 00:04:43.839 And for me, it was relationships, communication, finding ways to bring people together, to make sure that leaders lead with intention and they have conviction and they have grit, gratitude, resilience, integrity, and trust so that others can see themselves in you and realize yes, I'm connecting, but they're also on my team and they want what's best for me. 00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:44.319 I see. 00:04:44.319 --> 00:04:46.000 You mentioned the word belonging. 00:04:46.000 --> 00:04:54.959 So you were able to connect with many, many groups and you know, be like a glue in different places, but you really didn't belong to one specific uh group. 00:04:54.959 --> 00:04:56.639 So can can you talk more about that? 00:04:56.879 --> 00:04:57.199 Sure. 00:04:57.199 --> 00:05:03.120 So um one of the most effective ways to find a sense of belonging is through shared experiences. 00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:06.639 And through those shared experiences, you ultimately build a story together. 00:05:06.639 --> 00:05:09.680 And so there's a really amazing book called Crucial Conversations. 00:05:09.680 --> 00:05:14.079 It talks about when you're going into a high intense conversation where there's bound to be some conflict. 00:05:14.079 --> 00:05:17.439 But when you have these crucial conversations, you ultimately have an intention. 00:05:17.439 --> 00:05:18.399 What do I want to have? 00:05:18.399 --> 00:05:24.720 Well, I want to be invited to the party, or I want to be on the uh on the on the board, or I want this company to hire me. 00:05:24.720 --> 00:05:28.000 Then when you have these difficult conversations, you know what the outcome is. 00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:33.839 But oftentimes we feel as if we know how that's going to occur, but we don't really need to know that. 00:05:33.839 --> 00:05:35.680 We just need to set a solid intention. 00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:37.199 You don't need to figure it all out. 00:05:37.199 --> 00:05:38.240 It's like GPS. 00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:41.600 You have goals, you have performance, you have success, the skills that get you there. 00:05:41.600 --> 00:05:49.680 But from a sense of belonging is when you have these shared experiences and you come from a place from happiness, not for happiness. 00:05:49.680 --> 00:05:55.439 And that's something that I learned later on, and then I talked to a lot of individuals around is if it's funny, it's done. 00:05:55.439 --> 00:06:00.639 So back then, I didn't feel a sense of belonging because I wanted to have friends. 00:06:00.639 --> 00:06:10.560 I wanted to be in a group where I felt like I was seen or heard, but I was coming from a place of lack, from fear, false evidence appearing real. 00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:12.879 And I was going for happiness. 00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:15.120 I felt this group of friends would make me happy. 00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:19.279 But really, I needed to take a step back and figure out how can I love myself? 00:06:19.279 --> 00:06:21.199 What are the things that really light me up? 00:06:21.199 --> 00:06:27.360 And then these friendships or the sense of belonging will come from these individuals that have those shared experiences. 00:06:27.680 --> 00:06:28.079 Yes. 00:06:28.079 --> 00:06:35.040 For you, in in that sense that you were getting along with many people, however, you still didn't believe that you belong. 00:06:35.040 --> 00:06:36.319 So how how is that? 00:06:36.639 --> 00:06:38.399 So that was a story that I was telling myself. 00:06:38.399 --> 00:06:44.959 And there's a story that we tell ourselves of these limiting beliefs that I'm not good enough, that I don't belong here, or you know, they're better than I am. 00:06:44.959 --> 00:06:49.120 And that's a lot of what I talk about, you know, from a leadership perspective and leaning. 00:06:49.120 --> 00:06:50.639 And that's the most important thing. 00:06:50.639 --> 00:06:55.040 You know, I talked to my daughter about making sure that you have tough positive self-talk. 00:06:55.040 --> 00:06:58.720 When you look for the things that you want to have in this world, they begin to show up. 00:06:58.720 --> 00:07:04.399 When you look for the things, if you play in a victim mindset, which I was doing back then, I was a victim. 00:07:04.399 --> 00:07:05.759 Look, I didn't have friends. 00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:06.879 You know, they don't like me. 00:07:06.879 --> 00:07:07.680 I'm too short. 00:07:07.680 --> 00:07:11.839 This is what I was talking about when I was talking about self-esteem and not having confidence. 00:07:11.839 --> 00:07:18.959 Placing blame on things outside of who I was instead of taking accountability for who I was and saying, look, there's no reason why I don't belong here.

00:07:18.959 --> 00:07:22.639 You may be a bunch of the football players, but that doesn't mean I can't be friends with you. 00:07:22.639 --> 00:07:25.199 They have different shared experiences that they have. 00:07:25.199 --> 00:07:27.279 They have a football game that they played together. 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:28.399 I don't have that. 00:07:28.399 --> 00:07:32.399 That doesn't mean that I still can't connect with them or relate with them. 00:07:32.399 --> 00:07:39.120 But in that instance, I was choosing to use that as an excuse that, you know, I'm not like they are. 00:07:39.120 --> 00:07:40.639 But really, we're all humans. 00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:41.439 We want to be loved. 00:07:41.439 --> 00:07:44.160 We want to be feel feel seen and heard. 00:07:44.160 --> 00:07:47.199 And those moments, that's where I felt in certain areas. 00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:50.079 But yet there still were individuals that I did get along with. 00:07:50.079 --> 00:07:56.639 I might not have gotten along with the quarterback, the running back, the wide receiver, and the tight end, but I knew the running back. 00:07:56.639 --> 00:07:59.920 His name was Luke Moroni, and we were both in student government associations. 00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:01.279 So I had a great friendship with them. 00:08:01.279 --> 00:08:06.000 So I would hang out with him when I hung out with him, but I then I wouldn't go and hang out with all of the football players. 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:10.160 But I had relationships that were furthering who I was and my sense of connection. 00:08:10.399 --> 00:08:15.040 It it is an advantage that you were able to connect with many different people, not just one group. 00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:17.439 Sometimes that makes you a well-rounded person. 00:08:17.759 --> 00:08:20.959 Yes, that and for when you go out, take a look at who your friends are. 00:08:20.959 --> 00:08:30.000 Hopefully they're on they have differentiating viewpoints, especially now in today's political climate, you know, Republicans, independent, liberals, whatever it might be, people are entitled to their beliefs. 00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:31.600 I don't think that that makes them a bad person. 00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:33.440 And so that's one thing that I look for. 00:08:33.440 --> 00:08:34.799 I look for diversity. 00:08:34.799 --> 00:08:37.120 I look for individuals who are different from me. 00:08:37.120 --> 00:08:41.279 When I was at Penn State, I chose to work at the Paul Robeson Cultural Center. 00:08:41.279 --> 00:08:44.159 I was the only Caucasian individual who worked there. 00:08:44.159 --> 00:08:52.720 Everybody else was, you know, Chinese or Japanese, black, African American, Indian, but I was the only Caucasian individual who was able to work there. 00:08:52.720 --> 00:08:53.759 And to me, I loved it. 00:08:53.759 --> 00:08:55.600 I got to immerse myself in different cultures. 00:08:55.600 --> 00:08:56.480 I got to learn. 00:08:56.480 --> 00:09:00.000 What I was doing was replacing

that judgment with curiosity. 00:09:00.000 --> 00:09:03.600 How could I have that curious mindset so that I'm learning more? 00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:06.320 I'm learning their stories like we talked about earlier. 00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:13.279 And through them sharing their stories and I'm seeing who they truly are and where they come from, then we connect on a deeper level. 00:09:13.279 --> 00:09:18.399 For example, I worked at the Cultural Center and there are a lot of rap songs. 00:09:18.399 --> 00:09:25.120 I now I don't know if you listen to rap music, but back then it was like the rise of Puff Daddy, source B-IG, Tupac, you name it. 00:09:25.120 --> 00:09:28.720 They say the N-word a lot, which is not a very appropriate word. 00:09:28.720 --> 00:09:30.639 And I don't subscribe to that one bit. 00:09:30.639 --> 00:09:33.919 In the song, sometimes people sing the songs and they say these words. 00:09:33.919 --> 00:09:37.440 And I had a moment where I said, Hey, is it all right for me to ask you a question? 00:09:37.440 --> 00:09:42.000 Because I built a sense of trust through that resilience and connection. 00:09:42.000 --> 00:09:44.720 Normally I wouldn't just go up to somebody and say, Hey, can I say this? 00:09:44.720 --> 00:09:46.240 They would say, immediately not. 00:09:46.240 --> 00:09:47.440 They would say, No way. 00:09:47.440 --> 00:09:50.639 Since we had built trust, we worked together, we had shared experiences. 00:09:50.639 --> 00:09:55.840 I said, What's your take on it if I'm singing a rap song and the n-word comes up and I sing it in that song? 00:09:55.840 --> 00:09:57.279 Is that okay in your opinion? 00:09:57.279 --> 00:09:58.240 And they said, No. 00:09:58.240 --> 00:10:06.799 If it was somebody else who hasn't gone through that and doesn't know the cultural ramifications and all the strife that we've gone through, I don't think that we'd be appropriate. 00:10:06.799 --> 00:10:07.759 Absolutely not. 00:10:07.759 --> 00:10:13.039 And they were like, since I know you and I know that's not how you feel and that's not how you think, sure, go for it. 00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:29.200 And so these were just some of these individual moments where when you can connect on a deeper level, you could connect heart to heart, eye to eye, versus nowadays when people are connecting on social media, text message by text message, or Instagram messages where you don't really see the results of your actions. 00:10:29.200 --> 00:10:36.960 It was a little bit different back then because I was able to build one-to-one, heart to heart, separate myself from my head and get into my heart. 00:10:36.960 --> 00:10:40.159 And that was a really genuine experience that helped me learn. 00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:40.960 Oh, wonderful. 00:10:40.960 --> 00:10:45.919 And what did you decide to study after knowing so much that connections was so valuable to you? 00:10:46.159 --> 00:10:52.320 So when I went to college, my parents, I was good at science and mathematics,

and they said, Look, I really think that you should pursue engineering. 00:10:52.320 --> 00:10:53.200 It's a great field. 00:10:53.200 --> 00:10:59.440 I loved entertainment and acting, but I had never done it before because I've talked about growing up, I had limited self-esteem. 00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:05.200 A lot of this baggage that I held behind me and it didn't allow me to be the fullest version of myself. 00:11:05.200 --> 00:11:17.200 So I went as an engineer and I decided to do industrial engineering because it was a little bit more business and practicality versus chemical engineering where you're working on, you know, with chemicals or mechanical with buildings and trusses. 00:11:17.200 --> 00:11:22.000 So I went for industrial engineering, which allowed a lot more personal interaction. 00:11:22.000 --> 00:11:28.080 And then I decided, hey, look, I really love I loved movies, I love stories, I love the hero's journey. 00:11:28.080 --> 00:11:30.159 I went on an audition and I failed miserably. 00:11:30.159 --> 00:11:31.759 I forgot my whole entire monologue. 00:11:31.759 --> 00:11:33.440 And so I ran out of the room. 00:11:33.440 --> 00:11:37.519 Then eventually, after I got out of college, I got a job as an engineer. 00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:39.919 And then I found again, you know, constantly checking. 00:11:39.919 --> 00:11:41.440 See, is this fulfilling me? 00:11:41.440 --> 00:11:44.320 It wasn't fulfilling me because I was working for Motorola. 00:11:44.320 --> 00:11:52.399 We were making cell phone chips and I was in a fabrication facility where we have a full suit because none of the silicon wafers can be contaminated. 00:11:52.399 --> 00:11:54.960 If they are, the phone won't work, the circuits won't work. 00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:58.799 And at which point I ended up getting laid off and I said, look, this is a message. 00:11:58.799 --> 00:12:02.159 You know, when we have these hard times, I was able to realize this was a message. 00:12:02.159 --> 00:12:09.200 And I pursued entertainment and I became an actor for 12, 15 years and really dove deeper into expressing myself. 00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:12.639 And, you know, then I was able to have the left brain and the right brain come together. 00:12:12.639 --> 00:12:21.200 And that's when after pursuing acting, giving my power away again, once again, looking for validation, kind of a recurring theme from people pleasing. 00:12:21.200 --> 00:12:26.240 I realized, look, you can still express yourself, you can still find stages, you can still share your story. 00:12:26.240 --> 00:12:32.320 But when you're in the field of acting, you're ultimately waiting for that director or the casting director to say, yes, you're the right person. 00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:35.120 So I switched it and started creating my own content. 00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:38.799 In 2011, YouTube was a couple of years in existence. 00:12:38.799 --> 00:12:46.399 I sold a show for YouTube and I said, look, I can create my own content and I can have the power to share my own stories and my own voice. 00:12:46.399 --> 00:12:52.480 And then that ultimately led to creating media and marketing and then working with change makers who have a story to tell as well. 00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:54.879 And so what did you create it on on YouTube? 00:12:55.279 --> 00:12:57.679 So back in 2011, I created a show. 00:12:57.679 --> 00:13:04.559 Well, previous to that, I feel like if you're going to be successful in what you're doing, you have to lose all sense of time. 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:06.159 You have to lose yourself in the moment. 00:13:06.159 --> 00:13:10.399 And so that's where when I work with clients, we ultimately do a Venn diagram. 00:13:10.399 --> 00:13:13.519 We figure out what your skills are on the top circle, in the bottom circle. 00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:14.799 It's what are your passions? 00:13:14.799 --> 00:13:19.759 And on the other circle, where they connect in the middle, that's where you want to try and find a position. 00:13:19.759 --> 00:13:22.879 That's your unique access or your positioning or your purpose. 00:13:22.879 --> 00:13:24.080 I created a YouTube show. 00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:25.759 It was called Renegade Reporting. 00:13:25.759 --> 00:13:26.960 I love telling stories. 00:13:26.960 --> 00:13:29.759 I love interviewing people and having discussions and learning more. 00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:35.039 And so I used to take my video camera around in New York City when I was living in New York City and interview people. 00:13:35.039 --> 00:13:39.039 And then ultimately that led to me partnering with another gentleman who was doing the same thing. 00:13:39.039 --> 00:13:42.000 And we we sold a show to Omnivision Entertainment. 00:13:42.000 --> 00:13:47.200 It was 24 episodes where it was different social experiments because we wanted to see how people would react. 00:13:47.200 --> 00:13:52.320 Certain situations, how would society allow you to react differently? 00:13:52.320 --> 00:13:56.720 Does your upbringing almost like what would you do with John Kinonis before it went out? 00:13:56.720 --> 00:14:02.159 But I created that show and then ultimately I utilized that background to work with other influencers. 00:14:02.720 --> 00:14:03.360 Can you tell me more? 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:04.480 What was the experiment? 00:14:04.799 --> 00:14:06.639 Oh, there was there was a lot of different experiments. 00:14:06.639 --> 00:14:07.840 It was kind of a comedy show. 00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:18.720 We went to the park and we decided to see if people would pick up after their own dogs and if they were picking up the, you know, when the dogs were walking up and through the we would have, you know, we called ourselves the Pooh Pooh Policeman. 00:14:18.720 --> 00:14:23.840 And so we wanted to do it in a fun way where it was fun and self-deprecating but not too intimidating. 00:14:23.840 --> 00:14:32.639 And so we would ask them and we would videotape them and you know ask them

why they would why they did or did not pick up at, you know, and if that was something they felt should be done. 00:14:32.639 --> 00:14:39.759 We did the situation escalate where you're walking up an escalator and you're like waving to people and seeing if they interact, say hello. 00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:42.720 And you're filming this at the to see the reaction again. 00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:45.039 Yes, we filmed it and then we put it on YouTube. 00:14:45.039 --> 00:14:58.240 We we also did where we it was almost like a pranks situational experiment show where we did naps in public where we would like have people fall asleep in public and see if people would wake them up and see if they felt like they were just different experiments and how that reacted. 00:14:58.240 --> 00:15:01.759 But ultimately, it allowed me to create this show. 00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:11.120 We were we did the first ever comedy live stream on YouTube back in 2011 with Omnivision Entertainment, and that got me down the path of creating content and making an impact. 00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:15.120 And then that's how I started my uh you know socially good agency, this Idell agency. 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:17.200 You're an actor and a comedian as well? 00:15:17.519 --> 00:15:19.039 Yeah, I mean I've trained in improv. 00:15:19.039 --> 00:15:24.159 I've done you know five different years in improv, but I was an actor for 12, 15 plus years. 00:15:24.159 --> 00:15:25.440 I still do it from time to time. 00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:32.879 My daughter's now an actor, so they'll have auditions where they need a dad to step in, and I do that, and it's fun for me, it's a way of self-expression. 00:15:32.879 --> 00:15:34.799 And so that's why I love to come on podcasts too. 00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:41.759 We get to meet cool and interesting people like yourself and share our stories, and it's just like I was a host for a period of time. 00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:43.200 I hosted a show for MSN. 00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:46.399 It was called DV Guide, and it was all about streaming content. 00:15:46.399 --> 00:15:51.120 And this was again back in 2011, before people even knew about streaming TV shows. 00:15:51.120 --> 00:15:57.919 I did, I think it was a hundred episodes where we would talk about different things that you can stream, different devices like Roku. 00:15:57.919 --> 00:16:00.960 This was all before you know people started to cut the cord. 00:16:00.960 --> 00:16:06.080 And so I try and stay on trend and learn more about where things are going from a media perspective. 00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:08.000 And now we see where it's going. 00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:14.480 AI, automation, a lot of different things that are allowing people to progress their careers. 00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:20.399 But part of who we are, part of our empathy and part of our connection is being lost in that process. 00:16:20.399 --> 00:16:22.879 So that's why, you know, I love to talk to you. 00:16:22.879 --> 00:16:33.120 Um, you know, we did a TEDx talk about the hidden power of grief and how connection truly is the most important thing if you want to find fulfillment in what you do and you know the people around you. 00:16:33.440 --> 00:16:35.279 How do you decide it to be a TEDx? 00:16:35.679 --> 00:16:38.720 I've always wanted to speak on a TEDx stage. 00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:44.159 Simon Sinek, if you've ever heard Start With Why, it's probably one of the most famous TEDx talks. 00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:49.120 He talks a lot about when you build a company, an organization, you want to start with why are you building that? 00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:54.240 And so when I started my agency, I build a lot of that through some of these pioneers like him and Tony Robbins. 00:16:54.240 --> 00:16:55.279 I've worked with him as well. 00:16:55.279 --> 00:16:58.960 We have a four-framework process where you start with your mission. 00:16:58.960 --> 00:17:00.799 That's your why, your highest commitments. 00:17:00.799 --> 00:17:02.240 Why do you do anything that you do? 00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:05.839 Because if you're not doing it for a reason, then you're probably not going to continue it. 00:17:05.839 --> 00:17:08.400 But you start with your mission, then you get into your message. 00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:10.079 What is that message that you're sharing? 00:17:10.079 --> 00:17:19.279 Because we want people to vote in you, like vote with their clicks, vote with their dollars, vote with their time and videos, and then you get into your media and then ultimately build a movement. 00:17:19.279 --> 00:17:24.000 But for me, my message, uh, I became the caretaker in 2020. 00:17:24.000 --> 00:17:27.039 We relocated my business, the Sidale Agency to Kentucky. 00:17:27.039 --> 00:17:31.920 Pandemic happened, and me as a connector, I saw, look, we were all connected. 00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:32.960 People were dying. 00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:34.799 People are unable to connect with others. 00:17:34.799 --> 00:17:36.880 We're all isolated in our own silos. 00:17:36.880 --> 00:17:39.200 Me personally, I had a one-month-old baby. 00:17:39.200 --> 00:17:40.240 We relocated. 00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:42.160 I was running my business from my house. 00:17:42.160 --> 00:17:46.640 My mom got stage four cancer, and I had to take her in and be her caretaker. 00:17:46.640 --> 00:17:54.000 And so the extra bedroom that I had running my business since we just moved was now given to her, and I had to take Zoom calls from the laundry room. 00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:57.039 And I lost multitude of clients and I had nobody to talk to. 00:17:57.039 --> 00:18:02.000 And so in that instance, I created a men's group because I knew I needed a safe community. 00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:13.359 I was dealing with so much pressure to provide for my mom, to provide for my five-year-old and my one-month-old, to provide for my family, to provide for myself, and I had nowhere to turn. 00:18:13.359 --> 00:18:15.759 And so I said, I need to

find some friends. 00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:17.599 And we built Gent's journey. 00:18:17.599 --> 00:18:22.160 It's been five years, I think, to the day where this became a safe community. 00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:26.400 And I knew I needed to share this message because too many men have nowhere to turn. 00:18:26.400 --> 00:18:32.079 They can't talk to their wife because their wife is busy or they're, you know, they have too much stuff on their shoulders. 00:18:32.079 --> 00:18:34.720 They're best friends, they just want to have a beer with them. 00:18:34.720 --> 00:18:38.240 They don't want to weigh them down with their stories or the things that are challenging in their life. 00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:43.039 So it became my mission to share this safe space that I built and how I built that. 00:18:43.039 --> 00:18:48.720 So that other caretakers who are men or just caretakers in general, everybody loses something. 00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:52.640 They lose a job, they lose a loved one, they lose something that meant a lot to them. 00:18:52.640 --> 00:18:57.920 We feel like that part of us is gone forever, but really that love exists forever. 00:18:57.920 --> 00:19:00.240 We think that it's gone, but it's always going to be there. 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:10.799 And so I created the TEDx talk so that we could reconnect, rebuild relationships and a sense of meaning, and then reclaim your purpose or reclaim the story that you were been telling or that you need to tell. 00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:14.880 So that's where the TEDx came because I knew I needed to use my mom's passing. 00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:19.359 She always would tell me you should help other people, you should be a therapist, you should connect. 00:19:19.359 --> 00:19:20.799 You're so good at speaking with them. 00:19:20.799 --> 00:19:23.519 And so to honor her, I wanted to share her story. 00:19:23.519 --> 00:19:31.279 And ultimately, at the end of the day, on the TEDx talk, it's all about having a safe space like you're doing and giving people a chance to share their story. 00:19:31.359 --> 00:19:31.599 Yeah. 00:19:31.839 --> 00:19:37.359 Because to the world, you might be one person, but to one person, you might be the world, and your story matters. 00:19:37.359 --> 00:19:39.119 And so that's why I do what I do. 00:19:39.119 --> 00:19:39.440 Yeah. 00:19:39.519 --> 00:19:40.079 Well, wonderful. 00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:41.359 I'm sorry about your mom. 00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:42.000 Thank you. 00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:44.880 So people that you I keep her right here. 00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:46.559 She's right here in loving memory. 00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:47.119 Wonderful. 00:19:47.119 --> 00:19:49.519 I'm glad she had you to take care of her. 00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:50.000 Thank you. 00:19:50.160 --> 00:19:58.480 And it was difficult for sure to have babies, your five-year-old, yeah, your wife, no, no working, because that's what happened to most people. 00:19:58.480 --> 00:20:01.359 And uh, and then your mom, that's that's hard. 00:20:01.359 --> 00:20:06.480 And and also you were talking about men that they don't have anybody to talk about, which they wouldn't go to counseling anyway. 00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:16.400 Yeah, it's changed a little bit, but you know, you look at boomers versus us, it's it's uh the the boomer generation, they never would, but at least we're trying to build a new modern male where we're open to doing that. 00:20:16.640 --> 00:20:16.880 Yes. 00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:18.240 So, how do you build that? 00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:19.680 How was that idea? 00:20:19.680 --> 00:20:21.119 Like, how do you get people? 00:20:21.440 --> 00:20:22.720 Yeah, so that's a great question. 00:20:22.720 --> 00:20:26.079 So we have 6,000 people that we have a substack. 00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:30.960 And so we first created this men's group and we decided, hey, how can we impact more men? 00:20:30.960 --> 00:20:33.519 How can we help them change who they are? 00:20:33.519 --> 00:20:40.720 So we created a journey deck, which after five years of meeting, there were questions that just kept coming up to the surface. 00:20:40.720 --> 00:20:48.640 And we felt we tried to build a few other meetings and run them, but it didn't, it wasn't necessarily successful because people got different schedules and things. 00:20:48.640 --> 00:20:50.480 And so we said, look, we created this thing. 00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:51.599 It's called the journey deck. 00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:55.519 It's a deck of cards that have 52 of the most important questions that kept coming up. 00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:57.839 And we felt, look, we don't need to have the answers. 00:20:57.839 --> 00:21:01.839 But if we're asking the right questions, it'll allow these men to share their story. 00:21:01.839 --> 00:21:05.039 And by sharing a story, other men can hear that or find common ground. 00:21:05.039 --> 00:21:10.319 When they find that common ground, like I talked about before, these shared experiences, then they will have meaning. 00:21:10.319 --> 00:21:15.519 They will have a sense of belonging, and then they will begin to identify some of these areas that they might need to improve upon. 00:21:15.519 --> 00:21:17.039 So we created the journey deck. 00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:19.839 We also have a sub stack where we email our community. 00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:21.119 We have 6,000 men. 00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:23.359 We also have the seven pillars of manhood. 00:21:23.359 --> 00:21:29.519 Uh, it's it's faith, it's family, it's friendships, it's finances, it's fitness, focus, and it's freedom. 00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:35.440 And those are all different areas where we want you to have a mindfulness around because that with which we focus on can grow. 00:21:35.440 --> 00:21:37.279 And what we go through, we grow through. 00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:38.799 So here is this card deck. 00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:41.200 I would love if you would answer one of the questions. 00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:42.880 Would you be

open to answering one of the questions? 00:21:43.119 --> 00:21:43.279 Sure. 00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:46.799 It's like a magic trick, but the magic is in your answer. 00:21:46.880 --> 00:21:47.359 All right, all right. 00:21:47.359 --> 00:21:49.039 There, that one. 00:21:49.279 --> 00:21:49.359 Okay. 00:21:49.920 --> 00:21:50.079 Okay. 00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:51.599 This is a powerful question. 00:21:51.599 --> 00:21:52.640 And so we bring these. 00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:55.680 I bring these to local men's initiatives and donate my time. 00:21:55.680 --> 00:21:58.720 Um, and we do this in Gent's journey as well in our monthly meetings. 00:21:58.720 --> 00:22:00.400 When was the last time you You cried. 00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:02.559 That's an easy one for women, don't you think? 00:22:02.720 --> 00:22:03.119 Yeah. 00:22:03.119 --> 00:22:05.599 But it's not just about being an easy one though. 00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:09.839 I think I think it's about sharing that and and when you share it, don't you feel better when you share it? 00:22:09.839 --> 00:22:10.480 Go ahead and tell us. 00:22:10.640 --> 00:22:11.680 Oh well, you know what? 00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:16.319 I am Latin and I'm a woman, so I don't have a problem sharing at all. 00:22:16.319 --> 00:22:20.000 That to me is super important that I cry. 00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:21.119 What about you? 00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:27.119 Well, my wife and I love to watch America's Got Talent with our children because to us, that's a show. 00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:33.440 When we were growing up, we had sitcoms, we would sit down, we'd watch a program, and usually it was PG and that was your time to really bond. 00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:37.039 Everybody's doing so many different things, and we live in this world of busyness. 00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:40.640 And so for us, we like to take time and watch America's Got Talent. 00:22:40.640 --> 00:22:47.839 I have a uh 11-year-old who's uh aspiring actress, and my five-year-old, she's very uh artistic as well. 00:22:47.839 --> 00:22:53.200 So every time they have the golden buzzer, they hit the golden buzzer, somebody wins. 00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:56.960 My wife and I are both crying because to us it goes back to connection. 00:22:56.960 --> 00:23:02.720 We can connect to that person and how much desire and how long they've been pursuing this dream. 00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:06.079 And every time our daughters will look at us and be like, Oh, you're crying again. 00:23:06.079 --> 00:23:13.200 But to us, it's just amazing to see artists as well, because we're artists, I'm an artist, but everybody's an artist in their own right. 00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:25.359 But to see something that they've created to get on a stage in front of millions of people and the courage it takes, but also them crush it and you know, really get out there and do it and celebrate their success. 00:23:25.359 --> 00:23:31.839 Too often there's a lot of people who live in a uh a finite mindset where they want, oh,

if they do better, then that means I can't. 00:23:31.839 --> 00:23:33.039 No, we can celebrate. 00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:36.880 Creativity is endless, love is endless, connection is endless. 00:23:36.880 --> 00:23:39.920 And so that's the show that we watch, and it makes us cry. 00:23:40.319 --> 00:23:49.200 Also, when people are very empathetic and have a lot of compassion, they tend to be more sensitive than people that don't have that as a talent or as a superhero power. 00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:49.759 Yeah. 00:23:49.759 --> 00:23:57.599 The more that we can do as individuals to lead by example, to show up, to honor our story and to rewrite the story, but you have to be willing to put in the work. 00:23:57.599 --> 00:24:01.920 My my roommate in Penn State, I talked about going to Penn State, and that's when a lot of things changed. 00:24:01.920 --> 00:24:08.640 My roommate's father was an FBI agent, and he was responsible for bringing down the biggest cocaine dealer ever to come through Philadelphia. 00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:10.160 And there were two books written about them. 00:24:10.160 --> 00:24:16.079 And it was a story that I was very fascinated about because I loved citizen journalism and true crime, and it was my friend's father. 00:24:16.079 --> 00:24:24.240 And so in 2023, when my mom unfortunately was coming to the end of days, I created a podcast. 00:24:24.240 --> 00:24:25.920 It was called Wolves Among Us. 00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:28.799 And it took me 20 years to make this podcast. 00:24:28.799 --> 00:24:30.319 I had the rights to both books. 00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:31.200 They came and went. 00:24:31.200 --> 00:24:34.160 This is where I talk about if you're passionate about something and you believe in it. 00:24:34.160 --> 00:24:35.519 Um, it took me 20 years. 00:24:35.519 --> 00:24:39.920 We made that podcast, and it's now um in the process of being developed into a TV show. 00:24:39.920 --> 00:24:41.920 And I narrated it, I produced it. 00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:43.440 But I think things take time. 00:24:43.440 --> 00:24:48.559 But if you truly believe in something, it's up to you to put in that time and put in the work. 00:24:48.559 --> 00:24:50.000 And it's not going to happen overnight. 00:24:50.240 --> 00:24:50.799 I understand. 00:24:50.799 --> 00:24:56.559 I I still not clear on how you started to get men into these programs. 00:24:56.559 --> 00:25:04.480 So how you were working from home during the pandemic, and so how were you like you have a few friends, and the few friends told the few friends, so what happened? 00:25:04.720 --> 00:25:04.880 Sure. 00:25:04.880 --> 00:25:10.640 So for Gen's Journey, I started this organization with five of my closest friends that identified. 00:25:10.640 --> 00:25:16.319 I said, we need to have growth friends, or a growth friend is somebody that encourages you to grow. 00:25:16.319 --> 00:25:28.640 And so I I made a specific list literally on Excel of my friends who were fathers because I was a father and I wanted to have that shared experiences that were entrepreneurs because entrepreneurs are willing to take risks. 00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:30.400 They also have flexible schedules. 00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:34.960 You know, the third piece is are they willing to reach out and help this grow? 00:25:34.960 --> 00:25:36.319 And so are where are they at? 00:25:36.319 --> 00:25:37.519 Are they a pillar of their community? 00:25:37.519 --> 00:25:39.839 Are they somebody that I can you know get behind? 00:25:39.839 --> 00:25:43.440 And so one of them was my friend who I did the social experiments with. 00:25:43.440 --> 00:25:46.160 Another one was one of my fraternity brothers in college. 00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:50.799 Another one was a gentleman that we had tried other you know programs that didn't necessarily work. 00:25:50.799 --> 00:25:56.079 But we built this, we had the meetings, they decided to tell other individuals, they all had their own businesses. 00:25:56.079 --> 00:25:59.599 So one of them is a self-help leader, his name's Dean Bakari. 00:25:59.599 --> 00:26:02.079 So he has a bunch of people that he works with. 00:26:02.079 --> 00:26:07.200 He takes nonfiction self-help books, distills them down into 10 minutes or 10 pages. 00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:09.200 He has a slew of men that he works with. 00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:13.119 Another gentleman who I did the social experiment videos, he's in Hollywood. 00:26:13.119 --> 00:26:14.400 So he's a comedian. 00:26:14.400 --> 00:26:18.319 He's also a very brilliant man who has his own community. 00:26:18.319 --> 00:26:20.480 And then for me, I have my own community. 00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:25.359 I know a lot of people that I've worked with between you know my 25 years of business. 00:26:25.359 --> 00:26:29.759 I've worked at Motorola, I've worked at startups, I've worked at Coca-Cola, I've worked with Amazon. 00:26:29.759 --> 00:26:31.359 So I knew a lot of individuals. 00:26:31.359 --> 00:26:33.119 So we started to reach out to them. 00:26:33.119 --> 00:26:36.640 Then we also started to sell the journey deck that I told you about. 00:26:36.640 --> 00:26:39.440 I pitched the journey deck at a couple of competitions. 00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:42.160 There's a local accelerator competition. 00:26:42.160 --> 00:26:48.960 I pitched it there, and then I started taking this deck to men's groups myself and facilitating them. 00:26:48.960 --> 00:26:54.799 So we would pull cards and I facilitated the men's group until we would go through and answer these cards. 00:26:54.799 --> 00:26:58.960 So it was a multi-pronged approach where we were advertising. 00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:02.720 We were, you know, we had a website, we were reaching out to our friends. 00:27:02.720 --> 00:27:07.440 Um, we were also building the Substack community where we send out emails, which is live right now. 00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:16.960 If you go to gentsjourney.co slash join, we have probably a hundred articles and we have a lot of

mini courses uh on ways that you can be the best man possible. 00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:26.079 And so, and then we do the monthly meetings where we bring these gentlemen into a meeting where we all talk about these subjects, but there's no one size fits all. 00:27:26.079 --> 00:27:28.400 It's just the fact that we continue to outreach. 00:27:28.400 --> 00:27:30.319 I run a PR and media agency. 00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:32.480 I reached out to a bunch of individuals. 00:27:32.480 --> 00:27:36.559 We were published in the Hollywood Reporter, we're published in some men's magazines. 00:27:36.559 --> 00:27:40.480 I reached out to Scott Galloway, who's a big men's uh health advocate. 00:27:40.480 --> 00:27:44.160 We're talking to him to see if we could potentially bring him on the show. 00:27:44.160 --> 00:27:48.480 So that it's a multi-pronged approach where we're just continuing to reach out to as many men as possible. 00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:50.960 So it's like a club, a membership that you have. 00:27:51.200 --> 00:27:51.440 Yes. 00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:51.680 Okay. 00:27:51.680 --> 00:27:54.400 So you can get the resources that you would like for free. 00:27:54.400 --> 00:27:56.000 You can get free emails. 00:27:56.000 --> 00:28:02.000 But if you want to go deeper and come to the meetings and have a safe space to share, yes, you can come. 00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:08.960 Every month we have a meeting where you can come and join the meetings where we talk about a keynote, just like our meetings started with these questions. 00:28:08.960 --> 00:28:13.519 We talk about it and we share and we find ways that we can deal with them and we have a safe space. 00:28:13.519 --> 00:28:15.519 There's a varying degree. 00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:24.319 You can get the free newsletter, you can, you know, go up and get you know a little bit more deeper to our courses, or you can actually escalate it and be involved. 00:28:24.319 --> 00:28:26.960 But but now we're actually giving away one membership. 00:28:26.960 --> 00:28:44.400 Everybody who signs up for a premium membership, we're giving a free membership to uh a uh younger male in need because a lot of these younger men are playing video games, they're not leaving the house, they're they're not building the relationships that we used to do out in public and in ball games and you know different experiences. 00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:47.279 So now we're donating a membership to these gentlemen as well. 00:28:47.519 --> 00:28:48.160 That's wonderful. 00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:52.559 Did you have a story of success of something that somebody was a member? 00:28:52.880 --> 00:28:53.039 Yes. 00:28:53.039 --> 00:28:53.359 Okay. 00:28:53.359 --> 00:28:54.160 Yes. 00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:55.920 So one of the stories. 00:28:55.920 --> 00:29:00.559 So when I came here, I work out at the YMCA locally after the pandemic went on. 00:29:00.559 --> 00:29:01.440 I'm talking to everybody. 00:29:01.440 --> 00:29:02.640 I'm new to Lexington. 00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:07.599 I met a gentleman there and we began to talk, and he worked at the local, it's called the Lexington Leadership. 00:29:07.599 --> 00:29:15.359 And then he works at the Fatherhood Initiative, where they help fathers who are either incarcerated in and out of jail or through in and out of rehab. 00:29:15.359 --> 00:29:19.200 There's a lot of people in Lexington, Kentucky that are struggling with addiction. 00:29:19.200 --> 00:29:22.960 And so they have monthly meetings and they said, Look, you can come and talk to them. 00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:25.440 So I brought my journey deck and we passed the cards around. 00:29:25.440 --> 00:29:27.839 And there was a lot of people that were in and out of jail. 00:29:27.839 --> 00:29:32.000 There was a young man there, I think he was like 18, and he was having some issues at home. 00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:33.519 They all opened up. 00:29:33.519 --> 00:29:34.880 We sat in a circle. 00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:37.839 There's something to be said about a circle, completing thoughts. 00:29:37.839 --> 00:29:40.720 One of the questions for the man, he was tattooed from head to toe. 00:29:40.720 --> 00:29:42.240 It's like, who do you have to forgive? 00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:43.519 Is the question on his card. 00:29:43.519 --> 00:29:49.039 And he spoke a lot about, you know, not seeing his kids, some issues with abuse and addiction. 00:29:49.039 --> 00:29:50.319 And he began to cry. 00:29:50.319 --> 00:29:54.720 And every time I tell the story, I get goosebumps because being in that room, that's what it's all about. 00:29:54.720 --> 00:29:56.960 That's my mission here moving forward. 00:29:56.960 --> 00:29:58.480 It's changes for people. 00:29:58.480 --> 00:30:04.079 For me, it's helping to change the world, especially men, by honoring their story and having accountability. 00:30:04.079 --> 00:30:06.000 But he cried and he was from Boston. 00:30:06.000 --> 00:30:12.640 I may look really mean, I may look really uh, you know, bad ASS, but the person that I really need to forgive is myself. 00:30:12.640 --> 00:30:15.119 And that's truly all that we really need to do. 00:30:15.119 --> 00:30:22.400 When you forgive, you get rid of all that energy, all that hate, all the things that are built around that, and you give yourself a path forward ahead. 00:30:22.400 --> 00:30:34.079 And so to see him share that, um, and then there's other examples, like one of the co-founders, my friend who we did the videos with, he created his own self-help course called The Cartoon, which is all about honoring your character. 00:30:34.079 --> 00:30:40.640 And when you go into a room, your character is who you are and what people say about you when you're not in that room. 00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:45.039 And so, with that, how can you build a character that is memorable but inspiring? 00:30:45.039 --> 00:30:53.119 There was also another gentleman who went who was going through bankruptcy with his company, and he had to take a

loss for, I think it was like $60,000 for all this equipment that he bought. 00:30:53.119 --> 00:30:59.119 And we held space for him, and he shared his hesitancies and asked us for suggestions and advice. 00:30:59.119 --> 00:31:00.640 He ultimately moved forward with it. 00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:06.720 But to lose your business that you built, your baby you built so long, that's tough, just like I talked about when you lose things. 00:31:06.720 --> 00:31:25.039 But having us as a safe space to share that and giving suggestions and then reaching out to our network to see if there's opportunities where we could help them find a new job, that's where that connection as currency can allow you to not only connect to your calling, but you can connect to your company, the company you keep and your comp company that you work at. 00:31:25.039 --> 00:31:31.440 And then lastly, your community to make sure that you're connected to all of them because that's what's really going to help us in the long run. 00:31:31.680 --> 00:31:32.559 No, that's beautiful. 00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:33.440 What else? 00:31:33.440 --> 00:31:35.039 So you you do have the podcast? 00:31:35.359 --> 00:31:38.480 So the podcast that we created is being turned into a TV show. 00:31:38.480 --> 00:31:42.240 Right now we have the monthly meetings that we're focusing on for Jen's journey. 00:31:42.240 --> 00:31:50.240 I have a couple other projects that I'm working on putting together, but I focus a lot of my attention on helping business owners elevate their story. 00:31:50.240 --> 00:31:54.880 For example, I have one woman, she makes uh Chinese noodles in New York City. 00:31:54.880 --> 00:31:58.079 It's a fun story because it's going back to the connection piece. 00:31:58.079 --> 00:32:01.440 I was an actor for some time and I connected with a buddy of mine. 00:32:01.440 --> 00:32:05.200 We shared our souls, and he said, Look, my wife started this restaurant. 00:32:05.200 --> 00:32:08.079 I know who you are, I know what you stand for, and I know you do amazing work. 00:32:08.079 --> 00:32:08.960 Will you help her? 00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:12.480 And so we helped her, but initially she did not want to share her story. 00:32:12.480 --> 00:32:16.559 It was it's called Noodle Lane in Brooklyn, and she just wanted to make noodles and help give them back. 00:32:16.559 --> 00:32:19.359 And the food was five-star, it was Michelin grade. 00:32:19.359 --> 00:32:28.319 But in order to really impact others, I had to stress to her any business, any company, it helps to have a face for your brand, especially if you're a young, growing company. 00:32:28.319 --> 00:32:31.119 And so eventually we introduced her to a few people. 00:32:31.119 --> 00:32:42.960 She shared her story, how she struggled with building the company through bullies, all sorts of personal achievements as she worked her way through, and how she learned how to cook in her kitchen with her mom when she was 11 years old in China. 00:32:42.960 --> 00:32:49.119 And that love of cooking and smelling the food and bringing them together and having that shared experience, like I talked about. 00:32:49.119 --> 00:32:53.920 That's really what brought her back because her son started to love Dan Dan noodles. 00:32:53.920 --> 00:33:06.559 And so when we tapped into that, other people could become empathetic, they could root for you, and that's where we went from mission to message to media, and then we started to build a movement, and then now she's opening her second location in Manhattan. 00:33:06.559 --> 00:33:13.599 But that's typically what we do is just to get deeper in that and really make sure that we can connect to what our story is that we're sharing to others. 00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:16.079 Oh, wow, that's a beautiful story for sure. 00:33:16.319 --> 00:33:17.039 Yeah, thank you. 00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:18.880 So you're doing so many good things. 00:33:18.880 --> 00:33:19.920 So that's wonderful. 00:33:19.920 --> 00:33:21.680 You must feel so fulfilled. 00:33:21.920 --> 00:33:22.799 Yeah, it's amazing. 00:33:22.799 --> 00:33:29.680 I mean, my mission at the a at the Sidel agency, which I started when we first began, is to do good, give back, and make an impact. 00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:31.920 So I donated time to my kids' school. 00:33:31.920 --> 00:33:36.160 We made their logo, it's on the side of their building, you know, work at the Fatherhood Initiative. 00:33:36.160 --> 00:33:42.880 I coach soccer, but at the end of the day, it's how can I help more people realize their dreams, be the best version of themselves? 00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:44.000 But they have to want to do it. 00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:44.880 Yes, of course. 00:33:44.880 --> 00:33:45.519 That's the thing. 00:33:45.519 --> 00:33:48.079 You can never really help whoever doesn't want to be helped. 00:33:48.319 --> 00:33:48.559 Yeah. 00:33:48.559 --> 00:33:52.240 At first I was I I have a coach myself, and it was like, well, what do you want? 00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:53.680 I said, I want to make people feel happy. 00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:55.039 What if they don't want to feel happy? 00:33:55.039 --> 00:33:59.359 Like you can't make anybody and can give them the information, can help them if they want to be helped. 00:33:59.359 --> 00:34:05.119 But if not, you know, hopefully you can find your way and have a safe community like Jets Journey where they can help you realize that. 00:34:05.359 --> 00:34:08.480 I can feel that you are so willing to help people. 00:34:08.480 --> 00:34:13.599 What do you do when you see that you could help somebody and you try to talk to them? 00:34:13.599 --> 00:34:14.559 Nothing happens. 00:34:15.039 --> 00:34:15.199 Right? 00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:16.400 They don't show the initiative. 00:34:16.400 --> 00:34:18.079 That happens to me all the time. 00:34:18.079 --> 00:34:21.760 Talking about becoming a people pleaser, I'm a recovering people pleaser. 00:34:21.760 --> 00:34:25.280 Kind of

like uh, you know, cover recovering addiction, but setting these boundaries. 00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:27.199 So, you know, I have siblings, right? 00:34:27.199 --> 00:34:32.480 That I see the patterns and you see what's happening and will offer suggestions. 00:34:32.480 --> 00:34:41.679 But one of the things that we talk about in our gents journey group is simply ask them the question do you want a solution or do you want to be heard? 00:34:41.679 --> 00:34:52.239 Because oftentimes people, when they have problems, they simply will want somebody to to share them with and to be a sounding board, like our community does, but they're not ready for solutions. 00:34:52.239 --> 00:34:56.639 But if they say yes, I'm looking for a solution, then great, but be happy to offer them a solution. 00:34:56.639 --> 00:35:03.920 But in your scenario, um, sometimes we'll offer solutions or I'll work with clients from a coaching perspective and they won't put in the work. 00:35:03.920 --> 00:35:09.840 And so it becomes apparent in your actions when you say what you do and you do what you say, then it makes sense. 00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:12.559 But what we're looking for is for a transformation. 00:35:12.559 --> 00:35:18.800 And I have a I have a five-step acronym that I break down for being great. 00:35:18.800 --> 00:35:23.039 And if you check off all these boxes, then you're a perfect candidate for that. 00:35:23.039 --> 00:35:26.159 But if you don't, then typically you're not the ideal candidate. 00:35:26.159 --> 00:35:30.480 But great for me is an acronym, being grateful. 00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:35.440 Do you demonstrate a sense of gratitude and being thankful for things that are happening? 00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:37.519 You don't have to go to work, you get to go to work. 00:35:37.519 --> 00:35:39.039 Are you reflective? 00:35:39.039 --> 00:35:39.599 Right? 00:35:39.599 --> 00:35:41.599 Are you thinking about how your day is going? 00:35:41.599 --> 00:35:43.599 And when I have a conversation, do you reflect on that? 00:35:43.599 --> 00:35:45.039 Like, oh, maybe that was wrong. 00:35:45.039 --> 00:35:48.800 And part of that is, do you have the strength to admit that you're wrong? 00:35:48.800 --> 00:35:52.400 We say oftentimes, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? 00:35:52.400 --> 00:35:54.639 You have to have the reflective is the R. 00:35:54.639 --> 00:35:55.760 Be willing to let it go. 00:35:55.760 --> 00:35:57.280 The E is empathetic. 00:35:57.280 --> 00:35:58.159 How do you act? 00:35:58.159 --> 00:36:00.239 This is what we were doing in social experiments before. 00:36:00.239 --> 00:36:08.480 How do you act when somebody is, you know, not being heard or being pushed out, or like uh there's a problem where are you empathetic in that? 00:36:08.480 --> 00:36:10.719 And then the A stands for accountability. 00:36:10.719 --> 00:36:17.119 Do you show up and get the job done or take accountability and say, look, that was my fault, I shouldn't have done

that. 00:36:17.119 --> 00:36:19.599 Then lastly, are you transformational? 00:36:19.599 --> 00:36:21.360 And to me, that's what I talked about earlier. 00:36:21.360 --> 00:36:25.119 Are you coming from happiness or are going for happiness? 00:36:25.119 --> 00:36:27.679 And when somebody does not, it's a long-winded answer. 00:36:27.679 --> 00:36:37.679 I talk a lot, but if if somebody is not putting in the work, one of the simplest questions that a mentor has taught me is you ask them, how's that working for you? 00:36:37.679 --> 00:36:38.960 How's that working for you? 00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:41.039 Well, I did this, I did this, I did this. 00:36:41.039 --> 00:36:42.400 How's that working for you? 00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:45.599 If they say great, cool, go for it. 00:36:45.599 --> 00:36:48.800 If they say it's not going great, was that something that you would want to change? 00:36:48.800 --> 00:36:49.679 Yes. 00:36:49.679 --> 00:36:50.400 Okay, great. 00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:51.920 How committed are you for that? 00:36:51.920 --> 00:36:53.519 Well, I'm very committed. 00:36:53.519 --> 00:36:56.000 And then you can kind of gauge their level of commitment. 00:36:56.000 --> 00:36:57.519 But how's that working for you? 00:36:57.519 --> 00:36:59.519 Are you looking for a solution? 00:36:59.519 --> 00:37:01.760 Or are you just looking to be heard? 00:37:01.760 --> 00:37:05.840 And uh those are two simple questions that you can kind of distill through the noise. 00:37:05.840 --> 00:37:10.400 Um, and one of the final things a mentor tells me never tell anybody what they should do. 00:37:10.400 --> 00:37:11.360 We don't have the answers. 00:37:11.360 --> 00:37:12.079 You have the answers. 00:37:12.079 --> 00:37:13.920 You have the story, you have the magic. 00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:15.199 Ask them a question. 00:37:15.199 --> 00:37:16.960 How's that working for you? 00:37:16.960 --> 00:37:19.760 You know, uh what would you have done differently? 00:37:19.760 --> 00:37:26.639 Or like you can ask, find ways to ask questions, and if you still see a sense of resistance, then obviously it's it's a waste of your effort. 00:37:26.639 --> 00:37:28.400 People have to want to change wonderful. 00:37:28.480 --> 00:37:32.159 So tell me three things that you think you learned through your journey. 00:37:32.480 --> 00:37:33.840 Three things that I've learned through my journey. 00:37:33.840 --> 00:37:34.880 That's a great question. 00:37:34.880 --> 00:37:38.159 First and foremost, you matter and your story matters. 00:37:38.159 --> 00:37:44.960 Too often we play small, we feel like we're we're not deserving or we don't belong to come full circle or that we need to please other people. 00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:48.480 Secondly, your thoughts are not you, let them pass through. 00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:52.159 And so oftentimes I have these thoughts that come into my brain. 00:37:52.159 --> 00:37:53.760 I'm like, oh, I have to do this. 00:37:53.760 --> 00:37:58.239 And so just being mindful, making friends with the voice in the head, I think is crucial. 00:37:58.239 --> 00:37:59.039 Noticing that. 00:37:59.039 --> 00:38:00.880 And then lastly, share your story. 00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:02.000 That's the ultimate goal. 00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:04.000 That's why I talk about connection as currency. 00:38:04.000 --> 00:38:18.239 Without your story, without sharing that with everybody, and it could be a text message, it could be calling someone, but just do your best to share your story because that story is how you can connect to the outside world, and that's ultimately the most important currency investment that you can make. 00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:21.840 And listen too, because then you have a bond that you could never break. 00:38:22.079 --> 00:38:22.880 Yeah, wonderful. 00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:26.079 Anything else that we are missed that you want to share? 00:38:26.079 --> 00:38:34.239 We will all obviously we'll put uh all the in the show notes everything about your company and everything that you you want to explain to people. 00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:35.599 But anything else? 00:38:35.920 --> 00:38:36.320 Yeah. 00:38:36.320 --> 00:38:51.039 So would love for anybody who's a man out there and you're looking for safe community, go to gentsjourney.co that's C O Gents Journey, G-E-N-T-S, Gents, like gentlemen, gentsjourney.co slash join free. 00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:52.159 That's your substack. 00:38:52.159 --> 00:38:59.280 If you're a company or an organization and you really want to elevate your story and work with journalists and experts, I have a PDF for you. 00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:09.840 If you go to the Cidelagency.com slash media, so that's T-H-E S E I D E L agency.com slash media. 00:39:09.840 --> 00:39:14.800 It's a free PDF, has four platforms where journalists are looking for people to share their story. 00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:20.159 And then uh, you know, if you need coaching, you know, if you DM me over there as well if you're a company. 00:39:20.159 --> 00:39:21.519 But I want to leave you with this quote. 00:39:21.519 --> 00:39:23.199 This is for my TEDx talk. 00:39:23.199 --> 00:39:24.719 It's a quote from Rumi. 00:39:24.719 --> 00:39:30.320 Because too often when we lose something in our world, we feel like it's gone, but really it's never really gone anywhere. 00:39:30.320 --> 00:39:31.519 This love doesn't disappear. 00:39:31.519 --> 00:39:32.880 We carry it with us. 00:39:32.880 --> 00:39:38.960 So we have moments of serendipity that remind us um to just take a moment and realize that we're surrounded. 00:39:38.960 --> 00:39:40.320 But it's a quote by Rumi. 00:39:40.320 --> 00:39:47.119 Goodbyes are for those who love with their eyes, because for those who love with their heart and soul, there's no such thing as separation. 00:39:47.119 --> 00:39:48.400 We are all connected. 00:39:48.400 --> 00:39:51.039 Connection is the only currency that matters. 00:39:51.039 --> 00:39:55.519 And at the end of the day, we need to reconnect, rebuild, and reclaim our purpose. 00:39:55.519 --> 00:39:57.920 And the way we do that is by sharing your story. 00:39:57.920 --> 00:39:59.760 Thank you for letting me share my story. 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.679 I know, thank you for that coach. 00:40:01.679 --> 00:40:04.559 Wonderful way of ending the episode. 00:40:04.559 --> 00:40:05.519 So thank you so much. 00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:06.320 Thank you again. 00:40:06.320 --> 00:40:07.039 Appreciate it. 00:40:07.519 --> 00:40:13.440 Stephen's story reminds us that belonging isn't something we earn by performing for others. 00:40:13.440 --> 00:40:18.719 It grows when we are willing to show up honestly and let ourselves be seen. 00:40:18.719 --> 00:40:25.519 Sometimes the spaces we are searching for don't exist yet until we create them for ourselves and for others. 00:40:25.519 --> 00:40:32.880 If something from this conversation stays with you, share it with someone who might need a reminder that their story matters. 00:40:32.880 --> 00:40:35.760 Join me next time for another story conversation. 00:40:35.760 --> 00:40:36.719 Thank you for listening.