TRANSKRIP 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.600
Hello my friend, I'm Charles Howes.
00:00:01.679 --> 00:00:04.559
I am truly so glad you decided to spend a few minutes with me today.
00:00:04.719 --> 00:00:06.400
It really means a lot to have you here.
00:00:06.559 --> 00:00:09.279
Before we really get into things, would you do me a small favor?
00:00:09.439 --> 00:00:12.640
If this conversation ends up meaning something to you, would you mind sharing it with someone else?
00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:15.839
I'm not saying that because I'm trying to build an audience or anything like that.
00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:20.559
It's just that somebody you know might be carrying a question they've never found the words to ask.
00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:22.719
So go ahead and pull up a chair.
00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:24.239
Let's have a real conversation.
00:00:24.399 --> 00:00:25.839
Lately I've been thinking about something.
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:28.160
Actually, I've been thinking about it for a long, long time.
00:00:28.399 --> 00:00:32.159
The older I get, the more I realize that information has never been easier to find.
00:00:32.240 --> 00:00:33.119
I mean, think about it.
00:00:33.280 --> 00:00:34.159
You need an opinion?
00:00:34.320 --> 00:00:36.240
There are millions of them available instantly.
00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:37.200
Need some advice?
00:00:37.359 --> 00:00:38.799
Someone's already made a video about it.
00:00:38.880 --> 00:00:41.600
We've surrounded ourselves with a constant stream of information.
00:00:41.679 --> 00:00:43.920
It's everywhere, like the air we breathe, right?
00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:48.560
And yet, despite all this data, I've never seen so many people quietly carrying so much pain.
00:00:48.719 --> 00:00:52.000
It makes me wonder if maybe information isn't what we're actually missing.
00:00:52.159 --> 00:00:56.000
Maybe what we're really missing are places where people feel safe enough to just tell the truth.
00:00:56.079 --> 00:00:57.679
I didn't always think this way, you know?
00:00:57.840 --> 00:00:58.640
It took time.
00:00:58.799 --> 00:01:02.960
When I was a young Bible college student, I did my practicum at a youth psychiatric hospital.
00:01:03.119 --> 00:01:05.439
At the time, I thought I was there to learn how to help people.
00:01:05.599 --> 00:01:11.120
I had no idea God was quietly teaching me a lesson that wouldn't fully make sense until more than 40 years later.
00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:14.000
Part of my assignment allowed me to sit in recovery meetings.
00:01:14.159 --> 00:01:18.879
Alcoholics Anonymous, narcotics anonymous, people from every imaginable background were there.
00:01:19.040 --> 00:01:23.120
Some had been sober for a week, while others had been sober for 30 or even 40 years.
00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:25.359
And honestly, something about it confused me back then.
00:01:25.439 --> 00:01:28.719
I'd look at the people with 40 years of sobriety and wonder, why are you still here?
00:01:28.879 --> 00:01:29.760
Haven't you finished?
00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:31.439
But then something else caught my attention.
00:01:31.599 --> 00:01:35.120
Every now and then someone would walk into the room, look around, and say, I messed up.
00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:35.920
I drank again.
00:01:36.079 --> 00:01:36.879
I used again.
00:01:37.040 --> 00:01:42.719
I waited for the reaction, you know, but nobody gasped, nobody looked disappointed or said, I guess you weren't serious about this.
00:01:42.879 --> 00:01:44.239
There was no judgment in that room.
00:01:44.400 --> 00:01:46.959
Instead, someone simply handed them a box of tissues.
00:01:47.120 --> 00:01:51.840
Somebody else put a gentle hand on their shoulder, and together, right then and there, they just started again.
00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:55.359
As a 20-year-old young preacher, I couldn't fully explain what I was seeing.
00:01:55.519 --> 00:01:57.920
I just knew it felt different from the rest of the world.
00:01:58.079 --> 00:01:59.680
It felt like something real.
00:01:59.920 --> 00:02:03.040
Years later, I finally understand why those meetings worked.
00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:08.080
It wasn't because everybody agreed on everything or because they all had the same background, not at all.
00:02:08.240 --> 00:02:12.240
Nobody cared if you were rich or poor, or whether you voted Republican or Democrat.
00:02:12.400 --> 00:02:15.599
Nobody cared about your education, your race, or your title.
00:02:15.759 --> 00:02:16.879
Those things didn't matter.
00:02:17.039 --> 00:02:19.439
There was only one thing everybody in that room had in common.
00:02:19.599 --> 00:02:22.000
I'm hurting, and I don't want to hurt alone anymore.
00:02:22.159 --> 00:02:23.520
That was the bridge that connected them.
00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:30.879
I think about those meetings often now, not because I think recovery has all the answers, but because I learned something there I wish every community could learn.
00:02:31.039 --> 00:02:34.000
People kept coming back because failure didn't cost them their seat.
00:02:34.080 --> 00:02:35.039
Isn't that powerful?
00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:38.560
Imagine if we all had a place where we could fail and still belong.
00:02:38.719 --> 00:02:41.759
Yesterday, I had a conversation with someone I love and respect very much.
00:02:41.919 --> 00:02:45.439
Before they ever listened to what I was trying to say, they started telling me stories.
00:02:45.599 --> 00:02:50.319
They told stories about a time when neighbors took care of one another and churches worked together.
00:02:50.479 --> 00:02:52.719
If a family needed food, somebody cooked.
00:02:52.879 --> 00:02:55.199
If a child needed shoes, somebody found them.
00:02:55.360 --> 00:02:57.599
As they talked, I kept thinking, we're saying the same thing.
00:02:57.759 --> 00:02:59.199
We're both looking for that connection.
00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:01.599
But the problem is we just can't hear each other yet.
00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:02.800
Then something hit me.
00:03:02.960 -->
Load full transcript
00:03:07.199
Sometimes, before we can hear another person's pain, we instinctively defend what we love.
00:03:07.360 --> 00:03:08.800
And honestly, I understand that.
00:03:08.879 --> 00:03:09.919
It's a human reflex.
00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:13.919
If someone started talking about people I love, I'd probably defend them too.
00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:17.439
Love has a way of putting armor on us before we even realize we're wearing it.
00:03:17.599 --> 00:03:18.800
That made me stop and think.
00:03:18.960 --> 00:03:21.039
Maybe that's what so many of us are doing right now.
00:03:21.120 --> 00:03:24.400
We're not actually defending ideas, we're defending our precious memories.
00:03:24.560 --> 00:03:27.840
We're defending our families, our marriages, and our generation.
00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:31.759
We're defending our children and the life we spent years trying to build.
00:03:31.919 --> 00:03:33.840
We're protecting what's dear to us.
00:03:34.000 --> 00:03:37.039
Maybe that's why so many of our conversations never get anywhere.
00:03:37.199 --> 00:03:41.599
We're busy answering questions before we've really heard the hurt that is hiding underneath them.
00:03:41.759 --> 00:03:43.360
Think about when you go to a doctor.
00:03:43.520 --> 00:03:46.639
The conversation usually begins the same way every single time.
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:49.039
The doctor looks at you and asks, where does it hurt?
00:03:49.199 --> 00:03:51.360
Then they ask, How long has it been hurting?
00:03:51.520 --> 00:03:52.800
And do you know what happened?
00:03:52.960 --> 00:03:55.520
The doctor isn't asking because he doesn't understand medicine.
00:03:55.599 --> 00:03:56.479
He's a professional, right?
00:03:56.560 --> 00:03:59.520
He's asking because healing always begins with honesty.
00:03:59.680 --> 00:04:03.199
He puts that cold metal stethoscope on your chest and says, breathe.
00:04:03.360 --> 00:04:04.879
He isn't there to judge your breathing.
00:04:04.960 --> 00:04:07.280
He's just trying to hear what's happening underneath.
00:04:07.439 --> 00:04:12.800
Lately, I've been learning that the first step toward healing is simply telling the truth about where it hurts.
00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:14.159
Think about that for a moment.
00:04:14.319 --> 00:04:17.600
It's not about finding another opinion or pretending everything is okay.
00:04:17.759 --> 00:04:21.040
It's not about posting another smiling picture on social media.
00:04:21.279 --> 00:04:23.600
It's not about convincing everybody else you're doing fine.
00:04:23.759 --> 00:04:27.680
Healing begins when we're finally honest enough to say, this is where it hurts.
00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:28.480
This is the spot.
00:04:28.639 --> 00:04:31.120
Maybe that's why so many of us stay stuck in the same cycles.
00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:32.959
We become experts at hiding our symptoms.
00:04:33.120 --> 00:04:35.439
We've learned how to say I'm fine even when we're not.
00:04:35.600 --> 00:04:38.000
We smile, we work, we serve, and we keep moving.
00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:42.879
Meanwhile, something deep inside us has been hurting for years, and we've just learned to live with the ache.
00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:45.360
This is why this conversation matters so much to me.
00:04:45.519 --> 00:04:48.560
This isn't about one family, one generation, or one political party.
00:04:48.720 --> 00:04:50.000
It's about all of us everywhere.
00:04:50.160 --> 00:04:52.720
Everywhere I look, I see people carrying invisible wounds.
00:04:52.879 --> 00:04:56.720
I see parents trying to raise children while they are still trying to heal from their own childhoods.
00:04:56.800 --> 00:05:01.199
I see teachers writing lesson plans at midnight wondering if anybody notices they're exhausted.
00:05:01.360 --> 00:05:05.199
I see nurses caring for patients while quietly carrying their own grief.
00:05:05.360 --> 00:05:10.319
I see business leaders trying to hold companies together while their own lives are coming apart.
00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:15.199
I see pastors trying to strengthen others while asking God questions in private.
00:05:15.439 --> 00:05:20.000
I see grandmothers keeping the family prayerless while quietly grieving a son who won't come home.
00:05:20.160 --> 00:05:23.439
We've all become so busy surviving that we've forgotten how to be honest.
00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:24.639
Maybe that's you today.
00:05:24.720 --> 00:05:28.879
You're smiling, you're serving, and you're showing up, but you're bleeding in a place where nobody can see.
00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:29.839
You're tired of the act.
00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:31.040
I don't have all the answers.
00:05:31.199 --> 00:05:37.279
Honestly, I don't think anybody does, but I am beginning to believe that the greatest conversations don't actually begin with advice.
00:05:37.439 --> 00:05:39.680
They begin with one simple, humble question.
00:05:39.920 --> 00:05:41.279
Where does it hurt today?
00:05:41.439 --> 00:05:45.199
Not so someone can judge you or fix you, but just so you can be heard.
00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:49.600
Not so someone can tell you everything you've done wrong, just tell me where it hurts.
00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:53.040
Because I have a feeling that's exactly where the healing finally begins.
00:05:53.199 --> 00:05:55.040
Thank you for pulling up a chair with me today.
00:05:55.120 --> 00:05:57.600
If this conversation stayed with you, would you pass it along?
00:05:57.759 --> 00:05:59.360
Someone might need to hear that question.
00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:03.279
They may need someone to ask them something nobody has asked in a very long time.
00:06:03.519 --> 00:06:04.959
Where does it hurt today?
00:06:05.199 --> 00:06:08.240
Until next time, please take care of yourself, take care of each other.
00:06:08.399 --> 00:06:12.399
And remember, the first step toward healing is telling the truth about where it hurts.
00:06:12.480 --> 00:06:14.319
It's the most courageous thing you can do.
00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:20.160
So tonight, before you turn out the light, put your hand on your chest, right where it hurts, and just whisper it, even if it's only to God.
00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:21.519
That's not weakness, my friend.
00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:22.160
That's worship.
00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:23.600
That's you finally telling the truth.
00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:26.079
And that truth is exactly where your new story begins.
00:06:26.240 --> 00:06:27.120
God bless you.