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We interrupt this programme for a special announcement.
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Oh man, that's rubbish.
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That's rubbish.
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I've been sitting here for about a half hour, kind of ruminating on what to say on this very, very special day.
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It's been one year on October 16th of 2024.
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I launched this podcast.
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I was extremely nervous.
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I felt like there was a feeling that there's some saying, you know, that no one would start anything if they knew how hard it would end up being.
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And at the other way people start is that there's sort of a built-in delusion.
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Like when I began, I really thought this podcast could like be popular.
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I thought it could, I thought, and I thought I really thought I could get really good at stand-up in a year.
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And these are, you know, delusions that are helpful in a way, because if I knew how hard, how few people would listen, and what kind of grind it would be, and how not that great at stand-up I am, I would never start.
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And so I'm I think if I listen back, I and I listen back to the first episode, and it's you know, it's really cringy to me.
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And I think there's some saying most people will say, like, if you're creating stuff, if you're not cringing at what you wrote or what you said, or what you created a year ago, you're you're not growing fast enough.
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You know, it's a sign of growth that that you you don't like, you know, what you thought was good back then, you don't like now.
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I I think one of my big mistakes was that I thought I had to kind of be special or do something that I thought was you know really pushing it or be really weird in order to get attention.
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And and I think ultimately, you know, only I guess about 600 people have listened to that first episode, and that's our biggest episode.
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That you know, the why.
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I think people come to this podcast that if they find it, they go to the why, and it's gotten 660 downloads total in a year, and that's our number one episode, which is might shock you if you thought this was a big podcast.
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It's not, it's so small.
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The numbers, you know, there's downloads, and then there's people who really actively listen, like to more than 40% of the episodes.
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And I think the people who listen to more than 40% of an episode, that number is less than a hundred people per episode.
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And so if that is you, boy, am I grateful for you.
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Because it when I was launching it, it really felt like it could go to zero.
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You hear all these things about podcasts, and I'm not exaggerating that there's millions, and that about the average person who's an avid podcast listener really only has time or listens to three.
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So podcasting is really the hardest game in town because it's incredibly time consuming for the listener.
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Yes, you can listen anywhere, but if you think about it, how many podcasts do you listen to?
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You might be a super user and you might listen to five or ten regularly, but ultimately this may be the only one you listen to, or you'll listen to occasionally you'll listen to an episode that really gets you know tickles your fancy.
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But the truth is, I have been doing this for a year.
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At one point, I was posting on Instagram, and certainly in the beginning, and I found it to be so unenjoyable.
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And and I guess if I was a different kind of person, I would I would just keep grinding the publicity, I would make find a way to get it on YouTube, which is what all the podcasts are doing now, and and I would just grind and I would make clips and I would just blast it, blast it, blast it, and I would ask really famous friends to I would beg them to come on, and I would do all the things you're supposed to do to grow a podcast.
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What ended up happening is I just around maybe the third of the way through, I said, I I don't know if I'll last six months if that's what I do, because I'm not that that's not enjoyable.
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And so the the the the deepest advice from the people uh who I respect, this guy Steve Bartlett, I don't listen to his podcast.
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I think he's got a top five business podcast called uh my uh it's called The Diary of a CEO.
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And his advice is um the the conditions to out persist, if you're not gonna love doing it for 10 years without the need for commercial incentive, there's a significant possibility you're not gonna hang in there long enough to fail, learn, improve, grow.
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He attaches his graph for how long he podcasts before people showed up, and in the he says, for context, we added more new subscriber in the last 90 days, two million, than we had in the first 900 days.
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So he he had no one listening for years, and now he's got this giant podcasting business with 13 million subscribers on YouTube.
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But if you look at the graph, he's basically at zero for the first seven years, just kind of shocking and inspiring.
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So I guess what I'm saying on my year anniversary here is every uh when you go to bed at night and
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you're about to launch a podcast, you dream of it becoming big, you dream of becoming life-changing, you dream of you know, it increasing in popularity, word of mouth spreading because what you're saying is so interesting to people that they can't help but spread the word.
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Uh, that is not the case with this.
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I know there are people who really like this.
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I think a lot of them are my friends who've known me, and I it's so sweet who has sort of shown up and consistently listened, and it means the world to me.
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Um I know I did a couple, I did a guest spot on a popular podcast like we're here to help, and that was Jake Johnson from New Girls Podcast.
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It's great if you want to listen to it, really funny.
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And there was like a two-week bump where people from that podcast checked me out, and then and then they they went away, and so it's humbling, it's it can be really discouraging, but I think what I've learned in this process is how to really give less fucks.
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I think probably the the thing that's changed the most in the last year is getting comfortable just expressing thoughts.
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There were some episodes where I was really nervous about sharing stuff.
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I wish I had the kind of brain that could tell you what those episodes were, but it was just stuff that was felt vulnerable or it felt like, yeesh, I'm saying too much.
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And anytime I would wake up and have this pang of dork tingles, I would inevitably get a f a text from a friend who was just who had enjoyed it, and it kind of relieved my anxiety.
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But it also made me realize that no one cares about you.
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And I and I mean this not in some sort of dark way, but no one really if they care, they're caring for a little bit, and then they're on with their life.
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And, you know, as certain things go on in life, and and I start to watch, you know, the older generation pass on.
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I mentioned my dad and and just parents in their 80s getting older, and you sort of see what happens to their friends, and you kind of see what will happen when they're on their last breaths, who's gonna be around, and what will happen after.
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There's really just a handful of people that are truly, truly affected when you sort of make it to the finish line for for a long period of time, and that's your family.
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Your friends are super bummed and they'll miss you.
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Uh, but everyone's gets on with their life.
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And I think what I'm realizing is it just feels it feels like life needs to be about what you are meant to do, what
you enjoy, what what feels right, and and doing things that you fear so that you you kind of realize that you didn't have anything to really fear.
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I mean, there were episodes where, you know, maybe the boarding school episode where I was like, oh my god, like I'm not gonna be allowed back on campus, and that's so not the case.
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It's probably a condition of not a lot of people listening and it not spreading out.
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Although that episode, my boarding school episode was one of the higher episodes, um uh numbers-wise, but you know, the key to building a podcast is to get basically people with a lot of followers who are famous to come on and interview you.
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I mean, to interview them, and their followers want to hear them and they want to check you out, and you grow over time slowly but surely.
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The the game is so saturated, there's five million and counting, probably thousands coming online every day.
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And this isn't to say that if I stuck this out for another, you know, ten years and and got you know really good guests and it morphed into something, and I and I started doing YouTube and just playing the game a little bit more, that it couldn't turn into something.
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And I very well may do that, but I think what I really want to say to you is I'm done.
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Not in the sense that I'll never be back, and I will certainly announce that uh I've done my what I committed to, which is sort of really giving it my all and doing a a real stand-up set, you know, a sort of finished, polished product, come what may, I'm still gonna do that.
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But as far as the rhythm, the weekly rhythm, I I don't want to commit to that anymore.
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So you may find if you are a loyal listener, you may find that next Thursday nothing's coming up, and maybe an episode will pop up on a fucking Monday.
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Because I don't want to be beholden anymore to this weekly thing.
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It's been great that I've done it and I've showed up on days that I don't uh feel like it at all.
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Uh sit down at 10 o'clock with no nothing to say, and then over time something comes out.
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But I was sort of I'm forcing it, and I something has been lost.
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So I'm gonna retool, I'm gonna rethink.
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I think I'll keep podcasting.
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It's it's too easy, really, and enjoyable.
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There's just I just don't have the fire to to do it the way it needs to be done to kind of grow.
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And I gotta figure out what what version of this will be like that.
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It's not to say that the people who do it for 10 years don't have their down moments and get their podcast fatigue.
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But I guess if if you're thinking about a podcast and you want to do it, I I encourage you to do it.
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There's there's tons to learn, and there's there's a badassness, I think, in just getting comfortable sharing your ideas with the world.
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And it's I used to be that kind of person who roll my eyes at the next podcast because I have this sort of dick inside me, but it's always connected to the fact that I wanted to do it and wasn't doing it.
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And I knew I was letting myself down by not doing it.
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And so when I look back, I I am I'm really proud that I that I overcame a tremendous amount of resistance, not only to start it, but to also continue it as it was clear that this wasn't taking off, that I didn't have some hit on my hands, and that even and even more so that you know people were dropping off.
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It's like you you you put out an episode that you really like, and it just doesn't get as many views, and and I wasn't really looking at the views all that much.
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A lot of times I was scared to, because it would it would be like a pit in your stomach.
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And so I just want to do this on my own terms, and I want to figure out a way to be more to make a better product.
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The easy I've been doing it the easiest way, which is basically to procrastinate until Wednesday night and then just diarrhea into a microphone, and then see what listen back and see what I think is worth keeping or could be entertaining for you, and what could be funny for a stand-up special.
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And again, your feedback has been so helpful.
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Um, it's mostly friends, and I I just appreciate it so much.
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But there's just there's it's time to kind of focus my efforts in other areas.
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I have ideas for a podcast.
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I I think at this point, if you've listened a long time, you know I the thing that I that I find effortless is the world of meditation and Eastern philosophy.
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I can't get enough.
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I have some ideas about how uh of doing a podcast in that world and kind of bringing in a reverent, kind of funny, you know, not so precious vibe to that.
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I it would be really fun to explore and to talk to spiritual people and to just have a light, loose, fun conversation that's also very deep.
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Um, and I really like the idea that I can do an audio journal too.
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I mean, it was always about being funny, but in the effort to be funny, you leave out a lot of the stuff that you're really thinking about, and that would sort of find its way in sometimes.
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But I I am a more serious person, I think, in my heart of hearts.
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You know, I had another podcast idea where I I wanted to just bring random people off the streets and find a way to make their life interesting to an audience, you know, to to sort of with with the idea that if you're ever bored by another human being, that's because you're not asking the right questions, and to just test that.
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Um also the idea of exploring marriage and parenting, uh doing something with my wife, that's crossed my mind a lot.
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So there's a lot of things I'm thinking about, and that's not to say that you can't do all of them.
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You know, that's the nature of podcasts, and you can have five, one each day.
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You do need a team for that, and I never got a team together.
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I did this all by myself, so maybe that was the maybe that was stupid.
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Anyway, yeah, so those are some ideas.
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Look, if you if you've been listening, I think my final my final request would be, you know, what what do you think I could do that would take advantage of whatever strengths you think I have and is a viable, you know, podcast premise or any other creative endeavor.
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You know, a lot of times if I if you just ask people, hey, what do you think I should do, or what do you think what strikes, have you ever had an idea for me?
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It's interesting when people people will step up, man, and they've and they are I I've never been let down, honestly, and you ask people those to help you.
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It's like asking for help is a really powerful uh can be a real powerful moment.
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So I guess that's what I'm doing.
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I'm gonna ask you for help one final time, and let me know if there's anything you think I could or should or you want me to do, and um I'll keep it under consideration.
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Well, that is my confession.
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That is my one year uh episode.
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We did it.
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I thank you super really from the bottom of my heart um for sticking around and going on this ride with me.
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And I'll use a famous Winston Churchill quote This is not the end, nor is it the beginning of the end, but perhaps the end of the beginning.