Transkrip penuh untuk Chapter 3 Part 2

shall I define it? The 35 00:02:16.960 --> 00:02:22.319 moral shock I received, as if something altogether monstrous, intolerable 36 00:02:22.360 --> 00:02:25.080 to thought, and odious to the soul had been thrust 37 00:02:25.159 --> 00:02:29.560 upon me unexpectedly. This lasted, of course, the merest fraction 38 00:02:29.639 --> 00:02:32.639 of a second, and then the usual sense of commonplace, 39 00:02:32.719 --> 00:02:36.479 deadly danger. The possibility of a sudden onslaught and massacre, 40 00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:39.639 or something of the kind which I saw impending, was 41 00:02:39.680 --> 00:02:44.159 positively welcome and composing. It pacified me, in fact, so 42 00:02:44.360 --> 00:02:47.360 much that I did not raise an alarm. There was 43 00:02:47.400 --> 00:02:49.840 an agent buttoned up inside an ulster and sleeping on 44 00:02:49.879 --> 00:02:52.479 a chair on deck, within three feet of me. The 45 00:02:52.599 --> 00:02:56.400 yells had not awakened him. He snored very slightly. I 46 00:02:56.479 --> 00:02:59.560 left him to his slumbers and leapt ashore. I did 47 00:02:59.639 --> 00:03:02.599 not tray mister Kurtz. It was ordered I should never 48 00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:05.639 betterry him. It was written, I should be loyal to 49 00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:08.919 the nightmare of my choice. I was anxious to deal 50 00:03:08.960 --> 00:03:11.919 with the shadow by myself alone, and to this day 51 00:03:11.960 --> 00:03:14.080 I don't know why I was so jealous of sharing 52 00:03:14.120 --> 00:03:19.400 with any one the peculiar blackness of that experience. As 53 00:03:19.439 --> 00:03:21.319 soon as I got on the bank, I saw trail, 54 00:03:21.919 --> 00:03:25.879 a broad trail through the grass. I remember the exultation 55 00:03:26.080 --> 00:03:28.639 with which I said to myself, he can't walk, he 56 00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:32.479 is crawling on all fours. I've got him. The grass 57 00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:36.400 was wet with dew. I strode rapidly with clenched fists. 58 00:03:36.879 --> 00:03:39.280 I fancy I had some vague notion of falling upon 59 00:03:39.319 --> 00:03:42.000 him and giving him a drubbing. I don't know. I 60 00:03:42.039 --> 00:03:45.719 had some imbecile thoughts. The knitting old woman with the 61 00:03:45.759 --> 00:03:49.560 cat obtruded herself upon my memory as a most improper 62 00:03:49.599 --> 00:03:51.560 person to be sitting at the other end of such 63 00:03:51.599 --> 00:03:55.240 an affair. I saw a row of pilgrims squirting lead 64 00:03:55.319 --> 00:03:57.800 in the air out of Winchester's held to the hip. 65 00:03:58.719 --> 00:04:00.719 I thought I would never get back to the steamer, 66 00:04:01.199 --> 00:04:04.439 and imagined myself living alone and unarmed in the woods 67 00:04:04.439 --> 00:04:08.280 to an advanced age. Such silly things, you know, And 68 00:04:08.360 --> 00:04:10.360 I remember I confounded the beat of the drum with 69 00:04:10.400 --> 00:04:12.919 the beating of my heart, and was pleased at its 70 00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:19.040 calm regularity. I kept to the track, though then stopped 71 00:04:19.040 --> 00:04:22.879 to listen. The night was very clear, a dark blue 72 00:04:22.879 --> 00:04:26.920 space sparkling with dew and starlight, in which black things 73 00:04:26.920 --> 00:04:30.639 stood very still. I thought I could see a kind 74 00:04:30.680 --> 00:04:33.720 of motion ahead of me. I was strangely cock sure 75 00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:37.120 of everything that night. I actually left the track and 76 00:04:37.240 --> 00:04:40.959 ran in a wide semicircle, I verily believe, chuckling to 77 00:04:41.040 --> 00:04:43.639 myself so as to get in front of that stir, 78 00:04:44.399 --> 00:04:46.920 of that motion I had seen, if indeed I had 79 00:04:46.959 --> 00:04:50.680 seen anything, I was circumventing curts, as though it had 80 00:04:50.720 --> 00:04:55.680 been a boyish game. I came upon him, and if 81 00:04:55.680 --> 00:04:57.560 he had not heard me coming, I would have fallen 82 00:04:57.600 --> 00:05:00.839 over him too. But he got up in time. He 83 00:05:01.040 --> 00:05:08.079 rose unsteady, long, pale, indistinct, like a vapor exhaled by 84 00:05:08.079 --> 00:05:12.120 the earth, and swayed slightly, misty and silent before me, 85 00:05:13.240 --> 00:05:16.360 while at my back the fires loomed between the trees, 86 00:05:16.680 --> 00:05:19.759 and the murmur of many voices issued from the forest. 87 00:05:20.439 --> 00:05:23.920 I had cut him off cleverly, But when actually confronting him, 88 00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:26.920 I seemed to come to my senses. I saw the 89 00:05:27.000 --> 00:05:30.120 danger in its right proportion. It was by no means 90 00:05:30.120 --> 00:05:34.360 over yet. Suppose he began to shout, though he could 91 00:05:34.399 --> 00:05:37.959 hardly stand. There was still plenty of vigor in his voice. 92 00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:42.879 Go away, hide yourself, he said, in that profound tone. 93 00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:47.759 It was very awful. I glanced back. We were within 94 00:05:47.800 --> 00:05:51.759 thirty yards from the nearest fire. A black figure stood up, 95 00:05:52.199 --> 00:05:56.879 strode on long black legs, waving long black arms across 96 00:05:56.879 --> 00:06:01.759 the glow. It had horns, antelope hoorns, I think, on 97 00:06:01.879 --> 00:06:06.439 its head some sorcerer, some witch man, No doubt, it 98 00:06:06.480 --> 00:06:10.319 looked fiendlike enough. Do you know what you are doing? 99 00:06:11.120 --> 00:06:16.199 I whispered perfectly, he answered, raising his voice for that 100 00:06:16.360 --> 00:06:21.160 single word. It sounded to me far off and yet loud, 101 00:06:21.399 --> 00:06:25.079 like a hail through a speaking trumpet. If he makes 102 00:06:25.120 --> 00:06:29.199 a row, we are lost, I thought to myself. This 103 00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:32.240 clearly was not a case for fisticuffs, even apart from 104 00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:34.720

the very natural aversion. I had to beat that shadow, 105 00:06:35.399 --> 00:06:40.360 this wandering and tormented thing. You will be lost, I said, 106 00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:45.959 utterly lost. One gets sometimes such a flash of inspiration. 107 00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:49.240 You know, I did say the right thing, though indeed 108 00:06:49.240 --> 00:06:51.759 he could not have been more irretrievably lost than he 109 00:06:51.920 --> 00:06:56.879 was at this very moment, when the foundations of our 110 00:06:56.879 --> 00:07:01.600 intimacy were being laid. To endure, to endure, even to 111 00:07:01.639 --> 00:07:09.600 the end, even beyond. I had immense plans, he muttered, irresolutely. Yes, 112 00:07:09.959 --> 00:07:12.720 said I. But if you try to shelt, I'll smash 113 00:07:12.759 --> 00:07:15.879 your head with There was not a stick or a 114 00:07:15.920 --> 00:07:20.519 stone near. I will throttle you for good, I corrected myself. 115 00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:24.600 I was on the threshold of great things, he pleaded, 116 00:07:24.879 --> 00:07:27.600 in a voice of longing, with a wistfulness of tone. 117 00:07:27.639 --> 00:07:30.959 That made my blood run cold. And now for this 118 00:07:31.079 --> 00:07:35.839 stupid scoundrel, your success in Europe is assured. In any case, 119 00:07:35.920 --> 00:07:39.240 I affirmed steadily. I did not want to have the 120 00:07:39.279 --> 00:07:42.240 throttling of him, you understand, And indeed it would have 121 00:07:42.279 --> 00:07:46.079 been very little use for any practical purpose. I tried 122 00:07:46.120 --> 00:07:49.439 to break the spell, the heavy, mute spell of the 123 00:07:49.480 --> 00:07:53.000 wilderness that seemed to draw him to its pitiless breast, 124 00:07:53.399 --> 00:07:56.800 by the awakening of forgotten and brutal instincts, by the 125 00:07:56.879 --> 00:08:03.120 memory of gratified and monstrous passions. This alone, I was convinced, 126 00:08:03.399 --> 00:08:05.759 had driven him out to the edge of the forest, 127 00:08:06.199 --> 00:08:09.759 to the bush towards the gleam of fires, the throb 128 00:08:09.839 --> 00:08:15.360 of drums, the drone of weird incantations. This alone had 129 00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:20.199 beguiled his unlawful soul beyond the bounds of permitted aspirations. 130 00:08:21.160 --> 00:08:24.480 And don't you see the terror of the position was 131 00:08:24.519 --> 00:08:27.199 not in being knocked on the head, although I had 132 00:08:27.199 --> 00:08:30.360 a very lively sense of that danger too, But in 133 00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:33.080 this that I had to deal with a being to 134 00:08:33.159 --> 00:08:35.480 whom I could not appeal in the name of anything 135 00:08:35.559 --> 00:08:39.360 high or low. I had, even like the niggers, to 136 00:08:39.480 --> 00:08:46.279 invoke him himself. His own exalted and incredible degradation. There 137 00:08:46.360 --> 00:08:49.360 was nothing either above or below him, and I knew it. 138 00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:54.480 He had kicked himself loose of the earth, confound the man. 139 00:08:55.960 --> 00:08:59.720 He had kicked the very earth to pieces. He was alone, 140 00:09:00.039 --> 00:09:02.399 and I before him did not know whether I stood 141 00:09:02.440 --> 00:09:05.279 on the ground or floated in the air. I've been 142 00:09:05.320 --> 00:09:08.559 telling you what we said, repeating the phrases we pronounced. 143 00:09:08.919 --> 00:09:11.960 But what's the good? They were calmon every day words, 144 00:09:12.399 --> 00:09:16.200 the familiar, vague sounds exchanged on every waking day of life. 145 00:09:17.039 --> 00:09:20.360 But what of that they had behind them? To my mind? 146 00:09:20.720 --> 00:09:25.559 The terrific suggestiveness of words heard in dreams, of phrases 147 00:09:25.559 --> 00:09:31.159 spoken in nightmares. Soul. If anybody ever struggled with a soul, 148 00:09:31.519 --> 00:09:34.720 I am the man, and I wasn't arguing with a lunatic, 149 00:09:34.759 --> 00:09:40.600 either believe me or not. His intelligence was perfectly clear, concentrated, 150 00:09:40.639 --> 00:09:44.480 it is true, upon himself, with horrible intensity, yet clear, 151 00:09:45.559 --> 00:09:49.120 And therein was my only chance, barring, of course, the 152 00:09:49.200 --> 00:09:52.159 killing him there and then, which wasn't so good on 153 00:09:52.200 --> 00:09:57.759 account of unavoidable noise. But his soul was mad, being 154 00:09:57.840 --> 00:10:01.759 alone in the wilderness, It had loos within itself, and 155 00:10:01.919 --> 00:10:06.039 by heavens, I tell you it had gone mad. I 156 00:10:06.200 --> 00:10:09.039 had for my sins, I supposed to go through the 157 00:10:09.159 --> 00:10:13.480 ordeal of looking into it myself. No eloquence could have 158 00:10:13.519 --> 00:10:16.799 been so withering to one's belief in mankind as his 159 00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:22.159 final burst of sincerity. He struggled within himself too. I 160 00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:26.120 saw it, I heard it. I saw the inconceivable mystery 161 00:10:26.120 --> 00:10:30.679 of a soul that knew no restraint, no faith, and 162 00:10:30.840 --> 00:10:36.120 no fear, yet struggling blindly with itself. I kept my 163 00:10:36.159 --> 00:10:38.840 head pretty well, but when I had him at last 164 00:10:38.840 --> 00:10:42.039 stretched on the couch, I wiped my forehead while my 165 00:10:42.120 --> 00:10:44.159 legs shook under me, as though I had carried half 166 00:10:44.159 --> 00:10:47.320 a ton on my back down that hill, and yet 167 00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:51.159 I had only supported him. His bony arm clasped round 168 00:10:51.159 --> 00:10:54.039 my neck, and he was not much heavier than a child. 169 00:10:55.320 --> 00:10:57.960 When next day we left at noon, the crowd of 170 00:10:58.000 --> 00:11:00.240 whose presence behind the curtain of trees I had been 171 00:11:00.279 --> 00:11:03.399 acutely conscious of all the time, flowed out of the 172

00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:06.639 woods again, filling the clearing, covered the slope with a 173 00:11:06.679 --> 00:11:12.240 mass of naked, breathing, quivering, bronzed bodies. I steamed up 174 00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:15.720 a bit, then swung down stream, and two thousand eyes 175 00:11:16.159 --> 00:11:20.279 followed the evolutions of the splashing, thumping, fierce river demon, 176 00:11:20.639 --> 00:11:23.960 beating the water with its terrible tail and breathing black 177 00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:27.600 smoke into the air. In front of the first rank 178 00:11:27.679 --> 00:11:31.000 along the river, three men plastered with bright red earth 179 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:35.600 from head to foot, strutted to and fro restlessly. When 180 00:11:35.600 --> 00:11:39.519 we came abreast again, they faced the river, stamped their feet, 181 00:11:39.919 --> 00:11:44.960 nodded their horned heads, swayed their scarlet bodies. They shook 182 00:11:45.000 --> 00:11:47.559 towards the fierce river demon, a bunch of black feathers, 183 00:11:48.320 --> 00:11:51.639 a mangy skin with a pendant tail, something that looked 184 00:11:51.679 --> 00:11:55.879 like a dried gourd. They shouted periodically to gather strings 185 00:11:55.879 --> 00:11:59.759 of amazing words that resembled no sounds of human language, 186 00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:04.080 and the deep murmurs of the crowd interrupted suddenly, were 187 00:12:04.159 --> 00:12:07.799 like the responses of some satanic litany. We had carried 188 00:12:07.840 --> 00:12:10.759 curts into the pilot house. There was more air there. 189 00:12:11.679 --> 00:12:14.159 Lying on the couch, he stared through the open shutter. 190 00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:17.279 There was an eddy on the mass of human bodies, 191 00:12:17.519 --> 00:12:20.559 and the woman with helmeted head and tawny cheeks rushed 192 00:12:20.559 --> 00:12:23.200 out to the very brink of the stream. She put 193 00:12:23.240 --> 00:12:26.559 out her hands shouting something, and all that wild mob 194 00:12:26.639 --> 00:12:30.519 took up the shout in a roaring chorus of articulated, rapid, 195 00:12:30.600 --> 00:12:37.320 breathless utterance. Do you understand this? I asked. He kept 196 00:12:37.320 --> 00:12:41.519 on looking out past me with fiery, longing eyes, with 197 00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:46.480 a mingled expression of wistfulness and hate. He made no answer, 198 00:12:46.679 --> 00:12:50.240 But I saw a smile, a smile of indefinable meaning, 199 00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:54.919 appear on his colorless lips that a moment after twitched convulsively. 200 00:12:56.759 --> 00:13:01.080 Do I not, he said, slowly, gasping as if the 201 00:13:01.080 --> 00:13:03.759 words had been torn out of him by a supernatural power. 202 00:13:05.720 --> 00:13:08.039 I pulled the string of the whistle, and I did 203 00:13:08.039 --> 00:13:10.639 this because I saw the pilgrims on deck getting out 204 00:13:10.639 --> 00:13:13.240 their rifles with an air of anticipating a jolly lark. 205 00:13:14.320 --> 00:13:17.039 At the sudden screech, there was a movement of abject 206 00:13:17.120 --> 00:13:20.799 terror through that wedged mass of bodies. Don't don't you 207 00:13:20.840 --> 00:13:25.360 frighten them away? Cried some one on deck, disconsolately. I 208 00:13:25.399 --> 00:13:29.039 pulled the string time after time. They broke and ran, 209 00:13:29.559 --> 00:13:34.039 They leaped, They crouched, they swerved, they dodged the flying 210 00:13:34.120 --> 00:13:37.799 terror of the sound. The three red chaps had fallen 211 00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:40.360 flat face down on the shore as though they had 212 00:13:40.360 --> 00:13:44.840 been shot dead. Only the barbarous and superb woman did 213 00:13:44.879 --> 00:13:48.799 not so much as flinch, and stretched tragically her bare 214 00:13:48.919 --> 00:13:52.679 arms after us over the somber and glittering river. And 215 00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:55.399 then that imbecile crowd down on the deck started their 216 00:13:55.399 --> 00:13:57.799 little fun, and I could see nothing more for smoke. 217 00:13:59.320 --> 00:14:01.480 The brown cur and ran swiftly out of the heart 218 00:14:01.480 --> 00:14:04.879 of darkness, bearing us down towards the sea with twice 219 00:14:04.960 --> 00:14:08.320 the speed of our upward progress. And Kurtz's life was 220 00:14:08.440 --> 00:14:12.759 running swiftly too, ebbing ebbing, out of his heart into 221 00:14:12.799 --> 00:14:17.399 the sea of inexorable time. The manager was very placid, 222 00:14:17.639 --> 00:14:21.039 He had no vital anxieties. Now he took us both 223 00:14:21.080 --> 00:14:25.440 in with a comprehensive and satisfied glance. The affair had 224 00:14:25.440 --> 00:14:28.480 come off as well as could be wished. I saw 225 00:14:28.519 --> 00:14:30.480 the time approaching when I would be left alone of 226 00:14:30.519 --> 00:14:35.200 the party of unsound method. The pilgrims looked upon me 227 00:14:35.240 --> 00:14:39.240 with disfavor. I was, so to speak, numbered with the dead. 228 00:14:40.159 --> 00:14:43.759 It is strange how I accepted this unforeseen partnership, this 229 00:14:43.960 --> 00:14:46.919 choice of nightmares, forced upon me in the tenebrous land 230 00:14:47.399 --> 00:14:54.519 invaded by these mean and greedy phantoms. Kurt's discoursed a voice, 231 00:14:55.399 --> 00:15:00.120 a voice. It rang deep to the very last, It 232 00:15:00.200 --> 00:15:03.600 survived his strength to hide in the magnificent folds of eloquence, 233 00:15:04.039 --> 00:15:09.240 the barren darkness of his heart. Oh, he struggled, He struggled. 234 00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:13.639 The wastes of his weary brain were haunted by shadowy images, 235 00:15:13.679 --> 00:15:18.080 now images of wealth and fame, revolving obsequiously around his 236 00:15:18.200 --> 00:15:25.039 inextinguishable gift of noble and lofty expression. My intended, my station, 237 00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:29.919 my career, my

ideas. These were the subjects for the 238 00:15:29.960 --> 00:15:34.360 occasional utterances of elevated sentiments. The shade of the original 239 00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:37.759 curts frequented the bedside of the hollow sham, whose fate 240 00:15:37.799 --> 00:15:39.919 it was to be buried presently in the mold of 241 00:15:39.960 --> 00:15:44.480 primeval earth. But both the diabolic love and the unearthly 242 00:15:44.519 --> 00:15:48.000 hate of the mysteries it had penetrated, fought for the 243 00:15:48.000 --> 00:15:52.759 possession of that soul, satiated with primitive emotions, avid of 244 00:15:52.879 --> 00:15:57.519 lying fame of sham, distinction of all the appearances of 245 00:15:57.559 --> 00:16:03.720 success and power. Times he was contemptibly childish. He desired 246 00:16:03.759 --> 00:16:06.200 to have kings meet him at railway stations on his 247 00:16:06.279 --> 00:16:10.200 return from some ghastly nowhere where he intended to accomplish 248 00:16:10.240 --> 00:16:14.320 great things. You show them you have in you something 249 00:16:14.360 --> 00:16:16.919 that is really profitable, and then there will be no 250 00:16:17.000 --> 00:16:19.919 limits to the recognition of your ability. He would say. 251 00:16:20.679 --> 00:16:22.759 Of course, you must take care of the motives, right, 252 00:16:22.919 --> 00:16:27.720 motives always the long reaches that were like one and 253 00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:32.000 the same reach, monotonous bends that were exactly alike, slipped 254 00:16:32.039 --> 00:16:35.720 past the steamer with their multitude of secular trees. Looking 255 00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:40.279 patiently after this grimy fragment of another world, the forerunner 256 00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:48.200 of change, of conquest, of trade, of massacres of blessings. 257 00:16:49.519 --> 00:16:54.240 I looked ahead, piloting close the shutter, said Kurt, Suddenly, 258 00:16:54.279 --> 00:16:57.840 one day I can't beare to look at this. I 259 00:16:57.919 --> 00:17:03.440 did so. There was a silence. Oh but I will 260 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:07.279 wring your heart yet, he cried at the invisible wilderness. 261 00:17:10.079 --> 00:17:12.799 We broke down, as I had expected, and had to 262 00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:14.799 lie up for repairs at the head of an island. 263 00:17:15.559 --> 00:17:18.279 This delay was the first thing that shook Kurtz's confidence. 264 00:17:19.119 --> 00:17:21.160 One morning, he gave me a packet of papers and 265 00:17:21.200 --> 00:17:24.200 a photograph the lot, tied together with a shoe string. 266 00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:30.200 Keep this for me, he said, This noxious fool, meaning 267 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:33.480 the manager is capable of prying into my boxes when 268 00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:37.839 I am not looking. In the afternoon, I saw him. 269 00:17:38.680 --> 00:17:41.400 He was lying on his back with closed eyes, and 270 00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:45.359 I withdrew quickly. But I heard him mutter,

live rightly, 271 00:17:45.880 --> 00:17:53.079 die die. I listened. There was nothing more. Was he 272 00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:55.960 rehearsing some speech in his sleep, or was it a 273 00:17:56.000 --> 00:17:59.759 fragment of a phrase from some newspaper article. He had 274 00:17:59.799 --> 00:18:01.720 been writing for the papers and meant to do so 275 00:18:01.799 --> 00:18:05.519 again for the furthering of my ideas. It's a duty. 276 00:18:07.039 --> 00:18:10.359 His was an impenetrable darkness. I looked at him as 277 00:18:10.359 --> 00:18:12.799 you peer down a man who is lying at the 278 00:18:12.799 --> 00:18:16.880 bottom of a precipice where the sun never shines. But 279 00:18:16.960 --> 00:18:19.160 I had not much time to give him, because I 280 00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:21.279 was helping the engine driver to take to pieces the 281 00:18:21.319 --> 00:18:24.920 leaky cylinders, to straighten a bent connecting rod, and inn 282 00:18:24.960 --> 00:18:33.359 other such matters. I lived in an infernal mess of rust, filings, nuts, bolts, spanners, hammers, 283 00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:38.359 ratchet drills, things I abominate because I don't get on 284 00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:42.039 with them. I tended the little forge we fortunately had 285 00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:45.559 a board. I toiled wearily in a wretched scrap heap. 286 00:18:45.640 --> 00:18:49.720 Unless I had the shakes too bad to stand one evening, 287 00:18:49.960 --> 00:18:52.079 coming in with a candle. I was startled to hear 288 00:18:52.160 --> 00:18:56.200 him say a little tremulously, I am lying here in 289 00:18:56.279 --> 00:19:00.480 the dark, waiting for death. The light was within a 290 00:19:00.519 --> 00:19:05.319 foot of his eyes. I forced myself to murmur, oh, nonsense, 291 00:19:05.559 --> 00:19:10.559 and stood over him, as if transfixed anything approaching. The 292 00:19:10.640 --> 00:19:13.359 change that came over his features I have never seen 293 00:19:13.440 --> 00:19:18.519 before and hope never to see again. Oh, I wasn't touched. 294 00:19:19.279 --> 00:19:22.480 I was fascinated. It was as though a veil had 295 00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:26.480 been rent. I saw on that ivory face the expression 296 00:19:26.519 --> 00:19:31.960 of somber pride, of ruthless power, of craven terror, of 297 00:19:32.000 --> 00:19:36.680 an intense and hopeless despair. Did he live his life 298 00:19:36.720 --> 00:19:41.319 again in every detail of desire, temptation, and surrender. During 299 00:19:41.319 --> 00:19:45.240 that supreme moment of complete knowledge? He cried in a 300 00:19:45.240 --> 00:19:49.440 whisper at some image, at some vision. He cried out twice, 301 00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:54.039 a cry that was no more than a breath. The horror, 302 00:19:54.599 --> 00:19:58.920 the horror. I blew the candle out and left the cabin. 303 00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:02.240 The pilgrims were dining in the mess room, and I 304 00:20:02.279 --> 00:20:05.240 took my place opposite the

manager, who lifted his eyes 305 00:20:05.240 --> 00:20:08.640 to give me a questioning glance, which I successfully ignored, 306 00:20:10.279 --> 00:20:13.880 He leaned back, serene, with that peculiar smile of his, 307 00:20:14.039 --> 00:20:21.519 sealing the unexpressed depths of his meanness. A continuous shower 308 00:20:21.559 --> 00:20:25.000 of small flies streamed upon the lamp, upon the cloth, 309 00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:29.559 upon her hands and faces. Suddenly, the manager's boy put 310 00:20:29.559 --> 00:20:31.960 his insolent black head in the doorway and said, in 311 00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:41.000 a tone of scathing contempt, Mistack Kurtz, he dead. All 312 00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:44.680 the pilgrims rushed out to sea. I remained and went 313 00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:49.519 on with my dinner. I believe I was considered brutally callous. 314 00:20:50.279 --> 00:20:54.160 However I did not eat much. There was a lamp 315 00:20:54.160 --> 00:20:58.680 in there, light you don't know, and outside it was 316 00:20:58.759 --> 00:21:04.359 so beastly, beastly dark. I went no more near the 317 00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:07.599 remarkable man who had pronounced a judgment upon the adventures 318 00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:13.519 of his soul on this earth. The voice was gone. 319 00:21:14.000 --> 00:21:16.680 What else had been there? But I am, of course 320 00:21:16.720 --> 00:21:19.119 aware that next day the pilgrims buried something in a 321 00:21:19.160 --> 00:21:24.759 muddy hole, and then they very nearly buried me. However, 322 00:21:24.799 --> 00:21:27.319 as you see, I did not go to join Curts there, 323 00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:30.240 and then I did not. I remained to dream the 324 00:21:30.359 --> 00:21:33.079 nightmare out to the end, and to show my loyalty 325 00:21:33.119 --> 00:21:38.680 to curts once more. Destiny, my destiny, droll thing. Life 326 00:21:38.759 --> 00:21:42.799 is that mysterious arrangement of merciless logic for a feudal purpose. 327 00:21:43.839 --> 00:21:45.799 The most you can hope from it is some knowledge 328 00:21:45.799 --> 00:21:50.720 of yourself that comes too late, a crop of unextinguishable regrets. 329 00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:56.160 I have wrestled with death. It is the most unexciting 330 00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:59.960 contest you can imagine. It takes place in an impalpable grains, 331 00:22:00.720 --> 00:22:06.119 with nothing under foot, with nothing around, without spectators, without clamor, 332 00:22:06.559 --> 00:22:10.880 without glory, without the great desire of victory, without the 333 00:22:10.920 --> 00:22:15.960 great fear of defeat, in a sickly atmosphere of tepid skepticism, 334 00:22:16.640 --> 00:22:19.599 without much belief in your own right, and still less 335 00:22:19.640 --> 00:22:23.000 in that of your adversary. If such is the form 336 00:22:23.039 --> 00:22:26.160 of ultimate wisdom, then life is a greater riddle than 337 00:22:26.200 --> 00:22:29.079 some of us think it to be. I was

within 338 00:22:29.160 --> 00:22:32.920 a hair's breadth of the last opportunity for pronouncement, and 339 00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:36.680 I found with humiliation that probably I would have nothing 340 00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:41.240 to say. This is the reason why I affirm that 341 00:22:41.319 --> 00:22:46.039 Kurtz was a remarkable man. He had something to say. 342 00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:50.200 He said it. Since I had peeped over the edge myself, 343 00:22:50.680 --> 00:22:53.680 I understood better the meaning of his stare that could 344 00:22:53.759 --> 00:22:56.079 not see the flame of the candle, but was wide 345 00:22:56.160 --> 00:22:59.839 enough to embrace the whole universe, piercing enough to penetrate 346 00:23:00.279 --> 00:23:03.960 all the hearts that beat in the darkness. He had 347 00:23:04.000 --> 00:23:10.680 summed up, he had judged the horror. He was a 348 00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:14.640 remarkable man. After all. This was the expression of some 349 00:23:14.759 --> 00:23:19.440 sort of belief. It had candor, It had conviction, It 350 00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:23.079 had a vibrating note of revolt in its whisper. It 351 00:23:23.160 --> 00:23:26.960 had the appalling face of a glimpsed truth, the strange 352 00:23:26.960 --> 00:23:30.359 commingling of desire and hate. And it is not my 353 00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:34.759 own extremity I remember best, a vision of grayness without form, 354 00:23:34.920 --> 00:23:38.200 filled with physical pain, and a careless contempt for the 355 00:23:38.400 --> 00:23:43.359 evanescence of all things, even of this pain itself. No, 356 00:23:44.359 --> 00:23:48.599 it is his extremity that I seemed to have lived through. True, 357 00:23:48.680 --> 00:23:52.279 he had made that last stride, he had stepped over 358 00:23:52.319 --> 00:23:54.480 the edge, while I had been permitted to draw back 359 00:23:54.519 --> 00:23:58.799 my hesitating foot. And perhaps in this is the whole difference, 360 00:23:59.720 --> 00:24:03.759 Perhaperhaps all the wisdom, and all truth and all sincerity 361 00:24:04.559 --> 00:24:08.240 are just compressed into that inappreciable moment of time in 362 00:24:08.279 --> 00:24:12.119 which we step over the threshold of the invisible. Perhaps 363 00:24:13.640 --> 00:24:15.359 I like to think my summing up would not have 364 00:24:15.400 --> 00:24:19.559 been a word of careless contempt. Better his cry much better. 365 00:24:20.680 --> 00:24:24.559 It was an affirmation, a moral victory, paid for by 366 00:24:24.599 --> 00:24:31.640 innumerable defeats, by abominable terrors, by abominable satisfactions. But it 367 00:24:31.720 --> 00:24:35.279 was a victory. That is why I have remained loyal 368 00:24:35.319 --> 00:24:38.359 to Curts to the last and even beyond. When a 369 00:24:38.400 --> 00:24:41.880 long time after I heard once more, not his own voice, 370 00:24:42.319 --> 00:24:45.400 but the echo of his magnificent eloquence, thrown to me 371 00:24:45.480 --> 00:24:50.559 from a soul as translucently pure as a cliff of crystal. No, 372 00:24:50.839 --> 00:24:53.119 they did not bury me, though there is a period 373 00:24:53.160 --> 00:24:56.640 of time which I remember mistily with a shuddering wonder, 374 00:24:56.880 --> 00:24:59.920 like a passage through some inconceivable world that had no 375 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.519 no hope in it and no desire. I found myself 376 00:25:03.559 --> 00:25:06.759 back in the sepulchral city, resenting the sight of people 377 00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:09.680 hurrying through the streets to filter a little money from 378 00:25:09.720 --> 00:25:13.279 each other, to devour their infamous cookery, to gulp their 379 00:25:13.400 --> 00:25:18.680 unwholesome beer, to dream their insignificant and silly dreams. They 380 00:25:18.720 --> 00:25:22.480 trespassed upon my thoughts. They were intruders whose knowledge of 381 00:25:22.559 --> 00:25:26.559 life was to me an irritating pretense, because I felt 382 00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:30.079 so sure they could not possibly know the things I knew. 383 00:25:31.359 --> 00:25:34.559 Their bearing, which was simply the bearing of commonplace individuals 384 00:25:35.079 --> 00:25:37.880 going about their business in the assurance of perfect safety, 385 00:25:38.519 --> 00:25:41.559 was offensive to me, like the outrageous flauntings of folly 386 00:25:41.960 --> 00:25:44.839 in the face of a danger. It is unable to comprehend. 387 00:25:46.440 --> 00:25:49.799 I had no particular desire to enlighten them, but I 388 00:25:49.839 --> 00:25:53.880 had some difficulty in restraining myself from laughing in their faces. 389 00:25:53.920 --> 00:25:58.000 So full of stupid importance, I dare say I was 390 00:25:58.039 --> 00:26:00.960 not very well at that time. I tottered about the 391 00:26:01.000 --> 00:26:05.079 streets there were various affairs to settle, grinning bitterly at 392 00:26:05.079 --> 00:26:10.640 perfectly respectable persons. I admit my behavior was inexcusable, but 393 00:26:10.720 --> 00:26:14.599 then my temperature was seldom normal in these days. My 394 00:26:14.680 --> 00:26:18.039 dear aunt's endeavors to nurse up my strength seemed altogether 395 00:26:18.079 --> 00:26:22.599 beside the mark. It was not my strength that wanted nursing. 396 00:26:23.119 --> 00:26:27.759 It was my imagination that wanted soothing. I kept the 397 00:26:27.759 --> 00:26:31.200 bundle of papers given me by Kurts, not knowing exactly 398 00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:34.119 what to do with it. His mother had died lately, 399 00:26:34.440 --> 00:26:38.039 watched over as I was told by his intended. A 400 00:26:38.119 --> 00:26:41.599 clean shaved man with an official manner and wearing gold 401 00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:44.839 rimmed spectacles called on me one day and made inquiries, 402 00:26:45.160 --> 00:26:50.079 at first circuitous and afterwards suavely pressing about what he 403 00:26:50.200 --> 00:26:54.720 was pleased to denominate

certain documents. I was not surprised, 404 00:26:54.720 --> 00:26:56.680 because I had had two rows with the manager on 405 00:26:56.759 --> 00:26:59.680 the subject out there. I had refused to give up 406 00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:02.839 the small mollest scrap out of that package, and I 407 00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:06.680 took the same attitude with the spectacled man. He became 408 00:27:06.759 --> 00:27:09.759 darkly menacing at last, and with much heat, argued that 409 00:27:09.799 --> 00:27:12.880 the company had the right to every bit of information 410 00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:19.079 about its territories, and said he mister Kurtz's knowledge of 411 00:27:19.160 --> 00:27:24.079 unexplored regions must have been necessarily extensive and peculiar, owing 412 00:27:24.079 --> 00:27:27.240 to his great abilities and to the deplorable circumstances in 413 00:27:27.279 --> 00:27:31.559 which he had been placed. Therefore, I assured him mister 414 00:27:31.640 --> 00:27:35.400 Kurtz's knowledge, however extensive, did not bear upon the problems 415 00:27:35.400 --> 00:27:40.279 of commerce or administration. He invoked, then the name of science, 416 00:27:41.519 --> 00:27:45.640 it would be an incalculable loss if et cetera, et cetera. 417 00:27:46.440 --> 00:27:49.720 I offered him the report on the suppression of savage customs. 418 00:27:50.039 --> 00:27:53.799 With the postscriptum torn off, he took it up eagerly, 419 00:27:54.119 --> 00:27:55.920 but ended up by sniffing at it with an air 420 00:27:55.960 --> 00:27:59.599 of contempt. This is not what we had a right 421 00:27:59.640 --> 00:28:05.640 to excite, he remarked. Expect nothing else, I said, there 422 00:28:05.680 --> 00:28:10.079 are only private letters. He withdrew upon some threat of 423 00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:13.400 legal proceedings, and I saw him no more. But another 424 00:28:13.440 --> 00:28:17.480 fellow calling himself Kurtz's cousin, appeared two days later and 425 00:28:17.640 --> 00:28:19.759 was anxious to hear all the details about his dear 426 00:28:19.799 --> 00:28:24.559 relative's last moments. Incidentally, he gave me to understand that 427 00:28:24.720 --> 00:28:29.039 Kurtz had been essentially a great musician. There was the 428 00:28:29.079 --> 00:28:32.160 making of an immense success, said the man who was 429 00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:36.039 an organist. I believe, with lank gray hair flowing over 430 00:28:36.079 --> 00:28:39.599 a greasy coat collar. I had no reason to doubt 431 00:28:39.640 --> 00:28:42.279 his statement, And to this day I am unable to 432 00:28:42.279 --> 00:28:45.640 say what was Kurtz's profession, whether he ever had any, 433 00:28:46.240 --> 00:28:50.279 which was the greatest of his talents. I had taken 434 00:28:50.359 --> 00:28:52.839 him for a painter who wrote for the papers, or 435 00:28:52.920 --> 00:28:55.960 else for a journalist who could paint. But even the 436 00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:59.400 cousin who took snuff during the interview could not tell 437 00:28:59.400 --> 00:29:03.279 me what he had don man exactly. He was a 438 00:29:03.400 --> 00:29:06.799 universal genius. On that point, I agreed with the old chap, 439 00:29:07.079 --> 00:29:10.480 who thereupon blew his nose noisily into a large cotton handkerchief, 440 00:29:10.880 --> 00:29:14.880 and withdrew in senile agitation, bearing off some family letters 441 00:29:14.920 --> 00:29:20.680 and memoranda without importance. Ultimately, a journalist, anxious to know 442 00:29:20.759 --> 00:29:24.000 something of the fate of his dear colleague, turned up. 443 00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:28.400 This visitor informed me Curti's proper sphere ought to have 444 00:29:28.440 --> 00:29:35.960 been politics. On the popular side, he had furry, straight eyebrows, 445 00:29:36.319 --> 00:29:40.400 bristly hair cropped short, an eye glass on a broad ribbon, and, 446 00:29:40.759 --> 00:29:45.079 becoming expansive, confessed his opinion that Kurt really couldn't write 447 00:29:45.079 --> 00:29:48.680 a bit, But heavens how that man could talk. He 448 00:29:48.720 --> 00:29:52.440 electrified large meetings. He had faith, don't you see? He 449 00:29:52.559 --> 00:29:56.440 had the faith. He could get himself to believe anything anything. 450 00:29:57.079 --> 00:29:59.960 He would have been a splendid leader of an extreme party. 451 00:30:01.559 --> 00:30:06.960 What party, I asked? Any party answered the other. He 452 00:30:07.119 --> 00:30:13.839 was an an extremist. Did I not think so? I assented, 453 00:30:14.559 --> 00:30:17.720 Did I know? He asked, with a sudden flash of curiosity, 454 00:30:18.759 --> 00:30:22.400 what it was that had induced him to go out there, yes, 455 00:30:22.759 --> 00:30:25.799 said I, and forthwith handed him the famous report for 456 00:30:25.839 --> 00:30:30.240 publication if he thought fit. He glanced through it hurriedly, 457 00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:33.640 mumbling all the time, judged it would do, and took 458 00:30:33.720 --> 00:30:37.160 himself off with this plunder. Thus I was left at 459 00:30:37.240 --> 00:30:40.920 last with a slim packet of letters and the girl's portrait. 460 00:30:42.160 --> 00:30:44.640 She struck me as beautiful. I mean, she had a 461 00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:48.240 beautiful expression. I know that the sunlight can be made 462 00:30:48.279 --> 00:30:51.599 to lie too. Yet one felt that no manipulation of 463 00:30:51.720 --> 00:30:54.759 light and pose could have conveyed the delicate shade of 464 00:30:54.799 --> 00:30:59.079 truthfulness upon those features. She seemed ready to listen, without 465 00:30:59.119 --> 00:31:04.680 mental reservation, without suspicion, without a thought for herself. I 466 00:31:04.759 --> 00:31:06.920 concluded I would go and give her back her portrait 467 00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:13.079 and those letters myself. Curiosity, yes, and also some other feeling. 468 00:31:13.160 --> 00:31:16.319 Perhaps all that had been courtgies had

passed out of 469 00:31:16.359 --> 00:31:22.119 my hands, his soul, his body, his station, his plans, 470 00:31:23.000 --> 00:31:27.640 his ivory, his career. There remained only his memory and 471 00:31:27.759 --> 00:31:30.920 his intended And I wanted to give that up too, 472 00:31:31.640 --> 00:31:34.759 to the past, in a way, to surrender personally all 473 00:31:34.839 --> 00:31:37.240 that remained of him with me to that oblivion which 474 00:31:37.279 --> 00:31:40.720 is the last word of our common fate. I don't 475 00:31:40.759 --> 00:31:44.000 defend myself. I had no clear perception of what it 476 00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:46.880 was I really wanted. Perhaps it was an impulse of 477 00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:50.240 unconscious loyalty, or the fulfillment of one of those ironic 478 00:31:50.319 --> 00:31:53.799 necessities that lurk in the facts of human existence. I 479 00:31:53.880 --> 00:32:00.680 don't know. I can't tell, but I went. I thought 480 00:32:00.680 --> 00:32:02.839 his memory was like the other memories of the dead 481 00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:06.680 that accumulate in every man's life, a vague impress on 482 00:32:06.799 --> 00:32:08.960 the brain of shadows that had fallen on it in 483 00:32:09.000 --> 00:32:12.960 their swift and final passage. But before the high and 484 00:32:13.119 --> 00:32:17.160 ponderous door, between the tall houses of a street, as 485 00:32:17.200 --> 00:32:19.759 still and a chorus, as a well kept alley in 486 00:32:19.799 --> 00:32:24.039 a cemetery, I had a vision of him on a stretcher, 487 00:32:24.680 --> 00:32:28.039 opening his mouth voraciously, as if to devour all the 488 00:32:28.079 --> 00:32:32.839 earth with all its mankind. He lived then before me, 489 00:32:33.920 --> 00:32:37.519 he lived as much as he had ever lived, a shadow, 490 00:32:37.799 --> 00:32:43.440 insatiable of splendid appearances, of frightful realities, a shadow darker 491 00:32:43.480 --> 00:32:46.880 than the shadow of the night, and draped nobly in 492 00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:50.960 the folds of a gorgeous eloquence. The vision seemed to 493 00:32:51.119 --> 00:32:54.920 enter the house with me, the stretcher, the phantom bearers, 494 00:32:55.400 --> 00:32:59.720 the wild crowd of obedient worshippers, the gloom of the forest, 495 00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:04.720 the glitter of the reach between the murky bends. The 496 00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:09.000 beat of the drum, regular and muffled, like the beating 497 00:33:09.039 --> 00:33:14.759 of a heart, the heart of a conquering darkness. It 498 00:33:14.839 --> 00:33:18.079 was a moment of triumph for the wilderness, an invading 499 00:33:18.160 --> 00:33:21.480 and vengeful rush, which it seemed to me I would 500 00:33:21.480 --> 00:33:24.039 have to keep back alone for the salvation of another soul. 501 00:33:25.079 --> 00:33:27.000 And the memory of what I had heard him say 502 00:33:27.000 --> 00:33:30.440 afar there, with the horned shapes stirring at my back, 503 00:33:30.759 --> 00:33:34.319 in the glow of fires within the patient woods, those 504 00:33:34.359 --> 00:33:37.880 broken phrases came back to me, were heard again, in 505 00:33:37.920 --> 00:33:43.400 their ominous and terrifying simplicity. I remembered his abject pleading, 506 00:33:44.279 --> 00:33:48.480 his abject threats, the colossal scale of his vile desires, 507 00:33:49.200 --> 00:33:53.440 the meanness, the torment, the tempestuous anguish of his soul. 508 00:33:55.000 --> 00:33:58.599 And later on I seemed to see his collected, languid 509 00:33:58.680 --> 00:34:02.519 manner when he said, one day, this lot of ivory 510 00:34:02.559 --> 00:34:05.720 now is really mine. The company did not pay for it. 511 00:34:06.519 --> 00:34:09.840 I collected it myself at a very great personal risk. 512 00:34:10.440 --> 00:34:14.880 I am afraid they will try to claim it as theirs. Though, Hm, 513 00:34:15.239 --> 00:34:17.679 it is a difficult case. What do you think I 514 00:34:17.679 --> 00:34:25.159 ought to do? Resist? Eh? I want no more than justice. 515 00:34:25.559 --> 00:34:30.360 He wanted no more than justice, no more than justice. 516 00:34:32.280 --> 00:34:34.480 I rang the bell before a mahogany door on the 517 00:34:34.480 --> 00:34:37.760 first floor, and while I waited, he seemed to stare 518 00:34:37.800 --> 00:34:41.000 at me out of the glassy panel, stare with that 519 00:34:41.119 --> 00:34:46.840 wide and immense stare, embracing, condemning, loathing all the universe. 520 00:34:48.119 --> 00:34:53.800 I seemed to hear the whispered cry, the horror, the horror. 521 00:34:56.400 --> 00:34:58.760 The dusk was falling. I had to wait in a 522 00:34:58.800 --> 00:35:01.440 lofty drawing room with three three long windows from floor 523 00:35:01.480 --> 00:35:05.199 to ceiling that were like three luminous and bedraped columns. 524 00:35:06.440 --> 00:35:09.360 The bent gilt legs and backs of the furniture shone 525 00:35:09.400 --> 00:35:13.599 in indistinct curves. The tall marble fireplace had a cold 526 00:35:13.679 --> 00:35:19.079 and monumental whiteness. A grand piano stood massively in a corner, 527 00:35:19.440 --> 00:35:22.920 with dark gleams on the flat surfaces, like a somber 528 00:35:23.000 --> 00:35:30.360 and polished sarcophagus. A high door opened, closed. I rose. 529 00:35:31.639 --> 00:35:34.920 She came forward, all in black, with a pale head 530 00:35:35.199 --> 00:35:38.239 floating towards me in the dusk. She was in mourning. 531 00:35:39.440 --> 00:35:41.960 It was more than a year since his death, more 532 00:35:42.000 --> 00:35:45.280 than a year since the news came. She seemed as 533 00:35:45.320 --> 00:35:49.320 though she would remember and mourned forever. She took both 534 00:35:49.360 --> 00:35:52.360 my hands in hers and murmured, I had heard you 535 00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:56.639 were coming. I noticed she was not very young, I mean, 536 00:35:56.679 --> 00:36:02.119 not girlish. She had a

mature capacity for fidelity, for belief, 537 00:36:03.039 --> 00:36:07.480 for suffering. The room seemed to have grown darker, as 538 00:36:07.519 --> 00:36:10.599 if all the sad light of the cloudy evening had 539 00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:17.119 taken refuge on her forehead. This fair hair, this pale visage, 540 00:36:17.159 --> 00:36:21.599 this pure brow, seemed surrounded by an ashy halo from 541 00:36:21.679 --> 00:36:25.199 which the dark eyes looked out at me. Their glance 542 00:36:25.320 --> 00:36:31.920 was guileless, profound, confident, and trustful. She carried her sorrowful 543 00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:35.840 head as though she were proud of that sorrow, as 544 00:36:35.880 --> 00:36:39.559 though she would say, I I alone know how to 545 00:36:39.599 --> 00:36:43.880 mourn for him as he deserves. But while we were 546 00:36:43.920 --> 00:36:48.280 still shaking hands, such a look of awful desolation came 547 00:36:48.360 --> 00:36:51.000 upon her face that I perceived she was one of 548 00:36:51.079 --> 00:36:55.079 those creatures that are not the playthings of time. For her, 549 00:36:55.960 --> 00:37:00.000 he had died only yesterday, and by Jove, the impression 550 00:37:00.239 --> 00:37:03.840 was so powerful that for me too, he seemed to 551 00:37:03.880 --> 00:37:09.679 have died only yesterday, Nay, this very minute. I saw 552 00:37:09.760 --> 00:37:12.960 her and him in the same instant of time, his 553 00:37:13.119 --> 00:37:16.000 death and her sorrow. I saw her sorrow in the 554 00:37:16.119 --> 00:37:20.760 very moment of his death. Do you understand I saw 555 00:37:20.800 --> 00:37:25.119 them together. I heard them together, she had said, with 556 00:37:25.239 --> 00:37:29.559 a deep catch of the breath, I have survived, while 557 00:37:29.599 --> 00:37:33.320 my strained ears seemed to hear distinctly mingled with her 558 00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:36.480 tone of despairing regret, the summing up whisper of his 559 00:37:36.559 --> 00:37:41.519 eternal condemnation. I asked myself what I was doing there, 560 00:37:41.719 --> 00:37:44.000 with a sensation of panic in my heart, as though 561 00:37:44.039 --> 00:37:47.079 I had blundered into a place of cruel and absurd mysteries, 562 00:37:47.519 --> 00:37:51.519 not fit for a human being to behold. She motioned 563 00:37:51.519 --> 00:37:56.119 me to a chair. We sat down. I laid the 564 00:37:56.159 --> 00:37:58.760 packet gently on the little table, and she put her 565 00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:03.960 hand over it. You knew him well, she murmured, after 566 00:38:04.000 --> 00:38:09.880 a moment of morning silence. INTI, Missy grows quickly out there. 567 00:38:10.119 --> 00:38:12.719 I said, I knew him as well as it is 568 00:38:12.760 --> 00:38:16.519 possible for one man to know another. And you admired him, 569 00:38:16.840 --> 00:38:19.559 She said, it was impossible to know him and not 570 00:38:19.679 --> 00:38:24.880 to admire him. Was it he was a remarkable man, 571

00:38:25.519 --> 00:38:29.480 I said, unsteadily. Then, before the appealing fixity of her 572 00:38:29.519 --> 00:38:32.679 gaze that seemed to watch for more words on my lips, 573 00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:38.320 I went on. It was impossible not to love him, 574 00:38:38.440 --> 00:38:43.760 she finished, eagerly, silencing me into an appalled dumbness. How true, 575 00:38:43.920 --> 00:38:46.800 How true? But when you think that no one knew 576 00:38:46.880 --> 00:38:51.199 him so well as I? I had all his noble confidence. 577 00:38:51.880 --> 00:38:57.840 I knew him best. You knew him best, I repeated, 578 00:38:58.360 --> 00:39:01.880 And perhaps she did. But with every word spoken, the 579 00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:06.440 room was growing darker, and only her forehead, smooth and white, 580 00:39:07.000 --> 00:39:10.559 remained illumined by the inextinguishable light of belief and love. 581 00:39:11.679 --> 00:39:17.159 You were his friend, she went on, His friend, she repeated. 582 00:39:17.199 --> 00:39:19.639 A little louder you must have been if he had 583 00:39:19.639 --> 00:39:22.599 given you this and sent you to me. I feel 584 00:39:22.639 --> 00:39:26.000 I can speak to you, and oh I must speak. 585 00:39:27.039 --> 00:39:30.320 I want you, you who have heard his last words, 586 00:39:30.599 --> 00:39:33.679 to know I have been worthy of him. It is 587 00:39:33.719 --> 00:39:37.159 not pride. Yes, I am proud to know I understood 588 00:39:37.239 --> 00:39:39.840 him better than any one on earth. He told me 589 00:39:39.880 --> 00:39:43.239 so himself, And since his mother died, I have had 590 00:39:43.280 --> 00:39:53.280 no one, no one two two. I listened, The darkness deepened. 591 00:39:54.440 --> 00:39:56.480 I was not even sure whether he had given me 592 00:39:56.519 --> 00:39:59.360 the right bundle. I rather suspect he wanted me to 593 00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:01.480 take care of an another batch of his papers, which 594 00:40:02.000 --> 00:40:04.880 after his death. I saw the manager examining under the lamp, 595 00:40:06.079 --> 00:40:09.400 and the girl talked, easing her pain in the certitude 596 00:40:09.440 --> 00:40:13.800 of my sympathy. She talked as thirsty men drink. I 597 00:40:13.880 --> 00:40:16.920 had heard that her engagement with Curts had been disapproved 598 00:40:16.920 --> 00:40:21.320 by her people. He wasn't rich enough for something. And indeed, 599 00:40:21.400 --> 00:40:23.280 I don't know whether he had not been a pauper 600 00:40:23.320 --> 00:40:26.400 all his life. He had given me some reason to 601 00:40:26.480 --> 00:40:30.079 infer that it was his impatience of comparative poverty that 602 00:40:30.199 --> 00:40:33.639 drove him out there. Who was not his friend, who 603 00:40:33.639 --> 00:40:37.440 had heard him speak once? She was saying, he drew 604 00:40:37.480 --> 00:40:40.800 men towards him by what was best in them. She 605 00:40:40.880 --> 00:40:44.400 looked at me with intensity. It is the gift of 606 00:40:44.440 --> 00:40:47.800 the great, she went on, and the sound of her 607 00:40:47.840 --> 00:40:51.000 low voice seemed to have the accompaniment of all the 608 00:40:51.039 --> 00:40:56.119 other sounds full of mystery, desolation, and sorrow. I had 609 00:40:56.159 --> 00:41:00.760 ever heard, the ripple of the river, the sowing of 610 00:41:00.800 --> 00:41:05.960 the trees swayed by the wind, the murmurs of the crowds, 611 00:41:06.400 --> 00:41:11.440 the faint ring of incomprehensible words cried from Afar, the 612 00:41:11.480 --> 00:41:14.880 whisper of a voice speaking from beyond the threshold of 613 00:41:14.920 --> 00:41:19.840 an eternal darkness. But you have heard him, you know, 614 00:41:20.360 --> 00:41:25.559 she cried, Yes, I know, I said, with something like 615 00:41:25.599 --> 00:41:28.920 despair in my heart, but bowing my head before the 616 00:41:28.960 --> 00:41:31.960 faith that was in her, before that great and saving 617 00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:35.519 illusion that shone with an unearthly glow in the darkness, 618 00:41:36.199 --> 00:41:38.639 in the triumphant darkness from which I could not have 619 00:41:38.679 --> 00:41:43.239 defended her, from which I could not even defend myself. 620 00:41:45.599 --> 00:41:49.320 What a loss to me, to us, she corrected herself 621 00:41:49.320 --> 00:41:55.719 with beautiful generosity, then added, in a murmur to the world. 622 00:41:56.440 --> 00:41:58.679 By the last gleams of twilight, I could see the 623 00:41:58.679 --> 00:42:02.559 glitter of her eyes full of tears, of tears that 624 00:42:02.840 --> 00:42:08.880 would not fall. I have been very happy, very fortunate, 625 00:42:09.800 --> 00:42:15.639 very proud. She went on, too fortunate, too happy for 626 00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:23.719 a little while, and now I am unhappy for for life. 627 00:42:24.239 --> 00:42:27.039 She stood up, her fair hair seemed to catch all 628 00:42:27.039 --> 00:42:32.320 the remaining light in a glimmer of gold. I rose too, 629 00:42:33.480 --> 00:42:38.280 And all of this she went on mournfully, all of 630 00:42:38.320 --> 00:42:43.239 his promise and all of his greatness, of his generous mind, 631 00:42:44.079 --> 00:42:49.559 of his noble heart. Nothing remains, nothing but a memory. 632 00:42:50.840 --> 00:42:56.239 You and I we shall always remember him, I said hastily. No, 633 00:42:56.679 --> 00:42:59.960 she cried, It is impossible that all this should be lost, 634 00:43:00.360 --> 00:43:02.800 that such a life should be sacrificed, to leave nothing 635 00:43:03.280 --> 00:43:07.880 but sorrow. You know what vast plans he had. I 636 00:43:07.960 --> 00:43:10.679 knew of them too, I could not perhaps understand, but 637 00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:15.079 others knew of them. Something must remain. His words, at 638 00:43:15.159 --> 00:43:22.320 least have not died. His words will remain, I said, 639 00:43:22.679 --> 00:43:27.880 And his example, she whispered to

herself. Men looked up 640 00:43:27.920 --> 00:43:33.840 to him. His goodness shone in every act, his example, true, 641 00:43:34.360 --> 00:43:39.239 I said, his example too, Yes, his example. I forgot that. 642 00:43:41.559 --> 00:43:45.320 But I do not. I cannot. I cannot believe, not yet, 643 00:43:46.239 --> 00:43:48.559 I cannot believe that I shall never see him again, 644 00:43:48.800 --> 00:43:54.960 That nobody will see him again, never, never, never. She 645 00:43:55.039 --> 00:43:57.519 put out her arms as if after a retreating figure, 646 00:43:57.960 --> 00:44:01.880 stretching them back with clasped, pale hands across the fading 647 00:44:01.920 --> 00:44:07.039 and narrow sheen of the window. Never see him. I 648 00:44:07.079 --> 00:44:10.639 saw him clearly enough. Then I shall see this eloquent 649 00:44:10.679 --> 00:44:13.280 phantom as long as I live, And I shall see 650 00:44:13.320 --> 00:44:17.800 her too. A tragic and familiar shade resembling in this 651 00:44:18.000 --> 00:44:23.920 gesture another one tragic also, and bedecked with powerless charms, 652 00:44:23.960 --> 00:44:27.480 stretching bare brown arms over the glitter of the infernal stream, 653 00:44:28.519 --> 00:44:35.000 the stream of darkness, she said, suddenly very low. He 654 00:44:35.199 --> 00:44:40.119 died as he lived his end, said I, with dull 655 00:44:40.159 --> 00:44:43.119 anger stirring in me. Was in every way worthy of 656 00:44:43.159 --> 00:44:48.760 his life. And I was not with him, she murmured. 657 00:44:50.280 --> 00:44:55.519 My anger subsided before a feeling of infinite pity. Everything 658 00:44:55.519 --> 00:44:59.519 that could be done, I mumbled, ah, But I believed 659 00:44:59.519 --> 00:45:01.920 in him more than any one on earth, more than 660 00:45:01.960 --> 00:45:07.159 his own mother, more than himself. He needed me me. 661 00:45:07.920 --> 00:45:11.920 I would have treasured every sigh, every word, every sign, 662 00:45:12.559 --> 00:45:20.199 every glance. I felt like a chill grip on my chest, don't, 663 00:45:20.480 --> 00:45:25.239 I said, in a muffled voice, forgive me, I I 664 00:45:25.320 --> 00:45:29.280 have mourned so long in silence, In silence. You were 665 00:45:29.320 --> 00:45:32.960 with him to the last. I think of his loneliness. 666 00:45:33.679 --> 00:45:36.519 Nobody near to understand him as I would have understood. 667 00:45:36.840 --> 00:45:41.119 Perhaps no one to hear to the very end, I 668 00:45:41.159 --> 00:45:48.119 said shakily. I heard his very last words. I stopped 669 00:45:48.119 --> 00:45:53.119 in affright repeat them, she murmured, in a heart broken tone. 670 00:45:53.800 --> 00:45:59.559 I want, I want something, something to to live with. 671 00:46:02.280 --> 00:46:04.360 I was on the point of crying at her. Don't 672 00:46:04.400 --> 00:46:07.880 you hear them? The dusk was repeating them in a 673 00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:11.079 persistent whisper all around us, in a whisper that seemed 674 00:46:11.119 --> 00:46:14.480 to swell menacingly, like the first whisper of a rising wind. 675 00:46:15.679 --> 00:46:23.199 The horror, the horror, his last word to live with, 676 00:46:23.599 --> 00:46:29.119 She insisted, don't you understand I loved him. I loved him. 677 00:46:29.559 --> 00:46:35.519 I loved him. I pulled myself together and spoke slowly. 678 00:46:36.559 --> 00:46:45.199 The last word he pronounced was your name. I heard 679 00:46:45.199 --> 00:46:49.239 a light sigh, and then my heart stood still, stopped 680 00:46:49.360 --> 00:46:53.800 dead short by an exulting and terrible cry, by the 681 00:46:53.840 --> 00:46:59.960 cry of inconceivable triumph and of unspeakable pain. I knew it. 682 00:47:00.320 --> 00:47:06.960 I was sure she knew. She was sure I heard 683 00:47:06.960 --> 00:47:10.079 her weeping. She had hidden her face in her hands. 684 00:47:10.760 --> 00:47:13.480 It seemed to me that the house would collapse before 685 00:47:13.480 --> 00:47:17.920 I could escape, that the heavens would fall upon my head. 686 00:47:18.840 --> 00:47:22.599 But nothing happened. The heavens did not fall for such 687 00:47:22.599 --> 00:47:26.400 a trifle. Would they have fallen? I wonder if I 688 00:47:26.440 --> 00:47:31.000 had rendered curts that justice which was his due? Hadn't 689 00:47:31.000 --> 00:47:36.000 he said he wanted only justice, But I couldn't. I 690 00:47:36.039 --> 00:47:39.239 could not tell her. It would have been too dark, 691 00:47:40.239 --> 00:47:51.440 too dark. Altogether, Marlow ceased and sat apart, indistinct and silent, 692 00:47:51.559 --> 00:47:55.920 in the pose of a meditating Buddha. Nobody moved for 693 00:47:55.960 --> 00:47:59.840 a time. We have lost the first of the ebb, 694 00:48:00.400 --> 00:48:05.159 said the director. Suddenly I raised my head. The offing 695 00:48:05.199 --> 00:48:07.800 was barred by a black bank of clouds, and the 696 00:48:07.840 --> 00:48:10.880 tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth 697 00:48:11.199 --> 00:48:15.639 flowed somber under an overcast sky, seemed to lead into 698 00:48:15.639 --> 00:48:25.239 the heart of an immense darkness. End of Heart of 699 00:48:25.360 --> 00:48:31.159 Darkness by Joseph Conrad, read for LibriVox dot org by 700 00:48:31.239 --> 00:48:38.519 Christian Luoma