Transkrip penuh untuk 41 - Stop Chasing a Six Pack and Start Building Real Confidence

hey, let's be, let's be, let's be honest. 00:02:39.830 --> 00:02:41.350 I'm gonna be honest here for a second. 00:02:41.510 --> 00:02:51.510 There are a million things that can distract us or or or keep us from really paying attention to what we need to be paying attention at this time. 00:02:51.670 --> 00:02:56.950 It can be scrolling, it can be poor diet, it can be food, it can be whatever it is. 00:02:57.189 --> 00:03:15.510 And so getting into physical fitness and start, maybe starting that as your first thing is a foundational element to then moving to some of the more of the other stuff that that we talk about can be really an easy, easy entry point into this whole process. 00:03:15.830 --> 00:03:16.550 Thoughts? 00:03:17.030 --> 00:03:21.110 Yeah, taking action is is the threshold. 00:03:21.350 --> 00:03:25.030 We can think all day long about what we would like to be, how we'd like to think of ourselves. 00:03:25.189 --> 00:03:30.950 We can come up with answers, we can come up with excuses, we can we can do so much, and it's all happening inside the head. 00:03:31.270 --> 00:03:36.790 Everything changes once you take that car out on the road and you start driving it, and that's the physical body. 00:03:37.030 --> 00:03:44.870 When you get back to a fitness routine, being physical, whether it's walking, jogging, going to the gym, playing sports with your buddies, whatever it is, doesn't matter. 00:03:45.110 --> 00:03:54.950 When you start actually getting into your physical body, everything changes, and and our thoughts and and understandings and feelings about the world suddenly start to move. 00:03:55.270 --> 00:03:55.670 Yeah. 00:03:55.830 --> 00:04:10.870 And and I want to frame this for I want to frame this for for dads because I know for me there was a shift uh that really needed to happen from physical fitness post-divorce to physical what physical fitness looked like. 00:04:11.030 --> 00:04:22.469 Well, from what physical fitness looked like pre-marriage and what physical fitness did or did not look like during the the marriage to post uh divorce. 00:04:22.629 --> 00:04:36.149 And and I want that to be less of getting physically fit to um to looking for dates or attracting dates, because on social media that's all like God, with like that's everywhere, right? 00:04:36.389 --> 00:04:47.430 And and and more of being ready and capable for your kids because you are fit you are in physically in good shape, and that's gonna, like we said, emanate to so many other things. 00:04:47.589 --> 00:05:02.549 So I just want to I want to lay that that that that groundwork and that mentality for the for the dads listening, because you're you're not gonna get from Dallas and I's a couple of Jim Bro stuff like you know, you gotta build that six-pack, and you know, you know, she's gonna want a six-pack. 00:05:02.629 --> 00:05:03.430 I I think it was funny. 00:05:03.509 --> 00:05:15.029 I gotta just this is a little offshoot, but I heard Elon Musk, Elon

Musk recently was like, yeah, six cars and six houses or a six-pack, she's gonna pick six cars and six houses. 00:05:15.189 --> 00:05:16.949 Like, like I thought it was hilarious. 00:05:17.029 --> 00:05:23.990 He was just totally, you know, you know, making fun of these social media influencer, Jim Bro kind of kind of guys. 00:05:24.229 --> 00:05:33.509 And his comment was like, build your life, build who you are, have you be a and and not that building a six pack isn't like you know trying to work towards something. 00:05:33.589 --> 00:05:39.430 There's there's something to it, but you know, his whole point was like go out and make a difference in the world. 00:05:39.669 --> 00:05:40.310 Yeah. 00:05:40.709 --> 00:05:44.789 I I if we're talking, I'm just saying, if we're literally talking about here. 00:05:44.949 --> 00:05:50.310 Okay, if we're literally talking about having a six pack, I mean, I'm not sure what the percentage of the population is. 00:05:50.469 --> 00:05:51.589 Let's say over the age of 30. 00:05:51.829 --> 00:05:52.469 Oh, good question. 00:05:52.709 --> 00:05:55.829 Let's say let no, and let's say over the age of 30, okay. 00:05:56.069 --> 00:06:02.789 I don't know what the percentages of men over the age of 30 that actually have a six pack, but boy, it's I mean, it's it's gonna be way under five percent. 00:06:02.870 --> 00:06:04.549 I pretty much guarantee that. 00:06:04.709 --> 00:06:06.149 Yeah, it's it's pretty low. 00:06:06.229 --> 00:06:14.709 And the thing is to get that six pack, that is like the last, I don't know, 10, 20 percent of the fitness like regime to try to get that. 00:06:14.949 --> 00:06:17.589 Really hard to get there, really hard to maintain. 00:06:17.750 --> 00:06:21.669 As your body gets older, I'm not sure it really looks all that great, to be honest. 00:06:21.909 --> 00:06:36.709 Um you know, like I'm not sure that the skin necessarily looks all that flattering, but most importantly, women, if you're if you've got the first 80, 90 percent of your fitness, but the six pack isn't clearly defined, that's not gonna be the thing that turns her away. 00:06:36.949 --> 00:06:39.909 There's gonna be way so many other parts of your life. 00:06:40.069 --> 00:06:41.829 What is her experience like when she's with you? 00:06:41.909 --> 00:06:42.949 What's your humor like? 00:06:43.109 --> 00:06:44.549 What's your financial situation? 00:06:44.629 --> 00:06:46.389 You know, what's your emotional intelligence? 00:06:46.549 --> 00:06:48.949 How how strong are you in your masculine frame? 00:06:49.109 --> 00:06:58.870 All of that stuff is is a way bigger slice of the of the pie chart than that last little bit of fitness where your six pack actually shows up. 00:06:59.189 --> 00:07:09.269 And if that is what she's looking for, probably not going to be the woman that you want to like incorporate in your life with your kids and all that stuff. 00:07:09.430 --> 00:07:11.589 So you know, it'll be a red flag. 00:07:11.829 --> 00:07:14.149 Yeah, and and she's the odd bell out. 00:07:14.310 --> 00:07:17.269 Most of the women are not expecting this to find. 00:07:17.509 --> 00:07:24.870 I mean, I can even tell you from talking with a lot of women, when they meet the gym bro type that has this like, you know, crazy six-pack, he's pumped and everything. 00:07:25.109 --> 00:07:32.069 A lot of women are explicitly turned off by it because the first thought in their head is this guy is really self-absorbed. 00:07:32.469 --> 00:07:41.589 This guy must see that this guy must spend an immense amount of time looking in the mirror, you know, fretting over his diet and going to the gym like crazy. 00:07:41.669 --> 00:07:48.229 And all of that attention, which is our primary resources, people, all of that attention is going into himself. 00:07:48.389 --> 00:07:53.430 It's not serving others, and it's and it's not caring for her, it's not going into his kids. 00:07:53.589 --> 00:07:56.789 Uh, that a lot of women are actually turned off by that. 00:07:56.949 --> 00:08:04.469 And the other part, I don't know how much this has been explicitly stated, but I do know several women have actually have confirmed this. 00:08:04.789 --> 00:08:13.189 If you have an impossible standard for your own physique as a man, geez, the woman's gonna be like, am I supposed to try to maintain that as well? 00:08:13.589 --> 00:08:18.469 If you've got if you're if you just dial it back, be fit, be in shape, be looking good. 00:08:18.949 --> 00:08:23.430 But also, it's like we're not trying to reach some unattainable perfection. 00:08:23.669 --> 00:08:33.509 That that that the the woman doesn't want to have to live up to that unless she's that type of woman, and you are this, I don't know, you know, high achieving, you know, a power couple. 00:08:33.669 --> 00:08:37.990 You know, this is what you both of you are on stage wearing extremely expensive clothing. 00:08:38.149 --> 00:08:41.909 Like, okay, like there's a few people, like that's what they really, really want to do. 00:08:42.070 --> 00:08:43.990 That's not most of the dating pool out there. 00:08:44.070 --> 00:08:44.710 It's just not. 00:08:45.190 --> 00:08:54.629 Yeah, and that could be your that could be your niche, but I think that's I think what you just said is really important because if you get on social media, that is not the message that that you get. 00:08:54.789 --> 00:09:13.350 And I think it would be great to have some women talking about that a little more, a little more often, because it is something that is in the back of guys' heads all the time, in particular divorced dads, especially if you're like me when I was getting, well, I just before my divorce, I started to figure out like I need to do something. 00:09:13.429 --> 00:09:15.429 I was getting winding going up the stairs. 00:09:15.509 --> 00:09:17.750 Like that was so, so bad. 00:09:17.990 --> 00:09:23.669 And this is coming from a fitness level of a division one athlete at

my at my prime. 00:09:23.750 --> 00:09:31.750 And and I will say, even as a division one athlete in my prime where I bench press 300 pounds and squat 600 pounds, I did not have a six pack. 00:09:32.069 --> 00:09:39.269 So like I was I was massive and strong and and in like the upper echelon of fitness, and I didn't have a six pack. 00:09:39.350 --> 00:09:46.309 And you look at most athletes out there, whether it's football and basketball or hockey or baseball, most of them don't have a six pack either. 00:09:46.549 --> 00:09:50.149 So that's not a something to be you know to to try to attain. 00:09:51.269 --> 00:11:12.110 I'm I'm shocked to hear that you were at that point because looking at you today, I would imagine you will you were always fit. 00:11:12.269 --> 00:11:14.750 So that's like a piece of hope and everything. 00:11:14.909 --> 00:11:20.990 It's like yeah, it's like you can get back in shape and completely convince your local dating coach that you've always been that way. 00:11:21.549 --> 00:11:22.110 Right. 00:11:22.350 --> 00:11:24.830 You know, simply the energy bring the table. 00:11:25.070 --> 00:11:27.070 But I oh go ahead, go ahead. 00:11:27.470 --> 00:11:33.470 Yeah, well, I I wanted to talk about that is because it's a difference between confidence and and and vanity, right? 00:11:33.789 --> 00:11:37.950 And I can remember, go ahead and make your point because I want to get into this next thing. 00:11:38.029 --> 00:11:43.230 Yeah, I want it's I wanted to to comment on why women are not talking about this. 00:11:43.789 --> 00:11:49.309 It's because women aren't even aware that guys are having this discussion for the most part. 00:11:49.870 --> 00:11:53.309 We are having this in a bubble as men in social media. 00:11:53.549 --> 00:11:56.029 Women are not like, oh, where are all the six packs? 00:11:56.110 --> 00:11:56.429 Where's it? 00:11:56.750 --> 00:12:03.950 This is guys in an echo chamber with other dudes thinking and deluding ourselves into thinking this is what women actually want. 00:12:04.269 --> 00:12:09.870 It's the same way that guys obsess over obscene wealth is being necessary to get the woman of your dreams. 00:12:10.029 --> 00:12:12.669 That's guys talking about, that's not the majority of women. 00:12:12.750 --> 00:12:19.950 There, again, there's always going to be some outliers, there's gonna be a small percentage that want to be with a with a man that has$500 million net worth. 00:12:20.029 --> 00:12:21.470 Like, yes, there are gonna be some. 00:12:21.629 --> 00:12:24.669 Most women do not need or even really want that. 00:12:24.909 --> 00:12:26.909 That it's an it's an oddball situation. 00:12:27.149 --> 00:12:31.710 We are in a we're in an echo chamber in a bubble when we're talking about these things as men. 00:12:31.789 --> 00:12:34.830 And that's why we don't hear women saying, Hey, this isn't really a big deal. 00:12:34.990 --> 00:12:41.149 The same way, you know, women might say, like, well, why don't

men talk about cosmetics and how we don't actually don't want more makeup? 00:12:42.110 --> 00:12:43.629 We don't, we're not talking about that. 00:12:43.710 --> 00:12:46.029 We're not aware of it, we're not there in the room. 00:12:46.269 --> 00:12:50.029 That's yeah, it's that equivalent turn the other way around. 00:12:50.189 --> 00:12:54.029 Women are not there when we're talking about, oh, well, we got to the six-pack and how do we get down? 00:12:54.110 --> 00:12:57.070 Like women are are they they don't care about this topic. 00:12:57.149 --> 00:12:59.230 Like, this is not something they're thinking about. 00:12:59.389 --> 00:13:01.309 That's why we don't hear their opinion on it. 00:13:01.549 --> 00:13:03.629 Yeah, that's a that that's a good point. 00:13:03.710 --> 00:13:09.309 And that's uh and also leads to needing to be involved with other men, right? 00:13:09.389 --> 00:13:14.189 Like, like, like you said, like knowing each other, talking to each other, talking about fitness. 00:13:14.350 --> 00:13:21.549 Like you need to you you need to have that feedback from from other guys because then you can you can talk about that stuff. 00:13:21.710 --> 00:13:40.189 You can talk about whatever your workout routine or your affinity for moving rocks, whatever, whatever it whatever it might be that is your that is your fitness likings, and and then just know that then that's like that's normal then what you're doing and how you're doing it, and getting away, getting away from this whole van. 00:13:40.509 --> 00:13:54.909 It's the whole it comes down to the vanity, and that's the social media mindset, and that's what they're selling, and that's how they are able to sell it because it's van, you know, it's vanity, and it it's you know, all that whole marketing philosophy and and whatnot. 00:13:55.070 --> 00:13:57.309 So get them the point being get involved with other guys. 00:13:57.389 --> 00:14:00.110 Listen to this podcast, we'll give you the real real deal. 00:14:00.189 --> 00:14:03.549 We're fit guys, we're not gym bros, nothing against gym bros. 00:14:03.629 --> 00:14:06.029 Like I I go to the gym four or five times a week, right? 00:14:06.269 --> 00:14:14.350 So, I mean, I guess I don't know what the criteria for a gym bro is, but anyway, but you know, I'm getting way off here and I've just completely forgot the the point. 00:14:14.429 --> 00:14:19.710 So let's get to the point that I wanted to get to before, and that is the confidence versus uh vanity. 00:14:19.870 --> 00:14:29.710 And so I like I said, I remember distinctly the time was where I was like, oh man, like I was going up the stairs, and it was like 12 stairs in my stairs. 00:14:30.189 --> 00:14:47.070 And I had we had three kids and and whatnot, and I'm like, I am freaking winded, like this is terrible, and I was like over 200 pounds at the at the at the time, which to me wasn't a big deal because at my playing weight, I was like 225, like but I was huge, right? 00:14:47.230 --> 00:14:50.909 And so so I I went to the doctor, and the doctor's like, you gotta lose weight. 00:14:50.990 --> 00:14:52.189 I'm like, what are you talking about? 00:14:52.429 --> 00:14:57.789 And then so those two things, and I'm like, okay, and and I did, I lost 25 pounds. 00:14:58.110 --> 00:15:01.629 And immediately my asthma stopped, went away. 00:15:01.789 --> 00:15:07.789 All the aches and pains in my joints all started to to subside and and and go away. 00:15:08.110 --> 00:15:11.070 But then something that felt really good. 00:15:11.470 --> 00:15:19.950 But then for me, getting in this mentality, having been a former athlete, was hey, I gotta be the strongest in the gym when I'm working out. 00:15:20.029 --> 00:15:23.149 I gotta like still have this mentality. 00:15:23.230 --> 00:15:27.470 And and and so I wanted to stay like, and it was it's all around vanity, right? 00:15:27.629 --> 00:15:30.750 Because this is the way it was before, this is how I looked before. 00:15:30.990 --> 00:15:45.389 And it doesn't have to be it's up, it's about that confidence that you're going to get, guys, by going into the gym and or whatever extras you want and having your body feel better. 00:15:45.629 --> 00:15:46.110 Yep. 00:15:46.429 --> 00:15:50.189 Yeah, I the distinction I make, and women, women talk about this all the time. 00:15:50.350 --> 00:15:53.710 They want a man who's confident, but not a man who's arrogant. 00:15:53.950 --> 00:15:58.990 Yes, arrog arrogance, but the thing that makes it arrogance is there is a comparison component. 00:15:59.389 --> 00:16:01.470 I'm better than I can lift more. 00:16:01.549 --> 00:16:04.990 I've I've you know, my body fat percentage is lower than this guy. 00:16:05.309 --> 00:16:06.189 It's arrogance. 00:16:06.269 --> 00:16:07.070 I'm better than. 00:16:07.149 --> 00:16:10.830 And if you have to be better than that, you have to be on top of somebody else. 00:16:10.909 --> 00:16:15.629 That means you need some other guy to lose or a bunch of other guys to lose in order for you to win. 00:16:15.789 --> 00:16:17.470 That's toxic, that's horrible. 00:16:17.629 --> 00:16:21.070 That isn't that and and and the woman is going to sense that. 00:16:21.149 --> 00:16:24.590 And she, and that's not that is not a truly confident man. 00:16:24.750 --> 00:16:33.070 The confident man loves his own performance, he loves what he is succeeding at doing, he loves that he's in shape and he knows it. 00:16:33.149 --> 00:16:35.950 And he doesn't need to compare himself to other men. 00:16:36.110 --> 00:16:38.269 Um, you said you go to the gym four or five times a week. 00:16:38.429 --> 00:16:42.669 I have not had a gym membership in geez, I think it's been 13 years, something like that. 00:16:42.750 --> 00:16:42.990 Yeah. 00:16:43.309 --> 00:16:44.669 I do bodyweight workouts at home. 00:16:44.830 --> 00:16:46.269 You mentioned, you know, I go up to the mountains. 00:16:46.350 --> 00:16:48.509 I actually went up yesterday for the

first time this season. 00:16:48.669 --> 00:16:48.990 Yeah. 00:16:49.149 --> 00:16:56.669 Up in the mountains, wheelbarrowing around rocks and stacking them, and you know, lots, lots, lots of, lots of different stuff that I do, you know, to be physical. 00:16:56.909 --> 00:16:58.509 But I'm I'm alone. 00:16:58.669 --> 00:17:01.389 I'm isolated when I'm doing my I'm doing that. 00:17:01.549 --> 00:17:04.669 But I do have certain metrics for my own performance. 00:17:05.069 --> 00:17:08.669 You know, one of them, one of them is, you know, what does it take to get me winded? 00:17:08.829 --> 00:17:15.869 What is, you know, how do I feel getting up from a squat off the ground, you know, you know, getting out of a chair, do I have to push off the arms or not? 00:17:16.109 --> 00:17:18.909 One in particular to bring it back to the realm of dating. 00:17:19.069 --> 00:17:21.629 And I I just do it spontaneously when I feel it. 00:17:21.710 --> 00:17:25.149 But sometimes I'll be sitting on a couch, you know, like making out with a woman. 00:17:25.309 --> 00:17:30.189 She's on my lap, either, either straddling me or like side saddle, I guess. 00:17:30.429 --> 00:17:33.470 And I will get up from the couch and lift her up with me. 00:17:33.710 --> 00:17:34.029 Right. 00:17:34.189 --> 00:17:34.349 Yeah. 00:17:34.589 --> 00:17:37.309 And she is like, holy cow. 00:17:38.349 --> 00:17:41.309 You know, I don't look like I'm not a you've you've met me in person. 00:17:41.389 --> 00:17:43.309 I'm trim, but I'm not buffed. 00:17:43.389 --> 00:17:46.349 Like I'm not, I'm not a gym bro, I'm never going to be. 00:17:46.429 --> 00:17:47.869 That's that's not with my physique. 00:17:47.950 --> 00:17:51.950 I'm, you know, mesomorphic to endomorphic, like that's sort of my body type. 00:17:52.429 --> 00:17:59.149 But uh, that doesn't mean that I can't have top performance and confidence in my own strength inside of me. 00:17:59.470 --> 00:18:09.710 And when women feel and that like not only did I just do that, but I knew I could do that, and I just did it and they experienced it, they were like, that's amazing. 00:18:09.869 --> 00:18:20.109 Now, I won't deny on the back end when they say, Dallas, you make me feel so light because other men haven't, I won't deny that that doesn't feel good. 00:18:20.269 --> 00:18:20.829 Of course it does. 00:18:21.230 --> 00:18:22.909 It touchs the ego, it feels amazing. 00:18:23.230 --> 00:18:27.069 But I'm not saying, so how many other men you know were able to do that? 00:18:27.230 --> 00:18:31.549 Like, no, that's that's arrogance, that's needing to compare oneself. 00:18:31.789 --> 00:18:37.869 So all of that, all of that long rambling to say performance is first person relationship stuff. 00:18:38.189 --> 00:18:38.429 Right. 00:18:38.509 --> 00:19:02.509 And if you're focused and you're tuned into your to your body, which you we're not always, even even when I was a even when I was an athlete, I was not, I was not tuned into my body until after my divorce, until I after I got into fitness and I made that mindset change that it was uh about feeling good, about being fit and about being there for my for my kiddos. 00:19:02.749 --> 00:19:04.349 It became a longevity thing. 00:19:04.429 --> 00:19:09.469 Uh and we're gonna talk about some other modeling and and and whatnot in a little bit. 00:19:09.629 --> 00:19:23.389 But until until that happened, and and then the focus was more internally, and this so this is the same thing we talk about all the time, right, Dallas, about this internal focus on what we're thinking about and and how we're showing up. 00:19:23.469 --> 00:19:25.709 It's the same thing with our fitness. 00:19:25.869 --> 00:19:31.469 Until I started to do that, I was not tuned into my body and all in the metrics like you talked about. 00:19:31.629 --> 00:19:32.829 Like, can I squat down? 00:19:32.989 --> 00:19:33.949 Can I pick something up? 00:19:34.109 --> 00:19:35.229 Can I pick somebody up? 00:19:35.389 --> 00:19:42.509 Can I do this or or can I do that until I really started to focus on myself and think about myself? 00:19:42.749 --> 00:19:52.189 I I remember when I switched from going to the gym to calisthenics, and incidentally, it's because I had moved to Asia for a year and I knew that the gyms were not going to be as readily available. 00:19:52.349 --> 00:19:58.429 So I switched over to a calisthenic bodyweight workout, and it caused me to become more kinesthetically aware. 00:19:58.669 --> 00:19:59.789 I was aware of my body. 00:19:59.869 --> 00:20:05.549 I actually, you know, you in your your opening joke that I still think is awesome, you're talking about the core strength. 00:20:05.709 --> 00:20:10.829 I the core was such an abstract concept to me, even with personal trainers. 00:20:10.909 --> 00:20:11.709 It made no sense. 00:20:11.869 --> 00:20:17.229 Once I started doing all calisthenic workouts, I was able to understand what the core strength was. 00:20:17.389 --> 00:20:20.909 And the the focus shifted from outward to inward. 00:20:21.149 --> 00:20:23.229 And that was a total game changer for me. 00:20:23.309 --> 00:20:36.349 And that's when I realized, and Stephen Covey's book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, he's got the first three, or in the first three habits are in the personal space, the second three habits are in the public space, and then there's a seventh one that encircles all of them. 00:20:36.749 --> 00:20:42.189 And it's interesting that after the first three, you achieve what he calls private victory. 00:20:42.829 --> 00:20:51.949 And after the next three, and this is in the diagram that's repeated over and over in the book, after the next three, four, five, and six, he he you've achieved what he calls public victory. 00:20:52.749 --> 00:21:00.909 And he I don't believe he mentioned it in the book, but he's he's implicitly stating private victory comes before public victory. 00:21:01.469 --> 00:21:01.949 Yes. 00:21:02.269

--> 00:21:19.629 I by having the kinesthetic awareness, by working myself, by achieving it, by becoming a winner, by by achieving private victory in myself, I I have to have that before I then move into the public domain, which includes your children, but also dating, then the public victory can take place. 00:21:20.109 --> 00:21:24.269 But I have to achieve that with my own self-awareness, my own self-connection first. 00:21:24.589 --> 00:21:24.989 Right. 00:21:25.149 --> 00:21:35.709 And so to add on to that, some of the that public victory, I feel is modeling to your children for a lifetime because you need to do it for a lifetime. 00:21:35.869 --> 00:21:49.869 Hopefully, hopefully, if you haven't done it or if you've fallen off the wagon like like I did, that's that this is something if you are modeling for them, it you're showing that public victory like you did described, they're gonna they're gonna see it, right? 00:21:49.949 --> 00:22:02.429 Like so they're gonna automatically see that you are you're disciplined about it, you are either going to the gym, doing your calisthenic workout, whatever it might be that you're doing it, and they're gonna see the they're gonna see the results. 00:22:02.589 --> 00:22:13.069 They're gonna see the results not only in your physical body, but they're going to see the results and how you're showing up mentally and emotionally, because there is the connection that it's gonna have. 00:22:13.149 --> 00:22:21.629 And I'm God, I promise you guys, it like you won't even, you might not even realize it until somebody says something to you about it. 00:22:21.789 --> 00:22:22.589 Yeah, yeah. 00:22:22.669 --> 00:22:24.349 You that that is it spot on. 00:22:24.429 --> 00:22:31.149 And the the the physical the physical manifestation is almost a byproduct of the fitness. 00:22:31.389 --> 00:22:33.789 The fitness is mentical, it is mentical. 00:22:36.109 --> 00:22:36.829 It's a new word. 00:22:36.909 --> 00:22:39.309 Yeah, the new word for the day, mentical. 00:22:39.469 --> 00:22:40.109 There we go. 00:22:40.269 --> 00:22:42.109 It's physical and mental. 00:22:42.189 --> 00:22:43.309 It I don't I can't. 00:22:43.789 --> 00:22:44.669 That's a good one, actually. 00:22:44.749 --> 00:22:45.149 I like that. 00:22:45.869 --> 00:22:49.549 Physical and mental, mentical, contraction. 00:22:50.589 --> 00:22:52.989 I my gosh, I I've completely thrown myself off. 00:22:53.069 --> 00:22:55.309 I have no idea what okay. 00:22:55.469 --> 00:23:17.469 Well, the the the victory, the victory happens in the mind, it it happens in the will, it happens in the emotions, it happens in setting yourself on the path, it happens in setting the physical body in motion, but but then it's somewhere down the road, you know, one month, three months, six months down the road, that you start to see the the physical, the physical effects actually playing out. 00:23:17.709 --> 00:23:19.949 And and and that, and that's how it is with everything. 00:23:20.109 --> 00:23:24.349 We don't get paid up front for the for the consistency in the work. 00:23:24.589 --> 00:23:32.829 It's almost like the winning is you you win immediately in the moment by making the choice that you actually want to make for yourself. 00:23:33.149 --> 00:23:33.309 And 00:23:33.869 --> 00:23:43.309 Then, you know, the you know, the six cars, six houses, you know, the six pack, if it shows up for you, would all the different elements, those show up in the fullness of time. 00:23:43.869 --> 00:23:58.749 But they're but but it's almost like it's almost like the success that you see in the people around you, that was the long-term byproduct of of an immediate victory that they chose to have with themselves, private victory over and over and over again. 00:23:59.069 --> 00:24:05.229 And that private victory that you have, that's what changes your confidence, that's what changes your energy level, that's what changes your belief in yourself. 00:24:05.389 --> 00:24:08.829 And to your point, that's what the kids are really gonna pick up on. 00:24:09.069 --> 00:24:11.709 The body, that just that's just par for the course. 00:24:11.789 --> 00:24:14.029 That just that comes along as a bonus. 00:24:14.429 --> 00:24:14.909 Yep. 00:24:15.149 --> 00:24:26.829 Well, and and if you are modeling that, the the probability that they're gonna be doing something, and then your your your family lifestyle is going to be like that is going to be very high. 00:24:26.989 --> 00:24:30.909 Uh, and then that's just gonna be an automatic part, it becomes a lifestyle change. 00:24:31.069 --> 00:24:39.389 So they talk about things taking 21 days to to to create routines or or they call them habits, they're really routines, they're not habits, uh, a routine. 00:24:39.469 --> 00:24:45.789 But that routine then after 90 days, 220 days, whatever it might be, then becomes a lifestyle change. 00:24:46.109 --> 00:24:50.909 And then if you're creating that lifestyle change, and again, you're focused on yourselves, guys, right? 00:24:51.069 --> 00:24:57.869 So you're focused on yourself, you're you're you're creating a lifestyle change for yourself, but that is emanating through the rest of your family. 00:24:58.029 --> 00:25:13.309 That's gonna have that is going to have an impact, and and it might not even be conscious, they might not even be consciously aware of it, you might not even be consciously aware of it, but it's going to be having that impact on ongoing for for them. 00:25:13.469 --> 00:25:19.709 They're gonna be, they're going to be fit, they're going to take care of their physical health because you've done it. 00:25:19.949 --> 00:25:20.189 Yeah. 00:25:20.509 --> 00:25:22.269 And it is a lifestyle change. 00:25:22.349 --> 00:25:24.829 The word I use is it's an identity shift. 00:25:25.229 --> 00:25:25.629 Yeah. 00:25:25.869 --> 00:25:27.629 I'm the kind of guy that is fit. 00:25:27.789 --> 00:25:29.629 I'm the kind of guy that stays in shape.

00:25:30.029 --> 00:25:34.509 And and children pick up the identities of their guardians. 00:25:34.749 --> 00:25:35.149 Right. 00:25:35.389 --> 00:25:38.829 And so if my identity is no way, I let it go. 00:25:38.909 --> 00:25:39.629 That's not me. 00:25:39.789 --> 00:25:40.509 That's not me. 00:25:40.669 --> 00:25:41.949 That's not me. 00:25:42.989 --> 00:25:49.309 I have, I have a I have that that that's not how I live, that that isn't, that doesn't match who I am. 00:25:49.469 --> 00:26:00.749 That identity piece, that's actually what dictates so much of the behavior on a habitual lifestyle routine basis, is I'm going to, I'm going to behave according to my identity. 00:26:00.989 --> 00:26:03.069 And children look at it, the core identity. 00:26:03.149 --> 00:26:12.429 You know, it's like, well, I came from a family where everybody's obese and they, you know, they, you know, they make a seven-layer dip, you know, like three times a week and they're watching, they're watching TV. 00:26:12.589 --> 00:26:20.269 Like, I mean, like, they're like, okay, well, I mean, they have they have to almost consciously make a break and say, I'm going to live differently. 00:26:20.429 --> 00:26:24.669 I have a diff, I don't belong in that family, like, you know, ugly duckling problem. 00:26:24.749 --> 00:26:26.349 Like, I'm a swan, they're ducks. 00:26:26.589 --> 00:26:28.109 I don't belong there anymore. 00:26:28.269 --> 00:26:32.669 It's because they are consciously saying, I have a different identity than the family I came from. 00:26:32.909 --> 00:26:37.069 It's it's really these identity components are incredibly powerful. 00:26:37.229 --> 00:26:39.389 And I feel like people should be talking more about them. 00:26:39.709 --> 00:26:41.069 Yeah, it is dad's. 00:26:42.829 --> 00:26:47.789 We don't only owe it to ourselves, we owe it to our children to to to to do this. 00:26:47.949 --> 00:27:01.869 So, and and that's not to guilt or to to shame anybody, because like you said, lots of what we've been patterned to to think about ourselves or how to show up in the world, we've just learned through through childhood and early adult life. 00:27:01.949 --> 00:27:09.629 And so if that is you, dad, and and that's been the lifestyle that maybe you've had throughout your your marriage, this is a great opportunity now. 00:27:09.789 --> 00:27:12.749 Life is changing, whether you like it or not. 00:27:12.989 --> 00:27:26.029 And so the one of the things that I always talk about in coaching with dads is there are gonna be lots of things that you can't control through this process and and even post-divorce, but there are some things that you can control. 00:27:26.189 --> 00:27:28.029 This is one that you can control. 00:27:28.349 --> 00:27:35.949 So if there's something like you feel like your life is spinning out, it's spiraling, and you don't know and you're worried, like this is one you can control. 00:27:36.109 --> 00:27:45.149 You can control that you're going to go do

your workout, uh, whatever that might be, even if it's just starting with like I've started with guys with 15-minute walks, right? 00:27:45.229 --> 00:27:52.669 Just 15-minute walks uh a a day, and and then builds from that, even if it's just starting with that 15-minute walk and and doing that. 00:27:52.829 --> 00:28:03.789 And so let's let's let's move into that because we talked last week about the the the no-time concept and the I don't have time for that, it's et cetera, right? 00:28:04.029 --> 00:28:11.869 If you're if you have to make the time to do this, and it doesn't take a ton of time to do some of this. 00:28:11.949 --> 00:28:20.189 We're not talking about 90-minute gym sessions, we're not talking about whatever, whatever it might be, a lot of work. 00:28:20.349 --> 00:28:27.629 It can be micro workouts, it can be what Dallas was describing, which is hey, you've got to get something done and it's physical. 00:28:27.869 --> 00:28:30.509 You're not gonna hire somebody to do it, you're gonna do it yourself. 00:28:30.749 --> 00:28:34.429 Or or you're gonna find ways that you can go and and and do that. 00:28:34.669 --> 00:28:43.229 It doesn't have to be hard, it doesn't have to take a lot of time, especially with the society we have now and apps and everything else. 00:28:43.469 --> 00:28:48.749 You can you can find a time, but the point being is you have to schedule it. 00:28:49.629 --> 00:28:54.749 You have to schedule and you have to have you have to ask yourself if you are busy, how can I make this happen? 00:28:55.069 --> 00:28:57.629 I know that I know that I want to make this a priority. 00:28:57.789 --> 00:29:03.869 And you know, I've been I've been thinking about the difference between convergent thinking versus divergent thinking. 00:29:04.109 --> 00:29:07.709 Convergent thinking is bringing things down to a single point, there's one answer. 00:29:07.869 --> 00:29:13.309 And a lot of times that is, oh, I have to go to the gym, have a gym membership, spend 90 minutes, three days a week. 00:29:13.469 --> 00:29:13.629 Right. 00:29:13.789 --> 00:29:18.829 It's we've all somehow converged on this consensus that this is what you do to be healthy. 00:29:19.069 --> 00:29:20.189 Okay, well, not true. 00:29:20.349 --> 00:29:21.549 Just simply not true. 00:29:21.789 --> 00:29:23.149 How else could I achieve? 00:29:23.389 --> 00:29:24.909 How could I make this work for me? 00:29:25.069 --> 00:29:26.829 How can I make this part of what I'm doing? 00:29:27.069 --> 00:29:32.189 For example, if you work out way better outdoors than indoors, do that. 00:29:32.429 --> 00:29:34.669 How can I get myself to enjoy this more? 00:29:34.909 --> 00:29:37.069 Is it sports with is it sports with friends? 00:29:37.229 --> 00:29:38.829 Is it working out in isolation? 00:29:39.069 --> 00:29:41.149 Is it you know what what are the elements? 00:29:41.389 --> 00:29:47.709 And you have to find like my workout routine is not like anybody else's uh workout routine

that I know of. 00:29:47.949 --> 00:29:54.189 It's and I have slowly developed it over time and for the most part been reducing the time down and down and down. 00:29:54.349 --> 00:29:59.389 I work out very, very little in actuality, and I get the maximum results from it. 00:29:59.629 --> 00:30:06.829 But that's where that's where I'm asking myself, how can I break these rules from the norm to make them work for me the way that I want to do it with my schedule? 00:30:07.149 --> 00:30:09.309 Yeah, and you can work this in conjunction. 00:30:09.469 --> 00:30:16.269 You you said sports and sports with friends, or if there's something that you used to like to do, pick it up again. 00:30:16.669 --> 00:30:23.629 Or if there's something you always thought of, man, I'd really like to try like a couple, like a year a little over a year ago, I started playing pickleball. 00:30:23.949 --> 00:30:26.909 I was like, I play tennis, but let's try pickleball. 00:30:27.069 --> 00:30:29.069 And and so I I I I loved it. 00:30:29.229 --> 00:30:41.389 Go find something that you are either interested in or want to go do or learn to do, and that can be like again, that helps it's the the byproduct is the physical fitness, right? 00:30:41.469 --> 00:30:46.029 Is the how your body looks, but it's gonna be doing way more things. 00:30:46.189 --> 00:30:53.709 The other thing to your to your point about these short workouts, the best, the best shape I've been in the last five years was during COVID. 00:30:53.869 --> 00:30:57.709 There were no gyms, there was there were no opportunities. 00:30:57.869 --> 00:31:04.509 So I had I had decided with my daughters that okay, well, they're not gonna be at school, they're not gonna have gym class anymore. 00:31:04.589 --> 00:31:07.149 They're in you know, in in grade school at that time. 00:31:07.309 --> 00:31:10.589 They're not gonna have, we are not gonna be sitting around the house. 00:31:10.829 --> 00:31:16.829 And so I ordered some DVDs, fitness DVDs, like the like the old like the old school. 00:31:17.949 --> 00:31:22.909 Yeah, it wasn't that old, but you know, and it wasn't VHS, they were DVDs. 00:31:23.229 --> 00:31:26.589 So dude and leg warmers, I can see it now. 00:31:27.949 --> 00:31:29.709 Exactly, got my onesie on. 00:31:30.109 --> 00:31:44.589 Um, and and and we we just we all committed, we talked about it, and we got up before school, like six o'clock in the morning, and all four of us just in our living room would turn the video, and it was a half hour or less. 00:31:44.669 --> 00:31:53.309 It wasn't anything big and long, it was mostly jumping and calisthenics and push-ups and sit-ups and all the stuff that that you were you were talking about. 00:31:53.549 --> 00:31:59.949 And I'll tell you what, man, I was in tremendous, tremendous shape after just doing something like that. 00:32:00.029 --> 00:32:03.149 And it only took 30 minutes or or or less. 00:32:03.309 --> 00:32:05.709 And and my daughters, like they did it

too. 00:32:05.869 --> 00:32:09.389 So you can do that, you can do yoga, you can do Pilates. 00:32:09.629 --> 00:32:15.309 There's so many different things that that you can do that don't take an immense amount of time that are gonna have a huge impact. 00:32:15.629 --> 00:32:19.309 Now I'm imagining you in some Lululemon yoga pants during it. 00:32:19.789 --> 00:32:24.109 And we've gone, we've gone from questionable to I never foresee it in my life. 00:32:24.429 --> 00:32:30.029 We want we want the listeners to come back, Dell, so let's not be you know creating more imaginary things. 00:32:30.509 --> 00:32:30.829 Okay. 00:32:32.909 --> 00:32:42.189 Well, the other the other point also is I run into uh guys from all different kinds of cultures, dads from all different kinds of cultures too. 00:32:42.509 --> 00:32:56.269 And one of the things that that I want to point out to the to the dads that are listening that maybe goes to what what you were uh speaking about, which is the the the different ways in which we have fitness. 00:32:56.509 --> 00:32:58.989 Your culture might be different, but go back. 00:32:59.069 --> 00:33:01.789 Every culture has some sort of fitness, right? 00:33:02.029 --> 00:33:05.229 Like some sort of like something that they do for fitness. 00:33:05.389 --> 00:33:15.229 Some of the cultures have fitness built in because they're walking a lot, or they don't, you know, they don't not rely, they don't rely on motor vehicles or there's less social media. 00:33:15.309 --> 00:33:17.789 Like some of those, some cultures are just like that. 00:33:17.949 --> 00:33:27.149 But get back to understanding maybe what the fitness was in your childhood that was positive, if there was one, and implement that into it. 00:33:27.389 --> 00:33:39.549 Doesn't, again, to our point, it doesn't have to be the gym, it doesn't have to be yoga, it doesn't have to be anything, and maybe it doesn't even have to be what you did as a kid, but find something that fits and works in with your family. 00:33:39.709 --> 00:33:47.389 And and you know, you know what really makes that effective is when you are deciding for yourself and you're owning it in your own way. 00:33:47.709 --> 00:33:50.829 This is how I do my workouts, it becomes part of your identity. 00:33:50.989 --> 00:33:55.549 You know, I don't know anybody else that moves rocks around in the mountains as part of their fitness routine. 00:33:55.709 --> 00:34:01.069 That that makes it more powerful because it's part of me, it's part of my identity, it's part of how I choose it. 00:34:01.229 --> 00:34:05.549 I'm not just following somebody else's routine, I've owned it for myself. 00:34:05.789 --> 00:34:13.869 There's a huge, there's a huge power in autonomy and in when we own it and we decide how we're going to make this work for ourselves. 00:34:14.030 --> 00:34:18.510 You know, there's a there's a book that I've been reading that like it's basically gonna turn into a workbook for me. 00:34:18.590 --> 00:34:19.710 And I knew I was gonna do it. 00:34:19.869 --> 00:34:28.030 And to own it, what I did was I actually was like, I'm gonna spiral bound this thing so it's easier for me to flip through it and work through it like a workbook. 00:34:28.190 --> 00:34:37.710 So I took a knife to the binding and I cut out all the pages, and then I took a trimmer and trimmed off all the glued ends, and then I punched it and then put the spiral binding through it. 00:34:37.949 --> 00:34:44.670 And that book feels way more like mine now that I've chopped it up and you know and used it. 00:34:44.829 --> 00:34:47.150 My relationship to it is I own that book. 00:34:47.309 --> 00:34:49.550 That's my book now, even though I didn't write it. 00:34:49.710 --> 00:34:53.389 The material in it, the the wisdom in it, that is mine to own. 00:34:53.949 --> 00:34:56.349 I think I think we need to look at workouts the same way. 00:34:56.510 --> 00:35:05.710 Like, you know, pickleball might your might be your thing, but you start out by doing sprints, or maybe you're you're trading off with partners and while somebody else is doing it, you take a lap around the park. 00:35:05.869 --> 00:35:08.429 Like you own it in whatever way makes sense to you. 00:35:08.510 --> 00:35:15.789 You do burpees or whatever it is, but you own it in a way that works for you so that you can get the kind of results you want. 00:35:15.949 --> 00:35:22.430 And because ultimately, if we're following somebody else's routine, that's still has elements of passivity in it. 00:35:22.670 --> 00:35:31.390 But if I'm I'm owning it and I'm driving myself because I am forging my own path as a man, that's gonna have a whole different kind of power in it. 00:35:31.630 --> 00:35:31.870 Right. 00:35:32.030 --> 00:35:42.030 And again, another statement uh in modeling to to your kiddos about that, that they don't have to look to to to the norms of of whatever. 00:35:42.269 --> 00:35:44.110 And but maybe that is, right? 00:35:44.190 --> 00:35:47.550 Like maybe that is maybe you grew up playing basketball, right? 00:35:47.630 --> 00:35:57.550 And there was a culture that in your in in your environment or where you grew up, or maybe you grew up in another country, maybe it was cricket, maybe it was soccer, maybe it was something else. 00:35:57.710 --> 00:36:04.349 So all of those things that that's the that's my point around whatever it is, like just find it and and do it. 00:36:04.510 --> 00:36:07.470 Or if it's something completely different, completely different. 00:36:07.550 --> 00:36:09.070 It could be dance, right? 00:36:09.230 --> 00:36:10.510 Like you could be a dancer. 00:36:10.590 --> 00:36:15.150 That's a huge that's an amazing exercise and and and workout as well. 00:36:15.230 --> 00:36:21.390 So it could be something creative like that that's that maybe falls creative and physical, right? 00:36:21.550 --> 00:36:24.110 So the point just being find something, guys. 00:36:24.190 --> 00:36:26.829 It's and

there's there because there's no excuse. 00:36:26.990 --> 00:36:29.070 There is absolutely no excuse not to do it. 00:36:29.390 --> 00:36:31.630 There's no excuse and there's no replacement. 00:36:31.950 --> 00:36:33.710 There are there, yeah. 00:36:34.030 --> 00:36:42.190 We have employing the body is the only way to achieve certain feelings and certain physiological changes. 00:36:42.430 --> 00:36:46.430 We as we as guys, I mean, everybody does this, but as men, we will go up into our heads. 00:36:46.510 --> 00:36:52.190 I it's one of the main challenges I have with my clients is we're up in our never do that. 00:36:52.430 --> 00:36:58.430 We have we have the answer to everything and we have a response to everything, and we've got it all figured out, we've got it all there, we've got it all there. 00:36:58.510 --> 00:37:00.269 Yeah, theoretically in your head. 00:37:00.510 --> 00:37:00.750 Right. 00:37:00.990 --> 00:37:06.190 The minute that you take it into the physical plane, everything changes, it becomes a lived experience. 00:37:06.430 --> 00:37:12.430 We we have to, and it's and it's very rarely fun out of the gate. 00:37:12.670 --> 00:37:20.510 It always takes a little bit of like like almost a surprise push from behind to like throw us in the pool, and then we're like, okay, it's not that bad, you know. 00:37:20.670 --> 00:37:30.190 But that initial jump in is kind of always takes a little bit of force, you know, to just get the inertia going and to get us out of our comfortable place. 00:37:30.510 --> 00:37:33.869 Being in the head is the comfortable default place for most men. 00:37:34.590 --> 00:37:39.070 Throw putting yourself into the physicality is is something we have to choose to do. 00:37:39.150 --> 00:37:44.349 And it is the it is the pure simple exercising of discipline when you do it. 00:37:44.670 --> 00:37:45.070 Yeah. 00:37:45.230 --> 00:37:58.990 And and and guys, so you know, we're giving you a little rah-rah here, but I again I want you to I want to I want you to focus on that hero mentality, that it's that you need to do this, not just for yourself, but for your kids. 00:37:59.150 --> 00:38:13.789 And and I would say more now more than ever, because of how our society is structured and all of the distractions that kids have, that it is absolutely critical that you that that that you do this. 00:38:13.950 --> 00:38:18.430 I mean, it's there's it's it the the barrier to doing this is so low. 00:38:18.590 --> 00:38:28.750 And the ability to to do this is so easy that it's it it's it is simply it's I say it's a no-brainer, but like we but that but what you're saying is we get in our head, right? 00:38:28.829 --> 00:38:30.349 It is a no-brainer, but we get in our head. 00:38:31.070 --> 00:38:34.190 It's a harder, you know, you got to use your heart to to get into it. 00:38:34.510 --> 00:38:34.990 Great point. 00:38:35.070 --> 00:38:35.550 Yeah, yeah. 00:38:35.789 --> 00:38:50.590 It takes a certain effort to push yourself out of that, you know, and you know, so much of what the kids see, you know, on social media, it's all videos and talk and talk and talk and all these ideas, and it's like, okay, well, I mean, the expression, you know, put your body where your mouth is, man. 00:38:50.750 --> 00:38:52.750 Yeah you know, it's like all these people are talking about it. 00:38:52.910 --> 00:38:59.070 Your dad's in the backyard doing pull-ups on a bar, you know, on two four by fours that he cemented into the ground. 00:38:59.309 --> 00:38:59.789 Right. 00:39:00.030 --> 00:39:04.670 Okay, on a fundamental instinctive level, the kids know the difference. 00:39:05.309 --> 00:39:15.550 They can see, they can see that TikTok is a bunch of bullshit, you know, run through filters and AI versus my dad's a badass who's actually doing pull-ups in the backyard. 00:39:15.710 --> 00:39:18.030 Like they can feel the difference. 00:39:18.190 --> 00:39:24.750 Like there's there's there's there's an instinctive part that's been around for a quarter million years in humans that knows the difference. 00:39:24.990 --> 00:39:29.710 But you have to, you have to what yeah, again, like put your body where your mouth is. 00:39:29.789 --> 00:39:30.829 You can't just talk about it. 00:39:30.910 --> 00:39:36.190 You have to, and well, this this is this is my number one tenant with masculinity, lead with the body. 00:39:36.430 --> 00:39:41.789 You can sit there talking all day long, but until you walk up to that woman, you're not really doing anything. 00:39:42.030 --> 00:39:43.710 You have to lead with the body. 00:39:43.950 --> 00:39:49.789 When you're having a conflict with a woman, if you try to talk through her with it, yeah, that usually doesn't get you a whole lot better. 00:39:50.030 --> 00:39:55.950 You have to you have to physically show up with a level of groundedness and calmness and self-assuredness. 00:39:56.030 --> 00:39:58.510 That's what actually shifts things, guys. 00:39:58.670 --> 00:40:06.990 The preliminary set to that is is workouts with yourself, where you get out of your head, out of your mouth, and it's not just talk, you're moving with your body. 00:40:07.230 --> 00:40:07.869 Yeah. 00:40:08.510 --> 00:40:18.590 So I so I'm just I'm just gonna finish with this this silly meme I saw, but it struck a chord with me because I'm a dad of daughter. 00:40:18.750 --> 00:40:28.990 So so guys who are listening with daughters, it it said, I don't work out for vanity, I work out to hear, and it was a quote, bro, did you see her dad? 00:40:31.950 --> 00:40:35.390 So I'm like, that is my that is my mantra, right? 00:40:35.630 --> 00:40:37.630 Bro, did you see your dad? 00:40:38.190 --> 00:40:44.990 So there, take that one, guys, for motivation, put it up on your mirror so that uh your daughter's boyfriend should be like, bro, did you see your dad? 00:40:45.230 --> 00:40:50.269 And if you're looking for a good way to intimidate potential boyfriends for your daughter, that also works

really well. 00:40:50.510 --> 00:40:52.030 There you go, exactly. 00:40:52.269 --> 00:41:10.110 All right, I want to talk also now in this last part about the flip side of the physical fitness part, which is nutrition, because you can be doing the physical fitness part of it all day long, but if you're not taking care of your nutrition, it they go hand in hand, guys. 00:41:10.269 --> 00:41:13.309 So so you you have to be paying attention to it. 00:41:13.390 --> 00:41:37.630 And again, this is just a symptom, I guess you could say, of our of our society with all the the fast food and fast prepared food and processed food and the ability to grab stuff fast and do stuff fast, which works really great if you're gonna maybe do a HIIT workout and and something like that with your fitness, but it does not work really well when you're doing it with your nutrition. 00:41:37.950 --> 00:41:44.990 So you need to, you you absolutely have to cut out the processed foods and the fast foods because those are all just empty calories. 00:41:45.150 --> 00:41:46.670 And this, again, is a no-brainer. 00:41:46.910 --> 00:41:49.070 This is this is not complicated stuff. 00:41:49.150 --> 00:41:54.670 Now we've got the proliferation of all these diet shots and everything else that are subduing. 00:41:54.829 --> 00:41:56.269 It's it's just math. 00:41:56.430 --> 00:42:03.869 It's caloric caloric intake versus how much caloric burning you're going to do in your exercise. 00:42:03.950 --> 00:42:06.670 And that's all it comes down to, you guys. 00:42:06.829 --> 00:42:16.590 So a high, uh high protein diet, some fiber in your diet, some carbohydrates, like any of these, all these different diets that are out there, you can follow some of them. 00:42:16.670 --> 00:42:25.070 Some of them might be good for a short term if you're trying to get some sort of benefit, but long term, there's just some real basics around Whole Foods. 00:42:25.230 --> 00:42:26.990 Spending it's gonna take time. 00:42:27.150 --> 00:42:28.750 Uh, you gotta plan. 00:42:28.910 --> 00:42:30.910 So again, this is where you're gonna plan. 00:42:30.990 --> 00:42:44.510 And I say, Dallas and tell me what you think about this, because I I think you're gonna spend more time planning nutrition and in food and prepping food than you would actually even in the fitness part of it. 00:42:45.070 --> 00:42:46.349 You you can depend on it. 00:42:46.510 --> 00:42:46.990 I don't think so. 00:42:47.230 --> 00:42:48.269 It depends on what you're looking for. 00:42:48.349 --> 00:42:50.269 I don't more of my time, yeah. 00:42:50.349 --> 00:42:50.750 I don't. 00:42:50.829 --> 00:42:53.630 I my so a little bit of my my backstory. 00:42:53.789 --> 00:42:56.430 I've never really worried a whole lot about what I ate. 00:42:56.590 --> 00:43:02.110 And I, you know, as things got older, I got a little more embarrassed of how the photos looked, you know, around the midsection. 00:43:02.510 --> 00:43:05.309 Um, and then and then I was reading uh comfort crisis. 00:43:05.390 --> 00:43:06.829 I'll make this a really, really short story. 00:43:06.910 --> 00:43:14.349 Anyway, started tracking my calories and started realizing that I was taking in way more than I was burning with my active metabolic rate. 00:43:14.510 --> 00:43:17.550 And yeah, over a space of six months, I lost 30 pounds. 00:43:17.869 --> 00:43:18.269 Wow. 00:43:18.510 --> 00:43:21.230 Yeah, and and that that's a pound a week, basically. 00:43:21.390 --> 00:43:27.710 That's a 500 calorie deficit, seven days a week on average, 3,500 calories in one pound of fat. 00:43:27.950 --> 00:43:31.070 In case anybody doesn't know the math, that's that's what the math is. 00:43:31.230 --> 00:43:39.070 If you are at a calorie deficit of 500 calories per day, you're at a calorie deficit per week of 3,500 calories, that's one pound of fat per week. 00:43:39.390 --> 00:43:43.070 You keep doing that consistently as an aggregate, aggregate total over time. 00:43:43.309 --> 00:43:46.829 Well, I mean, in a year, that's 50 pounds that you would lose. 00:43:47.150 --> 00:43:49.470 That's a lot of weight in one year. 00:43:49.630 --> 00:43:59.070 And the cool thing is if you do it at a at a moderate pace of one pound a week, you're adjusting your identity and lifestyle along the way so that it'll stick. 00:43:59.309 --> 00:44:10.190 If you're like, oh, I dropped four pounds this week and four pounds the next week, yeah, you're in a you're in a dive, you know, you're in a you know, it's like you're in a dive bomber, you know, kamikaze like stance. 00:44:10.349 --> 00:44:11.309 It's like, no, no, no. 00:44:11.390 --> 00:44:14.670 You want to find a new cruising altitude that works for you. 00:44:14.910 --> 00:44:16.110 And and that's why you do it. 00:44:16.190 --> 00:44:21.150 And so the so that was the first thing that I learned was we're essentially we have a calorie, I call it a calorie budget. 00:44:21.309 --> 00:44:23.710 I've got a dollar budget, I got a calorie budget. 00:44:24.110 --> 00:44:26.590 And there's a certain amount of calories I get to spend. 00:44:26.750 --> 00:44:27.150 Guess what? 00:44:27.230 --> 00:44:28.590 They're my flipping calories. 00:44:28.670 --> 00:44:31.630 I get to spend them however I want on whatever I want. 00:44:31.950 --> 00:44:36.750 Now, there's certain items that I love to eat that like eat up that that budget like crazy. 00:44:36.910 --> 00:44:43.390 And there are other things that I love to eat because I'm not hungry afterwards, and they don't eat they don't eat up much of that budget. 00:44:43.789 --> 00:44:48.190 Those two categories of foods, I I again I keep this really simple. 00:44:48.349 --> 00:44:51.150 There's feasting and then there are staples. 00:44:52.269 --> 00:45:00.510 We're supposed to historically eat staples most of the time because that's what's available, and then you feast occasionally on special occasions. 00:45:00.910 --> 00:45:01.390 I like that. 00:45:01.550 -->

00:45:03.470 And there's two different hunger systems connected with it. 00:45:03.550 --> 00:45:10.510 There's genuine hunger, which is where the staples live, and then there is the reward hunger, which is oh my gosh, like this cake's amazing. 00:45:10.590 --> 00:45:12.030 I better eat the whole thing. 00:45:12.190 --> 00:45:12.670 Yeah. 00:45:13.150 --> 00:45:15.390 There is there is a reason for that historically. 00:45:15.550 --> 00:45:25.710 We're supposed to historically eat all that we can when the food's available because the lean times are a coming and we want to have the calories stored up. 00:45:25.950 --> 00:45:33.390 The problem is in today's society, yes, it is fast and convenient, but on top of that, it is the feasting that that is. 00:45:33.869 --> 00:45:41.950 Insatiable, which means that our consumption becomes insatiable, which means the profits of the food people become become unstoppable. 00:45:42.269 --> 00:45:43.390 There's no limit to it. 00:45:43.630 --> 00:45:43.950 Yeah. 00:45:44.190 --> 00:45:51.070 So the trick is to realize no, no, no, no, no, I can't feast all the time because we never go through the lean times. 00:45:51.789 --> 00:45:56.030 You know, unless you're doing your intermittent fasting, which I know you're you know you're quite good at. 00:45:56.349 --> 00:46:00.030 But for the average person, you know, we don't have we don't experience lean times. 00:46:00.110 --> 00:46:02.829 So we have to be, and my word for this is strategic. 00:46:03.789 --> 00:46:09.470 I eat staples the majority of the time, and then I am strategic in my feasting. 00:46:09.710 --> 00:46:12.110 And when you say staples, what what are your staples? 00:46:12.430 --> 00:46:29.309 Can of salmon, can of tuna, pop it out, drain it, put it in a bowl, chop up some celery to like give it some more fiber and some more stuff in it, you know, mix in some avocado-based mayonnaise, some Greek yogurt, some whatever, mix it in a bowl, you know, some triscits or or some more veggies or whatever. 00:46:29.550 --> 00:46:33.070 But I would challenge so one, simple as anything. 00:46:33.309 --> 00:46:36.269 And my expectation with that is to not be hungry. 00:46:36.590 --> 00:46:44.430 I mean, yeah, I like the way it tastes, it works for me, but I'm not there trying to create, I'm not trying to like cheat and go, like, oh my gosh, this is the most amazing cuisine. 00:46:44.590 --> 00:46:48.190 Like, no, historically, we ate boring food most of the time. 00:46:48.430 --> 00:46:48.670 Right. 00:46:48.829 --> 00:46:49.150 Yeah. 00:46:49.309 --> 00:46:54.750 But you know what makes it not boring is I was hungry, like really hungry, and now I'm not. 00:46:54.990 --> 00:46:58.510 That is so not boring to eat food when you're hungry. 00:46:58.750 --> 00:47:01.470 And like that's what we've lost connection with. 00:47:01.630 --> 00:47:04.269 And sorry, I feel like I'm on a soapbox now, like going at it. 00:47:04.349 --> 00:47:16.750 No, no, this is I think this

is really, really good information for the dads because it's not something so unless you're into unless you've done something like you did, which is spend the time to figure this out, lose 30 pounds. 00:47:16.829 --> 00:47:20.510 Like I like I did the same, uh, the same thing that that I described, right? 00:47:20.910 --> 00:47:22.590 And and know and understand. 00:47:22.829 --> 00:47:26.590 It's it is simple, but so many people don't know about this. 00:47:26.750 --> 00:47:28.750 So it's simple, but it's not easy. 00:47:29.150 --> 00:47:34.349 It takes it takes changing your palate, it takes changing your sensitivity. 00:47:34.590 --> 00:47:41.150 At first, staples seem bland until you get back in touch with the real genuine hunger level that you are. 00:47:41.309 --> 00:47:45.869 And then once you do, I mean, uh when you're genuinely hungry, the best seasoning is hunger. 00:47:46.030 --> 00:47:50.590 When you're genuinely hungry, you're very grateful to have just about anything to eat. 00:47:50.910 --> 00:47:55.869 Guys, that that that's how humans lived up until what, about 50, 60 years ago. 00:47:56.030 --> 00:47:58.990 Yeah, you know, and in certain parts of the world, it's still like that today. 00:47:59.230 --> 00:47:59.789 Still, yeah. 00:48:00.030 --> 00:48:04.190 We we are in a society where we are feasting constantly. 00:48:04.510 --> 00:48:06.110 That's the that's the problem. 00:48:06.349 --> 00:48:14.829 Yeah, well, and let's talk about that in the context of dads and kids and needing to feed the kids and get everything done. 00:48:14.910 --> 00:48:19.230 So that's where that's where, guys, then things get off child. 00:48:19.470 --> 00:48:21.390 And look, look, it's easy. 00:48:21.470 --> 00:48:23.630 It's so easy for us to sit here and talk about it. 00:48:23.710 --> 00:48:36.910 I know the channel, I still with my teenage daughters, fight this because they'll love to just grab some crappy food at school and then I'm like, no, let's eat dinner or make your lunch or bring something good. 00:48:36.990 --> 00:48:43.470 And so that's this constant tug of war for with them, but also in trying to model for them. 00:48:43.710 --> 00:49:07.950 So they complain sometimes what you're just describing, like my food is so boring, or or whatever, but it's just something that's meat and potatoes and vegetables or or some starch or something like a balance of those of those foods, but we're not putting sauces and we're not put doing like tons of dairy and cheeses and stuff like we're not making it that palate thing, like you, like you talked about. 00:49:08.190 --> 00:49:14.910 Well, you know what, you know what's interesting, and I was having a discussion with a meditation buddy of mine, like that's what he does is he coaches meditation. 00:49:15.070 --> 00:49:16.510 We were talking about boredom. 00:49:16.910 --> 00:49:21.390 Boredom has such a negative connotation, but it's one of the healthiest things you can possibly do in your life. 00:49:21.550 --> 00:49:22.030 Yes. 00:49:22.269 --> 00:49:25.390 The start of every meditation session begins with boredom. 00:49:25.710 --> 00:49:26.670 And you're like, what? 00:49:26.990 --> 00:49:28.910 Oh, I'm not doing anything, no stimulation. 00:49:28.990 --> 00:49:29.869 That's the whole point. 00:49:30.030 --> 00:49:31.390 I'm not entertaining myself. 00:49:31.470 --> 00:49:33.230 And then what happens under the surface? 00:49:33.470 --> 00:49:34.590 Food, the same thing. 00:49:34.750 --> 00:49:36.110 It's like, oh, well, it's boring. 00:49:36.190 --> 00:49:43.950 It's like, yeah, boredom, you know, being bored is part of a is is part of a healthy life that is ultimately very exciting. 00:49:44.430 --> 00:49:46.030 You know, it's like, you know what's not boring? 00:49:46.110 --> 00:49:49.630 You know, it's like, well, I this I had this coffee mug, I keep it just because it's hilarious. 00:49:49.789 --> 00:49:53.070 It's like, it's like abs are great, but have you tried donuts? 00:49:55.150 --> 00:49:57.230 And it's so and it's so true. 00:49:57.470 --> 00:50:00.829 But it's like, you know, it's like donuts are great, but have you tried abs? 00:50:01.230 --> 00:50:08.030 Like it's you know, and it's a question of like the instant gratification versus the long-term excitement. 00:50:08.430 --> 00:50:12.910 You know, if you want, if you want those abs to come out, like you you can't eat a lot of donuts. 00:50:12.990 --> 00:50:14.510 You can eat maybe a couple, I think. 00:50:14.670 --> 00:50:14.910 I don't know. 00:50:14.990 --> 00:50:18.990 I'm not a nutrition and fitness expert, but you might be able to eat a couple, but you can't eat a lot of them. 00:50:19.230 --> 00:50:40.030 And but the the the question is, do you want do you want your your joy and your excitement to happen immediately, which is a which is a which is a a quick hit of dopamine, you know, to the body, which ultimately doesn't lead to two healthy places, or are you looking for long-term growing excitement over time, which is you know what? 00:50:40.110 --> 00:50:46.910 Yeah, I'm eating boring food a lot of the time, but it's it's so that in the end I have a very exciting set of results. 00:50:47.230 --> 00:50:53.390 Yeah, you know, analogous with finances, it's boring to save money until suddenly one day it's not boring anymore. 00:50:53.630 --> 00:51:05.390 Yeah, well, and and so I learned this this phrase in a parenting class when my daughters were young, and it it goes it's along the same lines, which is boredom is the precursor to creativity. 00:51:05.630 --> 00:51:06.190 There you go. 00:51:06.349 --> 00:51:06.910 There you go. 00:51:07.309 --> 00:51:16.030 So if you're and this is for children too, so they're gonna find what you know if you apply and if you apply this across the board, like, oh, I'm I'm bored. 00:51:16.110 --> 00:51:19.710 My my daughters know now, not to say I'm bored, right? 00:51:19.869 --> 00:51:23.470 Like because I'll either that they are

bored, okay. 00:51:23.550 --> 00:51:33.390 Yeah, yeah, that they're bored, yeah, because I'll either have something like creative and fun, which is usually like maybe like cleaning, um, or it's like, oh, sorry, what are you gonna do about that? 00:51:33.550 --> 00:51:40.829 And then you know, they can find so they'll always find something, which is something that was built in for us, at least, you know, in our age. 00:51:40.910 --> 00:51:45.230 We're uh approximately the same age, but we we just had to go find stuff to do. 00:51:45.309 --> 00:51:51.230 We didn't have stuff thrown in our faces all day long, or we could click on and click off at a at a at a notice. 00:51:51.309 --> 00:51:52.750 We had to go figure out things. 00:51:52.829 --> 00:51:53.789 So boredom was on. 00:51:53.869 --> 00:51:58.910 I mean, I don't know, I don't ever remember being, I didn't have we didn't have all this stuff growing up. 00:51:58.990 --> 00:52:01.230 I don't ever remember being bored as a child. 00:52:01.390 --> 00:52:06.670 Like I was doing so much crap, some of it not great, but I was just still doing something, right? 00:52:06.829 --> 00:52:09.550 Like I was I was out there doing something. 00:52:09.710 --> 00:52:12.910 So the boredom thing is really good across the book the board, guys. 00:52:12.990 --> 00:52:18.750 And and then let's uh well that can apply to you too, like you being bored in your own life. 00:52:18.829 --> 00:52:19.950 Well, I know you want to make a joke. 00:52:20.030 --> 00:52:20.269 Go ahead. 00:52:20.750 --> 00:52:37.950 No, no, it's not no, it's not I mean, no, no, that that's awesome, and yeah, boredom is the precursor to creativity, and and I think it's important to model for children, they're like, oh, you know, it's really boring, and you can say, Yes, it is, and that's actually exciting to me to choose the boredom and camping. 00:52:38.430 --> 00:52:43.390 Yes, most best, best possible thing you can ever do with your kids. 00:52:43.630 --> 00:52:45.070 It is completely boring. 00:52:45.150 --> 00:52:52.670 You're in the middle of nowhere, there's nothing around except, I mean, not nothing, like none of the regular stuff that you have in your house. 00:52:52.910 --> 00:52:54.750 And it is the most amazing thing. 00:52:54.910 --> 00:53:01.710 You will be you're you will just be flabbergasted by what your kids find and do and how they fill an entire day. 00:53:01.950 --> 00:53:08.750 And like it was just I I I did it out of financial necessity growing growing up with my daughters. 00:53:08.829 --> 00:53:10.190 It was an inexpensive thing to do. 00:53:10.349 --> 00:53:15.550 The best thing that that I that I've ever done is take them camping regularly, being out in nature. 00:53:15.710 --> 00:53:18.510 So it is just absolutely uh amazing. 00:53:18.750 --> 00:53:34.910 And and similar, and similar to the fitness, this is something you model, you know, you model embracing the boredom to go go towards it, to choose these things because

you know the outcome on the other side is is a steady growth, healthy product eventually uh in your life. 00:53:35.070 --> 00:53:38.670 You know that this is part of it, and you you you gotta you gotta model it and own it. 00:53:38.750 --> 00:53:46.269 And heck, I mean, even stare down with the kids, you know, they're eating the fish sticks, you know, like done out of that, and you're eating your you know, boring salad, and they're like, Oh, it's so boring. 00:53:46.430 --> 00:53:47.550 You just you just stare at it. 00:53:47.630 --> 00:53:49.230 I'm going like one day you'll get it. 00:53:49.390 --> 00:53:50.670 Like this is actually where it's at. 00:53:50.829 --> 00:53:52.510 And then you know, you own it. 00:53:52.990 --> 00:53:54.430 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 00:53:54.590 --> 00:54:00.590 Well, I would I would encourage them not to fix different things for different people. 00:54:00.910 --> 00:54:02.430 Okay, I don't, I haven't gotten into it. 00:54:02.590 --> 00:54:04.190 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:54:04.269 --> 00:54:05.869 Definitely do not do not do that. 00:54:05.950 --> 00:54:09.630 Like you're gonna you're gonna make stuff and and let's talk a little bit about that. 00:54:09.789 --> 00:54:24.990 If you're choosing between cheeseburgers from McDonald's or going to the store picking up a head of lettuce in a in a pouch of tuna and making a tuna set, like a salad with with tuna and some other veggies, pick the other one. 00:54:25.070 --> 00:54:38.430 It's gonna take a little bit of time, but but here's the other thing, guys, again, with this this whole modeling thing, which is which is what you're what we're doing as dads, we're preparing our children to be able to be healthy and functioning adults, right? 00:54:38.510 --> 00:54:44.510 That is our number one pretty much singular goal in our life as fathers. 00:54:44.750 --> 00:54:45.070 Okay. 00:54:45.630 --> 00:54:56.670 So if you teach them how to go to the store, if you have them help you to pick out the lettuce and the tuna, they have different flavors of tuna now, which is amazing, right? 00:54:56.750 --> 00:55:00.510 So all this boring tuna that we were eating out of a can growing up. 00:55:00.670 --> 00:55:04.750 Now they have like these different flavors, hot buffalo and lemon and pepper. 00:55:04.829 --> 00:55:06.990 And it's like, okay, well, there's a choice, right? 00:55:07.150 --> 00:55:12.269 So you can help them to learn to do that and then make them responsible. 00:55:12.510 --> 00:55:14.590 Make them responsible for doing some of this. 00:55:14.750 --> 00:55:28.990 Age, depending upon the age, it doesn't have to be difficult, but they can open up open a can of tuna at five years old, six years old, or or or scoop the tuna in or mix it up or put it on the salad or or or whatever it is. 00:55:29.150 --> 00:55:34.910 That's again, you're you're teaching them, you're helping them, you're modeling, you're doing it by modeling for them. 00:55:35.309

--> 00:55:38.030 Yes, it takes a little bit of extra time. 00:55:38.190 --> 00:55:50.990 So the thing I'll say about that is if you're filling the time and their time with all kinds of other stuff and not doing this stuff, reassess what it is that that the the lifestyle that you have and what you're doing. 00:55:51.150 --> 00:56:13.309 If you're constantly busy where you can't, where you have to grab a McDonald's cheeseburger, instead of being able to stop at the store and grab a head of lettuce and take the extra half hour to do that and prep that, you need to reassess your life and your environment to make sure that you can do those things because that's going to be way more important than the hundred things that you might be running around doing with them prior. 00:56:13.550 --> 00:56:16.269 So that's my little soapbox for this episode. 00:56:16.590 --> 00:56:16.910 Absolutely. 00:56:16.990 --> 00:56:30.990 Well, and you know, and the the the connection time and the bonding time, you know, when you're shopping together, shoulder to shoulder, making stuff, making a joke about it, or you know, negotiating who got to pick the flavor the last time, who gets to pick it this time, and then the time in the kitchen. 00:56:31.150 --> 00:56:38.430 I mean, where you're prepping and making things and whatever, like that's where that's that's the nuts and bolts of the relationship. 00:56:38.590 --> 00:56:44.430 I coming back to dating for a minute, there are so many women that say, like, well, I love cooking with a partner. 00:56:44.829 --> 00:56:46.670 Like so many women talk about this. 00:56:46.990 --> 00:56:47.789 I love doing that. 00:56:47.950 --> 00:56:48.750 I love to cook. 00:56:48.829 --> 00:56:51.309 Like, I'm Italian, so everything's about food. 00:56:51.470 --> 00:56:51.630 Okay. 00:56:52.269 --> 00:56:53.070 Women love that. 00:56:53.309 --> 00:56:53.550 Yeah. 00:56:54.349 --> 00:57:00.110 And and I I think that's part of what we have to see is when you go to McDonald's, it's like, oh, well, what do you want? 00:57:00.190 --> 00:57:00.670 What do you want? 00:57:00.750 --> 00:57:06.110 Everyone's looking at a menu and just picking, but it's like we're it's like we're on different TV stations or something. 00:57:06.269 --> 00:57:07.070 Oh, what did you get? 00:57:07.150 --> 00:57:08.990 And you divvy it out from the bag. 00:57:09.150 --> 00:57:12.590 There's no communal connecting happening when that happens. 00:57:12.990 --> 00:57:14.190 There's just none. 00:57:14.430 --> 00:57:32.430 And particularly if you're if you're involved in the creation of the meal, you know, as a group, as you know, as a family, and then you're eating the meal, there's a unity there, you know, there's there's a there's a coming together that like the McDonald's bag just doesn't do that, you know, it does not create a sense of connection in the family. 00:57:32.590 --> 00:57:40.670 And yeah, you know, and that and that's the other thing that I feel like you know, the social media just really does well is disconnect people from each other. 00:57:41.070 --> 00:57:45.710 So this, you know, it's not just about the nutrition, you know, the nutrition is almost just an excuse. 00:57:45.869 --> 00:57:50.829 The meal planning and prepping is just an excuse and a context for spending the time with the kids. 00:57:51.150 --> 00:58:03.550 Yeah, and and I that that is such an underrated, unappreciated, almost forgotten concept is sharing a meal together with with with your kids. 00:58:03.710 --> 00:58:15.789 And I would I would say, guys, if there's one one thing that you can try to like around this whole nutrition thing and and whatnot, try to plan one meal to together. 00:58:16.030 --> 00:58:22.990 It is for from for me and my daughters, they now they literally will just sit there and talk, right? 00:58:23.150 --> 00:58:24.750 Like, I don't, I don't do it. 00:58:24.829 --> 00:58:32.269 It used to be I used to bring up stuff, but we had no rule, like you don't bring phones, we don't bring phones, there's no TV on, there's no radio, like there's nothing going on. 00:58:32.349 --> 00:58:34.190 It's just we're eating and sharing a meal. 00:58:34.269 --> 00:58:35.789 But now, Dallas, it's amazing. 00:58:35.869 --> 00:58:36.670 They just sit there. 00:58:36.750 --> 00:58:40.190 Like, even this morning, we ate breakfast because I get up and we'll make breakfast. 00:58:40.349 --> 00:58:42.349 Like, I'm like, you guys gotta go. 00:58:42.590 --> 00:58:45.070 And they're like just chatting away. 00:58:45.150 --> 00:58:46.430 It's the most amazing thing. 00:58:46.510 --> 00:58:50.030 And not that that's gonna happen with everybody, but for me, that's it's been amazing. 00:58:50.190 --> 00:58:57.950 If I want to have a discussion, I make a meal, and then like I don't even have to do anything, I can just bring like it just happens, it's amazing. 00:58:58.110 --> 00:59:03.950 You know, and and the cool thing is, particularly because you have daughters, you're teaching them that it's okay to share with a man. 00:59:04.110 --> 00:59:08.110 You know, they're getting that they see that it's fine to open their feelings, to do it. 00:59:08.269 --> 00:59:17.550 And when they meet guys that don't listen and don't really care about their feelings, they're going to immediately identify them as like, ah, funny, this doesn't feel like it did with my dad. 00:59:17.630 --> 00:59:20.110 I'm not sure I actually want to get more involved with this guy. 00:59:20.269 --> 00:59:26.349 Um like you're setting a great experiential um baseline for them to compare it with. 00:59:26.510 --> 00:59:46.269 And, you know, and the fact that they're in that place means they're they're, you know, they're releasing the cortisol when that happens, you know, they're regulating themselves, they're they're getting into a healthy place, they're getting a relaxed place, which is the confident place that also is the place where they're going to be able to listen to you

better, you know, when the time comes for them to hear some important advice that might be coming their way. 00:59:46.510 --> 00:59:48.430 Yeah, is is is a beautiful thing, man. 00:59:48.510 --> 00:59:50.990 I'm so glad to hear that's what you're uh you're able to do. 00:59:51.309 --> 00:59:58.190 And for and for boys too, for boys and and girls, there's just there's there are in there's just so many. 00:59:58.269 --> 01:00:00.750 I can't even I can't even think about all the benefits. 01:00:00.829 --> 01:00:02.030 Like you just brought up some more. 01:00:02.110 --> 01:00:05.630 There's I'm thinking about like a bunch more, but that's not what this podcast is about. 01:00:05.789 --> 01:00:16.269 We're just we're getting off the nutrition thing, but the the benefit, this there are all kinds of benefits to to that, and paying attention to your nutrition and and model, we'll we'll just leave it at that. 01:00:16.510 --> 01:00:38.430 Well, and we'll bring it, we'll bring it back real quick to I mean, boys and girls, but boys particularly, because you know, we sort of talked about girls because you have all girls, but you know, take your kid to the park and throw the ball around, you know, like kick the ball around, do things, and even if even if they're really young, you can make it more physically active for yourself by doing silly, goofy, you know, dad stuff and running around. 01:00:38.510 --> 01:00:40.349 You know, you can pick him up, put him on your shoulders. 01:00:40.430 --> 01:00:41.710 There's a built-in weight for you. 01:00:41.869 --> 01:00:57.070 You know, there's so many things you can do, and involving the kids in the physical activity, and you know, under the guise of play, but you're running out of breath, you know, pretend races with the kids, whatever it is, involving them in that process is probably one of the better ways to get in physical shape. 01:00:57.150 --> 01:00:57.470 You tell me. 01:00:57.550 --> 01:00:58.750 I mean, I think that would be Yeah. 01:00:58.829 --> 01:01:00.990 Well, I call it be the hero of your own life. 01:01:01.309 --> 01:01:21.950 Be the hero of your own life because I wrote an article about this years ago about how we fixate, and there's nothing wrong with professional sports and watching sports or or or uh anything else, movies or anything else, but but we've got this, you know, we we project this hero mentality on all of these people. 01:01:22.430 --> 01:01:31.710 And instead of taking that and doing what you just described, throw the ball in your backyard, have a football game in your flag football or touch game in your backyard. 01:01:31.950 --> 01:01:34.269 Go coach your kids' team. 01:01:34.510 --> 01:01:38.030 Or if you don't have one, start one or or whatever it might be. 01:01:38.110 --> 01:01:46.110 And this doesn't have to just be sports, it can be it can be the arts, it can be, it can be anything, but be the hero of your own life. 01:01:46.269 --> 01:01:58.190 Don't just watch for other heroes to to you know for for your kids to emanate, because what's going to happen is they're gonna be looking everywhere that may or may not be somewhere that you want them to be looking. 01:01:58.349 --> 01:02:11.950 And if you are that hero of their life and of that environment, then you know you're creating that healthy, functioning adult that is going to be able to live a full life like you are living. 01:02:12.110 --> 01:02:17.309 So that's why it's really, really important to be doing that stuff with your sons, with your daughters. 01:02:17.390 --> 01:02:19.470 Um, and it's not complicated. 01:02:19.630 --> 01:02:20.750 It's not complicated. 01:02:20.829 --> 01:02:30.190 It's simple as cooking something, as simple as throwing the football around, as simple as going and doing something physical like a walk or a hike. 01:02:30.430 --> 01:02:32.510 And it's giving them a realistic model. 01:02:32.910 --> 01:02:37.710 When you're talking about professional athletes or six packs online, these aren't realistic models. 01:02:37.950 --> 01:02:39.470 These aren't realistic achievements. 01:02:39.710 --> 01:02:42.990 Yeah, potentially for a moment, for a season in life, maybe. 01:02:43.150 --> 01:02:44.990 You know, some of these things might be achievable. 01:02:45.070 --> 01:02:48.510 But the whole point is when you're the one modeling it, it's much more realistic. 01:02:48.590 --> 01:02:50.190 It's much, it's much closer to home. 01:02:50.510 --> 01:02:52.990 Well, and I and I'm gonna wrap it up just with this, Dallas. 01:02:53.390 --> 01:02:59.150 Is they're not gonna be, they're not gonna be like, yeah, dad, yay, dad. 01:02:59.309 --> 01:03:07.950 Like, you know, like like the the commer they that commercial where they have like the the chef and then the sports guy is like cheering the chef while he's cooking, right? 01:03:08.269 --> 01:03:13.230 Like the opposite, like like people are cheering people when they come off the bus or like some sports fans. 01:03:13.390 --> 01:03:14.670 You're not gonna get that, guys. 01:03:15.070 --> 01:03:16.750 But we don't need to get that. 01:03:16.990 --> 01:03:35.710 We but and and I promise you then, but when they grow up, the the result, the gold medal that you're gonna get, the cheering that you're gonna get is in your head as you watch them be healthy functioning adults, and then you're gonna be so immensely proud and so happy to see them functioning that you don't need all the cheering. 01:03:35.950 --> 01:03:39.390 You didn't need all the rah-rah uh uh about it. 01:03:39.470 --> 01:03:40.750 But you're not gonna get the rah-rah. 01:03:40.829 --> 01:03:42.590 You're not gonna get the like, oh thank you, dad. 01:03:42.750 --> 01:03:48.750 Oh, like way to go, or like you forced us to go off for a walk, or you made us eat a salad, or or like you're not gonna get that in the moment. 01:03:48.829 --> 01:03:50.269 It's just not gonna happen, okay? 01:03:50.349 --> 01:03:52.910 Yeah, but it's gonna be so many

benefits to it. 01:03:52.990 --> 01:03:56.349 So okay, you might get some of it later in life, but no guarantees. 01:03:56.670 --> 01:03:58.829 That's not why you're not no guarantees, but we're not. 01:03:58.910 --> 01:03:59.950 I mean, that's not where we're dad. 01:04:00.110 --> 01:04:01.150 What's not where we're dads? 01:04:01.309 --> 01:04:03.070 That's not that's not why we're men. 01:04:03.309 --> 01:04:08.750 Like that's not that's just that has never been a philosophy of men until recently. 01:04:08.990 --> 01:04:16.670 Like we showed up and and we got it done and we lived life for because we were men and we did what we were supposed to. 01:04:16.910 --> 01:04:19.869 This is a whole like, yeah, and that's a whole nother episode. 01:04:20.030 --> 01:04:21.550 So let's just end it there. 01:04:21.789 --> 01:04:23.150 We got way off. 01:04:23.230 --> 01:04:30.910 Yeah, but hopefully, uh hopefully you see the hero of your own life is a really important concept, I think, for any man, but for a dad in particular. 01:04:31.230 --> 01:04:36.430 The last part of the nutrition thing I did want, I do, I don't want to skip out on Dows and even though we're we're going long. 01:04:36.670 --> 01:04:51.710 Thanks guys for for listening to us, is the alcohol consumption, because that is so just the the caloric intake alone that you described and the math is it blows it up, guys. 01:04:52.030 --> 01:04:54.110 So it's just gonna it's gonna blow it up. 01:04:54.269 --> 01:04:58.510 Even a beer or two, even a light beer or two is is gonna do that. 01:04:58.590 --> 01:05:02.269 A greater consumption than that is really gonna screw it up. 01:05:02.590 --> 01:05:10.430 Not to mention, and look, I'm not I'm not a you know, I'm not a Puritan, I'm not like anti-alcohol or anything. 01:05:10.670 --> 01:05:14.670 The fo the hard facts are it is a it is a toxin in your body. 01:05:15.070 --> 01:05:21.710 So it's not there's little, very little benefit to putting a lot of it into your body. 01:05:21.789 --> 01:05:36.750 And just like what you said, like, hey, a donut, it's okay to have a donut, it's okay to have some cake, it's okay to have a drink, but large consumption is gonna just screw things up, not even to talk about what the damage it can do if you're inebriated. 01:05:36.910 --> 01:05:37.150 Yeah. 01:05:37.470 --> 01:05:40.269 Large consumption and consistent consumption, yeah. 01:05:40.349 --> 01:05:41.869 Yeah, you don't want it to be habitual. 01:05:42.110 --> 01:05:43.550 Alcohol isn't a staple. 01:05:43.789 --> 01:05:47.789 If you're using alcohol like it's a staple, it's staple, it's in the wrong category. 01:05:48.110 --> 01:05:54.430 Alcohol is a part of feasting, and for me, alcohol feasting, I I do it strategically. 01:05:54.829 --> 01:05:58.269 There is a time and a place when it when I need to cut loose. 01:05:58.510 --> 01:06:03.710 Alcohol can be very useful and helpful for that, but I'm using it strategically. 01:06:03.950 --> 01:06:12.829 Yeah, that's pretty much you know that, and yes, see above that like you know, one shot of a liquor is about the same as 30 grams of protein and a can of tuna. 01:06:13.070 --> 01:06:14.430 Those are about the same. 01:06:14.670 --> 01:06:20.670 Yeah, and you know, I mean, and you can go through a lot of shots without really realizing it very, very fast. 01:06:21.150 --> 01:06:23.470 Yeah, so just pay attention to it, guys. 01:06:23.710 --> 01:06:32.990 It's not it again, what just like anything, if it's done in the right mindset for the right reason, it's perfectly fine. 01:06:33.150 --> 01:06:43.630 But again, that's not everything in our society is really geared around alcohol and drinking, whether it's sporting events or eating out or everything. 01:06:43.710 --> 01:06:46.829 Like the first thing is you want to drink, you want to drink, you want to drink, you want to drink. 01:06:46.990 --> 01:06:49.390 So I I think that's changing a little bit here. 01:06:49.470 --> 01:06:54.190 I'm starting to see that change with a lot of people, I think is a is is a good thing. 01:06:54.349 --> 01:06:59.950 But yeah, again, be the hero of your of your life, guys, and be different, be different. 01:07:00.110 --> 01:07:08.349 And that's gonna model something very, very powerful for for your kiddos by just saying, well, to to use that term, just say no, right? 01:07:08.430 --> 01:07:10.510 That's the old anti-drug. 01:07:11.309 --> 01:07:15.150 Some of these you know, campaigns from kid from childhood get stuck in your brain. 01:07:15.550 --> 01:07:16.430 They they work, right? 01:07:16.510 --> 01:07:16.910 Yeah, yeah. 01:07:16.990 --> 01:07:23.950 Be the hero of your life, be like Jude, buy DVDs and do workouts with your daughters at home before school, get them up extra early. 01:07:24.110 --> 01:07:24.990 That's what a hero is. 01:07:25.070 --> 01:07:25.630 Oh my god. 01:07:25.869 --> 01:07:27.710 Yeah, I wish I took videos of some of those. 01:07:27.789 --> 01:07:29.309 It was just funny and and crazy. 01:07:29.390 --> 01:07:31.070 And they'll tell you, I mean, yeah. 01:07:31.309 --> 01:07:38.510 And if you ever talk, we should have them on sometime and talk you know about some of these stories because I they've got lots of fun stuff to to say about that. 01:07:38.750 --> 01:07:41.710 But anyway, that's a that's a whole nother episode too. 01:07:41.950 --> 01:07:44.590 All right guys, thanks for listening this week. 01:07:44.750 --> 01:07:48.030 I hope that you found some value in in in in what we shared. 01:07:48.190 --> 01:07:51.150 I think the theme Dallas was be the hero of your own life. 01:07:51.309 --> 01:08:04.829 Start with the physical fitness is the easiest thing to to to do and and the easiest thing to get rolling on it's going to have the the greatest multiplier effect for you and your family and in your life. 01:08:04.990 --> 01:08:08.670 Yeah for some for some men or for some people getting physical isn't easy. 01:08:08.750 --> 01:08:11.150 It's all it's simple for definitely it's simple. 01:08:11.309 --> 01:08:16.029 Sometimes it's easy sometimes it's not I I like that being physical is so concrete. 01:08:16.189 --> 01:08:22.750 It is a simple understandable tangible thing and you will feel it immediately things will shift around. 01:08:22.909 --> 01:08:33.470 Yeah don't rationalize your way out of it don't think oh I just went on a workout like last week and it was two months ago yeah get get in your body it it changes the whole game around the whole game. 01:08:33.710 --> 01:09:39.229 Absolutely absolutely all right guys and go check out everything what do we got when do we have the next uh we don't have the next uh ask ask a dating coach for a few weeks here so yep you got anything going on in your community here putting together some new packages coming up for putting us new packages for the black box dating breaking down the uh the clientele into four groups based on whether they're working they're they want to get more first dates or they they get plenty of first Jesus what happened oh you're still there but uh more I thought we had an internet cut out like last time never mind no no you're still going okay so yeah sorry about that everybody yeah we're I'm packaging together some different workshop series I'm gonna be doing with the guys based on whether you're looking for more first dates or you got plenty of first dates you're looking for more second and third dates or you're getting plenty of those dates and you're looking for you know how to move it into the bedroom and you're getting lots of dates and sex but you're not finding the woman that you really want to connect with and that's that's gonna be the highest level I'm breaking down these clients I'm currently in the process of packaging up these workshops and getting them rolled out so stay tuned. 01:09:39.390 --> 01:10:30.190 In the meantime jump over to Daz Dating after divorce get on the mailing list join the uh ask a dating coach event it's the third Thursday of every month is that right dude yes it is yeah okay good so yeah jump on there so yeah the next the next date yeah the next the third the third Thursday so the next one's gonna be April 16th so check out all Dallas's offerings at blackboxdating.com check out the events page at thedivorced advocate dot com leave us a star rating please leave us a comment share far and wide in social media helps proliferate this to all the dads that are looking to get back out there and get on hinge and suck in your stomach so that you're so that you look nice and spelled all right my friend have a good one we'll see you next week talk to you next week