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Like in a real movie, the only person that the lead actor, the main character, needs approval or has to take direction from is the director.
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And whoever you name as the director is who you are seeking attention and approval from.
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I'm Gabby, and you're listening to While I've Got You.
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Let's start the show.
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I've been creating these podcasts for about four or five months now.
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I published my first episode back in March, and I've been mostly consistent since, let's say, June or July with posting weekly.
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I'm also doing my best to be more consistent in advertising and posting these episodes on my social media.
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And when it comes to creating a lot of content, especially when you're first starting out, so much of it flops.
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And I'm trying to find comfort in the fact that it's okay if it flops because nobody's really watching it yet.
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Because I'm still so unknown and unimportant right now.
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I have the freedom and like the ability to say and kind of do like whatever I want, and nobody cares.
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And going through this process, that really started me thinking about how no one thinks as much about you as you think about yourself, right?
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Like day to day, nobody really cares what you're doing ever.
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We're sort of rooted in like self-obsession and self-involvement in a way that is, I hate to throw out the word narcissistic, but in a way that is a little narcissistic-ish vibe in the sense of it being a trending term and not a DSM 5 diagnosis.
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Glock it.
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But it's very much this me, me, me, I this, I think, I want, I live, I thought, I do mentality.
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And that can be a bit much.
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But on the flip side, you also have to think about the fact that no one's got you like you've got you.
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All you've got is me, myself, and I.
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That's what you'll find out in the end.
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And you've got to be your own best friend.
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I think in a world that's so quick to tear you down and point out your flaws and tell you where you're lacking, cosplaying or pretending to be the main character is not the worst idea.
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Especially if that repetition, especially if practicing that, helps you build self-confidence.
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I think being the main character is a vibe.
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And it's a vibe that I think everybody should experience.
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I think it can build real self-confidence when you sort of do like a fake it till you make it mentality.
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The more that you show up thinking, acting, and behaving as you would think a main character would, then the better you speak about yourself because main characters don't talk bad about themselves.
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We practice self-love over here.
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The more confident you feel when you go into a room and people respond to even the display of confidence.
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And so in turn, you start to think, oh, people naturally gravitate towards me, etc.
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So it can build confidence, even as you're pretending to be a main character, even though you don't necessarily feel like one in real life.
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You just can't let the power of self-confidence and the power of being the main character come from other people, be over other people, nor in spite of other people.
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This whole topic came because I was scrolling through Substack and I found an article written by Let Me Finish called Girl, Ain't Nobody Worried About You.
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The entire basis of the Substacked article was that social media has made everyone think that they are the main characters of their life and not only of their life, but therefore the main character of everyone's life.
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And now we're all just waiting for validation, the acceptance, whatever that comes from social media metrics.
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And we are catering to the algorithm.
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We're showing up and being like, I have to post this because everybody cares what I ate today, type of vibe.
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And she directly links it back to social media.
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I definitely agree that the data point doesn't represent intention.
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The impressions, the likes, the comments, the shares, the saves don't represent intention, but those little moments are what we develop a narrative around.
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She uses the example of you haven't talked to your ex in a while, and then all of a sudden he watches your story on Instagram, and now you're spiraling, calling the girl's message in the group chat, like, he wants me back, he misses me, he's down bad.
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I'm the best thing that ever happened to him in his life.
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So I definitely think that that happens.
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But where I would push back is blaming it all on social media.
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I definitely see that to a degree, but we've always been self-absorbed as a species.
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We've always sort of been the main character of our own story because we've had to be.
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Because as human beings, we seek community and we seek belonging.
Load full transcript
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We have to analyze and process our information, our interactions with other people into pattern recognition and we sort those patterns.
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We do this by categorizing our interactions, labeling our interactions, and then filing them away.
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It's what happens in that example that I just gave about an ex watching your story or going to a party or celebration or some sort of social gathering and having an interaction with someone and walking away thinking, God, that person hated my guts.
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They hated me.
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They were weird.
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They were kind of an awkward vibe with me.
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I don't know what the deal was, but I'm not cool with that person because they're not cool with me.
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And that same person walking away and being like, God, I did such a good job talking to people today.
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That was super anxiety provoking.
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But I showed up and like I did it.
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I'm so proud of myself.
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I think I made a new friend.
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All we can do as people living our own personalized experience of the world is fill in the gaps.
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And so I think that there is certainly power in maintaining or representing being in this main character narrative in a way that isn't being tied to or generated by someone else's narrative or the way the algorithm works in rewards.
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This writer seems to seek to humble all of us, humble each other, in saying, girl, relax.
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No one's worried about you.
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And I think that the most important person that could be worried about you is you.
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It's the same concept of like romanticizing your life.
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You can add a little bit more whimsy in it if you hum a lullaby while you pour your coffee, or you make your breakfast a little more aesthetic than it usually is.
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If you do things that are more pleasing to the eye, and instead of reading at home in your dark room, you go outside and read in a park or go to the beach or whatever.
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So there's power in romanticizing your life and highlighting the mundane.
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You sort of, the practice sort of brings out this level of gratitude and appreciation when you are taking the time to slow down and find the beauty in the little things.
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And I think that applies with cosplaying or pretending to be the main character too, and just doing it until it isn't a task.
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It is the baseline of how you show up in a room, how you treat yourself, how you speak about yourself, all comes back and is rooted in being the lead actor or actress of your life, of your story.
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And I also think that right now, for me specifically, I 100% think I am the main character of my own life.
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I told my roommate the other day that I've been a little more depressed than usual and have been feeling kind of blah.
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And she was like, What does that mean?
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Are you okay?
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And I needed to let her know that I don't usually have suicidal ideation or anything like that.
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Um, and I said, Unfortunately, I also suffer from really high self-esteem and think that I'm the best thing since sliced bread.
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But I don't always feel like doing the things that I typically find joy or pleasure in.
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And that's when I'm like, okay, I need to tinker with my medication or I need to touch grass or I need to, you know, get into my bag and address my depression.
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So my baseline has been practicing being the main character to have that level of confidence within myself.
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On the flip side, as someone who is trying to show up on this podcast and show up on social media and put myself out there, there is freedom in being the main character of my social media platforms and not having to worry about the narrative somebody else is creating about me in their head because my following is so small.
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My engagement is teeny tiny.
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It's a teeny teeny tiny little bit of engagement.
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And so I'm still so one, unknown.
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And two, I suspect that when I am known, most people are not gonna care anyways.
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Think about the people that you follow on social media and think about the people that you consider yourself a quote unquote fan of.
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How many of the people that you just thought of or named are you waking up and thinking about on a day-to-day basis?
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How many of those people are you thinking, oh, I wonder when so-and-so had to lunch, had for lunch today?
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Or I wonder if so-and-so had a great doctor's appointment.
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She mentioned it in her last story.
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Like, even if you care, you don't care that much.
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And there's freedom in knowing that no matter what, no one's gonna care as much about me and what I do, like as much as I do.
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What a relief.
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It can kind of make you go a little cuckoo nuts bananas, constantly wondering what everyone else is wondering or thinking about you.
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Let that shit go.
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And people don't care.
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Have fun, live your life, be the main character, and just be mindful that the danger comes from when your main character energy is dependent on other people.
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Or as long as you are so much the main character of your own story that we shift away from knowing our neighbors and engaging with our own community and helping our fellow human, that we turn into such an individualistic society where it's as long as I get mine, everybody else will be damned.
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That's when we start really losing the plot.
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The way that I've seen this show up most recently is at my friend's bachelorette party and wedding this year.
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She is a social media marketing manager for a film studio production company.
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And so she does content in social media all the time, all year.
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That's her full-time job.
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But she also genuinely enjoys it.
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And so she makes content all the time.
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And at her bachelorette, at her wedding, there were so many people that are in her inner circle that whether they're also in the industry, also work in some sort of visual medium marketing, et cetera, there was that side of things.
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But there were also so many people that did not work in those fields that were taking quick B-roll on their cameras for her to be able to use on TikTok later and were using the like DJI Osmo or using a disposable camera to capture a photo, even though somebody already got it on their phone.
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Like the amount of people that got her vision and knew what would be helpful and knew what would be exciting for her to have captured and wanted to support that was so impressive.
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I mean, she would say, Hey guys, I want to do this content idea.
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And without hesitation, so many people were like grabbing the extra cameras, gathering people, being like, What's the idea?
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Do you need a ring?
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Like, do you need this?
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Do you want me to hold this?
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What if I did this?
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And it just became this immediate like collaboration of making sure that she got the content that she wanted slash needed.
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And the same thing happened at her wedding.
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I was drinking.
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So maybe I remember it a little bit differently than other guests do, but we would be on the dance floor having a good time.
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And it was almost as though the bride would see the videographer, see the photographer, and something in her would click and it would click for everybody that knew her around her.
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And we would all just kind of move and meld into the right places to make a visually pleasing, visually aesthetic moment around the bride.
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I don't know if it was intentional or if people, if she just had the best wedding guest list, or if the people that she has picked up along the way just knew, like just know, but it was impressive.
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I left leaving that wedding, being like one, probably the best wedding I've ever been to.
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And two, there's gonna be so much good content that comes out of that wedding because everyone was so on it and prepared and knew where to go to fill the holes to make the moment interest worthy.
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Now, you could argue that because it was her wedding and her bachelorette, of course, she's automatically the main character.
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But I don't want to give that too much power because she is not a like magnetic cult leader.
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She is just a main character who cares about her neighbor, who has developed a community that shows up as fiercely for her as she has shown that she will show up for us.
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I can't say that her self-confidence or how she thinks about herself or how she talks to herself is unmarred or doesn't have bad days because I'm not in her head.
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I'm just doing what I've already said humans do.
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I've observed and now I'm filling in the gaps.
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I certainly hope that she knows she's a main character.
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So I guess in general, for this example, it when you practice main character energy-ness in a good way, you sort of find your community, you find your people, and those people care.
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Like that's on having good friends.
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Those people care, but the general public, the general population, don't give a damn.
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And that should be a freeing feeling.
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That should allow you to show up as the main character for good versus the main character for evil.
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The best example I have of this is I worked at Macy's, worked at Macy's cosmetics when I was in college.
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And we had this diva of a manager that was always like floating around and asking people if they opened a Macy's rewards card or asking us what our sales were looking like, if we'd sold anything for today.
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And every time he came up to me for almost two years, he would say either hey Abby or hey superstar.
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He called everybody superstar as a way to not learn anyone's names.
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But he would sometimes say, um, Abby, have you done this?
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Now, maybe you don't know.
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My name is not Abby.
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I think Abby's a beautiful name.
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It's just not my beautiful name.
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My name is Gabby with a gh.
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And he was not saying Gabby, which to me, it didn't give him the air or aura of importance he thought he deserved and that he carried himself with.
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It made him look like an uncaring asshole.
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And his lack of mutual respect made me not interested in doing my job.
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It made me lower my effort.
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Both had that main character energy on the surface.
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And one person has a support system that will show up and help her create and do fun things to celebrate her.
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And the other is why I quit my job.
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Just kidding, he doesn't have that much power.
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But the other couldn't learn my name.
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And that obviously didn't make me want to listen to his instruction to support him, to show up for him.
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Nothing.
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It didn't want, it didn't inspire me to want to do things to help him get ahead, help push our department forward, if that makes sense.
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I think I'm making this episode and continuing to show up to make content because at the end of the day, we are all looking for community and to find belonging.
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I've mentioned it in another episode.
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We're all trying to reach the self-actualization of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
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That's the tippy top.
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And I think that for me, being the main character of my life and prioritizing being the main character of my life and my life alone, it's allowed me to have the confidence to take up space and being able to take up space and be confident in who I am and be confident in showing up as my full self is what I am learning and am hopeful is going to lead me to my community.
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Being the main character of your own life takes away the risk of conforming to societal standards or conforming and trying to become what some other community that's not for you prefers, or your sense of self as a whole, relying on the belonging of a community that you otherwise wouldn't vibe with and wouldn't fit with.
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I think it's important to be the main character and take a shot every time I say main character, but to be the main character of your life specifically and not treat other people like you're the main character of their lives.
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In addition to being mindful of who you make the main character of your story, you can't let it become anyone but you.
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I think this episode is for anyone that's nervous to get started making content or to get started putting yourself out there.
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I think knowing that no one cares that much is honestly kind of helpful.
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Once you start like flexing that muscle and you get more comfortable putting yourself out there, then the people who do care will start to show up and will start to like gravitate towards you.
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So if you've ever thought about creating in some way, whether it's, you know, creating art, writing music, singing, dancing, whatever your creative expression looks like, it's super helpful for me to know that in the beginning, nobody cares.
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So you can do whatever you want in the beginning.
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I mean, just remember that the internet is forever.
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In the and sorry, that's probably not helpful.
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Just remember that the internet is forever in the sense that don't be putting problematic shit out in the world thinking nobody's eyes are on me right now, so I can get away with it, because that usually will come back to bite you in the ass.
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That's what I mean by the internet is forever.
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You can put your poorly edited vlogs out and just get into the practice of vlogging your life, and that'd be perfectly fun.
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And it'd be fine that it live on the internet forever.
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Everyone has to start somewhere.
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This episode is also because I've been seeing so much conversation around everyday people like myself having to go and mute some of their favorite creators because they are celebrating a purchase of a brand new home.
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Or I saw a lot of comments about um this whole situation with Kelly Clarkson and this mechanical bird at a magic shop.
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And people saying, hey, this is a terrible situation.
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I'm super sad she got treated that way.
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But I can't hear any more conversation about a$15,000 toy when I'm struggling to put gas in my car and head to work.
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Like a lot of that conversation of people being like, oh, I want to be so happy for you, but I can't watch another creator open up free PR as a multimillionaire.
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And while I haven't had to or had the desire to mute anybody for their wealth or their fortune, I'm definitely in a place where I'm needing to clean up my my algorithm to get me away from the how to finish 2026 strong, how to have the ultimate glow up before the end of Q4.
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Like all of the how to conversations.
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I think
that that is the label and what we have been taught or conditioned by social media to believe is main character energy.
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And I think the real main characters are honest and self-aware enough to know nobody knows what's happening.
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Nobody knows what's going on.
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And I think we have put on a pedestal a main character that has behind the scenes quietly and privately thrown things at the wall.
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And then when something happens to stick, because statistically something eventually had to stick, it's repackaged to us as the key to life, the key to success, the key to whatever.
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And I just wish that more people were their true and fullest flawed in process selves on the internet.
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Like those are the main characters that I want to see more of.
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So this is for the people that also feel like they're tired of that content and this cookie cutter, rah, rah, beautiful, overly aesthetic visual that's being peddled in all of our algorithms.
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And this is also for the main characters who got a little caught up in the sauce.
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Like in a real movie.
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The only person that the lead actor, the main character, needs approval or has to take direction from is the director.
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And whoever you name as the director is who you are seeking attention and approval from.
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And so if you are someone who started off showing up on this platform, showing up creating and being like, this is me and this is how I want to share and express myself and represent myself to the world.
00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:47.920
And then eventually you started having to conform or chase the high of the next viral clip or do the trend that was most popular, even though it didn't fit or vibe or mesh with what you wanted to say or who you are or how you show up in your real life.
00:22:48.160 --> 00:22:55.759
If you started becoming a bit beholden to the algorithm and to the audience, that's your director right now.
00:22:56.319 --> 00:23:01.200
And so just noticing that and deciding is that how you want to move?
00:23:01.359 --> 00:23:10.480
I think I'm encouraging you to notice who you have appointed as the director of your feature film, which is your life.
00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:20.880
What is the list of criteria you personally, within your heart, have to uphold, have to live up to to be the main character of your life?
00:23:21.039 --> 00:23:27.359
If it is a list of vanity achievements that make you the main character, cool.
00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:29.759
I think you should definitely include some of those.
00:23:30.079 --> 00:23:47.039
And also, I think noticing a bit more specifically of who you are and how you want to show up and be represented in the world at a core deep personal level, like what characteristics are showing up in your day-to-day life?
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:48.799
How do you speak to people?
00:23:49.119 --> 00:23:51.359
How do you spend your time?
00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:59.039
How do you fellowship, like, et cetera, and not just I got a fat ass and long hair and a cute smile?
00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:00.880
Like a little bit deeper than that.
00:24:01.119 --> 00:24:04.000
And in doing that, what are the flip side?
00:24:04.079 --> 00:24:24.960
What are the areas in which you have given away either all of your power by making society or someone else, the algorithm, your director, or where you've just given away little pieces where you've shown up as a little more palatable, or where you show up as a little more knowledgeable in an area than you actually are, et cetera.
00:24:25.119 --> 00:24:33.200
And then the most important piece is is your power is the power that comes from being the main character, is that confidence?
00:24:33.279 --> 00:24:38.319
I'm using confidence and power pretty interchangeably in this episode, I think.
00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:41.519
So is your power dependent on other people?
00:24:41.759 --> 00:24:46.240
When I say or when I keep asking, is your power dependent on other people?
00:24:46.720 --> 00:24:58.960
I think I'm experiencing this in a twofold as well as a person in life who has a social life who exists outside of what you see on social media and what I talk about on this podcast.
00:24:59.279 --> 00:25:12.960
On the one hand, I as a creator, as a content creator, as someone with the again, with a podcast posting on social media, I say that I don't care, that my power is not reliant on other people.
00:25:13.519 --> 00:25:26.720
And I still, every morning, before my feet touch the ground, check my analytics on Substack, YouTube, my personal TikTok and Instagram, and my podcast TikTok and Instagram.
00:25:26.880 --> 00:25:34.880
And to some degree, that is, I would say maybe four to five percent of me being like, okay, what are people saying?
00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:37.119
Hope they liked what I worked really hard on.
00:25:37.279 --> 00:25:40.960
I hope my me putting myself out there is being well received.
00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:53.839
The rest of that is predominantly me working three jobs and waking up and being like, ooh, did I maybe go viral tonight and I can stop working three jobs?
00:25:54.079 --> 00:26:08.799
So there's a little bit of a catch-22 there of I'm not necessarily going and seeking external validation and giving that director seat to a following to an algorithm, to the likes, the comments, the shares, the saves.
00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:16.400
And it is such a motivator in my life right now that that's something I have to be mindful of and be careful, careful of.
00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:25.680
It's the same idea of if you're on like a weight loss or a fitness journey, you're always told like, don't weigh every day.
00:26:25.920 -->
00:26:35.200
Weigh in once a week, same time, same place, wearing the same thing instead of checking in every single day, because then you'll become addicted or beholden to the scale.
00:26:35.359 --> 00:26:36.079
Same concept.
00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:38.640
So I'm very mindful of that piece happening.
00:26:38.799 --> 00:26:50.960
And also the main character energy is the essence, the underlying vibe of how I pep talk myself before I go into most rooms and I do most things.
00:26:51.119 --> 00:26:54.480
Like it is still that practice makes perfect energy.
00:26:54.640 --> 00:27:04.799
If I'm going to a social gathering, the last thing I say to myself before I get out of the car is you're the main character, you're a baddie, people are gonna love you.
00:27:05.119 --> 00:27:09.279
Show that energy and make sure that you talk to people as well.
00:27:09.759 --> 00:27:15.359
Because believe it or not, she may have the gift of gap, but she can shut down and stop talking.
00:27:15.519 --> 00:27:18.880
I do have to put myself out there and hype myself up in that way.
00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:29.759
And it is also the reminder that I bring up when I tell myself that I am not intelligent based off of who's in the room.
00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:31.599
I just am intelligent.
00:27:31.759 --> 00:27:36.640
And I'm not beautiful based off of who I'm standing beside.
00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:44.160
I'm not more beautiful or less beautiful because someone is standing to my left and someone beautiful is standing to my right.
00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:45.920
I just am beautiful.
00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:51.519
It is not pendant on anything other than how I view and see myself.
00:27:51.680 --> 00:28:11.440
And I think it's that reminder that allows me to show up and try, show up and make the effort, show up and do my best to invite people into a space where they can find safety and belonging just for being themselves as well.
00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:13.440
The main characters that they are.
00:28:13.599 --> 00:28:21.920
I think being the true main character means that you, me, everybody is truly in a league of their own.
00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:26.400
Not better than your league, not worse than your league, but equal.
00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:47.440
And when it doesn't demand power over others, when it's not that magnetic cult leader, when it allows us and encourages us to know our neighbors and know our community and be a loving and caring safe space, it's the best kind of main character, self-centered, self-absorbedness.
00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:52.880
It's like that expression that um a high tide raises all boats.
00:28:53.200 --> 00:29:03.359
The basis of my main character energy is knowing that I am better because the people around me are better.
00:29:03.599 --> 00:29:17.200
We are better together as equals and working towards the common good with love and care for each other in our hearts, and not because I'm placed on a pedestal because I have a million followers on a social media platform.
00:29:17.359 --> 00:29:24.480
I definitely think that per this article that started this conversation, that social media is not the main culprit.
00:29:24.640 --> 00:29:44.400
I think it just helped us coin a cute little term for our self-obsession and our innate selfishness as humans and made it a little bit harder to determine who has that power, who is in control of giving us the confidence to live our lives out loud and proudly.
00:29:44.640 --> 00:29:52.799
I want to try something new this last segment, where I am adding a little listener question segment here at the end.
00:29:52.960 --> 00:30:03.039
I'm going to leave you with a question, and it's one that you can ponder out loud in your car if you're driving, or send me a message with your response, comment, whatever.
00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:04.720
But I want to leave you with this question.
00:30:05.039 --> 00:30:08.400
It comes with a tiny little bit of tiny little bitty story time.
00:30:08.559 --> 00:30:19.839
And very briefly, um, a group of my friends were talking about cats and how they make biscuits by like pushing down, basically like kneading a blanket.
00:30:20.160 --> 00:30:23.599
And I said, Oh, I do that when I go to bed.
00:30:23.759 --> 00:30:25.599
I make biscuits with my feet.
00:30:25.759 --> 00:30:31.039
And my friend said, Oh, you mean like you like a cricket, like you rub your feet together?
00:30:31.279 --> 00:30:37.440
And I said, No, I I like push my feet into the mattress.
00:30:37.680 --> 00:30:39.519
And she was like, How do you do that?
00:30:39.680 --> 00:30:44.160
And I kind of tried to demonstrate with my hands, but my hands are not my feet.
00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:55.599
And so every night since this exchange happens, the last thought in my head before I drift off into dreamland is dead ass.
00:30:56.079 --> 00:31:02.880
She probably thinks I'm crazy because I'm realizing now cricket is cricketing is exactly what I do in my bed.
00:31:03.039 --> 00:31:06.480
My feet are more rubbing together than they are into the mattress.
00:31:06.640 --> 00:31:07.759
What was I talking about?
00:31:07.839 --> 00:31:12.559
It's the last thought that leaves my head every single night before bed.
00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:30.960
And so my question for you is what exchange between you and someone else have you replayed so often and have become a little hyperfixated on it that another person, the other party has probably forgotten.
00:31:31.119 --> 00:31:35.759
And is that hyperfixation keeping you as the director of your life?
00:31:35.920 --> 00:31:38.400
Or is it handing your power over to someone else?
00:31:38.559 --> 00:31:49.519
I think with this example for me, I am deciding that I'm not giving away my power in this specific scenario only because I'm not losing sleep.
00:31:50.319 --> 00:31:54.559
It is just the thought that enters my mind before I drift off.
00:31:54.799 --> 00:32:00.400
So I'm not, it's not impacting my ability to live my life or how I see myself.
00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:03.359
I just am always thinking before bed.
00:32:03.519 --> 00:32:05.200
I wonder if she remembers I said that.
00:32:05.279 --> 00:32:13.839
And I wonder if it keeps her up at night thinking about something that I said, which is crazy because we've already determined that people don't really give a shit like that.
00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:15.519
She's not thinking about this at all.
00:32:15.680 --> 00:32:25.119
So I'm gonna say I don't think that I'm giving her my power or making her the director, but she definitely has some credits somewhere.
00:32:25.359 --> 00:32:30.079
When the credits roll, her name is definitely popping up on the end title cards there.
00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:34.480
Lucky for me, it's only you and me listening to these episodes.
00:32:34.720 --> 00:32:51.039
So I am having the pleasure and getting the opportunity to set this boundary and this standard for myself and continue to create this intimate space where we can just be us and not be so worried about what the world thinks.
00:32:51.279 --> 00:32:58.160
It is truly, truly a relief to know that I can be myself here and that you're here with me.
00:32:58.400 --> 00:33:02.000
So thanks so much for listening, and I'll catch you for next week's episode.
00:33:02.319 --> 00:33:02.960
Bye.