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What’s going on peeps, welcome back to Virtue Vibes, the podcast where we think hard about how to be good. I’m your host, Jarrod Blair, and today, I’m gonna talk about the value of opening your mouth and flapping your tongue to transmit your thoughts to other people. Or the value of twirling your hips around on the dance floor, or inflecting your voice up and down while singing, or smiling from ear to ear while someone watches you enjoy your hobby. In this episode, I’m gonna talk about the value of expressing yourself.
Now, this is one of those topics that is often done in a very fluffy and airy way. So instead of doing that, I’m gonna try to give some really clear and concrete reasons that you might not have thought about before, for why self-expression can be a powerful force for good in the world. Some of this goodness has to do with the value it brings to YOU, the person doing the expressing, and I feel like the benefits to oneself are the main thing that gets talked about when people bring up self-expression. In this episode, however, I’m going to acknowledge some of those benefits to the self, but then I’m going to spend most of my time talking about the benefits that self-expression can have on those around you.
Alright. So at this point I guess I’m supposed to put in some cute little musical transition... You know I wish there weren’t any copyright laws, because then I could use that old song “Express Yourself” by Charles Wright as my musical interlude here. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to sing it...
--interlude-- {Song Interlude?}
Haha I had too much fun making that, so there will definitely be more where that came from. We’re puttin the vibes in Virtue Vibes, ya know what I’m SAYIN! haha
So to begin, I wanna distinguish between two forms of self-expression I’ll be talking about in this episode. The first is verbal self-expression, where you are expressing your thoughts to others by speaking, writing, singing, sign language, or whatever you do. This is all about words, words, and more words, in various forms.
The second form of self-expression I want to talk about is non-verbal, and instead of expressing thoughts to others, you are instead letting your feelings show. This could be in the form of a smile, laughter, tears, the inflection of your voice, body language, etc. I think both forms of self-expression are essential for leading a good life, and I hope to explain why.
There are many different great reasons to express yourself, so I won’t pretend that I’m giving a comprehensive list in this episode. I just want to point out a couple reasons why I think self-expression is incredibly valuable. I also realize that there are situations where expressing yourself might not be the best thing to do, like if there’s a real threat to your safety (and not just an imagined one), or if your expression would hurt others, or if you’re not talking to a trustworthy person. In these situations, the benefits of self-expression might not be worth the cost, and that would be totally understandable. However, I do think that people should express their genuine thoughts and feelings much more than they normally do. So, to that end, I’m going to give a few reasons in favor of self-expression that might help you to overcome any hesitation or anxiety, because there’s just so much good that can come of it.
The first reasons I’ll give for self-expression are about the benefits that it provides you, the person doing the expressing. For starters, it feels really freaking good. Have you ever held back your thoughts or emotions from people for too long, and then finally get to talk to someone you trust and just let it all out? It feels good to release that pressure, right? To let go of that weird dissonance between the person you're pretending to be and the person you really are. Or maybe it’s tears you’ve been holding back, and you’re finally able to have a good cry. Or maybe when you finally get away from a stressful situation you can let your hair down and jam out to your favorite song. You’ve probably experienced it before, that power that self-expression has to bring you back into a state of equilibrium. I’m no psychologist, but I don’t need to be one to know how good self-expression can be for your soul.
A second benefit of openly and honestly expressing yourself is that by doing so, everyone else can gain a better understanding of who you are, and of your current psychological or emotional needs. People will be better able to address those needs, and they’ll know the real you, which will make your life go better. I know, I’m a genius, don’t mention it. Who would have thought that self-expression helps other people to know you. That’ll be 10 dollars, please and thank you.
One last way that self-expression benefits you is in the way it filters those people who come into your life. If you hide yourself intellectually and emotionally from others, and put up a facade, then you’ll end up being surrounded by people who just like the fake version of you. But when you express yourself openly and honestly, you’ll start attracting people who actually like the real you, and you’ll repel the rest, which will be good for you in the long run.
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Self-Expression isn’t just good for you, it can also be good for everyone around you. I’m sure there are many reasons why this is the case, but I just want to draw your attention to a couple of them that I think are particularly interesting. Firstly, when you verbally communicate your thoughts to other people, something might really resonate with them. They might have had a similar thought as you before, or maybe just a similar experience that they've never got around to thinking about. So when you share your thoughts, and your words really resonate with someone, it can make them feel understood, and it reminds them that they are not alone on this rollercoaster ride of life. There’s another being observing and experiencing the same
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things they are. The comfort and comradery felt by knowing we’re not alone with our thoughts and experiences is one way that expressing ourselves can do a lot of good in the lives of those around us.
On the other hand, people might not resonate with us, and they might have thoughts and experiences quite different than our own. So another reason to express yourself is that you give people a chance to broaden their horizons, and to see how different people think. Sometimes people will have never even considered the topic you're bringing up. And other times they may have come to a different conclusion, but they’re still intrigued to hear what you have to say. When you express yourself to people like this, you’re giving them an opportunity to broaden their horizons, and to consider possibilities they might have never before considered. This is another way that self-expression can be a force for good in the lives of others.
Now, when you’re expressing yourself honestly, sooner or later you will run into the problem of disagreement. And as I’ve said a bunch of times throughout this podcast, there’s a lot of people who don’t take well to people disagreeing with them. They’re not fascinated by it, they’re not at all intrigued, they’re just not open to it. So expressing yourself to such a person might end up just not being worth it. But I do like to at least give everyone a chance. Sometimes I’ll throw out something that I’m thinking to someone even though I know they think differently, and then I’ll closely observe how they behave. If they get angry or reactionary, and if they don’t show any signs of curiosity about my different perspective, then I’ll probably stop expressing my thoughts to them in the future. And honestly, I’m probably not going to make that person a very big part of my life. Why surround yourself with people who respond poorly when you honestly express yourself? Seems like a bad idea. But make sure you don’t let the people who respond poorly to self-expression make you so jaded and pessimistic that you forget about all of the good that can come of it.
--interlude--
It’s not just your expression of thoughts that can help others, but also your displays of feelings and emotions. This can be done with words, but it can also be done via body language, voice inflection, facial expressions, artistry, song and dance, and all sorts of other things.
One of my favorite ethical thinkers of all time is Mr. Rogers, who was the host of the famous children’s television show, Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. He has this quote that I love so much. He says that one of the best things that adults can do for children is to love what you do in front of them. Love what you do in front of them. He elaborates on this in an interview that I’ll post in the show notes, which you should definitely check out after you finish this episode. In it, he talks about the effect that a cello player or a sculptor can have on a child just by watching them be engaged and loving their craft. It inspires children and makes them think maybe they want to try that as well. Mr. Rogers concludes that attitudes are caught, and not taught.
I think this is so true, and I think his insight can be extended to people in general. People love seeing others who genuinely love what they’re doing, in part because it’s so rare to see. I also think that there’s a lot of pessimism or malaise in the world, and some people feel like there’s nothing worthwhile in life. But seeing somebody who is passionate and loving what they do can help to snap them out of this, and to remind them that there is beauty and joy to be found. So if there’s anything that you genuinely love doing, express yourself, and put on display your love for what you do in front of others. Put a smile on your face, laugh about it, or describe something with that warm affectionate tone of voice that accurately reflects how you feel inside. There’s no need to put on a fake show, just make sure you don’t hold anything back when you really do feel this way. You never know who will be inspired once you finally start expressing yourself openly and honestly.
There’s so many other reasons why self-expression can be a force for good in the lives of others. If you care about someone, let them know! It might make their day. And people can’t feel your good intentions, so you have to let it show. If you're angry, or sad, your courage in expressing these things might provide a space for others who are feeling something similar. I’m sure there are other reasons, but these are just a few that come to mind. And as I said earlier, there are times when it might not be appropriate, but in general, I think the world could really use some more open and honest self-expression.