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Hey friends, welcome to the Purpose Beyond Motherhood podcast.
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Together, we are using our voices to walk alongside women navigating infertility and motherhood.
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I'm Holly, and I'm so happy you're tuning in today.
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Hey friends, and I'm Nicole.
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Let me tell you a little bit about 1212 Ministries and why this podcast exists.
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1212 Ministries creates a safe space for emotional restoration, physical healing, and spiritual discipleship for women who have or are experiencing infertility.
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We want to share hope in the hard things and encourage you to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.
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Our heart behind this podcast is to make sure that no woman walks this journey alone.
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Welcome to the Purpose Beyond Motherhood Podcast.
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That was just for you.
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Hello.
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I'm so happy to be here with you.
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I love that setup.
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Like I had to do it like that because I knew that you would come in and say, Holly Burkowski.
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Silly like that.
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You were right.
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You were not wrong.
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You had it on point for sure.
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Yes, you're my faith.
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Okay, you guys, it is National Infertility Awareness Week.
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And so Holly and I, we just wanted to do a quick little episode in a live episode of just like, hey, let's talk about it.
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Let's have some challenging conversations.
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Let's have some real conversations.
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Um, and just how can we bring awareness and bring light to just the infertility community and space?
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Yes, so good.
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Yeah, this week I've been seeing things kind of trickle in on Instagram and just different women that I know that I didn't even know walked through infertility.
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Yeah.
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Um, but just seeing that encouragement be poured out onto like social media from all different sides, I think is so impactful and inspirational.
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Um so we were gonna talk about ways to come alongside your spouse, like the husband coming alongside the wife.
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Um I don't know, Nicole, you jump in wherever you feel.
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Yeah.
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No, I I think that's good too.
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And I think it can also be um, you know, we can apply it to friends maybe too.
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Yes, you know, like if you have a friend that you're just like, oh my goodness, they're walking through this tough thing, and maybe you haven't walked through it and you just don't know how to to talk to them, maybe relate to them or or share things with them.
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Um, and so you know, we just wanted to have that conversation because it is such a hard conversation, yeah, you know, uh to have.
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So how how do we do that, Holly?
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How on earth do we do that?
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Well, um, you know, I think it's I do think it's different for every woman and every personality type and every marriage is obviously different.
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Um, but I'm type B.
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My husband's more type A.
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So he applied more of the scriptural backing and like the logical thinking with it.
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So he would pull out the scripture and the script, the scripture.
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He would pull out the Bible and like all the women in the Bible that walked through it and their story, which really helped me because I was kind of like, for some reason, I think I would feel like I was the only girl in the world going through it sometimes, which is so what the enemy wants you to think.
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A B, it's just like a more selfish mindset that I have worked through, but him just reminding me that infertility is not new to God, like it's not a mind-blowing, like new thing.
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It's been around forever.
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Like, and it's not, I don't, I know it's not his heart for his girls, but um, just seeing those stories of redemption in the Bible and reflecting on them.
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And when I was having a bad day, John literally made like a word document and was like, here, like, here's all these women that went through this and like walked through it victoriously, but doesn't make it any easier.
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But that's that was like one of the main ways he really helped me for sure.
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Is is just to share like biblical truth.
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I love that.
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I think that's really good, just to bring it back to what does God's word say about this specific thing.
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Yep.
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And I I specifically remember one time I was like crying, and this sounds really dramatic, but I was crying and laying in the floor of our nursery because I had like two people tell me they were pregnant on the same day, and it was like their second pregnancy or something.
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It just got it got to me that day.
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And I was like laying in the floor, and he was like, You have to get off the ground.
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Load full transcript
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I was like, Okay.
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But he like kindly was just like, I will help you, but like you can't sit, you can't sit here.
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Like that doesn't do anything positive.
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Um, so that was probably the number one way, just those the stories of women like Sarah and now their names are leaving my head, like Samson's mother, even people whose like names we didn't even know in scripture, but walked through it.
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Um, and think about their time period, like right.
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I know.
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I think they would put you like in a tent somewhere, like out in a field.
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I don't know.
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I think they like the the thinking of it though is more like you go, like I don't know.
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So just now, all of the resources and all of the truth we have to like back what God really says about us through this journey, I think is a game changer.
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Yes, yeah.
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I definitely want to talk about the our hope Bible study for 1212 because that's such a great resource because you talked about the ladies in the Bible and our Bible study, you guys, it talks through all of those ladies.
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So, like Hannah, Rebecca, Sarah, even the Schumannite woman.
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Um it's just like it's so good.
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So you guys have to grab that Bible study.
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We're actually gonna do Bible study.
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Hey, woohoo! Totally forgot about this in May.
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I can't remember the date, you guys, but we are gonna go like live through through this Bible study because I know we all need some hope, man.
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Yes, I do.
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I would love to do that.
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That would be what's really cool too is I feel like you and I kind of bonded on that because that was something the Lord put on my heart, and you were like, actually, I already made it.
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And I was like, Well, of course you did.
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That's just she already did it and it was done and like packaged and pretty.
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Um, but I love that.
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And then the second thing that just really impressed upon my heart with like how to walk alongside someone um was being a sounding board, but also giving them the freedom and the authority to like not attend like a baby shower if it's gonna put you in a funky spot.
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Or I don't know, don't you don't have to say yes to that stuff.
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And it's okay for you to be like, it's not good for me right now.
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Like it's not the best choice for me to make
for myself.
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Um yeah, that was something that I figured out later in the game.
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Or I would tell my like the friend and be like, I love you, I just can't today.
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Yeah, and their response was actually really healing and like so like I appreciate I would like celebrate it from afar, send a gift.
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Most of the time I would end up going still, but um, sometimes I didn't.
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Yeah, but still to verbalize that.
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So so I just want to unpack really quick.
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So, but the sounding board, you mean like you just you need to make space for your person, your spouse, your friend to be able to come to you and and be honest and to share, like, hey, today is not it's not a good day.
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Or, you know, I can't do that, but just making space and room for that person to to be open and honest with you and not judgmental or just like, hey, you're my friend, you're supposed to understand this, you know, or hey, you're my husband, you're supposed to understand what I'm feeling.
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And, you know, that's not always the case, but just, you know, again, making room, making space for for your person.
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Yes.
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And I think, I mean, in my mind, while you're talking, I'm thinking about, I just think that like disarms the enemy in our minds because it's it's breaking down the lie of like, okay, your friend has a baby, you're trying to have like, I think it just totally dissolves those those barriers and makes like an even playing field of like just that love and that support, even with your like and even with your husband, I think it can be really freeing.
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Yeah, like whatever he's going through that he might not know how to verbalize, but you being vulnerable can really break down those walls.
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For sure.
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Really love that.
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Yes, too, yes.
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Yes.
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Okay, I know you have another point.
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I know you do, Holly.
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I mean I was kind of like, Lord, what do you want me to say?
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Um, I think so.
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We were married about eight, eight or nine years before you had Kenny.
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And um, I think I just thought marriage would be I thought like having babies and all that would be like swift and easy.
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And I feel like not in a mean way, but I feel like the Lord just reminded me that it takes it takes work.
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You've got to plow that field to see the harvest.
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Yes, and just to remind those marriages that have been in it a while or that have just kind of struggled through the waiting that the Lord has equipped you and your husband to walk through it and that each of your skill sets will be a strength at a different time to navigate it.
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Yeah, um, like you're in it as a team, you're not by yourself.
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Just because you're the one laying on the table really awkwardly doesn't mean that you're alone.
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Like he's your spouse is in it with you.
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So I think that just that reminder of you're not alone, you can you can do this, but um, I know it's hard sometimes too.
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Yeah, and I I I I love that you said that because even just on the the opposite side of that, I think um, you know, not necessarily just the husband being like, hey, I I'm I'm walking with this too, but even just allowing your husband to walk alongside you in that, instead of just being like, I'm going through this, this is me, you know, and just being like, Hey, we we are going through this, and just allowing him to walk alongside you, you know, during the journey, the good, the bad, those, those hard days.
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Yes.
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And I think too, there's some really healing moments where John would speak things.
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I might cry when talk about this.
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I'm gonna try not to, but I remember him being like, I like baby or no baby, I picked you.
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Like that was not the foundational piece of like the why, but just that healing, those healing words of like, regardless of what this looks like, like I chose you.
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Yeah, I didn't, you know, and it's I think that made us a lot stronger to weather the storms of all of the things, but just to hear that and to because the enemy will say all sorts of stuff when you're going through it, like, oh well try it.
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Yeah, he will for real try it.
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Crafty little stinker, that guy, but um just that reminder of like your spouse chose you not based on the status of your uterus, he chose you because you and like none of all of that is just a bonus or an extra, but yeah, that reminder to me was I don't know who needed to hear that, but somebody did.
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I'm with it.
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That was good.
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Thanks, friend.
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Thank you.
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I know, and I think we I mean, I think we touched on this too, but you know, I think for both sides, like you know, person walking through infertility or or their support system of still just like speaking up, you know.
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Yes, speak up and ask for what you need.
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Absolutely, yeah.
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Even just in like in
friendships, in your doctor's appointments, in your marriage, like yeah, don't stuff that stuff down because I think it just makes it way more painful and way more isolating.
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But you got to tell your people and you have you know the friends that you can tell the details to, and they'll have good sound advice.
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And then you know the ones that like can't handle it.
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So just finding those like safe, true, yes, like really strong, I don't know, firm, firmly planted believing friends to walk with you through this.
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Yes, I know.
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In fertility is so hard, it's so hard.
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It can be a really, really lonely, lonely space, you know.
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But just again, I think the biggest reminder, you know, again for us is just like, hey, you are not alone.
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Yes, you know, don't don't do this alone, don't walk this path alone.
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You know, there is a community, there are communities out there that can that can support you through through this journey.
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And it is a journey for sure, you know, and instead of really thinking about, hey, it's about the the outcome, you know, just like, hey, what is the Lord doing in and through me?
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And that's hard.
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That that's like that's every day hard.
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Um, you know, I know that I said that really easy, but it's hard to live out.
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Oh my goodness.
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You know, it's just so hard to live out.
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But then, you know, again, just remembering you are not alone and don't do this alone.
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Amen.
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Yeah, I think I I blocked out like the really hard parts of our story, but then I think the Lord will like remind me of something or like something someone said, or even just like the text message to the friend that's going through it of like, I don't know where you're at in treatment, I don't know where you're at, like in your cycle, just that like touch point of like I'm praying for you and I love you.
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Yeah, I haven't walked where you're walking, but I'm here.
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I think that is such a valuable piece to really walking through anything difficult, but especially this.
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Yes.
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So yeah, send the text, send the send it, send the encouragement, do it.
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You'll regret it if you don't.
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Hey friends, I hope you enjoyed that throwback episode of the Purpose Beyond Motherhood podcast.
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We are praying for you this week during National Infertility Awareness Week.
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So don't forget, visit we r1212.org to check out all of the events that we have going on for you, uh, but also visit our website to get connected, make a donation, or jump into our virtual community.
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We look forward to seeing you next time on the Purpose Beyond Motherhood podcast.