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Snack B!#*h, Season 1, Episode 1
K: Can you tell us a little bit about what you do?
J: About four years ago I started writing poems and it was kind of a cathartic thing for me. And after a little while I came to realize that there was a common thread in my poetry, and that was motherhood. There was another common thread which was that lot of my poems were sarcastic, which you don't find a lot of times in poems. And then also they all have the same tone about them — they sort of rhyme in the same way, so they're easy to read, easy to hear — I hope! And then I try to be as obvious as possible in my poems — moms don't have a lot of time to even read. So I want to make it as easy as possible. And so every Friday, for the past four years, I've sent out a Fresh Poem Friday newsletter. So if you're a subscriber, then every Friday at 10am you get a fresh poem in your email inbox. And then over the evolution of it I realized that my favorite thing about my poems is not necessarily writing them. I actually have a hard time sort of, you know, if I'm doing laundry before writing a poem, it's like, okay, I'm obviously putting this off, kind of thing. But what I came to realize over the course of Mom Said Duck is that I love to say my poems. And so I was like, okay, so how do I say my poems because there's not like really a big market for mom poets or funny mom comedians or mom anything kind of thing. So that's where the show came to be. I thought, okay, I think this is something I'm going to have to create myself. And that's what I did through the help of a City of Windsor grant. The night went off the exact way I imagined it in my mind that it would, which was really cool. For so long, I was trying to describe it to people and they weren't getting it. And I was like, you just have to wait until May 10th. And then in my head, I'm like, oh my God, what if it's not going to be what I think it's going to be. But I was so sure. I could imagine it so well, so clearly. And it ended up being exactly that. And so I was just so, so thrilled and over the top happy with how it turned out.
K: As you were talking and introducing yourself and you said relatable poems, like talk about "Snack Bitch." Oh my goodness, it is so relatable. You had everyone crying laughing in the entire theater and I couldn't stop telling people about it. Then when you sent out your fresh poem Friday, I think it was the following Friday I was in the recording studio and I record with a guy, Luc Michaud. He's a dad. He has a couple of kids and I'm like, Luc, I need to read you this poem, it's so funny. So I've been sharing it when I can! And so this podcast idea came about because I'm kind of a new soccer mom. We're just getting into the sports and stuff. My boys have kind of just dabbled a little bit in skating. Didn't like it. Kind of did soccer, sort of liked it when they were younger. Didn't want to keep it up. This is the year where three of them are signed up. We're at the soccer fields like four times a week, right? You know, right?
J: So I only have one that's in soccer right now, so yes and no. Like, you're four trumps my two!
K: Well, this is just it, I'm like, I love having all these kids. I want more. And then I'm like, oh, wait, I have to feed you and like take you places? And you might not want to do the same thing at the same time? I didn't really think that far ahead.
And like you're the snack parent at least once per team, right? And everybody's been doing popsicles and freezies, which is fine. But I'm like, oh, how do you like up your snack game? And I'm like, you know what, I got to talk to Jill about snacks. We just need to talk about the poem. We need to talk about our favorite snacks for summertime in general. Like road trips and sports and picnics and all this stuff. Because you're always on the move and summertime, it's different from the sort of regimented school schedule, right?
So let's start by giving people a little taste of "Snack Bitch."
J:
Snack Bitch
I’ve been called a lot of things
Snack Bitch is a name I give myself
Referring to my kids' requests
About snacks from the pantry’s shelf
Snack Bitch is what I picture
My kids call me in their head
As the King and Queen clamour
It ain’t Mom, it’s Snack Bitch instead
When the children are at home
Which is more often than not
They get bored, want to know what
Snacks from the grocery store mom bought
“Snack Bitch, what did you buy today?”
“Snack Bitch, please give me some of that!”
“Open this package, Snack Bitch!”
"Get on it, Snack Bitch and STAT!"
I use my teeth as Snack Bitches do
To open gummy bear fruit treats
Empty wrappers later found
On the floor under their seats
Out of the house, at events
Kids look to mom once we arrive
“What did you bring for us to eat?”
As if they need snacks to survive
On road trips, Snack Bitch is ON
Kids assume mom’s a dispenser
Treats are passed to the backseat
And if not quickly, there are tempers
When snack demands come in hot
A few minutes before dinner
Language brewing in mom's mind
Would surely make her out a sinner
Sometimes though mama will cave
Before the fam sits down to eat
But soon regrets her giving in
“I’m not hungry, I had a treat!”
K: Oh, I love it. It's so good! OK, let's talk about summer snacks. I thought we could come up with a couple ideas, whether you want to talk about road trips, I don't know if you go camping, day camps, sports. Any favorite snacks? Any of your kids' favorite snacks?
J: You know what I've come to kind of realize about my kids' lunches in general and then sort of just as like the around the house type snacks is they're so comparable to a charcuterie board. So there's a lot of cheese, there's a lot of pepperette type things or kielbasa or little wrapped up things of turkey. Little cubes of cheese or cheese strings or Babybels. And then crackers here and there. We're not huge on crackers but crackers sometimes too or like if it's in a lunch obviously a sandwich would sort of complement
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that. Then literally like grapes like on a charcuterie board, that's how I end up packing my kids' lunches. At the end of the day that's the kind of snacks we have around here. Now I will say that at home we're a big peanut and nut family, so we love cashews and walnuts and and seeds too. We kind of eat quite a few seeds and that's a nice thing as kind a nut alternative. So I do put a lot of sunflower seeds in their lunch as well. It quite literally looks like a charcuterie board.
K: I love that you used that word because I had never thought about it that way, but my kids' lunches are like that. You know, you get a little bit of your protein, you get a little bit of your fats and carbohydrates.
J: That's it, because they like to snack. Snack bitch, right?!
K: Exactly! And then they can just pick and choose their own adventure, right?
J: For sure. And don't get me wrong, Kara, we're not above the shitty snacks too, right? Like gummy bear fruit treats. I don't love that my kids eat gelatin, it's not my favorite, but it's such an easy one that's like, it's no fat, it's lots of carbs in it, so it kind of keeps them going a little bit, you know, so it's like, I don't know, you just got to play that game. I could even be wrong about those stats. But like, you know, it's like a game of trying to get the healthiest of the fruit snacks, like stuff like that, right? It's like a placebo thing.
K: Oh, yes, like, "It says organic on it! It's healthy, right?!" And it's funny because I used to be so, like when I had Radley, my eldest, I was super picky about what he ate. I'll never forget the first time he put a goldfish in his mouth and I was like, oh, I just don't want to do the goldfish thing. We do the goldfish thing now. 😊 And I remember a dietician and she said something about how there's cheese in there, so it's like protein and there's carbs, and I'm like, fantastic. Thank you for saying that. So you know what, I'm going to go with it. And it's funny too, because after like soccer practice, I ended up bringing popsicles, right? Because everyone's bringing popsicles. I'm like, how do we break out of the mold?
J: But it's also so hot out. It's what everybody wants. Sometimes it's just better to go with the flow. It's cheaper. It's easier.
K: It really is. It really is.
J: You can shine in other ways.
K: Ha! You can shine in other ways, exactly! Because I was thinking, you know, if you show up with something else and the kids are expecting the freezies and the popsicles, like you did wrong.
J: It's too hot out.
K: It's so hot out. I was thinking the one thing you could do, maybe — you'd probably still have to have popsicles too! — but I think with this heat, a good option is watermelon. My kids love when you cut the watermelon into sticks and then everyone picks up a stick. And then you know what I've been seeing lately? You know the hydration booster packets? They actually have kid hydration booster sticks now. So that'd be kind of fun. Give the kids a little hydration booster and some watermelon. That'd be good for like a tournament or something like that.
J: There you go. I think you're on to something there. The other moms are like, whoa, who's this? She's stepping it up.
K: One parent brought to one of my son's games, chips and they each got a juice box and a popsicle and I was like, oh, wow. They just topped it, like they're at the top of the game now.
J: Yeah, she's like ladies don't even try.
K: Haha. Exactly. And I do need to say Chapman's, a Canadian company, Chapman's popsicles they don't have any of the fake dyes in them which is awesome.
J: Ah, well there we go.
K: So listeners if you're looking for a healthy popsicle there you go.
J: Yeah, a diet popsicle. 😊
K: So, any other snack ideas that you love? You like the charcuterie style. Do you like that for road trips, that sort of thing?
J: When we go on a road trip we'll pack a bag of fruit and vegetables. So that's the kind of womp womp bag to my kids, right? So I either dole that out first and am like, if you guys eat these now, then the next snack can be like the not-so-good-for-you kind of thing. And I'm definitely more of that because my husband he's always on top of that kind of stuff, like the healthiness and all that. He's so good at that. So then I'm like, if somebody doesn't worry about getting like the fun stuff, then it'll never happen, you know? So I'm the one who has the fun snacks.
K: You bring the fun.
J: I bring the fun for sure. Because if it was up to Brad, it would be like, he'd be like rolling his eyes at me right now, but like, "Oh, we enjoyed our four apples on the way up." Like no, one apple and then like a little thing of Pringles and that's good.
K: Yes! So I would say we're a bit of a role reversal maybe except I still like to bring something fun because I've got to be real, right? But my husband, he's like the candy man — like it's literally spilling out of his pockets. I'm like, stop it! We just took our kids to the dentist, like more cavities. Which speaks volumes about our brushing habits.
J: I feel like no matter what you do, the kids have cavities anyway.
K: I know, I'm like, we brush teeth, but apparently not well enough.
J: I know, right? We floss, we brush in the morning, we brush at night, and so after that, like, I'm sorry. Don't get me wrong, it's not like we floss every night, but we floss more than I ever did when I was a kid that's for sure so I'm like we're good.
K: Yes, absolutely. So thinking of like healthy versus fun snacks what are your snack rules around your house? Do you have any snack rules?
J: We do actually. So the kids have to ask before they have a snack. So our rule is if it's a fruit or vegetable or water you can have it all day long, as much as you want, as many as you want. I don't care because 99% of the time you're never going to go overboard with the fruits, veg and water. So that's always a go for it. If you're hungry before dinner and dinner is coming out of
the oven in five minutes, you're not having a snack. So if you really need something, go for it. And they do. So that's good. And then other than that, they have to ask. Other than like a handful of peanuts or something like that, they can kind of just walk by and grab, like graze and grab. But pretty much everything else they have to ask.
K: Do you get everything ready? Like, are you — I'm just kind of failing at being prep ready, you know, but do you have like carrot sticks or celery sticks, all that sort of thing ready and cut up in the fridge so they can go grab?
J: No, I'm not that prepared. No, every once in a while I'll like do it and I'm like, "Ooh, look at me." But it's pretty far and few in between.
K: Because I love the idea of them, like you said, just feel free, free range on the fruit and veg, no problem. My kids pretty much only drink water — here and there, they'll have some lemonade, but they don't tend to ask for anything else. So that's good. But right now it's just chaos. Like how our pantry is set up, they can access everything. My two eldest it doesn't matter but my toddler, once he finds out where stuff is, like he'll just get in there. He was in there with the chocolate chips the other day, came out with a whole handful of chocolate chips. I was like, agh!
K: I know right? What do I feel this way? Exactly.
J: Yeah, that was definitely Edison. He was the kid who would be hiding behind the couch, eating, like you said, a handful of chocolate chips or something like that. Like so funny. But I think it's funny because my daughter has always been a rule follower to the point where like, she needs rules to live. So she's 10 and I'm going to say until she was eight, she couldn't get over like how she would come into our room in the morning — of course, they never go to dad's side of the bed. They go to mom's. And my husband sleeps with a pillow over his head so he literally doesn't move. He doesn't get up at all. So I have to get up. Anyway, so she would come to my side of the bed, like we're talking from the time she's four to eight, every day and be like, "Mommy, can I go downstairs?" "Oh, Violet. Yes. The answer is always yes."
K: You don't have to come talk to me!
J: You don't have to wake me up to ask me that. So she requires rules in life. That's just always how she's been. So I think that my little guy is more rebellious than her, but I think that because of that, because he's always seen Violet follow the rules, that he's sort of, I don't know how or why, but he's sort of taking this on now too. It's actually just happened in the last year or two because before that it was like a free-for-all for him in the pantry. But he knew it was wrong so he would hide and do it. So if you came to my show, which you did, you know that I don't deep clean my house, I tidy my house. I don't deep clean my house because my mom does it. So my mom would like so many times when Edison was like littler she would be like, "Oh my gosh, look
what I found behind the ... " And she would pull these wrappers and like all these random things out, that was his sort of thing.
K: Yes! That's it. I found a trail of Oreo cookies earlier and those are up high. I'm like, who took the ladder out, like how did you even get them? And some things I just kind of like get a little like to the point where I'm like, should I stop buying ice cream? Should I stop buying Oreos? Like this wasn't a problem when they weren't in the house. But you know, that's probably not going to happen.
J: I mean, of course. And I don't know, nor should it. Like I think if we're even having this conversation at all, then I think we're okay. If that makes sense.
K: It's so true. I completely agree. We're thinking about snacks all the time. We're thinking about balance, right? Like my kids, they're like, oh yeah, I've got to get some protein in. Like that's one of my rules for what makes a good snack for our house. We have to get some protein in there.
J: There you go. So in their head, they're saying the words out loud that you've been conditioning them in a good way to say. You got a gold star, mama. You're good.
K: Aww, thank you. Okay I'm going to remind myself that next time the Oreos get out of control.
J: Yeah exactly, it's all about balance.
K: So do you have anything to add in terms of your favorite snack brands or anything in particular that your kids or you like? Anything that is a hot seller in your house?
J: So nothing in particular in terms of brands, I guess. I actually just — and this is like a bias thing for me. I'm not like promoting this in any way. I read the reviews and yada yada. Anyway, there's this app I use called Yuka. I probably look like such a weirdo at grocery stores because you can scan the barcode and it will pull up basically how healthy it is for you, taking into consideration things like preservatives and give you a score out of a hundred.
K: Oh, cool.
J: Yeah, so I don't put all my eggs in the basket of this app, like I don't know enough about it. But at the end of the day I think it gives you a decent gauge about where things are. Some things I was like, holy shit, I wouldn't have expected Ritz crackers to score a zero out of 100 or whatever it is. So I guess my answer to your question has changed a little bit because of this app, where like I'm kind of becoming more conscientious because my biggest fear is preservatives in food. I hate all the dyes and all the crap — basically the chemicals.
K: Exactly. Yes, it drives me crazy.
J: That's what scares me the most. So if it's not coming from the earth in the sense of a fruit or a vegetable or a protein, and it's not coming from a baker or a bakery, or I'm not baking the bread myself, that kind of thing, then it's like, I want to know as much as I can about what is in this. So I've been surprised both ways with this thing. Again, like, you know, I'm not promoting it.
K: Yeah, that's so cool.
J: Yeah, and it's a free app. So I guess in terms of that, I'm learning more now. So my brands, I guess you could say, are changing. They're kind of in a transition phase.
K: Yeah, definitely. And I think it's, gosh, I remember the first time that I really read a food label and I was in my 20s. And then it isn't until you have children often where you're really looking at labels and dissecting things like ingredient list and proteins and sugars. I even printed off a sugar chart for my kid where they can fill in how many sugars they have in a day. Now, we don't use this all the time, but we've used it a handful of times where I'm just like, things are getting out of control. I want them to see like, this is your max amount. And it’s like, you shouldn't be reaching your max. And that's just a couple cookies and maybe a little bit of ice cream. And what drives me a bit bonkers is the bars, like granola bars. It's so, so hard to find a granola bar that is actually not a dessert, right? Because the second you look at the ingredients, it's like oats, sugar, sugar, sugar, and it's like brown rice syrup, etc. but it's all sugar. And there are so many grams of sugar in these bars. And even if it's a protein bar, it doesn't matter because there's so much sugar in there. It's really hard to find something good for them. I just found some bars that we’re going to try. They're called Skout Organic. It's a company I've ordered stuff from before too, but they have new bars that we haven’t tried before. They're very similar to a Larabar, sort of like dates, peanuts, you know. My kids haven't loved those as much as they've gotten older, like the Larabars, but I'm going to try these Skout Organic ones just to see because it's real basic. And of course, these are things we can make at home too, but it's nice sometimes when you have a little packaged treat. I try to keep things in the little console compartment in my car. That way I can pull something out. We usually keep beef sticks in there. Maybe a decent bar, you know.
J: Yeah, it's so true. I do the same thing and it's for me half the time where I'm driving and I'm like, oh my God, where are the walnuts? Like I'm like, my blood sugar dropped and I'm like, when did I eat last?
K: I know, right? Walnuts are another favorite of mine. And the Costco organic dried mangoes, while they will crush your paycheck, they are so delicious. My whole family loves them. But yeah, the blood sugar drop is real as a mom, right? Because you get to three o'clock and you're like what did I eat?
J: And you're like all I've had is coffee. Perfect.
K: I know, right? So jittery. Why do I feel this way?!
J: I'm like top-shape mom right now.
K: Well, tell me, do you have any funny snack stories to share at all?
J: You know, there is no snack story that stands out for me. It’s just in general the reality of our lives as moms being a snack bitch. So the whole inspiration behind snack bitch is not a term I came up with myself at all. It is — and I have no idea I should ask this person where she saw it - but this one woman who has been friends with my husband for forever, she has three boys and her husband had taken a picture of her from far away, so you could tell she didn't know she was having her picture taken and in the picture, she's opening a pack of gummy bears or something like that, you know, Welch's or whatever, with her teeth. And her son is standing at her shoulder, looking at dad, knowing he's taking a picture and he just has this little devious look in his eye, like nothing to see here, almost. And then she captioned it, something along the lines of on Facebook, she captioned it something like, a snack bitch in her natural element or something like that. I was killing myself. I just thought that is so funny, that is so clever and the picture captured it perfectly. So I actually reached out to her, I was like, listen, I love the snack bitch thing. I was writing a poem, I'm like, can I use your picture even for my website? Because I could try to recreate that picture and I could never do it because it's just like there was just something so powerful about that photo that I would never be able to do it justice. So that would be my favorite snack story is just the inspiration behind "Snack Bitch."
K: Oh, I love it! Is that photo on your website?
J: It is.
K: That's really good. I love it. Can you tell everybody where they can find you?
J: Yeah, for sure. So I would say I'm the most active on Instagram. As you know, Kara, we're always chit-chatting on there in the DMs and everything. And so my link in bio has a form that you can fill out for my Fresh Poem Friday, like I said, is what I call them. I have a newsletter. A poem comes out every Friday into your email inbox. And so you can sign up there. And then down the road, I think there will be another show, another Mom's Night Out with Mom's Said Duck.
K: Yay!
J: At the Korda Theatre again. And so just stay tuned. Again, Instagram is probably the best place to find me there. And that link in bio is where you'd be able to purchase tickets as well.
K: Exciting! And then we have your other performance coming up and it was …
J: September, September 27th, at The Mom Market.
K: Great! I am looking forward to that. Well, thank you so much for joining me and talking to me and for sharing your poem because I could hear it a million times.
J: Oh, thanks so much.
K: I hope you have a nice night. I hope it's quiet for a little bit longer while everyone else is out shopping.
J: Yeah, I even gave them an extra errand, I'm like, go get some cat food too. That'll add a few more minutes.
K: Run a couple errands!
J: We need milk. Didn't you just get milk?
K: It's fine, we need more!
J: Haha!
K: I love it. Awesome. Well, I will talk to you soon. Thank you!
J: Thank you!
Follow Mom Said Duck over at Instagram and listen to and read Jill's poems on her website momsaidduck.com!