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You send an email response to a new inquiry and hear crickets.
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Or maybe you sent an email to one of your couples to confirm some details as the wedding was getting closer and they go silent.
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Listen, we've all stood on that side of the silence, but here's another truth.
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Sometimes the planner or coordinator are the ones who go quiet.
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And today we're diving into both sides of ghosting, and we're gonna get to the bottom of why it happens.
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So let's hop in.
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Welcome to the Wedding Planner Society Podcast, brought to you by the CWP Society, the world's premier planner certification and membership program.
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Now let's jump right in with our host, founder and CEO Lori Hartwell.
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Welcome in.
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Now, if your cup's already empty, don't worry, we're about to fix that.
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Now, some of you are gonna hear today's guest voice and go, wait a second, I know who that is.
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And you're right, you do, because she was right here beside me for the very first episode that we ever recorded on this very podcast and on this topic.
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And she was the host of this podcast for years.
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She's also been one of the CWP Society's certified industry educators for the last eight years.
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Her name is Miss Chrissy Thomas.
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She is the owner and award-winning Master Certified Wedding Planner behind the Southern Sparkle wedding and event planning team in Tennessee.
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And she was named one of Martha Stewart's planners to follow.
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And she's been in everything from the New York Times to brides.
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She spends her days doing exactly what we're about to do right now: telling planners the truth.
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Chrissy, it is so good to have you back on this podcast.
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Oh, I always love being on this podcast.
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When you and I hang out, people just don't understand.
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We are just two peas and a pod.
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We have so much fun.
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We should do just a podcast, maybe like a video of like our outtakes of us just like laughing and cracking up and singing and dancing.
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So I always love being able to be on this podcast with you, Lori.
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I love it too.
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And for our listeners who don't know, we literally just were singing jingle bells right before we went live.
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Uh, but it's because you and I are crazy.
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We are insane, and that's fine.
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But we all now know that the podcast lives in this virtual coffee shop.
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So first things first, we've got to get you a drink.
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So what's gonna be in your cup today, Miss Gracie?
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I know we aren't quite there yet, but since we were singing jingle bells, I will say as we get closer and closer to the holiday season, I'm not a big coffee drinker, but a peppermint mocha, oh my God.
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It is that is like my love language.
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My my friends know that, my vendors know that.
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They'll always gift me with the peppermint mocha on wedding day when it's winter season.
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So if if the if the coffee shop serves it now, that's what I'm getting.
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You know what?
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Make that two peppermint mochas because I love that choice.
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I mean, it's like a candy cane wearing a trench coat, right?
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And I'm not gonna feel bad about it.
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I'm actually good with it.
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So grab yours.
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Let's take our cups over to that cozy corner in the back where it's quiet and some soft jazz is playing in the background.
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This is a good one to kind of settle into.
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So before we get into the ghosting of it all, let's address our little tradition that we have here, where every guest who sits down with me gets to put me on the spot.
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So, one personal question, whatever you want.
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So, Chrissy, put me through it.
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What do you have?
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Okay, so my question for you, Lori, is if I were to hand you a microphone and told you that you've got to perform karaoke in front of 500 people, what song are you choosing?
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And how confident are you in your performance?
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Oh, okay.
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So that's going straight for the jugular with me.
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Um, first of all, 500 people, where are we?
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Where are we?
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Um you know where I went?
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My brain went to when we were on a cruise ship together and we had karaoke night.
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There wasn't 500 people in that room, but there was a lot of people in that room.
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There was.
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And notice I did not pick up the microphone, right?
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Like, let me re-jog your memory.
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It wasn't me.
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It was my
Load full transcript
husband who was singing.
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But no, listen, to answer your question, I care about people too much to ever put them through listening to me sing.
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Like, what we're not gonna do is torture people.
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Right.
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Like, that's not what I'm into.
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So that's number one.
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But let's just say everyone signed like a waiver and they if my ears bleed, I do not hold Laura accountable.
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Right.
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And and that's why they're gonna also have to agree to wear earplugs.
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But let's just say they're still insisting that I get up there.
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Now, I can try to answer it, but this is where my Libra thing kind of kicks in because suddenly I cannot make a decision to save my life.
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So if you were forcing me to narrow it down, which is the best I can do for you today, I would say either the song Dreams by uh the cranberries.
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Okay.
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That's complicated.
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Oh, it's but that's a difficult song to sing even when you're like alone in the shower.
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But honestly, that one or anything by Billy Joel, Elton John, or Garth Brooks, just because they're feel-good songs and most everybody knows them, and then I probably wouldn't be the only one singing them, and then I wouldn't feel so awful.
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Um, but like you asked how confident I am that I would do well.
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Um, oh, I'm extremely confident that I might kill someone's eardrums.
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So the earplugs would be the right call, is all I'm trying to say.
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So I'd be passing out earplugs and then you'd get on stage.
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And waivers waivers.
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Don't forget about the waivers.
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Uh so all right, you got your shot at me.
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Now let's go ahead and get into this ghosting thing.
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Because here's something that kind of poetic.
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The the very first subject that you and I ever tackled on this show years ago was this one.
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And it was about ghosting.
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And I remember thinking at the time of all the topics in the world, why is this the hill that we're planting our first flag on?
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Right.
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And and over the years, I realized though, it never stops coming up.
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I mean, it's still one of the topics that people bring to me when I'm mentoring them.
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They're like, Lori, they just stopped answering.
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And so we had to come back to it and what a great time of year this is to actually talk about it because Halloween is in a few days.
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So talking about ghosting just seems, I don't know, appropriate.
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Yeah, it's spooky season after all, so it works out well.
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And it's your favorite season.
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So, but you know, let's say like a couple goes quiet before they've booked with a planner or coordinator.
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Let's say they sent an inquiry through someone's website, the planner coordinator sent a thoughtful reply and poured themselves into it, and then nothing.
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And and I kind of want to say this to every planner and coordinator who's listening because you all do deserve to hear it.
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That silence that you might be experiencing is almost never about you.
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I mean, couples inquire with a handful of planners and coordinators, as well as like what, a million other wedding professionals, they then become very overwhelmed.
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They're newly engaged, they're drowning in decisions, they're drowning in emails.
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And most of the ones who go quiet never really meant a single thing by it.
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It's just that maybe your email went below about a hundred others.
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So when you read that silence as rejection, you make it mean something that it doesn't necessarily mean.
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And then you start second guessing a reply, right, yourself.
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And your reply may have been perfectly good, right?
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So what the CWP Society teaches instead is to control the one thing that's actually yours, which is your response.
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I mean, here at CWP Society, the standard is that every inquiry gets answered within 12 to 24 business hours.
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And then you keep the door propped open.
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You don't just, you know, answer their question and then stop and hope to and pray for a reply.
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You ask another question back.
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So you give the conversation somewhere to go and you build a simple follow-up rhythm so a lead never just slips through the cracks because you assume that they just weren't interested.
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Chrissy, can you share your thoughts on some of this?
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I think it's funny that she mentioned how as wedding planners and coordinators, we do pour our hearts and we pour ourselves, and we're very thoughtful and mindful of the response that we send back, which is why I think we get so almost offended that we don't get a response back.
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And sometimes we have to take ourselves out of the equation and kind of put ourselves back in the shoes of someone who's starting their wedding planning journey.
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And like you said, it is overwhelming.
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And I have found a lot of times when I do the follow-up for someone who initially quote ghosted, it's usually an immediate response of, oh my gosh, I am so sorry.
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Things just got really overwhelming with work.
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I kind of put wedding planning on the back burner, but thank you so much for reaching back out.
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I am actually now ready to kind of start that process.
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Would love to schedule a consultation with you.
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So because I know and I tend to put myself in the shoes of those potential couples, I don't get as offended when they go ghost.
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And I have my follow-up procedures that were taught to me by the CWP Society.
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And once I get those procedures, I kind of emotionally move on from it.
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But I know that's easier said than done.
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Because, like you mentioned, Larry, we do pour so much of ourselves into our emails and how we respond.
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And we do get really excited, especially if it's a couple that we're available, it's a venue we want to work at.
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They've got some vendors maybe we love working with, and it's like, oh, please, please, please.
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And then they go ghosts.
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It's like you're an immediate high, and then they don't talk to you, and then you're like back down to low.
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So I get that response, but I think you're right.
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We have to kind of take a step back and remember what that process is like for them.
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And it's a process that has a lot of emails, and that's overwhelming.
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It is, and so we shouldn't give up on them.
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Yeah you know, don't just assume something terrible, just maybe check in again, you know, and I think that that's a really nice thing.
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Now, here's the one thing that really kind of gets under a planner's skin is the couple who already signed a contract and paid their deposit, right?
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And then disappears in the middle of the planning and suddenly they're chasing someone down for details about their own wedding, and you got vendors, you know, looking at you like, what's going on?
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It just feels upside down in a way.
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And this is where I want planners and coordinators to grow a new reflex because when a booked couple goes quiet, it's so tempting to make it about you.
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Did I do something?
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Are they unhappy with me?
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Are they leaving me?
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But one of the things that we talk about in our certifications, you know, when a client melts down, let's say over napkins, it was never about the napkins, guys.
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It's stress, it's fear, it's it's feeling out of control sometimes.
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And silence works the exact same way.
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A booked couple going dark is usually carrying something that we may not be aware of.
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Maybe it's overwhelm, maybe it's money problems, maybe family is just talking in their ear.
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It could even be cold feet.
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I hate to say it, but it could be.
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And maybe they're just too embarrassed to say what's really going on out loud.
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So your job isn't to panic, right?
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Like it's it isn't to also match their silence.
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It's about being reliable.
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And reliability includes emotional consistency.
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So give them the same steady, warm part of you, no matter what's happening on their end.
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Keep your check-ins calm, keep them short and sweet, and always give them an easy kind of on-ramp that can come back in, like a yes or no, or you're probably feeling overwhelmed.
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And if it helps, just pick A or B from your options below.
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You know, something that costs them almost no energy to answer you, but you make coming back into the conversation much easier instead of making the silence feel like a thing that they now have to apologize for.
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What are your thoughts on some of that?
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Oh, I love that you mentioned this, Laura, because this actually quite literally just happened to me back in August with one of my summer 2027 couples.
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And it was a couple who I and I think part of my process in really getting to know my couples is a benefit when these types of situations happen.
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I knew what was going on in their personal life.
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So I didn't immediately think, oh, Chrissy, you clearly suck at planning.
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That's why she was not talking to you.
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I knew that there was, they were getting ready to go through a really busy season of life.
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But she was kind of, it was my the bride was just on top of it to the point where she when we were well ahead of the schedule.
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Some vendors were like, whoa, we don't need to slow down.
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And I would also have to tell her, we're way ahead of schedule.
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We can slow down a little bit.
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And I'm glad we were ahead of schedule because we did slow down because she was going through a lot personally with her job, with her fiance having to travel and leave for work for a longer period of time than they anticipated.
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So when there was a lull and she wasn't responding back to me in the quick two days that she normally does, I knew, okay, she's going through a lot right now.
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So I didn't panic at all.
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I just went about my business and continued to plan the things that I could plan without her.
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And then I did my check-in.
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And then my check-in was very much like what she mentioned was a, hey, I know right now you're going through a lot.
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He's out of town right now, and I know work is picking up.
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Just know this is what I'm here behind the scenes doing.
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When you're ready to pick back up, we'll have a meeting with both them, them, then, and then we'll get going.
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Just wanted to check in on you.
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She didn't reply back to that.
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And I didn't panic again because there were things happening behind the scenes that she knew I was taking care of for reviewing contracts, reviewing proposals.
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I still needed her decision.
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But the good thing is we had time.
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And I kind of told her, Well, we will need to make our decision for this by September.
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So when you're ready to pick back up in September, you just let me know and reach out to me.
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And that's exactly what we did.
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And she was feeling like Chrissy, I'm so sorry, but thank you so much for your grace and your patience.
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You, you know how swamp work has been.
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Thank you for your planning behind the scenes and keeping things going while I couldn't do that.
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But that took me and how my planning process with my couples, it's very intentional and that I plan for them based off of their style and their personality and who they are.
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Obviously, the processes are very similar, but how I communicate, how I approach my clients, it's all going to be different because they're all different people.
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So because I'm so intentional and really getting to know who my clients are, what their personality is, what their communication style is like, I know how to handle these situations when a client does ghost.
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I love that
what you said right at the top of this was because I got to know my client and what they were going through right in the beginning.
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See, that's a part that I feel like a lot of planners and clients miss.
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And I want that to just sit with people while we kind of go through the rest of what we want to talk about today, because I think that a lot of planners and coordinators need to be focusing more on getting to know the people, not just the process, but the people behind the process and the people that you are creating the process for.
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And I just want to make sure I just touched on that and piggybacked off of that because I think it was such an important point that you made.
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Now let's talk about other pros because planners really rely on a web of people, right?
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And with no pun intended, I'm just saying.
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And when one of them goes dark, right when the day depends on it, that's a kind of special kind of stress, if you will.
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But I want to make a distinction here because this is kind of the educator in me, and it's just coming out.
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So sorry in advance, but there is a difference between a vendor who simply got slammed and a vendor who doesn't belong in your circle in the first place.
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Right?
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So the slammed one still will send you like a really quick, hey, I got your email, but listen, I'll have to get to you like later or by Friday.
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It's like eight seconds.
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You're at least you know that they're still alive, they're still kicking, they're still in it.
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That person I still consider reliable because they're just busy.
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But the one who vanishes on you repeatedly when the stakes are high, that's information that you need not ignore.
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If if I don't, if you don't mind me saying, okay.
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And this is why at CWP Society, we're so intentional about the language.
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It's not our preferred vendor list.
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You and I, Chrissy, coined a different phrase.
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You and I both were like, no, I think we need to change it from preferred to approved.
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So it's your approved vendor list, and approved means vetted.
00:16:40.960 --> 00:16:42.320
And what are we vetting people on?
00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:48.639
We're vetting them on their quality, their reputation, their honor, their ethics, their talent, but also their reliability.
00:16:48.879 --> 00:17:00.399
So when you're vetting someone new, you're not supposed to just be looking at their portfolio and seeing if they're talented, because there's so many amazing, fabulous, and talented pros out there.
00:17:00.639 --> 00:17:05.759
You need to be asking how they communicate, though, what their response rhythm is, right?
00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:10.640
Whether they're gonna honor a timeline, because a gorgeous portfolio just isn't enough.
00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:18.240
And ghosting and making a habit of ghosting, that's a problem at your client's wedding with your name attached to it.
00:17:18.319 --> 00:17:28.319
So the friend that I want planners and coordinators to leave with isn't protect yourself from flaky vendors, even though, yeah, that's separately, that's something you need to do.
00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:29.680
But it's bigger than that.
00:17:29.839 --> 00:17:36.559
You're building a team you can count on, or that you need to be able to count on so that your couples are covered no matter what.
00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:40.000
And that's coverage, that's you know, capability.
00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:48.960
And if someone can't hold up their end of the communication, you are allowed to quietly let that approved status lapse and get them off your list.
00:17:49.039 --> 00:17:53.920
So, Chrissy, let me ask you this, because I think that this is gonna help a lot of our listeners understand.
00:17:54.240 --> 00:17:59.519
How do you vet vendors specifically on communication?
00:17:59.920 --> 00:18:06.720
And maybe even more importantly, what disqualifies a vendor in your eyes from even being on your list or staying on your list?
00:18:06.880 --> 00:18:08.480
Oh, that's such a good question, Laura.
00:18:08.559 --> 00:18:16.319
I when I'm doing the process of someone who is new on my list, I do directly ask them, how well do you work with a wedding planner?
00:18:16.480 --> 00:18:26.160
And I ask them not just on wedding day, but during the planning process, because a lot of my full planning clients are expecting you to communicate with me and usually and at that point, me only.
00:18:26.319 --> 00:18:28.960
Because I've I've had vendors who say, Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
00:18:29.039 --> 00:18:31.519
I I only do all my communication with the couple.
00:18:31.839 --> 00:18:35.680
And unfortunately, that's just you're not going to make my approved vendor list because of that.
00:18:35.839 --> 00:18:41.839
That's the reason why my couples have hired me because that communication is overwhelming, and it's my job to take care of that communication for them.
00:18:42.000 --> 00:18:45.119
And sometimes what I found is I usually have to educate them on that.
00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:55.119
And yeah, I had a caterer in mine who I've went to one of their open houses, the food was delicious, their staff was dressed really well, and we had a meeting after the open house, and I asked him that.
00:18:55.200 --> 00:19:00.480
And he's like, No, I usually just like to talk directly with the couple, and I had to explain to him why that didn't work for me.
00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:06.640
And he was like, Oh, well, I've usually
only worked with day of coordinators, I've never really worked with the planner before.
00:19:06.799 --> 00:19:07.200
Got it.
00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:15.599
So, really taking the time to explain to him what that process looked like and why I had to be his single point of contact when it comes to my planning couples.
00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:17.759
But you know how much I love the approved vendor list.
00:19:17.920 --> 00:19:19.039
Like that is my jam.
00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:20.559
I love it, I love it, I love it.
00:19:20.799 --> 00:19:25.839
One thing that I get, I get a lot of questions back from planners and coordinators who say, don't you get pushback from your couples?
00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:26.720
And I don't.
00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:27.920
And here's why.
00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:32.319
At the initial consultation, I explained to them that it this is a protection method.
00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:37.920
But I tell them the thing is about the people on my approved vendor list is I see behind the pretty.
00:19:38.480 --> 00:19:43.440
I see besides their other pretty grid, I see what goes on behind the scenes.
00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:55.599
So if a wedding vendor doesn't respond back to emails in a timely manner, if a wedding vendor shows up late on a wedding day, if a wedding vendor panics when the timeline has to shift on a wedding day, guess who sees it?
00:19:55.920 --> 00:19:56.559
The planner.
00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:58.559
Guess you're not gonna see that on Instagram.
00:19:58.720 --> 00:20:02.000
You're not gonna see that on their website, but you're gonna see it because I saw it.
00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:14.559
And because I get that behind the scenes scoop of how a vendor actually is, other than their pretty Instagram feed, I know who's gonna be able to actually produce and do the job that they were paid to do on your wedding day.
00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:17.680
And they it's a sense of, oh, I didn't think about that.
00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:18.799
Yeah, yeah.
00:20:19.039 --> 00:20:20.880
So clients appreciate it.
00:20:20.960 --> 00:20:30.799
I I really do feel like clients appreciate the fact that you're looking out for them in a way that they can't do for themselves because there's no way that a couple would ever be able to see the behind the scenes.
00:20:31.039 --> 00:20:38.240
Now, there are some coordinators and planners who say, I don't know if I feel comfortable saying that to a vendor.
00:20:38.559 --> 00:20:40.160
How do you get past that?
00:20:40.319 --> 00:20:42.160
Do you have any advice for those people?
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:48.640
I kind of get past it because usually at that stage, a vendor realizes that I am their repeat customer.
00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:52.480
I am someone who's going to continue to bring them business.
00:20:52.559 --> 00:21:01.119
And they almost appreciate that kind of direct honesty and conversation because they know not only am I going to be bringing them business, I'm going to be re bringing them business that makes sense for them.
00:21:01.279 --> 00:21:05.200
My approved vendor list isn't just a blanket list that I give all my couples.
00:21:05.359 --> 00:21:08.240
It's curated, it's customized to them.
00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:16.880
So they know that when Chrissy's bringing me a couple, this is a couple who Chrissy has already built me up to them, but that they also get my style, they're going to be within my budget.
00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:20.400
We're probably going to mesh really well and how and our personalities are going to click well.
00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:31.599
And I'm going to be really able to fulfill the needs for this couple in a really beautiful personal way because I know that Chrissy's already done that part and pairing me with a couple who she knows is going to be a good fit for me.
00:21:31.680 --> 00:21:34.000
And I explain my process to vendors.
00:21:34.079 --> 00:21:37.599
And when they get that, they're like, okay, I understand that process, they respect it.
00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:46.319
And then once we start working together, they're really like so appreciative of my process and they're so appreciative of the clientele I'm bringing them because it's a beautiful fit for them.
00:21:46.559 --> 00:21:46.799
Yeah.
00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:47.359
Yeah.
00:21:47.680 --> 00:21:54.559
We have to, as planners and coordinators, explain to vendors why what is our why behind some of this.
00:21:54.640 --> 00:22:01.279
And I feel like, just like you said, once they hear it and they seem to understand it and then everything Everybody can be on the same page.
00:22:01.359 --> 00:22:02.160
So I love that.
00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:07.119
Can I mention too, Lori, another part of our process, and this is something that we do teach here at CWP.
00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:10.079
My vendors are not paid to be on my list.
00:22:10.160 --> 00:22:11.440
I don't get a kickback.
00:22:11.519 --> 00:22:13.200
I don't get a referral fee.
00:22:13.359 --> 00:22:16.880
They're on my list because I know that they're going to be phenomenal for my couples.
00:22:17.039 --> 00:22:26.480
And I also explain that to my couples because they're hearing things on TikTok and on threads of like, oh, if your planners are recommending that you use your list, they're getting paid from it.
00:22:26.640 --> 00:22:28.880
I let them know from the front that's not how I operate.
00:22:29.039 --> 00:22:35.440
And I also let my vendors know I'm not expecting anything from you, but just for you to do your job and for you to do your job well and take care of my clients.
00:22:35.519 --> 00:22:36.160
I don't want to cut.
00:22:36.240 --> 00:22:38.400
If you want to give me something, give my couples a discount.
00:22:38.559 --> 00:22:39.279
That's it.
00:22:39.519 --> 00:22:40.000
That's it.
00:22:40.160 --> 00:22:51.039
Thank you for even clarifying that because there are some probably even newer planners and coordinators out there that see and hear all of that nonsense on
TikTok and think that that's how we operate.
00:22:51.119 --> 00:22:52.640
And that's not even close.
00:22:53.039 --> 00:23:02.880
Professional, elite planners and coordinators do not take kickbacks, affiliate fees, commission fees, referral fees, any of the fees.
00:23:02.960 --> 00:23:08.880
We don't we do not benefit at all from it financially or gift-wise.
00:23:09.039 --> 00:23:14.319
The way we benefit is the peace of mind knowing that our couples are going to be taken care of.
00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:18.079
And there should not, it shouldn't be a transactional situation.
00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:22.000
I don't want a transactional relationship with my vendors.
00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:28.880
I want to select and curate a vendor team that I know is going to be amazing for my couples.
00:23:29.119 --> 00:23:31.279
And that is what it's supposed to be about.
00:23:31.519 --> 00:23:38.880
And so when my vendors do understand that and I'm explaining it, they then go, uh, this person's different.
00:23:39.039 --> 00:23:40.160
I see that now.
00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:48.240
And now I understand why they need to talk directly, you know, to me and that I need to talk directly to them.
00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:54.160
And they're not cut, we're not trying to cut the relationship between the couple and their wedding pros.
00:23:54.640 --> 00:23:56.799
Have the conversations just include me.
00:23:57.039 --> 00:23:57.759
Include me.
00:23:57.920 --> 00:23:59.599
I need to still be a part of that.
00:23:59.680 --> 00:24:07.759
And so I think it's really important that planners and coordinators, whether you're brand new or you've been doing it for 20 years, there is what we call planner code.
00:24:07.839 --> 00:24:16.319
And planner code does need to be kind of upheld where we're not undercutting each other, we're not charging vendors kickbacks or referral fees.
00:24:16.400 --> 00:24:18.160
There's so much more to it.
00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:23.279
And we don't want to cloud the reason why we are referring people in the first place.
00:24:23.359 --> 00:24:29.039
And kickbacks, referral fees, they cloud the reason why we're making those recommendations in the first place.
00:24:29.200 --> 00:24:34.079
All right, so deep breath, because I'm about to throw a twist in our tralala here.
00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:39.440
And it's the part that most people just won't say out loud.
00:24:39.680 --> 00:24:43.519
And that's sometimes planners and coordinators are the ghost.
00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:43.920
Yeah.
00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:47.519
And I'm not saying that to shame anybody.
00:24:47.680 --> 00:24:55.359
I'm saying it because, listen, Chrissy and I are educators, and naming it honestly is how we coach people out of it.
00:24:55.680 --> 00:25:00.640
There are planners and coordinators who just go quiet just like the couples do.
00:25:00.720 --> 00:25:07.680
And when I dig into the why with these professionals that I mentor, it's almost always one of three things.
00:25:07.839 --> 00:25:11.119
The first thing that I hear is, listen, I'm just busy.
00:25:11.519 --> 00:25:21.680
I'm overbooked this season, I'm buried, listen, I'm human, and the inbox becomes a wall that I just can't seem to penetrate.
00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:24.319
That's that's the first thing that I hear all the time.
00:25:24.480 --> 00:25:27.759
The second thing that I hear all the time is, and this one's real, I get it.
00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:34.079
If they have to say no to someone or give bad news, that it feels too awkward, so they avoid it.
00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:37.519
They avoid hard conversations, so they ghost.
00:25:37.839 --> 00:25:40.880
So that's not good, right?
00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:46.559
Uh, the third thing that I hear all the time is just plain avoidance wearing the first two as a costume.
00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:47.039
Okay.
00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:53.119
Uh so commitment without boundaries, of course, leads to burnout.
00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:58.400
So you're not committed to answering emails at midnight, but you you know what you are committed to?
00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:01.599
Not avoiding the hard conversations just because it's hard.
00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:06.960
And and here's a line that Chrissy and I talk about and teach all the time.
00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:17.680
And I think every single planner should kind of tape this to their mirror or something where it says, it is tact that is golden, not silence.
00:26:18.079 --> 00:26:18.400
Okay.
00:26:19.200 --> 00:26:27.759
Silence feels like the safe, kind choice in certain situations and in certain moments, but it almost never is.
00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:30.000
See, the couple still feels the quiet.
00:26:30.079 --> 00:26:32.160
They don't know why, though.
00:26:32.400 --> 00:26:37.440
And so they fill it with the worst part of any story that it could possibly be.
00:26:37.599 --> 00:26:42.640
You know, you have mentored a lot of planners and coordinators through the CWP Society, Chrissy.
00:26:43.039 --> 00:26:44.480
What do you see?
00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:46.480
Do you see a lot of what I was just mentioning as well?
00:26:46.960 --> 00:26:47.599
A thousand percent.
00:26:47.759 --> 00:26:51.119
I see a lot, I would say 90% of what I see is I'm booked and busy.
00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:55.599
And sometimes I see, unfortunately, I feel like sometimes people wear that busy as a badge of honor.
00:26:55.839 --> 00:26:56.720
Thank you.
00:26:57.119 --> 00:27:01.519
It's not, it's not, and I'm and this is coming from someone who's been there.
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:06.160
Where I felt like, oh, I'm such a success because I'm just so busy.
00:27:06.400 --> 00:27:09.839
And behind the scenes, my big your business can be falling apart.
00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:10.799
Yeah.
00:27:11.039 --> 00:27:17.440
The thing about running and operating a business, you everything that you do has to be so strategic.
00:27:17.599 --> 00:27:19.119
We're planners crying out loud.
00:27:19.200 -->
00:27:22.480
And sometimes what happens with planners and corners is we don't plan for ourselves.
00:27:22.640 --> 00:27:22.960
That's right.
00:27:23.119 --> 00:27:26.480
We don't plan for our businesses, we don't plan for how our days are gonna look.
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:28.799
And and I'll I say this because again, I've been there.
00:27:28.880 --> 00:27:39.359
I remember there is a season where I had meetings every single day, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, weddings on Saturday, dead on the couch on Sunday, back to it Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:41.920
Or I was just meeting, meeting after meeting after meeting.
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:45.279
And I sat and I was like, You had no office time.
00:27:45.359 --> 00:27:48.960
When are you gonna make that four plan from the meeting that she had a couple weeks ago?
00:27:49.119 --> 00:27:50.720
When are you gonna send out these emails?
00:27:50.799 --> 00:27:52.640
You you have to have office time.
00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:58.799
So I had to be very strategic and look at my calendar and say, okay, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, you cannot be out meeting.
00:27:58.880 --> 00:28:03.119
You got to be in front of your computer, answering emails, doing your four plans.
00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:04.480
You've got to be very strategic.
00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:15.680
And even when I had meetings, I need to block off two points in my day where I'm sending out my emails because if I don't, that's gonna be well past the 24-hour business mark that I've reached out to my people.
00:28:16.000 --> 00:28:19.359
But again, that's all you have to be strategic about it.
00:28:19.440 --> 00:28:21.920
You can't just wing how you operate your business.
00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:30.880
And unfortunately, what happens because we're such in that sea and that rush of busy busyness that we think we're being productive, but we're not.
00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:32.559
I love that.
00:28:32.799 --> 00:28:33.680
I love that.
00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:37.920
Yes, and I hear it time and time again.
00:28:38.559 --> 00:28:45.440
You can't be a winger when your title is a planner, and you have to plan how you're going to plan.
00:28:45.599 --> 00:29:01.839
You're not just planning someone's day, you have to plan out how you're gonna plan multiple people's day, and that means that you cannot afford to get sucked into the I'm busy or I can't look at it right now because that does not work.
00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:03.279
You cannot ghost.
00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:15.759
And I feel like ghosting is even when I see those auto replies that say, sorry, this is my busy season, it's gonna be a delay in responding to you, maybe 72 hours.
00:29:15.920 --> 00:29:18.240
I'm thinking, are you kidding?
00:29:18.480 --> 00:29:20.319
Are you really putting that out there?
00:29:20.559 --> 00:29:33.440
So for everybody who's listening right now that you have an autoresponder on that's automatic, no matter what, every single email that says, I'm sorry, or I'll get back to you when I can, we're in the middle of busy season, you need to take that off.
00:29:33.599 --> 00:29:41.519
The only time autoresponders ever need to be on is like on a Friday evening when you are going to be gone for the whole weekend because you've got a wedding.
00:29:41.599 --> 00:29:47.440
And even when you don't have a wedding, you have you're you have the right to not have any kind of communications over the weekend.
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:49.359
You're you're allowed to have a day off.
00:29:49.519 --> 00:29:59.039
Uh, but these autoresponders that say this give the impression, to me at least, of wow, this person can't even manage their own business, or they've taken too many clients.
00:29:59.119 --> 00:30:00.240
That's all I see in here.
00:30:00.400 --> 00:30:02.319
It's it's I don't think badge of honor.
00:30:02.400 --> 00:30:04.480
I don't think, oh wow, I hope to one day.
00:30:04.640 --> 00:30:05.359
No, what?
00:30:05.519 --> 00:30:07.839
Like that's the worst thing you could ever do.
00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:11.200
So so if you're listening and that's what you're doing, take it down, you know.
00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:12.880
And you know who else feels that way?
00:30:13.119 --> 00:30:14.880
A potential client who emails you.
00:30:14.960 --> 00:30:26.160
And I know for a fact they do because one of my coordinating clients, she had reached out to one of my top photographers and she got that mismessage and she's like, Hey Crazy, I just think she's too busy to take me on as a client.
00:30:26.319 --> 00:30:26.960
Wow.
00:30:27.279 --> 00:30:27.920
Wow.
00:30:28.400 --> 00:30:32.319
And a lot of people don't even realize that that's the impression that they're giving, right?
00:30:32.400 --> 00:30:40.799
Yeah, they're just trying to like either brag or they're trying to say to people, I can't, I just can't.
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:42.000
I don't think I can do it.
00:30:42.160 --> 00:30:44.400
But that needs to be a signal to you at that point.
00:30:44.559 --> 00:30:58.319
If you're thinking I can't respond in a timely manner, in a professional way, because I've got too much going on, that is your signal that you need to take on a little bit less or manage your time more efficiently.
00:30:58.559 --> 00:31:06.240
There is so much more to it, and you cannot be in business and then not be able to handle your clients.
00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:07.759
That does not work.
00:31:07.920 --> 00:31:08.240
Okay.
00:31:08.720 --> 00:31:14.160
So let's kind of give people the actual tools because that's that's what we're here to do, right?
00:31:14.319 --> 00:31:17.839
A few habits that kind of keep your side of the line open.
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:23.519
So, first, like set your response expectation, and then I want you to beat it.
00:31:23.759 --> 00:31:32.240
So we always talk about, and Chrissy and I have for years saying, you know, 12 to 24 business hours to respond is the standard.
00:31:32.319
--> 00:31:42.880
But elite planners and coordinators, they set it and then they always respond sooner than that, because that buffer is what keeps you reliable even in your busiest week.
00:31:43.200 --> 00:31:47.279
Get crystal clear on what business hours mean as well.
00:31:47.440 --> 00:31:57.119
Because if a couple emails you Friday night, like I was talking about, they should already know that they're gonna hear back from you on Monday, not be left wondering all weekend, right?
00:31:57.200 --> 00:32:02.480
So at your own onboarding meeting, that's when you're gonna be discussing with your couples what your hours are.
00:32:02.640 --> 00:32:20.000
When you can't give a full answer to whether it's a vendor who's asking or a couple who's asking, I want you to still respond because maybe they asked you a question that you'd have to maybe check with the florist about or check with the photographer about, or maybe your florist asked you a question that you have to talk to your couples about.
00:32:20.160 --> 00:32:25.839
Don't just wait till you have the answer because you have no idea how long it's gonna take you to get that answer.
00:32:26.079 --> 00:32:29.519
So take eight seconds and reply.
00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:32.480
Give that same grace that you would want from others, right?
00:32:32.559 --> 00:32:39.119
And just say, okay, I just want to let you know I received it, I'm on it, I'm going to respond as quickly as I hear back.
00:32:39.440 --> 00:32:45.119
You know, that one line is the entire difference between just being busy and ghosting.
00:32:45.279 --> 00:32:45.599
Okay.
00:32:45.759 --> 00:33:05.039
And before you send anything hard, if you're having a difficult conversation, read it back to yourself because emails have no tone, they have no facial expressions, soften the language, lead with something positive, but don't sacrifice the clarity that you're trying to emit.
00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:08.960
So that pause before you just click send right away.
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:11.279
That's the tact that we're talking about.
00:33:11.519 --> 00:33:28.480
Do you have anything, Miss Chrissy, to add to some of the things that you want planners and coordinators to be thinking about when it comes to some of the tools that they can use that will help them avoid ghosting others or help them when people are ghosting them?
00:33:28.799 --> 00:33:34.880
I would say when it comes to helping you as the planner or coordinator avoid ghosting others, this is something that you taught me, Lori.
00:33:35.039 --> 00:33:43.039
And it's all about calendar blocking and ensuring that you are blocking off time in your calendar for those emails.
00:33:43.119 --> 00:33:50.960
And that's going to be every day, not just on those office days, like I mentioned earlier, but every day you should have at least two parts of your day where you're responding back to emails.
00:33:51.039 --> 00:33:52.720
And obviously, figure out what works best for you.
00:33:52.880 --> 00:33:56.799
For me, it's when I first get in in the morning from eight to nine.
00:33:56.880 --> 00:33:57.519
That's what I'm doing.
00:33:57.599 --> 00:34:00.400
I'm sending out emails, and then my office day starts at nine.
00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:04.480
And then I also send out emails again right before I get my boys from school.
00:34:04.640 --> 00:34:08.719
Yeah, and that day, by the time I pick up my boys, my day, my office day is officially over.
00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:10.079
So just blocking it off.
00:34:10.159 --> 00:34:16.000
And I'm not saying mentally, I'm I'm actually saying pull up your calendar, click Southern Sparkle emails.
00:34:16.079 --> 00:34:18.000
That's what it's that's how it's worded in my calendar.
00:34:18.079 --> 00:34:19.519
Southern Sparkle emails.
00:34:19.679 --> 00:34:23.280
It's uh blocked off, it's in hot pink, so I can't miss it.
00:34:23.440 --> 00:34:26.639
Right and I get a notification of you know 10 minutes.
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:28.639
Oh, I gotta send my emails.
00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:31.920
That helps me having that notification because I don't like notifications on my phone.
00:34:32.000 --> 00:34:37.760
I don't like notifications for my text messages when I'm working, I don't like notifications from Instagram, that all that kind of stuff is distracting.
00:34:37.840 --> 00:34:40.800
But when I get my calendar notifications, it reminds me.
00:34:40.880 --> 00:34:43.199
So let's say that I'm knee deep in a floor plan.
00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:49.840
It kind of reminds me because sometimes I can go off, I can be a spiral where I had only intended to work on that floor plan for an hour.
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:52.800
Next thing you know, it's three hours, and I'm still working on this floor plan.
00:34:53.039 --> 00:34:57.039
Blocking off my calendar allows me to say, okay, you've got to move on to the next thing.
00:34:57.199 --> 00:34:57.760
Yeah, yeah.
00:34:58.400 --> 00:35:00.639
Then I'll just, you know what, let me switch some things over.
00:35:00.800 --> 00:35:03.920
I didn't finish the score plan today, I'm gonna move this over to Tuesday.
00:35:04.480 --> 00:35:09.199
But having it in my calendar allows it to actually get done.
00:35:09.519 --> 00:35:14.320
You have to treat it like a real meeting with yourself, right?
00:35:14.559 --> 00:35:18.400
And I feel like a lot of people time block, but then they ignore it.
00:35:18.559 --> 00:35:21.360
And I'm thinking, no, no, no, we got to take it seriously.
00:35:21.519 --> 00:35:30.400
Even for our members with the continuing education that we provide every single Wednesday at noon and it's all live, I always say block it out and then take it seriously.
00:35:30.559 --> 00:35:33.119
Pretend I'm your client, you are your client.
00:35:33.360 --> 00:35:39.039
So I just think that it's important that you don't just time block, but you actually follow that.
00:35:39.280 --> 00:35:52.480
And if something has to pivot, be willing to pivot, but you
have to have enough self-discipline to literally move it to another day if something has to, you know, be finished up or what have you.
00:35:52.559 --> 00:36:03.119
You've got to know that these blocks of time are really there to help you structure yourself and to be most efficient in what you're doing.
00:36:03.199 --> 00:36:04.159
So I love that ad.
00:36:04.320 --> 00:36:05.519
Thank you, Chrissy, for doing that.
00:36:05.599 --> 00:36:15.599
And that kind of brings us to the last piece, which honestly might be my favorite, which is the graceful exit, because sometimes the answer genuinely is no.
00:36:15.920 --> 00:36:20.639
And the lead that's gone cold or just maybe wasn't the right fit.
00:36:20.800 --> 00:36:26.880
And a lot of planners and coordinators think that their only two options are keep chasing forever or vanish.
00:36:27.039 --> 00:36:33.599
They they feel like that's the only two things, but there is a third door, and and it's the professional one.
00:36:33.840 --> 00:36:38.000
You close it, but you do it kindly and you speak it out loud.
00:36:38.159 --> 00:36:45.199
So when a couple's uh, you know, hired pros that we can't work with, let's say, let's say they hired I'm a terrible DJ.com, right?
00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:47.199
You we need to have language for that.
00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:56.559
And it needs to be simple language, warm language, especially language that's not bad mouthing the person that we are not willing to work with.
00:36:56.719 --> 00:36:57.039
Okay.
00:36:57.199 --> 00:36:58.320
And it sounds like this.
00:36:58.400 --> 00:37:04.159
You could say, oh, well, it looks like you've booked a professional who isn't on our approved vendors list, and that's perfectly okay.
00:37:04.239 --> 00:37:07.440
It's just that we have a policy of only working with those who are.
00:37:07.599 --> 00:37:08.719
Now, see what happens there?
00:37:08.800 --> 00:37:10.800
It's clean, it's respectful, done.
00:37:10.960 --> 00:37:21.440
There's there's not a no that was delivered necessarily, but it was a decline with tact, which is exactly the opposite of ghosting, by the way.
00:37:21.599 --> 00:37:21.920
Okay.
00:37:22.400 --> 00:37:25.840
So same with a lead that's kind of drifted off.
00:37:26.000 --> 00:37:27.280
You follow up, right?
00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:28.639
You give it a real chance.
00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:38.159
And if it's clearly over after several follow-ups, you send one really nice, kind closing note and then release it.
00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:41.760
Like letting go and disappearing are not the same thing.
00:37:41.920 --> 00:37:54.159
It it takes a little courage to send that closing note, but courage to have the hard, kind, respectful conversations is literally in the job description.
00:37:54.400 --> 00:37:59.360
You just want to make sure that you don't give up too easily too early.
00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:04.960
You know, and and I feel like that is a lot of what planners and coordinators do.
00:38:05.119 --> 00:38:07.199
Have you been seeing a lot of people just giving up?
00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:11.920
They the initial email, they're like, Well, they never got back to me and they're done and they get offended and they get mad.
00:38:12.000 --> 00:38:13.760
And I'm like, Well, did you did you follow up?
00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:17.280
And they're like, No, and I'm like, it could have gone to their spam, you know.
00:38:17.519 --> 00:38:18.880
Did you think about that?
00:38:19.280 --> 00:38:31.840
So and honestly, the way that the that my final follow-up is so graceful and so like doors will open it that if you know, if you ever get back to planning, that method has allowed me to book people.
00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:32.159
Yes.
00:38:32.320 --> 00:38:39.840
Now sometimes I come back too a little too late and I'm already booked, but I'm but once they started that journey, they immediately thought, oh, Chrissy was the nicest.
00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:41.599
Or Chrissy actually followed up with me.
00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:42.800
Let me reach back out to her.
00:38:42.880 --> 00:38:43.760
I'm ready to start planning now.
00:38:44.000 --> 00:38:44.480
I'm not available.
00:38:44.559 --> 00:38:46.400
Or oh, I'm available, you know.
00:38:46.559 --> 00:38:46.800
Right.
00:38:46.880 --> 00:38:53.119
And you know what's so funny is when clients do feel that warmth and they tried to get back to you, but you were booked already.
00:38:53.280 --> 00:38:57.119
The next people that they hear about who's engaged, they're gonna probably refer to you.
00:38:57.519 --> 00:38:58.639
And that is so important.
00:38:58.800 --> 00:39:00.159
Yeah, they respond back in the email.
00:39:00.239 --> 00:39:02.320
When I say, like, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm unfortunately booked.
00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:05.519
They're like, Oh, I'm I knew it, I'm gonna beat myself up for this.
00:39:05.679 --> 00:39:08.079
But I will, if my friends are engaged, I'm gonna tell them to hire you.
00:39:08.159 --> 00:39:08.800
You're so kind.
00:39:08.960 --> 00:39:10.880
Like they that happens.
00:39:11.199 --> 00:39:12.639
It is a real thing.
00:39:12.719 --> 00:39:17.599
So don't give up too early and make sure that you don't give up too easily.
00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:21.679
And make sure that you're also like you're said, send the closing note with grace.
00:39:21.840 --> 00:39:22.960
I really, really love that.
00:39:23.119 --> 00:39:31.199
So if there's one thing that I want everyone who's listening to take from this, silence is a choice.
00:39:31.440 --> 00:39:33.280
And you know what else is a choice?
00:39:33.599 --> 00:39:34.000
Tact.
00:39:34.639 --> 00:39:46.000
See, the lines need to stay open whether we, you know, decide that they stay open, or if someone else decides for us by just ghosting us, we still need to show up the right way.
00:39:46.159 --> 00:39:49.760
So be the planner or coordinator who sends that eight-second email.
00:39:49.920 --> 00:39:53.199
Uh, be the person who sends that closing note with grace.
00:39:53.360 --> 00:39:54.719
That's the whole thing.
00:39:54.960 --> 00:40:04.079
So, Chrissy, this was everything I actually hoped that this revival of the ghosting episode that we did five years ago would be.
00:40:04.239 --> 00:40:07.840
So, before I let you go, tell everybody where they can find you.
00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:11.840
So, what's your website and where can people follow you on socials?
00:40:12.079 --> 00:40:15.039
Yeah, again, my company is Southern Sparkle Wedding and Event Planning.
00:40:15.119 --> 00:40:17.519
You can find me at Southern SparkleWeddings.com.
00:40:17.599 --> 00:40:22.079
And then my Instagram handle is just Southern Sparkle Weddings, and you guys can follow me there.
00:40:22.400 --> 00:40:23.360
Go follow her.
00:40:23.519 --> 00:40:29.039
I want you guys to really just embrace some of the things that she and I are talking about today.
00:40:29.199 --> 00:40:31.519
She has been one of my educators for the longest time.
00:40:31.599 --> 00:40:33.280
She's taught right beside me.
00:40:33.440 --> 00:40:35.039
She is one of the good ones, y'all.
00:40:35.199 --> 00:40:38.719
Do not miss any of the episodes that we ever do with Miss Chrissy.
00:40:39.119 --> 00:40:46.880
And if you've been listening and this conversation really lit something up inside of you, that's exactly what the Certified Wedding Planner Society is here for.
00:40:47.039 --> 00:40:54.800
We are the world's premier wedding planner and coordinator certification and membership programs, as well as the largest community of wedding pros anywhere.
00:40:54.960 --> 00:40:59.679
And we have a place for you no matter where you are in your journey.
00:40:59.760 --> 00:41:03.920
So come elevate yourself and your business and visit our website to learn more.
00:41:04.159 --> 00:41:09.119
Certified Wedding Planner Society.com or CWP Society.com both work.
00:41:09.280 --> 00:41:10.960
We are your people, we are your tribe.
00:41:11.039 --> 00:41:13.920
And until next time, happy planning, y'all.
00:41:14.079 --> 00:41:14.960
Bye, Chrissy.
00:41:15.119 --> 00:41:16.800
Hi Lori, thank you.