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Speaker 1:
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Hi and welcome to Untethered with Jen Liss, the podcast that's here to help you break free, be you and unleash your inner brilliance. I'm your host, jen, and in this episode we're going to talk about what it takes to believe in yourself and take sustained, bold action. Let's dive in. Hey there, unicorn, it's Jen. Welcome back to the podcast for this Thursday thread. It's a Thursday thread.
Speaker 1:
0:37
Today we are threading a little bit out of Lee Burgess's episode on Tuesday. I have a last name that ends in SS and it's so funny. We're like the list is S-S-S-S-S-S. So I understand, lee, the problem that comes with having a last name that ends with two S's. She was on the podcast on Tuesday. Totally cool, if you haven't listened to that episode, I'm pulling out a thread that I think is so Tuesday. Totally cool, If you haven't listened to that episode, I'm pulling out a thread that I think is so key and so important, so you can go back and listen to that episode later if you want to.
Speaker 1:
1:13
But what we're talking about throughout her podcast? She has a book about being bold, like in general being bold, and there's general being bold and there's whoa, whoa, whoa. There's so many things involved in being bold, but the very initial thing that it is that it starts with is taking action and taking bold action to, because to be bold, you have to make a decision that I am going to be bold and then we have to actually physically take the action that allows us to. Now, what is the B that she has in bold? Because her process is believe, own, learn, design, bold, which I think are. All of those are just such fabulous things Belief we need that. We need ownership, got to be lifelong learners and we are designing the life that we desire to live. Now, these are the ways that I'm looking at her framework. She has all of the ways that she talks about and speaks about her framework, but that belief part is so important. And here's the thing Sometimes we struggle with confidence in our own beliefs. We struggle with really stepping in with confidence. We struggle with taking confident action because we've got these little beliefs and so it's like the chicken before the egg, the cart before the horse, like which thing is coming first and what do we do and how do we take action here. So I wanted to thread out this idea of taking sustained bold action because let me read you a post from Adam Grant A lot of people probably know Adam Grant.
Speaker 1:
3:06
He is in the psychology space, specifically working in the corporate world and helping people to do their best work, simplifying what Adam Grant does. But if you don't know who he is, that's who he is, and he often says these very profound things and this post that he shared the other day. He said confidence doesn't always come from believing in yourself today. It often stems from recalling the obstacles that you overcame yesterday. A history of resilience can silence self-doubt. Challenges conquered are clues to hidden strengths. Past progress is proof of future potential. So here's what he's saying in very simple, simplistic terms Confidence comes after the action that you take.
Speaker 1:
3:58
Confidence does not necessarily come directly from the belief that you have. Our human brain has to see that we have taken action. Our human brain has to see that we have had results, because then the results reinforce the results end up creating belief. So we have to take the action in order to have the confidence, in order to have the belief. If we just sit around and think about it, we're never going to actually get there. So this is the very first thing and this is the premise. This is the baseline for what we're going to talk about today.
Speaker 1:
4:40
Confidence does not come first and belief does not come first. Your confidence and your beliefs come from actions that have been taken. So your limiting beliefs, for example, come from actions and behaviors and things that you learned in the past. That's where those beliefs came from. They came from action. So how could we possibly expect that our beliefs are going to change again, that we can change our beliefs, without taking action? The action comes before the confidence. The action comes before the belief. Now, in order to create the life that we want to live, in order to get to 90 years old and look back and say, dang, that was a good life. Heck, yes, my most magical unicorn life, it came to reality. I lived it. Amazing, I'm leaving this legacy of glittery magic in the world, or whatever that means to you. We have to create sustained action. We have to create sustained, aligned action. We have to create sustained, bold, beautiful, bright, magical actions. Sustained action that's where your next level is going to come from. That's where true, new found, ingrained, awesome belief is going to come from. One of the things that Lee talked about is point number two. So point number one is confidence does not come first. Action comes first. Number two in order to create sustained, bold action.
Speaker 1:
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You will only be consistent in doing this if you are having fun. It's the only way to be consistent, and let me tell you why you have to do it. And fun to you is not fun to me. Your way of fun, what fun means to you, is your own fun. You can only be long-term like ultimately long-term consistent if you're having fun and this relates directly to the conversation that she and I were having about burnout Because you can shame and you can hate and you can self-flagellate your way into doing big, scary things. You can say I hate this about myself and so I'm going to change. You can say I'm just going to push myself through, even though this sucks and even though it's measurable, and I'm just going to keep stuffing all of my actual feelings and thoughts down and I'm just going to push through.
Speaker 1:
7:18
We can do that. We
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can be mad at ourselves and use that as something that propels us forward. We can use outside achievement to propel us forward. That's not always bad, but sometimes we do it way too much. We can use the approval of others to propel us forward. We can use all of these things that are involved in not feeling worthy enough and not feeling good enough in order to try to keep us going, which is how most of us high achievers and perfectionists, that's how we have moved through life a lot of times, until the point where we realize, oh my goodness, what am I doing? Which is where so many of us are at why we start listening to a podcast such as this one, are at why we start listening to a podcast such as this one. We can get ourselves to a certain place that way.
Speaker 1:
8:11
Eventually, though, you're going to be burned out. When you get there, you're going to be tired, you're going to be exhausted, you're going to be misaligned, you're going to be doing things that actually are not enjoyable for you. You're going to feel shame and maybe even regret around some of the things that you did in order to get you to the place where you're at. Maybe you feel like you climbed on people, or maybe you feel like certain things just didn't feel good, or you worked for a company that you don't even align with their values. You don't love the things that they're creating, but you're doing it because it was helping you to get that achievement. It was helping you move to the next level, improve your worth to the world so that you could feel valuable. It kept you busy. We can use that. We can use that to propel ourselves to a certain place and eventually it's all going to come tumbling down.
Speaker 1:
9:05
That consistency it will not maintain for us in a safe and healthy way. There will come a point where your body is going to say enough of this. This is not working for me. You will hit that point. Very few people make it to the full-blown end of their life with that. The people who are most successful, who are in their maybe 70s and 80s and still contributing to the world, is because they are doing it in a way that is so rewarding and so fun for them. When you're having fun, let's remember when it comes back to our nervous system and the physical things that are happening in your body, when you're doing things that are enjoyable for you, these don't have to be huge big things. It can be the teeniest, tiniest little things in your day, but you're just really enjoying them. Your parasympathetic nervous system is getting activated, part of your brain that is the most human, the most modern part of your human brain, the part of your brain that other creatures on this planet do not have. We all have this limbic-like brain that is the fear center brain. But this modern part of your brain, it's activated when you're having fun, when you're being creative. That's why there's so much creativity therapy Like there's actual creative therapy that you can do.
Speaker 1:
10:35
I have a friend, angie Bailey. She's been on the podcast. If you want to go listen to her episode. She teaches something called calming calligraphy. And she started doing that because she was a nurse who was so freaking, burnt out, was killing her, her thyroid was going crazy. And the same was true for me when I was a hairstylist. I was just pushing myself and pushing myself and pushing myself and just striving and striving and going for this level of income and clients and busyness that I thought would bring me this feeling of success, this feeling of fulfillment. In the process, I completely lost my fun. I completely lost my body's natural ability to heal itself because I was never having any fun. I wasn't having any fun in that job anymore A job that at one time was fun because I started focusing on the wrong things and I started driving myself from that state of shame and wanting and needing and not from the place of enjoying and delighting in the fun little moments. You will only be long-term consistent if you are having fun, and I'm teaching a podcast course right now. I know this episode is going to come out quite a bit later, but right now I'm teaching a podcast course and our focus is continually on fun.
Speaker 1:
12:02
When we start to get stuck on oh my gosh, what is an RSS feed? Where do I put it? What do I? Oh my gosh, this editing software. It's like we step back and we say and we make silly faces and we get up and we dance or we twerk or we go for a walk or we do whatever it is for you. It could be going and hopping on your bike and going for a ride, it could be pulling out a calligraphy pen, it could be going and getting in the bath. We do something that is fun for us. To bring us back to the remembering that podcasting is fun, I want to start a podcast. This is something I'm excited about.
Speaker 1:
12:40
I wish I had had these tools when I was a hairstylist, because I could have stepped away and said oh my goodness, I remember this is so fun for me, this is so much fun, and I would show up to work and serve my clients from such a beautiful space. What could I potentially and I have no regrets about this, by the way I know that I went on the journey, that I went on for a reason, but I would love to impart this on more people in the place that you are at. You can show up today and say what feels fun to me, what feels fun in this job today, and if you're not having fun, it's like okay, what feels fun? What might shift my energy? For me Sometimes we can't jump all the way to fun that feels like oh, fun does not feel possible. What might be enjoyable for me right now? What would give me a break? What would feel better than this?
Speaker 1:
13:38
Because a lot of times, what we are doing is like. There's the story of a man walks into his friend's house, goes over to visit his friend and he hears this banging sound. He's like, oh my gosh, what is this? He goes into the man's living room and
the man his friend is just beating his head on the wall, just over and over and over, beating his head on the wall, wall. And the guy who walks in is like dude, what are you doing? And his friend stops, looks up at him and says it feels so good when I stop.
Speaker 1:
14:17
This is what we are doing to ourselves so much in our day-to-day lives. We are pushing ourselves to the brink and using that as our method of getting enjoyment and using that as our method of getting some kind of relief. We don't have to do that. That's not the way. That is ultimately like. That guy's going to have a bloody head and he's eventually going to be forced to stop because he will have literally no more energy and his head's going to be bleeding and he's going to pass out. That's what happens to us with burnout. Instead, what he could have done was turned and said oh my gosh, I believe that I need a break right now. What can I do for myself? Maybe I go grab myself a beautiful cup of tea. Maybe I go grab myself a beautiful cup of tea. Maybe I dance to a song. Maybe I pause and go do something else. Maybe I read a fiction book, for goodness sakes, because I've been reading so much self-help. So number two I hope that's sinking in for all of us.
Speaker 1:
15:17
In order to live our most confident, live our best lives, to change those beliefs that we have currently, we have to take sustained, bold action and the confidence to take that action does not come first. The action comes and then the confidence and you will only be consistent. Consistency comes when you are having fun. Long-term consistency that is going to drive you where you want to go okay. Are having fun? Long-term consistency that is going to drive you where you want to go okay. Number three this is where we get into the fun issue and the guy beating his head against the wall. You will only feel okay having fun when your nervous system believes it is safe to have fun. If you've listened to this podcast a while, you've heard me say this before, but we can all be reminded every day.
Speaker 1:
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Your nervous system has a set point for fun, just as your nervous system has a set point for how much irritation it can tolerate. We all know when our nerves have flipped and we're like I cannot take it anymore. For me, one of those things is somebody chewing with their mouth open, making mouth noises. There is only so much that my nervous system could tolerate. I flip. The same is true for fun. You have a set point for fun. I call that your joy breaker. Your breaker box for fun can only handle so much juice and once it hits that limit, it flips. So we can only handle so much fun. For some of us that is so minimal. It is so minimal the idea of having fun, of somebody saying go have some fun, go do something enjoyable. We can't even Our nervous system is. The set point is very, very tight. It can't handle much juice. But the good news is you can change this. You can re-teach your body that it
is safe for me to have fun, and that begins with letting yourself really enjoy the teeny, tiny moments, really enjoy it, really receive it.
Speaker 1:
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Somebody gives you a compliment. You soak it up, girl, soak up that compliment. What does it feel like for me to really enjoy the fact that one of the one of the things that you can say is I receive that, I receive that thank you. Pause when somebody tells you a compliment, like our automatic sometimes is to say oh, you too. You can say you too, if that feels honest and true. Sometimes we say you too, when we don't mean you too. That's different. But when somebody gives you that compliment, I receive that Thank you. And then we can say you know what I really love your earrings, those are really fun, they made me smile. So then it comes from this genuine place, and people love to give each other compliments too. So fully recognize that that is a gift.
Speaker 1:
18:04
When you do receive, we're always doing glittery exchanges with other people in the world through energy, and so when somebody offers you a compliment, it's their energetic gift to you and they want you to receive it. They don't want you to say I don't want that. That is one of the tiniest ways. There's lots of ways that we can expand our joy breaker, but compliments is often a place where we struggle, and so it's a really awesome place to start. Another place you can start is enjoying simple pleasures.
Speaker 1:
18:33
The next time that you go on a walk, really feel the wind like the breeze on your skin, really feel the sun shining on you, notice the color and the texture of the leaves, notice that really nice sensation. If you're on a hike and you're feeling the crunch beneath your feet of the rocks on your shoes and not only noticing it and sensing it, but noticing how it brings a sense of delight into your body this is signaling to your nervous system oh, she likes this. Oh, this is good. Oh, I'm going to bring her more of this. And so then the next day, when you're having a hard time at something, you think, oh, you know what would feel good is to go for a walk, as opposed to oh you know what would feel good to keep beating my head against the wall so that I feel some relief when I stop.
Speaker 1:
19:26
So, number three you will only feel okay having fun when your nervous system believes that it is safe to have fun, because it currently is tapping that joy breaker and saying, uh-uh, you have surpassed your limit, my friend, you are too juiced and you know that that's not true, that you want more joy, you want more abundance, you want to love your job, you want to love your life. So let's expand that joy breaker. Number four as you have fun, as you start to have more fun this is really our conclusion to this process you will take more action and become more confident. You will feel safe being bold. As you get out there and you begin to enjoy your life in all of these tiny little ways, it's going
to do what I just described. You're going to want to take those actions. You're going to want to do the things that you love, and it's going to magnetize more of that because you're more confidently shouting out to the universe and to everybody around you.
Speaker 1:
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This is what she's here for. This is the life that she is here for. You're automatically setting those boundaries. You're automatically beginning to own what is here for you, not the head beating against the wall stuff. That's not the stuff that you're here for. That's not what you want. You want these moments of joy, these moments of splendor, the magnificence of this world that exists, and then you start to notice these are the things that I'm really here for.
Speaker 1:
21:05
Oh, because your fun is your clues. Your joy is your strategy, your actual strategy. It is actually as simple as that. We make it really complicated. Your joy is your strategy to life. You were born with it. There are things that you gravitated toward as a kid. There were things that made you smile, there were things that made you feel so cozy, and over time, we got away from that. So it's coming back home to that and that from that place. That is where you create that sustained, bold action that then ingrains new beliefs into you, into your system, into your nervous system, new beliefs that exist between your brain and your body.
Speaker 1:
21:55
These are the things that I love to do, and then more of that starts to show up for you. It's the law of reciprocity. It beginscity. Your energy is magnetic. So when our energy is coming from this place of I need to strive and I need to try and I need to push we're bringing more of that into our existence, because it's what other people are seeing, whether they're cognitively recognizing that or not. Energetically, it's what you are attracting at the quantum level. So switch it.
Speaker 1:
22:29
And if you doubt all of the energetics of things, the magnetism and the quantum and the field of all possibilities and manifestation, and if you've ever watched the Secret and you're like this is all bullshit to me, the way that I look at it is why not experiment? Why not play? Why not play in this field of something different? Because what's the alternative? Just continuing to be burnout right? Continuing to not be confident, continuing to feel like you have these limiting beliefs that you can't overcome? Why not try this? Why not try to have joy as your strategy? Give it a whirl, girl. I would love to hear how it goes for you.
Speaker 1:
23:10
So, to summarize, creating this process of creating sustained, bold action that is going to lead to confidence, that is going to lead to those beliefs, is this knowing and understanding that confidence does not come first. We take aligned. Number two you will only be consistent if you are having fun. So bring little moments of fun into your life. Number three you will only feel okay having fun. You're only going to choose the fun when your nervous system believes that it is safe for me to have fun. That can be breath work, that can be meditation, can be any number of tools that are available to you. And number four as you have fun, you will take more action and become more confident. You will feel safe being bold and you will create those consistent, sustained, bold actions that lead to a bright and beautiful life that you will be so fulfilled and proud of when you get to the end of it.
Speaker 1:
24:17
Thank you so much for listening to this episode. As always on thursdays, I would love to close with a moment of breath to tune into our bodies, to tune into your awareness, and we're going to do that today by tuning into the confidence that already exists in your body thanks to some aligned actions that you have already taken. So if you're able to close down your eyes with me, I'm going to invite you to do that during this process. If you're not able to close your eyes, if you're on a walk, you can do this with softening your gaze. If you're driving, you might gently listen in or come back to this later.
Speaker 1:
24:57
So, drawing a deep breath into your nose and exhaling out through the mouth Two more of those into the nose, out through the mouth. Together you breathe and together we empty, bringing your awareness down to your feet, wherever it is that they are resting. Your feet are moving, bringing awareness to each foot as it touches and meets the ground, maybe even pressing a little bit more firmly, bringing full awareness to the support that's beneath you, to the support that's beneath you. Now, when you're ready, we're going to begin breathing what is called the halo, active breath breathing into the nose and out through the mouth, into the nose, out through the mouth. Beautiful, that's it.
Speaker 1:
26:22
As you continue that breath, calling to mind a moment in your life where you accomplished something, or maybe you were actively accomplishing something, there's this moment where you felt a sense of confidence, of assurance, clarity, this knowing that I can do it, this knowing that I did this. Maybe it was a moment that you took a bold action, that you didn't know that you could take, but you did. It could take, but you did it. Really remembering that moment, letting the memory infuse with your current experience, feeling the memory, feeling exactly what you felt in that moment, feeling it right now, noticing how you can feel that in your body right now, this thing that you did Now on each inhale, breathing those feelings, in seeing if you can expand those sensations in your body on each exhale, releasing down into your feet, breathing in that felt sense of confidence and clarity exhaling into the surface beneath you. You are so supported and now noticing how the confidence that exists within you became part of you and is still part of you. It exists in the here and the now because of this aligned action, this thing that you did, this bold yes, you said yes to that action.
Speaker 1:
28:39
Maybe you didn't think you could, but you did it. And now you have this confidence in your body, this knowing you are capable of so much more than you ever thought possible. When you're ready, drawing in a final deep inhale, expanding that felt sense in your body, holding that breath at the top, memorizing this sensation, this feeling, feeling the joy of it, and when you're ready, releasing that breath through the mouth, grounding back down into your feet, back down into your feet, with this new sense of knowing that it is through taking inspired action that you create confidence for yourself. In this knowing and this belief, I am capable, when you're ready, pressing those feet gently into the floor, reminding yourself of that support, bringing your awareness into those physical sensations in your feet, maybe wiggling your fingers, blinking your eyes open when you're ready, making eye contact with something in the room with you, bringing your awareness fully back into the here and the now Beautiful. Thank you so much for taking a few moments to do this exercise and really expanding the confidence inside of yourself, reminding yourself of those aligned actions that you have taken and all of the actions that you will continue to take during this lifetime.
Speaker 1:
30:43
If there's something that really connected with you in this episode, I encourage you to share it with a friend who might enjoy it as well. If there's somebody in your life who could use that extra little dose of confidence, that extra support, that reminder to have fun, if you have lots of friends that could use that reminder, you can send, take a screenshot of this episode, put it on social media and tag me. I'm untetheredjen on Instagram. If you tag me, I'll always reshare your posts. Thanks again for listening. You just keep shining your magical unicorn light out there for all to see. I'll always reshare your posts. Thanks again for listening. You just keep shining your magical unicorn light out there for all to see. I'll see you next time, bye.