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This is the Venus Cuckolders Podcast, a place to learn all things cuckolding for the curious, for the passionate, and for the sexually empowered woman who wants it all.
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Let's go.
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Welcome to the show.
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I'm your host, Venus.
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Thanks for joining me today.
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Pegging.
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One of my favorite topics.
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I never thought I would like pegging, and I fucking love it.
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And ever since I had Ruby Rider on the show back in 2022, you guys have been asking for more Ruby Rider.
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And she is back on the show today.
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We're going to dive into pegging with Ruby Rider.
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And of course, Locktober is a great time to learn about pegging because so many of you are locked in chastity right now.
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At least I hope you are.
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How's everybody feeling with Locktober?
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Any first timers out there who are having quite the experience?
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I would love to hear from you.
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And make sure that you have a listen to the last episode that came out, if you haven't already, with Key Barrett.
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He is the author of Locked in Love, one of my absolute favorite chastity books.
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And he was on the show and he talked about advice, tips with chastity, but also some funny stories.
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And also chastity with a twist when it comes to feminization attire.
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Anyway, it was so much fun.
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You definitely want to check that one out.
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The last episode with Key Barrett.
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All right, I have uh some announcements.
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The first is actually just a reminder: please do not try to listen to the show on YouTube because YouTube has given me two strikes and removed most of my uh recent episodes uh saying that they don't like them.
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So I'm not able to post anything on YouTube for a few months.
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So uh you're not gonna find this show on there.
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You're gonna have to listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or VenusCuckledris.com or whatever podcast app that you want other than YouTube.
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Fuck YouTube.
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Anyway, uh last announcement.
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I recently did a couple of really fun pillow talk events.
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One was Mistress B.
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She talked about uh she was on the show not that long ago.
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She and we she did a pillow talk in the Queen's Quarters community with me.
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We talked, she talked about uh FEMDOM and sissification of her husband and forced by um cuckolding dynamic that she has in her marriage.
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So that was so much fun to have a chat with her.
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It was a live event, but if you are a supporter of the podcast and one of the supporter tiers, then you get access to the replays so you can go in and actually watch that video and not miss out on that.
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And the other one that I recently did was with Zach and Brooke.
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He uh Zach was on the show a couple of times, once last year, where he talked about being in a pussy-free marriage and being cucked by BBC.
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And then he recently was on the show again to talk about an update.
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And for this pillow talk that I did with him, his wife Brooke joined as well.
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And so that was so much fun to be able to finally talk with her.
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So if you are in the supporter tier, you can watch the replay.
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If you want to support the show and help me do this as my full-time job, then you can go to VenusCuckledris.com and click on the Queen's Quarters tab, and you'll be able to see the couple of tiers that I have there for anybody who supports the show.
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Plus, you also get access to a huge private library of extra episodes.
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And if you're in the Helpful Cuck tier, you also get monthly private chats with me and weekly live hangouts and access to the Snapchat group, which is tons of fun.
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All right, that's it for announcements.
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Let's jump into the show with Ruby Ryder.
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Here we go.
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Ruby Ryder of PeggingParadise.com and theartofpegging.com has been educating people about pegging for 16 years.
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She's done over 300 podcasts and taught countless webinars during that time.
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And since 2010, Ruby has uncovered a wealth of information in her dive down the rabbit hole of pegging.
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Her passion is to share it.
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She teaches people how to safely and comfortably explore the role reversal, the extraordinary levels of prostate pleasure, the benefits of prostate health, and the deeper intimacy that results from experiencing sex from the opposite side of the bed.
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Ruby spends her time teaching, consulting, writing, and doing everything she can to encourage a sex positive society.
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She resides in Southern California near the beach, and she loves to watch the surfers change out of their wetsuits.
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Load full transcript
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Welcome back to the show, Ruby Rider.
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I'm so excited to have you here.
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It's been a hot minute since you were here.
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It was like 2022, the last time you were on, and people have been asking for you to come back non-stop.
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So I'm so happy to have you again on the show.
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Welcome to the show, Ruby.
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That was actually one of the first things I was going to say is I am honored to know that you guys voted and said, hey, we want Ruby to come back.
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And I'm just, I mean, it warms my heart, the cockles of my heart that know to know that you want me to come back and talk to you about pegging.
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So I am very happy to be here.
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Yay! Yeah, I I it was for myself too.
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Like I've had lots of guests on the show, but I learned so much from your show.
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Um, and I know not everybody who's listening to this one will have listened to the last one, even though I will put the link to the previous episode in the show notes for today.
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Um, so so for a lot of the people listening right now, you're new to them and they're not familiar with your story.
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Do you want to just um just give those listeners a little rundown about how you got into this sex educator pegging paradise kind of world that you're in?
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Who I am and how I got here, yes.
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I have had the website peggingparadise.com for the last 16 years.
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I started that that long ago.
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And uh when I first started exploring it, um, I also started exploring BDSM.
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And then I realized that uh I was a dominant sensual sadist, but I really wanted to educate people about pegging.
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So I realized I was scaring some people away on that website because I was writing stories about tying men up and beating them and things like that.
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So I actually put up another website, pegging101.com, and I copied all my informational articles over there with no kink.
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But as far as how did I get interested in kink or or pegging specifically, um I was always interested in anal from a very young age.
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I don't know where it came from, but that was just my thing.
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In fact, this morning, it's so funny.
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When I right after I woke up this morning, I was thinking, I was a memory came to me of how I was watching cartoons, and they had cartoon thing where somebody was spanking somebody else, and like, you know, you get the tingle in the crotch, and I the with the unself-consciousness of a little girl, you know, I'm grabbing my crotch and my grandma goes, get your hands out of there, you know, stupid shit, whatever.
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But yeah, back then spanking was something like whoa.
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It's like people wonder where these things come from, and who knows?
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But way back then, when I was probably around six, maybe seven.
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So anyway, um, I um didn't explore it until I was didn't actually do pegging until I was uh uh f in my 50s, because I kind of wanted to do it with my first two husbands, but I was quite convinced that this whole thing that I was interested in was excuse me, bad and weird and different and strange, you know, like a lot of us that have things that don't fall into the box the society says we're supposed to be in.
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So when I turned 50 and divorced my second husband, I thought, okay, if not now, when?
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And I decided I wanted to explore it.
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So I got on, let's just not name the site because I wouldn't recommend it at this day.
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I got on a dating site that had a special um section of sexually oriented questions that were optional.
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And one of them said, uh, what is your favorite sexual fantasy?
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Right.
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And I thought, well, I'm a writer because I already knew that about myself.
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In fact, I was writing erotic stories about Peg before I even really knew how to do it.
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But so I wrote a story about it, I put it up there and just got besieged by Ben.
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I knew that I wanted to do it and it excited me, but I had no idea that it was something that men really wanted as well.
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So the universe was smiling down on me, and I hooked up with I got to check off two boxes, Venus, Hot Fireman, Hot Fireman, and Pegging.
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And I lied to him.
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I totally did.
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I don't know if he's heard any of these podcasts or anything, because I've said this a number of times.
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But see, I had a career of massage, and I did massage for so long that I knew how to read bodies.
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I know how to read bodies so well, and I was pretty confident that I could pull it off, and I totally did.
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So that was the beginning of my pegging career.
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So you lied to him, you said you you knew what you knew what you're doing.
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Yeah, I lied to him and said I'd done it before.
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Thank you for clarifying that.
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Yes, I totally lied to him and said I had experience, and
I'm like, no, I haven't.
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But I researched it and I had all the equipment and everything.
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Yeah.
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So I love that.
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Hot fireman.
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He totally is or was, or we're not in contact anymore, but yeah, certainly was back then.
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And you know, pegging is is such a role reversal thing that um we had the date and he was just like a very sexual person and he wanted to explore.
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And that this was an area he hadn't explored.
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But at the same time, he was very aware that this is like uh a vulnerable thing.
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This is uh like whoa, I really need to trust you.
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And I think even he said those words, you know, I'm really gonna need to trust you.
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And I said, absolutely.
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And then I totally felt that role reversal happen in real time because I said, you know, take as long as you like.
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It's okay, honey.
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You know, like the guy usually tells a woman, oh, we don't have to do anything right now, right?
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But then he walked me out to my car, we kissed goodnight, and it was one of those kisses that just matches.
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Everybody kisses a little different, right?
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But man, it was like magic.
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And he pulls back from that kiss and says, Anybody that kisses like that, yeah, I'm in.
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That was it.
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Oh, I loved that.
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Yeah, when you really like connect with somebody through a really good kiss, I'm not gonna lie, like I that turns me on so much.
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Like it's really some does something.
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Yeah, sometimes I try and train partners because I've I've encountered guys that have like a pattern.
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Yeah.
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And here's what I tell them I say, you know, when you kiss me, I want you to meet me and react to what's happening.
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I do not want a performance.
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Performances bore me, bore the shit out of me.
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You know, don't just sit there and do things you think I'll like.
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How about react to what I'm doing?
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I love this.
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So you train guys how to kiss you differently the way you want.
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Sometimes, yes.
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I have a boy toy right now who comes over and works pretty hard for me, and then he gets his part.
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And I'm trying to retrain him, you know.
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Oh, I love this so much.
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Because I've come across guys who yeah, you it it does seem like the kissing is performative.
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Like, and you're just like, are we really in the moment in this in this, or is this?
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Am I here?
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Am I here?
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You know?
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Yeah.
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So fascinating.
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Um, okay, and so at some point you were like, okay, pegging is my thing.
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I'm gonna, I'm just gonna fucking jump into this and I'm good at it.
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And then, well, I I started experimenting a bunch, and then I decided, you know, I really want to teach people about this because there's so much about this that they just don't understand.
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And I went to one of the sex toy stores in town, and you know, this story is indicative of how a lot of people just get weird about it and don't want to talk about it because she had a sex toy store.
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Now, in Ventura County, which is where I live, there's something on the books that says if you're gonna sell sex toys, that uh I think it's 70% of your stuff you have in the store has to be not sex toys.
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So most of the time they'll sell a whole bunch of lingerie and then sex toys are in the back or something like that, right?
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That's how this was.
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I'd been in there, I had talked to her about pegging.
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She sold the not that I recommend this, but she sold, well, let's just say she sold a pegging kit.
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I don't recommend kits, but she said, Yeah, I can barely keep it on the shelf.
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So then I came back later, you know, a few weeks later and says, you know, I want to teach about this.
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I'm quite sure I can, right?
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And she said, Yeah, I don't think I have your demographic.
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And I said, Excuse me, you can't keep the kits on the shelf.
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What do you mean you don't have my demographic?
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She goes, Well, yeah, people come in here, people buy these, but they don't want to talk about it.
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Oh, okay.
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So she said, I have someone I would like you to meet.
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And she introduced me to, she connected me with an elder in the kink community who had coffee with me, listened to what I had to say, and said, Yeah, come to one of our munches, not a problem.
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So I did.
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And that is kind of how I started exploring the kink community too.
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Oh I mean, I already kind of knew that I was dominant, but I hadn't really done any kind of BDSM exploration up to that point.
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Okay.
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Yeah, the the those munches, I've heard great things.
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I've never been to one, but I've heard great things about them.
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It's such a great way to connect and learn and and all of that.
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It's a good introduction.
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If you have any leanings into the BDSM, which is like, I mean, that acronym is just like encompasses so many different kinks.
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But it's a nice, easy entry into it because it's social, it's public, no play happens.
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People are just there and they're talking about kink, you know?
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And sometimes they're not talking about kink, they're just talking about what's happening in the world, you know.
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Um, okay, so one of the things that I get uh asked about often is uh people want to do pegging, but they just don't know where to start or how to do it.
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Like it seems very overwhelming and scary.
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Like, I have a lot of guys who just really want, I mean, it's hard enough for them to bring it up to their partner and say, like, I really want this, but they don't even know how they want it.
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And they're just kind of like basing these fantasies off of porn.
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They don't really know what it's like in real life.
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And like, how do couples go about actually making this happen for a first time and doing it in a way, hopefully, that is not gonna be disastrous?
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Well, when first let's back up one one click here and talk about uh talking to your partner about it, because I recorded two podcasts, but the vast majority of time is the receivers who are approaching the potential giver.
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But not always.
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So that is the first podcast that I made.
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And and part of the reason that I did this podcast, I was actually gonna make it into a little book and put it on Amazon and sell it.
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But then I thought, you know, I just want this to have as much exposure as possible in the world.
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So I made it for free and it's there, and it's um it is me taking in my own voice, talking to the potential giver and taking them through all the misconceptions and assumptions that exist.
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And there are a number of them.
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And that way, what ends up happening is you you get really clear about what your partner's asking for, and equally important is you you get really clear on what they're not asking for.
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Oh, okay.
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Because so often, like just for example, here's one uh porn completely overrepresents pegging in conjunction with feminization, PDSM, um, like impact play, things like that, chastity, restraints, stuff like that.
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And also humiliation degradation.
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And all those are wonderful kinks if you're into them, but they're not inextricably connected to pegging by any stretch of the imagination.
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So people get this misconception a lot of times that, oh, you want to do pegging?
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Well, I don't want to dress up like a dominatrix, you know.
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I don't I don't want to call you shitty names or whatever if that's what you're into.
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So it takes people through that.
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And you know, the really important part about those podcasts, because I'd have them in both directions, um, is that I I don't try and convince, I just put it out there.
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And also I think one of the things that's really helpful in those in those recordings is because there's so many things that people connect up with pegging, those every once in a while someone will say, Well, yeah, I kind of want to do, I kind of want to dress up, you know, maybe like in a little lingerie too, while you beg me.
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So what that does is it introduces what can individually be little super scary subjects to bring up, right?
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Yeah.
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And it and you just pause the recording and you talk about it.
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Because I'll say something like, So you may think that your partner wants to dress up in women's clothing.
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I don't know.
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You need to ask your partner.
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Maybe they do, maybe they don't.
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I don't know.
00:20:45.609 --> 00:20:48.089
So those have been very, very helpful.
00:20:48.169 --> 00:20:56.490
I've gotten rave reviews for the one for the women, one for the men is used sometimes, you know, not nearly as much.
00:20:56.730 --> 00:20:58.250
So, okay, that's that.
00:20:58.490 --> 00:21:07.609
So once you get a yeah, I'm totally down to explore, then I think the best way to do it is to come and take my beginner's webinar.
00:21:08.649 --> 00:21:09.129
Yes.
00:21:09.450 --> 00:21:16.730
Well, it's because education can empower, inspire, uh, can calm your fears.
00:21:17.049 --> 00:21:20.409
It can make that first experience so much better.
00:21:20.649 --> 00:21:21.849
So much better.
00:21:22.169 --> 00:21:26.970
And I my webinars are really, you mentioned how you learn so much.
00:21:27.129 --> 00:21:30.089
My webinars are really detailed intensive.
00:21:30.169 --> 00:21:31.289
They're two hours
long.
00:21:31.450 --> 00:21:37.129
And I know that's a big ask for a webinar, but there's just so much up here I want to tell people.
00:21:38.169 --> 00:21:39.450
You know what, Ruby?
00:21:39.529 --> 00:21:47.849
Um, at the beginning of this year, I was like, okay, what are my goals for this year as far as like my my sexuality?
00:21:48.490 --> 00:21:52.409
And I was like, 2026 is gonna be my year to peg some more boys.
00:21:52.569 --> 00:21:55.609
Um, and that's the shirt, yes.
00:21:55.849 --> 00:21:56.490
Yes.
00:21:56.809 --> 00:22:05.529
And yeah, for those of you listening and not watching this episode, I'm wearing my iPeg Good Boys uh t-shirt that I fucking love.
00:22:05.609 --> 00:22:08.970
Um, that I wear to drag cream bingo and they love it.
00:22:09.129 --> 00:22:12.730
Um but anyway, um, at the beginning of the year, I was like, I want to do this.
00:22:12.889 --> 00:22:13.849
It's been a long time.
00:22:14.009 --> 00:22:17.210
It'd been several years since I pegged anybody.
00:22:17.369 --> 00:22:28.649
I kind of like got into it years ago and did it a little bit and loved it, but then it just kind of like fell off for a while and I didn't really prioritize it.
00:22:28.889 --> 00:22:32.089
And so I was like, this year, this is what I'm gonna do.
00:22:32.329 --> 00:22:38.730
Um, but it's interesting because Ruby, I was like, I feel like I want to like learn how to do this properly.
00:22:38.889 --> 00:22:46.250
I'd done it a few times before and it worked out well, but I didn't feel like I entirely knew what I was doing.
00:22:46.409 --> 00:22:50.809
I felt like there was a knowledge and skills deficit there that I was like aware of.
00:22:51.049 --> 00:22:56.169
And so I was like, I'm gonna, I know, I know somebody who teaches this.
00:22:56.409 --> 00:22:57.690
Like, I know this.
00:22:57.929 --> 00:23:04.970
So earlier this year, I actually bought your pegging for beginners webinar and went through it.
00:23:05.210 --> 00:23:09.450
And it is very detailed, and I fucking loved it.
00:23:09.609 --> 00:23:16.649
I have been recommending it to people since then because I was like, this is so thorough, this is so great, and it's it's not like some boring read.
00:23:16.730 --> 00:23:19.690
Like you're it's you explaining all of this stuff in detail.
00:23:19.849 --> 00:23:23.609
And I was literally like making notes of all these things that you're recommending and everything like that.
00:23:23.690 --> 00:23:25.049
I was like, this is so good.
00:23:25.289 --> 00:23:32.250
So for everybody listening right now, Ruby Riders Pegging for Beginners webinar is so fucking worth it.
00:23:32.329 --> 00:23:41.529
It's not expensive, it's it's great, it's it's amazing, and you it's a treasure trove of of information for you.
00:23:41.769 --> 00:23:45.849
So if you're interested in doing pegging right, like this is what you need to do.
00:23:46.169 --> 00:23:49.769
I'll put the link to it in the show notes for today's episode.
00:23:49.929
--> 00:23:55.450
But yes, and and just for informational purposes for everybody, I teach three different webinars.
00:23:55.609 --> 00:23:59.210
I teach beginners, equipment, and advanced.
00:23:59.769 --> 00:24:05.929
And uh I teach all three of Those once per month for free.
00:24:06.889 --> 00:24:10.089
But you got to be able to show up on the live webinar.
00:24:10.169 --> 00:24:10.569
Yeah.
00:24:10.809 --> 00:24:14.490
Because I schedule them on the weekends in the morning, California time.
00:24:15.609 --> 00:24:21.690
And if you would rather add it to your sex education library.
00:24:22.649 --> 00:24:27.369
And of course, I'm picturing like a Dom who's training her stable of boys right here.
00:24:27.529 --> 00:24:28.809
Watch this, right?
00:24:30.329 --> 00:24:31.529
You can totally do that.
00:24:31.690 --> 00:24:35.210
They're$40 a piece, or it's$99 for all three.
00:24:35.690 --> 00:24:39.609
And you have access, lifetime access to it.
00:24:39.849 --> 00:24:41.450
Yeah, I went and bought all three.
00:24:41.529 --> 00:24:42.569
I was like, I want them.
00:24:42.730 --> 00:24:44.409
I want to have lifetime access.
00:24:44.569 --> 00:24:46.250
And I'm glad that I did it that way.
00:24:46.569 --> 00:24:52.730
Yeah, I need to send out a refresher for people who have purchased the equipment one because the equipment one turns out to be dynamic.
00:24:52.809 --> 00:24:57.849
Because you know, toys come, toys go, equipment stops being made, fucking tariffs happen.
00:24:58.009 --> 00:24:58.970
Oh, did I say that?
00:24:59.210 --> 00:24:59.529
Okay.
00:25:00.409 --> 00:25:01.210
Oh no.
00:25:01.609 --> 00:25:04.009
I just I just got a motor bunny.
00:25:04.089 --> 00:25:04.970
This thing back here.
00:25:05.129 --> 00:25:06.409
I just got one of these.
00:25:07.049 --> 00:25:09.369
I do you know how much duties I had to pay?
00:25:09.450 --> 00:25:10.889
I'm up here in Canada.
00:25:11.210 --> 00:25:18.730
On like duties,$600 of went just to get this thing from the delivery guy to my door.
00:25:18.809 --> 00:25:20.250
That's not a delivery fee.
00:25:20.329 --> 00:25:21.450
That is duties.
00:25:21.529 --> 00:25:24.329
Like not though you were in Canada.
00:25:24.649 --> 00:25:24.970
Yeah.
00:25:25.210 --> 00:25:26.089
That's totally cool.
00:25:26.169 --> 00:25:32.970
Uh well, we order, when I say we, I have affiliate connections, of course, and one of them is um my main one.
00:25:33.289 --> 00:25:40.329
And she orders from uh uh Aslan Leather, that sets some of the best harnesses, and they're up in Canada.
00:25:40.569 --> 00:25:48.490
And so she sent me a text and said, So just let your people know that I'm it's tied up in customs, you know, I'm waiting.
00:25:48.649 --> 00:25:56.169
And then she sent me the recap and said, for a thousand dollar order, okay, because I think that's our minimum order, and this is wholesale.
00:25:56.409 --> 00:26:01.529
I had to pay$150 for a custom person to help me do it.
00:26:01.769 --> 00:26:05.529
I had to pay five hundred dollars in tariff fees.
00:26:05.769 --> 00:26:06.649
Oh my god.
00:26:06.889 --> 00:26:08.329
Five hundred dollars.
00:26:08.649 --> 00:26:11.450
Tariffs for sex toys, motherfuckers.
00:26:11.690 --> 00:26:11.929
Right?
00:26:13.129 --> 00:26:17.769
Man, we got to rally the sex education community to go, they have no other reason, man.
00:26:18.569 --> 00:26:19.369
What's up?
00:26:19.609 --> 00:26:23.210
Fucking pop blockers up there in fucking parliament and shit like that.
00:26:23.529 --> 00:26:23.769
Please.
00:26:24.250 --> 00:26:25.210
What the fuck?
00:26:25.450 --> 00:26:26.970
Um, yeah, that's brutal.
00:26:27.210 --> 00:26:29.849
Okay, so yeah, you want to redo the um equipment one.
00:26:29.929 --> 00:26:30.329
That makes sense.
00:26:31.129 --> 00:26:42.490
Well, what I want to do is is send out a thing because after the webinar is over, um, you also get a link to a document that has hot links to all every single piece of equipment that I show you.
00:26:42.970 --> 00:26:49.690
And um those need those get revised as I drop things off and put new things on.
00:26:49.849 --> 00:26:56.089
So I need to send a new one out to everybody and tell them to click the link again and see if there's anything new.
00:26:56.329 --> 00:26:57.690
Because there's always something new.
00:26:58.009 --> 00:27:05.289
You should just put all the links on one web page and then send people the link to the webpage so you can update the links on the webpage anytime.
00:27:05.769 --> 00:27:07.929
Well, I do, but I do it in Dropbox.
00:27:08.169 --> 00:27:08.730
Oh, okay.
00:27:08.970 --> 00:27:10.089
So same, same same.
00:27:10.329 --> 00:27:10.889
Same same.
00:27:10.970 --> 00:27:11.210
Yeah.
00:27:11.369 --> 00:27:11.849
Good.
00:27:12.089 --> 00:27:12.409
Okay.
00:27:12.569 --> 00:27:19.769
Uh so that is a great place for people to start is the webinar, webinars of to be able to learn about cuckolding.
00:27:20.009 --> 00:27:22.809
You talked a little bit about bringing it up to your partner.
00:27:23.210 --> 00:27:31.129
Um, but as far as like planning out your first session, are what how do people go ahead and do this?
00:27:31.210 --> 00:27:43.210
Because I find this is like uh also a little bit nerve-wracking too, because you've done the research, you've done all the things, like you've learned all the things, but like how do you actually make this happen in real life without it seeming really awkward?
00:27:43.289 --> 00:27:45.609
Or is it guaranteed gonna be awkward?
00:27:46.169 --> 00:27:49.289
Well, it's not guaranteed to be awkward, but the vast majority of the time it is.
00:27:50.329 --> 00:27:55.210
Well, and part of that is because of the role reversal.
00:27:55.450 --> 00:27:55.769
Yeah.
00:27:56.009 --> 00:28:00.169
I mean, I say this in my beginner's webinar.
00:28:00.569 --> 00:28:08.250
Most women, unless they have done some kind of strap-on-play before, don't have a clue what it takes to fuck
somebody.
00:28:08.409 --> 00:28:09.929
It's an athletic event.
00:28:10.169 --> 00:28:12.409
You use muscles you never knew you had.
00:28:12.569 --> 00:28:24.169
Yeah, and it'll give you so much of an appreciation for when you get fucked by whatever penis owner is in your life, that it's pretty astonishing.
00:28:24.409 --> 00:28:29.529
But the whole how to move, how to position bodies, that just comes with time.
00:28:30.009 --> 00:28:41.929
So, one of the things I do recommend is that people have a decent uh decent level of communication ease around their sexuality as a couple.
00:28:42.250 --> 00:28:51.849
You don't have to be a full-on couple, you can be friends with benefits or whatever, but it really pays to be able to talk fairly easily about sex, like when it's happening.
00:28:52.250 --> 00:28:58.970
Be able to speak up and say, Okay, slow down because I just have this feeling it'll feel better, or whatever you need to say.
00:28:59.769 --> 00:29:08.089
Because so many, I'm sure you know this, so many people just don't talk in bed ever, ever, yeah, until something goes wrong.
00:29:08.409 --> 00:29:25.529
And you have you have the the possibility, you have right there, all you have to do is communicate to be able to finesse whatever it is you are experiencing with your partner to your satisfaction, you know, you just speak up.
00:29:25.769 --> 00:29:31.609
So usually I say, you know, that is that is one of the ducks in the road that you really need to have is decent communication.
00:29:31.769 --> 00:29:36.649
And if you don't have that easy communication, work on it and then do pegging.
00:29:36.970 --> 00:29:38.490
Yes, yes.
00:29:38.649 --> 00:29:48.490
I so I last month I pegged one of my um favorite friends with benefits who I've you know, who I've been of really good friends with since for like a decade now.
00:29:48.730 --> 00:29:52.329
And um, yes, I pegged him years ago and it was great and it was fun.
00:29:52.569 --> 00:30:01.210
But this time I just I don't know if it was just because we it's so many years later, we're such good friends, and so we communication is just super chill.
00:30:01.369 --> 00:30:03.929
But also I did your course and stuff like that.
00:30:04.169 --> 00:30:10.649
But the it did feel like way easier this time because I was just like, all right, like let's talk about this.
00:30:10.809 --> 00:30:12.169
Like, where do we start?
00:30:12.329 --> 00:30:15.849
Like, what do you you know, what position would you like best?
00:30:16.009 --> 00:30:17.289
Like, what works for you best?
00:30:17.369 --> 00:30:22.409
Do you want to bring your toys that you already use on your ass instead of maybe trying to figure it out, you know?
00:30:22.490 --> 00:30:24.329
Like, yeah, yeah.
00:30:24.649 --> 00:30:34.169
And it it was so much fun, like it was so fucking fun because what I thought that he might like was actually not what he wanted the most.
00:30:34.250 --> 00:30:36.490
So I was like, Interesting, yeah.
00:30:36.649 --> 00:30:44.409
This was just fascinating, but it was just this like really chill fun vibe of like, let's just fuck around like this and have fun.
00:30:45.289 --> 00:30:49.049
And that's the thing, is that assumptions can be made.
00:30:49.210 --> 00:30:50.409
That happens a lot.
00:30:50.649 --> 00:31:01.450
I mean, and and even just well, assumptions like, well, you know, uh assuming that your partner likes it a certain way, or just giving them not enough information.
00:31:01.609 --> 00:31:06.490
Like I get guys that say to their partners, I want you to be more dominant.
00:31:06.730 --> 00:31:10.409
Well, there's like a zillion definitions of what dominant means.
00:31:10.649 --> 00:31:11.049
Yes.
00:31:11.369 --> 00:31:15.929
So you need to be really, really, really clear with your partner and tell them, you know.
00:31:16.089 --> 00:31:34.889
I mean, and away from the bedroom, have a conversation with them and just say, okay, so I have this fantasy, and sometimes I get off to this fantasy, and it's about you just laying on top of me, I'm face down, and you are fucking me, and like I'm imagining that I don't have any choice, and it's it's just the hottest thing.
00:31:35.210 --> 00:31:38.089
So I and and like you're doing it kind of hard.
00:31:38.329 --> 00:31:44.889
That's the level of detail that can be so helpful because otherwise you say, be dominant.
00:31:45.049 --> 00:31:49.929
Well, and then all of a sudden your partner's saying, You're a fucking little little boy or whatever.
00:31:50.250 --> 00:31:56.250
And then they say something they think means that they're dominant, it could be triggering to you, it could be a mess.
00:31:56.809 --> 00:31:58.970
Yes, yes, absolutely.
00:31:59.289 --> 00:32:13.369
Um, so communication, uh I definitely I get what you're saying about that, but it can be really difficult because um this is such a vulnerable activity for both of you, but especially for him.
00:32:13.609 --> 00:32:17.289
Like, I feel like um I don't know.
00:32:17.450 --> 00:32:20.329
For me, I I this is why I love pegging so much.
00:32:20.490 --> 00:32:24.649
Part of the reason why I love it so much is the vulnerability that's involved in it.
00:32:24.809 --> 00:32:28.730
But I also get to see and hear and listen to him moan while he gets fucked.
00:32:28.809 --> 00:32:30.250
Like, this is so hot.
00:32:30.970 --> 00:32:31.769
That's so hot.
00:32:32.250 --> 00:32:35.450
Fuck, like this is this gets me every time.
00:32:35.609 --> 00:32:58.250
Like watching him just like like lose his mind and just like and just moaning and breathing and like all the shit, like fuck yes, but it's so vulnerable, and that's like a space and time where I think a lot of guys are scared of that because that what does that mean about them if they really enjoy it and show you that they enjoy it?
00:32:58.490 --> 00:32:59.529
What are your thoughts on that?
00:32:59.769 --> 00:33:01.529
Oh, there's a lot to unpack there.
00:33:02.970 -->
00:33:19.849
I mean, because of the incredibly strong, strong connotation that persists, despite all my hard work, about sexual orientation having anything to do with male anal penetration.
00:33:20.329 --> 00:33:27.769
I mean, the area of your body that you're having that you enjoy having stimulated has absolutely no bearing on the gender you prefer to do the stimulating.
00:33:28.409 --> 00:33:40.089
So because of that, some guys are scared to show they enjoy it as much as they do because then she'll think I'm gay, then she'll think I'm bi, right?
00:33:41.049 --> 00:33:42.809
And it's just the saddest thing.
00:33:42.889 --> 00:33:48.889
It's like pleasure is pleasure, but that connotation is still really strong in some circles.
00:33:49.049 --> 00:33:57.210
It's getting better, and I think the the younger, um, younger generations are doing a great job in terms of that.
00:33:57.450 --> 00:33:59.450
So I really cheer them on.
00:33:59.769 --> 00:34:03.690
But you know, there's that part of it, but then there's also the vulnerability part.
00:34:03.849 --> 00:34:18.009
Okay, so society's current definition of masculinity embraces a number of characteristics that you're supposed to portray if you were born with a penis to be accepted as masculine, right?
00:34:18.409 --> 00:34:26.569
But actually, where paging is concerned, there's a bunch of characteristics you're expected never to portray.
00:34:26.969 --> 00:34:37.289
And largely they fall into anything that be can be considered gay or feminine, which is really fucked up because that's basically saying that masculine is superior to gay or feminine, which we all know is bullshit.
00:34:37.529 --> 00:34:40.489
But one of those is penetration.
00:34:40.730 --> 00:34:51.289
Um, and you know, the bro dudes joke about it all the time as an insult, you know, getting penetrated is an insult thing, and they so so it's not a one-sided thing.
00:34:51.449 --> 00:34:58.569
Everybody participates in this bad definition of masculinity because it's been around for so long.
00:34:58.969 --> 00:35:11.849
So men are often most often um forbidden to let their vulnerability really show because it's immediately conflated with weakness, immediately.
00:35:12.489 --> 00:35:45.690
And you know, okay, if if if you're using the word vulnerability in a military sense, it's a weakness, absolutely it is, but it's not a weakness with people, with interpersonal communications, because then it's about a risk, about you know, opening yourself up, being open and honest about your emotions with another person, being willing to have those emotions, which, if you have been trained since young boyhood never to do that, can be really uncomfortable and difficult to do.
00:35:46.169 --> 00:35:52.089
Number one, but also it can be taken wrong because, like I say, women participate too.
00:35:52.329 --> 00:35:58.809
It is not unusual for a woman to see a man vulnerable if she's never seen him vulnerable and go, oh, weak, uh, right?
00:35:58.969 --> 00:35:59.289
Yep.
00:35:59.529 --> 00:36:09.129
And that's the saddest thing because basically there's this really tender, amazing inside part in men that they don't get to let out.
00:36:09.289 --> 00:36:12.489
Okay, so now how does that how does that connect with pegging?
00:36:12.809 --> 00:36:19.849
So, in my opinion, um pleasurable anal penetration requires vulnerability.
00:36:20.409 --> 00:36:22.170
That's my opinion.
00:36:22.570 --> 00:36:29.049
So if it's not, if it's if it's not vul if it doesn't have vulnerability, it's not pleasurable.
00:36:29.449 --> 00:36:39.849
Well, I don't know if I would go that far because I as a sex educator for 16 years, absolutes, you know, I just I discard those offhand.
00:36:40.570 --> 00:36:52.730
But I think that the I think that oftentimes guys, when they first start experiencing pegging, slip into the vulnerability sort of, it's a surprise to them.
00:36:52.889 --> 00:36:57.289
Um and sometimes it can feel very, very uncomfortable.
00:36:57.529 --> 00:36:57.849
Okay.
00:36:58.250 --> 00:37:03.289
Because they're so unused to allowing that part of themselves to open.
00:37:03.449 --> 00:37:30.889
And at this juncture, I really want to say something because it's like if you're listening and you are a woman who is planning on doing this with a guy, there is no greater gift that you can give to a partner than to allow that to happen in a safe and non-jubjudgmental space, to just be there and let that happen and never never give them shit about, yeah, you were like you had tears and blah, blah, blah.
00:37:30.969 --> 00:37:32.329
Because sometimes that can happen.
00:37:32.809 --> 00:37:34.730
Absolutely that can happen sometimes.
00:37:34.969 --> 00:37:44.489
And uh to not judge and to hold space for that is such it's a it's a bigger gift than you can imagine.
00:37:44.809 --> 00:37:52.809
Because some guys are trying to work themselves out of all of these stupid rules in the masculinity box, and they need support.
00:37:52.969 --> 00:37:53.130
Yeah.
00:37:53.369 --> 00:37:58.090
And so we need to reshape our ideas about what masculinity means too.
00:37:58.730 --> 00:38:01.130
My God, I love that so much.
00:38:01.289 --> 00:38:02.409
I agree 100%.
00:38:03.210 --> 00:38:10.250
And as women, as partners, we have the responsibility to support um these people who we care about.
00:38:10.409 --> 00:38:12.170
These are people who we care dearly about.
00:38:12.250 --> 00:38:19.369
And if you really care dearly about them, you want them to go through this personal growth because that's what we're talking about.
00:38:19.610 --> 00:38:29.690
It's about growing, it's about understanding your feelings, it's about sharing those feelings in a safe space and learning to process all of that in a healthy way.
00:38:29.929 --> 00:38:33.210
And rigid masculinity is a fucking prison.
00:38:33.289 --> 00:38:36.650
And and we're here to help men break free.
00:38:36.809 --> 00:38:37.769
Like I am.
00:38:38.009 --> 00:38:38.969
I want to see that.
00:38:39.130 --> 00:38:42.009
This is why I fucking love cuckolding.
00:38:42.090 --> 00:38:45.449
This is why I love pegging because I'm just like, oh my God.
00:38:45.769 --> 00:38:49.210
I want to see men fucking thrive in this.
00:38:49.369 --> 00:38:51.049
Like, I this is about your pleasure.
00:38:51.130 --> 00:38:55.369
This is about pleasure you probably don't even know fucking exists yet if you've never done it.
00:38:55.529 --> 00:39:00.250
Like, this is about you fucking just reaching new heights in your life.
00:39:00.409 --> 00:39:02.650
Like, of course, I want you, I want that for you.
00:39:02.809 --> 00:39:06.250
For us, like, oh fuck yes, I'm just like a big fan.
00:39:06.570 --> 00:39:17.369
Yeah, it allows men to be whole human beings because society's rules about masculinity forces them to hide a lot of themselves, yeah.
00:39:17.529 --> 00:39:21.610
And then we wonder why men die sooner, you know?
00:39:21.849 --> 00:39:26.409
Yeah, I mean, I know it's not that simple, but in some ways it is.
00:39:26.969 --> 00:39:33.049
Um, which is why I raise money every year for the Movember Foundation.
00:39:33.289 --> 00:39:35.369
They're doing some really good work.
00:39:35.529 --> 00:39:40.489
They initially started as an organization trying to raise awareness of testicular and prostate cancer.
00:39:40.570 --> 00:39:41.289
Yeah, bitching.
00:39:41.449 --> 00:39:41.690
Okay.
00:39:41.849 --> 00:39:48.250
And then they started expanding into suicide prevention and men's mental health.
00:39:48.969 --> 00:39:52.489
It's amazing the resources that they have on their website.
00:39:52.650 --> 00:40:05.449
They have like sample conversations of how to talk to your bro dude, make sure they're okay, encouraging communication between guys, encouraging them to take care of their health as opposed to tough it out, right?
00:40:06.250 --> 00:40:08.650
It there's there's so much good stuff there.
00:40:08.809 --> 00:40:10.570
I raise money for them every year.
00:40:10.730 --> 00:40:23.449
And I don't know how many of your listeners know that I do this, but so I set a goal, okay, and I raise money, and people send me donations, and then at a certain point I go, okay, if you can get me up to this number, right?
00:40:23.690 --> 00:40:25.049
And it's been raising every year.
00:40:25.130 --> 00:40:27.130
Thank you, thank you, all these donator people.
00:40:27.610 --> 00:40:30.570
Um, I will put pictures of my tits on the internet.
00:40:32.650 --> 00:40:34.090
That always does it.
00:40:34.250 --> 00:40:38.170
And you know, I've gained weight, so now they're bigger and they're more impressive.
00:40:40.250 --> 00:40:42.409
They're bouncy castle level.
00:40:42.730 --> 00:40:45.130
I heard that yesterday and I was like, oh, I love that.
00:40:45.529 --> 00:40:46.969
Bouncy castle level.
00:40:47.049 --> 00:40:47.769
That's a good one.
00:40:47.929 --> 00:40:48.570
Yeah.
00:40:50.329 --> 00:40:51.769
Oh, that's fucking wonderful.
00:40:51.849 --> 00:41:02.650
Yeah, I've actually seen on social media these um groups all over the world that are forming for men to do just that, to help to talk to each other, to support each other.
00:41:03.049 --> 00:41:06.170
Yes, and to connect with each other, to share feelings with each other.
00:41:06.329 --> 00:41:08.489
And I'm like, oh my God, more of this fucking bleed.
00:41:08.809 --> 00:41:09.449
It's happening, I know.
00:41:09.690 --> 00:41:13.130
Yes, Hot Boys Cry is one that pops up all the time for me.
00:41:13.529 --> 00:41:15.049
And I love this group.
00:41:15.210 --> 00:41:26.329
Uh, they go and do like the most amazing things together, and they've got these shirts say hot boys cry, like it's like, and it says something like, like, um, it's time for therapy, bitches, or something like that.
00:41:26.489 --> 00:41:27.449
Like, it's so awesome.
00:41:27.529 --> 00:41:28.730
I love their show.
00:41:29.610 --> 00:41:31.130
Like, I love seeing that.
00:41:31.289 --> 00:41:32.250
I think that's fantastic.
00:41:32.409 --> 00:41:59.369
But I do think that as a partner, as a spouse, as a um, even just like a sex partner with a trusted person, like you do have as women for sure, we have that responsibility to really encourage and support and um help men to kind of like work through all of this and be and be the whole person like you're talking about in a fucking human experience and yeah, not be limited.
00:41:59.690 --> 00:42:09.049
Well, I think that supporting them and helping and guiding them through, because we're kind of, you know, we've been given carte blanche with our emotions forever.
00:42:09.849 --> 00:42:42.090
And um that is part of it, but kind of also going back and taking a good long look at our core beliefs about what men should be, I think is so important because there's kind of a backlash about, okay, so you know, clearly we know this toxic masculinity stuff exists, and we would, you know, so there's a fair number of women out there that I see kind of going, you know, so go do your therapy, do your shit, fix yourself, right?
00:42:42.250 --> 00:42:42.409
Right.
00:42:42.650 --> 00:42:44.409
Oh, I urge compassion.
00:42:44.730 --> 00:43:00.329
I urge compassion because we were not trained since young boyhood to be in a box, you know, to to it's like, and and the thing that breaks my heart too is is here's one of the things I think is the most harmful.
00:43:01.610 --> 00:43:11.610
Young boys get all kinds of tender, loving, non-sexual touch as infants, as toddlers, until they get to young boyhood, and then it is ripped away from them.
00:43:11.849 --> 00:43:13.610
It is no longer okay.
00:43:13.849 --> 00:43:16.650
No, you don't want to be a sissy boy and go cuddle with your mom.
00:43:16.730 --> 00:43:17.849
You know, you're 13.
00:43:18.009 --> 00:43:18.969
What the hell?
00:43:19.210 --> 00:43:40.969
It's the saddest thing, and so men oftentimes grow up so
touch-starved, and you know, a little bit of a diversion here, but I recently realized through a conversation I had with a guy, I'm I'm on a website that has all kinds of different kinky stuff, and so there's lots of different titles for the kinks you have, you know.
00:43:41.369 --> 00:43:47.210
Dominus central sadist is how I um identify, but one of them is called mommy dom.
00:43:47.769 --> 00:43:51.929
I have always had a knee-jerk reaction to that, always a bad one.
00:43:52.250 --> 00:43:55.049
Because don't fucking call me mommy, man.
00:43:55.289 --> 00:43:58.090
It's like, no, I am not your mother.
00:43:58.250 --> 00:44:00.250
I don't get off on incest fantasies.
00:44:00.650 --> 00:44:17.690
But this guy explained to me that he thought it was given a bad rap because just like the word dominant has a zillion different definitions, there are different definitions of this, and that's how I think labels work is it gives you an idea of what's going on, and then you need to get curious and start asking questions.
00:44:17.929 --> 00:44:18.170
Okay.
00:44:18.329 --> 00:44:33.690
He said he thinks a lot of these guys just are seeking that tender, loving nurturing that they didn't get from young boyhood, and that it's kind of supposedly sort of not appropriate to ask for as adult men.
00:44:34.409 --> 00:44:42.889
And who doesn't like being held in someone's arms and being safe and you know, cuddled and that kind of thing?
00:44:43.130 --> 00:44:51.210
And even like I remember, I was gonna say, against some wonderful uh um jumpy castle breasts, that's it.
00:44:52.650 --> 00:44:53.929
Bouncy castle.
00:44:54.250 --> 00:44:56.090
Bouncy castle, that's it.
00:44:56.809 --> 00:45:02.090
And you know, like as a child, you know, that was just the most amazing feeling.
00:45:02.329 --> 00:45:09.289
And he thinks a lot of it is that, that it has nothing to do with like like mommy or incest or anything like that.
00:45:09.529 --> 00:45:12.969
So I wrote an article about it and I reevaluated my knee-jerk.
00:45:13.049 --> 00:45:18.489
And so now when someone says, Yeah, I'm into the whole mommy dom thing, I'm like, okay, talk to me about what that means.
00:45:19.049 --> 00:45:21.849
Because I I have nurturing at my core, goodness.
00:45:21.929 --> 00:45:24.809
I did massage for 31 years before I retired.
00:45:25.210 --> 00:45:30.489
And yeah, I just like to help people, to nurture them, to make them feel good.
00:45:30.650 --> 00:45:33.929
I also like to hurt them, but only if they like to be hurt.
00:45:34.889 --> 00:45:37.769
And you don't hurt people during pegging.
00:45:38.009 --> 00:45:41.849
Okay, okay, okay, meaning the pegging doesn't hurt people.
00:45:42.090 --> 00:45:42.250
Right.
00:45:42.329 --> 00:45:43.769
Yeah, I was just gonna say.
00:45:44.409 --> 00:45:44.730
Yeah.
00:45:44.969 --> 00:45:45.210
Okay.
00:45:45.369 --> 00:45:53.210
I want to talk to you about this because um I know we touched upon this in the last episode, but I didn't go we didn't go into depth about it.
00:45:53.289 --> 00:46:01.049
But you were talking about how you like to do you, I you mentioned something about dirty talks and dirty talk during pegging.
00:46:01.210 --> 00:46:02.409
And I was like, ooh, okay.
00:46:03.049 --> 00:46:05.369
Now, I really want to jump into that a little bit more.
00:46:05.529 --> 00:46:07.130
Like, what does that look like for you?
00:46:07.289 --> 00:46:08.489
Can you give me some examples?
00:46:08.650 --> 00:46:10.489
Like, I need some inspiration, girl.
00:46:10.809 --> 00:46:20.409
Well, you it dirty talk, most of the time, when you first start getting into it, it's a whole lot more uncomfortable because it's like, I don't know what the fuck to say.
00:46:20.650 --> 00:46:21.610
All right, all right.
00:46:21.849 --> 00:46:25.049
So just describe what's happening.
00:46:25.610 --> 00:46:26.889
Okay, okay.
00:46:27.210 --> 00:46:30.650
Look at this big toy sinking deep into your ass.
00:46:31.130 --> 00:46:32.009
Oh, that's easy.
00:46:32.170 --> 00:46:33.210
Yes, we could do that.
00:46:33.449 --> 00:46:34.570
Yes, yes, yes.
00:46:34.809 --> 00:46:35.130
Okay.
00:46:36.009 --> 00:46:38.409
Your moans are so hot, you know.
00:46:38.570 --> 00:46:39.130
Oh, I think that's a good idea.
00:46:39.369 --> 00:46:41.769
Just be a narrator, you know?
00:46:42.090 --> 00:46:42.409
Okay.
00:46:42.570 --> 00:46:42.809
Okay.
00:46:43.449 --> 00:46:44.329
You can totally do that.
00:46:45.130 --> 00:46:45.369
Okay.
00:46:45.529 --> 00:46:48.329
And then what if you wanted to ramp it up a little bit?
00:46:48.969 --> 00:46:53.369
Well, then what it then it pays to know the kinks of your partner.
00:46:53.610 --> 00:46:59.849
Like if they like being called boy, or they like being called slut, or all kinds of different things.
00:47:00.009 --> 00:47:12.809
If you know some hot button things for them that are the things that that uh really flip their switch, frost their cake, whatever you however you want to say it, you can kind of include that in there.
00:47:13.130 --> 00:47:14.889
Look at you take this big toy.
00:47:14.969 --> 00:47:17.289
You're such a slut, you know.
00:47:17.769 --> 00:47:21.130
But they have to want to, you know, do the slut thing.
00:47:21.449 --> 00:47:21.849
Right.
00:47:22.170 --> 00:47:23.690
Or you're such a good boy.
00:47:23.849 --> 00:47:25.369
Look at you take this.
00:47:25.610 --> 00:47:26.170
Yeah.
00:47:26.409 --> 00:47:29.449
Oh next time, and then you can get a little fear in there too.
00:47:29.529 --> 00:47:31.610
It's like next time we're gonna go even bigger.
00:47:33.690 --> 00:47:35.769
Yeah, you could do all kinds of stuff.
00:47:36.009 --> 00:47:43.369
So, so with me, it's like a little mental thing of of fear, you know, a little bit of fear because fear can be excitement too.
00:47:43.610 --> 00:47:44.170
Yeah.
00:47:44.809 --> 00:47:46.489
Oh my god, yes.
00:47:47.369 --> 00:47:56.969
Yeah, because like last month when we did this
pegging, um, me and my friend, like there was a lot of dirty talk involved, but it just sort of like just was like that.
00:47:57.130 --> 00:48:03.529
We didn't really talk about it before, but I I like I know him really well, so I know he likes he likes some of this stuff.
00:48:03.769 --> 00:48:07.369
Yeah, but it was so fun in the moment because he was just dying.
00:48:07.529 --> 00:48:08.570
He just loved it.
00:48:09.369 --> 00:48:09.929
Mm-hmm.
00:48:10.650 --> 00:48:13.690
But I have to agree with you what you said before about the moans.
00:48:14.009 --> 00:48:24.009
There are noises that uh guys make when you're fucking them that they don't make any other way, any other way.
00:48:24.250 --> 00:48:28.889
And sometimes they're not even aware that they're making those noises.
00:48:29.769 --> 00:48:30.170
You know?
00:48:30.409 --> 00:48:37.210
So if, like, you did a uh an audio recording, consent, of course, um, you know, in play tune, they're like, oh my god.
00:48:37.529 --> 00:48:37.769
Yeah.
00:48:37.849 --> 00:48:43.289
Oh sometimes they're blown away because it's like it they it it just comes out of them.
00:48:43.449 --> 00:48:46.650
There's some way in which it touches the core part.
00:48:46.969 --> 00:48:55.610
I think I guess that's that's what I've come to believe is that um there's that vagus nerve stuff that happens, and I talk about that in the advanced class.
00:48:55.849 --> 00:49:03.690
The vagus nerve is is uh part of I think what gives it um such a good feeling.
00:49:03.769 --> 00:49:07.849
The prostate, certainly, but the vagus nerve stimulation is kind of magical too.
00:49:08.009 --> 00:49:09.929
I teach all about that in the advanced class.
00:49:10.170 --> 00:49:31.210
The advanced webinar is I dive a little deeper into orgasms for both givers and receivers because sure it depends a lot on equipment, but there's other factors too because of the role reversal, and there's other tricks and things that you can do to try and encourage orgasms on both sides of the pegging equation.
00:49:31.289 --> 00:49:37.929
And also I I dive into hands-free orgasms and prostate orgasms, two different things.
00:49:38.170 --> 00:49:45.529
So many people think that if you're pegged well enough, hard enough, whatever, good enough, that you will have a hands-free orgasm.
00:49:45.849 --> 00:49:57.449
Yeah, that's possible, but most people don't understand that a prostate orgasm is completely different than a regular coc-centric orgasm for lack of a better term.
00:49:57.610 --> 00:50:00.409
You know, it's not a coc-centric spasming orgasm.
00:50:00.570 --> 00:50:02.889
Can that happen while you're pegging your partner?
00:50:02.969 --> 00:50:05.289
Yeah, that can, but that is not a prostate orgasm.
00:50:05.529 --> 00:50:05.849
Oh.
00:50:06.489 --> 00:50:09.210
Prostate orgasm happens deeper in the pelvis.
00:50:10.170 --> 00:50:19.529
It uh it's a wider area, it is more subtle, it's sort of like a warmth and tingling, and it's like
these waves of euphoria.
00:50:19.690 --> 00:50:21.369
And there is no refractory period.
00:50:21.449 --> 00:50:23.610
Yay! Multiples.
00:50:26.170 --> 00:50:26.809
Wow.
00:50:27.210 --> 00:50:30.489
I'm sure people are listening right now going like, wow.
00:50:30.730 --> 00:50:36.570
And not every guy can do it, just like not every woman can orgasm from penetration alone, you know.
00:50:36.809 --> 00:50:38.329
But hey, enjoy the journey.
00:50:38.409 --> 00:50:40.730
Don't get fixated on the destination.
00:50:41.049 --> 00:50:41.289
Yeah.
00:50:41.610 --> 00:50:42.329
That's what I always say.
00:50:42.489 --> 00:51:00.329
Yeah, I want to ask about that because like I think for for most guys that I've nearly all guys I've met, not all of them, but nearly, um, really fixated on orgasm uh ejaculation equals the, you know, the that's the finish line for sex, that's the goal.
00:51:00.570 --> 00:51:07.769
Um but with with asplay, with pegging, it's not, it's not, right?
00:51:07.929 --> 00:51:10.250
It's not necessarily, is it is it?
00:51:10.409 --> 00:51:12.730
Is it just like if it happens, great.
00:51:12.889 --> 00:51:14.889
If not, it's just fun to do.
00:51:16.409 --> 00:51:25.929
Well, most men see uh as you in intimated, see sex as you know, the orgasm is a thing.
00:51:26.090 --> 00:51:27.210
That's the whole point, right?
00:51:27.369 --> 00:51:33.130
Yeah, and they are kind of trained to look at sex that way.
00:51:33.849 --> 00:51:36.889
Uh so pegging can be very different.
00:51:37.690 --> 00:51:40.650
You can you cannot have it.
00:51:40.809 --> 00:51:54.570
I've had partners who they've tried to like older gentlemen, try to reach an orgasm after they've had enough pegging, so to speak, can't get there and say, you know what, I don't care.
00:51:54.809 --> 00:51:56.170
You know, this was so amazing.
00:51:56.329 --> 00:51:56.489
Yeah.
00:51:56.730 --> 00:52:09.210
So in a way, it it's like it's so fulfilling to have that sensation and to have somebody fucking you from their perspective that they don't care, they don't need an orgasm.
00:52:09.449 --> 00:52:09.769
Okay.
00:52:10.409 --> 00:52:15.849
Sometimes uh this happens more of the time.
00:52:16.009 --> 00:52:17.769
This is like the majority, right?
00:52:19.130 --> 00:52:31.769
First of all, it's good to understand that uh when you get prostate stimulation, which is what happens when you are fucking somebody, um, it temporarily compromises the ability to have an erection for a lot of guys.
00:52:32.009 --> 00:52:32.329
Okay.
00:52:32.730 --> 00:52:38.009
So it that's really important for guys to know because it's like, oh my god, you broke my dick.
00:52:38.090 --> 00:52:45.449
I mean, if it's a guy who's never had a problem having an erection in his entire life, and all of a sudden it's like, it's not working, right?
00:52:45.849 --> 00:52:46.730
It's really okay.
00:52:46.889 --> 00:52:48.409
We did not break your dick.
00:52:48.730 --> 00:52:59.610
So sometimes you have to pause the action for a little bit, coax the the cock into like a partial erection, and then oftentimes you can have an orgasm, sometimes you have to pull out all the way, you know.
00:52:59.929 --> 00:53:07.610
Okay, this makes a lot of sense because I feel like there's just a lot going on in the back door, and then stuff's not blood's not flowing to the front.
00:53:07.929 --> 00:53:08.730
Like it just makes sense.
00:53:09.049 --> 00:53:21.130
You know, and I don't know if it's blood or not, but I do know that a lot of guys say um, while they're getting fucked, they really don't want anything playing with their dick.
00:53:21.769 --> 00:53:31.929
Because the sensations of prostate stimulation are more subtle, and they kind of get in this space where they sink into it and concentrate on it and focus on it.
00:53:32.170 --> 00:53:36.009
And as soon as you start playing with the cock, boom, tension's right over there.
00:53:36.250 --> 00:53:44.170
Somebody said at one point in time, well, yeah, because I mean uh it it's like all the blood's in the prostate, and then when you start playing with the cock, it all goes with the cock.
00:53:44.570 --> 00:53:46.489
I don't think physiologically that's what happens.
00:53:46.650 --> 00:53:52.090
Okay, but certainly focus, it absolutely does happen.
00:53:52.570 --> 00:53:54.409
Oh, this is fascinating.
00:53:54.650 --> 00:53:55.369
Oh my goodness.
00:53:55.529 --> 00:53:56.969
See, I'm still learning.
00:53:58.250 --> 00:54:01.690
And I just geek out about this stuff.
00:54:02.170 --> 00:54:03.049
Can you tell?
00:54:03.369 --> 00:54:04.489
I know, I love it.
00:54:04.570 --> 00:54:10.409
It is so funny because I mentioned this on the show in the four years ago when you were on, but I was like, I never thought I would like pegging.
00:54:10.489 --> 00:54:11.929
I had no interest in it.
00:54:12.170 --> 00:54:15.130
All I knew was the domination factor.
00:54:15.289 --> 00:54:17.610
I and I didn't know anything else about that.
00:54:17.690 --> 00:54:26.329
And for that, and just that that image in my mind of the dominatrix in the leather outfit, like just pegging this guy, and like that was it.
00:54:26.489 --> 00:54:27.690
That's that's all I thought.
00:54:27.849 --> 00:54:28.489
That's all I knew.
00:54:28.570 --> 00:54:30.969
And I was just like, nah, I think I'll pass on that.
00:54:31.210 --> 00:54:36.889
I am so glad that I didn't keep in that frame of mind.
00:54:36.969 --> 00:54:40.170
I'm so glad I broke out of that and just like, you know what, there's more to this.
00:54:40.250 --> 00:54:45.449
Like, I feel like maybe I do, and then I just fucking tried it one night, but and loved it ever since.
00:54:45.610 --> 00:54:48.570
But I'm so glad because I would be missing out on all of this.
00:54:48.730 --> 00:54:51.049
Like, this is fascinating the more I learn about it.
00:54:51.130 --> 00:54:52.170
This is so cool.
00:54:52.409 --> 00:54:58.409
Um, I I've had this question from many people
over the years that have been saving this question for you.
00:54:58.570 --> 00:55:08.009
Um, is there like for the guys who are like, I really want to get pegged, but I also want her to feel like pleasure at the same time, stimulation at the same time.
00:55:08.090 --> 00:55:16.650
Is there like some sort of harness that will like go in her or on her clit or some do something for her while she's pegging the guy?
00:55:17.049 --> 00:55:23.049
Yeah, and so if the visual on this lovely interview turns out, I apologize for the eye roll.
00:55:24.409 --> 00:55:28.329
Um, and and the only reason is not because it's a dumb question, it's not at all.
00:55:28.570 --> 00:55:31.610
And kudos to you for being concerned about your partner's pleasure.
00:55:31.690 --> 00:55:32.889
It's awesome, right?
00:55:33.769 --> 00:55:37.369
It was it's because I hear it all the time, all the time, all the time.
00:55:37.929 --> 00:55:44.570
Um, and uh yes, there is absolutely equipment that can give your partner more pleasure.
00:55:44.809 --> 00:55:58.969
Um the trick is to determine what type and location of stimulation is your partner's most favorite, and then find the equipment that provides that.
00:55:59.210 --> 00:56:01.849
It's not a, oh yes, this toy, binga binga.
00:56:02.090 --> 00:56:02.409
Mm-mm.
00:56:02.969 --> 00:56:06.409
Which is why my equipment webinar is also two hours.
00:56:06.570 --> 00:56:06.809
Yeah.
00:56:07.049 --> 00:56:11.049
And and I always go over time on that one because there's so much equipment out there.
00:56:11.289 --> 00:56:15.049
And it really depends because I can say, oh, this this like it.
00:56:15.210 --> 00:56:17.849
I have used the words for one of the toys that I recommend.
00:56:17.929 --> 00:56:24.730
It's a game changer, but it's only a game changer if you like vibrations and you like something inside you as well.
00:56:24.969 --> 00:56:27.210
So, you know, not everybody's the same.
00:56:27.289 --> 00:56:35.769
It's very, very individual, just like it's very, very individual what toy goes inside a guy's ass and what they prefer.
00:56:35.849 --> 00:56:38.489
There's different levels of prostate sensitivity.
00:56:38.730 --> 00:56:47.289
And so the whole thing about prostate sensitivity, I get guys, I I'm I'm a mod on one of the pegging subreddits on Reddit.
00:56:47.849 --> 00:56:54.489
And I get guys that come in and say, So I've heard that a curved dildo gives you more prostate stimulation.
00:56:54.650 --> 00:56:55.289
Is that true?
00:56:55.529 --> 00:56:59.289
Yeah, it is, and it could be perfectly the wrong thing for your particular prostate.
00:56:59.610 --> 00:56:59.849
Okay.
00:57:00.090 --> 00:57:01.929
So it's just really individual.
00:57:02.650 --> 00:57:08.250
Oh, and I bet they hate hearing that because then they're like, oh my gosh, I just want to know the answer to the best thing ever.
00:57:08.409 --> 00:57:09.690
Like, right, yeah.
00:57:09.769 --> 00:57:18.570
And and also, um, you know, if you're
a guy and you're asking that question, bring your partner into the decision making, please.
00:57:19.049 --> 00:57:28.409
Don't just go out and get something, because there's so many different parts of the selection process that they really need to be a part of.
00:57:28.730 --> 00:57:30.409
The look of it's really important.
00:57:30.889 --> 00:57:45.210
I mean, okay, there's no denying that the effort-reward ratio generally favors the receiver, and this is probably why um pegging is not like a Tinder hookup thing.
00:57:45.929 --> 00:57:56.489
It's I'm not saying it's never happened on Tinder, of course it has at some point, but there's some kind of connection, some kind of relationship usually needs to exist.
00:57:56.650 --> 00:58:04.969
In other words, what I'm saying is women are happy to fuck people they care about, uh, that they love, whatever.
00:58:05.210 --> 00:58:07.210
But they're not happy to fuck strangers.
00:58:08.009 --> 00:58:08.570
Yeah.
00:58:09.130 --> 00:58:09.529
True.
00:58:09.849 --> 00:58:15.690
So and and I'm again, generalizations, but that is true the vast majority of time.
00:58:16.090 --> 00:58:16.329
Yeah.
00:58:16.570 --> 00:58:17.690
Yeah, I agree with that.
00:58:17.849 --> 00:58:28.889
Um, okay, last question that I have uh that I don't think we talked about last time, but um I have been asked about since that show, uh, is aftercare.
00:58:29.289 --> 00:58:36.730
I know you just talked about like it's important to know the person and care about this person and have some sort of relationship with this person.
00:58:37.049 --> 00:58:50.170
Um but i is there with pegging, and I know you have a shit ton of experience in this, um, is there some type of aftercare that's most often needed or required?
00:58:50.250 --> 00:58:51.769
And what does that look like?
00:58:54.170 --> 00:59:00.009
I'm so glad you brought this up because um it can go both ways.
00:59:00.409 --> 00:59:10.090
So the experience of the intense vulnerability can be kind of overwhelming.
00:59:10.329 --> 00:59:20.090
Penetration can be overwhelming sometimes, especially anal penetration, because that is such a vulnerable and sort of potentially anxiety-producing act, right?
00:59:20.250 --> 00:59:21.769
It's being penetrated anally.
00:59:21.849 --> 00:59:22.809
It's like, whoa.
00:59:23.210 --> 00:59:28.009
Um, so that vulnerability, it can be really overwhelming sometimes.
00:59:28.250 --> 00:59:40.650
So aftercare can definitely be needed, but then we run into the whole masculinity thing about guys are not good at asking to be held, guys are sometimes even uncomfortable being held.
00:59:40.809 --> 00:59:41.130
Right.
00:59:41.369 --> 00:59:58.009
But in my opinion, it brings things to this beautiful closing circle because if you've ever had a craving to just be held and then you don't get it because you don't voice it, or maybe the person won't give it, it feels awful.
00:59:58.170 --> 01:00:03.769
So if you're the receiver, if you're the guy and you're able to open up your mouth and ask for it, awesome.
01:00:04.090 --> 01:00:11.610
Now, from the woman's point of view, to know that this might be needed afterwards is a wonderful thing.
01:00:11.769 --> 01:00:13.130
So you can also offer it.
01:00:13.210 --> 01:00:18.170
And I never mean to put all the responsibility for the women on, you need to take care of this person.
01:00:18.489 --> 01:00:24.889
I mean, it is it's different than like a dominant submissive because as a dominant, you are responsible for that person.
01:00:25.049 --> 01:00:27.449
This is more of a you're doing this together, right?
01:00:27.690 --> 01:00:29.849
Unless you're doing it in a dob subway.
01:00:30.090 --> 01:00:33.690
And and it would be great if you could offer that as well.
01:00:34.170 --> 01:00:40.809
I mean, even guys are sometimes uncomfortable being the little spoon, and I'm like, oh my God, let it go.
01:00:41.289 --> 01:00:41.929
Let it go.
01:00:42.090 --> 01:00:43.289
It's really okay.
01:00:43.529 --> 01:00:52.489
So there's that situation, and yes, getting a wonderful cuddle and being held and and the head against the jumpy boobs.
01:00:52.650 --> 01:00:53.690
I'm not gonna get it right.
01:00:53.769 --> 01:00:54.409
I'm not gonna get it.
01:00:54.730 --> 01:00:55.849
Bouncy castle boobs.
01:00:56.009 --> 01:00:56.570
Thank you.
01:00:56.889 --> 01:01:00.650
Keep saying jumpy, can be amazing.
01:01:01.049 --> 01:01:02.809
Here's the other side of it.
01:01:03.049 --> 01:01:12.009
Um, just like I consider myself foundationally dominant, there are also women who consider themselves foundationally submissive.
01:01:12.250 --> 01:01:17.690
You may not run into as many of them in your work, but they're out there.
01:01:17.849 --> 01:01:23.449
And so pegging for them, just real quickly, can twist their head around.
01:01:23.529 --> 01:01:28.329
They don't want to be in control, they don't want to be the person who's running the fuck, that kind of thing, right?
01:01:28.489 --> 01:01:28.650
Yeah.
01:01:28.889 --> 01:01:32.489
So it can put their head in a twist, and they may need aftercare too.
01:01:32.730 --> 01:01:33.049
Okay.
01:01:33.289 --> 01:01:35.049
Just a quick note about that.
01:01:35.369 --> 01:01:36.009
Right.
01:01:36.570 --> 01:01:37.049
Yeah.
01:01:37.289 --> 01:01:37.610
Okay.
01:01:37.769 --> 01:01:39.529
This makes a lot of sense to me.
01:01:39.690 --> 01:01:43.449
Um, Ruby, this has been such a fucking great conversation.
01:01:43.610 --> 01:01:49.369
Like you're one of my favorite guests for sure, because like I learned so much, and I know everybody who's listening is gonna learn.
01:01:49.449 --> 01:01:56.570
And I really, really hope that everybody does go and and at least like check out your live webinars that you do.
01:01:56.650 --> 01:01:58.969
You there's no fee, no charge to do that.
01:01:59.210 --> 01:02:04.090
But for sure, if you are interested in learning all about this, like get buy those those courses.
01:02:04.250 --> 01:02:06.009
They're so fucking well worth it.
01:02:06.250 --> 01:02:11.289
Where can people learn more about you access all of these things?
01:02:12.250 --> 01:02:23.449
Although I have already mentioned my my uh website, peggingparadise.com, because of a lot of reasons that have to do with the difficulty of being a sex educator, which I'm sure you're familiar with.
01:02:23.769 --> 01:02:24.250
Yes.
01:02:24.570 --> 01:02:30.489
My educational foundational website right now is theartofegging.com.
01:02:30.969 --> 01:02:39.049
And there you can find all of my upcoming events because I do have those free webinars, the three that I teach, but I also do what I call office hours.
01:02:39.210 --> 01:02:45.210
And those are kind of random weeknight things, usually five or six o'clock California time in the evening.
01:02:45.449 --> 01:02:55.690
And that's when you can show up, ask any questions that you have about pegging whatsoever, and even adjacent kinks, because if I don't know the answer, I probably know a sex educator who does.
01:02:55.929 --> 01:03:00.170
So those are available and you can register for any of those events there.
01:03:00.489 --> 01:03:03.529
Um, also, I've done over 300 podcasts.
01:03:03.769 --> 01:03:05.210
I'm not doing podcasts now.
01:03:05.289 --> 01:03:12.250
I don't know if I'll ever go back to them, but uh they're all downloadable there from theartofpegging.com.
01:03:13.369 --> 01:03:13.769
Amazing.
01:03:14.090 --> 01:03:25.529
One of the things that I'm going to give you for your show notes is um I had to be careful about this because of that stupid sex education censorship thing that I just alluded to.
01:03:25.769 --> 01:03:26.969
I write erotica.
01:03:27.049 --> 01:03:29.210
I've written over 75 erotic pegging stories.
01:03:29.289 --> 01:03:34.409
I do have a section of them that are free stories because the others are for my patrons.
01:03:34.570 --> 01:03:37.690
There's also a patron thing on the art of pegging as well.
01:03:37.929 --> 01:03:38.250
Okay.
01:03:38.489 --> 01:03:42.009
Because Patreon had the censorship Hamryfall as well.
01:03:42.329 --> 01:03:43.289
Oh, I went through that.
01:03:43.369 --> 01:03:43.690
Yes.
01:03:43.929 --> 01:03:46.809
Yeah, six six years ago, yeah, or maybe seven or eight now.
01:03:46.969 --> 01:03:50.489
Anyway, the I have a collection of free stories, so I'm going to give you that link.
01:03:50.570 --> 01:03:53.369
It's hidden on theartofpegging.com because I had it.
01:03:53.529 --> 01:03:57.449
I had it as a tab, and then Stripe said, Yeah, you're gone.
01:03:57.690 --> 01:03:58.009
Yeah.
01:03:58.730 --> 01:04:03.289
So I had to reapply for Stripe under a different email.
01:04:04.570 --> 01:04:07.929
And then they said, Okay, what what are you exactly selling?
01:04:08.409 --> 01:04:13.929
I said, I'm selling consultations to help people enjoy and find more pleasure in their life.
01:04:14.170 --> 01:04:15.769
And they went for it.
01:04:16.809 --> 01:04:20.409
But no, don't ever use the word erotica on your website if you sell things.
01:04:20.570 --> 01:04:21.289
Oh my God.
01:04:21.529 --> 01:04:22.170
Oh, I know.
01:04:22.329 --> 01:04:25.289
The rules around all of this are just fucking crazy.
01:04:25.690 --> 01:04:26.329
It's not so.
01:04:26.489 --> 01:04:27.690
It's totally not so.
01:04:28.009 --> 01:04:31.610
Okay, so I will have links to those in the show notes for today.
01:04:31.849 --> 01:04:50.809
And um, and I like I said, I just hope everybody listening reaches out, connects with you uh for some some one of these resources, whether it be your erotica, whether it be your courses, um, any of the all of that, and to uh support your charity for Movember.
01:04:51.130 --> 01:04:52.329
Movember, it's coming up.
01:04:52.489 --> 01:04:52.969
It's coming up.
01:04:53.690 --> 01:04:58.009
And I really love, I love, love, love that you you choose to support men's mental health.
01:04:58.090 --> 01:04:59.690
I I think that's fucking awesome.
01:04:59.849 --> 01:05:01.369
I'm big fan.
01:05:01.529 --> 01:05:04.489
Um, but thank you so much for being on the show today.
01:05:04.650 --> 01:05:07.849
Again, my favorite returning guest, Ruby Ryder.
01:05:08.090 --> 01:05:10.170
Thank you so much for being on the show.
01:05:10.730 --> 01:05:12.009
You are so welcome.
01:05:12.170 --> 01:05:13.369
It's been a lot of fun.
01:05:13.449 --> 01:05:14.409
I'm happy to be back.
01:05:14.489 --> 01:05:19.130
I'm sorry to all your people listening that it took me so long to finally go, okay, let's do this.
01:05:19.449 --> 01:05:26.969
You know, life happens and the world's been a little wild, and I've been turtling for a bit, so I'm back.
01:05:27.130 --> 01:05:27.769
Yay!
01:05:28.170 --> 01:05:29.849
Yeah, let's do this again soon.
01:05:30.090 --> 01:05:30.730
Yes.
01:05:33.049 --> 01:05:35.210
That's gonna be it for today's episode.
01:05:35.369 --> 01:05:36.730
Thank you so much for joining me.
01:05:36.889 --> 01:05:39.610
Make sure you go to VenusCuckledress.com.
01:05:39.849 --> 01:06:03.690
That's where you can book a private chat with me, and you can also join the Queen's Porters community and get all the amazing benefits like the private podcast and the helpful cup tier, where you can get key holding, the private Snapchat group, monthly private chats with me, and weekly live hangouts and invites to special live events.
01:06:03.929 --> 01:06:07.690
Oh, and you can also submit a question or confession for the show.
01:06:07.849 --> 01:06:12.489
Just go to VenusCuckledris.com and click on the link that says the podcast.
01:06:13.049 --> 01:06:15.529
Make sure you follow me on Blue Sky Social.
01:06:15.690 --> 01:06:18.329
Yes, I said Blue Sky Social Twitter.
01:06:19.369 --> 01:06:22.329
My handle there is at Cuckled Just V.
01:06:22.889 --> 01:06:25.289
Alright, that's it for today's show, you guys.
01:06:25.369 --> 01:06:26.730
We'll see you next time.