The Things We Do... - Interview with Scarlet Hunter の全文書き起こし

close with my friends 87 00:02:58,140 --> 00:02:59,140 and family. 88 00:02:59,140 --> 00:03:04,820 I've had a lot of big, beautiful relationships, um, and friendships and yeah, I feel like 89 00:03:04,820 --> 00:03:07,260 I'm always really connected to other people. 90 00:03:07,260 --> 00:03:08,260 Yeah. 91 00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:13,460 Um, and then in terms of my art, like kind of dancing and acting and performing has always 92 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:19,220 been a huge part of, of who I am and being, being on stage and creating things with other 93 00:03:19,220 --> 00:03:20,740 people and collaborating. 94 00:03:20,740 --> 00:03:24,380 And yeah, since I was a kid, I've, I've always wanted to do this. 95 00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:31,420 And I think that's kind of woven deeply into like my DNA, just that kind of razzle dazzle, 96 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,420 um, showbiz. 97 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:33,420 Yeah. 98 00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:36,340 It's kind of, yeah, woven into who I am. 99 00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:39,580 So I'm naturally quite extroverted. 100 00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:42,940 Um, yeah. 101 00:03:42,940 --> 00:03:50,940 Which is extraordinary because like, you know, we talk about not really changing and then 102 00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:53,660 changing so much in the space of a year. 103 00:03:53,660 --> 00:03:57,220 Um, cause I had this epiphany not long ago. 104 00:03:57,220 --> 00:04:04,620 Um, you know, when you're a kid and you, you, you're, your understanding is still growing. 105 00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:10,460 You know, you've, you've got this sort of like, uh, sort of wide-eyed bewilderment at 106 00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:12,060 everything and you're sort of fascinating. 107 00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:13,860 You're so excited by everything. 108 00:04:13,860 --> 00:04:18,500 And then you sort of get to an adult and you're sort of just trying to navigate all the rules 109 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,220 and regulations and what's going on in the world. 110 00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:24,020 Um, minus puberty that happens. 111 00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:28,900 Um, and I think the one thing I've always sort of gone, and it doesn't matter how old 112 00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:34,180 you are, I think there's core values and there's core belief systems that don't really change 113 00:04:34,180 --> 00:04:35,180 for us. 114 00:04:35,180 --> 00:04:37,180 Like being kind, being considerate. 115 00:04:37,180 --> 00:04:41,780 Um, you know, some insecurities we have don't really go away. 116 00:04:41,780 --> 00:04:44,220 That they just sort of manifest into something else. 117 00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:48,380 Like there's this real, like, and I think it's a human behavior thing. 118 00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:53,780 I'm not going to be like, um, like psychologist. 119 00:04:53,780 --> 00:05:00,260 I think there's a real sense of like, we do remain fundamentally the same, but a lot of 120 00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:09,740 our experiences change us and help us grow and help us solidify or counter a belief we 121 00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:11,660 might have had. 122 00:05:11,660 --> 00:05:16,140 But a lot of the belief systems, like, you know, who we are and what makes us a person, 123 00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:21,220 um, really stick by, like they have to be something quite significant to push us. 124 00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:22,740 To be totally different. 125 00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:26,700 Totally different and far beyond like, you know, when you see in films where it's like, 126 00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:30,940 um, I think I watched the next three days with Russell Crowe the other day. 127 00:05:30,940 --> 00:05:32,020 I haven't seen that. 128 00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:36,340 It's a fun film, but like, it's just, he goes out like being this regular man, his wife 129 00:05:36,340 --> 00:05:40,460 gets arrested and then he starts murdering and not like straight up murder, but he killed 130 00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:42,100 like two people. 131 00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:48,660 And I'm like, that takes a lot from just like, you know, knuckling down and then being like, 132 00:05:48,660 --> 00:05:51,540 I'm going to murder these people. 133 00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:58,900 So I think, I think for, for that sense, it's really like, yes, we do change, but I don't 134 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:04,300 think we're going to change in this quite the same way. 135 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:12,540 Do you feel like younger you would be astounded where you are now? 136 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:13,940 Such a beautiful question. 137 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:21,000 And I feel that always sparks like emotion in me talking about your younger self. 138 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:26,500 And I've been talking a lot about this in therapy about like my talk, talking to my 139 00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:34,220 inner child and part of me, part of me feels, yes, I would be like, oh my God, I'm going 140 00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:35,220 to do this. 141 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:36,220 Oh my God, you've gone and done it. 142 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:40,740 Like my, I moved here from New York and living in New York was like my dream growing up. 143 00:06:40,740 --> 00:06:45,340 And then when I actually got there, I was like, holy fuck, I'm fucking doing this thing. 144 00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:46,980 Oh my God. 145 00:06:46,980 --> 00:06:53,300 And, and it, I, and I still feel so grateful and shocked when I'm doing something very 146 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,300 fucking cool. 147 00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:55,300 Yeah. 148 00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:58,220 But it been on, on like the other side of that coin. 149 00:06:58,220 --> 00:07:06,260 And I, I feel like I've always kind of known that this was what I was going to do. 150 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:10,540 Like my path I've always, it's, it's almost, it's not like I didn't have a choice as in 151 00:07:10,540 --> 00:07:15,900 I had like dance mom or anything, but like I had the opposite of dance, dance parents 152 00:07:15,900 --> 00:07:22,700 and performer

parents growing up, but I've kind of always been really certain and secure 153 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:28,500 like in my heart and in my bones that this is what I'm going to do with my life. 154 00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:33,620 So I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm never like, oh my God, this is so weird that I'm doing this thing 155 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:40,380 because it's kind of, I've had this like inner knowing of wanting to, wanting to, to perform 156 00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:44,660 and wanting to be on stage and wanting to, you know, be, be an artist. 157 00:07:44,660 --> 00:07:47,300 I've kind of always wanted that and always known that. 158 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:51,820 And you know, I've, I heard someone saying in interview, like, I think it was after like 159 00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,860 a UFC fight or something. 160 00:07:53,860 --> 00:07:56,620 They were like, Oh, could you, could you ever believe that you, you know, you were here 161 00:07:56,620 --> 00:07:57,620 right now? 162 00:07:57,620 --> 00:08:04,020 And this guy was like, yes, I knew I was going to find that kind of resonated to me because 163 00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:07,380 I was like, yeah, sometimes you just know what you're going to do. 164 00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:11,740 And I feel so lucky that I've had that knowing because a lot of people that I know, you know, 165 00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:14,660 you're still trying to work out what they want to do and what lights them up and what 166 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:15,660 they're passionate about. 167 00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:16,660 Yeah. 168 00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:22,980 But I've kind of always had this comfort in it's going to what I'm doing is, is what I'm 169 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:23,980 meant to be doing. 170 00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:24,980 Yeah. 171 00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:25,980 I know. 172 00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:32,500 I love that because it's, and it's interesting because isn't that like when you go back to 173 00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:40,380 therapy, um, I think there's a huge amount of like fear interpretation with like, you 174 00:08:40,380 --> 00:08:43,580 know, performing and acting because it's such a vulnerable thing. 175 00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:48,300 And I always think it is such a vulnerable thing because it is like exposing these raw 176 00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:52,740 elements of yourself, whether you sort of like feel it or not. 177 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:55,660 And a lot of it is like the fundamentals. 178 00:08:55,660 --> 00:09:01,540 It's kind of like its own therapy and, and trauma loading up, which is so interesting. 179 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:04,780 Oh, well, good thing that thing happened to me because I can use that. 180 00:09:04,780 --> 00:09:05,780 Yeah. 181 00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:10,540 No, it's like, oh, there's another little like cherry on top that I can just like trauma 182 00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:12,540 bond. 183 00:09:12,540 --> 00:09:17,700 But I do think that there's like a real element. 184 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:22,020

I think it's like also when I, you know, I seen like the national theater and stuff and 185 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:28,060 performances from like their online videos, which I think are phenomenal. 186 00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:32,340 But also like captivating drama performances on TV and film. 187 00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:40,740 Um, it really is a sense like it is, it is this sort of like really weird feeling because 188 00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:43,980 yeah, when you're a kid, it seems so impossible. 189 00:09:43,980 --> 00:09:46,220 It seems so hard to reach. 190 00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:51,020 Um, versus like now, I mean, like, what were you like as a kid? 191 00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:53,340 What, what was your little you? 192 00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:55,100 What was I like as a kid? 193 00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:58,940 I was very playful and imaginative. 194 00:09:58,940 --> 00:10:04,940 My mom would always like tell these stories that I would be like in my room, like playing 195 00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:09,100 an entire game by myself, like being like, like I would play like teacher and I'd be 196 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:13,820 the teacher and then I'd be the student and then I'd be the, and so I was like very playful 197 00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:14,820 and imaginative. 198 00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:21,180 And I think as well that, um, lends to, as you get older, pulling on that imagination 199 00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:27,780 in my work and in, in the craft of acting, being able to have that imagination. 200 00:10:27,780 --> 00:10:33,680 So I was always, I was always very playful, very sensitive and I'm still very sensitive, 201 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,180 but I think I'm mask it. 202 00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:40,980 I mask it a lot with my, I guess my like extrovertedness that I was talking about before. 203 00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:42,540 I'm like, oh yeah, all good. 204 00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:47,540 Even though I'm like, ow, that really, you know, um, but I, yeah, I was very sensitive, 205 00:10:47,540 --> 00:10:48,660 very emotional kid. 206 00:10:48,660 --> 00:10:50,260 I was like, I would cry a lot. 207 00:10:50,260 --> 00:10:58,980 I would feel things a lot and like feel like if I was having a, you know, a school, a playground 208 00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:03,500 argument, I would come home and I would sob and I would be devastated that this girl said 209 00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:08,460 this and that, and I just would feel things very, I'd have a lot of big, big feelings 210 00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:12,580 when I was a kid and my brother, I've an, I've one older brother. 211 00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:15,460 He's kind of like the opposite to that. 212 00:11:15,460 --> 00:11:19,660 So it was like me and I'd be like, mom, like Elliot said this and like, and he'd just be 213 00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:21,620 like blank face. 214 00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:22,620 We were total opposite. 215 00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:26,140 So I was kind of like this, the baby of the family, but the cry baby

as well. 216 00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:31,980 I was, I was so, yeah, I was like this little raw thing that was just so affected by, by 217 00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:33,740 the world around me. 218 00:11:33,740 --> 00:11:35,740 I was so sweet though. 219 00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:38,580 I know, unless her heart, I think about her all the time. 220 00:11:38,580 --> 00:11:44,100 And there's this video, like a home movie of me, um, do it coming out from a dance concert 221 00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:48,180 and I have like my makeup done and I'm probably like six in this little outfit. 222 00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:52,140 And I'm like looking at the camera and mom's like, how do you, how did you think it went? 223 00:11:52,140 --> 00:11:53,140 How did you think it went? 224 00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:58,460 And I'm talking and I think about that video and that little girl who's just, was just 225 00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:03,700 so like, like you were talking about before being young and like the world is so, I was 226 00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:09,980 just so excited and so present and so I had so much belief, you know, in what I was doing 227 00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,860 and there's so much presence. 228 00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,580 You're so present when you're a kid. 229 00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:14,580 Yeah. 230 00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:16,620 Which is sort of like, you feel like you're less present. 231 00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:17,620 Yeah. 232 00:12:17,620 --> 00:12:24,380 Now I feel like now, um, it's almost coming back because I felt like in my very early 233 00:12:24,380 --> 00:12:25,380 twenties, I'm 28. 234 00:12:25,380 --> 00:12:26,380 Yeah. 235 00:12:26,380 --> 00:12:27,380 How old are you? 236 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,380 32. 237 00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:29,380 So old today. 238 00:12:29,380 --> 00:12:30,380 So old, dull. 239 00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:37,380 Um, I felt, I felt in my early, my kind of mid, I had all the confidence that I, I was 240 00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:41,940 super confident kid and because I was dancing and performing, I could talk to anyone and 241 00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:45,140 I could say, you know, I wasn't embarrassed much as a kid. 242 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:53,060 And then as I grew, got older, when I got to like 22, from 22 to maybe 24, 25, all of 243 00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:56,300 that went away. 244 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:59,460 And then I would like self edit myself. 245 00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:02,060 I would self edit in public. 246 00:13:02,060 --> 00:13:06,100 I would be, everything I would say, I would, I was wondering, God, should I have said that 247 00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:07,100 or did that come out wrong? 248 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:12,020 Or I was just second guessing and doubt, doubting myself big time. 249 00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:17,460 It's almost like the, it's the classic society kind of catches up with you. 250 00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:24,580 And then that innocent and that playful, like imaginative kid who was so confident, then 251

00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:26,380 where does that all go? 252 00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:32,180 And then all the kind of social constructs of being, you know, not wanting to outshine 253 00:13:32,180 --> 00:13:36,420 anyone or not wanting to be arrogant and not wanting, I was like almost, oh, I can't do 254 00:13:36,420 --> 00:13:37,420 that. 255 00:13:37,420 --> 00:13:38,420 That's too confident. 256 00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:40,380 And I feel like that's in a very, a very Australian thing. 257 00:13:40,380 --> 00:13:41,380 Yeah. 258 00:13:41,380 --> 00:13:42,380 As well. 259 00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:43,380 100%. 260 00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:48,820 And I think it's also like, like, I'm just drinking my coffee. 261 00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:49,820 I love it. 262 00:13:49,820 --> 00:13:50,820 It was the sound of it. 263 00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:51,820 The sound of it. 264 00:13:51,820 --> 00:13:52,820 Did you hear that? 265 00:13:52,820 --> 00:13:53,820 I did. 266 00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:54,820 Yeah. 267 00:13:54,820 --> 00:14:03,500 I really, I do think that it's this particular look at Australian women as well, particularly 268 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:11,580 like actors, but I do think that there's a glorified, I think because we have such a 269 00:14:11,580 --> 00:14:19,260 culture around it, like a very like almost sex driven culture around, like the idolization 270 00:14:19,260 --> 00:14:25,540 and, you know, like, particularly in Australia, which it's quite bad there. 271 00:14:25,540 --> 00:14:31,020 But you know, like that you, when you're in your twenties, it's like the best time you'll 272 00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:32,860 look for women in that. 273 00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:35,460 And you know, the older you get, the more haggard you get. 274 00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:38,940 And that's sort of like, it's harder to be attractive. 275 00:14:38,940 --> 00:14:41,300 That is such an Australian thing. 276 00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:42,300 Yeah. 277 00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:51,180 What I've noticed like between the ages of 20, 21 to probably about 24, 25 is when you 278 00:14:51,180 --> 00:14:59,500 see most like men go after, like, even if they're like in their thirties or like twenties, 279 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:02,420 they're like, these are the ones, like, these are the people I'm interested in because they're 280 00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:07,780 so like attractive in the sort of glorified. 281 00:15:07,780 --> 00:15:08,780 Young and vibrant. 282 00:15:08,780 --> 00:15:12,060 Young and vibrant and sort of eager. 283 00:15:12,060 --> 00:15:17,820 And it's also kind of like at the weird stage of when you're probably the most like insecure 284 00:15:17,820 --> 00:15:18,820 and nervous. 285 00:15:18,820 --> 00:15:22,300 So it was kind of like a weird take advantage subliminally. 286 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:30,060 Like it's so impressed in our culture that that's a normal thing to do and sort of like 287 00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:34,780 glorify, because then you're sort of like, I know

friends who were like single and they're 288 00:15:34,780 --> 00:15:40,420 like late twenties, early thirties and they struggle today because they're like, why you 289 00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:43,220 do isn't, aren't people finding me interesting? 290 00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:48,420 Is it like, you know, and it's because like, we're just so ingrained in that society where 291 00:15:48,420 --> 00:15:52,860 it's like, you've got to find someone in your early twenties and that's it and you're settled 292 00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:53,860 for life. 293 00:15:53,860 --> 00:15:54,860 Yeah. 294 00:15:54,860 --> 00:16:03,380 I feel like as well, I, being, being kind of social, like I was very social in my early 295 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:07,460 twenties in Sydney and I was kind of always out and about and I worked in a bar and I 296 00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:11,980 was auditioning and auditioning was kind of like the passenger seat. 297 00:16:11,980 --> 00:16:18,860 So I was always out and seeing, and then you'd get this as, as we all got to 25, then you'd 298 00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:23,740 get this younger generation of women coming up who I would see and like, oh, they're always 299 00:16:23,740 --> 00:16:27,620 out and about and they're always at the, you know, in the scene and at the parties and 300 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:33,260 now they're the, they're the ones that all of the older men that we were going out with 301 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:35,140 and now going after those women. 302 00:16:35,140 --> 00:16:36,140 Yeah. 303 00:16:36,140 --> 00:16:44,100 And that thing of like this young, vibrant kind of archetype of woman is seen to be like 304 00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:50,220 the most attractive, not attractive in a physical sense, but attractive kind of candidate of 305 00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:51,220 a person. 306 00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:56,700 And I feel like, yeah, Australia, I mean, I, I don't, I have no idea about Canada, but 307 00:16:56,700 --> 00:17:06,060 Australia especially it's, and even like gender in Australia is very, very specific to Australia. 308 00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:11,260 The kind of gender, gender issues that we have and the toxic masculinity that comes 309 00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:12,260 from Australia. 310 00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:16,780 And I know that there's toxic masculinity everywhere, but Australia specifically, we 311 00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:17,780 have a lot of it. 312 00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:18,780 It's a lot of it. 313 00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:19,780 Yeah. 314 00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:23,580 It's, it's really interesting because like we went to the public library the other day 315 00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:27,820 and you would never see this in Australia, but like the, on the door, they had like, 316 00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:31,500 um, trans people welcome and you know, on, on the public bathrooms. 317 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:36,100 And I was like, in Australia, that's just being introduced, like, you know, that whole 318 00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:44,220 aspect that, you know, non-gender conformity feels like we're so in the decade of like 319 00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:45,220 the 1800s. 320 00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:51,700 Like, wait, and I think it's also why a lot of our generation want to run away, like because 321 00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:58,420 we're so demanded to, there's no progression that like, even with acting, there's like, 322 00:17:58,420 --> 00:18:01,740 you're kind of stunted to a point of like, you want to be on home and away? 323 00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:03,740 You want to be a neighbors? 324 00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:04,740 Sure. 325 00:18:04,740 --> 00:18:08,900 Like that's a great jumping off point, but to get to America. 326 00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:09,900 Yes. 327 00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:10,900 So like they do, it's like, great. 328 00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:13,620 They, you do that because so then you can go to America and be like, look, I was on 329 00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:14,620 the biggest show. 330 00:18:14,620 --> 00:18:15,620 Yes. 331 00:18:15,620 --> 00:18:21,620 But yeah, there's like, it's, it's almost like this glass ceiling in Australia. 332 00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:24,340 You can see the rest of the world. 333 00:18:24,340 --> 00:18:27,500 You can see what else is out there, but you can't get to it. 334 00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:28,500 Yeah. 335 00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:33,420 And because we're so far away, you know, you can't hop on a plane and go to New York and 336 00:18:33,420 --> 00:18:36,540 you know, have a month in New York, seeing the site, like it's, it's going to cost you 337 00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:37,980 two grand to get there. 338 00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:38,980 Yeah. 339 00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:43,260 You know, before you even get there because of the flight, because we're so far away. 340 00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:48,500 So it's this interesting, like, I feel like Australia is like, it's beautiful. 341 00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,300 It's a beautiful kind of cage. 342 00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:51,300 Yeah. 343 00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:53,500 Is that fucked up to say? 344 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,300 No, it's not fucked up to say. 345 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,300 I love it. 346 00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:57,940 It is a beautiful cage. 347 00:18:57,940 --> 00:19:00,020 I think it's also part of the reason. 348 00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:01,020 Yeah. 349 00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:05,860 And this is sort of like, um, something I sort of realized the other day after we'd just 350 00:19:05,860 --> 00:19:06,860 landed. 351 00:19:06,860 --> 00:19:09,460 I was like, I, I, it just makes sense for me to leave. 352 00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:14,260 Like, and I've loved Australia and I will always love it. 353 00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:18,180 And there's a lot of things I'd still love to do there, but there's less and less sort 354 00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:21,900 of like, I don't feel as, I've never felt like particularly Australian. 355 00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:25,260 Like I've always felt much more of

like an international body. 356 00:19:25,260 --> 00:19:30,940 Um, but I think it's also because my style and I was talking to him with one of my really 357 00:19:30,940 --> 00:19:36,580 good friends about this and she was like, she was like the best kind of people thrive 358 00:19:36,580 --> 00:19:41,640 outside when, cause creativity, like you can do a million things and you will hit that 359 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,900 ceiling and you will go, um, yeah. 360 00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:48,020 And we, I was talking about this with my wife the other day. 361 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:52,180 We were, we were sort of like, um, Emily and I were sort of going, there's a real sense 362 00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:58,340 of cancel culture in Australia where we are so quick to judge someone because, because 363 00:19:58,340 --> 00:20:00,860 the industry is so small. 364 00:20:00,860 --> 00:20:04,700 One person has one bad name and then everyone sort of goes, I'll never work with that person. 365 00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:09,020 And the moment you go overseas, you can work with 10 people and they'll be like, oh yeah, 366 00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:11,460 no, that person, I didn't have a great experience, but you can work with them. 367 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:15,140 So don't, you know, like, or I think they had an off day, don't stress. 368 00:20:15,140 --> 00:20:19,500 Like, you know, there's a different kind of vibe because everyone's got this well switched 369 00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:20,500 on. 370 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:24,020 It's like not their first rodeo was ever in Australia. 371 00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:27,780 It's like, it's day one and we're all just going, fuck, you know, we've got to make the 372 00:20:27,780 --> 00:20:28,780 best. 373 00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:33,260 Or it's not their first rodeo, but they still kind of grip it like it is. 374 00:20:33,260 --> 00:20:34,260 Yeah. 375 00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:37,620 I think, I think back to what you're saying about create like the industry in Australia, 376 00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:42,540 because it's so small, because there's not much money in Australia for projects. 377 00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:47,780 Everyone, everyone is feeling that kind of, there's that scarcity mentality because there's 378 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:51,540 not because, you know, thank God they've given us this one shot to make this show. 379 00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:54,260 So everyone's like gripping it as if it's like we're in America. 380 00:20:54,260 --> 00:20:56,260 Like they make a shitload of bad shows. 381 00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:57,260 Yeah. 382 00:20:57,260 --> 00:21:00,580 Like they make so much stuff because they have the, you know, the resources that we 383 00:21:00,580 --> 00:21:03,420 don't have and it helps pay tax. 384 00:21:03,420 --> 00:21:04,420 Yeah. 385 00:21:04,420 --> 00:21:07,380 Like it's so much goes back into movies that we actually want to watch. 386 00:21:07,380 --> 00:21:08,380 I know. 387 00:21:08,380 --> 00:21:13,740 And, and it's an enforcement to make good choice because they're pumping out so much. 388 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:17,860 Like, I think it was like, um, Hugh Laurie was saying when he was doing house, he was 389 00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:20,820 like, you're making 22 episodes a year. 390 00:21:20,820 --> 00:21:26,300 Um, you know, and the split in like two giant production blocks, you know, it's, it's massive. 391 00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:31,380 But he was saying it was the best because, you know, cause you get about 10 dud episodes 392 00:21:31,380 --> 00:21:33,180 and you still get about 12 gold ones. 393 00:21:33,180 --> 00:21:37,900 Like he was like, you just kind of don't know because per season they're just knocking them 394 00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:42,600 out so fast, but it trains you as an actor because in Britain and Australia, they do 395 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,060 so many takes. 396 00:21:44,060 --> 00:21:45,580 Whereas here you're going to have got three takes. 397 00:21:45,580 --> 00:21:46,580 You've got to move on. 398 00:21:46,580 --> 00:21:47,580 Yeah. 399 00:21:47,580 --> 00:21:49,260 You just got to nail it and you got to go. 400 00:21:49,260 --> 00:21:51,700 There's just not that, not the resources. 401 00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:55,540 And then I feel like that kind of plays into that glass box because you're like, Oh, this 402 00:21:55,540 --> 00:21:56,540 is great. 403 00:21:56,540 --> 00:22:00,940 But it's a very, it's going to be very hard for them to take a chance on an actor. 404 00:22:00,940 --> 00:22:04,500 That's not very well known because they don't want to risk it not working. 405 00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:05,500 Yeah. 406 00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:08,620 They can't have the bad, they can't have 12 bad episodes. 407 00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:11,460 No, they just can't, they just can't do it. 408 00:22:11,460 --> 00:22:16,340 No, and it does like, it does make it quite sad. 409 00:22:16,340 --> 00:22:23,220 I mean like when you landed here, like when you, cause you moved to New York first. 410 00:22:23,220 --> 00:22:24,220 Yeah. 411 00:22:24,220 --> 00:22:25,220 Yeah. 412 00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:27,460 So I moved, uh, I grew up on the, I'm English. 413 00:22:27,460 --> 00:22:28,460 My parents, I was born in Spain. 414 00:22:28,460 --> 00:22:31,380 I was about to say, I was like, your accent does not match. 415 00:22:31,380 --> 00:22:32,380 I know it's a bit confusing. 416 00:22:32,380 --> 00:22:34,440 I was, I was born in Spain in Gran Canaria. 417 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,020 My parents are English. 418 00:22:36,020 --> 00:22:37,020 Yep. 419 00:22:37,020 --> 00:22:40,740 And then I moved to the Gold Coast, the Goldie. 420 00:22:40,740 --> 00:22:43,500 The Goldie when I was, uh, six. 421 00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:44,500 Wow. 422 00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:47,100 That would have been culture shock right there. 423 00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:48,100 Yeah. 424 00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:53,260 And that, that was weird as well being in primary school and

being this like redheaded 425 00:22:53,260 --> 00:22:59,420 pale skin girl named Scarlett who was like, had a British accent and I just wanted to 426 00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:04,500 be like Emma or Jessica and be tanned and be able to go to the beach and like, but like 427 00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:08,500 I was never allowed in the sun and I was never, so I just felt very fish out of water on the 428 00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:09,500 Gold Coast. 429 00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:14,660 Um, and that plays in what you were saying about feeling international or just feeling 430 00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:18,420 like I never really felt like I belonged on the Gold Coast. 431 00:23:18,420 --> 00:23:22,140 Like I knew, I knew growing up that it was just temporary. 432 00:23:22,140 --> 00:23:23,140 Yeah. 433 00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:26,140 I never felt like I was going to stay there long. 434 00:23:26,140 --> 00:23:31,020 And then, um, when I finished high school, I moved to Sydney and went to Brent street 435 00:23:31,020 --> 00:23:32,300 performing art school. 436 00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:33,300 Love. 437 00:23:33,300 --> 00:23:34,300 Yep. 438 00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:36,340 Did you see, they just did a documentary about it on Amazon. 439 00:23:36,340 --> 00:23:37,340 It's so funny. 440 00:23:37,340 --> 00:23:38,860 They've just done a documentary about it. 441 00:23:38,860 --> 00:23:42,060 It's crazy, crazy throwback triggering. 442 00:23:42,060 --> 00:23:44,820 Like I watched it with my boyfriend. 443 00:23:44,820 --> 00:23:46,620 We watched an episode and I was like, yep, that's it. 444 00:23:46,620 --> 00:23:47,980 I don't need to watch any more of that. 445 00:23:47,980 --> 00:23:49,340 Like you're like, I'm done. 446 00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:51,860 This is like super close to home. 447 00:23:51,860 --> 00:23:57,540 Um, and then I went to Brent street and then I went to acting school and then I lived, 448 00:23:57,540 --> 00:24:00,860 uh, in Sydney for about eight years. 449 00:24:00,860 --> 00:24:04,060 And then, but same thing. 450 00:24:04,060 --> 00:24:07,380 I just knew that I wasn't like, I'm not going to buy a house here. 451 00:24:07,380 --> 00:24:13,380 I just knew that in my heart that I was not going to live there forever. 452 00:24:13,380 --> 00:24:16,340 And I kind of always felt that way about Australia. 453 00:24:16,340 --> 00:24:23,440 And then, yeah, I moved to New York, uh, beginning of 2022 and did, uh, the summer program at 454 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,420 Stella Adler, the acting program. 455 00:24:26,420 --> 00:24:31,020 And then I moved to Vancouver in April, 2023. 456 00:24:31,020 --> 00:24:32,260 Oh, wow. 457 00:24:32,260 --> 00:24:34,860 So it's been like fast track. 458 00:24:34,860 --> 00:24:39,340 I feel like my kind of early mid twenties, I was like bopping along and I had all these 459 00:24:39,340 --> 00:24:43,860 dreams and all these things inside of me that I wanted to do. 460 00:24:43,860 --> 00:24:50,620 And then after I hit 25, I was like, fuck, oh my God, if I don't actually take a step, 461 00:24:50,620 --> 00:24:52,580 I'm not going to do these things. 462 00:24:52,580 --> 00:24:53,580 Yeah. 463 00:24:53,580 --> 00:24:59,660 So then I, yeah, then I had to leave, but I, I was in a very long relationship, um, 464 00:24:59,660 --> 00:25:04,320 with a beautiful, beautiful person and he didn't want to come. 465 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,620 He had his, his shit in Sydney that he wanted to stay for. 466 00:25:07,620 --> 00:25:13,900 And so when I moved to New York, it was kind of this like blowing up of everything. 467 00:25:13,900 --> 00:25:14,940 Yeah. 468 00:25:14,940 --> 00:25:22,060 Everything that I knew, um, in Australia for uncertainty, I had no idea what to expect 469 00:25:22,060 --> 00:25:25,860 moving, but I knew I needed to do it. 470 00:25:25,860 --> 00:25:26,860 Yeah. 471 00:25:26,860 --> 00:25:30,380 Did you feel, cause you saying you're feeling international as well. 472 00:25:30,380 --> 00:25:31,380 Yeah. 473 00:25:31,380 --> 00:25:41,380 Um, mine was always like, it was really weird cause I grew up in Sydney and, um, like I 474 00:25:41,380 --> 00:25:47,660 think my brother's more attached to Australia than I am, which is always like the way, but, 475 00:25:47,660 --> 00:25:51,540 um, I remember my parents. 476 00:25:51,540 --> 00:25:56,940 Like they had great, uh, they had grandparents were from England and their grandparents, 477 00:25:56,940 --> 00:25:59,020 uh, their parents were from Australia. 478 00:25:59,020 --> 00:26:00,700 So they were born here and stuff like that. 479 00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:04,340 So it was like, there was no way I was going to get an international visa or anything like 480 00:26:04,340 --> 00:26:05,340 that. 481 00:26:05,340 --> 00:26:10,900 But, um, I remember thinking like there was, I used to watch a lot of British and American 482 00:26:10,900 --> 00:26:14,060 TV and I never related to the Australian TV. 483 00:26:14,060 --> 00:26:17,820 And I remember particularly Australian culture always weeded me out. 484 00:26:17,820 --> 00:26:21,220 Like it just was a very weird thing. 485 00:26:21,220 --> 00:26:23,660 Like it's a freaky, it's so freaky. 486 00:26:23,660 --> 00:26:28,340 And everyone was like, um, I was very pale skinned, didn't like going out in the sun 487 00:26:28,340 --> 00:26:34,740 particularly, um, loved going to the movies, like the movies and theater were my safe space. 488 00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:37,340 A lot of my friends growing up had no interest in that. 489 00:26:37,340 --> 00:26:39,740 Like they, they weren't creative. 490 00:26:39,740 --> 00:26:47,060 Um, I really struggled to like, and I remember when I did drama class, like drama class in 491 00:26:47,060 --> 00:26:48,420 school was very competitive. 492 00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:50,780 So it was like, it was always, who was the loudest in the room? 493 00:26:50,780 --> 00:26:52,180 Did you go to the performing arts school? 494 00:26:52,180 -->

00:26:55,220 Um, no, I wish, I wish I went to Newtown performing arts. 495 00:26:55,220 --> 00:26:56,220 Newtown, that's it. 496 00:26:56,220 --> 00:27:02,060 Um, no, I went to, so I went to Lycart Sydney secondary college and then I went to Black 497 00:27:02,060 --> 00:27:05,820 Waddle and we just did a standard drama class, but it was very competitive. 498 00:27:05,820 --> 00:27:13,620 We had an improv group and it was run by a bunch of people I knew and it was so competitive 499 00:27:13,620 --> 00:27:14,620 to get in. 500 00:27:14,620 --> 00:27:18,620 Um, because they all, they basically judged on who they thought was funny. 501 00:27:18,620 --> 00:27:22,780 And it was so, it was that, and they all had this distinct style of humor. 502 00:27:22,780 --> 00:27:29,460 I had grown and still to this day, I have a very sarcastic deadpan humor, which is not 503 00:27:29,460 --> 00:27:30,460 very Australian. 504 00:27:30,460 --> 00:27:35,660 Like a lot of it's very morbid jokes and very like, um, sarcastic like responses. 505 00:27:35,660 --> 00:27:38,340 A lot of people in Australia love like crass humor. 506 00:27:38,340 --> 00:27:42,700 We're very into like crass or like a lot of weird humor. 507 00:27:42,700 --> 00:27:47,380 And it's like, if, if the only jokes they know how to make is like, if they're taking 508 00:27:47,380 --> 00:27:48,860 the piss out of you, yeah. 509 00:27:48,860 --> 00:27:52,860 And like teasing you and it's like, it's all the jokes always at someone else's expense. 510 00:27:52,860 --> 00:27:53,860 It's always someone else's expense. 511 00:27:53,860 --> 00:27:57,900 And I'm just like, I'm always about like the variety of jokes. 512 00:27:57,900 --> 00:28:02,180 And I particularly like, I'd watch a lot of shows that no one ever heard of. 513 00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:07,440 And I think that was sort of the real indication for me growing up was like, oh, I am different. 514 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:08,440 And I loved it. 515 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:13,140 Like I remember I was such a, like I've traveled overseas twice by myself and I think it was 516 00:28:13,140 --> 00:28:16,380 a real eye opener because like, I just loved it. 517 00:28:16,380 --> 00:28:21,580 And I was like, I love just traveling, like I love just exploring life, seeing nature 518 00:28:21,580 --> 00:28:26,420 and being kind of like a stupid idiot, which I think was the joy. 519 00:28:26,420 --> 00:28:28,980 Um, yeah, the freedom. 520 00:28:28,980 --> 00:28:34,220 And I think like there was something, one of my, one of my sort of like, once I started 521 00:28:34,220 --> 00:28:40,020 the podcast and everything, that was kind of like the reigniting of a lot of love for 522 00:28:40,020 --> 00:28:45,220 like, cause I always loved film and I always wanted to make film and I would do a lot of 523 00:28:45,220 --> 00:28:49,140 projects like, and this is the thing about Australia, there's not much money in it. 524 00:28:49,140 --> 00:28:53,100 So whenever I made film projects, it was a lot of asking of favors and friends and being 525 00:28:53,100 --> 00:28:54,420 like, Hey, can you do a weekend? 526 00:28:54,420 --> 00:28:57,180 And they'll be like, if I don't have work, sure. 527 00:28:57,180 --> 00:28:59,700 Like, so you'd ask like your friends to do your favors. 528 00:28:59,700 --> 00:29:04,780 You'd feel bad because you wanted to pay people, but you had no financial like gain. 529 00:29:04,780 --> 00:29:11,780 Um, and you just hope like, I remember I helped produce a friend's short film and I was amazed. 530 00:29:11,780 --> 00:29:14,660 She pulled it off in three days and it's great. 531 00:29:14,660 --> 00:29:17,900 And I think it's going to do well in festivals, but it was one of those situations where it's 532 00:29:17,900 --> 00:29:22,300 like literally, I was like, I've been in your shoes where you have to literally ask everyone, 533 00:29:22,300 --> 00:29:27,820 Hey, you can't be paid, but I'll pay for expenses like food. 534 00:29:27,820 --> 00:29:32,300 Take work off, but, and you won't be getting paid and you'll be losing money. 535 00:29:32,300 --> 00:29:34,300 But I will make a big spag bowl. 536 00:29:34,300 --> 00:29:35,300 Yes. 537 00:29:35,300 --> 00:29:37,940 Basically it's like, it's us and that's Australia. 538 00:29:37,940 --> 00:29:42,900 Like we are, we're sort of very, but I think there was a kind of a point and I was talking 539 00:29:42,900 --> 00:29:48,980 with one of my friends literally the other week where she was like, you're so worth the 540 00:29:48,980 --> 00:29:53,300 cost of like, you know, everything you do, you should be paid. 541 00:29:53,300 --> 00:29:56,320 Like you should, you shouldn't be doing anything for free anymore. 542 00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:57,320 Like you should be paid. 543 00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:03,140 I was like, it's so interesting because in Australia we're so like, no one has the money 544 00:30:03,140 --> 00:30:04,980 to pay was here. 545 00:30:04,980 --> 00:30:07,060 That's just, that's just endless. 546 00:30:07,060 --> 00:30:12,940 Like, people just do it because it's, it's just like the right thing to do. 547 00:30:12,940 --> 00:30:18,260 It's like, I will give you this, you know, cause if I don't, I just feel bad that I haven't 548 00:30:18,260 --> 00:30:22,380 given you any compensation for your hard effort. 549 00:30:22,380 --> 00:30:25,180 Whereas in Australia you go, I'll just do you something for free. 550 00:30:25,180 --> 00:30:27,380 They're like, okay, take it at the next chance. 551 00:30:27,380 --> 00:30:29,540 It's like surprising if you're getting paid in Australia. 552 00:30:29,540 --> 00:30:30,540 I know. 553 00:30:30,540 --> 00:30:34,580 I like, I feel like every short film or every theater job or every, anything that I did 554 00:30:34,580 --> 00:30:40,180 as I was, you know, try trying to make it happen in Australia was always the given was 555 00:30:40,180 --> 00:30:41,180 that you weren't getting paid. 556 00:30:41,180

--> 00:30:42,180 Yeah. 557 00:30:42,180 --> 00:30:46,060 It's like only if you book a big commercial or a gig or like it was like three grand then. 558 00:30:46,060 --> 00:30:47,060 Yeah. 559 00:30:47,060 --> 00:30:48,060 Yeah. 560 00:30:48,060 --> 00:30:49,060 Exactly. 561 00:30:49,060 --> 00:30:51,700 Like you don't, you just, it's just a given that everyone is working for free. 562 00:30:51,700 --> 00:30:52,700 Yeah. 563 00:30:52,700 --> 00:30:53,700 But here you're right. 564 00:30:53,700 --> 00:30:54,700 It's the, it's the opposite. 565 00:30:54,700 --> 00:30:56,380 If you're not getting paid, everyone's like, wait, what? 566 00:30:56,380 --> 00:30:57,380 It's unpaid. 567 00:30:57,380 --> 00:30:58,380 Yeah. 568 00:30:58,380 --> 00:30:59,380 Like can't, they can't believe it. 569 00:30:59,380 --> 00:31:04,500 I mean, did you, what was the weirdest experience of like working and doing short 570 00:31:04,500 --> 00:31:13,420 films in Australia that you were like, I should be absolutely paid? 571 00:31:13,420 --> 00:31:17,020 I had to kiss like a seven year old man once. 572 00:31:17,020 --> 00:31:18,020 70. 573 00:31:18,020 --> 00:31:19,020 Oh, 70. 574 00:31:19,020 --> 00:31:20,020 70 year old man. 575 00:31:20,020 --> 00:31:21,020 I was like seven. 576 00:31:21,020 --> 00:31:23,620 I was like, wow, that's like, he was a grown man. 577 00:31:23,620 --> 00:31:24,620 Yeah. 578 00:31:24,620 --> 00:31:25,620 Yeah. 579 00:31:25,620 --> 00:31:28,820 I met, I did a music video and we were like up at like four in the morning. 580 00:31:28,820 --> 00:31:29,820 It was freezing. 581 00:31:29,820 --> 00:31:35,020 We were like trotting around Sydney and then we had to like rob an art gallery and there 582 00:31:35,020 --> 00:31:40,940 was an old man there and I was like kind of teasing the old man. 583 00:31:40,940 --> 00:31:44,420 And then the director was like, what would, what would happen if you, if you kind of like 584 00:31:44,420 --> 00:31:46,380 went in for a kiss and grabbed him and kissed him? 585 00:31:46,380 --> 00:31:47,380 And I was like, oh, okay. 586 00:31:47,380 --> 00:31:51,020 Like, I was like, yeah, I can do that. 587 00:31:51,020 --> 00:31:52,020 That's fun. 588 00:31:52,020 --> 00:31:55,100 And, and I'm like very playful and fun and you know, whatever. 589 00:31:55,100 --> 00:31:58,540 But yeah, that was probably, after that I was like, oh shit. 590 00:31:58,540 --> 00:31:59,940 I fully had to do that. 591 00:31:59,940 --> 00:32:00,940 Yeah. 592 00:32:00,940 --> 00:32:01,940 Yeah. 593 00:32:01,940 --> 00:32:04,660 It was like, this is something I probably should have just been consulted and paid. 594 00:32:04,660 --> 00:32:05,660 Yeah. 595 00:32:05,660 --> 00:32:10,340 Oh my, one of my friends from acting school made a, made a web series, um, on his property, 596 00:32:10,340 --> 00:32:11,900 like straight out of acting school. 597 00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:12,900 Wow. 598 00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:13,900 And, and he's amazing. 599 00:32:13,900 --> 00:32:17,940 He like written it and, and I had to vomit on, on a car. 600 00:32:17,940 --> 00:32:18,940 Oh wow. 601 00:32:18,940 --> 00:32:20,260 Like in the middle of the night. 602 00:32:20,260 --> 00:32:26,060 So we had like a can of a cream, like Campbell's cream corn soup and I just had to like hold 603 00:32:26,060 --> 00:32:30,060 it, hold as much as I could in my mouth and then run to this car and like spew all over 604 00:32:30,060 --> 00:32:31,060 the car. 605 00:32:31,060 --> 00:32:32,060 Wow. 606 00:32:32,060 --> 00:32:33,060 Yeah. 607 00:32:33,060 --> 00:32:34,060 That was fun as well. 608 00:32:34,060 --> 00:32:35,140 I don't really have any horror stories. 609 00:32:35,140 --> 00:32:36,420 I've been really lucky. 610 00:32:36,420 --> 00:32:37,420 That's really good. 611 00:32:37,420 --> 00:32:43,740 Like I don't, I don't know if I have any like absolute horror experiences in any sort of 612 00:32:43,740 --> 00:32:47,180 like capacity of whether I'm directing or acting. 613 00:32:47,180 --> 00:32:52,820 I don't think there's any sort of like dear Lord almighty that I should have thought of 614 00:32:52,820 --> 00:32:53,820 that twice. 615 00:32:53,820 --> 00:32:54,820 Yeah. 616 00:32:54,820 --> 00:32:56,580 Um, but there's like, I don't know. 617 00:32:56,580 --> 00:32:58,460 It's just, it's always the way, isn't it? 618 00:32:58,460 --> 00:33:07,300 Like I, I sort of think like there is, there is sort of like a these days, especially, 619 00:33:07,300 --> 00:33:09,900 you know, ask, ask the questions sort of proof things. 620 00:33:09,900 --> 00:33:13,980 I know I like, I always go into a film scenario and just sort of double check with everyone. 621 00:33:13,980 --> 00:33:17,740 I was like, okay, this is what I'm thinking before we start even getting to the day of 622 00:33:17,740 --> 00:33:18,740 filming. 623 00:33:18,740 --> 00:33:23,420 It's like always get all the ideas out there, um, rather than chucking it on the deck, but 624 00:33:23,420 --> 00:33:26,340 I do like experiment, like, are you a collaborative worker? 625 00:33:26,340 --> 00:33:28,060 Is that like how you see yourself? 626 00:33:28,060 --> 00:33:29,220 Oh, sure. 627 00:33:29,220 --> 00:33:30,220 I love that. 628 00:33:30,220 --> 00:33:33,540 I love, I mean, obviously the director always has like very clear. 629 00:33:33,540 --> 00:33:39,260 I mean, most of the time I haven't, yeah, again, I haven't had any horror stories, but 630 00:33:39,260 --> 00:33:43,700 most of the time the director has very clear vision of what they want to do, but, but also 631 00:33:43,700 --> 00:33:47,340 they're collaborating with you about making something great. 632 00:33:47,340 --> 00:33:53,140 I did a short film, um, just before I came out here, all the kind of a few months before 633 00:33:53,140 --> 00:33:55,100 I moved to New York. 634 00:33:55,100 --> 00:33:58,940 Um, and that was incredible experience. 635 00:33:58,940 --> 00:34:04,180 I shot for a week and

I had all these fake tattoos and it was, it was so fun. 636 00:34:04,180 --> 00:34:09,100 And Lexi, Lexi Goodham, the director, she's, oh, you've done it. 637 00:34:09,100 --> 00:34:10,100 She's done an episode, right? 638 00:34:10,100 --> 00:34:11,100 She has. 639 00:34:11,100 --> 00:34:12,100 That's why I love Lexi. 640 00:34:12,100 --> 00:34:13,100 Isn't she amazing? 641 00:34:13,100 --> 00:34:14,100 Amazing. 642 00:34:14,100 --> 00:34:16,540 Such a talent for such a young person. 643 00:34:16,540 --> 00:34:19,100 She is just like an absolute ripper. 644 00:34:19,100 --> 00:34:26,220 She will do, she, the audacity that she has, has inspired so much inside of me to like 645 00:34:26,220 --> 00:34:27,740 go out and make my own shit. 646 00:34:27,740 --> 00:34:29,220 And yeah, she's a powerhouse. 647 00:34:29,220 --> 00:34:31,900 But I did, I did, um, the film's called girl. 648 00:34:31,900 --> 00:34:32,900 I did it with her. 649 00:34:32,900 --> 00:34:36,700 You probably saw it like on Instagram. 650 00:34:36,700 --> 00:34:40,220 And that collaboration with Lexi was very special. 651 00:34:40,220 --> 00:34:46,060 And a lot of, a lot of the character was like in the script, but then a lot of it we would, 652 00:34:46,060 --> 00:34:51,180 you know, discuss and talk about and flesh out and, you know, wouldn't it be funny if, 653 00:34:51,180 --> 00:34:56,100 or how about if she does this or like having that kind of collaboration on set and being 654 00:34:56,100 --> 00:34:58,940 able to work together to make something really great? 655 00:34:58,940 --> 00:34:59,940 Yeah. 656 00:34:59,940 --> 00:35:00,940 It's my fave, it's my favorite. 657 00:35:00,940 --> 00:35:06,940 And I think as well, I don't know if really directors and again, I don't have enough experience. 658 00:35:06,940 --> 00:35:08,860 Like I haven't done a whole lot. 659 00:35:08,860 --> 00:35:09,860 Yeah. 660 00:35:09,860 --> 00:35:11,860 Um, but enough, enough to know. 661 00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:15,780 Um, but yeah, I haven't been, I haven't been on set for like 20 years. 662 00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:16,780 No. 663 00:35:16,780 --> 00:35:18,460 So maybe come back to me there. 664 00:35:18,460 --> 00:35:21,900 I'll come back to you many, few years in the future. 665 00:35:21,900 --> 00:35:25,900 But I don't know if directors want to work with people who aren't collaborators. 666 00:35:25,900 --> 00:35:28,140 I think, I think, no, not anymore. 667 00:35:28,140 --> 00:35:33,580 I think there was a time where you sort of look at like who was the next big thing and 668 00:35:33,580 --> 00:35:35,540 who was potential to be a big thing. 669 00:35:35,540 --> 00:35:41,340 And now I think it's like who you're going to work well with and who you're wanting to 670 00:35:41,340 --> 00:35:44,220 like you collaborate with. 671 00:35:44,220 --> 00:35:47,700 And there's definitely like people I meet all the time where I'm like, oh, I will definitely 672 00:35:47,700 --> 00:35:51,820 work with you in a

heartbeat or like vibe with you. 673 00:35:51,820 --> 00:35:57,860 You know, I think, um, yeah, even speaking of Lexi, I remember the last time I saw her, 674 00:35:57,860 --> 00:36:03,740 um, we were at a premiere for one of our friends, um, short films and she just sat there next 675 00:36:03,740 --> 00:36:05,420 to me and she was like, so what are you working on now? 676 00:36:05,420 --> 00:36:07,380 And I was like, it was just the audacity. 677 00:36:07,380 --> 00:36:10,340 I was like, I love the fact that you're just so straight up. 678 00:36:10,340 --> 00:36:11,420 It's like, what are you doing? 679 00:36:11,420 --> 00:36:12,420 Tell me. 680 00:36:12,420 --> 00:36:13,420 She's a boss. 681 00:36:13,420 --> 00:36:15,900 And I just love her brain. 682 00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:18,180 Like I know so many people she's worked with. 683 00:36:18,180 --> 00:36:23,980 Um, but it's one of those things like, you know, some people just rave, uh, and, and, 684 00:36:23,980 --> 00:36:27,300 and she's like, uh, one of my cheerleaders as well. 685 00:36:27,300 --> 00:36:32,420 So it's really nice when you sort of meet collaborative minds who love cheerleading other 686 00:36:32,420 --> 00:36:36,060 people and going, I definitely work with this person or vice versa. 687 00:36:36,060 --> 00:36:43,860 So I do think, yeah, there's a, there's a lot of things that I, I think, you know, directors 688 00:36:43,860 --> 00:36:47,420 want to do and directors have the ability to do. 689 00:36:47,420 --> 00:36:49,740 Like I'm such an experimental kind of person. 690 00:36:49,740 --> 00:36:54,260 I've always been sort of very collaborative, experimental, very art, um, centric. 691 00:36:54,260 --> 00:36:59,380 I love sort of like, um, uh, Robert Eggers kind of like films where he did the lighthouse 692 00:36:59,380 --> 00:37:02,940 and things like that, where it's like you challenging the film perspective. 693 00:37:02,940 --> 00:37:10,460 I've always loved like, um, really like weird plays and, um, you know, I think distinctly 694 00:37:10,460 --> 00:37:17,260 I love like stories about, you know, human, human brains and human, like human desires 695 00:37:17,260 --> 00:37:23,060 and sort of like this, um, almost like one of my favorite like, um, Greek stories is 696 00:37:23,060 --> 00:37:27,660 Oedipus like, you know, the fact that it's just, and I saw one play it was years ago 697 00:37:27,660 --> 00:37:34,540 that was done really well to, to convey how soul destroying that journey for him was, 698 00:37:34,540 --> 00:37:39,300 but also how horrible the character is as a human being as well. 699 00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:42,300 Like it's, you know, um, you can empathize. 700 00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:43,300 Yeah. 701 00:37:43,300 --> 00:37:44,300 Oh yeah. 702 00:37:44,300 --> 00:37:45,300 100%. 703 00:37:45,300 --> 00:37:48,940 And I think that, you know, like we sort of joke about the Oedipus complex of, you know, 704 00:37:48,940 --> 00:37:51,340 kill your father, marry your mother and tear out your eyes. 705 00:37:51,340 --> 00:37:54,680 But, um, but there's a lot of like tragedy in that. 706 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,940 And it's such a weird story to tell. 707 00:37:57,940 --> 00:38:02,480 And then I was always gravitated towards like these stories, which were about the human 708 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:08,460 mind and the human complex and how, um, you know, like another one of my favorite shows 709 00:38:08,460 --> 00:38:09,460 was like mind Hunter. 710 00:38:09,460 --> 00:38:10,460 Oh my God. 711 00:38:10,460 --> 00:38:11,460 I loved mind Hunter. 712 00:38:11,460 --> 00:38:12,460 Yeah. 713 00:38:12,460 --> 00:38:16,780 And just like those circumnavigations of like, what makes us tick? 714 00:38:16,780 --> 00:38:20,460 What really conveys our behavior? 715 00:38:20,460 --> 00:38:22,460 And like, it goes back to that. 716 00:38:22,460 --> 00:38:23,460 What's our experience? 717 00:38:23,460 --> 00:38:24,460 What's our exposure? 718 00:38:24,460 --> 00:38:30,060 You know, um, I always think about it, like, you know, going back to younger us, like it 719 00:38:30,060 --> 00:38:33,620 to being defined by relationships and our own insecurities. 720 00:38:33,620 --> 00:38:36,460 Like you talk about yourself as an extrovert. 721 00:38:36,460 --> 00:38:44,300 Um, like the, the real question, like the real question is how do you see yourself internally? 722 00:38:44,300 --> 00:38:48,120 Do you see yourself as like a very like cool person? 723 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,460 Do you see yourself as a very like nerdy person? 724 00:38:50,460 --> 00:38:57,700 Like how do you view you, how do I view me? 725 00:38:57,700 --> 00:39:08,580 I think it comes back to that being very sensitive and me using that kind of chatty extrovertedness 726 00:39:08,580 --> 00:39:16,500 as the mask for my sensitivity and insecurities like deep down. 727 00:39:16,500 --> 00:39:22,100 And you know, when I first got to Australia, similar to your experience about not feeling, 728 00:39:22,100 --> 00:39:26,020 I just didn't feel like I kind of fitted in anywhere. 729 00:39:26,020 --> 00:39:29,020 Um, I wasn't like everyone else. 730 00:39:29,020 --> 00:39:32,260 I didn't feel like everyone else. 731 00:39:32,260 --> 00:39:36,940 And yeah, I guess that's still that, that always lingers that feeling like maybe I'm 732 00:39:36,940 --> 00:39:41,340 not going to fit in and maybe they're not going to like me. 733 00:39:41,340 --> 00:39:47,420 And I think that's also in, in when you're auditioning, it's funny cause it's like the 734 00:39:47,420 --> 00:39:48,420 opposite. 735 00:39:48,420 --> 00:39:51,780 If, if you're going in, if you're going into an audition thinking, Oh God, they're not 736 00:39:51,780 --> 00:39:52,780 going to like me. 737 00:39:52,780 --> 00:39:56,980 Maybe they're not, they won't because it's, you know, that kind of, that desperation or 738 00:39:56,980 --> 00:40:02,260 like that nerve, that uncertainty, you can kind of feel off

someone when they're not 739 00:40:02,260 --> 00:40:03,260 very sure. 740 00:40:03,260 --> 00:40:08,540 Um, so it's being an actor is almost like turning all of that on its head and trying 741 00:40:08,540 --> 00:40:12,780 to be really brave and trying to offer something and be sure of what you're offering. 742 00:40:12,780 --> 00:40:13,780 Yeah. 743 00:40:13,780 --> 00:40:19,500 But I'm, yeah, I, I always have that kind of lingering, lingering, where do I fit in 744 00:40:19,500 --> 00:40:21,500 kind of feeling? 745 00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:22,500 Yeah. 746 00:40:22,500 --> 00:40:27,700 Well, I think it was, you know, cause I can, I love reading people. 747 00:40:27,700 --> 00:40:31,500 This is my favorite thing to do is like watching the eyes and reading people. 748 00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:38,140 And it reminded me of like, uh, when I originally asked you to come on this and sort of there, 749 00:40:38,140 --> 00:40:42,060 it was a whole element of, I think, you know, there was like, why me? 750 00:40:42,060 --> 00:40:45,220 What, like, I was so, I was like, what? 751 00:40:45,220 --> 00:40:46,220 Yeah. 752 00:40:46,220 --> 00:40:48,380 And it's sort of like, what makes me important? 753 00:40:48,380 --> 00:40:50,020 Why am I like special? 754 00:40:50,020 --> 00:40:55,020 I think there's like, isn't that the, the level of like insecurities and you know, we 755 00:40:55,020 --> 00:41:02,940 have as individuals and I think, you know, it's like the whole like, do you really fit, 756 00:41:02,940 --> 00:41:06,540 you know, like, cause I, I often like the reason I love acting. 757 00:41:06,540 --> 00:41:10,300 And I think the reason I stepped away from it for a while was so I didn't have it as 758 00:41:10,300 --> 00:41:13,500 a mask to mask behind. 759 00:41:13,500 --> 00:41:18,420 Like I wasn't using it to not, you know, hide my, who I really was. 760 00:41:18,420 --> 00:41:22,540 Now I sort of use it as a fun thing that I love doing and I want to explore more of it. 761 00:41:22,540 --> 00:41:31,100 And I think, you know, with therapy and like many years of therapy, like I have attention 762 00:41:31,100 --> 00:41:36,100 deficit hyperactivity disorder, which for many years I denied, like I was like, this 763 00:41:36,100 --> 00:41:37,740 is a non-agassive thing. 764 00:41:37,740 --> 00:41:42,420 Like I, I, I'm, I'm just a, an eclectic human being. 765 00:41:42,420 --> 00:41:46,700 And now I'm like, no, I've got different ways of thinking just happens to be the way my 766 00:41:46,700 --> 00:41:47,700 brain works. 767 00:41:47,700 --> 00:41:51,700 And so you sort of use the strengths and weaknesses and it's really interesting. 768 00:41:51,700 --> 00:42:01,020 I've learned to stop masking and not like let my insecurities dictate my actions, which 769 00:42:01,020 --> 00:42:02,900 is, I feel like that's what a lot of people do. 770 00:42:02,900 --> 00:42:07,500 Like we dictate through our own insecurities and our own like belief systems. 771 00:42:07,500 --> 00:42:15,780 But like, I think predominantly it's, it's fascinating to just like rip off the layers. 772 00:42:15,780 --> 00:42:16,780 Yeah. 773 00:42:16,780 --> 00:42:18,780 I've, yeah. 774 00:42:18,780 --> 00:42:25,080 I think, um, I, I was feeling very, when, when you asked me to come on, I was feeling 775 00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:29,140 very insecure about my intelligence. 776 00:42:29,140 --> 00:42:35,980 And I think that's something that, um, I've struggled with since, since kind of, I guess, 777 00:42:35,980 --> 00:42:40,620 leaving high school because I didn't go to university and I was pretty smart growing 778 00:42:40,620 --> 00:42:41,620 up. 779 00:42:41,620 --> 00:42:44,700 I wasn't the top of the class, but you know, I never, I never failed classes. 780 00:42:44,700 --> 00:42:50,820 I would always get like B's and A's, A's in dance and drama, and then like B's in maths 781 00:42:50,820 --> 00:42:51,820 and English. 782 00:42:51,820 --> 00:42:54,860 And I was, I was a good, you know, I was a good student. 783 00:42:54,860 --> 00:43:00,300 And then I got to high school and then like discovered kissing boys and whatnot, and was 784 00:43:00,300 --> 00:43:05,900 kind of just like kicking the can down the road with the actual academics. 785 00:43:05,900 --> 00:43:13,060 And then, then because I didn't go to university, I just feel like my intelligence and, and 786 00:43:13,060 --> 00:43:18,300 wondering if I'm smart enough to be in the room has always been a huge thing that I've 787 00:43:18,300 --> 00:43:20,100 battled, battled with. 788 00:43:20,100 --> 00:43:26,620 And then I guess I just, if I throw on the outgoing charm, maybe they won't see that 789 00:43:26,620 --> 00:43:30,740 I'm not smart enough to be here or something. 790 00:43:30,740 --> 00:43:34,980 Which is really interesting because you're so well spoken. 791 00:43:34,980 --> 00:43:36,860 You're so eloquent. 792 00:43:36,860 --> 00:43:43,900 Like I, and I would definitely not call you dumb or like, and I didn't go to, I didn't 793 00:43:43,900 --> 00:43:44,900 go to university. 794 00:43:44,900 --> 00:43:48,980 I went to like, I think a huge contention was like, where did you study? 795 00:43:48,980 --> 00:43:52,540 Like, and you know, like the film study side and everyone was like, did you go to afters? 796 00:43:52,540 --> 00:43:53,540 Did you go? 797 00:43:53,540 --> 00:43:54,540 And I was like, no, I went to TAFE. 798 00:43:54,540 --> 00:44:03,300 Like, and everyone's like, ah, and you know, and I, but I, I was always considered not 799 00:44:03,300 --> 00:44:04,300 the smartest. 800 00:44:04,300 --> 00:44:10,060 And it's really interesting because like, and I love both my parents, but they're sort 801 00:44:10,060 --> 00:44:15,420 of like very like prim proper academic kind of people and my brother is too. 802 00:44:15,420 --> 00:44:16,420 And it's just you and your brother. 803 00:44:16,420 --> 00:44:17,420 Yeah. 804 00:44:17,420 --> 00:44:22,220 And

I, I think a lot of that was just a feeling like I was dumb because he went to a selective 805 00:44:22,220 --> 00:44:23,220 school. 806 00:44:23,220 --> 00:44:26,220 So he went to a very like get a hi ATA, everything like that. 807 00:44:26,220 --> 00:44:32,180 So like a lot of my insecurities for a long time were my intelligence. 808 00:44:32,180 --> 00:44:37,540 Um, and there was at some point, I think I just bullshitted enough faithful to be like, 809 00:44:37,540 --> 00:44:39,540 I'm fucking smart. 810 00:44:39,540 --> 00:44:40,900 Like, yeah. 811 00:44:40,900 --> 00:44:43,380 Um, but there's truth to it. 812 00:44:43,380 --> 00:44:48,100 Like I think you, you know, more than you actually give yourself credit for. 813 00:44:48,100 --> 00:44:49,100 I think that's the thing. 814 00:44:49,100 --> 00:44:52,660 It's like, um, it's like different kinds of smarts. 815 00:44:52,660 --> 00:44:53,660 Yeah. 816 00:44:53,660 --> 00:44:57,860 Like, you know, and, and it's very interesting because I sort of went through the whole same 817 00:44:57,860 --> 00:45:00,460 thing where it's like, you know, you're like, oh, okay. 818 00:45:00,460 --> 00:45:06,460 I've discovered like, uh, you know, kissing and, you know, your sexuality and like, you're 819 00:45:06,460 --> 00:45:08,260 going to fall around and sleep around. 820 00:45:08,260 --> 00:45:12,380 And like, I think you sort of like feel like that's an era where you'll lose intelligent 821 00:45:12,380 --> 00:45:17,980 points, but you don't like, it's just, you're becoming more self aware of like who you are. 822 00:45:17,980 --> 00:45:23,860 And then, um, I think, you know, there's many dumb decisions I've made throughout life, 823 00:45:23,860 --> 00:45:24,860 like many fucked up decisions. 824 00:45:24,860 --> 00:45:27,860 Oh babe, you're speaking to me. 825 00:45:27,860 --> 00:45:33,100 I mean, like all my relationships, other than my marriage has been like, been very like 826 00:45:33,100 --> 00:45:34,100 up and down. 827 00:45:34,100 --> 00:45:38,900 And, uh, I think it's just a learning, it's a learning curve, isn't it? 828 00:45:38,900 --> 00:45:46,340 Like, did you feel like, when, especially when the relationship of yours and Australia 829 00:45:46,340 --> 00:45:51,260 ended, did it feel like you could be on your own? 830 00:45:51,260 --> 00:45:53,380 It was a very nerve wracking experience. 831 00:45:53,380 --> 00:45:55,180 Like, did you feel like you were capable? 832 00:45:55,180 --> 00:45:56,180 Yeah. 833 00:45:56,180 --> 00:46:02,900 I feel like I've always been independent and growing up, I was very independent and my 834 00:46:02,900 --> 00:46:05,100 parents, God loved them both. 835 00:46:05,100 --> 00:46:06,460 Absolutely love a drink. 836 00:46:06,460 --> 00:46:11,320 So like even down to like getting myself to and from dance growing up and like getting 837 00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:16,780 myself places and being really young and getting the bus and kind of, you know, being okay, 838 00:46:16,780 --> 00:46:17,780 being on my own. 839 00:46:17,780 --> 00:46:21,500 And so I've had that independence in me. 840 00:46:21,500 --> 00:46:27,020 Um, but then I kind of had a boyfriend, I've had a boyfriend for a long time. 841 00:46:27,020 --> 00:46:31,200 Like I had a boyfriend and end of high school and then I, and I always have like little 842 00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:36,020 breaks in between, but then have a boyfriend for another year and then, or like two years. 843 00:46:36,020 --> 00:46:37,020 And then they're always long. 844 00:46:37,020 --> 00:46:39,940 I mean, I haven't had many boyfriends speaking like I've had like 10 boyfriends. 845 00:46:39,940 --> 00:46:45,540 I have like three boyfriends, but they've been long relationships. 846 00:46:45,540 --> 00:46:50,860 And yeah, part of me, I think it was tied into the decision making of leaving that I 847 00:46:50,860 --> 00:46:53,700 wanted to be on my own for a bit. 848 00:46:53,700 --> 00:47:00,700 And I fell deeply in love with this person and it was kind of my first love and I was 849 00:47:00,700 --> 00:47:04,700 20 years old, 21. 850 00:47:04,700 --> 00:47:09,220 And then all the, I kind of like prioritized lots of that and forgot, forgot a lot about 851 00:47:09,220 --> 00:47:21,980 me and kind of didn't, I didn't honor my own journey and my own dreams and my own goals 852 00:47:21,980 --> 00:47:31,980 because I was trying to nurture and tend this relationship that I'd found that rocked my 853 00:47:31,980 --> 00:47:34,700 world, like completely blew the lid off my world. 854 00:47:34,700 --> 00:47:38,220 I didn't know what love was, I guess, before that. 855 00:47:38,220 --> 00:47:46,620 And then I learned so much in that relationship, but I knew that I had growing to do on my 856 00:47:46,620 --> 00:47:47,620 own. 857 00:47:47,620 --> 00:47:53,420 So I wasn't scared when I left, I wasn't like fearful. 858 00:47:53,420 --> 00:47:58,960 I was, I was fearful of the uncertainty and the anticipation and all the, all the kind 859 00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:02,020 of good fear and like, holy fuck, what am I going to do? 860 00:48:02,020 --> 00:48:04,580 Like I'm going to go, but I wasn't scared of being alone. 861 00:48:04,580 --> 00:48:06,100 I knew I could do it. 862 00:48:06,100 --> 00:48:07,420 I knew I could handle it. 863 00:48:07,420 --> 00:48:12,020 It was a shock because you know, you're with someone for so long and then you're not, but 864 00:48:12,020 --> 00:48:15,900 I knew I needed to do some growing on my own. 865 00:48:15,900 --> 00:48:22,580 And then also kind of on the other side of that grieving, that relationship, I didn't 866 00:48:22,580 --> 00:48:24,140 really, cause I was like, I'm moving to New York. 867 00:48:24,140 --> 00:48:28,340 And then I got to New York and I was like, Oh my God, like what the fuck? 868 00:48:28,340 --> 00:48:32,860 And in New York is everything, you know, it's everything you dream of. 869 00:48:32,860 --> 00:48:34,380 And I was so

busy with New York. 870 00:48:34,380 --> 00:48:40,420 I didn't really grieve that relationship and that part of my life. 871 00:48:40,420 --> 00:48:41,560 And I've started to do that. 872 00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:45,540 And that's been, that's been a hard journey as well. 873 00:48:45,540 --> 00:48:52,020 Like I didn't also grieving the girl of me, the version of me in my early twenties that 874 00:48:52,020 --> 00:48:56,140 didn't do what I wanted to do and wasn't honoring myself grieving her as well. 875 00:48:56,140 --> 00:48:59,940 And like not getting, you know, you can't get those years back. 876 00:48:59,940 --> 00:49:06,980 And that's okay because I learned a lot, but I'm sad for that girl who didn't live out 877 00:49:06,980 --> 00:49:10,820 her early twenties in a different way. 878 00:49:10,820 --> 00:49:14,180 I wouldn't change it because it's got me where I am now. 879 00:49:14,180 --> 00:49:19,020 The whole, you know, everything you do gets you to where you are in this moment. 880 00:49:19,020 --> 00:49:25,220 But I do have, I do feel sad for, for that girl and, and the relationship, I think you 881 00:49:25,220 --> 00:49:30,660 have to grieve it, but I was definitely ready to, ready to step out and do some living on 882 00:49:30,660 --> 00:49:32,380 my own for sure. 883 00:49:32,380 --> 00:49:33,380 Yeah. 884 00:49:33,380 --> 00:49:35,620 And now like you've had that. 885 00:49:35,620 --> 00:49:36,620 Yeah. 886 00:49:36,620 --> 00:49:40,380 I had that time and, and I've fallen in love. 887 00:49:40,380 --> 00:49:41,380 Yay. 888 00:49:41,380 --> 00:49:42,380 Yes. 889 00:49:42,380 --> 00:49:44,780 And there I am like, I was ready to be on my own. 890 00:49:44,780 --> 00:49:47,060 And then I, yeah, you just fall in love again. 891 00:49:47,060 --> 00:49:48,060 Yeah, exactly. 892 00:49:48,060 --> 00:49:49,060 Yeah. 893 00:49:49,060 --> 00:49:53,900 And then I met someone who, who, yeah, it's like a whole world all over again, a brand 894 00:49:53,900 --> 00:50:04,060 new, different kind, just different kind of love, different kind of belief and like relationship, 895 00:50:04,060 --> 00:50:11,020 our relationship to each other is, is so much play and so, and so raw. 896 00:50:11,020 --> 00:50:15,260 And we just get each other and it's just a different, a different relationship, a different 897 00:50:15,260 --> 00:50:16,260 kind of love. 898 00:50:16,260 --> 00:50:19,260 That's very sweet though. 899 00:50:19,260 --> 00:50:20,260 Yeah. 900 00:50:20,260 --> 00:50:22,740 I mean, it's very beautiful. 901 00:50:22,740 --> 00:50:25,460 It's a whole thing. 902 00:50:25,460 --> 00:50:28,780 Like it also, it's nice when something catches you off guard. 903 00:50:28,780 --> 00:50:30,740 Oh my God. 904 00:50:30,740 --> 00:50:31,980 Absolutely. 905 00:50:31,980 --> 00:50:39,500 Like did you feel, did you feel like you were expecting it when it happened? 906 00:50:39,500 --> 00:50:40,500 No, no. 907 00:50:40,500 --> 00:50:42,660 How did it start? 908

00:50:42,660 --> 00:50:49,500 Well, we, I was like on this grand plan of like, I need to just like be single and be 909 00:50:49,500 --> 00:50:50,500 on my own. 910 00:50:50,500 --> 00:50:55,820 Like after this long, I was with my ex for like five years. 911 00:50:55,820 --> 00:51:00,700 So I had this whole grand plan of being single for as long as I could. 912 00:51:00,700 --> 00:51:07,460 And then, yeah, I met Jordan and it really did feel like I'd known him already. 913 00:51:07,460 --> 00:51:08,460 Wow. 914 00:51:08,460 --> 00:51:09,460 Yeah. 915 00:51:09,460 --> 00:51:16,140 I met him and like literally after date one, I remember going to the bathroom on the date 916 00:51:16,140 --> 00:51:21,740 and like putting my head in my hands and I was like, oh no, oh my God, like something's 917 00:51:21,740 --> 00:51:25,260 happening and I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. 918 00:51:25,260 --> 00:51:26,260 Yeah. 919 00:51:26,260 --> 00:51:27,260 You have that feeling. 920 00:51:27,260 --> 00:51:30,500 You're like, holy fuck, something is happening now. 921 00:51:30,500 --> 00:51:34,380 And I can't, and I remember saying to my friends, we were like in Berlin, like two weeks after 922 00:51:34,380 --> 00:51:35,380 I'd met him. 923 00:51:35,380 --> 00:51:39,820 And, and I said to them, I think he's my person. 924 00:51:39,820 --> 00:51:40,820 I think he's my soulmate. 925 00:51:40,820 --> 00:51:43,580 I'm like, is that fucked up to say it's been like two weeks? 926 00:51:43,580 --> 00:51:44,580 And they were like, no. 927 00:51:44,580 --> 00:51:46,020 And I'm like, I really think he is. 928 00:51:46,020 --> 00:51:51,380 And then, yeah, like a month later, we were both like, oh my God, we both realized, but 929 00:51:51,380 --> 00:51:53,380 there's that inner, again, that inner knowing. 930 00:51:53,380 --> 00:51:58,580 I feel like, I feel like, and I'm jumping around a bit, but I feel like that's why I, 931 00:51:58,580 --> 00:52:06,780 when I knew I needed to leave Sydney and that relationship was because I knew deep down 932 00:52:06,780 --> 00:52:07,780 that it wasn't right. 933 00:52:07,780 --> 00:52:08,780 Same with acting. 934 00:52:08,780 --> 00:52:13,100 I've kind of known, and that's why I had to grieve so much after that relationship because 935 00:52:13,100 --> 00:52:15,180 I wasn't honoring that inner voice. 936 00:52:15,180 --> 00:52:16,180 Yeah. 937 00:52:16,180 --> 00:52:17,180 That I know is there. 938 00:52:17,180 --> 00:52:20,620 And I think the older you get, the more, the louder it gets as well. 939 00:52:20,620 --> 00:52:21,620 And yeah. 940 00:52:21,620 --> 00:52:24,300 So now I can like hear it more. 941 00:52:24,300 --> 00:52:28,980 And I, and I've throughout my whole life, I've not listened to that voice in so many 942 00:52:28,980 --> 00:52:32,780 different ways, but it's there and it's loud. 943 00:52:32,780 --> 00:52:33,780 Yeah. 944 00:52:33,780 --> 00:52:34,780 And then, yeah. 945 00:52:34,780 --> 00:52:37,860 When I, after I'm Jordan, I was like, oh, there's something inside of me that this is 946 00:52:37,860 --> 00:52:38,860 right. 947 00:52:38,860 --> 00:52:41,660 This is like something inside of me that it's wanting to come out. 948 00:52:41,660 --> 00:52:42,660 Yeah. 949 00:52:42,660 --> 00:52:43,660 Yeah. 950 00:52:43,660 --> 00:52:45,260 Something like that. 951 00:52:45,260 --> 00:52:53,980 I like, I think it's also waiting for you to have a coffee. 952 00:52:53,980 --> 00:52:57,020 I mean, like it's so funny. 953 00:52:57,020 --> 00:53:05,740 I think it's also like such a, such a vibe and such a feeling to really grieve your younger 954 00:53:05,740 --> 00:53:06,740 selves. 955 00:53:06,740 --> 00:53:09,780 Cause like, you know, I did, um, you know, as I was saying to you, the stepping into 956 00:53:09,780 --> 00:53:14,660 freelance work, um, and doing, you know, going back into performing and everything, I think 957 00:53:14,660 --> 00:53:22,820 it's like, I had done film school and my mom was like, don't do acting cause it's not gonna 958 00:53:22,820 --> 00:53:23,820 like pay bills. 959 00:53:23,820 --> 00:53:29,820 Like it was very like that mentality of just don't do this because I'm worried that you're 960 00:53:29,820 --> 00:53:31,420 not going to be able to afford a house. 961 00:53:31,420 --> 00:53:33,220 And I was very adamant for a young age. 962 00:53:33,220 --> 00:53:34,620 I was like, I don't want to own a house. 963 00:53:34,620 --> 00:53:38,020 Like I, and my mom was always like, oh, I'll get an investment property, get like this. 964 00:53:38,020 --> 00:53:44,460 And it's very much of that era of like parenting, you know, and I think it's taken my mom a 965 00:53:44,460 --> 00:53:52,460 long time to still to this day, um, that I am my own person and you know, I'm just gonna 966 00:53:52,460 --> 00:53:56,740 do whatever and I'm not really going to conform to anything. 967 00:53:56,740 --> 00:54:04,060 Um, but I remember particularly, I think my mom particularly is very prideful. 968 00:54:04,060 --> 00:54:08,220 Like she's got a lot of pride and she wants to have a very good appearance, you know, 969 00:54:08,220 --> 00:54:12,460 in, I don't know if that's just come from the fact that, uh, she came from a country 970 00:54:12,460 --> 00:54:13,820 town and moved to the city. 971 00:54:13,820 --> 00:54:18,420 And so a lot of it, that's just reputation and holding that high rep. 972 00:54:18,420 --> 00:54:22,580 Um, and we, my brother and I teased her that she always sounded like the queen. 973 00:54:22,580 --> 00:54:25,340 Uh, I know exactly that. 974 00:54:25,340 --> 00:54:33,620 Um, but you know, it's, I, it was one of those things that I remember when I left and went 975 00:54:33,620 --> 00:54:37,860 into full-time work and I started working, like I did an internship at nine and then 976 00:54:37,860 --> 00:54:43,740 I ended up in a tech role for five and a half years, which by the end of absolutely loathed 977

00:54:43,740 --> 00:54:45,260 working for the company. 978 00:54:45,260 --> 00:54:47,320 And then I moved to seven, same thing. 979 00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:49,060 I got to what's the end of it. 980 00:54:49,060 --> 00:54:53,020 And I was like, I'm just, I'm loving the fact that I've learned so much, but I'm loathing 981 00:54:53,020 --> 00:54:55,680 the fact that this is nothing I've wanted to do. 982 00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:57,740 Like it's, it's just paid my bills. 983 00:54:57,740 --> 00:55:02,100 It's just made ends meet, but I'm doing all these extra curriculum things like photography, 984 00:55:02,100 --> 00:55:06,900 performing, directing, writing outside that don't pay, but these are the things I want 985 00:55:06,900 --> 00:55:07,900 to do. 986 00:55:07,900 --> 00:55:11,740 Like these are the things that I want to fulfill my dreams on. 987 00:55:11,740 --> 00:55:16,980 So I felt like they always like my passions were becoming secondary to something that 988 00:55:16,980 --> 00:55:18,380 I didn't love. 989 00:55:18,380 --> 00:55:20,940 And that was starting to irk me as I got older. 990 00:55:20,940 --> 00:55:24,820 Um, and you know, sometimes it takes also the right person in your life. 991 00:55:24,820 --> 00:55:30,260 Cause I, you know, like when I met M, uh, she has always been very supportive of every 992 00:55:30,260 --> 00:55:33,220 creative endeavor that we've done. 993 00:55:33,220 --> 00:55:38,140 Um, versus like other relationships where they were very much focused on their own career 994 00:55:38,140 --> 00:55:41,340 and they would, your career would come secondary. 995 00:55:41,340 --> 00:55:44,620 So it was a very like, um, and I was such a people-pleaser. 996 00:55:44,620 --> 00:55:48,180 Like I was like, Oh, as long as you are happy, you know, it's all fine. 997 00:55:48,180 --> 00:55:55,060 Um, so now, now as a fully fledged dad, I'll still question that thought. 998 00:55:55,060 --> 00:55:57,980 Um, but you know, like I've gone, fuck it. 999 00:55:57,980 --> 00:56:03,140 Like why not do, do the things that I love? 1000 00:56:03,140 --> 00:56:07,780 Like why not just still do those and see if that can make me a huge amount of profit or 1001 00:56:07,780 --> 00:56:10,140 like at least make ends meet. 1002 00:56:10,140 --> 00:56:12,580 And, um, and fulfill your heart. 1003 00:56:12,580 --> 00:56:13,580 Yeah. 1004 00:56:13,580 --> 00:56:16,420 Well, like that little inner child that's screaming. 1005 00:56:16,420 --> 00:56:24,980 Cause like, um, I think, you know, and I don't know if this was the same for you, like, um, 1006 00:56:24,980 --> 00:56:30,380 you're growing up, like not feeling like feeling that you fit it in really affected my mental 1007 00:56:30,380 --> 00:56:31,380 health as well. 1008 00:56:31,380 --> 00:56:40,620 It was like such a, and I feel like the, the element that, you know, we talk about grieving, 1009 00:56:40,620 --> 00:56:44,940 I really do grieve that period of my life where it's like, Oh, did I do

enough? 1010 00:56:44,940 --> 00:56:46,500 Did I, did I fulfill enough? 1011 00:56:46,500 --> 00:56:48,540 Were you the kind of the same? 1012 00:56:48,540 --> 00:56:50,180 The years go quick, hey. 1013 00:56:50,180 --> 00:56:51,180 Yeah. 1014 00:56:51,180 --> 00:56:55,140 Like they, they go quick and then all of a sudden you have all this hindsight and you're 1015 00:56:55,140 --> 00:56:57,300 like, Oh, fuck that. 1016 00:56:57,300 --> 00:56:58,820 I just spent two years doing that. 1017 00:56:58,820 --> 00:57:01,540 Like, and I think you feel like you have endless time. 1018 00:57:01,540 --> 00:57:07,220 And I felt like I had endless time when I was younger and then it just starts getting 1019 00:57:07,220 --> 00:57:11,380 the, the days get quicker and the years get quicker, you know? 1020 00:57:11,380 --> 00:57:19,740 Um, but yeah, I feel, I feel like I have a similar, I've, I've done a lot of people pleasing 1021 00:57:19,740 --> 00:57:28,220 and a lot of, um, yeah, doing things like going with the flow, which is kind of like 1022 00:57:28,220 --> 00:57:34,340 not good, not in a good way, like going with, well, like I started, I started working for 1023 00:57:34,340 --> 00:57:37,940 this company, um, hospitality company that I love. 1024 00:57:37,940 --> 00:57:42,620 Um, but I was very good at that job because I was so chatty and you know, chatting to 1025 00:57:42,620 --> 00:57:48,380 people and outgoing and, and then I started working for them more and more and then got 1026 00:57:48,380 --> 00:57:49,780 a little promotion through them. 1027 00:57:49,780 --> 00:57:54,940 And then I'd all of a sudden been working there for like six years and then was running, 1028 00:57:54,940 --> 00:57:57,500 running a bar and had responsibility. 1029 00:57:57,500 --> 00:58:01,900 And then my acting was kind of like something that I would be doing a couple of times a 1030 00:58:01,900 --> 00:58:02,900 week. 1031 00:58:02,900 --> 00:58:05,180 Like I wouldn't really be working on my craft. 1032 00:58:05,180 --> 00:58:09,500 I'd just be trying to audition and trying to do this whole other thing because I didn't 1033 00:58:09,500 --> 00:58:12,100 really know how to get out of it. 1034 00:58:12,100 --> 00:58:15,460 And then the years went so fast. 1035 00:58:15,460 --> 00:58:18,260 And yeah, I feel, I, I hear you. 1036 00:58:18,260 --> 00:58:25,180 I feel like that, that people pleasing kind of catches up, catches up to you. 1037 00:58:25,180 --> 00:58:29,260 And then you feel like you can't breathe because you're doing, you know, doing what everyone 1038 00:58:29,260 --> 00:58:30,260 else wants you to do. 1039 00:58:30,260 --> 00:58:31,540 I was super lucky. 1040 00:58:31,540 --> 00:58:36,060 My parents have always been really supportive of this. 1041 00:58:36,060 --> 00:58:40,540 Um, like in a way my mom's always like, oh yeah, that's what she'll do. 1042 00:58:40,540 --> 00:58:41,540 Yep. 1043 00:58:41,540 --> 00:58:42,940 Like, you know, she's like, oh yeah,

yeah, yeah. 1044 00:58:42,940 --> 00:58:47,180 We've always known, you know, she's just like, they've never, they've never once been like, 1045 00:58:47,180 --> 00:58:48,180 what are you going to do? 1046 00:58:48,180 --> 00:58:50,580 Are you going to get a real job or how are you going to? 1047 00:58:50,580 --> 00:58:52,620 And I know that that's rare. 1048 00:58:52,620 --> 00:58:53,700 I know that that's rare. 1049 00:58:53,700 --> 00:58:56,540 So that, that was, I was lucky in that sense. 1050 00:58:56,540 --> 00:59:02,140 I didn't have them pushing back, but similar to you, I feel like all of the people that 1051 00:59:02,140 --> 00:59:10,900 I've been with, all of my boyfriends have not believed in me really, not really, you 1052 00:59:10,900 --> 00:59:14,900 know, like they, they'll say it, but then like, you know, it'll come out in an argument 1053 00:59:14,900 --> 00:59:17,900 that what they really think or, you know? 1054 00:59:17,900 --> 00:59:27,820 And I feel like now with Jordan, this like honest, truthful support and belief from him 1055 00:59:27,820 --> 00:59:29,620 is makes, makes me go after it. 1056 00:59:29,620 --> 00:59:34,340 Makes me the freedom of like him and my parents and my friend saying, oh yeah, you've got 1057 00:59:34,340 --> 00:59:35,340 this. 1058 00:59:35,340 --> 00:59:43,660 Gives you that kind of power empowerment to chase after it, you know, even harder. 1059 00:59:43,660 --> 00:59:44,660 Yeah. 1060 00:59:44,660 --> 00:59:50,860 But yeah, so many, so many things came before what I really wanted, you know, in my, in 1061 00:59:50,860 --> 00:59:55,740 my early twenties and so many years ticked by and you're like, oh shit, I really wasn't 1062 00:59:55,740 --> 01:00:00,420 because I wasn't in the driver's seat of my own life. 1063 01:00:00,420 --> 01:00:03,140 Felt like I was always in the passenger seat. 1064 01:00:03,140 --> 01:00:05,180 Does that make sense? 1065 01:00:05,180 --> 01:00:06,180 Yeah. 1066 01:00:06,180 --> 01:00:08,180 Which is very resonating. 1067 01:00:08,180 --> 01:00:09,860 Did I answer your question? 1068 01:00:09,860 --> 01:00:10,860 You did. 1069 01:00:10,860 --> 01:00:12,900 You're like, did I answer that? 1070 01:00:12,900 --> 01:00:15,340 I just went on a whole tangent. 1071 01:00:15,340 --> 01:00:16,340 I love it though. 1072 01:00:16,340 --> 01:00:17,340 I don't stop. 1073 01:00:17,340 --> 01:00:18,340 I love your tangents. 1074 01:00:18,340 --> 01:00:27,180 Um, yeah, it's, you just only also think it's like, it's such a, like, like having someone 1075 01:00:27,180 --> 01:00:34,820 not believing you and you know, and having someone believe it's such a different power 1076 01:00:34,820 --> 01:00:37,420 stance, like having someone go, yeah, you can do this. 1077 01:00:37,420 --> 01:00:41,860 Like versus no, you can't like, oh, why are you bothering? 1078 01:00:41,860 --> 01:00:48,540 And I w it's amazing what positive reinforcement actually does to kind of bring you into the, 1079 01:00:48,540 --> 01:00:53,700 um, cause I'd say I'm someone with quite high resilience to a lot of things. 1080 01:00:53,700 --> 01:00:59,020 Um, but I think it's also because it's something, you know, with light with masking, you have 1081 01:00:59,020 --> 01:01:04,460 to kind of like get to a certain point and, and, um, thick skin. 1082 01:01:04,460 --> 01:01:11,060 And I know there's also like this, uh, thing that I was talking with a few of my friends, 1083 01:01:11,060 --> 01:01:18,460 it's like, you know, that nepotism or, or, or even like, um, uh, sex appeal, like, you 1084 01:01:18,460 --> 01:01:25,220 know, where it's like, how, you know, like, did you feel like any of your past boyfriends 1085 01:01:25,220 --> 01:01:30,180 were like, oh, you'd only get it because you're good looking or you only get it because 1086 01:01:30,180 --> 01:01:31,780 as in like they've said stuff like that. 1087 01:01:31,780 --> 01:01:32,780 Yeah. 1088 01:01:32,780 --> 01:01:33,780 Yeah. 1089 01:01:33,780 --> 01:01:38,980 Or just like, um, you know, like, no, I've, they've never, I've, I've never heard that. 1090 01:01:38,980 --> 01:01:42,020 Um, really? 1091 01:01:42,020 --> 01:01:44,780 You're like, wow, that did not mean to sound sarcastic. 1092 01:01:44,780 --> 01:01:46,780 I was like, oh, no. 1093 01:01:46,780 --> 01:01:53,380 Um, no, yeah, I've never, I've never heard, I've never heard anyone, um, say, say that 1094 01:01:53,380 --> 01:01:54,380 to me before. 1095 01:01:54,380 --> 01:01:58,620 I've also had a weird kind of relationship with the way that I look. 1096 01:01:58,620 --> 01:01:59,620 Really? 1097 01:01:59,620 --> 01:02:06,940 Like growing up, I wasn't, I wasn't like, like I, the boys didn't really like me. 1098 01:02:06,940 --> 01:02:10,460 Like in primary school, I was kind of, like I said before, that weird kind of English 1099 01:02:10,460 --> 01:02:14,980 girl with the red hair with the weird name, like, cause no one, you know, I, I just love 1100 01:02:14,980 --> 01:02:15,980 your name by the way. 1101 01:02:15,980 --> 01:02:17,980 I just like think it's an awesome thing. 1102 01:02:17,980 --> 01:02:23,820 Um, but yeah, I kind of knew I had like a crush or, you know, I didn't never really. 1103 01:02:23,820 --> 01:02:31,100 And then, um, and maybe this comes from my, my mom once said in high school, then I got 1104 01:02:31,100 --> 01:02:34,500 braces and then I started straightening my hair and then I started putting eyebrows on, 1105 01:02:34,500 --> 01:02:41,380 started putting eyebrows on and like, then started getting attention from men in a different 1106 01:02:41,380 --> 01:02:43,420 way. 1107 01:02:43,420 --> 01:02:49,860 And it was very confusing to me because when I was younger, I'd never got that, you know 1108 01:02:49,860 --> 01:02:55,780 how some, and this is horrible, but there are some young girls that have always been 1109 01:02:55,780 --> 01:02:56,780 hypersexualized. 1110 01:02:56,780 --> 01:02:57,780 Yes. 1111

01:02:57,780 --> 01:03:00,460 You know, even when they're little girls, everyone's like, you're so beautiful. 1112 01:03:00,460 --> 01:03:01,460 You're so beautiful. 1113 01:03:01,460 --> 01:03:07,460 They always kind of didn't really have that in when I was, when I was a kid. 1114 01:03:07,460 --> 01:03:15,420 Um, so then when I kind of like got boobs and, you know, came into my sexuality, I went 1115 01:03:15,420 --> 01:03:17,020 through puberty quite early. 1116 01:03:17,020 --> 01:03:19,220 Like my hips popped out when I was like 12. 1117 01:03:19,220 --> 01:03:20,220 Wow. 1118 01:03:20,220 --> 01:03:21,220 Yeah. 1119 01:03:21,220 --> 01:03:22,220 I was super young. 1120 01:03:22,220 --> 01:03:23,540 Got my period really young, got my boobs came in young. 1121 01:03:23,540 --> 01:03:28,140 I had like armpit hair and like at swimming lessons, the girls would be like, Oh my God, 1122 01:03:28,140 --> 01:03:29,340 you've got armpit hair. 1123 01:03:29,340 --> 01:03:34,020 And I was, so I came into my body and into myself and like my sexuality as well. 1124 01:03:34,020 --> 01:03:39,300 And like my, like the desires I was feeling quite young. 1125 01:03:39,300 --> 01:03:45,780 So I guess that, I mean, that obviously translates to how you move through the world. 1126 01:03:45,780 --> 01:03:48,500 So then I started getting, and then I went to high school and then it was like, all of 1127 01:03:48,500 --> 01:03:53,780 a sudden these like 15, 16 year old testosterone boys were looking at me in a different way. 1128 01:03:53,780 --> 01:03:54,780 Yeah. 1129 01:03:54,780 --> 01:03:57,580 That I was like, Oh, that's a weird, that's a weird thing. 1130 01:03:57,580 --> 01:04:00,660 So my relate and yeah, and then I had, I had braces. 1131 01:04:00,660 --> 01:04:04,060 And then when all that came off, my mom was like, Oh, it's like an, an ugly duckling, 1132 01:04:04,060 --> 01:04:05,740 spondon story. 1133 01:04:05,740 --> 01:04:07,620 And like we would laugh about it. 1134 01:04:07,620 --> 01:04:11,500 And there was, you know, there was jokes about my dad would always say I wasn't a very cute 1135 01:04:11,500 --> 01:04:12,500 baby. 1136 01:04:12,500 --> 01:04:20,820 And like he used to say that I was like a bulldog chewing a wasp of all my baby photos. 1137 01:04:20,820 --> 01:04:26,740 So yeah, I've kind of like had this battles, battled, battled thing with, with the way 1138 01:04:26,740 --> 01:04:30,460 that I look, because I've always felt a certain way on the inside. 1139 01:04:30,460 --> 01:04:35,460 And then the world has responded to me differently throughout my life. 1140 01:04:35,460 --> 01:04:39,100 And then I lost a load of weight in during the pandemic. 1141 01:04:39,100 --> 01:04:44,060 And then that was another shift again, because then I was getting attention from men in an 1142 01:04:44,060 --> 01:04:49,100 even different way because I was all of a sudden slimmer and smaller. 1143 01:04:49,100 --> 01:04:54,740 And yeah, but, but I've never had it thrown in my face or anything like that. 1144 01:04:54,740 --> 01:05:01,140 I've never had anyone comment on it in terms of my craft or anything or anything like that. 1145 01:05:01,140 --> 01:05:03,100 But I've always had a weird, 1146 01:05:03,100 --> 01:05:04,540 weird dysphoria about it. 1147 01:05:04,540 --> 01:05:05,540 Yeah. 1148 01:05:05,540 --> 01:05:14,260 Like a weird kind of, and even with now my, my body, like I have, like, I always think 1149 01:05:14,260 --> 01:05:19,620 I'm so much bigger and a lot of, a lot of young women, especially have this body dysmorphia, 1150 01:05:19,620 --> 01:05:24,420 but yeah, I always think like I need to, I always need to be smaller. 1151 01:05:24,420 --> 01:05:28,180 But then me and my, me and Chelsea, my best friend that lives here, we always talk about 1152 01:05:28,180 --> 01:05:34,500 this like taking up space, the psychology of taking up space as a woman as well, and 1153 01:05:34,500 --> 01:05:37,020 wanting to be smaller and wanting to be less. 1154 01:05:37,020 --> 01:05:42,880 So then you're not, you know, you're not threatening to anyone and, and, and taking that literally 1155 01:05:42,880 --> 01:05:46,060 in the sense of losing weight, women are always trying to lose weight. 1156 01:05:46,060 --> 01:05:50,380 But yeah, I think, I mean, same with everyone. 1157 01:05:50,380 --> 01:05:56,420 I guess everyone has, you know, a relationship to the way that they look in their body and, 1158 01:05:56,420 --> 01:06:01,040 but mine has changed a lot throughout, throughout my life a lot. 1159 01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:10,560 And I think now being 28 and feeling really content with who I am and who I'm, who I'm 1160 01:06:10,560 --> 01:06:13,980 figuring out I am and who I'm like growing and learning. 1161 01:06:13,980 --> 01:06:18,300 And I feel, I feel more at ease with, with myself. 1162 01:06:18,300 --> 01:06:23,580 I don't feel like I'm trying to fit into anyone's like in, in high school, I just wanted to 1163 01:06:23,580 --> 01:06:27,260 be tanned and have straight hair like everyone else and be blonde. 1164 01:06:27,260 --> 01:06:28,700 And I was never allowed to dye my hair. 1165 01:06:28,700 --> 01:06:29,700 I just wanted to be blonde. 1166 01:06:29,700 --> 01:06:35,180 And then, so I feel like I've always been like trying to fit myself and my body into 1167 01:06:35,180 --> 01:06:39,060 some, someone else's idea. 1168 01:06:39,060 --> 01:06:46,220 But now I'm getting to a point where I can sit in my own, just in myself more. 1169 01:06:46,220 --> 01:06:48,020 I kind of love that. 1170 01:06:48,020 --> 01:06:50,740 I think it's also like. 1171 01:06:50,740 --> 01:06:51,740 What about you? 1172 01:06:51,740 --> 01:06:54,700 I mean, I, oh God. 1173 01:06:54,700 --> 01:06:57,580 Um, I hadn't eating disorder. 1174 01:06:57,580 --> 01:07:05,220 I had anorexia for quite a few years from when I was 20, not 19, probably 20. 1175 01:07:05,220 --> 01:07:10,900 So didn't really manifest as

badly until I was 21. 1176 01:07:10,900 --> 01:07:15,900 And then it got better when I was 27, 28. 1177 01:07:15,900 --> 01:07:18,900 I had to go through a lot of therapy to get out of that mindset. 1178 01:07:18,900 --> 01:07:26,100 And I, I sort of contributed to the fact that, um, like, uh, particularly like I identify 1179 01:07:26,100 --> 01:07:27,100 as gender queer. 1180 01:07:27,100 --> 01:07:33,740 So, you know, a lot of that was trying to not conform to male, like sort of views. 1181 01:07:33,740 --> 01:07:37,580 I never really sort of like growing up, I'd never sort of really particularly pictured 1182 01:07:37,580 --> 01:07:39,340 myself as a guy, like as a boy. 1183 01:07:39,340 --> 01:07:44,260 And I sort of really tried to hide away from that aspect. 1184 01:07:44,260 --> 01:07:50,860 Um, now I just kind of go, I'm, I'm me and whoever the version is, is, um, the best version 1185 01:07:50,860 --> 01:07:56,220 of me, but for many years, I think it was, and I was talking with one of my friends about 1186 01:07:56,220 --> 01:08:01,500 it who's, um, a trans woman and she was saying, like, she went through the same sort of thing 1187 01:08:01,500 --> 01:08:02,900 when, you know, she was younger. 1188 01:08:02,900 --> 01:08:06,900 She was just like, I just don't fit the mold. 1189 01:08:06,900 --> 01:08:11,980 And so she had like a lot of insecurities until she came out and she was like, oh, okay, 1190 01:08:11,980 --> 01:08:12,980 this is who I'm meant to be. 1191 01:08:12,980 --> 01:08:15,380 I feel like I can be myself. 1192 01:08:15,380 --> 01:08:22,860 And it's such a, like a really interesting thing because I think for a lot of it was 1193 01:08:22,860 --> 01:08:24,700 trying to hide. 1194 01:08:24,700 --> 01:08:28,300 Like a lot of it was a lot of my insecurities were trying to hide. 1195 01:08:28,300 --> 01:08:33,420 Um, I didn't think I was particularly like, I always wanted to have long hair. 1196 01:08:33,420 --> 01:08:35,340 Um, that was a big contention in my family. 1197 01:08:35,340 --> 01:08:37,460 My mom wanted me to have short hair. 1198 01:08:37,460 --> 01:08:42,540 Um, and I think it was just like, she hates that I have long hair now. 1199 01:08:42,540 --> 01:08:48,220 Um, but I think it was also like, Oh, you know, even going back to our wedding, um, 1200 01:08:48,220 --> 01:08:53,340 we wanted a very colorful wedding and my mom wanted me to wear a suit and I was like, no, 1201 01:08:53,340 --> 01:08:55,140 not having over my dead body. 1202 01:08:55,140 --> 01:08:57,100 Am I wearing a suit? 1203 01:08:57,100 --> 01:09:04,820 And, um, we got this colorful jacket from Gorman and like, I wore like a John Lennon 1204 01:09:04,820 --> 01:09:09,580 button up shirt, which was very colorful and velvet, um, green pants. 1205 01:09:09,580 --> 01:09:15,620 And that was my outfit of my wedding and, and wore this lovely like depop dress that 1206 01:09:15,620 --> 01:09:17,620 she found for like 20 bucks. 1207 01:09:17,620 --> 01:09:22,860 And we just had like an amazing time, but it was, it was really interesting because 1208 01:09:22,860 --> 01:09:24,620 I was talking with my best friend. 1209 01:09:24,620 --> 01:09:29,380 Um, and I've known her for like, since we were like end of high school and we were talking 1210 01:09:29,380 --> 01:09:34,260 about and she was just like, yeah, I always knew you were just who you are, but it was 1211 01:09:34,260 --> 01:09:41,100 just getting you out of this, you know, cause I graduated school in 2010 and back then it 1212 01:09:41,100 --> 01:09:43,060 was just, everything was very conformative. 1213 01:09:43,060 --> 01:09:46,020 Like everything was like, you know, you do this. 1214 01:09:46,020 --> 01:09:52,300 Um, even when I was coming into my sexuality, it was like, um, the idea of liking boys, 1215 01:09:52,300 --> 01:09:55,620 you know, for myself was a very foreign concept. 1216 01:09:55,620 --> 01:09:57,100 And I was like, I like boys. 1217 01:09:57,100 --> 01:09:59,020 I don't know what to do with that though. 1218 01:09:59,020 --> 01:10:04,580 And, um, there was just a long, like a fight with that. 1219 01:10:04,580 --> 01:10:06,500 I think, again, there was a lot of internalized homophobia. 1220 01:10:06,500 --> 01:10:11,740 There was a lot of internalized, like fear of being more different than I already was. 1221 01:10:11,740 --> 01:10:14,260 So why add another layer of complexity to it? 1222 01:10:14,260 --> 01:10:18,700 And I've always felt like I always have this joke where it's like the next thing will come 1223 01:10:18,700 --> 01:10:20,900 and it will just add another layer of complexity to me. 1224 01:10:20,900 --> 01:10:22,900 And I'm just like, oh, there's another hurdle to it. 1225 01:10:22,900 --> 01:10:23,900 Yeah. 1226 01:10:23,900 --> 01:10:24,900 Well, that makes sense. 1227 01:10:24,900 --> 01:10:25,900 Um, yeah. 1228 01:10:25,900 --> 01:10:28,580 So I do think like it was a really, so last year. 1229 01:10:28,580 --> 01:10:29,580 Yeah. 1230 01:10:29,580 --> 01:10:33,420 Just about June last year, my best friend was like, let's, let's do something. 1231 01:10:33,420 --> 01:10:36,100 Cause I, I saw that she got her ears pierced and had earrings. 1232 01:10:36,100 --> 01:10:38,020 And I was like, oh, that's something I've always wanted to do. 1233 01:10:38,020 --> 01:10:39,300 And she was like, let's do it then. 1234 01:10:39,300 --> 01:10:43,740 She like just immediately took me out and was like, um, uh, I think like a week later 1235 01:10:43,740 --> 01:10:45,420 I got my hair done and everything. 1236 01:10:45,420 --> 01:10:48,580 And it was sort of like, um, I just didn't tell my parents. 1237 01:10:48,580 --> 01:10:52,100 Like I just immediate, like, it was like, I'm 32, like 31 at this point. 1238 01:10:52,100 --> 01:10:54,220 I was like, I don't need to tell them like this is fine. 1239 01:10:54,220 --> 01:10:55,220 They don't need to know. 1240 01:10:55,220 --> 01:11:01,420 But it was such a, it

was such a thing where I think it was like, um, just like I knew 1241 01:11:01,420 --> 01:11:05,580 my mom would comment on it and I was trying to let that thought go. 1242 01:11:05,580 --> 01:11:10,460 Um, and yeah, like my brother never cared. 1243 01:11:10,460 --> 01:11:14,060 He's now, you know, like, he's very supportive. 1244 01:11:14,060 --> 01:11:18,420 Um, and I think my mom still just struggles to get her head around it. 1245 01:11:18,420 --> 01:11:24,300 And she's very like, um, she's very confusing in a lot of ways and I, and I love her to 1246 01:11:24,300 --> 01:11:28,180 bits, but I, she has so many multitudes. 1247 01:11:28,180 --> 01:11:29,300 She comes from a different era. 1248 01:11:29,300 --> 01:11:36,660 So her, her version of love is insulting and like, and, um, and she's conscious. 1249 01:11:36,660 --> 01:11:39,940 I think she has undiagnosed anxiety, which she doesn't want to admit she has. 1250 01:11:39,940 --> 01:11:42,180 You're just like slipping things into her morning coffee. 1251 01:11:42,180 --> 01:11:43,180 Yeah. 1252 01:11:43,180 --> 01:11:44,180 Yeah. 1253 01:11:44,180 --> 01:11:45,180 Just like calm her down. 1254 01:11:45,180 --> 01:11:46,180 Yeah. 1255 01:11:46,180 --> 01:11:48,180 Just like here, here, don't, don't, you know, here's some like calming medicine. 1256 01:11:48,180 --> 01:11:49,180 Don't mind. 1257 01:11:49,180 --> 01:11:50,180 Yeah. 1258 01:11:50,180 --> 01:11:51,180 Have this supplement. 1259 01:11:51,180 --> 01:11:52,180 Yeah. 1260 01:11:52,180 --> 01:11:58,700 And I think there's a lot of that and I think for me, uh, just like opening up the layers, 1261 01:11:58,700 --> 01:11:59,700 finding out who you are. 1262 01:11:59,700 --> 01:12:06,180 It, you know, and also through acting, I think it's, and you know, I think the podcast is 1263 01:12:06,180 --> 01:12:11,380 going back to this, like the podcast has been like an open door gateway to a lot of things 1264 01:12:11,380 --> 01:12:12,660 that I didn't even know about myself. 1265 01:12:12,660 --> 01:12:14,380 And I'm like, loved that. 1266 01:12:14,380 --> 01:12:15,820 And you feel more like you. 1267 01:12:15,820 --> 01:12:16,820 Yeah. 1268 01:12:16,820 --> 01:12:21,300 Way more, way more like, uh, and not afraid to say it, which I think, I think for many 1269 01:12:21,300 --> 01:12:30,100 years I was afraid, um, afraid to be who I was versus who, you know, like, and then just 1270 01:12:30,100 --> 01:12:32,460 be the version of the mask that I can put on. 1271 01:12:32,460 --> 01:12:38,660 Um, and I mean, like, you know, there's always a sense of catering to everyone different. 1272 01:12:38,660 --> 01:12:44,100 Like you're always going to tailor your taste, but I didn't filter as much anymore. 1273 01:12:44,100 --> 01:12:47,740 Like I don't do that self edit, which like, you know, cause if I don't like something, 1274 01:12:47,740 --> 01:12:49,420 I'll just go, I don't like that. 1275 01:12:49,420 --> 01:12:53,340 Like, you know, like

straight out words before it go back to that people placing, but like, 1276 01:12:53,340 --> 01:12:56,620 I'll just suck it up and you know, yeah. 1277 01:12:56,620 --> 01:12:57,620 Yeah. 1278 01:12:57,620 --> 01:13:06,060 I mean, like, I think particularly, um, do like something that makes me quite nervous 1279 01:13:06,060 --> 01:13:11,260 is is like, do not exposing myself now. 1280 01:13:11,260 --> 01:13:17,900 Like I think that whole idea, because I'm so used to it now, the idea of not being vulnerable 1281 01:13:17,900 --> 01:13:21,060 is more nerve wracking than being vulnerable. 1282 01:13:21,060 --> 01:13:22,820 What a beautiful place to get to. 1283 01:13:22,820 --> 01:13:23,820 Yeah. 1284 01:13:23,820 --> 01:13:31,420 To know that it's going to cost you more to stay hidden and, and to, yeah, to edit yourself. 1285 01:13:31,420 --> 01:13:36,060 It's going to cost you more than it would to now be who you are. 1286 01:13:36,060 --> 01:13:39,420 Cause are you slowly getting to that spot where you're feeling more and more? 1287 01:13:39,420 --> 01:13:40,420 Yeah. 1288 01:13:40,420 --> 01:13:47,060 I feel like now even with my queerness, I could never talk about that growing up. 1289 01:13:47,060 --> 01:13:48,060 Yeah. 1290 01:13:48,060 --> 01:13:49,060 Ever. 1291 01:13:49,060 --> 01:13:52,300 But like me and all my friends were kissing each other at sleepovers. 1292 01:13:52,300 --> 01:13:53,300 Like what? 1293 01:13:53,300 --> 01:13:58,740 But like we could never, like God forbid anyone would bring up that they liked a girl growing 1294 01:13:58,740 --> 01:13:59,740 up. 1295 01:13:59,740 --> 01:14:05,420 And then I guess as, as I got to my like early twenties, I realized, well, I kind of knew, 1296 01:14:05,420 --> 01:14:09,820 I always knew that I was bisexual, but I just never had never acted on it other than the 1297 01:14:09,820 --> 01:14:14,100 secret sleepover kisses that every girl, now every girl that I speak to is like, oh yeah, 1298 01:14:14,100 --> 01:14:15,100 we were doing that too. 1299 01:14:15,100 --> 01:14:16,100 Like everyone. 1300 01:14:16,100 --> 01:14:22,780 But yeah, now I'm getting, I, I, I really hear you because now I'm getting to that point 1301 01:14:22,780 --> 01:14:29,980 where it just, I can't, I read this quote about when you stay in the closet for too 1302 01:14:29,980 --> 01:14:34,820 long and not even just about queerness, just about like being who you are, I guess that 1303 01:14:34,820 --> 01:14:35,820 you get covered in mildew. 1304 01:14:35,820 --> 01:14:36,820 Yeah. 1305 01:14:36,820 --> 01:14:41,860 You get covered in mildew and then it's like, you, you can mold away. 1306 01:14:41,860 --> 01:14:46,140 Like you can just, you get, you get moldy and stale and covered in, covered in mildew 1307 01:14:46,140 --> 01:14:50,500 if you stay in the closet too long in the dark, like you have to come out and be who 1308 01:14:50,500 --> 01:14:51,500 you are. 1309 01:14:51,500 --> 01:14:58,620 And when you, when

you are, when you do like that authenticity, like beams out of you, 1310 01:14:58,620 --> 01:15:03,620 you know, and I feel like I only just, like I only just spoke to my parents about my sexuality 1311 01:15:03,620 --> 01:15:04,620 last year. 1312 01:15:04,620 --> 01:15:09,220 Oh, and like, yeah, I just, I just, my dad was like, are you gay? 1313 01:15:09,220 --> 01:15:11,260 And I was like, no. 1314 01:15:11,260 --> 01:15:16,460 I was like, but don't, isn't it like how fun is kissing girls though? 1315 01:15:16,460 --> 01:15:17,460 Yeah. 1316 01:15:17,460 --> 01:15:19,180 Like how beautiful is it to be with a woman? 1317 01:15:19,180 --> 01:15:21,060 And he was like, yeah, you're right. 1318 01:15:21,060 --> 01:15:23,060 And I just didn't really say anything. 1319 01:15:23,060 --> 01:15:30,820 Um, but yeah, being able to talk about my sexuality openly, I've just been able to do 1320 01:15:30,820 --> 01:15:35,500 when I moved to New York, like literally it was almost like the lid I was about to explode 1321 01:15:35,500 --> 01:15:40,820 of all of the, all of the things, even my hair, my hair was always long, always long. 1322 01:15:40,820 --> 01:15:46,620 And I kind of attached that to my femininity, to my sexiness or whatever. 1323 01:15:46,620 --> 01:15:52,460 I put, I put my hair in it and then I chopped my hair off and I like a tiny short bob and 1324 01:15:52,460 --> 01:15:57,500 I felt sexier then than I ever had in my life. 1325 01:15:57,500 --> 01:16:02,860 It was like this energy that I'd cut off and cutting my hair off and being able to actually 1326 01:16:02,860 --> 01:16:07,060 talk about who I know that I am. 1327 01:16:07,060 --> 01:16:08,820 That beams out of you. 1328 01:16:08,820 --> 01:16:11,620 You know, you people can feel that authenticity. 1329 01:16:11,620 --> 01:16:16,500 It's hotter, you know, to when you're like someone that's, you can feel it when you're 1330 01:16:16,500 --> 01:16:21,380 with someone and they're unapologetic or they're figuring out how to be themselves. 1331 01:16:21,380 --> 01:16:25,260 You can feel that energy come from someone. 1332 01:16:25,260 --> 01:16:29,660 I definitely, it's always quite a funny feeling as well. 1333 01:16:29,660 --> 01:16:35,900 And I definitely think that being married has like so many perks because I will often 1334 01:16:35,900 --> 01:16:40,500 say to Em, I'm like, Oh yeah, no, a lot of people find me attractive now because I'm 1335 01:16:40,500 --> 01:16:49,980 so much more confident versus when you're insecure about and not, you know, going back 1336 01:16:49,980 --> 01:16:54,380 to that meal, do you think, I love that, you know, like such a beautiful way of explaining 1337 01:16:54,380 --> 01:16:55,460 it because I agree. 1338 01:16:55,460 --> 01:17:06,540 And I think like, I remember the first time I kissed a boy, I was about 18 and I was like, 1339 01:17:06,540 --> 01:17:07,540 Oh, this is cool. 1340 01:17:07,540 --> 01:17:09,460 Like, you know, this is fun. 1341 01:17:09,460 --> 01:17:11,660 And then I was like, it was with a boy. 1342 01:17:11,660 --> 01:17:13,620 I was like, Oh yeah, he's okay. 1343 01:17:13,620 --> 01:17:17,820 And I was like, maybe it's just a, like a fun thing that people do. 1344 01:17:17,820 --> 01:17:20,500 And then I made out with a boy that actually thought was cute. 1345 01:17:20,500 --> 01:17:25,020 And I was like, Oh no, this is actually, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is ticking 1346 01:17:25,020 --> 01:17:26,020 boxes. 1347 01:17:26,020 --> 01:17:30,060 It's like, it's all about a click. 1348 01:17:30,060 --> 01:17:37,000 And I mean, that's the reality when you sort of realize that. 1349 01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:41,060 And I remember like, I've talked to a few friends about it and some of them I'm like, 1350 01:17:41,060 --> 01:17:43,140 Oh yeah, no. 1351 01:17:43,140 --> 01:17:45,980 And they're just realizations. 1352 01:17:45,980 --> 01:17:47,340 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1353 01:17:47,340 --> 01:17:49,060 No, like I enjoy that too. 1354 01:17:49,060 --> 01:17:52,100 Or, you know, like it does become more of a common thing. 1355 01:17:52,100 --> 01:17:56,580 I mean, like it also in Australian culture, like the masculinity side of everyone, like 1356 01:17:56,580 --> 01:18:01,060 the bloke's being like, no, no, never like, uh, you know, that guy that's, you know, I 1357 01:18:01,060 --> 01:18:09,940 really, I really kind of now only know and become close with queer people, which I think 1358 01:18:09,940 --> 01:18:16,180 is like, you know, kind of this sort of weird like, um, cause I feel like people are more 1359 01:18:16,180 --> 01:18:17,180 open now. 1360 01:18:17,180 --> 01:18:26,620 And I think it's like, um, the almost the, the, like, it's weird to be straight. 1361 01:18:26,620 --> 01:18:29,580 Like it's like, it's a more uncommon thing. 1362 01:18:29,580 --> 01:18:34,060 I know now you're like, Oh, what you only like, what you only like men. 1363 01:18:34,060 --> 01:18:35,060 That's it. 1364 01:18:35,060 --> 01:18:36,060 Yeah. 1365 01:18:36,060 --> 01:18:37,060 Like what's wrong with you? 1366 01:18:37,060 --> 01:18:42,500 I feel like Sydney as well has changed a lot in the last like three years, so much since 1367 01:18:42,500 --> 01:18:47,540 the pandemic, like the queer community there is, and it's always been there, it's always 1368 01:18:47,540 --> 01:18:50,220 been there, but it's like louder. 1369 01:18:50,220 --> 01:18:51,220 It's more in the mainstream. 1370 01:18:51,220 --> 01:18:52,220 Yeah. 1371 01:18:52,220 --> 01:18:54,660 Like, yeah, it feels, it does feel different. 1372 01:18:54,660 --> 01:18:55,980 It feels so different. 1373 01:18:55,980 --> 01:19:00,260 I don't know quite what to do with like why it feels so different. 1374 01:19:00,260 --> 01:19:02,000 Um, but I have loved it. 1375 01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:08,460 I think like I've made some awesome, awesome queer friends over, um, over there now that 1376 01:19:08,460 --> 01:19:10,220 I love

and adore. 1377 01:19:10,220 --> 01:19:15,360 And I think also like, it's really weird as well because, um, a couple of my friends who 1378 01:19:15,360 --> 01:19:21,460 are now just coming into their sexuality and stuff, I think really look up to me as someone 1379 01:19:21,460 --> 01:19:25,500 who's just, and I never thought I'd get to this stage where someone would look up to 1380 01:19:25,500 --> 01:19:32,780 me and just be like, you're, you're like such an admirable thing because I had this joke 1381 01:19:32,780 --> 01:19:38,260 and I was even like, um, saying with a good friend of mine, um, Margaret Thanos is an 1382 01:19:38,260 --> 01:19:46,100 Australian theater director and she was going, um, like there's, there's so many people who 1383 01:19:46,100 --> 01:19:49,660 just look up to you and, and just like, you know, I was like, that's impossible. 1384 01:19:49,660 --> 01:19:51,860 And then she's like, but you're doing something. 1385 01:19:51,860 --> 01:19:55,660 Like I think the thing is like people just, Australia, we, you know, goes back to that 1386 01:19:55,660 --> 01:19:59,140 glass ceiling and we stop and we just stay in stagnant. 1387 01:19:59,140 --> 01:20:04,660 But when you're challenging yourself and you're being this aspirational thing for yourself, 1388 01:20:04,660 --> 01:20:09,700 for yourself, people then go, Oh, that's amazing. 1389 01:20:09,700 --> 01:20:10,820 Like I'll do that. 1390 01:20:10,820 --> 01:20:11,820 And I want to be that. 1391 01:20:11,820 --> 01:20:18,700 And I sort of think that this is like, I can't wait to see like in the next 10 years where 1392 01:20:18,700 --> 01:20:27,500 like the journey manifests, like are you, cause what makes you look forward to about 1393 01:20:27,500 --> 01:20:28,500 things in your future? 1394 01:20:28,500 --> 01:20:33,620 Like what are you, what are you particularly looking forward to? 1395 01:20:33,620 --> 01:20:34,620 That's a broad question. 1396 01:20:34,620 --> 01:20:35,620 No, I love it. 1397 01:20:35,620 --> 01:20:40,380 I've, I've just done, have you ever done the artist way? 1398 01:20:40,380 --> 01:20:42,220 No, I got it. 1399 01:20:42,220 --> 01:20:43,900 It's like a big Julia Cameron. 1400 01:20:43,900 --> 01:20:47,980 It's like a big, it was a big thing in like the late nineties. 1401 01:20:47,980 --> 01:20:51,460 But you write every morning three pages and you read the book. 1402 01:20:51,460 --> 01:20:52,460 It's a 12 week thing. 1403 01:20:52,460 --> 01:20:53,460 I'm on week 10. 1404 01:20:53,460 --> 01:20:54,460 I'm about to finish it. 1405 01:20:54,460 --> 01:20:55,460 Oh, nice. 1406 01:20:55,460 --> 01:20:56,460 Yeah. 1407 01:20:56,460 --> 01:20:57,460 And it's fucking amazing. 1408 01:20:57,460 --> 01:20:58,460 Like highly recommend. 1409 01:20:58,460 --> 01:21:01,780 Um, and there's all these tasks as well, all these questions. 1410 01:21:01,780 --> 01:21:11,300 It's a lot of like self reflecting and, um, I have kind of in the last, it's, it feels 1411 01:21:11,300 --> 01:21:19,380 embarrassing to admit, but I've almost realized in the last six months, a year that this thing 1412 01:21:19,380 --> 01:21:26,300 acting, this art that I'm trying to make that I'm trying to pursue is a lifelong pursuit. 1413 01:21:26,300 --> 01:21:33,620 It is a craft that I am going to be pursuing for the rest of my life. 1414 01:21:33,620 --> 01:21:35,960 There isn't a moment that you arrive. 1415 01:21:35,960 --> 01:21:37,780 My friend and I used to talk about this. 1416 01:21:37,780 --> 01:21:41,060 Oh, you know, Sophie, Sophie Renee, Sophia. 1417 01:21:41,060 --> 01:21:44,260 And I used to talk about this, about arriving, about you never really arrive. 1418 01:21:44,260 --> 01:21:47,940 And we would just have these big discussions and I was, I was understanding it, but I didn't 1419 01:21:47,940 --> 01:21:53,220 really feel it in my bones like way that I do now. 1420 01:21:53,220 --> 01:21:59,140 And through the artist way I've been, you know, you, you, you write, you manifest things 1421 01:21:59,140 --> 01:22:02,180 that you want and you talk about who you were and who you want to be. 1422 01:22:02,180 --> 01:22:05,660 And there's lots of different tasks that, that come up, but I've been journaling and 1423 01:22:05,660 --> 01:22:10,060 writing about this lots about what kind of the next 10 years for me is going to look 1424 01:22:10,060 --> 01:22:11,620 like. 1425 01:22:11,620 --> 01:22:18,820 And there isn't a moment where, I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure winning a big acting award 1426 01:22:18,820 --> 01:22:24,260 feels like a moment, but I'm sure those actors will also feel that after that's over, then 1427 01:22:24,260 --> 01:22:28,340 what, you know, you don't, you don't, I'm not, I'm not working towards something. 1428 01:22:28,340 --> 01:22:30,180 And then once I achieve it, Oh, it's fine. 1429 01:22:30,180 --> 01:22:31,180 Now I'm successful. 1430 01:22:31,180 --> 01:22:32,180 Now I've got it. 1431 01:22:32,180 --> 01:22:36,700 It's like, I'm excited to just keep learning about this craft. 1432 01:22:36,700 --> 01:22:42,540 I have never been, I've never felt like more of a beginner in my life in this last six 1433 01:22:42,540 --> 01:22:46,680 months year, even though I've been pursuing this for quite a while. 1434 01:22:46,680 --> 01:22:51,940 And I've been, you know, trying and auditioning for a long time, not a long time, but long, 1435 01:22:51,940 --> 01:22:53,500 long enough. 1436 01:22:53,500 --> 01:22:57,580 Not as long as some people that I know, but you know, it's not like I've just started 1437 01:22:57,580 --> 01:22:58,580 out. 1438 01:22:58,580 --> 01:23:03,420 I've been pursuing this and now I'm just excited for the craft. 1439 01:23:03,420 --> 01:23:08,540 I'm excited to keep learning and keep growing, make my own stuff. 1440 01:23:08,540 --> 01:23:10,940 That's a huge thing I'm focusing on at the moment. 1441 01:23:10,940 --> 01:23:14,940 Instead of waiting for an audition and waiting

for a job, writing something and shooting 1442 01:23:14,940 --> 01:23:19,700 it and similar to you with this podcast, like putting your creative energy into something 1443 01:23:19,700 --> 01:23:24,740 and creating something and then it finished and actually finishing it and taking the actions 1444 01:23:24,740 --> 01:23:28,820 and feel like I've always had all these ideas in my head and I've, I've always written. 1445 01:23:28,820 --> 01:23:34,300 I forgot so many notes in my phone and Google documents and journals about like things I 1446 01:23:34,300 --> 01:23:35,300 want to do and ideas. 1447 01:23:35,300 --> 01:23:37,460 And I just, I've always kept them. 1448 01:23:37,460 --> 01:23:42,940 They've always stopped there and actually taken that action, that next step. 1449 01:23:42,940 --> 01:23:47,180 And I feel like this last year, I've really started to take action. 1450 01:23:47,180 --> 01:23:51,140 And if I feel like I'm at the beginning, it really feels like I'm a beginner again. 1451 01:23:51,140 --> 01:23:57,860 So this next 10 years, I feel so excited about the opportunities and the things that are 1452 01:23:57,860 --> 01:24:01,820 going to come and that I'm going to create for myself. 1453 01:24:01,820 --> 01:24:02,820 It's just exciting. 1454 01:24:02,820 --> 01:24:09,940 I feel excited and falling, fallen back in love with what acting actually is. 1455 01:24:09,940 --> 01:24:14,500 Because after, after you do a shitload of auditions, you kind of just think, you think 1456 01:24:14,500 --> 01:24:15,500 it's just auditioning. 1457 01:24:15,500 --> 01:24:16,500 Yeah. 1458 01:24:16,500 --> 01:24:19,540 You know, and you get into class and then you're like, Oh fuck, no, it's actually, it's 1459 01:24:19,540 --> 01:24:21,020 actually a whole craft. 1460 01:24:21,020 --> 01:24:22,020 It's a whole thing. 1461 01:24:22,020 --> 01:24:23,540 So yeah, I'm in it. 1462 01:24:23,540 --> 01:24:28,260 I'm in a place now where I'm like, I'm not scared if I'm going to make it. 1463 01:24:28,260 --> 01:24:30,780 I'm not scared if I'm going to get that job. 1464 01:24:30,780 --> 01:24:34,900 There is a part of you that's always like, I hope I, I hope I make money from this one 1465 01:24:34,900 --> 01:24:38,300 day, like enough for it to be my own only job. 1466 01:24:38,300 --> 01:24:39,300 Yeah. 1467 01:24:39,300 --> 01:24:44,140 So the pursuit of the craft is more interesting to me now. 1468 01:24:44,140 --> 01:24:45,700 I love that. 1469 01:24:45,700 --> 01:24:49,660 That's like, that's, I love that so much. 1470 01:24:49,660 --> 01:24:54,180 That resonates with me so much because I think there's a belief system where it's like, I 1471 01:24:54,180 --> 01:24:57,860 would like, I have no desire to be famous. 1472 01:24:57,860 --> 01:25:03,420 I have no desire to be recognized on the street or anything like that, but I have a desire 1473 01:25:03,420 --> 01:25:09,620 to always improve my craft and that I think, and to explore the craft and get better. 1474 01:25:09,620 --> 01:25:13,460 And if that comes with fame, fine. 1475 01:25:13,460 --> 01:25:18,120 If that comes, you know, it's like, it reminds me of like Hannah Gadsby where she said, no 1476 01:25:18,120 --> 01:25:20,140 one prepares you for fame. 1477 01:25:20,140 --> 01:25:21,140 Like, and no one does. 1478 01:25:21,140 --> 01:25:25,700 Like, I think it's a very, you know, yeah. 1479 01:25:25,700 --> 01:25:31,580 Just like that whole idea of once you have something blow up and everyone knows who you 1480 01:25:31,580 --> 01:25:33,500 are, it's very daunting. 1481 01:25:33,500 --> 01:25:35,380 Like it's just the, and there's no prep. 1482 01:25:35,380 --> 01:25:40,060 Like there's no, like suddenly I think when you're a child actor, you're so used to it 1483 01:25:40,060 --> 01:25:46,020 that you just grow up like, you know, being like, oh yeah, now everyone knows who I am. 1484 01:25:46,020 --> 01:25:50,780 To now, like, and then you sort of get known for like different points in your career. 1485 01:25:50,780 --> 01:25:55,340 And you know, as you go up in the years, everyone goes, oh, I remember that film that they were 1486 01:25:55,340 --> 01:25:56,700 in like. 1487 01:25:56,700 --> 01:26:05,500 And I think particularly now there's something sort of quite beautiful about just exploring 1488 01:26:05,500 --> 01:26:08,900 how much you can do with your craft and your skillset. 1489 01:26:08,900 --> 01:26:10,780 Like, yeah. 1490 01:26:10,780 --> 01:26:14,860 I think this is also like, yeah, I just really resonate that. 1491 01:26:14,860 --> 01:26:15,860 Yeah. 1492 01:26:15,860 --> 01:26:23,180 And also when you're picking up a script and you're learning about a person, like, I guess 1493 01:26:23,180 --> 01:26:27,180 as you get older, you can, you understand more about people. 1494 01:26:27,180 --> 01:26:31,700 So when you're 18 and you're doing like streetcar in acting school, it's like, how much do you 1495 01:26:31,700 --> 01:26:33,820 really understand about Blanche? 1496 01:26:33,820 --> 01:26:35,860 You know, when you're 18, it's not a whole lot. 1497 01:26:35,860 --> 01:26:39,500 And then, you know, fast forward 10 years and you're like, ah, I know what it means. 1498 01:26:39,500 --> 01:26:41,620 I know what it feels like to do that. 1499 01:26:41,620 --> 01:26:43,660 I know what it feels like to do this. 1500 01:26:43,660 --> 01:26:47,860 I could relate because of something that I did or that I felt. 1501 01:26:47,860 --> 01:26:52,620 So with, you know, with life experience, you, you then pick up a script and you feel it 1502 01:26:52,620 --> 01:26:54,500 in a whole different way. 1503 01:26:54,500 --> 01:26:55,540 Yeah. 1504 01:26:55,540 --> 01:27:01,260 You feel these people and you've, you know, and then wanting to put that, put that down, 1505 01:27:01,260 --> 01:27:04,780 like after you've read a script and putting it on tape and actually embodying someone 1506 01:27:04,780 --> 01:27:10,180 and being someone that,

that to me and that those learnings is, is what's fascinating. 1507 01:27:10,180 --> 01:27:13,900 Not like one day standing on a stage. 1508 01:27:13,900 --> 01:27:14,900 No. 1509 01:27:14,900 --> 01:27:16,420 And I think it's also like something that I love. 1510 01:27:16,420 --> 01:27:23,420 Olivia Coleman said really recently, she said, um, she was like, self tapes are so stupid. 1511 01:27:23,420 --> 01:27:25,860 Like get actors into audition rooms, get them in. 1512 01:27:25,860 --> 01:27:29,820 Like, you know, this whole idea that since COVID we've really buckled down. 1513 01:27:29,820 --> 01:27:32,020 She's like, it's a waste of their time. 1514 01:27:32,020 --> 01:27:34,620 Get them in because that will really show the talent. 1515 01:27:34,620 --> 01:27:38,660 Like, you know, like, and it will get you used to audition rooms because you're acting 1516 01:27:38,660 --> 01:27:43,140 off like sometimes people who aren't actors are doing a script read. 1517 01:27:43,140 --> 01:27:51,420 Um, and I think, you know, but I do think, yeah, like I've seen so much theater now. 1518 01:27:51,420 --> 01:27:57,180 I've seen so much like film TV and I just, I can pick good acting like that and I can 1519 01:27:57,180 --> 01:27:58,780 pick subtle. 1520 01:27:58,780 --> 01:28:03,900 And the thing that goes back to subtlety and I love subtlety, the less you say and the 1521 01:28:03,900 --> 01:28:09,540 more you do with your face and your body language, the better your performance is because it's 1522 01:28:09,540 --> 01:28:11,540 like, it's not just about delivering dialogue. 1523 01:28:11,540 --> 01:28:15,300 It's not about Shakespeare and you know, saying all these profound things. 1524 01:28:15,300 --> 01:28:20,900 It's about what can you emote with your physicalness as well. 1525 01:28:20,900 --> 01:28:24,380 And I remember there was this performance that I was directing where one of my friends 1526 01:28:24,380 --> 01:28:29,500 was trying to recreate a scene, um, that she loved so much in which she was using her hands, 1527 01:28:29,500 --> 01:28:31,580 like really still I was like, move them. 1528 01:28:31,580 --> 01:28:32,980 Cause you just look static. 1529 01:28:32,980 --> 01:28:34,500 Like use your whole body. 1530 01:28:34,500 --> 01:28:36,300 It's not just about saying the lines. 1531 01:28:36,300 --> 01:28:38,420 It's about emoting with everything. 1532 01:28:38,420 --> 01:28:44,940 And it's really like, it goes back into, um, that, that whole idea of theater. 1533 01:28:44,940 --> 01:28:48,940 It's like the back stage won't be able to see you if you're not emoting. 1534 01:28:48,940 --> 01:28:57,220 Um, and I really love that sort of whole mentality of just, we are human beings. 1535 01:28:57,220 --> 01:28:59,700 We are so emotive. 1536 01:28:59,700 --> 01:29:04,260 We are constantly, even if we're not actors, we do so much with our bodies and you will 1537 01:29:04,260 --> 01:29:09,420 always tell when someone's uncomfortable, when someone's happy, when someone's sad instantly. 1538 01:29:09,420 --> 01:29:10,540 Like, and that's the thing. 1539 01:29:10,540 --> 01:29:13,940 It's like, they might not cry, but they will show it in another way. 1540 01:29:13,940 --> 01:29:14,940 Yeah. 1541 01:29:14,940 --> 01:29:20,940 And that's why I feel like similar to your love of, of the art of seeing, seeing a real 1542 01:29:20,940 --> 01:29:27,780 human emotion, whether that be in theater or on screen, like that shit makes the world 1543 01:29:27,780 --> 01:29:28,780 go round. 1544 01:29:28,780 --> 01:29:33,540 Like theater is like the oldest theater is never going to go away. 1545 01:29:33,540 --> 01:29:36,180 Like it's always been there and it's always going to be there. 1546 01:29:36,180 --> 01:29:42,900 People are always going to find ways to sit in the dark and watch people up there be human. 1547 01:29:42,900 --> 01:29:47,420 And that makes that and I'm going, like when I said it, when I was a kid, I was so sensitive. 1548 01:29:47,420 --> 01:29:48,420 I would feel everything. 1549 01:29:48,420 --> 01:29:52,100 Like I would watch, watch things and like rip my heart out. 1550 01:29:52,100 --> 01:29:56,260 Like, and, and, and it makes you feel, it just touches you. 1551 01:29:56,260 --> 01:30:00,740 And it's so, I think it's so, it's so important to be, to be making art. 1552 01:30:00,740 --> 01:30:01,740 Yeah. 1553 01:30:01,740 --> 01:30:05,540 Because I think what this whole industry is just honestly, we need, we need actors and 1554 01:30:05,540 --> 01:30:07,300 we need, we need artists. 1555 01:30:07,300 --> 01:30:09,340 We need art like full stop. 1556 01:30:09,340 --> 01:30:10,340 Yeah. 1557 01:30:10,340 --> 01:30:11,500 I agree. 1558 01:30:11,500 --> 01:30:13,980 I could not, not agree with that. 1559 01:30:13,980 --> 01:30:14,980 I disagree. 1560 01:30:14,980 --> 01:30:15,980 I disagree fully. 1561 01:30:15,980 --> 01:30:20,300 No, I think that's, I think that's so true. 1562 01:30:20,300 --> 01:30:23,660 I mean, like, and it's also why I love, I love what you're saying. 1563 01:30:23,660 --> 01:30:24,660 I really resonate with it. 1564 01:30:24,660 --> 01:30:28,540 And you know, and I also just, I admire you for the fact that, you know, you're continuing 1565 01:30:28,540 --> 01:30:35,660 to pursue and believe and do amazing things and still pursue it and really push through. 1566 01:30:35,660 --> 01:30:36,940 Like I think that's amazing. 1567 01:30:36,940 --> 01:30:37,940 Like yeah. 1568 01:30:37,940 --> 01:30:43,060 And it was, you know, that's why I was excited to talk to you. 1569 01:30:43,060 --> 01:30:44,060 Nothing beats persistence. 1570 01:30:44,060 --> 01:30:45,060 No, it really doesn't. 1571 01:30:45,060 --> 01:30:46,060 That's what my dad says. 1572 01:30:46,060 --> 01:30:47,840 He's like, it's just, it's just maths. 1573 01:30:47,840 --> 01:30:51,500 If you are persistent, if you don't stop, you can't, no one can beat that. 1574 01:30:51,500 --> 01:30:52,500 No. 1575 01:30:52,500 --> 01:30:53,500 And you're a powerhouse. 1576 01:30:53,500 --> 01:30:54,500 So I don't ever stop. 1577 01:30:54,500 --> 01:30:58,100 Scarlett, I've got one final question for you though. 1578 01:30:58,100 --> 01:31:00,220 Where can people find you on the internet? 1579 01:31:00,220 --> 01:31:01,900 Where can they stalk you? 1580 01:31:01,900 --> 01:31:02,900 Where can they stalk me? 1581 01:31:02,900 --> 01:31:09,100 I'm on the Instagram, the famous Instagram, may have heard of it. 1582 01:31:09,100 --> 01:31:13,860 It is just my name, Scarlett Hunter, one L one T in Scarlett. 1583 01:31:13,860 --> 01:31:14,860 And that's it. 1584 01:31:14,860 --> 01:31:16,820 I don't really post much work on there. 1585 01:31:16,820 --> 01:31:18,180 It's kind of just for fun. 1586 01:31:18,180 --> 01:31:19,740 But yeah, hit me up. 1587 01:31:19,740 --> 01:31:25,660 And if any actors want to, or are thinking about moving to Vancouver and have any questions, 1588 01:31:25,660 --> 01:31:27,420 like please send me a message. 1589 01:31:27,420 --> 01:31:30,020 I would love to share anything that's been helpful for me. 1590 01:31:30,020 --> 01:31:31,260 I love, I love. 1591 01:31:31,260 --> 01:31:33,300 Thank you so much for coming on. 1592 01:31:33,300 --> 01:31:34,300 Thank you for having me. 1593 01:31:34,300 --> 01:31:36,300 I'm so happy we did this. 1594 01:31:36,300 --> 01:31:37,300 I'm so glad. 1595 01:31:37,300 --> 01:31:42,100 I'm going to, I'm going to, you did so well. 1596 01:31:42,100 --> 01:31:44,900 I'll give you a big hug after this. 1597 01:31:44,900 --> 01:31:48,020 And if you want to go and check out more episodes of the things we do, you can check them out 1598 01:31:48,020 --> 01:31:49,020 on Apple and Spotify. 1599 01:31:49,020 --> 01:31:53,020 I'll be speaking with another guest next week and I'll speak to you later. 1600 01:31:53,020 --> 01:31:54,020 Goodbye. 1601 01:31:54,020 --> 01:32:01,660 Bye.