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In this lessons episode, discover why learning to say no can protect time, energy, and focus.
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Understand how clear filters and boundaries help entrepreneurs choose where to invest their attention, explore how visibility can deepen customer connection, and uncover why confronting fear repeatedly builds resilience and confidence.
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You know, you've said before that a no is free.
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So what's the best no that you've ever got?
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I think that the best no we've ever gotten was we wanted to do a show that was open to the public.
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This was in 2015, I believe.
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No one was opening their fashion weeks to the public.
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We wanted to cast influencers, which they had been accepted as content creators, but no one would dare put them in a fashion show.
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Um, and we had to appeal to the, not only to the city of New York, but the, like the Soho district, which was full of people who were like, I'm an actress.
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I have to run my lines and I can't have the crowds there distracting me.
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So we literally went into a little college classroom.
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We pitched to these people.
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We'd hear all the reasons why, like, I need to be able to walk my dog in the morning and you're going to be setting up to the actress.
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And they were so happy, like unanimously, no, you cannot close down this one block of the street for a day to do your thing.
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We had a store on the street, which is why we could even get that meeting.
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And I just remember being like, yeah, we're not done.
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We know people in the city.
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And so we were able to get, you know, someone above this like group of angry tenants, Soho tenants to like bypass and approve.
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And the hurdles to do that show were obnoxiously overwhelming.
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But when we did the show, um...
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Just breaking so many barriers and boundaries, having 5,000 people show up was just this feeling I wish you could bottle that really felt like we'd pushed through every single hurdle that had been thrown at us from government to city to parking to whatever it was and made it happen.
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It was really cool.
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I love that.
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But on the flip side of that, same idea of no.
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Those were no's that you overcame.
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And that's such a good feeling.
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But also as an entrepreneur, saying no is sometimes very important to respect your time and your energy and whatnot.
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So how do you decide what's your framework for saying yes, saying no, saying no?
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I mean, you must have one because people hit you up all the time, new ideas, new concepts.
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And I think that this sort of plays back into that shiny object syndrome.
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So it's useful to a point, but then it's not.
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So how do you think through these problems?
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I think many of my no's are tied up in boundaries, but it's also tied up on how much research have you done?
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If you're going to stand in front of me and meet me and go, how did you get your start?
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Like...
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No, like that's online, right?
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Like ask me something that I, that's actionable that I can do for you in an email or an intro or whatever.
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And I'll tell that to a lot of people.
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And then sometimes I just have to get more information.
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You know, I'm pitched all the time to invest.
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And, and my thesis now is if I can, and this is no, like,
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no shade to any anyone, man or woman asking for money.
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Like I am in a season of spending money on my four children right now.
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And, you know, I'm really not investing because these people are really expensive humans that I brought into the world.
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And so it's kind of like,
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Is that the best use of my funds right now?
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I need an ROI in one year, not 10.
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And unless it's something wildly crazy that everyone has to get in on.
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So I just think I run it through my own filters depending on what the ask is.
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But you have filters and that's the most important.
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You have filters and you set these.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, and one of the things that we started with Female Founder Collective, we call it the North, is we believe that women who are in positions who have made it should get paid for their time to mentor and advise other women.
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So we've set up a marketplace of women, incredible accomplished women.
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It's findyournorth.co.
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But, you know, now I'm just like, you want time with me?
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Here's my link.
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Load full transcript
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You know, like I'm giving back till I'm blue in the face.
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with our nonprofit and, and, you know, there needs to be a little bit of a, like, again, a filter or a boundary to like, I can't just let you pick my brain.
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I don't have 15 minutes for you to pick my brain as much as I would love that.
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Come to one of my events, listen to my podcast, you know what I mean?
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Like it's out there.
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Yeah, I think that's very important.
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And I think that that keeps you saying, like you say yes, and when you're in a season of building, and I'm sure there's like different quotes around this, but you know, maybe like 20 to 25, maybe late 20s, say yes to everything.
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But then when you start to make it, when you start to have success, it is important to set boundaries because also just to sort of inject a different perspective, you know,
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If you aren't happy with the work that you're doing, if you're jumping on a Zoom call to give someone some advice and you're just dreading it because you're burnt out because you're saying yes to everything, you're also not showing up in your best self and you're also not helping them.
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So I think it's very important to set those boundaries as an entrepreneur because you get so much.
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You get so much thrown at you.
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The last thing I am super curious to understand, because you've done this successfully and you will have to continue doing this successfully, is putting yourself out in the public and having just eyes looking at you and what you're building.
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And that was sort of like the initial...
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moment that brought you into the public spotlight so this is not new for you but then even with Real Housewives how how do you leverage that how do you harness it how do you help it with your own goals and and it's not like a perfect process we don't pretend that it's not going to be a little bit chaotic especially with again Bravo fans and and and and how crazy they are sometimes but yeah
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There has to be some thought process you went through when you went on this show.
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And it's like, this is going to be a net positive in my life for X reason.
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And that's at the extreme level.
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But also entrepreneurs that speak on stage, put themselves out there on a micro level, they can take some lessons from this as well.
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I think depending on what it is you want to accomplish, some founders can just be behind the scenes and you never know or hear from them.
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And I think that's phenomenal.
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In my case, I am here of my customer because of her.
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She looks to me for...
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you know, that personal connection that we started with.
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And that means showing up visually and audio and on TV.
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And so, you know, I'll never forget.
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I think it was 2018, maybe 2017, where my brother was like, we're turning the camera to you.
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And I was like, no, I just want to be the designer in my like, yeah, I'll talk to her every once in a while.
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She'll see me at trunk shows.
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But like, I don't want it to be this.
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And he was like, it's time.
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And I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe what I have to do.
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And the first many times I had to do the selfie, I was like, one to throw up.
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Now it's like second nature.
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And I think the decision to go on Housewives was we're about to celebrate 20 years.
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To be able to have my age demo customer see me in their homes once a week, see another side of me.
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You get a lot of sides of me on our brand, on my podcast, from my book, from my speaking.
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There's another side.
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Does that forge an even deeper connection?
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And again, I was like, why wouldn't I do this?
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And I don't have to approach it with, I'm hungry and starving, and this is my one thing.
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And if it goes away, I don't have it.
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And I don't feel that most of the women approached being on the show because of that either.
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They're all great entrepreneurs and have their own businesses.
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But I just thought, you know what?
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As long as I know that I was me the whole time and I didn't become someone that disappoints someone else or is not who they think of me as, then I know that I gave it.
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I did it with integrity, I guess.
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I love that.
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And then the last thing, you know, you have a book called Fearless.
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Everyone's scared of something, obviously.
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What does fearless mean for you and how do you turn fear into a strength?
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You turn fear into a strength by doing the thing that scares you, doing the thing that holds you back.
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Um, and I think I, I talk about it as a muscle.
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You learn to use it and get stronger and stronger at it.
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And again, 75% of the time it might end up in failure.
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But it's do you get back up?
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Do you not wallow in it?
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Does your wallowing time shorten?
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You know, the things that I'm scared of today are very different than the things I was scared of 10 years ago.
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And that shifts.
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You know, today I'm aghast as a mother with all the crazy stuff that...
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trafficking of children or, you know, shooting up in schools.
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Those are my fears.
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You know, I don't have business fears.
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I don't have risks that we take in the company that scare me anymore, because I think we've tried so many things that I'm like, what's the worst that can happen?
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You know, my business almost went out of business.
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I think when you confront that, like what else could possibly go wrong?
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It's pretty much it.
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And then you realize, like, even if that happens, well, I'm going to wake up tomorrow.
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All right, I'm going to wake up and I'll start something else or I'll, you know, go get a job.
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So I think that for me, having faced the worst case scenario of like, okay, this isn't going to last.
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Like now the fears are just normal, I guess, mom fears.
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I love that.
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And those are good fears to have.
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Those are good fears that should never, those fears will never, ever go away.
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They're not like business fears.
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I know with my mom, I still think she stresses out.
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My mom is still stressing out.
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She's like, you need to build you a fence and you don't have curtains yet.
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And they're going to be taking the paparazzi are coming into your home.
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I'm like, no, they're not.
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Just chill out.
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No one knows where I live.
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Thanks for tuning in.
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If you found this valuable, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode.
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And if you want to dive deeper into this conversation, check out the links in the description to watch the full episode.
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See you in the next one.