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Hey, it's Jay. I don't know what your day's been like,
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but I was just thinking about you for a minute.
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And I hope you're being a little patient with yourself
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because you deserve it. And yeah, I'll talk to you soon.
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Some feelings are too big, too messy, too complicated to
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fit in a text. I know you know what I'm
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talking about. So you stop typing, hit record, and just talk.
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That's what you sent me, and I'm grateful for it. Today,
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we're opening up a conversation about purpose. We often treat
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purpose like a finish line. We think if we just
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reach that big goal, get that promotion, or finally find
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that one thing that makes everything click, we'll be satisfied.
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But purpose is not a trophy you collect at the
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end of a race. It is the fuel you use
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while you are running. Whether you're feeling stuck in the middle,
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burnt out by your own success, or searching for meaning
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that lasts longer than a single achievement, you are not lost.
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You're just learning how to build a mission that matters
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more than a milestone. What you're about to hear are
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real stories from real people who are part of this community.
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Maybe you could be one of them in the future.
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I can't wait to dive in.
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I'm in my mid-40s, and within a pretty short period
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of time, I faced breast cancer at the end of
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a long marriage, and also a realization that the career
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path that I worked so hard to build no longer
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suits me or feels like what I want. For most
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of my life, I've been the reliable one for everyone
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else at work and personally, and appear pretty capable of
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performing even when I was feeling completely depleted. Those traits
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that helped me succeed, I became really good at meeting expectations,
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keeping everything together. But in that process, I lost touch
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with what I really wanted for myself. I kind of
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examined my life and where I want to go. while
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recovering physically and emotionally. Sometimes I struggle to know whether
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the pull is genuine inner guidance or if it's simply
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another attempt to prove myself. So my question is, how
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do you tell the difference between your authentic inner voice
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and the survival patterns that you've been guiding your decisions
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for years?
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Well, thank you for that question. I want to start
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by just acknowledging the courage it takes to even ask
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this question. I find many people survive what you've survived,
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but they never stop to ask whether the life they're
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returning to is actually the one they want. And that's
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fine because sometimes the pain can be so overbearing, but
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you're doing something really hard. You're examining not just what
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happened to you, but who you've become because of it. Now,
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there was something you said that really stood out to me.
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You said, what I called strength was actually adaptation. And
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that's an incredibly profound reflection. Adaptation can keep us alive
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through difficult seasons. But the strategies that help us survive
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aren't always the ones that help us truly live, right?
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You can develop a tool or a habit because it
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helps you get to the top of the mountain. But
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that doesn't mean that same tool or habit will help
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you get to the core and the depths of yourself.
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And so I want you to think a bit broader
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about this. And this applies to everyone who's ever been
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in this position of finding, is this their authentic path?
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Is this their passion? Is this their purpose? The question
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isn't whether writing or speaking or coaching are the right
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path for you. The deeper question is, who is making
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the decision? Is it the part of you that believes
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your worth comes from being useful and productive? Or is
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it the part of you that feels most alive when
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you're helping people from a place of wholeness rather than expectation?
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I want to draw a bit of a difference for
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you
Load full transcript
between what survival patterns look like and what your
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authentic voice looks like. I found that survival patterns usually
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are a bit urgent. They're full of pressure. They're like,
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figure it out now.
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Do more.
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Become more valuable. Don't fall behind. Keep proving yourself. You've
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got more to show. And your authentic voice is often
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a little gentler. It's a little more quiet. It doesn't
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demand that you earn your worth. It's more of like
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an invite into, hey, I think this might be right
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for you. It's like a little nudge, like a gentle friend.
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And so the question I want you to ask yourself is,
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if no one ever praised me, paid me, or recognized
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me for this, would I still feel drawn to it?
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I remember in my own life when I was wondering
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what I wanted to do, I was doing this in
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rooms of three to five people. I would spend three
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hours a night, sometimes three nights a week, just helping people.
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I didn't get paid for it. I didn't get praised
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for it. Didn't have any followers, but it was beautiful.
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I loved it. And so I carried on doing it.
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So if for you, the answer is yes, I'd do
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this if I didn't get paid, praised or recognized, you're
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probably getting closer to something genuine. Another clue is what
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happens when you're preparing to do the work and after
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you do it. survival leaves you feeling like you have
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to keep running just to stay relevant, just to stay enough.
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Authentic work, it can still be difficult and challenging, but
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underneath the effort, there's a sense of peace, alignment. So
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you really have to observe yourself in the moment. I
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kind of think about it like when you go to
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a restaurant, When you walk out, you know whether you
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like the ambience of the restaurant. You know whether you
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like the service or the food because you check in
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with yourself. So sometimes you have to do the act,
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not just think about it. You actually have to do it.
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Maybe you try some coaching, try some writing, and then
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you check in with yourself and ask, how did this feel?
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Did it feel authentic and real? Or did it just
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feel hard? Did it just feel fake or put on?
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And I want to share one more thing. You don't
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have to solve your identity in your head. Clarity doesn't
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come from thinking, it comes from living. So write before
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you become a writer. Coach before you become a coach.
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Speak before you become a speaker. Let the experience teach
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you what thinking can never do. Arthur Brooks' success trap
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is the exact mechanism you're naming. The reflex to reach
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for the next achievement as a way to feel like enough,
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mistaken for a calling. In his best-selling book, From Strength
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to Strength, Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the
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Second Half of Life, Arthur Brooks talks about how chasing
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external rewards raises your wants faster than your achievements, leaving
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you perpetually unsatisfied. And so I don't think you sound
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like that at all. I think you're somebody who wants
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to work from a place of purpose and fulfillment, but
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that's the way to know. Are you simply chasing a
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version of how you want people to see you? Or
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are you pursuing how you want to see yourself? This
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episode of On Purpose is presented to you by Mazda.
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Peace of mind doesn't happen by chance. It's created through
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the habits we build before we ever need them. That's
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the philosophy behind every Mazda. With proactive safety features that
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help keep you more aware, more connected and more engaged,
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Mazda helps you feel ready for whatever the road brings.
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It's why Mazda has been named Consumer Reports' safest new
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car brand. And as of July 2026, Mazda has won
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more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus awards than any
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other car brand. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot
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can happen when an accident doesn't. Visit mazdausa.com to
learn more.
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Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services.
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Hi, I recently left my corporate career to put focus
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on my mental health. I've been a creative director working
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in corporate marketing for over 10 years, and I started
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feeling like I really lost my personal and unique creative perspective.
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And so I left my job. When I did that,
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I decided that I should give myself six months of
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working on a passion project. And so I started a podcast.
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It's been really, really fulfilling. It has allowed me to
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express my creativity in the way that I want to.
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But I am approaching that six-month mark pretty soon. And
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I know that things take time. And the podcast has
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developed this, like, small, very loyal fan base that seems
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to be growing. But I have also never had this
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level of financial instability before. for. I'm wrestling with looking
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for a corporate job and just like diving back into
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that world, letting the podcast be a beautiful way for
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me to find my creative voice again. So my question is,
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what are the things that I need to ask myself
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in order to make the right move here?
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Thank you so much for that question. I can relate
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to so much of what you said, so I'll be
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sharing some of my personal reflections as well. But I
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want to start by saying, Well done for having the
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foresight and the vision to pull away from your work
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Because when you've been doing something for 10 years, it's really,
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really hard to step away. And so the fact that
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you had the courage to actually say, I want to
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protect my mental health, I want to pursue creative things,
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I want to follow my instinct and my intuition is
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an incredible step forward. It isn't a step behind. So
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well done for taking that step, truly. I see so
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many people who keep pushing themselves, maybe reach burnout or
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close enough and only take time when they break. to
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do it proactively is a phenomenal step in self-awareness and
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moving forward. Now, what I'll say to you is you
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initially did this knowing you wanted six months out. And
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what's beautiful is that it sounds like it's been beneficial.
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I feel like you sound like you feel good about
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this decision. You also have discovered the podcast, which I'm
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so happy you're building a small, loyal following. It means
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you're really having an impact on people. And I'm so
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glad that you're getting to see the value you have
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to bring others as well. And the questions I'd be
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asking are actually not so much about, do you go
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back into your job? Do you work on the podcast?
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Do you have to choose either or? The question I'd
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actually be asking yourself is, how do I do both
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in a way that allows me to feel good about
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myself and what I'm doing? How do I allow myself
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to not experience financial instability, but also not experience creative breakdown?
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Right before this moment, you had financial stability, but you
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didn't have a creative outlet. You didn't have that sense
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of balance and calm that I assume you're experiencing right now.
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And what you don't want now is that you have
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the calm, you have the outlet, but you don't have
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the financial stability. We want to live in a world
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where these two can coexist because both of them have
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an impact on your mental health. Right. I think often
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we live in a time right now that says work's
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really stressful and I just need a break for my
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mental health. Not realizing that not having work, the financial stability,
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the routine, the rhythm, the colleagues, some sort of pattern
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that can also be hard for our mental health. And
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so what we have to look at it and say
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is what type of work, how many hours could you
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work a week? What type of colleagues do you need
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to be around? What type of workplace environment do you
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want to function in in order to not feel that
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desire to run away, get away and escape? What does
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that look like? What are your new standards that you're
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going back to the world of work with where you
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won't settle for less, where you won't compromise on your needs?
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Those are the types of questions I'd be asking yourself.
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That job exists. That work exists. You being clear about
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that exists. And you knowing what you won't settle for
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is going to make all the difference. At the same time,
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you have to choose some work that doesn't stop you
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from doing this podcast. You found a sense of purpose.
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You found meaning. You found value and fulfillment in it.
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And you don't want to give it up. You've created
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patterns and rhythms and habits right now that seem like
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they're suiting you. How can you prioritize them in your
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life so that you don't forget to incorporate them when
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you go back into work? Don't make your purpose responsible
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for your paycheck. Don't put pressure on your passion to
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become your paycheck right now. It's okay to work a
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job that pays the bills. A job is what funds
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your life. It doesn't have to be the place where
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your soul does its best work. It can do good work,
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wonderful work, but it doesn't have to be the thing
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you dream of doing. I remember when I was in
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a similar position to you, where I was working a
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corporate job, and at the same time I was creating
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videos online. And at the same time I was coaching
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people offline, And at the same time, I was doing
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keynote speeches all on top of my work. And my
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work allowed me to explore all these other avenues. And
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I also brought my passions into work. I remember becoming
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a mental health ambassador at work. I remember teaching mindfulness
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and meditation at work, which made work more meaningful. Take
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your passion into the workplace. Find your purpose in the
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--> 00:13:49.200
workplace as well. Take this mental health podcast and make
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it useful to wherever you go so that you get
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to integrate your life, not disconnect it. What's really fascinating
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to me is that if you try and make your
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podcast your paycheck right now, it can put so much
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pressure on the creativity. The thing that currently brings you
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so much joy can very quickly turn into a source
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of pain. I've seen this time and time and time again,
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that when someone quits their job, they're doing their passion
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that brings them joy, and all of a sudden, their
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passion isn't paying the bills, and now their passion becomes
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a pain. and a source of pressure. You want to
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allow it to continue to be a passion, continue to
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grow organically, continue to develop and keep building a beautiful
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fan base. And at the same time, have a source
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of income that doesn't cause you too much stress, that
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isn't causing you too much imbalance. Now, I know you're thinking, Jay,
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that sounds like a perfect scenario. Of course, I take that.
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And you're right. There is not going to be a
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job that gives you the perfect amount of stress and
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the passion that keeps being possible to do all the time.
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There's going to be a little bit of a give
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and take. There's going to be a little bit of
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a compromise. But what you want to do is go
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in with your eyes wide open. You want to go
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into a workplace and be really clear about the questions
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you ask. Be really confident about what you bring. And
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you want to go and continue to do your passion,
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recognizing that you get to do it with your full creativity.
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This isn't an either or issue. I think what the
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mind does is it creates tension by saying you have
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to do this or you have to do this. And
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in effect, what the healthiest answer is, is to find
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the middle path. the path that balances both, the path
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that allows both to coexist, the path that allows both
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to be important parts of your lives. So this is
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more of a syncing up issue than it is a
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either or issue. And don't let the mind trick you
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into believing there's one right path or wrong path or
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there's a straight trade. There is a way of creating
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a collaborative opportunity for being financially stable, and continuing to
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pursue your passion. Wishing you all the best. Move to
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this next chapter, not with fear that work will be
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overwhelming again. but that your standards have been raised so
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that you know what aligns with you. This episode is
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brought to you by Walden University. Balancing work, life, and
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00:16:06.580 --> 00:16:11.000
big goals isn't easy. That's why Walden University helps working
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00:16:11.039 --> 00:16:14.870
professionals get the W with tempo learning, so you can
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00:16:14.929 --> 00:16:17.929
earn your degree at your own pace while gaining practical
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00:16:17.990 --> 00:16:22.029
skills through real-life scenarios. You'll also learn from faculty with
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00:16:22.120 --> 00:16:26.700
real-world experience and have support start to finish. Walden University,
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00:16:27.159 --> 00:16:33.100
set a course for change. Ready to start? Visit waldenu.edu today.
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Certified to operate by Chev, Tempo Learning, available in select programs.
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Right now I'm in the middle of running a new
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business that opened up back in November. I will give
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a little bit of a backstory of myself. I am
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finishing my bachelor's degree right now. I also opened up
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a care business where it's in demand of services of
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pet sitting, babysitting, tutoring, and homesitting. I am now under
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the pressure of many things in terms of it's affecting
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my work life, my study life, my family life, and
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my relationship life. I have in my head that it's
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going to succeed. It's going to do great. Everything's going well.
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But I also feel the challenges and that burden on
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myself that if I do any wrong move that my
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relationship's going to fall apart or my family's going to
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be disappointed. I mean, I have in the back of
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my head right now that I
would like to close
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the business because I also want to focus on my career.
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But I'm also at the standstill of I need to
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move my apartment. I need to find my new career
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as soon as I get my degree. My question is,
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what is the right decision to make in terms of priorities?
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Because there, of course, are the five priorities in life.
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But what is the one that matters most? And how
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can one not feel overwhelmed and burdened by just little
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decisions in terms of work life, relationship life, and family life?
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I want to say that what you've built is something
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to be proud of. You're finishing a degree, you start
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a business, and you're trying to show up for the
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people you love. I mean, you're winning right now. That's unbelievable. Congrats.
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That's truly brilliant. And the fact that you feel overwhelmed
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doesn't mean you're failing. It just means you're doing a lot.
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You're carrying a lot, right? And the biggest advice I
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would give you is this. Don't make a permanent decision
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while you're in a temporary state of exhaustion. Right now,
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it sounds like you're asking, like, do I keep the
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business or do I give it up? But the real
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question might actually be, what version can I sustain right
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now with everything I've got going on? And it's important
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to remember, of course, that a business is supposed to
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serve your life, not consume it, for sure. And you
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don't have to prove your worth by keeping something alive
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at the cost of your health, your relationships or your future.
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But you also don't have to abandon something you created
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just because this season feels difficult. And that's the important
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word there, season. There are seasons of life. Think about nature.
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You have spring, you have summer, you have autumn and
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you have winter. Nature is doing something entirely different in
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each season. Does it mean that it doesn't prioritize growth
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in winter when the trees are bare? Does it mean
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that it doesn't prioritize beauty in certain seasons because it's
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going through a state of regeneration? No, we recognize that
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nature needs to do different things at different times in
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order to stay in sync, to stay coordinated. And so
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there will be seasons in your life where you focus
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more on your business than everything else. And there will
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be seasons in your life you focus more on your
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family than everything else. And there'll be seasons in your
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life that you focus more on your career than everything else.
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That's how life functions. And what you want to do,
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especially with your relationships, is communicate. What you said to me,
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if you could say to the people that you love, hey,
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I'm really struggling trying to figure out how to do this.
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I hope you know how much you mean to me.
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I hope you know how this is a temporary thing
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I'm working on. And once I've figured out my career,
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I'll be able to put my business aside. We don't
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ruin our relationships with the people we love because we're
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working too hard. We ruin them because we don't communicate
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about the work we're doing and we never stop to
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also prioritize them in different seasons. Trying to balance everyone
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and everything perfectly every day is a recipe for failure.
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Imagine nature said, today we're going to have lightning, rain, wind, sun, flowers,
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bear trees, leaves falling off like in fall. Imagine you
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try to do that all in 24 hours. I If
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nature tried to do that every day, it would be exhausting.
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Everything would fall apart. And a lot of the times
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we're trying to be the perfect partner, the perfect professional,
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the perfect person, the perfect parent, all in the same day.
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It's impossible. So instead of asking what's the perfect choice,
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I want you to think about this. What is my
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top priority, my number one priority for the next six
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to 12 months? It literally could be just
graduating and
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finding a job. And then second question, what commitments are
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truly necessary and what can be reduced or what can
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be paused? What if it stopped today wouldn't affect the
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rest of your life? And ultimately, if I remove the
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fear of disappointing people, what decision would I make? Because
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running a business doesn't disappoint people. It's how you communicate
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about what you're doing in your life that can let
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people down or let them know where you're at. This
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next segment is brought to you by Wayfair. Just like
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a peaceful mind, a home that supports your everyday life
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needs to be built with intention. When you fill your
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space with quality pieces you can rely on through life's
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unpredictable moments, your home becomes more than a place to live.
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It becomes a foundation for everything else you do. So today,
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we're talking about the power of making intentional choices and
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investing in the pieces that sustain us for years to come.
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Welcome to our Built to Last segment. I've been thinking
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a lot about this idea of a sanctuary. We usually
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imagine a sanctuary as somewhere we escape to, somewhere quiet
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and peaceful, away from the demands of everyday life. But
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I think one of the most important sanctuaries we can
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create is the place we return to every day. Because
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so much of our lives is spent responding to the
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world around us. We're answering messages, making decisions, thinking about
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what's next. And even when we physically stop, our minds
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don't always stop with us. That's why there's something so
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powerful about coming home. You walk through the door, put
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your keys down, sit in the place you always sit,
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and your body almost seems to recognize, I'm home. I
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can exhale here. I think that's what home really is.
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It's not just a physical place. It's a feeling. And
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that feeling is often created through really ordinary things. The
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sofa where everyone gathers at the end of the day.
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The lying that makes a room feel warm. The table
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where you've had hundreds of conversations. Over time, those things
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become part of our rituals. They create a sense of familiarity, comfort,
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and belonging. And that's why I don't think creating a
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sanctuary is about creating a perfect home. It's about creating
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a space that supports the way you actually live. Because
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restoration doesn't always mean getting away. Sometimes it's walking through
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your own front door and feeling your shoulders drop. So
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maybe the question isn't just, what does my home look like?
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Maybe it's, how does my home make me feel? And
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does this space help me come back to myself? When
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your home is filled with pieces you can count on,
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you have more room to focus on what matters most.
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As you care for yourself, let Wayfair help you create
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a home that stands up to real life. Head to Wayfair.com
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to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair. Every style,
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every home. Remember that purpose doesn't demand doing everything at once.
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True fulfillment comes from understanding that when you feel overwhelmed
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by small decisions, it is usually because your mind has
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flattened everything into the same urgent bucket. the shift you
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need to make is to sequence, not to juggle. Instead
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of keeping all those balls in the air, step back
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and name the single domino that needs to fall first.
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Most of these micro decisions aren't actually equal in weight.
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They only feel heavy and identical because you're trying to
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carry them all at the exact same time. Thank you
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for saying all of that out loud. There's something that
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changes the moment you stop holding it all inside. And remember,
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you don't have to hold it alone. And I'm so
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grateful that you're being so vulnerable and sharing your truth
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with so many. Keep sending them in and I'll keep listening.