Life After a Traumatic Accident: Resilience, Recovery & Finding Hope Again | Amy Sheridan の全文書き起こし

me, uh, it's not the your sort of singular, horrible, traumatic thing that's happened to me. 00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:04.079 There have been many in my life. 00:05:04.959 --> 00:05:13.040 But the response that I've had to this one has been slightly different, and so I think it's important to just articulate that story a little bit. 00:05:13.600 --> 00:05:20.959 So, about a year ago, I I had a serious accident while I was on a holiday with my family on the south coast of Australia. 00:05:21.279 --> 00:05:40.319 I um was hit by a very large rogue wave in a swimming pool that was an ocean pool, and it sucked me out of the pool and threw me onto the rocks and um very rough ocean below, and I broke some vertebrae um and some ribs and um was paralyzed from the chest down. 00:05:40.800 --> 00:05:42.959 My family were with me that day. 00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:49.920 Um, my sister, my partner, my brother-in-law, my two nieces who were all on the beach and watched the whole thing unfold. 00:05:50.240 --> 00:06:00.959 Um, and uh my my partner and my brother-in-law, and some some very brave strangers from the beach ran in and yanked me out of the water because I um could not move. 00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:05.199 Um, all I could do was take a break every time a wave hit me. 00:06:06.240 --> 00:06:08.000 Um I was rushed to hospital. 00:06:08.079 --> 00:06:10.160 I had surgery very, very quickly. 00:06:10.240 --> 00:06:14.560 Um, and I had some very impressive hardware installed in my back. 00:06:14.959 --> 00:06:21.439 I've got two metal, two metal poles and about 20 metal screws up the length of my spine. 00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:29.120 Um, but fortunately my spinal cord was not severed, it was only compressed, so they were able to relieve that pressure pretty quickly. 00:06:29.759 --> 00:06:42.639 And then within a couple of days of being in the intensive care unit, the doctors told me that they thought I'd make a full recovery and that that I would would walk again and uh would have a normal life. 00:06:42.959 --> 00:06:45.680 So that was the accident. 00:06:46.480 --> 00:06:52.959 Um and when I think about something that I would use to summarize that experience. 00:06:54.480 --> 00:06:58.160 And it's it's it's so interesting that you actually mentioned this word before. 00:06:58.319 --> 00:07:02.959 Um, and I was like, okay, this is gonna be interesting that that you already talked about this. 00:07:03.360 --> 00:07:12.800 For me, the sentiment that sums up my experience is that things that felt impossible have become possible. 00:07:13.199 --> 00:07:17.120 Oh god, shivers. 00:07:17.839 --> 00:07:33.120 Yeah, I mean that in the the most basic sort of sense in that um when I was under the water when I was in the waves and I couldn't move my body, and my brain told me, all you can do right now is breathe. 00:07:33.360 --> 00:07:36.319 And so that's all I did was was breathe. 00:07:36.800 --> 00:07:40.480 When I was sitting in the hospital, there's this an image that often comes back to me. 00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:45.279 I was lying in the ICU when I had a hundred cords coming out of me. 00:07:45.439 --> 00:07:46.399 I couldn't move. 00:07:46.480 --> 00:07:48.480 I was in tremendous pain. 00:07:48.720 --> 00:08:00.079 My back had just been opened up, and um, there were glass walls everywhere in the ICU, and across the hall from me, there was a woman who was about, I'm guessing, 60, 70 years old. 00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:06.480 She had long gray hair, and she was sitting there, um, sitting upright in bed with her legs crossed, drinking a cup of tea. 00:08:06.720 --> 00:08:13.360 And I remember lying there completely immobile and wrapped with pain and just thinking, how is she doing that? 00:08:14.399 --> 00:08:16.160 How is she sitting up? 00:08:16.319 --> 00:08:17.120 That's amazing. 00:08:17.199 --> 00:08:18.639 I'm never going to be able to do that. 00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:21.600 I'm never going to be able to sit up myself. 00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:24.160 I'm never going to be able to like hold a cup of tea and drink it. 00:08:24.319 --> 00:08:29.920 Like that's sort of the level of the physical limit I was under. 00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:36.399 But then, you know, within two walks, two weeks, I was doing laps around the ward. 00:08:36.559 --> 00:08:42.480 Like, if someone had told me that that was possible, I probably wouldn't have believed them. 00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:45.840 But turns out it was. 00:08:46.639 --> 00:09:06.080 And I can apply that metaphor to so many points of the journey that I've gone through, from being able to just sit up and have a cup of tea in bed to being able to move to the Solomon Islands less than a year, six months after I had my accident and resume my life and resume my job. 00:09:06.240 --> 00:09:09.919 Like all of these things were impossible to me. 00:09:10.080 --> 00:09:13.360 They have become possible with the the passing of time. 00:09:14.399 --> 00:09:20.960 So that's that's what I think about when I think about this particular journey is that you can overcome it. 00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:21.759 Yeah. 00:09:21.919 --> 00:09:24.240 And I don't want to sound like polyannery about it. 00:09:24.320 --> 00:09:28.960 I don't want to be like, you know, the cliche thing, like anything is possible. 00:09:29.120 --> 00:09:30.639 Like, you know, some things aren't. 00:09:30.720 --> 00:09:32.399 Um, my life is different. 00:09:32.559 --> 00:09:34.799 Um, you know, I live with chronic pain. 00:09:34.879 --> 00:09:38.320 I live with a ladder in between me and any surface that's behind me. 00:09:38.399 --> 00:09:41.919 Like there are some things I will never be able to do again. 00:09:42.639 --> 00:09:45.600 But I can sit up in bed and I can have a cup of tea. 00:09:45.679 --> 00:09:54.080 So oh my god, Amy, there's literally so many questions that are now just racing through my racing through my mind there. 00:09:54.559 --> 00:10:06.000 But one thing that really struck me, you said that

when you were lying there, and your brain said the one thing you can do is keep breathing. 00:10:06.320 --> 00:10:08.559 And sometimes that's it, isn't it? 00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:20.639 It's just focusing on what is the one thing that I could what is the one thing that I can can do right now in in my life that's oh it's exactly like Anna says in Frozen 2, the next right thing. 00:10:21.120 --> 00:10:22.879 Many, many nieces in my life. 00:10:23.360 --> 00:10:25.279 Uh yeah, no, it absolutely is. 00:10:25.440 --> 00:10:26.879 Okay, what's next? 00:10:27.120 --> 00:10:39.039 In that moment it was breathing, the next week it was sitting, the next week it was taking a step, the next week it was having a bowel movement, the next week it was and so on and so on. 00:10:39.120 --> 00:10:52.399 And it's like this this pebble that you know it it gets larger and larger the more it sort of expands out in that body of water, and over time they're suddenly doing things that you never thought you'd be able to. 00:10:52.799 --> 00:11:08.159 Yeah, I mean that's amazing, but I don't think it is a cliche, like literally the anything is possible is the driver for why I do what I do now, because a true I do truly believe that the life that we always want. 00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:11.279 I mean, obviously, there's a booth and an accident, etc. 00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:20.240 There's different things that go with that, but in general, the life that we want is always there if we are willing to take action and and move towards it. 00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:26.399 But I guess in oh sorry, I've lost my blooming train of thought now. 00:11:26.559 --> 00:11:27.679 There was a question in there. 00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:30.000 Um there was a question in there for you. 00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:37.039 Um but I do really love that as a sentiment to to hold that anything is possible. 00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:59.200 And if I when you were talking, uh several points of that, I just felt feel really struck by this almost like a micro moment in time that changes everything, but then also somehow times again to you in an adjusted way, in a different way, give you your life back, also. 00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:04.399 It it's a process and it's a framework you can apply. 00:12:04.720 --> 00:12:09.600 So in that moment, take the breath, take the step, it's the next thing. 00:12:09.840 --> 00:12:28.240 But if you actually use that as a a way to sort of govern and guardrail your life, it actually gives you a pretty clear pathway for how you can choose to respond and react to certain things and the way you carry yourself and the way you make decisions and uh you summon your courage. 00:12:28.399 --> 00:12:44.879 And if you just agree to maybe just do one thing extra or one thing new, or maybe consider that even though it is impossible today, it might be possible tomorrow, then I think that's that's a good approach. 00:12:46.240 --> 00:12:46.879 Yeah. 00:12:47.279 --> 00:12:48.879 And it's simple as well,

isn't it? 00:12:48.960 --> 00:12:55.759 Because it cuts away all the nonsense, it cuts away all the bullshit, and it's like, what's the one thing that I can do now? 00:12:55.919 --> 00:13:03.759 What is that one, what's that one thing, and just keep moving from I mean, it obviously also sounds incredibly simple. 00:13:03.840 --> 00:13:11.600 It must have been very hard at that point to believe that there was another one thing that you could keep doing and moving with. 00:13:12.559 --> 00:13:17.840 Well, I don't think if if you sort of line up all the things that I knew I had to do, i.e. 00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:35.039 learn to walk again, get out of hospital, somehow find the energy to go back to work, to do a job that's physically demanding, to be a good partner, to be a good aunt, to be a good sister, all those things together, that's too that was too much. 00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:41.360 When I thought about the the massive journey that was ahead of me, that was overwhelming. 00:13:42.720 --> 00:13:50.879 And I think, yeah, breaking it up into sort of more consumable bite sizes, I was a little bit more, a little bit more pragmatic. 00:13:51.759 --> 00:13:54.320 Yeah, but it also makes it feel doable, doesn't it? 00:13:54.399 --> 00:14:01.039 When it's literally it's not it's not like you say like the whole process that goes one, two, three, four, five. 00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:02.960 It's like, okay, one, where are we at? 00:14:03.039 --> 00:14:03.759 What am I doing? 00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:08.080 How does that look and what's what's going what's going on there? 00:14:09.600 --> 00:14:10.000 Yeah. 00:14:10.159 --> 00:14:10.320 Yeah. 00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:23.600 And how long do you think at that at that point, how long do you think it it took to sort of really feel believable that anything is possible? 00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:32.240 I still don't I'm still coming to terms with what happened to me, I think. 00:14:32.799 --> 00:14:39.600 And it does sound a little like even when I say it out loud, even when I just said it to you, it sounds it sounds way too cheerly to me. 00:14:40.159 --> 00:14:40.720 I don't know. 00:14:40.799 --> 00:14:43.120 I think I'm still working through that. 00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:49.279 I think it was just it was it was micro moments. 00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:54.399 It wasn't like a a sudden reckoning or a sudden revelation. 00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:56.159 Oh, anything's possible. 00:14:56.399 --> 00:15:03.360 It was like tiny little bullets of proof, like like those first few steps I took. 00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:09.679 I was like, oh, okay, okay, I will accept that I might be able to walk again. 00:15:09.759 --> 00:15:11.600 I will accept that that's possible. 00:15:12.000 --> 00:15:18.960 But there's no way in hell I'm ever going to be able to do this and this and this and this and this and then catastrophize everything and feel very sad and depressed and angry about it. 00:15:19.200 --> 00:15:23.440 But it was like continuous

little micro reminders of that possibility. 00:15:23.600 --> 00:15:27.519 And it sort of built over time and collectivized over time. 00:15:27.679 --> 00:15:31.360 And I found myself believing it and buying into it more and more. 00:15:31.519 --> 00:15:41.039 And I think it's only in hindsight that I, when you asked that question and I thought about it, that that's where I landed, that things that felt impossible have become possible. 00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:44.879 Because I don't think that was something that I felt at the time. 00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:51.440 And it was only after having gone through all of those things that I started to feel that way. 00:15:52.799 --> 00:16:09.759 And I guess yeah, sorry, the skew, sorry, the pull-in that way, but it's like at that point, it literally is putting one foot in front of the other, and if it's one step today, it's two tomorrow, it's three, maybe it goes back to one, but it keeps you you keep going and you keep you keep moving. 00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:11.120 Yeah, yeah. 00:16:12.480 --> 00:16:18.639 Now, as you said, you're you're already a year and a year later. 00:16:19.279 --> 00:16:24.399 What did that what did that middle part look like and and feel like at that time? 00:16:25.519 --> 00:16:27.120 How did you keep going? 00:16:28.240 --> 00:16:36.080 Well, I mean, I I don't think I'm a poster child for a healthy way of dealing with trauma. 00:16:36.639 --> 00:16:47.519 My particular brand of dealing with trauma is to squash it down to the furtherest recess of my soul, pretend like it didn't happen, nothing to see here, everything's fine, we're moving on, okay? 00:16:48.399 --> 00:16:56.639 Yeah, like I was just so determined to get over it as quickly as I possibly could and get back to my life. 00:16:56.799 --> 00:17:03.200 Because a lot of my life, I was perfectly happy and the happiest that I had been in such a long time. 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:11.359 I was so annoyed that this happened because you know, things were finally really clicking and falling into place, and I was genuinely content. 00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:15.119 So I was so pissed off that this happened. 00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:22.240 I didn't need any reminders of what my sister calls, you know, she always says, we didn't need any reminders of how precious our lives are. 00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:23.680 We we've had plenty. 00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:27.920 And so my my approach was just like, okay, we're done. 00:17:28.079 --> 00:17:32.880 I'm fine, everything's fine, and now we can just move forward and be completely happy again. 00:17:33.039 --> 00:17:33.359 Yeah. 00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:53.279 So I don't think I really allowed myself to fully feel um the pain, the anger, and the unfairness of that whole thing and the randomness of that whole thing, because I was just so determined to move on. 00:17:53.680 --> 00:18:00.799 So when I when I said before that I I said I'm I'm still coming to terms with what happened to me, I think that's what I'm coming to terms with. 00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:05.839 It's yeah, I've had this wonderful physical um recovery. 00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:09.359 I'm walking, I'm running, I'm jumping, I'm dancing. 00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:11.759 Um, people look at me, they have no idea. 00:18:12.079 --> 00:18:17.759 Tell them my story, and they are flabbergasted because you wouldn't tell there was anything wrong with me. 00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:21.200 And then they see this scar on my back and they're like, holy crap, what happened to you? 00:18:22.000 --> 00:18:26.880 Which um, yeah, it's hot in the Solomon Islands and people aren't as polite as they are back home. 00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:34.000 But I um yeah, I think um how I dealt with it was just to run through it as quickly as I could. 00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:43.200 And maybe I should have slowed down a bit more and let myself really uh heal in a much more healthy and kind way. 00:18:44.960 --> 00:18:59.759 Um there's also somehow going back to that one thing, it's almost like was that a point where it's like actually first I need to physically heal, and then maybe that's something that that comes that comes later. 00:18:59.920 --> 00:19:02.960 There's one thing, what can I do right now? 00:19:03.519 --> 00:19:08.240 I need to physically rebuild my life. 00:19:09.039 --> 00:19:11.200 Yeah, I I 100% agree. 00:19:11.279 --> 00:19:22.799 Um, and I think at the time and this sort of very, very acute period, those first few months, I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to be dealing with that side of it. 00:19:22.880 --> 00:19:26.160 All I had the energy to do was have physical recovery. 00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:28.000 But I was very aware of that. 00:19:28.079 --> 00:19:35.359 And I my sister is a clinical psychologist, so she was on this from you know the moment it happened, and she was like, You have to feel it, you have to talk about it. 00:19:35.519 --> 00:19:45.680 I'm like, I know, but that's just gonna go in a box over there until we're ready to open that box because right now I'm dealing with this problem. 00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:51.680 Um yes, that that physical problem rather than that emotional problem. 00:19:51.920 --> 00:19:58.160 Yeah, which kind of fed that whole approach I was taking with just like, let's just get through this as fast as we possibly can. 00:19:58.400 --> 00:20:02.640 I kept waiting for that box to um to open itself. 00:20:03.039 --> 00:20:13.200 It didn't really, I mean, apart from a apparently I was having some panic attacks in the very early days in the ICU, I would start shaking uncontrollably and couldn't breathe properly. 00:20:13.359 --> 00:20:17.200 And it tended to happen every time a medical professional came in the room. 00:20:17.279 --> 00:20:19.599 And I'm like, I don't know why this is happening. 00:20:19.680 --> 00:20:20.319 This is very strange. 00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:22.400 And my sister was like, You're having a panic attack. 00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:24.079 I'm

like, no, I don't do that. 00:20:24.640 --> 00:20:29.039 I don't, my body doesn't do that, and my brain is smart enough to tell my body not to do that. 00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:32.240 Um, but to open itself, it didn't really. 00:20:32.319 --> 00:20:38.160 I mean, apart from a apparently I was having some panic attacks in the very early days in the ICU. 00:20:38.319 --> 00:20:41.680 I would start shaking uncontrollably and couldn't breathe properly. 00:20:41.839 --> 00:20:45.680 And it tended to happen every time a medical professional came in the room. 00:20:45.759 --> 00:20:48.079 And I'm like, I don't know why this is happening. 00:20:48.160 --> 00:20:48.799 This is very strange. 00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:50.880 And my sister was like, You're having a panic attack. 00:20:51.039 --> 00:20:52.480 I'm like, no, I don't do that. 00:20:53.039 --> 00:20:57.519 I don't, my body doesn't do that, and my brain is smart enough to tell my body not to do that. 00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:01.119 Um, but I'm pretty certain that's what was actually happening. 00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:05.599 But that only lasted a few days and then they went away. 00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:20.000 As I said, I think it's only really been around that sort of one year anniversary where I've let myself feel a little more open to to talking about the emotional trauma of that, not just the physical. 00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:22.880 Yeah, I mean that that's the thing, isn't it? 00:21:23.119 --> 00:21:25.359 So everything is I don't know why. 00:21:25.440 --> 00:21:28.480 I always kind of come to a Harry Potter. 00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:37.039 I'm not even a Massive fan, but when you look at Baltimore and he starts off all of himself with these whore crookses. 00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:38.640 I don't know if you know Harry Potter. 00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:42.160 Um I'm following you, yeah, keep going. 00:21:43.119 --> 00:21:49.519 But he separates himself off into all of these whore crookses and he he throws them as far apart as possible. 00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:55.279 And that's what he's evil and he's the body, but that's what gives him the strength. 00:21:55.440 --> 00:22:11.039 And actually, when all Harry Potter, his um his journey, he is finding all of those and destroying them because when they when he comes back together as a as a whole somehow that's when he's vulnerable. 00:22:11.279 --> 00:22:14.000 And actually that's part of our journey as well, isn't it? 00:22:14.079 --> 00:22:22.240 That it's coming back as that whole being vulnerable and being open and feeling whole again. 00:22:22.880 --> 00:22:29.279 Yeah, I I guess that's I love that we're talking about Harry Potter and Frozen in this context in this conversation. 00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:31.119 And I think that is highly appropriate. 00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:39.039 I think for me I didn't really see it as like separate parts of myself and gathering them all up at the end. 00:22:39.119 --> 00:22:42.240 I I kind of felt like it was just a Maslow's

hierarchy of needs. 00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:46.559 It was just like survival shelter food. 00:22:46.880 --> 00:22:58.480 And then at the the very bottom of that pyramid is emotional well being but I think what I'm learning is perhaps we need to flip that that triangle upside down a little bit. 00:22:59.680 --> 00:23:09.920 And yeah sort of just not be quite so focused on the I'm fine, everything's fine, I'm perfect. 00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:42.720 It's okay to say that you aren't um and that part of yourself is allowed to be made public and that when you do that Hamani and I don't know the other characters will come around you and um and help you and love you and and support you and right right is that is that right yeah yeah hermani and right exactly yes exactly you your dream team are going to be there with you and and I think that's a really good point. 00:23:43.440 --> 00:24:05.440 In that way who obviously you had acute things that you were going through at that time and how did the people who were around you like for them also who were with you on the day and obviously with you on your your recovery it's it's a huge life changing part for all of you. 00:24:05.759 --> 00:24:36.640 Ah absolutely this did not happen to me this happened to so many people and it's funny because I feel like in a way it has affected those that love me more sorry it affected those who love me the most more than it affected me because they saw it happen and they witnessed my pain and were scared that they would lose me. 00:24:39.440 --> 00:24:53.440 I didn't see this happen I never thought for a second that you know I wouldn't walk even though there was that possibility I was like no this actually is not conceivable to me. 00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:58.559 But I think in some ways it was harder for the people that loved me than it was for me. 00:25:00.079 --> 00:25:10.319 And I think that's partly also because I'm like okay we're fine we're moving on that might have something to do with that. 00:25:12.079 --> 00:25:42.799 If I back up a little second here's uh there's some things that have gone on yeah no my family um have struggled and in their own ways my brother in law and my partner had their own injuries my sisters and my extended family my my close friends my Canberra family that I call them yeah they all went through this with me in some ways far worse than I did. 00:25:43.759 --> 00:26:07.599 Yeah I guess in that way it's almost like you you had a focus um whereas they were like almost they got the helicopter view of everything the the initial witness and then witnessing your journey on the on the other side of it and of I guess obviously probably wanting to be strong for you and I think for them it was it was outward. 00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:22.960 It was like you could see the body, you could see me, you could see the pain you could see the hospital building the drives every day the the food collection the the letters to family like it was a very external experience but for me it was entirely internal. 00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:42.559 I was living inside my brain mostly I would say during that period and just like constantly thinking about how I'm gonna get better and what I need to do to fix this and uh it was a very internal experience for me. 00:26:43.200 --> 00:27:01.359 Yeah and I don't know why and maybe this is not relevant for for you when you were saying that it just struck me something you were saying about when you were when you were in Baghdad being in those compounds and it's very insular everything looks the same. 00:27:01.920 --> 00:27:06.079 Was there any yeah did that any draws or parallels between that? 00:27:06.640 --> 00:27:08.720 Absolutely it's really interesting you say that. 00:27:08.799 --> 00:27:24.880 Yeah I think for you to be able to be happy in a place like Baghdad and living on compounds you have to have a very rich internal life and a vivid imagination that takes you out and above and far, far away. 00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:47.440 And I think I I think that's a real skill of mine is to be able to sit in some you know pretty horrible and challenging parts of the world and be able to sort of yeah use my brain and my creativity and my imagination to to create joy in life in those sorts of places. 00:27:49.119 --> 00:28:35.279 Yeah because I mean it's always like there's always a green shoe of something somewhere yeah yeah and and that may be part of that why that metaphor of what feels impossible becomes possible that's imagination that's what that is that's that's creativity that's that's hope that is taking yourself out of your current situation by the power of your brain to something else yeah daring to believe daring to believe that there is something there is another possibility and was there was there a point any point where you were just like this is just not working like this is just not this is just not going to happen? 00:28:35.599 --> 00:28:54.559 No um no as I said like um even like in those first few days when we weren't actually sure if I was going to walk again I didn't believe that like even though I was deeply concerned about it I still there was something in the back of my mind that didn't quite let me believe that. 00:28:54.720 --> 00:29:17.440 Now whether that is absolute pure denial and a complete detachment from reality or whether that is my intrinsic ability to be hopeful I don't know maybe it's maybe it's the combination of the two but there was no point in my journey in the last 12 months where I didn't think I was going to be okay. 00:29:17.759 --> 00:29:19.440 Yeah oh I love that. 00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:37.200 Well I also see that in a different way that is that also that and in a connection to yourself that you you felt that actually no this is this isn't this isn't it I am not having maybe it's just maybe it I think that yeah that's definitely part of it. 00:29:37.279 --> 00:30:11.359 I'm like I'm not having this this is unacceptable to me this

is not what I ordered um but I also think it was probably just honed a hone skill um yeah I've been through some other sort of pretty horrible things in my life and there were times previously where I was not that confident where I didn't feel that I was going to make it where I did feel like I didn't have hope and where I did feel hopeless and they were different contexts and they weren't necessarily about a physical um recovery which is what very much what this was about. 00:30:12.000 --> 00:30:29.359 So I have had those feelings before where I have like thought no I I don't think I can get through this but I didn't have those feelings for this one and I'm not I'm sort of I'm wondering now what what it was about me or my life then to allow me to have that different reaction this time. 00:30:29.680 --> 00:30:43.200 Yeah I think everything shapes us doesn't it like the way where we are it takes us to one place and we learn something different we evolve and we move change to allow me to have that different reaction this time. 00:30:43.519 --> 00:31:17.519 Yeah I think everything shapes us the way where we are it takes us to one place and we learn something different we evolve and we move on and it's almost like that sometimes we we keep building that we keep pouring into that emotional resilience that we have so that I think sometimes that every time something happens we don't fall as far because we've built up that emotional resilience and our our cup is fuller that it's like okay what do I do with this how do in your like you like no this is not happening. 00:31:17.680 --> 00:31:38.000 I um I'm not accepting this yeah no I I definitely think emotional resilience is a skill and I think it's something you can practice I think some people might be better at it than others um and might not have to try as hard um but I still think it's something you can build and develop over time. 00:31:38.160 --> 00:31:57.759 I mean I you don't want to be tested too much do you don't want to become a super expert a super resilient um person because that's kind of maybe maybe what I've been doing the last year is becoming a little bit too resilient and not and kidding keep keeping a bit of that soft underbelly I think is also um useful as well. 00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:04.559 Or maybe it was just turning 40 I don't know I mean you know it's a magical number. 00:32:05.039 --> 00:32:17.519 Yeah I don't think yeah a lot of people really with 40 think oh no this is terrible it's a number isn't it and yeah 40's the new vetting is um as I go with that. 00:32:17.680 --> 00:33:13.680 Yeah yeah um it was interesting what you were saying there about the everybody else who was coming along on that who has come along on that journey with you and do you think uh has that changed any of those relations with my brother in law I think he has been in our family um for as long as I can remember he he and my sister started dating when they were like I don't know twelve or something ridiculous I don't know and so he's always been in my life as a as a boy as a teenager as a young man and he jumped into that water and put his own life at risk in front of his wife and two girls feel tethered physically and emotionally to him because he was the first one to get to me. 00:33:15.359 --> 00:34:07.599 So funny that word just came into my head tethered and he tethered himself to me and then my partner got to me and both of them somehow managed to get my my my gratitude and my love for my brother in law has increased and I think the love I have for um my partner and my two sisters love them very much and I was already as close as I could be to those people I don't think that has changed it has just reconfirmed that love and that they are in my life but I think the unexpected uptake and love has been for my brother in law because even though we you know we were very close and he's as I said he's my brother in law and he's been part of my family so long. 00:34:08.480 --> 00:34:23.840 And I guess it seems like nobody ever wishes to know how you would respond or how we how you would react that somebody did that and that's a connection that you will you will have for life. 00:34:25.119 --> 00:34:52.159 My brother in law and my partner they um they saved my life that day and um that's a that's a fact or it you never quite uh forget it's literally as you said earlier it's like things don't happen to one person in I'm paraphrasing now but in isolation it's it's a whole collective isn't it that it makes us realize more that we are not alone we are something bigger. 00:34:52.800 --> 00:35:16.320 Well the the beauty of of crisis and trauma is that it illuminates oh this sounds so hicky when you go through something like this you're like holy shit oh so much love a horrible way to a minute alone in that hospital I was there for six weeks it's just a line of people inside the door to come and spend time with me and comfort me and tell me that they loved me. 00:35:16.800 --> 00:35:36.000 Over the world that I hadn't seen for you didn't think you know people have thought of me that much but like the messages that I got from you know the far corners of the world was just that was such a lovely thing I think being reminded of of the fact that you were loved. 00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:54.239 Yeah absolutely I mean I remember something I was thinking when you were talking that that's one of my that's one of my lasting sort of memories of uh memories or something that I knew about you in DACA was you were always very close to your family. 00:35:54.320 --> 00:36:02.639 You spoke about them a lot you were always especially with your nieces there was lots of things that you were always planning to do and go and that always sticks in my mind. 00:36:02.719 --> 00:37:40.639 So it's Amy said ah family in a family yeah well one thing that is not in my bio is world's greatest auntie so um maybe we should add that we'll just go we'll just correct that right there to

you we'll put that in because you really always went that extra mile like you were so you are so involved invested and present yeah it was always clear that it was such a huge such a huge part of um I remember I don't go on Facebook very often and I remember your um post was at the top of my feed and I remember just thinking my God like this is unbelievable like how yeah so even as a very far distant bystander outstander whatever you want to call it it was it felt so visceral to to to see and yeah read about that news it felt really shocking that yeah yeah because it's not supposed to happen right yeah yeah yeah that's not supposed to happen that are close to me and love me and and have been involved in my life know that there have been many sad things that have happened um again seriously like you you've had your three you're done your three like you you're done like now the rest of your life is gonna be pure joy and happiness and the fact that that's not true for people I think that happens every time something bad happens to someone they're like no no this was not part of the plan and this is so unfair and and did we sign anything that said that life would be fair and that's a that's a bit of pill to swallow it's true. 00:37:41.360 --> 00:38:54.880 Yeah and what's now obviously a year and a year later what's the what's the taking what do you take from it that you're like that this is a learning for me and this is for my life moving forward yeah it's it's funny how often I get asked that question it's like when something bad happens to you you have to have some sort of revelatory what I'm slowly getting my head around is that and and just like white knuckling it maybe it's okay to stop maybe it's okay to be slow be a bit more present be a bit more vulnerable be a bit more in pain ask for a bit more help I'm slowly coming to terms with I'm slowly formulating some views around around that once you get through that that sort of immediate acute phase of of trauma it's like okay well what's the lesson and how do I improve and and how do I go forward and be happier and healthier and I haven't quite figured that out yet but I think it has something to do with um and being a little less perfect broken. 00:38:57.199 --> 00:39:11.519 Because I am I'm broken in half me too yeah there has been much pain in my life and you can't just be expected to be glistening and sparkly and and everything's fine. 00:39:11.599 --> 00:39:33.920 So I think maybe it's around some of those words that I just inelquently kind of wrote no I like it I think there's so much in that that there are a lot of life lessons right just learning to accept learning to accept the all of those different things it's that's yeah that's a huge that's a huge life lesson right there. 00:39:35.760 --> 00:39:53.039 Now obviously being on the other side of it now you're in the beautiful Solomon Islands and with permanent sunshine and what's different for you now what's what's the what's the next what's the forward motion in what context you're talking about. 00:39:53.119 --> 00:39:58.079 I think physically um not live the physical life that I used to live. 00:39:58.159 --> 00:40:10.159 There are some things I I can't do anymore things about living in in the Solomon Islands is got to get on a banana boat and go island hopping because jostling around up and down on a tiny boat. 00:40:10.480 --> 00:40:15.199 So there's there's a lot of limitations on what I can do physically with my body. 00:40:16.000 --> 00:40:22.639 There's a lot of limitations in what I how I choose to to walk around the world as well. 00:40:22.719 --> 00:40:36.480 I I really do feel like with this accident I played my Joker card times when I cross the road now instead of once because I just can't move around the world with that same level of carefree ness that I used to. 00:40:36.719 --> 00:40:38.639 So that's a little different. 00:40:39.199 --> 00:41:10.400 I am trying to be more slow um and to feel things a bit more not too much rather than just continually focusing on getting to the next thing doing the next thing making the next achievement getting that promotion getting that posting um trying to sort of sit with some of those uncomfortable like I said to you before like being linear would be lovely instead of these these peaks and troughs which are really inconvenient. 00:41:10.559 --> 00:41:24.239 Yeah so I think it's it's it's the knowing that there's restrictions on my body knowing that there's a the sort of moral um risk medicaments that that I have um through this experience and through all of the experiences. 00:41:24.719 --> 00:41:40.000 Yeah yeah I love that because I guess it goes back again to that slowing down isn't it the slowing down being more present and keep coming back to where you are and where you are are able to be right now. 00:41:40.239 --> 00:41:42.480 Yeah and not be quite so forward looking. 00:41:42.559 --> 00:42:23.119 I'm I was always so well I still am I'm working on it but so focused on the future and what was next and I think I was just perpetually always moving towards something and could never enjoy where I was because I was always so one thing I one thing I've been doing the last few years is I've I keep a happy thoughts book continuing the movie theme did you ever watch Hook when you were a kid yeah yeah yeah yeah one of my favorite movies and um the happy thought the thing that makes them float the thing that makes them fly and so I thought okay every day I'm gonna write something down that is my happy thought for the day. 00:42:23.360 --> 00:42:30.159 Yeah um and I've found that to be a really really useful practice and I tell all my family and friends to do the same thing. 00:42:30.800 --> 00:42:39.760 Journaling um sort of not an exploration of feelings and um process but it's it's just a this thing happened today and it was really cool. 00:42:39.920 --> 00:42:41.760 And I just want to clock that. 00:42:42.239 -->

00:42:42.719 Yeah. 00:42:43.519 --> 00:43:15.119 I think that encourages presence yeah and that's the thing isn't it we we get so we get so stuck moving between the past and the future that we forget about the present we forget about what's going on right now because actually that's where life is being lived life is being lived right here right now we're talking it's not about you know in an hour's time maybe you're gonna go for dinner I'm gonna have my first coffee um there's there's these different things but it's it's literally what what is happening now. 00:43:16.000 --> 00:43:24.159 Yes because you could be literally hit by a wave and stuff through an ocean wall and end up in hospital for three months. 00:43:24.239 --> 00:44:09.119 So yeah you may as well try and be a little bit more present and enjoy yeah what's around you have your sense of perspective have your sense of gratefulness and yeah be yeah just be and what are you what are you most proud of yourself for in the journey that you have well are still in what would you give yourself happy thoughts for oh god that is such an awfully proud of the fact that I never lost My sense of humor or my sense of joy even in my really, really dark moments. 00:44:10.239 --> 00:44:20.320 I remember being wheeled off to surgery and I think I'd put my hand up in the air and said bye Felicia or something stupid like that. 00:44:20.480 --> 00:44:34.800 I my girlfriends sneak champagne into the spinal ward so I could illegally drink alcohol with him about that my relationships have become stronger through this. 00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:53.920 I'm really proud of my partner and I for getting through a deeply horrible time, better and stronger and more in love than we ever have been because that was hard, and to see him um watch me go through that pain and to to never leave. 00:44:54.000 --> 00:45:14.880 I'm so grateful that he never left because of my sisters and me, because we do this all without a motherfucker to you know continually get hit by light waves, um, and for us to still love and support each other the way we do, I'm so proud of us as well. 00:45:15.679 --> 00:45:17.519 So yeah. 00:45:17.920 --> 00:45:21.119 That's called humor, joy, love, and sisterhood. 00:45:21.440 --> 00:45:23.599 Oh, I love that, Amy, that's amazing. 00:45:23.760 --> 00:45:28.960 And I feel really do you know the um the Japanese art of Kisugi? 00:45:30.239 --> 00:45:31.440 Yes, I've heard of that. 00:45:31.840 --> 00:45:32.400 Yeah. 00:45:32.559 --> 00:45:48.559 Um I don't know why, just I was thinking of that when when you were talking, and it's life breaks, it changes, and we can put it back together, and there's a gold thread that runs through things that it's useful again, but it's different, but it's whole again. 00:45:48.639 --> 00:45:48.880 Yeah. 00:45:49.840 --> 00:45:51.119 Well, there's your word. 00:45:51.360 --> 00:45:51.679 Okay. 00:45:52.000 --> 00:46:05.760 So the very first question you asked me, you asked me to identify a metaphor or a sort of sentiment or a word, and I very easily could identify some sentences and some some coming up for a word was was nearly impossible. 00:46:05.840 --> 00:46:07.119 I couldn't think of a word, but there you go. 00:46:07.199 --> 00:46:08.400 There's that that'll do. 00:46:08.719 --> 00:46:10.239 Yes, okay, we'll go with that. 00:46:11.440 --> 00:46:14.800 Oh my god, Amy, thank you so much, Mike. 00:46:15.119 --> 00:46:30.079 I can't imagine uh a fraction of of what you have been through in the last year, but you your strength and your resilience is is incredible, but at no point did you doubt that anything was going to be any different. 00:46:30.320 --> 00:46:37.920 And yeah, you are writhing and living to tell the tale and basking in the eternal sunshine. 00:46:38.320 --> 00:46:40.639 Yes, and the sweaty sunshine. 00:46:42.239 --> 00:46:48.480 Yeah, but I really, really appreciate you taking the time to share and share your journey with us today. 00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:50.719 Thank you for having me. 00:46:55.679 --> 00:46:58.880 There's something beautifully simple about Amy's story. 00:46:59.039 --> 00:47:02.480 Not because what happened was simple, of course it absolutely wasn't. 00:47:02.639 --> 00:47:05.760 A rogue wave changed her life in a matter of seconds. 00:47:05.920 --> 00:47:11.920 One minute she was on holiday with her family, the next she was lying in intensive care, wondering if she'd ever walk again. 00:47:12.079 --> 00:47:19.440 What's really struck me wasn't just her recovery, which is incredibly remarkable, but it was how she recovered. 00:47:19.599 --> 00:47:21.760 She didn't try to solve the next year. 00:47:21.920 --> 00:47:24.400 She didn't try to figure out the rest of her life. 00:47:24.559 --> 00:47:28.239 She just kept asking herself, what's the next thing? 00:47:28.480 --> 00:47:32.480 One breath, one movement, one step, then another. 00:47:32.719 --> 00:47:40.400 I think that's such a powerful reminder because it's so easy to get overwhelmed by the side by the size of what sits in front of us. 00:47:40.559 --> 00:47:46.800 We jump into the future, imagining everything that could go wrong, or we look backwards wishing things had been different. 00:47:47.039 --> 00:47:49.280 Meanwhile, life is just a life thing. 00:47:49.360 --> 00:47:51.679 It's happening right here, right now. 00:47:51.840 --> 00:47:55.679 Sometimes the bravest thing we can do isn't having all the answers. 00:47:55.840 --> 00:47:58.880 It's just asking, what's that next thing I can do? 00:47:59.119 --> 00:48:01.519 Amy also reminded me of something else. 00:48:01.840 --> 00:48:08.960 We spend so much time wanting life to be neat and predictable, but it isn't, and we don't have that control. 00:48:09.199 --> 00:48:11.360 It never was, it never will be. 00:48:11.599 --> 00:48:14.000 And none of us are promised a straight line. 00:48:14.159 --> 00:48:18.639 I mean, how boring if it was just a straight linear line. 00:48:18.960 --> 00:48:24.320 Vuh! Which is why I love the Japanese philosophy of Kintsuki. 00:48:24.559 --> 00:48:32.320 When a piece of pottery breaks, they don't try to hide the cracks, they repair them with gold, making them feel that object. 00:48:36.880 --> 00:48:38.880 She loved it when I shared that with her team. 00:48:43.360 --> 00:49:06.719 But sometimes the most beautiful fashion is me.