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If you grew up out in the country, you know every house has a heartbeat.
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You know which floorboard squeeze when you try to sneak back in after curvy.
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You know the exact spot on the porch where the sun hits just right on a Sunday afternoon.
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And you know the smell of a wood stove burning in the head of winter.
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Last week, we did something a lot of folks dreaded.
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We went back through the old childhood hall place to back up, clear out, and get ready to sail.
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Walked through every single room, unlocked every outbuilding, shed, and bar, handled things we hadn't touched in decades.
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Standing out there, looking back at that roof line, the truth is, right square in the chest.
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Wood, brick, and tin.
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They don't make a home.
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The family, the laughter, the hard lessons, and the memories built inside those walls.
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That's what makes a home.
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Y'all pull up a chair, light them up, and let's take a walk.
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Welcome to Come Get That Spoke.
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I'm your host, Jeff Chop Jordan.
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Today's episode is a real personal one.
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We're talking about transition, legacy, and gratitude.
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We're stepping back in time to look at what truly last when the doors close for the final time.
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We're going deep into what it felt like walking through those old rooms, sorting through decades of history, and realizing that no matter where life takes us, the foundation built by our family stays right inside of us.
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So grab your coffee, roll down your windows, or turn up the speakers in the workshop.
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Let's talk about family, roots, and what really endures.
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Guys, I want to welcome you guys to our podcast today.
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This is episode 11.
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Um Memory Lane's what this episode's called, and it's going to talk about um a house doesn't make a home.
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And I'm really excited about this episode.
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It's kind of a um tough episode to record.
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Um just uh I'm having a hard time.
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I'm just gonna be honest with you.
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I've um I've got two good friends, Cassie and Trey.
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I grew up with them really close.
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I mean, I can't even really call them friends.
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I gotta call them more like family.
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Um and they lost their mom yesterday, and I our families were extremely close.
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Her parents helped raise me, um, invested a lot in me as a person.
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And I'm I'm just struggling today, I'm not gonna lie.
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It's been a a tough day here.
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Um Yesterday was tough, but then today is just kind of it's setting in, and I just feel so bad for those two, and I know the hurt they're feeling.
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Um and I'm just I want to get this episode recorded, so I went ahead and did it, but we're gonna struggle through this one, I promise you, but we're gonna we're gonna make it work.
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Um This episode is dedicated to Tonda Bailey.
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Um and her kids, Trey and Cassie and her husband Rand.
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I just want to say thanks for um for loving me like you're on and thanks for the friendships we've had our whole life, and and I'm just very thankful for you guys.
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And I appreciate all you've done for me.
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So we're gonna move right into it now.
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Um when I look back at we're going through a process now with my mom, and you know, she's remarried and moved out and going through the process of getting some stuff done.
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Mom and Guy's been working hard in the house, getting stuff packed up.
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Hope's helped some.
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Autumn's um been over and helped.
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Daphne's been over and helped, and I've been over and helped in some buildings and stuff like that, and we're gonna do some more work on Monday, getting everything out of there, but um just looking back and realizing that that is home.
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That is where I grew up, that is where I learned so many lessons.
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We're gonna look at just a repeat of memory lane.
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I'm just gonna walk you down memory lane, the stuff that I learned, the stuff that I saw, a little bit about the people that live there.
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And then I want you to understand that the house don't matter because those people, those lessons, all that stuff is still there.
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Because it never was the house in the first place.
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It was the people that were in that house that made that house special.
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So change isn't a bad thing.
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And growing up and we were not unaccustomed to moving.
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We moved numerous times as as as kids, as when we were little, uh all the way through high school.
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Uh, we did a lot of moving.
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Just certain circumstances may cause us to move,
Load full transcript
or this a better opportunity may cause us to move, or or whatever it was.
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So we did a lot of moving when we when we were growing up, and change can be good, and it's that simple.
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I mean, moving from place to place sometimes, and I say place to place, I mean like still in cowpins.
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We never left cowpins.
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We Spartanburg was the farthest we went, and that's where we are now, but it's literally in cowpens, in my opinion.
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Um and so change isn't always bad.
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Change can actually be a good thing.
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And moving was nothing new to me growing up, it was something we did.
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Um first house we had is behind Crawford's, the red barn right there in CowPens.
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Um it was a little house behind there, and my grandpa and grandma lived across the street from us, uh, Chocolate and Gail.
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They lived in a house across the street.
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We lived in a house across from them, and it's I don't even know the name of the street right there.
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Um, honestly, but it's subway's there and subway is my grandfather owned the house behind Subway, and then we owned the house across the street behind Crawford's Redbound.
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So we lived in that house, and you know, we've just I was young back then.
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Uh don't remember a whole lot about that house, just remembered that that we were close to to Gail and Pop and or were close to Balmall and Pop and um just got to go there to see them all the time and and they took care of us a whole lot because mama worked and daddy worked, and uh so I do remember a good bit of just spending time with them because of where our house was located.
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Then the next house we got was on EBN Drive, um, off of Beacon Light Road on EBN Drive.
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And it was up on a hill.
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My daddy and my grandpa built it by hand.
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It was a cedar house, very beautiful house, still there today.
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Had a huge driveway that went straight up a hill.
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Um I used to ride my bicycle up and down that thing, walk up and down that thing.
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It was a um not a fun hill to have to tackle, but we would constantly have to do it in vehicles and stuff like that.
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And and that house, you know, we ended up losing to repossession, or I don't know if it got repossessed or if we sold it or what happened there, but we ended up getting rid of that house.
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And um, I remember that house like it was yesterday.
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It was a beautiful house.
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We had a full basement downstairs that all my toys were in, and me and Hope had our own rooms, and everything was was really neat in that house, and we loved being there.
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And we ended up losing that house, so we had to move.
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We moved to a trailer on um Beacon Light Road beside my grandpa Jordan, Jimmy, and and Patricia, my grandma, Pat.
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Um, and we lived in that double wide for a while.
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Most of my middle school years, we were in the double wide.
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Um, and we stayed there and we lived there, and I I I don't even remember why we left there.
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I do know that the Jordan side of the family has always been, I don't want to use this term, but it's always been kind of toxic in a sense.
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Uh drug abuse, alcoholism, uh, addiction, just all kinds of different things, and just always some type of drama between the brothers or between uh grandma and grandpa, and then when when granddaddy died, just kind of we left before granddaddy passed away, but it was just just a mess a lot of times, and I do remember that growing up being a struggle.
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Um, but then we bought a we got a trailer, I don't even remember the name of it, Browns Chapel Road or Brown Road or something off of be off of uh Old Packl Highway, and it's a little small single white.
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And it was me and Daddy and Mama, and that was it.
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Hope lived there for a while.
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She had her own room, but it was a tiny, tiny trailer.
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Um, and I lived there, you know, first couple of years of high school, maybe ninth grade, um, possibly tenth grade.
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I really don't remember how long we were there.
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We weren't there very long, it was more like a more like a stop.
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Um it wasn't like we stayed there a long time, but we were there for a while.
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Um and you know, so I know how people feel.
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I mean, I've been moved around myself.
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I I luckily I was never yanked out of my community.
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I was able to stay in my community, stay in my same schools and do those things, but we we moved around a good bit.
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Some of it was our fault, some of it was just because it had to be done.
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And then the final house we landed on, and the one we're gonna talk about today, is a house on River Drive.
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And that's in Spartanburg, South Carolina.
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And that's um where where my where I grew up, where I cut my teeth in high school, college.
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My kids cut their teeth as they've grown up.
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It's where Autumn was raised, Daphne was there a good bit.
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Um just a this is where home is for me.
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That's the house that I think of as.
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We finally had security, we finally had stability, we finally had a place to call our own.
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And that's kind of the place that I recognize as where I grew up.
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Uh, and that was on River Road.
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It's an old mill house that had been transported because in Cow Pens or in Spartanburg, there's lots of mill villages there.
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You've got CowPens had a mill village, you've got Packlett had a mill village, you've got Converse One, which was a mill village, you had Converse 2, which is a mill village, you had Glendale Mill.
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Um, so there's lots of different, you had Clifton Mill, lots of different mills in that area.
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Uh, and so the Clifton Mill is kind of where our house was brought from.
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They moved it, set it up, uh, and then whenever we got it, somebody, an older couple had been living in it for a long time.
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We ended up buying it, remodeled the inside, Daddy did, uh, grandpop did, and just kind of made it our own.
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Put a bathroom in upstairs uh for me and hope to share, um, some stuff like that.
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And that's what we remember as home.
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And it's still there today, and it's still, you know, it's not being used right now, and we'll talk more about that as we go on, but that is still home for us.
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But for us, these moves, they weren't bad.
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They were new opportunities for us, they were a fresh start for us.
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Um and I learned early on that a house was just a shell.
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That was it.
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The house was a place that you laid your head down at night, a place that kept you warm and dry, but the home was the people in it.
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And I've been blessed my entire life with the lessons and the examples that I've been shown from my parents, my grandparents, my family members, how important family is and how important the people that make up your family should be to you and your life because they they don't make family anymore.
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What you got is what you got.
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You keep adding to it, you keep adding to it.
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And that's just kind of how it works.
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But you're not getting a new family.
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You get additions to your family.
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And honestly, the way
it's been right now and the way things are going, you're losing family members quicker than you're gaining family members.
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And that's one of the things that I'm experiencing the older I get.
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I mean, my nieces are are popping out kids left and right, there's no doubt about that.
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But we're losing family members too.
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I mean, we don't have any grandparents still alive.
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Um uncles, except for Larry, are gone.
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My dad's passed already.
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So our family is is is all we've got.
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And we're gonna talk a little bit more about that.
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But in episode one, no, episode two, redemption is real.
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If you haven't listened to it, go back and give it a listen.
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Uh I know the audio quality is a little a little weak on it.
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We've gotten way better at our audio since that episode.
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But if you'll go back and listen to that, it talks about my dad.
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And a couple of things the home taught me was or are just a little bit about who was in the home.
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I guess is gonna be the best way to put this.
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So we're gonna talk about who was in the home.
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Well, my dad, and like I said, episode two, the redemption story, or redemption is real.
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That's an episode about my dad.
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My dad was a raging alcoholic, wasn't abusive, wasn't mean, never abused us.
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He loved us, he cared about us, he spent time with us, he invested in us, but he loved alcohol.
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He loved to drink, period.
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He loved prescription medication later on in life, and he got hooked on some pretty nasty prescription medication.
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And that episode talks about his whole story, and you need to go back and listen to it, like I said, but in my home was my dad, and I got to watch that transition and that transformation take place in the house that we're talking about.
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I got to watch a redemption story, a miracle, take place in that house.
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And then you start talking about mom, and in episode three, it talks about a God-fearing star of the earth good woman.
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And that's my mama to a T.
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And I got to watch her live out her testimony daily inside that home.
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I got to watch her be who she said she was.
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I got to watch her love other people.
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I got to watch her serve other people.
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I got to watch her cry when she got bad news about other people.
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I got to see her get excited when good things happen to other people.
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I got to witness all that in this house.
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I got to watch my sister, who went through a rough stage when she was right out of high school, made some bad choices, made some bad decisions.
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I got to watch her grow.
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I got to watch her turn into a better version of herself in that home.
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I got to see it.
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I got to watch Autumn, who's my niece.
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And when when Autumn was little, my sister left her with my mom and my dad to raise because Hope was going through some tough times and she had to make some tough decisions.
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And nobody faults her for it.
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You gotta do what you gotta do sometimes.
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But she has to live with that daily, even today, even though it happened a long time ago, and she's not that person anymore.
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She's not that person at all.
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But Autumn was raised in that house like a little sister to me.
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I treated her like my little sister.
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I loved Autumn to death.
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I still love her to death.
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I'm so thankful for her and Devin.
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I'm so thankful for the kids.
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I'm so thankful for the relationships that we have.
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Uh Autumn's gone through a lot.
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You know, she's had cancer and some other things like that that just shouldn't have to go through at her age, but she's had to deal with it and she's been resilient and she's pushed through, and Devin's been supportive, and she's got two beautiful kids that we truly love and care about.
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And I got to watch Autumn grow up.
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I got to watch her go to high school and cheer.
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I got to watch her in rec league.
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I got to watch her, you know, at church.
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I got to see her grow up as a little sibling, not necessarily my niece.
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And the same thing with Daff.
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And the one thing you got to know about Daff is Daff is sassy.
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Daff is sassy.
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She is rattlesnake sassy.
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She ain't gonna put up with your junk.
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But you get past that and you treat her like she deserves to be treated.
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She's one of the most kind-hearted people
that I've ever come across.
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She loves people.
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She loves to give people stuff.
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She loves to buy people stuff.
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She loves people.
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And she always has.
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But she's got that rattlesnake sass to her that if you cross her, you better watch it because she will light you up.
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But I got to watch Daphne.
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You know, I got to watch her in that house, huh?
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I got to see that.
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Daphne was raised by hope, not by mom.
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So it's a different dynamic.
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But I still got to see Daf grow up in that setting too.
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And, you know, you start talking about other people that was in that house that brings memories to me.
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And you talk about Carl.
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Crazy Carl is what I call him.
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And we got a barbecue sauce named after him.
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It's a Dr.
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Pepper-based sauce.
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And the reason that we named that after him is because he used to carry a two-liter Dr.
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Pepper or Dr.
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Thunder, depending on what his account looked like, money-wise, in between his, in between his fingers.
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And he'd walk up and down the road with that two-liter Dr.
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Pepper.
00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:09.839
I'd be coming home from school and I'd see him ahead of me with a two-liter Dr.
00:19:09.920 --> 00:19:11.599
Pepper in his hand, walking up the road.
00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:18.799
It could be 800 degrees outside or 10 degrees outside, and whatever temperature that was outside, what temperature that Dr.
00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:19.519
Pepper was.
00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:23.359
And he'd drink it and he'd drink a ton of them, two liters at a time.
00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:30.640
And he was one of the most very influential in my life.
00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:34.880
And I know it's because Carl had his issues.
00:19:35.039 --> 00:19:37.039
Carl was mentally unstable.
00:19:37.359 --> 00:19:43.200
Carl had, I want to say, schizophrenia, or I can't remember exactly what it was.
00:19:43.440 --> 00:19:51.599
Uh, but he was he was he had papers that proved that he was, you know, for lack of better term, crazy.
00:19:52.319 --> 00:19:59.519
And but Carl, I learned so much from Carl as a person.
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.480
So much from Carl as a person.
00:20:03.039 --> 00:20:06.640
Um He was just eccentric.
00:20:06.799 --> 00:20:12.799
He was he was Carl, and he was gonna be Carl, and he wasn't gonna be anybody else.
00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:14.720
He messed with junk all the time.
00:20:14.799 --> 00:20:17.039
He's always ripping out, ripping copper wires.
00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:20.079
Daddy would bring all the old heat and air conditioning units.
00:20:20.160 --> 00:20:32.480
He was replacing the home, and Carl would break them apart, get all the scrap out of them, uh, get all the copper out of them, separate the motors from the copper, separate the wires.
00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:33.599
I mean, that's what he did.
00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:35.839
He was a scrap, he's l he loved to scrap.
00:20:36.079 --> 00:20:41.759
And he had a squeeze box, which, you know, I don't know many people play them today, but he had a squeeze box he used to play.
00:20:41.839 --> 00:20:44.640
And I used to love listening to him play the squeeze box.
00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:50.559
Um, but Carl accepted me for who I was.
00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:54.319
Carl loved me for who I was.
00:20:54.799 --> 00:20:56.720
I didn't have to be nobody special.
00:20:57.119 --> 00:20:59.359
I didn't have to do anything for Carl.
00:21:00.160 --> 00:21:03.920
But he loved me and accepted me and he involved me.
00:21:04.319 --> 00:21:06.640
He let me go down and mess around the scrap with him.
00:21:07.119 --> 00:21:10.960
He let me sit in his camper while he played the squeeze box.
00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:42.400
Just the impact he had on me as a person and the impact he had on me for understanding uh other people's disabilities and other people's um uh uh mental health issues and those kind of things, that changed me as a person because I got to witness firsthand what it does to people and if treated properly, how it can affect people and how it can make them semi-normal, if normal's even a thing, honestly.
00:21:42.960 --> 00:21:51.359
But it gave me such compassion for people being around Carl because Carl was a good person.
00:21:51.839 --> 00:21:58.079
Carl had his issues, but he was a good person, and I love Carl, and I miss Carl a lot.
00:21:58.319 --> 00:22:02.000
I've still got these little Geogram, or I don't even know what they're called, honestly.
00:22:02.079 --> 00:22:12.319
They're like a I talked about it on one of the other episodes, but it's like a painting or a marker art that the right side matches the left side.
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:12.880
It's identical.
00:22:12.960 --> 00:22:15.680
So if you fold them, it's the same on both sides.
00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:17.359
And and I've still got them.
00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:22.240
I've got some out in the building right now that are framed that I that I got when he passed away.
00:22:22.559 --> 00:22:25.119
And I still got them.
00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:26.000
They're not going anywhere.
00:22:26.079 --> 00:22:27.599
I'll never get rid of those things.
00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:32.799
Um, and they're nothing fancy, they're made on printer paper, but it's something he enjoyed doing.
00:22:32.880 --> 00:22:38.799
He was a very eccentric, very artsy person.
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:50.880
But what he taught me and the
lessons I learned from him and how I how I deal with people today have a lot to do with him because I got to see it at an early age.
00:22:51.119 --> 00:22:54.160
I got to see that your disability don't have to define you.
00:22:54.400 --> 00:23:01.200
I got to see that you can be who you want to be because that disability doesn't define who you are.
00:23:01.519 --> 00:23:17.279
And so when I see people with these disabilities, or I see people with mental health issues, or I see people with, you know, whatever, I have I have sympathy for them, and I can see them for who they are, not for what they have or what not their disability.
00:23:17.440 --> 00:23:21.440
And now I owe that to Carl, and that was all learned inside that house.
00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:25.519
And then you start talking about me personally.
00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:29.680
I mean, I was raised there, went through high school there.
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:35.519
Um some of the stuff that happened there I can't talk about because mama don't know about some of it.
00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:37.440
So I'm gonna leave that alone.
00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:40.079
But lots of first in that house.
00:23:40.400 --> 00:23:42.400
Lots of first in that house.
00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:49.519
Um and just it was a huge part of my life.
00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:55.200
It was a huge part of what defined me, what happened in between those walls.
00:23:55.759 --> 00:24:01.200
And you look, and you know, I ended up proposing to Christy there.
00:24:01.680 --> 00:24:04.079
Um, Christy's my ex-wife.
00:24:04.720 --> 00:24:07.039
Um and that's Ellie's mom.
00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:11.359
So I ended up proposing to her on Christmas morning one one year inside that house.
00:24:11.599 --> 00:24:13.440
And that's a great memory.
00:24:13.680 --> 00:24:15.920
Um, you know, me and Christy are still really close.
00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:18.000
We're really good friends, we co-parent.
00:24:18.559 --> 00:24:26.000
Um we believe in, you know, our differences shouldn't affect our daughter.
00:24:26.319 --> 00:24:28.720
And our differences don't affect our friendship either.
00:24:28.799 --> 00:24:29.519
We're good friends.
00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:33.599
I mean, she knows that I'm here if she ever needs anything, and I know the same.
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:36.240
That if I ever need anything from her or Chris, they're right here.
00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:40.160
And if I they ever need anything from me, they know me and Laurie will do whatever we can to help them.
00:24:40.240 --> 00:24:41.680
It's always going to be the case.
00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:47.039
Then I looked to Ellie, and when I went through my divorce, that was an escape for me and Ellie.
00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:51.200
That was an escape because me and Christy split Ellie right down the middle.
00:24:51.519 --> 00:24:56.000
And I got to spend a ton of time with Ellie growing up.
00:24:56.240 --> 00:24:58.160
Um I was blessed.
00:24:58.400 --> 00:25:02.880
You know, Christy was me and Christy had a cordial divorce.
00:25:03.279 --> 00:25:08.400
We split, and our main focus was Ellie.
00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:09.920
We didn't care about anything else.
00:25:10.079 --> 00:25:11.599
So I had Ellie a lot.
00:25:11.680 --> 00:25:22.160
So we would go to cow pens a good bit on the weekends, just so my mom and dad could see her, but it was a place that I was able to help raise Ellie that there.
00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:27.440
So Ellie grew up there, she cut her teeth there, she spent a lot of time there.
00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:29.839
Me and her both.
00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:41.519
And it was an escape for me to get away from everyday life here with the divorce and you know being by yourself and the loneliness and all that kind of stuff.
00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:50.319
It was an escape for me to get to go back home, but it was also an opportunity to let Ellie experience what I experienced and the house that I experienced it.
00:25:50.480 --> 00:25:53.359
And it was such a great, great time.
00:25:53.839 --> 00:25:55.759
I mean, family get togethers.
00:25:55.920 --> 00:26:00.960
Every Christmas we would do brunch or lunch or breakfast or dinner.
00:26:01.200 --> 00:26:02.960
Thanksgiving, we're always eaten.
00:26:03.279 --> 00:26:14.000
Now, as as we've gotten older and everybody's got their own families and everybody's got their own kids, that's changed drastically for us as a family because now Thanksgiving may not be on Thanksgiving.
00:26:14.079 --> 00:26:15.759
It may be the Sunday after for us.
00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:18.000
Or Christmas may not be on Christmas Day.
00:26:18.079 --> 00:26:21.440
It may be the day before, it may be the day after.
00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:29.759
So we just have to kind of figure out how we're gonna how how we how we're gonna approach that, and we just have to make it work as a family.
00:26:29.839 --> 00:26:32.160
Now we get together for every holiday.
00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:34.240
My side of the family does.
00:26:34.559 --> 00:26:38.319
But it just may not be on the on the exact holiday like it used to be.
00:26:38.480 --> 00:26:41.359
When I was growing up, we had breakfast every Christmas morning.
00:26:41.599 --> 00:26:43.680
Started at my grandfather's house.
00:26:43.920 --> 00:26:46.559
Um at Pop's house, we would have breakfast.
00:26:46.720 --> 00:26:59.519
He'd get up, him and Donna would cook eggs, bacon, sausage, everybody would come, Sonia, Rodney, uh, all the kids from Donna's side, and then our whole family would be there.
00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:04.160
And it was just a big old Christmas morning breakfast, and we all had a blast.
00:27:04.319 --> 00:27:09.920
And then once Pop and Donna stopped doing it, we kind of took it into our house and it came just to be our thing.
00:27:10.079 --> 00:27:19.920
So we would all come over and mom would cook breakfast and we would have whatever, whatever she decided to cook, and and we did a lot of that there.
00:27:20.160 -->
00:27:21.039
Thanksgiving.
00:27:21.279 --> 00:27:23.440
Always gonna always celebrated Thanksgiving.
00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:26.319
Birthdays, most birthday parties were held in the house.
00:27:26.559 --> 00:27:28.880
Just everybody got together, had a good time.
00:27:29.039 --> 00:27:34.160
And then the one thing that I used to love the most is the kids playing in the yard.
00:27:34.400 --> 00:27:41.440
It just brought back so many memories of me as a kid watching all these kids play on the swing set.
00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:43.920
If you know our family, we got a bunch of young kids.
00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:47.359
I mean, I've got three, four counting Jordan.
00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:48.480
Jordan's older.
00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:50.960
He's 26, 27 now.
00:27:51.359 --> 00:27:57.200
So, and then I've got my three that are young, under 16, 16 below.
00:27:57.440 --> 00:28:02.319
Uh Autumn and Devin have two that are KK's eight at eight or nine.
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:03.519
I think she's eight.
00:28:03.680 --> 00:28:07.920
Um, so you got eight, and you got Trey, who's around Lawson's age, around four.
00:28:08.160 --> 00:28:11.119
And then you've got Daphne, she has three.
00:28:11.359 --> 00:28:14.640
Silas, who's eight or nine, him and KK are the same age.
00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:17.920
Um, and then you have Riker, who's a little bit younger.
00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:22.160
He's probably three, two or three, right in between two and three.
00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:24.480
And then you got Riley, who's right around one or two.
00:28:24.640 --> 00:28:26.079
I shouldn't know their ages, but I don't.
00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:27.599
I'm terrible with that kind of stuff.
00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:36.480
But um, but all those kids just playing, running through the house, and PP's like, we don't run in the house constantly.
00:28:36.720 --> 00:28:37.759
That's what she does.
00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:45.599
So um, but their kids, it was fun to watch them, watch them grow up in the house, watch them get older.
00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:51.519
Uh, you know, some of them are young, young, so we had they didn't have the opportunity to grow up in that house like some of the other ones have.
00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:59.200
And you start thinking about Trey, you start talking about KK, Silas, Riker, Riley, Lawson, Hadley, Ellie, Jordan.
00:28:59.839 --> 00:29:04.480
All of those kids are a piece of that home.
00:29:05.519 --> 00:29:07.759
That was started in that house.
00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:14.640
And it just takes me back to that's that's the people that were there.
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:18.880
That's why the home is a home.
00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:20.640
It's not the house that you're living in.
00:29:20.880 --> 00:29:24.880
Not because of the people that's inside there.
00:29:25.039 --> 00:29:29.119
And those are the people that help build that home.
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:32.400
The house can stay there forever.
00:29:32.799 --> 00:29:37.200
The house, the house can get torn down tomorrow, and it's not gonna affect our home.
00:29:37.519 --> 00:29:39.519
It's not gonna affect our home.
00:29:40.240 --> 00:29:42.720
Because home is the people that were in that house.
00:29:42.960 --> 00:29:50.400
And it don't matter if we're 100 miles from each other, 600 miles from each other, the home's never gonna change.
00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:52.480
The house will.
00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:54.799
But the home will not.
00:29:55.200 --> 00:29:56.559
The home will not.
00:29:57.440 --> 00:30:03.599
Now, looking at lessons and some of the lessons I learned, the first lesson I learned was toughness.
00:30:04.079 --> 00:30:05.039
Toughness.
00:30:05.200 --> 00:30:08.240
My daddy taught us early on that you gotta be tough.
00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:14.160
You gotta defend yourself, you gotta stand up for what's right, you don't let anybody push you around.
00:30:14.319 --> 00:30:18.000
And if anybody throws the first punch, you better finish it.
00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:20.640
Never taught us violence.
00:30:20.960 --> 00:30:23.039
He taught us to protect ourselves.
00:30:23.599 --> 00:30:28.000
And if you threw the first punch, you're gonna get your butt tore up.
00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:29.519
It's that simple.
00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:38.000
He did not believe in violence, he did not believe in aggression towards other people, but he believed in defending yourself.
00:30:38.160 --> 00:30:50.880
And he taught us at an early age that we earn respect, we deserve respect, and that when we got disrespected, you handled your business.
00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:54.319
Like I said, if you threw the first punch, it was on.
00:30:56.079 --> 00:30:57.440
That was a green light.
00:30:57.599 --> 00:30:58.960
You punch me, it was on.
00:30:59.200 --> 00:31:00.319
Green light, go.
00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:01.920
And that's how it worked.
00:31:02.160 --> 00:31:11.200
But now, if I threw the first punch when I got home, I was gonna take a way worse beating than I gave to that person I punched first, I can tell you.
00:31:11.680 --> 00:31:14.960
Yeah, my daddy was tough on that, but he taught us to be tough.
00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:22.000
He taught us that there's a difference between an injury or being hurt and having an injury.
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:27.599
You know, he taught us that sometimes you gotta keep going even when you don't want to.
00:31:28.240 --> 00:31:31.119
You know, you gotta he he taught us all that type of stuff.
00:31:31.279 --> 00:31:34.000
He taught us that it's okay to not be okay.
00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:44.960
Or they did, mama did, because of her biblical belief and her religion, her her religion, and her trust in God and her example of loving people.
00:31:45.119 --> 00:31:50.880
We were taught that it's okay to not be okay, that broken people are still people.
00:31:51.680 --> 00:31:57.440
And the way you fix broken people is through the Lord Jesus Christ.
00:31:58.720 --> 00:32:05.920
The way you fix broken people is you pray for
them, you serve them, you show them God's love so that they want to experience in themselves.
00:32:06.799 --> 00:32:11.119
That's one of the things we learned to be tough.
00:32:11.359 --> 00:32:13.279
It's okay to not be okay.
00:32:14.079 --> 00:32:15.039
Loyalty.
00:32:15.920 --> 00:32:18.079
Love your family, loyalty.
00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:19.440
Family matters.
00:32:19.599 --> 00:32:20.720
You stick together.
00:32:21.200 --> 00:32:23.039
Those are things that we were taught.
00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:26.799
We were taught that kindness, we were taught to be kind to people.
00:32:27.200 --> 00:32:36.400
I speak to almost everybody I pass in a grocery store, uh, Walmart, at the golf course, I speak to pretty much everybody because I was taught to be kind.
00:32:38.079 --> 00:32:39.920
I was taught to be approachable.
00:32:41.200 --> 00:32:46.319
I was taught that I'm not better than anybody, that I'm a broken person.
00:32:50.079 --> 00:32:54.559
And that the only reason I have the stuff I have is because the good Lord chose to give it to me.
00:32:57.920 --> 00:32:59.200
Work ethic.
00:33:02.160 --> 00:33:08.160
I was taught you work, you go to work every day, you be the best version of yourself you can possibly be.
00:33:08.240 --> 00:33:12.480
You work your tail off, you provide for your family, you do all those things.
00:33:12.640 --> 00:33:13.839
And it started early.
00:33:13.920 --> 00:33:17.519
Because I I mean I had 13 years of perfect attendance in school.
00:33:17.759 --> 00:33:19.920
13 years of perfect attendance.
00:33:20.559 --> 00:33:23.039
My mama instilled that in me early.
00:33:23.680 --> 00:33:26.640
That you show up and you do your job.
00:33:26.799 --> 00:33:29.359
And for 13 years, my job was to get an education.
00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:30.559
Was I good at it?
00:33:30.799 --> 00:33:31.119
No.
00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:34.480
I was not good at school.
00:33:34.720 --> 00:33:36.480
I was terrible at school.
00:33:36.799 --> 00:33:38.480
Like, I wasn't a terrible kid.
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:40.799
I didn't misbehave and act up.
00:33:41.119 --> 00:33:43.920
But I was terrible at school itself.
00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:45.839
Just not a good student.
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:47.200
I wasn't very smart.
00:33:47.279 --> 00:33:49.200
I had to work for everything I got.
00:33:50.720 --> 00:33:52.559
And but my mom made me go.
00:33:52.640 --> 00:33:53.680
She made me show up.
00:33:53.839 --> 00:33:58.559
And the difference it made with me and the relationship with my teachers was amazing.
00:33:58.720 --> 00:34:02.480
They were willing to help me because they knew I was going to be there giving them my best effort.
00:34:02.799 --> 00:34:07.119
Some of my greatest memories are in school as a kid.
00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:12.639
Pam Cook, my sixth grade teacher, meanest lady I've ever met in my life.
00:34:13.440 --> 00:34:18.000
She cornered me one day in her office and she let me have it because I was being a little smart at it.
00:34:18.239 --> 00:34:21.679
She changed my life that day in sixth grade.
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:23.679
Changed my life.
00:34:25.599 --> 00:34:29.280
She made me realize that I could be more than what I was being.
00:34:29.519 --> 00:34:33.199
She made me realize that I could be better than what I was.
00:34:33.440 --> 00:34:38.320
And she made me realize that people like her believed in me.
00:34:40.800 --> 00:34:42.480
And that says a lot.
00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:48.480
But if I'd have missed that day of school, I never would have got that.
00:34:49.039 --> 00:35:01.519
If my mama wasn't persistent in making sure I was there every day because she wanted me to have good work ethics, she wanted me to show up, she wanted me to know the importance of priorities, and she wanted me to know that stuff.
00:35:01.760 --> 00:35:08.320
If I'd have missed that day of school, I'd have missed an opportunity for Pam Cook to change my life.
00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:17.039
And every day I'm so thankful for what Pam Cook said to me that day.
00:35:17.199 --> 00:35:20.079
I'm so thankful for everything she did for me.
00:35:20.239 --> 00:35:24.400
She made learning fun.
00:35:26.559 --> 00:35:28.719
And not just fun, but she made it real.
00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:31.760
Like she involved us in real stuff.
00:35:34.000 --> 00:35:35.920
Cans on experiences.
00:35:36.800 --> 00:35:42.880
And she took kids like me that weren't good students and took turned us into kids that love school.
00:35:43.199 --> 00:35:47.119
I don't read, but I read for her because she taught me a love for books.
00:35:47.360 --> 00:35:51.360
Because she went out and found books that I would enjoy.
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:54.960
Gary Pulse and the River, best book I've ever read.
00:35:55.119 --> 00:35:58.719
Gary Puls and The Hatchet, loved it because that was on my level.
00:35:58.800 --> 00:35:59.760
That was me.
00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:03.039
That was the life I wanted to live.
00:36:03.360 --> 00:36:05.119
And I'm so thankful for that.
00:36:05.199 --> 00:36:18.400
But if I'd have missed it, if my parents wouldn't have instilled work ethic in me, if they wouldn't have instilled how important it is to show up, how attendance matters, I could have missed that day of school, and I'd be a knucklehead.
00:36:19.679 --> 00:36:20.639
So thankful.
00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:22.159
So thankful for that.
00:36:22.400 --> 00:36:23.360
Sympathy.
00:36:23.519 --> 00:36:25.760
You know, my family was sympathetic.
00:36:26.079 --> 00:36:29.840
My mama loved people, cared for people.
00:36:30.159 --> 00:36:31.440
I don't believe in empathy.
00:36:31.519 --> 00:36:32.400
And I say this all the time.
00:36:32.559 --> 00:36:33.679
People look at me kind of funny.
00:36:33.840 --> 00:36:35.360
I don't believe in empathy.
00:36:35.599 --> 00:36:37.920
And I told Trey this yesterday over the telephone.
00:36:38.000 --> 00:36:39.920
We had a good conversation yesterday.
00:36:40.159 --> 00:36:47.920
And um he's like, man, I feel so bad that I didn't realize how hard it was to lose a parent.
00:36:48.079 --> 00:36:50.960
I wish I would have been there more for you when you lost your dad.
00:36:51.119 --> 00:36:52.480
And I'm like, Trey, man.
00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:53.920
I said, that's I said, no, no, no.
00:36:54.079 --> 00:36:55.119
I said, no, no, no.
00:36:55.360 --> 00:36:58.000
I said, you did everything you were supposed to do.
00:36:58.159 --> 00:37:00.000
You were there if I needed you.
00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:02.159
And I didn't reach out to you.
00:37:02.880 --> 00:37:06.400
I said, so you did what you were supposed to do.
00:37:06.480 --> 00:37:08.880
And I told him, I said, I don't believe in this sympathy thing.
00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:10.320
I mean, this empathy thing.
00:37:10.480 --> 00:37:11.679
I don't believe in empathy.
00:37:11.760 --> 00:37:12.719
I just don't.
00:37:12.960 --> 00:37:22.239
Because me losing my dad, the feelings that I had aren't the same, that same feelings that Trey and Cassidy are feeling when losing their mom.
00:37:22.639 --> 00:37:27.360
And they're not going to be the same feelings they have when they're losing that when they lose their dad.
00:37:28.079 --> 00:37:30.320
They may feel totally different than I do.
00:37:30.400 --> 00:37:35.920
So I don't have empathy for them because I don't know what they're going through.
00:37:36.480 --> 00:37:38.239
Do I feel sorry for them?
00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:39.679
Do I love them?
00:37:39.920 --> 00:37:41.360
Do I appreciate them?
00:37:41.519 --> 00:37:43.599
Do I want them to know that I'm here for them?
00:37:43.840 --> 00:37:46.320
Do I want them to know that I care about them and their family?
00:37:46.480 --> 00:37:47.599
Do I want all that?
00:37:47.840 --> 00:37:48.480
Yes.
00:37:49.119 --> 00:37:54.960
But what I don't want is for them to think that I know how they feel because I don't.
00:37:55.679 --> 00:38:03.199
And sometimes when people say they know how I feel, I think it's, I honestly don't like it because you don't.
00:38:03.440 --> 00:38:05.039
You don't know how I feel.
00:38:05.280 --> 00:38:07.280
I don't know how they feel.
00:38:07.840 --> 00:38:15.679
And to even insinuate that sometimes is almost like a smack in the face because you don't know how I feel.
00:38:16.000 --> 00:38:21.199
You might have been in a similar situation, but it doesn't mean you know how I feel.
00:38:22.559 --> 00:38:24.320
And that's what I told Trey.
00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:26.719
And I'm like, dude, I'm here for you.
00:38:26.960 --> 00:38:27.840
I love you.
00:38:28.079 --> 00:38:29.360
I care about you.
00:38:29.519 --> 00:38:38.480
Whatever you need, you, Cassie, Rand, any of the kids, whatever you need, I'm here.
00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:40.719
I'm here.
00:38:40.800 --> 00:38:42.400
And I'm gonna support you.
00:38:43.840 --> 00:38:46.880
And that was instilled in me.
00:38:47.119 --> 00:38:49.280
Sympathy was instilled in me.
00:38:49.679 --> 00:38:51.920
That you care
about people.
00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:54.239
You care about their feelings.
00:38:55.039 --> 00:38:57.360
You help them when they need help.
00:38:57.760 --> 00:39:01.119
But empathy for me is not not real, it's non-existent.
00:39:02.800 --> 00:39:04.320
And that's just my thought.
00:39:04.400 --> 00:39:06.400
And a lot of people are gonna disagree with that.
00:39:06.559 --> 00:39:09.199
A lot of people are probably gonna be unhappy about that.
00:39:09.519 --> 00:39:10.639
But it is what it is.
00:39:10.719 --> 00:39:15.519
I'm not worried about it because that's how I feel personally.
00:39:15.840 --> 00:39:17.440
That's how I feel.
00:39:18.239 --> 00:39:20.400
And then we talk about friendships.
00:39:20.559 --> 00:39:28.320
And my parents did a phenomenal job of demonstrating friendships.
00:39:29.360 --> 00:39:31.679
People that they surrounded themselves with.
00:39:33.039 --> 00:39:39.519
And I talked about Tonda Bailey earlier and her passing away yesterday.
00:39:39.599 --> 00:39:43.119
And I talked about Les and Cassie Les and Cassie, who are married now.
00:39:43.360 --> 00:39:48.559
And I talked about Trey and Cassie, who were two of my best friends growing up from the time I was a little little.
00:39:48.639 --> 00:39:51.280
Like I don't remember a time without them, honestly.
00:39:51.519 --> 00:39:55.519
And well, I do remember a time without Trey, but I don't remember a time without Cassie.
00:39:55.679 --> 00:39:58.320
Me and Cassie were peasing a pod our whole life.
00:39:58.639 --> 00:39:59.679
All the way through high school.
00:39:59.760 --> 00:40:02.000
We were just dick as thieves.
00:40:02.320 --> 00:40:12.400
And um, and I think about those relationships because Tonda was one of my mom's best friends, like very close friends.
00:40:12.559 --> 00:40:15.920
And they spent a lot of time together, and we grew up together.
00:40:16.159 --> 00:40:18.079
And I got to witness that friendship.
00:40:18.159 --> 00:40:20.800
And then you talk about like Gay and John Mathis.
00:40:20.960 --> 00:40:23.280
That's mom, one of mama's best friends.
00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:25.119
Um, Holly Hartell.
00:40:25.360 --> 00:40:32.320
I got to see those relationships that my mom had, and I got to see how friendships are supposed to work.
00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:35.840
It's a give-take, it's not a take, take, take, it's a give take.
00:40:36.079 --> 00:40:37.760
And I got to watch them interact.
00:40:37.840 --> 00:40:40.239
I got to see that those friendships together.
00:40:40.480 --> 00:40:47.840
Ken Bolin and my dad, Gon Hopper and my dad, um, or Gon Hopper and my whole family.
00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:53.920
Just I got to see what real friendships and real relationships look like.
00:40:54.159 --> 00:41:00.800
If you're in a friendship and all you do is give, give, give, give, give, then that's not a friendship.
00:41:01.599 --> 00:41:02.639
It's not a friendship.
00:41:02.800 --> 00:41:04.400
Friendships are give-take.
00:41:04.639 --> 00:41:08.400
You give when you gotta give, and you take when you got to take.
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:15.440
And you invest in each other and you make each other better, and you're there for each other all the time.
00:41:15.599 --> 00:41:17.519
And I got to witness that.
00:41:17.840 --> 00:41:20.639
I got to witness how important friendships were.
00:41:20.800 --> 00:41:29.679
And that's why I still have relationships with the people I grew up with because friendships matter.
00:41:31.280 --> 00:41:35.280
Dusty Evans, my best friend's growing up, we still talk to this day.
00:41:35.599 --> 00:41:46.239
We spent, I don't know if there was a day, a weekend we weren't together from the time we hit high school until we graduated.
00:41:46.480 --> 00:41:47.519
And even college.
00:41:47.679 --> 00:41:50.960
I mean, I'd go see him at school, he'd come home, we'd hang out.
00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:54.880
I don't even know if there was a a weekend that we didn't spend time together.
00:41:54.960 --> 00:41:55.599
We were that close.
00:41:55.760 --> 00:42:00.320
Bo Eastler, just a great friend of mine.
00:42:00.559 --> 00:42:02.960
Somebody I have so much respect for.
00:42:03.280 --> 00:42:09.199
Somebody that, like I said, I just, I mean, I still I still talk to him this day.
00:42:09.360 --> 00:42:10.320
We still keep in touch.
00:42:10.400 --> 00:42:12.079
We still check in on each other.
00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:14.639
He's got a son now playing baseball at Broom.
00:42:14.719 --> 00:42:16.960
He's a good athlete, probably better than his daddy was.
00:42:17.199 --> 00:42:19.199
His daddy was a dang good athlete.
00:42:19.440 --> 00:42:22.000
Um, and then I had like Ben Pettit.
00:42:22.079 --> 00:42:26.000
You know, Ben Pettit moved off, and when he graduated college, we still stayed in touch.
00:42:26.079 --> 00:42:27.280
We still talked constantly.
00:42:27.440 --> 00:42:30.239
Not constantly, but we we talked a couple of times a year.
00:42:30.400 --> 00:42:32.639
He's finally back in cow pens now.
00:42:32.960 --> 00:42:37.119
And I got the opportunity to talk to him yesterday for a little while.
00:42:37.440 --> 00:42:42.880
And Thomas Volker, um, friends from college.
00:42:42.960 --> 00:42:44.639
Like we got a podcast coming up.
00:42:44.880 --> 00:42:50.239
Episode 13 is gonna be um about our experience in North Greenville.
00:42:50.400 --> 00:42:54.159
That's Andy Vaughn, Scott Altre, Nate Luke, Travis Plowden.
00:42:54.320 --> 00:42:56.000
Travis Plowden's on the next podcast.
00:42:56.159 --> 00:42:56.960
Episode 12.
00:42:57.119 --> 00:43:00.079
We did the history of South Carolina called Battle Tested.
00:43:00.239 --> 00:43:05.679
These are guys that my parents emulated friendship so that I knew how to have those.
00:43:05.920 --> 00:43:14.079
And I learned so much about friendship inside those walls that it carried itself with me.
00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:16.559
And I'm so thankful for that.
00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:23.039
And then the one
thing that I learned, the most important thing I learned was love.
00:43:24.880 --> 00:43:29.039
That they didn't love me because of what I what I offered them.
00:43:29.679 --> 00:43:32.400
They didn't love me for what I could do for them.
00:43:32.639 --> 00:43:36.639
They didn't love me just because I mean when I behaved like I was supposed to.
00:43:36.880 --> 00:43:39.440
They loved me unconditionally all the time.
00:43:39.679 --> 00:43:42.719
If I screwed up, they still loved me.
00:43:43.199 --> 00:43:46.159
If I made a mess, they still love me.
00:43:46.800 --> 00:43:52.800
If I did something I wasn't supposed to, not one time did I ever doubt my parents weren't gonna love me.
00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:55.920
My sister, we talked about it, she had a hard time.
00:43:56.079 --> 00:43:57.519
She made some bad decisions.
00:43:57.760 --> 00:43:59.760
If you know her today, it's hard probably to it's probably.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:02.239
Hard to believe that because she's such a good person.
00:44:02.559 --> 00:44:03.760
Now she's a little fiery.
00:44:03.840 --> 00:44:05.360
She ain't gonna put up with your junk.
00:44:05.599 --> 00:44:11.199
She will definitely um come at you if she has to come at you.
00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:15.280
But she's not who she used to be.
00:44:16.400 --> 00:44:24.400
And even when she was going through her rough stages and she was doing some stuff she wasn't supposed to do, my parents loved her anyway.
00:44:25.199 --> 00:44:27.360
My parents prayed for her constantly.
00:44:27.599 --> 00:44:30.239
My mama did, my daddy prayed too.
00:44:31.199 --> 00:44:37.199
But love in our family was not based on merit or based on who you were or based on what you could do for the family.
00:44:37.440 --> 00:44:40.000
Love was there because they chose to love.
00:44:40.880 --> 00:44:42.159
And that's how I operate here.
00:44:42.320 --> 00:44:43.920
Lawson is a knucklehead.
00:44:44.159 --> 00:44:49.360
And if I base my love for him off of how he acted, he wouldn't have much love.
00:44:49.679 --> 00:44:50.800
But I don't.
00:44:51.039 --> 00:44:54.000
Because I love him unconditionally no matter what he does.
00:44:54.159 --> 00:44:57.519
I will always love him, no matter what decisions he makes.
00:44:57.760 --> 00:45:01.760
Same thing with Hadley, same thing with Ellie, same thing with Jordan.
00:45:02.480 --> 00:45:06.159
My love is not based on what you can do for me.
00:45:06.400 --> 00:45:14.400
My love is based on the fact that I'm choosing to love you all the time and I always will.
00:45:15.199 --> 00:45:16.559
And my kids know that.
00:45:16.800 --> 00:45:18.719
My kids know their daddy loves him.
00:45:19.280 --> 00:45:27.679
Because I make sure I tell them it gets on their nerves all the time, but there's not a day that goes by that I'm not gonna let my kids know I care and love about them.
00:45:27.840 --> 00:45:28.239
Period.
00:45:28.320 --> 00:45:29.920
It's not gonna happen.
00:45:30.960 --> 00:45:33.119
And
so I was taught how to love unconditionally.
00:45:33.199 --> 00:45:36.960
I was taught that love isn't based on your merit.
00:45:37.039 --> 00:45:41.199
It's not based on what you provide, it's not based on how you act.
00:45:41.360 --> 00:45:42.400
Love is love.
00:45:42.880 --> 00:45:48.559
And no matter what, because I've watched it, my mama loved my daddy through, you don't even know.
00:45:48.800 --> 00:45:53.039
My daddy, when he was an alcoholic, did some stupid crazy stuff.
00:45:53.199 --> 00:45:55.599
And my mama loved him anyway.
00:45:56.559 --> 00:46:01.679
Me and Trey were talking yesterday about his mom and the passing of his mom, and it's all fresh.
00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:19.199
And you know, I know he's having a hard time, and I appreciate him giving me time to talk to him for a little while, and and just the conversation, and we were like, it's that you it's Penny and Jeff, it's Rand and Tonda, it's Les and Sandra, it's Donnie and Pam.
00:46:19.519 --> 00:46:27.119
It's I mean, those were just staples in our life.
00:46:28.880 --> 00:46:30.880
Those were staples in our life.
00:46:31.199 --> 00:46:35.920
And you don't remember a day there wasn't a Tonda and Rand.
00:46:36.000 --> 00:46:39.039
You don't remember a day there wasn't a Jeff and Penny.
00:46:39.119 --> 00:46:48.079
You don't remember a day when there wasn't a Sandra and Les Duggins or a Donnie and Pam Evans or a Pat and Mark Volcker.
00:46:48.400 --> 00:46:52.000
You don't remember days when that wasn't what it was.
00:46:55.760 --> 00:47:00.480
And it just Love.
00:47:01.679 --> 00:47:05.199
You have to love through every circumstance.
00:47:06.000 --> 00:47:09.199
You can't base your love off of somebody else's value.
00:47:11.440 --> 00:47:15.760
And these people have done that forever, and we talked about that on the phone with Trey yesterday.
00:47:15.920 --> 00:47:20.320
Just how much you know, he's like, I just wanted to say goodbye.
00:47:20.480 --> 00:47:22.559
I get it, I get it.
00:47:25.280 --> 00:47:31.039
But your mama knew she loved her, your mama knew you loved her unconditionally.
00:47:35.440 --> 00:47:40.639
And that's what was taught in my home as well as those other homes that we're talking about.
00:47:42.239 --> 00:47:43.920
That's what real love looks like.
00:47:44.239 --> 00:47:46.320
You want to see a real you want to see real love?
00:47:46.719 --> 00:47:49.199
Because I know Donnie Evans is a knucklehead sometimes.
00:47:49.360 --> 00:47:51.199
Donnie Evans, I love him to death.
00:47:51.440 --> 00:47:54.800
But he's a knucklehead sometimes, so Pam had to put up with some junk.
00:47:57.360 --> 00:47:58.239
But you know what?
00:47:58.400 --> 00:48:01.360
She loves him, and she's loved him through it all.
00:48:04.559 --> 00:48:05.920
Loved him through it all.
00:48:06.079 --> 00:48:07.199
That's what love looks like.
00:48:07.360 --> 00:48:08.719
Sandra and Les Duggins.
00:48:08.880 --> 00:48:11.360
Les Duggins, one of the kindest people I ever met.
00:48:12.639 --> 00:48:13.440
That's love.
00:48:13.599 --> 00:48:14.719
Sandra and Les Duggins.
00:48:14.800 --> 00:48:15.760
Ran and Tonda.
00:48:16.000 --> 00:48:17.199
Rand is hilarious.
00:48:17.440 --> 00:48:19.280
He's one of the funniest people I know.
00:48:19.840 --> 00:48:20.800
But that's love.
00:48:20.960 --> 00:48:22.559
Ran and Tonda were love.
00:48:23.519 --> 00:48:25.840
And they probably had their ups and downs.
00:48:26.239 --> 00:48:28.079
They probably went through whatever.
00:48:28.320 --> 00:48:29.360
But you know what?
00:48:29.599 --> 00:48:30.320
That was love.
00:48:30.400 --> 00:48:31.360
They stuck together.
00:48:31.599 --> 00:48:34.559
My mom and daddy, they went through their ups and downs like crazy.
00:48:34.800 --> 00:48:37.039
More downs than ups, probably sometimes.
00:48:37.280 --> 00:48:39.119
But my mama loved him unconditionally.
00:48:39.199 --> 00:48:43.280
My daddy loved her unconditionally and pushed through it.
00:48:44.000 --> 00:48:46.960
And I got to witness that inside those walls.
00:48:47.280 --> 00:48:48.559
Inside those walls.
00:48:48.719 --> 00:48:52.719
Because those people that I just talked about were fixtures in our home.
00:48:53.760 --> 00:48:56.079
We were fixtures in their home.
00:48:58.159 --> 00:49:00.719
Because we were friends, and friendship mattered.
00:49:00.960 --> 00:49:02.400
Love mattered.
00:49:03.199 --> 00:49:08.079
And now we're going to get to the point where I've kind of talked to you about the people that was in the home.
00:49:08.239 --> 00:49:11.599
I've talked to you about the lessons that I learned from the home.
00:49:11.920 --> 00:49:14.400
And hopefully some of those lessons mean something to you too.
00:49:14.480 --> 00:49:16.719
I'm sure there's things that your family instilled in you.
00:49:16.800 --> 00:49:23.119
But now we're going to talk about the circumstances that leading up to us getting rid of our home.
00:49:23.440 --> 00:49:25.679
And those circumstances are pretty simple.
00:49:26.559 --> 00:49:27.760
My mom and dad were married.
00:49:27.840 --> 00:49:28.719
We moved to that house.
00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:30.480
My dad got sick.
00:49:31.039 --> 00:49:32.079
He had mouth cancer.
00:49:32.159 --> 00:49:34.800
They did, or he actually had a stroke a long time ago.
00:49:36.079 --> 00:49:37.679
And he was handicapped.
00:49:37.760 --> 00:49:41.519
So mama was a caregiver while working full-time.
00:49:42.159 --> 00:49:46.559
Daddy would then later be diagnosed with some mouth cancer and some lung cancer.
00:49:46.880 --> 00:49:48.800
He had surgery on his mouth.
00:49:52.639 --> 00:49:55.199
Got him back reconstructive mouth surgery and that kind of stuff.
00:49:55.280 --> 00:50:01.519
And then we found out later that he had he had lung cancer.
00:50:01.840 --> 00:50:05.760
And he was to the point at that time that he's like, you know what?
00:50:05.920 --> 00:50:07.519
I'm just going to live my life.
00:50:07.679 -->
00:50:09.760
I'm not going to not gonna worry about it.
00:50:09.920 --> 00:50:11.360
Whatever happens, happens.
00:50:11.599 --> 00:50:16.639
And so he chose to not have any, to not do chemo or anything.
00:50:16.719 --> 00:50:23.280
And honestly, I don't know if he could have, in honest opinion, chemo would have probably killed him before the cancer did.
00:50:23.440 --> 00:50:31.440
And that's just me being honest because he was after the stroke and the the mouth surgery, and he just wasn't as strong as he used to be.
00:50:31.519 --> 00:50:34.320
He wasn't as active as he used to be.
00:50:34.480 --> 00:50:34.960
Just couldn't be.
00:50:35.039 --> 00:50:35.920
He wasn't his self.
00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:42.000
So the chemo and and those kind of radiology probably would have got him before the cancer got him.
00:50:42.320 --> 00:50:45.199
So they decided that Daddy just, Daddy was like, no, I'm just done with it.
00:50:45.440 --> 00:50:48.480
So you know, I'll never forget.
00:50:48.639 --> 00:50:49.840
I was getting up.
00:50:49.920 --> 00:50:53.119
We were going to Westminster to sell that morning on a Saturday morning.
00:50:53.360 --> 00:51:00.960
Um we were going to Westminster to sell and got a phone call from my sister.
00:51:01.599 --> 00:51:02.800
She's like, Daddy's not doing good.
00:51:02.880 --> 00:51:04.400
You need to get home, you need to get home.
00:51:04.719 --> 00:51:10.800
So I put on Facebook events canceled, got in the shower, got my clothes on before I could even get out the door.
00:51:12.000 --> 00:51:16.159
My sister called me again and said daddy had passed away before I could even get back home.
00:51:16.880 --> 00:51:18.880
Um it was unexpected.
00:51:18.960 --> 00:51:20.480
We didn't know that he was gonna die.
00:51:20.639 --> 00:51:25.360
We knew he had cancer, but we didn't but he wasn't like in a downward spiral or anything like that.
00:51:25.599 --> 00:51:33.599
So um so he just kind of ended up passing away at home.
00:51:33.920 --> 00:51:39.840
Um I went over as quick as I could, spent some time with my mom, my sister, and my family.
00:51:40.079 --> 00:51:43.760
And and at that point, dad was gone.
00:51:44.880 --> 00:51:49.760
And now you're talking about somebody who's been with my my mom had been with my dad her whole life.
00:51:50.000 --> 00:51:55.280
My dad my mom was with my dad longer than she wasn't, if that makes sense.
00:51:55.519 --> 00:52:00.639
And that's crazy to think about, especially today, because marriages don't last that long these days.
00:52:00.800 --> 00:52:02.960
People get divorced over stupid stuff a lot of times.
00:52:03.199 --> 00:52:04.239
And I'm guilty of that.
00:52:04.320 --> 00:52:08.960
Me and Christy, we divorced, so I'm not throwing stones because I am a part of that statistic.
00:52:09.280 --> 00:52:15.599
Um, but now mama's at a point where she's been a caregiver and a wife her whole life.
00:52:15.920 --> 00:52:24.159
And there's a drastic change in my mom, her demeanor, the way she carries herself, the way she acts.
00:52:24.320 --> 00:52:31.920
There's a big change, like very short, very, just you can tell she's missing a huge part of herself.
00:52:32.559 --> 00:52:35.199
And she was struggling with how to find it again.
00:52:35.679 --> 00:52:41.519
And so, you know, she's always been strong in her faith, but she went through a rough spell.
00:52:41.679 --> 00:52:45.199
And she she'll she I don't know if she'd admit it or not, but she went through a rough spell.
00:52:45.360 --> 00:52:47.039
And it took a toll on our family.
00:52:47.280 --> 00:52:53.039
A lot of division in our family, not her causing the division, but stuff around it.
00:52:53.280 --> 00:52:56.480
A lot of division in our family between our nieces and stuff like that.
00:52:56.639 --> 00:53:04.159
And um, church was a big issue at that time, so that weighed on her because she's she loves Calpin's first Baptist, she loves that church.
00:53:04.320 --> 00:53:23.599
Uh, just a lot of stuff around her, along with losing my dead, not being a caregiver anymore, being by herself, all these things kind of just loaded on top of her.
00:53:24.239 --> 00:53:26.639
And she did start to change.
00:53:28.159 --> 00:53:32.400
Uh you know, she did get more irritable, stuff like that.
00:53:32.559 --> 00:53:33.920
But I mean, what do you expect?
00:53:34.159 --> 00:53:36.639
Life changed drastically for her in a hurry.
00:53:37.280 --> 00:53:46.159
And luckily, Guyne Hopper, who's now my stepdad, um, they've been friends their whole life.
00:53:46.320 --> 00:53:52.000
And we had a birthday party for mom, and I called Guy and I said, Hey man, I'd love for you to come to this thing.
00:53:52.239 --> 00:53:57.519
Uh, I know mama loves you and cares about you as a friend, and I know she'd be happy to see you.
00:53:57.920 --> 00:54:03.599
And they had been talking a little bit, we think we don't know all the details, and I don't really care.
00:54:04.079 --> 00:54:19.360
Uh, but this is post-dead, and you know, so I invite Guy into this thing, and then all of a sudden this thing starts to take off, and her and mom, him and mama start spending time together, they start eating supper together, they start hanging out a little bit.
00:54:19.599 --> 00:54:25.280
She starts going to the shop and saying hey, and he starts coming over at night to hang out and watch TV.
00:54:25.440 --> 00:54:28.639
And Guy's going through a lot too at that time.
00:54:28.800 --> 00:54:30.000
Uh just different stuff.
00:54:30.079 --> 00:54:31.760
I'm not going into any details on that.
00:54:31.840 --> 00:54:37.920
So both of them are in a spot where they need something in somebody.
00:54:38.639 --> 00:54:42.480
And it couldn't have been a better situation because we love Guy.
00:54:42.719 --> 00:54:44.239
We've always loved Guine.
00:54:44.800 --> 00:54:47.519
He's always been a part of our family from a long time ago.
00:54:47.679 --> 00:54:49.039
He was one of Daddy's best
friends.
00:54:49.119 --> 00:54:53.760
I mean, I remember when I was a kid going hunting and fishing with him and Daddy for weeks at a time.
00:54:54.719 --> 00:54:57.039
So he's always been a staple in our life.
00:54:57.280 --> 00:55:00.159
So it couldn't have worked out any better for us because we were familiar with him.
00:55:00.239 --> 00:55:01.360
We knew his heart.
00:55:01.519 --> 00:55:06.480
We knew how he how he cared about people, we knew his background, we knew his family.
00:55:06.639 --> 00:55:09.840
So it all just kind of worked out perfectly for us.
00:55:10.159 --> 00:55:17.840
And so it was kind of like the knight in shining armor, guy and hopper comes rolling up on his horse and just kind of sweeps my mama off her feet.
00:55:18.000 --> 00:55:23.280
And I couldn't be more happy, just to be honest with you.
00:55:24.079 --> 00:55:25.840
I'm ecstatic about it.
00:55:26.159 --> 00:55:28.480
Because he's such a good person.
00:55:29.039 --> 00:55:30.719
He's so good for her.
00:55:31.199 --> 00:55:35.920
She needs that companionship, she needs that relationship element.
00:55:36.719 --> 00:55:43.840
And they got to each other in a perfect time for both of them, to where they both needed something, and they found each other.
00:55:44.239 --> 00:55:46.719
And so that kind of moves us to where we are now.
00:55:46.800 --> 00:55:49.199
They ended up getting married not too long ago.
00:55:49.920 --> 00:55:55.760
Um, got married at Gines Church, and then we did the reception at Calpins First Baptist.
00:55:55.920 --> 00:56:02.400
Guine's at the Methodist Church, I think, across the street from, I think it's a Methodist church, right across the street from Hardy's and Calpins.
00:56:02.639 --> 00:56:05.039
So they got married in that beautiful sanctuary.
00:56:05.280 --> 00:56:09.360
If you've never been in there, it's outdated and rustic, but it is beautiful.
00:56:09.519 --> 00:56:11.039
That is a beautiful church.
00:56:11.280 --> 00:56:13.840
Um, I'd never been there before in my life.
00:56:13.920 --> 00:56:16.800
And then we did the wedding there, and it is, it is absolutely beautiful.
00:56:16.960 --> 00:56:19.920
Stunning, stunning, stunning, stunning sanctuary.
00:56:20.159 --> 00:56:22.639
Um, and then they got married.
00:56:22.800 --> 00:56:25.039
And then, you know, when you get married, things change.
00:56:25.199 --> 00:56:26.079
You got to move.
00:56:26.320 --> 00:56:34.480
Well, mama moved in with Guyne because Guine's got a bigger house, better house, more land, all that kind of good stuff, just to being honest with you.
00:56:34.639 --> 00:56:36.400
So mama moved in with Guyne.
00:56:36.480 --> 00:56:39.119
And then that left mama's house just sitting there.
00:56:39.679 --> 00:56:46.639
So for the past couple of weeks for the past couple of months, we've been trying to figure out what we're gonna do because the house don't need to just sit there vacant.
00:56:46.800 --> 00:56:59.519
There's too much rip raff in the
area, there's too much stuff in there, that people could just the way squatters work these days, just we felt like something needed to be done.
00:56:59.760 --> 00:57:02.239
And so we decided we were gonna try to sell the house.
00:57:02.320 --> 00:57:04.320
So we've getting the we're in the process of doing that.
00:57:04.480 --> 00:57:05.599
She's already got a buyer.
00:57:05.760 --> 00:57:12.480
We're just they're giving us time to get all of our stuff out, and then they're gonna find a lot of details and do some remodeling and get themselves in there and all.
00:57:12.639 --> 00:57:16.559
But it just came to a point where we have to sell that, we need to sell the house.
00:57:16.800 --> 00:57:21.199
Like we could have kept it, and my family could have stayed there when we came over, but why?
00:57:21.440 --> 00:57:27.599
There's no need to keep a house for five people that comes over three or four times a year and spends the night.
00:57:27.760 --> 00:57:28.880
There's no need to do that.
00:57:29.119 --> 00:57:33.519
And you could have leased it, but then you gotta worry about all the stuff that goes along with leasing a house.
00:57:33.760 --> 00:57:35.360
Something tears up, you're responsible for it.
00:57:35.519 --> 00:57:37.519
Air conditioning breaks, you're responsible for it.
00:57:37.679 --> 00:57:38.639
It's an older house.
00:57:38.800 --> 00:57:40.880
So things are going to go wrong.
00:57:41.440 --> 00:57:43.440
And you're gonna be responsible for having to fix that.
00:57:43.519 --> 00:57:47.440
And mama don't need that stress, and it's not Guy's responsibility.
00:57:47.599 --> 00:57:49.519
I live an hour and a half away.
00:57:49.760 --> 00:57:51.360
I can't manage it.
00:57:51.679 --> 00:57:55.199
So we just thought that selling was gonna be the best option.
00:57:55.519 --> 00:57:58.880
But when you get into the selling process, you just don't know.
00:58:00.159 --> 00:58:02.639
Like I had no clue how much junk we had.
00:58:02.800 --> 00:58:04.079
I mean, we were going through stuff.
00:58:04.159 --> 00:58:07.280
I've got a bag in my trailer right now that I moved home.
00:58:07.440 --> 00:58:08.559
It's got my old G.I.
00:58:08.639 --> 00:58:09.760
Joe stuff in it.
00:58:09.920 --> 00:58:17.920
I've got a box that's got all my old um um shoot micro machines in it.
00:58:18.079 --> 00:58:19.519
From when I was a kid.
00:58:19.760 --> 00:58:23.599
We found those things when we were moving, still in really good shape.
00:58:24.000 --> 00:58:27.199
I can't wait to get them out, clean them up, and let Lawson play with them.
00:58:27.360 --> 00:58:30.480
I think it's gonna be awesome when we get the opportunity to do that.
00:58:30.639 --> 00:58:33.679
And I've just got to go through some stuff, but it that's that's coming.
00:58:34.000 --> 00:58:46.719
And just the stuff we found, the pictures, the pots and pans, the stories behind different jars, the just listening to mama talk about stuff.
00:58:46.880 --> 00:58:55.280
And
it was just I haven't been there enough to help like I should have been, and I feel guilty about that.
00:58:57.599 --> 00:58:59.920
But also, mama don't ask for help.
00:59:00.239 --> 00:59:03.039
So sometimes we don't know that she needs us to help.
00:59:03.360 --> 00:59:08.880
We're just supposed to we're supposed to just know, and we don't because she's independent.
00:59:09.199 --> 00:59:10.559
She always has been.
00:59:11.039 --> 00:59:13.760
She don't need me and she don't need a man.
00:59:14.719 --> 00:59:17.039
She's independent, she can do it on her own.
00:59:18.000 --> 00:59:30.559
So sometimes she'll just forget to ask us or forget to tell us what's going on, and then we find out about it later when she tells us she's been there doing this for how many hours a day, and you feel bad, but you didn't know.
00:59:30.719 --> 00:59:40.239
Um, so so I'm going by Monday, we're gonna finish cleaning out the buildings, um, and then deal with whatever whatever else we have to deal with in cow pens.
00:59:40.559 --> 00:59:48.400
And then, you know, last thing I want to talk about is just the gratitude that I have for that, for that shell, for that house.
00:59:48.960 --> 01:00:03.039
The memories I have there, the lessons I learned, the relationships I built, the family that I've seen grow there, the lessons that I learned that turned me into who I am today.
01:00:04.000 --> 01:00:08.239
I am beyond grateful for those experiences.
01:00:09.119 --> 01:00:12.000
Beyond grateful for those experiences.
01:00:13.440 --> 01:00:22.079
I cannot thank my family, my friends, or that house enough for everything they invested in me and they instilled in me.
01:00:25.199 --> 01:00:35.599
That house will always have a place in our hearts, it'll always have a place in our memories, it'll always have a place in our story.
01:00:37.039 --> 01:00:42.880
But the great thing is that house was not home.
01:00:44.480 --> 01:00:50.880
Home is the people, the memories, and the relationships that were built there.
01:00:51.280 --> 01:00:58.559
And those will continue long after the house itself is gone.
01:01:00.079 --> 01:01:09.440
Standing out in the driveway one last time, turning the key and the ignition, and looking back in the rearview mirror, it's heavy.
01:01:09.679 --> 01:01:11.440
I'm not gonna pretend it isn't.
01:01:11.760 --> 01:01:23.599
You look at a place that held every Christmas morning, every porch conversation, every scraped knee, and every lesson that made you who you are today.
01:01:23.840 --> 01:01:25.599
And it's hard to pull away.
01:01:26.000 --> 01:01:31.280
But as I pulled off down the river drive, the weight lifted a little bit.
01:01:32.000 --> 01:01:35.199
Because I realized something clear as day.
01:01:35.440 --> 01:01:38.559
We didn't leave a single bit of our home back in that house.
01:01:38.800 --> 01:01:46.639
The walls didn't make glove, the roof didn't teach us how to stand tall when things got tough, the people inside did.
01:01:47.599 --> 01:01:49.199
My family did.
01:01:50.159 --> 01:02:02.480
And everywhere we go, every table we gather around, every fire we light, every story we pass down to our own youngins, the home lives home.
01:02:04.079 --> 01:02:12.480
If you're blessed enough to still have your family around, or if you've got an old home place you need to revisit, don't wait for a milestone to appreciate.
01:02:12.960 --> 01:02:20.559
Call your people, tell them you love them, thank the ones who poured into you, and built the foundation beneath your feet.
01:02:20.800 --> 01:02:22.480
I want to hear from y'all today.
01:02:22.719 --> 01:02:32.559
What's that one spot, that one room, or that one memory from growing up that still stays with you no matter how many miles you put between then and now?
01:02:32.960 --> 01:02:39.599
Drop a comment, shoot us a message, or share this episode with somebody who shared that childhood home with you.
01:02:39.760 --> 01:02:43.440
If this message hit home for you today, hit the subscribe button.
01:02:43.599 --> 01:02:45.280
Leave us a five-star review.
01:02:45.519 --> 01:02:49.360
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01:02:49.599 --> 01:02:56.960
Until next time, keep the fire burning, hold your family close, and remember what truly lasts.
01:02:57.199 --> 01:02:58.960
This is Jeff Chop Jordan.
01:02:59.360 --> 01:03:00.400
Sign off.
01:03:01.039 --> 01:03:02.559
You just listen to me.
01:03:03.280 --> 01:03:04.800
Come get that smoke.