Trascrizione completa di Ageing Gracefully Through Strong Relationships with Stephan and Monica Bissig

plane sometimes and feel like I actually feel like I got a handle on this for a few moments, until they're flying by the seat of their pants again, right? That feels like that, yeah. And I'm left with, wow, I was moving through all these sensations when you were talking, because you have had a hand touch so many different relationship styles across the globe, and I can't even imagine how that impacts your training and coaching. Just all that essence work and tangible stories that you can bring in learnings to everybody that you work with. So that's beautiful. 00:07:20.120 --> 00:07:37.639 So when I dropped into your laps, hey, can you two talk about how your relationship coaching and your own relationship might have been impacted through your own aging process? Can we dive into that a little bit now? 00:07:39.920 --> 00:09:08.399 Sure. So also, preparing for this podcast has been quite a reflection moment for us. So thank you, Dianne and we realized there as well, how in denial as well we were about the dynamics of approaching the aging process, but at the same time, maybe, you know, let me go back to a story that that actually resonated tremendously with us. This is from Jorge buchai, psychiatrist in Argentina, who wrote some beautiful stories. And one is about an old gentleman visiting a cemetery and seeing on the writing, such and such lived, you know, two years and three months and two weeks and such and such lived only three weeks and four more days. And he said, what happened? How terrible this is a cemetery for children. You know, they buried very, very young souls in here. What happened an epidemic of war or something? And said, Actually, no one. When the keeper of the cemetery came by said, No, this is actually in this cemetery. We decided to record only the times where people have been connected, joyful in their essence. And this is the time that we put on that tombstones. 00:09:09.000 --> 00:09:48.759 And first of all, it's it's been quite, quite impactful when, when I write the story and and the reason why we put this into the perspective of aging and relationships, is that, what we say is that relationships are there to magnify our human experience, and both in positive and negative. But if we if we can get to good relationships, healthy relationships, quality relationships that can magnify our human experience and and prolong those, those moments that we that we fully connected. 00:09:51.759 --> 00:10:20.340 Yeah, and this is something that you have to prepare, you know, like when you're gonna have a raise, you prepare for it. And and when. We're mothers, we we prepare before our child is coming, and so for eight, for a couple, and for aging, I think it's very important to to start preparing. And it doesn't matter where you are in the in the journey, you can always start to prepare. Be more conscious of what it means, what you want, and change the narrative. 00:10:20.820 --> 00:11:55.539 And it's never too late to prepare for this.

Right now, there is a very strong relationship, and we discovered this as well preparing between good relationships, especially also intimate relationships and healthy aging. There is a the longest study that's ever been done. There's a beautiful TED Talk, by the way, by Dr Robert waldinger, who's the fourth director of this longitudinal study, where it's called the Harvard study for adult development. Where they studied, they picked 724, man. Back then it was man, and they studied them for 75 years. So there were several study directors actually following the study. And the bottom line, the bottom line that came out of that study is that good relationships are the best medicine if you want for healthy aging. So the people who were happiest in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. Imagine that. Imagine that impact. Now it's not only, it's not only the sort of the relationship, besides also the quality of relationship. And in fact, what we find out also in our work with couples is that the quality of our relationship really determines the quality of our lives, and that's also a little bit of the mission that we want to carry carry into the world. 00:11:56.320 --> 00:12:33.620 It's an important one. I've got your back and the tribe. Just to point out, if you are looking at the five influencers for healthy aging, Stefan and Monica are talking into influencer number four right now, which are relationships. So this would be a great area time to before they jump into some more tips and tricks. To just point to that in your workbook and just jot down some notes, because I think we've got some good stuff coming here. So why would you, you know, you talk about the quality, and here's some of the things that I get a little frustrated about in the world. 00:12:33.799 --> 00:12:57.700 It's for both of you, is people talk theoretically up here, and we know that relationships are supposed to be healthy and that they help us and long term and in work and lots of areas of our life. But do we know some specifics, like, what is it specifically that we can be doing to make our relationships healthy and quality relationships? Well, yeah, 00:12:57.759 --> 00:13:22.639 we say, you know, relationships are done minute by minute. So it's as long you get up in the morning and you're already a different person from last night. So you it's your it's up to you to say, Okay, what's my intention today, to my to my partner, who am I going to be? What am I going to do? So and and the whole day. 00:13:19.080 --> 00:13:40.720 Interaction is okay, minute by minute. What am I choosing at this moment is, am I choosing to react or go through door A or go through door B? So those are the minute by minute micro habits that we can already start, and those make a lot of difference. 00:13:35.419 --> 00:13:41.919 Are the little steps that we take that's 00:13:41.919 --> 00:14:02.879 even before the feet on the floor moment we talk about in our tribe, about small habit

setting, and, you know, the first feet on the floor habit. What are we starting? But I feel like what you're talking to Monica is, even before we turn our feet on the floor, we have our partner or our spouse or our loved one beside us. It's that getting into the attention is that what I'm hearing, 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:15.179 yeah, like you open your eyes in the morning, and before you start, as you say, before putting your feet on the ground, you just say, Okay, what's that my intention? What is the person that I'm choosing to be today for my relationship? 00:14:15.720 --> 00:14:20.480 That's already a different shift of energy for the whole day. 00:14:20.899 --> 00:15:44.860 It's really beautiful. And in fact, in terms of these, these micro habits, as you say, I love the angle that you put it, the structure, you know, let's face it, you know, it's not a matter of being naive. The relationships, we say that relationships that work, are work. Relationships can be very messy. That can be confusing, that can be painful at stage, and it's all part of the relationships. And we all, or at least, you know, a lot of us, grew up with this story of Aladdin taking Jasmine by the hand and the magic carpet, and you know, they're flying towards the sunset and happily ever after. There, and that's how we that's how we get together in a stable couple, and then all of a sudden there's a conflict and we disagree, and oh my god, you know something is wrong with us, because it was not supposed to be that way, right? Actually, some of the most stable couples that we've been privileged to meet are the ones that are very, very good at in the cycle of, you know, being in harmony, and then being in this harmony, in conflict, and actually repairing the repairing piece. How do you actually build, rebuild, rebuild, rebuild that and making it grow, the relationship. 00:15:40.659 --> 00:15:51.100 That's the beauty that we discover. Nobody ever told us it's actually not rocket science. There are some tools that we can 00:15:52.840 --> 00:15:58.240 and I especially love that you're speaking from experience, right? 00:15:54.159 --> 00:16:45.700 We can lean into that. And there is this analogy that you brought up around the movies. And in our tribe, we talk a lot about how some of our social learning is through movies and media. And for me, relationship was learning about through Cinderella and soap operas, like all the Disney romance movies, Snow White, you name it, elbow has some kind of romantic, you know, Aura to it and and soap operas. So what does that tell you how my, you know, psyche in my 30s was around relationship, right? Yeah, and so, great point. And I just want to highlight to the tribe right now, this is also a good opportunity to reassess what we're watching and what we go to listen to when we're in distraught in our relationship. 00:16:41.799 --> 00:16:58.419 I know when I was in my early days, I would always go to the sad songs of country music when I was going through some heartache. That's not helping me get out of something. So I'll be really excited to hear some more of your tips and tricks from the two of you as well. 00:16:59.919 --> 00:17:39.740 It's it's very interesting you you make this link with the movies that we watch or the information that we take in. And in fact, there is a mantra that we discovered also, and might be the case case for you about aging, where, from a societal point of view, there is a narrative around aging being sort of the ending stage, the the the biological decay, the cognitive and there is a almost a solitude. There's a lot of loss. Time is starting to end. 00:17:34.400 --> 00:18:19.500 So this all this narrative of scarcity, if you want. And one of the things that we found particularly powerful is actually to rediscover aging as being a an opportunity by just by by the questions that we change. So an opportunity in terms of giving a new value and time and space for our souls, as you say, the souls clapping their hands to finding back to ourselves and what what we want to give to the world in a way that merely this we don't necessarily have when we're sort of in the rat race and and chasing some of the titles or accomplishments or whatever comes with it, right? 00:18:20.759 --> 00:18:43.299 Yeah. So I'm curious, because on the topic that you mentioned there around, you know, redefining the opportunity around aging, has there been any questions that you've had to tweak or re ask yourself differently, or what might be one or two of those that you've come across for your own relationship that you've had to step into or reassess? Do you have any readily available? 00:18:44.559 --> 00:19:33.920 You know, 111, fundamental question is we, is that we've we found, we found ourselves to be in is what will still be possible when we hit the 60s, the 70 what? What can I still do? Almost, with a subtitles of so much is not possible anymore, because we've heard, you know, parents aging and saying, oh, when you're going to be our age, you're going to see it's totally different. You're going to be tired. You're not going to be, you know. So that's like the narrative that will we have been listening and so and it's very human to ask that question at the same time, a more powerful question actually to ask might be, what is actually becoming possible that was not possible before just 00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:40.839 our life. Let me just bathe in that one a little bit. What can you say that one again? Stefan, 00:19:42.519 --> 00:19:49.660 absolutely so instead of asking ourselves what we usually tend to ask ourselves, what, what is still possible? 00:19:49.660 --> 00:20:01.980 What can I do with what's left is actually to switch that question around and say what new things are becoming possible they were not possible before. 00:19:57.579 --> 00:21:01.380 Mm. So now that we have this maybe different amount of time, maybe less sort of professional expectations, or I have an example.

For example, we are grandparents. Now we have a five year old grandson, and, I mean, we do things with him that we were not doing when we were parents, you know, like the other day, Stefan was saying, Do you remember having all this attention and time and play time with our girls we have with with our grandson and we and I said, No, you know, because when he comes we we have already done our all our all our things. We set everything aside, and we're just present in the moment with him playing. And those are things that you can do when you're in a different you know, you're aging in a different way, and you're and you're asking this question, so what can I do now that I couldn't do before? 00:20:57.339 --> 00:21:01.380 And this is one of the gifts? 00:21:02.519 --> 00:21:03.059 Yeah. 00:21:04.680 --> 00:21:07.319 Is that okay? Oh, go for it. Go 00:21:07.319 --> 00:21:07.920 for it, yeah, 00:21:07.980 --> 00:21:15.000 just what Monica says, always the same, like we don't. 00:21:18.359 --> 00:22:09.180 We don't. In any case, there's a relationship between aging and playfulness, and we tend to think that, you know, aging, we use the playfulness, and it doesn't need to be that way to approach it. So when last time that, as you mentioned, our grandson, when he came over, he wanted to sleep in a box, out in terrace, in a balcony, and we slept on the on the balcony. So the playfulness of that was, thought it was going to be five minutes, but yeah, he was there the whole night. So we slept out there the whole night. It was not that warm to be so anyway, so he was okay in the box. He was warm enough when I was in whatever blanket and jackets outside, because the box, I love it, the playfulness of that, so we don't need to lose that. And it's like a shot of rejuvenation. Yes, 00:22:09.180 --> 00:22:11.819 absolutely. 00:22:09.180 --> 00:22:19.980 One of the I thought, boy, I wonder how you felt when you woke up in the morning and realized, oh my gosh, we just slept on in a, you know, in a box on the on the patio for how was it 00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:30.980 actually great question. I slept much less than usual, maybe a couple of hours, but I was, I was boosted. This was life, 00:22:32.359 --> 00:22:46.779 yeah. So also, there's a sneakiness I'm hearing also around being open to experience. Would you agree with that? Is there any thing you can share around that? 00:22:46.779 --> 00:23:05.640 Because I don't know, I don't know. You know, how many people would actually say yes, yes. I'm going to sleep outside with you in that box tonight. So there's a is there a learning or a way that we can open ourselves up for some of that more yes in our life, yeah, I think 00:23:07.019 --> 00:25:12.599 like looking for in the couple, you know, the yes can be okay. Let's do something different. Let's, let's start a passion together. Do a do a class that we know nothing about together, and we're going to start from scratch so no one has the, you know already, the expertise,

so it's just those curious moments of saying, okay, maybe this is uncomfortable, but we'll do it anyway, because this can bond us together, and we can, you know, we can have joy and excitement. And so those are the yeses to say. Okay, even if it's weird, let's just, let's do it. You know, we can always say no later. But just the experience where you put it the yes and one, one of the things that we we see with a number of couples that are sort of approaching the aging stage, if you want to call it that way, is, is, is the danger of falling into a routine, into a rut, and it's action is out of the window. And basically our indica broom mates in the best of cases. So what you say about the yes, the first yes is, again, a privilege of that part of life is to say yes to each other, in a way, to each other, again, as number, number one priority. And I mean, we've been, or I being mixed inner in the first place in this one, you know, when was in the work wheel and and so many other things are pressing. In terms of priorities, we tend to lose perspective of who's most important in our lives, and this can be a huge privilege in sort of the chapter of aging, to put to say yes to each other again, to put ourselves in number one priority and then say yes. To Yeah, to to new stuff, as you say, with passions, sometimes even, you know, changing furniture in the house. Look at what changes. Is amazing. Sleep on the other side of the bed. 00:25:14.099 --> 00:25:16.500 Yes, yes, yes, 00:25:16.799 --> 00:26:15.119 yeah, there's a I really like Monica's leveling the playing field, right? Let's say yes, it is something that neither of us have done before, and talk about a new way of seeing each other in terms of challenge or competency or skill or workability, or, you know, collaboration. I like that experience or experiment. Feels good. Nice. The suggestions are brilliant, and the sleeping on the different sides of the bed, I think that's a real nice, subtle first step. You know, if you haven't done anything new in the relationship, there's something easy. It's free, you know, it's it's safe. No one else has to know about it. It's just between the two of you, and it's to start a conversation around, yeah, beautiful, great ideas. Okay, I want to kind of get a little cure. Yeah, go for it. So 00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:38.599 maybe there's another one, since we're talking about the Yes, and just to make it practical, operational, to put the other person as the number one priority again, you know it is when it starts to land in the agenda, then it starts to be real. Otherwise it just, as you said, so Well, it's just a concept, and it's it's philosophical. There is this. 00:26:39.740 --> 00:27:33.740 There's this tool that we found very powerful with couples, that is the weekly planning. The weekly planning, but not that there's a week, it's the we, we, W, E, how do I? How do I? How do we plan the we? And it's as simple as, you know, sitting down on a Sunday, Sunday evening and and just say, what are the moments in the week that we just dedicate to us the date, it can be salsa dancing class, or it can be just a walk, a walk, exactly, whatever it is, and then, and then put it in the agenda, and then becomes something that is very tangible In terms of putting the other person again or putting the couple again into into priority, and it's basically reimagining the US and building a different us. 00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:52.660 I'm right back to when you both identify these yes ideas. I go to mindset, right? And I want to find ways to help people open up their mindset in this healthy, aging space and in relationship. 00:27:48.160 --> 00:28:09.480 It's what's going to allow them just to so the word courageous comes up. So when I say courageous and you think of your relationship. What shows up for the two of you? Just to throw a wrench in the mix here, a little bit super. 00:28:11.220 --> 00:28:25.279 I mean, I think Stefan is very outgoing, very, you know, always dreaming, and the dream is not finished, and he's already dreaming something else. 00:28:21.259 --> 00:28:38.900 So that's being courageous, but also, you know, following and saying, Okay, I'm going with you no matter what. Even when we just started our relationship, we got married, we it's just when you trust that person, you know, you have the courage to say, Yes, I'm coming with you. 00:28:38.900 --> 00:28:52.839 It doesn't matter what. If they're going to be ups and downs, there's going to be storms. But instead pulling together, instead of the always, you know, pushing and and not giving way for that energy to go through. 00:28:54.700 --> 00:29:26.839 Monica, when I was reading some of the bio I recognized or read that year, we're doing a lot to work with couples. Can I ask a couple of more specific questions, how you get movement, maybe from couples that might have grudges or past experiences in the relationship that night? Kind of are what I say I'm swimming over going like they're digging away at the playfulness and the Yes, like they're not allowing that to happen. So how do we get over these grudges or obstacles in 00:29:26.839 --> 00:29:34.039 the way? Yeah, when I see those couples coming, you know, you immediately see them. 00:29:30.859 --> 00:29:59.920 You know, the energy is just, they're just pointing the finger at the other, and that's on, and it's there, there and and always the past experiences. So normally, what I do first is, Okay, start a breathing exercise. Tell this is in this office. We are in the present moment. We leave all our past away. We live our the future, and the only thing we can do is be friends with our breath. 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:43.660 Breath, and start breathing and just being in the now, and maybe an appreciation. Start appreciating what you have now, why you're here and from and from then, you know, say, you know, the only person that can, that you, that you can change, is yourself. So the moment you have

responsibility for what you do and how you're thinking and how the story that you're you're creating in your mind is all yours. First, let's deal with that, and then let's go and then let's listen to the other but if that, if there's you know, if there's not that, we say, here is not you, you, you, it's okay. 00:30:38.240 --> 00:31:59.740 What? It's me, me, me. Some people sometimes get shocked because they don't come for that. They come with their whole long list to to say, all the negatives of the other. And I really stopped them very stop them very soon in the in the process, because if we I've been there, you know, stay there for a long time, and there's no movement. So we have ones in a workshop. I came in really, with the with these workshops in Tuscany, in the long weekends, and the lady came in with a long list, you know, and she said this at the end of the workshop. Said, yeah, when I came in, I had this long list of things that I want you to point out, and my partner to do, to do better. And Monique, I think what you use this is you said pointing, pointing, but the moment where we point, there's one finger going out, three fingers coming back, to come this to make somebody realize and ourselves as well, realize what, what the part is it then that we have in this it's just a tremendously powerful it's an awareness thing. We said that 90 95% of a good relationship comes down to the choice of partner. 00:32:02.019 --> 00:32:07.380 Now it's not the other partner. 00:32:02.019 --> 00:33:00.359 It's a partner as as I choose to show up, and that is has a tremendous impact on the other and that's coming back to the courage that you say, if I'm trapped in old resentments or stuff that I'm carrying that will be an obstacle for me to show up in the best possible way for the relationship, and that takes courage to go into those blind spots and to those dark bases and and maybe also with the Aging coming back to your point, to the aging chapter we might have, you know, enough experiences, mileage through life that we have a little bit of a different perspective, and we say, hey, you know, we might there's an opportunity there to do some of that work. 00:33:01.559 --> 00:34:31.519 Yes? Well, yes, your experience and lens that you bring tribe there is lots beautiful said here, and I want you to if you didn't catch it, to rewind and listen to Monica gave us a really great tip, to move us from a grudge space, which I really think is a tactile, actionable step, and the breathing exercise, first to allow us that resonance of presence, and then, what can we appreciate about our partner, like letting go of that residual and of emotion of the grudge or resentment and move into connection and an acknowledgement or appreciation is such a beautiful way to do that great, great pointing that out. Okay, there's so much in here. You guys are being so generous with the tribe, and lots of great tips that are usable, they can take right away. And I'm going to jam some

more out of you here, because one of the questions that we set up was, you know, what are some tangible and immediate ways you can offer our tribe, but they can, you know, put to use or shift something in their relationship right away. And Monica, you both have been giving lots of tips right now, but now I want you to kind of focus on the later in life, right? So building strong relationships are continually building a relationship to be strong or stronger for later parts in life. What are some of the ideas you have you can share 00:34:36.860 --> 00:36:59.739 one of the one of the things that we see work very well, and we'd highly recommend is to start and build a share, shared community, a little bit like the tribe around us, so they replace workmates with playmates. And this is something that we had to learn the hard way as well with. Traveled quite a lot for in our past, and so living in different in different parts of the world, and one of the things that we lost through that is some of the childhood friendships. Yeah, so it's almost like we had to rebuild those. And literally, last weekend, we've been we have this mini tribe of those five couples, three are retired, and there's two couples, sort of later stage of the career, and that spends over a whole day together with, you know, in Switzerland, raclette and everything that goes with it, and it's just such a rejuvenation moment, a bliss. So the laughter and the stories and these are all listening to music from before, you know, dancing, dancing and and all of all of these couples have a lot of experiences and good, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. So, but that sharing goes a little bit into what we talked before about, you know, the Harvard study Robert Bollinger is to create that support that can be very, very, very, very strong so, and it's never too late to start that. So this, this would be definitely one of the things that that we recommend, and that also leads us to, you know, prioritizing more the people time instead of screen time. Go out, do some jogging, you know, some your chair yoga. I mean, work around with your body. And if you have grandchildren, with your children, and so prioritize more, the the relationships, you know, the bonding between humans. 00:37:00.340 --> 00:37:40.599 Yes, man, do I feel there's a calling for that nowadays. So I really like that you're bringing that forward. There's the community building piece, you know, you talk about people time versus screen time, and I get a bit of a pushback from sometimes in my pride and I tried going about my screen time is with my partner, anything you can. Is there any stats or facts or, you know, one way or the other that we can? I don't know. Help them decide is screen time? Play time? 00:37:43.239 --> 00:38:22.159 So stats and facts probably not that might be out there, but sort of in our experience with couples and also with ourselves, if we have screen time to tune out, then that's one aspect. And there might be times where we need this, right, just we meant to go in our nothing box, but, but as in, for a couple of it, if it, for example, you watch a beautiful movie and then actually have a conversation around it. So how did you feel about the actor? How did you feel about what was going on? 00:38:18.059 --> 00:38:31.280 Can we learn out of this? And then it can become a wait time that actually can be also very meaningful in the sense so. 00:38:31.760 --> 00:38:44.920 But if you go to that because you prefer that instead of connecting with your partner, then that's where it should start to to come up. Yeah, 00:38:46.659 --> 00:39:16.440 gosh, I just even noticed time. Okay, so here's we get to the nitty gritty tribe. I want you to know that Monica and Stefan have opened their opportunities up to you all. So what can you share with the tribe right now about what you're offering, what you got out in the world. How can they work with you? I'm going to push into the podcast material, access through links, but just you know, so they can hear what you're up to, how they might be able to play with you. Both, 00:39:18.780 --> 00:39:59.920 beautiful. So we, we do workshop in workshops, in presence. And you, Monica, you also do, yeah, I'm doing I have a coaching practice here in Switzerland, in the French part of it, I have my office. I also do coaching through zoom. I have couples from Italy and other places that are that I work with. So zoom works perfectly well and in the US and Asia, South America. So we actually this is quite, quite a global operation thanks to zoom. I mean, this the workshops that are in presence and basically relation. 00:40:00.000 --> 00:41:09.900 Leadership boosters. So you come in as you are, and then the idea is that you go away from the workshop with hand in hand, a smile, and very concrete couples vision and some very concrete tools as well, how to handle conflicts, how to improve communication, how to fill up your energy tanks, and everything that goes with it. So and the feedback has been very, very beautiful, tremendous. So these are, these are fun elements now also part of why, you know, we're so thankful to the podcast here is that we want to bring this to to to more, to more people, basically. And so we started a YouTube channel that gives some trick to tips and tricks and tools. The angle that we try to bring in is to make it very practical. As you said, there's this, there's a lot of concepts around, and they're all good. But in the end, you know, we're in the heat of of the discussion, we need some practical stuff, and that's what we're trying to bring so that, you know, hopefully there's many more good relationships out there, and hence, you know, a better future. 00:41:10.019 --> 00:41:13.559 Or that's amazing. I love that idea. 00:41:13.559 --> 00:41:19.320 Practical Tips, yes, please. 00:41:13.559 --> 00:41:52.360 RAla hoo Ray for that. All right, so tribe know that you will have access to all their content, and I'll make

that all easily available for you. But before I let you to go, we have three questions we need you to answer. You ready. So the first question is, and I would assume that the two of you probably had some discussion about this in advance, which I love, by the way, I think that's super and anybody in the tribe, I think you should be asking your partner, spouse, or anybody care about these questions. So to what age are you wanting to live to? 00:41:55.360 --> 00:42:18.420 That was a great question, you know, because I was thinking when I was 25 I became a mother. At 50, I became a grandmother. So at 75 what I want? I want to still be, you know, helping couples, doing a lot of this stuff. And by 95 I just want to be, you know, still enjoying life. So I'll be like, for me, it's 95 100 00:42:19.619 --> 00:42:23.000 Yeah, great. 00:42:19.619 --> 00:42:28.519 And so for you, Monica, what will allow you to what will that allow you to be to have, if you live to 95 or 100 00:42:30.860 --> 00:42:49.840 continue to enjoy my family that hopefully gets bigger with my grandchildren and maybe great grandchildren and touch more more couples maybe go into energy work, you know, Reiki, or something like this. 00:42:45.699 --> 00:42:56.800 But just just be there to give love and save space, and until the moment that that I that I have to go 00:42:57.159 --> 00:43:07.980 wonderful, lucky us better live to 100 All right. Step on, how about you? 00:43:05.699 --> 00:43:08.280 What age are you wanting to live to? 00:43:09.480 --> 00:44:33.139 I have to say, you know, it's, it's a beautiful question. I really struggled with that. I felt sort of a pressure to come up with a number, and then also, honestly, I found almost I, you know, as much as I love, love everything that we do and love live, but I don't really, I, I'm not hung up. I don't care. Okay, this is no statement. I like the three digits I have to say. So if the call comes tomorrow, then it'll be it. You know, who am I to influence now? I do. I try to do everything to stay healthy and to be out there now, but as long as possible, if we get to the three digits, phenomenal. And what that would allow me to do is, is to share that, that vision, that passion, to bring this work out to a larger to larger community, to make it easier to build happy couples, that's that's a big, big mission for us, starting also with ourselves and with our own daughters, with the with the family, so that We, we can, we can build this around us, just by giving them our presence and our our our listening, our our smiles, our hearts, nice, beautiful chapter. I'm 00:44:33.800 --> 00:44:40.539 going to ask question number two. But I feel like Stefan, you might have answered this a little bit. You know, what is something that scares you about growing older? 00:44:41.800 --> 00:44:47.079 I think I heard in there. Well, you know, I could go tomorrow, and that's okay. It feels like there's some acceptance there for you already. 00:44:48.639 --> 00:44:51.219 There is yes, yes. So 00:44:51.219 --> 00:45:03.179 do you manage any fear around it at all, around dying or death, about growing older or more specifically. Growing older? Do you manage any fear around that at all? 00:45:06.900 --> 00:45:33.139 So probably on a practical level, if it's in a practical level, yes, try to stay as healthy as possible. So in terms of exercising, nutrition, breathing, all of this that goes with it, also with the social community around with intellectual stimulation. I think a big part also is, frankly, the spiritual parts. 00:45:28.760 --> 00:46:09.840 Spiritual part in terms of really cherishing and honoring the rebirth of the agelessness of the soul. And finally, the soul can maybe shine through more in this chapter of life than than before. So the the if there is a fear, maybe it is to to be, as unfortunately is the case for for too many people to be in a in a situation that is maybe associated with, uh, chronic, heavy, heavy pain or disabilities, where, yeah, I'd be a burden to other people. 00:46:10.199 --> 00:46:13.679 That is, if there's a fear, then that's, that's the one, 00:46:14.099 --> 00:46:20.219 Monica's nodding your head too. So let me ask you, Monica, what is something that scares you about growing older? 00:46:21.420 --> 00:46:50.079 I think that that idea of being a burden, it's no you don't want to bother anyone, but also not having your the awareness or your mind so growing older, and not knowing what's going on with you anymore, like the acuity, will be beautiful, to just die, but very conscious of what. You know, I think my my grandfather died when he was 102 very old. 00:46:50.079 --> 00:46:56.019 But he had, he knew everything. 00:46:50.079 --> 00:47:07.559 He never lost his mind. So it's just like, that's something that okay. How can, how can I, you know, do practice to stay healthy. Yeah, 00:47:07.860 --> 00:47:12.000 got it. Okay. 00:47:07.860 --> 00:47:16.199 The third question, who is the coolest, oldest person you know, Monica, dead or alive? The way 00:47:18.960 --> 00:47:49.300 I was thinking of a couple, I don't know them, but I see them a lot in Facebook and in Spanish. They have a, they have a a page that's called the cannas, which is gray hair, so ganas with cannas, and they're around 70 and and they're, they have more than 500k subscribers, and they're just dancing, you know, they're have their white hair and and they're just dancing together, and they just having fun. They feeling alive. 00:47:49.719 --> 00:48:04.980 And for me, that know those, those are the great inspirations I don't know them you must have also, you know, their ups and downs. But what when you when I feel down or whatever, it's just like, oh, everything's possible. 00:48:05.519 --> 00:48:08.099 I love it. 00:48:05.519 --> 00:48:15.719 You answered. The other part of that too is what makes them cool for you, it sounds like it's because, you know, they're dancing around and looking like they're really enjoying that stage in their life. Yes, 00:48:15.900 --> 00:48:20.659 they continue to be alive, you know, to have that spark. Yeah, 00:48:20.719 --> 00:48:24.860 brilliant. 00:48:20.719 --> 00:48:30.619 Okay, Stefan, I love your inspiring look at Monica, who's the coolest older person. You know, 00:48:31.880 --> 00:49:12.239 it's, I mean, the we space as well. This we do the workshops we have, this short video clip about this couple, older couple that been together for a lifetime, and they still have that spark, that mischievousness, this playfulness, there's this wit when that, when I talk about each other, with each other, and my hope is to get to that stage in that sort of, you know, playful, mischievous, almost like being boy and girl in the old couple. It's very Yeah. And if you want, you can, we can send you the link so you see them, and you can put them also on the Yeah, totally. Well, 00:49:12.300 --> 00:49:15.599 they sound very inspirational. That's cool. 00:49:16.079 --> 00:49:38.480 Yeah. Thank you. All right, our time has come to an end, you too, and we'll make sure that everybody has connection back to the both of you and happy to post those inspirational links so my tribe and the community that share the tribe will have access to ways that they can build into their relationship. 00:49:39.019 --> 00:49:59.920 I'm hoping that everybody who's listening has taken one thing away. That's the goal of these podcasts, is to take one thing away that they can go and implement right away. And as hard as it may be that I don't want that to be a reason for you not to do it. Instead, I want you to either reach out to people like Stefan and Monica and find a way to turn it into. 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:20.539 The action, or just be courageous, hold your breath, or whatever it takes. Or actually, Monica would probably have you breathe into it and be courageous and take the action and see what happens. Most of the time, I would say it's a beautiful outcome in relationship. So thank you. You two. Any last words you want to share to the tribe before we say goodbye. 00:50:24.559 --> 00:50:45.880 Thank you, Dianne, it's been a beautiful moment for us, a privileged moment. Thank you the whole tribe that you're leading so well. It's a it's an essential chapter. We don't talk nearly enough as we should, and if there is anything that we can help you with, and here we are. 00:50:42.639 --> 00:50:47.559 Yeah, please reach out whenever you want. 00:50:48.099 --> 00:50:58.179 I think we probably will be doing that. And thank you for the generous offer. All right, everybody, thanks for hanging out with us. 00:50:55.059 --> 00:51:01.920 We'll see everybody soon. Take care and go hug that person You love right Now, bye, 00:51:03.059 --> 00:51:04.920 bye. You